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1
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:04,412
Hey, Gina!
We got an anonymous gift basket.
2
00:00:04,413 --> 00:00:05,493
Yeah, it's full of treats.
3
00:00:05,494 --> 00:00:07,324
It's got meats, cheeses,
candies,
4
00:00:07,325 --> 00:00:08,334
all the food groups.
5
00:00:08,335 --> 00:00:09,415
The cheese is amazing.
6
00:00:09,416 --> 00:00:12,286
It melts in my mouth
and in my hands.
7
00:00:12,287 --> 00:00:15,052
Hmm, French chocolates,
French cheeses,
8
00:00:15,053 --> 00:00:16,339
tiny French pickles.
9
00:00:16,340 --> 00:00:18,510
Did none of you detectives
think this might be a gift
10
00:00:18,511 --> 00:00:22,372
for Captain Holt from
someone in France?
11
00:00:22,373 --> 00:00:24,638
Like his husband,
par exemple?
12
00:00:24,639 --> 00:00:27,355
What? [laughs]
No way.
13
00:00:27,356 --> 00:00:30,507
This is a nice present from
an unknown, appreciative citizen
14
00:00:30,508 --> 00:00:32,328
that wanted us to munch.
15
00:00:32,329 --> 00:00:34,309
Hmm, what's this, then?
16
00:00:34,310 --> 00:00:36,701
"Dear Captain Raymond Holt,
thinking of you.
17
00:00:36,702 --> 00:00:40,322
Best, Dr. Kevin Cozner, Ph.D."
18
00:00:40,323 --> 00:00:42,353
He even used their pet names.
19
00:00:42,354 --> 00:00:44,987
Oh, no, I ate the
chocolate-covered strawberry.
20
00:00:44,988 --> 00:00:46,703
That's the most intimate
snack of them all.
21
00:00:46,704 --> 00:00:48,367
Holt's gonna be back from
his meeting in 30 minutes.
22
00:00:48,368 --> 00:00:49,862
- What do we do?
- Eat the note!
23
00:00:49,863 --> 00:00:52,339
No!
No.
24
00:00:52,340 --> 00:00:54,761
It's okay.
We can fix this.
25
00:00:56,529 --> 00:00:57,716
Check it out, sir.
26
00:00:57,717 --> 00:01:02,375
A lovely gift basket that Kevin
sent you all the way from Paris.
27
00:01:02,376 --> 00:01:04,126
Straight from Paris!
28
00:01:08,519 --> 00:01:11,727
Stapler, scissors.
29
00:01:13,522 --> 00:01:15,473
Rubber bands.
30
00:01:18,525 --> 00:01:21,039
That man really knows me.
31
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,599
[all laugh]
32
00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:26,303
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
33
00:01:26,327 --> 00:01:29,912
AVS Resync by
CookiesMonsta
34
00:01:29,967 --> 00:01:34,600
โช
โช
35
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:42,074
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
36
00:01:43,415 --> 00:01:45,583
Attention, squad.
I just received a call.
37
00:01:45,584 --> 00:01:48,525
A very important,
very high profile celebrity
38
00:01:48,526 --> 00:01:49,908
was robbed in our precinct.
39
00:01:49,909 --> 00:01:51,617
What celebrity, sir?
Is it a Chris?
40
00:01:51,618 --> 00:01:55,459
Hemsworth? Evans? Pratt? Pine?
Brown? Cross?
41
00:01:55,460 --> 00:01:56,570
[gasps]
Is it a non-Chris?
42
00:01:56,571 --> 00:01:59,601
This is a sensitive matter,
and I can only disclose details
43
00:01:59,602 --> 00:02:01,522
to the lead detective
on the case.
44
00:02:01,523 --> 00:02:03,553
Sergeant, let me know
who's available, ASAP.
45
00:02:03,554 --> 00:02:04,594
Yes, sir.
46
00:02:04,595 --> 00:02:06,665
Sarge, Sarge, Sarge.
47
00:02:06,666 --> 00:02:08,879
You know
that I'm your guy for this.
48
00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:11,458
You can't give
a celebrity case to Amy.
49
00:02:11,459 --> 00:02:14,580
The last movie she saw was
a documentary about spelling bees.
50
00:02:14,581 --> 00:02:17,531
Wrong; it was about
the font Helvetica,
51
00:02:17,532 --> 00:02:19,200
and it played like
an action thriller.
52
00:02:19,201 --> 00:02:21,504
You already have
a case, Peralta.
53
00:02:21,505 --> 00:02:22,902
I assigned it to you
this morning.
54
00:02:22,903 --> 00:02:25,088
That was just some kid with
a little bit of pot on him.
55
00:02:25,089 --> 00:02:27,527
Meanwhile, Chris Rock
is tied up in his basement
56
00:02:27,528 --> 00:02:29,658
calling out for my help,
and you're standing in my way.
57
00:02:29,659 --> 00:02:31,649
Just work the case
I assigned you.
58
00:02:31,650 --> 00:02:33,601
Can't I just give my case
to Hitchcock and Scully?
59
00:02:33,602 --> 00:02:35,622
I mean, they clearly have
a ton of time on their hands.
60
00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:37,485
Hitchcock hasn't even gotten
out of his chair today.
61
00:02:37,486 --> 00:02:40,625
Hey, Jake, I can go
anywhere in this thing.
62
00:02:40,626 --> 00:02:43,231
But... shouldn't.
63
00:02:43,232 --> 00:02:45,567
Hitchcock and Scully
are house mouses.
64
00:02:45,568 --> 00:02:47,568
They do paperwork
and they're good at it.
65
00:02:47,569 --> 00:02:49,281
They don't go out
in the field.
66
00:02:49,282 --> 00:02:51,897
Boyle, you take
the celebrity case.
67
00:02:52,322 --> 00:02:54,890
Me? Instead of Jake?
68
00:02:54,891 --> 00:02:57,664
Have you lost your damn mind?
I am so sorry, Jake.
69
00:02:57,665 --> 00:02:59,127
I don't know what's
wrong with Terry.
70
00:02:59,128 --> 00:03:01,261
Don't worry.
I'm gonna work it with you.
71
00:03:01,262 --> 00:03:03,688
I'm giving my drug bust
to Hitchcock and Scully.
72
00:03:03,689 --> 00:03:06,659
It's time to get these mice
out of their hice.
73
00:03:06,660 --> 00:03:08,600
Oh, that was lame.
Life is meaningless.
74
00:03:08,601 --> 00:03:10,091
We're all gonna die.
75
00:03:10,092 --> 00:03:12,623
Mouses out of their houses.
Yes, I am the greatest.
76
00:03:12,624 --> 00:03:14,674
Every breath is a gift.
Sorry about the roller coaster.
77
00:03:14,675 --> 00:03:17,058
I'm just happy
I'm tall enough to ride.
78
00:03:17,727 --> 00:03:18,792
Hey, Rosa.
79
00:03:18,793 --> 00:03:20,557
Saw you hadn't signed up
for the blood drive yet,
80
00:03:20,558 --> 00:03:22,022
so I brought you the sheet.
81
00:03:22,023 --> 00:03:25,945
Sorry, can't.
I'm... under 17 years old.
82
00:03:25,946 --> 00:03:28,722
Wait, you didn't sign up
last year, either.
83
00:03:28,723 --> 00:03:31,603
Or the year before.
84
00:03:31,604 --> 00:03:32,684
Are you afraid of needles?
85
00:03:32,685 --> 00:03:34,545
I don't like being
stabbed by someone
86
00:03:34,546 --> 00:03:35,616
so they can steal my blood.
87
00:03:35,617 --> 00:03:37,156
I'm crazy.
88
00:03:37,157 --> 00:03:40,124
This is amazing; you're
scared of something I'm not.
89
00:03:40,125 --> 00:03:42,447
I'm tougher than you.
I'm tougher than Rosa.
90
00:03:42,448 --> 00:03:44,701
Eh, I take it back.
I'm so sorry.
91
00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:47,693
Look, it's okay.
We all have fears.
92
00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,564
I'm so claustrophobic,
I can't even go
93
00:03:49,565 --> 00:03:51,635
into the downstairs
supply closet.
94
00:03:51,636 --> 00:03:53,626
I hear they have some
hot new binder clips,
95
00:03:53,627 --> 00:03:55,707
but I'll never know.
96
00:03:55,708 --> 00:03:57,288
I'm scared of businessmen.
97
00:03:57,289 --> 00:04:01,540
A whole army of gray-suited
Brads and Chads trying
98
00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:05,723
to suck my soul and redeem it
for frequent flyer miles.
99
00:04:05,724 --> 00:04:07,077
Great, so you guys get it.
100
00:04:07,078 --> 00:04:09,039
- Conversation over, bye.
- No, no, no, no, no.
101
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:13,201
What if we each agree to face
one of our fears today
102
00:04:13,202 --> 00:04:16,363
for ourselves
and for all of womenkind?
103
00:04:16,364 --> 00:04:18,167
Ugh.
That sounds terrible.
104
00:04:18,168 --> 00:04:20,198
But I'm in.
105
00:04:20,947 --> 00:04:22,489
Fine, I'll do it too.
106
00:04:22,490 --> 00:04:24,272
Guys, come on.
107
00:04:24,273 --> 00:04:26,755
I really think this'll
be good for... oh, wait.
108
00:04:26,756 --> 00:04:29,351
You... we're doing my thing?
Okay.
109
00:04:29,842 --> 00:04:31,498
Thanks for taking us
to lunch, Jake.
110
00:04:31,499 --> 00:04:33,330
Of course.
Get whatever you want.
111
00:04:33,331 --> 00:04:35,477
Oh, man, I already ate.
112
00:04:35,478 --> 00:04:37,455
I guess I'll just have
a cheeseburger deluxe,
113
00:04:37,456 --> 00:04:39,712
couple slices of pie,
maybe an egg cream.
114
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,653
- Okay.
- And a waffle.
115
00:04:41,654 --> 00:04:44,615
So look, a big, important
drug case came across my desk,
116
00:04:44,616 --> 00:04:45,564
and I need your help.
117
00:04:45,565 --> 00:04:48,687
Only problem is, Sarge doesn't
think you can handle it.
118
00:04:48,688 --> 00:04:50,708
- He's right.
- No, he's not.
119
00:04:50,709 --> 00:04:52,230
Look, you're
Hitchcock and Scully.
120
00:04:52,231 --> 00:04:53,418
You guys are legends.
121
00:04:53,419 --> 00:04:56,236
You single-handedly caught
the Prospect Park Flasher.
122
00:04:56,237 --> 00:04:58,068
Well, he was being
chased by other cops,
123
00:04:58,069 --> 00:04:59,744
but he did slip
on my spilled chili.
124
00:04:59,745 --> 00:05:02,675
And who bumped into Scully,
causing the spill? Me.
125
00:05:02,676 --> 00:05:05,687
Damn right, and who fell
asleep under their desks
126
00:05:05,688 --> 00:05:07,355
and caught the janitor
stealing evidence?
127
00:05:07,356 --> 00:05:08,161
We did.
128
00:05:08,162 --> 00:05:09,689
And who sued the department
129
00:05:09,690 --> 00:05:12,681
and got triple-ply toilet paper
in every precinct?
130
00:05:12,682 --> 00:05:13,681
We did.
131
00:05:13,682 --> 00:05:14,702
Terry thinks you guys
132
00:05:14,703 --> 00:05:15,753
are too old and too lazy
to handle this,
133
00:05:15,754 --> 00:05:17,594
but I know what
you're really made of.
134
00:05:17,595 --> 00:05:19,362
You're gonna take this case
and prove him wrong!
135
00:05:19,363 --> 00:05:21,272
- Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo!
136
00:05:21,273 --> 00:05:23,285
We're still gonna
eat lunch, right?
137
00:05:23,286 --> 00:05:25,788
Obviously, a high profile
celebrity case such as this one
138
00:05:25,789 --> 00:05:28,288
needs to be handled
with the utmost discretion.
139
00:05:28,908 --> 00:05:30,916
I promise
I'll be professional,
140
00:05:30,917 --> 00:05:32,502
even if it's Dianne Wiest.
141
00:05:32,503 --> 00:05:35,804
Oh, my God, I can't believe I'm
gonna meet Dianne Wiest!
142
00:05:35,805 --> 00:05:37,775
She's so sexual!
143
00:05:37,776 --> 00:05:40,882
No, our victim...
144
00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:44,321
is John... William...
145
00:05:45,771 --> 00:05:47,682
Weichselbraun.
146
00:05:48,732 --> 00:05:50,474
Remind me who that is again?
147
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:53,189
You're kidding.
He's a world-renowned oboist,
148
00:05:53,190 --> 00:05:55,349
first chair with the New York
Symphony Orchestra.
149
00:05:55,350 --> 00:05:58,797
Kevin and I are huge fans
of Weichselbraun's work.
150
00:05:58,798 --> 00:06:02,769
We are what the Internet
sometimes refers to as...
151
00:06:02,770 --> 00:06:04,740
Weichselbraun fans.
152
00:06:04,741 --> 00:06:05,763
Not Weichselbrauniacs?
153
00:06:05,764 --> 00:06:07,775
Oh, that's very good.
154
00:06:07,776 --> 00:06:09,393
I'm gonna use that liberally.
155
00:06:09,394 --> 00:06:12,064
Anyway, Weichselbraun's
$40,000 oboe
156
00:06:12,065 --> 00:06:13,297
was stolen from his apartment,
157
00:06:13,298 --> 00:06:15,052
and you need to find it.
158
00:06:15,053 --> 00:06:16,777
I'd work the case myself
159
00:06:16,778 --> 00:06:18,938
if it didn't smack
of preferential treatment.
160
00:06:18,939 --> 00:06:21,002
Don't worry, sir.
I can handle this.
161
00:06:21,003 --> 00:06:23,811
So you do think it smacks
of preferential treatment?
162
00:06:23,812 --> 00:06:25,832
I don't know what
you want me to say.
163
00:06:25,833 --> 00:06:28,685
Okay, you've convinced me.
I'll work the case with you.
164
00:06:30,138 --> 00:06:31,691
Great.
165
00:06:32,143 --> 00:06:34,144
I think you owe me
an apology.
166
00:06:34,145 --> 00:06:36,299
I'll apologize
to you in hell.
167
00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:38,139
I actually don't know
what this is about.
168
00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:39,468
Sorry I took
such a hard stance.
169
00:06:39,469 --> 00:06:42,842
Holt's celebrity was
just some lame oboist.
170
00:06:42,843 --> 00:06:46,794
Meanwhile, we just linked
your little dumb pot bust
171
00:06:46,795 --> 00:06:48,825
to a major narcotics ring.
172
00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:51,039
This might be the biggest drug
case
173
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:52,988
the Nine-Nine's had in years.
174
00:06:52,989 --> 00:06:54,464
Cool.
175
00:06:54,465 --> 00:06:56,820
Uh-oh.
176
00:06:56,821 --> 00:06:58,622
I know a real "cool"
when I hear one.
177
00:06:58,623 --> 00:07:01,543
That wasn't a real "cool."
What did you do?
178
00:07:02,407 --> 00:07:05,745
Well...
179
00:07:05,746 --> 00:07:08,757
I may have given
that very huge drug case
180
00:07:08,758 --> 00:07:10,199
to Hitchcock and Scully.
181
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,659
- What?
- In my defense,
182
00:07:12,660 --> 00:07:15,871
I was pretty sure you were
never gonna find out.
183
00:07:15,896 --> 00:07:17,894
I don't know where
Hitchcock and Scully are.
184
00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:19,068
They're not answering
their phones,
185
00:07:19,069 --> 00:07:21,876
and they signed our dealer...
the one link to our drug ring...
186
00:07:21,877 --> 00:07:22,997
out of holding.
187
00:07:22,998 --> 00:07:25,919
I swear, if they mess up
this case, Jake, it's on you.
188
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:27,300
They're detectives.
189
00:07:27,301 --> 00:07:28,870
They've been on the force
for 500 years.
190
00:07:28,871 --> 00:07:30,140
They know what they're doing.
191
00:07:30,141 --> 00:07:32,993
The only item on Scully's
calendar for the entire year
192
00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,804
is "eat peanut butter."
193
00:07:34,805 --> 00:07:35,924
Yeah, we got to find them.
194
00:07:35,925 --> 00:07:38,220
And to do that, we have
to think like they do.
195
00:07:39,601 --> 00:07:41,343
I'm going in.
196
00:07:42,076 --> 00:07:46,000
All right, there's
the butt indentation,
197
00:07:46,001 --> 00:07:47,021
and...
198
00:07:47,022 --> 00:07:48,021
[grunts]
199
00:07:48,022 --> 00:07:49,022
I'm docked.
200
00:07:49,023 --> 00:07:51,212
Ugh.
Still warm.
201
00:07:51,213 --> 00:07:54,915
All right, residual cushion fart
is about a six out of ten.
202
00:07:54,916 --> 00:07:56,699
He's been gone an hour,
maybe two.
203
00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:58,118
- But where?
- Hot dogs.
204
00:07:58,119 --> 00:07:59,948
- They went for hot dogs.
- How do you know?
205
00:07:59,949 --> 00:08:02,940
There's a water stain on
the ceiling in the shape of a bun.
206
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,246
Let's go.
207
00:08:05,992 --> 00:08:08,299
Excuse me, have you
seen Hitchcock and Scully?
208
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:09,984
Three times a day
for 12 years.
209
00:08:09,985 --> 00:08:12,865
Twice as often since I started
serving sweet wieners.
210
00:08:12,866 --> 00:08:13,906
Sweet wieners?
211
00:08:13,907 --> 00:08:15,827
It's a normal hot dog
with a little chocolate sauce.
212
00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:16,998
- One please!
- No, Jake.
213
00:08:16,999 --> 00:08:19,476
- No, Terry.
- Have you seen them recently?
214
00:08:19,477 --> 00:08:21,849
Half hour ago... they ate, and
then they took off in a hurry.
215
00:08:21,850 --> 00:08:23,336
[sighs]
Half an hour.
216
00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:25,638
They could be anywhere by now.
Nope, there's Scully.
217
00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:27,984
Where's Hitchcock?
218
00:08:27,985 --> 00:08:29,845
I'm taking you guys
off your drug case.
219
00:08:29,846 --> 00:08:30,885
Of course you are.
220
00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:32,431
Jake said you didn't
believe in us.
221
00:08:32,432 --> 00:08:34,918
What? He didn't
believe in you either.
222
00:08:34,919 --> 00:08:37,682
He was just pumping you up with
lies so you'd work his case.
223
00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:39,257
Jake, is this true?
224
00:08:39,258 --> 00:08:41,071
I just thought, you know,
225
00:08:41,072 --> 00:08:43,445
the two of you might
be better off
226
00:08:43,446 --> 00:08:45,187
mousing around the old house.
227
00:08:45,188 --> 00:08:46,844
Oh, I get it.
228
00:08:46,845 --> 00:08:49,710
Just because I got my finger
stuck in a glue trap once,
229
00:08:49,711 --> 00:08:51,017
I'm a mouse?
230
00:08:51,018 --> 00:08:52,848
I got the cheese out,
by the way.
231
00:08:52,849 --> 00:08:54,454
- Oh, my God.
- Look, man,
232
00:08:54,455 --> 00:08:56,060
we need to know
where Hitchcock is.
233
00:08:56,061 --> 00:08:58,070
I am ordering you
to tell us everything.
234
00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:00,042
Fine.
We're setting up a sting.
235
00:09:00,043 --> 00:09:02,514
I'm going undercover
as Tex Dallas,
236
00:09:02,515 --> 00:09:04,865
billionaire oil man
from Dallas, Texas,
237
00:09:04,866 --> 00:09:06,561
with ties
to the cowboy mafia.
238
00:09:06,562 --> 00:09:08,716
- Oh, boy.
- Hitchcock's my middle man,
239
00:09:08,717 --> 00:09:11,899
Reno Vegas,
mobster from Reno, Las Vegas.
240
00:09:11,900 --> 00:09:12,989
I said my "oh, boy" too soon.
241
00:09:12,990 --> 00:09:15,901
In 20 minutes, he's going in
totally alone, unarmed,
242
00:09:15,902 --> 00:09:17,912
without a cell phone,
to meet with one of their guys
243
00:09:17,913 --> 00:09:18,983
to set up a buy.
244
00:09:18,984 --> 00:09:20,874
So how do you like
our plan now?
245
00:09:20,875 --> 00:09:23,439
It's a disaster, man!
We got to stop it!
246
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,867
Disaster? Tell me
one thing that's wrong
247
00:09:25,868 --> 00:09:26,947
with Operation Beans.
248
00:09:26,948 --> 00:09:29,065
Operation Beans?
249
00:09:30,413 --> 00:09:32,901
Good afternoon, sir.
I'm Detective Charles Boyle...
250
00:09:32,902 --> 00:09:34,439
From the Nine-Nine.
251
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,852
My precinct.
I'm the captain, Raymond Holt.
252
00:09:37,924 --> 00:09:40,015
Okay.
Uh, please, come on in.
253
00:09:40,016 --> 00:09:42,693
I'll show you the back room
where they broke in.
254
00:09:42,694 --> 00:09:45,058
You're an incredibly gracious host,
Mr. Weichselbraun.
255
00:09:45,059 --> 00:09:47,909
Wow, that pronunciation
is flawless.
256
00:09:47,910 --> 00:09:49,920
[laughs]
257
00:09:49,921 --> 00:09:53,883
I must admit, I'm a bit
of a Weichselbrauniac.
258
00:09:53,884 --> 00:09:57,905
Hmm, I saw you perform Bach's
"Oboe Sonata in G Minor"
259
00:09:57,906 --> 00:09:59,210
at the Brooklyn Academy
of Music.
260
00:09:59,211 --> 00:10:00,603
I was in the front row.
261
00:10:00,604 --> 00:10:03,142
You were escorted out
for gasping too loudly.
262
00:10:03,143 --> 00:10:04,098
Ah.
263
00:10:04,099 --> 00:10:06,319
This is a pretty
modest apartment.
264
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:09,922
How did you afford a $40,000
oboe in the first place?
265
00:10:09,923 --> 00:10:11,527
I admit that there's
not as much money
266
00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,147
in classical music
as there once was...
267
00:10:13,148 --> 00:10:16,015
Which is the real crime here.
268
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,916
Boyle, can I
talk to you privately?
269
00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:18,967
Sure.
270
00:10:18,968 --> 00:10:20,908
What are you doing?
You just insulted
271
00:10:20,909 --> 00:10:22,971
our celebrity victim
to his face.
272
00:10:22,972 --> 00:10:24,930
You keep saying "celebrity,"
but he's drying his socks
273
00:10:24,931 --> 00:10:26,921
on a George Foreman grill.
274
00:10:26,922 --> 00:10:29,002
This is John William
Weichselbraun,
275
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:32,014
the Silver Spit Prince.
276
00:10:32,015 --> 00:10:34,547
I'm making myself primary
detective on this case.
277
00:10:34,548 --> 00:10:35,605
You can wait in the car.
278
00:10:35,606 --> 00:10:37,928
Oh, but first, take a picture
of the two of us together.
279
00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:39,019
Make sure we're laughing.
280
00:10:40,896 --> 00:10:42,130
Ha-ha!
281
00:10:42,131 --> 00:10:43,971
[chuckles]
282
00:10:43,972 --> 00:10:45,102
Ah.
283
00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:50,064
Okay, so, I'm going to face
my fear of confined spaces.
284
00:10:50,065 --> 00:10:52,956
When I'm ready,
you will shut the trunk
285
00:10:52,957 --> 00:10:55,238
and leave me here
for 30 minutes.
286
00:10:55,239 --> 00:10:57,672
I left a juice box
and a diaper in there for you,
287
00:10:57,673 --> 00:10:59,009
so you're gonna be fine.
288
00:10:59,010 --> 00:11:00,941
Or we could all
give in to our fears
289
00:11:00,942 --> 00:11:02,952
and keep our blood in
our bodies like normal people.
290
00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:05,983
No, Rosa, we are doing
something important here.
291
00:11:05,984 --> 00:11:08,945
We are women, standing up
and supporting each other
292
00:11:08,946 --> 00:11:10,146
and becoming...
293
00:11:10,147 --> 00:11:12,047
New fear: listening
to Amy inspire us.
294
00:11:12,048 --> 00:11:15,119
Be back in a half hour, Ames.
295
00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:18,010
Wait! Come back!
296
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,951
Come back, I can't do this!
297
00:11:19,952 --> 00:11:22,014
- No, you're the best!
- [laughs]
298
00:11:26,671 --> 00:11:28,231
You did it.
How'd it go?
299
00:11:28,232 --> 00:11:32,812
Well, the first ten minutes
were really terrible.
300
00:11:32,813 --> 00:11:35,170
The diaper did not fit.
It was for a baby.
301
00:11:35,171 --> 00:11:40,093
But then I relaxed,
and I found my inner strength.
302
00:11:40,094 --> 00:11:42,767
I think the lesson here is that,
as women, we...
303
00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:43,756
No, no, no, no!
304
00:11:43,757 --> 00:11:45,539
You close that trunk again
and I will kill you!
305
00:11:45,540 --> 00:11:47,375
You hear me?
I will kill you!
306
00:11:49,924 --> 00:11:51,980
We're almost there.
Slow down, Pinto.
307
00:11:51,981 --> 00:11:53,050
I didn't agree to a bean name.
308
00:11:53,051 --> 00:11:55,345
We are not doing
Operation Beans.
309
00:11:55,346 --> 00:11:57,559
You know, the only reason
Hitchcock and I took this case
310
00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:59,107
is because you said
we were great.
311
00:11:59,108 --> 00:12:00,995
I'm beginning to think
you were lying to us.
312
00:12:00,996 --> 00:12:03,510
I was lying!
I already admitted that.
313
00:12:03,511 --> 00:12:06,048
Well, if anything happens,
it's because of you.
314
00:12:06,049 --> 00:12:07,629
- Right, Mung?
- Right.
315
00:12:07,630 --> 00:12:09,149
If Hitchcock dies,
it's 'cause of Pinto.
316
00:12:09,150 --> 00:12:10,595
Terry, I know
that you're mad,
317
00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:12,673
but you don't have
to jump on the bean train.
318
00:12:12,674 --> 00:12:14,073
Uh-oh.
319
00:12:16,074 --> 00:12:19,186
Chickpea!
No!
320
00:12:20,513 --> 00:12:21,622
Looks like they're
taking Hitchcock
321
00:12:21,623 --> 00:12:23,742
inside that building, and it
looks like they're armed.
322
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,793
Dammit, Jake!
323
00:12:24,794 --> 00:12:26,894
You couldn't just do
the case I assigned you?
324
00:12:26,895 --> 00:12:29,676
Hitchcock's life is in danger.
He has a wife, man.
325
00:12:29,677 --> 00:12:30,867
Don't worry.
If anything happens to him,
326
00:12:30,868 --> 00:12:32,698
she'll be taken care of.
327
00:12:32,699 --> 00:12:35,408
If I die, I want you
to marry Lucille.
328
00:12:35,975 --> 00:12:38,123
I can't stand the thought
of you being alone.
329
00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:40,552
Deal. Let's make it
a blood pact.
330
00:12:40,553 --> 00:12:43,684
Oh, look,
I'm already bleeding.
331
00:12:43,685 --> 00:12:45,512
So just normal friend stuff.
332
00:12:45,513 --> 00:12:48,104
- So what's the plan?
- We stick with Operation Beans.
333
00:12:48,105 --> 00:12:50,698
We knock on the front door.
I say I'm Tex Dallas.
334
00:12:50,699 --> 00:12:52,906
You're my buddy, Alamo,
and you're Black Fred.
335
00:12:52,907 --> 00:12:55,368
Black Fred?
Why Black Fred?
336
00:12:55,369 --> 00:12:56,701
There's no other Fred!
337
00:12:56,702 --> 00:12:58,165
Yeah, but they don't
know that.
338
00:12:58,166 --> 00:12:59,455
I say Terry and I go in
339
00:12:59,456 --> 00:13:00,881
through the roof
and do some recon.
340
00:13:00,882 --> 00:13:03,175
Scully, you stay here and call
for backup in case we need it.
341
00:13:03,176 --> 00:13:04,195
Oh, no way.
342
00:13:04,196 --> 00:13:06,135
That's my partner in there.
I'm going in.
343
00:13:06,136 --> 00:13:08,877
Also, I can't call for help.
I don't have any quarters.
344
00:13:09,810 --> 00:13:11,755
Hard to argue
with that logic.
345
00:13:12,934 --> 00:13:14,078
- You know I...
- Sir, I need to talk to you
346
00:13:14,079 --> 00:13:16,261
about the Weichselbraun case.
347
00:13:16,704 --> 00:13:19,547
Oh, I didn't realize you
were here, Mr. Weichselbraun.
348
00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:21,669
I was in the area,
and the captain is a fan,
349
00:13:21,670 --> 00:13:24,445
so I came by to give him
a little gift, as a thank you.
350
00:13:24,446 --> 00:13:27,051
It's a signed copy
of his book of mouth exercises.
351
00:13:27,052 --> 00:13:30,152
"Reed It and Weep."
"Reed" with two Es?
352
00:13:30,153 --> 00:13:31,811
It's my favorite joke
of all time.
353
00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:33,732
- I'll come back later.
- Oh, nonsense.
354
00:13:33,733 --> 00:13:36,744
I'm sure John...
he insists I call him "John"...
355
00:13:36,745 --> 00:13:38,443
I'm sure John would
appreciate an update
356
00:13:38,444 --> 00:13:40,914
on the whereabouts of his oboe,
wouldn't you, John?
357
00:13:40,915 --> 00:13:42,282
- Yeah.
- Well said, John.
358
00:13:42,283 --> 00:13:44,083
- Did you hear what John said?
- I did,
359
00:13:44,084 --> 00:13:45,580
but it's an open
investigation,
360
00:13:45,581 --> 00:13:47,413
and I don't think it's proper
to share information
361
00:13:47,414 --> 00:13:48,731
with the parties involved.
362
00:13:48,732 --> 00:13:50,101
Well, that's why you're
no longer the primary.
363
00:13:50,102 --> 00:13:52,713
John played oboe for
Lynne Cheney.
364
00:13:52,714 --> 00:13:54,788
I'm sure we can
trust him to be discreet.
365
00:13:54,789 --> 00:13:56,735
- Out with it.
- Okay, well,
366
00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,026
John, you're under arrest.
367
00:13:58,027 --> 00:13:59,213
- What?
- Excuse me?
368
00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:01,512
He staged the robbery
for the insurance money
369
00:14:01,513 --> 00:14:04,588
because he's broke, because
oboists are not celebrities.
370
00:14:04,589 --> 00:14:06,266
This is ludicrous, Boyle.
371
00:14:06,267 --> 00:14:08,541
Do you have one iota
of evidence?
372
00:14:08,542 --> 00:14:10,801
I found the oboe
for sale online.
373
00:14:10,802 --> 00:14:14,011
We traced the IP address back to
Mr. Weichselbraun's computer.
374
00:14:16,402 --> 00:14:18,649
Oh, John.
375
00:14:19,176 --> 00:14:21,598
Okay, Sarge, everyone
knows you're a superhero,
376
00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:23,987
so you lower Scully and I
into that skylight
377
00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,094
and then fly down to meet us.
378
00:14:25,095 --> 00:14:26,719
- You know that's impossible.
- Fine.
379
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:28,422
We'll lower Scully
down together,
380
00:14:28,423 --> 00:14:30,543
and then flop onto him
like a giant mattress.
381
00:14:30,544 --> 00:14:32,604
No, you go first,
then I lower Scully,
382
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:35,908
and you...
you get to catch him.
383
00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:37,936
Great.
I love that plan.
384
00:14:39,478 --> 00:14:40,589
[quietly]
Come on.
385
00:14:40,590 --> 00:14:42,628
Whoa!
[both grunting]
386
00:14:42,629 --> 00:14:44,598
I got him.
387
00:14:49,912 --> 00:14:52,117
- Look what I found.
- French fries?
388
00:14:52,118 --> 00:14:54,268
What?
No, it's Hitchcock.
389
00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:56,886
Where would I have found
French fries in a weed farm?
390
00:14:58,596 --> 00:15:01,221
Oh, man, look at him.
This is bad.
391
00:15:01,222 --> 00:15:03,101
He hates standing up.
392
00:15:03,780 --> 00:15:05,790
To conquer my fear
of businessmen,
393
00:15:05,791 --> 00:15:07,459
I must walk among them.
394
00:15:07,460 --> 00:15:09,729
I will shake
their clammy hands
395
00:15:09,730 --> 00:15:12,784
and listen to them talk
about things like
396
00:15:12,785 --> 00:15:15,045
how hard Wednesdays can be.
397
00:15:15,974 --> 00:15:19,008
Does this outfit look
drab and lifeless enough?
398
00:15:19,009 --> 00:15:21,623
Also, thanks, Amy,
for letting me borrow it.
399
00:15:21,624 --> 00:15:24,841
You're welcome.
I wore that suit to prom.
400
00:15:24,842 --> 00:15:26,525
Student chaperone.
401
00:15:26,897 --> 00:15:28,924
I guess this
is really happening.
402
00:15:28,925 --> 00:15:30,102
[inhales]
403
00:15:33,694 --> 00:15:35,958
How about those
quarterly write-offs?
404
00:15:35,959 --> 00:15:38,502
And did you hear
about the merger?
405
00:15:38,503 --> 00:15:41,605
Also, we all need to go in
on those flowers for Beth.
406
00:15:41,606 --> 00:15:43,639
Aw, Wednesdays.
407
00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:44,684
Who are you again?
408
00:15:44,685 --> 00:15:48,125
Gina, from Sales.
I have the plant on my desk.
409
00:15:48,126 --> 00:15:51,218
Oh, yeah.
You want to sit with us.
410
00:15:51,673 --> 00:15:53,335
We'll all be dead so soon.
411
00:15:53,336 --> 00:15:54,858
What?
412
00:15:54,859 --> 00:15:56,262
I would love to sit.
413
00:15:58,780 --> 00:16:00,972
Ugh.
414
00:16:00,973 --> 00:16:03,943
That was a nightmare.
I ate a Caesar salad wrap.
415
00:16:03,944 --> 00:16:06,845
I'm so proud of you,
you lioness.
416
00:16:06,846 --> 00:16:07,896
You faced your fear.
417
00:16:07,897 --> 00:16:10,689
And I emerged victorious.
418
00:16:10,690 --> 00:16:13,819
Yay!
419
00:16:13,820 --> 00:16:14,820
[sighs]
420
00:16:14,821 --> 00:16:15,820
That was a wig?
421
00:16:16,151 --> 00:16:19,701
You didn't think I'd put
my actual hair in a ponytail?
422
00:16:19,702 --> 00:16:20,833
Are you insane?
423
00:16:20,834 --> 00:16:22,154
Oh, there's the boss.
424
00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:27,877
I ask only one time.
Who do you work for?
425
00:16:27,878 --> 00:16:30,859
DEA? FBI? Police?
426
00:16:30,860 --> 00:16:32,840
I'm in the cowboy mafia.
427
00:16:32,841 --> 00:16:34,653
I work for the Dallas
Buyers Club.
428
00:16:34,654 --> 00:16:36,842
- I came up with that name.
- No, you didn't.
429
00:16:36,843 --> 00:16:38,873
It's a movie about AIDS.
430
00:16:38,874 --> 00:16:41,055
You're lying.
Let's try again.
431
00:16:41,056 --> 00:16:42,976
- FBI?
- Oof!
432
00:16:42,977 --> 00:16:44,066
- DEA?
- [grunts]
433
00:16:44,067 --> 00:16:45,937
- Police?
- Aah!
434
00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,838
Oh no, he's not gonna last.
435
00:16:47,839 --> 00:16:49,019
Oh, Jake, you got
to do something.
436
00:16:49,020 --> 00:16:51,035
I don't want to
marry Hitchcock's wife.
437
00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:53,912
Here we come, Chickpea.
438
00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:56,994
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Easy!
439
00:16:56,995 --> 00:16:58,228
Howdy there!
440
00:16:58,229 --> 00:17:00,015
I'd really appreciate it
kindly
441
00:17:00,016 --> 00:17:03,317
if y'all would stop punching
my associate Reno, there.
442
00:17:03,318 --> 00:17:05,999
Let me introduce myself.
My name is Alamo.
443
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,040
This here's Tex,
and this is...
444
00:17:08,041 --> 00:17:09,931
Fred.
Just Fred.
445
00:17:09,932 --> 00:17:13,023
And we are...
446
00:17:13,024 --> 00:17:14,924
the Dallas Buyers Club.
447
00:17:14,925 --> 00:17:17,055
Okay.
We make a deal.
448
00:17:17,056 --> 00:17:18,086
[speaks Serbian]
449
00:17:18,087 --> 00:17:19,917
[chuckles]
Sounds good.
450
00:17:19,918 --> 00:17:21,490
No, I just told them
to surround you.
451
00:17:21,491 --> 00:17:23,029
Dagnabbit.
Oof!
452
00:17:24,972 --> 00:17:27,252
Look, Sarge, I'm sorry
that we're in this mess,
453
00:17:27,253 --> 00:17:28,482
but on the bright side,
454
00:17:28,483 --> 00:17:30,493
we don't have to deal
with some lame oboist.
455
00:17:30,494 --> 00:17:32,614
You should be apologizing
to Hitchcock and Scully.
456
00:17:32,615 --> 00:17:35,436
You took them out of their
house mouse comfort zone,
457
00:17:35,437 --> 00:17:36,758
and now they might get killed.
458
00:17:36,759 --> 00:17:38,827
You really think
they're going to kill us?
459
00:17:38,828 --> 00:17:41,298
Oh, no, now I'm starting
to panic sweat.
460
00:17:41,299 --> 00:17:42,738
Starting to?
461
00:17:42,739 --> 00:17:44,391
What have you been doing
for the past hour?
462
00:17:44,392 --> 00:17:46,185
- Normal sweating.
- Wait a minute.
463
00:17:46,186 --> 00:17:50,374
If you get killed,
what happens to all your debt?
464
00:17:50,375 --> 00:17:53,337
Loophole!
465
00:17:54,468 --> 00:17:57,488
Oh, you sweaty,
chair-spinning morons.
466
00:17:57,489 --> 00:17:59,360
You're gonna get us
out of here.
467
00:18:00,381 --> 00:18:02,291
Boyle, may I speak to you?
468
00:18:02,962 --> 00:18:03,963
I don't know.
469
00:18:03,964 --> 00:18:06,152
Are you still mad
that I arrested John?
470
00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:07,322
No.
471
00:18:08,562 --> 00:18:11,536
I know he's guilty.
I'm just chagrined.
472
00:18:11,537 --> 00:18:13,349
Deeply chagrined.
473
00:18:13,350 --> 00:18:16,829
I finally understand the old
adage, "Never meet your heroes."
474
00:18:16,830 --> 00:18:20,216
This is just like when I found
out Robert Frost was from...
475
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:22,337
California.
476
00:18:22,338 --> 00:18:24,434
Or when I saw Mario Batali
with his hair down.
477
00:18:24,435 --> 00:18:26,335
[shudders]
478
00:18:26,336 --> 00:18:28,777
Well, you've handled this case
with the utmost professionalism,
479
00:18:28,778 --> 00:18:31,291
while I've behaved crassly.
480
00:18:31,796 --> 00:18:33,836
I think I've figured out
a way to make it up to you.
481
00:18:34,229 --> 00:18:37,110
Oh, my God,
is Dianne Wiest here?
482
00:18:37,111 --> 00:18:40,067
No, I've hired a trio
of classical musicians
483
00:18:40,068 --> 00:18:42,534
to perform
a Shostakovich cantata,
484
00:18:42,535 --> 00:18:46,981
originally written as
an apology to a dear friend.
485
00:18:49,579 --> 00:18:51,559
Are you stealing
kitchen supplies?
486
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,021
Just let us have this stuff.
487
00:18:53,022 --> 00:18:54,872
You have so much,
and we have so little.
488
00:18:55,399 --> 00:18:58,347
Perhaps I'll just
buy you a drink instead.
489
00:18:58,348 --> 00:19:00,554
Yeah, that would be best.
490
00:19:00,555 --> 00:19:03,217
Classical musicians
are savages.
491
00:19:03,795 --> 00:19:05,567
They're not gonna
kill you fast, Scully.
492
00:19:05,568 --> 00:19:07,488
They're gonna
make it real slow.
493
00:19:07,489 --> 00:19:08,549
First they're gonna scalp you,
494
00:19:08,550 --> 00:19:10,480
and then they're gonna
rip your tongue out!
495
00:19:10,481 --> 00:19:13,361
No.
That's my cupcake taster!
496
00:19:13,362 --> 00:19:14,562
What are you doing?
Lay off him!
497
00:19:14,563 --> 00:19:17,826
Never! For my plan to work,
he's gotta be basting in sweat.
498
00:19:17,827 --> 00:19:20,735
Hitchcock, you once told me you
could roll that chair anywhere.
499
00:19:20,736 --> 00:19:22,126
Think you could take it
up those stairs?
500
00:19:22,127 --> 00:19:24,398
I once rode a chair home
in a blizzard.
501
00:19:24,399 --> 00:19:26,685
So, yeah, I can go up stairs.
502
00:19:26,686 --> 00:19:28,164
So do it.
503
00:19:32,353 --> 00:19:33,416
Oh, he's amazing.
504
00:19:33,417 --> 00:19:36,130
He's like a big, lazy
Michelle Kwan.
505
00:19:36,131 --> 00:19:37,756
But how's he gonna get
up the stairs?
506
00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:40,959
Jake!
He already did.
507
00:19:43,431 --> 00:19:45,319
Okay, it's go time.
508
00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,854
Help!
My man's having a heart attack!
509
00:19:47,855 --> 00:19:49,083
Help!
510
00:19:50,176 --> 00:19:51,523
Hitchcock, now!
511
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,524
[grunts]
512
00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:54,728
Scully!
Grab his gun.
513
00:19:56,517 --> 00:19:59,715
[roars]
514
00:19:59,716 --> 00:20:02,317
It's not sticky
because I'm so juicy!
515
00:20:02,318 --> 00:20:03,798
Told you I knew
what I was doing.
516
00:20:03,799 --> 00:20:05,173
Black Fred, think quick.
517
00:20:05,174 --> 00:20:07,522
No, no, ow!
That was a gun, man!
518
00:20:07,523 --> 00:20:09,881
Scully, grab that dude's knife
and cut us loose.
519
00:20:09,882 --> 00:20:11,628
We're gonna get the rest
of these guys.
520
00:20:11,629 --> 00:20:15,943
It's time for Operation Beans,
phase two, the refrying.
521
00:20:16,356 --> 00:20:17,811
Sure you're ready to go
through with this?
522
00:20:17,812 --> 00:20:20,396
You know what?
Today was stupid.
523
00:20:20,397 --> 00:20:22,723
But seeing you both overcome
your fears did help me,
524
00:20:22,724 --> 00:20:25,613
and I think we've
all grown as women.
525
00:20:27,973 --> 00:20:28,799
Okay.
526
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:30,575
I'm ready.
527
00:20:30,576 --> 00:20:32,340
Stab me! Stab me!
528
00:20:32,341 --> 00:20:33,794
Do it, just do it!
529
00:20:33,795 --> 00:20:35,719
- Rosa?
- I'm psyching myself up.
530
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:38,439
[yells]
531
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,350
Don't look at them!
Look at me!
532
00:20:40,351 --> 00:20:42,338
Do your job!
Drain me!
533
00:20:43,293 --> 00:20:44,484
[elevator bell dings]
534
00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:47,057
There they are!
535
00:20:47,058 --> 00:20:49,586
Everybody give it up
for Hitchcock and Scully.
536
00:20:49,587 --> 00:20:51,328
[applause]
537
00:20:51,329 --> 00:20:53,428
To thank you for all you did,
538
00:20:53,429 --> 00:20:55,488
bringing down a drug ring,
539
00:20:55,489 --> 00:20:57,057
we have a little present
for you:
540
00:20:57,058 --> 00:21:00,196
brand-new, top-of-the-line
desk chairs,
541
00:21:00,197 --> 00:21:03,316
extra padding, with adjustable
height and recline.
542
00:21:03,317 --> 00:21:05,054
Hey, chair!
543
00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:07,064
Get ready to meet
your new best friend:
544
00:21:07,065 --> 00:21:09,914
my ass.
545
00:21:09,915 --> 00:21:11,924
[both groaning happily]
546
00:21:11,925 --> 00:21:13,004
That was very nice of you.
547
00:21:13,005 --> 00:21:14,064
They did good.
548
00:21:14,065 --> 00:21:15,874
Also, I was worried
they might want
549
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:17,144
to go out in the field more,
550
00:21:17,145 --> 00:21:19,346
and I need something to
keep them at their desks.
551
00:21:19,347 --> 00:21:21,904
You really think that that
is going to keep them at their...
552
00:21:21,905 --> 00:21:23,401
and they're both
asleep already.
553
00:21:23,402 --> 00:21:25,034
And the city's safer for it.
554
00:21:25,035 --> 00:21:27,289
Sleep tight,
you magnificent oafs.
555
00:21:27,290 --> 00:21:28,813
You deserve it.
556
00:21:28,814 --> 00:21:32,800
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
556
00:21:33,305 --> 00:22:33,732
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