Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:01:48,667 --> 00:01:50,833
I'm Paul Dood,
and I'm a triple threat.
2
00:01:51,498 --> 00:01:54,762
I can sing, I can act,
and I sure as hell... No.
3
00:01:57,792 --> 00:01:59,824
I'm Paul Dood, and I'm a
triple...
4
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,204
I'm Paul Dood,
and I'm a triple threat.
5
00:02:05,284 --> 00:02:08,282
I can sing, I can act
and I sure as shit can dance.
6
00:02:08,947 --> 00:02:10,665
I want to get to the top
of the Trend Ladder for my mum
7
00:02:10,745 --> 00:02:12,963
because she's always believed in
me.
8
00:02:13,043 --> 00:02:15,208
I think my mu's always thought
I've got what it takes.
9
00:02:15,573 --> 00:02:17,359
And she just wants to see me
succeed.
10
00:02:17,439 --> 00:02:19,204
So that's what I've got to do.
11
00:02:19,404 --> 00:02:20,722
Paul.
What?
12
00:02:20,802 --> 00:02:22,820
Do you want a tea cake?
13
00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:24,385
No, Mum,
I'm just trying to do the video.
14
00:02:24,465 --> 00:02:26,516
How's it going, the video?
15
00:02:26,596 --> 00:02:28,248
It's good. Just going to finish
it.
16
00:02:28,328 --> 00:02:29,894
Then eat.
17
00:02:31,891 --> 00:02:34,189
Toast and marmalade?
18
00:02:34,489 --> 00:02:35,540
No thank you, Mum.
19
00:02:35,620 --> 00:02:37,753
I cut the crusts off.
20
00:02:38,517 --> 00:02:40,136
Actually, I would quite like
that.
21
00:02:40,216 --> 00:02:41,368
Toast and marmalade, then?
22
00:02:41,448 --> 00:02:43,114
Please.
23
00:02:57,798 --> 00:02:59,217
WHISPERING: What do you think?
24
00:02:59,297 --> 00:03:00,615
Eh?
25
00:03:00,695 --> 00:03:02,214
I'm on a vocal rest.
26
00:03:02,294 --> 00:03:04,212
What do you think of the video?
27
00:03:04,292 --> 00:03:06,509
WHISPERING: It's good.
You're clever, aren't you?
28
00:03:06,589 --> 00:03:07,875
You don't need to do the vocal
rest.
29
00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:09,821
I'm doing the vocal rest.
30
00:03:10,219 --> 00:03:13,516
LOUDLY: It's good you're clever,
aren't you?
31
00:03:13,916 --> 00:03:15,734
It's got 14 views
on Trend Ladder already,
32
00:03:15,814 --> 00:03:17,165
so I'm pretty pleased.
33
00:03:17,245 --> 00:03:18,978
COUGHING
34
00:03:34,795 --> 00:03:36,080
Are you OK?
Yeah.
35
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:37,726
Thank you.
36
00:03:38,158 --> 00:03:39,757
Thank you.
37
00:03:41,454 --> 00:03:42,640
Right.
38
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,771
What did you think of the spin?
39
00:03:44,851 --> 00:03:47,582
To be honest,
I think the spin's a bit much.
40
00:03:47,682 --> 00:03:48,967
I think less on the spin.
41
00:03:49,047 --> 00:03:50,765
OK?
42
00:03:50,845 --> 00:03:52,597
Do you want to have a rehearsal?
Yeah, yeah.
43
00:03:52,677 --> 00:03:55,694
Right, do your exercises.
44
00:03:55,774 --> 00:03:57,572
GROWNING
45
00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,103
One to the left.
46
00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:04,465
Now the vocal ones.
47
00:04:05,097 --> 00:04:07,282
Hip baaa.
48
00:04:07,362 --> 00:04:09,214
Hip baaa.
49
00:04:09,294 --> 00:04:11,011
Oh, no, come on.
50
00:04:11,091 --> 00:04:13,057
Take it seriously.
51
00:04:13,256 --> 00:04:16,639
Hip baaa.
52
00:04:16,719 --> 00:04:18,185
LAUGHING: That's it.
53
00:04:18,983 --> 00:04:20,583
Right.
54
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,165
Are you going to count me?
Count me in.
55
00:04:24,245 --> 00:04:25,811
You ready?
56
00:04:26,176 --> 00:04:30,026
One, two, three, go.
57
00:04:30,106 --> 00:04:32,738
HUMMING
58
00:04:40,096 --> 00:04:41,995
And then the spin.
59
00:04:42,593 --> 00:04:44,911
Ah, you're doing too much
on the spin.
60
00:04:44,991 --> 00:04:46,043
The sofa was in the way.
61
00:04:46,123 --> 00:04:48,055
No, it's nothing to do with the
sofa.
62
00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:50,072
Take it easy, take it easy.
63
00:04:50,152 --> 00:04:51,105
Right, I'll count you in.
64
00:04:51,185 --> 00:04:53,669
One, two, three, go.
65
00:04:53,749 --> 00:04:56,081
SOUND OF TRAFFIC AND ROAD WORKS
66
00:04:58,510 --> 00:04:59,962
SHOPPING MALL MUSIC
67
00:05:00,042 --> 00:05:03,026
Welcome
to the Belshire Shopping Centre,
68
00:05:03,106 --> 00:05:06,837
where we cater
for all your dreams and needs.
69
00:05:08,567 --> 00:05:10,519
Could a cleaner please go
to the mezzanine level?
70
00:05:10,599 --> 00:05:12,131
Ther's been a spillage.
71
00:05:15,294 --> 00:05:17,978
I think my mum's always thought
I've got what it takes
72
00:05:18,058 --> 00:05:19,710
and she just wants
to see me succeed,
73
00:05:19,790 --> 00:05:21,940
so that's what I've got to do.
74
00:05:22,020 --> 00:05:23,972
I can sing, I can act
and I sure as shit...
75
00:05:24,052 --> 00:05:26,302
Hey, Paul.
Mm-hm.
76
00:05:26,382 --> 00:05:29,399
I've just watched your latest
video
on Trend Ladder.
77
00:05:29,479 --> 00:05:31,132
Pretty neat.
78
00:05:31,212 --> 00:05:32,778
Thanks.
79
00:05:34,874 --> 00:05:37,573
It's not, though. It's pretty
shit.
80
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,771
DOOR OPENS
81
00:05:40,136 --> 00:05:41,287
DOOR CLOSES
82
00:05:41,367 --> 00:05:42,286
Hiya, mate.
83
00:05:42,366 --> 00:05:43,619
Hello, mate.
84
00:05:43,699 --> 00:05:44,185
I've got some more stuff
I want to sell.
85
00:05:44,265 --> 00:05:46,064
Ahh.
86
00:05:46,629 --> 00:05:48,647
We're not buying anything,
sorry.
87
00:05:48,727 --> 00:05:50,412
Oh, that's a shame.
This is all Old Alfred's gear.
88
00:05:50,492 --> 00:05:52,177
God rest his soul.
89
00:05:52,257 --> 00:05:54,075
All his military stuff,
some valuable items in here.
90
00:05:54,155 --> 00:05:55,740
This is exciting.
91
00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:56,972
Shoe polish.
92
00:05:57,052 --> 00:05:58,071
It's army stuff, isn't it?
93
00:05:58,151 --> 00:06:00,069
Yeah, but empty.
94
00:06:00,149 --> 00:06:01,367
What do you want me to do with
it?
Give it to Oxfam.
95
00:06:01,447 --> 00:06:02,400
Don't give it to those pricks.
96
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,465
What about age concern?
97
00:06:04,545 --> 00:06:06,443
Yeah, sure, if you need it.
98
00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:09,160
We'll give you �20
for whatever's in the box, Trev.
99
00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:10,891
What?
100
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:13,422
This is his medals.
This is all his military stuff.
101
00:06:13,502 --> 00:06:15,901
I'll give you �20.
Loving the hat, Paul.
102
00:06:16,100 --> 00:06:16,985
It's worth a lot more than that.
103
00:06:17,065 --> 00:06:18,750
Military stuff?
104
00:06:18,830 --> 00:06:20,929
Alfred didn't see
any military action.
105
00:06:22,060 --> 00:06:24,012
If there's any medals,
they'll be from sports days.
106
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:25,111
�20?
107
00:06:25,191 --> 00:06:27,208
Yeah, �20. That's fine.
108
00:06:27,288 --> 00:06:28,674
All right, it's a deal.
109
00:06:28,754 --> 00:06:31,504
We have a sale.
110
00:06:31,584 --> 00:06:33,436
Alright.
�20, yeah?
111
00:06:33,516 --> 00:06:35,500
Nice to see you, Trev.
Yeah, see you soon, Jayney.
112
00:06:35,580 --> 00:06:38,264
A bit of tagging, perhaps, Paul.
Oh, yeah.
113
00:06:38,344 --> 00:06:40,063
Age concern.
That's your house, isn't it?
114
00:06:40,143 --> 00:06:42,393
Is that how it's going to be?
115
00:06:42,473 --> 00:06:44,957
You always bring up the ages
stuff whenever I come in here,
don't you?
116
00:06:45,037 --> 00:06:46,722
Not the same when I'm giving
your mum a wash in front of the
fire.
117
00:06:46,802 --> 00:06:48,155
Sounds romantic.
118
00:06:48,235 --> 00:06:49,087
I'll be off then.
119
00:06:49,167 --> 00:06:50,153
Love you.
120
00:06:50,233 --> 00:06:52,297
Yeah, love to your mum.
121
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:55,213
You know, I think
he's killing off these old
blokes.
122
00:06:55,293 --> 00:06:56,646
Yeah, well, we know
he's been doing that for a
while.
123
00:06:56,726 --> 00:06:59,390
Ah, yes!
124
00:07:00,489 --> 00:07:04,319
A new chest cam. Perfect.
125
00:07:05,017 --> 00:07:07,583
Like a sort of bra camera.
126
00:07:11,910 --> 00:07:14,561
Hey, UK Trenders.
127
00:07:14,641 --> 00:07:16,459
We've had some great talent
here on the show
128
00:07:16,539 --> 00:07:18,190
but at three p.m. today,
129
00:07:18,270 --> 00:07:20,836
we've got our final regional
heats.
130
00:07:21,534 --> 00:07:23,219
Stay with me on Trend Ladder
for all the latest.
131
00:07:23,299 --> 00:07:24,832
Hey Paul,
132
00:07:25,530 --> 00:07:27,615
weren't you auditioning
for that talent show
133
00:07:27,695 --> 00:07:29,014
on Trend Ladder this year?
134
00:07:29,094 --> 00:07:32,011
Mm-hm.
Yeah, well,
135
00:07:32,091 --> 00:07:34,475
according to the app,
it says the heats are today.
136
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:36,805
Uh-uh, nope. They are next week
137
00:07:36,885 --> 00:07:38,637
You should come
and have a look at this.
138
00:07:38,717 --> 00:07:40,535
No, they're definitely next
week.
139
00:07:40,615 --> 00:07:42,266
We've had some great talent
here on the show,
140
00:07:42,346 --> 00:07:43,932
but at three p.m. today...
141
00:07:44,012 --> 00:07:45,297
That's Tapp.
Yeah.
142
00:07:45,377 --> 00:07:46,810
That's Jack Tapp.
143
00:07:48,041 --> 00:07:49,707
Really?
Yeah.
144
00:07:50,039 --> 00:07:51,558
Is this one of your jokes?
I'm not ready.
145
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:52,823
It's today, you fucking
doughnut.
146
00:07:52,903 --> 00:07:54,335
I'm not ready.
147
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,918
Jayney, Jayney,
the auditions are today.
148
00:07:57,998 --> 00:08:00,148
Jayney, the auditions...
Jayney, the audition's today.
149
00:08:00,228 --> 00:08:02,146
Oh, God.
150
00:08:02,226 --> 00:08:04,445
Paulie, breathe. Calm down.
151
00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:06,343
You look ever so stressed.
I am stressed, I am.
152
00:08:06,423 --> 00:08:07,841
Do you want to talk about it?
153
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:10,138
No, the Trend Ladder
talent show auditions are today,
154
00:08:10,218 --> 00:08:12,170
not next week, I got the week
wrong.
155
00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:13,369
The're today. I got the week
wrong.
Oh, that's a shame.
156
00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:15,314
Yeah, can I go though?
157
00:08:16,312 --> 00:08:17,598
Well, we're supposed to be
having one of our sessions this
afternoon.
158
00:08:17,678 --> 00:08:19,064
We can't just...
159
00:08:19,144 --> 00:08:21,094
Yeah, I know but if I go now,
I'll get there in time.
160
00:08:21,174 --> 00:08:22,493
Please.
161
00:08:22,573 --> 00:08:24,059
Oh, all right. Off you go.
162
00:08:24,139 --> 00:08:25,257
OK, thank you.
163
00:08:25,337 --> 00:08:26,622
I hope it goes well. OK, great.
164
00:08:26,702 --> 00:08:28,554
Yes, thank you.
165
00:08:28,634 --> 00:08:30,185
We can catch up
on the session another day.
166
00:08:30,265 --> 00:08:32,598
Yeah, yeah, great. Thank you.
167
00:08:34,595 --> 00:08:37,626
Just take your stress with you,
eh?
168
00:08:37,958 --> 00:08:40,309
This is panic stations.
This is all systems go.
169
00:08:40,389 --> 00:08:41,907
So what are you getting, the
glitter?
170
00:08:41,987 --> 00:08:43,872
What else? The chest strap on?
171
00:08:43,952 --> 00:08:45,404
How much is that, please?
This and this.
172
00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:48,367
So, the whole rig thing there,
that's �10.
173
00:08:48,447 --> 00:08:50,432
�2.99 per glitter thing.
174
00:08:50,512 --> 00:08:52,663
You've got about,
what, 10 of them there,
175
00:08:52,743 --> 00:08:55,494
so that's like, what, �29.99,
plus �10, �39.99.
176
00:08:55,574 --> 00:08:57,473
�10 is all the money I have.
177
00:08:57,771 --> 00:09:00,289
�10, that buys you the chest
rig.
178
00:09:00,369 --> 00:09:01,801
Just this?
Yeah.
179
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:03,718
Can I owe the shop for the
glitter?
180
00:09:03,798 --> 00:09:05,565
No.
181
00:09:05,896 --> 00:09:06,849
What about just one glitter?
182
00:09:06,929 --> 00:09:08,462
No.
183
00:09:08,627 --> 00:09:11,644
All right, just this then.
�10.
184
00:09:11,724 --> 00:09:12,843
OK, you're going to need
to take that off so I can bag it
up.
185
00:09:12,923 --> 00:09:14,522
What?
186
00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:16,786
Shop policy,
we have to bag all items.
187
00:09:21,281 --> 00:09:23,032
OK, bag it.
Bag it.
188
00:09:23,112 --> 00:09:25,244
Bag it, bag it.
189
00:09:26,376 --> 00:09:28,208
Hey, look what this says.
190
00:09:29,373 --> 00:09:31,439
Brilliant.
That's appropriate, isn't it?
191
00:09:31,837 --> 00:09:35,387
'Have a nice day',
when you're clearly not.
192
00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:37,499
Please.
Chuck her in.
193
00:09:38,197 --> 00:09:40,249
Bag it up. All items must be
bagged.
194
00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:42,513
OK, thanks, Bruce.
195
00:09:42,593 --> 00:09:45,244
Paul, before you go, quick
photo.
196
00:09:45,324 --> 00:09:47,408
Um, OK.
Come on, mate. Photo.
197
00:09:47,488 --> 00:09:49,373
All right, sure.
Are you ready?
198
00:09:49,453 --> 00:09:51,171
OK, what do you want me to...
Big smile.
199
00:09:51,251 --> 00:09:53,302
I didn't know it did that.
200
00:09:53,382 --> 00:09:55,381
I thought it was a camera.
201
00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,712
Why would you...
202
00:09:59,510 --> 00:10:01,475
Don't forget us when you're
famous.
203
00:10:04,238 --> 00:10:06,389
Welcome
to the Belshire Shopping
Centre...
204
00:10:06,469 --> 00:10:07,888
Paul!
205
00:10:07,968 --> 00:10:10,285
...where we cater
to all your dreams and needs.
206
00:10:10,365 --> 00:10:12,830
Hi, I'm a bit loud, aren't I?
207
00:10:13,828 --> 00:10:15,261
Hi, Clemmie.
208
00:10:16,592 --> 00:10:18,525
You've got your audition.
Ah, yes.
209
00:10:19,223 --> 00:10:20,589
Are you in a rush?
210
00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:24,119
Yes. Well, no. Yes, yes.
211
00:10:25,018 --> 00:10:26,816
The geek meet.
212
00:10:29,079 --> 00:10:30,679
Good luck.
213
00:10:32,277 --> 00:10:35,141
Yeah, good luck to you as well.
214
00:10:36,506 --> 00:10:38,305
Ah!
215
00:10:40,935 --> 00:10:42,401
LAUGHS TIMIDLY
216
00:10:48,261 --> 00:10:50,193
FAST-PACED MUSIC PLAYS
217
00:11:00,948 --> 00:11:02,547
Mum.
218
00:11:03,945 --> 00:11:04,997
The audition's today.
219
00:11:05,077 --> 00:11:07,042
LAUGHING
220
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:09,059
Mum, the audition is today
221
00:11:09,139 --> 00:11:10,991
Paul, you're home early.
222
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:12,489
The audition, i's today.
223
00:11:12,569 --> 00:11:14,188
Well, I was just having a
teacake.
224
00:11:14,268 --> 00:11:15,420
Do you want a teacake?
225
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,152
There's no time for a teacake.
226
00:11:17,232 --> 00:11:19,183
I got the week wrong. It's
today.
227
00:11:19,263 --> 00:11:21,181
Oh, well the costumes not ready.
228
00:11:21,261 --> 00:11:22,579
What am I going to wear?
229
00:11:22,659 --> 00:11:24,577
Hang on a minute, hang on a
minute.
230
00:11:24,657 --> 00:11:27,775
Now, my costume's ready.
Right, good.
231
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:30,738
So you wear your practice
costume.
OK.
232
00:11:30,818 --> 00:11:32,503
And come down and have a
teacake.
233
00:11:32,583 --> 00:11:34,068
I got the week wrong,
Mum, I got the week wrong.
234
00:11:34,148 --> 00:11:36,080
How could I have done this?
235
00:11:36,612 --> 00:11:37,964
It's one of the basics, Paul.
Get the right day.
236
00:11:38,044 --> 00:11:39,710
MUSIC PLAYS
237
00:11:40,541 --> 00:11:41,861
What am I going to wear?
What am I going to wear?
238
00:11:41,941 --> 00:11:43,692
Jacket.
Paul?
239
00:11:43,772 --> 00:11:45,438
Those
240
00:11:46,136 --> 00:11:48,668
Can you bring
my big coat down, please?
241
00:11:56,859 --> 00:11:59,176
Turn up, light the lights.
242
00:11:59,256 --> 00:12:01,389
The only thing is
to reach those heights.
243
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,320
HUMMING
244
00:12:14,607 --> 00:12:16,492
Hurray!
Yes!
245
00:12:16,572 --> 00:12:18,523
All right.
246
00:12:18,603 --> 00:12:19,756
Come on, Dorothy,
let's get you ready for the
ball.
247
00:12:19,836 --> 00:12:21,369
Oh, yeah.
Come on.
248
00:12:22,167 --> 00:12:23,819
Yes, well,
I'll wear my gold sequinned
jacket.
249
00:12:23,899 --> 00:12:25,616
Oh, perfect, yeah.
250
00:12:25,696 --> 00:12:27,048
I don't know
what I'm going to wear
underneath.
251
00:12:27,128 --> 00:12:28,946
Oh, we'll find something.
252
00:12:29,026 --> 00:12:31,510
OK, Come on, le's go.
Here we are.
253
00:12:31,590 --> 00:12:33,508
Quick.
Turn that thing up to 11, come
on.
254
00:12:33,588 --> 00:12:35,454
LAUGHING
255
00:12:37,252 --> 00:12:39,017
We've caught a big one.
256
00:12:46,941 --> 00:12:49,160
OK, let's do this.
257
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:52,071
Now, watch that step, that's it.
258
00:12:56,233 --> 00:12:58,350
It's a long time since I've been
out.
259
00:12:58,430 --> 00:13:01,028
Oh, I just need my pills now.
260
00:13:03,092 --> 00:13:05,809
My flas's by the front door.
261
00:13:05,889 --> 00:13:08,573
Pills check, water check,
matching awesome costumes...
262
00:13:08,653 --> 00:13:09,872
BOTH: Check!
263
00:13:09,952 --> 00:13:12,118
Fantastic. All right.
264
00:13:12,783 --> 00:13:15,333
I'm really excited.
It's going to be good, this,
Mum.
265
00:13:15,413 --> 00:13:17,531
Come on, then,
we'd better get a move on.
266
00:13:17,611 --> 00:13:19,344
Absolutely. Let's go.
267
00:13:20,109 --> 00:13:21,508
Here we go.
Here we go.
268
00:13:21,607 --> 00:13:23,340
POP MUSIC PLAYS
269
00:13:43,219 --> 00:13:45,637
Oh, wow, mum, look.
What?
270
00:13:45,717 --> 00:13:47,283
Jack Tapp.
271
00:13:47,648 --> 00:13:50,978
Wow. Look at that.
272
00:13:54,374 --> 00:13:56,492
He looks great, doesn't he?
I love that pose.
273
00:13:56,572 --> 00:13:57,924
Thoughtful.
274
00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:00,270
Zooming in. Trend Ladder.
275
00:14:00,568 --> 00:14:02,434
I can't get his face in.
276
00:14:04,830 --> 00:14:06,716
Oh, you should say hello to the
fans.
277
00:14:06,796 --> 00:14:08,447
In this, yeah.
278
00:14:08,527 --> 00:14:09,912
Oh, I've got no lippy.
279
00:14:09,992 --> 00:14:10,612
Oh, don't worry, we'll do it
later.
280
00:14:10,692 --> 00:14:11,843
OK.
281
00:14:11,923 --> 00:14:13,423
Hello.
282
00:14:15,154 --> 00:14:16,439
Oh, Paul.
Yeah?
283
00:14:16,519 --> 00:14:18,118
Train.
284
00:14:20,115 --> 00:14:23,346
"The train
now standing at platform 2..."
285
00:14:24,977 --> 00:14:27,062
Oh, I don't know how long
that train is going to stand
there.
286
00:14:27,142 --> 00:14:29,873
I'll be OK. It's fine.
287
00:14:30,239 --> 00:14:31,723
There's a ramp.
Let's get you on the ramp.
288
00:14:31,803 --> 00:14:33,821
Oh, yeah, that will be quicker.
289
00:14:33,901 --> 00:14:36,119
Definitely.
Oh, no, no, no, absolutely not.
290
00:14:36,199 --> 00:14:38,431
Excuse me, sir.
What?
291
00:14:39,130 --> 00:14:40,814
Hi. Yeah, I just want to get the
ramp
292
00:14:40,894 --> 00:14:41,913
because I want
to get my mum on the train.
293
00:14:41,993 --> 00:14:43,811
You don't have this badge on, do
you?
294
00:14:43,891 --> 00:14:45,110
What? No.
295
00:14:45,190 --> 00:14:46,576
Why is that, do you think?
296
00:14:46,656 --> 00:14:47,675
Because my name's not Jim.
297
00:14:47,755 --> 00:14:49,772
No, it's because you're not
298
00:14:49,852 --> 00:14:51,803
the platform and customer
relations
supervisor, are you?
299
00:14:51,883 --> 00:14:53,316
No.
I am.
300
00:14:53,548 --> 00:14:55,400
According to railway law,
301
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,764
you are not trained or qualified
to operate that ramp.
302
00:14:57,844 --> 00:15:00,861
Look, I can walk onto the train.
303
00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:03,159
Madam, you are clearly disabled.
304
00:15:03,239 --> 00:15:04,191
I will get that ramp down for
you,
don't worry.
305
00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:05,770
Look.
306
00:15:06,335 --> 00:15:07,588
It's going.
307
00:15:07,668 --> 00:15:09,885
Oh, for goodness sake.
308
00:15:09,965 --> 00:15:11,384
TRAIN HORN BEEPS
309
00:15:11,464 --> 00:15:13,230
You've made us miss it.
310
00:15:14,061 --> 00:15:16,179
The next train into town
is in 35 minutes.
311
00:15:16,259 --> 00:15:17,545
Would you like to book the ramp
in?
312
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:19,191
Yes.
313
00:15:20,321 --> 00:15:21,806
All you have to do
is phone this number here
314
00:15:21,886 --> 00:15:22,906
and book it in.
315
00:15:22,986 --> 00:15:24,437
Simple as that.
316
00:15:24,517 --> 00:15:26,103
We didn't have to go
through all this.
317
00:15:26,183 --> 00:15:27,967
You could've just helped us
then.
318
00:15:28,047 --> 00:15:29,232
I'm afraid my hands are tied,
sir.
319
00:15:29,312 --> 00:15:30,664
We've got to do this by the
book.
320
00:15:30,744 --> 00:15:33,428
I don't want to, but I have to.
321
00:15:33,508 --> 00:15:34,941
Just respect my job.
322
00:15:36,672 --> 00:15:38,157
COUGHING
323
00:15:38,237 --> 00:15:40,735
All right, Mum?
I'm fine.
324
00:15:41,068 --> 00:15:43,000
Are we going to make it?
325
00:15:43,465 --> 00:15:45,897
Yeah, yeah, we'll make it.
We'll be all right.
326
00:15:46,629 --> 00:15:48,361
I'll just call this.
327
00:15:52,922 --> 00:15:54,854
PHONE RINGS
328
00:15:58,816 --> 00:16:00,416
Hello.
Hi...
329
00:16:01,681 --> 00:16:03,147
Hi...
330
00:16:05,110 --> 00:16:07,028
I'd like to book the ramp
for the next train, please.
331
00:16:07,108 --> 00:16:08,693
Next train? No problem, sir.
332
00:16:08,773 --> 00:16:10,092
I'll book that in for you.
333
00:16:10,172 --> 00:16:11,904
OK, bye bye.
334
00:16:18,363 --> 00:16:20,762
You wouldn't believe it, would
you?
335
00:16:27,488 --> 00:16:29,172
We'll be all right.
336
00:16:29,252 --> 00:16:30,472
Are we excited to meet Jack
Tapp?
337
00:16:30,552 --> 00:16:32,936
Yeah
338
00:16:33,016 --> 00:16:34,468
When I say 'Trend', you say
'Ladder'.
339
00:16:34,548 --> 00:16:36,932
Trend! Ladder!
Trend! Ladder!
340
00:16:37,012 --> 00:16:39,177
I wonder
what these guys' talents are.
341
00:16:39,409 --> 00:16:41,626
BAD SINGING
342
00:16:41,706 --> 00:16:43,672
I think we've got a finalist.
343
00:16:46,302 --> 00:16:48,653
It needs to be faster,
though, does it?
344
00:16:48,733 --> 00:16:52,450
Well, I think, yeah, the step
before the spin needs to be
faster.
345
00:16:52,530 --> 00:16:54,395
So it goes there.
346
00:16:54,594 --> 00:16:56,959
Remember the quick one.
347
00:16:57,391 --> 00:17:01,089
SINGING
348
00:17:03,951 --> 00:17:06,169
Are you the guys
that booked the ramp?
349
00:17:06,249 --> 00:17:08,633
OK, well,
I'll just get it down for you.
350
00:17:08,713 --> 00:17:11,245
Do you want me to help?
Sir, please.
351
00:17:12,443 --> 00:17:14,194
Remember, this is
for trained professionals only.
352
00:17:14,274 --> 00:17:15,993
The train's there.
353
00:17:16,073 --> 00:17:17,058
Well, that's the wrong way
round,
isn't it?
354
00:17:17,138 --> 00:17:19,489
Come on.
355
00:17:19,569 --> 00:17:22,386
Sir, you're not authorised
to operate this type of
machinery.
356
00:17:22,466 --> 00:17:24,550
Can you please just step away?
357
00:17:24,630 --> 00:17:26,648
It's not mechanical, is it?
No, it's just a ramp.
358
00:17:26,728 --> 00:17:29,027
Sir, sir, take a moment to calm
down.
359
00:17:29,426 --> 00:17:31,576
This is dangerous equipment.
360
00:17:31,656 --> 00:17:33,242
If I catch my hand in this,
I could have to take a week off
work.
361
00:17:33,322 --> 00:17:34,508
Please stand back.
362
00:17:34,588 --> 00:17:36,805
You've got it upside down.
363
00:17:36,885 --> 00:17:38,870
Madam, if it wasn't for you,
364
00:17:38,950 --> 00:17:40,534
none of this would be happening,
would it?
365
00:17:40,614 --> 00:17:42,347
It's gone, we've missed it
again.
366
00:17:42,879 --> 00:17:43,965
You can't even do your job
properly.
367
00:17:44,045 --> 00:17:45,163
What?
368
00:17:45,243 --> 00:17:46,528
You can't do the ramp.
369
00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:48,141
What did you say?
370
00:17:49,106 --> 00:17:51,290
Come on, Mum, we're walking.
371
00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:54,601
Yeah, unbelievable.
372
00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:03,293
He was so vicious, that man.
He was horrible.
373
00:18:03,658 --> 00:18:05,542
COUGHING
374
00:18:05,622 --> 00:18:07,441
Have you got my pills, love?
375
00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:08,940
Oh, yeah, yeah.
376
00:18:09,020 --> 00:18:11,218
He's really upset me, that man.
377
00:18:11,583 --> 00:18:13,316
Here you go.
Thanks.
378
00:18:13,815 --> 00:18:16,280
Oh, and water. I need some
water.
379
00:18:17,378 --> 00:18:19,343
I can't find the water.
380
00:18:19,775 --> 00:18:22,041
It was in the flask.
I know, I know.
381
00:18:22,173 --> 00:18:24,391
You took it. You saw it.
382
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:26,988
I saw the water. I saw you with
it.
I must have dropped it.
383
00:18:27,068 --> 00:18:29,985
I can't swallow them
if there's no water, love.
384
00:18:30,065 --> 00:18:31,117
No, I know.
Because they're all chalky.
385
00:18:31,197 --> 00:18:32,749
Yeah, I know.
386
00:18:32,829 --> 00:18:34,914
I can't swallow them.
I'm really sorry.
387
00:18:34,994 --> 00:18:37,044
It's fine, we'll just get
some water, no problem.
388
00:18:37,124 --> 00:18:39,109
Where?
Well, we'll find a shop or
something.
389
00:18:39,189 --> 00:18:40,989
OK.
Easy.
390
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,752
BIRDS SQUAWKING
391
00:18:49,912 --> 00:18:51,677
COUGHING
392
00:18:52,143 --> 00:18:53,994
Are you all right, Mum?
Yeah, yeah.
393
00:18:54,074 --> 00:18:56,306
We'll find somewhere,
we'll find somewhere.
394
00:19:12,456 --> 00:19:13,989
Come in, we are open.
395
00:19:15,686 --> 00:19:18,284
Slow down.
396
00:19:19,416 --> 00:19:21,281
I don't speak your language.
397
00:19:21,513 --> 00:19:23,146
Do you understand this?
398
00:19:26,975 --> 00:19:28,241
Atsuko...
399
00:19:28,673 --> 00:19:31,190
there is no honour in surrender.
400
00:19:31,270 --> 00:19:33,036
SCOFFS
401
00:19:38,796 --> 00:19:41,694
This is the nature of war.
402
00:19:43,258 --> 00:19:45,224
SIGHS
403
00:19:47,288 --> 00:19:48,906
Welcome.
404
00:19:48,986 --> 00:19:50,219
Come in.
405
00:19:52,383 --> 00:19:55,432
Sorry you all had to see that.
406
00:19:55,512 --> 00:19:57,645
Well, yeah, I just wanted some
water.
407
00:19:58,110 --> 00:19:59,229
Of course, [Japanese]
408
00:19:59,309 --> 00:20:00,960
Sit down, sit down.
409
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,939
Is it OK if I take it away,
please?
410
00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:06,703
You're not here for a tea
ceremony?
411
00:20:07,567 --> 00:20:10,465
- No, no, of course not.
- Sorry.
412
00:20:11,930 --> 00:20:14,528
Of course you're not.
You can't have the water.
413
00:20:14,894 --> 00:20:16,411
Take away.
414
00:20:16,491 --> 00:20:18,857
Huh? Take away.
415
00:20:19,588 --> 00:20:22,120
We did away with plastic
centuries ago.
416
00:20:22,786 --> 00:20:24,885
Is it possible
to get a glass of water?
417
00:20:25,050 --> 00:20:26,501
To sit in?
418
00:20:26,581 --> 00:20:28,766
Yeah, just for my mum and her
pills.
419
00:20:28,846 --> 00:20:31,097
Accepting an offer from someone
without ceremony
420
00:20:31,177 --> 00:20:33,128
is very offensive to my culture.
421
00:20:33,208 --> 00:20:34,675
Your culture?
422
00:20:38,469 --> 00:20:41,135
Well, if we're quick, perhaps.
423
00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:42,900
Quick enough.
424
00:20:56,219 --> 00:20:58,184
GASPING
425
00:21:07,074 --> 00:21:11,138
Well, I suppose
as long as it's quick because...
426
00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:12,837
Absolutely.
427
00:21:14,867 --> 00:21:16,633
GASPS
428
00:21:19,595 --> 00:21:21,794
Gets me every time.
429
00:21:23,858 --> 00:21:26,441
Do you know how many bonsais
430
00:21:26,521 --> 00:21:28,520
sacrificed themselves
to make this box?
431
00:21:47,367 --> 00:21:48,986
I'm in a bit of a hurry.
432
00:21:49,066 --> 00:21:50,765
Water...
433
00:21:52,196 --> 00:21:53,648
into cup,
434
00:21:53,728 --> 00:21:55,860
it becomes the cup.
435
00:21:59,988 --> 00:22:01,788
Water...
436
00:22:02,286 --> 00:22:05,383
into teapot,
437
00:22:06,115 --> 00:22:07,367
it becomes the...
438
00:22:07,447 --> 00:22:09,080
Teapot.
439
00:22:11,343 --> 00:22:12,909
Water can pour...
440
00:22:13,708 --> 00:22:15,674
or water can crash.
441
00:22:17,604 --> 00:22:20,968
Be water, my friend.
442
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,399
Isn't that Bruce Lee?
443
00:22:24,298 --> 00:22:26,381
Ancient Japanese warrior.
444
00:22:26,461 --> 00:22:28,080
Well, I think he's Chinese,
actually.
445
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:28,812
Maybe born in America.
446
00:22:28,892 --> 00:22:30,659
Silence!
447
00:22:33,155 --> 00:22:36,352
OK, right, I think I'll perhaps
just be on my way because...
448
00:22:38,583 --> 00:22:42,399
It is impossible
to interrupt this particular
ceremony
449
00:22:42,479 --> 00:22:43,831
once it has begun.
450
00:22:43,911 --> 00:22:45,529
It hasn't begun, has it?
451
00:22:45,609 --> 00:22:46,562
You haven't even started
mixing the...
452
00:22:46,642 --> 00:22:48,440
It's definitely begun.
453
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,539
The Bruce Lee bit was part of
it.
454
00:22:51,104 --> 00:22:54,601
Okay, look.
This has been great, really
good.
455
00:22:54,734 --> 00:22:56,552
I've enjoyed that but look,
456
00:22:56,632 --> 00:22:58,882
she's coming back, she's got a
knife.
457
00:22:58,962 --> 00:23:01,394
- Give me the water.
- You're not having it.
458
00:23:05,756 --> 00:23:07,108
SCREAMS
459
00:23:07,188 --> 00:23:09,053
GASPS
460
00:23:12,183 --> 00:23:13,468
Look what you've done.
461
00:23:13,548 --> 00:23:15,680
I don't feel too good.
462
00:23:16,844 --> 00:23:18,277
What shall we do?
463
00:23:20,307 --> 00:23:21,974
Do you want to carry on?
464
00:23:24,138 --> 00:23:25,822
We have to carry on.
465
00:23:25,902 --> 00:23:27,387
OK, Mum.
466
00:23:27,467 --> 00:23:29,666
MUSIC PLAYS
467
00:23:32,462 --> 00:23:34,028
Are you OK?
468
00:23:35,093 --> 00:23:38,657
Are you sure this is the way?
You're not lost?
469
00:23:39,089 --> 00:23:40,955
No, this is a shortcut.
470
00:24:01,034 --> 00:24:03,184
Paul, Paul.
471
00:24:03,264 --> 00:24:04,764
Nearly there, Mum.
472
00:24:05,296 --> 00:24:08,746
You're so lovely, Paul.
473
00:24:08,826 --> 00:24:10,559
I'm just warming up.
474
00:24:13,055 --> 00:24:15,320
Here's a taxi. Taxi!
475
00:24:17,750 --> 00:24:19,069
Oh, yes.
476
00:24:19,149 --> 00:24:21,281
We might actually make it, Mum.
477
00:24:21,547 --> 00:24:24,777
Amazing. Fantastic.
478
00:24:25,809 --> 00:24:27,442
There he is.
479
00:24:27,541 --> 00:24:29,739
OK, I'll just talk to him.
480
00:24:29,905 --> 00:24:31,590
All right mate,
where are you going to?
481
00:24:31,670 --> 00:24:33,154
Just to the theatre,
the other side of town, please.
482
00:24:33,234 --> 00:24:34,320
OK, do you want to jump in?
All right.
483
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:36,865
Oh, no, sorry, this is our taxi.
484
00:24:37,065 --> 00:24:38,797
I just got this.
485
00:24:39,129 --> 00:24:40,381
But there's only one car payer,
my son.
486
00:24:40,461 --> 00:24:41,813
I just flagged this.
487
00:24:41,893 --> 00:24:43,345
The priest will be getting
in this one.
488
00:24:43,425 --> 00:24:45,357
I will.
We were here first.
489
00:24:45,556 --> 00:24:47,721
But many who were first will be
last.
490
00:24:48,553 --> 00:24:50,371
And the last will be first, my
son.
491
00:24:50,451 --> 00:24:53,134
Amen father.
Mark: 10, verse 31.
492
00:24:53,214 --> 00:24:54,434
You heard him now get out of the
way.
493
00:24:54,514 --> 00:24:56,312
What? No, this isn't fair.
494
00:24:56,911 --> 00:24:58,396
My mum's in a wheelchair.
495
00:24:58,476 --> 00:25:00,194
Everyone's mum's in a
wheelchair.
496
00:25:00,274 --> 00:25:02,407
We're going to be late
for my massage.
497
00:25:03,704 --> 00:25:05,655
What! Can you believe that?
He's a priest.
498
00:25:05,735 --> 00:25:06,988
Oh, darling.
499
00:25:07,068 --> 00:25:08,619
Unbelievable. Are you all right?
500
00:25:08,699 --> 00:25:10,499
That's not fair.
501
00:25:10,830 --> 00:25:12,363
CALMING MUSIC PLAYS
502
00:25:13,395 --> 00:25:14,780
Nice and warm in here.
503
00:25:14,860 --> 00:25:16,759
Snug as a bug in a rug.
504
00:25:19,655 --> 00:25:21,221
Well done.
505
00:25:22,486 --> 00:25:24,618
I just love fucking people over.
506
00:25:25,249 --> 00:25:26,068
Nearly there.
507
00:25:26,148 --> 00:25:27,881
GASPING
508
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:36,206
SOUND OF CHURCH BELLS AND
TRAFFIC
509
00:25:43,131 --> 00:25:44,350
I think we missed it.
510
00:25:44,430 --> 00:25:46,795
I'm not feeling good at all.
511
00:25:47,461 --> 00:25:49,792
I'm so proud of you, Paul.
512
00:25:50,358 --> 00:25:51,790
Are you okay, Mum?
513
00:25:52,322 --> 00:25:54,721
That's Jack Tapp. Look.
514
00:25:55,819 --> 00:25:57,637
I need you to analyse this
because it's really freaked me
out...
515
00:25:57,717 --> 00:26:00,634
Go on, do us proud.
516
00:26:00,714 --> 00:26:03,346
I was laying there
in the middle of the forest...
517
00:26:05,609 --> 00:26:07,342
Sorry.
518
00:26:08,473 --> 00:26:10,771
And just crying naked.
519
00:26:10,870 --> 00:26:12,403
It's cold.
520
00:26:13,002 --> 00:26:14,786
WHISPERING: Jack, Jack Tapp.
521
00:26:14,866 --> 00:26:16,151
Do you mind? I'm having a
private
conversation with my life coach.
522
00:26:16,231 --> 00:26:17,583
OK, sorry, yes.
523
00:26:17,663 --> 00:26:19,315
So I...
524
00:26:19,395 --> 00:26:20,981
You're so cool. Look at that
jacket.
525
00:26:21,061 --> 00:26:22,845
Jack Tapp.
526
00:26:22,925 --> 00:26:25,675
Can I call you back?
I can't believe it's you.
527
00:26:25,755 --> 00:26:27,807
Do you mind? I was
on a private conversation right
then,
528
00:26:27,887 --> 00:26:29,205
and you just came in here
and started talking to me.
529
00:26:29,285 --> 00:26:32,450
Jack Tapp, it is amazing to meet
you.
530
00:26:32,848 --> 00:26:33,901
What are you doing here?
531
00:26:33,981 --> 00:26:34,933
I'm here for the audition.
532
00:26:35,013 --> 00:26:36,564
No, you're not.
533
00:26:36,644 --> 00:26:38,762
That was like an hour ago.
It's finished.
534
00:26:38,842 --> 00:26:40,027
But you wouldn't believe
the day I've had.
535
00:26:40,107 --> 00:26:41,193
I don't care.
536
00:26:41,273 --> 00:26:43,225
Sorry, Jack, car's ready. Great.
537
00:26:43,305 --> 00:26:45,156
OK, goodbye. Thank you.
538
00:26:45,236 --> 00:26:47,553
No, no, no, Jack, Jack, please
539
00:26:47,633 --> 00:26:49,952
I've had a crazy time getting
here.
You wouldn't believe it.
540
00:26:50,032 --> 00:26:51,683
The train guard wouldn't do the
ramp,
541
00:26:51,763 --> 00:26:53,148
then I had to do a tea ceremony,
then the priest took my taxi
542
00:26:53,228 --> 00:26:54,480
and then my mum got ill.
543
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:56,111
I'm streaming for the fans.
544
00:26:56,191 --> 00:26:57,777
It's going to look embarrassing
if I'm not doing something.
545
00:26:57,857 --> 00:26:58,943
Sorry, did you say
you're streaming live?
546
00:26:59,023 --> 00:27:00,688
Yes.
547
00:27:01,153 --> 00:27:03,737
Jack, he's live-streaming, so...
548
00:27:03,817 --> 00:27:06,302
That's streaming?
Remember, you're a nice person.
549
00:27:06,382 --> 00:27:09,246
Hey, so what's your name?
550
00:27:09,845 --> 00:27:11,930
I'm Paul Dood.
551
00:27:12,010 --> 00:27:13,161
Paul Dood?
552
00:27:13,241 --> 00:27:15,692
Dood. D-O-O-D.
553
00:27:15,772 --> 00:27:18,522
Your name's Paul Dood?
Wow, that's a cool name.
554
00:27:18,602 --> 00:27:21,519
Thank you.
Paul, Jack Tapp has a saying.
555
00:27:21,599 --> 00:27:23,351
I don't know
if you're familiar with it:
556
00:27:23,431 --> 00:27:26,096
Everybody deserves a chance.
557
00:27:26,761 --> 00:27:29,159
That person today...
558
00:27:29,392 --> 00:27:30,725
is you.
559
00:27:30,891 --> 00:27:32,508
You deserve a chance, Paul Dood.
560
00:27:32,588 --> 00:27:33,808
Yes, thank you.
561
00:27:33,888 --> 00:27:35,906
I'm going to give you a chance.
562
00:27:35,986 --> 00:27:37,637
I knew you'd be like this, Jack
Tapp.
563
00:27:37,717 --> 00:27:39,068
Shall we switch places, Paul
Dood?
564
00:27:39,148 --> 00:27:40,615
Yeah.
565
00:27:41,247 --> 00:27:42,465
All right, you come up here
and I'll go down there?
566
00:27:42,545 --> 00:27:43,997
OK, amazing.
567
00:27:44,077 --> 00:27:46,661
OK, let's do it.
Let's switch it up. Come on.
568
00:27:46,741 --> 00:27:48,274
We don't have all day.
569
00:27:50,104 --> 00:27:52,136
OK, just get up there, it's OK.
570
00:27:55,899 --> 00:27:57,949
All right.
Yeah.
571
00:27:58,029 --> 00:28:00,514
Let's see what you've got, Paul
Dood.
572
00:28:00,594 --> 00:28:03,078
It's quite special. I've been
working
on it for a long time.
573
00:28:03,158 --> 00:28:04,344
I think you've got something
special.
574
00:28:04,424 --> 00:28:06,655
OK, let's see it. You go for it.
575
00:28:08,486 --> 00:28:12,002
I'm Paul Dood,
and I'm here to get you in the
mood.
576
00:28:12,082 --> 00:28:13,648
Let's fucking hope so.
577
00:28:15,346 --> 00:28:17,478
ELECTRIC DREAMS
BY THE HUMAN LEAGUE PLAYS
578
00:28:17,743 --> 00:28:19,509
Jesus fucking Christ.
579
00:28:21,140 --> 00:28:23,272
I can't believe
you let this guy in here.
580
00:28:25,036 --> 00:28:27,754
You're supposed to protect me
from people like this fucking
guy.
581
00:28:27,834 --> 00:28:30,132
You're so fired.
Do you promise?
582
00:28:32,162 --> 00:28:35,060
Fuck me.
What is this, The Karate Kid?
583
00:28:36,558 --> 00:28:37,543
Give him a chance.
H's touching his ass.
584
00:28:37,623 --> 00:28:39,156
Perfectly normal.
585
00:28:40,054 --> 00:28:41,639
If we were in the States right
now,
586
00:28:41,719 --> 00:28:42,839
this guy would not
have made it near me.
587
00:28:42,919 --> 00:28:44,584
He would have been shot.
588
00:28:47,946 --> 00:28:49,299
I think he's quite good.
589
00:28:49,379 --> 00:28:51,510
Yeah, you thought that coat was
good.
590
00:28:59,202 --> 00:29:02,752
I only knew you for a while
591
00:29:02,832 --> 00:29:05,596
I never saw your smile
592
00:29:06,195 --> 00:29:10,510
Until it was time to go
Time to go away ?
593
00:29:10,590 --> 00:29:12,556
Fucking hell. OK.
594
00:29:13,888 --> 00:29:17,051
On that note. OK, OK.
595
00:29:17,850 --> 00:29:20,182
Woo! Do you mind if I stop you?
596
00:29:21,979 --> 00:29:23,597
Can you turn off your streaming
597
00:29:23,677 --> 00:29:25,029
so I can give you
some private feedback?
598
00:29:25,109 --> 00:29:26,328
Really?
Just turn off.
599
00:29:26,408 --> 00:29:27,608
OK, it's off.
600
00:29:27,906 --> 00:29:30,971
That was the best...
601
00:29:31,669 --> 00:29:37,098
of the worst shit
I have ever seen in my life,
602
00:29:38,063 --> 00:29:41,313
and I have seen
some terrible, terrible things.
603
00:29:41,393 --> 00:29:43,359
I was in a house fire as a
child.
604
00:29:44,190 --> 00:29:46,508
That was a better experience
than what I just saw.
605
00:29:46,588 --> 00:29:47,507
Did you like it...
606
00:29:47,587 --> 00:29:49,538
No, I hated it.
607
00:29:49,618 --> 00:29:53,135
I hate you, I hate your song,
I hate your dance
608
00:29:53,215 --> 00:29:56,298
and I just hate the name Paul,
609
00:29:56,378 --> 00:29:58,429
and you've ruined the name Dood
for me, too, by the way.
610
00:29:58,509 --> 00:30:00,008
Am I through?
611
00:30:00,540 --> 00:30:05,256
You certainly are through
as far as any kind of fame ever.
612
00:30:05,336 --> 00:30:07,553
You're delusional and you're
finished
and it's over for you.
613
00:30:07,633 --> 00:30:09,166
And shut up, Gary.
614
00:30:09,565 --> 00:30:11,250
I never want to see you ever
again.
615
00:30:11,330 --> 00:30:12,348
But, I mean, there is more.
616
00:30:12,428 --> 00:30:14,546
No. Paul Dead.
617
00:30:14,626 --> 00:30:15,945
That's what your name is now
Paul Dead.
618
00:30:16,025 --> 00:30:17,011
No, but the thing is...
619
00:30:17,091 --> 00:30:19,142
He's coming over here.
620
00:30:19,222 --> 00:30:20,440
I could talk you through it
anyway,
at least show you
621
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:22,206
and explain because...
622
00:30:22,286 --> 00:30:24,617
Jack Tapp, please,
I've worked so hard.
623
00:30:25,216 --> 00:30:26,501
Gary, get in the middle here.
All right.
624
00:30:26,581 --> 00:30:27,933
Go that way, go that way.
625
00:30:28,013 --> 00:30:29,797
I could show you some photos.
626
00:30:29,877 --> 00:30:31,795
Stay away from me.
Stay away from me. I know Krav
Maga.
627
00:30:31,875 --> 00:30:33,994
He doesn't.
Please, you've not seen the best
bit.
628
00:30:34,074 --> 00:30:36,572
Seriously, your Tinder date
has fallen asleep, OK?
629
00:30:38,070 --> 00:30:39,155
Please, Jack Tapp.
630
00:30:39,235 --> 00:30:41,153
Dude, have some compassion.
631
00:30:41,233 --> 00:30:43,251
I've got a burger in the car
and it's going cold. OK?
632
00:30:43,331 --> 00:30:44,516
I don't think your date's
asleep.
633
00:30:44,596 --> 00:30:45,716
I think you might need
to call an ambulance.
634
00:30:45,796 --> 00:30:47,428
Now. Let's go.
635
00:30:48,592 --> 00:30:50,491
Gary, come on.
636
00:30:53,121 --> 00:30:56,985
VOICE FADING: Mum, Mum, Mum.
637
00:30:57,684 --> 00:30:59,202
Mum, are you alright?
638
00:30:59,282 --> 00:31:01,014
Mum!
639
00:31:03,511 --> 00:31:05,876
Are you OK, Mum?
640
00:31:11,170 --> 00:31:13,136
SAD PIANO MUSIC PLAYS
641
00:32:08,845 --> 00:32:10,844
I nailed that spin.
642
00:32:16,504 --> 00:32:18,071
I nailed it.
643
00:32:20,234 --> 00:32:21,986
You'd have been proud of that.
644
00:32:22,066 --> 00:32:24,165
AMBULANCE DOOR OPENS
645
00:32:26,361 --> 00:32:27,846
AMBULANCE DOOR CLOSES
646
00:32:27,926 --> 00:32:29,792
Are you all right, mate?
647
00:32:31,289 --> 00:32:32,456
Is she all right?
648
00:32:38,583 --> 00:32:40,914
Hello? Ambulance, please.
649
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:52,522
SIRENS WAIL
650
00:32:52,602 --> 00:32:54,068
SIRENS STOP
651
00:32:59,694 --> 00:33:02,459
All right there. Stay cool.
652
00:33:04,190 --> 00:33:05,775
Hold on, we just want to have a
look.
653
00:33:05,855 --> 00:33:07,739
Leave her.
654
00:33:07,819 --> 00:33:08,672
OK, do you want to talk about
this?
655
00:33:08,752 --> 00:33:10,270
No, you leave her.
656
00:33:10,350 --> 00:33:11,735
All right,
I'll leave that stuff alone.
657
00:33:11,815 --> 00:33:14,699
We've got quite an aggressive
male.
658
00:33:14,779 --> 00:33:17,064
Yes, it's my mum.
659
00:33:17,144 --> 00:33:18,129
We will care for your mum.
We'll have a look for you.
660
00:33:18,209 --> 00:33:19,661
You cannot.
661
00:33:19,741 --> 00:33:21,773
OK, well,
we're not going to go anywhere.
662
00:33:47,413 --> 00:33:49,331
We had to forcibly take the
deceased.
663
00:33:49,411 --> 00:33:51,177
We're returning with her now.
664
00:34:47,353 --> 00:34:50,052
SCREAMING UNDERWATER
665
00:35:28,879 --> 00:35:32,742
The doctor told her
she had months left.
666
00:35:34,806 --> 00:35:36,538
But she didn't tell me.
667
00:35:36,670 --> 00:35:38,056
It's such a shame.
668
00:35:38,136 --> 00:35:40,201
How are you getting on
with your list?
669
00:35:41,966 --> 00:35:45,196
I think she just wanted me
to focus on my performance.
670
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:50,158
Because she always just sort of
wanted to see me succeed,
really.
671
00:35:51,189 --> 00:35:54,687
Have you finished your list
of grief objectives?
672
00:35:56,218 --> 00:35:58,236
I don't want to finish the list,
Jayney.
673
00:35:58,316 --> 00:36:00,167
Well, I'm sorry, Paul,
674
00:36:00,247 --> 00:36:03,064
but in my professional opinion,
I think you should finish your
list.
675
00:36:03,144 --> 00:36:05,843
They don't just give out
these certificates, you know.
676
00:36:07,407 --> 00:36:10,971
What did they teach you
about revenge on your course,
Jayney?
677
00:36:13,667 --> 00:36:17,764
Um, let me just have a look.
678
00:36:27,087 --> 00:36:29,838
There's a whole box
of Old Alfred's stuff there.
679
00:36:29,918 --> 00:36:32,083
Did you know he died too?
680
00:36:32,815 --> 00:36:34,233
I wondered
if you'd like to go and tag it
up.
681
00:36:34,313 --> 00:36:35,979
Might make you feel better.
682
00:36:37,743 --> 00:36:39,328
I'll give you a shout
if I find anything.
683
00:36:39,408 --> 00:36:41,040
OK.
684
00:36:45,635 --> 00:36:48,733
KEYBOARD CLICKING
685
00:36:49,298 --> 00:36:52,762
LIFT MUSIC PLAYING
686
00:36:54,992 --> 00:36:56,692
Hey, Paul.
687
00:36:57,923 --> 00:37:00,121
You haven't posted any videos
in a while, mate.
688
00:37:00,354 --> 00:37:02,519
What about your poor fans?
689
00:37:02,785 --> 00:37:04,717
No one's messaged me.
690
00:37:05,149 --> 00:37:06,715
Come on, mate.
691
00:37:11,676 --> 00:37:13,527
"Paul, Paul, Paul,
what are you doing?
692
00:37:13,607 --> 00:37:14,626
"What are you up to? What's
going on?
693
00:37:14,706 --> 00:37:16,438
What's happening?
694
00:37:17,370 --> 00:37:18,969
I'm just pricing up.
695
00:37:21,799 --> 00:37:24,031
Tagging up stuff from Alfred's
box.
696
00:37:24,230 --> 00:37:26,281
Man, isn't it amazing?
697
00:37:26,361 --> 00:37:29,126
Someone's whole life
is just reduced to this box
698
00:37:30,690 --> 00:37:33,521
And you're tagging it up.
It's tagged.
699
00:37:33,820 --> 00:37:35,519
"Whoa."
700
00:37:36,884 --> 00:37:41,480
Oh man, Paul,
have you seen what the tags say?
701
00:37:48,405 --> 00:37:50,138
It says that on all of them,
mate.
702
00:37:51,203 --> 00:37:53,168
Have you twatted the whole shop?
703
00:37:54,333 --> 00:37:55,766
LAUGHING: Paul.
704
00:37:56,530 --> 00:37:57,683
Why would you do that?
705
00:37:57,763 --> 00:37:59,714
Hey, Paul. I didn't do it.
706
00:37:59,794 --> 00:38:01,945
If it was me,
I'd put the C word on it.
707
00:38:02,025 --> 00:38:04,390
It was you.
I've got video evidence it was
you.
708
00:38:04,556 --> 00:38:05,989
Oh, come on, Paul.
709
00:38:06,188 --> 00:38:07,274
Paul, I'm joking around.
710
00:38:07,354 --> 00:38:09,585
Paul, come on.
711
00:38:12,082 --> 00:38:14,114
"He's even put Twat
on the police car."
712
00:38:23,604 --> 00:38:26,368
DARK MUSIC PLAYING
713
00:38:39,255 --> 00:38:42,519
I'm Paul Dood
and I've just started my lunch
break.
714
00:38:43,916 --> 00:38:49,345
"Some of you will know about
the events that happened last
week
715
00:38:49,811 --> 00:38:55,706
"that led to the tragic death
of my mum"
716
00:38:56,104 --> 00:39:00,187
and to me failing
to reach the second round
717
00:39:00,267 --> 00:39:03,032
of the Trend Ladder talent show.
718
00:39:04,596 --> 00:39:06,714
The next train into town
is in 35 minutes.
719
00:39:06,794 --> 00:39:08,926
Would you like to book the ramp
in?
720
00:39:11,056 --> 00:39:12,274
Is it possible
to get a glass of water?
721
00:39:12,354 --> 00:39:13,940
To sit in?
722
00:39:14,020 --> 00:39:16,019
Everyone's mum's in a
wheelchair.
723
00:39:18,482 --> 00:39:24,396
For too long, the strong
have trampled the weak and
timid.
724
00:39:24,476 --> 00:39:26,627
If it wasn't for you, none of
this
would be happening, would it?
725
00:39:26,707 --> 00:39:29,039
"But the timid's time has come.
726
00:39:32,002 --> 00:39:34,187
"And I'm going
to set the record straight."
727
00:39:34,267 --> 00:39:37,397
Jim, you've reached
the end of the line, scumbag.
728
00:39:37,730 --> 00:39:39,895
SCREAMS
729
00:39:48,086 --> 00:39:49,685
DOOR SLAMS SHUT
730
00:39:57,144 --> 00:39:58,809
Oh, no.
731
00:39:59,741 --> 00:40:01,373
Dishonour this.
732
00:40:02,338 --> 00:40:04,670
Yes.
733
00:40:09,531 --> 00:40:11,530
That's them there, driver.
734
00:40:11,962 --> 00:40:13,794
DRIVER SLAMS ON BRAKES
735
00:40:14,593 --> 00:40:16,377
Perfect.
Thank you very much for that.
736
00:40:16,457 --> 00:40:17,243
I'm definitely giving you five
stars.
737
00:40:17,323 --> 00:40:19,555
CROWD CHEERS
738
00:40:21,220 --> 00:40:23,337
Thank you, goodbye
739
00:40:23,417 --> 00:40:25,016
I'm so bored.
740
00:40:25,348 --> 00:40:26,867
Name...
741
00:40:26,947 --> 00:40:28,165
Paul Dood.
742
00:40:28,245 --> 00:40:30,611
Paul D...
743
00:40:31,975 --> 00:40:33,575
You.
744
00:40:34,772 --> 00:40:35,858
No.
745
00:40:35,938 --> 00:40:37,456
No.
746
00:40:37,536 --> 00:40:39,768
See what your fans
think of this, Jack Tapp.
747
00:40:45,395 --> 00:40:48,926
On this lunch break,
I am going to right all the
wrongs
748
00:40:49,924 --> 00:40:54,554
that have happened to me and my
mum.
749
00:41:06,340 --> 00:41:07,973
You forgot to flush, mate.
750
00:41:16,564 --> 00:41:18,729
'The next train into town
is in 35 minutes.'
751
00:41:18,928 --> 00:41:21,627
[indistinct]
752
00:41:22,625 --> 00:41:24,657
Stupidity.
753
00:41:25,355 --> 00:41:26,441
The priest
will be getting in this one.
754
00:41:26,521 --> 00:41:28,073
I will.
755
00:41:28,153 --> 00:41:31,216
I hate you, I hate your song,
I hate your dance.
756
00:41:39,207 --> 00:41:40,126
Hey, Paul.
757
00:41:40,206 --> 00:41:41,573
Hey, Clemmie.
758
00:41:41,805 --> 00:41:42,924
I saw your video.
759
00:41:43,004 --> 00:41:44,570
Ah.
760
00:41:45,734 --> 00:41:46,753
It was good.
761
00:41:46,833 --> 00:41:49,365
Yeah? Thanks.
762
00:41:50,031 --> 00:41:51,530
Are you all right?
763
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:54,826
Yeah.
764
00:41:55,924 --> 00:41:57,557
I'm sorry about your mum.
765
00:41:59,088 --> 00:42:00,554
Thanks, Clemmie.
766
00:42:05,714 --> 00:42:13,508
SAD MUSIC PLAYS
767
00:42:18,835 --> 00:42:21,319
The train now arriving
at platform 2...
768
00:42:21,399 --> 00:42:22,518
It says here
that you bought this ticket
769
00:42:22,598 --> 00:42:24,082
with a senior citizens railcard.
770
00:42:24,162 --> 00:42:25,515
Yes, that's right.
771
00:42:25,595 --> 00:42:27,712
But you don't have the card.
772
00:42:27,792 --> 00:42:31,376
I'm sorry,
I must have left it at home.
773
00:42:31,456 --> 00:42:34,772
Well, if you don't have the
card, then I can't tell if
you're eligible
774
00:42:34,852 --> 00:42:37,136
for the senior citizens'
discount,
can I?
775
00:42:37,216 --> 00:42:39,767
I'm 86 years old.
776
00:42:39,847 --> 00:42:43,097
I don't know that, do I?
You could be anyone.
777
00:42:43,177 --> 00:42:45,028
The only thing you can do
is go back home and get your
card.
778
00:42:45,108 --> 00:42:47,393
But I'll miss the train.
779
00:42:47,473 --> 00:42:48,725
Well, you should have thought
of that before you came out
then.
780
00:42:48,805 --> 00:42:49,724
Surely...
781
00:42:49,804 --> 00:42:51,503
Go home, get your pass.
782
00:42:51,635 --> 00:42:52,621
Jim.
783
00:42:52,701 --> 00:42:54,086
Oh, it's you.
784
00:42:54,166 --> 00:42:55,452
It's the end of your line.
785
00:42:55,532 --> 00:42:56,798
I'm dealing with a fare, mate.
786
00:42:56,930 --> 00:42:57,849
It's the end of the line.
787
00:42:57,929 --> 00:42:58,982
It's the end of the line.
788
00:42:59,062 --> 00:43:00,380
Oi!
789
00:43:00,460 --> 00:43:02,625
Fuck you, you little prick.
790
00:43:03,656 --> 00:43:07,373
ACTION MUSIC PLAYS
791
00:43:07,453 --> 00:43:09,651
Oi, come back here!
792
00:43:10,017 --> 00:43:11,702
Sorry.
793
00:43:11,782 --> 00:43:13,900
By the laws bestowed upon me
by rail governors,
794
00:43:13,980 --> 00:43:15,298
I command you to stop.
795
00:43:15,378 --> 00:43:17,710
Oi, you little prick.
796
00:43:18,375 --> 00:43:20,141
I didn't mean it.
797
00:43:24,069 --> 00:43:25,536
Come back here.
798
00:43:29,830 --> 00:43:31,663
"Sorry. Leave me alone."
799
00:43:33,927 --> 00:43:35,711
This is a citizen's arrest.
800
00:43:35,791 --> 00:43:36,844
Get off.
801
00:43:36,924 --> 00:43:38,356
"Come back."
802
00:43:52,574 --> 00:43:54,326
I know the law
and you're breaking it.
803
00:43:54,406 --> 00:43:56,238
You're under arrest.
804
00:43:56,904 --> 00:43:58,455
What do you want?
805
00:43:58,535 --> 00:43:59,854
This is a citizen's arrest.
I've called the police.
806
00:43:59,934 --> 00:44:01,433
I didn't mean it.
807
00:44:11,655 --> 00:44:13,154
SCREAMS
808
00:44:19,114 --> 00:44:21,013
"Come back here."
809
00:44:21,479 --> 00:44:22,745
Paul.
810
00:44:23,043 --> 00:44:24,510
Paul's still on lunch.
811
00:44:27,506 --> 00:44:30,623
Jayney, if you look
after the counter for a bit...
812
00:44:30,703 --> 00:44:32,054
I didn't say
you could go on lunch, Bruce.
813
00:44:32,134 --> 00:44:32,953
I'm not eating.
814
00:44:33,033 --> 00:44:34,334
But Brucey...
815
00:44:34,665 --> 00:44:36,997
Leave me on my own, why don't
you?
816
00:44:46,454 --> 00:44:48,019
GASPS
817
00:44:50,549 --> 00:44:52,582
PANTING
818
00:44:59,807 --> 00:45:02,472
PANTING
819
00:45:09,597 --> 00:45:11,962
INDISTINCT CHATTER
820
00:45:12,261 --> 00:45:14,526
INDISTINCT CHATTER
821
00:45:14,991 --> 00:45:16,325
Yeah, I know.
822
00:45:17,556 --> 00:45:19,841
We should take our custom
elsewhere.
823
00:45:19,921 --> 00:45:20,872
I'm never going to go there
again.
824
00:45:20,952 --> 00:45:21,904
No, I wouldn't if I were you.
825
00:45:21,984 --> 00:45:23,070
COUGHING
826
00:45:23,150 --> 00:45:24,669
Are you all right?
827
00:45:24,749 --> 00:45:26,248
Yes, thank you.
828
00:45:26,447 --> 00:45:28,465
Did you fall off your
skateboard?
829
00:45:28,545 --> 00:45:30,030
Yes, I did.
830
00:45:30,110 --> 00:45:31,643
Let's help him.
831
00:45:31,742 --> 00:45:34,640
No, no, no, no.
832
00:45:35,138 --> 00:45:37,689
He looks
like one of them flashers, Mary.
833
00:45:37,769 --> 00:45:39,021
I am.
834
00:45:39,101 --> 00:45:40,187
You what?
835
00:45:40,267 --> 00:45:42,018
That's what I am. I'm a flasher.
836
00:45:42,098 --> 00:45:43,616
I'm having a practice
and you've interrupted.
837
00:45:43,696 --> 00:45:45,481
WRETCHING
838
00:45:45,561 --> 00:45:46,846
If you don't go away,
I'm going to get my dick out.
839
00:45:46,926 --> 00:45:48,445
How disgusting.
840
00:45:48,525 --> 00:45:50,077
Come on, Mary.
Can't frighten me.
841
00:45:50,157 --> 00:45:51,841
I've seen plenty
of willies in my time.
842
00:45:51,921 --> 00:45:53,040
Not as big as this.
843
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:54,572
Oh, you're just as bad as he is.
844
00:45:54,652 --> 00:45:56,437
I'm getting it out. You better
run.
845
00:45:56,517 --> 00:45:58,682
Your mother would be ashamed of
you.
846
00:45:59,647 --> 00:46:04,976
SMALLTOWN BOY BY BRONSKI BEAT
PLAYS
847
00:46:16,597 --> 00:46:19,362
HAND DRYER BLOWS
848
00:46:19,727 --> 00:46:25,508
Run away, turn away
run away, turn away ?
849
00:46:25,588 --> 00:46:27,387
MUSIC STOPS
850
00:46:32,814 --> 00:46:34,066
Clemmie.
851
00:46:34,146 --> 00:46:38,009
HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING.
852
00:46:38,109 --> 00:46:40,208
Why are you sitting in the dark?
853
00:46:40,473 --> 00:46:42,405
Have you seen Paul's latest
video?
854
00:46:44,303 --> 00:46:46,534
What the hell is he doing?
855
00:46:47,932 --> 00:46:49,498
Clemmie.
856
00:46:50,163 --> 00:46:51,082
Great chat, Clemmie.
857
00:46:51,162 --> 00:46:52,980
Very informative.
858
00:46:53,060 --> 00:46:54,379
God, you're weird.
859
00:46:54,459 --> 00:46:55,858
DOOR SLAMS SHUT
860
00:46:57,290 --> 00:46:58,489
DOOR OPENS
861
00:46:59,154 --> 00:47:01,553
You know what,
you and Paul... fucking odd.
862
00:47:01,719 --> 00:47:06,448
LOUD MUSIC CONTINUES
863
00:47:22,897 --> 00:47:24,596
PHONE BUZZES
864
00:47:32,421 --> 00:47:35,086
FANFARE MUSIC PLAYS
865
00:47:38,215 --> 00:47:41,180
LAUGHING
866
00:47:42,611 --> 00:47:44,376
Come on, Paul.
867
00:47:45,441 --> 00:47:47,440
OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS
868
00:47:57,795 --> 00:48:01,426
PEACEFUL HARP MUSIC
869
00:49:03,796 --> 00:49:07,293
OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS
870
00:49:10,590 --> 00:49:14,486
MACHINE HUMS
871
00:49:39,194 --> 00:49:40,893
Are you OK?
872
00:49:41,192 --> 00:49:43,058
SCREAMS
873
00:49:49,683 --> 00:49:57,343
MACHINE HUMS
874
00:49:59,706 --> 00:50:01,439
PHONE ALERT FROM TREND LADDER
875
00:50:14,259 --> 00:50:17,290
DOOR CREAKS
876
00:50:23,084 --> 00:50:25,134
You.
877
00:50:25,214 --> 00:50:27,147
The water thief.
878
00:50:28,478 --> 00:50:30,144
What have you done to her?
879
00:50:30,510 --> 00:50:33,974
There is no honour in defeat.
880
00:50:36,303 --> 00:50:38,070
I am bankrupt.
881
00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:43,716
Tea and tradition have perished.
882
00:50:43,796 --> 00:50:45,395
You killed her.
883
00:50:48,125 --> 00:50:50,756
The shame of failure
belongs to us all.
884
00:50:51,288 --> 00:50:52,955
You're a psychopath.
885
00:50:54,086 --> 00:50:54,872
This is for mum.
886
00:50:54,952 --> 00:50:56,817
SCREAMS
887
00:50:57,316 --> 00:51:02,012
SPLUTTERS
888
00:51:07,473 --> 00:51:09,338
Oh, shit.
889
00:51:10,503 --> 00:51:12,302
OK, and what was he wearing?
890
00:51:13,300 --> 00:51:16,983
Sequins. It was more like he was
an ice skater than a
skateboarder.
891
00:51:17,063 --> 00:51:19,214
And what colour sequins?
What colour sparkles?
892
00:51:19,294 --> 00:51:21,312
They were blue at the bottom.
Just shiny.
893
00:51:21,392 --> 00:51:25,507
Pink, like he escaped
from the circus or something.
894
00:51:25,587 --> 00:51:26,873
OK. Thank you so much for all
this information as well. It's
great.
895
00:51:26,953 --> 00:51:28,704
Are you an actual police officer
896
00:51:28,784 --> 00:51:30,869
or just one of them
sort of community ones?
897
00:51:30,949 --> 00:51:32,867
I am a community support
officer.
898
00:51:32,947 --> 00:51:34,832
Oh, dear, that's a shame...
Is it?
899
00:51:34,912 --> 00:51:35,497
Because they don't really
take you seriously, do they?
900
00:51:35,577 --> 00:51:36,430
Oh Lisa, that's a point.
901
00:51:36,510 --> 00:51:38,128
Hold on! There he is!
902
00:51:38,208 --> 00:51:41,025
That's him! You dirty git!
Get out of here!
903
00:51:41,105 --> 00:51:43,489
SHOUTING
904
00:51:43,569 --> 00:51:45,587
I've got a flasher in the park.
905
00:51:45,667 --> 00:51:47,900
The coppers are coming!
906
00:51:48,198 --> 00:51:50,216
White male,
mid 40s, sparkly jumpsuit.
907
00:51:50,296 --> 00:51:52,328
Can you repeat that? Over.
908
00:51:53,326 --> 00:51:55,811
Suspected flasher in the park.
909
00:51:55,891 --> 00:51:59,506
He's mid 40s, he's white,
he's wearing a sparkly jumpsuit.
910
00:51:59,586 --> 00:52:01,105
Copy that.
911
00:52:01,185 --> 00:52:03,817
Can I just confirm
that you said sparkly bodysuit?
912
00:52:03,983 --> 00:52:05,500
What, like Ziggy Stardust?
913
00:52:05,580 --> 00:52:07,313
Yeah, affirmative.
914
00:52:08,311 --> 00:52:10,430
What's your location?
915
00:52:10,510 --> 00:52:13,174
I'm on Lewis Street,
but I've lost eyes on the
suspect.
916
00:52:13,739 --> 00:52:15,691
Would you say
you're under under pressure?
917
00:52:15,771 --> 00:52:17,536
Shut up, Steve.
918
00:52:17,802 --> 00:52:19,734
How far off is back-up?
919
00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:21,885
Don't worry, don't worry.
920
00:52:21,965 --> 00:52:23,350
We'll help you catch
this rebel rebel.
921
00:52:23,430 --> 00:52:24,349
Idiot.
922
00:52:24,429 --> 00:52:25,547
SIRENS WAIL
923
00:52:25,627 --> 00:52:26,546
What an idiot.
924
00:52:26,626 --> 00:52:30,057
SIRENS WAIL
925
00:52:36,417 --> 00:52:37,535
This is for mum.
926
00:52:37,615 --> 00:52:38,467
"SCREAMS"
927
00:52:38,547 --> 00:52:39,900
Jayney.
928
00:52:39,980 --> 00:52:40,666
What?
929
00:52:40,746 --> 00:52:42,197
Come here, please.
930
00:52:42,277 --> 00:52:44,210
I'm really busy, Brucie.
931
00:52:44,908 --> 00:52:46,926
Jayney, you've got to see this.
I'm watching Paul.
932
00:52:47,006 --> 00:52:47,558
Porn?
933
00:52:47,638 --> 00:52:49,038
Porn?
934
00:52:49,803 --> 00:52:51,188
Why the hell
would I be watching porn at
work?
935
00:52:51,268 --> 00:52:53,234
It's Paul, with a luh.
936
00:52:53,699 --> 00:52:55,817
You know, the weirdo who works
here?
937
00:52:55,897 --> 00:52:57,815
What is it?
What do you want me to see?
938
00:52:57,895 --> 00:52:59,894
It's this Trend Ladder thing.
939
00:53:02,857 --> 00:53:04,908
You're saying this is Paul?
940
00:53:04,988 --> 00:53:06,439
Yes, it's Paul.
941
00:53:06,519 --> 00:53:09,337
It can't be Paulie.
942
00:53:09,417 --> 00:53:12,215
Keep watching
because it gets worse, much
worse.
943
00:53:14,778 --> 00:53:15,864
"This is for mum."
944
00:53:15,944 --> 00:53:17,263
"SCREAMS"
945
00:53:17,343 --> 00:53:18,809
What?
946
00:53:19,740 --> 00:53:22,038
He told me about these people,
Paul did.
947
00:53:22,304 --> 00:53:24,055
What?
948
00:53:24,135 --> 00:53:25,854
They're the people who made him
late for his audition.
949
00:53:25,934 --> 00:53:27,652
The guard and the tea bloke.
950
00:53:27,732 --> 00:53:29,497
And what did he say?
951
00:53:30,096 --> 00:53:32,128
He asked me
what I knew about revenge.
952
00:53:32,894 --> 00:53:34,759
And what did you tell him?
953
00:53:35,990 --> 00:53:38,075
SIRENS WAIL
954
00:53:38,155 --> 00:53:41,219
PANTING
955
00:53:46,247 --> 00:53:47,746
OK.
956
00:53:50,310 --> 00:53:52,142
"This is Paul Dood.
957
00:53:53,706 --> 00:53:55,838
"Paul Dood's deadly lunch
break."
958
00:53:57,602 --> 00:53:59,820
Some of you might have seen
what's going on.
959
00:53:59,900 --> 00:54:02,531
"It hasn't gone...
I mean, some people have died.
960
00:54:02,864 --> 00:54:04,696
"The police are after me."
961
00:54:06,394 --> 00:54:08,026
So I'm just...
962
00:54:08,858 --> 00:54:12,122
I can't do it anymore.
I'm not a winner, I'm a loser.
963
00:54:13,053 --> 00:54:15,052
"Paul Dood signing out. That's
it."
964
00:54:19,014 --> 00:54:21,779
OK, I give up.
965
00:54:22,044 --> 00:54:23,263
That's it, it's over.
966
00:54:23,343 --> 00:54:24,262
I surrender.
967
00:54:24,342 --> 00:54:26,493
SIRENS WAIL
968
00:54:26,573 --> 00:54:28,772
Take me, it's over.
969
00:54:29,337 --> 00:54:30,422
I give up.
970
00:54:30,502 --> 00:54:31,921
Come along, Donald.
971
00:54:32,001 --> 00:54:34,119
We'll leave the crazy people
to themselves.
972
00:54:34,199 --> 00:54:36,098
I think he's a bit of a nutter.
973
00:54:36,962 --> 00:54:38,595
BIRDS SQUAWK
974
00:54:40,425 --> 00:54:42,178
DOG BARKS
975
00:54:42,258 --> 00:54:44,489
BIRDS TWEETING
976
00:54:45,021 --> 00:54:48,119
SIRENS WAIL
977
00:54:58,474 --> 00:55:00,040
KEYS JANGLE
978
00:55:06,533 --> 00:55:09,930
OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS
979
00:55:14,358 --> 00:55:18,022
MUSIC PLAYS
980
00:55:48,292 --> 00:55:50,989
Working on my backwards walk
981
00:55:53,852 --> 00:55:56,617
Walking with no shoes or socks
982
00:55:58,947 --> 00:56:02,045
And the time rewinds
to the end of May ?
983
00:56:02,544 --> 00:56:04,728
Do you think
I could ever win one of these?
984
00:56:04,808 --> 00:56:07,991
Oh, you're much better
than any of them.
985
00:56:08,071 --> 00:56:09,771
Thanks, Mum.
986
00:56:11,401 --> 00:56:13,653
If I won one of these,
987
00:56:13,733 --> 00:56:16,364
with the prize money
I would get you a luxury
bungalow.
988
00:56:18,228 --> 00:56:20,426
Like the best bungalow
989
00:56:21,424 --> 00:56:23,509
The flattest bungalow
that money can buy.
990
00:56:23,589 --> 00:56:25,940
And an electric chair.
991
00:56:26,020 --> 00:56:27,572
An electric chair
so I don't have to push you.
992
00:56:27,652 --> 00:56:30,350
'LAUGHS'
993
00:56:32,380 --> 00:56:34,379
Why didn't she tell us, Rocky?
994
00:56:36,510 --> 00:56:38,675
Why didn't she tell us
she was so ill?
995
00:56:40,006 --> 00:56:42,738
I know I miss her, too.
996
00:56:44,768 --> 00:56:46,267
It'll be OK.
997
00:56:48,764 --> 00:56:50,748
What do you mean
you showed him quotes?
998
00:56:50,828 --> 00:56:52,213
Well, there was nothing
on the website about revenge.
999
00:56:52,293 --> 00:56:54,178
What website?
1000
00:56:54,258 --> 00:56:56,957
My psychotherapy website
where I get my certificates
from.
1001
00:56:57,855 --> 00:56:59,141
What have you been doing
with Paul, Jayney?
1002
00:56:59,221 --> 00:57:00,720
Practising.
1003
00:57:02,550 --> 00:57:05,833
'If you lose a big fight,
it will worry you all your life.
1004
00:57:05,913 --> 00:57:07,698
It will plague you until you get
your revenge.' - Muhammad Ali.
1005
00:57:07,778 --> 00:57:09,896
Mmm.
1006
00:57:09,976 --> 00:57:11,561
'Revenge is sweet and not
fattening.'
- Alfred Hitchcock.
1007
00:57:11,641 --> 00:57:13,659
Why did you show him these?
1008
00:57:13,739 --> 00:57:15,657
There was nothing
on the website, so I...
1009
00:57:15,737 --> 00:57:17,522
What else did he say, Jayney?
1010
00:57:17,602 --> 00:57:19,668
Who else is he going
to get revenge on?
1011
00:57:22,930 --> 00:57:25,048
There was something about a
priest.
1012
00:57:25,128 --> 00:57:28,592
Jayney, you've really shat
the sheets on this one.
1013
00:57:29,789 --> 00:57:31,656
And I say unto you
1014
00:57:32,353 --> 00:57:38,449
let me be kind
to the weak and unable.
1015
00:57:39,513 --> 00:57:44,709
Allow me to deliver myself from
evil.
1016
00:57:47,039 --> 00:57:50,537
And prepare thyself
for the second coming.
1017
00:57:53,299 --> 00:57:54,899
EXHALES
1018
00:57:55,830 --> 00:57:57,296
GASPS
1019
00:57:59,993 --> 00:58:01,725
That was a bit of a mouthful.
1020
00:58:09,316 --> 00:58:11,349
PHONE BEEPING
1021
00:58:16,243 --> 00:58:18,575
"It's Paul Dood.
1022
00:58:18,674 --> 00:58:21,391
"Paul Dood's deadly lunch break.
1023
00:58:21,471 --> 00:58:24,654
"Some of you might have seen
what's going on.
1024
00:58:24,734 --> 00:58:26,586
"It hasn't gone...
I mean, some people have died."
1025
00:58:26,666 --> 00:58:28,298
PHONE BEEPING
1026
00:58:35,591 --> 00:58:37,656
I've come to say goodbye, Rocky.
1027
00:58:38,887 --> 00:58:40,719
I'm going to make things right.
1028
00:58:46,146 --> 00:58:48,379
OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS
1029
00:58:49,510 --> 00:58:50,843
Is that the sleeve?
1030
00:58:51,009 --> 00:58:52,893
Well, it could be the sleeve.
1031
00:58:52,973 --> 00:58:56,356
But, you know, the whole costume
is that bright green colour.
1032
00:58:56,436 --> 00:58:58,668
Yeah.
Wait for it.
1033
00:59:00,632 --> 00:59:01,884
Ta-da.
1034
00:59:01,964 --> 00:59:03,349
That's brilliant.
1035
00:59:03,429 --> 00:59:04,748
Yeah, they really go, don't
they?
1036
00:59:04,828 --> 00:59:05,914
Yeah.
1037
00:59:05,994 --> 00:59:07,778
I can't wait for your audition.
1038
00:59:07,858 --> 00:59:09,843
I'm so proud of you.
1039
00:59:09,923 --> 00:59:11,356
Thanks, Mum.
1040
00:59:11,854 --> 00:59:13,639
You do want me to come, don't
you?
1041
00:59:13,719 --> 00:59:15,637
Yeah, of course.
I can't do without you.
1042
00:59:15,717 --> 00:59:17,383
We're a team, aren't we?
1043
00:59:21,345 --> 00:59:22,777
What do you think?
1044
00:59:27,905 --> 00:59:29,371
Yeah.
1045
00:59:32,534 --> 00:59:33,766
DOG BARKS
1046
00:59:39,993 --> 00:59:41,511
Yes, that's correct, Officer.
1047
00:59:41,591 --> 00:59:43,190
Yeah.
1048
00:59:43,855 --> 00:59:46,753
I wouldn't say friend.
More work colleague.
1049
00:59:48,817 --> 00:59:50,269
Yeah.
1050
00:59:50,349 --> 00:59:52,448
The videos. Yeah.
1051
00:59:52,547 --> 00:59:53,846
We've seen them.
1052
00:59:54,778 --> 00:59:56,411
On Trend Ladder.
1053
00:59:56,876 --> 00:59:58,708
His video's in the top 20.
1054
00:59:59,140 --> 01:00:00,639
OK.
1055
01:00:01,138 --> 01:00:03,203
Yeah, I'm sitting opposite her.
1056
01:00:03,303 --> 01:00:04,769
Here she is.
1057
01:00:06,866 --> 01:00:08,265
Hello.
1058
01:00:10,462 --> 01:00:13,446
Yeah, yeah, it was me he spoke
with.
1059
01:00:13,526 --> 01:00:15,144
But I didn't tell him to do it
or anything like that.
1060
01:00:15,224 --> 01:00:17,822
I just showed him some quotes.
1061
01:00:19,619 --> 01:00:22,684
Well, he said something
about a priest who stole his
taxi.
1062
01:00:23,749 --> 01:00:25,614
BIRDS TWEETING
1063
01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:28,431
Ground control
to Major Miles, do you copy?
1064
01:00:28,511 --> 01:00:29,710
Go ahead.
1065
01:00:30,509 --> 01:00:33,926
Right, so there's been
some ch-ch-ch-changes.
1066
01:00:34,006 --> 01:00:35,757
Give it a rest.
1067
01:00:35,837 --> 01:00:37,470
No, no, I'm being serious.
1068
01:00:37,935 --> 01:00:40,652
Your suspect matches
the description of our man
1069
01:00:40,732 --> 01:00:42,516
who's wanted
for two potential homicides.
1070
01:00:42,596 --> 01:00:45,395
What? Ziggy Stardust? The
flasher?
1071
01:00:45,494 --> 01:00:47,412
Apparently.
1072
01:00:47,492 --> 01:00:49,277
There's going to be a squad car
coming to meet you very soon.
1073
01:00:49,357 --> 01:00:51,289
Yeah, I can see it. It's here.
1074
01:00:51,821 --> 01:00:53,672
Right, I need to get you
to St. Mary's Church
1075
01:00:53,752 --> 01:00:55,637
as quickly as you can.
1076
01:00:55,717 --> 01:00:58,500
We've reason to believe that
his next target might be the
priest.
1077
01:00:58,580 --> 01:01:00,565
I'd better get there before
another one bites the dust, eh?
1078
01:01:00,645 --> 01:01:02,511
No, that's not Bowie.
1079
01:01:02,610 --> 01:01:04,109
Right.
1080
01:01:04,608 --> 01:01:05,727
All right?
1081
01:01:05,807 --> 01:01:07,373
Yeah, not bad.
1082
01:01:08,570 --> 01:01:09,489
We off?
1083
01:01:09,569 --> 01:01:11,035
Yeah.
1084
01:01:11,435 --> 01:01:15,017
Did you know Another One
Bites the Dust isn't Bowie?
1085
01:01:15,097 --> 01:01:16,697
Really?
Yep.
1086
01:01:17,962 --> 01:01:20,193
SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYS
1087
01:01:37,142 --> 01:01:39,559
Raising money for the church
roof.
Please give generously
1088
01:01:39,639 --> 01:01:40,792
Church roof.
1089
01:01:40,872 --> 01:01:42,357
SOUND OF MONEY CLINKING
1090
01:01:42,437 --> 01:01:44,968
Father, could I have a word?
1091
01:01:45,500 --> 01:01:48,151
Yes.
1092
01:01:48,231 --> 01:01:50,881
Some of us are becoming
increasingly
concerned about the progress,
1093
01:01:50,961 --> 01:01:52,879
or rather the lack of progress,
1094
01:01:52,959 --> 01:01:55,610
in repairs to the roof of the
church.
1095
01:01:55,690 --> 01:01:58,041
My son, all we're asking for
is just a little more
1096
01:01:58,121 --> 01:02:00,206
from each of our generous
partners.
1097
01:02:00,286 --> 01:02:03,103
Raising money for the church.
Please give generously.
1098
01:02:03,183 --> 01:02:04,934
A number of us have already
given very generously
1099
01:02:05,014 --> 01:02:06,699
Mm-hm. Yes.
1100
01:02:06,779 --> 01:02:07,631
I myself,
I've given three thousand
pounds.
1101
01:02:07,711 --> 01:02:09,763
Again, I say unto you,
1102
01:02:09,843 --> 01:02:11,828
it is easier for a camel
to pass through the eye of a
needle
1103
01:02:11,908 --> 01:02:13,958
than it is for a rich man
to enter the kingdom of heaven.
1104
01:02:14,038 --> 01:02:15,724
Amen, father, amen.
1105
01:02:15,804 --> 01:02:18,254
Amen.
Amen.
1106
01:02:18,334 --> 01:02:19,786
Father, people are asking
for their money back.
1107
01:02:19,866 --> 01:02:22,117
We haven't even seen any plans.
1108
01:02:22,197 --> 01:02:25,081
God doesn't give refunds.
1109
01:02:25,161 --> 01:02:27,012
Of course, but we just need
some kind of reassurance
1110
01:02:27,092 --> 01:02:28,344
that work will be starting soon.
1111
01:02:28,424 --> 01:02:29,956
Amen.
1112
01:02:31,255 --> 01:02:32,773
Builders.
The workmen.
1113
01:02:32,853 --> 01:02:34,005
They're here to...
1114
01:02:34,085 --> 01:02:35,237
To fix the roof.
Tarmac the road.
1115
01:02:35,317 --> 01:02:37,102
And then fix the roof.
1116
01:02:37,182 --> 01:02:38,866
Tarmac the road then fix the
roof.
1117
01:02:38,946 --> 01:02:39,733
Have you been paid yet?
1118
01:02:39,813 --> 01:02:41,897
No, not yet.
1119
01:02:41,977 --> 01:02:42,596
I might go and nick their
little collection box in a
minute.
1120
01:02:42,676 --> 01:02:44,243
Ty.
1121
01:02:45,141 --> 01:02:48,638
CHURCH MUSIC PLAYS
1122
01:02:53,732 --> 01:02:55,383
So are you giving
or are you wasting our time?
1123
01:02:55,463 --> 01:02:56,948
Amen.
1124
01:02:57,028 --> 01:02:57,947
Just a couple of pound.
A couple of pounds.
1125
01:02:58,027 --> 01:02:59,213
MONEY CLINKING
1126
01:02:59,293 --> 01:03:02,091
Sorry.
It's fine. Lovely.
1127
01:03:02,590 --> 01:03:03,975
May the Lord be with you.
1128
01:03:04,055 --> 01:03:05,640
Two pounds.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
1129
01:03:05,720 --> 01:03:06,773
Thank you. God be with you.
1130
01:03:06,853 --> 01:03:08,836
Fucking idiot.
1131
01:03:08,916 --> 01:03:10,801
Raising money for the church
roof.
1132
01:03:10,881 --> 01:03:12,647
Selfish cow.
1133
01:03:21,105 --> 01:03:22,903
Have you seen this?
1134
01:03:23,569 --> 01:03:26,533
Oh, mate, that's mad.
1135
01:03:26,965 --> 01:03:28,850
I know.
Is it real?
1136
01:03:28,930 --> 01:03:30,415
Yeah, it's on Trend Ladder.
Did he kill him?
1137
01:03:30,495 --> 01:03:32,114
Yeah, that's Paul Dood.
1138
01:03:32,194 --> 01:03:34,245
Who's Paul Dood?
Oh mate, that's him!
1139
01:03:34,325 --> 01:03:35,990
Shit!
Fucking Nora!
1140
01:03:41,950 --> 01:03:43,269
Money...
GASPS
1141
01:03:43,349 --> 01:03:45,182
Father.
1142
01:03:45,647 --> 01:03:46,898
What do you want?
1143
01:03:46,978 --> 01:03:49,329
My son, what is the matter?
1144
01:03:49,409 --> 01:03:50,395
You're going to pay
for what you've done.
1145
01:03:50,475 --> 01:03:51,760
Do I know you?
1146
01:03:51,840 --> 01:03:53,259
Are you from the parish council?
1147
01:03:53,339 --> 01:03:54,757
Devil, be gone.
1148
01:03:54,837 --> 01:03:56,623
OK, there is no church fund.
1149
01:03:56,703 --> 01:03:57,821
No!
1150
01:03:57,901 --> 01:04:01,384
It was a lie, but I promise
1151
01:04:01,464 --> 01:04:03,915
we'll give back the money
to the parish council.
1152
01:04:03,995 --> 01:04:07,193
Out! Sequinned demon!
1153
01:04:09,589 --> 01:04:11,056
Good on you, Kath.
1154
01:04:13,186 --> 01:04:14,519
Kath.
1155
01:04:15,517 --> 01:04:17,050
Kath.
1156
01:04:17,748 --> 01:04:19,765
Help. Kath, help me.
1157
01:04:19,845 --> 01:04:20,665
Get the buttons.
1158
01:04:20,745 --> 01:04:21,564
Buttons?
1159
01:04:21,644 --> 01:04:23,229
Quick.
1160
01:04:23,309 --> 01:04:25,759
I don't deserve to die.
I'm a man of the convent.
1161
01:04:25,839 --> 01:04:28,257
No, no, no. Help. Help.
1162
01:04:28,337 --> 01:04:29,690
Get off!
1163
01:04:29,770 --> 01:04:33,366
Help me!
Get the fuck off me!
1164
01:04:34,265 --> 01:04:36,297
Get off me, you paedophile!
1165
01:04:37,328 --> 01:04:39,860
SCREAMS
1166
01:04:40,159 --> 01:04:42,324
SCREAMS
1167
01:04:44,554 --> 01:04:47,120
SCREAMS
1168
01:04:48,417 --> 01:04:50,169
Fuck.
1169
01:04:50,249 --> 01:04:52,414
SCREAMS
1170
01:04:56,210 --> 01:04:58,793
SCREAMS
1171
01:04:58,873 --> 01:05:01,305
SCREAMS.
1172
01:05:05,467 --> 01:05:07,033
SQUELCHES
1173
01:05:16,389 --> 01:05:18,288
GASPS
1174
01:05:19,220 --> 01:05:20,819
Oh, shit.
1175
01:05:24,747 --> 01:05:26,913
Shit.
What are you looking at?
1176
01:05:30,375 --> 01:05:32,175
TREND LADDER ALERT BEEPS
1177
01:05:35,071 --> 01:05:37,070
TREND LADDER ALERT BEEPS
1178
01:05:41,497 --> 01:05:43,929
PHONE BEEPS
1179
01:05:46,526 --> 01:05:49,510
Oh, great. Paul Dood
has marked himself safe
1180
01:05:49,590 --> 01:05:51,474
in the local terrorist incident.
1181
01:05:51,554 --> 01:05:53,286
Well, that's good.
1182
01:05:53,918 --> 01:05:56,849
Jayney, Paul Dood
is the local terrorist incident.
1183
01:05:58,414 --> 01:06:00,979
Oh, look, Lisa, he's a bit of a
hunk.
1184
01:06:01,145 --> 01:06:03,276
Come on, you. Are you done? Come
on.
1185
01:06:04,374 --> 01:06:07,040
Oh, look, we see them on the
telly.
1186
01:06:08,071 --> 01:06:11,302
In that Silent Witness they've
always got those things on,
haven't they?
1187
01:06:13,332 --> 01:06:15,051
Now, what's going to happen
next,
I wonder?
1188
01:06:15,131 --> 01:06:17,196
Never seen anything like that.
1189
01:06:17,827 --> 01:06:20,459
It was the pervert what done it!
1190
01:06:21,125 --> 01:06:24,640
He said he had to smash
his head in with a crowbar
1191
01:06:24,720 --> 01:06:26,953
because he was using too much
teeth.
1192
01:06:27,351 --> 01:06:28,437
Too much teeth?
1193
01:06:28,517 --> 01:06:30,117
You know...
1194
01:06:31,314 --> 01:06:33,213
Oh, Lisa...
1195
01:06:33,345 --> 01:06:34,431
OK, yeah.
1196
01:06:34,511 --> 01:06:36,709
HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS
1197
01:06:38,773 --> 01:06:40,439
Clemmie.
1198
01:06:50,828 --> 01:06:54,159
Clemmie, Clemmie.
1199
01:06:58,387 --> 01:06:59,705
There's been a spillage in the
shop.
1200
01:06:59,785 --> 01:07:00,971
Can you come and help, please?
1201
01:07:01,051 --> 01:07:02,384
Yep.
1202
01:07:13,705 --> 01:07:15,837
Who's Paul going to kill next,
Clemmie?
1203
01:07:18,334 --> 01:07:19,867
Who's next?
1204
01:07:20,831 --> 01:07:22,364
Where's the spillage?
1205
01:07:22,530 --> 01:07:24,329
Listen to me, Clemmie.
1206
01:07:24,727 --> 01:07:26,993
Why is Paul Dood
killing these people?
1207
01:07:27,425 --> 01:07:28,910
Clemmie!
1208
01:07:28,990 --> 01:07:30,674
You've seen the videos.
1209
01:07:30,754 --> 01:07:32,539
Yes, I've seen the videos.
They're brutal.
1210
01:07:32,619 --> 01:07:34,138
Not those ones. The ones before.
1211
01:07:34,218 --> 01:07:36,003
What do you mean, the ones
before?
1212
01:07:36,083 --> 01:07:37,534
She's seen how people treat
Paul.
1213
01:07:37,614 --> 01:07:39,466
What the hell is she talking
about?
1214
01:07:39,546 --> 01:07:41,297
They deserve what they get.
1215
01:07:41,377 --> 01:07:43,628
They deserve what?
What the fuck is happening here?
1216
01:07:43,708 --> 01:07:45,494
Who's he going for next,
Clemmie?
1217
01:07:45,574 --> 01:07:46,725
Isn't it obvious?
1218
01:07:46,805 --> 01:07:48,637
Well, obviously it's not.
1219
01:07:49,602 --> 01:07:50,489
Clemmie.
1220
01:07:50,569 --> 01:07:51,854
It's Jack Tapp.
1221
01:07:51,934 --> 01:07:52,786
Who?
1222
01:07:52,866 --> 01:07:54,251
F-F-S, Jayney.
1223
01:07:54,331 --> 01:07:55,350
Well, I don't...
1224
01:07:55,430 --> 01:07:57,281
Jack Tapp, the Internet guy.
1225
01:07:57,361 --> 01:07:58,613
Where's the spillage?
1226
01:07:58,693 --> 01:08:00,625
There is no fucking spillage.
1227
01:08:01,590 --> 01:08:06,986
INDISTINCT CHATTER
1228
01:08:09,615 --> 01:08:11,881
OK? See ya.
1229
01:08:12,646 --> 01:08:14,931
Hey, who's this guy?
1230
01:08:15,011 --> 01:08:16,562
I'm a huge fan.
Oh, are you?
1231
01:08:16,642 --> 01:08:17,994
Can you sign my autograph book?
1232
01:08:18,074 --> 01:08:18,960
What is that? That's not my
book.
1233
01:08:19,040 --> 01:08:20,658
I collect autographs in it.
1234
01:08:20,738 --> 01:08:23,122
What's your name?
Mac.
1235
01:08:23,202 --> 01:08:27,718
Mac. The rules here, Mac,
are you buy a book, I sign the
book.
1236
01:08:27,798 --> 01:08:30,614
You go away back to your home
and,
you know, get on with your life.
1237
01:08:30,694 --> 01:08:33,346
I don't have any money.
1238
01:08:33,426 --> 01:08:35,976
Well, I'm sorry about that
because I can't actually give
you a book.
1239
01:08:36,056 --> 01:08:39,006
This costs me money,
so you've got to buy.
1240
01:08:39,086 --> 01:08:40,738
Can you not just sign mine?
I can't, I'm afraid.
1241
01:08:40,818 --> 01:08:42,936
You can find me on the road
some other time and,
1242
01:08:43,016 --> 01:08:44,634
you know,
we can rectify this problem.
1243
01:08:44,714 --> 01:08:46,399
Thank you.
Sorry, Mac.
1244
01:08:46,479 --> 01:08:47,664
Aww, Mac.
Bye, Mac.
1245
01:08:47,744 --> 01:08:49,363
Hey, how's it going?
1246
01:08:49,443 --> 01:08:50,994
Good, thank you.
You've got a book for me to
sign?
1247
01:08:51,074 --> 01:08:53,625
Um, no.
No?
1248
01:08:53,705 --> 01:08:55,856
Do you want a book?
Yes, please.
1249
01:08:55,936 --> 01:08:57,521
Can I give her a book?
If you give her a book...
1250
01:08:57,601 --> 01:08:58,287
She's so pretty. What's your
name?
1251
01:08:58,367 --> 01:08:59,852
Yasmin.
1252
01:08:59,932 --> 01:09:03,082
OK, Yasmin.
So what are you doing, Yasmin?
1253
01:09:03,162 --> 01:09:05,013
What's happening around here?
Where's good to go?
1254
01:09:05,093 --> 01:09:06,512
I'm just glad to come and see
you.
1255
01:09:06,592 --> 01:09:07,577
You can give your number to
Gary.
Just see me after.
1256
01:09:07,657 --> 01:09:09,176
OK, thanks.
1257
01:09:09,256 --> 01:09:11,155
OK, Yasmin. Fucking hell.
1258
01:09:11,920 --> 01:09:14,071
"Well, the man known locally
as Paul Dood
1259
01:09:14,151 --> 01:09:16,902
"is believed to be on a rampage
after failing an audition.
1260
01:09:16,982 --> 01:09:19,732
"Joining me, a couple of ladies
who I think are eyewitnesses.
1261
01:09:19,812 --> 01:09:20,898
"So what happened
and what did you see?"
1262
01:09:20,978 --> 01:09:22,462
"Is it going out live?"
"Look, there's the camera, see?"
1263
01:09:22,542 --> 01:09:24,094
"Ladies, what did you see here?"
1264
01:09:24,174 --> 01:09:27,292
"Well, it was more the body.
We saw a huge body."
1265
01:09:27,372 --> 01:09:28,989
"We were just coming home
with our shopping, weren't we?
1266
01:09:29,069 --> 01:09:31,121
And then he just got his dick
out."
1267
01:09:31,201 --> 01:09:32,653
That's not true, actually.
1268
01:09:32,733 --> 01:09:35,083
That's utterly wrong.
I threatened to get my dick out.
1269
01:09:35,163 --> 01:09:36,448
Just to get rid of those old
bags.
1270
01:09:36,528 --> 01:09:38,713
And I didn't fail the audition
1271
01:09:38,793 --> 01:09:40,312
because they didn't give me
a chance to do it in the first
place
1272
01:09:40,392 --> 01:09:41,644
That is fake news.
1273
01:09:41,724 --> 01:09:43,675
What do you want from us?
1274
01:09:43,755 --> 01:09:47,238
Just... I don't...
Bacon sandwich to take away.
1275
01:09:47,318 --> 01:09:49,236
I'm sorry, I'm out of bacon.
1276
01:09:49,316 --> 01:09:51,082
What?
1277
01:09:51,214 --> 01:09:52,714
OK. Forget it.
1278
01:09:53,245 --> 01:09:56,961
Can you believe that?
It's on the news. That is lies.
1279
01:09:57,041 --> 01:09:58,974
Do you know what I mean, mate?
Lies.
1280
01:10:00,072 --> 01:10:02,257
And you need to sort out
your disabled access.
1281
01:10:02,337 --> 01:10:04,568
It's utterly appalling.
1282
01:10:07,764 --> 01:10:10,096
Look what you made me do.
1283
01:10:10,928 --> 01:10:14,159
Absolute farce.
1284
01:10:14,590 --> 01:10:17,522
I will not be back. No bacon.
1285
01:10:17,954 --> 01:10:20,371
"and some amount
of forensic activity,
1286
01:10:20,451 --> 01:10:22,536
"but that's all we can
report here from the scene.
1287
01:10:22,616 --> 01:10:24,001
"Now back to you in the studio."
1288
01:10:24,081 --> 01:10:25,214
"Thanks very much."
1289
01:10:25,314 --> 01:10:27,978
ENGINE RUMBLING
1290
01:10:30,675 --> 01:10:33,873
Yeah, yeah, you're good, yeah.
1291
01:10:37,135 --> 01:10:39,220
This one's going to be a
nightmare
to clean up, isn't it?
1292
01:10:39,300 --> 01:10:40,899
What does it look like?
1293
01:10:41,497 --> 01:10:43,981
You know when a sausage
bursts its skin?
1294
01:10:44,061 --> 01:10:45,113
GAGS
1295
01:10:45,193 --> 01:10:46,345
It's a bit like that.
1296
01:10:46,425 --> 01:10:50,023
OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS
1297
01:10:59,046 --> 01:11:01,164
Right, sir,
you say that you recognised him?
1298
01:11:01,244 --> 01:11:02,396
Yeah.
Where from?
1299
01:11:02,476 --> 01:11:03,495
I saw him on the telly.
1300
01:11:03,575 --> 01:11:05,726
On the telly?
Yeah.
1301
01:11:05,806 --> 01:11:06,425
You hadn't met him before
or seen him in the street?
1302
01:11:06,505 --> 01:11:07,990
No, no, never.
1303
01:11:08,070 --> 01:11:09,589
So only from the telly?
1304
01:11:09,669 --> 01:11:10,921
Just on the telly,
but I knew it was him.
1305
01:11:11,001 --> 01:11:13,000
You knew it was him? OK.
Yeah.
1306
01:11:14,164 --> 01:11:16,915
Do you have one of those
clean up guys, like in Pulp
Fiction
1307
01:11:16,995 --> 01:11:19,959
to, you know,
clean up blood and guts in that?
1308
01:11:20,125 --> 01:11:21,510
Winston Wolf.
1309
01:11:21,590 --> 01:11:23,156
Sorry, what?
1310
01:11:23,622 --> 01:11:25,953
That's what he was called
in Pulp Fiction.
1311
01:11:26,819 --> 01:11:29,117
Can you just rewind
that last bit for me, please?
1312
01:11:31,880 --> 01:11:35,463
Description wise,
let's say I'm 6"4, because I am.
1313
01:11:35,543 --> 01:11:37,394
Look at my hand.
1314
01:11:37,474 --> 01:11:39,592
When it reaches
the height of the suspect,
1315
01:11:39,672 --> 01:11:40,824
I want you to say stop'.
1316
01:11:40,904 --> 01:11:42,403
Watch the hand.
1317
01:11:43,368 --> 01:11:44,621
You stop me.
1318
01:11:44,701 --> 01:11:45,919
I will.
Which is the height?
1319
01:11:45,999 --> 01:11:48,364
Keep looking at the hand,
don't look at me.
1320
01:11:48,697 --> 01:11:50,362
Was he smaller than this?
1321
01:11:51,460 --> 01:11:53,512
There.
1322
01:11:53,592 --> 01:11:56,475
Are you wasting police time,
sir?
No, that's how tall he was.
1323
01:11:56,555 --> 01:11:57,641
Was he a child?
No, he was in a wheelchair.
1324
01:11:57,721 --> 01:11:59,653
What?
1325
01:12:00,718 --> 01:12:03,335
"We now have additional news
from the developing situation
1326
01:12:03,415 --> 01:12:05,333
"with the murder in Finchmere,
1327
01:12:05,413 --> 01:12:07,612
"which has gone viral
on Trend Ladder."
1328
01:12:07,944 --> 01:12:09,729
What's that?
That's his wheelchair.
1329
01:12:09,809 --> 01:12:11,960
He had a wheelchair for some
reason.
1330
01:12:12,040 --> 01:12:13,226
It was definitely
a wheelchair, was it?
1331
01:12:13,306 --> 01:12:14,257
Not, like, a shop mobility
scooter?
1332
01:12:14,337 --> 01:12:15,690
No, it was a wheelchair.
1333
01:12:15,770 --> 01:12:17,188
So the gentleman was disabled.
1334
01:12:17,268 --> 01:12:18,986
He might have stolen it.
1335
01:12:19,066 --> 01:12:20,219
You can't accuse him
of stealing something, sir.
1336
01:12:20,299 --> 01:12:21,250
How do you know that?
1337
01:12:21,330 --> 01:12:23,096
Suspect is now in a wheelchair.
1338
01:12:24,161 --> 01:12:27,792
I repeat, suspect is now
in a wheelchair in disguise.
Over.
1339
01:12:28,757 --> 01:12:31,954
"He's wearing a brown coat
and he has a samurai sword."
1340
01:12:32,120 --> 01:12:34,071
"Reports are coming in,
1341
01:12:34,151 --> 01:12:38,748
"he is dressed in a sparkly,
spangly,
tight-fitting green unitard."
1342
01:12:40,078 --> 01:12:43,628
Dispatch to all units,
the suspect has been spotted
1343
01:12:43,708 --> 01:12:45,660
entering
the Belshire Shopping Centre.
1344
01:12:45,740 --> 01:12:48,356
Repeat, the suspect has been
spotted
1345
01:12:48,436 --> 01:12:50,902
entering the
Belshire Shopping Centre.
1346
01:12:52,100 --> 01:12:53,766
What are you doing, Paul?
1347
01:12:54,330 --> 01:12:56,215
Paul, Paul, Paul.
What are you doing?
1348
01:12:56,295 --> 01:12:57,980
What are you up to?
What's going on? What's
happening?
1349
01:12:58,060 --> 01:12:59,393
TREND LADDER ALERT
1350
01:12:59,526 --> 01:13:01,025
"Just pricing up."
1351
01:13:01,624 --> 01:13:04,240
"Tagging up stuff from Alfred's
box."
1352
01:13:04,320 --> 01:13:06,486
Mummy, I want it.
1353
01:13:07,317 --> 01:13:09,003
Oh, God, not another one,
darling.
1354
01:13:09,083 --> 01:13:10,035
You've got so many at home.
1355
01:13:10,115 --> 01:13:11,748
But I want it.
1356
01:13:12,912 --> 01:13:15,196
But you'll have to carry it
all day long, darling.
1357
01:13:15,276 --> 01:13:16,795
Actually, you'll have to carry
it.
1358
01:13:16,875 --> 01:13:19,473
How much is it?
She can't have another one.
1359
01:13:20,471 --> 01:13:23,754
Daddy, can you please tell mummy
that I hate her with all my
heart?
1360
01:13:23,834 --> 01:13:25,900
Darling, she said to tell you
that...
1361
01:13:27,065 --> 01:13:28,617
Isn't it amazing
that someone's whole life...
1362
01:13:28,697 --> 01:13:30,615
is just reduced to this box?
1363
01:13:30,695 --> 01:13:33,359
and you're tagging it up.
1364
01:13:34,624 --> 01:13:37,940
Do you have anything more
realistic?
This seems a bit far-fetched.
1365
01:13:38,020 --> 01:13:40,752
It's a comic book,
it's meant to be far-fetched.
1366
01:13:40,951 --> 01:13:42,336
A bit much for me.
1367
01:13:42,416 --> 01:13:43,982
Try a fishing manual.
1368
01:13:44,148 --> 01:13:45,400
We've got one over there.
1369
01:13:45,480 --> 01:13:46,846
OK.
Pretty realistic.
1370
01:13:48,477 --> 01:13:51,774
Paul, have you seen
what the tags say?
1371
01:13:53,305 --> 01:13:54,823
It says that on all of them,
mate.
1372
01:13:54,903 --> 01:13:56,755
I think this might be
an American book.
1373
01:13:56,835 --> 01:13:58,786
The fish look different.
1374
01:13:58,866 --> 01:14:01,217
I couldn't give two wanks
where your fish are from, mate.
1375
01:14:01,297 --> 01:14:02,996
Have you twatted the whole
shop?
1376
01:14:04,161 --> 01:14:05,014
Why would you do that, Paul?
1377
01:14:05,094 --> 01:14:06,945
I didn't do it.
1378
01:14:07,025 --> 01:14:08,809
If it was me,
I'd put the C word on it.
1379
01:14:08,889 --> 01:14:10,422
DOOR OPENS
1380
01:14:11,121 --> 01:14:12,920
OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS
1381
01:14:13,818 --> 01:14:14,937
Fuck.
1382
01:14:15,017 --> 01:14:16,369
DOOR CLOSES
1383
01:14:16,449 --> 01:14:19,466
Paul, did you have
a nice lunch break?
1384
01:14:19,546 --> 01:14:21,911
I did, actually, Jayney.
Yes, thank you.
1385
01:14:22,110 --> 01:14:24,475
Where's Bruce?
Um.
1386
01:14:24,840 --> 01:14:26,225
Hi, Paul.
Clemmie!
1387
01:14:26,305 --> 01:14:27,391
What are you doing here?
1388
01:14:27,471 --> 01:14:29,888
Waiting for you.
Are you?
1389
01:14:29,968 --> 01:14:31,701
That's nice.
1390
01:14:33,798 --> 01:14:36,463
Where's Bruce, Clemmie?
He's hiding down there.
1391
01:14:36,662 --> 01:14:38,394
Thank you.
1392
01:14:42,157 --> 01:14:44,188
Bruce.
1393
01:14:45,686 --> 01:14:47,419
Bruce.
1394
01:14:48,749 --> 01:14:50,582
Bruce.
1395
01:14:52,179 --> 01:14:54,578
Fuck you very much, Clemmie.
1396
01:14:59,305 --> 01:15:01,671
SIRENS WAIL
1397
01:15:06,831 --> 01:15:08,730
Bruce.
1398
01:15:11,494 --> 01:15:12,946
Police!
1399
01:15:13,026 --> 01:15:14,558
Drop you weapon, sir.
1400
01:15:15,124 --> 01:15:16,689
Drop the weapon now.
1401
01:15:16,888 --> 01:15:18,454
OK.
1402
01:15:19,419 --> 01:15:21,337
Slowly.
It's cool.
1403
01:15:21,417 --> 01:15:23,216
What are you doing?
1404
01:15:24,347 --> 01:15:27,178
OK, everyone stay calm.
1405
01:15:28,111 --> 01:15:29,776
Where's Bruce?
1406
01:15:30,241 --> 01:15:32,706
Bruce.
1407
01:15:33,039 --> 01:15:34,472
I don't want to die.
1408
01:15:36,535 --> 01:15:39,433
I don't want to die.
Oh, for God's sake, get up,
Brucey.
1409
01:15:39,566 --> 01:15:41,484
GASPS
1410
01:15:41,564 --> 01:15:42,896
Hi, Paul.
1411
01:15:43,096 --> 01:15:45,113
OK, Paul. Listen to me.
1412
01:15:45,193 --> 01:15:47,425
I need you to be calm, OK?
1413
01:15:48,390 --> 01:15:50,722
You made me miss the audition.
1414
01:15:51,720 --> 01:15:53,238
Come on, Paul.
1415
01:15:53,318 --> 01:15:54,803
We were just messing around
like normal.
1416
01:15:54,883 --> 01:15:56,003
You know me.
1417
01:15:56,083 --> 01:15:57,681
I'm a fucking idiot.
1418
01:15:58,180 --> 01:16:00,597
OK Paul,
you wanted to audition, right,
1419
01:16:00,677 --> 01:16:02,229
for the Trend Ladder show?
Yes.
1420
01:16:02,309 --> 01:16:04,475
That's great. What was your act?
1421
01:16:04,773 --> 01:16:06,406
Quite hard to describe.
1422
01:16:07,971 --> 01:16:10,235
Music, dance, singing based.
1423
01:16:11,034 --> 01:16:16,363
But my mum, she wanted to see it
but she didn't really.
1424
01:16:19,359 --> 01:16:20,878
I'm so sorry to hear about
what happened to your mum.
1425
01:16:20,958 --> 01:16:22,390
I really am
1426
01:16:22,889 --> 01:16:25,653
but do you think
she would have wanted this?
1427
01:16:28,916 --> 01:16:31,334
Not quite.
1428
01:16:31,414 --> 01:16:33,265
But she wanted to see me
audition
for Jack Tapp.
1429
01:16:33,345 --> 01:16:35,829
She did I think, but I wasn't
ready.
1430
01:16:35,909 --> 01:16:37,608
Are you ready now?
1431
01:16:37,840 --> 01:16:39,558
Yeah.
OK.
1432
01:16:39,638 --> 01:16:41,957
Well what if I was
to get Jack Tapp here
1433
01:16:42,037 --> 01:16:43,788
and you was to audition again?
1434
01:16:43,868 --> 01:16:45,619
I mean, would you release
some of the hostages then?
1435
01:16:45,699 --> 01:16:47,332
Yeah.
1436
01:16:47,498 --> 01:16:49,763
They could go.
Um.
1437
01:16:50,094 --> 01:16:52,112
Weird man could go.
Great.
1438
01:16:52,192 --> 01:16:53,445
Clemmie could go.
I want to stay.
1439
01:16:53,525 --> 01:16:55,157
Do you?
1440
01:16:59,286 --> 01:17:00,785
OK, that's great.
1441
01:17:01,183 --> 01:17:03,168
Paul, I'm going to go outside.
1442
01:17:03,248 --> 01:17:04,600
I'm going to get hold of Jack
Tapp.
1443
01:17:04,680 --> 01:17:06,432
I need you to apply
full pressure to that.
1444
01:17:06,512 --> 01:17:08,063
Please don't take your hand off.
1445
01:17:08,143 --> 01:17:10,142
If you do, you won't get to
audition.
1446
01:17:10,375 --> 01:17:12,073
OK?
Good point.
1447
01:17:12,406 --> 01:17:14,224
I'm going to get Jack Tapp.
I'll be back.
1448
01:17:14,304 --> 01:17:16,303
Just stay watching. Thank you.
1449
01:17:18,500 --> 01:17:21,064
How are you?
Very well thank you?
1450
01:17:21,796 --> 01:17:23,429
It's very good to see you.
1451
01:17:23,895 --> 01:17:25,546
And you.
1452
01:17:25,626 --> 01:17:27,558
INDISTINCT CHATTER
1453
01:17:28,990 --> 01:17:30,808
Look, whatever it takes,
we need to get Jack Tapp down
here.
1454
01:17:30,888 --> 01:17:32,373
Absolutely not.
1455
01:17:32,453 --> 01:17:33,771
He said that he's going
to release four hostages
1456
01:17:33,851 --> 01:17:35,303
if we can Jack Tapp down here.
1457
01:17:35,383 --> 01:17:39,513
I understand that but...
LAUGHING
1458
01:17:40,777 --> 01:17:42,196
it can be quite difficult.
1459
01:17:42,276 --> 01:17:44,094
He's got a hand grenade and a
sword.
1460
01:17:44,174 --> 01:17:46,373
I'll figure something out.
1461
01:17:47,737 --> 01:17:49,122
Who wrote this?
1462
01:17:49,202 --> 01:17:51,586
Would you like some tea?
1463
01:17:51,666 --> 01:17:53,451
No one wants a cup of tea
in this fucking situation,
Jayney.
1464
01:17:53,531 --> 01:17:55,064
They might do.
1465
01:17:55,929 --> 01:17:58,161
Exciting.
Keep...
1466
01:18:00,724 --> 01:18:02,257
I feel sick.
1467
01:18:03,155 --> 01:18:05,006
His video's like number 2
on Trend Ladder.
1468
01:18:05,086 --> 01:18:06,571
What? Number 2?
1469
01:18:06,651 --> 01:18:07,903
Yeah.
How?
1470
01:18:07,983 --> 01:18:11,566
I don't know, everyone's calling
for you to go down there.
1471
01:18:11,646 --> 01:18:12,965
Why would I do that?
There's no benefit in that for
me.
1472
01:18:13,045 --> 01:18:14,578
For the hostages.
1473
01:18:15,542 --> 01:18:17,161
Like I said,
there's no benefit in that for
me.
1474
01:18:17,241 --> 01:18:18,607
You could be the hero.
1475
01:18:18,873 --> 01:18:19,692
I could be the hero.
Yeah.
1476
01:18:19,772 --> 01:18:21,471
Yes!
1477
01:18:22,002 --> 01:18:24,687
I could be the Super Jack.
1478
01:18:24,767 --> 01:18:26,518
Super Tapp.
Tapp Man.
1479
01:18:26,598 --> 01:18:28,398
Tapp Man and Gary.
1480
01:18:30,395 --> 01:18:32,379
No, Super Tapp and Gary
just doesn't roll off the
tongue.
1481
01:18:32,459 --> 01:18:34,125
It sounds lame.
1482
01:18:34,956 --> 01:18:38,107
You could be Dog Boy,
or Super Tapp and Grey Guy.
1483
01:18:38,187 --> 01:18:39,005
Grey Guy.
Grey Guy then, let's have it.
1484
01:18:39,085 --> 01:18:41,451
SIRENS WAIL
1485
01:18:43,315 --> 01:18:45,599
OK, perfect.
Thank you I will see you soon.
1486
01:18:45,679 --> 01:18:47,478
Alright, thanks.
1487
01:18:48,343 --> 01:18:51,094
Excuse me. Set up a perimeter
50 metres further back.
1488
01:18:51,174 --> 01:18:52,726
Alright? I don't want anybody
coming any closer.
1489
01:18:52,806 --> 01:18:55,556
"Close all shops, shutters down,
shutters down. Copy that."
1490
01:18:55,636 --> 01:18:57,787
'Police are locking off all
areas
1491
01:18:57,867 --> 01:19:00,351
'and have shut down
the Belshire Shopping Centre
1492
01:19:00,431 --> 01:19:03,062
'where there are now
several hostages involved.
1493
01:19:03,861 --> 01:19:07,111
'The wild man
who has been identified as Paul
Dood
1494
01:19:07,191 --> 01:19:09,908
'is now demanding
to audition for Jack Tapp,
1495
01:19:09,988 --> 01:19:11,839
'who is in the area
for a book signing.'
1496
01:19:11,919 --> 01:19:14,004
CROWD CHEERING
1497
01:19:14,084 --> 01:19:16,834
OK, where's...
1498
01:19:16,914 --> 01:19:18,633
Gary?
Stand back!
1499
01:19:18,713 --> 01:19:19,898
Where's Gary?
1500
01:19:19,978 --> 01:19:21,677
Gary?
1501
01:19:22,908 --> 01:19:23,894
Is Gary there?
I'm here.
1502
01:19:23,974 --> 01:19:25,673
Oh, Gary.
1503
01:19:27,071 --> 01:19:29,303
Those English cops.
Have you got my snacks?
1504
01:19:29,702 --> 01:19:31,434
I've got nothing on me, mate.
1505
01:19:32,133 --> 01:19:33,917
I need my snacks, Gary.
1506
01:19:33,997 --> 01:19:35,749
I'm going to get hungry.
1507
01:19:35,829 --> 01:19:37,880
You know I eat 17 times a day
in very small amounts.
1508
01:19:37,960 --> 01:19:38,812
I know how many times you eat.
1509
01:19:38,892 --> 01:19:40,625
SIRENS WAIL
1510
01:20:02,203 --> 01:20:04,135
TREND LADDER ALERT
1511
01:20:06,065 --> 01:20:09,149
Paul, you're number 1 on the
Ladder.
1512
01:20:09,229 --> 01:20:10,928
What?
1513
01:20:17,654 --> 01:20:19,153
No pressure then!
1514
01:20:20,185 --> 01:20:23,881
"Ground control to PC Miles.
1515
01:20:24,014 --> 01:20:25,566
"Armed response are on the way.
1516
01:20:25,646 --> 01:20:27,364
"They're going to deal with
him when they get there."
1517
01:20:27,444 --> 01:20:29,428
Listen, you don't need
to kill him, OK?
1518
01:20:29,508 --> 01:20:31,926
He's co-operating.
Just give me time, please?
1519
01:20:32,006 --> 01:20:34,024
"Thanks for holding the fort.
1520
01:20:34,104 --> 01:20:36,402
"There'll be a promotion
for you in this."
1521
01:20:36,668 --> 01:20:38,600
Hip baaa.
1522
01:20:40,731 --> 01:20:42,496
Hip baaa.
1523
01:20:44,926 --> 01:20:47,525
Hip baaa.
1524
01:20:47,691 --> 01:20:49,741
CROWD CHEERING
1525
01:20:49,821 --> 01:20:51,887
CROWD: Jack! Jack!
1526
01:20:52,818 --> 01:20:55,236
Everything's OK.
It's all taken care of.
1527
01:20:55,316 --> 01:20:58,000
I'm going to get in there
and save the day, guys.
1528
01:20:58,080 --> 01:21:00,012
All right, all right,
keep it calm, OK?
1529
01:21:01,842 --> 01:21:03,961
Listen guys,
you can watch me on the video,
OK?
1530
01:21:04,041 --> 01:21:06,325
Go online and you can catch
everything on there, OK?
1531
01:21:06,405 --> 01:21:08,038
OK, let's do it.
1532
01:21:08,469 --> 01:21:09,869
Just one other thing.
1533
01:21:10,101 --> 01:21:14,983
Um, thanks everybody
for watching this.
1534
01:21:15,063 --> 01:21:16,714
This is a really dangerous thing
that I'm doing.
1535
01:21:16,794 --> 01:21:18,680
Just hang on a second, OK!
1536
01:21:18,760 --> 01:21:19,844
I think I left something in the
car.
1537
01:21:19,924 --> 01:21:21,443
There's nothing in the car mate.
1538
01:21:21,523 --> 01:21:23,941
But isn't there some water in
there?
1539
01:21:24,021 --> 01:21:25,306
- I can get you water.
- We've got water here.
1540
01:21:25,386 --> 01:21:27,470
You've got water?
Yep, come on.
1541
01:21:27,550 --> 01:21:29,036
Did somebody say they wanted
a selfie with me or something?
1542
01:21:29,116 --> 01:21:30,448
Me!
1543
01:21:31,979 --> 01:21:34,664
There's no time for a selfie,
mate.
You've got to save the people.
1544
01:21:34,744 --> 01:21:35,596
He won't let them go
unless you go in, so come on,
please.
1545
01:21:35,676 --> 01:21:37,441
Sorry, guys.
1546
01:21:38,506 --> 01:21:40,405
I'll be back later for a selfie.
1547
01:21:41,137 --> 01:21:42,589
OK, he's just in the shop here.
He's in there, is he?
1548
01:21:42,669 --> 01:21:43,921
I can't do this.
Sorry?
1549
01:21:44,001 --> 01:21:45,718
Tell me, tell me, OK
1550
01:21:45,798 --> 01:21:47,517
Do I really need to go in there?
1551
01:21:47,597 --> 01:21:48,982
You have to go in there, Jack.
1552
01:21:49,062 --> 01:21:50,548
But what if I just
watch it from out here.
1553
01:21:50,628 --> 01:21:51,913
What's the difference?
Why do I have to go in there?
1554
01:21:51,993 --> 01:21:53,891
Just be the hero, like we said.
1555
01:21:54,357 --> 01:21:56,807
Sorry, Jack. I just...
I don't fucking care, OK!
1556
01:21:56,887 --> 01:21:57,907
Don't fucking shout at me,
you little prick.
1557
01:21:57,987 --> 01:21:59,819
Are you a real cop or what?
1558
01:21:59,951 --> 01:22:01,702
What's he doing?
1559
01:22:01,782 --> 01:22:03,382
AUDIO FROM PHONE PLAYING
1560
01:22:03,648 --> 01:22:05,114
What's he saying?
1561
01:22:05,912 --> 01:22:08,229
"I don't fucking care!
Have you seen that guy?
1562
01:22:08,309 --> 01:22:11,226
"He's already auditioned for me
once.
He fucking sucks.
1563
01:22:11,306 --> 01:22:12,559
"He's a fucking loser.
Look at the way he's dressed.
1564
01:22:12,639 --> 01:22:15,289
"He looks like Ziggy Housedust.
1565
01:22:15,369 --> 01:22:18,219
"How old is he, like 40?
He does not have it .
1566
01:22:18,299 --> 01:22:21,017
"He fucking sucks, OK.
He's a fucking loser."
1567
01:22:21,097 --> 01:22:23,115
He's a fucking zero.
1568
01:22:23,195 --> 01:22:24,880
CROWD BOOS
1569
01:22:24,960 --> 01:22:27,791
Fuck you! You go in there.
You fucking die!
1570
01:22:28,690 --> 01:22:31,373
You've got no fucking talent.
You're never going to make it,
OK?
1571
01:22:31,453 --> 01:22:33,605
Oh, brilliant. Wonderful.
1572
01:22:33,685 --> 01:22:35,184
They've all got that.
1573
01:22:36,082 --> 01:22:37,700
So shall we go in now
and save the day?
1574
01:22:37,780 --> 01:22:39,745
You fucking moron.
1575
01:22:40,511 --> 01:22:42,709
You've got to come back.
1576
01:22:43,408 --> 01:22:45,026
I've got to get out of here.
No you don't.
1577
01:22:45,106 --> 01:22:47,290
I'm having a panic attack. Gary!
1578
01:22:47,370 --> 01:22:49,702
"Gary. Fuck you, Gary."
1579
01:22:53,964 --> 01:22:55,896
I don't think you're a loser,
Paul.
1580
01:22:57,094 --> 01:22:59,160
I don't think that either, Paul.
1581
01:22:59,625 --> 01:23:01,324
Yeah, neither do I, mate.
1582
01:23:02,289 --> 01:23:04,820
I'm sorry if I've ever made you
feel
that way.
1583
01:23:05,685 --> 01:23:07,504
I mean,
could a loser kill four people?
1584
01:23:07,584 --> 01:23:09,316
And maybe even seven more?
1585
01:23:09,448 --> 01:23:10,934
On one lunch break?
1586
01:23:11,014 --> 01:23:12,879
What the shit, Clemmie!
1587
01:23:13,645 --> 01:23:14,763
Jack Tapp thinks I'm a loser.
1588
01:23:14,843 --> 01:23:17,693
Yeah well, he's a loser.
1589
01:23:17,773 --> 01:23:19,672
Who cares what he thinks?
1590
01:23:19,804 --> 01:23:21,937
It's they you should care about.
1591
01:23:22,036 --> 01:23:23,587
That terrified family?
1592
01:23:23,667 --> 01:23:26,266
No, Paul, your audience.
1593
01:23:27,564 --> 01:23:31,712
Yeah, man, you're number 1
on Trend Ladder, Paul!
1594
01:23:31,792 --> 01:23:34,291
And they're expecting
a hell of a performance.
1595
01:23:35,422 --> 01:23:36,874
Mummy.
Yes, darling.
1596
01:23:36,954 --> 01:23:38,273
I want to be number 1
on Trend Ladder.
1597
01:23:38,353 --> 01:23:39,986
OK.
1598
01:23:43,181 --> 01:23:44,847
Let's do it.
1599
01:23:46,345 --> 01:23:48,810
Go on, Paul.
Show them what you've got,
Paulie.
1600
01:23:50,374 --> 01:23:52,373
What the!
It's OK. I've got strong knees.
1601
01:23:53,737 --> 01:23:55,636
SIRENS WAIL
1602
01:24:00,531 --> 01:24:02,130
POLICE WALKIE-TALKIES
1603
01:24:10,321 --> 01:24:12,705
CHANTING SOFTLY:
Paul Dood, Paul Dood.
1604
01:24:12,785 --> 01:24:15,649
MORE PEOPLE CHANTING:
Paul Dood, Paul Dood.
1605
01:24:16,914 --> 01:24:20,345
LOUDER: Paul Dood, Paul Dood.
1606
01:24:31,233 --> 01:24:34,131
ALL CHANTING: Paul Dood, Paul
Dood.
1607
01:24:34,863 --> 01:24:36,862
CHANTING GETS LOUDER
1608
01:24:38,259 --> 01:24:39,892
This one's for my mum.
1609
01:24:40,257 --> 01:24:42,589
CROWD CHEERING
1610
01:24:46,751 --> 01:24:49,735
ELECTRIC DREAMS
BY THE HUMAN LEAGUE PLAYS
1611
01:24:49,815 --> 01:24:51,914
Paul Dood's going to get you
in the mood.
1612
01:25:30,774 --> 01:25:34,223
I only knew you for a while
1613
01:25:34,303 --> 01:25:36,821
I never saw your smile
1614
01:25:36,901 --> 01:25:39,651
Until it was time to go
1615
01:25:39,731 --> 01:25:43,162
Time to go away
1616
01:25:45,792 --> 01:25:48,542
Sometimes it's hard to recognise
1617
01:25:48,622 --> 01:25:51,653
It comes as a surprise
1618
01:25:52,918 --> 01:25:57,667
And it's too late
It's just too late to say
1619
01:25:57,747 --> 01:26:01,177
Too late to say
1620
01:26:02,808 --> 01:26:05,173
We'll always be together
1621
01:26:05,505 --> 01:26:08,737
However far it seems
1622
01:26:10,834 --> 01:26:16,729
We'll always be together
Together in electric dreams
1623
01:26:17,993 --> 01:26:23,655
We'll always be together
However far it seems
1624
01:26:25,652 --> 01:26:31,147
We'll always be together
In electric dreams
1625
01:26:32,079 --> 01:26:33,812
GUITAR SOLO
1626
01:26:49,928 --> 01:26:51,894
MUSIC TURNS TO SOFT PIANO
VERSION
1627
01:27:40,311 --> 01:27:42,909
SOUND OF TASER GOING OFF
1628
01:27:46,838 --> 01:27:49,469
CROWD CHANTING: Paul Dood, Paul
Dood.
1629
01:27:49,967 --> 01:27:52,466
CHEERING
1630
01:28:05,752 --> 01:28:07,137
Was that on camera?
It's all on camera, mate.
1631
01:28:07,217 --> 01:28:08,583
Fuck!
1632
01:28:09,249 --> 01:28:11,714
I RAN (SO FAR AWAY)
BY FLOCK OF SEAGULLS PLAYS
1633
01:28:43,014 --> 01:28:44,913
I walk along the avenue
1634
01:28:46,578 --> 01:28:50,341
I never thought
I'd meet a girl like you
1635
01:28:50,440 --> 01:28:53,805
Meet a girl like you
1636
01:28:56,068 --> 01:28:59,066
With auburn hair and tawny eyes
1637
01:28:59,731 --> 01:29:03,695
The kind of eyes
that hypnotize me through
1638
01:29:03,927 --> 01:29:06,958
Hypnotise me through
1639
01:29:08,522 --> 01:29:13,618
And I ran I ran so far away
1640
01:29:15,415 --> 01:29:20,311
I just ran, I ran all night and
day
1641
01:29:20,943 --> 01:29:22,509
I couldn't get away
1642
01:30:01,003 --> 01:30:06,432
And I ran, I ran so far away
1643
01:30:07,630 --> 01:30:13,310
I just ran,
I ran all night and day
1644
01:30:13,390 --> 01:30:14,823
I couldn't get away ?
1645
01:30:26,544 --> 01:30:28,510
May you walk with faith.
1646
01:30:28,808 --> 01:30:30,394
Amen.
1647
01:30:30,474 --> 01:30:32,772
Something about
Corinthians. I can't remember.
1648
01:30:34,670 --> 01:30:36,801
Sort of tangled in my belt.
1649
01:30:37,467 --> 01:30:39,898
Don't worry love.
You'll make it. You'll get it.
1650
01:30:42,662 --> 01:30:44,760
Can't take you anywhere, can I?
1651
01:30:46,257 --> 01:30:47,809
Hey mother fucker.
1652
01:30:47,889 --> 01:30:49,707
Is this live?
1653
01:30:49,787 --> 01:30:52,438
You're live on television.
We're going to be on the telly.
1654
01:30:52,518 --> 01:30:54,104
You're on the telly now.
Oh look, there's the cameras.
1655
01:30:54,184 --> 01:30:55,583
Jack Tapp.
1656
01:30:56,148 --> 01:30:57,780
Fucking such a dick.
1657
01:30:58,546 --> 01:31:01,610
Shit in my mouth.
Jesus fucked a goat.
1658
01:31:02,142 --> 01:31:04,307
What is happening here?
LAUGHTER
1659
01:31:10,200 --> 01:31:12,718
Is he going to be sick?
No, no, no.
1660
01:31:12,798 --> 01:31:16,147
Money. Church roof.
LAUGHS
1661
01:31:16,227 --> 01:31:18,193
Sorry!
1662
01:31:19,558 --> 01:31:21,490
Money!
1663
01:31:21,722 --> 01:31:24,306
Get one of these or one of
these.
1664
01:31:24,386 --> 01:31:25,572
How dehydrated are you?
1665
01:31:25,652 --> 01:31:27,184
Got you.
1666
01:31:28,782 --> 01:31:30,314
Come on in.
1667
01:31:32,378 --> 01:31:35,176
Come on.
LAUGHTER
1668
01:31:35,808 --> 01:31:37,840
See what your fans think of
this,
Jack Tapp.
1669
01:31:40,237 --> 01:31:42,702
LAUGHTER
1670
01:31:44,433 --> 01:31:46,499
I'm going, Gary, I'm going.
1671
01:31:46,697 --> 01:31:48,463
Gary, hold me.
1672
01:31:50,893 --> 01:31:54,190
Sorry. Up you get.
1673
01:31:54,490 --> 01:31:56,274
It's not working now.
1674
01:31:56,354 --> 01:31:58,753
It's all broken.
You've ridden it too much.
1675
01:31:59,318 --> 01:32:00,937
You've ridden it too much.
1676
01:32:01,017 --> 01:32:02,583
Mummy...
Time to go.
1677
01:32:03,048 --> 01:32:04,680
I want another go.
1678
01:32:12,771 --> 01:32:14,589
Take this and write your name on
it.
1679
01:32:14,669 --> 01:32:16,835
One to go for...
1680
01:32:18,165 --> 01:32:20,616
- I don't want to be a problem.
- One for Alvin Stardust.
1681
01:32:20,696 --> 01:32:23,261
- I'll just drink it.
- Only drinks water now.
1682
01:32:25,559 --> 01:32:28,357
You shame me.
You look ridiculous.
1683
01:32:29,154 --> 01:32:30,740
Right.
1684
01:32:30,820 --> 01:32:33,537
And I really like
what you've done with your eyes.
1685
01:32:33,617 --> 01:32:35,835
- Thank you, it...
- It really brings out your
stupidity.
1686
01:32:35,915 --> 01:32:38,213
SPLUTTERING
1687
01:32:43,107 --> 01:32:44,773
'Does you mum make scones?'
1688
01:32:45,705 --> 01:32:47,323
Yeah.
'Yeah?'
1689
01:32:47,403 --> 01:32:49,054
'Is her scone moist?'
1690
01:32:49,134 --> 01:32:50,920
Yeah.
'Really moist?'
1691
01:32:51,000 --> 01:32:52,618
Really moist.
1692
01:32:52,698 --> 01:32:54,582
'Yeah? You like eating
your mum's scone?'
1693
01:32:54,662 --> 01:32:56,162
Yeah.
1694
01:32:57,493 --> 01:32:59,825
LAUGHTER
1695
01:33:01,057 --> 01:33:03,507
So, �20 isn't it?
Uh, no.
1696
01:33:03,587 --> 01:33:05,353
�10 if you take the tits.
1697
01:33:05,985 --> 01:33:08,749
Yeah, there's a lot of fond
memories
attached to those.
1698
01:33:09,214 --> 01:33:11,347
Really?
Yeah, and you get the tray.
1699
01:33:11,513 --> 01:33:13,811
Yeah, but that's �5 a boob.
1700
01:33:14,443 --> 01:33:16,794
Bargain.
Yeah, nice quality.
1701
01:33:16,874 --> 01:33:18,507
Bargain boobs.
1702
01:33:19,104 --> 01:33:20,823
What's his talent?
1703
01:33:20,903 --> 01:33:22,088
Are you the talented one,
or is he the talented one?
1704
01:33:22,168 --> 01:33:23,454
He's the talented one.
1705
01:33:23,534 --> 01:33:25,599
- He is?
- I'm just his dummy.
1706
01:33:26,797 --> 01:33:28,382
Thanks, Arnold.
1707
01:33:28,462 --> 01:33:29,980
Because I'm off to an audition,
you see.
1708
01:33:30,060 --> 01:33:31,512
Yeah, an audition.
1709
01:33:31,592 --> 01:33:33,710
Are you sure you're not
sat in a 70s car
1710
01:33:33,790 --> 01:33:35,390
cracking the big case
1711
01:33:36,321 --> 01:33:38,353
Taking photographs
of cheating husband?
1712
01:33:38,486 --> 01:33:40,536
Big private eye with P on, Jack.
1713
01:33:40,616 --> 01:33:42,468
- But it's not...
- Big giveaway.
1714
01:33:42,548 --> 01:33:44,214
It's Paul.
1715
01:33:44,679 --> 01:33:46,064
What, in case you forget
your own name?
1716
01:33:46,144 --> 01:33:47,777
What does it look like?
1717
01:33:48,708 --> 01:33:50,560
Like when you throw
a condom off and it just...
1718
01:33:50,640 --> 01:33:52,091
sticks to the wall.
1719
01:33:52,171 --> 01:33:53,704
A bit like that.
1720
01:33:54,436 --> 01:33:56,369
Like a cheese grater on like
a...
1721
01:33:56,867 --> 01:33:58,566
banana.
1722
01:33:58,865 --> 01:34:02,729
Or like that time Gazza
burst his banjo string.
1723
01:34:03,160 --> 01:34:05,026
When you fucked that kebab.
1724
01:34:05,392 --> 01:34:07,024
Messy.
1725
01:34:07,589 --> 01:34:09,555
I feel sick.
1726
01:34:11,019 --> 01:34:13,070
Would Paul like a hash brownie?
1727
01:34:13,150 --> 01:34:15,016
Or a cupcake?
1728
01:34:16,514 --> 01:34:19,112
- A water.
- Would Paul like Speech
lessons?
1729
01:34:19,611 --> 01:34:22,409
- This is a bit strange.
- Does Paul need toilet?
1730
01:34:22,608 --> 01:34:24,207
I'm a bit nervous.
1731
01:34:39,458 --> 01:34:41,709
Look at it.
It's really big, it's on my leg.
1732
01:34:41,789 --> 01:34:43,241
He's got his dick out, no.
1733
01:34:43,321 --> 01:34:44,672
Don't look at it.
1734
01:34:44,752 --> 01:34:46,452
It's too big to get out.
1735
01:34:47,749 --> 01:34:49,349
Co-op on the road.
1736
01:34:50,447 --> 01:34:52,279
LAUGHTER
1737
01:34:54,243 --> 01:34:56,175
What do you think about that?
1738
01:34:58,406 --> 01:34:58,958
The guys.
1739
01:34:59,038 --> 01:35:01,370
LAUGHTER
1740
01:35:02,202 --> 01:35:04,267
All right, take 2.
We're cutting there.
119735
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.