All language subtitles for Brooklyn.Nine-Nine.S03E12.720p.AMZN.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV

- Morning, everyone.

- Morning, sir.

Hey, look.

We're food stain buds.

Who are you wearing?
Porridge?

- Um,

oatmeal.

- Hmm.

- Oh, my God.

He didn't even wipe it off.

- He's totally given up
on life.

- It's loneliness.

Ever since Kevin left
for his sabbatical in Paris,

he hasn't been the same.

- I tried to get him
out of the house.

I invited him to bar trivia,
but he turned me down,

not that Trivia Newton John
needed the help.

We're nationally ranked.
It's no big deal.

- You're right, it's not.

- Well, aren't you all
just a bunch

of big-hearted dum-dums.

You want to make him feel
less lonely?

This is how you do it.

- A case file?
- Yeah, dude loves work.

- I thought all your
cases were closed.

You were bragging about it
so much last night,

I couldn't hear the end
of the neighbors' fight.

- It ended in sex.
It always does.

It didn't make me horny.

It's a cold case
from my first year

as a detective.

- Is it active again?

- No, but Holt doesn't
have to know that.

- So you're gonna lie to him?

- No, I'm going to make him
forget about his sadness

through the power of...

distraction!

He's gone.

? ?

Who are the real-world Illuminati ?
Find out @ saveanilluminati.com

Ah, hola, mi capitan.

Why am I speaking Italian,
you might ask?

- That was Spanish.

- Yeah, there are too many
languages.

An old case of mine
is starting to heat up,

and I'd like your old help
to help me solve it, se?or?

- Still Spanish.
- Right.

Joey Garibaldi was a mafia
lieutenant.

About eight years ago,
I was closing in on him

when he disappeared.

But now I'm hearing chatter
on the street

that he's back in town.

Will you help me?

- Hmm, sounds interesting.
Count me in.

- Yes!
Thank you very much, sir.

Uh, good-a bye-a.

Italian.

- Ooh, standardized tests?

I have a great trick.

Fill in all the bubbles
with Wite-Out,

jams the machine,
everyone passes.

- These are practice
for the lieutenant's exam.

They're kicking my butt.

I can't get better
than 70%.

- C-minus,
the perfect grade--

you pass,
but you're still hot.

- Captain Holt gave me his test
to help me study.

Look at what the grader
wrote on his essay.

"Thank you for writing this.

Reading it made me
a better man."

I'll never be as good a leader
as Holt.

- You need to stop
focusing on tests.

There's more to life than scores
and book learning, okay?

Look at me, I've had no
official dance training.

Yet here I stand...

a miracle of movement.

- Hey, you guys seen Boyle?

- Yep, he's in a little ball
under his desk.

- Oh, no.

Did you watch "Grimm"
again last night?

You know it gives you
nightmares.

- I'm sad.

Jason died this morning.

- I'm sorry.
That's terrible.

Is he a friend of yours?

- He was my dog.

- Oh, okay,
so no big deal then.

- No, it is to me.

But don't worry,

I'll find a way
to power through.

Oh, God.

This is how Jason
saw the world.

- Wait, was this your dog
that humped everything?

- Yeah, that's how he died.

He was going to town
on one of my snow boots,

and his little heart
just gave out.

He didn't even finish.
- Gross.

Anyway, we have to work
a stream of B&E's on 4th Street.

It's time for you to move on.

It's what Jackson
would've wanted.

- Jason!
- Whatever, little buddy.

- Captain, thank you
for meeting me.

Sorry to make you work
on a Saturday.

- No, nonsense, I was free.

Kevin is still in Paris.

- Is he?

Wow, I totally forgot
about that.

Any-hoops, this is all
the stuff that we got

from Garibaldi's apartment
after he disappeared.

Tell me what you see.

- This man is in every
photograph.

- Nick DiTullio.

I actually brought him in
eight years ago,

but he refused to talk.

Of course, you know the saying,

"time shall open up the mouth
of every man

to the truth of his neighbor."

All right, it's a real saying.
Let's not dwell on it.

The point is, he's definitely
gonna tell us

where Garibaldi is.

- I don't know where
Garibaldi is, all right?

It's not like we were close.

I was just his trainer
at the gym.

- Then why were you always
going out to dinner with him?

Was he doing reps of linguine?
- Noice.

- Look, you don't say no
to Garibaldi, all right?

That's why I always let him
work his chest and his abs

and never his legs.

- Yeah, the key is balance.

That's why I never
work any of it.

- Unless you guys are gonna
arrest me, I got to go.

There's an emergency at the gym.

- Emergency at the gym
just when two cops

show up at his door.

That seems suspicious.
We should follow him.

- Yeah, this case might
actually lead somewhere.

- Why are you so surprised?

- Because every day
on this job is a wonder.

- Damn right it is.

- Medical examiner,
jackpot.

The gym is full of bodies.

- No, Department of Health.
- Oh.

- There's been an outbreak
of the mumps.

- Mumps, that's a funny word.

- It's actually a very serious
and highly contagious

infectious disease.

- Yeah, but we're fine.

We were only in contact
with that guy

for a couple of seconds.

Plus, he didn't even
lick any of our eyeballs.

- I'm afraid you both
have the mumps.

- Mumps,
still a funny word.

Are we gonna die?

- So you both
have the mumps.

Sorry to say,
it's very contagious.

You may not want to
be here, detective.

- Oh, it's cool.

I keep up to date
on all my vaccinations.

I'm immune to stuff
you've never even heard of.

- But not immune to braggadocio.

- Anyhow, over the next
several hours,

you will more than likely
develop fever,

aching, fatigue.

- Doesn't sound too bad.

- Also, tart foods will cause
intense jaw pain,

so you may want to avoid
sour candies.

- What?

- You may get painful
goiter-like swelling

in your neck and often extreme
testicular discomfort.

- Okay, okay.
- Cool, cool.

Cool, cool, cool,
cool, cool, cool.

- No doubt.

- Due the highly contagious
nature of the virus,

you will both be quarantined
to your houses

for the next nine days.

- Oh, nine days in isolation.

- Sir, I'd be happy
to keep you company.

We can watch the ten-part
Nicholas Nickleby

special on PBS.

Hear there's a lot of long,
quiet stretches.

- I do love long,
quiet stretches,

but I don't want to be a burden.

Plus, I'm getting used
to being on my own.

- Or we could be quarantined
together, you know,

work the case.

- Yes, that actually sounds
kind of fun.

- Kind of?

It's gonna be
the best week ever.

- I'm sorry, did you not
hear me say

extreme testicular discomfort?

- Yes, we heard you,
Dr. Bad News Doctor.

- Okay, so I talked
to Captain Holt.

He and Jake have the mumps.

I'm in charge until
Holt gets better.

- Hello, you wanted to see
if you can make

a great captain.

Now's your chance to shine.

You're the pretty little
understudy.

And the aging lead?

Well, she just fell
down the stairs.

Now all's you got to do
is beat those wings

and fly.

- So for the next
two weeks,

Captain Holt will be
on medical leave,

which means I am
the acting captain.

- And we are your royal
subjects.

Do continue.

- I want this precinct to get
our normal work done,

but also, we're gonna clean out
the evidence room,

step up community service,

and complete these
22 additional tasks.

Every time we check one
off the list,

you're gonna hear this bell.

It's the sound of victory.

- Hmm, you should add
"fix bell" to that list.

- Morning, Captain.
- Peralta.

- I'd like to introduce you
to someone.

His name is Simon,

and I hate him.

- Hello, Simon.

This is Balthazar.

He's an evil demon
who spits fire in my throat.

- Goiters, huh?

- Anyway.

I've been looking over
these photographs

of the restaurant,
and I've identified

several other known mob types.

- What is it?
Did you see something?

- No, I just got very cold
very fast.

And now my entire body
is somehow on fire.

Oh, these mumps are jerks.
Whew.

- I also noticed
this van is parked out front

in several other photographs.

- I never noticed that.

The restaurant must have been
under surveillance.

I bet it was the feds.

- You're right.

- I'll reach out to my contact
at the bureau,

see if I can get us some
footage.

- Good idea.

- Also, I know you're not
supposed to,

but I kind of want to
poke my mump.

- Bad idea.
- I'm going in.

Here we go.

It hurts!

How did I not see
that coming?

I feel dizzy.

- Hey.

You're off the floor.

- Yeah.

Well, it's like my dad
used to say.

"Real men don't cry

for more than three days."

So I decided to get my butt
back to work.

- Good.

you go through
all the witness statements yet?

- What?
Oh, no.

By "work," I meant on Jason's
in memoriam video.

- Are you serious?
- Oh, yeah.

Take a look at what
I got so far.

- ? Tell me how am I supposed
to live without you ?

? ?

? Now that I've been
loving you so long?

- Hey, we've got a lot to do.

Focus up and stop
watching funny dog videos.

- Aw.

- This might just be
the fever talking,

but this unedited footage
of an Italian restaurant

from eight years ago might be
the best movie I've ever seen.

Also, how weird are forks?

- Forks are very weird.
I've always thought so.

- Yeah, yeah.

Did we take too much
cold medicine?

- Not by a long shot.

Balthazar is a thirsty bitch.

- Ah, I'll drink to that.

- Wait, look.

- Garkabargo!

Sorry, can't--can't talk.

Need more medi-jen.

Garibaldi!

He's eating snakes!

No, it's spaghetti.

- It's always spaghetti.

- I'm just saying,
if that's spaghetti,

it looks like snakes.

- That's right, Nine-Nine.

That's the sound
of the victory bell.

We just crossed our first task
off the list.

- Oh, my goodness.

Terry, that is so great.

Which one was it?

- Fix bell.
- All right.

Little less than I had
hoped for, but still a thing.

- You gonna hear that sound
nonstop.

- Unhand her, you beast!

- Give it to me!

- What the hell is going on
in here?

- Hitchcock's trying
to steal my sandwich.

- Well, we both ordered
meatball subs,

but they only delivered one.

It's mine!

- Guys, guys, look,
just walk to the sub shop--

it's a block away--
and get a second sandwich.

- Walk?
- Are you insane?

- Fine, cut the damn
sandwich in half.

- And then what, genius?
We each eat a 6-inch sub?

- Two and a half meatballs
a piece?

- Are we children?
- What is this, Russia?

- Okay, that's it.
No one eats the sub.

Get back to work!

- Wait a minute.

Why'd he just go
in the kitchen?

Do we have eyes
in the kitchen?

- There are eyes everywhere,
man.

- Ow, ow, achy, achy, ow.

Look, he slipped the chef
a piece of paper.

I bet it's the address
of his hideout.

The chef knows where
the hideout is.

- His name is Richie Lignardi.

We talk to him,
we find Garibaldi.

- We have to go right now.

- Go where?

Ah!
What's on your face?

- Oh, right, uh, yes,
my disgusting deformity.

Here, let me just--

Hey, what's up, girl?

Better?

- It's not worse.

- We're on our way right now
to talk to a lead

that knows where Garibaldi's
hideout is.

- You're quarantined.

You can't go outside
spewing mumps

like a couple of
mump fountains.

- Not like this, we can't!

- ? Everyday I'm hustling ?

? E-everyday I'm hustling?

? Everyday I'm hustling?

? E-everyday I'm hustling?

? Everyday I'm hustling?

- Stop, you can't leave at all.

- Good luck trying
to stop us.

You'll never catch us!

Amy is Usain Bolt.

- Is this the piece of paper
you're looking for?

- You found the address?

- No, it's a recipe
for baked ziti.

It was taped to your wall
the entire time.

You're delirious,
and you're sick,

and you definitely didn't
solve the case.

You need to go back inside.

- Well, I can't.

My legs stopped working.

Ah, my testicles.

The mumps have reached
my testicles.

- All right, just finish

taking off your totally
ineffective biohazard suits

and have a little rest.

- Nonsense, Santiago.

We just have to buckle down
and work harder.

We simply hit a bump
in the road.

- More like a mump
in the road.

- Such a good one.

Jake, can I talk to you
in private for a minute?

- Sure thing, let me just
snag this,

cover up the ol' swell sack.

- All right.

- Okay, so here's the deal.

I have a high fever,
and I can't control my body,

but you can do whatever
you want to me.

Oh, but don't touch my mouth,
neck, or testicles.

- You've badly misread
the situation.

- Oh, thank God.

- Jake, you need
to drop this case.

- What are you talking about?

The plan is working perfectly.

Holt hasn't been lonely
all week.

- Yeah, because he's too busy
almost dying.

Look at him.
- What?

He's just "Beautiful Mind"-ing
it.

Because he's a genius.

- He's writing the word "case"
over and over again.

Oh, now he's spelling it
with a K.

- Is that not how you spell it?

Again, I have a mouth, neck,
and testicle-melting fever.

- Jake.
- Hmm?

- Enough is enough.

You need to drop this stupid
backburner cold case

before you both die
or I will kill you.

- Oh, my God, I thought I was
following her.

Yep, I should probably lie down.

Here we go.

- Case!

- What are you doing?

- Just sealing Jason's collar
in an airtight bag

so it retains his scent.

I don't know how many whiffs
I have left.

- Wow.

Look, I know that dog
meant a lot to you,

so I got you this.

It's a dog.

His name's Arlo,
but you can call him Jason Two

or whatever.

- Seriously?

I can't just replace Jason
with some other dog.

- Why not?
All dogs are basically the same.

Watch this.
Arlo, go hump that toy.

- Get away from that.

That's Jason's.

- Look, man,
I've been patient.

We have a case we need
to work on.

It's time for you to
get over it, move on.

- Move on?
Move on.

Jason was part of my family,
Rosa.

I loved him.

His humping was the only thing
that got me through my divorce.

Seeing him so happy
made me believe

that I could be happy
one day too.

You wouldn't understand this
because you have

a motorcycle helmet for a heart,
but I need to feel this sadness.

So the only thing that I'm
moving on from is you.

- So I, like, have a dog now?

- Hey, what's going on
with those files?

- Oh, we're not working on them.

We're on strike.
- Hunger strike.

- You're eating potato chips.
- Chips don't count.

My doctor said they have
zero nutritional value.

- We want meatball subs.

You had no right to take ours.

- Screw this.

I'll log those files
and teach the hazmat class,

and I'll do everyone's work,
because apparently,

I am the only one keeping
this precinct together!

- Um, I think you
closed the door too hard.

- Hey, I found popsicles.

These should help
cool us down.

"Thanks, Jake."

You're welcome, nards.

- Peralta, Balthazar
has a sister.

Meet Penelope.

- Guh-hoo, yeah,
mumps on mumps.

- Let's not dwell on it.
We should get back to work.

- Or we could fall asleep
for five to seven days

and see how we feel.

- I will not rest till
justice is served.

There's no time to waste.

This case is urgent.

- Oh, boy.

All right, listen.

The case may not be
quite as urgent

as once thought.

Um...

I dug it up out of my desk
so you'd have something

to do on weekends
because you seemed so lonely.

- You cited chatter
from the streets

that Garibaldi had resurfaced.

- I did. I did. I did.

But said chatter
may have been fudged.

- So you lied to me?

Out of pity.
You pity me.

- I wouldn't put it that way.

- I would.

I am offended.
I am angry.

I am very tired.

So I'm gonna take a nap,
but when I wake up,

oh, you are in for it.

How dare you?

- How dare me?

How dare you?

I was just trying to help.

- Wow, your help feels an awful
lot like pity,

so do me a favor and don't
ever help me again.

- Wow, well, you didn't seem
to mind me helping you

when I got you your job back
at the Nine-Nine.

- I didn't ask you to do that.

You said we were
out of peas, you pea hog!

- You're the pea hog!
- You're the pea hog!

- No, you!
- You take that back!

- You!

- Double poke!

- Okay, hope you guys
are hungry.

Made baked ziti.

Thought it would be fun
to use Garibaldi's

ultra authentic recipe.

- Oh, great, pity food.

Thank you anyway,
but I can cook for myself.

- Wow, I would roll my eyes
so hard right now

if it didn't make
my brain burn.

- Okay, Captain,
this ends now.

I know your pride is hurt,
but no one

ever took pity on you.

All we wanted to do
was help you

when you were down because
that's what people do

when they care about each other.

- They tell each other lies
and invent urgent mysteries

that need to be solved?

- Come up with excuses
to spend time together

like trivia nights
or folk art festivals.

- Or working old-ass cases
with their mumpy boy, Jake.

Back to you, Amy.
We're doing great.

- You're gonna eat this ziti,
and you're gonna appreciate it,

and you're gonna
grow the hell up.

- Okay, you're right.

I'm sorry for the way I acted.

I can't wait to eat your food.

Ugh, this is revolting.

- Wow, have you learned nothing?

Oh, God!

That is worse
than the mumps, Amy.

- What the hell?

I used Garibaldi's
exact recipe.

I know I'm not a great cook,

but I love following
instructions.

- Seven cups of salt?

Even I know this isn't
a recipe.

Which means it might be a code.

- Ooh, interesting.

Ten digits, maybe it's
a phone number.

Look, 718, Brooklyn area code.

- Yes, that's definitely it.

Wait, did you actually use
all of this salt

and 18 cups of oregano?

- Back off, I solved the case.

- Nine onions?

Oh, Amy.

- How am I the bad guy here?

- All right, all right,
looks good.

I can barely tell you
hulked out in here.

- Yeah, but two weeks
in charge,

and I didn't get any
of my goals accomplished.

- You got Hitchcock and Scully
off their hunger strike.

- I just threw a bunch
of popcorn on the floor.

It wasn't that hard.

- Yeah, they're animals.

Do you want to know why
the amazing Captain Holt

has never gotten the evidence
room cleaned

or done anything on your list?

- Why?

- Because all day long,
he's putting out fires.

That's what a captain does.

The only difference between
you and Holt

is that he lacks the strength
to close a door so hard

a room blows up.

- Thanks, Gina.

- Ah, you don't
have to thank me.

All I did was be the only person
who believes in you.

- Don't lean against the door.

Terry caused structural damage.

- My God, you're strong.

- Briefing room, now.

- I really don't feel like
having you yell at me anymore.

What is this?

- It's a funeral for Jason.

I want to say a few words.

When Jason died seven days ago,
I didn't give a rat's ass.

- This is your speech?

- 'Cause I didn't understand
why people care so much

about their dumb dogs
till I got a dumb dog myself.

I've only had Arlo
for a day and a half,

but if anything happened to him,
I would kill everyone

in this room and then myself.

- Very violent eulogy,
I like it.

- Charles, I'm sorry.

You don't have to get over it.

Take as long as you want.

Scully, it's time.

- ? Ave Maria ?

- Okay, thank you.

Good news, Garibaldi's
phone number's still active,

so they were able to locate him.

SWAT just picked him up,
so that's that.

- Yeah, that's that.

- Perfect timing as our
quarantine has finally ended

and our goiters are gone.

- Yes, indeed.

We're free to go outside
and lick whoever's

eyeballs we'd like.

- Inaccurate, no one is ever
free to do that.

- Yeah, you're right.

Anyhow, I am out.

- Wait a minute.

I'm sorry I yelled at you.

I was too proud to admit
I was lonely.

So thank you.

- You're welcome.

Ain't no thang.

- No, it is a thang,
and an even bigger thang

is that you brought me
back to the Nine-Nine,

and I will always
be grateful for that.

So here.

This is for you.

- Sour candies,
I missed you so much.

It burns!

Thank you for this gift.

- Not a doctor.
- Shh.

Who are the real-world Illuminati ?
Find out @ saveanilluminati.com