All language subtitles for The.Expanding.Universe.Of.Ashley.Garcia.S01E11.Unintended Consequences.eng

Tonight's my first official date with Tad

because I do not count holding hands
in the nail-gun aisle at Home Depot.

Full disclosure, I've had worse dates...

at Home Depot.

I'm so excited for you guys.

Now we can see
if you're actually compatible.

-What do you mean?
-[Brooke] We know you have chemistry.

That got you
through the getting-together phase,

and now that you're starting
the relationship phase,

we can find out
how much you have in common.

See if you're endgame.

Endgame?

You know, like Hailey and Justin
or Barack and Michelle.

-Or Angelina and Brad.
-[Brooke] Oh, honey.

When is the last time you read a magazine?

So having chemistry
and really liking each other

doesn't necessarily mean we're endgame?

Oh, God, no.

But you and Tad are totally compatible.
Don't worry about it.

[chuckles] Me? Worry?

Aw, you're gonna have so much fun.
I wish I were there to do your makeup.

It's fine.

Enough about me.

Tomorrow's your first day at GEmS.
This is a big deal.

How's prep going?

Well, I just finished
all the welcome goody bags for my mentees,

and now all I have to do
is finish my presentation,

which is on my flash drive... [sighs]

...that I can't find.

Oh, no.

Uh, this flash drive

that looks like a lipstick?

[exhales] Yes. I must've mixed it up
with the makeup I lent you.

It's confusing but so cute.

[Victor] Ashley!

You left ice cubes on the floor again.

I nearly broke my neck!

I'm on the phone!

Ooh. I've never seen attitude on you.

It works.

[theme music playing]

Here it is. Just out.

Terrell Owens's memoir.

Fantastic. I bet I'm in here.

Coach, Terrell Owens played
16 seasons of football.

He's a legend.

You played for a year.

-No offense, but why would he mention you?
-Uh,

yes, offense.

Terrell and I were
the two best video gamers on the team.

One night we decided to see
who was the Madden champ once and for all.

Just the two of us, mano a mano,

in the middle of the night.
I destroyed him.

If this is an honest memoir,

Terrell's not gonna skip over
this chapter of his life.

Ha! [chuckles]

Here it is.

"It was just me and Garcia,

alone in the clubhouse
in the middle of the night."

That's exactly how it was.

"I schooled him.

Beat Garcia like a dirty rug.

Humiliated him more
than when he had that field goal blocked"?

Lies! All lies!

This is not at all what happened.

Well, you know what they say:
"History is written by Terrell Owens."

But who says that? Nobody says that.

It's the title of the book.

I'm gonna right this wrong.
People need to know the truth.

Coach, don't tweet angry.

This is why you're not allowed
in Buffalo Wild Wings.

"@TheRealTerrellOwens. Read your memoir.

Haven't enjoyed
a work of fiction this much in a while.

Rematch anytime."

I think Terrell Owens
has better things to do

than respond to your tweet.

[notification alert plays]

Garcia?

I thought he was dead.

So, Coach,
think we should be talking strategy

for Friday's game against SaMo?

You're right. Let's focus.

-[notification alert plays]
-He tweeted back!

"You're on, Garcia.

Madden rematch tomorrow."

Oh, boy.

SaMo will have to wait.
Fire up the PlayStation. We're training!

You don't have
the latest edition of Madden.

But you do. So, go get it.

[cell phone ringing]

-[sighs]
-[cell phone clicks]

Dude, what're you doing
goin' after T.O. like that?

-How did you find out so fast?
-How'd I find out?

It's already been retweeted,
like, 500 times. No, 600.

No, wait, 6,000.

Man, I really need glasses.

Really? Well, good.

People need to know--

[exhales]

-You okay?
-[Victor] I would be

if my niece learned
how to clean up after herself.

She's become such a... ugh...

teenager.

She used to be my angel.

[chuckling] Now, she's spooky.
I don't know what to do.

Well, you can start
by not lettin' her walk all over you.

You're cleaning up after her now,
aren't you?

No.

See, dude, this is the problem.
You let her get away with everything.

There are no consequences.

I do consequences.

You gotta do better. Take away her iPad.

Oh, but she loves that thing.

I'm gonna take away her iPad.

[bangs on counter]
Those are some consequences.

I'm in total control again. [screams]

Don't clean that up.

Oh. Hey, tío,

Tad's about to pick me up.

Well, there are a few things
I want to say first.

I've noticed lately
that you've been more defensive,

more contradictory,

more talkie-backie.

"Talkie-backie" isn't a word.

There. You just talkie-backied.

I get that you're a teenager,

that you wanna go to the mall
with your gals,

try on some jeggings.

But you still need to follow my rules.

I told you to clean up the ice,
and you didn't. You mess up again,

and there will be...

consequences.

What consequences?

Your iPad.

You can't take away my iPad.
I need it for work, and JPL owns it.

[scoffs] I wasn't done.

Your iPad is not what I will be taking.

The consequence is--

trust me--

it's what you care about the most.

What is it?

I don't think I have to say.

You know.

[knocking on door]

I don't.

[chuckling] I don't think you do either.

Hey, Ash. Hey, Coach.

Hi. [exhales]

Okay, okay.

Now remember, home by 11:00
or... consequences.

Tío, there aren't gonna be consequences
because we're not gonna break curfew.

And don't worry, Coach. No moped tonight.

I borrowed my dad's car,
and it's got seat belts

and airbags and an emergency kit...

in case there's a natural disaster

and our corrupt government
doesn't send help.

Your dad's an interesting guy, Tad.

[chuckles] You haven't seen his attic.

Actually, nobody has.

-Sorry I parked so far.
-I don't mind. It's such a nice night.

And look how beautiful that is.

That is a nicely drawn bloody hand.

I meant that lavender rose,
but yeah, the hand's good too.

You want one, don't you?

-Yeah, but they're Mr. Lustgarten's.
-That guy's a grump.

Whenever we're in Coach's pool,
he aims his speakers at us,

turns on bagpipe music, and then leaves.

I once asked him if I could have a rose,
and he told me to get a job.

[scoffs] Those roses aren't his.

They belong to nature.

-I'm gonna get you one.
-No.

That's stealing.

Oh, I get it.

-You're a rulie.
-A rulie?

You mean like a rule-follower?

I think I'm insulted.

It's not an insult.
Some of my best friends are rulies.

Like Stick.

Huge rulie.

I, on the other hand, am a breakie.

I only follow the rules
that make sense to me.

It's not a big deal.
It just means we're different.

Different, like, not compatible?

Different like this.

Tad! Don't. Lustgarten will see you.

Ooh, there's a better one over there.

Who's there?

Uh, nobody. Just a Gutter Guy

here to give you a free inspection.

Looks good to me. Gotta go.

Uh, wait.

-What's your name?
-Ta--

Tad?

No.

Just Ta.

As in, Taaa...

Well, Taaa,

I wanted to thank you
for the free inspection.

-Here's a tip for you.
-[gasps, whines]

-[screams]
-You're the rose thief?

[yells] Gah!

Get back here!

I got you now, Taaa!

[players grunting on TV]

You're gonna get sacked.

Try L1, R1,

triangle, triangle,
right toggle, right toggle,

left trigger, right trigger, X, square.

-[whistle blows on TV]
-[announcer speaking on TV]

What does that do?

I don't know,

but it's indefensible.

Man, this game's gotten tougher,

but the graphics have gotten better.

I can actually see the sadness

on the faces of the Browns' fans.

[notification alert plays]

T.O. tweeted.

He's gonna stream our game on Witch?

You mean, "Twitch"?

Do you need me to make the text
on your phone bigger again?

What's Twitch?

It's a streaming platform for gamers.

Millions of people all over the world
will be able to watch you play.

Oh. Oh!

-Hey, guys.
-Hey, Brooke. What're you doing here?

-Come to see yo' man?
-[Brooke chuckles]

No, just came to get my flash drive.

Come to get yo' flash drive?

Stick, we need to play.

Remember why yo' here?

So, homestretch. You excited
to be almost done with your presentation?

So excited... and stressed.

If my presentation isn't great,
they could cut me.

GEmS is supercompetitive.

Well, I'm really proud of you.

Uh, Coach, I need a time-out.

No way. You're out of time-outs.

Fine. Brooke, can you take over for a sec?

[sighs] No.

[stammers] I can't play video games.
I really can't...

'cause I... hate them.

You asked we'd never mention
anything bathroom related...

We just started dating.
I don't need to be hearing about that.

...but I can't hold it anymore.

Just keep pressing these two buttons.
You'll do great.

[softly] Hello, old friend.

-What was that?
-[at normal volume] Nothing.

[chuckles]

I stole the rose.
I can't believe it, but I did it.

It was on the ground, and I picked it up
'cause I always wanted one,

and I ran, and I didn't look back.

Wow. Ashley Garcia,

-the rose thief.
-[sighs]

It was such a rush.

Oh, no. What do we do with the evidence?

I've got an idea.

Hollywood Bowl box seats, here we come.

You bought us box seats?

Not exactly.

Whoa. Brooke,
you've scored three touchdowns?

Apparently,
Brooke's incredible at this game.

Also, you were in the bathroom
for quite a while.

-There was fascinating literature...
-Gross!

-...in there.
-Gross!

How'd you catch that?
My DBs were all over your guy.

If I'm throwing middle deep,
you have to audible to a cover two

and manually move your linebacker
to cover my guy.

Manually. That's genius.
Run that play again.

Let me see if I can stop it
doing what you told me to do.

Now. Move your linebacker.

Interception!

Oh, pick six, it worked!

[sighs] This is what it's like
to be good at football.

-[clicks tongue] I can take it from here.
-Oh, no.

-You're out, and she's in.
-Where'd you learn all these moves?

Madden subreddit.

You can learn
some pretty sick money plays.

Sick money plays?

Who are you?

I've never even seen you play before.

I don't anymore.

It's been four years and 278 days
since I've last played.

-That's weirdly specific.
-[whistle blows on TV]

[gasps, yells]

[chuckles softly]

Touchdown against five defenders?

Show me how to do that,
that play you just ran.

-And that roar.
-[giggles]

Stick, I saw some Mountain Dew
in the fridge.

Could you grab me one?

Or better yet, snag me a sixer.

Mommy needs her fuel.

[exhales]

You keep teaching me moves like this,
tomorrow at 9:00 a.m.,

I'm going to destroy Owens!

Yeah, I am not doing that.
These are the moneymakers.

Stick, Mountain Dew me.

I can't. We're out of Mountain Dew

because you've had eight.

Don't count my Dews!

Okay, but now is maybe a good time
to take a little break.

You've been playing
for three hours straight.

Maybe you wanna stretch or eat something?

Or, you know, blink?

Blinking is for losers.

She's not wrong.

Okay, but what about your presentation
for GEmS?

You said you had to finish it.

I said I had to put
the finishing touches on it.

It's practically done.

-If you say so.
-You ready for the third quarter?

Does a tight-end slant beat any zone D?

The answer is yes.

-[sneezes]
-[official on TV] Fumble!

I just fumbled because of that sneeze!

-[screams]
-[controller clatters]

[chuckles] I mean...

bless you. [sighs]

I think we need to stop.

Good idea.
I think it's time we called it a night.

No. I mean we need to stop
so I can get my extra controller.

Whoo!

That's the type of passion I need
to get me fired up for T.O.!

[whoops]

He might be able to completely ignore
this kind of behavior, but I can't.

-Brooke, you have a pro--
-I don't have a problem.

I'm just enthusiastically helping out
a... friend's uncle.

I've done all my work,
and I just wanna have a little fun.

-But you--
-Stick! Do you care about my needs?

If you do, you'd chill out and get me
some more Mountain Dew!

Ready to jump back in, Coach?

What's up, Stick?

Stick was just on his way out
to get me some more fuel. Right?

Yeah. That's right.

[announcer speaking indistinctly on TV]

[Stick sighs]

[engine turns off]

Tonight was so much fun.

It was so great what you said

when that usher asked us
to see our VIP tickets.

[giggling] Say it again. Say it again.

[in deep voice]
Do you really not know who my father is?

-Have you ever heard of Chester Spotify?
-[laughing]

[sighs] Oh,
I've never had a night like this.

Me either.

Wow, it's a beautiful moon.

There's a cozy spot
where we can sit and see it even better.

Sounds great.

Let's come back and see it
tomorrow afternoon.

Oh, come on, Tad.

Ash, you've got curfew.

I'm going.

What have I done to Ashley Garcia?

Right under that tree.
It's totally unobstructed.

That's the best view of the moon.

Oh, you mean,
right where Lustgarten's gonna bury us.

Wait, are you becoming a rulie?

It's not an insult.

Some of my best friends are rulies.

Like Stick.

Huge rulie.

When I ate those nachos at the concert,

I did not expect
to be hoppin' any more fences.

[announcer speaking indistinctly on TV]

-[fans cheering]
-[announcer] Touchdown!

-Touchdown!
-[whistle blows]

In yo' face!

I am Brooke Bishop,

first of her name,

Queen of the Gridiron,

Mother of Touchdowns, Drinker of Dew!

That's really nice,

but how is a seven-minute end-zone dance
helping me learn?

I'm teaching you

what a winner looks like!

Look, can you go back to teaching me
some winner plays?

Yeah, yeah. We'll get to that,

but first I need to go to the other room
for a reason I will not mention.

Psst. Coach, I need to talk to you.

Quick.
While the Mother of Touchdowns is gone.

What's up, Stick?

You see another scary Halloween mask
at 7-Eleven?

No.

I don't go down that aisle anymore.

We gotta get Brooke to stop playing.

[stammers] She's an addict.
A full-blown vid-nerd,

and I've enabled her,

one Mountain Dew at a time.

So she likes to play,
and she likes her Dews.

Let the girl live a little.

She's gonna bomb her presentation.

[stammers] I saw her flash drive,
and she's barely started.

She shows up unprepared,
GEmS could kick her out.

But I need her. She's my coach.

But she worked
so hard for this internship.

You're gonna let her throw it away
so you can prove something

-to Terrell Owens?
-America needs to know the truth.

I beat Terrell Owens
in the middle of the night!

Coach,

you always tell the team
that the most important thing

is how hard you try.

That it's not about winning,

it's about your integrity
as a player and a man.

Wow.

I always do know the right thing to say,
don't I?

-But it's not gonna work, Stick.
-We gotta help her, Coach.

She seems fine to me.

-[crowd cheering on TV]
-I'm gonna take your ball,

then I'm gonna take your soul.

Oh, yeah. I see it now.

[crickets chirping]

-Wow. So beautiful.
-[sighs]

-Okay, that's enough moon. Let's go.
-Oh. [grunts]

Tad... [chuckles]

...we have 17 minutes,
and we're right next door.

Mr. Lustgarten's asleep.

What are you so worried about?
Let's just... enjoy this.

Sure.

Sure.

I'm worried
that I won't get you home on time,

-and Coach was clear about--
-Tad,

I really need to know something.

Are you a rulie now or a breakie?
Because after tonight,

I think I've gone breakie,
and if you've gone rulie,

we might not be compatible.

I-I don't know.

I guess I'm both.

You can be both?

Yeah. I'm a rulie at school,

with my dad, with my coaches.

It's just,
sometimes I need to break a rule

to blow off some steam.

So, that's why it felt so good tonight.

I had so much steam built up,
and then... phew! [chuckles]

I've spent 15 years never breaking a rule.

Just doing what's expected of me.

[sighs] It's so much...

-[chuckles softly]
-Pressure.

That's how I feel too.

I guess we are compatible. [chuckles]

Who would've thought
we'd be so right for each other?

A football player

and a brilliant scientist
who builds spaceships.

Close enough.

We've still got
15 minutes of full moon to watch.

Actually, that's not a full moon.
It's a waxing gibbous.

Tomorrow, it'll be a full moon
and then a waning gibbous. [chuckles]

Usually, my moon talk
just puts people to sleep.

Okay, we can stay,

just for another minute.

Are you gonna get back in here, Coach?
I'm sick of playing this machine.

When they lose, they don't cry.

Brooke, I just want to say
that we're here because we care about you.

No, you're here because you live here,

and you basically live here.

Brooke,

I really appreciate
how much you've helped me,

but I think I'm good.

I can take it from here.

No.

You can't take it from here.

You still suck.

-Can't we just turn off the PlayStation?
-No.

The Wikipedia page for interventions
said she had to choose to stop herself.

If we stray from the wiki,
all hell could break loose.

Brooke, if I'm gonna lose tomorrow,
I'm gonna lose,

but this isn't worth you bombing
your GEmS presentation.

-[game pauses]
-How do you know about my presentation?

Did you look through my stuff, old man?

Old man?

I'll have you know
I got carded last week at a Chili's.

I looked through your stuff.

Coach, can you give us a minute?

Sure. I'll be in the kitchen.

Call me if she goes full Hulk.

Listen...

I didn't mean to pry,
but I was worried about you.

I know how much GEmS means to you.

You have to finish your presentation.

Just because you're my boyfriend

doesn't mean you get to tell me
what to do.

I'm doing this because I care about you,
and you care about the girls in GEmS.

You help people. That's what you do.

[sighs] You're right.

I can't let them down.

[chuckles softly] Thanks, Stick.

I kinda lost it there.

I forgot what this game does to me.

One time, my brother intercepted a pass,

and I ripped my Bieber poster in half
and punched a hole in the wall.

That's when my parents made me quit.

[chuckles] Wow. And I thought it was crazy
you were wearing a scrunchie.

I'm wearing a scrunchie?

Just to be clear,

you called me your boyfriend earlier,
right?

[chuckles] Yeah, I guess I did.

[stammers] Are you okay with that?

I do.

[giggles]

I mean, yes.

[Brooke sighs, chuckles softly]

All clear?

Yeah, we're all good.

You can put your breakables back.

Well, thank God we got that sorted out.

Madden is quite the temptress,
but you know what I've learnt?

Why do I care if the world knows
my version of what happened

or Terrell Owens's?

Who cares? It means nothing.

I'm a grown man.
What am I even doing playing video games?

I'm very behind on my taxes.

Well, I gotta get home.

I have a PowerPoint to finish.

I'll walk you.

[mouthing]

[door opens]

[door closes]

[sighs]

[scoffs]

[chuckles]

[sound effects playing on TV]

You have to bury T.O.
and his book full of lies.

America must know.

It happened in the middle of the night!

[birds singing]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Tad!

-Tad!
-What? What?

We fell asleep. We missed curfew.

Tío said there'd be
major consequences if I messed up again!

Ashley, it's gonna be okay.

It's not like he's gonna take away
your allowance.

You make more money than he does.

No, he's gonna take away
the thing I care about most.

Oh, no! Your Hydro Flask?

No, he meant you.

That's what he was talking about!
I messed up again.

Now he's not gonna let us
see each other anymore.

[sighs] Let's make a run for it.

My dad's emergency kit
has enough food to last us two weeks.

Wait. Tío Victor didn't text me.

He must have fallen asleep.

If I sneak back in the house
and get in my room, he'll never know.

Wait!

So where are we on the "run for it" thing?

We gotta go!

Happy three-year anniversary, Salma Hayek.

-[floorboards creak]
-[cans clatter]

-[floorboards creak]
-[cans clatter]

[takes a deep breath]

[water running]

[Tad yelps, thuds]

[gasps] What was that?

What's goin' on here?

I was...

borrowing milk...

and I slipped on some water.

-Are you two just getting home now?
-Tío, I know I messed up again,

but please don't stop me from seeing Tad.
We fell asleep. It was an accident.

We'll talk about this later.

-Tad, are you okay?
-Yeah. Yeah.

[exhales, grunting] Nope, no, not okay!

Oh, boy. We gotta get you to the ER.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to put you out.

-[message alert beeps]
-No, that's fine.

[sighs]

The most important thing is
that we take care of you.

-Why don't you stay?
-[door opens]

Maybe dry off the floor?

I'm so sorry, Tad.

Why? I-It's not your fault.

[theme music playing]