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Downloaded from RARBG
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Can you believe that? A musical
version of "sweet bird of youth."
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- Who are they kidding?
- Thank god, you wanted to leave.
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Can you believe Madeline Ashton?
Talk about waking the dead.
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I gotta get a drink.
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00:01:51,832 --> 00:01:55,962
♪ What do I see ♪
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♪ that's the question
I'm most afraid of ♪
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00:02:01,609 --> 00:02:09,609
♪ one that asks me
what I'm really made of ♪
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00:02:13,255 --> 00:02:17,123
♪ what do I see ♪
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00:02:17,192 --> 00:02:23,461
♪ much more than a reflection ♪
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00:02:23,532 --> 00:02:31,372
♪ a romance with sheer perfection ♪
12
00:02:33,209 --> 00:02:36,645
♪ I see me I see me ♪
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♪ actress, woman star and lover ♪
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00:02:40,450 --> 00:02:44,944
♪ sister, sweetheart slave and mother ♪
15
00:02:45,021 --> 00:02:46,716
♪ I see me ♪
16
00:02:46,789 --> 00:02:48,757
♪ and I like what I see ♪
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00:02:48,825 --> 00:02:52,421
♪ virgin, temptress dream of others ♪
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00:02:52,496 --> 00:02:54,896
♪ yes, it's me ♪
19
00:02:54,965 --> 00:02:58,867
♪ yes, it's me ♪
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00:03:05,175 --> 00:03:08,542
- ♪ We see you ♪
- ♪ You mean me ♪
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00:03:08,612 --> 00:03:12,208
♪ idol, goddess shameless hussy ♪
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00:03:12,283 --> 00:03:16,743
♪ diva, Princess lewd and lusty ♪
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00:03:20,625 --> 00:03:24,152
♪ ah ah ah ah ah ah ♪
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00:03:24,229 --> 00:03:27,790
♪ ah ah ah ah ah ah ♪
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00:03:59,466 --> 00:04:02,526
She's sensational.
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00:04:07,741 --> 00:04:11,234
♪ That's not me can't be me ♪
27
00:04:11,312 --> 00:04:14,770
- ♪ angel devil ♪
- ♪ You can trust me ♪
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00:04:14,849 --> 00:04:17,613
♪ mon ami ♪
29
00:04:17,685 --> 00:04:19,915
♪ I see ♪
30
00:04:25,126 --> 00:04:27,060
♪ Whoo-whoo ♪
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00:04:29,564 --> 00:04:33,592
♪ everywhere I look, baby all I see is ♪
32
00:04:33,669 --> 00:04:35,534
- ♪ a contradiction ♪
- ♪ Oh, come on ♪
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00:04:35,604 --> 00:04:37,299
- ♪ a bad addiction ♪
- ♪ Knock it off ♪
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00:04:37,372 --> 00:04:41,103
- ♪ inspiration to a generation ♪
- ♪ Now you're talkin' ♪
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00:04:41,176 --> 00:04:43,701
♪ that's you ♪
36
00:04:43,779 --> 00:04:50,310
♪ that's me ♪♪
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00:04:53,556 --> 00:04:55,581
Wow!
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Oh, boy!
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00:04:58,461 --> 00:05:00,929
Whoo!
40
00:05:00,997 --> 00:05:03,261
Whoo!
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00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:08,834
Wrinkled, wrinkled little star,
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00:05:08,905 --> 00:05:12,637
hope they never see the scars.
43
00:05:18,415 --> 00:05:21,009
Your guests are here,
miss Ashton.
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00:05:21,085 --> 00:05:23,781
A miss Helen sharp
with a gentleman.
45
00:05:23,854 --> 00:05:27,153
- Ahh. How's she look?
- Who?
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00:05:27,224 --> 00:05:29,624
Helen, you idiot.
47
00:05:29,693 --> 00:05:32,390
I don't know.
Smart, I guess, sort of classy.
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00:05:32,464 --> 00:05:35,262
Classy? Really?
Compared to whom?
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00:05:35,333 --> 00:05:39,565
Oh, shit.
50
00:05:56,555 --> 00:05:58,182
Mad!
51
00:05:58,257 --> 00:06:00,817
Hel!
52
00:06:03,396 --> 00:06:06,331
- I don't believe it.
- How are you?
53
00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:08,458
- It's been so long.
- I know.
54
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:11,470
Don't you dare say how long.
55
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:14,666
Mad, I'd like you to meet...
56
00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:16,709
Dr. Ernest menville, my fiance.
57
00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:19,507
You were just wonderful.
58
00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:22,377
Ernest menville? Dr. Ernest
menville, the plastic surgeon?
59
00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:26,715
- Yes. You were so terrific!
- Ernest is quite a fan.
60
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:29,551
- I've read all about you.
- That dance number. Boy, oh, boy.
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00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:33,116
- I can't believe I'm meeting you.
- He never mentioned a Madeline thing.
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00:06:33,194 --> 00:06:38,222
- We're both huge fans.
- I'm sure he doesn't have a... thing.
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00:06:38,299 --> 00:06:41,359
Do you?
64
00:06:41,436 --> 00:06:46,965
Well, I'm so happy
for you... both.
65
00:06:47,041 --> 00:06:51,035
What ever happened to that,
um, writing thing?
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00:06:51,113 --> 00:06:55,174
- Oh, well, um, I'm still trying.
- Helen, don't be modest.
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00:06:55,250 --> 00:06:59,710
- She's a brilliant writer, Mrs. Ashton.
- Miss.
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00:06:59,788 --> 00:07:02,154
Tell me, doctor,
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00:07:02,224 --> 00:07:05,682
do you think that
I'm starting to need you?
70
00:07:06,962 --> 00:07:08,327
Ahem.
71
00:07:08,397 --> 00:07:10,889
So...
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00:07:12,469 --> 00:07:14,437
Have you two set a date?
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00:07:14,504 --> 00:07:16,870
- Yes... we have.
- No, actually...
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00:07:18,408 --> 00:07:22,310
We see the upper
eyelid skin incision...
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00:07:22,379 --> 00:07:25,815
From the medial canthus
to the lateral orbital margin.
76
00:07:25,882 --> 00:07:28,976
There are two fat compartments in the
upper eyelid, three in the lower.
77
00:07:29,052 --> 00:07:31,715
Oops. Look at all this bleeding.
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00:07:31,789 --> 00:07:36,089
Needle-tip cautery. Quickly, please.
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00:07:41,599 --> 00:07:45,000
For heaven's sake,
Helen, it was a dinner.
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00:07:45,069 --> 00:07:47,765
The woman wanted
my professional opinion.
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00:07:47,838 --> 00:07:51,070
Ernest, you don't know Madeline
the way I do.
82
00:07:51,143 --> 00:07:54,840
She wants you. She wants
you because you're mine.
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00:07:54,913 --> 00:07:57,347
I've lost men to her before.
84
00:07:57,416 --> 00:08:01,443
She just turns on that flash
and that glitter and they're gone.
85
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:04,580
That's why I wanted you to meet
her before we got married.
86
00:08:04,656 --> 00:08:09,457
I just had to see if you could
pass the Madeline Ashton test.
87
00:08:09,528 --> 00:08:13,124
Please... please, don't fail.
88
00:08:13,199 --> 00:08:17,192
I couldn't take it again.
89
00:08:17,270 --> 00:08:19,864
I don't know what I'd do.
90
00:08:19,939 --> 00:08:24,171
Do you know how
silly you're sounding?
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00:08:25,478 --> 00:08:27,537
Oh, darling,
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00:08:27,613 --> 00:08:32,176
I have absolutely no interest
in Madeline Ashton.
93
00:09:52,035 --> 00:09:55,562
Mrs. Helen sharp? It's your landlord.
Open the door, please.
94
00:09:55,639 --> 00:09:58,574
I know you're in there!
95
00:09:58,642 --> 00:10:01,475
I have your final
eviction notice.
96
00:10:01,545 --> 00:10:03,604
If you don't come out,
97
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:07,980
- I'm going to break the door.
- What are you doing here?
98
00:10:08,051 --> 00:10:11,419
I have the police. If you don't open,
we're going to break the door.
99
00:10:11,489 --> 00:10:16,392
- Well, speak!
- I'm going to charge you for it too.
100
00:10:16,461 --> 00:10:21,228
- Lady, let's go.
- You heard what he said.
101
00:10:25,536 --> 00:10:30,030
You're in trouble.
102
00:10:30,109 --> 00:10:34,375
Come on. Open it!
103
00:10:48,494 --> 00:10:52,659
Lady, listen. You have the
right to remain silent.
104
00:10:52,732 --> 00:10:55,166
If you give up the right
to remain silent...
105
00:10:55,235 --> 00:10:58,329
Are you nuts?
106
00:10:58,405 --> 00:11:00,737
Come on. Get her outta here!
107
00:11:00,807 --> 00:11:02,968
So...
108
00:11:06,046 --> 00:11:08,139
What about you, Helen?
109
00:11:08,214 --> 00:11:12,083
We haven't heard from you
in a while.
110
00:11:12,153 --> 00:11:15,316
Is there anything...
111
00:11:15,389 --> 00:11:19,325
You'd like to...
Talk about... with the group?
112
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:28,068
Yes.
113
00:11:32,474 --> 00:11:36,274
I would like to talk about...
114
00:11:36,344 --> 00:11:39,609
Madeline...
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00:11:39,681 --> 00:11:41,046
Ashton.
116
00:11:41,116 --> 00:11:43,346
Stop! Stop it! Stop!
117
00:11:43,418 --> 00:11:46,216
No! No!
118
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:54,327
Is this where we are, Helen?
119
00:11:54,397 --> 00:11:57,764
Six months of therapy.
You're not one pound lighter.
120
00:11:57,834 --> 00:12:00,735
And we are still talking
about Madeline Ashton!
121
00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:04,569
- You think I enjoy talking about her?
- Do you think I enjoy it?
122
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,632
Is that what you think?
You better think again!
123
00:12:07,710 --> 00:12:12,375
Oh, Helen,
for you to have a life,
124
00:12:12,449 --> 00:12:15,850
for any of us to have a life,
125
00:12:15,919 --> 00:12:18,012
you have got to forget
about her.
126
00:12:18,088 --> 00:12:20,488
You have to erase her
from your mind.
127
00:12:20,557 --> 00:12:24,254
- You have to completely eliminate any...
- What?
128
00:12:24,328 --> 00:12:27,354
You have to completely
eliminate...
129
00:12:27,431 --> 00:12:29,922
You're right.
130
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,366
What?
131
00:12:31,436 --> 00:12:35,236
You're absolutely right.
132
00:12:53,492 --> 00:12:55,426
Yes?
133
00:12:55,494 --> 00:12:59,396
I have a delivery for Madeline
Ashton and Dr. Ernest menville.
134
00:13:34,535 --> 00:13:36,901
Good morning, madam.
135
00:13:36,971 --> 00:13:40,873
You look absolutely marvelous.
136
00:13:40,942 --> 00:13:43,342
Hey, wait a minute.
137
00:13:44,512 --> 00:13:46,946
Aren't you forgetting something?
138
00:13:47,014 --> 00:13:50,109
- It's only Thursday. I'm supposed to...
- Never mind.
139
00:13:50,185 --> 00:13:53,245
I think I need you
to say it every morning.
140
00:13:53,322 --> 00:13:55,483
Very well.
141
00:13:55,557 --> 00:13:58,117
Oh, madam,
you look younger every day.
142
00:13:58,193 --> 00:14:01,890
Thank you, Rose.
Thank you very much.
143
00:14:01,964 --> 00:14:04,091
It's so sweet... what is this?
144
00:14:04,166 --> 00:14:08,500
Your tickets for
Helen sharp's book party.
145
00:14:08,570 --> 00:14:11,369
They just came.
146
00:14:11,441 --> 00:14:14,740
Helen sharp's book party!
147
00:14:14,811 --> 00:14:17,780
- "Forever young"?
- I like that title.
148
00:14:20,516 --> 00:14:24,213
Oh, forever young! Right.
149
00:14:24,287 --> 00:14:27,313
And eternally fat!
150
00:14:27,390 --> 00:14:32,055
Oh, clever little witch.
She sent seating assignments.
151
00:14:33,430 --> 00:14:35,898
I find it very hard
to believe...
152
00:14:35,966 --> 00:14:39,834
That he got up early
and made his side of the bed.
153
00:14:39,904 --> 00:14:44,238
- No, madam.
- So where did he sleep?
154
00:14:44,308 --> 00:14:46,401
Again?
155
00:14:48,779 --> 00:14:52,739
The beaver has always
been of interest to man.
156
00:14:54,886 --> 00:14:58,117
It is the second largest
rodent in the world.
157
00:15:04,763 --> 00:15:07,493
Dr. Menville?
158
00:15:07,565 --> 00:15:11,900
Dr. Menville?
159
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:17,204
Is this an angel
I see before me?
160
00:15:17,276 --> 00:15:21,872
- Dr. Menville, you're so cute.
- Thank you, Rose.
161
00:15:27,219 --> 00:15:30,712
Oh!
162
00:15:30,791 --> 00:15:34,352
More vodka.
163
00:15:34,428 --> 00:15:36,828
An outstanding characteristic
of a beaver...
164
00:15:36,897 --> 00:15:41,925
Is the large, flat tail.
165
00:15:47,975 --> 00:15:51,036
- Is it up yet?
- Yes, sir.
166
00:15:51,112 --> 00:15:53,910
It's in the bath.
167
00:15:53,982 --> 00:15:58,578
Your beeper was beeping.
It's Mr. Franklin again.
168
00:16:09,397 --> 00:16:11,992
Rose! Oh, it's you.
169
00:16:12,067 --> 00:16:14,763
Fine, dear, thank you.
Like a rock.
170
00:16:14,837 --> 00:16:16,964
You're dressed.
Special occasion?
171
00:16:17,039 --> 00:16:18,973
- Work.
- Ghoul!
172
00:16:19,041 --> 00:16:22,033
Dr. Menville, thank god.
173
00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:25,774
- I'm sorry to call at the last minute.
- Yes.
174
00:16:25,848 --> 00:16:30,309
He's completely prepped. Our top staff
have been summoned and are waiting.
175
00:16:30,387 --> 00:16:32,821
Good, I'm sure he'll be fine.
Just calm down.
176
00:16:32,889 --> 00:16:36,222
Calm? I am calm.
Everyone is calm here.
177
00:16:36,292 --> 00:16:38,817
- Who is it?
- Fernando rivas, the actor.
178
00:16:38,895 --> 00:16:43,127
He drowned in his hot tub.
Very bloated, very swollen.
179
00:16:43,199 --> 00:16:46,327
He was making love
to his new fiancee.
180
00:16:46,403 --> 00:16:49,531
Eighteen years old, from Cuba.
181
00:16:49,606 --> 00:16:52,406
He's got this expression of happiness
that is completely inappropriate.
182
00:16:52,443 --> 00:16:56,675
Thank you, Mr. Franklin, we'll see if
we can't give him a little character,
183
00:16:56,747 --> 00:16:59,409
- a little depth.
- Depth?
184
00:16:59,483 --> 00:17:04,011
Oh, no, Dr. Menville, you can't
give him any character or depth.
185
00:17:04,088 --> 00:17:07,148
People have to recognize him.
186
00:17:07,224 --> 00:17:11,093
- Good afternoon, miss Ashton.
- 3:00 with Anna.
187
00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:13,222
Yes, I know. You may go down.
188
00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:23,474
Miss Ashton, how are you?
So good to see you!
189
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:27,603
Listen, I've got a really
important party tonight.
190
00:17:27,679 --> 00:17:30,945
Really important.
You understand?
191
00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:34,612
You will be the best one!
192
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:37,315
I have to be better than that.
193
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,517
I am sorry,
but the plasma separation...
194
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:42,220
Is a very traumatic
process to the body!
195
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,786
Our policy clearly prohibits...
196
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:47,833
More than one
in a six-month period.
197
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,426
So? It's been nearly
that long already.
198
00:17:50,504 --> 00:17:54,964
Miss Ashton, you had one
three weeks ago.
199
00:17:55,042 --> 00:17:58,603
- How about a nice collagen buff?
- "A collagen buff"?
200
00:17:58,679 --> 00:18:01,910
You might as well ask me
to wash with soap and water!
201
00:18:03,884 --> 00:18:06,785
Tonight is very important to me.
202
00:18:06,854 --> 00:18:10,723
- I could do your makeup myself.
- Makeup is pointless!
203
00:18:10,792 --> 00:18:13,488
It does nothing anymore.
204
00:18:13,561 --> 00:18:15,825
Are you listening to me?
Do you even care?
205
00:18:15,897 --> 00:18:19,196
You stand there with your 22-year-old
skin and your tits like rocks...
206
00:18:19,267 --> 00:18:22,134
And laugh at me.
207
00:18:28,776 --> 00:18:31,007
Mmm.
208
00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:35,414
I could pay you extra.
209
00:18:35,484 --> 00:18:39,181
Something...
On a personal basis.
210
00:18:39,255 --> 00:18:42,088
You know what I mean?
How about that?
211
00:18:42,158 --> 00:18:45,127
Money is no object.
It means nothing to me.
212
00:18:45,194 --> 00:18:47,628
Ahem.
213
00:18:47,696 --> 00:18:51,428
I'm sorry, Mr. Chagall.
I'm really, really sorry.
214
00:18:51,501 --> 00:18:54,334
Anna, don't talk, just go away.
215
00:18:54,404 --> 00:18:56,838
Leave us alone, mmm?
216
00:18:56,907 --> 00:19:00,035
- I don't want to look at you anymore.
- Oh, okay.
217
00:19:00,110 --> 00:19:02,237
Thank you so much.
218
00:19:04,147 --> 00:19:06,775
Please.
219
00:19:08,485 --> 00:19:11,353
- I suppose I should apologize.
- Oh, no, no.
220
00:19:11,422 --> 00:19:16,086
I am very sensitive
to your torment.
221
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,459
- Excuse me?
- But unfortunately we are mere mortals.
222
00:19:19,530 --> 00:19:24,900
We are restricted by the...
Laws of nature.
223
00:19:24,969 --> 00:19:27,995
Well, what more
could one expect?
224
00:19:28,072 --> 00:19:30,974
Mmm, mmm, that depends.
225
00:19:31,043 --> 00:19:36,481
I could not help but overhear your
little joke about money being no object.
226
00:19:36,548 --> 00:19:39,449
- That was no joke!
- I see.
227
00:19:41,820 --> 00:19:44,186
I wonder, miss Ashton,
228
00:19:44,256 --> 00:19:48,352
if perhaps you have
ever heard of...
229
00:19:50,530 --> 00:19:52,498
Lisle Von rhuman?
230
00:19:52,565 --> 00:19:55,125
Ah... no.
231
00:19:55,201 --> 00:19:58,136
No, of course you haven't.
Very few have.
232
00:19:58,204 --> 00:20:00,331
Only a select group.
233
00:20:00,406 --> 00:20:03,307
She may be able to help you.
234
00:20:04,644 --> 00:20:08,205
Here is her address.
235
00:20:08,281 --> 00:20:10,682
She accepts callers day...
And night.
236
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,184
Eh...
237
00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:16,553
It is a very, very select group,
you understand?
238
00:20:16,624 --> 00:20:19,058
Sure.
239
00:20:21,462 --> 00:20:25,330
I'm glad this happened,
miss Ashton.
240
00:20:25,399 --> 00:20:29,733
We shall be seeing
more of you, I think.
241
00:20:29,803 --> 00:20:31,897
Yes, I think so.
242
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,681
Weirdo.
243
00:20:47,755 --> 00:20:50,782
Could you just not breathe?
244
00:21:00,702 --> 00:21:03,865
Jesus, what'd she do?
Hire extras?
245
00:21:03,939 --> 00:21:05,907
Good evening.
246
00:21:08,610 --> 00:21:11,546
Evian, please. No ice.
247
00:21:12,782 --> 00:21:15,182
- Dr. Menville?
- Yes.
248
00:21:15,251 --> 00:21:18,118
- Ernest menville?
- Yes.
249
00:21:18,187 --> 00:21:22,453
- Hi, I'm Vivian Adams.
- Hi, h-h-have we met?
250
00:21:22,525 --> 00:21:24,959
Long ago. I never had
a chance to thank you...
251
00:21:25,027 --> 00:21:30,227
For the spectacular job
you did with my aunt Esther.
252
00:21:30,300 --> 00:21:32,734
Oh, well, thank you very much.
253
00:21:32,803 --> 00:21:35,533
Her color, her tone.
254
00:21:35,606 --> 00:21:39,633
- You even brought out her cheekbones.
- Well, that's my job.
255
00:21:39,710 --> 00:21:42,406
It was almost a shame
to Bury her.
256
00:21:42,479 --> 00:21:44,743
It's so sweet of you
to say that.
257
00:21:44,815 --> 00:21:47,716
Can I ask you
what your secret is?
258
00:21:47,784 --> 00:21:49,911
Spray paint.
259
00:21:51,289 --> 00:21:55,885
You see, you can't just use
regular makeup on dead skin.
260
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:57,894
The pores are too dry.
261
00:21:57,962 --> 00:22:00,954
You've gotta use a palette
and grind the stuff in.
262
00:22:01,032 --> 00:22:04,468
One day I'm in the hardware store and
I think, "what about mannequin paint?"
263
00:22:04,536 --> 00:22:09,371
It's got its own chemical adhesive,
comes in a variety of flesh...
264
00:22:10,709 --> 00:22:13,371
Excuse me!
265
00:22:29,295 --> 00:22:31,491
Have you seen her yet?
266
00:22:31,565 --> 00:22:35,729
What a joke. She's not even here.
267
00:22:37,470 --> 00:22:41,600
- Oh, look over there.
- Wh...
268
00:22:41,675 --> 00:22:46,305
Oh, looks as though
she's lost a few pounds!
269
00:22:52,019 --> 00:22:55,250
- We're leaving.
- Nonsense. Let's go talk to her.
270
00:22:55,323 --> 00:22:59,487
No. I'll talk to her.
271
00:23:00,962 --> 00:23:05,558
I just want you to know
that I am at your disposal.
272
00:23:05,633 --> 00:23:08,966
You can call me day or night.
273
00:23:09,036 --> 00:23:11,699
I did give you all my numbers?
274
00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:26,451
Mad?
275
00:23:26,521 --> 00:23:29,354
Hel!
276
00:23:35,498 --> 00:23:38,990
I don't believe it!
277
00:23:39,068 --> 00:23:44,370
Helen, darling, 12 years!
12 long years!
278
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:47,807
And look at you,
you have a... waist.
279
00:23:47,877 --> 00:23:51,041
Oh, you haven't changed.
280
00:23:51,115 --> 00:23:54,243
Gosh, I'm glad you came.
I didn't know if you would.
281
00:23:54,318 --> 00:23:56,786
I spoke to my p.R. Woman
and she said,
282
00:23:56,854 --> 00:23:59,789
"Madeline Ashton goes
to the opening of an envelope."
283
00:23:59,857 --> 00:24:02,621
Those people can be so cruel.
284
00:24:02,693 --> 00:24:05,992
I fired her.
Well, I almost fired her.
285
00:24:06,063 --> 00:24:08,361
Well, that was
sweet of you, dear.
286
00:24:08,432 --> 00:24:10,492
- Would you mind?
- Not at all.
287
00:24:10,568 --> 00:24:15,198
- So, how's it been?
- Heaven, it's absolute heaven.
288
00:24:15,273 --> 00:24:18,208
- Ernest is a dream.
- I'm so happy for you both.
289
00:24:18,276 --> 00:24:21,143
I often thought to myself
"I don't deserve this"...
290
00:24:21,212 --> 00:24:24,306
Because it came at your expense.
291
00:24:24,382 --> 00:24:27,943
And that thought
made me feel... terrible.
292
00:24:28,019 --> 00:24:31,285
Listen, that was a long time ago.
293
00:24:31,357 --> 00:24:35,623
You didn't steal him.
He went to you.
294
00:24:35,695 --> 00:24:38,789
It wasn't you. It was him.
295
00:24:38,864 --> 00:24:41,765
I want you to know something.
296
00:24:41,834 --> 00:24:47,295
I have never ever blamed you.
Never!
297
00:24:55,816 --> 00:25:00,150
- Do you believe how she looks?
- How old is she?
298
00:25:00,220 --> 00:25:02,848
- Fifty.
- Fifty?
299
00:25:02,923 --> 00:25:05,323
You've gotta be kidding.
300
00:25:05,392 --> 00:25:08,919
I wonder what her secret is.
301
00:25:31,053 --> 00:25:35,683
- Life has turned out as quite a party.
- You used to hate parties.
302
00:25:35,758 --> 00:25:38,955
That was when I was old.
You should see me now.
303
00:25:39,027 --> 00:25:42,428
I didn't know
you were so unhappy.
304
00:25:46,268 --> 00:25:48,759
Never could lie to you.
305
00:25:51,007 --> 00:25:55,410
I know about the kind of...
Work you're doing now.
306
00:25:55,478 --> 00:25:57,639
It's not work.
307
00:25:57,714 --> 00:26:01,878
I would sell my soul
to be able to operate again.
308
00:26:01,951 --> 00:26:06,445
- Oh, Helen, I've wasted my life.
- No, Ernest.
309
00:26:06,523 --> 00:26:09,356
She's wasted you.
310
00:26:09,425 --> 00:26:12,418
She married
a brilliant surgeon...
311
00:26:12,496 --> 00:26:15,294
And turned him
into an undertaker.
312
00:26:15,366 --> 00:26:18,301
I want you to know something.
313
00:26:18,369 --> 00:26:21,998
I have never blamed you
for leaving me.
314
00:26:22,072 --> 00:26:25,235
I always knew it was her.
315
00:26:25,309 --> 00:26:28,176
She's a woman.
316
00:26:28,245 --> 00:26:31,875
A woman, Ernest.
317
00:26:31,950 --> 00:26:34,248
From Newark, for god's sakes.
318
00:26:34,319 --> 00:26:39,655
I will never forgive her
for what she's done to you.
319
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:43,384
Never.
320
00:27:15,596 --> 00:27:17,962
Dakota!
321
00:27:18,031 --> 00:27:20,591
Oh!
322
00:27:20,667 --> 00:27:22,601
Oh!
323
00:27:25,005 --> 00:27:26,836
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
324
00:27:26,907 --> 00:27:28,966
I didn't know
you were coming over.
325
00:27:29,042 --> 00:27:31,603
- Oh, my god, you're not alone.
- Of course I am.
326
00:27:31,679 --> 00:27:34,477
- I'm completely alone.
- Dakota?
327
00:27:34,549 --> 00:27:37,712
Actually, completely
isn't quite what I meant.
328
00:27:37,785 --> 00:27:41,551
- How dare you make me feel cheap!
- Madeline, I forgot.
329
00:27:41,623 --> 00:27:44,615
- She's here to... she's here to fix...
- Who is she?
330
00:27:44,692 --> 00:27:47,559
- I'm trying to tell you...
- Who is the little piece of meat?
331
00:27:47,629 --> 00:27:50,895
She's a friend of, of,
the guy who was here to...
332
00:27:50,966 --> 00:27:54,902
- Jesus, at least lie quickly!
- I am trying to.
333
00:27:54,970 --> 00:28:00,636
Look, you gotta believe me.
This is perfectly innocent.
334
00:28:14,624 --> 00:28:16,592
Hey, hey, hey.
335
00:28:16,660 --> 00:28:18,992
I'm sick of this shit,
you know that?
336
00:28:19,062 --> 00:28:21,724
- I am doing you a favor here.
- Doing me a favor?
337
00:28:21,798 --> 00:28:25,097
- I gave you...
- Yeah, you gave, I gave. Big deal!
338
00:28:25,168 --> 00:28:27,864
Somebody told me we look
ridiculous together.
339
00:28:27,938 --> 00:28:30,373
How do you think
that makes me feel?
340
00:28:30,441 --> 00:28:32,773
You never think
about my feelings.
341
00:28:32,843 --> 00:28:36,210
Go find someone
your own age, Madeline!
342
00:29:42,249 --> 00:29:46,049
Madeline! I need to speak
to Madeline at once!
343
00:29:47,187 --> 00:29:49,417
No.
344
00:29:52,494 --> 00:29:56,760
Madeline. I need to speak
to Madeline at once!
345
00:29:56,831 --> 00:29:58,890
Yeah.
346
00:30:39,142 --> 00:30:41,667
Geez.
347
00:31:00,097 --> 00:31:03,726
- Good evening. I hope it's not too...
- Not at all, miss Ashton.
348
00:31:03,801 --> 00:31:06,497
Miss Von rhuman's expecting you.
349
00:31:06,571 --> 00:31:09,768
She is?
350
00:31:18,350 --> 00:31:21,012
Wait here, please.
351
00:31:47,313 --> 00:31:50,306
Follow me, please.
352
00:32:18,446 --> 00:32:21,506
Excuse me.
353
00:32:23,351 --> 00:32:26,081
I hoped you'd come.
354
00:32:26,154 --> 00:32:30,558
Make some room for my friend,
for Christ's sake!
355
00:32:30,626 --> 00:32:35,256
But...
356
00:32:35,331 --> 00:32:37,856
Keep your ass handy.
357
00:32:46,575 --> 00:32:51,980
May I say that
I've always thought yours...
358
00:32:52,049 --> 00:32:57,009
To be one of the most
beautiful faces...
359
00:32:57,087 --> 00:33:00,614
Ever to grace the silver screen.
360
00:33:00,691 --> 00:33:01,953
Oh.
361
00:33:02,025 --> 00:33:04,220
And that husband of yours,
362
00:33:04,294 --> 00:33:08,355
I can only say that
his reputation is unsurpassed.
363
00:33:08,432 --> 00:33:10,367
Oh.
364
00:33:10,435 --> 00:33:14,963
I just arrived in town.
I follow the spring.
365
00:33:15,039 --> 00:33:17,439
I haven't seen an Autumn
or winter in years.
366
00:33:20,378 --> 00:33:22,938
We are creatures
of the spring, you and I.
367
00:33:23,014 --> 00:33:27,610
Uh-huh. I'm not really
quite sure why I came.
368
00:33:27,685 --> 00:33:31,019
You're scared as hell...
Of yourself,
369
00:33:32,157 --> 00:33:35,820
of the body you thought
you once knew.
370
00:33:35,894 --> 00:33:38,419
I beg your pardon?
371
00:33:39,531 --> 00:33:43,023
I am the one who understands.
372
00:33:43,102 --> 00:33:46,902
I am the one
who knows your secret.
373
00:33:49,108 --> 00:33:51,270
Who is it?
374
00:33:54,514 --> 00:33:58,006
Madeline.
I need to speak to Madeline.
375
00:33:58,084 --> 00:34:00,314
She's not here.
376
00:34:00,386 --> 00:34:03,549
Ah, thank god!
377
00:34:08,094 --> 00:34:11,963
How did you get in?
I didn't hear the gate.
378
00:34:14,135 --> 00:34:16,831
I didn't want you to hear.
379
00:34:16,904 --> 00:34:19,031
Ernest, ask me to go.
380
00:34:19,106 --> 00:34:21,973
Ask me to leave
this house immediately!
381
00:34:22,042 --> 00:34:24,840
- You just got here.
- I know, I know.
382
00:34:24,912 --> 00:34:28,541
But it just took me a glimpse
and I was back where I started.
383
00:34:28,616 --> 00:34:30,881
Where's that?
384
00:34:30,952 --> 00:34:34,285
- Don't pretend you're not aware of it.
- Of what?
385
00:34:34,356 --> 00:34:38,759
You're a powerful
sexual being, Ernest.
386
00:34:38,827 --> 00:34:40,556
I am?
387
00:34:40,629 --> 00:34:42,426
Yes, you are.
388
00:34:42,497 --> 00:34:45,625
If I never told you before,
it's because...
389
00:34:45,700 --> 00:34:49,136
I wasn't the sort of girl
that could say the word...
390
00:34:49,204 --> 00:34:52,766
"Sexual" without blushing.
391
00:34:55,545 --> 00:34:58,036
Well, I can now.
392
00:34:59,749 --> 00:35:02,775
Sexual.
393
00:35:03,519 --> 00:35:06,079
Sensual.
394
00:35:07,657 --> 00:35:09,818
Sexy.
395
00:35:11,261 --> 00:35:14,059
Sex.
396
00:35:14,131 --> 00:35:17,100
Sex.
397
00:35:17,167 --> 00:35:19,192
Sex!
398
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:27,636
So warm, so full of life.
399
00:35:27,711 --> 00:35:31,876
And already
it ebbs away from you.
400
00:35:31,950 --> 00:35:35,078
This is life's ultimate cruelty.
401
00:35:35,153 --> 00:35:38,816
It offers us the taste
of youth and vitality...
402
00:35:38,890 --> 00:35:42,917
And then makes us
witness our own decay.
403
00:35:44,262 --> 00:35:46,594
Well, it is the natural law.
404
00:35:46,664 --> 00:35:49,132
Screw the natural law!
405
00:36:42,723 --> 00:36:45,248
What is that?
406
00:36:45,326 --> 00:36:49,558
What you came for.
407
00:36:49,630 --> 00:36:52,623
A touch of magic...
408
00:36:52,701 --> 00:36:57,001
In this world
obsessed with science.
409
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:01,274
A tonic.
410
00:37:02,911 --> 00:37:05,209
A potion.
411
00:37:06,949 --> 00:37:08,917
What does it do?
412
00:37:08,984 --> 00:37:12,477
How old would you guess I am?
413
00:37:15,391 --> 00:37:18,485
I wouldn't...
414
00:37:18,561 --> 00:37:21,325
Come on.
Don't try to flatter me.
415
00:37:21,397 --> 00:37:23,888
Thirty eight.
416
00:37:24,934 --> 00:37:26,993
Oh, twenty eight.
Twenty... three?
417
00:37:27,070 --> 00:37:30,768
I am seventy-one years old.
418
00:37:30,841 --> 00:37:34,174
That's what it does.
419
00:37:34,244 --> 00:37:37,702
It stops the aging process
dead in its tracks...
420
00:37:37,781 --> 00:37:40,011
And forces it into retreat.
421
00:37:40,084 --> 00:37:44,851
Drink that potion and you'll
never grow even one day older.
422
00:37:44,922 --> 00:37:50,259
Don't drink it... and continue
to watch yourself rot.
423
00:37:51,162 --> 00:37:53,096
How much is it?
424
00:37:55,667 --> 00:37:59,603
The sordid topic of coin...
425
00:37:59,671 --> 00:38:02,401
I'm afraid is not so simple.
426
00:38:02,474 --> 00:38:06,843
The cost, you see,
it's different for everyone.
427
00:38:06,911 --> 00:38:10,211
Well, for me, how much?
428
00:38:25,464 --> 00:38:30,596
Well, thank you very much.
I think I should be going.
429
00:38:30,670 --> 00:38:32,900
Sit!
430
00:38:47,854 --> 00:38:50,653
Hold out your hand.
431
00:38:54,362 --> 00:38:57,964
What are you, nuts?
432
00:38:58,098 --> 00:39:00,191
Watch.
433
00:39:26,994 --> 00:39:29,428
Check okay?
434
00:39:29,497 --> 00:39:31,432
Fine.
435
00:39:31,500 --> 00:39:34,128
But you must make me a promise.
436
00:39:34,203 --> 00:39:37,070
The secret that we share
must never become public.
437
00:39:37,139 --> 00:39:39,767
You may continue your career
for ten years,
438
00:39:39,842 --> 00:39:43,073
ten years of perfect,
unchanged beauty.
439
00:39:43,145 --> 00:39:47,844
But at the end of that time,
before people become suspicious,
440
00:39:47,916 --> 00:39:50,818
you have to disappear
from public view forever.
441
00:39:50,887 --> 00:39:53,082
You can retire.
442
00:39:53,156 --> 00:39:56,387
You can stage
your own phony death...
443
00:39:56,459 --> 00:39:59,019
Or...
444
00:39:59,095 --> 00:40:02,622
As one of my clients
simply said,
445
00:40:02,699 --> 00:40:05,600
"I vant to be alone, yah."
446
00:40:05,668 --> 00:40:08,603
No! She's not!
447
00:40:09,773 --> 00:40:11,708
Wow!
448
00:40:38,003 --> 00:40:40,597
Bottoms up.
449
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:57,815
- Now, a warning.
- Now, a warning?
450
00:40:57,890 --> 00:41:01,382
Take care of yourself.
451
00:41:01,461 --> 00:41:07,229
You and your body are going
to be together a long time.
452
00:41:07,300 --> 00:41:09,996
Be good to it.
453
00:41:11,705 --> 00:41:15,607
Siempre viva. Live forever.
454
00:41:56,619 --> 00:42:00,749
I can't believe... did you...
455
00:42:00,823 --> 00:42:03,621
Oh... I'm a girl!
456
00:42:03,692 --> 00:42:06,991
Shh.
457
00:42:07,062 --> 00:42:10,396
Ernest, oh, we gotta stop.
458
00:42:10,467 --> 00:42:12,958
I know we... I know we...
459
00:42:13,036 --> 00:42:15,402
Really, Ernest. Oh.
460
00:42:15,472 --> 00:42:17,963
Ernest, don't be angry with me.
461
00:42:18,041 --> 00:42:21,408
I'm fighting this as hard
as I can, but just...
462
00:42:21,478 --> 00:42:23,139
Look at you!
463
00:42:25,582 --> 00:42:28,346
She's already destroyed
your career.
464
00:42:28,418 --> 00:42:31,013
Now she's breaking your heart,
465
00:42:31,088 --> 00:42:33,818
stealing your pride,
466
00:42:33,891 --> 00:42:36,257
flaunting her lovers...
467
00:42:36,327 --> 00:42:39,694
- All over town.
- You know about that?
468
00:42:39,764 --> 00:42:43,359
Everyone does.
469
00:42:43,434 --> 00:42:47,029
At the party,
people spoke of nothing else.
470
00:42:47,104 --> 00:42:49,902
How can you love me, Helen?
471
00:42:49,974 --> 00:42:54,344
I've been so weak for so long.
472
00:42:54,413 --> 00:42:58,042
I should've divorced Madeline
a long time ago.
473
00:43:00,385 --> 00:43:04,344
By god, that is exactly
what I am going to do!
474
00:43:04,423 --> 00:43:06,618
The first thing
tomorrow morning,
475
00:43:06,692 --> 00:43:10,128
I am gonna go downtown and obtain
a divorce from Madeline Ashton.
476
00:43:10,196 --> 00:43:14,132
- Ernest?
- Monday. At the very least Tuesday.
477
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:18,034
Divorce? In California?
478
00:43:18,104 --> 00:43:22,006
That's exactly what
she wants you to do.
479
00:43:22,075 --> 00:43:24,407
You have no talent for poverty.
480
00:43:30,818 --> 00:43:33,582
You can't let her
get away with that.
481
00:43:35,055 --> 00:43:38,081
Then there's nothing I can do.
482
00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:42,588
Oh, yes, there is.
483
00:43:46,767 --> 00:43:49,201
Listen to me, Ernest.
484
00:43:49,269 --> 00:43:53,832
I've thought this through
carefully, and it's the only way.
485
00:43:53,908 --> 00:43:57,639
Tonight, while she's asleep,
you'll sneak downstairs quietly,
486
00:43:57,712 --> 00:44:02,376
and take one of each kind
of wine glass from the shelf.
487
00:44:02,450 --> 00:44:04,884
Then you'll take
this narconal...
488
00:44:04,953 --> 00:44:07,353
And lightly coat each glass.
489
00:44:07,422 --> 00:44:11,484
As you know, narconal is a very
powerful alcohol-base tranquilizer,
490
00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:13,528
so you won't need much.
491
00:44:13,596 --> 00:44:16,258
Tomorrow, I'll call Madeline
to say good-bye.
492
00:44:16,332 --> 00:44:21,269
- I'll get her to invite me to dinner.
- Why don't you come to dinner?
493
00:44:21,337 --> 00:44:25,330
Then, at dinner,
we propose a toast.
494
00:44:25,408 --> 00:44:27,672
No matter which glass
she drinks from,
495
00:44:27,743 --> 00:44:31,908
narconal will be on the glass.
496
00:44:31,982 --> 00:44:35,418
You and I work together.
First, we finish dinner.
497
00:44:35,485 --> 00:44:38,852
Then we load her in the car, take
her to the top of Mulholland drive,
498
00:44:38,922 --> 00:44:44,087
call the police and report we've seen a
drunk woman swerving close to the edge.
499
00:44:44,161 --> 00:44:47,722
Some drunk woman up here on Mulholland's
swerving dangerously close to the edge.
500
00:44:47,798 --> 00:44:51,462
We'll sit her up
in the driver's seat...
501
00:44:51,536 --> 00:44:53,401
And make it look like
she's had...
502
00:44:53,471 --> 00:44:57,430
Just a little bit
too much to drink.
503
00:44:57,508 --> 00:44:59,738
We drop the car into gear,
504
00:45:01,479 --> 00:45:04,312
wedge her foot
down on the accelerator,
505
00:45:05,883 --> 00:45:08,909
clamp her hands
on the steering wheel...
506
00:45:08,986 --> 00:45:11,888
And send her on her way.
507
00:45:22,835 --> 00:45:25,736
By the time
they perform the autopsy,
508
00:45:25,804 --> 00:45:28,466
the narconal will be
completely dissolved,
509
00:45:28,540 --> 00:45:31,305
leaving only traces of alcohol.
510
00:45:31,377 --> 00:45:35,814
She'll be classified
as just another drunk driver.
511
00:45:35,882 --> 00:45:41,411
- They'll check her blood alcohol...
- Point four-0. She had it coming.
512
00:45:41,488 --> 00:45:43,956
And think nothing more of it.
513
00:45:44,023 --> 00:45:48,722
The case is closed.
Madeline is dead.
514
00:45:48,795 --> 00:45:52,357
And we're free!
515
00:45:52,433 --> 00:45:55,231
What are we saying?
516
00:46:01,575 --> 00:46:05,511
- We can't go through with this, Helen.
- It's the only way.
517
00:46:05,579 --> 00:46:07,843
After she's gone,
518
00:46:07,915 --> 00:46:11,249
you can start your life
all over again.
519
00:46:11,319 --> 00:46:14,652
I can start my life
all over again.
520
00:46:14,723 --> 00:46:19,160
Oh, we'll be so happy!
521
00:46:21,797 --> 00:46:24,925
She's killing you.
522
00:46:26,668 --> 00:46:30,571
So... it would be self-defense.
523
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:34,132
Self-defense.
524
00:48:04,971 --> 00:48:08,429
My god, it's back!
525
00:48:17,985 --> 00:48:20,249
We have to talk.
526
00:48:20,321 --> 00:48:23,688
- Have another drink and go to bed.
- You'd like that.
527
00:48:23,758 --> 00:48:26,921
You'd like to see me drink
myself into an early grave.
528
00:48:26,994 --> 00:48:29,394
That is not going
to happen, by god!
529
00:48:29,463 --> 00:48:33,730
- You are not going to take my money!
- What are you talking about?
530
00:48:33,802 --> 00:48:37,033
When was the last time you
worked, Madeline? A real job?
531
00:48:37,105 --> 00:48:41,474
Anything you had left, you owed me
a long time ago. Your face owed me.
532
00:48:41,543 --> 00:48:44,034
You've changed your hair?
533
00:48:46,381 --> 00:48:48,474
What an eye.
534
00:48:48,550 --> 00:48:50,485
Don't wait up.
535
00:48:52,722 --> 00:48:55,020
Cheap.
536
00:48:57,927 --> 00:49:00,361
What did you say?
537
00:49:00,430 --> 00:49:02,898
I called you cheap.
That's what I think of you.
538
00:49:02,965 --> 00:49:05,433
Who do you think
you're talking to?
539
00:49:05,501 --> 00:49:08,163
You're a cheap,
tacky little tramp.
540
00:49:08,237 --> 00:49:10,536
Who do you think you are?
541
00:49:10,607 --> 00:49:14,008
- Nothing like the woman I married.
- You're nothing!
542
00:49:14,078 --> 00:49:17,570
- You're a broad!
- You're a tragic, boozy, flaccid clown.
543
00:49:17,648 --> 00:49:21,482
- Watch it, Madeline.
- That's it. Flaccid.
544
00:49:21,552 --> 00:49:23,577
- Watch what you say.
- Flaccid.
545
00:49:23,654 --> 00:49:26,248
I don't have to take
this any longer!
546
00:49:26,323 --> 00:49:29,224
You'll take everything I have to give!
You always have.
547
00:49:29,293 --> 00:49:31,728
You're not even a man anymore.
And I need a man!
548
00:49:31,796 --> 00:49:35,926
A real man, not some drunken,
broken-down flaccid undertaker...
549
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:39,163
Who is just as dead below
the waist as his clients are.
550
00:49:39,237 --> 00:49:42,001
Hey, I might have more fun
with one of your clients!
551
00:49:42,073 --> 00:49:45,509
At least I'd know I'd be
getting something stiff...
552
00:50:02,461 --> 00:50:05,430
Did you think that I was just going
to take it forever, Madeline?
553
00:50:05,498 --> 00:50:06,988
Did you?
554
00:50:07,066 --> 00:50:10,264
You cruel, vicious,
loathsome bitch!
555
00:50:14,741 --> 00:50:17,972
Please? Please?
556
00:50:20,647 --> 00:50:23,810
Oh, god! Oh!
557
00:50:23,884 --> 00:50:27,911
- Madeline, I'm so sorry.
- Oh, help me! Help me!
558
00:50:30,491 --> 00:50:32,789
Hurry!
559
00:50:32,860 --> 00:50:35,021
Help me! Hurry up, you wimp!
560
00:50:59,087 --> 00:51:01,078
Oh, boy.
561
00:51:07,329 --> 00:51:10,993
Oh, oh.
562
00:51:11,067 --> 00:51:13,934
Oh.
563
00:51:15,705 --> 00:51:18,697
Oh, boy!
564
00:51:45,903 --> 00:51:48,269
Oh, boy!
565
00:51:59,084 --> 00:52:01,279
Suite 1110, please.
566
00:52:01,353 --> 00:52:04,186
Helen, it's me, Ernest menville!
I did it!
567
00:52:04,256 --> 00:52:06,554
I didn't think I'd be able to,
but I did it!
568
00:52:06,625 --> 00:52:09,753
I pushed her down the stairs.
She is absolutely stone cold.
569
00:52:09,828 --> 00:52:13,287
She was saying the most
monstrous things and she's dead.
570
00:52:13,366 --> 00:52:15,960
I just had this feeling inside
of me that I couldn't contain.
571
00:52:16,035 --> 00:52:18,765
We're free, Helen. But I'm
afraid I'm gonna burn in hell.
572
00:52:18,838 --> 00:52:21,705
Her neck is broken and
there's no pulse and she's dead.
573
00:52:21,774 --> 00:52:25,403
Exactly which part of the plan
were you unclear on?
574
00:52:25,478 --> 00:52:29,039
- We went over it three times, Ernest.
- You don't understand.
575
00:52:29,115 --> 00:52:32,950
- Ernest, we went over it three times.
- You don't understand.
576
00:52:33,020 --> 00:52:35,284
It just happened.
It was an accident.
577
00:52:35,355 --> 00:52:37,700
It's better than an accident. At least
it's gonna look like an accident.
578
00:52:37,724 --> 00:52:40,056
- Have you called the police?
- No, I called you first.
579
00:52:40,127 --> 00:52:43,528
Ernest, you...
Poor, sweet thing.
580
00:52:43,597 --> 00:52:48,057
If the police check the phone records,
don't you think it'll look unusual...
581
00:52:48,135 --> 00:52:52,266
- That you called me before them?
- Oh, my god.
582
00:52:52,340 --> 00:52:54,831
- You're right.
- Of course I'm right!
583
00:52:54,909 --> 00:52:56,843
- Should I call them right now?
- No.
584
00:52:56,911 --> 00:53:00,506
We have to decide what
you're going to say first.
585
00:53:01,749 --> 00:53:04,274
- Well?
- I'm thinking.
586
00:53:05,453 --> 00:53:07,580
Okay, I've got it.
Where's the body?
587
00:53:07,655 --> 00:53:11,422
- At the foot of the stairs.
- Good. Don't move her.
588
00:53:11,493 --> 00:53:14,018
- Soon as we hang up, call the police.
- Okay.
589
00:53:14,096 --> 00:53:17,827
Tell them you were on the phone with
me when you heard a terrible scream.
590
00:53:17,900 --> 00:53:20,869
You turned around and saw
Madeline fall down the stairs.
591
00:53:20,936 --> 00:53:23,029
- Right. Perfect.
- Stick to that story.
592
00:53:23,105 --> 00:53:26,268
If they check the phone records,
it'll confirm what you told them.
593
00:53:26,342 --> 00:53:29,106
- Got it.
- What about the time of death?
594
00:53:29,178 --> 00:53:32,808
- Could they prove the call came after?
- No, no.
595
00:53:32,882 --> 00:53:35,976
It's very difficult to determine
time of death within a few hours.
596
00:53:36,052 --> 00:53:39,818
- It's not an exact science.
- Ernest? Ernest!
597
00:53:39,889 --> 00:53:44,485
Ernest, you pushed me
down the stairs!
598
00:53:49,866 --> 00:53:52,301
Stay away from me!
599
00:53:52,370 --> 00:53:54,998
You bet I will! Animal! Psycho!
600
00:53:55,072 --> 00:53:58,064
- Don't come near me.
- Wife pusher!
601
00:53:58,142 --> 00:54:02,806
Don't come near me,
follow me or talk to me.
602
00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:04,745
I don't intend to.
603
00:54:04,815 --> 00:54:07,716
I just have to make
a telephone call.
604
00:54:11,189 --> 00:54:15,057
I just have to make
a telephone call.
605
00:54:15,127 --> 00:54:17,288
9-1-1, right?
606
00:54:20,532 --> 00:54:24,366
You're in the shit
house now, pal!
607
00:54:25,404 --> 00:54:27,565
Madeline, look at yourself!
608
00:54:27,639 --> 00:54:30,507
- Huh?
- Look at yourself!
609
00:54:34,380 --> 00:54:36,678
Ernest!
610
00:54:36,749 --> 00:54:39,718
My ass!
611
00:54:39,786 --> 00:54:43,244
I can see... my ass!
612
00:54:43,322 --> 00:54:48,282
- Something's wrong with your neck too.
- I would say so.
613
00:54:48,361 --> 00:54:53,095
I would friggin' well say so!
614
00:54:54,468 --> 00:54:57,528
Oh! Are you okay, honey?
615
00:54:57,604 --> 00:55:00,402
Yeah. Oh.
616
00:55:04,178 --> 00:55:08,080
Ernest...
617
00:55:08,148 --> 00:55:10,447
What's wrong with me?
618
00:55:10,518 --> 00:55:13,749
It's a dislocated neck.
That's what it is.
619
00:55:13,822 --> 00:55:17,417
It could happen. I've never seen
it happen, but it could happen.
620
00:55:17,492 --> 00:55:20,928
Yeah, so? Fix it.
621
00:55:20,995 --> 00:55:23,793
- How?
- I don't know. Just do it!
622
00:55:23,865 --> 00:55:26,834
I wouldn't know where
to begin, Madeline.
623
00:55:26,901 --> 00:55:28,892
For god's sake!
624
00:55:34,777 --> 00:55:36,802
Ah!
625
00:55:36,879 --> 00:55:39,313
Oh!
626
00:55:43,886 --> 00:55:47,754
Honey, I think I need a doctor.
627
00:55:52,095 --> 00:55:55,365
- What's the matter with this guy?
- She's at death's door!
628
00:55:55,498 --> 00:55:57,363
Doctor, she's at death's door.
629
00:55:57,434 --> 00:56:00,460
Why don't you let me
be the judge of that?
630
00:56:00,537 --> 00:56:02,562
What seems to be the problem?
631
00:56:02,639 --> 00:56:05,073
I fell down the stairs.
632
00:56:05,141 --> 00:56:07,905
Whoopsie. Anything broken?
633
00:56:07,977 --> 00:56:10,845
I don't think so. I mean,
it would hurt, wouldn't it?
634
00:56:10,915 --> 00:56:13,509
I should think so, yeah.
635
00:56:13,584 --> 00:56:18,021
Maybe my wrist,
but my neck feels sort of sore.
636
00:56:18,089 --> 00:56:20,649
Let's have a little look at you.
Which wrist is it?
637
00:56:20,725 --> 00:56:22,784
Right.
638
00:56:22,860 --> 00:56:25,658
- Does it hurt when I do this?
- No.
639
00:56:25,730 --> 00:56:28,722
- How about this?
- Nope.
640
00:56:30,736 --> 00:56:34,069
- Ah, okay, this?
- Hmm, no, uh-uh.
641
00:56:35,073 --> 00:56:38,474
- This doesn't hurt?
- Uh-uh. No.
642
00:56:38,543 --> 00:56:41,376
Are you telling me
it doesn't hurt when I do this?
643
00:56:41,446 --> 00:56:44,108
It doesn't hurt.
I told you that.
644
00:56:44,182 --> 00:56:47,674
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
645
00:56:47,753 --> 00:56:51,019
Okay, what's this you're talking
about with your neck?
646
00:56:51,090 --> 00:56:54,423
It hurts when I kinda
turn it, you know?
647
00:56:54,494 --> 00:56:57,258
Maybe you just...
648
00:56:57,330 --> 00:57:01,061
Okay, right. I see. Gotcha.
649
00:57:01,134 --> 00:57:05,400
- What about shock? Should we check?
- It could be shock.
650
00:57:05,471 --> 00:57:07,735
It could be shock.
651
00:57:22,523 --> 00:57:24,821
What is...
652
00:57:34,602 --> 00:57:36,866
What? What is it?
What's the matter?
653
00:57:36,938 --> 00:57:39,600
It's, uh, it's interesting.
654
00:57:39,674 --> 00:57:42,234
It's okeydokey.
655
00:57:42,310 --> 00:57:45,575
I think that
just about covers it.
656
00:57:45,647 --> 00:57:49,344
- Might I have a little sip of that?
- Of course.
657
00:57:51,754 --> 00:57:55,520
Well, I'll tell you what.
We, this, uh, odd thing.
658
00:57:55,591 --> 00:57:58,754
Your wrist,
as far as I can tell,
659
00:57:58,828 --> 00:58:02,229
it's fractured in three places.
660
00:58:02,298 --> 00:58:04,732
And you've shattered,
uh, two, uh, vertebrae.
661
00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:08,327
I can't really be certain
without an X-ray.
662
00:58:08,404 --> 00:58:13,104
But the bone protrusion through
the skin, that's not a good sign.
663
00:58:13,176 --> 00:58:15,872
And, uh... your body temperature
is below 80...
664
00:58:15,946 --> 00:58:19,006
And, your, your, your...
665
00:58:19,082 --> 00:58:21,380
Your heart's stopped beating.
666
00:58:21,451 --> 00:58:24,852
What the hell does that mean?
667
00:58:24,921 --> 00:58:27,287
Exactly! Exactly what...
668
00:58:27,357 --> 00:58:30,623
I think...
I'm gonna get a second opinion.
669
00:58:30,695 --> 00:58:32,458
Doctor?
670
00:58:32,530 --> 00:58:35,260
Well, could be worse.
671
00:58:35,333 --> 00:58:38,200
- I'm gonna examine you myself.
- No.
672
00:58:38,269 --> 00:58:40,533
- Sit still.
- Don't touch me.
673
00:58:40,605 --> 00:58:44,564
- My god, he's right.
- He is not right. Don't be ridiculous.
674
00:58:44,642 --> 00:58:46,787
- This is incredible.
- What would it mean if he were right?
675
00:58:46,811 --> 00:58:51,340
You're in violation of every
natural law that I know.
676
00:58:51,416 --> 00:58:53,441
I, I, I, I violated what law?
677
00:58:53,519 --> 00:58:55,612
In violation of every
natural law that I know!
678
00:58:55,687 --> 00:59:00,522
You're sitting there, you're
talking to me, but you're dead!
679
00:59:00,592 --> 00:59:02,787
I'm gonna get help!
680
00:59:08,299 --> 00:59:10,700
I need a doctor! Room 147!
681
00:59:10,769 --> 00:59:15,138
Hey! Hey!
682
00:59:15,207 --> 00:59:20,804
Respiratory therapist
to E.R. therapist to the E.R.
683
00:59:20,879 --> 00:59:24,576
Where are all the doctors?
684
00:59:30,457 --> 00:59:33,221
No, no, no! Not that lab!
685
00:59:33,293 --> 00:59:36,262
Everyone clear.
686
00:59:36,329 --> 00:59:39,423
- What do we have now?
- No pulse!
687
00:59:45,739 --> 00:59:48,640
Where is she?
688
00:59:53,114 --> 00:59:56,140
I'm terribly sorry, sir.
I know how difficult this must be.
689
00:59:56,217 --> 00:59:58,947
You don't understand.
She didn't...
690
00:59:59,019 --> 01:00:01,146
This is very hard to explain.
691
01:00:01,222 --> 01:00:04,157
I know it is.
How can anyone explain it?
692
01:00:04,225 --> 01:00:07,353
- Where did you put my wife?
- Don't worry about that now.
693
01:00:07,428 --> 01:00:09,828
Just give yourself
some time to grieve.
694
01:00:09,897 --> 01:00:14,164
- Where did you put my wife?
- She's dead. She's in the morgue.
695
01:00:14,236 --> 01:00:18,036
The morgue! She'll be furious.
696
01:01:26,978 --> 01:01:30,346
- Help!
- Yes, it's me, darling.
697
01:01:30,416 --> 01:01:33,715
Oh, Ernest!
698
01:01:33,786 --> 01:01:37,916
I fainted and I woke up
and it was all dark.
699
01:01:37,990 --> 01:01:40,788
I kept yelling
and yelling and yelling.
700
01:01:40,860 --> 01:01:43,658
Nobody heard me.
Nobody did anything.
701
01:01:43,729 --> 01:01:46,129
Then I didn't know where
I was and I got scared.
702
01:01:46,198 --> 01:01:49,690
It's okay. It's all right.
703
01:01:49,768 --> 01:01:53,637
Ernest, I'm in the morgue.
704
01:01:53,707 --> 01:01:55,937
- Why am I in the morgue?
- Shh! It's okay. It's okay!
705
01:01:56,009 --> 01:01:58,443
Listen! I understand now.
It's incredible!
706
01:01:58,511 --> 01:02:01,571
It's physically impossible,
but now I understand it.
707
01:02:01,648 --> 01:02:05,744
- They think I'm dead, Ernest.
- Yes! But you're not!
708
01:02:05,819 --> 01:02:08,617
In the whole of recorded
medical history,
709
01:02:08,688 --> 01:02:11,920
this has never happened
to another single human.
710
01:02:11,993 --> 01:02:15,793
Yeah, so, why did it have
to happen to me?
711
01:02:15,863 --> 01:02:19,094
- Do you know what you are, darling?
- Uh-uh.
712
01:02:19,166 --> 01:02:23,296
You're a sign.
You're an omen, a burning bush!
713
01:02:23,371 --> 01:02:26,067
- I am?
- Of course you are.
714
01:02:26,140 --> 01:02:29,007
We're being told that
we belong together.
715
01:02:29,076 --> 01:02:32,706
And I'm being called.
I'm being challenged.
716
01:02:32,781 --> 01:02:36,080
Don't you see, Madeline?
It's a miracle!
717
01:03:11,588 --> 01:03:16,753
Oh, my god!
718
01:03:41,219 --> 01:03:45,280
Shit!
719
01:04:01,941 --> 01:04:03,909
Oh!
720
01:04:31,139 --> 01:04:33,266
Formaldehyde.
721
01:04:33,341 --> 01:04:36,606
What in god's name?
722
01:05:07,276 --> 01:05:09,244
Darn it.
723
01:05:14,517 --> 01:05:16,451
It's just not the right balance.
724
01:05:16,519 --> 01:05:19,545
- How's it goin', ern?
- I don't wanna rush things, Madeline.
725
01:05:19,622 --> 01:05:23,251
Who keeps calling?
726
01:05:23,326 --> 01:05:25,794
- Huh?
- Who is that?
727
01:05:25,862 --> 01:05:28,922
I can't have these interruptions!
728
01:05:31,735 --> 01:05:35,398
I'm gonna need you
to hold very still.
729
01:05:35,473 --> 01:05:37,941
Oh!
730
01:05:38,008 --> 01:05:41,273
- What?
- Madeline!
731
01:05:41,345 --> 01:05:44,746
- I asked you to sit still.
- Mmm, what's the matter?
732
01:05:44,815 --> 01:05:47,807
- I need more turpentine now.
- Are we almost done?
733
01:05:47,885 --> 01:05:51,447
The highlights of your eyes are
unbalanced. Want people to stare?
734
01:05:51,556 --> 01:05:56,323
I can't use kerosene
because it'll affect the skin.
735
01:05:58,497 --> 01:06:01,864
Where is she?
736
01:06:05,237 --> 01:06:09,264
Oh, my gosh, Helen!
What are you doin' here?
737
01:06:09,341 --> 01:06:11,833
What's that on your hands?
Blood?
738
01:06:11,911 --> 01:06:14,106
- Paint!
- Paint?
739
01:06:14,180 --> 01:06:16,191
What would you be doing that
you have paint on your hands?
740
01:06:16,215 --> 01:06:18,581
- Painting.
- Ernest.
741
01:06:18,651 --> 01:06:21,814
Are you doing something funny
with Madeline?
742
01:06:21,888 --> 01:06:25,221
- Define funny.
- Oh, come on, Ernest. Cough her up!
743
01:06:25,291 --> 01:06:27,589
Shh, shh, shh, listen, Helen.
744
01:06:27,660 --> 01:06:30,026
- We should go outside and talk.
- Why are you whispering?
745
01:06:30,096 --> 01:06:34,534
- She's resting and in a foul mood.
- Are you nuts?
746
01:06:34,601 --> 01:06:37,399
- She's resting!
- She's not resting.
747
01:06:37,471 --> 01:06:41,931
She's dead, Ernest, just like we
wanted, just like we plotted together.
748
01:06:42,009 --> 01:06:45,877
Remember? You may have done it
alone, but I can't walk away now.
749
01:06:45,946 --> 01:06:48,813
- Not after you put us both in jeopardy!
- Shh!
750
01:06:48,882 --> 01:06:53,377
We have to Bury her in death valley
and be done with her once and for all.
751
01:06:53,454 --> 01:06:56,946
- You have to listen to me.
- Stop waffling. She deserved it.
752
01:06:57,025 --> 01:07:01,553
She was a home wrecker.
She was a man-eater.
753
01:07:01,629 --> 01:07:04,530
And she was a bad... actress.
754
01:07:04,599 --> 01:07:10,003
- Would you please listen to me!
- Oh, stop it!
755
01:07:10,071 --> 01:07:12,597
Madeline is not ready
to be buried yet.
756
01:07:12,675 --> 01:07:15,200
- She's upstairs resting peacefully.
- Oh, fine!
757
01:07:15,277 --> 01:07:17,507
If she's not dead,
you tell her to come here.
758
01:07:17,580 --> 01:07:20,048
Tell her to come here,
walk right up to me...
759
01:07:20,115 --> 01:07:22,675
- And kiss me on the...
- Kiss you on the what?
760
01:07:24,386 --> 01:07:28,982
- Mad?
- Hel.
761
01:07:29,058 --> 01:07:31,960
- Darling.
- What have you two...
762
01:07:32,028 --> 01:07:36,124
Been plotting down here
or should I say, what else?
763
01:07:36,199 --> 01:07:41,432
Are you angry, dear?
Are you very angry?
764
01:07:41,504 --> 01:07:46,168
- It's alive.
- Madeline?
765
01:07:46,243 --> 01:07:50,647
Oh, boy! Helen, I think you
should leave right away.
766
01:07:50,715 --> 01:07:54,617
I see a very bad
situation developing here.
767
01:07:54,685 --> 01:07:58,280
Dear? Madeline?
768
01:08:08,232 --> 01:08:10,326
I just want you
to know one thing, hel.
769
01:08:11,903 --> 01:08:13,837
You brought this on yourself.
770
01:08:13,905 --> 01:08:18,842
Madeline!
771
01:08:18,910 --> 01:08:23,210
Oh, my god!
772
01:08:23,282 --> 01:08:27,480
- What have you done?
- What have I done? Defended myself.
773
01:08:27,552 --> 01:08:29,816
You plotter, coconspirator!
774
01:08:29,888 --> 01:08:33,256
- She's dead!
- She is?
775
01:08:33,326 --> 01:08:37,854
These are the moments
that make life worth living.
776
01:08:37,930 --> 01:08:41,161
My god, Madeline, that was horrible.
It was brutal.
777
01:08:41,234 --> 01:08:44,260
It was stupid!
The police, Madeline! The police!
778
01:08:44,337 --> 01:08:47,363
What are they gonna do? Put me
in the gas chamber? Big deal.
779
01:08:47,440 --> 01:08:50,535
Life in prison? Know what that
means to a person in your condition?
780
01:08:50,611 --> 01:08:55,742
- So negative. Let me enjoy the moment.
- What about the neighbors?
781
01:08:55,816 --> 01:09:00,378
Neighbors? In 12 years in Los Angeles,
have you ever seen a neighbor?
782
01:09:00,454 --> 01:09:03,514
Oh! I gotta think!
I gotta think!
783
01:09:03,590 --> 01:09:05,581
One of us has to stay rational.
784
01:09:05,659 --> 01:09:10,153
I am completely rational.
We're going to Bury her.
785
01:09:10,231 --> 01:09:12,722
In death valley. You and I.
786
01:09:12,801 --> 01:09:15,235
I most certainly will not!
787
01:09:15,303 --> 01:09:20,434
Oh, no? Pretty strong words
for a murderer on the run,
788
01:09:20,508 --> 01:09:24,000
which is exactly
what you are, Ernest.
789
01:09:26,247 --> 01:09:29,614
What if the police should receive an
anonymous phone call about you...
790
01:09:29,684 --> 01:09:34,486
And find me on the floor
not breathing, no pulse?
791
01:09:34,557 --> 01:09:37,890
Ain't nobody can play dead
like me, Ernest.
792
01:09:37,960 --> 01:09:42,863
What will you tell them? You're going
to be very popular in prison.
793
01:09:42,932 --> 01:09:45,833
- Prison?
- Prison.
794
01:09:45,901 --> 01:09:50,099
Do you know what they do to soft,
bald, overweight Republicans...
795
01:09:50,172 --> 01:09:53,609
In prison, Ernest?
796
01:09:53,677 --> 01:09:55,845
I'll get the shovels, dear.
797
01:10:00,483 --> 01:10:03,281
And she even paid
for the hardware.
798
01:10:03,352 --> 01:10:07,379
Don't you just love it?
799
01:10:07,456 --> 01:10:10,585
Oh!
800
01:10:11,928 --> 01:10:14,488
- Are you just gonna sit there?
- What?
801
01:10:14,564 --> 01:10:17,533
- I won't be your accomplice by myself.
- I'll help.
802
01:10:17,601 --> 01:10:20,001
- I'm happy to help.
- Help me stretch this out. Get the end.
803
01:10:20,070 --> 01:10:23,938
- I'm very happy to help.
- Put the body right here.
804
01:10:24,007 --> 01:10:26,737
Today really shaped up
in a hurry, didn't it?
805
01:10:26,810 --> 01:10:30,177
Did you ever notice how some days
can start out so shitty...
806
01:10:33,184 --> 01:10:36,312
And then suddenly something wonderful
happens and your whole outlook...
807
01:10:36,387 --> 01:10:41,757
Just suddenly... changes.
808
01:10:41,826 --> 01:10:45,353
That... was totally
uncalled-for.
809
01:10:59,711 --> 01:11:04,842
Look at me, Ernest, just look at me.
I'm soaking wet.
810
01:11:04,917 --> 01:11:09,513
And there seems to be something
wrong with your, uh, blouse.
811
01:11:11,157 --> 01:11:15,287
I have a hole in my stomach!
812
01:11:15,361 --> 01:11:18,125
Oh!
813
01:11:18,198 --> 01:11:21,258
I have a hole in my stomach!
814
01:11:21,334 --> 01:11:25,498
Yeah, and you're still alive.
815
01:11:25,572 --> 01:11:29,372
- It's another miracle!
- No, it isn't.
816
01:11:36,150 --> 01:11:39,517
Ha! Ah-ha! You took the potion!
817
01:11:39,587 --> 01:11:41,782
- How do you know about that?
- Oh!
818
01:11:41,856 --> 01:11:45,519
- You took the potion too.
- Well, I hardly needed it.
819
01:11:45,593 --> 01:11:49,461
So that's why you look
the way you do and you are dead.
820
01:11:49,530 --> 01:11:53,194
- When did you take it?
- October 26, 1985. Way before you!
821
01:11:53,268 --> 01:11:55,634
- What are you talking about?
- The potion!
822
01:11:55,704 --> 01:11:57,672
- How much did you pay?
- Everything I had.
823
01:11:57,739 --> 01:11:59,798
- And that was cheap!
- You took a potion?
824
01:11:59,875 --> 01:12:03,811
- Beauty book, my butt!
- Wait a second.
825
01:12:03,879 --> 01:12:06,643
I don't think this is
a miracle at all!
826
01:12:06,715 --> 01:12:10,082
You're a fraud, a walking lie
and I can see right through you!
827
01:12:10,152 --> 01:12:15,420
Speaking of which,
as a friend, some advice.
828
01:12:15,491 --> 01:12:19,222
I would stay out of
a bathing suit for a while.
829
01:12:19,295 --> 01:12:21,661
At least, a two piece.
830
01:12:21,731 --> 01:12:23,926
Or if I...
831
01:12:33,410 --> 01:12:37,779
Damn. I just fixed this.
832
01:12:46,290 --> 01:12:48,758
En garde.
833
01:12:48,825 --> 01:12:50,623
- Bitch.
- Girls, girls!
834
01:12:50,695 --> 01:12:55,632
Let's just calm down. I'm sure we can
settle this peacefully... whoa!
835
01:12:55,700 --> 01:12:59,033
You should learn not to compete
with me. I always win.
836
01:12:59,103 --> 01:13:01,333
Yah! Yah!
837
01:13:01,406 --> 01:13:04,375
You may have always won,
but you never played fair.
838
01:13:04,442 --> 01:13:07,536
Oh!
839
01:13:07,612 --> 01:13:10,480
Who cares how I played? I won!
840
01:13:10,549 --> 01:13:13,017
I'll just be upstairs.
841
01:13:13,085 --> 01:13:17,488
That's 'cause you could
raise your legs higher than anyone.
842
01:13:17,556 --> 01:13:22,186
But look at you now! You couldn't
raise an eyebrow without surgery!
843
01:13:22,261 --> 01:13:24,695
I've raised a lot more
than an eyebrow in my day.
844
01:13:24,763 --> 01:13:27,391
You skinny, phony, hollow bitch!
845
01:13:27,466 --> 01:13:29,559
You've lost
your one and only talent.
846
01:13:29,635 --> 01:13:33,128
Which was one more talent
than you had, you former fatso!
847
01:13:38,511 --> 01:13:42,174
- Aaah!
- Yes! No! Oh, damn!
848
01:13:42,249 --> 01:13:45,343
This is pointless!
Wait a minute, this is ridiculous!
849
01:13:45,418 --> 01:13:47,699
We can't even hurt each other!
We can't even inflict pain!
850
01:13:47,754 --> 01:13:49,984
Pain!
851
01:13:50,056 --> 01:13:53,754
I'll tell ya about pain!
Bobby o'brien!
852
01:13:53,828 --> 01:13:57,423
Scott hunter! Ernest menville!
That's pain!
853
01:13:57,498 --> 01:14:00,296
I loved every one of them
and they loved me.
854
01:14:00,368 --> 01:14:03,531
I will not speak to you till
you put your head on straight.
855
01:14:06,774 --> 01:14:09,299
They were all I had and
you took them away from me.
856
01:14:09,377 --> 01:14:12,108
Not because you loved them,
not because you cared...
857
01:14:12,180 --> 01:14:14,910
But just to hurt me on purpose.
858
01:14:14,983 --> 01:14:16,974
- That is not true!
- Liar!
859
01:14:17,052 --> 01:14:19,646
- You attacked me first!
- Me?
860
01:14:19,721 --> 01:14:22,451
Do you think I was blind, deaf?
861
01:14:22,524 --> 01:14:27,552
I couldn't hear what you and your
snotty friends were saying about me?
862
01:14:27,629 --> 01:14:32,033
- You thought I was cheap.
- Oh, please. You're insane.
863
01:14:32,101 --> 01:14:35,559
Then how come you never invited me to
one of those parties at your parents?
864
01:14:35,638 --> 01:14:38,869
Because we didn't think
you'd feel comfortable.
865
01:14:38,941 --> 01:14:42,206
- It wasn't usual for... stop that!
- I'm trying.
866
01:14:42,278 --> 01:14:46,339
- It wasn't usual for us to have...
- Trash in the house!
867
01:14:46,416 --> 01:14:49,681
You're avoiding the issue. You stole
my boyfriends to hurt me on purpose!
868
01:14:49,752 --> 01:14:51,687
- I did not!
- Admit it!
869
01:14:51,755 --> 01:14:55,418
No, you admit it.
You look me in the eye...
870
01:14:55,492 --> 01:15:01,226
And you admit
you thought I was cheap.
871
01:15:13,845 --> 01:15:19,306
Okay, I thought you were cheap.
872
01:15:24,356 --> 01:15:28,122
Well,
873
01:15:28,193 --> 01:15:30,754
I hurt you on purpose.
874
01:15:30,830 --> 01:15:35,631
And I'm... really sorry.
875
01:15:38,504 --> 01:15:41,006
I'm sorry too.
876
01:15:44,376 --> 01:15:46,640
Ern, darling.
877
01:15:46,711 --> 01:15:50,705
Helen and I want to apologize
for that little thing downstairs.
878
01:15:50,783 --> 01:15:55,152
- We've got it out of our systems now.
- Yeah, thank god.
879
01:15:55,221 --> 01:15:58,554
It was so awful hating you
and envying you at the same time.
880
01:15:58,624 --> 01:16:00,956
You envied me? I envied you!
881
01:16:01,027 --> 01:16:03,291
- You did not!
- I did too.
882
01:16:03,362 --> 01:16:06,024
- Specifically, what part did you envy?
- Your grade point for one.
883
01:16:06,098 --> 01:16:08,999
Excuse me. Excuse me!
884
01:16:11,505 --> 01:16:17,239
I just wanted to tell you both that
I've come to a decision that's...
885
01:16:17,311 --> 01:16:21,611
Very important and long overdue.
886
01:16:21,682 --> 01:16:24,116
- I'm leaving.
- You're what? Leaving? No.
887
01:16:24,184 --> 01:16:27,210
- We need you.
- I promised hel you would fix her.
888
01:16:27,287 --> 01:16:29,619
And maddie needs work too.
889
01:16:29,690 --> 01:16:34,185
- You can go first.
- Oh, that's so sweet of you!
890
01:16:34,262 --> 01:16:36,287
Thank you. Ern?
891
01:16:36,364 --> 01:16:41,461
Come on. What do you say?
For old times sake.
892
01:16:41,536 --> 01:16:43,561
Please!
893
01:16:47,508 --> 01:16:52,412
On one condition.
When I'm done, I go.
894
01:16:54,316 --> 01:16:58,116
You don't look for me.
You don't ask about me.
895
01:16:58,187 --> 01:17:00,178
You don't even think
about me ever again.
896
01:17:00,255 --> 01:17:04,589
I have no problem with that.
Do you?
897
01:17:04,660 --> 01:17:07,993
Not anymore.
898
01:17:22,145 --> 01:17:24,841
- Oh!
- Oh! It's amazing!
899
01:17:24,914 --> 01:17:27,747
- Oh!
- Not a blemish! Not a pore!
900
01:17:27,817 --> 01:17:32,448
Oh! Say what you will about Ernest,
but the man is a genius.
901
01:17:32,523 --> 01:17:34,821
He is. He's a genius.
902
01:17:34,892 --> 01:17:37,725
- Wait. You've got a little thing.
- Ooh!
903
01:17:37,795 --> 01:17:40,263
Probably shouldn't have done that.
Ha-ha!
904
01:17:40,331 --> 01:17:42,822
- I think it's still... wet.
- Can Ernest fix this?
905
01:17:42,900 --> 01:17:44,945
- Yeah, I'll get him before he leaves.
- But wait a minute.
906
01:17:44,969 --> 01:17:46,459
What if this happens again?
907
01:17:46,537 --> 01:17:49,005
What if it fades? Chips?
What if it rains?
908
01:17:49,073 --> 01:17:51,201
- Will he come back for touch-ups?
- Even if he does,
909
01:17:51,276 --> 01:17:53,267
he's not gonna live forever.
910
01:17:53,345 --> 01:17:56,143
- That's not good.
- What are we gonna do?
911
01:17:56,214 --> 01:17:58,682
- He'll have to take the potion.
- Yeah!
912
01:17:58,750 --> 01:18:00,750
We'll take him to lisle's.
She'll talk him into it.
913
01:18:00,786 --> 01:18:03,564
He won't go to lisle's. You heard him.
He's made up his mind about leaving.
914
01:18:03,588 --> 01:18:07,080
That's true.
We have to respect that.
915
01:18:07,159 --> 01:18:10,687
I know. We'll drug him.
916
01:18:10,763 --> 01:18:13,323
Ern, darling.
917
01:18:13,399 --> 01:18:15,924
My taxi here?
918
01:18:16,002 --> 01:18:19,665
We thought you might
like some breakfast.
919
01:18:23,709 --> 01:18:27,338
You know, I was just thinking.
920
01:18:27,413 --> 01:18:30,975
I was questioning myself.
I was wondering why...
921
01:18:31,051 --> 01:18:33,815
I didn't pack this thing
five years ago,
922
01:18:33,887 --> 01:18:37,379
six years ago, ten years ago,
instead of sticking around here...
923
01:18:37,458 --> 01:18:41,451
And suffering
every indignity and humiliation.
924
01:18:41,528 --> 01:18:45,294
I'll tell ya why.
Because I made a promise...
925
01:18:45,365 --> 01:18:47,356
And that meant everything to me.
926
01:18:47,434 --> 01:18:51,201
Yes, it's all very noble
to keep your word.
927
01:18:51,272 --> 01:18:53,638
Ernest? Your drink?
928
01:18:53,708 --> 01:18:57,007
Do you know what they call someone who
sticks by their word no matter what?
929
01:18:57,078 --> 01:19:00,138
- At the cost of all else? Do you know?
- No.
930
01:19:00,215 --> 01:19:04,242
An idiot. From now on I'm gonna be
the kind of idiot I wanna be.
931
01:19:04,319 --> 01:19:07,220
An idiot with a modicum of pride,
because you know what?
932
01:19:07,288 --> 01:19:10,952
I finally realized something.
I've lived up to my promise.
933
01:19:11,026 --> 01:19:14,462
Till death do us part.
934
01:19:14,530 --> 01:19:18,694
Well, you girls are dead.
935
01:19:18,767 --> 01:19:21,759
And I'm parting.
936
01:19:21,837 --> 01:19:24,067
Cheers.
937
01:19:25,641 --> 01:19:28,337
You know something else?
938
01:19:32,616 --> 01:19:36,712
I drink too much.
939
01:19:39,289 --> 01:19:41,257
What?
940
01:20:20,465 --> 01:20:25,960
I'm glad to see you're
awake, Dr. Menville.
941
01:20:32,512 --> 01:20:35,413
I hope you don't mind...
942
01:20:35,481 --> 01:20:39,474
That Harry and dick
had to dress you.
943
01:20:39,552 --> 01:20:44,387
You were improperly
attired for the occasion.
944
01:20:44,457 --> 01:20:46,618
What occasion?
945
01:20:47,894 --> 01:20:51,296
I'm throwing a party upstairs.
946
01:20:51,365 --> 01:20:54,994
I throw one every spring
for my clients.
947
01:20:55,069 --> 01:20:57,833
All right.
948
01:20:57,905 --> 01:20:59,896
Okay.
949
01:21:06,313 --> 01:21:08,907
- What do you want with me?
- To you...
950
01:21:08,983 --> 01:21:14,149
I would like to give a present.
951
01:21:14,222 --> 01:21:17,089
The gift of life...
952
01:21:17,158 --> 01:21:21,652
And youth forever.
953
01:21:27,869 --> 01:21:32,330
I saw your wife and friend.
954
01:21:32,408 --> 01:21:34,535
You did brilliant work.
955
01:21:34,610 --> 01:21:36,544
Show me your hand.
956
01:21:39,949 --> 01:21:43,146
Come on. I won't bite.
957
01:21:45,521 --> 01:21:49,321
What are you doing?
958
01:21:50,727 --> 01:21:53,787
I'm loving you.
959
01:22:44,750 --> 01:22:47,651
My god!
960
01:22:50,256 --> 01:22:52,781
Oh, thank you.
961
01:22:56,930 --> 01:23:01,128
But don't be modest.
That's what you do.
962
01:23:01,201 --> 01:23:04,295
This is what you've always done.
963
01:23:04,371 --> 01:23:08,330
Stopped time in people's
faces and in their hands.
964
01:23:08,408 --> 01:23:11,537
You are like Don quixote,
965
01:23:11,612 --> 01:23:15,912
tilting at nature's windmill.
966
01:23:15,983 --> 01:23:19,043
Drink it.
967
01:23:19,120 --> 01:23:22,089
Go on.
968
01:23:22,156 --> 01:23:27,219
It is the completion
of your life's work.
969
01:23:27,294 --> 01:23:30,526
You gave other people youth...
970
01:23:30,599 --> 01:23:33,295
And wasted your own.
971
01:23:33,368 --> 01:23:35,666
Drink!
972
01:23:35,737 --> 01:23:38,900
You'll be able to work again...
Forever.
973
01:23:38,974 --> 01:23:41,636
Drink.
974
01:23:41,710 --> 01:23:44,304
Drink! Dr. Menville!
975
01:23:44,379 --> 01:23:49,248
You owe yourself
another chance. Drink!
976
01:23:49,317 --> 01:23:52,481
Make the right choice!
The only choice!
977
01:23:52,555 --> 01:23:55,820
Drink! Siempre viva!
978
01:23:55,892 --> 01:23:58,588
Live forever!
979
01:23:58,661 --> 01:24:01,926
Then what?
980
01:24:01,998 --> 01:24:04,762
What?
981
01:24:04,834 --> 01:24:07,769
- Then what happens?
- What?
982
01:24:07,837 --> 01:24:11,706
I don't wanna live forever.
983
01:24:11,775 --> 01:24:15,871
It sounds good, but what am I gonna do?
What if I get bored?
984
01:24:15,946 --> 01:24:18,676
- What?
- What if I get lonely?
985
01:24:18,749 --> 01:24:20,876
Who am I gonna hang around with,
Madeline and Helen?
986
01:24:20,951 --> 01:24:23,071
What if something happens to me?
What if I get maimed?
987
01:24:23,120 --> 01:24:26,146
What if I get shot?
What if somebody pushes me down...
988
01:24:26,223 --> 01:24:28,783
What if I fall down a flight
of stairs or something?
989
01:24:28,859 --> 01:24:32,352
- But you never grow old.
- But everybody else will.
990
01:24:32,430 --> 01:24:34,694
I'll have to watch
everyone around me die.
991
01:24:36,267 --> 01:24:38,258
I don't think this is right.
992
01:24:38,336 --> 01:24:41,032
This is not a dream.
This is a nightmare.
993
01:24:41,105 --> 01:24:43,437
You people all
have to be stopped.
994
01:24:43,508 --> 01:24:46,170
Dick, Tom, Harry.
995
01:24:47,545 --> 01:24:49,911
Get the potion from him!
996
01:24:55,554 --> 01:24:59,422
- Get him! Get him!
- Relax. He won't go far.
997
01:24:59,492 --> 01:25:01,927
Not at his age.
998
01:25:44,038 --> 01:25:49,874
Welcome, everyone. Lisle will
be down in a few minutes.
999
01:25:54,649 --> 01:25:59,313
First, I must remind all of you
who staged your own deaths...
1000
01:25:59,387 --> 01:26:02,220
Of our very strict
policy against...
1001
01:26:02,290 --> 01:26:06,124
Popping up in public
to grab a few headlines.
1002
01:26:07,829 --> 01:26:11,823
I won't name names.
You know who you are.
1003
01:26:14,203 --> 01:26:17,570
I was just trying to
have some fun. That's all.
1004
01:26:18,808 --> 01:26:20,799
Look! There's Ernest!
1005
01:26:22,512 --> 01:26:25,413
Oh, my god!
He still looks like hell.
1006
01:26:25,481 --> 01:26:27,506
I don't think she gave him
the good stuff.
1007
01:26:27,583 --> 01:26:30,314
Look!
1008
01:26:30,387 --> 01:26:32,753
He's still got it!
1009
01:26:34,658 --> 01:26:36,057
Let's go.
1010
01:26:36,126 --> 01:26:38,492
Oh, everybody gather round.
1011
01:26:38,562 --> 01:26:40,496
Lisle will be with us
in a very few seconds.
1012
01:26:40,564 --> 01:26:43,328
Gentlemen, please,
seal the room.
1013
01:27:06,357 --> 01:27:08,848
He's going up.
1014
01:27:08,927 --> 01:27:10,793
Idiot!
1015
01:27:28,814 --> 01:27:30,874
Aaah!
1016
01:27:58,246 --> 01:28:00,339
Oh, boy!
1017
01:28:51,402 --> 01:28:53,734
Ernest!
1018
01:28:59,576 --> 01:29:02,511
Ernest!
1019
01:29:02,579 --> 01:29:05,446
- Helen!
- Grab it!
1020
01:29:08,719 --> 01:29:10,881
- I... Ernest!
1021
01:29:10,955 --> 01:29:13,082
Ernest! Grab it!
1022
01:29:13,158 --> 01:29:16,093
Grab it!
1023
01:29:16,161 --> 01:29:18,652
Grab it! Grab it!
1024
01:29:23,768 --> 01:29:27,329
Ernest! Do you still have the potion?
Do you still have it?
1025
01:29:27,405 --> 01:29:30,135
Find it! Find it!
1026
01:29:30,208 --> 01:29:33,542
It's the only way
you'll survive if you fall.
1027
01:29:33,612 --> 01:29:36,012
Drink it!
Drink it or you'll die!
1028
01:29:38,084 --> 01:29:39,984
- Oh!
- After you fall,
1029
01:29:40,052 --> 01:29:43,044
you can put yourself
back together again.
1030
01:29:44,857 --> 01:29:48,054
Drink it!
1031
01:29:48,127 --> 01:29:50,926
- Drink it. Drink it!
- Drink it!
1032
01:29:52,966 --> 01:29:55,526
Drink it! Drink it!
1033
01:29:57,704 --> 01:30:00,264
You have to!
1034
01:30:00,340 --> 01:30:02,968
We need you!
1035
01:30:07,881 --> 01:30:10,111
I'm sorry, dears.
1036
01:30:10,183 --> 01:30:12,880
You're on your own.
1037
01:30:52,362 --> 01:30:54,296
So...
1038
01:30:54,364 --> 01:30:56,855
Are you gonna be
done soon or what?
1039
01:30:58,601 --> 01:31:03,595
Oh, yes!
I'm gonna be done very soon.
1040
01:31:08,344 --> 01:31:11,439
That was pretty neat.
1041
01:31:44,850 --> 01:31:47,978
It'd be better for both of you
to get him back.
1042
01:31:48,053 --> 01:31:52,115
- Yes?
- Nothing. It's too late. He got away.
1043
01:31:52,191 --> 01:31:54,455
- Damn!
- I said we should go to the airport!
1044
01:31:54,527 --> 01:31:57,189
- You said no such thing.
- I knew he wasn't coming back here.
1045
01:31:57,263 --> 01:32:00,460
- You have all the answers, don't you?
- Ohh! Look!
1046
01:32:00,533 --> 01:32:03,502
- I'm peeling already!
- Oh!
1047
01:32:03,569 --> 01:32:07,130
- Me too!
- Who's gonna fix this?
1048
01:32:07,206 --> 01:32:10,004
- We're in trouble. Ernest is gone.
- Uh-huh.
1049
01:32:10,076 --> 01:32:14,173
We can't go back to lisle's.
She told us to take care of our bodies.
1050
01:32:14,248 --> 01:32:17,945
- And look at us! We're dead!
- Yeah!
1051
01:32:18,018 --> 01:32:20,748
This is so embarrassing.
1052
01:32:20,821 --> 01:32:25,315
You know what this is? This is simply
a question of, uh, maintenance!
1053
01:32:25,392 --> 01:32:29,795
Yeah, this is upkeep. We just have
to be very careful with ourselves.
1054
01:32:29,863 --> 01:32:32,196
We have to take
care of each other.
1055
01:32:32,267 --> 01:32:36,294
I'll paint your ass;
You paint mine.
1056
01:32:36,371 --> 01:32:38,532
- Who could have imagined?
- Yeah.
1057
01:32:38,606 --> 01:32:41,336
- You and me... together.
- Yeah, I know.
1058
01:32:41,409 --> 01:32:44,310
Depending on each other.
1059
01:32:44,379 --> 01:32:47,439
Painting each other's asses.
1060
01:32:47,515 --> 01:32:50,815
- Day and night.
- Oh, yeah. Forever.
1061
01:32:50,886 --> 01:32:54,456
Forever.
1062
01:33:01,530 --> 01:33:04,897
We're gathered here today
to honor the passing...
1063
01:33:04,967 --> 01:33:09,165
Of a man of courage
and of vision.
1064
01:33:09,238 --> 01:33:14,142
Now, Dr. Ernest menville
always felt life begins at 50.
1065
01:33:14,210 --> 01:33:17,577
And since we know so little
of Ernest before that age,
1066
01:33:17,647 --> 01:33:20,275
perhaps in his case,
it's really true.
1067
01:33:20,350 --> 01:33:24,844
Because it wasn't until 50
he met his lovely wife, Claire,
1068
01:33:24,921 --> 01:33:28,618
that he had two sons
and four daughters...
1069
01:33:28,692 --> 01:33:32,060
And then like a
biblical patriarch...
1070
01:33:32,129 --> 01:33:34,893
Began to spread
his message of hope...
1071
01:33:34,965 --> 01:33:39,527
To his adopted children
all around the world.
1072
01:33:39,603 --> 01:33:44,233
A brilliant academic
as well as a rugged outdoorsman,
1073
01:33:44,308 --> 01:33:48,244
Dr. Menville pursued with vigor
a variety of pursuits...
1074
01:33:48,312 --> 01:33:52,079
Not just to attain
some personal ambition...
1075
01:33:52,150 --> 01:33:55,847
But to enhance
the world for us...
1076
01:33:55,921 --> 01:34:00,483
And make it a better place
than he found it.
1077
01:34:00,559 --> 01:34:03,084
Oh, and that he did.
1078
01:34:03,161 --> 01:34:06,096
The menville marriage
counseling clinic,
1079
01:34:06,164 --> 01:34:09,565
the menville center
for the study of women,
1080
01:34:09,634 --> 01:34:15,198
and of course, Ernest's aa chapter
will carry on long after his death.
1081
01:34:25,585 --> 01:34:29,521
Was for him
a delightful adventure.
1082
01:34:29,589 --> 01:34:34,050
Who among us never knew
Ernest the prankster? Hmm?
1083
01:34:34,128 --> 01:34:36,528
Ernest the storyteller?
1084
01:34:36,597 --> 01:34:42,160
We've all heard his tall tales about
the living dead in Beverly Hills.
1085
01:34:42,236 --> 01:34:47,674
- Ah, but you see...
- Oh, what?
1086
01:34:47,741 --> 01:34:52,270
- You're not crying, are you?
- I'm not crying.
1087
01:34:52,347 --> 01:34:56,147
I have... something in my eye.
1088
01:35:00,054 --> 01:35:02,852
- Oh!
- Yech!
1089
01:35:02,924 --> 01:35:06,189
Oh! Do you have
that number 9 acrylic?
1090
01:35:06,261 --> 01:35:08,786
Look. I put it in your bag.
1091
01:35:08,863 --> 01:35:10,991
- Oh!
- I must have dropped it somewhere.
1092
01:35:11,066 --> 01:35:14,593
- No. I put it in your bag!
- Well.
1093
01:35:14,670 --> 01:35:17,503
Who could drop a big can of
spray paint for god's sake?
1094
01:35:17,573 --> 01:35:21,134
I had it
when we left the car, okay?
1095
01:35:21,210 --> 01:35:23,838
Let's get the hell outta here.
1096
01:35:23,913 --> 01:35:29,078
I, for one, honestly believe
this teacher, this benefactor,
1097
01:35:29,151 --> 01:35:34,146
this man, had in his own way...
1098
01:35:34,224 --> 01:35:38,627
Learned the secret
of eternal life.
1099
01:35:40,797 --> 01:35:46,702
And it's here, among us,
in the hearts of his friends.
1100
01:35:46,770 --> 01:35:51,674
And the secret
of eternal youth right here...
1101
01:35:51,742 --> 01:35:56,736
In the lives of his children
and his grandchildren.
1102
01:35:56,814 --> 01:36:01,114
It is my opinion
that our beloved Ernest...
1103
01:36:01,185 --> 01:36:04,951
Is one man who will indeed...
1104
01:36:05,022 --> 01:36:09,652
Live forever.
1105
01:36:09,727 --> 01:36:13,255
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
1106
01:36:13,332 --> 01:36:16,028
What'd you do
with that spray paint can?
1107
01:36:16,101 --> 01:36:19,537
Come on. Get off that. Let me see what
kind of a mess you've made of yourself.
1108
01:36:22,341 --> 01:36:24,332
Oh, yeah, you're all runny.
1109
01:36:24,409 --> 01:36:28,539
- I must look ridiculous.
- No, I don't think anyone will notice.
1110
01:36:28,614 --> 01:36:31,675
But I think you're gonna need
a little bondo on the chin, babe.
1111
01:36:31,751 --> 01:36:34,345
- I gotta get to the hardware store.
- Oh, now, come on!
1112
01:36:34,420 --> 01:36:36,615
How could you have lost
an entire can of spray paint?
1113
01:36:36,689 --> 01:36:39,715
Why do I have to carry everything?
You get to carry a baby purse.
1114
01:36:39,792 --> 01:36:42,238
- Where did you see it last?
- If I knew, I'd know where it was.
1115
01:36:42,262 --> 01:36:45,288
- An entire can of spray paint.
- Get off it!
1116
01:36:45,365 --> 01:36:47,925
Has that ever worked? When you ask
me where I last saw something?
1117
01:36:47,967 --> 01:36:50,869
Yes. When you lost
your index finger.
1118
01:36:50,938 --> 01:36:54,396
- I didn't lose it. It broke off.
- That's because you crack...
1119
01:36:56,710 --> 01:37:00,111
Help me! My legs aren't working!
Help me!
1120
01:37:31,847 --> 01:37:35,684
Do you remember
where you parked the car?
84697
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