All language subtitles for S01E07 - Introduction to Statistics.en

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Sync by honeybunny - Corrected By YesCool
www.addic7ed.com

- the bernoulli distribution

Is the number of successes

In a sequence of independent

Yes-no experiments.

Okay.

Uh, for the quiz monday,

Brush up on chapters
three and four.

- bernoulli's
one of my favorites.

Little-known fact, statistics
were not his only love.

He's also famous
for his french sauce

Used on meat and poultry.

- that's bearnaise.

- oh, we may need
to settle this at a restaurant.

- it's cute.

A little aggressive,

But as a busy,
confident woman of authority,

I'm attracted to men
who take charge.

- are you being sarcastic,
or am i nailing it?

- you were nailing it,
until you had to ask.

- oh, damn it.
starting over.

Hey, you in the skirt,
date me.

- i'd like to, mr. winger.

You're tall,
you dress nice,

And i've graded
enough of your tests

To know i'd never feel
mentally inadequate.

- thank you.

- only problem,
i don't date students.

- you know if you agree
to go out with me--

Oh, hey.

Awkward.

How small is this campus?

- bastard.

- it's fine.
i don't care.

- it's disgusting
the way men behave.

Did you ever see that
katherine heigl movie poster

Where gerard butler had
that heart over his weiner?

That resonated with me.

- okay, fine.

But just to repeat,

I don't care what jeff does.

- bastard.

- i'm barely a student.

I'm older than you.

I drive a lexus.

i saw ghost busters
in the theater.

Look, my gums are receding.

- it's uncanny how many
of my buttons you're finding,

But i have a personal rule
about this, and i stick to it.

- have a cup of coffee with me.
i bet i can change your mind.

- oh, i know you can.

That's why you're not
getting the chance.

- ooh, whoo.

- are you coming to my
dias de los muertos party?

- i'm definitely
gonna try to swing by.

- then i can mark you down
as definitely being there

From 7:00 sharp till upside-down
spanish question mark?

- here's the thing--
- no, here's the thing.

I am putting my foot down.
you understand?

I am being assertive,

And i am making eye contact,

And it is achieving results.

- are you trying
to get formidable with me?

- it worked on pierce.

- infomercials work on pierce.

- jeff,
you're the cool guy, okay?

If you show up, it'll be
the first party i host

Where everyone doesn't say

They need to get home in time
for the news.

- this won't work.

The last time you did this,

I saved a vial of your tears

And have been slowly
building up an immunity.

- i was so unpopular
in high school,

The crossing guard
used to lure me into traffic.

This party is a second chance

To be...

Hip.

Cool!

Laidback!

- look,
i will come to your party.

- thank you.

I'm putting you down
for two bags of ice

And a sleeve of paper cups.

- taking a pill?

- yes, i am.
- xenolovaden.

My grandpa took that
when he was around your age.

- fantastic.

But by the time grandpa
got up in years,

His memory wasn't great.

He'd mix the wrong pills.
you know how old people are?

- heard stories about it,
yeah.

- one time
he started hallucinating

And ran down the street
with no pants on.

Which in the gaza strip
is considered a real party foul,

So you should probably
be careful--

- look, i really
don't need your advice,

And i'm not
your pantsless grandpa.

- pantsless grandpa.

- hola!

Scary.

Oh, cute! cute.

Oh, britta.

You look adorable.

- thank you.

I hate when women
use halloween

As an excuse to dress up
like sluts, you know?

- yeah.

Okay, everyone.

I think we can begin.

I've got everyone's
personalized cookie tombstones,

por tradicion,

And in a few minutes,

We're going to start
the dance of the dead--

la danza de los muertos.

- you don't have
to keep doing that!

- party on.

- it's nice of you
to be here.

Sure you'd rather be out
with your hot professor.

- well, it's funny,

I enrolled here
as selfish loner,

But you and the group
have given me

A crash course
in friendship.

- she blew you off, huh?
- she's grading papers.

- professor slater?

She's not grading papers.

She's at the faculty party
in the cafeteria.

- oh, look, it's
the eavesdropping matador.

- are you saying
my people are sneaky?

- what?

there's a storm

Building on the horizon,

But you and i
will save the night.

Chex mix,
pretzels, baby carrots,

Predictable but appetizing.

hey.
- hey.

- can i ask you something
i always wanted to ask

The real batman?
- yeah.

- am i good looking?

- you're a very attractive
young man.

- i knew it.

- let's get this party started!

- who are you?

- i am the beastmaster.

from the movie beastmaster.

What rock
have you been living under?

What are you going as?

A gay douchebag?
just kidding.

- nice one.
i'm not much of a costume guy.

- i know,
you're not much

Of a liking the ladies guy
either, huh?

Oop. body blow.
is that liquor?

hello.

Here's your drinks, mates.

- oh, thanks, urkel.

- i'm harry potter.

- really?

- what up, urkel?

- hey.

- oh...

- all right.
what are you taking?

You know,
the usual cool stuff.

I've got 'ludes,
uh, dreamers...

Johnny boys.

- tell you what.

I'll trade you one of mine

For two of yours.
hmm?

- i don't know, star-burns.
i'm--

- oh, sorry.

I thought i was
dealing with the beastmaster.

- hey, hey,
who said you weren't?

Saddle up, fruit pie.

- i don't mind if i do.
may i?

- here. take this.

Give anyone that shows up
their stupid credit.

- you going
to the faculty party?

Make me your plus one.

- ah, give it up, winger.

Professor slater
doesn't date students.

Or married asians
who drive mopeds.

- give you 20 bucks.

- i'll bring the hog around.

- okay, it's time
for the dance of the dead.

Everyone form a circle.

Lights. music.

- is it under genre
or on a specific playlist?

- hey, uh, man?
what'd you slip me?

I keep grinding my teeth,
and i want to kiss everybody.

- what'd you slip me, man?

My heart stopped racing,
and i can't pee.

- now for the first dance,

I'd like to invite a very
special guest to the floor.

Jeff winger?

Jeff?

Where's jeff?

- is jeff gone?

You know, i'm gonna go.

I don't want to miss the news.

- news!

- he just stepped out.

He's gonna be right back.

He's going
to the faculty party.

- to be with
professor short skirt?

We hate her.

- no, it's not
about her, shirley.

I can't believe that
jeff would do this to annie.

- yes, absolutely.
it's about annie.

We should go
find that bitch's car

And snap off her antenna.

- it's like high school
all over again.

Everyone's leaving.

- not me.

I could do this all night.

- there you go, pretty lady.

- what are you doing here?

- showing you
my non-student side.

- i have to admit,
this outfit's doing it for me.

I may or may not
have been deflowered

By a junior rodeo champion.

- you're reminding me
of my first time too.

- you lost your virginity
to robin hood?

- no, with an
attractive woman at a party.

We seem destined
to repeat history.

- i told you no students.
it's unseemly.

I go out with you,
you tell your friends,

It gets around the school--
- what friends?

I have no friends.

I hate everyone here
but you.

- hey.

- what are you doing here?

- what are you doing here?

You should be over
at the library with annie...

Whoa.

Yippy ki yay.

Thought you
weren't a costume guy.

- you had to have one
to get in here, squirrel.

- oh, so where did you get it?

'cause i wouldn't think
that any costume stores

Would be open this late.

- i don't know
what you're getting at.

- i think the words
that you're looking for

Are "i own a cowboy outfit."

And it is tight too.
did you buy it like that?

Your toy gun to my head,
i'd say yes.

- hi.
michelle slater, ph.d.

- britta perry, g.e.d.

- oh, are you
a classmate of jeff's?

- oh, well,
when you say "classmate,"

It sounds like we take naps
together and eat paste,

But what's great
about community colleges

Is that a lot of the students

Are just as mature
as the teachers.

- jeff, you must return
to annie's party.

She's feeling unpopular.

- jeff, pierce took something,
and he is tripping balls.

He is touching people
and dancing weird.

it's like grumpy old men
but not hilarious.

- okay, uh, guys?

I'm at a grownup
halloween party, all right?

You're all being unseemly.

- oh, no.
- how are we unseemly?

- why is urkel
ripping the antenna

Off professor slater's car?

That's right,
professor slim calves.

This is what you get when you
steal jeff from a good woman!

- no, abed!

- is he meowing?
- yeah.

- enough.
i want you guys out of here.

Britta, i don't care about
your high school soap opera.

Abed, you're not batman.

- pierce. pierce. pierce.

Stop grinding on
the women's studies department.

You are too old
to be tripping.

- i'm old?

What do you mean old?

Whose hands are these?

Help me!

- way to go.

- i know i'm not batman.

You could try
not being a jerk.

- she's pretty hot.

- well, where were we,
little doggie?

- unseemly.
- yeah. crap.

- shirley?

- shirley!

- this is professor
robin hood's office.

- so what are you doing?

- i'm putting this hose
in her desk,

And you going outside
to turn the water on.

- why?

- to teach that long-neck
weave-having bank teller

She can't steal
another woman's man!

That's why.

I have a confession to make.

I think
some of what i just said

May have more to do
with my situation.

- yeah, the long-neck,
weave-having bank teller

Didn't feel universal.

- my ex-husband
came by this morning,

And he, uh, he asked
for his ring back.

It was his mother's,

And he wants to give it
to his new girlfriend.

- shirley, that sucks.

- don't get me wrong.

Best thing ever happened to me
was him leaving.

I just--i always thought
he'd come crawling back,

And i'd get to tell him,
"go to hell."

He couldn't even give me that.

You know what
the crazy thing is, britta?

- everything
you've done tonight?

- it's like i was too proud
to admit i was hurt,

So i had to pretend
that you were.

- i totally get that.

- i feel better now.

- let's go check on annie.

Can you believe
i targeted this poor lady?

Look at all these awards.

I bet she's nice.

- yeah.

Nice and pretentious.

- pierce?

Pierce, are you okay?

- hey, man,
what's going on?

You have a full-on erection.

Just rela--
just relax.

- pierce, relax.
just relax, okay?

Pierce!

- you are too old
to be tripping!

- pierce...

- you are too old
to be tripping.

- tell me about
the beatles, pierce.

Tell me about woodstock
and sputnik, pierce.

- gee,
do i feel a breeze here?

Because someone
just struck out.

- she blew you off too, chang.

- is that what you
had to fall back on?

Look at me, bro.
look at me.

I've got the body
of a fifth grader, okay?

If i was working
with what you've got,

She'd be at
the comfort inn right now

Giving me
a mexican halloween.

- it's this campus.

It feeds on my coolness.

I--i got no moves anymore.

- moves?

Everything's a game
to guys like you.

I know one move i bet
you've never tried in your life.

- what is it?

Please sleep with me.
please.

Pretty please.
i'm so lonely.

I haven't slept with anyone
in a very long time,

And you are so good looking.

Please do me the favor
of having sex with me.

- okay,
stay three steps behind

And promise
you won't tell anybody.

- i promise.

I promise.

- everybody,
stay out of the library.

- pierce, it's okay.
come out of there.

- no, i'm not ready to die!

- pierce,
you're not gonna die!

- just--just keep walking.
don't make eye contact.

- jeff. jeff! jeff.

Pierce is freaking out.

You're the only one
that can help.

- what makes you think that?

- is jeff out there?

He's the only one
who can help.

- he says
he's gonna kill himself,

But he doesn't
want us to call 911,

Because he doesn't want
to get in trouble

For taking drugs.

- i can't believe
i'm doing this.

I, uh...

I think
i have to say goodnight.

- are you, like,
a court-appointed guardian

For these people?

- uh, no.

Um, they're my classmates.

- goodnight, jeff.

- loser!

- what in the pink floyd?

- i'm gonna
crush myself to death

With desks and tables, jeff!

- is that a death
befitting a beastmaster?

- i never saw beastmaster.

I just wanted to be cool.

- i'm coming in there, pierce.

- those floating
mexican skeletons were right.

My life is over.

- well, when we go
to floating skeletons

With our problems,

We get what we pay for,
don't we?

- i'm old, jeff.

- pierce, i don't know how
you spent the first 60 years,

But i know
in the last two months

You've probably doubled
the national average

For amount of life lived
per lifetime.

- well, i do have a young,
african-american friend.

- yeah.

And, more importantly,

You're dressed
like a gladiator

In a desk fort that you built
during a bad trip.

If life is just a series
of ridiculous attempts

To be alive,

You're a hero

To everything
that's ever lived.

- yeah?

- yeah.

- yeah!

- batman?
yeah?

- are you staying
for the party?

- if i stay,

There can be no party.

I must be out there
in the night,

Staying vigilant.

Wherever a party
needs to be saved,

I'm there.

Wherever there are masks,

Wherever there's
tomfoolery and joy,

I'm there.

But sometimes i'm not,

'cause i'm out in the night,

Staying vigilant, watching,

Lurking, running, jumping,

Hurtling, sleeping...

No, i can't sleep.

You sleep.
i'm awake.

I don't sleep.
i don't blink.

Am i a bird?
no.

I'm a bat.

I am batman.

Or am i?

Yes, i am batman.

Happy halloween.

- I'm Batman.
- You sound like cookie monster.

- i'm batman.
- that's batman.

- candy corn looks like
tiny traffic cones.

- yeah, it sure does.

- at, like,
a candy traffic school.

- like, a little
gingerbread man at the wheel,

And he's drunk.

- look out.

- you'd be driving,

But you keep wanting
to eat yourself.

- all day.

- that's one
of my biggest fears.

- what is?

- if i ever,
like, woke up as a donut.

- you would eat yourself?

- i wouldn't even question it.

that'd be tasty.

- it's cool to know
other people

Think about this stuff too.

- yeah.

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