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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:09,306 - Sausage or hot pot? - Hot pot, please. 2 00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:15,558 - Chips or new potatoes? - Erm, chips, please. 3 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,407 What would you like, mate? 4 00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:27,319 Can I have the chocolate crunch with mint custard, please? 5 00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:31,036 Yes, we've got chocolate crunch. But I don't think we've got any mint custard. 6 00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:33,121 Lol, have we got any more mint custard? 7 00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:35,456 If it's not in front of you, I ain't got any back here. 8 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,497 We've still got tons of coffee whip. 9 00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:41,125 - We've got coffee whip. - Coffee whip? 10 00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:43,552 I know. 11 00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:48,010 - Lol, is that mint custard I can smell? - Get out! 12 00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:50,016 - Sorry, sorry. - Out, out, out! 13 00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,894 - What you do you want? - Just a little bit of dinner. 14 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,897 - A bit of that mint custard if it's going. - No, we've got none left! 15 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,809 - We've got coffee whip. - What the fuck's coffee whip? 16 00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:00,857 Coffee. Whipped. 17 00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:04,649 Ew, Lol! At least tell me you've got chips today? 18 00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:07,910 - Have we got any chips back there, Lol? - No more chips today. 19 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,787 What? For fuck's sake, Lol. Why do you always run out of chips? 20 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,202 Everyone loves chips. Just make more chips. 21 00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:16,494 Make people happy. Make some more chips. Please, Lol. 22 00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:18,628 Make some more. 23 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,623 Finished? 24 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:23,258 What we gonna have instead? 25 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,966 A fucking knuckle sandwich if you carry on, Gadget. 26 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,715 - I'll make some you new potatoes. - I don't like new potatoes. 27 00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:33,351 Get out! You'll get what you're fucking given. Now go and wait round the back! 28 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,103 Gone downhill this place. 29 00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:41,147 Here he is. 30 00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:44,029 - How we looking, Gadge? - Not very good, mate. 31 00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:49,197 - What's up? - Well, we've got new potatoes... 32 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,445 ...no chips. 33 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:54,206 And for dessert, we've got coffee whip. 34 00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:56,162 Ooh, coffee whip's nice. 35 00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:58,243 - Are you taking the piss? - No, it's nice. 36 00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:00,788 My mum does it all the time. It's dead nice. 37 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,797 What are you frowning for? It's free. 38 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,958 It's not about the money, is it, Milk? 39 00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:09,889 It's about the nostalgia, isn't it? Like...that's why we come here. 40 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:13,683 I don't even know what that means. 41 00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:17,346 It means having meals that we used to have when we were happy, when we were kids. 42 00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:20,562 When have you ever ate new potatoes and felt happy? 43 00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,442 "Oh, here's a big plate of new potatoes." 44 00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:23,853 "Yeah, cheers, Mum." 45 00:02:24,019 --> 00:02:26,568 Do not worry, Gadge, them good times will come again. 46 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:30,739 Will they, though? Will they? 47 00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,778 There She Goes 48 00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:06,232 # There she goes 49 00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:10,195 # There she goes again 50 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:13,702 # Racing through my brain 51 00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:17,369 # And I just can't contain 52 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:21,911 # This feelin' that remains 53 00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:27,333 # There she blows 54 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,760 # There she blows again 55 00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:35,223 # Pulsing through my vein 56 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:38,970 # And I just can't contain 57 00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:43,562 # This feelin' that remains 58 00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:48,232 Good morning, Manchester! 59 00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:10,630 # There she goes 60 00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:13,424 # There she goes again 61 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:17,467 # She calls my name, pulls my train 62 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:21,808 # No-one else could heal my pain 63 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,979 # But I just can't contain 64 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,568 # This feelin' that remains 65 00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,479 Ladies and gentlemen, 66 00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:33,364 we're leaving Downing Street for the last time 67 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:36,868 after 11 and a half wonderful years. 68 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:40,990 And we're very happy that we leave the United Kingdom 69 00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:43,284 in a very, very much better state 70 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:47,000 than when we came here 11 and a half years ago. 71 00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:49,290 Thank you very much. Goodbye. 72 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,970 # There she goes 73 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:59,266 # There she goes J" There she goes 74 00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:03,312 # There she goes J" There she goes 75 00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:47,018 Hiya, gorgeous boy. 76 00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,068 Hello. 77 00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:55,026 Oh, hello, Tina Teaspoon and Mrs Spoon. 78 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,940 And Mr Spoon. 79 00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:59,739 Oh, here he is. Where the fuck have you been? 80 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:03,205 Oh, yeah, nowhere. You know, just the usual. 81 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:06,287 FBI Gadget interrogating me about school dinners. 82 00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:08,876 I swear to God, he's smelt a rat. 83 00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:10,378 - Has he smelt a rat? - Yeah. 84 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:11,834 Go on, what's happened? 85 00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:13,624 Well, it's the...it's the dinners. 86 00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:16,168 It's the portions he's getting. It's what he's getting. 87 00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:18,132 - What's he come away with? - He knows, he knows 88 00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:20,343 that what's in our bag isn't in his bag. 89 00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:22,348 - I'm telling you. - How does he know? 90 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:25,681 How does he know? He can't possibly bloody know, Milk, if it's in a bag. 91 00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:29,474 He hasn't actually seen in the bag because I've managed to fend him off until now. 92 00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:31,061 - Good lad. - But he can smell it. 93 00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:34,857 I'm telling you, the guy's like a bloodhound whenever it comes to anything deep-fried. 94 00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,398 So what's he actually... What's he come away with then? 95 00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:40,784 You see this is the problem, Woods, I actually feel sorry for him. 96 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,825 He came away today with new potatoes and coffee whip. 97 00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:46,706 - Oh, shit. - I mean, I had to pretend I like coffee whip 98 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:47,949 and I frickin' hate it. 99 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:49,834 I can't take this pressure any more! 100 00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:53,247 What, you can't take this pressure? It's partly your fault, isn't it? Cos... 101 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,007 - How? - You've just got to be better at what you do! 102 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:58,965 All right, then, here's a solution. Here's a real good solution. 103 00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,221 - I look after the kids tomorrow. - Oh, no. 104 00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,473 - And you - yeah, and you go and deal with him. - No. 105 00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:08,604 You can't swap horses halfway through a race, can you? 106 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:10,392 When's that ever been done? 107 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,853 If you wanna fix this fast, take him out of the queue! 108 00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,643 - Right... - That's what needs to happen. 109 00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:17,562 - Take him out the queue. - Listen, what's gonna happen if I pull him out? 110 00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:20,403 He's manipulative when it comes to food. What will he do? 111 00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:23,990 He's gonna go straight to Mr Skipper, that's what he's gonna do. 112 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:27,326 He's gonna go in that office. He's gonna pull the plug on the whole thing. 113 00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:29,787 I don't know what else... What do you want me to tell you? 114 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,874 He's daft as shit when it comes to anything in life except for food. 115 00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:35,585 Food. I know, I know. 116 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,012 No, I shouldn't think so. 117 00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:47,551 Too hard up for a tourist. Took him all his time to find the 40 pence for the pier. 118 00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:51,976 - It's just not bloody right. - What's not bloody right, love? 119 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:55,358 - Taking food from kids. - I'm not taking it from the kids. 120 00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:59,154 If we didn't eat it, it would just go in the bin. It's from the last sitting. 121 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,189 There's loads of food in the cupboards here. 122 00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:03,859 I don't see the logic in walking two miles for some. 123 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:07,204 It's not the same, is it? You can't recreate a good school dinner at home. 124 00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:09,285 - It's just not right! - What? Sausage and chips? 125 00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:13,543 - What's wrong with my sausage and chips? - Nothing, it's just... I don't know. 126 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:16,379 No-one knows, do they? It's just... 127 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:19,166 school dinners are loads better than normal. 128 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,505 Sausage has seen better days. 129 00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:23,878 It looks grey. 130 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:29,636 He's only in the village five minutes and you've got him at death's door. 131 00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:31,178 Gossip, Maggie. Gossip. 132 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:32,849 The spice of life. 133 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,391 Shaun, is now a good time to talk about college? 134 00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:37,525 No. No, it's not. 135 00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,436 Never is a good time to talk about college. 136 00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,604 You know you've got to do something about that. 137 00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:43,944 I don't wanna go back to college! I've told you this... 138 00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:46,860 - Why not, love'? - ..a million times - cos it's shit. 139 00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:49,613 Everyone's up their own arses. I don't fit in there. 140 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:53,621 - It's not my cup of tea. I don't wanna go. - You were great in that school play. 141 00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:55,665 Oh, back to this again, are we? 142 00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:58,584 If you would've persisted at that, just think where you'd be now. 143 00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:00,920 Mum, I hated that fucking course. You know I did. 144 00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:02,834 Shaun, it wasn't the course that you hated. 145 00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:05,754 It was getting caught up in-between that young girl's legs. 146 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:09,015 - I don't know what you were thinking. - How embarrassing! 147 00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:11,643 It's the bloody truth. 148 00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:13,849 - I don't wanna talk about it, Mum. - I know you... 149 00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:17,016 - I don't wanna talk about it. - I know you've been upset about Michelle. 150 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:19,108 I know you have. I understand that. 151 00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:22,020 - Mum! - But you can't spend your life sat around here. 152 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:25,191 And you're never gonna meet a young lady, sat around that flat, 153 00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:27,575 - smoking them funny fags with them lot. - Mum! 154 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:31,580 One, I don't miss Smell. And two, I'm off out tonight as it happens. 155 00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,661 - Where are you going? - Off down to town hall. 156 00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:35,580 There's a Madchester thing on. 157 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:38,624 What's a bloody Madchester thing when it's at home? 158 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:42,295 It's like a disco. Have you never heard of The Stone Roses or the Happy Mondays or owt? 159 00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:43,879 Yes, I have, actually. 160 00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:46,670 Waste of space. You can't hear a word they're saying. 161 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:51,216 They look like they need a bloody good wash and a good sleep and a haircut. 162 00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:55,724 Hallelujah 163 00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:59,016 Is it really, really out of the question to ask for half a cigarette or...? 164 00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:02,861 It's finding half a cig to be honest with you, mate. 165 00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:08,699 - Can I have a bit of mix then instead? - Here. Three quarters there. 166 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:11,782 Spot-on, brother. Thank you. Thank you very much. 167 00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,832 S' Hallelujah, hallelujah 168 00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:18,205 # We're here to pull ya... 169 00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:20,291 What? What is this show? 170 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:26,256 Is it...? it should be called... "Bummy, bummy, bum box telly". 171 00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:31,257 It's WrestleMania, Kel. It's a sport. 172 00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:32,974 - It's gay. - It's a sport. 173 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:36,387 - Look at these athletes, playing a sport. - Warriors. 174 00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:39,352 Warriors. There's no warriors in that. It's not even real. 175 00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:43,144 They're warriors. They're trained. Their bodies are trained to fight each other. 176 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,687 So you're telling me, your attention right now 177 00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:48,653 is not going to them vacuum-packed little pants. 178 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:51,910 - Yeah, that's what I'm saying. - Why would we be looking at their pants? 179 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:55,618 Look at his sweat patch. It started from his...his "goochel" area. 180 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:58,659 - He's working hard, isn't he? - And he's sweating all the way up 181 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,660 to his "bumbershnuck" pack. 182 00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:05,541 These guys are sweating cos they're... These guys are modern-day gladiators, mate. 183 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:10,720 All that's missing here is lions and a guy doing, doing all that shit. 184 00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:12,930 I bet you're getting a... 185 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:16,684 - a little titchy-tatchy tuna dicky. - Fuck off! 186 00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:21,477 Pour Some Sugar On Me 187 00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:32,610 - Oh, what the flipping aid is that? - Fuck knows. 188 00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:37,827 - That is unreal, man. - That is literally offending my ears, that is. 189 00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:39,741 That is fucking ear rape. 190 00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:52,086 Where's it gone? 191 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,138 Freeze! 192 00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:56,391 Only joking. We're not the cops. 193 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,552 - Flip and Higgy. - Good to see you. 194 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,347 - Good to see you both. - You look far out, man. 195 00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:05,016 - You're looking well, both of you. Similar. - Thanks. 196 00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,235 Cheers. It's not an accident. 197 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,487 - Was that your music, was it? - Absolutely. 198 00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:12,149 - Awful, man. It's hurting. Loud. - Oh, come on. 199 00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:15,910 - What you into? Roses and shit? - Yeah. 200 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,537 - It's gay- - It's gay? 201 00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:19,697 - Yeah. Proper. - And it's a fucking con. 202 00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:20,948 - Yeah. - Yeah? 203 00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:25,086 Elizabeth My Dear. Ten seconds long. What you gonna do during that? 204 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:26,542 You can't cruise very far. 205 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,711 - Not in ten seconds. - Not in ten seconds. 206 00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,921 - Nice one. Cheers, lads. - Ten-second cruise. 207 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,337 What the fuck do you want? Why are you here? 208 00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,259 It's funny you should say that, Harv. 209 00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:43,980 I'm after some of the er... dopas mopas, por favor? 210 00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,685 - The what? - Come on, Harv. 211 00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:48,772 - You know what he means, mate. - No, I don't. I ain't got a clue. 212 00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:51,654 - A bit of Pat Cash. - What? 213 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,359 Some of the old, er...wacktoria backtoria. 214 00:12:57,652 --> 00:13:00,781 Are you assuming I'm some drug dealer or summat like that? 215 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:03,917 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Let's not throw words around like that, Harvey. 216 00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:05,827 I think we're safe here, lads, to be honest. 217 00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:09,043 You know, word on the street, you're the Pablo Escobar on this estate. 218 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,299 - Yeah? - We've just come to see you. 219 00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:13,676 OK. Right, what do you want, then? 220 00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,337 - A quid's worth. - A quid's worth? 221 00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:19,716 Just for tonight. Can have it back in the morning. You won't even know it's gone. 222 00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:22,635 - Right. You're gonna borrow a quid's worth. - Yeah, that's it. 223 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,305 - It don't work like that, boss. - Let me explain. 224 00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:26,939 - There's this bird. - Yeah? 225 00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:29,692 She's gonna let me shag her if I can get her some of that stuff. 226 00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:32,525 Now, she wants the Red Seals but any old shit's sound. 227 00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:34,985 So, what I'm thinking is, I'm gonna let her sniff it... 228 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,196 while I'm up to me old tricks in her knick-knacks. 229 00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:38,905 - Yeah. - Yeah? Pop it back in the wrapper, 230 00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,240 nip it back round in the morning. 231 00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:42,997 You don't have to give me the full quid back. Just 50p or summat. 232 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,534 I'm telling you now, mate, smelling it won't do fuck all. 233 00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,702 - It will. - No, it won't. It don't work like that. 234 00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:50,839 You have to burn it. You have to burn it, inhale it or eat it or summat. 235 00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:53,091 - No, it's called sniff banging. - Sniff banging. 236 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:54,501 - Yeah. It's new. - Right. 237 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,635 - It's hot from the States. - OK. 238 00:13:56,794 --> 00:14:00,264 Erm... Well, if I give it you, then, will you take your shit heap and fuck off? 239 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,759 - Oh, I'll take that one. Go on, mate. - No worries, mate. 240 00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,393 - Enjoy this. - It's only for me. 241 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:07,101 There you go. There's your fucking quid's worth. There's your molecule. 242 00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:08,438 Thanks. Higgy. 243 00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:09,724 Knock yourselves out. 244 00:14:09,891 --> 00:14:11,609 - See you in the morning. - See you later. 245 00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:13,770 - See you later. - Enjoy, boys. Yeah, nice one. 246 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,153 - Brilliant. - See you in a bit. 247 00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:16,530 - Take care. - Take it easy. 248 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,487 Lovely. 249 00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:24,364 What a rush! 250 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,453 I can see why that's addictive. 251 00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,584 I feel like Anthony Montana! 252 00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:36,126 Right, then. Shall we say hello to all the animals in the zoo? 253 00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:38,886 Shall we say hello to all the animals in the zoo? 254 00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:40,592 Can you wave, Jimmy? 255 00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:43,929 Say, "Hello, rabbit. Hello, donkey. 256 00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:47,221 Hello, turtle. Hello, lion." Raarrrr! 257 00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:49,894 - Should I check on the kids? - No, she's fine, don't worry. 258 00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,980 - They're a bit of a handful. - Don't worry. She's so good with them. 259 00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:56,822 - Sun's out. They've no cream on, have they? - She's fine. We've put some sheets up. 260 00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:59,949 She's made a little kind of pink tent - pink palace, she says. 261 00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:02,194 - Pink palace. - She's great with them, isn't she? 262 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:06,081 - Yeah, she is, yeah. - Is she staying here then at the minute or...? 263 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,742 Yeah, just for a bit. She's here, sort of now and then. 264 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,582 - A few nights, you know? - What's a few nights, like? 265 00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:14,171 - A few nights a week, you know? - A few nights a week? 266 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:17,129 - Four or...five. - It's not been easy for her at home. 267 00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:20,670 They've had a bit of erm... Her mum and dad have split up. 268 00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,384 - Oh! - Oh, yeah. 269 00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:24,970 - So she's stopping here while it, you know? - It's a shame. 270 00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:27,477 Give her a bit of stability, a bit of normal family life. 271 00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:31,014 So she's come to live here, my ex-lover? Now she's living here? 272 00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:33,603 - At the moment, yeah. - At the moment, yes. It's just... 273 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,188 She offered us rent, actually. 274 00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:36,773 - She offered you rent? - She did. 275 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:37,983 - You said... - We said no. 276 00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,276 We both said no, didn't we? 277 00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,362 That's a really good idea. 278 00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:43,322 - Come on! - Shall we sing? 279 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:47,785 # Twinkle, twinkle, little star! 280 00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:50,537 I might just go... I might just go and have a little look. 281 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:53,203 - It's just the lack of cream on them. - No, no, can you...? 282 00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,747 - Richard. Sit down. - Jimmy burns. He's ginger-haired. 283 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:58,382 - No, honestly, it's fine. Sit down, sit down. - Richard. 284 00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:01,252 There's a little something, isn't there, that er... 285 00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:03,012 We've got a bit of a er, well... 286 00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:05,048 - It's a bit of a surprise. - A surprise? 287 00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:09,014 The kind of surprise where your kids can't be in the room, kind of surprise? 288 00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:12,351 - It's so you can concentrate on it. - Call it our Cilla moment, if you will. 289 00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:15,141 - What is it? - Is it a big black dildo? 290 00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:17,064 - Bosh! - Oh, come on, son! 291 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:18,352 Stop it, son! 292 00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:21,648 - Really, no. No. - Went too far. I shouldn't have... 293 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,407 Just mucking around. 294 00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:24,909 So, what's...? 295 00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:27,825 That's a moving cupboard with a grunting thing in it, isn't it? 296 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,160 - That's got to be it, hasn't it? - Is that the surprise? 297 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,417 - It's a puppy, isn't it? - Well... Shall I er...? 298 00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:33,792 - Get it. - Is it a pig? 299 00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:36,204 - One, two, three, four. - It's moving. 300 00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:38,919 You can come out now! 301 00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:41,083 - Hey! - Surprise, surprise! 302 00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:46,005 - It's Mr Squires! - It is, isn't it? 303 00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:49,597 What is he doing in that cupboard? Why would you do that? 304 00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:51,557 - Look at his face. - I can't... Why? 305 00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:53,767 - You didn't know that was gonna happen. - Hiya, mate. 306 00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:57,230 - So shocked. - Come here, give us a hug. 307 00:16:57,391 --> 00:17:00,395 - Surprise, surprise! - You weren't expecting that, were you, son? 308 00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:02,734 - You're always saying we're boring. - Yeah. 309 00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:04,945 - Not so boring now, are we? - No! 310 00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:07,160 - Surprise, surprise! - Mr Squires in a cupboard! 311 00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:09,537 Wouldn't call that boring! 312 00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,697 My God, woman! 313 00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:43,688 Smell. Smell! 314 00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,659 - 'Ey up. - Shaun. 315 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:53,949 How are you? You all right? 316 00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:57,789 - Yeah, I'm fine. - Good. You look really nice. 317 00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:00,079 Mm. Thanks. 318 00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:03,250 The blue really suits you, in your hair. Is that a real bird? 319 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:06,465 No, I'm a fucking vegetarian. 320 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,589 Oh, yeah. 321 00:18:14,051 --> 00:18:17,897 So, er... How's all the college going? Are you still doing all your drawings and that? 322 00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:20,057 Yeah, great. 323 00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:25,025 Would, erm...? 324 00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:29,443 Later on there's this thing at the town hall. It's like a Madchester thing. 325 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:32,579 Like a mad rave. There's, erm...all the gang are getting together. 326 00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:34,660 We're all gonna go, if you fancy it? 327 00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:38,205 I don't think that would be a very good idea. 328 00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:40,369 Well, why not? 329 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:51,213 I've met someone. 330 00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:55,176 What do you mean, you've met someone? 331 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:56,803 I've met someone. 332 00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,973 He's called Haris, and I really like him. 333 00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:07,104 Sorry, Shaun. 334 00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:12,530 Well...good. You know... 335 00:19:13,944 --> 00:19:15,946 I'm happy for you. 336 00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:20,250 You deserve better than what I did to you, don't you, so... 337 00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:25,289 I'm pleased you're moving on. 338 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:36,142 Right, well, I better get going anyway, so... 339 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,184 At least think about coming tonight, yeah? 340 00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:44,100 All right. I'll think about it. 341 00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:51,149 - All right? - Cool, yeah. All right, I'll see you later. 342 00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:05,754 You see, the reason why I'm here, you see, is cos I'm going solo. 343 00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:09,087 I'm leaving the firm. I gave them the opportunity to pay me what I was due, 344 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:10,718 and they turned me down flat. 345 00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,674 - They fired you? - I'm setting up on me own! 346 00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:14,384 - Wow. - It's amazing, isn't it? 347 00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:15,973 - Back where I belong. - Really brave! 348 00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:18,226 - Brilliant. - That's awesome. 349 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:20,265 There's more. I want you with me. 350 00:20:20,428 --> 00:20:23,227 - Oh, now then. - Back where you belong, by my side! 351 00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,938 - Yeah. - And I'm not just talking wages here. 352 00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:28,774 I'm talking about partnership. Well, junior partnership. 353 00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:31,485 - A junior partnership? - Profit share, profit share! 354 00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:33,820 - And what I'm offering you here, lad. - Yeah? 355 00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:35,284 I'm offering you the stars. 356 00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:37,946 I'm offering you the moon on a stick and a bag to put it in. 357 00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:41,036 - I'm offering you the world! - Amazing. That's fantastic. 358 00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:43,246 - But the thing is... - It wouldn't really work. 359 00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,832 It wouldn't really work because of the children. 360 00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:48,794 - He's got the kids. I'm at work. - You could look after the kids. 361 00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:51,334 She's doing her...dinner lady. 362 00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:53,502 - I run the kitchen. - She's not just a dinner lady. 363 00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,717 - I'm there full time. - She's in charge of t'kitchen. 364 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,008 - OK, well... - She runs it. 365 00:20:58,174 --> 00:21:00,393 But I want you to see the potential. Do you know what I mean? 366 00:21:00,551 --> 00:21:04,055 - You don't understand what he's offering you. - No, I do. I get it. I do get it. 367 00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:06,023 What if Lorraine doesn't have to leave her job? 368 00:21:06,140 --> 00:21:08,393 - You keep doing your boss dinner lady. - I can't leave. 369 00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:10,812 - And maybe Jennifer could look after the kids? - No. 370 00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:13,902 My former lover look after the children instead of their mum and dad? 371 00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:16,742 - I wouldn't be comfortable. - I'm not comfortable with that. 372 00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:19,279 - You've got to see the potential. - Think about it sensibly. 373 00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:21,789 To me, it looks a bit like you're struggling. 374 00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:23,073 - It looks... - We're fine. 375 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,288 What do you mean, it looks like we're struggling? 376 00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:27,453 - Hang on a minute. Whoa, whoa! - Yeah? What? 377 00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:31,545 I don't comment on you and your matching weird psychopath gear. 378 00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:35,886 - Now, that's just...rude. That's just rude. - You're being rude with me, Mum. 379 00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:38,218 - I'm not being rude. - Assuming that my... 380 00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:40,178 We might look like a bag of... 381 00:21:40,341 --> 00:21:42,139 - All right, Woody! - Stop talking. 382 00:21:42,259 --> 00:21:43,806 Don't you judge me and my family! 383 00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:47,394 We might look like a bag of unorganized shit sometimes, pal, but we are... 384 00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:50,435 We're fucking happy. Isn't that every parent's dream! 385 00:21:50,601 --> 00:21:53,480 - You fucking presumptuous pair of arseholes! - Woody! That's it. OK. 386 00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:56,741 - Let's just all calm down. - You've pissed me off big time! 387 00:21:56,899 --> 00:22:00,028 - All right, son. That'll do, that'll do. - You've gone way over the mark. 388 00:22:00,194 --> 00:22:02,788 - I think maybe... - I wanna smash the fucking front room up. 389 00:22:02,905 --> 00:22:05,704 - I think we should take a break. - Trying to make us wear slippers. 390 00:22:05,866 --> 00:22:08,665 - What's happened to you? - This has obviously not worked. 391 00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:11,251 No, it hasn't fucking worked. It's pissed me off! 392 00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:13,632 - Right. Let's just take a minute. - All right, son. 393 00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:16,635 - Maybe a cup of tea, Barbara? Or... - I agree with you, Lorraine. 394 00:22:16,794 --> 00:22:19,297 ...coffee or summat. I don't know. 395 00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:20,798 - Presum...presuming... - Sssh. 396 00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:22,433 Pre-fucking... Making out like... 397 00:22:22,591 --> 00:22:24,764 We might look like shit, but we're fucking happy! 398 00:22:24,927 --> 00:22:26,929 All right, well, we'll just sort it out. 399 00:22:27,638 --> 00:22:30,232 - She's crying now. - Yeah, course she is. 400 00:22:30,391 --> 00:22:31,768 Fucking water works. 401 00:22:51,537 --> 00:22:54,165 - Wowee! - What do you mean "wowee"? 402 00:22:54,331 --> 00:22:56,299 I've never seen you suck a bong like that, mate! 403 00:22:56,458 --> 00:22:59,337 - It's how I always do them. - It's not how you always do them at all. 404 00:22:59,461 --> 00:23:01,259 - Yeah, it is. - Gadget, how does he do a pipe? 405 00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:03,633 Normally takes a couple of hits and pretends he's stoned. 406 00:23:03,799 --> 00:23:06,473 - Fuck off, Gadge, you're always doing that! - No, he ain't! 407 00:23:06,635 --> 00:23:09,138 The only time you've been stoned we had to take you to fucking hospital. 408 00:23:09,263 --> 00:23:14,110 - It wasn't the hospital, it was the drop-in centre. - They still took your blood pressure and your... 409 00:23:14,268 --> 00:23:18,273 How would you feel, if you thought you were swallowing your tongue? It's a bit worrying. 410 00:23:18,647 --> 00:23:20,649 It's a bit unusual, mate. 411 00:23:25,613 --> 00:23:28,617 - How you feeling? - All right. Will you just leave it out? 412 00:23:30,034 --> 00:23:32,207 I'm just having a bit of a shit day! 413 00:23:32,369 --> 00:23:33,746 Why you having a shit day? 414 00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:36,792 It's me mam getting on at me all the time and... 415 00:23:37,374 --> 00:23:40,218 Well, I went down to the college earlier on and I've seen Smell. 416 00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:44,007 - And don't take the piss, mate. - Mm. 417 00:23:45,799 --> 00:23:48,018 It's... It was just a bit... 418 00:23:48,594 --> 00:23:50,471 ...a bit shit, like, she's got a new boyfriend. 419 00:23:52,473 --> 00:23:53,850 Is he a pirate? 420 00:23:54,016 --> 00:23:56,986 - What do you mean, is he a pirate? - Is he a pirate? 421 00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:59,981 I don't know if he's a pirate. Why would he...? 422 00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:02,650 I tell you and you're taking the piss! No, he wasn't a pirate. 423 00:24:02,816 --> 00:24:06,537 I've heard she's going out with a pirate. I'm not being funny. That's what I heard! 424 00:24:06,695 --> 00:24:09,744 - Got a hook. - Fuck off, lads! 425 00:24:09,907 --> 00:24:13,002 Actually, I've heard that she's going out with a pirate, no bullshit. 426 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,583 She's not going out with a pirate, all right? 427 00:24:15,704 --> 00:24:18,127 Do you really miss her? 428 00:24:19,124 --> 00:24:20,501 Yeah, a bit, like, but... 429 00:24:20,668 --> 00:24:23,091 It's upsetting you that she's out of your life and that? 430 00:24:25,172 --> 00:24:28,016 Not really. Well, a little bit. 431 00:24:28,384 --> 00:24:31,809 Do you know what, Shaun? If you want, I'll pretend to be her. 432 00:24:31,971 --> 00:24:34,770 - I'd rather you not, mate. - "Shaun, come on, we're off to Israel." 433 00:24:34,932 --> 00:24:37,105 - "Come on, Shaun." - "Shaun." 434 00:24:37,267 --> 00:24:38,610 "Shaun." 435 00:24:38,769 --> 00:24:41,488 - Don't, lads. Fucking hell. - "Shaun, dress up for me." 436 00:24:41,647 --> 00:24:43,775 "Shaun." 437 00:24:43,941 --> 00:24:46,660 "Shaun, I want you to finger me." 438 00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:48,662 "Shaun, my vulva is pulsing. 439 00:24:49,780 --> 00:24:52,158 - "It's pulsing!" - Shut up, lads. 440 00:24:53,993 --> 00:24:56,496 Am I better looking than her? Tell me the truth? 441 00:24:58,163 --> 00:25:00,632 - Am I? - Yeah. 442 00:25:00,791 --> 00:25:02,793 You can fuck me, then. 443 00:25:04,461 --> 00:25:08,011 God...I actually just wanna go out tonight now, lads, and just get fucked. 444 00:25:08,173 --> 00:25:09,675 Oh, well, we will do that then, mate. 445 00:25:09,842 --> 00:25:13,221 You're not gonna be partying at the discotheque if you've just done that big suck. 446 00:25:13,345 --> 00:25:15,439 Fuck off, mate, I'll be all right! 447 00:25:15,597 --> 00:25:18,146 # There'll be no more Shauny at the discotheque 448 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,648 # You'll be asking for Mummy at the discotheque 449 00:25:20,811 --> 00:25:22,984 Stop winding me up, mate. I'm all right, honestly. 450 00:25:23,147 --> 00:25:25,320 You're not all right. You're looking a bit floaty. 451 00:25:25,482 --> 00:25:29,032 Floaty? I'm fucking fine. I'll have another one if you think I'm that fucking bad! 452 00:25:29,194 --> 00:25:30,787 Go on, then. 453 00:25:30,904 --> 00:25:33,327 Go on, then, babe. 454 00:25:33,490 --> 00:25:34,616 Ah, fuck. 455 00:25:35,826 --> 00:25:41,003 There's no way I'm going back to that. Absolutely no fucking way. 456 00:25:41,165 --> 00:25:42,667 He'd make me shave! 457 00:25:42,833 --> 00:25:44,756 - Bloody hell. - He'd make me shave. 458 00:25:44,918 --> 00:25:47,637 I'm happy, you know? Jesus Christ. 459 00:25:47,796 --> 00:25:50,015 - That's the dream. - Don't you want him to take it? 460 00:25:50,174 --> 00:25:53,348 He does what he wants. We'll manage without it but if you wanted to do it you could. 461 00:25:53,510 --> 00:25:59,517 If you want me to go back to the factory - hand on me heart - I will go back to that factory. 462 00:25:59,683 --> 00:26:02,152 - I'm not gonna make you go back to the factory. - I know. 463 00:26:02,311 --> 00:26:04,860 But we're not gonna end up with a great big fucking garden... 464 00:26:04,980 --> 00:26:07,278 - On my wages? No. - ..on your wages. 465 00:26:07,441 --> 00:26:09,944 "You're just a dinner lady! You're only a dinner lady!" 466 00:26:10,110 --> 00:26:12,533 That's what his mum kept saying to me. 467 00:26:12,696 --> 00:26:14,915 - We're all dinner ladies here. - Your mum comes out with some shit. 468 00:26:15,074 --> 00:26:18,704 She's a fucking gobshite. "Mr Squires in a cupboard." I've never seen her like that. 469 00:26:18,869 --> 00:26:21,668 By some fucking evil twist, you're now the normal ones. 470 00:26:21,830 --> 00:26:24,959 I love coming round here. I can't stand going round there. 471 00:26:25,125 --> 00:26:26,627 I wouldn't say that! 472 00:26:26,794 --> 00:26:30,048 - Trust me, we're not that fucking weird! - I don't know, we've got two mums. 473 00:26:30,214 --> 00:26:31,466 Hey! 474 00:26:31,632 --> 00:26:33,305 At least you've got a mum and a dad. 475 00:26:33,467 --> 00:26:35,845 Shit, yeah. I forgot about the dad and the hammer thing. 476 00:26:36,011 --> 00:26:37,479 - Woody. - Ooh. 477 00:26:38,639 --> 00:26:40,858 # Gone too far... - Yeah. 478 00:26:42,768 --> 00:26:44,315 Why would anyone do that? 479 00:26:44,478 --> 00:26:46,526 - How can anyone ruin a...? - Just be quiet. 480 00:26:46,688 --> 00:26:48,941 What's going on tonight? 481 00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:52,578 I've heard there's a discotheque. Is there a discotheque? 482 00:26:52,736 --> 00:26:55,330 Yeah, there's a erm...a Manchester night. 483 00:26:55,489 --> 00:26:57,617 Mm, tell me about it. 484 00:26:57,741 --> 00:27:01,996 So, it's like, all the music from the bands in Manchester that's playing. 485 00:27:02,162 --> 00:27:05,382 - Oh, that sounds good. - Yeah, it will be good. 486 00:27:05,541 --> 00:27:07,885 Will all the Manchester bands come here? 487 00:27:08,043 --> 00:27:10,762 No. Ian Brown wouldn't grace his presence here. 488 00:27:10,921 --> 00:27:13,140 - Who's he? - Ian Brown. 489 00:27:13,298 --> 00:27:15,392 - Lol! - I'm not down with the kids. 490 00:27:15,551 --> 00:27:16,552 I know who he is. 491 00:27:16,718 --> 00:27:17,810 - Do you? - Yeah, I do! 492 00:27:17,970 --> 00:27:19,768 # Der-der... Kelly. - Go on, then. 493 00:27:19,930 --> 00:27:22,058 # Der-der-der ding-dink digger-digger dink 494 00:27:22,182 --> 00:27:24,105 # A flink-a-flonk, a wank-a-chink ding-dong 495 00:27:24,268 --> 00:27:26,316 - Fucking hell. - Fucking Idiot's Gold, yeah. 496 00:27:26,478 --> 00:27:28,071 - I know about them. - Not quite like that. 497 00:27:28,230 --> 00:27:31,484 Wanky-shank? # Wanky-shank, a-dink-a-flank ding-dong 498 00:27:31,650 --> 00:27:34,529 Yeah, I've heard them on the radio. I have. 499 00:27:34,695 --> 00:27:38,370 - Why don't you come with us? - I think Lol should come. 500 00:27:38,532 --> 00:27:40,580 What? To listen to that: dig-a-dig-a-ding? 501 00:27:40,701 --> 00:27:43,079 It doesn't sound like that. # Donk-a-ding-dong-ding 502 00:27:43,245 --> 00:27:45,168 I can't. I've got to pick the kids up and bath them. 503 00:27:45,330 --> 00:27:47,628 I'll do all that. That's no excuse. I'll do it. 504 00:27:47,791 --> 00:27:49,919 - We'll do that. - They'll do it. 505 00:27:50,085 --> 00:27:51,257 Why don't you go out, then? 506 00:27:51,420 --> 00:27:53,923 Because I'm... oh, I am so... I'm busy. 507 00:27:54,089 --> 00:27:55,215 - Very busy. - With what? 508 00:27:55,340 --> 00:27:58,264 With big long session wanks to fucking Readers' Wives. 509 00:27:58,385 --> 00:28:01,480 You asked me. I'm telling you. Do you want me to... I don't wanna lie to you, Lol. 510 00:28:01,638 --> 00:28:03,857 Or any of you for that matter. I love you too much. 511 00:28:04,016 --> 00:28:06,610 - Are you coming? - I ain't got anything to wear, 512 00:28:06,768 --> 00:28:09,191 and I'd have to go back home, pick up my shirt, come back here. 513 00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:12,528 - It's too much of a mission. - I've got loads of your old Fred Perrys upstairs. 514 00:28:12,941 --> 00:28:15,114 - I'm not gonna be dressing up. - That's a definite. 515 00:28:15,277 --> 00:28:16,654 That's true. 516 00:28:16,820 --> 00:28:18,948 - Let's get Lollipop dressed up! - Yeah. 517 00:28:19,114 --> 00:28:21,037 - Come on. - I didn't have any choice, did I? 518 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:23,373 - Are you all right with that? - Yeah, we don't mind. 519 00:28:23,535 --> 00:28:25,583 - Feed them and bath them. - Enjoy your wank. 520 00:28:25,704 --> 00:28:29,254 - I will do. I'll be thinking of you, Lol. - You better be! 521 00:28:29,833 --> 00:28:31,961 - Thank you, girls. Awesome. - It's all right. 522 00:28:32,127 --> 00:28:35,722 - You won't lez off in front of my kids, will you? - Oh, fuck off, Woody! 523 00:28:35,881 --> 00:28:37,883 The Only One I Know 524 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:57,616 # The only one I know 525 00:28:57,778 --> 00:29:00,452 - Thanks for bringing me here. - You're very welcome. 526 00:29:00,948 --> 00:29:03,292 I thought it was just gonna be me and you, though. 527 00:29:03,450 --> 00:29:06,078 Well...well, me and Higgy. Like I said, you, me and Higgy. 528 00:29:06,245 --> 00:29:08,668 Just me and you. I thought we were, like, on a date. 529 00:29:08,830 --> 00:29:12,505 - We are on a date, Sonia. - Yeah, the date's just between me and you. 530 00:29:12,626 --> 00:29:16,130 Yeah. But Higgy's always there. He's my best pal. 531 00:29:17,381 --> 00:29:19,850 - The world. - In the world. 532 00:29:20,342 --> 00:29:22,344 Whoo! 533 00:29:25,889 --> 00:29:28,517 - ..upstairs? - Looks it, doesn't it? 534 00:29:28,684 --> 00:29:31,278 There's a fucking lot of people, man. 535 00:29:32,020 --> 00:29:33,988 Lads! 536 00:29:35,857 --> 00:29:38,781 - What's up? - I feel a bit sick, to be honest. 537 00:29:38,902 --> 00:29:41,325 - Why? - That fucking weed, man. 538 00:29:41,488 --> 00:29:44,412 - Chill out. Chill out. - Are you having a bit of a whitey, Shaun? 539 00:29:44,574 --> 00:29:47,919 - You were sucking that bong very hard, boss. - Yeah, it's just the weed, mate. 540 00:29:48,078 --> 00:29:50,501 You'll get over it in like ten minutes. Don't worry. 541 00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:52,374 Are you spinning a bit? 542 00:29:52,541 --> 00:29:55,465 Shaun, just try and think about something else, mate. 543 00:29:56,753 --> 00:29:58,676 - Do you want a cuddle? - Don't, mate, please. 544 00:29:58,839 --> 00:30:00,011 What you need is more drugs. 545 00:30:00,173 --> 00:30:02,676 I know it sounds bad at this point, but you're going right down 546 00:30:02,843 --> 00:30:04,265 and you need to be brought back up. 547 00:30:04,386 --> 00:30:05,683 - More drugs? - Yeah. 548 00:30:05,846 --> 00:30:07,769 - Fuck that, mate. No way. - This is different. 549 00:30:07,931 --> 00:30:10,150 In ten minutes, you'll be fucking sound as a pound. 550 00:30:10,309 --> 00:30:12,562 Think of it, yeah, weed's a downer, speed's an upper. 551 00:30:12,728 --> 00:30:14,776 - Get a little dab of that. - Have a tiny bit now. 552 00:30:14,938 --> 00:30:16,565 Ten minutes you'll feel right as rain. 553 00:30:16,732 --> 00:30:18,780 - Promise that'll make me feel better? - I swear to you. 554 00:30:18,900 --> 00:30:20,573 Dab a bit on your finger like that. 555 00:30:20,736 --> 00:30:22,113 Give it a rub on your gums, man. 556 00:30:22,279 --> 00:30:24,702 Don't even have to sniff it or anything. 557 00:30:26,700 --> 00:30:28,919 - There's fucking loads on there. - There's not! 558 00:30:29,077 --> 00:30:31,330 - Seen how much I had? - Get it down you. 559 00:30:31,496 --> 00:30:33,169 - That's fucking minging! - Horrible. 560 00:30:33,332 --> 00:30:36,006 - You get used to it. - You've had it, haven't you? 561 00:30:36,168 --> 00:30:38,671 - Right, come and sit down. - Good boy. Let's have a seat. 562 00:30:39,838 --> 00:30:41,840 You're just having a whitey, mate. 563 00:30:43,133 --> 00:30:45,306 Step On 564 00:30:48,013 --> 00:30:51,893 Anyhow, I was wondering if we should get the er...Red Seals procedures underway. 565 00:30:52,059 --> 00:30:56,439 Er...not yet. We'll have a laugh first and then we'll do a bit of that. 566 00:30:56,605 --> 00:31:00,280 - That'll be a laugh. Quite a laugh in store. - No, no, I just wanna get warmed up. 567 00:31:00,442 --> 00:31:02,570 - Know what I mean? - Right. Yeah, yeah, of course. 568 00:31:02,736 --> 00:31:07,617 Of course, you'll feel much better once the narcotics are into your system. 569 00:31:07,741 --> 00:31:09,994 - It takes a good hour so... - Hour? 570 00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:13,130 - About that, yeah. - For fuck's sake. Why didn't we do it earlier? 571 00:31:13,288 --> 00:31:17,043 Well, I wanted to save the experience of the VIP room for you, Sonia. 572 00:31:17,209 --> 00:31:19,678 VIP room? Me? 573 00:31:19,836 --> 00:31:22,339 Only the best for you, Sonia. Only the best. 574 00:31:22,464 --> 00:31:25,343 - Is that like famous people? - Loads of famous people in there. 575 00:31:25,509 --> 00:31:27,728 - You're joking! - No. Loads, isn't there, Higgy? 576 00:31:27,886 --> 00:31:30,355 - What's that? - Famous people in the VIP. 577 00:31:30,514 --> 00:31:33,939 Yeah, yeah. I think, erm... Des Walker might be coming down. 578 00:31:34,101 --> 00:31:35,899 - Des Walker? - Yeah, good friend of mine. 579 00:31:36,061 --> 00:31:37,108 - No! - Yeah. 580 00:31:37,270 --> 00:31:40,365 - Think he'd talk to me? - I could introduce you, no probs. 581 00:31:40,524 --> 00:31:41,776 So shall we pop off? 582 00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:43,868 - Go and meet Des? - Yeah, let's do that. 583 00:31:44,027 --> 00:31:45,529 - Let's hold hands. - Yeah. 584 00:31:45,695 --> 00:31:47,993 - Oh, is he...? - Come on, Higgy. Come on, Higgy. 585 00:31:48,156 --> 00:31:49,749 Yeah, Higgy's coming. 586 00:31:49,908 --> 00:31:52,252 After you, I'll get the door. After you, mademoiselle. 587 00:31:55,455 --> 00:31:58,504 - Hello, Lol. Kelly. - Hey. You all right, Col? 588 00:31:58,625 --> 00:32:01,094 Good to see you. You're just like Annie Lennox. 589 00:32:01,253 --> 00:32:03,301 - Oh, thanks. - Bros. 590 00:32:03,422 --> 00:32:05,265 You're very lovely tonight, ladies. 591 00:32:05,382 --> 00:32:07,885 Not as lovely as you, Sonia, obviously. I was being nice. 592 00:32:08,051 --> 00:32:11,396 - Anyway, can't stop and chat. See you later. - See you in a bit. 593 00:32:11,555 --> 00:32:13,774 - Where you going? - VIP. 594 00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:17,436 - VIP, where's that? - Yeah, it's VIP, Kelly. VIP. 595 00:32:17,602 --> 00:32:19,650 Not in here, there isn't, surely. 596 00:32:22,149 --> 00:32:26,074 - Fucking hell, it's loud! - Yeah, well, it's a disco, not a wake! 597 00:32:27,571 --> 00:32:30,575 - What's this one? I don't know this one. - This? This is the Mondays. 598 00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:32,208 - Oh, is this it? - This is it. 599 00:32:32,367 --> 00:32:33,835 I like it. 600 00:32:33,994 --> 00:32:35,996 Fucking hell, I wish I'd had a drink. 601 00:32:36,163 --> 00:32:38,712 Oh, mate, hang on. 602 00:32:38,874 --> 00:32:41,093 Oh, I should have known! 603 00:32:42,377 --> 00:32:44,425 Fools Gold 604 00:32:44,546 --> 00:32:48,642 And this, this is the fucking Roses! Wah! 605 00:32:49,092 --> 00:32:52,096 - Fucking hell, is she all right? - Yeah. She's wired! 606 00:32:52,220 --> 00:32:54,268 She's fine. We're not kids any more, are we? 607 00:32:54,431 --> 00:32:57,605 - Well, go and join her, then. - You're fucking coming with me. Come on. 608 00:33:17,621 --> 00:33:21,376 # The pack on my back is aching 609 00:33:21,583 --> 00:33:25,008 # The straps seem to cut me like a knife 610 00:33:37,807 --> 00:33:41,812 Higgy. You'll be wearing this, I'm afraid, my friend. 611 00:33:41,978 --> 00:33:44,948 There it goes. Look at that. Perfect blindfold. 612 00:33:45,982 --> 00:33:50,613 That's it. If you just take your trousers down, so only I can see. 613 00:33:50,779 --> 00:33:53,498 Is that a good height for you there, Sonia? 614 00:33:53,657 --> 00:33:57,378 - Just sniff this, then? - You just...you just bend over and sniff that. 615 00:33:57,536 --> 00:33:59,379 I'm just gonna have a quick... Very nice. 616 00:33:59,538 --> 00:34:02,087 - You all right there? - I'll take those down for you. 617 00:34:12,968 --> 00:34:15,812 - You after something? - Yeah. Two wraps of whizz, mate. 618 00:34:17,889 --> 00:34:19,141 - Nice one, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. 619 00:34:19,307 --> 00:34:21,309 Have a good night. 620 00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:37,209 If you could just be quiet for one minute, please. Here it comes. 621 00:34:40,161 --> 00:34:42,038 It's OK. 622 00:34:42,205 --> 00:34:43,457 - Oh, my God. - Fucking head down. 623 00:34:43,582 --> 00:34:46,005 My head is down. What are you talking about? 624 00:34:46,167 --> 00:34:47,635 He keeps trying to get a sneaky peek. 625 00:34:47,794 --> 00:34:50,172 - I love you so much. - Don't flatter yourself, darling. 626 00:34:50,338 --> 00:34:52,557 I really care about you. 627 00:34:52,716 --> 00:34:55,344 - Do you? - Oh, yeah. Get ready for it. 628 00:34:55,510 --> 00:34:59,060 - What's it like, Sonia, that? You getting high? - It's really nice. 629 00:35:00,223 --> 00:35:02,817 Get your fucking head... Look at him! Look at him! 630 00:35:02,976 --> 00:35:05,195 You're a sneaky bastard, you are. Put your head down. 631 00:35:05,353 --> 00:35:07,230 I love you both so much! 632 00:35:14,404 --> 00:35:17,578 # These boots were made for walking 633 00:35:18,700 --> 00:35:21,954 # The Marquis de Sade don't wear no boots like these 634 00:35:31,588 --> 00:35:35,593 # Gold's just around the corner 635 00:35:35,759 --> 00:35:38,558 # Breakdown's coming up round the bend 636 00:35:51,733 --> 00:35:54,327 Keep sniffing. That's right. 637 00:35:54,486 --> 00:35:57,330 - Oh, my God. - He's coming. 638 00:35:58,323 --> 00:35:59,950 - Nearly there! - Are you finished yet? 639 00:36:00,116 --> 00:36:03,461 - I'm coming. Oh, my God! - You sneaky bastard. 640 00:36:03,620 --> 00:36:05,247 - I bet you are. I bet you are. - No. 641 00:36:05,580 --> 00:36:09,210 Oh, take it off. I can't breathe. 642 00:36:19,928 --> 00:36:22,022 # I'm standing alone 643 00:36:22,180 --> 00:36:24,274 # I'm watching you all 644 00:36:24,432 --> 00:36:27,402 # I'm seeing you sinking 645 00:36:28,728 --> 00:36:30,571 # I'm standing alone 646 00:36:30,730 --> 00:36:32,778 # You're weighing your gold 647 00:36:32,941 --> 00:36:36,320 # I'm watching you sinking 648 00:36:37,153 --> 00:36:40,157 # Fool's gold 649 00:36:45,620 --> 00:36:49,545 # Fool's gold 650 00:36:55,588 --> 00:36:58,057 Fires are lit to prepare food and, during the night, 651 00:36:58,216 --> 00:37:00,810 Pakan has come up-river to supervise the festivities 652 00:37:00,969 --> 00:37:03,017 which will lead to the naming of his child. 653 00:37:08,059 --> 00:37:10,061 Oh, fucking hell. 654 00:37:12,063 --> 00:37:14,157 Hello? Hello? 655 00:37:14,315 --> 00:37:16,033 Oh, hello, son. 656 00:37:16,192 --> 00:37:17,785 It's your dad. Richard. 657 00:37:17,902 --> 00:37:20,872 Yeah, I know. Dad, you don't have to give me your... I know it's you. 658 00:37:21,030 --> 00:37:23,499 You don't have to... Dad Richard? What are you on about? 659 00:37:23,658 --> 00:37:26,958 Thank you, son, that's... For being so humorous. 660 00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:28,417 Ha! 661 00:37:28,580 --> 00:37:33,256 Me and your mum, we felt that we ought to apologise, son. 662 00:37:33,418 --> 00:37:36,217 We're...we're very so... We're very sorry. 663 00:37:36,379 --> 00:37:39,349 - What are you apologizing for? - We're sorry. We're very sorry. 664 00:37:39,466 --> 00:37:41,594 We meant well but, you know, 665 00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:45,640 it didn't pan out quite as we thought it would. 666 00:37:45,805 --> 00:37:49,025 No, it's gone massively tits up. The thing... Go on. 667 00:37:49,142 --> 00:37:52,362 We'd just like to know that, if you think we should ask Jennifer... 668 00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:54,113 - Oh. - ..to stop staying over, 669 00:37:54,272 --> 00:37:55,990 then we are prepared to do that. 670 00:37:56,149 --> 00:37:59,369 No, I don't want you to tell Jennifer to stop staying over. 671 00:37:59,527 --> 00:38:01,450 - We... Because we have... - For fuck's sake. 672 00:38:01,613 --> 00:38:03,456 - We have been selfish. We have. - Mm. 673 00:38:03,615 --> 00:38:06,038 You know, you've just accepted it, even though... 674 00:38:06,201 --> 00:38:08,295 - Listen, it's fine. - Well, it may well have... 675 00:38:08,453 --> 00:38:12,128 It was obviously very difficult for you, then we went and did that with Mr Squires. 676 00:38:12,290 --> 00:38:13,917 - I don't know what we were thinking. - Dad... 677 00:38:14,083 --> 00:38:15,960 It seemed like a good idea the other night. 678 00:38:16,127 --> 00:38:20,007 But looking back on it, it seems so stupid and I don't know why...why we did it. 679 00:38:20,173 --> 00:38:21,720 It's fine! 680 00:38:21,883 --> 00:38:23,977 Honestly, I'd completely forgotten about it. 681 00:38:24,135 --> 00:38:25,478 I'm just sat here watching a doco. 682 00:38:25,637 --> 00:38:27,389 - Are you sure? - Yeah, honestly, it's... 683 00:38:27,555 --> 00:38:28,977 Honestly, Dad, it's fine. 684 00:38:29,140 --> 00:38:32,235 I don't want you to tell Jennifer to move out of your house. 685 00:38:32,393 --> 00:38:35,522 I think it's amazing that you're happy. I'm made up for you both. 686 00:38:35,688 --> 00:38:38,567 - Is Mum there, right next to you? - She is, yeah. 687 00:38:38,733 --> 00:38:41,452 - I'm here as well. - Yeah, I know. I can hear you there. 688 00:38:41,611 --> 00:38:44,205 - He says that he doesn't want us to... - Course she's there. 689 00:38:44,364 --> 00:38:46,787 - ...to tell Jennifer to leave. That she can... - No. 690 00:38:46,950 --> 00:38:49,669 - You just have to say the word. - You just have to say the word, son. 691 00:38:49,786 --> 00:38:52,630 - Just say the word. - No, I'll say two words - it's fine. 692 00:38:52,789 --> 00:38:54,336 How does that sound? 693 00:38:54,499 --> 00:38:57,252 He says it's fine. He says, "Two words - it's fine," he says. 694 00:38:58,878 --> 00:39:01,131 - Hilarious, innit? - Ah, thank you, son. 695 00:39:01,297 --> 00:39:04,096 No, it's all right. Listen, it's fine. It's absolutely fine. 696 00:39:04,259 --> 00:39:08,105 - Are you sure? You're absolutely sure? - Absolutely 100% sure. 697 00:39:08,221 --> 00:39:11,725 - He's sure. He says, "Absolutely 100% sure." - Yeah, nine o'clock. 698 00:39:11,891 --> 00:39:14,360 What... What's... What's the documentary? 699 00:39:14,519 --> 00:39:17,693 It's about a tribe living in the jungle. 700 00:39:18,398 --> 00:39:20,116 - What? - He's watching a documentary. 701 00:39:20,275 --> 00:39:21,902 It's about a tribe living in the jungle. 702 00:39:22,068 --> 00:39:23,866 - Oh, right. - Which jungle, son? Which... 703 00:39:24,028 --> 00:39:25,371 - The Amazon. - The Amazon? 704 00:39:25,530 --> 00:39:26,702 - Yeah. - It's the Amazon. 705 00:39:26,823 --> 00:39:29,827 Listen, they know about, er...global warming 706 00:39:29,993 --> 00:39:34,874 without even needing a TV or a radio or anything. 707 00:39:35,540 --> 00:39:38,635 Apparently they know about global warming without needing a TV... 708 00:39:38,793 --> 00:39:42,548 - No technology of any kind. - Without any kind of technological apparatus. 709 00:39:42,714 --> 00:39:44,887 They just... How do they... How do they find out? 710 00:39:45,049 --> 00:39:51,682 Have they got their own sort of kind of inventions made of bamboo or anything like that? 711 00:39:52,515 --> 00:39:53,812 Like... Son? 712 00:39:53,975 --> 00:39:56,819 Dad, hang on. Hang on a minute. Just a minute. 713 00:39:56,978 --> 00:39:59,276 - I beg your pardon, love. - Ask him how much longer it's on for. 714 00:39:59,439 --> 00:40:01,441 How long is it on...? How long is it on for? 715 00:40:01,608 --> 00:40:04,327 It's on...it's on for another maybe half an hour. 716 00:40:04,485 --> 00:40:06,658 Tell him we'll watch it when you get off the phone. 717 00:40:06,779 --> 00:40:09,783 Yeah? Well, because...we might... we might watch it ourselves. 718 00:40:09,949 --> 00:40:12,122 - Yeah. - And then it'll be like, er... 719 00:40:12,285 --> 00:40:14,458 Well, we can all watch it together at the same time. 720 00:40:14,621 --> 00:40:16,794 We can - we're in different houses. How mad's that? 721 00:40:16,956 --> 00:40:20,756 - En famille, as they say in...in France. - Yeah. 722 00:40:20,919 --> 00:40:23,513 Now, are we... Do you feel like maybe we've... 723 00:40:23,671 --> 00:40:26,220 Cos this documentary, I'm just...I'm halfway in now. 724 00:40:26,341 --> 00:40:28,764 - All right. I'm sorry to keep you, son. - It's all right. 725 00:40:28,927 --> 00:40:31,521 It's...it's a great weight off our mind. 726 00:40:31,846 --> 00:40:36,101 Yeah, well, now that I know you can sleep, will you just...just go away? 727 00:40:36,267 --> 00:40:38,941 Of course we will, son. 728 00:40:39,062 --> 00:40:40,314 - Yeah. - OK, son. 729 00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:44,360 All right, Dad. I love you. Love you, Mum. Bye, then. 730 00:40:44,525 --> 00:40:46,903 - He says he loves you. - Love you too, darling. 731 00:40:47,070 --> 00:40:49,289 - She says she loves you too. - All right. 732 00:40:49,447 --> 00:40:51,449 All right. All right, son. Thanks ever so much. 733 00:40:51,616 --> 00:40:54,119 Yeah, I've got to go. See you in a bit. All right, bye, Dad. 734 00:40:54,285 --> 00:40:55,582 - Bye, bye, bye, bye. - Bye. 735 00:40:55,703 --> 00:40:57,626 - Fucking hell. - Bye, bye, bye. 736 00:40:57,789 --> 00:41:02,044 ...with the family households of the women and their husbands around the circumference. 737 00:41:02,210 --> 00:41:04,633 A political order of relations among the age groups 738 00:41:04,796 --> 00:41:08,266 and the performance of public ceremony have their focus in the men's house. 739 00:41:10,510 --> 00:41:14,105 At the age of eight, he's removed from his family house round the edge of the circle 740 00:41:14,222 --> 00:41:17,066 and goes to live in the men's house, which functions like a boarding school. 741 00:41:17,684 --> 00:41:20,107 - I'm hungry. - I'm fucking starving. 742 00:41:20,269 --> 00:41:21,691 You're always hungry. 743 00:41:21,854 --> 00:41:23,777 - I'm not eating after that. - What we having? 744 00:41:23,940 --> 00:41:26,659 - Deep pan? - No, don't fancy that. 745 00:41:28,444 --> 00:41:30,492 - Curry? - Curry, that's what I want. 746 00:41:30,655 --> 00:41:32,623 - I haven't had curry for ages. - Are you Shaun? 747 00:41:32,740 --> 00:41:34,162 Yeah, who are you? 748 00:41:34,325 --> 00:41:36,168 I'm Haris. I'm Michelle's boyfriend. 749 00:41:36,327 --> 00:41:39,547 - Michelle, as in Smell? - Yeah. 750 00:41:39,664 --> 00:41:43,464 She told me to come tell you that she's sorry that she couldn't come. 751 00:41:43,584 --> 00:41:47,634 She felt a bit uncomfortable, so...hope that we're cool. 752 00:41:48,214 --> 00:41:51,514 Why do you think it's fucking acceptable to come over here and tell me that? 753 00:41:51,676 --> 00:41:54,304 Like I give a fuck what you two get up to or talk about. 754 00:41:54,470 --> 00:41:56,723 - I couldn't give a fuck. - You cared about Michelle. 755 00:41:56,889 --> 00:41:59,108 I do, but I don't care about you. 756 00:41:59,225 --> 00:42:03,196 Yeah, but I'm doing this for Michelle. I'm making it comfortable for her. 757 00:42:03,354 --> 00:42:05,573 - Fuck off, mate. - Yeah, I think you'd better leave it. 758 00:42:05,732 --> 00:42:08,531 - Leave it now, mate, yeah? - Thanks for your time, Haris. 759 00:42:08,693 --> 00:42:11,822 - Cheers for that. - What the fuck? Why would he do that? 760 00:42:11,988 --> 00:42:14,082 - No, hang on a minute! Oi! - Oi, no, Shaun. 761 00:42:14,240 --> 00:42:17,585 Why do you think you can come over here in front of my mates and talk to me like that? 762 00:42:17,702 --> 00:42:18,828 What are you talking about? 763 00:42:18,995 --> 00:42:22,499 Why do you think it's acceptable to come over and say you're Michelle's boyfriend? 764 00:42:22,623 --> 00:42:23,670 Like I give a fuck. 765 00:42:23,833 --> 00:42:26,757 Do you not think it would have been just left better unsaid? Know what I mean? 766 00:42:26,919 --> 00:42:29,593 - No. I was doing it for Michelle. - Fuck off, mate. 767 00:42:29,756 --> 00:42:31,724 What the fuck? 768 00:42:31,883 --> 00:42:33,556 Fucking hell! 769 00:42:33,718 --> 00:42:35,720 Get off! 770 00:42:36,471 --> 00:42:38,473 Get off him! 771 00:42:50,318 --> 00:42:52,241 - You heard me! - Just calm down! 772 00:42:52,403 --> 00:42:54,246 - Calm down, mate! - Fucking idiot! 773 00:42:54,405 --> 00:42:56,453 Stop it. Stop it. 774 00:42:56,616 --> 00:42:59,586 - Drink some blood, you fucking knobheads. - Fucking idiot. 775 00:43:03,164 --> 00:43:05,166 You OK, Shaun? 776 00:43:07,543 --> 00:43:09,545 This is why I don't come out. 66283

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