All language subtitles for s06e16

Yetta, I love you,
I got to go, sweetie.

No, you can't talk to them now.
Okay, here they are.

We need to talk.
I've got such exciting news.

Calm down, calm down.

They're not geniuses.
That was Niles talking.

Okay, I'm going to go now.
I love you too. ( kisses ) Bye.

What is the one thing
that separates me

from all the successful people
in this world?

Success?

This.

Oh, no. You didn't write another
"Seinfeld" episode, did you?

Sweetie, it's over.

No. This is a new play. A friend of
mine wrote it, and it's wonderful!

- Oh.
- I'm going to show it to Mr. Sheffield.

He'll love it, produce it, I'll
be his partner, become rich,

and finally be able to get out of this
stinking, rotten excuse for an existence.

Not that it hasn't been a blast.

- Good morning.
- Oh, sir.

I've got something very
important to discuss with you,

and I know you'll listen since you
have great respect for my opinions.

Oh, by the way, have you scraped
off my riding boots like I asked?

Yes. Yes.

Sir, I have discovered
a wonderful new play

that I would consider
selling, okay, giving,

to Sheffield-Babcock productions in
exchange for becoming a partner.

Okay, co-partner.
Associate. Junior. Assistant.

All right,
I'll fetch the lattes.

But we are partners, old man.

I run the business,
you run the home.

I'm good at my specialty,
you are wonderful at yours.

Now, you wouldn't want
to go and fiddle

with what I consider to be one of
the more successful partnerships

anyone has ever known,
would you?

No, of course not, sir. Thank you, sir.
Goodbye, sir. Thank you.

Well, I lost that exchange,
didn't I?

- Oh, yes, sir.
- Oh.

Well, forget it.
What was I thinking?

She's only ever going to think
of me as "just a domestic."

Who?

Oh? No one.

Niles, are you doing all this
to impress a woman?

Well, maybe. A little.

Sorta.

Kinda.

Oh, are you in love?

Maybe. A little.

Sorta.

Kinda.

But I'm just dreaming. There's no way
that she would ever consider me.

Oh, no, you're not still writing
to Petula Clark, are you?

Oh, no, no, no.
This isn't an infatuation.

No, this is deep.

I think this might really be it.

Well, have you told her
how you feel?

Oh, God, no.

Well, you've got
to let her know.

I mean, what woman wouldn't be
thrilled to have you in her life?

Oh.

Hello, hello.

♪ She was working in a bridal
shop in Flushing, Queens ♪

♪ Till her boyfriend kicked her out
in one of those crushing scenes ♪

♪ What was she to do, where was she
to go, she was out on her fanny ♪

♪ So over the bridge from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door ♪

♪ She was there to sell makeup,
but the father saw more ♪

♪ She had style, she had flair, she was
there, that's how she became the Nanny ♪

♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl we described ♪

♪ Was just exactly
what the doctor prescribed? ♪

♪ Now, the father
finds her beguiling ♪

♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪

♪ And the kids are actually
smiling such joie de vivre ♪

♪ She's the lady in red when
everybody else is wearing tan ♪

♪ The flashy girl from Flushing,
the Nanny named Fran ♪

Niles, I have been buzzing
for over an hour.

What do I have to do to get
some milk for my coffee?

Hover over a bucket.

( laughs )

You found that funny?

No, I'm laughing at the way
that little thing under his chin

jiggles back and forth
when he talks.

What is this? Foreplay?

Uh, Miss Babcock.

Let me have a word with you.

You know, if you want to have

a long-term
relationship with a man,

you know, other than my husband,

let me give you a little bit
of advice. We're friends.

Nanny Fine,

I may have to accept the fact
that you snagged my boyfriend

and are about to breed
what should be my babies...

C.C.!

My babies!

You do realize that's my wife
you're speaking to, don't you?

Of course.

I just didn't know you were
standing right behind me.

This animosity's been
going on far too long, C.C.

And frankly, I am sick of it.
Now either you

make friends and get
along with my wife,

or there's no place for you
in our home and I'll have

- to dissolve our partnership.
- Oh!

Maxwell, I was just funning
with her. We're friends,

just like I was
with your first wife, Sally.

- Sarah.
- Sarah!

I love the smell of Nair that
lingers when she leaves a room.

Who are you?

Are you telling me that all those years
that you put dishwater in her coffee

and changed her lip balm
for glue stick

and called her a cow you were
flirting?

What, no good?

Oh, Niles, why don't you just
tell her how you feel?

Oh, God, no, not until I have
a successful career.

A substantial income. A home.

- Oh, God.
- What?

She's never going to know.

Well, here's what
you're going to do.

You are going to produce
this play yourself, mister,

and I am going to help you,
because you're my friend

and I love you
and I want you to be happy.

Is this your way of telling me that you've
upped the number of baby-shower guests

I'm going to have
to cook for to 75?

Maybe. Kinda. Sorta. 100.

Okay, partner, the first
thing you need to do

is read the play and
tell me what you think.

Very good. Great. I'll do that.

You know, it's so heavy.

I don't need to read it. If you
say it's great, it's great.

Now come on, if you're going to be a
producer, you have to do the work.

You're right. Okay.

I'll have Gracie read it.

Hey, kid...

Listen, I really screwed up
with your old man,

and I need your help to weasel
back in to his good graces.

Er, why should I help you?

I'll give you $10,000.

Okay.

- It's Grace.
- Oh, thank you.

Wait a minute, I don't want you. You're
the little one. I want the big one.

Uh, Maggie.

What?

I was right?

You know, I have always felt
a special closeness to you.

I watched you grow up,
I danced at your wedding...

Did you have a good time?

Well, let's just say
I didn't go home alone.

She's never been married.

Who's the boy? Who's the boy?
Oh, hello! Trevor!

Yeah?

I was right again?

Listen, I have always felt
a special closeness to you...

- How's it going, partner?
- Oh, terribly.

Bernadette Peters' agent
wouldn't even take my call.

They'd never heard of me.

Me! Niles! They do back flips
for me at the A&P!

Well, I've been watching Maxwell and
Miss Babcock do this for years,

and we're just going to have to do
what they do to get things done.

- What's that?
- We'll use their names.

People will think
that we're them.

Hello.

Or should I say, hello, hello.

And you'll have to be Maxwell.
Can you do an English accent?

I'll try.

Oh, but we still have
one big problem.

We can't even afford to send the messenger
to give the scripts out to people to read.

What are we going to do
for money?

( Clears throat )

Oh, no. I mean, it's one
thing to steal their names,

but it's very, very wrong
to use his business account.

I'll use our joint account.

That's what I'll do. You know,
Maxwell gave me full access to that.

Oh? How much is in there?

Not a lot. He says that
I'm not good with money.

And everybody knows that you have the
first penny that you ever earned here.

Yeah, well, that'll pay
for the messenger.

Well, we'll worry about that
later. Get into your position.

- What position?
- Your Maxwell position.

And then I'll just call
that agent right now.

Agent:
Hello?

Yes, this is Sheffield-Babcock
Productions,

and Mr. Sheffield
has a property,

and he would like to speak with
Bernadette Peters' agent. ASPCA.

Agent:
One moment, please.

One moment, please, this is
going to be a piece of cake.

C.C., you're brilliant.

Oh, Maxwell.

We make such a great couple.

But I know I can't compete
with that gorgeous,

sexy brunette you married.

I got you!

We knew you were coming in here!

( laughing )

You see, I told you he wouldn't
find this funny.

- Yeah, he said it.
- Now, if you don't mind,

- I have work to do.
- Okay.

Her idea.

It was his idea.

Oh, would you look at you,

Mr. Producer man?

C.C. is going to be so majorly
turned on when she sees you.

You know, women love powerful
men. Strong, confident...

( sniffles )

What's that smell?

Nice, huh? I Lemon Pledge'd
all the folding chairs.

Well, we'll just leave
that part out.

You know, I've been thinking,
this is such a star vehicle.

I really wish we'd been able to get
a bigger name than Madeline Porter.

Why? She's a huge soap star. Didn't
you ever watch "Edge of Life?"

Of course. 30 years ago,
before it was cancelled.

What has she done since that?

This.

Hello, darlings. Sorry I'm late.
I was held up at lunch.

Oh, Miss Porter,
did you enjoy the script?

I didn't read it.
Much too heavy.

This is ridiculous. No one is going to
buy that she is a 24-year-old ingénue.

Oh, sure they will.
We can't afford any lights.

But you know, my Uncle Heshy is
supplying us with the tickets.

And they turn into sponges
when you wet them.

It would really be ironic if this was a
big hit and they got all the credit.

And we were the best things that ever
happened to Sheffield-Babcock Productions.

Maxwell Sheffield
and C.C. Babcock?

Uh, you know
what they look like?

- No.
- Then yeah, sure, that's us.

- This is for you.
- Oh. Thank you.

What is it?

"Sheffield-Babcock
Productions"

is hereby notified that
they are in violation

of City codes, a
bunch of numbers,

"hereby ordered to pay
a fine of $250,000!"

( gasps )

Go pick up
my dry-cleaning,

put gas in the limo, and bring
me a double-decaf cappuccino!

What are you yelling at him for?
We're the ones in trouble.

Just clinging to my final
moments as a producer.

Well, on the bright side, there are still
two theater codes that we didn't violate.

Oh, no. I'm wrong.

What am I going to do?

All the dreams I had

of impressing Miss Babcock
have gone up in smoke.

Why don't you just tell her
how you feel?

I mean, maybe she's got more depth
than you give her credit for.

Listen, people don't have to be in the
same position in life to fall in love.

Well, that's certainly true.
Mr. Sheffield fell

in love with you when
you were just a nanny.

- That's right.
- And you didn't have any

formal education or fit
into his circle of friends.

Yeah, but I could fit into a size two
miniskirt and that kind of gave me an edge.

But that's not the only reason he fell in
love with me. I let him know how I felt.

Every chance you got.

For five long years.

Well, since you're so used
to telling him things,

are you going to tell him that we cost his
company a quarter of a million dollars?

Yes, I am. But with one little change. I'm
going to blame the whole thing on you.

- Right
- Well,

I can't take the risk anymore. I
can't fit into a size two nowadays.

- It's Miss Babcock.
- Talk to her!

What do I say?

I love you.

- What?
- Nothing.

Nanny Fine, you look so pretty.

Mrs. Sheffield,
I love the way...

Oh, I cannot do this!

I have got to find some way
to not hate you,

or Maxwell is just going to
kick me out on my butt.

All right, from now on,

no matter what you say,
no matter what you do,

I am going to treat you
with courtesy and respect.

- No matter what?
- No matter what.

Even if you're totally justified
in hating me?

Yep.

Niles and I used your names
to produce a play of our own,

and ended up getting
Sheffield-Babcock Productions sued

for a quarter
of a million dollars.

I'm going to kill you,

you stupid, useless,
pig-headed...

Angel! What lucky babies.

Look how nicely the two
of you are getting along.

Now that's very nice,
C.C., you keep it up.

Okay, here's the deal, Miss Babcock. If
you help me and Niles out of this jam,

I will tell Maxwell that
you're being nice to me

and you really don't have to be.

I've got a better idea.

Why don't I just wait
for Maxwell to find out

that you used his name
to produce a play,

and then I won't have to
worry about liking you

because he'll despise
you as much as I do?

( laughs )

Oh, it's going
to be a bloodbath.

I don't know
what he sees in her.

Don't make me do this.
I'm a really bad actor.

Just walk in,
look him in the eye

and tell him what
I told you to say.

Um, Dad, um, you know, Fran's in the
living room crying, and I think

she really needs some...

Fran:
Comfort. Oy!

Comfort, oy.

Oh, the poor thing.

She's feeling a little more emotional
these days because of the pregnancy.

Thank you.

Fran, darling,
what's the matter?

Is anything wrong?

Did one of the children
do something?

Did I do something?

Oh. Are you feeling
a little bit neglected?

Oh, look, I'm so busy
working on this sitcom.

- Yeah.
- Oh, darling,

I'm sorry. It's just there are
so many things to take care of

before this move to California.

I've never produced
a television show before.

You know what I think?

I think you need to get out there
a little more. Have some fun.

Go create some new projects
for yourself.

Oh, and...

you wouldn't mind if I did that?

No, of course not, my darling.

I'd fully support you
in anything you wanted to do.

Anything?

Max:
You what?

- She told him.
- She told him.

You know, this just isn't right. She's
in there taking all the blame herself.

She's such a good friend.

Max:
Niles!

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Thank you all.
What a glorious opening night.

I wish I could stay.

Oh, do you have
another party to go to?

No, I've got to refill the sugar
dispensers for the morning rush.

Thank you.

Would you care for a donut,
Yetta?

None of these have bones
in them, do they?

No.

The bear claws might.

Oh, sweetie, I really like
this whole producing thing.

I think that maybe we should become a team.
I mean, you got to admit,

I was pretty good at it.

Well, darling, you almost cost me
a quarter of a million dollars.

I had to come down here
and fix everything myself.

Well, what kind of a team would
we be if we both screwed up?

Niles, Niles,

you're a successful producer,
and you're standing over here.

Mm-hmm.

There's Miss Babcock, the woman
that you love, over there.

- Not good.
- Oh.

- Go ahead.
- Oh.

I don't know what to say.
I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl.

Yeah, well,
don't open with that.

Niles, listen to me.
I'm your friend, and I love you.

Don't spend the rest
of your life wondering.

Carpe diem.

Miss Babcock.

Well, I got to admit you
surprised me tonight.

You finally pulled off something
bigger than your shorts.

( laughs )

Oh, yeah? Well you...

You're a... you walk like a...

Marry me.

Man:
Five, six, seven, eight!

( music playing )

Ma, come on.
Morty's waiting in the car.

I'm coming.

( Jazz music playing )