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1
00:00:01,569 --> 00:00:03,335
- Good morning, Boyle.
2
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:06,105
It's Halloween--I'm surprised
you didn't put on a costume.
3
00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:08,073
- I was going to, sir,
but then I decided,
4
00:00:08,075 --> 00:00:09,408
"screw that jazz."
5
00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:11,577
Well, I'm the only one
who ever dresses up,
6
00:00:11,579 --> 00:00:13,345
no one ever gets
my costume,
7
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,280
and they make fun of me--
so I'm done.
8
00:00:15,282 --> 00:00:18,083
These people don't deserve
my dress-up gifts.
9
00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:19,118
[elevator dings]
10
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,353
- Charles, seriously?
11
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,354
No costume?
12
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,389
- What the hell, Charles?
13
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:24,790
Where's your
Halloween spirit?
14
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:27,192
- But you guys always
make fun of me.
15
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:30,596
- I have never once
insulted you in my life,
16
00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:33,132
especially vis-à-vis
your appearance.
17
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:34,800
- Yeah, man, we always
love your costumes.
18
00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:37,136
- Remember last year,
when you came as that
19
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:39,405
person and/or thing?
20
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:40,806
- Yes, I do remember!
21
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:44,076
Sir, permission to sprint
to my car and get
22
00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:45,144
my emergency costume?
23
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:46,278
- Does it matter
if I say no?
24
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,080
- No!
25
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,254
A-bam, bam, boom.
26
00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,157
What the--what--
27
00:00:58,159 --> 00:00:59,625
- Why are you dressed up?
You look like an idiot.
28
00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:01,060
- But--but--
29
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,294
- Yeah, what are you
supposed to be,
30
00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:03,829
a sassy car mechanic?
31
00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:07,199
- No, come on--he's clearly
the rejected Pop-Tarts mascot,
32
00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:08,300
Harry Pop-Tart.
33
00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:10,202
- I am not!
You know who I am!
34
00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:12,104
- Squad, that's enough--
you're making Boyle
35
00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:13,105
feel bad on purpose.
36
00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:14,623
He's Elvis.
- Yes!
37
00:01:14,624 --> 00:01:16,140
- Elvis Stojko,
the Canadian figure skater.
38
00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:17,209
- No!
39
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:25,074
Who are the real-world Illuminati ?
Find out @ saveanilluminati.com
40
00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:39,398
- Attention, squad:
today is the most
41
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,433
important day in the
history of this precinct.
42
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:45,337
For today is Halloween--
43
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:47,139
I thought we were going to
say it together.
44
00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:48,440
- I never agreed to that.
- All right.
45
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:49,641
- As you may know,
for the past two years,
46
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:53,212
Captain Holt and I have engaged
in an epic battle of wits.
47
00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:55,614
The goal: to determine
who must call the other
48
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,649
an amazing
detective/genius.
49
00:01:57,651 --> 00:02:00,452
- The first year,
by sheer, dumb luck,
50
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,354
Jake eked out a feeble victory.
51
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:03,889
- And last year, I let
the captain win,
52
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:05,491
because he's old and sad.
53
00:02:05,493 --> 00:02:07,459
- Sad because the competition
was so dismal.
54
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,694
- Is this meeting
about something?
55
00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:10,295
- It's about everything.
56
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:11,430
- This year's the tie-breaker,
57
00:02:11,432 --> 00:02:13,365
a final heist to decide
once and for all
58
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:15,434
the true king of the nine-nine.
59
00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:18,303
- Halloween Heist III:
The Heistening. Tagline?
60
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,272
- This year we both attempt
to steal the same object
61
00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:22,241
instead of Jake attempting
to steal one from me.
62
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:24,643
- I gave you one direction
on the tagline--snappy.
63
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:27,546
But yes, we will be attempting
to steal the same item--
64
00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:29,214
this.
65
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:30,682
- The crown will be locked in this briefcase,
66
00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,539
which in turn will be locked
in the interrogation room.
67
00:02:36,540 --> 00:02:38,357
- ♪ And so unto the briefcase goes the crown ♪
68
00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:39,925
Didn't sing it with me.
69
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:41,210
We will need help,
70
00:02:41,211 --> 00:02:42,494
so to be fair,
we're holding a draft.
71
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,363
The captain and I have
given up our overtime,
72
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:46,665
so everyone who participates
will get the night off--captain?
73
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,934
- With the first pick
of the draft, I choose...
74
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,469
Terry.
75
00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:53,272
- Okay, brawns over brains.
76
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,473
- All right, I take Charles.
77
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:55,941
- I get it. Close friend.
78
00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:57,276
- I pick Gina.
- Gina?
79
00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:58,477
- I take Rosa.
80
00:02:58,479 --> 00:02:59,478
- What?
81
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,947
Okay, all right.
Well, Captain--
82
00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:03,582
that leaves me with you.
83
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:05,417
Let's do this.
- Hang on, Santiago.
84
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:06,718
I'm not sure I can
trust you.
85
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:11,390
You're Peralta's paramour;
maybe you should be on his team.
86
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,258
- No, no, no--
Amy would do anything
87
00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:15,527
to win your approval,
including pretending
88
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,563
to be in a relationship with me
for the past few weeks
89
00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,431
only to betray me now.
90
00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:21,366
- Jake, you are majorly
overthinking this.
91
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,702
- Maybe, but it's a risk
I'm not willing to take.
92
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:27,272
You're not on my team, Amy.
- Yeah, Amy's out.
93
00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:29,474
By midnight,
whoever has the crown
94
00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:32,578
will be the king
of the nine-nine.
95
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,713
- Uh, Hitchcock and I
still haven't been chosen.
96
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:35,881
- I'm good.
- Me too.
97
00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:42,754
- So, I see you've been assigned
to guard the briefcase too.
98
00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:47,226
- Yup, I'm not supposed to let
it or you out of my sight,
99
00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:48,794
if that even is you.
100
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:51,463
- Ow, that's my face!
101
00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:53,799
- Oh, sorry--I thought it was a
cheap, rubber mask.
102
00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:56,368
- Well, I have exciting news.
103
00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:58,470
I found the perfect guy
to set you up with.
104
00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:02,741
- After zero consideration,
I'm happy to say, "hard pass."
105
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,010
- Come on, our parents
are married.
106
00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:06,511
Genevieve and I are dating.
107
00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:08,413
I want you to have
someone too.
108
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,282
- [sighs]
- You shouldn't have to
109
00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:11,650
slow-dance alone
after family dinner.
110
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,619
- How did my life come to this?
111
00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:15,821
Charles, it's very sweet
that you want to
112
00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:17,623
set me up with someone,
113
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:20,425
but I do not trust your taste
in guys at all.
114
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:22,394
- I have spectacular taste
in men.
115
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:23,829
You would love Nadia.
116
00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,330
- His name is Nadia?
117
00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,766
- Oh, all of a sudden
Nadia's not a cool name?
118
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,369
You are impossible.
119
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:32,704
- Here, got it?
- Got it.
120
00:04:37,011 --> 00:04:38,744
- Hey, Jake.
Can we talk?
121
00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:40,445
- Yeah.
122
00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:42,514
- You really hurt my feelings
by leaving me off your team.
123
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:45,050
- Oh, I had no idea
you felt that way.
124
00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:47,653
- Well, it doesn't feel great
to be left out.
125
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:49,821
- Right, totally, I get it.
I'm sorry...
126
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,290
Captain Holt!
127
00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:53,392
- What? Why are you yelling
at my boobs?
128
00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:54,793
- Because that's where
the camera is.
129
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,528
Nice try, Ray-Ray!
130
00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:57,763
- There's no camera, Jake.
131
00:04:57,765 --> 00:04:59,064
I was being serious.
132
00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:01,800
- Okay fine--if you're
telling the truth,
133
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,468
then I sincerely
apologize.
134
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:07,372
But since you're not,
I will defeat you!
135
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:12,678
[witch cackling]
Ahhh! Gah! Scary witch!
136
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:13,679
Scary, so scary!
137
00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:15,231
- Amy, don't feel bad.
138
00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:16,782
You can get in on
my bet with Scully.
139
00:05:16,784 --> 00:05:18,550
At midnight tonight,
we will steal
140
00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:20,419
his foot fungus cream.
141
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:22,688
- Thanks, that's very kind
of you to include me,
142
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:23,822
but I'll have to pass.
143
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,490
- The mind games have
already begun.
144
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,759
- No, I'm not part of this.
- Oh, of course not.
145
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:30,329
Neither am I.
Wink.
146
00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:31,330
- Ugh.
147
00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:33,732
- I'm not going to meet
my next boyfriend
148
00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:35,334
through a Charles set-up.
149
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:37,869
I'm going to meet him in an
illegal dance competition
150
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:39,905
in an abandoned
subway tunnel.
151
00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:42,708
- It's go time, Boyle.
152
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,843
Holt and Terry have closed
the blinds--release the roaches.
153
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,846
- Alternately, he could win
an illegal street race
154
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,881
in which my love is the prize.
155
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:52,351
- Oh, my God! Gina, look!
Roaches!
156
00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:53,719
- [screams]
- Look!
157
00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:57,356
- Ew, Charles, kill them with
whatever cologne you're wearing!
158
00:05:57,358 --> 00:05:58,724
- No, I can't!
They're moving too fast!
159
00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:01,360
I can't kill them!
It's pandemonium!
160
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:04,129
- If I die, turn my Tweets
into a book!
161
00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:06,898
- Commence operation,
"Oh crap, wrong vent."
162
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:10,669
- [gasp]
- Oh crap, wrong vent.
163
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:11,870
This was a mistake.
164
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,872
- Nice try, losers.
You blew it.
165
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:14,873
- Yeah, we totally blew it.
166
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,476
And all because Boyle
marked the wrong vent.
167
00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:20,746
- It's not my fault--I thought it was the right vent.
168
00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:23,482
- Unbelievable, mister.
- You are, mister.
169
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:25,884
- I'm having trouble even
believing you at all right now.
170
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:28,587
That is the last time I let Charles mark a vent.
171
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,422
- I'm normally great at marking vents.
172
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:31,757
- Lock picked.
173
00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:35,594
-Never, ever, never, ever, ever, never, ever, ever,
174
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:38,897
never, ever, will I ever,
never, ever, ever, ever,
175
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,633
ever, never, never, never--
I forgive you, and good-bye.
176
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:46,772
- Wow, you should have
seen us, Rosa.
177
00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:47,973
Charles and I
were amazing.
178
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:49,741
- I somersaulted
through a window,
179
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,443
cut the crown out of
a briefcase,
180
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:53,578
and replaced everything
in under a minute.
181
00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:54,880
- Yeah, I guess you
helped a little.
182
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:57,849
But our fake argument
was super convincing.
183
00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,785
And all of a sudden,
we had to make it longer,
184
00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:01,686
and we did.
185
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,922
Anyways, now all we gotta do
is guard this drawer
186
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,425
until midnight,
and the best part about it is
187
00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:09,694
Captain Holt has
absolutely no idea.
188
00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:12,464
He is such a fool.
189
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:15,434
- Yes, I'm the fool.
190
00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:17,436
You fool.
191
00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:18,770
- So we wanted Jake
to take the crown?
192
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:21,006
- Sergeant, are you familiar
with the Hungarian fencing term,
193
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:22,808
Hosszú Gorcs?
194
00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:24,009
- You must realize
my answer is no.
195
00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,811
- It's a strategy of
letting your opponent
196
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:28,780
win points early to give them
a sense of overconfidence,
197
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:32,684
thus exposing a much easier
target for you later.
198
00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:34,453
- You think he's
overconfident enough?
199
00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:38,523
- I'm the smartest man alive.
200
00:07:38,525 --> 00:07:39,858
I'm never gonna die.
201
00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:44,629
[knocks on door]
- Sir, do you have a minute?
202
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:45,730
- Of course.
203
00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:47,165
Jeffords,
we'll rendezvous later.
204
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:56,007
- Sir, I want to
talk about Jake.
205
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:58,143
Okay--
- Amy! Help!
206
00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:00,679
Our foot fungus heist
has gone sideways!
207
00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,013
- Hitchcock, not now.
208
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,615
- Scully doesn't know
I'm in here.
209
00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:05,116
I stole his foot cream,
but then I lost it.
210
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:07,853
Amy, you're the only hope
I have of finding it.
211
00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:09,054
You're a detective.
212
00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:11,857
- You're a detective!
Get out of here!
213
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:15,026
Go! [sighs]
214
00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:16,928
Sir, Jake really pissed me off,
215
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,864
and I want to help you
take him down.
216
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:20,899
- Well, that's an
intriguing proposition.
217
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:22,834
You certainly
could be useful...
218
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,069
- Thank you.
219
00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:25,904
- To Jake!
220
00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:29,708
I got you, Peralta!
You're not fooling anyone!
221
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:32,043
- Why does everyone think
that's where a camera would be?
222
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:35,914
- Because the cleavage cloaks
the camera with its curves.
223
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:38,250
That will be all, spy.
224
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:42,187
Sorry I said cleavage.
- Mm-hmm.
225
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:45,991
- Charles, that is so nasty you
put cockroaches in your pants.
226
00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:47,692
- When you say it
like that, yeah.
227
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:48,827
But Jake made it sound so cool.
228
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:49,895
- How?
[knocks on door]
229
00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:52,130
- Oh, I wasn't
expecting anyone.
230
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:57,669
Come in, Nadia.
- Hey, Charles.
231
00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,338
- What up, bro?
232
00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:01,006
Gina, this was the boy
I was telling you about.
233
00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:02,274
- You're Nadia?
234
00:09:02,276 --> 00:09:05,143
- Well, my real name's Leo;
Nadia's just my tag.
235
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:07,746
I don't love it, but when Banksy
gives you a nickname,
236
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:08,947
it just sticks.
237
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,248
- Okay, I see what's
going on here.
238
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,817
This isn't a setup--
this is a setup.
239
00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:16,755
And all of this is supposed to
distract me from the heist.
240
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:19,090
- The heist?
- [mocking tone] The heist?
241
00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,092
You shut your hot lips.
242
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:22,694
Charles, I don't buy it.
243
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,829
This is an obvious trap, okay?
244
00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:26,998
Who are you, really, hmm?
245
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,235
You some male prostitute
that Charles busted
246
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,771
out on some
lonely pier somewhere?
247
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,706
Well, guess what, sweetie?
248
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:37,909
This is one trick you ain't
gonna be turning tonight.
249
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,177
- I'm not a prostitute.
250
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:40,178
- Okay.
251
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,179
[laughs]
252
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,914
Right.
Bye-bye, whore.
253
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:45,984
- It's go time, Sergeant.
254
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:51,189
- Hey, Rosa.
255
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,892
I'm not saying these are
from your motorcycle,
256
00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:56,261
but I found these
stripped handlebars outside.
257
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:59,130
- You better not have messed
with my bike for this heist.
258
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:01,066
Let me remind you
I'm carrying a weapon.
259
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:02,233
- We all have
the same weapons.
260
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:05,737
Damn, Rosa!
Where'd you get that?
261
00:10:08,342 --> 00:10:11,042
The scorpion has left the nest.
262
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:21,286
♪ ♪
263
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,021
- And...
264
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:24,022
Ding.
265
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,023
[elevator dings]
266
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,758
- See Daddy?
Come on.
267
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,794
- Time for the twin twist.
268
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,997
- Hey, Jake.
- Hey, you guys.
269
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:33,932
- We wanted to surprise Terry;
have you seen him?
270
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:35,300
- Oh, he just went downstairs
for a bit,
271
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:36,334
but he should be back soon.
272
00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:38,136
- Oh. Cagney? Lacey?
273
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,305
Do you guys want to take
a picture with Uncle Jake?
274
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,840
- Yeah!
- [laughs]
275
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:43,375
You don't mind, do you?
276
00:10:43,377 --> 00:10:46,311
- Um ...
no, of course not.
277
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,812
That would be so fun.
278
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,397
- What if we do it in the briefing room,
279
00:10:49,398 --> 00:10:50,981
like you're assigning them
a case?
280
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,118
- No, I mean,
you know what would be fun--
281
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,786
even more that that--
282
00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:57,889
is if we took a picture
right here,
283
00:10:57,891 --> 00:10:59,290
and I could have
my hand on this cabinet.
284
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:00,358
- Okay.
285
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,129
- Nailed it.
- Here we go.
286
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:07,198
Oh, God, it was in
video mode--sorry.
287
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,068
- Take your time; I could do this all day.
288
00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:11,936
Matter of fact, what if we did one
289
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:14,205
where I had both hands
on the cabinet--
290
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:17,308
one on top, and then one
on the front?
291
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:19,077
- Looks good, yeah.
292
00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:23,248
All right, smile-- three, two, one--
293
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:26,151
Cheese! Very good.
294
00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:28,286
Great, you guys.
Let's go find Daddy.
295
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:31,823
[witch cackling]
- What's going on?
296
00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:37,429
Aha!
What are you doing?
297
00:11:37,431 --> 00:11:41,232
Nothing--just enjoying a taste
of my favorite beverage,
298
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:42,901
the soda pop.
299
00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:46,237
- Really? I have never seen you
enjoy soda pop before.
300
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:48,840
- Hmm.
- Have some now.
301
00:11:57,317 --> 00:12:00,385
- Ahh.
302
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,120
It's delicious.
- I don't buy it.
303
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:04,022
You're making the same face
you made when you found
304
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:05,223
a chocolate chip
in your trail mix.
305
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,125
Something's up.
I'm patting you down.
306
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:12,030
Damn it, nothing but
a surprisingly toned set of abs.
307
00:12:12,032 --> 00:12:13,264
- Why would I
have the crown, Jake?
308
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:15,033
Isn't it still
in the interrogation room?
309
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:17,368
- Yes. Yes.
Of course.
310
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:19,471
Of course
it's still in there.
311
00:12:19,473 --> 00:12:22,107
Welp, I guess I'll
see you at midnight.
312
00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:24,976
After you.
- No, after you.
313
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,878
- I insist.
314
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,183
[witch cackling]
315
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:33,318
Ugh.
316
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:34,452
- You drank a soda?
317
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:36,354
Not sure that's
the worst thing in the world.
318
00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:38,056
- It was the worst thing
in the world--
319
00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:40,325
worse than a
fruit-forward Riesling.
320
00:12:40,327 --> 00:12:42,260
No, I'm not exaggerating.
321
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:46,297
Anyhow, I cleverly ditched
the crown in a trash can--
322
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,466
wait a minute--so as to not
arouse suspicion
323
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:49,901
and then retrieve it.
324
00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:52,053
- Got it.
325
00:12:52,054 --> 00:12:54,204
Hey-- while I'm in there,
should I get you a soda?
326
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:56,040
- I know you're joking,
but on the off chance
327
00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:57,308
you aren't...
328
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:59,110
No.
329
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:05,049
- Hi, there.
- Oh, is it?
330
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:06,351
- The handlebar thing
was fake.
331
00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:07,919
They were trying
to distract me.
332
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,187
I think they made
a play for the crown.
333
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:11,356
- I know, but I had my hand
on the cabinet the whole time,
334
00:13:13,527 --> 00:13:13,892
so I'm pretty confident
there's no way
335
00:13:13,893 --> 00:13:14,258
they could have gotten it.
336
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:15,193
They got it.
337
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:17,295
- Look at the back.
Screws are loose.
338
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:21,099
- Damn it.
That son of a bitch is good.
339
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:23,468
- Sir, we got a problem.
340
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:26,271
The crown wasn't in
the trash can.
341
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:28,039
Jake must have taken it back.
342
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,274
- Damn it.
343
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:31,276
That son of a bitch is good.
344
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:36,347
- We have to get
that crown back.
345
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:38,316
I already changed my email
to "kingjakerulez" with a z.
346
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,084
Everyone's going to think
I'm an idiot.
347
00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:42,253
- Hello, Peralta.
- Captain.
348
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,888
- Midnight nears.
- Yes, it does.
349
00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:47,091
Tick tock.
- Tick tock indeed.
350
00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:49,527
- But tick tock for who?
351
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:50,829
- You know it's "for whom."
352
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:51,896
Don't try to provoke me.
353
00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:54,332
- I didn't know that.
354
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,100
both: I'm going to get
that crown back.
355
00:13:56,102 --> 00:13:57,101
- Wait--what?
- Huh?
356
00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:59,404
Will you excuse me
for just one moment?
357
00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:01,539
- Yes, I too
need to be excused.
358
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:03,341
- [whispering]
He doesn't have the crown!
359
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:04,309
- What? Who has it, then?
360
00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:06,211
- I don't know who has it.
- What do we do?
361
00:14:06,213 --> 00:14:08,146
- Pull the security tape.
I'll distract them.
362
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,215
Hey, look at this.
363
00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:14,385
Ahhhhhhhhhh.
364
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:16,120
Damn it, how did that
not work?
365
00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:19,591
- Hmm, Captain Holt said
you guys stole the crown
366
00:14:19,593 --> 00:14:21,226
when Jake came through
the ceiling.
367
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:22,627
- Yeah, I can't believe
you fell for that.
368
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:24,329
You really think I'd mark
the wrong vent?
369
00:14:24,331 --> 00:14:26,364
I've never marked
a wrong vent in my life.
370
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:27,932
- You're very intense
about vents.
371
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:29,200
- Yeah.
372
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:30,869
- Wait--so Nadia wasn't
just a distraction?
373
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:33,171
- No, 100% real.
374
00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:36,274
Handsome, cool, hair as thick
as a collie's.
375
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,443
I found you the perfect guy,
and you drove him off.
376
00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:40,245
- Ugh. I'm sorry.
377
00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:42,146
I should have trusted you.
378
00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:44,182
Please call him
and tell him I messed up.
379
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:46,284
- Fine, but only if you
agree that your first date
380
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:48,286
will be a double date
with me and Genevieve
381
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:49,554
on a week-long trip
to Turk's--
382
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,356
- Forget it, no.
Forget it.
383
00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:52,423
- No! Okay, I'll call him.
384
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:54,158
Please, I want this
so badly.
385
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:57,161
- Fine, you may
call him for me.
386
00:14:57,163 --> 00:14:59,330
- Thank you.
387
00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:01,666
- Okay, here I am taking
pictures with Terry's kids.
388
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:04,168
Man, I look so strong
standing next to them.
389
00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:05,236
Should I have kids?
- Sure.
390
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:06,170
Okay.
391
00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:08,606
It's Holt.
Whoa, how did he do that?
392
00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:10,308
- Guy has an insane
set of abs.
393
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:12,443
Oh, look,
he's got the crown.
394
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:13,645
And he's headed to
the break room.
395
00:15:13,647 --> 00:15:15,213
- He dumped it in the trash.
396
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:16,314
Did he go back and get it?
397
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:19,684
- Nope, janitor came in
and took it.
398
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:20,919
But which janitor?
399
00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:22,453
Looks like I'm going to
have to squint.
400
00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:28,559
His name is Al--
Al the janitor.
401
00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:30,929
All right, it's 11:00 P.M. now;
That means Al's long gone.
402
00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,463
How are we going to
get his home address?
403
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,365
- Who's the one person you know
who's anal enough
404
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:37,335
to send out holiday cards
to every single employee?
405
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:41,406
- Amy!
- What do you want, Jake?
406
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:43,975
- What? Why would you assume
that I want anything?
407
00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:46,511
What I want is to apologize
to my girlfriend,
408
00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:47,612
who I hurt.
409
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:48,680
- It's "whom."
410
00:15:48,682 --> 00:15:50,281
- Why does the word "who"
even exist
411
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,449
if you're not allowed
to say it?
412
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,217
Anyways, now that
I've apologized
413
00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:56,955
and you've accepted, can you
give me janitor Al's address?
414
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,223
- This is related
to your heist, isn't it?
415
00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:01,960
- No, no.
It's about a crime.
416
00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:04,662
I think janitor Al is
going to kill the president.
417
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:07,265
- Oh, Santiago.
There's my protégé.
418
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,334
- Let me guess--
you want the janitor's address.
419
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:12,370
- Janitor? Address? Al?
420
00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:14,238
- I never said his name.
421
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,574
Well, isn't this rich.
422
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,977
After being excluded
by both of you,
423
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:20,378
here I am with the power
to decide
424
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:23,247
who wins and who loses
your little heist.
425
00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:24,649
- I wouldn't have it
any other way.
426
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,651
You are my wisest detective.
427
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:29,988
- Pathetic.
She can't be manipulated, sir.
428
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:31,656
Amy, we are in love.
429
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:32,690
I know we've never
said it before,
430
00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:34,759
but I think this is
the perfect time, don't you?
431
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:36,427
- Love? Ha.
432
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,530
What's love compared to the
respect of a workplace superior?
433
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:41,599
- Amy Santiago,
will you m--
434
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:43,368
- Enough!
- Okay.
435
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:45,403
- Pretending to be nice to me
is worse than being mean.
436
00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:48,373
You know what?
You want the address?
437
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:52,543
Here, you can both have it.
438
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:54,412
[cell phones ringing]
439
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,581
Hope you're happy,
you selfish monsters.
440
00:16:57,751 --> 00:16:59,684
- I feel terrible.
- We should apologize.
441
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,085
- Yes, I agree.
442
00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:03,421
You definitely should now;
I'll do mine later.
443
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:05,023
- Fat chance.
444
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,624
- Charles, I need your butt.
Meet me downstairs.
445
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:08,393
- Alpha Team, this is
the Golden Sparrow.
446
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:09,794
Rendezvous at
Drop Zone Yankee.
447
00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:11,763
- When did you come up
with those code names?
448
00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:15,700
Okay, he lives on
the sixteenth floor.
449
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:16,601
- I think we beat Holt here.
450
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:19,337
- Or did you?
- I'll get the elevator.
451
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:21,672
- Crap! Looks like
we're taking the stairs.
452
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:26,577
All right, it's sixteen floors--
pace yourselves.
453
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,446
Forget it.
Run as fast as you can!
454
00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:34,652
[panting]
455
00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:37,822
[knocks]
Ha ha!
456
00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:40,458
I win. I knocked first.
457
00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:42,727
You're not Al.
458
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,328
- You're looking for Al?
459
00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:46,464
- Of course we're looking
for Al, you imbecile!
460
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,699
Sorry.
461
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,601
- He's having a cigarette
on the roof.
462
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:51,836
- The roof?
463
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:57,375
[panting]
464
00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:59,544
Yes.
I did it.
465
00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:01,712
I am the greatest
athlete in the world.
466
00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:03,614
[vomits]
467
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,483
- Al? Al?
468
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,718
Where's Al?
469
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,654
- Oh, there he is.
There he is!
470
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:11,689
I did it. I did it.
471
00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,391
[vomits]
472
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:14,859
- Good God.
473
00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:17,095
Are you Al the janitor?
474
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:20,465
- Nope.
I'm your worst nightmare.
475
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:22,533
Amy Santiago.
476
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:25,169
- Oh, no.
477
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:31,642
- I don't understand
what is happening.
478
00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,744
- Allow me to explain.
479
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:37,181
Amy and I were ahead of you
the whole time.
480
00:18:37,183 --> 00:18:39,317
- No, you weren't
part of this.
481
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:41,586
Get back over to
the loser side, loser.
482
00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:42,587
- All right.
Worth a shot.
483
00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:43,754
- So how'd you pull it off?
484
00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,940
- Well, it all started
when I went to tell Jake
485
00:18:45,941 --> 00:18:48,125
how badly he hurt
my feelings,
486
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:49,827
and he yelled at
my breasts.
487
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:52,296
- Oh, boy, I am not going to
come off well in this story.
488
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:53,331
- Nope.
489
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:55,733
Remember when you
set off the witch?
490
00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:56,199
[witch cackling]
491
00:18:56,202 --> 00:18:57,902
You made Captain Holt flinch, which was weird,
492
00:18:57,904 --> 00:18:59,403
since his door was closed,
493
00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:01,739
but not weird, since he actually heard it over a bug
494
00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:03,241
he planted at your desk.
495
00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,309
It was in an old muffin that you
never threw in the trash.
496
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:07,345
- That's why people
throw away garbage.
497
00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:08,346
- How are we together?
498
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:09,680
- Eh.
499
00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:11,749
- Anyway, I tapped into
the bug's frequencies,
500
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:13,618
so I had ears on Jake.
501
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:14,886
I needed to know what Holt was up to.
502
00:19:14,888 --> 00:19:16,888
That's where Hitchcock
came in.
503
00:19:16,890 --> 00:19:18,890
- I masterminded
the entire plan.
504
00:19:18,892 --> 00:19:21,359
- You did one small thing,
and I had to explain it to you,
505
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:22,760
like, 45 times.
506
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:24,629
He left a tiny crack in the blind,
507
00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:25,897
so I could read the Captain's lips.
508
00:19:25,899 --> 00:19:27,916
"Sharon and your kids will distract Jake.
509
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,934
"They'll be here at 9:30 sharp.
510
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:32,770
My waffle xylophone on the cheese man."
511
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:33,771
- What?
512
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:35,206
- My lip-reading
is not flawless.
513
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:36,407
Now that I knew your plan,
514
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:37,742
it was simple to disrupt.
515
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:39,677
While Scully gracefully moved the witch,
516
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:41,212
I got into character.
517
00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:42,246
Holt triggered the witch,
518
00:19:42,248 --> 00:19:43,648
which brought Jake into the room.
519
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:45,416
- And I threw the crown
in the trash can.
520
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:47,351
- Exactly as I planned.
521
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:50,655
Then I sent you all here,
placed an out-of-order sign
522
00:19:50,657 --> 00:19:53,457
on the perfectly
functional elevator,
523
00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:55,293
made you all walk up
31 flights of stairs
524
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:56,761
and vomit twice.
525
00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:57,862
- Actually, it was four times,
526
00:19:57,864 --> 00:20:00,264
if you count all
the stairwell stuff.
527
00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:01,933
- You thought I was
just Holt's lackey.
528
00:20:01,935 --> 00:20:04,402
And you thought I was
just Jake's girlfriend.
529
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:06,370
Well, I'm my own person,
530
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,472
capable of making
my own decisions,
531
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:10,741
and I decided to
humiliate you both.
532
00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:14,879
- Well, you did,
and it was awesome.
533
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,949
One last question:
where's the crown?
534
00:20:17,951 --> 00:20:19,717
- Oh, it's at Shaw's Bar,
535
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:22,420
the official site
of my coronation.
536
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:24,689
- All hail the crown of destiny.
537
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:27,725
[cheers]
538
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:32,496
And all hail she who wears it,
Amy Santiago, the...
539
00:20:32,498 --> 00:20:34,265
- Queen.
540
00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:35,967
- Queen of the nine-nine.
541
00:20:35,969 --> 00:20:37,435
[cheers]
542
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:38,836
- I believe there's
something else
543
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:39,971
you both need to say.
544
00:20:39,973 --> 00:20:40,972
- Gladly.
545
00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:42,240
both:
Amy Santiago
546
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:45,376
is an amazing
detective/genius.
547
00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:46,744
Drinks are on us.
548
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,746
- Nope.
- Drinks are on me.
549
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,314
- Yeah!
550
00:20:51,985 --> 00:20:54,885
- Hey.
551
00:20:54,887 --> 00:20:56,487
- I'm glad you showed up.
552
00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:58,789
Sorry I was acting
so weird earlier.
553
00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:01,826
- Hey, I don't blame you.
Sagittarius, right?
554
00:21:01,828 --> 00:21:03,995
With Saturn where it is,
you're right to be wary
555
00:21:03,997 --> 00:21:05,429
of new relationships.
556
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:09,333
- How is it possible
that a spirit such as yourself
557
00:21:09,335 --> 00:21:10,735
even knows Charles?
558
00:21:10,737 --> 00:21:12,536
- I did an art show
at Genevieve's gallery.
559
00:21:12,538 --> 00:21:15,339
- Oh, right--so you're not
really friends,
560
00:21:15,341 --> 00:21:18,042
you know his girlfriend
through the art world.
561
00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:20,311
- Yeah, plus,
she's my twin sister.
562
00:21:20,313 --> 00:21:21,479
- What?
563
00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:23,481
- Hi, Leo.
A kiss for my bro.
564
00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:25,016
And a kiss for my beau.
565
00:21:25,018 --> 00:21:26,050
- No.
566
00:21:26,052 --> 00:21:27,285
- A kiss for my beau.
567
00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:28,953
And a kiss for my sis.
568
00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:30,288
- No!
568
00:21:31,305 --> 00:22:31,516
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