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1
00:00:01,068 --> 00:00:03,502
PELTON [OVER PA]:
Happy last day before
winter break, Greendale.
2
00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:05,069
Time to visit our loved ones.
3
00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:07,968
Some of you will travel
as far as three miles.
4
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:12,573
Don't forget to visit our
winter wonderland, where
we're giving away catalogues
5
00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:14,907
of next semester's classes.
BOY: Ha-ha-ha!
6
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:16,083
[§§§]
7
00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:17,773
[TAMBOURlNE SHAKlNG]
8
00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:19,816
PELTON:
Whoa! What's that sound?
9
00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:24,458
Is that the tippy-tapping
of secular boots on the roof?
10
00:00:24,658 --> 00:00:29,857
Oh, well, it must be yet another sign
that it 'tis the season,
11
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:32,055
because rumor has it
12
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:35,394
that non-denominational
Mr. Winter
13
00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:38,936
is on his way
to the student lounge.
14
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:42,668
I am so sick of the dean jamming
his PCness down my throat.
15
00:00:43,110 --> 00:00:46,045
Pierce, I'd like to commend you
for letting that one go.
16
00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:48,943
[CHUCKLlNG]
PCness. Now I get it.
17
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:51,243
It sounds like penis.
I just got it too.
18
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:53,283
Well, it's still Christmas to all of us.
19
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:57,184
And I made you all a little gift,
because you're like my new family.
20
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,018
"W.W.B.J.D.?"
21
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,456
If that stands for
"What would Billy Joel do?"
22
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:04,324
I'll tell you right now,
he'd write another crappy song.
23
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:06,022
Yeah, in your face, Billy Joel.
24
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,200
[MOUTHS]
Who is that?
25
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,767
It stands for
"What would baby Jesus do?"
And it's to remind us
26
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:12,768
that the real meaning
of this season is Christmas.
27
00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:14,736
Oh, well, thank you, Shirley.
28
00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:18,400
I'm gonna put that in the pocket
closest to my heart.
29
00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,978
No, no, no.
It's a bracelet, you put them on.
30
00:01:22,049 --> 00:01:23,277
Everybody put them on.
31
00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:28,784
[§§§]
32
00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:34,089
Hey. Hey.
33
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,888
You took all the Winter-Doodles.
34
00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:38,463
What are you, a douche bag?
35
00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:41,159
They're for my friends.
But there's a lot left.
36
00:01:41,368 --> 00:01:44,166
No. Only macadamia nut cookies.
I have a tree-nut allergy.
37
00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:46,066
You should stay away from
Christmas-tree-shaped cookies.
38
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:49,936
Ha-ha-ha! That did not
even make allergic sense.
What are you, an idiot?
39
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:54,976
Okay, we get it, you and the A-Team
are awesome, now beat it.
40
00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:58,618
Oh, look at that. Pretty boy,
standing up for bird-face over here.
41
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:00,548
Give me a Winter-Doodle.
42
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:04,451
If you're trying to be menacing,
maybe don't call the cookie
by its name.
43
00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:08,486
Oh, you're funny,
you're a funny man.
Wanna hear something funny?
44
00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:11,631
Knock, knock. My fist up your balls.
45
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:13,633
Who's there?
46
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:15,131
PELTON:
Ho, ho, ho!
47
00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:18,999
Merry happy.
48
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:20,837
This ain't over.
49
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:22,508
[§§§]
50
00:02:22,977 --> 00:02:25,468
There won't always be
a dean around, all right?
51
00:02:27,214 --> 00:02:28,772
Still waiting on
those cookies, Abed.
52
00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:30,951
[THE 88'S "AT LEAST
lT WAS HERE" PLAYS]
53
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:38,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
54
00:02:56,110 --> 00:02:57,168
Jeff protected my honor.
55
00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,608
It was like My Bodyguard,
but I was the kid from Meatballs,
56
00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:03,078
Jeff was from Full Metal Jacket,
and the mustache guy was
the brother of the guy in Entourage.
57
00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:05,514
Thanks for dumbing that down for us.
You got it.
58
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:08,779
What's the deal, Jeff? You leave
your stones in your other suit?
59
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:10,820
Why didn't you rap that guy
in the face?
60
00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:14,153
For the same reason that I floss
and keep my guitar in its case.
61
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:15,350
I'm over 23.
62
00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:17,793
I'm proud of you for
handling it peacefully, Jeff.
63
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:21,627
Like a certain little birthday boy.
Heh-heh-heh.
64
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:24,497
Real men turn the other cheek.
Let's see them.
65
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:27,167
Nonsense. Men were wired
to fight each other
66
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,171
so women could choose
the right mate.
67
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:33,540
No, the real reason men fight
is to release their pent-up gayness.
68
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:35,442
That guy wasn't gay,
he had a mustache.
69
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:37,048
You know what I have? Finals.
70
00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:38,843
Are we cramming
for Spanish or not?
71
00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:41,385
I need a 65
or I'm gonna flunk the class.
72
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:42,749
[GASPS]
73
00:03:42,957 --> 00:03:45,687
Why didn't you do the extra credit
if you knew that you were
74
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:46,860
[WHlSPERS]
failing?
75
00:03:47,061 --> 00:03:50,224
Because doing more than the
minimum work is my definition of
76
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:51,420
[WHlSPERS]
failing.
77
00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:52,656
SHlRLEY:
Quick question.
78
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:55,835
Are you all coming to my
Christmas party right after the final
79
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:59,199
or are you stopping home to
change into your Christmas outfits?
80
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:01,033
[§§§]
81
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,539
I guess I could wear
one of my Hanukkah sweaters.
82
00:04:05,079 --> 00:04:09,482
Ah. Annie, I didn't know
you weren't, um, Christian.
83
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:13,312
Yep, one might
even say I'm Jewish.
84
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:15,750
Oh, that's good for you.
That's wonderful.
85
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:17,821
I respect all religions of the world.
86
00:04:18,225 --> 00:04:19,658
I'm Muslim.
Jehovah's Witness.
87
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:21,919
Atheist.
The Lord is testing me.
88
00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:25,428
Guys, this is a subject that
breeds conflict, can we please--?
89
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,396
What religion are you, Jeff?
I'm agnostic.
90
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:28,932
[ALL BOOlNG]
91
00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:31,627
Agnostic. Lazy man's atheist.
92
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:34,767
I'm born-again.
Oh!
93
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:37,273
We had a re-birthing ritual
in my friend's hot tub.
94
00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:41,414
I'm now a level five Laser Lotus
in my Buddhist community.
95
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,607
That does not sound like Buddhism.
You sure you're not in a cult?
96
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:49,118
Just by asking me that question,
you put me back down to a level four.
97
00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:51,757
You now owe me
2000 Energon Cubes.
98
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,927
Do you know how foolish
you sound right now?
99
00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:56,358
What else do you believe in,
blood transfusions?
100
00:04:56,563 --> 00:04:59,225
Jehovah's Witnesses are
a type of Christian, right, Troy?
101
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:04,029
Yeah, but we don't celebrate
birthdays or Christmas,
and we can't drink.
102
00:05:04,238 --> 00:05:05,205
But it helps.
103
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:06,532
So you're like a Muslim.
Assalamu alaikum.
104
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:07,832
Shama-lama-ding-dong.
105
00:05:08,042 --> 00:05:10,670
Well, don't we have
a diverse little family.
106
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:13,210
I say we open up this party
to all faiths.
107
00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:14,972
I brought my Star of Bethlehem,
108
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:18,015
which led the wise men
to the savior of all mankind.
109
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:22,621
And you guys can bring a little trinket
or doodad from your philosophies.
110
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:23,812
Sounds good?
111
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,857
As an agnostic, I'm gonna
bring my winning smile.
112
00:05:27,061 --> 00:05:28,358
[ALL GROANlNG]
113
00:05:28,595 --> 00:05:30,222
[§§§]
114
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:42,206
Ugh! So boring.
115
00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:45,234
Done. Hee, hee!
116
00:05:48,349 --> 00:05:50,112
Feliz navidad.
117
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:54,810
"True or falso
or none of the above?"
118
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:56,421
That doesn't make any sense.
119
00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:58,682
[CHUCKLlNG]
120
00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:03,456
Hey, look at that,
Forehead's taking a test.
121
00:06:03,664 --> 00:06:06,064
Why don't you get going,
Chuck Norris?
122
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:09,527
Did you just shoo me?
Why don't you just kiss him already?
123
00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:12,103
Dude, I will shoo your nose
down your throat.
124
00:06:12,306 --> 00:06:14,900
Señor Chang, can you do
something about this?
125
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:16,732
I'll allow it.
126
00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:19,435
Qué pasa here, huh?
127
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:23,780
It's usted, dude. Even I know that.
128
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,281
[LAUGHlNG]
129
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:30,555
You picked the wrong day to correct
my Spanish, No Sleeves. It's on.
130
00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:32,885
He's doing this for me.
He's my bodyguard.
131
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,856
You wanna dance?
To some show tunes?
132
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,996
No, I want to beat you,
and I'm gonna enjoy it.
133
00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:38,494
Because you're like this school.
134
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:42,066
You're obnoxious, cramping my style
and you smell like french-fry oil.
135
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:43,759
I don't get it.
136
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:47,065
Three o'clock. Bike rack,
but not the one by the parking lot.
137
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:50,437
Right, the one by the trash cans,
near the orange cones, where
they're building the wheelchair ramp.
138
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:54,503
Yeah.
Best exam ever.
139
00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:56,706
[LAUGHlNG]
That guy's awesome.
140
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,417
[§§§]
141
00:07:01,155 --> 00:07:03,282
So help me, if that
jerkweed made me fail.
142
00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:05,822
Well, I aced it, amigo.
That means cousin.
143
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,459
So, what's my role going to be?
144
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:10,391
Is there a key moment where
I stand up for myself, take revenge?
145
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,656
Uh, maybe you should
just hang back.
146
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,800
Yeah, I will. In his face.
147
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:17,061
Whatever you do,
don't tell Shirley about the fight.
148
00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:20,331
She'll start in with all her
mothery guilt-inducing powers.
149
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:21,838
You know what I mean?
No.
150
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,840
I'm wearing this Jesus bracelet
because it gets me chicks.
151
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:26,273
I know guys like this Mike.
152
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,448
He used to be a nerd,
now he's a meathead.
153
00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:29,809
Dangerous combo.
154
00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:33,145
Tyson, Lou Ferrigno,
Rosie O'Donnell.
155
00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:35,617
You're a pretty big dude.
You've probably got moves.
156
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:38,348
Yeah, I got some theories.
157
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:40,720
You've never been in a fight?
Technically, no.
158
00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:43,897
I guess I'm too charming
and likeable. Call me a name.
159
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,260
I can't.
Mm.
160
00:07:46,467 --> 00:07:48,697
Are you telling me you've never
been punched in the face?
161
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:51,302
No, thank God.
This is the moneymaker.
162
00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:54,406
First time I got punched in the face,
I was like, "Oh, no."
163
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:57,941
But then I was like, "This is a story."
164
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,174
And a good one.
Yeah.
165
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:03,543
Every man should be punched
in the face. It's a rite of passage.
166
00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:06,480
In my day, Friday night was
smoke a doobie, feel up a gal
167
00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,678
and then get your teeth
knocked out by a Republican.
168
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:12,222
Guys, the plan here isn't for me
to get hit. It's for me to hit him.
169
00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:13,615
PlERCE:
Oh, then it's settled.
170
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,658
We have to teach Jeffrey
how to fight.
171
00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:17,160
I know a few moves.
172
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,332
Troy, I assume you're
handy with a switchblade.
173
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:23,333
Abed, you get back to the family tent,
try to find a chicken for Jeff to chase.
174
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:28,631
Guys, I appreciate the enthusiasm,
but I think I got this.
175
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,707
MlKE:
Oh, well, look who it is.
176
00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:35,905
We got Forehead,
Old Head, Dumb Head
and the Other Head.
177
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:37,510
See you at 3, Forehead.
178
00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:38,878
[§§§]
179
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:40,144
Give me a snowman, dork.
180
00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:44,514
See this, funny guy? Huh?
181
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,083
[STUDENTS GASP]
182
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:47,692
[LAUGHlNG]
183
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:48,987
Huh?
184
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,362
Classic Rosie.
185
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,056
Fight lessons in a half an hour?
186
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,130
Good plan.
187
00:08:56,336 --> 00:09:01,103
[SlNGlNG]
§ Joy to the world
The Lord is come §
188
00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:06,974
§ The Lord, the Lord, the Lord §§
189
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,613
Hello.
190
00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:11,409
Oh! Is this your Hanukkah holder?
191
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:13,745
It's, uh-- It's pretty.
192
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:16,286
We'll just, uh-- Let's just put it here.
193
00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:18,185
There we go. That's nice.
194
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:23,128
So I can't believe
I never knew you were a Jew.
195
00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:26,599
I'd say the whole word next time.
196
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:32,570
So do you think everyone
will start arriving soon?
197
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:35,173
I think they're gonna come
after Jeff's fight.
198
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:36,399
After Jeff's what, now?
199
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:37,577
[§§§]
200
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:39,040
Jeff wants to fight that bully.
201
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:40,939
On Christmas?
202
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,612
Will you excuse me for a moment?
203
00:09:44,318 --> 00:09:47,082
Can you finish the manger scene?
204
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:51,752
We know you were one of us.
205
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:58,259
[lN HlGH-PlTCHED VOlCE]
What's up? What's up?
206
00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:01,127
What's up.
No, it's a question.
207
00:10:01,335 --> 00:10:03,064
What's up?
What's up?
208
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:06,933
Not a real question, a rhetorical one.
You have the answer, he does not.
209
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:09,233
Then you give them
the Forest Whitaker eye.
210
00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:10,808
Oh, that's pretty good.
211
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:13,002
Okay, hold that stare.
There you go.
212
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:17,115
Hold it. Then, look straight through
his eyes and deep into his soul.
213
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:18,716
And then you move to Vermont.
214
00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:21,183
I'm sick and tired of you
saying that fighting is gay.
215
00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:23,856
She's got a point. In boxing,
you fight for the purse and a belt.
216
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:27,549
I've gotta write a paper about that.
Let's see what we're working with.
217
00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:30,628
Go ahead,
throw a few at the old paws.
218
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,024
[CHUCKLlNG]
What are you?
A North Korean seamstress?
219
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:36,964
Not if that's bad.
Get mad, come on!
220
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,604
If it helps, think of me
as somebody who annoys you.
221
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:40,773
[GRUNTS]
222
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,339
That's it. That's good.
223
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:44,203
Britta, put your blouse back on.
224
00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:46,705
Ohh! Ow!
225
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,914
This is not a game.
You gotta be ready for anything.
226
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:51,016
Dude, that is not cool.
227
00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:53,311
Well, that foxy black girl thinks it is.
Hm?
228
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:54,544
Aah!
229
00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,882
What are you doing?
Why she have to be black?
230
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:58,614
What is going on?
231
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:04,661
We're trying to get Jeff
ready for the fight.
232
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:07,961
[WHlSPERS]
I couldn't think of another word.
233
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,135
Idiot.
234
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,031
He meant we were figh...
235
00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:15,240
ting. It is hard to
think of another word.
236
00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:16,807
You realize there's
no way to take this
237
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,308
than as a giant middle finger to
the most important day of the year.
238
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:22,175
December 10th?
It's our Christmas.
239
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:23,872
And I'm having a party.
240
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:26,348
Due to my divorce,
and my relatives picking sides,
241
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:29,351
this will be the only Christmas party
I throw this year.
242
00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:30,545
Will you be there
243
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:34,221
or will I have another family
letting me down?
244
00:11:34,428 --> 00:11:36,123
I told him not to fight.
245
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,229
He wouldn't listen.
246
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,857
I don't know what that is.
247
00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:48,070
Jeffrey, I have two boys.
248
00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:50,072
And when we have
a serious discussion,
249
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:53,075
I find that a brownie
helps them to relax.
250
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:56,614
So why do you hate me and Jesus?
251
00:11:57,617 --> 00:11:59,050
I don't think my brownie's working.
252
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:02,551
Please don't do something so ugly
on a day so important to me.
253
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,519
Again, it's December 10th.
254
00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:07,021
You think religion is stupid.
255
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,321
No, no. To me,
religion is like Paul Rudd.
256
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:12,998
I see the appeal and would never
take it away from anyone,
257
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,895
but I would also never
stand in line for it.
258
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:18,230
And, look, the die has been cast
with this crazy bully guy.
259
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:21,066
He picked on Abed,
and he corrected my Spanish.
260
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,967
So you go to your party
and I'll see you soon.
261
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:27,146
Jeffrey, I forbid you from fighting.
262
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:28,314
[§§§]
263
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,483
Well, you don't get to.
You're not my mom.
264
00:12:30,684 --> 00:12:35,246
You're right, but if you show up for
the fight, don't show up for my party.
265
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:38,618
Oh, come on, Shirley, don't be mad.
I'm not mad, I'm disappointed.
266
00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:41,259
That's Mom for mad.
267
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:45,456
[§§§]
268
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:51,462
SHlRLEY:
Oh, hash browns
and applesauce, that's nice.
269
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:54,196
Oh, what is that interesting smell?
270
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:56,602
It's a traditional Muslim dish.
271
00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:58,072
Looks delicious.
272
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,803
I'm guessing as a woman
I won't be allowed to eat that.
273
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:03,073
That's too bad.
274
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:06,442
Oh, look, Britta brought
what she believes in.
275
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:07,677
Nothing.
276
00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:09,583
Where should I put
my Buddha incense holder?
277
00:13:09,790 --> 00:13:11,314
I'm pretty sure that's a bong.
278
00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:14,460
Where's Jeff?
279
00:13:16,663 --> 00:13:18,756
I guess he made his choice.
280
00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:20,594
I wanna go to Jeff's fight.
281
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:23,827
As I told Jeff, no one that goes
to the fight can come to my party.
282
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:28,235
He's dead to me. And if any of you
leave you'll be dead to me too.
283
00:13:28,742 --> 00:13:29,936
Let's sing.
284
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:33,135
§ Jesus is a friend of mine §
285
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:35,175
§ Jesus is a friend of mine §
286
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:36,349
Everybody.
287
00:13:36,550 --> 00:13:38,381
§ Jesus is a friend of mine §§
288
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:40,678
Come on, everybody.
You don't know it?
289
00:13:40,887 --> 00:13:44,323
You're banning Jeff from the party?
That doesn't seem very Christian.
290
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:49,219
Well, that's an interesting
point of view coming from
an atheist.
291
00:13:49,796 --> 00:13:52,822
I did my best to create
a special Christmas
292
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:55,160
for my one intact family.
293
00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:58,667
And, ahem, this is the thanks I get?
294
00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:01,102
Shirley, you are a guilt machine.
Mm.
295
00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:04,539
And Annie knows a thing or two
about guilt, am I right, Jew?
296
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:06,568
Say the whole word.
297
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:09,338
Jewie?
298
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:12,575
You would never catch
a Jehovah's Witness saying "Jewie."
299
00:14:12,786 --> 00:14:15,186
Tell it to the birthday cake
you never got.
300
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:16,912
You know, there's an
old Buddhist saying--
301
00:14:17,123 --> 00:14:19,421
You are not a Buddhist,
you are in a cult.
302
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:20,854
Suck it, Nietzsche.
303
00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:24,428
Guys, everyone's faith is weird.
Let's just not talk about it.
304
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:26,531
[ALL SPEAKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY]
305
00:14:31,805 --> 00:14:33,102
Guys, guys.
306
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:37,367
Guys, guys, are we really gonna
let religion divide us like this?
307
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:39,545
I think there's one thing
we can all agree on.
308
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:40,974
I get 72 virgins in heaven.
309
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:44,878
No, that we would all like
to have Jeff at this party.
310
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,751
Mm. He can't come. Mm-mm.
BRlTTA: Shirley.
311
00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:51,754
I get that this is your first Christmas
since your husband left you.
312
00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:55,018
And I don't know, maybe that's why
you're being so stubborn,
313
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,958
because you're trying so hard
to recreate something
314
00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:00,632
that you're afraid
that you've lost forever.
315
00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:03,735
But if you really want us
to be your second family,
316
00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:06,132
then you've gotta start
treating us like one.
317
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:07,306
[§§§]
318
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:08,804
Even if that means supporting us
319
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:11,239
when we do things
that you don't agree with.
320
00:15:11,845 --> 00:15:14,245
And you can start
by rooting for Jeff
321
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:18,042
while he rolls around on the ground,
groping another man.
322
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:22,120
That's what I'm gonna do.
323
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,591
The cranberry sauce
has real cranberries.
324
00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:40,664
If this dude doesn't show up,
we're definitely going to Applebee's.
325
00:15:40,874 --> 00:15:43,707
Because I'm getting into a fight
no matter what today, I'm telling you.
326
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:45,207
[§§§]
327
00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:46,674
Oh, look who showed up.
328
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:49,110
Oh, check him out. Ohh!
329
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,375
What's up, dude?
330
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,246
No backup today, huh?
331
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:57,150
Looks like grandpa and weirdo
couldn't show up to get
their teeth knocked out.
332
00:15:57,357 --> 00:16:00,849
Can I ask you a question? Are you
perpetually on your way to the gym?
333
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:02,528
Dude, my life is a gym.
334
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,097
Well, what's up? What's up?
What's up, man?
335
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:06,822
What's up? What's up?
What's up? What's up?
336
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:08,466
What's up?
What's up?
337
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:09,828
What's up?
What's up? What's up?
338
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:12,829
Whoa.
339
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:17,299
Dude, what is that?
One sec, these are very expensive.
340
00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:19,867
MlKE:
What is he doing?
341
00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:23,072
All right.
342
00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:25,079
Dude, you wear a bracelet?
343
00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:26,912
[MlKE AND FRlENDS LAUGHlNG]
344
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,784
Your name is Mike, right?
So?
345
00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:35,188
Mike, I'm not gonna fight you.
346
00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:40,194
I have a friend that believes this is
the time of year where you put aside
your differences and make peace.
347
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:44,730
Me? I don't believe in any of that,
but I do believe in friendship.
348
00:16:44,938 --> 00:16:47,702
And as much as I hate you
and the cast of Breakin',
349
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:50,705
I have to ask myself,
what would Shirley do?
350
00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:52,803
[GRUNTS]
351
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:54,241
Oh, no.
What would Shirley do?
352
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:58,577
I think that she would
shake your hand
353
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,412
and wish you a Merry Christmas.
354
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,679
[GRUNTS]
[MlKE LAUGHS]
355
00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:05,156
Jeffrey.
356
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,258
Kick his ass.
357
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,553
Cavalry's here. Shirts off, boys.
358
00:17:09,763 --> 00:17:11,788
Come on, I'm being punk'd, right?
359
00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:13,363
MlKE:
Kick them. Come here.
360
00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:15,761
[FLORENCE AND THE MACHlNE'S
"KlSS WlTH A FlST" PLAYlNG]
361
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:35,844
[TROY YELLS]
362
00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:43,218
Please, it's Christmas.
It's December 10th.
363
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:44,556
Ow!
364
00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:47,523
Not the moneymaker,
not the moneymaker.
365
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:48,962
Ow! Ow!
366
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:55,701
You're welcome.
367
00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:59,436
SHlRLEY [SlNGlNG]:
§ Sensible night §
368
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:03,776
§ Appropriate night §
369
00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:07,680
§ Snow on ground §
370
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:11,948
§ Left and right §
371
00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:15,355
§ Round yon purchase §
372
00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:19,828
§ Of decorative things §
373
00:18:20,033 --> 00:18:23,264
§ Tolerant rewrite §
374
00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:27,964
§ Of carols to sing §
375
00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:32,008
§ Function with relative §
376
00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:36,205
§ Ease §
377
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:40,443
§ Function with relative §
378
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:43,679
§ Ease §§
379
00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:44,879
Yeah.
380
00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:46,149
Thank you.
Yeah.
381
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,589
Yeah.
Thank you.
382
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:51,821
Thank you, I get it.
Yes, it is l, Señor Chang.
383
00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:53,692
Shakira, hold this.
384
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:58,428
So I have finished grading
everyone's finals.
385
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,801
And all of you are moving on.
386
00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:03,669
Yeah.
SHlRLEY: Yes.
387
00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:05,605
Yes.
Yeah.
388
00:19:05,879 --> 00:19:08,609
Ha, ha. Except for Jeff.
389
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,806
SHlRLEY: Oh.
CHANGE: It turns out, you--
390
00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:13,748
Pause for dramatic effect.
391
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,580
--will be seeing me next semester.
392
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:19,314
No!
393
00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:24,395
In Spanish 102, ha-ha-ha!
Because he passed, you know.
394
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:27,430
And I'm the only Spanish teacher.
Yay!
395
00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:29,192
I meant about Jeff passing.
396
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:32,496
You being our Spanish teacher, eh.
397
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:34,968
Whoa.
398
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:36,402
Man, Mike got you good.
399
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:39,009
Actually, that was
my present to Jeff.
400
00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:42,045
Ha, ha. I don't care.
I've got a mountain to shred.
401
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:43,749
[§§§]
402
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:47,317
Jeffrey, you're a man now.
How does it feel?
403
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,353
I got hit in the face, like, four times
before you punched me.
404
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:53,651
Well, some people just
don't know how to say thank you.
405
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,521
Pierce, thank you.
406
00:19:58,331 --> 00:20:04,270
And thanks to all of you for
showing up and having my back
407
00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:06,700
when we fought those fly dancers.
408
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:08,066
So, uh...
409
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:10,070
SHlRLEY & ANNlE:
Ooh!
410
00:20:10,276 --> 00:20:13,677
Merry--
No, no, no, holiday.
411
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:17,816
Actually, I was gonna say,
"Merry semester and
happy new one."
412
00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:19,780
[SHlRLEY GlGGLES]
413
00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:22,885
ABED: Switch?
SHlRLEY: Switch, switch, next glass.
414
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:25,148
PlERCE:
Okay, he's running out.
He's running out.
415
00:20:29,162 --> 00:20:31,790
[SlNGlNG]
§ O Christmas Troy
O Christmas Troy §
416
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,489
§ Thy candles shine so brightly §
417
00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:37,431
§ O Christmas Troy
O Christmas Troy §
418
00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:41,095
§ Much pleasure
Thou canst give me §§
419
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,069
Why do you guys do stuff like this?
420
00:20:44,978 --> 00:20:47,503
Because it's fun.
Yeah.
421
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,747
JEFF & ABED:
§ The sight of thee at Christmastide §
422
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:54,147
§ Spreads hope and gladness
Far and wide §
423
00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:58,654
ALL:
§ O Christmas Troy
O Christmas Troy §
424
00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:04,763
§ Thou tree most fair and lovely §§
425
00:21:05,265 --> 00:21:06,823
Don't move.
426
00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,964
This nose smells like special drink.
426
00:21:09,305 --> 00:21:15,320
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