All language subtitles for Let.Me.Die.A.Woman.1977.1080p.BluRay.x264.DTS-FGT_Track03

- When I wake up in the morning,

I am always a little surprised.

This is my life and I am happy.

I used to wear baggy shirts,
shirts that were concealing.

Now I wear things that flatter
me, that go with my coloring.

I love clothes.

I am lonely, yet I feel wonderful
because I'm a woman now.

Last year I was a man.

We all know what sex we are.

It is so obvious that it can
be seen by the naked eye.

And we know it in the
deepest part of ourselves.

We are male or female.

But perhaps it's not so obvious.

Imagine, if you can, what
it is like to be a woman

imprisoned in the body of a man.

Or a man trapped in the body of a woman.

Not male, not female, not homosexual.

Recently the world was shocked

by the discovery of this
third sex, the transsexual.

We will meet real transsexuals.

We will show for the first
time how and why genetic men

become real women and genetic
women become real men.

We will take you behind these headlines.

- I come from a very small town.

There's not much to do in
small towns to begin with.

And when you had the problem that I had,

there's even less to do.

And no, I never had any friends.

Boys could be very painful

because they would say
things that would hurt.

And then if you were caught
hanging around girls,

that would say you were
either a homosexual,

'cause they knew that I
wasn't a playboy by no means.

And yes, my life existed me living

in an attic bedroom for many, many years.

But I always believe that
tomorrow the sun would rise

and it might bring some
kind of clue as to why

I was the way I was, why
my development of breasts,

why I had such a soft voice.

There was so much feminine things in me

that it was this, you know,

at that point to me was disgusting

because it prevented me from getting job.

Our guide
through this strange new world

is Dr. Leo wollman, md,
phd, doctor, surgeon,

psychologist, minister, medical writer,

a man uniquely qualified

to help us understand this phenomenon,

one of the pioneers who
has devoted his career

to exploring the frontiers
of sexual identity.

- Modern medicine has brought
all sorts of miracles.

Mankind has been released from
suffering and early death.

In the 20th century, we have
seen Jonas salk conquer polio.

We have seen Christian
barnard insert a beating heart

into the chest of a dying man.

We had seen Michael debakey
install mechanical devices

fabricated from plastics and transistors

placed directly into the bodies

of the hopelessly ill diseased organs.

And now I'm prepared to deal
with the most exciting portion

of the medical world
today, sexual identity.

What is a male?

What is a female?

Why are some people born with the mental

and emotional characteristics of one sex

and the outward physical characteristics

of the other sex?

What, who, and why are transsexuals?

In only the past few
years we have been able

to take a human being who has had

this monstrous biological
joke played on him or her,

who was born with the genitals if one sex,

but who possesses the
heart, mind, and soul

of the opposite sex and reverse it.

Before this, anatomy was destiny.

We have made genetic men into real women.

We have made genetic women into real men.

We have taken a voyage into a world

which is more mysterious

and more profoundly
disturbing than outer space.

A journey into inner space.

You have just met Ann zordi.

Ann zordi is a male transsexual,

and there must be at
least 100,000 Ann zordis

in these United States.

Now, let me tell you what
a male transsexual is.

A male transsexual is an individual

who is born a genetic male

with male sexual organs,
penis, and testicles.

However, he has an obsessional desire

to get rid of his unwanted male organs

and become an anatomic female

to match his psychological sex.

In other words, the male transsexual

feels that he is emotionally a female

and is physically trapped in a male body.

His one and all consuming
thought and desire

is to get rid of his
hated penis and testicles

and somehow achieve womanhood
by getting a vagina,

thus becoming and living
completely as a woman.

This actually can be done by an operation,

which we call a sex change operation.

This sex change operation
consists of the removal

of the penis and testicles

and the creation of a vagina and breasts.

The vagina is formed by
the skin of the penis,

which has been cut and unrolled.

The breasts may be developed by injections

of liquid silicone or
inserts of plastic gel,

which is like silicone in a plastic bag.

There are approximately 2,000 people

who have already had a
sex change operation.

Let us go back to our Ann zordi,

who typifies the male transsexual.

Ann, as you have noticed,

in spite of her female
breasts, still has a penis.

Ann is trying to save enough
money for a final operation,

which is the removal of her penis.

And then she will become a complete woman.

Let me show you how important
it is for the male transsexual

to have his penis and testicles removed.

This patient was happily married

with a wife and two children,

was a carpenter by trade,

and served a time in
the United States Navy.

Since he couldn't afford
the price of the operation,

he decided to try to do
the operation himself.

As a result of this action,

he was taken to the emergency
room in the hospital,

and the rest of his penis
was removed surgically.

This was what he wanted
in the first place.

What you have seen is a true incident

and actually happened
to one of my patients.

It's too bad that
self-mutilation of this kind

is so frequently resorted
to in desperation.

- I remember when I was 11 years old,

my family going away to the beach.

They were going to go for a couple of days

and I couldn't go because I
couldn't get in the water.

And I remember when they drove by,

I just got in front of the mirror

and I slammed the mirror so heavy,

the medicine cabinet, the mirror shatter.

And I just started hitting on my breasts

because here I was 11 years of age,

I don't know what's happening.

And I hit myself.

And at that time, my
breasts were very, very,

they were sensitive to pain.

And which later on, I found
out that when a young girl

is developing her breast, at that stage

she's very susceptible to pain.

And I hit myself so hard,
just kept pounding on it,

that I fell against the floor.

And it's been that long that I had this,

that I was tormented with this problem,

until finally the doctors
removed the disease

and left me with my life at last.

- Several transsexuals of both genders

are assembled here to discuss
their mutual problems,

both pre and post-operative.

Some have come from cities
hundreds of miles away

because they are unable to
achieve their objectives

at medical centers in their home cities.

The reason for this is
the lack of facilities

for training physicians in this
particular area of medicine.

This is Steve, a male transsexual

who has not had the operation

and is working as an automobile mechanic

in order to accumulate sufficient money

for the sex change operation.

This is a female who
wishes to become a male,

and is dressed as a male in
order to maintain her job

as the manager of a supermarket.

We have here a 55 year old diabetic

who also has other illnesses,

and yet firmly believes
that age makes no difference

as far as a sex change is concerned.

I see you've become a blonde.

You look very pretty.

But you weren't at our
last group session, Debbie.

Is everything all right?

No, nothing is all right.

I'm so depressed, so miserable.

- We all feel that way sometimes.

Perhaps if you talked about
it, we might be able to help.

There's no
sense in talking about it.

Nothing can help.

- Come now, you know our rules.

Don't be a defeatist.

Don't be depressed.

Let's see if we can solve the problem

by discussing it, shall we?

I told you about Jim.

I met him at a party
about three months ago.

We've been dating pretty regularly

and well, I love him very much.

Jim says he never knew
he could care for anyone

as much as he loves me.

- Does he know about you?

Oh no, I'm afraid to tell him.

He'll leave me.

I can't take that chance.

- You have the body of a woman.

You feel like a woman, don't you?

- I always felt like a woman,
even when I had a penis.

- Don't be a fool.

Don't tell him.

He'll never know the difference.

- There's always the chance
that someone will tell him

and he'll leave you
because you weren't honest.

- Dilemma, but you
know, rosalind is right.

If Jim cares for you as
much as you say he does,

he wouldn't leave you.

If he finds out from someone else,

he'll feel that he cannot trust you,

that you had not been honest with him.

Then he no doubt would leave you.

Then too, if you keep your secret,

you'll always be worried.

If he frowns at you or
is angry and irritated,

you'll think he knows.

You'll be constantly on edge,

and this can only lead to unhappiness.

Please come to our next group session.

No matter what you decide to do,

we all want to know about it.

- I suppose you could say I'm very lucky.

My employer knows I'm a transsexual,

and it really doesn't matter to him

as long as I do my job properly.

- Generally however, I'm sorry to say,

employers will not hire transsexuals.

Now just the other day,

one of my patients came to the office.

She was very much upset and despondent.

It seems that her employer
had somehow found out

that she was a transsexual, and fired her,

in spite of the fact that she
was an excellent secretary,

was in his employ for two years,

and he was extremely
pleased with her work.

So you see you are
indeed fortunate, roslyn.

Your employer is obviously
an understanding person.

- Well my sister, she knows about me.

She keeps on insisting
that I see a psychiatrist.

But I told her I don't
need a psychiatrist.

I'm a woman, and all I
need is a woman's body.

- And now I would like you to meet Angela.

Angela.

Angela, pretty and extremely intelligent,

is a male transsexual.

Angela presents the breasts of a female

solely due to female hormones.

The hormone injections are very vital

to the individual's development.

And we customarily give the injections

intramuscularly twice a month.

The pelvis is male.

The penis is uncircumcised.

The testes are small.

The scrotum is normal in size.

The shoulders are quite broad.

Waist is small and thin.

However, the buttocks are male-like.

Thank you, Angela.

Frequently in place of
natural sexual organs,

dildos are used to achieve
sexual gratification.

A hollow plastic replica of the phallus

is a more realistic vaginal dilator.

Because of the visual
association with a penis,

an erogenous sensation is
experienced while dilating.

This slender white
vibrator is frequently used

to tone up the skin's circulation.

It can also be nicely used
to dilate the healing vagina.

This gun has compartment

in which warm, soapy fluid is stored.

This gun is used by the
imaginative male transsexual

who has had the operation
and wants to receive

the full impact of the hot
fluid emission into the vagina.

The Harris obturator
is a hard white plastic

bowling pin-shaped device which is useful

in keeping open the healing
post-operative vagina.

The advantage of this instrument

is that one end is smaller
knobbed than the other end.

And therefore there is selective choice

for any size vaginal opening.

As a matter of fact,
very often these dildos

are used by the individuals
for sexual pleasure only,

and not for any medical reason.

This is quite common.

- Up to this point I
have a complete normal

little orgasm with a man.

And that's one of the subjects

that you hear among transsexual talks,

and the articles that I've
read about transsexual,

they say that they can achieve

five, six, seven, or eight orgasms.

That's where I've drawn
the complete conclusion

that most of them are
really screwed up mentally

to begin with.

Because, yes, I might obtain
one in a relationship.

And possibly, if the
relationship is good, two.

But there's no such thing as achieving

eight, nine, no what, six the way

a lot of transsexual
discuss in some books,

or stories, or television
interviews that I've seen.

- This chart of the genito-urinary organs

in the male and human female

best illustrates the gross anatomy

of the male and female genitals.

The primitive beginnings of these organs

are influenced into human by sex organs.

The male anatomy is shown here.

The female anatomy here.

This is the male anatomy of the human.

This is the picture of
the adult female anatomy.

The infant about to be born is influenced

by the sex hormones taken by the mother.

A female whose mother takes
larger doses of hormones

to prevent a miscarriage
will sometimes be born

with large clitoris resembling a penis.

This is the testicle in the sac.

This is the developing
baby in the mother's womb.

If the glands we have
just seen and discussed

do not develop normally,
then the individual

may become either a homosexual, a lesbian,

a transvestite, or transsexual.

The homosexual is a male

who wants the sexual love of another male.

He does not want to have his
penis removed by surgery.

The lesbian is a female who prefers

to have sexual relations
with another female.

She does not feel the
necessity for having a penis.

The transvestite is content to dress

in the clothing of the opposite sex,

and while doing so very often

will become sexually frustrated

and will resort to masturbation
to satisfy his needs.

The transvestite can sometimes
pass through three stages.

Homosexuality, transvestism,
transsexualism.

The transsexual, however,
has a desire since childhood

to be of the opposite sex,

as emotionally the individual
is of the opposite sex.

If he is a male transsexual,

he wants to have the body of a woman.

- This thing about burning the
bra and all of this nonsense.

And first of all, it took
me a long time to wear one.

I'll be damned if I'm
going to burn it now.

- If she is a female transsexual,

she wants the body of a man, a penis,

and demands place in society.

- I feel like I am what I was meant to be.

I can honestly say I'm myself.

It's as simple as that.

- What you are about to
see is a true sex act

performed by a man and another man

who emotionally thinks
and acts like a woman.

In this male transsexual's
mind, he is a woman

having sexual intercourse with a man.

The penis and testicles
of both are clearly shown.

We have not dwelled on
the female transsexual.

That is the child born a female

who feels the emotions
and needs of a male.

The proportion of female transsexuals

to the male transsexual
is about one to five.

In other words, for every
100 male transsexuals,

there are about 20 female transsexuals,

the female transsexual who
desires to become a male.

As a girl child, at the
age of about five or six

she begins to feel that she is different

from other little girls.

She is eager to play with the little boys

and finds it difficult to accept the fact

that she is expected to act like a girl.

When she discovers that
a boy child has a penis,

she is extremely envious

and begins to imagine
herself with a penis too.

Now let me introduce you
to a female transsexual

who is planning to have
the sex change operation.

I would like to demonstrate
the physical appearance

of a female transsexual.

Len.

Len is a female transsexual
dressed in male clothing,

primarily because len has a male job.

The physical appearance, as we see it now,

is of a typical male, based on the fact

that len is dressed as a man.

Len's physical appearance
is truly masculine.

You will note his hairstyle.

The surprising effect of a female breast

in a seemingly male individual

demonstrates effectively the
paradox of transsexualism.

The contour of the breasts shown here

are typically that of a female adult.

The nipple and areola,

it conforms to the normal female breasts.

Here we have the pubic area.

The escutcheon, or hair
pattern, is typically female.

Notice the position of the hands.

The large size legs and thighs len has

is caused by excessive walking on his job.

As we note on len's back,
the width of the shoulders

are probably due to the
effect of physical exercise,

such as lifting heavy objects

in the course of his employment.

The hairline on the neck,
as would be expected,

is that of a male for appearance sake.

The hair on len's lower body,

which is generally found on males,

was the result of male hormones.

The lower torso is masculine.

The upper torso is feminine.

Besides the obvious physical truths,

there are tragic consequences

in the family lives of
transsexuals, as in len's case.

- My mother, and you know
how much I love my mother,

was very suspicious of me.

One day she confronted me.

And I told her the truth.

I was a man.

I was not her daughter.

I was her son.

Well, she really carried on.

I thought she was going
to go out of her mind.

Said that this couldn't
happen in her family

and not to one of her children.

She told me not tell my father.

She said he'd probably kill me if he know.

- What was her attitude after that?

She never spoke
about the incident again.

When I told her I was
leaving the house for good,

she just kissed me and left the room.

- Did she ever contact you?

- I haven't seen her since I left home.

- There are so few people who
can comprehend these things.

And most important, it's
those people we love most

that seem to fail to understand.

- I have an opinion that a lot of people

who want to undergo
this surgery are really,

and still remain emotionally homosexual

just by the conversations they have.

In fact, at the doctor's office,

the doctor thought that,

he has a certain day set out for them

so that the rest of the patients

don't come in there and see,

have to hear this kind of
talk that goes amongst them.

And he even arranged it that I will come

on the days when the regular
people would come in.

And he said, "I don't think you belong

"in that crowd to begin with."

And this doctor does treat a lot of them.

But I never thought of
myself in that light,

so how can I be something

I never believed in it in the first place?

And up to this point,
I'm still to some degree,

you could say like Anita Bryant.

And she's against a lot of that.

And I believe that individuals
should live their life

as best they want, or can,

even if it means accepting
things like that.

But for me personally, I would never.

In fact, my dream in life is
one day to adopt children.

And sometimes the thought of maybe one

being a homosexual, it would frighten me

to the point that I would think

I'll have second thoughts
about adopting kids.

And a lot of people who are transsexual...

I've told people that I am a transsexual.

And the first thing they say,

"you mean you were once a man?"

And that's very strange.

It's so hard for me to get
that kind of question back

because I've never saw
myself in that light.

In fact, that was the masquerade
at one time in my life,

when I was trying to be
a man for family reasons.

Because other than that, if not,

people would think of me as a homosexual.

- Generally at about the age of five,

the little boy who cannot play or respond

as a boy child should
realizes he is different.

But of course at that age, he
does not know what is wrong.

As he grows older and his
sex problems increase,

he becomes aware that what

he really wants to be is a female.

He feels that emotionally.

He is a girl with the
desires and traits of a girl.

As he reaches his teen years,

he is confronted with greater problems.

As a boy, he must sit with the boys,

use the boys lavatory.

He finds this devastating,
for to himself he is a girl,

just like the girl in the front seat

who would teases the boys, wears makeup,

revealing dresses, and is treated gently.

For she is one of the
so-called weaker sex.

This is what she yearns for.

How does she become the
girl in the front seat?

As his teenage years draw to a close,

the boy usually finds he can no longer act

as the male he is supposed to be.

- I came from a very puerto rican family,

very low in education.

And me, myself, I was in about
the seventh or eighth grade.

No, seventh grade, 'cause I never made it

past the seventh grade.

I only went to two weeks.

And well, by that time I
had a very developed breast

that came on naturally
when I was 11 years of age.

And a very ignorant doctor,
they were examining us.

And this doctor was so,
he just told the nurse,

"we don't want the girls till tomorrow.“

and from then on I just
couldn't face those, you know,

those kids making fun of me.

All I knew that everybody,

I thought to myself that
everybody knew about me.

And so that was the last I was to,

you know, to attend school.

- Some transsexuals lived
their entire lives as men.

They are ineffective sexually, socially,

and are usually failures in
all of their undertakings

because they are so very insecure.

- To some degree I have put
a lot of doubts in people

about the subject itself.

Because at some of them do tend

to have a low opinion
about transsexualism.

And maybe the fact is because

I can be myself because I am myself.

I don't have to pretend.

I don't have to fake anything.

There was no way I would've
wanted to live before.

- You may ask, what makes
someone a transsexual?

What factors brought
about the strong obsession

to change gender for a male to female.

- A psychiatrist actually,
when I showed him

my breast development, which
I had at the age of 11,

this psychiatrist tells me,
"well, I have the same thing.

“You know, it's a very common thing."

And here he opens his shirt

and reveals his breast
and all that was behind.

There was blubber because the
guy weighed over 300 pounds.

And so I didn't even believe
when I went in there,

because the first thing he said was,

"by the time we get through,

"you will be going with
broads from corner to corner."

And I knew that that was
just like removing the soul

from from a human being.

What was going to be left of me?

There were times when I consider suicide

because the operation in itself

was going to be so hard to accomplish,

you know, require a lot of money.

And I've always been the type of person

that I used to go up to the doctors.

And I practically waited for
them to leave their offices

and say, "look, can you help me?

"I don't have no money.

"I'm not well-educated enough to have a,

"you know, financial independent.

"And unless I find this,
this is going to be my life."

And I remember telling
one doctor, you know,

"aren't you supposed to help human being,

"or is money more important
than the person's life?"

And that doctor just had me
thrown right out of the office.

"How did you get here to begin with?

"I don't even have office hours."

- First and most important,
a doctor has to make certain

that the patient is truly a transsexual,

and his female desires and
emotions are not temporary.

If this is so, the doctor
prepares the patient

for his future life as a woman.

A measure of the complicated
nature of the operation

can be gauged by the number
of surgical specialists

employed in the operation.

They number four, in addition
to the normal complement

of medical personnel
needed for an operation,

including an anesthetist.

They are a general surgeon,
a gynecological surgeon,

a urological surgeon,
and a plastic surgeon.

By dissection, the skin covering the penis

is removed from the body of the penis,

leaving one small pedicle intact.

Incisions are then made in the two parts

of the scrotal sac, both right and left,

and the testes are removed and discarded.

Due to the years of hormone treatment,

the prostate gland has atrophied.

If the patient has been circumcised

or doesn't have enough skin,

part of the scrotal skin is
used to form part of the sheath.

Otherwise the skin of the scrotum is used

to form the labia, or lips of
the vulva, or vaginal opening.

Because this tissue has
a hair-bearing surface,

it is well suited to this purpose.

The urological surgeon
then fits the sheath

into this hollow, taking
care not to kink the urethra,

a condition that can
later cause strictures.

This instrument is strapped in place

to give the wall a chance to stay apart.

Otherwise, the vagina becomes a closed

rather than an open space.

Post-operative hospitalization
is minimally eight days.

Though it takes several
weeks to several months

for the hundreds of sutures to heal.

Depending on the particular
condition of the patient,

the operation can take
as long as four hours.

First, a circular incision is made

around the base of the penis.

The incision is then extended
in one continuous line

along the middle of the penis.

The skin is then inverted
to form a sheath,

much as a sock is turned inside out.

It is this inverted penile
skin which forms the vagina.

This space between the now
removed penis and the anus

is hollowed out by the urological surgeon

to accommodate the vaginal scabbard.

The implantation of the
inverted penile skin

requires the special
skills of all four surgeons

to keep the new vagina adherent
to the underlying tissues.

It takes several hundred
sutures or stitches

to anchor this newly formed organ.

A mold is now inserted into the vagina,

fashioned of plastic
and flattened at the top

so the pressure on the floor
of the bladder is avoided.

- My first date and lover.

This was after the surgery.

I met a very nice, good looking...

I've always been very choosy

and this was a very
good looking German man.

And we dated each other a couple of times.

Then I decided to try out, you know,

this was the first time I was to go to bed

with the operation, with anyone.

And so the time came and I
went to bed with a young man.

And maybe because he was the first,

or maybe the surgery was
still a fresh surgery,

I bleed, I started bleeding.

And so I didn't even have to tell him why

because the first thing he said was,

"god, you know, this is the
first time in my 28 years

"that I've been with a virgin."

And then from then on I
was a little frightened

because I like the guy as a person,

but I didn't want him for
something to just have around

all the time, just while it
lasted for a little while.

Then his idea of a girl
bleeding, he was very German.

That means that that's the
kind he would want to marry,

because she hasn't been
around with no other men.

And so it was kind of
cute that he left thinking

and he kept calling me and he really said,

"look, I really want to get serious

"because I really think
you are a nice girl.

"I already know."

And then I saw him on an on and off

and up to this point he never knows.

As far as he knows,
he's just walking around

with a happy smile knowing
that he once did have a virgin.

- After the operation, there is a period

of a few months of convalescence.

This is a must so that the
new vagina can heal properly.

Let me tell you about an incident

that occurred to a young male transsexual

who went to Casablanca for
the sex change operation.

Ronald, who is now rhoda,
stayed in Casablanca

for about six weeks so that
she could be near the doctor

who operated, in case of any trouble.

However, rhoda was extremely impatient

to try out her new vagina.

So on her way to the airport

to board a plane for the United States,

rhoda asked her taxi driver

to take her to a small
hotel near the airport.

When the driver carried
her valise to the room,

rhoda seduced him.

- Thanks, lady.

Oh!

- As a result of her sex impatience,

when rhoda called the hospital
she was told to return.

She did, and spent the next two weeks

recovering from another operation

to repair the damage that had
been done to her new vagina.

Of course, this is just
an isolated instance.

Most patients are more careful.

- Oh, the operation in itself

was one of the most painful procedures

I will ever have to undergo.

And well, at that time it
was a very painful procedure

to the point that I wish I would have die

than to go through the pain that I was in.

But today, now that I see all the success

and possibly a good
future to look forward to,

I'd undergo the operation again and again.

- Debbie, will you come in, please?

This is Debbie harten.

How are you?

- Fine, thank you.

- How old are you Debbie?

I'm 38 years old, doctor.

- Tell me about your childhood.

- Well, it was a lonely childhood.

I refused to play with the boys.

I wanted to be with the girls.

When I was about six years old,

I knew I was different
from other little boys.

And when I was eight years old,

I started to dress as a girl.

- What about your family?

Did they know about your problem?

- Well, my parents knew
that something was wrong,

but did not know what it was.

When they found out I was a transsexual,

they was shocked and simply
could not believe it.

- Did they accept you or reject you?

- Both my parents, after
the initial shock wore off,

were understanding and sympathetic.

As a matter of fact, I lived
with them at this time.

However, my brother and sister

did not speak to me for a number of years.

But for the past year or so,

they seem to be anxious
to be friends again.

- As you grew older, did you ever think

you might be a homosexual?

- Yes, I did.

And when I grew older, I
engaged in homosexual practices,

but I found I didn't like it

because my partner regarded me as a male.

Would you like to be a picture of me

when I was in the Navy, doctor?

- By the way I watched you
on "the David susskind show."

What you had to say was
extremely interesting.

Debbie, why don't you tell me
about your life in the Navy,

and also tell me what
effect it had upon you.

- I thought that being in the
Navy would get me to Denmark,

where I could have a sex change operation.

But I didn't leave the United States,

and I had to live on the
base with the other men.

This was very distasteful to me.

The only way I could get off
the base was to get married.

I asked a girl I knew in
my hometown to marry me.

She agreed.

We lived off the base
while I was in service.

And we had a child, a daughter.

- Tell me about your wife.

- My wife knew my problem
before our daughter was born.

She accepted the fact that I felt

a terrific need to dress as a woman.

After I was discharged from
the Navy, I tried to get work.

I went from one job to another.

I couldn't adjust to any male job.

I felt I couldn't go on living.

Suicide was the only way out.

As you know, that's how I came to see you.

- Debbie came to my
office every two weeks.

I gave her injections of female hormones

and oral medication.

This produced the appearance
of increased breast tissue.

How did you feel when
you looked in the mirror

and saw that your breasts were
beginning to look feminine?

- It made me more anxious to get

the sex change operation
and to get rid of my penis.

And now I'm trying to arrange
a uterus and ovary transplant

so that I can bear children.

- But you know, this hasn't
proven too successful

and could be extremely dangerous.

- I am aware of this.

- When did you have the
sex change operation?

I had it done about 11
months ago.

When did you have sex with a man?

- About six weeks after the operation.

It was quite painful.

But after the sexual act
was over, I felt wonderful.

I felt that finally I was a true female.

- How old is your daughter?

And does she know that
her father is now a woman?

- My daughter is 16 years old.

She is a beautiful young
lady, a good student,

and thank god, a
compassionate human being.

She knows about my operation
and that I am now a female.

She is intelligent enough to understand me

and to love me as a child loves a parent.

- What do you look forward
to in your future life?

- I'd like to fall in love,
get married, and have children.

Oh, I just want to be a woman.

- Debbie, will you come into
the examining room, please?

- Yes, doctor.

Will you come in, Debbie?

Debbie's body is that of a female.

The breasts, as you see,

are quite ample and very feminine-like.

These are not only the results
of the hormone injection,

but inserts as well of silastic gel,

which gives the substance of the breast

a very firm, hard, and feminine look.

Fortunately for Debbie,

as a male she had a very flat abdomen

and hasn't gained any weight,

which makes her form quite feminine-like.

The pubic triangle, the female escutcheon,

is duplicated here.

But most of the effect is,

well it's the result of
shaving on this area.

Otherwise we might've seen
the additional growth of hair

as is found in a normal male.

We might note that the tapering fingers

are those of a female.

Fortunately Debbie is
lucky in this respect.

Because the entire picture,

the legs, ankles, the
thighs, the flat abdomen,

the protuberant female breast,

the entire contours are
that of a typical female.

And she thus represents
after the operation

as much femininity as one
might expect in a female.

I would like to now show the
dilatation of the vagina.

The vagina is created by the surgeon

in the sex change operation.

Now, as I've already told you,

the vagina is made from
the skin of the penis.

And in every operated
case, it is necessary

to dilate the vagina so that
the vagina space remains open.

In some cases, it is necessary

to increase the depth of the
vagina by dilating frequently,

as Debbie is now doing.

The hormone injections are very vital

to the individual's development.

The hormone effects on the breasts,

on the hair of the body,
and depressing the sex drive

are the effects that we
would normally expect.

Another thing is for the
skin to become very smooth,

soft, and feminine-like.

We customarily give the injections

in the buttocks, intramuscularly.

These injections are given twice a month,

approximately every two weeks.

You can go inside now.

I call this the slap technique.

I inject the female hormones

by applying pressure at
the side of the hand.

The entrance of the needle
through the skin of the buttock

is hardly felt because the patient

is more aware of slap than the injection.

Turn over.

Vagina was created from
the skin of her penis.

Let me show you the closeup anatomy

of the change from to female sex.

This is the opening of the
canal leading to the bladder,

through which the urine passes.

The metal probe indicates
the direction of the opening.

This part of the vagina that I am touching

is a bulge caused by
the base of the penis.

This was left for erotic sensations.

The fourchette is still healing

where the two lips of the vagina meet.

Healing in this area
sometimes take several weeks.

However, the rate of healing

is different in different individuals.

One disappointing feature is the absence

of lubricating fluid, because the glands

that produce this fluid
cannot be transplanted.

The vagina is best illustrated
by inserting my gloved hand

and lubricated finger into it.

The skin of this newly created vagina

was formerly the skin covering the penis.

This accounts for the
retention of the sensation

of eroticism in the area it touches.

In spite of this female
organ just described,

note the male hairiness of
the thighs and perineum.

The depth of the vagina
is adequate to accommodate

an average size penis
during sexual intercourse.

The direction of the vagina

fits the direction of the erect penis.

That's it, thank you.

Debbie had the sex conversion operation

approximately 11 months ago.

During the operation,
the testes were removed

following which the penis was removed

and the skin of the penis was used

to create a vagina by plastic surgery.

As a result of this
Debbie, like any woman,

can now have sexual intercourse.

One afternoon I received a phone call

from a young man whom we will call Steve.

Steve said that it was imperative

that he see me immediately.

He had heard about me, had
read some of my articles,

and thought possibly I could help him.

Steve sounded so desperate, so despondent,

that I told him to come right over.

The young man that came to my office

within the hour was indeed frantic.

His story was like so many others

I had heard throughout the years.

He said that from the time
he was five years old,

he knew he was different
from other little boys.

He spent his youth unhappy and alone,

unaware of what his true problem was.

It was not until he was a young man

that he learned about transsexualism

and realized and admitted to himself

that he was a transsexual.

No one knew about his problems.

He lived in misery and frustration.

He knew he needed help,
but could not bring himself

to confide in anyone,
not even a physician.

Now he said he wanted my advice.

It seemed that a number of months ago,

Steve spent the weekend
at a friend's home.

During the night, he heard
noises and went to investigate.

There was Tom and his
wife, Sandy making love.

Steve knew that he should
not invade their privacy

by watching, but he couldn't move.

He felt rooted to the spot.

Finally, he left.

That night, when Steve fell asleep,

he dreamed that he was
making love to blanche,

a girl he had met at a
concert some time ago.

The dream haunted him.

Steve said that making love to blanche

had seemed so natural.

Perhaps getting married might somehow

help him overcome his problem.

Blanche was intelligent,
seemed sympathetic.

And so Steve had been courting her.

Their marriage was to take
place within the month.

Steve had come to me
because he had had the need

to talk to someone who
understood his dilemma.

Was he doing the right
thing by marrying blanche?

I could not give Steve any advice

because he hadn't communicated
enough information to me

so that I could help him.

I did, however, suggest
that he think very carefully

about his forthcoming marriage,

and that he contact me again.

He said he would.

A few weeks later, a
young girl came to see me.

It was blanche.

She had found my name and address

on a pad near Steve's phone.

She thought possibly I could
explain what had happened.

Blanche said that she and Steve
were planning to be married.

One evening in Steve's house

they were discussing their
wedding arrangements.

Steve seemed very quiet and depressed.

Blanche attributed this to the fact

that he was the usual nervous bridegroom.

Suddenly he got up and
walked into the next room.

Blanche thought that
she had said something

to disturb Steve.

She would find out.

Blanche wanted to know if I had any idea

why Steve had taken his life.

I felt that under the circumstances,

I could not tell her the truth.

Perhaps I did not know the truth.

Blanche left my office
bewildered and miserable.

Less painful than
surgery, but more terrible

is the only alternative

many transsexuals see for themselves.

The only way out of this living nightmare.

It was a chance occurrence of a dream

that led Steve to think

that he could sort out
his life by marriage,

a marriage that would condemn
him to an even deeper lie,

a deeper hell, to a point
beyond endurance, suicide.

Perhaps if Steve had come to me sooner,

I could have helped him.

Transsexuals are dentists,
attorneys, college professors,

engineers, chemists, writers,
theatrical producers.

Some have become models, movie stars.

And then there are others who
are truck drivers, stevedores,

waiters, waitresses,
electrologists, and beauticians.

So you can see that the
occupations and professions

of the transsexual population
are extremely varied.

- It was kind of hard to get a job.

Even when I used to dress as a male.

Or live, I didn't say live,

exist and pretended to be a male.

I saw a photo of myself
when I was 14 years of age,

and for some reason,

that person was something that...

I couldn't even stare
at the picture straight

because it involves so
much pain and misery.

It wasn't easy for, number one,

I am not well-educated in the sense that,

because of my problem with my breasts,

I didn't finish school.

- It becomes necessary
for many transsexuals

to leave this country

in order to have the operation performed.

However, during the last few
years, more and more doctors

are becoming interested in the problem.

And consequently, there
are more operations

being performed in the United States.

Hopefully this will continue
and more medical centers

will perform the sex conversion operation.

- I did not know that
there was any such thing

as a transsexual or a
surgery to adjust whatever,

the mind to the rest of
the body, and so forth.

And I thought that it was a very...

I knew that I was not a homosexual.

I felt that.

I didn't hate the idea of a
homosexual 'cause I wasn't it.

But at that time, that's what people

would have thought of me.

They knew that what I felt
inside, and I used to...

I went to several doctors to see

if they could give me answers.

They were very ignorant where
this subject was concerned.

One of them didn't even
bother talking to me.

He sent me to a stronger psychiatrist.

He thought I was that badly disturbed.

And I decided to take my life

because I say, I'm not a homosexual.

| can never live as a man.

Certain things are expected of a male.

When you're 18, you're
supposed to start dating.

Marriage soon after that.

And how could I have
done something like that?

It was beyond anything
I could ever have done.

And so I said that I
was going to end my life

at the age of 18.

And I clearly remember
getting pills and everything.

I was totally prepared to commit suicide.

And then one day, the same
day the matter of fact

that this incident was
ought to take place,

Christine jorgensen came
over "the Mike Douglas show."

And he introduced her as a man
who had undergone a surgery.

And then she walks on stage.

But still, I was still
so naive and ignorant

to such a thing as a sex
change that I said to myself,

"oh, she must have just
had slight alterations.“

and then when they show a
picture of Christine jorgensen

in the service, you know,
she looked more like a man

than I could ever have been.

So then that was the first hint

that I was what I believed all along,

that I was not something

that people would think
of as a homosexual,

but that I was what I
felt, a woman all along.

In fact, one of the nicest stories

that I will always relate to my life

is the story of the ugly duckling.

For the simple reason that one night

he went to bed miserable.

The next day, he became a beautiful swan.

And that's exactly,

when I went to buy the
Christine jorgensen book.

It was all dusty, they give
it to me for half price

'cause nobody was
interested in that subject.

And that was to be my first contact

with the medical profession,

that there was such a
thing as being what I was

by simply alternating,
you know, certain areas.

And when I started reading her biography,

my life actually started,

it was like putting pieces of puzzles

with the numbers on the puzzle

and the number on the
plate, or on the sheet

where the puzzle would go.

And from then on life was again,

I started living again.

I merely existed.

And then like, I knew I
had something to reach for.

And along the line, I never
thought of suicide after that.

- One are the problems
that beset the transsexual

is the difficulty in finding a church

that will condone this type of marriage.

However, in scattered areas
throughout our country,

are ministers who understand the situation

and are compassionate enough

to perform the wedding ceremony.

One minister with whom
I discussed marriage

involving a transsexual
said that he did not think

that the physical state of a person

had anything to do with
taking the marriage vows.

He further stated that he had united

many impotent men and frigid women,

and the transsexual marriages

were as binding as any other marriages.

Of course, this minister

is an unusually enlightened
and intelligent man.

- My family are very heavy
pentecostal christians.

And they're the type of
people that they think

that if you do give your
life to the lord Christ,

that, you know, you'll
be safe from anything.

Even if you have a leg missing,

you place enough faith,
you'll grow a new leg.

And they always believe that
if I give myself to the lord

that all of this would change.

And they had my mind confused

where religion was concerned.

It was a time when I
didn't think of religion.

- Transsexuals are prejudiced against

more than any other minority group.

Family life, social life, and employment.

- To some degree, I guess
they've accepted the fact

that I am very successful as a woman.

Because their explanations
of why I am so successful

and I appear very attractive
compared to others

is that that's the devil's
way of getting other people

to commit the same mistake that I did

and condemn themselves to hell.

The attitude that my family
bred in me about, you know,

if you ever undergo such a procedure

that you're condemned to
hell for all eternity.

And he made it quite clear that, you know,

I'm still god's creation,

regardless of whatever
I did decide to choose.

And if I was going to be happier for it,

why would the lord want me
miserable if I could be happy?

- Most of society has not yet
been educated sufficiently

so that they can understand and sympathize

with the problems of the transsexual.

Most unfortunately, and I
repeat, most unfortunately

there are some transsexuals
who, miserable and despondent

because they cannot have
the sex conversion operation

due to lack of understanding and money,

cannot cope with the situation

and resort to drastic measures.

We look forward to the
time when sex labels

will no longer exist and
there will be only people.

- I do tell people about myself.

They ask why I decided to do this.

And I simply tell it wasn't
a matter of a decision.

It was really a matter of life and death.

And if one is fortunate enough

to trade in an unhappy
existence and a miserable one

for a chance at a brand new life

and to be themselves for the
first time in their life,

why not go ahead with it?

We seen have
the transsexual's willingness

to undergo trial by knife.

We have witnessed the terrible
anguish of their lives

before this transformation.

We have followed them on
their remarkable journey

from despair and seen
how this radical reversal

of biological destiny can not only offer

the transsexual hope, but even happiness.