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♪ The first
kill's by candy cane ♪
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Ho, ho, ho.
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- Get the--
- It's true!
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You can sing.
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We need to stick together.
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Whoa!
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Ho, ho, ho.
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Santa!
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_
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SAM's onboard
camera is operational.
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Wonderful.
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I want to document every second
of this glorious NTSF Christmas!
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And I'm gonna tape
everything for my holiday vlog, too!
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00:00:50,675 --> 00:00:51,875
Oh, great!
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00:00:51,876 --> 00:00:55,813
Between Jessie, SAM, and my
hidden home-security cams, I can
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00:00:55,814 --> 00:00:59,783
fully cover my NTSF Christmas video
from every conceivable angle.
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00:00:59,784 --> 00:01:02,519
Why do you have so many
hidden cameras everywhere?
20
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:05,256
I like to make lovemaking
videotapes, and I can
21
00:01:05,257 --> 00:01:07,524
never be quite sure when or
where one might break out.
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With all this extra
footage, you could cut together
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a full-length feature
film, if you wanted to.
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00:01:12,331 --> 00:01:14,598
An entire movie
made of found footage?
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00:01:14,599 --> 00:01:16,233
Sounds like a gimmick to me.
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00:01:16,234 --> 00:01:19,803
Well, now that that's been established,
let's decorate the tree.
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Jessie, I'm putting you
in charge of the tinsel.
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That seems like
it's up your alley.
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00:01:24,509 --> 00:01:27,244
And, Piper, you're a woman,
so you get the ornaments.
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No, dolls.
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No, no.
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Dolls really freak me out.
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I can't. No.
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What, this little doll, Piper?
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This little doll
can't hurt you.
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Or can it?
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Get the fuck away from me!
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Now, I know it's not quite
Christmas yet, but I can't
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help myself.
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Let's open up presents early.
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Whoa, wait!
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It's bad luck to open up
presents early on Christmas Eve.
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That's absolute nonsense.
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Where did you learn that?
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Back in Alaska,
where Santa hunts down and
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punishes those that
don't obey his rules.
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Give your Alaskan
voodoo mysticism a rest.
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Did you know that
Santa's suit starts off white?
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But it's stained with the
blood of his victims.
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His sleigh is put together with
the bones of those that have
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defied him.
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00:02:03,815 --> 00:02:07,718
His reindeer are normal deer, but
they breathe fire and spit acid!
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00:02:07,719 --> 00:02:09,553
What's in his bag of toys?
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Just toys, but with
pieces small enough to choke you.
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You guys are ridiculous.
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00:02:14,292 --> 00:02:16,560
There's no such thing as
Santa Claus, good or evil.
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You're starting to make me
very proud to be Jewish.
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That's him!
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Ho, ho, hey, everybody.
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00:02:24,369 --> 00:02:28,639
Looks like someone's having a...
Merry Christmas.
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Not a pun, but the sentiment
is appreciated nonetheless.
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Presents go over there, and you
know my Christmas rules--
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phones and guns in
the holiday sack.
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Piper, where's
your fiancé, Tucker?
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Oh, he hates Christmas
parties, and he'd rather stay at
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home and play video
games by himself.
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Come on. Come on.
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Come on! Come on! Come on!
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Without further ado, one for
you, one for you, one for you.
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Great bow.
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And, Sam, in
sensitivity to your Jewish
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faith, you don't
have to get one.
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You can just stand there and watch
everybody else having a good time.
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Let's open 'em up, christians!
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A flip camera!
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Now I've got double the
coverage for my vlog!
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00:03:07,179 --> 00:03:10,314
Alphonse, plug in the
Christmas angel, and, everybody
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else, videotape it.
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Santa!
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You blew a fuse from all
these gaudy Christmas lights.
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Jessie, you're the least fun.
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Go out back and
check the fuse box.
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Okay.
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I'll leave my cameras
here and my tinsel.
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00:03:27,865 --> 00:03:30,601
So, Sam, if you don't
believe that Christmas was
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Jesus' birthday, when do
you think he was born?
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00:03:32,737 --> 00:03:34,771
- Well...
- Is it on, guys?
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No.
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Unh-unh.
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00:03:36,308 --> 00:03:37,508
How about now?
91
00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:38,209
No!
92
00:03:38,210 --> 00:03:39,110
Still no.
93
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How about--
Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
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00:03:42,214 --> 00:03:43,514
Come on, Jessie!
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Stop screaming, and
just flip fuses!
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Took you long enough.
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00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:53,324
Where'd you go, the
electricity store?
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Jessie?
99
00:04:02,434 --> 00:04:09,340
Candy cane...
and blood... candy cane again.
100
00:04:09,341 --> 00:04:15,312
Looks like tonight...
has become... silent night...
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and a deadly night.
102
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No other reason for it, right?
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00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:20,784
It's happening,
just as the song foretells.
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What song?
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An old eskimo song,
"The 12 Kills of Christmas."
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♪ The first
kill's by candy cane ♪
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♪ the second kill's beheading ♪
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Why are you using that voice?
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Because "The 12
Kills of Christmas" is
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sung by a choir of
weeping orphans.
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00:04:36,268 --> 00:04:38,269
So, he kills
every day for 12 days?
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00:04:38,270 --> 00:04:40,604
No, Santa kills 12
people each time someone
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opens a present early.
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Well, that's great.
115
00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:44,241
I mean, there's only six of us.
116
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No, he can kill six of us.
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He just can't
kill more than 12.
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What if there are more than 12?
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I'm confused.
120
00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:51,448
That doesn't make any sense.
121
00:04:51,449 --> 00:04:53,284
Well, then, he stops.
122
00:04:53,285 --> 00:04:55,186
Basically, the
cutoff is 12 people.
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He can't kill more.
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Christmas is so complicated.
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00:04:57,822 --> 00:04:59,190
- Kove?
- Mm?
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00:04:59,191 --> 00:05:01,392
I think right now would
be a good time to get our
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00:05:01,393 --> 00:05:02,193
cellphones and guns.
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00:05:02,194 --> 00:05:04,094
Good thinking, Trent.
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00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:05,362
Oh, my God!
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00:05:05,363 --> 00:05:08,265
This sack is filled with coal!
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00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:13,370
♪ Sacks with guns and
cellphones will be turned into coal ♪
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Enough, Alphonse!
133
00:05:14,472 --> 00:05:15,439
It's true!
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00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,440
You can sing.
135
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:18,075
We need to stick together.
136
00:05:18,076 --> 00:05:20,110
Jessie was vulnerable
because she left the group.
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00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:21,645
We have to watch
each other's backs!
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00:05:21,646 --> 00:05:22,546
Agreed.
139
00:05:22,547 --> 00:05:23,347
Let's split up.
140
00:05:23,348 --> 00:05:25,849
Alphonse, you stay here with your
eyes closed, see if you can
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hear anything.
142
00:05:26,551 --> 00:05:28,485
I'm not waiting here to die!
143
00:05:28,486 --> 00:05:29,353
I'm going to hide!
144
00:05:29,354 --> 00:05:30,187
Where?!
145
00:05:30,188 --> 00:05:32,223
♪ Santa doesn't
looks in closets ♪
146
00:05:32,224 --> 00:05:34,558
Why don't we just
get the hell out of here?!
147
00:05:34,559 --> 00:05:35,659
Have you gone mad?
148
00:05:35,660 --> 00:05:38,195
Santa butchered the first
person to step out that door.
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00:05:38,196 --> 00:05:40,564
Our only chance is to fight him
right here on our home turf.
150
00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:41,665
Ho, ho, ho!
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00:05:41,666 --> 00:05:44,172
Quickly, to the basement!
152
00:05:46,404 --> 00:05:48,405
Oh!
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00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:53,777
What is it?
154
00:05:53,778 --> 00:05:55,412
No.
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00:05:55,413 --> 00:05:57,648
It's my prized bottle
of 1978 Montrachet.
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00:05:57,649 --> 00:06:00,183
Whoever did this is
going to pay dearly.
157
00:06:01,386 --> 00:06:05,422
It's coming from upstairs!
158
00:06:05,423 --> 00:06:07,558
♪ The last kill
of Christmas... ♪
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00:06:07,559 --> 00:06:10,461
Okay, will someone
just turn that thing off?
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00:06:10,462 --> 00:06:13,564
That was the Harlem weeping
orphan choir with that old
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00:06:13,565 --> 00:06:16,667
chestnut, "The 12 Kills of"--
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00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:18,602
Now, listen, you two.
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00:06:18,603 --> 00:06:20,137
This is a truly terrifying
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00:06:20,138 --> 00:06:21,538
situation that most probably
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00:06:21,539 --> 00:06:23,840
will end in death for
most, if not all, of us.
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00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:25,208
But we must not panic.
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00:06:25,209 --> 00:06:26,644
We need to stick together no
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00:06:26,645 --> 00:06:29,413
matter what, and most important
of all, don't give up!
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00:06:29,414 --> 00:06:32,349
This is Christmas, and I'll
be damned if I'll let some
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00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:33,884
yuletide-hating,
murderous Santa
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00:06:33,885 --> 00:06:35,419
steal hope from our hearts!
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00:06:35,420 --> 00:06:36,853
Oh, yes, we will weather this
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00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:39,690
storm and live to see light
of another day, I swear it.
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God will bless us all.
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00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:45,162
Everyone except Sam.
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00:06:45,163 --> 00:06:50,301
I think I found
Trent, you guys.
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00:06:50,302 --> 00:06:52,869
- Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!- I can't take it anymore.
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00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:54,705
Kove, what are you doing?
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00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:56,774
Enjoy getting murdered, losers.
180
00:07:00,612 --> 00:07:03,414
How'd she tie
that noose so fast?
181
00:07:10,755 --> 00:07:12,690
This crap would never
happen during Hanukkah.
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00:07:12,691 --> 00:07:13,590
Damn it, Sam!
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00:07:13,591 --> 00:07:15,326
Why couldn't you just
believe in Christmas?!
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00:07:15,327 --> 00:07:16,627
I do believe in Christmas!
185
00:07:16,628 --> 00:07:17,761
I just don't believe that Jesus
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00:07:17,762 --> 00:07:18,862
was some magical creature that
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00:07:18,863 --> 00:07:20,731
could turn fish into beer,
or whatever you guys--
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00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:23,634
He turned fish into
wine and bears into beer!
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00:07:23,635 --> 00:07:25,736
Ho, ho, ho.
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00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:26,804
Oh, my God.
191
00:07:26,805 --> 00:07:28,439
Let's get the hell out of here!
192
00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:29,440
Come on!
193
00:07:29,441 --> 00:07:31,342
I'm trying!It won't open!
194
00:07:31,343 --> 00:07:34,345
Upstairs!
195
00:07:34,346 --> 00:07:35,546
Ho, ho, ho.
196
00:07:36,715 --> 00:07:39,082
You opened gifts.
197
00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:42,185
No, you-- I didn't
even get a gift, sir.
198
00:07:42,186 --> 00:07:43,454
Back door!
199
00:07:43,455 --> 00:07:45,188
And he's standing out there.
200
00:07:45,189 --> 00:07:46,557
He's going, "aiyee! Aiyee!"
201
00:07:53,297 --> 00:07:55,632
- Oh, no.
- Hey, Santa!
202
00:07:55,633 --> 00:07:58,736
Next time you give somebody head,
you better finish the job.
203
00:07:58,737 --> 00:08:01,004
- Trent?
- That's right.
204
00:08:01,005 --> 00:08:03,640
My head fell off, and I tied
it back on with tinsel.
205
00:08:03,641 --> 00:08:06,009
Whoa!
206
00:08:06,010 --> 00:08:07,277
Oh, bad mistake!
207
00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:07,644
Whoa!
208
00:08:07,645 --> 00:08:08,579
Whoa!
209
00:08:08,580 --> 00:08:10,714
All right, Sam. To the garage!
210
00:08:10,715 --> 00:08:11,749
Okay!
211
00:08:11,750 --> 00:08:14,184
Sam, what are you doing?!
212
00:08:14,185 --> 00:08:17,621
Picking up the camera to film.
213
00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:20,290
Wait. Why don't we just go out
into the woods or something?
214
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,760
Stop asking so many
logic-based questions, Sam!
215
00:08:23,661 --> 00:08:24,762
Oh, my God!
216
00:08:24,763 --> 00:08:27,197
Wait.
Why does Santa have a flip cam?
217
00:08:27,198 --> 00:08:30,267
A gift was opened
before its time.
218
00:08:30,268 --> 00:08:34,371
Now your blood will be mine.
219
00:08:34,372 --> 00:08:37,207
Piper, what's happening?
220
00:08:37,208 --> 00:08:39,042
Piper?
221
00:08:39,043 --> 00:08:39,576
Oh, my God.
222
00:08:39,577 --> 00:08:41,311
Oh, my God!
What happened to her?
223
00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:44,681
The ironic thing is that she was really
afraid of dolls, and now she is one.
224
00:08:44,682 --> 00:08:47,217
Okay, there's got to be a way
to reverse this process.
225
00:08:47,218 --> 00:08:48,218
What are you doing?
226
00:08:48,219 --> 00:08:49,386
Please be careful with her.
227
00:08:49,387 --> 00:08:51,755
Wait, wait, wait.
228
00:08:51,756 --> 00:08:53,757
Oh, my God!
229
00:08:57,429 --> 00:08:59,129
Oh, my God.
230
00:08:59,130 --> 00:09:00,597
Ho, ho, ho.
231
00:09:00,598 --> 00:09:01,565
Really?
232
00:09:01,566 --> 00:09:03,133
How did you get here so fast?
233
00:09:03,134 --> 00:09:04,568
There's no way--
oh, my God.
234
00:09:04,569 --> 00:09:06,036
What do you want from me?
235
00:09:06,037 --> 00:09:08,338
Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel.
236
00:09:10,041 --> 00:09:12,242
I made it out of brains.
237
00:09:12,243 --> 00:09:13,510
Is that anti-semitic?
238
00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:15,746
It sounds like it could be,
but I'm not quite sure.
239
00:09:15,747 --> 00:09:17,414
Do you believe in me yet, Sam?
240
00:09:17,415 --> 00:09:18,515
I believe, okay?!
241
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:20,417
I believe!
242
00:09:20,418 --> 00:09:21,585
Good.
243
00:09:23,321 --> 00:09:24,521
Oh, God!
244
00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:25,789
Oh, my God!
245
00:09:25,790 --> 00:09:27,157
I-- di-di-di-di-di-di.
246
00:09:27,158 --> 00:09:29,125
Mr. President of the Navy?
247
00:09:29,126 --> 00:09:30,427
What the hell is going on?
248
00:09:30,428 --> 00:09:31,528
You killed everyone!
249
00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:34,531
- No, he didn't, Sam.
- That was a trick.
250
00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:37,734
We just wanted you to
sell out your own beliefs and
251
00:09:37,735 --> 00:09:38,535
buy into ours.
252
00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:39,703
And you did.
253
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:40,771
You did real good.
254
00:09:40,772 --> 00:09:42,706
Welcome to club Christian.
255
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:44,341
You've earned this, Sam.
256
00:09:45,309 --> 00:09:46,510
M-my first Christmas present.
257
00:09:46,511 --> 00:09:49,245
Yes.
258
00:09:49,246 --> 00:09:51,348
It's just another flip cam.
259
00:09:51,349 --> 00:09:54,818
Piper, how did you
turn into a doll?
260
00:09:54,819 --> 00:09:56,820
Yoga.
261
00:09:56,821 --> 00:09:58,154
Lots of yoga.
262
00:10:03,361 --> 00:10:06,363
I hope this has been a
good lesson for you.
263
00:10:06,364 --> 00:10:11,101
I hope you finally realize that
Christmas is the best holiday
264
00:10:11,102 --> 00:10:14,437
and every other
holiday is the worst.
265
00:10:14,438 --> 00:10:19,810
So... from our family
to yours, Merry Christmas.
266
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:26,964
_
267
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:34,074
Who are the real-world Illuminati ?
Find out @ saveanilluminati.com
268
00:10:57,643 --> 00:10:59,000
Age, sex, location.
269
00:10:59,137 --> 00:11:00,983
Where is everybody from?
270
00:11:01,204 --> 00:11:06,452
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
270
00:11:07,305 --> 00:12:07,500
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