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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,955 --> 00:00:02,315 All right, ladies, I don't got a whole lot 2 00:00:02,316 --> 00:00:03,502 of time here, so what do you say 3 00:00:03,503 --> 00:00:05,861 we make like Boyle's mom and you debrief me? 4 00:00:05,895 --> 00:00:07,295 Didn't happen, and I should know. 5 00:00:07,296 --> 00:00:08,363 She tells me everything. 6 00:00:08,364 --> 00:00:09,648 Yeah, not everything, Chucky. 7 00:00:09,649 --> 00:00:10,765 She took off my undies. 8 00:00:10,783 --> 00:00:11,782 Hey, Peralta. 9 00:00:11,784 --> 00:00:12,784 What is that? 10 00:00:12,785 --> 00:00:13,785 - This? - Yeah. 11 00:00:13,786 --> 00:00:14,786 Oh, nothing. 12 00:00:14,787 --> 00:00:16,621 Just open-and-shut case. 13 00:00:16,656 --> 00:00:19,074 Well, it looks like a pretty fat file for a dunker. 14 00:00:19,075 --> 00:00:20,158 What is it? 15 00:00:20,209 --> 00:00:23,411 Just some old lady has a missing torso 16 00:00:23,412 --> 00:00:24,445 that we can't find. 17 00:00:24,446 --> 00:00:25,797 Put it in the major crimes pile. 18 00:00:25,832 --> 00:00:27,582 But we've already given them all of our felonies. 19 00:00:27,583 --> 00:00:30,285 It's because I got a bet going with the captain of the A4 20 00:00:30,303 --> 00:00:33,088 to see whose squad can solve the most cases. 21 00:00:33,122 --> 00:00:34,890 Winner gets to choose a tattoo for the loser, 22 00:00:34,891 --> 00:00:35,957 and guess what I'm getting him. 23 00:00:35,975 --> 00:00:37,959 Calvin peeing on the Tasmanian Devil? 24 00:00:37,977 --> 00:00:39,728 No, it's supposed to be a bad tattoo. 25 00:00:39,729 --> 00:00:41,596 Man, you're really stupid in the morning, aren't you? 26 00:00:41,630 --> 00:00:44,232 Captain, we all want you to win that bet, 27 00:00:44,233 --> 00:00:47,903 but do you think maybe we could keep a few real cases? 28 00:00:47,937 --> 00:00:49,688 Look, I'm gonna keep it real simple for you. 29 00:00:49,689 --> 00:00:51,406 We only solve misdemeanors, wieners. 30 00:00:51,407 --> 00:00:52,406 Say it. 31 00:00:52,408 --> 00:00:54,943 All: We only solve misdemeanors... 32 00:00:56,245 --> 00:00:57,478 Wieners. 33 00:00:57,479 --> 00:00:58,580 Congratulations. 34 00:00:58,614 --> 00:01:00,031 You just called yourselves wieners. 35 00:01:00,032 --> 00:01:01,032 Dismissed. 36 00:01:04,763 --> 00:01:12,043 โ™ช โ™ช 37 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:20,074 Who are the real-world Illuminati ? Find out @ saveanilluminati.com 38 00:01:21,103 --> 00:01:22,437 [sighs] 39 00:01:22,471 --> 00:01:24,472 Good morning. 40 00:01:24,473 --> 00:01:25,557 For whom? 41 00:01:25,608 --> 00:01:28,193 For you-m. 42 00:01:28,194 --> 00:01:30,345 Okay, I can't keep lying. 43 00:01:30,346 --> 00:01:31,529 Wuntch is here. 44 00:01:31,530 --> 00:01:33,398 Oh, there it is. 45 00:01:33,399 --> 00:01:35,533 The shriveled husk of Raymond Holt. 46 00:01:35,534 --> 00:01:38,186 Look, Gina, is that a talking raisin? 47 00:01:38,204 --> 00:01:39,571 Enough foreplay. 48 00:01:39,572 --> 00:01:40,705 I'm here to discuss 49 00:01:40,706 --> 00:01:43,325 the department's new smuggling task force. 50 00:01:43,359 --> 00:01:44,359 The task force? 51 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:45,377 Oh, I thought you'd be 52 00:01:45,378 --> 00:01:47,162 handing me another vapid PR assignment. 53 00:01:47,163 --> 00:01:48,163 I am. 54 00:01:48,164 --> 00:01:49,364 We need to choose a phrase 55 00:01:49,382 --> 00:01:51,633 to replace the phrase "task force." 56 00:01:51,634 --> 00:01:54,135 Our research suggests it's too aggressive. 57 00:01:54,136 --> 00:01:55,136 What? 58 00:01:55,137 --> 00:01:56,137 I like it. 59 00:01:56,138 --> 00:01:57,172 Task force sounds like 60 00:01:57,173 --> 00:01:59,925 some sort of body spray for hot dudes. 61 00:01:59,926 --> 00:02:01,810 Oh, and, um, one more thing. 62 00:02:01,811 --> 00:02:04,429 Since your little stunt with the subway poster, 63 00:02:04,430 --> 00:02:07,015 I think you could use some supervision. 64 00:02:07,016 --> 00:02:08,850 Bob will be keeping an eye on you. 65 00:02:08,884 --> 00:02:10,101 It's gonna be fun, Ray. 66 00:02:10,152 --> 00:02:11,152 But I'm his boss. 67 00:02:11,153 --> 00:02:12,821 Oh, ouch. 68 00:02:12,822 --> 00:02:14,389 How demeaning. 69 00:02:16,993 --> 00:02:18,559 Oh, my God. 70 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,561 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. 71 00:02:20,562 --> 00:02:22,948 Sarge, you got to check this out. 72 00:02:22,949 --> 00:02:25,333 Jake, what are you doing? 73 00:02:25,334 --> 00:02:26,584 We can't work real cases. 74 00:02:26,585 --> 00:02:27,669 This is a B and E. 75 00:02:27,703 --> 00:02:29,371 Oh, it's so much more than that. 76 00:02:29,372 --> 00:02:30,538 Look at these photos. 77 00:02:30,539 --> 00:02:32,290 Perp came in through the back window, 78 00:02:32,291 --> 00:02:35,093 set up the living room to look like a kid's tea party, 79 00:02:35,094 --> 00:02:36,428 didn't steal anything. 80 00:02:36,429 --> 00:02:37,512 Do you know what this means? 81 00:02:37,546 --> 00:02:38,913 The victim still has their stuff? 82 00:02:38,931 --> 00:02:41,182 The perp wasn't there to take anything... 83 00:02:41,183 --> 00:02:42,851 except lives. 84 00:02:42,852 --> 00:02:44,853 Sorry, I always wanted to say that. 85 00:02:44,854 --> 00:02:46,521 I think this is the work of the Oolong Slayer. 86 00:02:46,555 --> 00:02:48,390 Seems like a stretch. 87 00:02:48,391 --> 00:02:51,259 If this is the Oolong Slayer, why isn't there a body? 88 00:02:51,277 --> 00:02:52,610 I don't know, maybe he got spooked 89 00:02:52,611 --> 00:02:54,595 before the Vic got home, or it could be... 90 00:02:54,596 --> 00:02:57,565 Jake, you want a case so bad, you're making one up. 91 00:02:57,566 --> 00:02:59,617 Look, the slayer hasn't struck in five years. 92 00:02:59,618 --> 00:03:01,786 Chief Garmin set up a task force to find the guy 93 00:03:01,787 --> 00:03:03,121 and turned up nothing, 94 00:03:03,122 --> 00:03:05,907 and most importantly, the vulture's orders were 95 00:03:05,908 --> 00:03:07,659 only misdemeanors, wieners. 96 00:03:07,710 --> 00:03:08,994 Why do you follow people's directions 97 00:03:08,995 --> 00:03:10,111 when you could literally pick them up 98 00:03:10,112 --> 00:03:11,446 and throw them out the window? 99 00:03:11,447 --> 00:03:12,447 Hmm? 100 00:03:15,784 --> 00:03:17,285 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 101 00:03:17,303 --> 00:03:20,138 Was that the sound of a juicy file I heard 102 00:03:20,139 --> 00:03:22,590 plopping down on Peralta's desk? 103 00:03:22,591 --> 00:03:23,791 Yeah, it was. 104 00:03:23,809 --> 00:03:26,100 You just lost your overtime privileges for the month. 105 00:03:26,128 --> 00:03:27,345 Everybody, listen up. 106 00:03:27,396 --> 00:03:30,313 Anyone caught working on a case that I didn't assign 107 00:03:30,316 --> 00:03:31,632 loses their overtime. 108 00:03:31,650 --> 00:03:32,650 Capooch? 109 00:03:32,651 --> 00:03:34,903 All: Capooch. 110 00:03:34,937 --> 00:03:36,271 Capooch. 111 00:03:38,407 --> 00:03:40,191 Uncapooch. 112 00:03:40,192 --> 00:03:42,477 You didn't say "no take backs." 113 00:03:42,478 --> 00:03:44,312 โ™ช โ™ช 114 00:03:44,313 --> 00:03:45,697 Ah, there you are. 115 00:03:45,748 --> 00:03:47,699 I got something real special for the two of you. 116 00:03:47,750 --> 00:03:48,750 Great, what do you got? 117 00:03:48,751 --> 00:03:50,502 A month from today is my birthday. 118 00:03:50,503 --> 00:03:52,120 I need you to throw me a party, all right? 119 00:03:52,121 --> 00:03:53,788 Make it epic, surprise me. 120 00:03:53,822 --> 00:03:56,124 Are you asking us to plan you a birthday party? 121 00:03:56,158 --> 00:03:57,342 Yeah, Helen Keller. 122 00:03:57,343 --> 00:03:58,543 Pay attention. 123 00:03:58,594 --> 00:04:00,545 Did you choose us because we're women? 124 00:04:00,596 --> 00:04:02,213 Women love planning parties. 125 00:04:02,214 --> 00:04:03,882 It's in the Bible. 126 00:04:03,883 --> 00:04:05,216 Unbelievable. 127 00:04:05,217 --> 00:04:06,501 What a waste of time. 128 00:04:06,519 --> 00:04:07,519 Disagree. 129 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:09,137 This is an amazing use of time. 130 00:04:09,138 --> 00:04:11,506 We have complete control over that dummy's birthday party. 131 00:04:11,507 --> 00:04:12,724 We can ruin it. 132 00:04:12,775 --> 00:04:15,110 Yeah, fun. 133 00:04:15,111 --> 00:04:17,896 I'll just mess up a captain's orders on purpose. 134 00:04:17,897 --> 00:04:20,782 It'll be so... I can't even fake it. 135 00:04:20,783 --> 00:04:22,350 Yeah, baby, I can pick up the crib, 136 00:04:22,351 --> 00:04:23,568 right after I get the groceries 137 00:04:23,569 --> 00:04:25,570 and before I start painting the nursery. 138 00:04:25,571 --> 00:04:27,906 Yeah, I can draw a cloud. 139 00:04:27,907 --> 00:04:29,324 I don't need a stencil. 140 00:04:29,325 --> 00:04:31,292 Okay, I'll get the stencil. 141 00:04:31,293 --> 00:04:32,544 Look, I don't know when I'll be home. 142 00:04:32,545 --> 00:04:34,212 I'll text you, okay? 143 00:04:34,213 --> 00:04:37,882 Ugh, all this paperwork is gonna straight-up kill me. 144 00:04:39,301 --> 00:04:40,635 How are you so chipper? 145 00:04:40,669 --> 00:04:41,869 Oh, simple. 146 00:04:41,870 --> 00:04:43,755 I eat a cacao nib every time I close a case. 147 00:04:43,806 --> 00:04:44,806 A what? 148 00:04:44,807 --> 00:04:46,841 A cacao nib. 149 00:04:46,842 --> 00:04:49,894 They're these happy little chocolaty delights 150 00:04:49,895 --> 00:04:51,346 from deep in the Peruvian rain forest. 151 00:04:51,347 --> 00:04:52,346 Here, try one. 152 00:04:52,348 --> 00:04:54,182 Do I look like a man who snacks? 153 00:04:54,216 --> 00:04:56,717 You look like eight circles with suspenders on. 154 00:04:56,718 --> 00:04:58,052 But these aren't bad for you. 155 00:04:58,053 --> 00:05:00,238 They're full of fiber and antioxidants. 156 00:05:00,239 --> 00:05:02,574 Go ahead, try one. 157 00:05:02,575 --> 00:05:04,025 Okay, fine. 158 00:05:04,026 --> 00:05:05,026 Just one. 159 00:05:05,027 --> 00:05:07,862 Mm-hmm. 160 00:05:07,863 --> 00:05:09,664 Damn, these are good. 161 00:05:09,698 --> 00:05:11,916 And plus, they're organic and fair trade. 162 00:05:11,917 --> 00:05:14,836 Terry loves responsible agricultural practices. 163 00:05:14,837 --> 00:05:15,837 Mmm. 164 00:05:18,257 --> 00:05:19,424 Uh-oh. 165 00:05:19,425 --> 00:05:21,426 Jake, you should not be here IRL. 166 00:05:21,427 --> 00:05:23,928 Gina, my old friend who I grew up with. 167 00:05:23,929 --> 00:05:25,763 So good to see you, and I have missed you so much. 168 00:05:25,764 --> 00:05:26,965 Is Holt in? 169 00:05:26,966 --> 00:05:28,249 Yes, of course he is, but he's in a meeting, 170 00:05:28,250 --> 00:05:29,767 and you can not be seen stopping by 171 00:05:29,768 --> 00:05:31,636 for chits and/or chats. 172 00:05:31,687 --> 00:05:32,971 You need to leave. 173 00:05:32,972 --> 00:05:34,389 Gina, I'm not here to waste his time, all right? 174 00:05:34,390 --> 00:05:36,924 I have an extremely dope, possibly even disgusting case, 175 00:05:36,925 --> 00:05:38,109 and I need to discuss it with him. 176 00:05:38,144 --> 00:05:39,144 A case? 177 00:05:39,145 --> 00:05:40,278 Extra no. 178 00:05:40,279 --> 00:05:41,980 If Wuntch finds out he's working on a case, 179 00:05:41,981 --> 00:05:42,981 she will punish him. 180 00:05:42,982 --> 00:05:45,266 She's on the warpath right now, Jake. 181 00:05:45,267 --> 00:05:46,701 The warpath. 182 00:05:46,702 --> 00:05:48,486 Okay, copy that. 183 00:05:48,487 --> 00:05:49,487 Loud and clear. 184 00:05:49,488 --> 00:05:50,989 Don't want to cause a problem. 185 00:05:50,990 --> 00:05:55,276 I will skraight-up skedaddle with no further a-do-do. 186 00:05:55,294 --> 00:05:59,280 โ™ช โ™ช 187 00:05:59,281 --> 00:06:02,283 [cooing] 188 00:06:06,388 --> 00:06:07,839 What's going on? 189 00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:09,224 Well, Gina said we couldn't be seen together, 190 00:06:09,225 --> 00:06:10,558 and I need your help. 191 00:06:10,593 --> 00:06:12,927 Looks like we've both got a pretty bad case of jerk boss. 192 00:06:12,961 --> 00:06:14,095 Yes, yours is an idiot, 193 00:06:14,096 --> 00:06:16,598 and mine is a fork-tongued lizard witch. 194 00:06:20,486 --> 00:06:22,570 The Oolong Slayer. 195 00:06:22,571 --> 00:06:23,570 He's back. 196 00:06:23,572 --> 00:06:24,739 I knew you would confirm my hunch. 197 00:06:24,740 --> 00:06:26,991 He's back to his cool-ass psycho ways. 198 00:06:26,992 --> 00:06:28,109 Great news, right? 199 00:06:28,110 --> 00:06:29,911 Aside from a serial killer being on the loose. 200 00:06:29,912 --> 00:06:30,912 What's your plan? 201 00:06:30,913 --> 00:06:31,996 I'm gonna work the case in secret. 202 00:06:32,031 --> 00:06:33,481 Wrong. 203 00:06:33,482 --> 00:06:35,650 We're gonna work the case in secret. 204 00:06:35,668 --> 00:06:37,001 Holy crap. 205 00:06:37,036 --> 00:06:39,170 No one can know about this, understood? 206 00:06:39,205 --> 00:06:40,205 Understood. 207 00:06:40,206 --> 00:06:42,590 Understood. 208 00:06:42,591 --> 00:06:43,824 What? 209 00:06:43,825 --> 00:06:45,210 I hang out in the men's room all the time. 210 00:06:45,211 --> 00:06:49,013 โ™ช The acoustics are amazing โ™ช 211 00:06:50,497 --> 00:06:51,994 If I recall correctly, 212 00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:54,547 the Oolong Slayer last struck five years ago. 213 00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:56,799 He left behind no DNA or fingerprints, 214 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,467 but he did leave his calling card, 215 00:06:58,468 --> 00:07:00,636 a tea bag in his victim's mouth. 216 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:04,840 Yeah, how cool... I mean awful... is that? 217 00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:08,027 Very cool... I mean awful. 218 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,178 What's our strategy? 219 00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:11,363 One, reexamine all the task force's files, 220 00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:13,699 two, check all B and Es against the slayer's MO, 221 00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,851 and three, think of something supercool to say 222 00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:16,852 when we arrest him. 223 00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,037 My leading contender? 224 00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:21,040 "You're going to jail for oolong time." 225 00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,908 - Jake, that's really good. - Right? 226 00:07:22,959 --> 00:07:25,861 Let's not overlook the fact that he turned his crime scenes 227 00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:27,630 into tea parties for dollies. 228 00:07:27,664 --> 00:07:30,382 Which suggests preadolescent trauma 229 00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:32,034 leading to a pattern of criminality 230 00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,737 that probably began as a juvenile. 231 00:07:34,738 --> 00:07:37,206 I'm taking an abnormal psych class, 232 00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:39,975 and everyone in it is obsessed with me. 233 00:07:40,010 --> 00:07:41,143 You look into the B and Es 234 00:07:41,144 --> 00:07:42,895 and I'll check out the juvie angle. 235 00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:46,565 Now, before we begin in earnest, I'd like to propose a toast. 236 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:51,220 [gasps] 237 00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,821 That's what globes are for. 238 00:07:52,856 --> 00:07:55,241 A 25-year-old port seems appropriate. 239 00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:56,692 I would have gone 10. 240 00:07:56,693 --> 00:08:00,162 I don't know what port is. 241 00:08:00,197 --> 00:08:02,231 To catching a serial killer. 242 00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:03,749 To catching a serial killer. 243 00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:04,900 To Rihanna, 244 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:06,401 because I love Rihanna. 245 00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:07,836 Okay. 246 00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:11,540 Case closed. 247 00:08:11,541 --> 00:08:12,875 What time is it? 248 00:08:12,876 --> 00:08:15,511 That's right, it's nib o'clock. 249 00:08:15,512 --> 00:08:19,048 Whoo, new case, new nib. 250 00:08:19,049 --> 00:08:21,300 Read 20 words, that's a nib. 251 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:23,385 Hmm, that nib was kind of small. 252 00:08:23,386 --> 00:08:24,603 Hey, sarge? 253 00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:26,939 You may want to slow down on those things. 254 00:08:26,973 --> 00:08:28,423 Things? 255 00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:30,609 These are the precious jewels of the rain forest, Boyle. 256 00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:35,814 I don't mean to overstep here, but you're looking a little... 257 00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:38,117 fat. 258 00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,618 Oh, boy. 259 00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:42,321 How dare you? 260 00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:44,273 You can't comment on my body. 261 00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:46,575 This is a workplace. 262 00:08:46,576 --> 00:08:49,495 Now I'm feeling objectified by your male gaze. 263 00:08:49,546 --> 00:08:50,545 Absolutely not. 264 00:08:50,547 --> 00:08:51,547 Sir, just listen. 265 00:08:51,548 --> 00:08:52,715 No, I don't want to listen, Boyle. 266 00:08:52,716 --> 00:08:55,301 You are trying to shame me, and that will not fly. 267 00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:56,502 Okay. 268 00:08:56,553 --> 00:08:59,221 Now I need some more nibs just to calm down. 269 00:09:00,223 --> 00:09:02,391 - Jake, dope alley. - I know. 270 00:09:02,392 --> 00:09:04,593 I think this is where Batman's parents got killed. 271 00:09:04,594 --> 00:09:05,794 I'll take your word for it. 272 00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:07,229 The juvie angle didn't pan out. 273 00:09:07,264 --> 00:09:08,564 Neither did the B and Es, 274 00:09:08,565 --> 00:09:10,349 but I traced the label on the slayer's oolong. 275 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,768 Turns out he got it at Chang's Medicinal Tea Shop. 276 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,019 Good work, Peralta. 277 00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:15,688 Breakthrough selfie? 278 00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:17,356 Why not? 279 00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:19,141 Breakthrough. 280 00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:20,643 So what's the plan, boss? 281 00:09:20,677 --> 00:09:22,778 We create a diversion while Gina copies 282 00:09:22,779 --> 00:09:23,829 his customer files. 283 00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:25,581 My thumb drive looks like a watermelon, 284 00:09:25,582 --> 00:09:27,416 because I adore the summertime. 285 00:09:27,450 --> 00:09:28,617 Oh, I love that. 286 00:09:28,618 --> 00:09:30,986 Let's do this. 287 00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,871 Oh, hey, pal, that's my ginkgo. 288 00:09:32,922 --> 00:09:34,623 It's my ginkgo now, old man. 289 00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,842 I'm still young enough to beat that ginkgo 290 00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:38,344 out of your hands. 291 00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:41,263 [both grunting] 292 00:09:41,298 --> 00:09:42,631 Hey, knock it off back there. 293 00:09:42,632 --> 00:09:44,600 [glass shattering] 294 00:09:44,601 --> 00:09:46,518 [both grunting] 295 00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:49,521 [objects clattering] 296 00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:52,308 [both grunting] 297 00:09:52,309 --> 00:09:53,642 This is so much fun. 298 00:09:53,643 --> 00:09:54,643 Hit me in the face. 299 00:09:54,644 --> 00:09:55,644 [grunts] 300 00:09:55,645 --> 00:09:57,279 Oh, that was a terrible suggestion. 301 00:09:58,448 --> 00:09:59,448 Oh. 302 00:09:59,449 --> 00:10:00,449 [both grunt] 303 00:10:00,450 --> 00:10:02,651 All right. 304 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:05,120 Western medicine rules! 305 00:10:05,155 --> 00:10:06,705 All right, sluggers. 306 00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,857 Let's see what you got for the big b-day bash. 307 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,418 I thought you wanted us to surprise you. 308 00:10:10,460 --> 00:10:12,578 It's a figure of speech, Detective Stupid-ago. 309 00:10:12,629 --> 00:10:15,664 Well, I was thinking a DJ, 310 00:10:15,665 --> 00:10:18,717 two signature cocktails, passed hors d'oeuvres 311 00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:19,885 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 312 00:10:19,886 --> 00:10:20,969 Passed hors d'oeuvres? 313 00:10:20,970 --> 00:10:23,806 What is this, a fundraiser for French dorks? 314 00:10:23,807 --> 00:10:26,225 So no passed hors d'oeuvres? 315 00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:28,177 I can't even answer that. 316 00:10:28,178 --> 00:10:29,845 All right, tough guy. 317 00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:30,846 What do you got planned? 318 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:31,880 I don't know. 319 00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:36,068 Meet at a bar and... 320 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:37,068 drink there. 321 00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:38,237 That's it? 322 00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,988 Well, it's still better than Santiago's. 323 00:10:39,989 --> 00:10:42,491 Look, this is real important to me, all right? 324 00:10:42,492 --> 00:10:44,326 My brother's hot wife is gonna be there, 325 00:10:44,327 --> 00:10:46,328 and I haven't seen her since his funeral. 326 00:10:46,329 --> 00:10:47,696 - Wow. - Yeah, right? 327 00:10:47,697 --> 00:10:49,948 I mean, you only get one shot at your brother's widow. 328 00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:52,868 Just go. 329 00:10:52,869 --> 00:10:53,869 Oh. 330 00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:01,794 - Partner. - Partner. 331 00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:03,128 Not many people buy that tea, 332 00:11:03,179 --> 00:11:05,881 and only one has been doing so since the killings first began, 333 00:11:05,882 --> 00:11:06,882 and he has a record. 334 00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:07,883 His name? 335 00:11:07,884 --> 00:11:09,518 Braxton O'Reilly. 336 00:11:09,552 --> 00:11:10,602 [gasps] 337 00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:12,221 He's a maniac. 338 00:11:12,222 --> 00:11:14,606 Arrested in '84 for torturing an animal? 339 00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:16,608 Oh, this is our guy. 340 00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:18,110 Oh, man, just a squirrel? 341 00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:19,428 Still counts. 342 00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:21,063 Let's get that psycho. 343 00:11:22,065 --> 00:11:23,365 NYPD, nobody move. 344 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,067 Where is Braxton O'Reilly? 345 00:11:25,068 --> 00:11:27,119 Where is that psycho monster? 346 00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:29,538 He's dead. 347 00:11:29,572 --> 00:11:31,323 Our condolences. 348 00:11:32,709 --> 00:11:33,942 You were working a case. 349 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:34,960 I freaking knew it. 350 00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:36,295 - You're a liar. - And you. 351 00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,780 You can't do anything except disobey orders 352 00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:39,798 and screw up. 353 00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:40,966 I'm disappointed too. 354 00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:42,217 No one cares, Bob. 355 00:11:42,218 --> 00:11:45,137 And after all your so-called detective work, 356 00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,473 you didn't even get the right guy. 357 00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:49,425 Raymond, Raymond, Raymond... 358 00:11:49,426 --> 00:11:51,260 - It was an error, but... - Do not interrupt me. 359 00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:52,811 Raymond, Raymond, Raymond, Raymond. 360 00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:54,430 Seven times, once for every day 361 00:11:54,431 --> 00:11:57,232 your juicy, insubordinate ass is suspended. 362 00:11:57,267 --> 00:11:58,650 Same goes for you, Peralta. 363 00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:01,803 Except for the juicy ass part, because your ass is stupid. 364 00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:03,305 Now get the hell out of my office. 365 00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,643 Wait a minute, sir. 366 00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,579 You know what. 367 00:12:10,580 --> 00:12:12,647 Screw this. 368 00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:15,650 It's ten days now. 369 00:12:15,651 --> 00:12:17,172 Shouldn't have gone back in. 370 00:12:20,051 --> 00:12:22,136 I am skraight-up depressed. 371 00:12:22,170 --> 00:12:24,088 Amy's been doing her best to cheer me up. 372 00:12:24,089 --> 00:12:25,389 She gave me this sticker this morning 373 00:12:25,390 --> 00:12:26,724 just for waking up. 374 00:12:26,725 --> 00:12:28,893 Ew, it's like you're dating your teacher. 375 00:12:28,927 --> 00:12:30,844 I know. It's so hot. 376 00:12:30,845 --> 00:12:32,680 Meanwhile, Holt won't even talk to me. 377 00:12:32,731 --> 00:12:33,731 How is he, by the way? 378 00:12:33,732 --> 00:12:34,982 Honestly, terrible. 379 00:12:35,016 --> 00:12:36,901 I've only heard from him once this week, 380 00:12:36,902 --> 00:12:38,852 and that was to tell me he'd finally come up with 381 00:12:38,853 --> 00:12:41,855 a new, non-threatening term for task forces. 382 00:12:41,907 --> 00:12:43,240 Ya'll ready for this? 383 00:12:43,241 --> 00:12:44,240 Do groups. 384 00:12:44,242 --> 00:12:46,911 Wow, that sucks tremendously. 385 00:12:46,912 --> 00:12:47,911 Can I have another port? 386 00:12:47,913 --> 00:12:49,280 You're still drinking that stuff? 387 00:12:49,314 --> 00:12:50,531 Yeah, Holt got me hooked on it. 388 00:12:50,532 --> 00:12:51,999 I even got a bottle for my house. 389 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,334 It's really classing up the booze 390 00:12:53,335 --> 00:12:56,086 and take-out menus shelf. 391 00:12:56,087 --> 00:12:58,822 Wait a minute. 392 00:12:58,823 --> 00:13:00,291 I think I just figured something out. 393 00:13:00,292 --> 00:13:01,291 I got to go. 394 00:13:01,293 --> 00:13:03,260 Aren't you forgetting something? 395 00:13:03,261 --> 00:13:04,261 Uh... 396 00:13:08,550 --> 00:13:11,218 No, pay your bill. 397 00:13:11,219 --> 00:13:13,103 Damn, who raised you? 398 00:13:15,056 --> 00:13:16,140 Oh, my God. 399 00:13:16,141 --> 00:13:17,524 You friended the vulture? 400 00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:19,560 Well, he's not telling us anything, 401 00:13:19,561 --> 00:13:21,812 so it was the only way to figure out what he likes. 402 00:13:21,846 --> 00:13:22,896 Maybe this will help. 403 00:13:22,897 --> 00:13:25,032 He just said his favorite color is underboob. 404 00:13:25,033 --> 00:13:26,567 Look, Amy, you're a good detective. 405 00:13:26,568 --> 00:13:29,088 You don't have to perfectly plan some butthead's birthday party. 406 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:30,154 I'm sorry, 407 00:13:30,155 --> 00:13:32,156 but I believe that hard work pays off. 408 00:13:32,190 --> 00:13:33,824 - Shut up. - Excuse me? 409 00:13:33,858 --> 00:13:35,376 No, no, no, shut up and look. 410 00:13:35,377 --> 00:13:36,493 You're completely right. 411 00:13:36,494 --> 00:13:38,329 Your hard work just paid off. 412 00:13:38,330 --> 00:13:40,414 The vulture is in a band? 413 00:13:40,465 --> 00:13:43,717 Fantastic Jack and the Junkyard Rats. 414 00:13:43,752 --> 00:13:45,719 Just when I thought he couldn't be any more the worst, 415 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,504 he out-the worsts himself. 416 00:13:47,538 --> 00:13:49,390 - [laughs] - I have an idea. 417 00:13:49,424 --> 00:13:51,925 I don't know why you insisted on eating here, Gina. 418 00:13:51,926 --> 00:13:53,978 It seems like your average greasy spoon. 419 00:13:53,979 --> 00:13:55,212 Pardon me. 420 00:13:55,213 --> 00:13:58,065 Did one of you order the hot plate of justice? 421 00:13:58,099 --> 00:13:59,483 Peralta, what are you doing here? 422 00:13:59,517 --> 00:14:01,735 Saving New York City from a maniacal... 423 00:14:01,736 --> 00:14:02,770 Um, excuse me? 424 00:14:02,771 --> 00:14:04,021 Are those my eggs? 425 00:14:04,055 --> 00:14:06,056 You kind of interrupted an incredible moment, 426 00:14:06,057 --> 00:14:07,858 but here, take that. 427 00:14:07,859 --> 00:14:10,077 No, no, we can't be seen together. 428 00:14:10,078 --> 00:14:11,362 Gina, did you know about this? 429 00:14:11,396 --> 00:14:13,197 Uh, tricking you was the only way 430 00:14:13,198 --> 00:14:14,698 I could get you to talk to him. 431 00:14:14,699 --> 00:14:16,583 Plus, you know I heart intrigue. 432 00:14:16,618 --> 00:14:19,286 Sir, take a look at these photos. 433 00:14:19,287 --> 00:14:21,505 None of the victims had any alcohol in their apartments. 434 00:14:21,506 --> 00:14:22,840 Not even a dusty bottle. 435 00:14:22,841 --> 00:14:24,074 You want to know why? 436 00:14:24,075 --> 00:14:26,010 Because they were all sober. 437 00:14:26,044 --> 00:14:28,128 They all attended 12-step programs. 438 00:14:28,129 --> 00:14:29,129 None of them the same one, 439 00:14:29,130 --> 00:14:30,848 but they all have the same leader, 440 00:14:30,849 --> 00:14:33,517 a creep with a record of torturing animals. 441 00:14:33,518 --> 00:14:36,020 I'm talking dogs. 442 00:14:36,021 --> 00:14:37,521 I found the Oolong Slayer, 443 00:14:37,522 --> 00:14:38,722 and his name is... 444 00:14:38,723 --> 00:14:40,858 I never do this, but I kind of ordered rye. 445 00:14:40,892 --> 00:14:42,259 Ma'am, I'm not a waiter, okay? 446 00:14:42,260 --> 00:14:43,394 I'm trying to blow my friend's mind over here. 447 00:14:43,428 --> 00:14:45,696 Could someone get this lunatic some rye? 448 00:14:45,697 --> 00:14:47,597 His name is James Dylan Borden, 449 00:14:47,598 --> 00:14:50,267 and he works the night shift at creep-a-palooza... 450 00:14:50,268 --> 00:14:52,269 the mannequin factory in Red Hook. 451 00:14:52,270 --> 00:14:53,270 I'll pick you up at 8:00. 452 00:14:53,271 --> 00:14:54,538 Are you insane? 453 00:14:54,539 --> 00:14:57,241 We were just suspended for screwing up this case. 454 00:14:57,242 --> 00:14:58,659 I shouldn't even be talking to you. 455 00:14:58,710 --> 00:15:00,711 Wuntch can probably hear us right now. 456 00:15:00,712 --> 00:15:03,547 She has super sonar hearing, 457 00:15:03,548 --> 00:15:04,665 because she's a bat. 458 00:15:04,666 --> 00:15:06,467 Sir, we're tracking a serial killer. 459 00:15:06,468 --> 00:15:07,468 There's nothing better. 460 00:15:07,469 --> 00:15:08,469 We're living the dream. 461 00:15:08,470 --> 00:15:09,586 That's your dream. 462 00:15:09,620 --> 00:15:11,722 Mine was to run the nine-nine, 463 00:15:11,723 --> 00:15:15,225 and that will never happen again. 464 00:15:15,226 --> 00:15:18,896 Just give the case to major crimes. 465 00:15:18,897 --> 00:15:20,564 Wow. 466 00:15:20,565 --> 00:15:22,132 Never thought I'd live to see Holt side 467 00:15:22,133 --> 00:15:24,468 with the vulture and Wuntch. 468 00:15:24,469 --> 00:15:25,652 Mark the day, Gina. 469 00:15:25,653 --> 00:15:27,488 May 18th at 4:00 p.m. 470 00:15:27,522 --> 00:15:28,522 Oh, honey. 471 00:15:28,523 --> 00:15:30,691 We're well into October. 472 00:15:30,692 --> 00:15:32,025 Really? 473 00:15:32,077 --> 00:15:33,527 Hey, Charles. 474 00:15:33,578 --> 00:15:34,778 I thought you should know. 475 00:15:34,779 --> 00:15:39,166 I heard what you said, and it really sank in. 476 00:15:39,167 --> 00:15:40,534 I'm off the nibs. 477 00:15:40,585 --> 00:15:42,453 - Really? - Of course. 478 00:15:42,454 --> 00:15:44,288 I'm Terry Jeffords, 479 00:15:44,289 --> 00:15:47,040 and when I put my mind to something, 480 00:15:47,041 --> 00:15:48,040 I do it. 481 00:15:48,042 --> 00:15:49,343 [chuckles] 482 00:15:49,344 --> 00:15:52,045 My resting heart rate is six. 483 00:15:52,097 --> 00:15:53,180 Six, Boyle. 484 00:15:53,214 --> 00:15:54,965 You know, the rest of you 485 00:15:54,966 --> 00:15:56,717 could learn a little something from me. 486 00:15:56,768 --> 00:15:59,686 Sure, sometimes we fall down, 487 00:15:59,687 --> 00:16:03,941 but it's how we back up that matters. 488 00:16:03,942 --> 00:16:08,729 We need to look our failings in the eye and say, 489 00:16:08,730 --> 00:16:12,950 "Not today, not today, nibs." 490 00:16:12,951 --> 00:16:14,451 [chuckles] 491 00:16:14,452 --> 00:16:18,121 Oh, sergeant. 492 00:16:18,122 --> 00:16:19,121 Fine! 493 00:16:19,123 --> 00:16:21,341 I'm not better. 494 00:16:21,342 --> 00:16:23,960 These nibs are just too damn delicious. 495 00:16:23,961 --> 00:16:26,730 I don't think the nibs being too yummy is the problem. 496 00:16:26,731 --> 00:16:29,566 I think right now, there's too much on your plate... 497 00:16:29,567 --> 00:16:30,901 metaphor intended. 498 00:16:30,935 --> 00:16:31,969 You're stress eating. 499 00:16:31,970 --> 00:16:33,103 That's even worse! 500 00:16:33,137 --> 00:16:35,139 The stress isn't going anywhere. 501 00:16:35,156 --> 00:16:37,474 I'm about to have my third kid, 502 00:16:37,475 --> 00:16:40,477 and they just get more stressful over time, man. 503 00:16:40,478 --> 00:16:43,480 Oh, nibs, what am I gonna do? 504 00:16:43,481 --> 00:16:45,015 Help me. 505 00:16:45,049 --> 00:16:48,018 [dramatic music] 506 00:16:48,052 --> 00:16:51,405 โ™ช โ™ช 507 00:16:51,406 --> 00:16:53,223 Huh. 508 00:16:53,224 --> 00:16:54,908 Why would a psycho want to work here? 509 00:16:54,943 --> 00:16:57,945 [dramatic music] 510 00:16:57,946 --> 00:17:00,497 โ™ช โ™ช 511 00:17:00,498 --> 00:17:02,616 [objects crashing] 512 00:17:02,667 --> 00:17:04,117 Got you. 513 00:17:04,169 --> 00:17:07,171 [intense music] 514 00:17:07,172 --> 00:17:15,179 โ™ช โ™ช 515 00:17:19,851 --> 00:17:21,185 Looking for me? 516 00:17:21,186 --> 00:17:23,387 Nope, just taking my gun 517 00:17:23,388 --> 00:17:25,522 for a walk through the nightmares factory. 518 00:17:25,557 --> 00:17:26,974 Nice try, cop. 519 00:17:27,025 --> 00:17:29,426 But you and I are gonna have a little tea party. 520 00:17:29,427 --> 00:17:30,611 Am I invited? 521 00:17:30,645 --> 00:17:33,647 Drop the weapon. 522 00:17:33,648 --> 00:17:35,649 Okay, slayer. 523 00:17:35,650 --> 00:17:38,819 Prepare to go to jail for oolong time. 524 00:17:38,870 --> 00:17:40,404 Now say "punk." 525 00:17:40,438 --> 00:17:41,455 Punk. 526 00:17:41,489 --> 00:17:42,739 Punk! 527 00:17:42,773 --> 00:17:44,215 I said it. 528 00:17:48,296 --> 00:17:49,746 Thank you, Peralta. 529 00:17:49,747 --> 00:17:50,907 What are you thanking me for? 530 00:17:50,915 --> 00:17:52,615 You're the one who showed up and stopped him 531 00:17:52,616 --> 00:17:54,301 from shooting me in my beautiful face. 532 00:17:54,335 --> 00:17:57,054 No, for giving me one last chance to be a real cop 533 00:17:57,088 --> 00:18:00,641 before going back to a lifetime of PR drivel. 534 00:18:00,642 --> 00:18:03,060 Sir, we just caught a serial killer. 535 00:18:03,061 --> 00:18:05,095 I've wanted this since I was four years old. 536 00:18:05,129 --> 00:18:06,129 That's troubling. 537 00:18:06,130 --> 00:18:07,681 We did something special here. 538 00:18:07,682 --> 00:18:09,516 I'm honored our names will appear next to each other 539 00:18:09,517 --> 00:18:10,516 on the arrest report. 540 00:18:10,518 --> 00:18:11,685 No, no. 541 00:18:11,686 --> 00:18:13,654 I think you should take sole credit. 542 00:18:13,655 --> 00:18:16,773 Wuntch will only use it to sink me. 543 00:18:16,807 --> 00:18:18,608 I'm glad your dream came true, Peralta. 544 00:18:18,609 --> 00:18:22,145 Now, if you'll excuse me, the drivel calls. 545 00:18:25,509 --> 00:18:27,000 Hey, turd monkeys. 546 00:18:27,035 --> 00:18:28,452 It's time to celebrate me. 547 00:18:28,486 --> 00:18:29,753 Let's rock! 548 00:18:29,787 --> 00:18:30,787 Whoo! 549 00:18:30,788 --> 00:18:32,322 โ™ช โ™ช 550 00:18:32,323 --> 00:18:33,322 [laughs] 551 00:18:33,324 --> 00:18:36,326 His tearaway pants just got stuck. 552 00:18:36,327 --> 00:18:39,513 Hiring him to play his own party is straight-up brilliant. 553 00:18:39,547 --> 00:18:41,348 Yep, because everything he does 554 00:18:41,349 --> 00:18:43,550 is a prank on himself. 555 00:18:43,551 --> 00:18:45,886 Wow, you're an evil genius. 556 00:18:45,887 --> 00:18:47,054 Next time I want to hurt someone, 557 00:18:47,055 --> 00:18:48,555 I'm coming straight to you. 558 00:18:48,556 --> 00:18:52,309 Aw, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. 559 00:18:52,310 --> 00:18:55,178 All right, this next song is called "Moms in the Shower." 560 00:18:55,196 --> 00:18:58,198 [upbeat rock music] 561 00:18:58,199 --> 00:19:02,319 โ™ช โ™ช 562 00:19:02,353 --> 00:19:06,373 Sarge, I know you have every right to be stressed out. 563 00:19:06,407 --> 00:19:09,159 A new kid on the way, Sharon's on bed rest, 564 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:10,210 global warming... 565 00:19:10,244 --> 00:19:12,579 This preamble is making me nibby. 566 00:19:12,580 --> 00:19:13,579 Get to the point. 567 00:19:13,581 --> 00:19:15,365 I got the squad to volunteer 568 00:19:15,366 --> 00:19:20,053 a little bit of their off time to help you and your family out. 569 00:19:20,054 --> 00:19:22,005 I'll make dinner once a week, 570 00:19:22,039 --> 00:19:24,040 everyone else volunteered babysitting time, 571 00:19:24,058 --> 00:19:26,876 and Hitchcock offered massage sessions for your wife... 572 00:19:26,894 --> 00:19:28,678 - What? - So I pepper sprayed him. 573 00:19:28,712 --> 00:19:29,712 [laughs] 574 00:19:29,713 --> 00:19:32,149 You're a good man, Charles. 575 00:19:32,150 --> 00:19:33,716 How can I ever thank you? 576 00:19:33,735 --> 00:19:35,718 Start taking care of yourself again. 577 00:19:35,719 --> 00:19:38,388 I miss those gross, overly large muscles. 578 00:19:38,389 --> 00:19:39,889 Lay off my body, dude. 579 00:19:39,907 --> 00:19:43,243 I clearly got some stuff to work through. 580 00:19:43,244 --> 00:19:45,362 Chief Garmin, thanks for meeting with me. 581 00:19:45,363 --> 00:19:48,532 So I have a guy in custody on an attempted B and E. 582 00:19:48,533 --> 00:19:51,168 You scheduled a meeting with the chief of detectives 583 00:19:51,169 --> 00:19:52,168 to tell me that? 584 00:19:52,170 --> 00:19:53,503 I did. 585 00:19:53,504 --> 00:19:55,672 Oh, I should probably also mention, 586 00:19:55,673 --> 00:19:57,424 he's the Oolong Slayer, 587 00:19:57,425 --> 00:19:58,959 and this is every bit of evidence you'll need 588 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,961 to put him away for good. 589 00:20:01,012 --> 00:20:02,012 Really? 590 00:20:02,013 --> 00:20:03,013 Yeah. 591 00:20:06,750 --> 00:20:08,084 - Wow. - Right? 592 00:20:08,085 --> 00:20:10,353 I spent a decade looking for this monster, 593 00:20:10,354 --> 00:20:13,106 and you found him all on your own. 594 00:20:13,141 --> 00:20:15,142 Yeah, pretty easily, actually. 595 00:20:15,143 --> 00:20:16,476 [sighs] 596 00:20:16,477 --> 00:20:18,595 I imagine that'll look pretty bad for you. 597 00:20:18,596 --> 00:20:19,596 Excuse me? 598 00:20:19,597 --> 00:20:20,597 Unless, of course, I decided 599 00:20:20,598 --> 00:20:22,783 to withhold that information, 600 00:20:22,784 --> 00:20:24,985 keep it just for myself as a secret. 601 00:20:24,986 --> 00:20:26,203 [sighs] 602 00:20:26,204 --> 00:20:28,622 Tell everyone it was you who figured it out. 603 00:20:28,623 --> 00:20:29,623 Why would you do that? 604 00:20:29,624 --> 00:20:30,824 What do you want? 605 00:20:30,825 --> 00:20:31,958 Your own do group? 606 00:20:31,959 --> 00:20:35,462 No, I actually had something else in mind. 607 00:20:35,463 --> 00:20:42,552 โ™ช โ™ช 608 00:20:42,553 --> 00:20:44,221 Captain Holt? 609 00:20:44,222 --> 00:20:45,772 This can't be real. 610 00:20:45,773 --> 00:20:48,358 Someone please see him before I punch myself in the face. 611 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:49,425 Hello, squad. 612 00:20:49,426 --> 00:20:50,927 Oh, my God. Captain? 613 00:20:50,928 --> 00:20:52,062 Good news. 614 00:20:52,096 --> 00:20:55,565 The vulture is out, and I'm back. 615 00:20:55,566 --> 00:20:56,599 [applause] 616 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:57,868 - Yes. - That's good. 617 00:20:57,869 --> 00:20:59,369 Glad you're back, captain. 618 00:20:59,370 --> 00:21:00,487 We really missed you. 619 00:21:00,538 --> 00:21:02,105 How'd you get them to reinstate you? 620 00:21:02,106 --> 00:21:03,123 I didn't. 621 00:21:03,124 --> 00:21:04,624 I guess someone just had my back. 622 00:21:06,610 --> 00:21:07,944 Wait, where's Gina? 623 00:21:07,945 --> 00:21:10,446 She wanted to make a proper entrance. 624 00:21:10,447 --> 00:21:12,615 [confetti explodes] 625 00:21:12,616 --> 00:21:14,634 Or was I never really gone? 626 00:21:14,635 --> 00:21:16,286 [applause] 627 00:21:17,305 --> 00:22:17,694 Who are the real-world Illuminati ? Find out @ saveanilluminati.com 42733

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