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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:04,412 Hey, Gina! We got an anonymous gift basket. 2 00:00:04,413 --> 00:00:05,493 Yeah, it's full of treats. 3 00:00:05,494 --> 00:00:07,324 It's got meats, cheeses, candies, 4 00:00:07,325 --> 00:00:08,334 all the food groups. 5 00:00:08,335 --> 00:00:09,415 The cheese is amazing. 6 00:00:09,416 --> 00:00:12,286 It melts in my mouth and in my hands. 7 00:00:12,287 --> 00:00:15,052 Hmm, French chocolates, French cheeses, 8 00:00:15,053 --> 00:00:16,339 tiny French pickles. 9 00:00:16,340 --> 00:00:18,510 Did none of you detectives think this might be a gift 10 00:00:18,511 --> 00:00:22,372 for Captain Holt from someone in France? 11 00:00:22,373 --> 00:00:24,638 Like his husband, par exemple? 12 00:00:24,639 --> 00:00:27,355 What? [laughs] No way. 13 00:00:27,356 --> 00:00:30,507 This is a nice present from an unknown, appreciative citizen 14 00:00:30,508 --> 00:00:32,328 that wanted us to munch. 15 00:00:32,329 --> 00:00:34,309 Hmm, what's this, then? 16 00:00:34,310 --> 00:00:36,701 "Dear Captain Raymond Holt, thinking of you. 17 00:00:36,702 --> 00:00:40,322 Best, Dr. Kevin Cozner, Ph.D." 18 00:00:40,323 --> 00:00:42,353 He even used their pet names. 19 00:00:42,354 --> 00:00:44,987 Oh, no, I ate the chocolate-covered strawberry. 20 00:00:44,988 --> 00:00:46,703 That's the most intimate snack of them all. 21 00:00:46,704 --> 00:00:48,367 Holt's gonna be back from his meeting in 30 minutes. 22 00:00:48,368 --> 00:00:49,862 - What do we do? - Eat the note! 23 00:00:49,863 --> 00:00:52,339 No! No. 24 00:00:52,340 --> 00:00:54,761 It's okay. We can fix this. 25 00:00:56,529 --> 00:00:57,716 Check it out, sir. 26 00:00:57,717 --> 00:01:02,375 A lovely gift basket that Kevin sent you all the way from Paris. 27 00:01:02,376 --> 00:01:04,126 Straight from Paris! 28 00:01:08,519 --> 00:01:11,727 Stapler, scissors. 29 00:01:13,522 --> 00:01:15,473 Rubber bands. 30 00:01:18,525 --> 00:01:21,039 That man really knows me. 31 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,599 [all laugh] 32 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:26,303 Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD www.addic7ed.com/ 33 00:01:26,327 --> 00:01:29,912 AVS Resync by CookiesMonsta 34 00:01:29,967 --> 00:01:34,600 โ™ช โ™ช 35 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:42,074 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 36 00:01:43,415 --> 00:01:45,583 Attention, squad. I just received a call. 37 00:01:45,584 --> 00:01:48,525 A very important, very high profile celebrity 38 00:01:48,526 --> 00:01:49,908 was robbed in our precinct. 39 00:01:49,909 --> 00:01:51,617 What celebrity, sir? Is it a Chris? 40 00:01:51,618 --> 00:01:55,459 Hemsworth? Evans? Pratt? Pine? Brown? Cross? 41 00:01:55,460 --> 00:01:56,570 [gasps] Is it a non-Chris? 42 00:01:56,571 --> 00:01:59,601 This is a sensitive matter, and I can only disclose details 43 00:01:59,602 --> 00:02:01,522 to the lead detective on the case. 44 00:02:01,523 --> 00:02:03,553 Sergeant, let me know who's available, ASAP. 45 00:02:03,554 --> 00:02:04,594 Yes, sir. 46 00:02:04,595 --> 00:02:06,665 Sarge, Sarge, Sarge. 47 00:02:06,666 --> 00:02:08,879 You know that I'm your guy for this. 48 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:11,458 You can't give a celebrity case to Amy. 49 00:02:11,459 --> 00:02:14,580 The last movie she saw was a documentary about spelling bees. 50 00:02:14,581 --> 00:02:17,531 Wrong; it was about the font Helvetica, 51 00:02:17,532 --> 00:02:19,200 and it played like an action thriller. 52 00:02:19,201 --> 00:02:21,504 You already have a case, Peralta. 53 00:02:21,505 --> 00:02:22,902 I assigned it to you this morning. 54 00:02:22,903 --> 00:02:25,088 That was just some kid with a little bit of pot on him. 55 00:02:25,089 --> 00:02:27,527 Meanwhile, Chris Rock is tied up in his basement 56 00:02:27,528 --> 00:02:29,658 calling out for my help, and you're standing in my way. 57 00:02:29,659 --> 00:02:31,649 Just work the case I assigned you. 58 00:02:31,650 --> 00:02:33,601 Can't I just give my case to Hitchcock and Scully? 59 00:02:33,602 --> 00:02:35,622 I mean, they clearly have a ton of time on their hands. 60 00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:37,485 Hitchcock hasn't even gotten out of his chair today. 61 00:02:37,486 --> 00:02:40,625 Hey, Jake, I can go anywhere in this thing. 62 00:02:40,626 --> 00:02:43,231 But... shouldn't. 63 00:02:43,232 --> 00:02:45,567 Hitchcock and Scully are house mouses. 64 00:02:45,568 --> 00:02:47,568 They do paperwork and they're good at it. 65 00:02:47,569 --> 00:02:49,281 They don't go out in the field. 66 00:02:49,282 --> 00:02:51,897 Boyle, you take the celebrity case. 67 00:02:52,322 --> 00:02:54,890 Me? Instead of Jake? 68 00:02:54,891 --> 00:02:57,664 Have you lost your damn mind? I am so sorry, Jake. 69 00:02:57,665 --> 00:02:59,127 I don't know what's wrong with Terry. 70 00:02:59,128 --> 00:03:01,261 Don't worry. I'm gonna work it with you. 71 00:03:01,262 --> 00:03:03,688 I'm giving my drug bust to Hitchcock and Scully. 72 00:03:03,689 --> 00:03:06,659 It's time to get these mice out of their hice. 73 00:03:06,660 --> 00:03:08,600 Oh, that was lame. Life is meaningless. 74 00:03:08,601 --> 00:03:10,091 We're all gonna die. 75 00:03:10,092 --> 00:03:12,623 Mouses out of their houses. Yes, I am the greatest. 76 00:03:12,624 --> 00:03:14,674 Every breath is a gift. Sorry about the roller coaster. 77 00:03:14,675 --> 00:03:17,058 I'm just happy I'm tall enough to ride. 78 00:03:17,727 --> 00:03:18,792 Hey, Rosa. 79 00:03:18,793 --> 00:03:20,557 Saw you hadn't signed up for the blood drive yet, 80 00:03:20,558 --> 00:03:22,022 so I brought you the sheet. 81 00:03:22,023 --> 00:03:25,945 Sorry, can't. I'm... under 17 years old. 82 00:03:25,946 --> 00:03:28,722 Wait, you didn't sign up last year, either. 83 00:03:28,723 --> 00:03:31,603 Or the year before. 84 00:03:31,604 --> 00:03:32,684 Are you afraid of needles? 85 00:03:32,685 --> 00:03:34,545 I don't like being stabbed by someone 86 00:03:34,546 --> 00:03:35,616 so they can steal my blood. 87 00:03:35,617 --> 00:03:37,156 I'm crazy. 88 00:03:37,157 --> 00:03:40,124 This is amazing; you're scared of something I'm not. 89 00:03:40,125 --> 00:03:42,447 I'm tougher than you. I'm tougher than Rosa. 90 00:03:42,448 --> 00:03:44,701 Eh, I take it back. I'm so sorry. 91 00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:47,693 Look, it's okay. We all have fears. 92 00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,564 I'm so claustrophobic, I can't even go 93 00:03:49,565 --> 00:03:51,635 into the downstairs supply closet. 94 00:03:51,636 --> 00:03:53,626 I hear they have some hot new binder clips, 95 00:03:53,627 --> 00:03:55,707 but I'll never know. 96 00:03:55,708 --> 00:03:57,288 I'm scared of businessmen. 97 00:03:57,289 --> 00:04:01,540 A whole army of gray-suited Brads and Chads trying 98 00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:05,723 to suck my soul and redeem it for frequent flyer miles. 99 00:04:05,724 --> 00:04:07,077 Great, so you guys get it. 100 00:04:07,078 --> 00:04:09,039 - Conversation over, bye. - No, no, no, no, no. 101 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:13,201 What if we each agree to face one of our fears today 102 00:04:13,202 --> 00:04:16,363 for ourselves and for all of womenkind? 103 00:04:16,364 --> 00:04:18,167 Ugh. That sounds terrible. 104 00:04:18,168 --> 00:04:20,198 But I'm in. 105 00:04:20,947 --> 00:04:22,489 Fine, I'll do it too. 106 00:04:22,490 --> 00:04:24,272 Guys, come on. 107 00:04:24,273 --> 00:04:26,755 I really think this'll be good for... oh, wait. 108 00:04:26,756 --> 00:04:29,351 You... we're doing my thing? Okay. 109 00:04:29,842 --> 00:04:31,498 Thanks for taking us to lunch, Jake. 110 00:04:31,499 --> 00:04:33,330 Of course. Get whatever you want. 111 00:04:33,331 --> 00:04:35,477 Oh, man, I already ate. 112 00:04:35,478 --> 00:04:37,455 I guess I'll just have a cheeseburger deluxe, 113 00:04:37,456 --> 00:04:39,712 couple slices of pie, maybe an egg cream. 114 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,653 - Okay. - And a waffle. 115 00:04:41,654 --> 00:04:44,615 So look, a big, important drug case came across my desk, 116 00:04:44,616 --> 00:04:45,564 and I need your help. 117 00:04:45,565 --> 00:04:48,687 Only problem is, Sarge doesn't think you can handle it. 118 00:04:48,688 --> 00:04:50,708 - He's right. - No, he's not. 119 00:04:50,709 --> 00:04:52,230 Look, you're Hitchcock and Scully. 120 00:04:52,231 --> 00:04:53,418 You guys are legends. 121 00:04:53,419 --> 00:04:56,236 You single-handedly caught the Prospect Park Flasher. 122 00:04:56,237 --> 00:04:58,068 Well, he was being chased by other cops, 123 00:04:58,069 --> 00:04:59,744 but he did slip on my spilled chili. 124 00:04:59,745 --> 00:05:02,675 And who bumped into Scully, causing the spill? Me. 125 00:05:02,676 --> 00:05:05,687 Damn right, and who fell asleep under their desks 126 00:05:05,688 --> 00:05:07,355 and caught the janitor stealing evidence? 127 00:05:07,356 --> 00:05:08,161 We did. 128 00:05:08,162 --> 00:05:09,689 And who sued the department 129 00:05:09,690 --> 00:05:12,681 and got triple-ply toilet paper in every precinct? 130 00:05:12,682 --> 00:05:13,681 We did. 131 00:05:13,682 --> 00:05:14,702 Terry thinks you guys 132 00:05:14,703 --> 00:05:15,753 are too old and too lazy to handle this, 133 00:05:15,754 --> 00:05:17,594 but I know what you're really made of. 134 00:05:17,595 --> 00:05:19,362 You're gonna take this case and prove him wrong! 135 00:05:19,363 --> 00:05:21,272 - Yeah! - Whoo-hoo! 136 00:05:21,273 --> 00:05:23,285 We're still gonna eat lunch, right? 137 00:05:23,286 --> 00:05:25,788 Obviously, a high profile celebrity case such as this one 138 00:05:25,789 --> 00:05:28,288 needs to be handled with the utmost discretion. 139 00:05:28,908 --> 00:05:30,916 I promise I'll be professional, 140 00:05:30,917 --> 00:05:32,502 even if it's Dianne Wiest. 141 00:05:32,503 --> 00:05:35,804 Oh, my God, I can't believe I'm gonna meet Dianne Wiest! 142 00:05:35,805 --> 00:05:37,775 She's so sexual! 143 00:05:37,776 --> 00:05:40,882 No, our victim... 144 00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:44,321 is John... William... 145 00:05:45,771 --> 00:05:47,682 Weichselbraun. 146 00:05:48,732 --> 00:05:50,474 Remind me who that is again? 147 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:53,189 You're kidding. He's a world-renowned oboist, 148 00:05:53,190 --> 00:05:55,349 first chair with the New York Symphony Orchestra. 149 00:05:55,350 --> 00:05:58,797 Kevin and I are huge fans of Weichselbraun's work. 150 00:05:58,798 --> 00:06:02,769 We are what the Internet sometimes refers to as... 151 00:06:02,770 --> 00:06:04,740 Weichselbraun fans. 152 00:06:04,741 --> 00:06:05,763 Not Weichselbrauniacs? 153 00:06:05,764 --> 00:06:07,775 Oh, that's very good. 154 00:06:07,776 --> 00:06:09,393 I'm gonna use that liberally. 155 00:06:09,394 --> 00:06:12,064 Anyway, Weichselbraun's $40,000 oboe 156 00:06:12,065 --> 00:06:13,297 was stolen from his apartment, 157 00:06:13,298 --> 00:06:15,052 and you need to find it. 158 00:06:15,053 --> 00:06:16,777 I'd work the case myself 159 00:06:16,778 --> 00:06:18,938 if it didn't smack of preferential treatment. 160 00:06:18,939 --> 00:06:21,002 Don't worry, sir. I can handle this. 161 00:06:21,003 --> 00:06:23,811 So you do think it smacks of preferential treatment? 162 00:06:23,812 --> 00:06:25,832 I don't know what you want me to say. 163 00:06:25,833 --> 00:06:28,685 Okay, you've convinced me. I'll work the case with you. 164 00:06:30,138 --> 00:06:31,691 Great. 165 00:06:32,143 --> 00:06:34,144 I think you owe me an apology. 166 00:06:34,145 --> 00:06:36,299 I'll apologize to you in hell. 167 00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:38,139 I actually don't know what this is about. 168 00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:39,468 Sorry I took such a hard stance. 169 00:06:39,469 --> 00:06:42,842 Holt's celebrity was just some lame oboist. 170 00:06:42,843 --> 00:06:46,794 Meanwhile, we just linked your little dumb pot bust 171 00:06:46,795 --> 00:06:48,825 to a major narcotics ring. 172 00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:51,039 This might be the biggest drug case 173 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:52,988 the Nine-Nine's had in years. 174 00:06:52,989 --> 00:06:54,464 Cool. 175 00:06:54,465 --> 00:06:56,820 Uh-oh. 176 00:06:56,821 --> 00:06:58,622 I know a real "cool" when I hear one. 177 00:06:58,623 --> 00:07:01,543 That wasn't a real "cool." What did you do? 178 00:07:02,407 --> 00:07:05,745 Well... 179 00:07:05,746 --> 00:07:08,757 I may have given that very huge drug case 180 00:07:08,758 --> 00:07:10,199 to Hitchcock and Scully. 181 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,659 - What? - In my defense, 182 00:07:12,660 --> 00:07:15,871 I was pretty sure you were never gonna find out. 183 00:07:15,896 --> 00:07:17,894 I don't know where Hitchcock and Scully are. 184 00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:19,068 They're not answering their phones, 185 00:07:19,069 --> 00:07:21,876 and they signed our dealer... the one link to our drug ring... 186 00:07:21,877 --> 00:07:22,997 out of holding. 187 00:07:22,998 --> 00:07:25,919 I swear, if they mess up this case, Jake, it's on you. 188 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:27,300 They're detectives. 189 00:07:27,301 --> 00:07:28,870 They've been on the force for 500 years. 190 00:07:28,871 --> 00:07:30,140 They know what they're doing. 191 00:07:30,141 --> 00:07:32,993 The only item on Scully's calendar for the entire year 192 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,804 is "eat peanut butter." 193 00:07:34,805 --> 00:07:35,924 Yeah, we got to find them. 194 00:07:35,925 --> 00:07:38,220 And to do that, we have to think like they do. 195 00:07:39,601 --> 00:07:41,343 I'm going in. 196 00:07:42,076 --> 00:07:46,000 All right, there's the butt indentation, 197 00:07:46,001 --> 00:07:47,021 and... 198 00:07:47,022 --> 00:07:48,021 [grunts] 199 00:07:48,022 --> 00:07:49,022 I'm docked. 200 00:07:49,023 --> 00:07:51,212 Ugh. Still warm. 201 00:07:51,213 --> 00:07:54,915 All right, residual cushion fart is about a six out of ten. 202 00:07:54,916 --> 00:07:56,699 He's been gone an hour, maybe two. 203 00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:58,118 - But where? - Hot dogs. 204 00:07:58,119 --> 00:07:59,948 - They went for hot dogs. - How do you know? 205 00:07:59,949 --> 00:08:02,940 There's a water stain on the ceiling in the shape of a bun. 206 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,246 Let's go. 207 00:08:05,992 --> 00:08:08,299 Excuse me, have you seen Hitchcock and Scully? 208 00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:09,984 Three times a day for 12 years. 209 00:08:09,985 --> 00:08:12,865 Twice as often since I started serving sweet wieners. 210 00:08:12,866 --> 00:08:13,906 Sweet wieners? 211 00:08:13,907 --> 00:08:15,827 It's a normal hot dog with a little chocolate sauce. 212 00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:16,998 - One please! - No, Jake. 213 00:08:16,999 --> 00:08:19,476 - No, Terry. - Have you seen them recently? 214 00:08:19,477 --> 00:08:21,849 Half hour ago... they ate, and then they took off in a hurry. 215 00:08:21,850 --> 00:08:23,336 [sighs] Half an hour. 216 00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:25,638 They could be anywhere by now. Nope, there's Scully. 217 00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:27,984 Where's Hitchcock? 218 00:08:27,985 --> 00:08:29,845 I'm taking you guys off your drug case. 219 00:08:29,846 --> 00:08:30,885 Of course you are. 220 00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:32,431 Jake said you didn't believe in us. 221 00:08:32,432 --> 00:08:34,918 What? He didn't believe in you either. 222 00:08:34,919 --> 00:08:37,682 He was just pumping you up with lies so you'd work his case. 223 00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:39,257 Jake, is this true? 224 00:08:39,258 --> 00:08:41,071 I just thought, you know, 225 00:08:41,072 --> 00:08:43,445 the two of you might be better off 226 00:08:43,446 --> 00:08:45,187 mousing around the old house. 227 00:08:45,188 --> 00:08:46,844 Oh, I get it. 228 00:08:46,845 --> 00:08:49,710 Just because I got my finger stuck in a glue trap once, 229 00:08:49,711 --> 00:08:51,017 I'm a mouse? 230 00:08:51,018 --> 00:08:52,848 I got the cheese out, by the way. 231 00:08:52,849 --> 00:08:54,454 - Oh, my God. - Look, man, 232 00:08:54,455 --> 00:08:56,060 we need to know where Hitchcock is. 233 00:08:56,061 --> 00:08:58,070 I am ordering you to tell us everything. 234 00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:00,042 Fine. We're setting up a sting. 235 00:09:00,043 --> 00:09:02,514 I'm going undercover as Tex Dallas, 236 00:09:02,515 --> 00:09:04,865 billionaire oil man from Dallas, Texas, 237 00:09:04,866 --> 00:09:06,561 with ties to the cowboy mafia. 238 00:09:06,562 --> 00:09:08,716 - Oh, boy. - Hitchcock's my middle man, 239 00:09:08,717 --> 00:09:11,899 Reno Vegas, mobster from Reno, Las Vegas. 240 00:09:11,900 --> 00:09:12,989 I said my "oh, boy" too soon. 241 00:09:12,990 --> 00:09:15,901 In 20 minutes, he's going in totally alone, unarmed, 242 00:09:15,902 --> 00:09:17,912 without a cell phone, to meet with one of their guys 243 00:09:17,913 --> 00:09:18,983 to set up a buy. 244 00:09:18,984 --> 00:09:20,874 So how do you like our plan now? 245 00:09:20,875 --> 00:09:23,439 It's a disaster, man! We got to stop it! 246 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,867 Disaster? Tell me one thing that's wrong 247 00:09:25,868 --> 00:09:26,947 with Operation Beans. 248 00:09:26,948 --> 00:09:29,065 Operation Beans? 249 00:09:30,413 --> 00:09:32,901 Good afternoon, sir. I'm Detective Charles Boyle... 250 00:09:32,902 --> 00:09:34,439 From the Nine-Nine. 251 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,852 My precinct. I'm the captain, Raymond Holt. 252 00:09:37,924 --> 00:09:40,015 Okay. Uh, please, come on in. 253 00:09:40,016 --> 00:09:42,693 I'll show you the back room where they broke in. 254 00:09:42,694 --> 00:09:45,058 You're an incredibly gracious host, Mr. Weichselbraun. 255 00:09:45,059 --> 00:09:47,909 Wow, that pronunciation is flawless. 256 00:09:47,910 --> 00:09:49,920 [laughs] 257 00:09:49,921 --> 00:09:53,883 I must admit, I'm a bit of a Weichselbrauniac. 258 00:09:53,884 --> 00:09:57,905 Hmm, I saw you perform Bach's "Oboe Sonata in G Minor" 259 00:09:57,906 --> 00:09:59,210 at the Brooklyn Academy of Music. 260 00:09:59,211 --> 00:10:00,603 I was in the front row. 261 00:10:00,604 --> 00:10:03,142 You were escorted out for gasping too loudly. 262 00:10:03,143 --> 00:10:04,098 Ah. 263 00:10:04,099 --> 00:10:06,319 This is a pretty modest apartment. 264 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:09,922 How did you afford a $40,000 oboe in the first place? 265 00:10:09,923 --> 00:10:11,527 I admit that there's not as much money 266 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,147 in classical music as there once was... 267 00:10:13,148 --> 00:10:16,015 Which is the real crime here. 268 00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,916 Boyle, can I talk to you privately? 269 00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:18,967 Sure. 270 00:10:18,968 --> 00:10:20,908 What are you doing? You just insulted 271 00:10:20,909 --> 00:10:22,971 our celebrity victim to his face. 272 00:10:22,972 --> 00:10:24,930 You keep saying "celebrity," but he's drying his socks 273 00:10:24,931 --> 00:10:26,921 on a George Foreman grill. 274 00:10:26,922 --> 00:10:29,002 This is John William Weichselbraun, 275 00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:32,014 the Silver Spit Prince. 276 00:10:32,015 --> 00:10:34,547 I'm making myself primary detective on this case. 277 00:10:34,548 --> 00:10:35,605 You can wait in the car. 278 00:10:35,606 --> 00:10:37,928 Oh, but first, take a picture of the two of us together. 279 00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:39,019 Make sure we're laughing. 280 00:10:40,896 --> 00:10:42,130 Ha-ha! 281 00:10:42,131 --> 00:10:43,971 [chuckles] 282 00:10:43,972 --> 00:10:45,102 Ah. 283 00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:50,064 Okay, so, I'm going to face my fear of confined spaces. 284 00:10:50,065 --> 00:10:52,956 When I'm ready, you will shut the trunk 285 00:10:52,957 --> 00:10:55,238 and leave me here for 30 minutes. 286 00:10:55,239 --> 00:10:57,672 I left a juice box and a diaper in there for you, 287 00:10:57,673 --> 00:10:59,009 so you're gonna be fine. 288 00:10:59,010 --> 00:11:00,941 Or we could all give in to our fears 289 00:11:00,942 --> 00:11:02,952 and keep our blood in our bodies like normal people. 290 00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:05,983 No, Rosa, we are doing something important here. 291 00:11:05,984 --> 00:11:08,945 We are women, standing up and supporting each other 292 00:11:08,946 --> 00:11:10,146 and becoming... 293 00:11:10,147 --> 00:11:12,047 New fear: listening to Amy inspire us. 294 00:11:12,048 --> 00:11:15,119 Be back in a half hour, Ames. 295 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:18,010 Wait! Come back! 296 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,951 Come back, I can't do this! 297 00:11:19,952 --> 00:11:22,014 - No, you're the best! - [laughs] 298 00:11:26,671 --> 00:11:28,231 You did it. How'd it go? 299 00:11:28,232 --> 00:11:32,812 Well, the first ten minutes were really terrible. 300 00:11:32,813 --> 00:11:35,170 The diaper did not fit. It was for a baby. 301 00:11:35,171 --> 00:11:40,093 But then I relaxed, and I found my inner strength. 302 00:11:40,094 --> 00:11:42,767 I think the lesson here is that, as women, we... 303 00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:43,756 No, no, no, no! 304 00:11:43,757 --> 00:11:45,539 You close that trunk again and I will kill you! 305 00:11:45,540 --> 00:11:47,375 You hear me? I will kill you! 306 00:11:49,924 --> 00:11:51,980 We're almost there. Slow down, Pinto. 307 00:11:51,981 --> 00:11:53,050 I didn't agree to a bean name. 308 00:11:53,051 --> 00:11:55,345 We are not doing Operation Beans. 309 00:11:55,346 --> 00:11:57,559 You know, the only reason Hitchcock and I took this case 310 00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:59,107 is because you said we were great. 311 00:11:59,108 --> 00:12:00,995 I'm beginning to think you were lying to us. 312 00:12:00,996 --> 00:12:03,510 I was lying! I already admitted that. 313 00:12:03,511 --> 00:12:06,048 Well, if anything happens, it's because of you. 314 00:12:06,049 --> 00:12:07,629 - Right, Mung? - Right. 315 00:12:07,630 --> 00:12:09,149 If Hitchcock dies, it's 'cause of Pinto. 316 00:12:09,150 --> 00:12:10,595 Terry, I know that you're mad, 317 00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:12,673 but you don't have to jump on the bean train. 318 00:12:12,674 --> 00:12:14,073 Uh-oh. 319 00:12:16,074 --> 00:12:19,186 Chickpea! No! 320 00:12:20,513 --> 00:12:21,622 Looks like they're taking Hitchcock 321 00:12:21,623 --> 00:12:23,742 inside that building, and it looks like they're armed. 322 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,793 Dammit, Jake! 323 00:12:24,794 --> 00:12:26,894 You couldn't just do the case I assigned you? 324 00:12:26,895 --> 00:12:29,676 Hitchcock's life is in danger. He has a wife, man. 325 00:12:29,677 --> 00:12:30,867 Don't worry. If anything happens to him, 326 00:12:30,868 --> 00:12:32,698 she'll be taken care of. 327 00:12:32,699 --> 00:12:35,408 If I die, I want you to marry Lucille. 328 00:12:35,975 --> 00:12:38,123 I can't stand the thought of you being alone. 329 00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:40,552 Deal. Let's make it a blood pact. 330 00:12:40,553 --> 00:12:43,684 Oh, look, I'm already bleeding. 331 00:12:43,685 --> 00:12:45,512 So just normal friend stuff. 332 00:12:45,513 --> 00:12:48,104 - So what's the plan? - We stick with Operation Beans. 333 00:12:48,105 --> 00:12:50,698 We knock on the front door. I say I'm Tex Dallas. 334 00:12:50,699 --> 00:12:52,906 You're my buddy, Alamo, and you're Black Fred. 335 00:12:52,907 --> 00:12:55,368 Black Fred? Why Black Fred? 336 00:12:55,369 --> 00:12:56,701 There's no other Fred! 337 00:12:56,702 --> 00:12:58,165 Yeah, but they don't know that. 338 00:12:58,166 --> 00:12:59,455 I say Terry and I go in 339 00:12:59,456 --> 00:13:00,881 through the roof and do some recon. 340 00:13:00,882 --> 00:13:03,175 Scully, you stay here and call for backup in case we need it. 341 00:13:03,176 --> 00:13:04,195 Oh, no way. 342 00:13:04,196 --> 00:13:06,135 That's my partner in there. I'm going in. 343 00:13:06,136 --> 00:13:08,877 Also, I can't call for help. I don't have any quarters. 344 00:13:09,810 --> 00:13:11,755 Hard to argue with that logic. 345 00:13:12,934 --> 00:13:14,078 - You know I... - Sir, I need to talk to you 346 00:13:14,079 --> 00:13:16,261 about the Weichselbraun case. 347 00:13:16,704 --> 00:13:19,547 Oh, I didn't realize you were here, Mr. Weichselbraun. 348 00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:21,669 I was in the area, and the captain is a fan, 349 00:13:21,670 --> 00:13:24,445 so I came by to give him a little gift, as a thank you. 350 00:13:24,446 --> 00:13:27,051 It's a signed copy of his book of mouth exercises. 351 00:13:27,052 --> 00:13:30,152 "Reed It and Weep." "Reed" with two Es? 352 00:13:30,153 --> 00:13:31,811 It's my favorite joke of all time. 353 00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:33,732 - I'll come back later. - Oh, nonsense. 354 00:13:33,733 --> 00:13:36,744 I'm sure John... he insists I call him "John"... 355 00:13:36,745 --> 00:13:38,443 I'm sure John would appreciate an update 356 00:13:38,444 --> 00:13:40,914 on the whereabouts of his oboe, wouldn't you, John? 357 00:13:40,915 --> 00:13:42,282 - Yeah. - Well said, John. 358 00:13:42,283 --> 00:13:44,083 - Did you hear what John said? - I did, 359 00:13:44,084 --> 00:13:45,580 but it's an open investigation, 360 00:13:45,581 --> 00:13:47,413 and I don't think it's proper to share information 361 00:13:47,414 --> 00:13:48,731 with the parties involved. 362 00:13:48,732 --> 00:13:50,101 Well, that's why you're no longer the primary. 363 00:13:50,102 --> 00:13:52,713 John played oboe for Lynne Cheney. 364 00:13:52,714 --> 00:13:54,788 I'm sure we can trust him to be discreet. 365 00:13:54,789 --> 00:13:56,735 - Out with it. - Okay, well, 366 00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,026 John, you're under arrest. 367 00:13:58,027 --> 00:13:59,213 - What? - Excuse me? 368 00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:01,512 He staged the robbery for the insurance money 369 00:14:01,513 --> 00:14:04,588 because he's broke, because oboists are not celebrities. 370 00:14:04,589 --> 00:14:06,266 This is ludicrous, Boyle. 371 00:14:06,267 --> 00:14:08,541 Do you have one iota of evidence? 372 00:14:08,542 --> 00:14:10,801 I found the oboe for sale online. 373 00:14:10,802 --> 00:14:14,011 We traced the IP address back to Mr. Weichselbraun's computer. 374 00:14:16,402 --> 00:14:18,649 Oh, John. 375 00:14:19,176 --> 00:14:21,598 Okay, Sarge, everyone knows you're a superhero, 376 00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:23,987 so you lower Scully and I into that skylight 377 00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,094 and then fly down to meet us. 378 00:14:25,095 --> 00:14:26,719 - You know that's impossible. - Fine. 379 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:28,422 We'll lower Scully down together, 380 00:14:28,423 --> 00:14:30,543 and then flop onto him like a giant mattress. 381 00:14:30,544 --> 00:14:32,604 No, you go first, then I lower Scully, 382 00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:35,908 and you... you get to catch him. 383 00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:37,936 Great. I love that plan. 384 00:14:39,478 --> 00:14:40,589 [quietly] Come on. 385 00:14:40,590 --> 00:14:42,628 Whoa! [both grunting] 386 00:14:42,629 --> 00:14:44,598 I got him. 387 00:14:49,912 --> 00:14:52,117 - Look what I found. - French fries? 388 00:14:52,118 --> 00:14:54,268 What? No, it's Hitchcock. 389 00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:56,886 Where would I have found French fries in a weed farm? 390 00:14:58,596 --> 00:15:01,221 Oh, man, look at him. This is bad. 391 00:15:01,222 --> 00:15:03,101 He hates standing up. 392 00:15:03,780 --> 00:15:05,790 To conquer my fear of businessmen, 393 00:15:05,791 --> 00:15:07,459 I must walk among them. 394 00:15:07,460 --> 00:15:09,729 I will shake their clammy hands 395 00:15:09,730 --> 00:15:12,784 and listen to them talk about things like 396 00:15:12,785 --> 00:15:15,045 how hard Wednesdays can be. 397 00:15:15,974 --> 00:15:19,008 Does this outfit look drab and lifeless enough? 398 00:15:19,009 --> 00:15:21,623 Also, thanks, Amy, for letting me borrow it. 399 00:15:21,624 --> 00:15:24,841 You're welcome. I wore that suit to prom. 400 00:15:24,842 --> 00:15:26,525 Student chaperone. 401 00:15:26,897 --> 00:15:28,924 I guess this is really happening. 402 00:15:28,925 --> 00:15:30,102 [inhales] 403 00:15:33,694 --> 00:15:35,958 How about those quarterly write-offs? 404 00:15:35,959 --> 00:15:38,502 And did you hear about the merger? 405 00:15:38,503 --> 00:15:41,605 Also, we all need to go in on those flowers for Beth. 406 00:15:41,606 --> 00:15:43,639 Aw, Wednesdays. 407 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:44,684 Who are you again? 408 00:15:44,685 --> 00:15:48,125 Gina, from Sales. I have the plant on my desk. 409 00:15:48,126 --> 00:15:51,218 Oh, yeah. You want to sit with us. 410 00:15:51,673 --> 00:15:53,335 We'll all be dead so soon. 411 00:15:53,336 --> 00:15:54,858 What? 412 00:15:54,859 --> 00:15:56,262 I would love to sit. 413 00:15:58,780 --> 00:16:00,972 Ugh. 414 00:16:00,973 --> 00:16:03,943 That was a nightmare. I ate a Caesar salad wrap. 415 00:16:03,944 --> 00:16:06,845 I'm so proud of you, you lioness. 416 00:16:06,846 --> 00:16:07,896 You faced your fear. 417 00:16:07,897 --> 00:16:10,689 And I emerged victorious. 418 00:16:10,690 --> 00:16:13,819 Yay! 419 00:16:13,820 --> 00:16:14,820 [sighs] 420 00:16:14,821 --> 00:16:15,820 That was a wig? 421 00:16:16,151 --> 00:16:19,701 You didn't think I'd put my actual hair in a ponytail? 422 00:16:19,702 --> 00:16:20,833 Are you insane? 423 00:16:20,834 --> 00:16:22,154 Oh, there's the boss. 424 00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:27,877 I ask only one time. Who do you work for? 425 00:16:27,878 --> 00:16:30,859 DEA? FBI? Police? 426 00:16:30,860 --> 00:16:32,840 I'm in the cowboy mafia. 427 00:16:32,841 --> 00:16:34,653 I work for the Dallas Buyers Club. 428 00:16:34,654 --> 00:16:36,842 - I came up with that name. - No, you didn't. 429 00:16:36,843 --> 00:16:38,873 It's a movie about AIDS. 430 00:16:38,874 --> 00:16:41,055 You're lying. Let's try again. 431 00:16:41,056 --> 00:16:42,976 - FBI? - Oof! 432 00:16:42,977 --> 00:16:44,066 - DEA? - [grunts] 433 00:16:44,067 --> 00:16:45,937 - Police? - Aah! 434 00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,838 Oh no, he's not gonna last. 435 00:16:47,839 --> 00:16:49,019 Oh, Jake, you got to do something. 436 00:16:49,020 --> 00:16:51,035 I don't want to marry Hitchcock's wife. 437 00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:53,912 Here we come, Chickpea. 438 00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:56,994 Hey, hey, hey, hey! Easy! 439 00:16:56,995 --> 00:16:58,228 Howdy there! 440 00:16:58,229 --> 00:17:00,015 I'd really appreciate it kindly 441 00:17:00,016 --> 00:17:03,317 if y'all would stop punching my associate Reno, there. 442 00:17:03,318 --> 00:17:05,999 Let me introduce myself. My name is Alamo. 443 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,040 This here's Tex, and this is... 444 00:17:08,041 --> 00:17:09,931 Fred. Just Fred. 445 00:17:09,932 --> 00:17:13,023 And we are... 446 00:17:13,024 --> 00:17:14,924 the Dallas Buyers Club. 447 00:17:14,925 --> 00:17:17,055 Okay. We make a deal. 448 00:17:17,056 --> 00:17:18,086 [speaks Serbian] 449 00:17:18,087 --> 00:17:19,917 [chuckles] Sounds good. 450 00:17:19,918 --> 00:17:21,490 No, I just told them to surround you. 451 00:17:21,491 --> 00:17:23,029 Dagnabbit. Oof! 452 00:17:24,972 --> 00:17:27,252 Look, Sarge, I'm sorry that we're in this mess, 453 00:17:27,253 --> 00:17:28,482 but on the bright side, 454 00:17:28,483 --> 00:17:30,493 we don't have to deal with some lame oboist. 455 00:17:30,494 --> 00:17:32,614 You should be apologizing to Hitchcock and Scully. 456 00:17:32,615 --> 00:17:35,436 You took them out of their house mouse comfort zone, 457 00:17:35,437 --> 00:17:36,758 and now they might get killed. 458 00:17:36,759 --> 00:17:38,827 You really think they're going to kill us? 459 00:17:38,828 --> 00:17:41,298 Oh, no, now I'm starting to panic sweat. 460 00:17:41,299 --> 00:17:42,738 Starting to? 461 00:17:42,739 --> 00:17:44,391 What have you been doing for the past hour? 462 00:17:44,392 --> 00:17:46,185 - Normal sweating. - Wait a minute. 463 00:17:46,186 --> 00:17:50,374 If you get killed, what happens to all your debt? 464 00:17:50,375 --> 00:17:53,337 Loophole! 465 00:17:54,468 --> 00:17:57,488 Oh, you sweaty, chair-spinning morons. 466 00:17:57,489 --> 00:17:59,360 You're gonna get us out of here. 467 00:18:00,381 --> 00:18:02,291 Boyle, may I speak to you? 468 00:18:02,962 --> 00:18:03,963 I don't know. 469 00:18:03,964 --> 00:18:06,152 Are you still mad that I arrested John? 470 00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:07,322 No. 471 00:18:08,562 --> 00:18:11,536 I know he's guilty. I'm just chagrined. 472 00:18:11,537 --> 00:18:13,349 Deeply chagrined. 473 00:18:13,350 --> 00:18:16,829 I finally understand the old adage, "Never meet your heroes." 474 00:18:16,830 --> 00:18:20,216 This is just like when I found out Robert Frost was from... 475 00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:22,337 California. 476 00:18:22,338 --> 00:18:24,434 Or when I saw Mario Batali with his hair down. 477 00:18:24,435 --> 00:18:26,335 [shudders] 478 00:18:26,336 --> 00:18:28,777 Well, you've handled this case with the utmost professionalism, 479 00:18:28,778 --> 00:18:31,291 while I've behaved crassly. 480 00:18:31,796 --> 00:18:33,836 I think I've figured out a way to make it up to you. 481 00:18:34,229 --> 00:18:37,110 Oh, my God, is Dianne Wiest here? 482 00:18:37,111 --> 00:18:40,067 No, I've hired a trio of classical musicians 483 00:18:40,068 --> 00:18:42,534 to perform a Shostakovich cantata, 484 00:18:42,535 --> 00:18:46,981 originally written as an apology to a dear friend. 485 00:18:49,579 --> 00:18:51,559 Are you stealing kitchen supplies? 486 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,021 Just let us have this stuff. 487 00:18:53,022 --> 00:18:54,872 You have so much, and we have so little. 488 00:18:55,399 --> 00:18:58,347 Perhaps I'll just buy you a drink instead. 489 00:18:58,348 --> 00:19:00,554 Yeah, that would be best. 490 00:19:00,555 --> 00:19:03,217 Classical musicians are savages. 491 00:19:03,795 --> 00:19:05,567 They're not gonna kill you fast, Scully. 492 00:19:05,568 --> 00:19:07,488 They're gonna make it real slow. 493 00:19:07,489 --> 00:19:08,549 First they're gonna scalp you, 494 00:19:08,550 --> 00:19:10,480 and then they're gonna rip your tongue out! 495 00:19:10,481 --> 00:19:13,361 No. That's my cupcake taster! 496 00:19:13,362 --> 00:19:14,562 What are you doing? Lay off him! 497 00:19:14,563 --> 00:19:17,826 Never! For my plan to work, he's gotta be basting in sweat. 498 00:19:17,827 --> 00:19:20,735 Hitchcock, you once told me you could roll that chair anywhere. 499 00:19:20,736 --> 00:19:22,126 Think you could take it up those stairs? 500 00:19:22,127 --> 00:19:24,398 I once rode a chair home in a blizzard. 501 00:19:24,399 --> 00:19:26,685 So, yeah, I can go up stairs. 502 00:19:26,686 --> 00:19:28,164 So do it. 503 00:19:32,353 --> 00:19:33,416 Oh, he's amazing. 504 00:19:33,417 --> 00:19:36,130 He's like a big, lazy Michelle Kwan. 505 00:19:36,131 --> 00:19:37,756 But how's he gonna get up the stairs? 506 00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:40,959 Jake! He already did. 507 00:19:43,431 --> 00:19:45,319 Okay, it's go time. 508 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,854 Help! My man's having a heart attack! 509 00:19:47,855 --> 00:19:49,083 Help! 510 00:19:50,176 --> 00:19:51,523 Hitchcock, now! 511 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,524 [grunts] 512 00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:54,728 Scully! Grab his gun. 513 00:19:56,517 --> 00:19:59,715 [roars] 514 00:19:59,716 --> 00:20:02,317 It's not sticky because I'm so juicy! 515 00:20:02,318 --> 00:20:03,798 Told you I knew what I was doing. 516 00:20:03,799 --> 00:20:05,173 Black Fred, think quick. 517 00:20:05,174 --> 00:20:07,522 No, no, ow! That was a gun, man! 518 00:20:07,523 --> 00:20:09,881 Scully, grab that dude's knife and cut us loose. 519 00:20:09,882 --> 00:20:11,628 We're gonna get the rest of these guys. 520 00:20:11,629 --> 00:20:15,943 It's time for Operation Beans, phase two, the refrying. 521 00:20:16,356 --> 00:20:17,811 Sure you're ready to go through with this? 522 00:20:17,812 --> 00:20:20,396 You know what? Today was stupid. 523 00:20:20,397 --> 00:20:22,723 But seeing you both overcome your fears did help me, 524 00:20:22,724 --> 00:20:25,613 and I think we've all grown as women. 525 00:20:27,973 --> 00:20:28,799 Okay. 526 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:30,575 I'm ready. 527 00:20:30,576 --> 00:20:32,340 Stab me! Stab me! 528 00:20:32,341 --> 00:20:33,794 Do it, just do it! 529 00:20:33,795 --> 00:20:35,719 - Rosa? - I'm psyching myself up. 530 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:38,439 [yells] 531 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,350 Don't look at them! Look at me! 532 00:20:40,351 --> 00:20:42,338 Do your job! Drain me! 533 00:20:43,293 --> 00:20:44,484 [elevator bell dings] 534 00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:47,057 There they are! 535 00:20:47,058 --> 00:20:49,586 Everybody give it up for Hitchcock and Scully. 536 00:20:49,587 --> 00:20:51,328 [applause] 537 00:20:51,329 --> 00:20:53,428 To thank you for all you did, 538 00:20:53,429 --> 00:20:55,488 bringing down a drug ring, 539 00:20:55,489 --> 00:20:57,057 we have a little present for you: 540 00:20:57,058 --> 00:21:00,196 brand-new, top-of-the-line desk chairs, 541 00:21:00,197 --> 00:21:03,316 extra padding, with adjustable height and recline. 542 00:21:03,317 --> 00:21:05,054 Hey, chair! 543 00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:07,064 Get ready to meet your new best friend: 544 00:21:07,065 --> 00:21:09,914 my ass. 545 00:21:09,915 --> 00:21:11,924 [both groaning happily] 546 00:21:11,925 --> 00:21:13,004 That was very nice of you. 547 00:21:13,005 --> 00:21:14,064 They did good. 548 00:21:14,065 --> 00:21:15,874 Also, I was worried they might want 549 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:17,144 to go out in the field more, 550 00:21:17,145 --> 00:21:19,346 and I need something to keep them at their desks. 551 00:21:19,347 --> 00:21:21,904 You really think that that is going to keep them at their... 552 00:21:21,905 --> 00:21:23,401 and they're both asleep already. 553 00:21:23,402 --> 00:21:25,034 And the city's safer for it. 554 00:21:25,035 --> 00:21:27,289 Sleep tight, you magnificent oafs. 555 00:21:27,290 --> 00:21:28,813 You deserve it. 556 00:21:28,814 --> 00:21:32,800 Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD www.addic7ed.com/ 556 00:21:33,305 --> 00:22:33,732 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 41304

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