Original subtitles

( growl )

( music )

It's daddy. Daddy's home, Mommy.

Tell her daddy's home.

Susan, you're not supposed to yell.

I did not yell. Yes, you did, Susan,

and you know you're not supposed to.

Caroline, don't you think it would be better

if I looked after the discipline around here?

Much better.

Susan, not before dinner.

Dad! Dad.

Hello, sweetheart. Hi.

How's my big girl, huh? Fine.

That's good.

Oh, it's wonderful news, darling.

How'd you know?

It was in the evening paper. Oh.

Not that I was surprised.

I never had the slightest doubt that you'd win.

I'm so glad you won, dad. What did you win?

Well, I didn't exactly win, honey.

You see, the law firm I work for.

They wouldn't have gotten a dime

if your daddy weren't so brilliant.

The law firm I work for,

they won a very nice verdict for Mr. Rickson,

$85,000.

Wow. Uh-hmm.

Honey, you better call Aunt Emma.

Ask her to come and sit with the children, huh.

Aw, dad. Why?

Well, we're going to the country club for dinner.

The country club?

Yeah. Jethrow invited us.

7:30 tonight. Yeah. Tonight?

Oh, and I would have to have a roast in the oven.

Oh, we'll eat it tomorrow.

It's just an impromptu affair

they gathered up to celebrate the verdict.

Well, I got to press dress

and do something about my hair.

And what am I gonna do about my nails?

Oh, honey, they look wonderful.

Come on now, call Aunt Emma.

Let's go. Let's go.

Hey, Julie, $85,000,

how do you like that?

You know, when that jury came out.

You were in court, Max?

Well, no, not exactly, honey.

Jethrow told us all about it.

Paper doesn't mention your name.

Well, trial lawyers are the only ones

who get publicity, dear. You know that.

Hello, Bessie, get me Aunt Emma.

Point is, Jethrow knows what I did.

He appreciates what I did.

I certainly hope he does, dear.

Look, honey, I had a wonderful day,

now don't go spoiling it, huh?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

Good thing you got a lawyer for a husband

who knows that wife beating is a felony.

Maxwell, how nice.

Yes. How do you do?

Dear little. Jenny?

How do you do, Mrs. Jethrow? How do you do?

Would you like to check your things?

Yes. Thanks.

Thank you.

That would make 20.

No. The Carter's aren't oncoming.

Now it's Jenny.

look, Julie, she meets a lot of people.

It's very easy to make a mistake like that.

That's right, Charlie.

You think my dress is all right?

You'd look good even on an old gunny sack.

Well, it's too late to get one now.

Oh, there's Mr. Jethrow.

Now talk right out to him like a partner

because you're going to be one.

Right. Come on.

Good evening, Mr. Jethrow.

Well, well, well,

that husband of yours has got something, Mrs. Webster.

Yep, the prettiest wife in Montana.

Oh, I, I'm glad you could get here, Stanley.

Oh, I never turn down a free meal in my life, eh.

I'm sure you haven't met the Websters.

Mr. and Mrs. Rickson.

Nice to see you. Hello.

How do you do?

Well, how about it, Martha,

aren't you going to thank him for the new mink coat?

You know that speech of his at the jury

is what paid for it.

I do thank you, Edmund. It's a lovely coat.

It certainly is.

It's the loveliest mink coat I ever saw.

Oh, this is my old one.

Well, that gown certainly isn't an old one.

It's beautiful. You like it?

I had it made especially for tonight.

Martha, would you like a cocktail, dear?

I'd love one. Thank you. Yes. A martini?

Impromptu dinner.

You know how I'd like to kick that Mrs. Jethrow?

Honey, take it easy, will you?

You're not used to that stuff.

Don't worry, darling. I won't be a slob.

I want you to try one of these cheese things.

They're sensational. No. No, thanks.

I will take a heater if you have one.

Well, I'll get some. What do you smoke?

Aura perfecto... anything. Here.

Hey, Max. Oh, Max, go out to the desk,

give me a half a dozen aura perfectos will you?

( music )

Do you know what champagne does?

What? Ooh.

It removes your inhibitions.

Is that good?

Probations, you know.

( indistinct chatter )

That's civilized.

( indistinct chatter )

That's the same thing?

Hello.

What I'd do is demand a showdown.

I'd go to Stalin and ask to see his cards.

Would you take this note down to Mrs. Webster?

Who? Mrs. Webster--

the lady with the glass in her hand.

What do you think of the atom bomb, Mr. Webster?

( indistinct chatter )

Yes and no.

Yes?

Who sent me this?

Young man at the end of the table.

Well.

Do your children wear braces yet?

Hmm? What?

Yeah. No. No.

My friends...

it isn't very often in Rock City

that we get to celebrate an $85,000 verdict.

( applause )

But to a lawyer the satisfaction of getting justice for a client

means far more than money.

I'd like to propose a toast

to the client we helped get that justice.

Let's drink, my friends,

to Stanley Rickson.

Stanley? On your feet.

Well, I, I hired lawyers to do my talking,

so, well, I'll just thank Mr. Jethrow

and Mr. Bowker and Mr. Clay, too.

Thank you, Stanley.

And now just one more toast,

it's to a young man in our firm

who's never gotten nearly the credit he deserves,

a lad with a solid legal background

and a fine clear mind.

I just want him to take a bow.

Morton H. Clay.

( applause )

A matter a fact,

there's more than one good young man in my office.

I'm going to ask Max Webster

if he'd like to say a few words.

Well, I, I wouldn't.

I would. Julie?

I've got quite a lot to say.

First, I'd like to congratulate Mr. Jethrow

on having my husband in his employ.

( laughs )

Isn't he a doll?

Julie.

No, no. Let her-- let her alone, Max.

She's doing fine. Thank you.

Now, Mr. Jethrow made a wonderful,

wonderful speech to the jury.

It had to be wonderful.

My husband wrote it,

then there's Mr. Bowker and Mr. Clay,

fine gentlemen.

They came into court with all the laws on there fingertips

and who do you suppose sat in a...

little office

digging up those laws?

My husband.

Isn't he a doll?

Julie.

Look, I'm not saying

that Jethrow, Bowker, and Clay would starve to death,

but my head hurts. Oh, Max.

I'll take you home, honey.

She's had a few drinks.

I feel awful.

Have some coffee, honey.

I don't know what came over me.

I was pretty gruesome, wasn't I?

Yeah. You--well.

Thanks.

It's hot.

Oh, Max.

Honey, look, it's over and done with.

Now, let's quit talking about it, huh, baby, hmm?

Well, why did you let me go on and talk?

Why did I let you go on.

Please, darling, will you just calm down, please?

I mean, after all, some of the things you said were true.

All right. Come on. Sit down, baby.

Oh, they were all true. Baby, that's.

Only that wasn't the time or the place.

Certainly I wasn't the one to say so.

Will you just sit down, Julie? I.

Oh, Max, I--I--I--I wish you'd get mad

and lose your temper. Julie, please.

Throw things.

( shatters )

Does that make you feel better, darling?

Oh, God. Yeah. I know.

I know. Oh, I know, honey.

Max, will you get me a glass of water?

Max?

Max, it's after 4:00.

Yeah, I know.

Can't you sleep?

No, honey. It isn't that.

Still angry at me, huh?

You think I'm a failure, don't you?

Oh, Max.

There's nobody I admire more.

Now, you didn't answer my question.

Well, it's...

look, if you didn't have a fine mind

and a really great talent for your profession,

I don't think I'd care.

It's just that I hate to see you not appreciated, that's all.

Look, don't you know a lot more law than Bowker or Clay?

Yes. I'm--I'm.

And if they did half of your job.

Well, no. I.

But they're partners.

Yes. But you know why.

Bowker's married to Jethrow niece.

Clay's a bachelor.

Let's go up then.

What's being a bachelor got to do with this?

Bachelor is in a position to make demands and get tough,

but I mean, not that I'd want it any other way, honey,

but I'm only a man, has a wife and three children.

You mean if you were single... But I'm not single.

But if you were single.

Well, I'd probably go to Jethrow

and ask for a partnership.

What if he said no?

What would that be to a bachelor?

I just pack my bags, get on a train

and head for big cities somewhere.

Los Angeles? I don't know.

We'll feel better about it in the morning.

Max.

Hmm?

How long will Jethrow be in Washington?

Probably about three weeks.

Why?

I want you to have a talk with him

the day he gets back.

What for?

About a partnership.

The children and I aren't going to stand in your way.

You can be as tough as you wanna be.

Honey, I got to be fair.

I mean, I've known the guy for 10 years.

I'm like a son to him, and suddenly I get tough? I just.

Oh, Max, when are you gonna stop worrying about other people?

When are you gonna start being fair to yourself?

Right about now. Look at that time, honey.

Now, come on, let's go to sleep, huh?

Max.

All right, I'll get tough.

Now, would you just please go to sleep, Julie, would you?

That wasn't what I started to say.

What is it, baby?

Just that I love you.

It's 4:30, darling, that's awful late.

I love you, too. Goodnight.

Goodnight.

What if he says no?

Oh, Max, you're not working for a crazy man.

There's not one chance in a thousand Jethrow would let you go.

Supposing he does,

might be the break of your life.

Men with your ability belong in the big city.

I always kind of liked Los Angeles.

You know, I almost wish he turns you down.

You'd have a big office of your own,

and, oh, the climate.

I understand that they play tennis everyday in Los Angeles.

Yeah. Yeah? Everyday. Everyday.

Oh, what are we talking about?

You'll see, after you leave his office,

it'll be Jethrow, Bowker, Clay and.

And Webster, uh-hmm? Uh-hmm. Yeah.

( heavy wind blowing )

Here's your hat.

Thank you.

He said no.

Max, is it time?

Uh-hmm.

( train whistles )

Julie. Uh-hmm.

You know that cram course? The what?

That class where you brush up for the California bar exam.

Oh, yeah. Well, I registered for it.

With all you know about law?

That guy's been out of school for a long time.

He forgets things, Julie.

Not you, Max. No.

You're not really worried about passing the bar.

No. I'm... I'm not worried.

Uh-hmm.

Yes.

No. There's no pantry,

but there's a very large swimming pool.

Oh, I see.

Can I help you? Yes.

I'm Maxwell Webster from Montana

and I believe we had some-- some correspondence.

Oh, yes. About a house, you know.

Yes. Well, here we are.

We're ready to move in.

Oh, dear, I'm terribly sorry,

but you didn't say anything about--

Well, now, personally I'm very fond of children,

but the owners,

well, you know how some people are.

Yes. I wish I knew of something else.

But we've got your letter with the owner's signature.

It's the same as a contract.

Isn't that true, Max?

Yes. My daddy's a lawyer.

Now the understanding was that we was renting

and occupy a house for normal usage.

I mean, on the other hand, honey,

that would be absolutely fair, you know.

They might contend the three small children in a.

Max.

In a--in a small bungle that was not normal usage.

Max, you can't represent both sides.

I guess we'll just have to keep looking.

For what, a bench in the park?

I think it's unforgivable.

Come on, children. Honey, the lady.

Come on. Oh, Max.

The lady--the lady says we have--we didn't--

I think we very much--

Absolutely sure there's nothing else?

Nothing? I'm sorry.

Oh, dear. Thank you very much.

how about this Bungalow Court on Peel Street?

Oh, no. I don't think he'd want that.

Why? Is it expensive? No.

but it's just not the sort of place

a nice a family would want.

Fast people. Oh.

It's got phone service.

Oh, well, now, look, I tell you,

you don't have to tell Mrs. Webster about the...

fast people, do you? No.

That's right.

Just a minute.

Honey, we got a house.

This is not bad, huh?

Yes.

It's very nice.

Frankly, it's not what I expected.

Well.

Oh, Max, I do hope there's a Laundromat here

so we can get some of the linens cleaned for.

Oh, Max, don't look so unhappy.

You'll see, once we cleaned it up and get our own things,

it will look wonderful. Yeah.

It doesn't look so nice inside, honey.

But outside, see the weather outside, hmm?

Now there's wonderful weather here.

You know, I bet-- I bet Jethrow's

freezing to death in Montana, right?

Mom, dad. Huh?

There's a time bomb in that room.

What?

A time bomb. I know the sound.

I heard it on Jack Plaque, man from Mars.

Are we going to get blown up?

Of course not. Don't be silly.

I wouldn't be so sure.

Caroline, Susan, stay with me.

Jack Plaque had a terrible experience.

Ssh.

( ringing sound )

Hear it?

That's a time bomb as sure as I'm a foot high.

( ringing sound )

It's a time bomb.

I guess we'll be all right.

All right. I was wrong.

I'll be the first to admit it. Definitely were.

Now, let's go to bed, huh? Come on.

Upsy-daisy. Come on.

Here we are.

(phone ringing )

Hello?

Yup. I know.

Yes. I'm very sorry

and it won't happen again.

I.

Who's that?

The phone company.

The phone off the hook.

( phone ringing )

Hello?

What?

No. This isn't Mike's doll.

Max's doll. Uh-hmm.

He wants me to put two dollars in Mother McCrey's nose.

Mother McCrey isn't here either.

He's crazy.

Certainly, he is.

( phone ringing )

That's the-- it's a telephone.

Yes, Max.

Hello?

Look, I told you there's no Mike here.

I don't care who you are.

There's nobody here by that name.

Mike.

Don't know who Mike is.

Mike.

( phone ringing )

Hello?

Look, there's nobody by the name of Mike lives here.

MAN: ( indistinct )

Look, I tell you, Mike has moved away.

Max. Uh-hmm.

Do you know what I think?

I--I think this place must have been one of those...

...gambling... Oh, no, no.

You know, with the horses. No.

Let's see. What if I call the...

No, no. ...a bookie joint?

You think so? Oh, yes, darling.

Why would they have two phones in such a little place?

And this Mike must be the head of this, that's why...

( phone rings )

Oh, Max, this is impossible.

You've got to do something.

Look, why don't you call the phone company?

Then they'd shut off both phones.

It would be months getting another one.

And we can't with a child in the house...

Mom. Huh?

A man named Hubert's on the phone,

says he has a message,

two smackers on happy Harry.

Tell him it's the wrong number, dear.

Thank you.

I'm Maxwell Webster.

I registered by mail.

Oh, yes.

Sign this, please.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah.

That will be.

I know, $90, huh?

And .50 for Mr. Thornhill's review books.

Oh, oh, you will find it very necessary.

Well, you see...

Well, you can get them next time.

Thank you.

That's $90, I believe.

( indistinct chatter )

( bell clangs )

Ladies and gentlemen,

the majority of you are just out of school.

Well, the odds are in your favor.

It's you, practicing attorneys from other states,

who have the real job ahead of you.

The chances are that you've been specialized,

that you're thoroughly familiar with one branch of the law.

To pass the California bar,

you've got to know every branch,

contracts, torts, equity,

evidence, criminal law, tax law,

corporation law, and on and on.

The examinations are not easy.

Some years, only three out of ten make it.

I flunked twice. Twice?

You are going to encounter tricky questions.

For example,

X got Y into a poker game,

and Y, after losing heavily,

discovered that the game was crooked.

My name is Laramie.

He demanded his money back.

How do you do? How do you do?

I have a strange quirk.

Well, it's in it. I don't think-- I don't know.

When I talk... ...where I had put it.

...I like people to listen.

Now, to continue,

when Y didn't get his money back,

he blocked X's way

with a pointed, unloaded revolver

forcing him into a corner of the room.

You, the gentleman who likes to talk.

Who, me?

Yeah. Well...

Perhaps you can tell me whether

apart from ordinary gambling and breach of peace,

was there any criminal liability on the part of Y?

Y has the right to recover his stolen property.

No criminal liability, sir.

Y has the right to recover his stolen property.

No, sir.

No, sir.

There was not only one crime,

but two.

Threat with a deadly weapon,

and false imprisonment.

( indistinct chatter )

Uh-hmm.

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

Oh, Mr. Webster. Uh-hmm?

Mr. Webster, would you be--

would you be interested in a job,

a part-time job? It wouldn't interfere with your study.

Why, you could average $75 a week.

What kind of a job? Where I work.

It's a--it's a sort of collection agency.

They're always looking for people.

Ringing doorbells.

Sometimes. No. Thank you very much.

I--I had that kind of a job when I was 18 years old.

I--I went from house to house

trying to sell stock in a copper mine.

How did you make out?

Well, I had one customer.

My mother. Oh.

She lost $600. Oh.

No thanks.

And besides, I know, you know.

Look come here just a second.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Miss, I'm sorry,

I have to catch that elevator. I'm really.

Look, look, I know you're wondering what my angle is.

Well, you see, I'd like to study with you.

You wouldn't even have to buy Thornhill's books.

I've--I've got them all.

Well, I have a very small place.

Oh, well, my apartment's big enough.

Oh, please, don't misunderstand.

I'm--I'm a married man. I got three children.

What? I don't see the connection.

Oh, well, I see.

Well, look, you see, it's this way.

I saw your application.

Anybody who made the Order of the Coif in College

and the Chicago Law Review can't be a dope.

And you turned out to be good-looking.

Well, it's better than studying with a zombie.

You got all the books, huh?

Uh-huh. What's-- what's your first name?

Max, that's me.

Max for Maxwell, you know...

Maxwell's like a long name.

You put a-- ...here's my phone...

Miss, that's my shirt.

I--I--I really don't...

Max? Yes.

Oh, well, call me when you're ready to study.

Yes. Oh, my name's Joyce, for Joyce.

What? Yes. Call me.

Yes. Max.

It's in the Wilshire District.

Yes. Thank you.

What?

Look at that!

( toy clanking )

Oh, there's daddy.

How's my schoolboy? It's fine, dear.

I--I--Julie, there's something I need to tell you.

Oh, I--the last hours have been heavenly. No phone calls.

Well, our track must be closed.

Julie... Guess what.

...there's something I--what?

The baby said his first word today.

What did he say?

He said mommy just as plain as he could.

Mommy, huh? Oh, I'm sorry, darling.

You were saying?

As I was say... Well, go ahead, darling.

I'm listening.

I was saying the books that you've got to buy, they cost $50.

Is that what you pay? Uh-huh.

Well, there's somebody in the class though has a set

said I might don't have to buy them.

You can use them. Well, that's wonderful.

But it's a girl.

Oh? Uh-hmm.

And she wants me to study with her,

you know, evenings, kinda help her out.

Well, it seems sensible.

Well, she's pretty.

Good for her.

Uh-huh.

Well, I--I didn't know.

I mean, I thought that perhaps

being that she was pretty,

I--it might--

and Julie she's--

she's very pretty.

Max, we've been married 10 years. Oh.

Dad. Hi, dad. Yeah.

Look. Who's that?

Willis Gilpin. The movie star.

( door knocking )

Come in.

Mr. Webster, is--is my Willis--

Oh, ( indistinct ) angel.

This is my husband, Mr. Webster.

Oh, Mrs. Jarvis Gilpin.

How do you do? How do you do?

I hear your son's in the movies.

Well, not yet. We've only been in Hollywood 10 days.

He's already hot to studios.

Hot is a professional term,

it means there's real interest.

They took our telephone number.

I see.

Well, do you realize there isn't

a really big first class child star

in pictures today?

Don't be afraid, Mr. Webster.

I'm not going to have him recite,

but I would like to have you see

some of Willis's facial expressions.

( clearing throat )

Uncanny.

All right, Willis,

register anger for the Websters.

( makes face )

That's extraordinary.

Yes, indeed.

I've never seen anything like it.

Don't like to spoil him.

He doesn't realize what a talent he has.

Uh-hmm. Happiness, Willis.

( makes face )

My.

Oh, my.

That's one of his very strongest emotions.

Oh, it's very strong.

All right, precious, just one more.

Disgust.

( makes face )

Come along, angel.

Glad to have met you, Mr. Webster.

Yes, yes, yes.

You'll have to work on your happiness.

It's lost something.

All right, girls, come on.

Dinner in 10 minutes. Hurry up. Quick.

Julie, there's something I...

Thank heaven, they have no talent.

What was that for?

I need a reason? No.

Julie, she offered me a job.

Oh, who dear? This girl at the school.

Oh, the pretty one.

Wrong number.

What kind of a job, dear?

Oh, isn't a very exciting job,

but it will get me a lot of very valuable experience.

Oh? Doing what?

As a bill collector, part time.

( laughs )

You, a bill collector?

Oh, Max.

What's so comical about that?

Well, like it's just you pounding on people's door,

pestering them for money.

Well, doesn't it strike you as funny?

Well, no, it does not.

But honey, to be a bill collector,

you've got to know how to ( indistinct)

Hello?

No. I will not take a bet on Kimo-Kimo.

You've got the wrong number.

Of course, if a part-time job,

did come along something you could do,

well, that would be wonderful.

Heaven knows we can use the money,

but a bill collector.

Haven't got much confidence in me, have you? Hmm?

Oh, Max, you're not gonna start that again.

It's true, isn't it?

It isn't true and it isn't fair.

If I didn't have confidence in you, complete confidence...

would I let you quit your job?

If anything you have no confidence in, yourself.

What I'm talking about... Hello?

All right, Eddie, $10 on Kimo-Kimo tomorrow.

Now, listen, Max, why--why do you always...

Do you know what you've just done?

I don't care what I just did.

May I be permitted to remind you

that taking bets on horses

is punishable by 30 days to 1 year in jail

in every state in the union except Nevada

and this is not Nevada. Don't be silly.

I'm not, and listen, and I'm gonna tell you something,

I'm--I'm gonna-- I'm gonna take that job.

I'm gonna take that job.

I'll show you who's comical as a bill collector.

But if that 18 bucks ain't in this office by tomorrow at 4:00,

we'll hit you in the kisser with the summons.

Well, lady, you bought it so pay for it.

That store is not a charitable institution.

Sit down, Max.

Charlemagne doesn't think you would make good.

Oh, I was afraid of that.

But he's left it up to me.

So, you're hired.

Oh, that's very kind of you.

You get 12% of everything you can collect.

Oh, thank you very much. Oh, not at all.

You're gonna help me pass the bar.

Now, here's the setup,

most businesses have their own credit departments,

very respectable and very polite.

If they can't collect a bill,

they send it to a credit service.

They're also respectable,

but not quite so polite.

If they can't collect on the account,

they sell it to Cumberly Credit Incorporated,

that's us.

We get nothing but first class deadbeats.

They lie and cheat, all right?

So do we. We do?

There's nothing we won't do to collect a bill.

You--you understand that?

Yeah. Well. Nothing.

Now there's some easy ones to start out with.

I'll figure out a way that they expect you and let you in.

I don't know how yet, but there are lots of trick in this business.

Now, once you are in, you are on your own.

And remember, they are dead beats.

Yes, ma'am.

I'll liven them up.

Good luck, Max.

Thank you very much.

( doorbell rings )

Who is it? Max Webster.

Oh, come on in, Mr. Webster.

Thank you very much. Hey, kids, he's here.

We certainly do appreciate this, Mr. Webster.

Come on out, children. Everybody get in line.

Mr. Webster hasn't got all day.

Oh, now children, shame on you for doing that.

My goodness. You and your roller skates

My dear, come on, you go up the other end there now.

I'm sorry, Mr. Webster.

Yeah, that's all right. There.

Oh, now, I'm excited... It's better that way.

Now, don't touch me with that aeroplane. You always do it.

Lie down. Come on.

All right. Now, everybody smile.

Smile just like mama does.

Well, where's your camera?

I beg your pardon?

The lady from the paper said that he was coming down

to take pictures for us for free, for good will.

Oh, that's terrible. No, she shouldn't have done that.

Now, you see, I'm not a--

I'm not a photographer, madam.

I'm a bill collector.

( dog growls )

Oh, that's mean.

And us getting all dressed up.

I--I really didn't mean...

Now, you get out of here.

I'm here from a... Get out of here.

Get out of here. Out.

I tell you, get out of here. You hear me?

Hello, Ms. Gray? Fella named Webster here.

Webster? Oh, yes. Send him my bill.

He is a talent scout. Yes.

You won't have to worry anymore about my rent.

Ms. Gray?

Oh, come right here, Mr. Webster.

Thank you. Sit down.

Oh, I'm so happy to see you.

My heart's doing boom, boom, boom.

But you know why I'm here, right?

Oh, but certainly, that's why the boom, boom, boom.

What do you think of my name?

How do I look?

Are you disappointed?

No. I'm not disappointed.

I think you're... Oh, no.

Oh, Mr. Webster,

you do not have to be embarrassed with me.

I know what you got in mind.

Hmm?

Look, I hate to say this, but...

Oh, don't say it, don't say it.

I'm not what you call just a dame wisdom, Mr. Webster.

I've got real talent.

I sing hard. I sing sweet. I dance.

I make very funny jokes.

You would die laughing if you heard them.

I'm sure I will, but I have... Oh, oh, no, no, no.

Please don't make decisions so quick.

You will not do that. You look too nice to--

Please, just give me one minute.

Stay right here, just one minute.

But I...

( music )

♪ Oh, mon Cherie ♪

♪ don't ( indistinct ) with your eyes ♪

♪ for what you see with your eyes ♪

♪ No one should speak ♪

♪ Oh, cherie ♪

♪ don't smile the way that you smile. ♪

I have here. I...

♪ for when you're smiling that smile ♪

♪ my heart goes weak ♪

♪ and when you're holding my hand ♪

♪ don't let your touch tell my fingertips ♪

♪ but soon I will feel your lips ♪

♪ on mine ♪

♪ Oh, mon cherie ♪

♪ unless your heart's really true ♪

♪ cherie don't do what you do ♪

♪ to me ♪

No good, huh?

No. You're very--a very talented girl.

Talented, and it's very. Oh, thank you very much.

Very talented, but you see,

I'm a bill collector.

A bill--oh, no.

Oh, yes. I'm...

Oh, you won't take that fur coat, will you?

I need it for my interview.

Now see here, Ms. Gray,

there's $48 dollars due on that fur.

Carrying on like this is not gonna help matters anyhow. Let me show you.

It's my first fur coat

and I look so pretty now.

Now, don't--wait, maybe we can fix it.

Look, I'll go to the company,

I'll--I'll square things with the company.

I--I'll try. Will you?

Yes, I'll... Let's try.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Webster.

You're so sweet.

Oh.

Thank you.

Oh, thank you. Yes.

I'll try. I don't know what will happen.

I'll certainly do my best

and I guess I better go.

Don't think I forgot anything.

Goodbye, Ms. Gray.

Wait a minute. What?

What time is it?

Oh, it's 4:30...

Oh, you have been so very kind.

Maybe there's a little chance I can pay the $12.

A gentleman friend of mine bet on a horse.

A hot tip, if it came in.

He's very generous.

Hullo? ( indistinct )

tell me is this ( indistinct )

what is she doing ( indistinct )

oh, no.

Oh, no.

I don't like this.

Long shot came in, Kimo-Kimo, 80 to 1.

What did you say?

Did you say Kimo-Kimo? Oui.

Eighty to one. Oui.

I gotta go home.

Julie? Hi, darling.

Julie.

That horse won. What horse?

That Kimo-Kimo it paid 80 to 1.

Oh, Max, you are not playing the horses.

No, I'm not, but the $10 bet you took over the telephone.

Oh, oh, well, that's nonsense.

You know I didn't mean it seriously.

Yeah. Well, what about that-- that what's his name,

that Eddie, if I were Eddie, I'd expect $800.

Well, darling, you can expect eight million.

You are not Eddie, and gambling's illegal, isn't it?

That's beside the point. Now, we've got to be fair, Julie.

Max, let us not be fair for once, do you mind?

Look, if you're worried, call the police.

Oh, and what? And let them know that we took a bet over the phone?

Honey, listen, I--I had a classmate once who--

who wasn't admitted to the bar all because he was caught in a poker game.

I mean, they're that strict.

( phone ringing )

Oh, my.

It's the telephone.

It's a mess, mom.

Will they put you in the clank?

Ssh.

Hello?

Hello, Mike. This is a sure thing, kid.

Uh, listen, uh, I know you're entitled

to some sort of an explanation, Eddie.

Will--will you just listen a minute, Eddie?

My wife did take a bet on the phone.

I mean, I mean, actually she--she didn't really take the bet on the phone.

I don't get this. When a bookie takes a bet.

You owe me eight hundred bucks.

We are not bookies and we don't owe you a cent.

MAN: ( indistinct chatter )

All right. That's up to you.

He took it seriously.

Well, let him. We're not gonna pay him.

Well, he offered me one alternative.

I can go down to the Sure Thing Grill

and get my teeth knocked in.

Well, he's not coming over here.

Well, they don't know where we live. Not yet anyway.

Are they gonna try to bump you off, dad?

Well, no, of course not.

All right, girls, come on, back to work.

Why? Why, mom?

Because your mother said so, that's why.

Well, you don't have to take it out on us

just because you didn't collect on those bills.

Just a minute,

what makes you think I didn't?

Well, did you?

I don't like the tone of that question, Julie.

And I'll thank you not to take anymore bets.

( music )

JOYCE: The door's open. Come on in.

Joyce?

JOYCE: Oh, be with you in a minute, Max.

Oh, no hurry. No hurries.

Lots of time.

My, hey, you certainly have a nice place here, Joyce.

JOYCE: Just a minute.

Yeah, this is real nice.

JOYCE: How did you make out today? You collect anything?

Um, well, yeah, I--I did--I did a--I did pretty good.

JOYCE: Oh, fine.

I, uh, I collected on Ms. Dorianne Gray's account.

JOYCE: How much?

What?

Oh, uh...

$12.

JOYCE: Really? Yeah.

I, uh, I have it with me.

JOYCE: Well, for your first day in office, not bad at all.

No. JOYCE: You like the job?

Oh, well, I--I tell you,

this business have seen people under the--

Oh, my.

The, uh, fire still burning all right?

Well, oh, yes, I-- it's burning fine.

It's not too hot for you, is it?

Oh, what? No.

Oh, excuse me, would you like one?

No. I, uh, smoke pipe.

Yes, I've always smoked pipe.

It's more satisfying. Would you, uh.

Oh, yes. I'm sorry.

I, uh. Push.

Oh, well, how long can you stay?

Well, as long as necessary.

Oh. Hmm? Yes.

Yes.

We start with criminal law.

Now among...

Among the theories of punishments are,

one, revenge,

and two is correction.

Correction's a theory, not--I mean.

But there are three?

Say. Hmm?

Don't you think you ought to put something more on?

You're not--you're not cold, are you?

No, no, I'm comfortable the way I am.

Uh-huh.

Uh.

Three? Three.

Then correction.

Listen. Hmm?

Do you know the law of attractive nuisance?

Hmm?

No. Yes.

Well, there's a very interesting case,

Tuttle vs. Schmidt.

As you see, Tuttle was grading his property

and left his tractor out overnight with the key in it.

Now, Victor Schmidt, age seven,

he saw the tractor and he was attracted to it.

He got in, turned the key, started the motor,

and the next thing you know, he tore down two--two hedges,

one garage and broke his collar bone.

But? Yes.

Tuttle was held responsible.

I mean, you see, you're not supposed to leave anything around

that might attract a small boy to do anything dangerous.

Now, we go on into certain other inadequate.

Let's prepare

for the bar of the State of California.

Oh.

Morning. Good morning.

Three quarts of milk, one pound of butter,

and a bill for $9.80, sound about right?

Uh-hmm. I'm afraid it is. Just a sec.

MAX: Sending that little girl to the chair will not bring back Mr. Winters,

ladies and gentlemen, oh, she killed him, yes,

but only because she loved him.

He was a good husband.

So, how could she possibly guess that his interest

in poor Sandra was clean business-like and pure?

Max. Now, you've heard the evidence--

Yes, dear? I thought you had more than...

What? Well, never mind.

Uh, we'll have to send you a check.

Perfectly all right. Perfectly.

Max. What?

We've got a problem.

We always got problems, honey.

I didn't mean that.

You're missing $12 to $13.

I was wondering if Caroline could've taken it.

Honey, Caroline wouldn't steal anything.

Well, the money's missing and she was in our room.

I used that money, $12.

Really, Max? Why didn't you...

Well, now what's so wrong about that.

I mean, after all, I'm a grown man with a family, Julie.

Well, it's not that and you know it.

You could've at least told me

instead of letting me suspect Caroline.

You wanna know what I did with the $12?

No.

( phone ringing )

Hello.

Eddie, will you please stop calling here.

You'll get nothing from us, nothing.

You're forgetting something, lady.

I got your phone number.

And if I have to go through the whole phonebook,

I'm gonna find out where you live.

I'm on page 58 already.

Do as you like. You're wasting your time.

When I find out where you live, then I'd come over, see?

( indistinct )

What? Oh.

MAX: Now what?

He's going through the phonebook page by page

and when he finds out where we live,

he's gonna come over and break every bone in our bodies.

MAX: What?

Oh, Max.

Do you think Jethrow would hire you again?

Now, Julie, please.

Well, we wouldn't have to worry about Eddie

or--or you passing the bar exam, or money,

or that awful little Willis.

Oh Max, what did I get you into?

Oh, Julie, come on now.

This isn't like you at all.

I'll pass the bar, Julie, and--

and I'll make dough,

because I'll make big dough just like you said.

You said that many times yourself, huh, didn't you?

Stop this. Now, stop talking this way

because I don't like it.

Golly, I'm gonna have a talk with that Eddie.

I'll find him and I'll have a talk with him.

No, Max. it'll be weeks before he finds out where we live.

It's way at the end of the book, and look page 1204.

I don't get mad very often, Julie,

but I've had enough of this.

I promise you Eddie won't call here again.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this man, Max Webster,

this fine husband and father beat up the defendant.

He beat them up thoroughly.

And he'd probably do it again if the same thing happened.

I mean, after all, my--my legal opinion is,

when a man's home is threatened,

when a man's home is--

Who's Eddie around here? Me.

What do you want?

I--I'd like a glass of-- of- -of beer, please.

Well, that's a very sad sorry, I'm crying.

You either get that money in here by noon Monday

or I will slap you in the kisser with the summons.

Well, oh, well try, won't you?

Hmm? Yeah.

Who do I have to pay my bill with?

See that woman right over there.

Oh, thank you.

Hello, I'm Dorianne Gray.

I come to gather my fur. The old thing.

Oh, well, that's what we'd like to hear.

Here's $48.

Let's see here.

Is Mr. Webster in?

Mr. Webster? Uh-hmm.

Well, yes, I believe he is.

Oh, Max.

Max.

What?

Oh, Max.

Now, that's, uh, $36 you owe us.

Thirty-six?

But Mr. Webster told me $48.

Oh, but that was before you paid him the $12.

I paid him?

Yes, only the other day, you gave...

Oh, oh, you didn't.

Oh, Maxie, oh you should not have really,

aw, ( speaking French ) Maxie.

Oh, I cannot get over it.

A bill collector paying your bills.

Oh, gee, Maxie, you're so sweet.

I'm working now Maxie.

I'm at the Club Carol.

You have to come and see me

and, uh, anything I can do for you.

Well, here's your receipt, Ms. Gray.

Thank you.

Now, don't you forget, the Club Carol.

So long.

Gee, Maxie.

The courts would rule against X.

You see, the handshake was an implied contract

which Y entered into in good faith in the presence of Z.

Quite a dish, isn't she?

What? That--that Paris number.

Oh, you mean, Ms. Gray, yeah, she's quite attractive,

but here's a trick-- here's a real tricky one, Joyce.

She's awfully fond of you.

X bought a house...

Are you happily married, Max?

Yes.

Very?

Yes, of course I am.

Let's study.

Without his knowledge, X's house

occupied part of his neighbor's property.

Poor X, he's always getting into trouble.

Come on, now. Look, Joyce, are we gonna study?

What are we gonna do?

Ever since 9:00, I couldn't get a thing through my head

if I'd pound it.

Look, the examination's in three weeks.

Well, I'm not worried

and I can't think for the life of me

why you should be.

Well, maybe it isn't important that you practice law.

Oh, no?

Why do you think I've been studying every night for four years?

So I could marry some schnook who buy me a fur coat

if wheedled him hard enough?

What's schnook? Hmm?

The kind of man I usually fall for.

It's getting late, Joyce.

Maybe we better knock off, huh?

Think I wanna spend the rest of my life

keeping a company's nose clean for $95 a week?

No, sir, I'm going to pass that examination.

Same time tomorrow? Hmm?

I think we better study apart for a few days.

All right.

Good night, Joyce.

Dog.

I'm sorry.

I--I'm not like X, always getting into other people's property.

Good night.

( baby crying )

Two martinis, dry.

Two martinis, dry.

I haven't got a fever, have I?

No.

Now, you're not gonna flunk the exam.

Good luck.

Any papers in there?

Uh, no. I--I just--

just a banana and a-- and a tuna sandwish.

( gasps )

Max. Hmm?

I thought we'd agreed that we wouldn't wait for.

I'm not waiting for the mail.

I--I--I--I--I came out to get the garbage can.

I mean, after all,

if-- after I pass the examination, fine.

If I--if I didn't, I'll take another examination in six months.

There's just no sense in worrying it?

Of course not.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury.

We're playing courtroom, dad. Yeah.

Susan Webster is not guilty.

She's only five years old.

Sending her to prison

will not bring back the candy bar.

Hey, kids, Willis is leaving.

( whistle )

I'll do them, Max.

Oh, I'll be through in a minute.

You're through now.

Willis is leaving.

He's packing now.

You don't have to hide anything from me, Julie.

I mean, it's what I expected.

You know, I was nervous and confused.

I mean, Joyce flunked twice.

Max, what are you talking about?

I saw you open the letter.

Oh, that? Oh, oh, that wasn't from the bar.

That--that was something else.

May I see it?

Um, I was going to tell you.

See, we only have $200 left.

Well, you see, this letter is an answer to my letter.

Oh, will you get to the point? What letter? Who's it from?

Mrs. Jethrow. Who?

She says she's sure you can get your old job back

if you write to Mr. Jethrow.

Well, not exactly an apology but...

Apology?

Well, here, read it.

I don't wanna read it.

How could you do a thing like that, Julie?

I mean, writing to Mrs. Jethrow of all people.

Max, are we in any position to wait six months

for you to take the bar exam?

Now, what makes you so sure that I failed?

Well, I'm not sure, but you are.

You said so a hundred times.

Max, we got along fine in Montana.

You were a different person.

Now, look, I'm sure that Jethrow would...

No, sir, sitting in a back office,

writing briefs on a law clerk salary,

not for Jethrow or anybody.

No, sir, Julie, No, sir, no, sir, no, sir, no, sir.

Yoohoo! Oh, we just want to say au revoir.

Our bus goes in 40 minutes. We're leaving Hollywood.

I think that's very sensible, Mrs. Gilpin, going back home.

We're going to New York.

Willis belongs in the legitimate theatre.

We're not going back home.

Bye. Bye. Bye.

Oh, you think it's very sensible to go back home, huh?

Now, what's the matter? Are you comparing me to that--that little schnook?

I'm not comparing you with anybody.

What's a schnook? I don't know, never mind.

I mean, there are someone women in this town who-- who respect me.

They--they think I have a little ability.

If a schnook means what I think it means,

you're acting like one.

You wanna know what I did with that $12?

Not especially. I'll tell you.

I spent it on a woman.

Oh, that's--Max, listen to me,

I--I got you to quit Jethrow's because I thought,

darling, you can be a wonderful husband and father

without being the great--

the greatest lawyer in the world.

I am, uh, uh, a great lawyer.

Now, what do you think of that?

Max, please be practical.

We belong in Montana.

Now, if Jethrow won't...

Jethrow, that knucklehead,

I'd like to get up against him

before a jury just once.

With a case tried in a bathroom?

Oh, Max,

I was joking.

Oh, okay.

Now, Julie, I'm gonna hand you a laugh.

If I did flunk that examination,

it was all because I--I--I was

just so scared of losing your confidence.

That's something I never had.

After 10 years, you can say that to me?

Marriage doesn't mean anything

if a man doesn't have the

respect of his wife.

Max, how much respect have you got for yourself?

Enough to get out of here.

Maybe you belong in Montana, but I don't.

Oh, yes, you do, we both do.

And that's where I'm going.

All right. That's fine with me.

And just--just--just give my regards to Jethrow.

Hey, who's the guy that takes bets around here?

I'm the guy taking bets around here.

Now, get out of here and quit ( indistinct )

go on, go on! A dame with a yap.

The Maroney mob, you think? I don't know.

They're in town and that's how they operate.

All right. Drop me off around the corner.

I'll tail him you go find Brick. Okay.

MAN: Is this Mrs. Mila's bungalow?

No, across the walk.

MAN: Thank you.

Mom,

did he call or anything?

Oh, Caroline, don't be alarmed.

Men are often detained on business.

Look, I want you to go back to sleep, hmm?

He's probably working, right?

( door buzzing )

Well, you better stay in there, honey.

Yeah?

Are you Joyce Laramie?

Yes.

I'm Mrs. Webster.

Oh,

well, uh, come in.

Is my husband here?

Well, that's rather an odd question at

1:00 in the morning, don't you think?

Yes, it is.

It is late, isn't it?

Uh, Mr. Webster and I had a

slight difference of opinion and, uh...

A fight?

Oh, no, no, a slight difference of opinion

and since you've been studying together, well, I thought,

well, if he's here, I know there's nothing wrong.

Uh, I'm not worried about that, I assure you.

Hmm. Very broadminded of you, Mrs. Webster.

Well, after all, we're both grown up.

We trust each other completely.

Max isn't like most men. He's, uh-- no, thanks.

Yes, well, uh, he isn't here, Mrs. Webster.

Of course not.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

Uh, I may as well be candid with you, Ms. Laramie.

I heard you talking to somebody when I rang the doorbell.

Oh, go right in, Mrs. Webster.

Oh, no. I--thank you.

He's so small.

Yes.

I behaved dreadfully.

I--I'm sorry.

Yes, you have, but so would I under the circumstances.

Well, he's probably waiting for me at home.

Oh, where are you gonna look now, Mrs. Webster?

I don't know.

Oh, sit down, Mrs. Webster.

Oh, would you like some hot coffee?

I got some inside.

No, thanks.

Well, I would.

Everything was so uncomplicated in Montana.

And here, it's all so different.

Max isn't different.

I know.

He acted so strange lately.

He told me he spent $12 on a woman.

Twelve dollars wouldn't get him very far.

Twelve dollars?

Now, you just sit right here while I get dressed.

Huh, happily married.

I don't know why

I love you like I do.

I don't know why, I just do.

I don't know why

you thrill me like you do.

I don't know why, you just do.

You never seem to want

my romancing.

The only time you hold me

is when we're dancing.

Oh, I don't know why

I love you like I do.

I don't know why,

I just do.

( applause )

( indistinct chatter )

Oh, that's very good, Dorianne.

Oh, no, thank you.

I was much better in the first show.

I wish you had seen me.

No, you were fine, very fine.

You feel pretty good, huh?

Feel pretty? I feel fine. I feel wonderful.

I got a lot of troubles, you know,

and when a man has a lot to ( clears throat )

a lot of troubles, he's in very good shape.

You see, because when a man has a lot of troubles and--

and then every trouble seems infinitesimal.

It's when you have only one trouble, then you're not in very bad shape.

Thank you. ( speaking French ) will you?

Yeah. You--thank very much.

I'm in very... Now, you have one drink, Maxie.

I'm in very good shape. And then we'll go to my place, huh?

I'm in very good shape.

Hey, you ( clears throat ) oh, this is serious.

Uh, I'm--I wanna know something.

Do you respect me?

Maxie, I don't know any fellow I respect more.

Dorianne, what would you do if you were

--you were married and you had a husband who--

who--who--who walked out on you, what would you do?

Well, if I loved him, I'd kill him.

I'm kidding, Maxie.

Well, that's fine. Except--if you

if you respected him, if...

if you respected him, you wouldn't walk out.

I mean, a man likes respect.

You--you know that.

I

got you

under my skin.

I sacrificed everything...

Oh, now, you've had enough, Maxie. ...come what may.

I'll change. I'll be back in two minutes.

Yes, I know. But a man likes a loyal wife

and an--and and an understanding mother,

and my wife isn't an understanding mother.

Yes. ( speaking French ) will you, please?

Hey, my wife is a fine, understanding mother.

That's one thing I want to make very, very clear.

My wife's ( indistinct ) understanding.

( clears throat )

M ( clears throat )

that's a little bit high for me.

( piano playing )

M

is for the million things

she gave me.

O is, um,

for the other things she gave me,

and T is for,

um, thousands--

thousand things she gave me.

H is for the--

a hundred things she gave me.

That's him. E is--is-- is--

E is for, um, everything she--

I beg your pardon? I want you should

meet Brick Davis. Who?

Sit down. Keep your shirt on.

You wait outside.

This--well, this--wait. Wait, just a minute.

This table is occupied.

Yes, well, it is.

Hey, waiter, bring me a bottle of Old Fortune.

Sorry. It's after--yes, sir, Mr. Davis.

Maybe I didn't make myself clear.

This is my table.

Shall we take him outside?

Quiet. Hey, look, Webster, I don't know who you are

or where you've come from,

but you are running a book.

Now this is a very...

very unwelcoming truth, you know.

I must insist. Put your hand.

What's the matter?

Handkerchief needs folding.

Listen, Webster, you--you--

you are giving me a bad name

because the people are gonna start to think

I'm the guy that runs the horse betting,

and when the bets don't get paid off,

I get an especially bad name.

Mr. Davis, you are a

very, very, very obnoxious person.

Who? I can get really obnoxious.

That's what I said.

Now the first thing you do

is you pay Eddie his 800 bucks, see?

Because if you don't,

you are gonna spend more than that

on an orthopedic surgeon.

Orthopedic surgeon is a guy that fixes broken bones.

Now, if you wanna come over with me...

Don't threaten me with rhymes, Mr. Davis.

Don't ever... Maxie. Hello, Brick.

Hello. Hey, what's the matter with you?

You're talking to a lady.

Yeah. That's right. Forgive me.

Uh, lady,

if you please... blow!

Why you. ooh!

( all shouting )

Police, hurry.

Club Carol. There's a big fight over here.

Hurry.

( all shouting )

Sixty days in jail.

Next case.

Davis ( indistinct ) Webster.

You are charged with disorderly conduct,

disturbing the peace, malicious destruction of property,

resisting an officer,

and assault with a deadly weapon.

If the Court please, I understand that the

district attorney's office won't oppose a dismissal

of the felony charge if my client's

plead guilty to, say, disorderly conduct.

Is that agreeable to the prosecution?

Yes, Your Honor. We haven't had much luck

getting people to testify against Brick Davis.

Plea to misdemeanor would save the time and expensive trial.

I'll plead guilty. Yes, Your Honor.

I will accept the plea.

Not guilty.

Quiet, you rat.

I don't represent this young man, Your Honor, but

if there's no objection, I'd like a word with him.

No objections. Thank you.

First arrest?

Yeah.

Then leave everything to me.

If there's a fine, Brick will pay.

Just tell the court you're changing your plea.

I believe, Your Honor, the young man has something to say.

Well?

Not guilty.

MAN: You prefer being charged with a felony?

I prefer being cleared of a felony.

All these other charges, I think it's up to the--

I think it's up to a jury to decide whether

I'm guilty of a felony or these thieves.

I'll testify. Now just a minute there. Your honor...

In lieu of the circumstances, all charges will stand

and all the defendants bond over

to the superior court for trial.

They owe $3,000 each.

Next case.

MAN: Guys like you are a dime a dozen.

( indistinct chatter )

( phone rings )

Webster, Maxwell.

Oh, yes? Right at the end, lady.

Oh.

Thank you.

Send in ( indistinct ) John.

( indistinct chatter )

Max?

Max?

Good morning, Max.

Oh, how'd you-- how'd you sleep?

Uh, I didn't sleep so well.

I--I--I--I had a lot on my mind.

I can imagine.

How's the food?

Oh, it's fine. It's fine.

I didn't eat.

Have you seen my children?

Oh, they're fine. Yeah.

They think you're on a business trip.

Why don't you see Julie?

Well, that's a personal matter.

Yeah. That's not exactly my favorite topic either,

but you can stop worrying. We've got you

a wonderful lawyer.

Cumberly's man.

Oh, Julie was very impressed with him.

Oh, she was, huh?

Oh, she feels much more optimistic now.

You, woman, you've got everything arranged,

haven't you, huh? Yup.

Look, you tell Ms. Webster that I'm not using Cumberly's lawyer.

But you can't get into the

California bar unless you're cleared.

You've got to have a good lawyer, Max.

I've got a good lawyer,

The best.

Come to order, everybody rise.

Department G of the Superior Court of

Los Angeles County is now in session.

Judge Jennings, presiding.

Be seated.

People versus Davis et al.

Before we proceed, will counsel

step to the bench, please?

Well, you appearing in this case, Mr. Gravin?

Only as an observer, Your Honor.

I represent the owners of the property

that leases to the Club Cairo.

I asked counsel to step up.

Yes. Well, I'm appearing in my own defense, Your Honor.

Thank you, gentlemen.

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,

nothing but the truth, so help you, God?

Yeah, sure.

State your name, please.

It's, uh, Rodwell Davis.

Louder, please.

It's, uh, Rodwell Davis.

Sorry, I didn't hear it.

It's Rodwell Davis.

( crowd laughs )

Rodwell.

Mr. Davis,

what is your occupation?

I'm, uh, retired.

Retired from what?

From working.

( crowd laughs )

Thank you.

What was your work?

I ran a cigar store.

Oh, I see.

And behind your cigar store,

you ran a gambling establishment,

is that right? Objection,

that's a leading question.

Mr. Davis is Webster's witness.

He cannot lead his own witness.

Your Honor, it's very apparent this witness is

hostile and truculent, and under the rules of evidence,

counsel, at the court's discretion.

May I ask his witness certain leading questions?

Oh, I site the case of, uh,

of the People versus Bliss in which the

witness was hostile and truculent.

I'm acquainted with that case.

The point is well taken, Mr. Webster.

Objection overruled.

The witness will answer.

Would you repeat the question?

Yes, gladly. Is it not true that behind your cigar store,

you ran a gambling establishment?

Oh, no, sir.

( crowd laughs )

Mr. Davis, um, would you mind telling me,

what did you pay for that suit you are wearing?

( indistinct ) I don't know, two hundred bucks?

Two hundred dollars. Wow.

Cigar business must have been very profitable, hmm?

Yeah. Good location.

( crowd laughs )

Mr. Davis, why did you come

to my table at the Club Cairo uninvited?

Look, kid, wouldn't you rather I didn't say.

I don't know. Witness will answer.

Yeah.

Okay.

I hate to do this to you, kid.

See, I spoke to Mr. Webster, I'm like a father.

I heard he was running a bookie joint.

MAN: I move that to be stricken as hearsay.

MAN: Motion denied.

And then I went out to put on my street clothes.

That was my last show.

You remember, Maxie? Ms. Gray,

when you came to my table, is it not true

that Mr. Davis said "blow" and then violently pushed you?

Objection. Mr. Webster is not the prosecutor, Your Honor.

He's appearing in his own defense. Whether or not

Mr. Davis pushed the young lady, it's entirely immaterial.

Your Honor, the question is very relevant in my own case.

I'm not claiming I didn't strike Mr. Davis

and I'm not claiming self-defense.

I was defending a third person, Ms. Gray.

I site Westberg on torts in the California Civil Code

Section 50,

"A man may defend a third person if there is a legal

or socially recognized reason to do so under

the same conditions which he'd privilege to defend himself."

Objection overruled, Mr. Cardy, witness will answer.

An exception.

Well, um, no, Maxie,

uh, he didn't.

He didn't what?

Well,

Brick didn't push me or--

or anything.

You sure?

I...

I'm sure, Maxie.

Why don't you plead guilty to all those little

things like he said. That wouldn't be serious.

That will be all, Ms. Gray. That --that will be all, thank you.

Oh, you thought you'd get mad at me, Maxie.

Thank you, Ms. Gray.

Any more witnesses?

Not for the state Your Honor.

None for us, Your Honor.

Mr. Webster?

Uh, my argument to the jury will cover my case, Your Honor.

With your permission, I'd like to

reserve my remarks until then.

No objection.

We never should have.

Hmm? What?

Left Montana.

And I ask you to bear in mind one thing, ladies and gentlemen,

a bad reputation is not a crime.

It merely sells newspapers.

Thank you.

Proceed, Mr. Webster.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

this is my first case in court.

I'm not yet a member of the California bar.

And I don't think any attorney ever had more--

more faith in his client than I have in mine.

And like every attorney, I've always looked forward to that...

That very first speech to the jury.

I've kind of done a lot of practicing on it.

Of course, mostly in front of the bathroom mirror.

But, nevertheless, every time,

I've always thought that I,

well, I'd kind of move the jury to tears

with my fine and my eloquent oratory.

I don't feel very much like doing that now I...

I guess it's because this case

is a little bit too important to me.

I can only tell you what I believe

and what I think and what I feel and then

you make up your own mind which of us is guilty.

Now, we've listened to Mr. Davis' testimony,

and that's fine. I mean, after all, we wanna be very fair,

very fair about this thing.

He said a lot of things about me and that's fine too.

I mean, after all he had a reason for saying those things.

What were those reasons?

Well, I'll tell you.

He wanted to stay out of jail.

Remember I asked Ms. Gray, "Did Mr. Davis violently pushed you?"

And she--she hesitated a long time before she answered no?

Why?

I mean, it was a simple question,

required no--no opinion, no profile in thought.

Why did Ms. Gray hesitate?

All right, I'll tell you why.

Because she was afraid of that man sitting there

with the smirk on his face and the $200 suit

paid for he says with

cigarettes and cigars and penny candy.

Well, maybe your verdict will wipe off that smirk.

Now you've got only my word, ladies and gentlemen,

the word of a man who--

who's never even been arrested

for parking in front of the fire hydrant.

Or the word of Brick Davis,

that tinhorn- racketeering- tyrant who crawled up

out of the under world to push people around

and to prey on their fears and their greed,

uh, he testified that I took bets.

all right. Let's go into that.

Come to order.

Everybody rise.

Department D of the Superior Court of Los Angeles County

is now in session.

Be seated.

Proceed, Mr. Webster.

Now, uh, my final word about my client.

He's just an average guy

with the average hopes and fears

and confusions and pride.

And like most average guys,

well, there are times when his wife thinks

he's a great man,

and then in his heart, he is a great man,

then there are times when she thinks he's a failure

and then in his heart, he is a failure.

Actually, though, he's neither one or the other.

He's just a guy like you,

like anybody else who goes along

trying to do the right thing,

but not always succeeding.

Well then, I thank you.

Has the jury reached a verdict?

We have--

We, the jury, find all the defendants guilty as charged

with the exception of Maxwell Webster.

We find him not guilty.

( indistinct chatter)

Case against Maxwell Webster dismissed.

Bail for the others, continued until Monday

when sentence will be imposed.

Thank you for your services. You're dismissed.

( indistinct chatter )

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Oh, I'm so happy for you, Maxie.

And I'm so ashamed, but I was so scared.

I understand that.

Goodbye, Maxie.

I'm proud of you, Max.

Oh, she couldn't take it,

but she asked me to give you this.

Hmm? You passed the bar, so did I.

We did? We did.

It's been a big day, hasn't it? Oh, and Mr. Webster,

could I see you for a second? Just a second. Certianly.

I'm Merritt Crayton of Crayton, Danforth and Hughes.

Oh, yes. Hold it, please.

Hmm?

It's daddy. It's daddy.

Daddy's home.

Mom, mom, it's daddy.

Daddy's home.

Daddy.

Hello, darling.

Hello. I missed you.

Dad, we heard you beat the rats! On the radio.

We're so glad.

Oh, Julie.

Oop, where did you get this cigar?

Oh, it's my partner.

Your partner? Uh-hmm.

Mr. Crayton of Crayton, Danforth and Hughes.

They're taking me into the firm.

Oh, Max, the fourth partner.

Uh, no, the 34th.

Why, wanna make something of it?

Oh, Max.

It's wonderful.

Oh.

Dad, do you know what the baby said

while you were in the clank?

What?

The baby said, "Daddy play."

He did?

Uh-huh. He did!

Hey.

Come on, boy. Say hello to your daddy

the brilliant lawyer.

Say daddy.

Say daddy.

Say daddy.

Mama.

( music )