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1
00:00:00,124 --> 00:00:03,232
- Before on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...
- Do you know any good therapists?
2
00:00:03,259 --> 00:00:06,260
Josh, it's not about checking
a box and getting a fancy label
3
00:00:06,327 --> 00:00:07,560
for what's bothering you.
4
00:00:07,629 --> 00:00:08,661
Look within.
5
00:00:08,961 --> 00:00:10,468
REBECCA: I still love you, Nathaniel,
6
00:00:10,493 --> 00:00:11,937
but I meant what I
said in the courtroom.
7
00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:14,235
You know? About being a better
person... I want to do that.
8
00:00:14,259 --> 00:00:16,279
Can you stop overthinking everything?
9
00:00:16,304 --> 00:00:17,794
Okay, I'm not overthinking things.
10
00:00:17,819 --> 00:00:19,940
- I'm trying to be a good person.
- Really?
11
00:00:19,965 --> 00:00:22,110
Because from where I'm
sitting, every time we're happy,
12
00:00:22,134 --> 00:00:23,533
you try to ruin it.
13
00:00:23,602 --> 00:00:25,001
I don't know how insurance works.
14
00:00:25,070 --> 00:00:26,336
Me neither.
15
00:00:26,405 --> 00:00:28,234
We can figure those things out.
16
00:00:28,907 --> 00:00:30,407
Me and you.
17
00:00:30,475 --> 00:00:32,108
We'd like to offer you the position
18
00:00:32,177 --> 00:00:33,276
of junior partner.
19
00:00:33,539 --> 00:00:34,878
REBECCA: This is objectively
20
00:00:34,946 --> 00:00:36,646
fantastic, right? Wow.
21
00:00:36,715 --> 00:00:38,114
Wow, wow, wow, wow.
22
00:00:38,183 --> 00:00:40,750
Wow. I am sorry, I just
need to get a smoothie.
23
00:00:40,819 --> 00:00:42,719
I didn't have any
breakfast, and I-I get weird
24
00:00:42,788 --> 00:00:44,532
- Where are you going?
- When I don't have protein.
25
00:00:44,556 --> 00:00:46,122
I'm just... I was going to...
26
00:00:46,191 --> 00:00:48,093
I'm just going to the deli on Broadway.
27
00:00:48,118 --> 00:00:50,593
You like to work? That's
the first I've heard of it.
28
00:00:50,662 --> 00:00:52,640
Uh, I got a hop off. I'm
really working hard here. Bye.
29
00:00:52,664 --> 00:00:54,130
So, I cannot be here today,
30
00:00:54,199 --> 00:00:56,399
but let's reconnect tomorrow
and get to know each other.
31
00:00:56,468 --> 00:00:58,635
Can we get back to
work, or am I boring you?
32
00:00:58,703 --> 00:01:00,560
Let's just do this stupid meeting
33
00:01:00,585 --> 00:01:02,349
with these stupid clients!
34
00:01:02,374 --> 00:01:05,308
♪ Meet Rebecca ♪
35
00:01:05,377 --> 00:01:07,911
♪ She's the coolest girl in the world ♪
36
00:01:07,936 --> 00:01:10,828
♪ Wait, wrong Rebecca ♪
37
00:01:12,179 --> 00:01:14,250
♪ It's this one over here ♪
38
00:01:14,319 --> 00:01:17,153
♪ She's spunky, she's
sweet, a generous friend ♪
39
00:01:17,222 --> 00:01:19,589
♪ Oh, but there she
looks kind of mean ♪
40
00:01:19,658 --> 00:01:21,291
Hmm. ♪ Okay, she's snarky ♪
41
00:01:21,359 --> 00:01:23,393
♪ Sarcastic and a... What? ♪
42
00:01:23,462 --> 00:01:26,726
♪ You know, we're not really
seeing a common theme ♪
43
00:01:26,751 --> 00:01:29,178
♪ Meet Rebecca ♪
44
00:01:29,935 --> 00:01:32,936
♪ She's too hard to summarize ♪
45
00:01:33,004 --> 00:01:36,306
♪ So let's go back
to Other Rebecca. ♪
46
00:01:36,523 --> 00:01:38,341
I live in this park.
47
00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:40,199
(inhales deeply, exhales)
48
00:01:40,223 --> 00:01:42,223
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
49
00:01:43,656 --> 00:01:45,682
Hey, Rebecca. Hey.
50
00:01:45,794 --> 00:01:47,194
How'd it go?
51
00:01:47,219 --> 00:01:49,857
A bar association is no joke, man.
52
00:01:49,882 --> 00:01:52,975
It's a long line of
identical-looking old white men,
53
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,158
all with this look on
their face. (growls)
54
00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:56,516
Okay, so, what did they say?
55
00:01:56,541 --> 00:01:59,005
Well, they said, "Uh, thank
you for your answers, Mi Bunch.
56
00:01:59,030 --> 00:02:01,164
"We will review your case
and notify you next week
57
00:02:01,233 --> 00:02:02,465
"via a registered letter about
58
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,356
whether you can still practice law."
59
00:02:04,767 --> 00:02:06,100
Oh, I'm not worried.
60
00:02:06,125 --> 00:02:07,804
Look, they won't disbar you.
61
00:02:07,873 --> 00:02:09,706
The criminal charges
against you were dropped.
62
00:02:09,774 --> 00:02:11,407
That hearing was just a formality.
63
00:02:11,476 --> 00:02:14,421
- You think?
- Yeah. I'm sure. In the meantime,
64
00:02:14,446 --> 00:02:15,990
you have got to come
back to Whitefeather.
65
00:02:16,648 --> 00:02:18,548
I mean... MountainTop.
66
00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:21,050
My God, that name is such a barf.
67
00:02:21,359 --> 00:02:24,898
Bert's a kook. Tim's an idiot.
Darryl's still on paternity leave.
68
00:02:24,923 --> 00:02:26,756
Jim has disappeared, like, poof.
69
00:02:26,796 --> 00:02:28,439
And Nathaniel is just
stomping around the office
70
00:02:28,493 --> 00:02:29,759
like a sad, handsome baby.
71
00:02:29,828 --> 00:02:31,895
Rebecca, we really need you at work.
72
00:02:32,531 --> 00:02:34,438
AKOPIAN: Do you want to go back to work?
73
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:36,132
Yeah, I do.
74
00:02:36,201 --> 00:02:37,934
I'm great at it. Plus, I had
75
00:02:38,003 --> 00:02:40,710
a tapeworm in jail, so...
I'm looking pretty fit.
76
00:02:40,735 --> 00:02:42,201
So, yeah, yeah, I'm ready.
77
00:02:42,226 --> 00:02:43,623
I'm gonna walk in that building,
78
00:02:43,648 --> 00:02:44,981
go to the coffee shop in the lobby
79
00:02:45,006 --> 00:02:46,990
and tell Martin to fire up
80
00:02:47,015 --> 00:02:50,553
my usual super-sweet latte with
extra soy foam for my tapeworm.
81
00:02:50,622 --> 00:02:51,854
Okay.
82
00:02:51,923 --> 00:02:53,923
Because you know you
don't have to be a lawyer.
83
00:02:53,992 --> 00:02:56,156
There are other fields.
84
00:02:56,181 --> 00:02:58,394
Other fields? Nah, I
think the ship sailed
85
00:02:58,463 --> 00:02:59,896
on that a long time ago.
86
00:02:59,921 --> 00:03:02,409
I just want you to be mindful
87
00:03:02,434 --> 00:03:05,312
about what makes you
truly happy. Got it.
88
00:03:05,337 --> 00:03:08,571
It's a good note, it's a good
note. I will keep that in mind
89
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:10,907
as I go back to the only thing
90
00:03:10,975 --> 00:03:14,109
anyone has ever paid
me or valued me for.
91
00:03:17,115 --> 00:03:19,015
(exhales)
92
00:03:22,338 --> 00:03:23,604
Josh?
93
00:03:24,783 --> 00:03:25,915
Hey, Rebecca.
94
00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:27,640
Hey. What are you doing here?
95
00:03:27,665 --> 00:03:28,831
Well, I'm in therapy.
96
00:03:30,095 --> 00:03:31,095
Wait.
97
00:03:31,129 --> 00:03:32,729
Josh Chan is in therapy?
98
00:03:32,797 --> 00:03:33,830
Double wait.
99
00:03:33,898 --> 00:03:35,498
You go to my shrink?
100
00:03:35,567 --> 00:03:37,567
Oh, I-I go to her husband, Davit.
101
00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:39,569
He has better Yelp reviews, actually.
102
00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:41,170
Oh, that's on me.
103
00:03:41,698 --> 00:03:43,639
I left some bad reviews on
her when I was spiraling.
104
00:03:43,708 --> 00:03:46,008
A lot of fake accounts.
It was a dark time. Oh.
105
00:03:46,077 --> 00:03:47,143
I should delete those.
106
00:03:47,212 --> 00:03:48,911
- Yeah. Maybe.
- Anyway, um...
107
00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:50,857
Oh, my God. Good for you.
108
00:03:50,882 --> 00:03:52,915
Josh Chan in therapy.
109
00:03:52,995 --> 00:03:54,917
- (chuckles)
- Gettin' deep.
110
00:03:55,378 --> 00:03:56,452
Um...
111
00:03:56,521 --> 00:03:59,122
Actually, do you have a...
do you have a s-second?
112
00:03:59,190 --> 00:04:00,056
Yeah, please.
113
00:04:00,081 --> 00:04:01,782
You probably know this,
but I've been trying
114
00:04:01,826 --> 00:04:04,097
to take responsibility
for things, and...
115
00:04:04,963 --> 00:04:06,564
I've been trying to find
116
00:04:06,589 --> 00:04:09,688
the right time to tell you that...
117
00:04:09,845 --> 00:04:12,312
what I've done to you
the last couple of years
118
00:04:12,337 --> 00:04:14,370
is... awful.
119
00:04:14,439 --> 00:04:16,873
It's some of the worst stuff
I've ever done to anyone.
120
00:04:16,941 --> 00:04:18,759
It was stalking. It's inexcusable.
121
00:04:18,784 --> 00:04:20,376
And if I'd been a man,
122
00:04:20,401 --> 00:04:22,234
I would have been in jail a lot sooner.
123
00:04:22,870 --> 00:04:24,447
I-I appreciate you saying that, Becks.
124
00:04:24,516 --> 00:04:26,816
Um, I've been meaning to talk to you
125
00:04:26,885 --> 00:04:29,085
about some of the things I did, also.
126
00:04:29,154 --> 00:04:30,396
Hmm?
127
00:04:30,421 --> 00:04:32,088
Like, when I moved in with you
128
00:04:32,157 --> 00:04:34,757
but acted like we were casual...
129
00:04:34,826 --> 00:04:36,359
that was gas-lighting.
130
00:04:38,029 --> 00:04:40,329
You know what? We both made mistakes.
131
00:04:40,398 --> 00:04:42,076
What matters is you're
getting support now.
132
00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:43,733
- And I'm so happy for you.
- Yeah.
133
00:04:43,758 --> 00:04:47,159
I am. And-and, uh, you know,
I'm also learning to look within,
134
00:04:47,272 --> 00:04:49,405
understand my emotions.
135
00:04:49,474 --> 00:04:51,474
Um, I-I recently
136
00:04:51,543 --> 00:04:53,676
made a big decision.
137
00:04:53,745 --> 00:04:55,589
Are you finally moving out
of Hector's mom's house?
138
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,145
No. She's awesome.
139
00:04:58,903 --> 00:05:00,116
I'm starting to date.
140
00:05:00,185 --> 00:05:02,605
Oh. I'm gonna go on the apps.
141
00:05:02,630 --> 00:05:03,863
(chuckles) Oh.
142
00:05:03,888 --> 00:05:06,055
I'm looking for a real relationship.
143
00:05:07,425 --> 00:05:08,724
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
144
00:05:08,793 --> 00:05:11,260
I... Should I have told you that?
145
00:05:11,329 --> 00:05:13,378
- Is that weird?
- Oh, my God. No.
146
00:05:13,403 --> 00:05:14,630
Not weird at all.
147
00:05:14,743 --> 00:05:16,943
In fact, I'm gonna
need the deets on that.
148
00:05:16,968 --> 00:05:19,235
- (laughs)
- No. Because there's going to be
149
00:05:19,260 --> 00:05:20,747
a feeding frenzy in the Cov.
150
00:05:20,772 --> 00:05:22,638
- Don't.
- Oh, my God. Josh Chan's on the apps?
151
00:05:22,663 --> 00:05:25,364
Like, people's brains are gonna explode.
152
00:05:28,746 --> 00:05:30,479
(indistinct chatter)
153
00:05:30,548 --> 00:05:32,415
(cheering, applause)
154
00:05:32,483 --> 00:05:34,350
Hey. Like, no judgment, like, at all,
155
00:05:34,419 --> 00:05:37,587
but why is your shoe off in
my public eating establishment?
156
00:05:37,655 --> 00:05:39,222
- My shoe hurts.
- Mm.
157
00:05:39,290 --> 00:05:41,157
I smashed my toe surfing Little Dume,
158
00:05:41,226 --> 00:05:42,491
and now look.
159
00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:44,393
Got a big hole in my toe.
160
00:05:44,418 --> 00:05:46,185
Uh, that's really gross.
161
00:05:46,297 --> 00:05:48,331
You need to call your
doctor, like, right now.
162
00:05:48,399 --> 00:05:50,667
- No, I'm fine.
- No, baby, call him.
163
00:05:50,692 --> 00:05:52,768
I don't want baby to lose a toe.
164
00:05:52,837 --> 00:05:54,815
I love baby's toes.
165
00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:57,173
And baby's hairless arms.
166
00:05:57,242 --> 00:05:58,774
And baby.
167
00:05:58,843 --> 00:05:59,843
Aw.
168
00:05:59,911 --> 00:06:01,777
I love you, too, kitty cat.
169
00:06:01,802 --> 00:06:03,435
Meow, meow, meow.
170
00:06:03,548 --> 00:06:04,680
Meow. Meow.
171
00:06:04,792 --> 00:06:06,354
Meow. Meow.
172
00:06:06,893 --> 00:06:08,117
Aw...
173
00:06:12,156 --> 00:06:14,257
REBECCA: Back to
Whitefeather, everybody.
174
00:06:14,325 --> 00:06:15,958
Martin, fire up the bean machine.
175
00:06:16,027 --> 00:06:18,294
Me and my big ol' worm are thirsty!
176
00:06:18,363 --> 00:06:21,163
♪ ♪
177
00:06:21,187 --> 00:06:23,187
_
178
00:06:23,201 --> 00:06:24,634
Gasp.
179
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:32,349
Hi.
180
00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:33,843
What is this place?
181
00:06:33,912 --> 00:06:35,745
It's a 1920s speakeasy.
182
00:06:36,995 --> 00:06:40,116
No, it's not. It's a
corporately-owned pretzel store.
183
00:06:40,184 --> 00:06:42,084
- That just appeared in my lobby?
- Hey, wait.
184
00:06:42,153 --> 00:06:43,920
You look familiar. Why is that?
185
00:06:43,988 --> 00:06:45,454
I...
186
00:06:45,523 --> 00:06:47,623
Jim? Jim, What are you doing down here?
187
00:06:47,692 --> 00:06:49,091
I own this place.
188
00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:51,294
No, you don't. You're a lawyer, like me.
189
00:06:51,362 --> 00:06:53,396
- He's a lawyer, like me.
- Not anymore. I quit the law.
190
00:06:53,464 --> 00:06:55,531
What? You... No, no, you can't do that.
191
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,234
I can and I did. I got sick of it.
192
00:06:58,303 --> 00:07:00,603
Plus, uh, Pretzel Central
was recruiting branch owners,
193
00:07:00,672 --> 00:07:03,406
and the coffee shop that was
here closed, so here I am.
194
00:07:04,042 --> 00:07:05,650
Huh. Wow.
195
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,311
So you're just gonna throw away
all those years of law school,
196
00:07:08,379 --> 00:07:10,246
all that time studying for the bar,
197
00:07:10,271 --> 00:07:13,472
- all that time taking the bar...
- I know the process to become a lawyer
198
00:07:13,497 --> 00:07:15,395
I just don't want to
do it anymore. It sucks.
199
00:07:15,420 --> 00:07:16,953
AJ: I'm with her.
200
00:07:17,021 --> 00:07:18,554
It's dumb to quit being a lawyer.
201
00:07:18,901 --> 00:07:20,556
I'm majoring in pre-law myself.
202
00:07:20,581 --> 00:07:22,704
Oh, no, no, no.
203
00:07:22,729 --> 00:07:24,627
Bad idea. Trust me.
204
00:07:24,696 --> 00:07:26,996
Being a lawyer is the worst.
205
00:07:27,682 --> 00:07:30,132
Now, stand back and let
me tell you my tale of woe.
206
00:07:30,201 --> 00:07:32,368
(upbeat pop intro plays)
207
00:07:32,437 --> 00:07:33,437
♪ Whoo! ♪
208
00:07:35,673 --> 00:07:37,173
♪ Ah! ♪
209
00:07:37,241 --> 00:07:39,442
♪ 20 years old, pretty smart kid ♪
210
00:07:39,510 --> 00:07:41,510
♪ Didn't know what I wanted to do ♪
211
00:07:41,579 --> 00:07:44,180
♪ So I took the LSAT,
and then just like that ♪
212
00:07:44,248 --> 00:07:46,449
♪ Got accepted at Glendale U ♪
213
00:07:46,517 --> 00:07:48,884
♪ Everyone said it
was a real safe bet ♪
214
00:07:48,953 --> 00:07:50,997
♪ A prestigious and
lucrative vocation ♪
215
00:07:51,022 --> 00:07:53,910
♪ So I set out on a journey
to become an attorney ♪
216
00:07:53,935 --> 00:07:56,202
♪ Without a moment's hesitation ♪
217
00:07:56,227 --> 00:07:58,294
♪ But here's some free advice ♪
218
00:07:58,363 --> 00:08:00,463
- ♪ I'm givin' ♪
- _
219
00:08:00,531 --> 00:08:03,466
♪ When it comes to
deciding what to ♪
220
00:08:03,534 --> 00:08:05,101
♪ Do for a livin' ♪
221
00:08:05,169 --> 00:08:07,236
♪ Don't be a lawyer ♪
222
00:08:07,305 --> 00:08:08,471
♪ Don't do it ♪
223
00:08:08,539 --> 00:08:10,172
♪ Quickest way to ruin your life ♪
224
00:08:10,241 --> 00:08:11,974
♪ Don't be a lawyer ♪
225
00:08:12,043 --> 00:08:13,242
♪ Not worth it ♪
226
00:08:13,311 --> 00:08:15,611
♪ It'll leave you dead inside ♪
227
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:17,546
♪ The job is inherently crappy ♪
228
00:08:17,615 --> 00:08:19,949
♪ That's why you never
met a lawyer who's happy ♪
229
00:08:20,018 --> 00:08:21,417
♪ It's a guaranteed ♪
230
00:08:21,486 --> 00:08:23,886
♪ Soul destroyer ♪
231
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,652
♪ Don't be a lawyer ♪
232
00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:30,793
♪ ♪
233
00:08:32,363 --> 00:08:34,030
♪ Law school debt, daily regret ♪
234
00:08:34,098 --> 00:08:36,465
♪ Is that what you
dreamed of as a kid? ♪
235
00:08:36,534 --> 00:08:39,368
♪ Or did you hope one day
that you'd find a way ♪
236
00:08:39,437 --> 00:08:41,303
♪ To spend four years working on a ♪
237
00:08:41,372 --> 00:08:42,972
♪ Pharmaceutical company's merger ♪
238
00:08:43,041 --> 00:08:45,441
♪ With another
pharmaceutical company? ♪
239
00:08:45,510 --> 00:08:46,909
♪ Your only expertise ♪
240
00:08:46,978 --> 00:08:48,010
♪ Is runnin' up fees ♪
241
00:08:48,079 --> 00:08:50,246
♪ And speaking
legalese like a dick ♪
242
00:08:50,314 --> 00:08:52,815
♪ But it's not too late
to avoid this fate ♪
243
00:08:52,884 --> 00:08:55,317
♪ Find any other job to pick ♪
244
00:08:55,386 --> 00:08:58,788
♪ Sure, your parents might
think you're a failure ♪
245
00:08:59,931 --> 00:09:01,624
♪ But no one's ever said ♪
246
00:09:01,692 --> 00:09:04,226
♪ First let's kill all the tailors ♪
247
00:09:04,295 --> 00:09:06,128
♪ Don't be a lawyer ♪
248
00:09:06,197 --> 00:09:07,463
♪ I'm serious ♪
249
00:09:07,532 --> 00:09:09,131
♪ It really, really sucks ♪
250
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,933
♪ Don't be a lawyer ♪
251
00:09:11,002 --> 00:09:12,701
♪ No one you work with looks like ♪
252
00:09:12,770 --> 00:09:14,437
♪ Ally McBeal ♪
253
00:09:14,505 --> 00:09:16,639
♪ There are so many
other professions ♪
254
00:09:16,707 --> 00:09:18,674
♪ That don't turn you
into Jeff Sessions ♪
255
00:09:18,743 --> 00:09:19,875
♪ Just say no ♪
256
00:09:19,944 --> 00:09:22,378
♪ To the lawyer employer ♪
257
00:09:22,447 --> 00:09:23,512
♪ No! ♪
258
00:09:23,581 --> 00:09:25,247
♪ Don't be a lawyer ♪
259
00:09:26,551 --> 00:09:29,452
What about human rights law?
260
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,887
♪ No money, no, no money ♪
261
00:09:31,956 --> 00:09:33,823
Environmental law?
262
00:09:33,891 --> 00:09:36,859
♪ No money, even less money ♪
263
00:09:36,928 --> 00:09:38,828
Immigration law?
264
00:09:38,896 --> 00:09:41,630
♪ No money, plus it's a bummer ♪
265
00:09:41,732 --> 00:09:44,834
Okay, but what if one day you
make it to the Supreme Court?
266
00:09:44,902 --> 00:09:48,003
♪ It'd be great to be
on the Supreme Court ♪
267
00:09:48,072 --> 00:09:50,239
♪ But you'll never be
on the Supreme Court ♪
268
00:09:50,308 --> 00:09:54,048
♪ There's truly no
chance of that happenin' ♪
269
00:09:55,313 --> 00:09:57,780
The preceding song in
no way reflects the views
270
00:09:57,805 --> 00:10:00,259
of CBS and the CW Network.
271
00:10:01,626 --> 00:10:03,119
Aw, screw it.
272
00:10:03,187 --> 00:10:04,320
Aah!
273
00:10:04,388 --> 00:10:05,955
(thump)
274
00:10:06,023 --> 00:10:07,056
See?
275
00:10:07,125 --> 00:10:09,306
♪ Don't be a lawyer. ♪
276
00:10:12,462 --> 00:10:14,101
AJ, don't listen to him.
277
00:10:14,126 --> 00:10:16,132
Being a lawyer is...
278
00:10:16,540 --> 00:10:17,600
perfectly fine.
279
00:10:17,668 --> 00:10:20,669
Now, I would like a pretzel to
go on my way up to my legal job,
280
00:10:20,738 --> 00:10:23,687
which is... fine.
281
00:10:23,712 --> 00:10:24,773
Cinnamon, please.
282
00:10:24,842 --> 00:10:25,908
Okay.
283
00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:28,811
Wait, I know how I know you.
284
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,852
You're the Rooftop Killer.
285
00:10:31,470 --> 00:10:33,149
I dressed as you for Halloween.
286
00:10:33,260 --> 00:10:34,393
- Wait, you did?
- Mm.
287
00:10:34,418 --> 00:10:36,852
- What did you wear?
- Some white girl crap.
288
00:10:40,244 --> 00:10:41,915
That tracks.
289
00:10:43,661 --> 00:10:44,927
Thank you.
290
00:10:44,996 --> 00:10:46,529
(sniffing) Mmm.
291
00:10:46,597 --> 00:10:48,197
Mmm.
292
00:10:48,266 --> 00:10:51,133
- Hi, everyone. I'm back.
- BERT: Hello, Rebecca.
293
00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:53,178
- Glad you're not locked in
the slammer anymore. - Mmm.
294
00:10:53,204 --> 00:10:55,604
I wanted to let you know about
a few changes around here...
295
00:10:55,673 --> 00:10:58,437
Oh, don't worry. Paula filled me in.
296
00:10:58,462 --> 00:11:00,609
Uh, it's called MountainTop
now. Cool sign, bruh.
297
00:11:00,634 --> 00:11:01,967
Thank you.
298
00:11:01,992 --> 00:11:03,462
Hi, Nathaniel.
299
00:11:06,954 --> 00:11:09,552
BERT: Oh, that's his sad baby walk.
300
00:11:09,577 --> 00:11:11,310
Oh, boy.
301
00:11:11,657 --> 00:11:13,355
He hates Bert.
302
00:11:13,424 --> 00:11:15,118
- What?
- And then he found
303
00:11:15,143 --> 00:11:17,984
out you were coming back
and went on, like, a silent strike
304
00:11:18,009 --> 00:11:20,473
and is all upset 'cause no one cares.
305
00:11:20,858 --> 00:11:22,624
It's adorable.
306
00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:28,504
He got blinds just for that moment.
307
00:11:28,573 --> 00:11:30,172
Mm.
308
00:11:30,241 --> 00:11:31,640
He did great.
309
00:11:31,709 --> 00:11:32,798
Yeah.
310
00:11:32,823 --> 00:11:35,934
Okay, Wendy LeGrand is first up today.
311
00:11:35,959 --> 00:11:37,801
She has been asking and
asking when you're coming back.
312
00:11:37,826 --> 00:11:40,156
And since she is our biggest client,
313
00:11:40,181 --> 00:11:43,085
it has been so hard stalling her.
314
00:11:43,154 --> 00:11:44,887
Don't worry, 'cause I'm back now, 'Kay?
315
00:11:44,956 --> 00:11:46,121
Come on. Let's do this.
316
00:11:46,190 --> 00:11:46,989
Okay.
317
00:11:47,492 --> 00:11:48,493
Yeah.
318
00:11:48,518 --> 00:11:51,718
Rebecca, your absence was
certainly felt around here.
319
00:11:51,743 --> 00:11:54,531
While you were out,
Tim handled my account.
320
00:11:54,556 --> 00:11:56,599
As you can imagine, there
were significant oversights.
321
00:11:56,667 --> 00:11:59,602
I told you that the reason
I missed that zoning meeting
322
00:11:59,627 --> 00:12:02,248
is because I used to
share a watch with Jim,
323
00:12:02,273 --> 00:12:03,472
but he's no longer here...
324
00:12:03,497 --> 00:12:05,096
- Shh...
- Ah.
325
00:12:05,121 --> 00:12:07,509
Well, the good news is that
you don't need Tim anymore,
326
00:12:07,578 --> 00:12:10,790
because, uh, Bunch is back, bitches!
327
00:12:10,815 --> 00:12:12,581
(laughing)
328
00:12:12,650 --> 00:12:14,183
I'm not bitches.
329
00:12:14,296 --> 00:12:17,330
I'm one bitch. A bitch who wants
her business handled correctly.
330
00:12:17,704 --> 00:12:18,954
Wendy, you're absolutely right.
331
00:12:18,979 --> 00:12:21,067
So, I took a look at
those zoning issues.
332
00:12:21,092 --> 00:12:23,132
And, first of all, I have
to say, the city council's
333
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,738
conservation easement is,
like, one of the funniest things
334
00:12:25,763 --> 00:12:27,681
I've ever seen in my entire life.
335
00:12:27,706 --> 00:12:29,898
Well, what do we do about
the open space bylaws?
336
00:12:29,967 --> 00:12:31,867
REBECCA: Bylaws? More
like bye-bye, laws,
337
00:12:31,892 --> 00:12:34,281
because we're gonna exploit
all the loopholes like crazy.
338
00:12:34,306 --> 00:12:36,406
Um, in summation, loop, there it is.
339
00:12:37,608 --> 00:12:38,774
(chuckles)
340
00:12:38,843 --> 00:12:40,676
- Yeah. There she is.
- (laughs): Yeah, that's...
341
00:12:41,329 --> 00:12:43,279
Don't throw it out in here.
It's a zucchini shake.
342
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:44,637
It'll smell.
343
00:12:44,749 --> 00:12:46,482
Okay.
344
00:12:47,585 --> 00:12:49,702
I'm so sorry about him.
345
00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:52,454
Um, Wendy, I'm here for you now.
You don't have to worry anymore.
346
00:12:52,479 --> 00:12:54,845
This is what I do.
It's what I'm good at.
347
00:12:56,227 --> 00:13:00,726
Oh, my God, Rebecca, you
handled that meeting so well.
348
00:13:00,751 --> 00:13:02,631
Oh, it's so great to have you back.
349
00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:03,966
It's like you never left.
350
00:13:04,035 --> 00:13:06,435
You just got right back
in the swing of things.
351
00:13:06,504 --> 00:13:07,903
I knew you would.
352
00:13:07,972 --> 00:13:09,438
(sighs) Thank you.
353
00:13:09,507 --> 00:13:11,106
(chuckles)
354
00:13:11,298 --> 00:13:12,975
Yeah.
355
00:13:13,759 --> 00:13:15,511
I mean, I'm back at
work, and I'm already...
356
00:13:15,579 --> 00:13:17,112
crushin' it.
357
00:13:17,181 --> 00:13:18,714
Wow.
358
00:13:18,783 --> 00:13:20,783
Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
359
00:13:20,851 --> 00:13:23,252
This is great. Wow, wow.
360
00:13:23,743 --> 00:13:25,788
This is fantastic. Right?
361
00:13:25,856 --> 00:13:27,723
- I know.
- It's objectively f...
362
00:13:27,792 --> 00:13:29,258
this is objectively fantastic.
363
00:13:29,283 --> 00:13:31,549
Like, on paper, fantastic, right?
364
00:13:31,962 --> 00:13:34,797
Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
365
00:13:34,943 --> 00:13:36,309
Rebecca?
366
00:13:37,102 --> 00:13:40,536
I'm sorry. I just need
to go get a smoothie.
367
00:13:40,604 --> 00:13:41,904
I didn't eat breakfast,
368
00:13:41,972 --> 00:13:45,407
and I get... I get weird
when I don't have protein.
369
00:13:45,432 --> 00:13:48,900
So, I'm just gonna go
grab something to eat.
370
00:13:49,013 --> 00:13:50,946
(elevator dings)
371
00:13:52,016 --> 00:13:53,923
Hey. Are you hiring?
372
00:13:59,681 --> 00:14:01,804
So, do you, like, still dance hip-hop?
373
00:14:01,829 --> 00:14:03,821
You were so amazing in high school.
374
00:14:03,846 --> 00:14:05,874
You did that one Usher medley.
Oh, my God, (exhales) Yeah.
375
00:14:05,899 --> 00:14:07,344
- I still think about it.
- (chuckles) Really?
376
00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:10,302
Like, a lot. (chuckles)
377
00:14:10,371 --> 00:14:11,637
I-I dance sometimes.
378
00:14:11,705 --> 00:14:14,172
For a while, I was a
go-go dancer at Aluminum.
379
00:14:14,485 --> 00:14:15,741
Like, the gay bar?
380
00:14:15,817 --> 00:14:16,817
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
381
00:14:16,877 --> 00:14:19,411
That's cool. I've been to, like,
eight bachelorettes there.
382
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:20,857
That was after I left the priesthood
383
00:14:20,881 --> 00:14:22,993
and before I started
living with Hector's mom.
384
00:14:23,329 --> 00:14:26,685
- Sorry, Hector's... mom?
- Uh-huh.
385
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:29,021
Do you guys, like, hook up?
386
00:14:29,089 --> 00:14:30,422
What? No. (chuckles)
387
00:14:30,491 --> 00:14:32,691
We're just roommates.
Although my therapist says
388
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,471
she might be fulfilling a
larger role in my life. Okay,
389
00:14:35,496 --> 00:14:38,830
wait, Josh Chan is in therapy?
I mean, I knew you dated that
390
00:14:38,899 --> 00:14:40,810
crazy girl, but I didn't know
that you might be crazy, too.
391
00:14:40,842 --> 00:14:42,208
- (gasps)
- Oh, my God.
392
00:14:42,269 --> 00:14:43,502
Are you, like, schizo? No.
393
00:14:43,570 --> 00:14:45,370
I-I'm just introspective.
394
00:14:46,473 --> 00:14:47,873
Uh-huh.
395
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:49,321
Cool.
396
00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:50,445
Cool.
397
00:14:53,048 --> 00:14:56,014
Oh! Hey! My phone. Uh, it's buzzing.
398
00:14:56,083 --> 00:14:57,399
Hello?
399
00:14:57,424 --> 00:14:58,583
Oh, you're here? (sighs)
400
00:14:58,652 --> 00:15:00,185
Sorry, my Uber's outside.
401
00:15:00,254 --> 00:15:02,554
Um, wait, when did you call them?
402
00:15:02,623 --> 00:15:04,843
Oh, I didn't. They called me.
403
00:15:04,868 --> 00:15:06,892
They do that now. They call
to see if you need a ride.
404
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:08,860
Uh, yeah, I'm at Home Base.
405
00:15:08,929 --> 00:15:09,861
I'll be right out.
406
00:15:09,974 --> 00:15:11,507
Sorry, got to protect my rating.
407
00:15:11,532 --> 00:15:12,798
- You get it.
- Yeah.
408
00:15:12,866 --> 00:15:14,066
Totally. Um...
409
00:15:14,134 --> 00:15:15,534
It-it was nice meeting you.
410
00:15:15,602 --> 00:15:17,436
Uh-huh.
411
00:15:20,060 --> 00:15:21,927
Bye.
412
00:15:27,548 --> 00:15:29,602
(gasps) Oh, hey, Jim. Jim.
413
00:15:29,627 --> 00:15:31,127
Okay, you'll never guess what happened.
414
00:15:31,151 --> 00:15:33,191
So, three people came in,
and they ordered pretzels.
415
00:15:33,220 --> 00:15:35,287
They ordered plain,
cinnamon, and jalapeño.
416
00:15:35,355 --> 00:15:37,636
And I got them the pretzels.
And I gave them the pretzels.
417
00:15:37,691 --> 00:15:39,624
And they bit into the pretzels...
418
00:15:40,227 --> 00:15:42,961
and they were... truly happy.
419
00:15:43,030 --> 00:15:45,595
Like, that's what happy looks like.
420
00:15:45,620 --> 00:15:47,966
She also forgot to charge them.
421
00:15:48,035 --> 00:15:49,568
I paid for them myself.
422
00:15:49,636 --> 00:15:51,579
AJ, don't be a narc.
423
00:15:51,604 --> 00:15:54,740
I'm sorry. I'm just still so
confused that you work here.
424
00:15:54,765 --> 00:15:56,598
- It is temporary.
- (elevator dings)
425
00:15:57,579 --> 00:15:59,444
Um, honey,
426
00:15:59,513 --> 00:16:01,067
I got a text from Jim
427
00:16:01,092 --> 00:16:02,658
that you're working here?
428
00:16:02,683 --> 00:16:04,616
I was going to text you myself, Paula.
429
00:16:04,685 --> 00:16:07,786
So... I went back up to
work, and something felt off.
430
00:16:07,855 --> 00:16:09,632
And I realized it's because
I don't know if I'm gonna
431
00:16:09,656 --> 00:16:11,366
be disbarred yet. I'm waiting
432
00:16:11,391 --> 00:16:12,836
for that letter from
the bar association,
433
00:16:12,860 --> 00:16:14,793
and it feels unethical. You get it.
434
00:16:14,862 --> 00:16:15,994
Yeah. Okay.
435
00:16:16,063 --> 00:16:17,540
But Wendy's coming back
for another meeting.
436
00:16:17,564 --> 00:16:18,764
What do I tell her?
437
00:16:18,789 --> 00:16:20,275
Tell her that I'm
working here for a while
438
00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:22,234
and she can come by for
a cinnamon on the house.
439
00:16:22,302 --> 00:16:24,436
We don't give people things
on the house. No. (sighs)
440
00:16:24,505 --> 00:16:26,505
Oh, hey, Jim. Miss you upstairs.
441
00:16:26,573 --> 00:16:27,739
- Really?
- No.
442
00:16:27,808 --> 00:16:29,768
Rebecca, I am not bringing
Wendy by for a pretzel.
443
00:16:29,810 --> 00:16:32,177
In fact, if she walks
by and sees you here,
444
00:16:32,246 --> 00:16:34,346
I'm gonna tell her that
you have a dumb twin sister
445
00:16:34,414 --> 00:16:35,814
who works at a stupid pretzel shop.
446
00:16:37,851 --> 00:16:39,217
(door opens)
447
00:16:40,610 --> 00:16:43,054
So, I sent a picture
of my toe to my doctor.
448
00:16:43,123 --> 00:16:45,390
And he said go to the emergency room.
449
00:16:45,459 --> 00:16:47,058
Okay. That's what I thought. Let's go.
450
00:16:47,127 --> 00:16:48,193
Wait, are you insane?
451
00:16:48,262 --> 00:16:50,495
It costs $300 to text a doctor.
452
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,542
An emergency room visit will
cost thousands of dollars,
453
00:16:52,566 --> 00:16:54,466
and I have no health insurance. I...
454
00:16:54,535 --> 00:16:55,712
Right. So just use my insurance.
455
00:16:55,736 --> 00:16:57,002
I can't. We're not related.
456
00:16:57,070 --> 00:16:59,471
Right. So let's just get married.
457
00:16:59,540 --> 00:17:00,672
What?
458
00:17:00,697 --> 00:17:01,784
I mean, toe aside,
459
00:17:01,809 --> 00:17:03,742
just seems easier all around, so...
460
00:17:03,811 --> 00:17:04,876
what do you think?
461
00:17:04,945 --> 00:17:06,311
What?
462
00:17:06,380 --> 00:17:07,445
What?
463
00:17:07,514 --> 00:17:08,713
I think it's a great idea.
464
00:17:08,738 --> 00:17:10,671
I have a lunch break, too.
465
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,296
You want to go?
466
00:17:12,321 --> 00:17:13,257
I do.
467
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:14,719
I do.
468
00:17:15,098 --> 00:17:16,564
Congratulations.
469
00:17:16,589 --> 00:17:17,955
You're married.
470
00:17:18,792 --> 00:17:19,724
That's it?
471
00:17:19,793 --> 00:17:20,826
It's over?
472
00:17:20,851 --> 00:17:22,451
Or just beginning.
473
00:17:22,844 --> 00:17:24,443
Good luck with your toe.
474
00:17:27,201 --> 00:17:28,954
(both chuckle)
475
00:17:29,513 --> 00:17:31,313
(sniffles)
476
00:17:31,338 --> 00:17:32,537
You're so beautiful.
477
00:17:32,606 --> 00:17:33,738
(chuckles) Stop.
478
00:17:33,807 --> 00:17:36,241
I'm so happy. (sniffles)
479
00:17:37,095 --> 00:17:39,377
I love you so much.
480
00:17:39,446 --> 00:17:40,757
Baby, me, too. (chuckles, sniffles)
481
00:17:40,781 --> 00:17:42,314
(sniffles, chuckles)
482
00:17:42,382 --> 00:17:44,115
Okay, now I'm crying.
483
00:17:44,140 --> 00:17:45,406
(chuckles)
484
00:17:50,565 --> 00:17:52,332
(both crying)
485
00:18:00,494 --> 00:18:02,656
I love sugar. I love the sugar.
486
00:18:02,681 --> 00:18:04,496
I love doing the sugar.
487
00:18:04,565 --> 00:18:06,231
Dibs on the sugars. 'Kay.
488
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:07,699
JOSH: Whoa.
489
00:18:07,768 --> 00:18:10,268
It's true. You really
do work here. Cool.
490
00:18:10,293 --> 00:18:13,242
Yeah, yeah. For a little-little while.
491
00:18:13,267 --> 00:18:14,866
Hey, how's the dating going?
492
00:18:14,935 --> 00:18:16,175
Give me the update on the apps.
493
00:18:16,203 --> 00:18:17,769
The "appdate." (chuckles)
494
00:18:17,838 --> 00:18:19,671
(sighs) It's not been going great.
495
00:18:19,740 --> 00:18:21,907
Well, maybe you're
swiping the wrong people.
496
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:23,508
Let me help.
497
00:18:23,577 --> 00:18:25,577
- I have amazing taste in people.
- Is that true?
498
00:18:25,602 --> 00:18:27,362
Definitely not. But I
want to swipe. Come on.
499
00:18:28,704 --> 00:18:30,282
All right. Oh.
500
00:18:30,351 --> 00:18:31,616
Okay, well, this is easy.
501
00:18:31,685 --> 00:18:33,318
First of all, we're gonna reject anyone
502
00:18:33,387 --> 00:18:35,454
from University of Blank or Blank State.
503
00:18:35,479 --> 00:18:38,701
So good-bye, University of Ohio,
504
00:18:38,726 --> 00:18:41,009
Florida, Arizona State...
505
00:18:41,034 --> 00:18:42,528
Go, Sun Devils!
506
00:18:43,001 --> 00:18:44,196
Is that Jim?
507
00:18:44,264 --> 00:18:46,698
Yeah, he's my boss now.
It's... Don't ask. Okay...
508
00:18:46,767 --> 00:18:49,167
Wait, wait. Who-who cares
where someone went to college?
509
00:18:49,236 --> 00:18:51,970
(laughing)
510
00:18:52,039 --> 00:18:54,439
Oh. Once I loved you.
511
00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:56,071
Amazing.
512
00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:58,977
Mm, all right. Oh, here's a girl. Zoe.
513
00:18:59,046 --> 00:19:01,513
Huh. She went to Brown,
514
00:19:01,582 --> 00:19:03,048
which, normally, I'd say, "Blah."
515
00:19:03,117 --> 00:19:04,516
But she studied art history,
516
00:19:04,585 --> 00:19:06,820
and I happen to know Brown
has a good art history program.
517
00:19:06,845 --> 00:19:09,031
I feel good about Zoe.
518
00:19:09,056 --> 00:19:11,323
I think she's gonna get you.
She's gonna get you, Josh.
519
00:19:11,392 --> 00:19:12,991
- (phone chimes)
- (gasps)
520
00:19:13,060 --> 00:19:15,694
And you matched. Already.
521
00:19:16,298 --> 00:19:18,137
Am I smart enough for her?
522
00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:19,931
Yes.
523
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,267
You are perceptive and kind,
524
00:19:22,336 --> 00:19:24,970
and that's a very valuable
type of intelligence.
525
00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:26,471
Trust me, it'll be
526
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:27,873
Louvre at first sight.
527
00:19:27,941 --> 00:19:28,874
(chuckles) Louvre.
528
00:19:28,942 --> 00:19:30,542
(chuckles) Good one.
529
00:19:30,611 --> 00:19:32,511
(both laughing)
530
00:19:32,579 --> 00:19:34,379
WENDY: Nathaniel, glad you're here.
531
00:19:34,448 --> 00:19:37,149
What do you think about
Rebecca's easement proposal?
532
00:19:41,242 --> 00:19:42,350
PAULA: I'm sorry.
533
00:19:42,375 --> 00:19:44,266
I-It's a whole thing.
534
00:19:44,291 --> 00:19:45,857
Fine with me. Eye candy. Doesn't talk.
535
00:19:45,926 --> 00:19:46,858
That works.
536
00:19:46,927 --> 00:19:47,927
Where's Rebecca?
537
00:19:47,995 --> 00:19:49,428
PAULA: She is...
538
00:19:49,496 --> 00:19:51,836
She works at a pretzel shop downstairs.
539
00:19:52,437 --> 00:19:54,833
(laughs) Geez, Tim! (chuckles)
540
00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:57,169
Who are you, Narc Twain?
541
00:19:57,237 --> 00:19:58,303
(laughs)
542
00:19:58,372 --> 00:19:59,704
She doesn't work there.
543
00:19:59,773 --> 00:20:01,640
Um, she's just having a little fun
544
00:20:01,708 --> 00:20:03,041
till she comes back full-time.
545
00:20:03,110 --> 00:20:06,622
It's like a... a-a tiny gap year.
546
00:20:06,647 --> 00:20:08,847
(gasps) A gap year. I did one of those.
547
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,515
So did Malia Obama.
548
00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:12,250
She went to South and Central America
549
00:20:12,319 --> 00:20:13,718
and learned a lot about herself.
550
00:20:13,787 --> 00:20:16,188
I went to Arkansas to help
my aunt raise her five kids
551
00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:18,056
after her husband put
a gun in his mouth.
552
00:20:18,125 --> 00:20:19,691
I learned a lot about myself, too.
553
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,281
My tubes are tied.
554
00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:25,726
Who is working on my case?
555
00:20:25,751 --> 00:20:27,566
Miss LeGrand, do not worry.
556
00:20:27,634 --> 00:20:30,368
Your case is of the utmost importance.
557
00:20:30,393 --> 00:20:33,839
Great. You know what's also
of the utmost importance?
558
00:20:33,907 --> 00:20:37,359
That Rebecca come back. Now.
559
00:20:38,812 --> 00:20:40,712
Yes.
560
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:43,548
I... am an artist.
561
00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:46,284
Okay, Jim, I went to the market,
and I got some new ingredients
562
00:20:46,353 --> 00:20:47,853
to make these exciting new flavors.
563
00:20:47,921 --> 00:20:50,789
We got chocolate peanut
butter, vanilla lavender,
564
00:20:50,814 --> 00:20:52,924
and honey bacon.
565
00:20:52,993 --> 00:20:54,960
Uh, that one's not kosher. (laughs)
566
00:20:54,985 --> 00:20:56,285
They're all not kosher.
567
00:20:56,396 --> 00:20:57,874
Corporate won't let us do new flavors.
568
00:20:57,898 --> 00:20:59,631
I can't even put extra
salt on a pretzel.
569
00:20:59,700 --> 00:21:01,778
They're really strict about
what we can and can't sell.
570
00:21:01,802 --> 00:21:04,270
Yeah, I worked at the Pretzel Central
in Claremont. The owner there
571
00:21:04,338 --> 00:21:06,905
put extra frosting on
his almond pretzels.
572
00:21:06,974 --> 00:21:09,061
He got banned from the franchise
573
00:21:09,086 --> 00:21:11,320
and excommunicated from the church.
574
00:21:11,345 --> 00:21:12,746
They have so much pull.
575
00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:15,313
Oh, I'm sorry.
576
00:21:15,338 --> 00:21:17,392
I've already been selling these.
577
00:21:17,417 --> 00:21:18,850
Forgot to tell you. Love you.
578
00:21:18,919 --> 00:21:20,630
But really, they've been
selling like hotcakes,
579
00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:22,165
which is funny 'cause they're pretzels.
580
00:21:22,189 --> 00:21:24,256
Whoa, new idea. Hotcake pretzels.
581
00:21:24,324 --> 00:21:26,525
No, no, no. No, no, you
can't do that. If it's
582
00:21:26,550 --> 00:21:28,637
not approved by corporate,
it could get me shut down.
583
00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:30,777
I'm scared of those people,
and I like to follow rules.
584
00:21:30,802 --> 00:21:33,165
Jim. Who's gonna tell 'em?
585
00:21:33,233 --> 00:21:35,167
Narc Zuckerberg over here? Maybe.
586
00:21:35,621 --> 00:21:36,879
(scoffs)
587
00:21:36,904 --> 00:21:39,704
Do you have a notebook where
you're brainstorming narc puns?
588
00:21:39,773 --> 00:21:41,806
Maybe. Jim, don't forget
589
00:21:41,831 --> 00:21:43,642
your mission, why you're
doing this in the first place.
590
00:21:43,710 --> 00:21:45,544
You're striking out on your own.
591
00:21:45,612 --> 00:21:48,480
And I'm right by your side, pal.
We're gonna forge our own path.
592
00:21:48,549 --> 00:21:51,283
I'm just trying to be
a small business owner.
593
00:21:51,652 --> 00:21:53,285
Boo, you got to get it together.
594
00:21:53,579 --> 00:21:54,879
Just follow the rules.
595
00:21:55,408 --> 00:21:57,144
You're worrying me.
596
00:22:00,627 --> 00:22:02,204
AUTHOR (English accent): Svalbard.
597
00:22:02,229 --> 00:22:04,706
A Norwegian archipelago nestled
598
00:22:04,731 --> 00:22:06,898
in the Arctic Ocean and the birthplace
599
00:22:06,967 --> 00:22:09,269
of the Scandinavian
primitivist movement.
600
00:22:10,204 --> 00:22:11,469
Wake up, Josh!
601
00:22:11,494 --> 00:22:13,227
Rebecca was lying to you.
602
00:22:13,252 --> 00:22:16,687
Zoe is never going to like
you unless you learn some art.
603
00:22:16,843 --> 00:22:18,276
Now, look alive, young chap.
604
00:22:18,345 --> 00:22:19,683
I'm not reading this for my health.
605
00:22:19,708 --> 00:22:21,780
I already know what it says. I wrote it.
606
00:22:21,848 --> 00:22:23,582
Okay, okay, you're right. I-I'm sorry.
607
00:22:24,347 --> 00:22:27,752
AUTHOR: Now I have to start
over. Bollocks.
608
00:22:28,308 --> 00:22:31,489
Okay. Svalbard. A Norwegian archipelago
609
00:22:31,514 --> 00:22:34,081
nestled in the Arctic Ocean...
610
00:22:35,402 --> 00:22:36,928
Hey, Cookie?
611
00:22:36,997 --> 00:22:38,597
I don't mean to bother
you, 'cause I know
612
00:22:38,632 --> 00:22:40,232
you're enjoying yourself, but have you
613
00:22:40,257 --> 00:22:41,710
gotten that bar association letter?
614
00:22:41,735 --> 00:22:43,735
Can you come back to work? Like, now?
615
00:22:43,804 --> 00:22:44,736
BERT: Wendy, w-wait, hold on a second.
616
00:22:44,805 --> 00:22:47,205
Oh, hey. Look who's here.
617
00:22:47,274 --> 00:22:48,773
It's our big client, Wendy.
618
00:22:48,842 --> 00:22:50,275
And we're here with our
619
00:22:50,344 --> 00:22:52,377
most important client,
here at Pretzel Central.
620
00:22:52,402 --> 00:22:54,556
(whispers): I'm so sorry.
I-I tried to stop her,
621
00:22:54,581 --> 00:22:56,292
but, of course, I
couldn't put hands on her,
622
00:22:56,316 --> 00:22:58,583
so I tried to control her
movements with my eyes,
623
00:22:58,608 --> 00:23:00,675
but I seem to have lost my powers.
624
00:23:00,700 --> 00:23:03,555
I had to see this for
myself. This is insane.
625
00:23:03,624 --> 00:23:04,723
Rebecca,
626
00:23:04,791 --> 00:23:06,024
that apron makes you look...
627
00:23:06,093 --> 00:23:07,093
Pretty?
628
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:08,793
Poor.
629
00:23:08,862 --> 00:23:10,095
Guys, I'm fine. And Wendy,
630
00:23:10,163 --> 00:23:11,483
I will be back before you know it,
631
00:23:11,531 --> 00:23:13,042
and then you and I
can take that easement
632
00:23:13,066 --> 00:23:14,266
and make angry love to it.
633
00:23:14,334 --> 00:23:15,900
- AJ: Here.
- Yeah, this one's on the house.
634
00:23:15,969 --> 00:23:17,754
- Let's go.
- PAULA: All right.
635
00:23:19,425 --> 00:23:20,605
AJ: So,
636
00:23:20,674 --> 00:23:22,285
when are you gonna tell them you
got the letter and you're free
637
00:23:22,309 --> 00:23:24,643
to practice law?
638
00:23:24,668 --> 00:23:26,702
How do you know about
that, Narcer Posey?
639
00:23:29,590 --> 00:23:32,096
Whoa. (laughs)
640
00:23:32,121 --> 00:23:34,120
- Whoa.
- Yeah!
641
00:23:34,145 --> 00:23:35,945
Welcome home, my bride.
642
00:23:35,970 --> 00:23:37,569
Oh.
643
00:23:37,894 --> 00:23:39,749
Wow, bride.
644
00:23:39,818 --> 00:23:41,117
We're married. I know.
645
00:23:41,186 --> 00:23:43,186
- Right?
- So, I was thinking
646
00:23:43,211 --> 00:23:45,665
for the actual wedding we can do doves.
647
00:23:45,690 --> 00:23:47,390
I was thinking lots of flowers.
648
00:23:47,459 --> 00:23:48,936
I was thinking my abuela can do a hymn.
649
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:50,893
Wedding? We already had a wedding.
650
00:23:50,918 --> 00:23:52,551
- I know. And-and it was sweet.
- Mm-hmm.
651
00:23:52,664 --> 00:23:54,464
But now we can have a real wedding
652
00:23:54,532 --> 00:23:55,932
with the people we love.
653
00:23:56,855 --> 00:23:58,901
Oh, you're one of those.
654
00:23:58,970 --> 00:24:00,203
You mean a person?
655
00:24:00,271 --> 00:24:02,138
- Well...
- Heather, I've been thinking
656
00:24:02,222 --> 00:24:04,155
about our wedding for a while now.
657
00:24:04,209 --> 00:24:05,775
Like, before the toe proposal.
658
00:24:05,945 --> 00:24:07,737
I want a real wedding.
659
00:24:08,027 --> 00:24:10,580
You in a white dress, and
me in a tux. (chuckles)
660
00:24:10,648 --> 00:24:12,715
- In a church.
- Hector.
661
00:24:12,784 --> 00:24:14,517
Come on, we don't need to make our love
662
00:24:14,586 --> 00:24:16,452
into some big production.
663
00:24:16,521 --> 00:24:18,321
I mean, our culture turns human emotion
664
00:24:18,390 --> 00:24:21,090
into some consumer trade show.
665
00:24:21,115 --> 00:24:23,303
Our love, our actual love,
666
00:24:23,328 --> 00:24:25,595
is better than waffle makers
667
00:24:25,663 --> 00:24:28,798
and ice cream makers and pasta machines.
668
00:24:28,867 --> 00:24:30,458
By the way, I'm so starving.
669
00:24:30,483 --> 00:24:33,784
But that's not, like, who we are. Right?
670
00:24:34,739 --> 00:24:36,005
(chuckles softly)
671
00:24:36,074 --> 00:24:39,008
No, I guess not.
672
00:24:39,077 --> 00:24:40,410
I guess...
673
00:24:40,478 --> 00:24:41,911
you know, I guess we can wait.
674
00:24:41,980 --> 00:24:45,447
And-and maybe for our
ten-year anniversary,
675
00:24:45,472 --> 00:24:47,518
we can renew our vows
676
00:24:47,543 --> 00:24:50,319
and do a small barbecue.
677
00:24:50,388 --> 00:24:53,375
Thank you. That sounds perfect.
678
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:56,167
- Yep.
- You get it.
679
00:24:58,763 --> 00:25:00,163
REBECCA: How do you know I got
680
00:25:00,231 --> 00:25:01,609
the letter from the bar association?
681
00:25:01,633 --> 00:25:03,099
You threw it in the garbage.
682
00:25:03,168 --> 00:25:04,500
So you just picked it up?
683
00:25:04,569 --> 00:25:06,602
No. I picked it up and read it.
684
00:25:06,671 --> 00:25:08,037
Congratulations.
685
00:25:08,106 --> 00:25:09,472
You can practice law again.
686
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:12,127
Look, don't tell anybody. Please.
687
00:25:12,152 --> 00:25:14,177
Please. Be my hero.
688
00:25:14,849 --> 00:25:16,712
Be my Joan of No-Narc.
689
00:25:16,781 --> 00:25:18,214
Wow, you really
690
00:25:18,283 --> 00:25:20,239
don't want to be a lawyer, do you?
691
00:25:20,785 --> 00:25:22,630
Well, what are you gonna
do... Stay in this pretzel shop
692
00:25:22,654 --> 00:25:24,987
- forever?
- I don't know what I'm gonna do.
693
00:25:37,223 --> 00:25:39,156
What do you guys think I should do?
694
00:25:40,782 --> 00:25:42,082
You know me better than anyone.
695
00:25:42,107 --> 00:25:43,583
You've been with me since I got here.
696
00:25:45,857 --> 00:25:47,743
What am I doing, talking to pretzels?
697
00:25:48,233 --> 00:25:50,166
(folk music playing)
698
00:25:52,864 --> 00:25:55,373
♪ We are merely pretzels ♪
699
00:25:55,398 --> 00:25:57,598
♪ That is all we are ♪
700
00:25:57,623 --> 00:26:00,057
♪ This woman's obsession with us ♪
701
00:26:00,126 --> 00:26:02,693
♪ Is frankly quite bizarre ♪
702
00:26:02,762 --> 00:26:04,561
♪ We used to simply be ♪
703
00:26:04,630 --> 00:26:07,431
♪ A starchy snack that people ate ♪
704
00:26:07,500 --> 00:26:10,000
♪ But now we are a symbol ♪
705
00:26:10,069 --> 00:26:13,003
♪ Such is our twisted fate ♪
706
00:26:15,875 --> 00:26:18,709
♪ We've been smothered
in the mustard ♪
707
00:26:18,778 --> 00:26:21,345
♪ Of her quest for happiness ♪
708
00:26:21,414 --> 00:26:23,914
♪ There's a lot of pressure on us ♪
709
00:26:23,983 --> 00:26:26,183
♪ This we must confess ♪
710
00:26:26,252 --> 00:26:28,318
♪ We didn't ask to be in charge ♪
711
00:26:28,387 --> 00:26:30,788
♪ Of someone's mental state ♪
712
00:26:30,856 --> 00:26:33,690
♪ Just let us be some happy carbs ♪
713
00:26:33,759 --> 00:26:35,993
♪ Spare us this twisted fate ♪
714
00:26:37,997 --> 00:26:41,432
♪ We've been "a-salted"
by her yearning ♪
715
00:26:43,035 --> 00:26:46,670
♪ To make her life a cogent tale ♪
716
00:26:47,988 --> 00:26:51,857
♪ Sure, it's nice to be kneaded ♪
717
00:26:52,278 --> 00:26:54,311
♪ But now the whole thing's ♪
718
00:26:54,380 --> 00:26:56,580
♪ Getting stale ♪
719
00:26:56,649 --> 00:26:59,550
♪ Oh, can't some soft
and chewy pretzels ♪
720
00:26:59,618 --> 00:27:01,652
♪ Finally get relief ♪
721
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:04,087
♪ We are hurtin' from the burden ♪
722
00:27:04,156 --> 00:27:06,590
♪ Of being someone's life motif ♪
723
00:27:06,659 --> 00:27:09,526
♪ She could switch to pizza bagels ♪
724
00:27:09,595 --> 00:27:11,495
♪ If it's not too late ♪
725
00:27:11,564 --> 00:27:13,997
♪ It's the yeast that she could do ♪
726
00:27:14,066 --> 00:27:15,532
♪ To save us from ♪
727
00:27:15,601 --> 00:27:19,269
♪ This twisted fate. ♪
728
00:27:21,501 --> 00:27:23,876
TRULY BUTTER: Ugh, tell me about it.
729
00:27:24,300 --> 00:27:25,733
Ah...
730
00:27:25,911 --> 00:27:27,806
the age-old question:
731
00:27:29,148 --> 00:27:31,149
pretzels or law?
732
00:27:31,750 --> 00:27:33,684
Pretzels or law?
733
00:27:40,962 --> 00:27:42,895
Oh, hey. Heya.
734
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:46,414
- Hey.
- Hello, friends. Wait. No.
735
00:27:46,439 --> 00:27:48,485
What's going on here? What's up?
736
00:27:48,510 --> 00:27:51,509
What's up is you got married and
didn't want to have a wedding?
737
00:27:51,534 --> 00:27:53,837
That's like getting married and
not wanting to have a wedding.
738
00:27:53,862 --> 00:27:55,194
How did you know I got married?
739
00:27:55,259 --> 00:27:56,336
The judge tagged you on Instagram.
740
00:27:56,360 --> 00:27:57,526
Also, Hector told us.
741
00:27:57,595 --> 00:27:59,828
Okay, well, look, our
wedding is private.
742
00:27:59,897 --> 00:28:01,835
No. Body parts are private.
743
00:28:01,860 --> 00:28:03,532
Weddings are for everybody.
744
00:28:03,601 --> 00:28:06,135
Okay, I'm really
regretting giving you a key.
745
00:28:06,571 --> 00:28:09,004
Also, did Hector ask you to come here?
746
00:28:09,073 --> 00:28:11,273
Actually, after your sad court ceremony,
747
00:28:11,298 --> 00:28:13,465
he did call and ask
us to plan something.
748
00:28:13,798 --> 00:28:15,911
And then he said you
didn't want to do it.
749
00:28:16,407 --> 00:28:18,213
He said that you talked him out of it.
750
00:28:18,282 --> 00:28:20,549
No, that's not what
happened. We had a discussion
751
00:28:20,618 --> 00:28:23,519
and decided to do our own thing
and just follow our own path.
752
00:28:23,587 --> 00:28:26,382
Our path? Sounds like your path.
753
00:28:26,407 --> 00:28:29,591
Look, I care
about Hector and his happiness.
754
00:28:30,103 --> 00:28:31,460
Yeah, I can't say that
with a straight face.
755
00:28:31,529 --> 00:28:33,962
We just need a beautiful
couple for our website.
756
00:28:34,031 --> 00:28:36,432
Okay? We keep doing
weddings for some real uggos.
757
00:28:36,500 --> 00:28:37,844
BETH: She's right. It's a nightmare.
758
00:28:37,868 --> 00:28:39,401
It's like we're attracting them.
759
00:28:39,470 --> 00:28:40,703
Yeah, it's like, some people
760
00:28:40,771 --> 00:28:42,482
should legally not be
allowed to get married.
761
00:28:42,506 --> 00:28:44,740
(laughs)
762
00:28:45,462 --> 00:28:46,408
What?
763
00:28:46,477 --> 00:28:47,643
Mm...
764
00:28:48,579 --> 00:28:49,812
JOSH: I mean, I like impressionism
765
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:52,848
because it disrupted the aesthetic
766
00:28:52,917 --> 00:28:55,350
of the overly realistic paintings
767
00:28:55,419 --> 00:28:58,187
that were being shown in the
Salon in Paris at the time,
768
00:28:58,255 --> 00:29:01,679
which was not a hair
salon, by the way. (laughs)
769
00:29:01,704 --> 00:29:05,160
Huh. I actually think that's
an unfair generalization
770
00:29:05,185 --> 00:29:07,907
of the Academy painters
of the late 19th century.
771
00:29:07,932 --> 00:29:09,932
(scoffs) Yeah.
772
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,267
- (laughs)
- (laughs) Um, sorry.
773
00:29:12,292 --> 00:29:14,203
I wasn't expecting you to
disagree with my statement,
774
00:29:14,271 --> 00:29:16,579
which I had perceived as fact.
775
00:29:16,853 --> 00:29:18,240
Josh, can I stop you?
776
00:29:18,309 --> 00:29:19,408
I appreciate your effort,
777
00:29:19,477 --> 00:29:21,643
but I didn't come on this date
778
00:29:21,712 --> 00:29:23,946
to talk about art.
779
00:29:24,014 --> 00:29:25,514
But you're all about art.
780
00:29:25,583 --> 00:29:27,249
Not after 8:00 p.m. After 8:00 p.m.,
781
00:29:27,274 --> 00:29:29,808
I am all about shirtless deejays.
782
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:31,053
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
783
00:29:31,155 --> 00:29:32,287
Is my bro DJ Skin-man
784
00:29:32,356 --> 00:29:33,756
spinning tonight? Dude!
785
00:29:33,824 --> 00:29:37,012
(chuckles) No, um, I
meant... I meant you.
786
00:29:37,037 --> 00:29:38,270
- Me?
- Yeah.
787
00:29:38,303 --> 00:29:42,054
Your dating profile is seven
pictures of you shirtless.
788
00:29:42,079 --> 00:29:44,387
Your Instagram is you shirtless,
789
00:29:44,412 --> 00:29:47,296
- doing karate. You totally
show off your bod.
790
00:29:47,321 --> 00:29:49,938
What? That's not me showing off
my bod. Those are my hobbies.
791
00:29:50,007 --> 00:29:51,718
Yeah, I've been doing
them since I was a kid.
792
00:29:51,742 --> 00:29:53,609
I'm... My shirt is
off because I run hot.
793
00:29:53,634 --> 00:29:55,234
Yeah, you do run hot.
794
00:29:56,001 --> 00:29:58,858
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
795
00:29:58,883 --> 00:30:00,382
(gasps) Oh.
796
00:30:00,451 --> 00:30:02,618
(exhales) I'm sorry.
797
00:30:02,686 --> 00:30:05,156
I misunderstood what this date was.
798
00:30:05,181 --> 00:30:07,333
I wanted to sleep with a hot deejay,
799
00:30:07,358 --> 00:30:09,691
and you wanted to talk about
the epistemological feud
800
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:11,660
between Manet and Jean-Léon Gérôme.
801
00:30:11,773 --> 00:30:14,540
Huh? What? No. So confused.
802
00:30:14,565 --> 00:30:17,939
So you're not interested
in a relationship?
803
00:30:20,137 --> 00:30:22,337
Gosh, sorry.
804
00:30:22,406 --> 00:30:24,478
My Uber's calling. Mm.
805
00:30:25,342 --> 00:30:26,642
Oh, yeah.
806
00:30:26,710 --> 00:30:28,177
I-I just heard about that.
807
00:30:28,587 --> 00:30:30,679
Yeah. It's a thing.
808
00:30:30,748 --> 00:30:32,876
Hello. I'll be right out.
809
00:30:47,832 --> 00:30:48,931
Hey.
810
00:30:49,842 --> 00:30:50,666
Hey.
811
00:30:50,734 --> 00:30:53,168
Rebecca, what are you doing here?
812
00:30:53,237 --> 00:30:55,170
It's from the bar association.
813
00:30:55,239 --> 00:30:56,972
(muttering)
814
00:30:57,041 --> 00:30:59,842
Ah! This is great news!
815
00:30:59,910 --> 00:31:01,543
See? I told you.
816
00:31:01,612 --> 00:31:02,878
You're back.
817
00:31:02,947 --> 00:31:04,313
You're really back.
818
00:31:04,381 --> 00:31:05,447
Back in action.
819
00:31:05,516 --> 00:31:08,083
Well, all right. Oh...
820
00:31:08,152 --> 00:31:09,651
(Nathaniel clears throat)
821
00:31:14,547 --> 00:31:15,601
(coughs)
822
00:31:15,626 --> 00:31:18,727
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
823
00:31:19,641 --> 00:31:21,964
Oh, man, I'm just so happy
we can get back to work.
824
00:31:22,383 --> 00:31:23,449
Aren't you?
825
00:31:24,535 --> 00:31:26,469
Yeah. Yeah.
826
00:31:27,071 --> 00:31:30,772
Wendy, thrilling news.
I called the city council and said
827
00:31:30,841 --> 00:31:32,419
if they didn't lift
the zoning restriction
828
00:31:32,443 --> 00:31:34,954
that we would file a
suit under statute 45a.
829
00:31:35,399 --> 00:31:37,145
Um, so...
830
00:31:37,610 --> 00:31:40,849
Who let the zoning out, yeah, yeah.
831
00:31:40,918 --> 00:31:42,851
(all laugh)
832
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:44,152
This one. (laughs)
833
00:31:44,228 --> 00:31:45,494
- Yeah.
- (phone buzzes)
834
00:31:45,556 --> 00:31:48,056
Uh, sorry. One s-second.
835
00:31:49,758 --> 00:31:52,327
You know what? I should actually
take this, it's my friend
836
00:31:52,396 --> 00:31:53,896
from the zoning commission.
837
00:31:53,921 --> 00:31:55,107
Uh, it says it's Jim.
838
00:31:55,132 --> 00:31:57,399
I have more than one friend
named Jim, you racist.
839
00:31:57,835 --> 00:32:00,577
Excuse me for one moment.
840
00:32:00,838 --> 00:32:02,671
- Hi. What's up?
- JIM: Corporate's here.
841
00:32:02,696 --> 00:32:04,832
They saw all the violations
in here and we're in trouble.
842
00:32:04,857 --> 00:32:05,789
I need you.
843
00:32:05,814 --> 00:32:07,147
Rebecca?
844
00:32:07,179 --> 00:32:08,345
You were saying?
845
00:32:13,095 --> 00:32:15,687
I'm sorry. I am so sorry, sir.
846
00:32:15,712 --> 00:32:16,891
Hi. What's going on here?
847
00:32:16,916 --> 00:32:19,580
There are numerous violations
of ingredients and recipes,
848
00:32:19,649 --> 00:32:22,483
not to mention hair all
over your flour canister.
849
00:32:22,552 --> 00:32:24,530
Okay, I cannot wear a hair
net, not with this face shape.
850
00:32:24,554 --> 00:32:25,831
Sir, I'm an attorney.
Listen, I understand
851
00:32:25,855 --> 00:32:27,233
that you have a
corporately-mandated way
852
00:32:27,257 --> 00:32:28,667
of doing things, but we're just trying
853
00:32:28,691 --> 00:32:30,491
to increase the profit margins.
854
00:32:30,806 --> 00:32:32,405
I'm sorry, who are you?
855
00:32:32,474 --> 00:32:33,773
Oh, she's the Rooftop Killer.
856
00:32:34,891 --> 00:32:37,171
Man. Narc by Narc Jacobs.
857
00:32:37,196 --> 00:32:40,413
Jim, we're gonna shut you down
until you return everything
858
00:32:40,438 --> 00:32:43,079
to franchise standards,
then you can reopen.
859
00:32:45,454 --> 00:32:47,153
Oh, my God, Jim. Jim, I am so sorry.
860
00:32:47,222 --> 00:32:49,055
I-I will... I will cover the cost
861
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:50,907
to turn everything
back to the way it was.
862
00:32:51,460 --> 00:32:54,394
(exhales) Yeah, don't bother.
863
00:32:54,463 --> 00:32:56,344
I haven't had a good experience.
864
00:32:56,369 --> 00:32:58,164
I don't want to be a boss. It's awful.
865
00:32:58,233 --> 00:33:01,067
I want someone to tell me
where to go and what to do,
866
00:33:01,136 --> 00:33:02,447
then I get to complain to my friends
867
00:33:02,471 --> 00:33:03,970
and eat snacks someone else paid for.
868
00:33:04,235 --> 00:33:05,372
I'm going back upstairs.
869
00:33:06,219 --> 00:33:07,844
Back to being a lawyer.
870
00:33:07,869 --> 00:33:09,743
N-n-n-n-no. Hey,
yeah, you can't.
871
00:33:09,811 --> 00:33:12,045
Watch me. ("Don't Be a Lawyer" plays)
872
00:33:12,114 --> 00:33:13,880
♪ Whoo! ♪
873
00:33:13,949 --> 00:33:15,916
♪ Uh. ♪
874
00:33:18,335 --> 00:33:20,268
(sighs)
875
00:33:25,394 --> 00:33:26,660
Hey, Becks.
876
00:33:26,728 --> 00:33:28,024
Oh, hi.
877
00:33:28,897 --> 00:33:31,531
Why would anyone eat hard
pretzels? Do you know?
878
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:34,634
They're just sad little
mummified soft pretzels.
879
00:33:35,971 --> 00:33:37,837
Oh, how was your date?
880
00:33:37,906 --> 00:33:39,039
Ugh, it was awful.
881
00:33:39,107 --> 00:33:40,752
I did all this research
to try to impress her,
882
00:33:40,776 --> 00:33:43,443
but she just wanted
Josh Chan for his body.
883
00:33:43,512 --> 00:33:45,657
Oh, is that why you're wearing
a very oversized sweatshirt?
884
00:33:45,724 --> 00:33:46,990
Can you see that I'm flexing?
885
00:33:47,015 --> 00:33:48,181
No. No.
886
00:33:48,250 --> 00:33:49,427
No, you can't, and that's on purpose.
887
00:33:49,451 --> 00:33:51,518
This gun show is closed for business.
888
00:33:51,587 --> 00:33:52,619
Mm.
889
00:33:52,688 --> 00:33:54,654
I'm so disappointed.
890
00:33:54,723 --> 00:33:56,089
The-the girls from high school...
891
00:33:56,158 --> 00:33:57,657
They just, like, want Josh Chan
892
00:33:57,726 --> 00:33:59,392
the prom king on their Christmas card.
893
00:33:59,461 --> 00:34:01,695
The art historians just
want to do it with some stud.
894
00:34:01,763 --> 00:34:03,206
And the thing is...
895
00:34:03,999 --> 00:34:06,099
I don't want to be a
concept or an object.
896
00:34:06,636 --> 00:34:09,770
Wow, that's... that's profound.
897
00:34:10,329 --> 00:34:12,784
You are killing this therapy thing.
898
00:34:14,876 --> 00:34:16,810
So, uh, how did the date end?
899
00:34:16,878 --> 00:34:18,011
Oh, her Uber called.
900
00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:19,446
You know how they call you now
901
00:34:19,514 --> 00:34:21,881
before you even order them
just to see if you want a ride?
902
00:34:21,950 --> 00:34:25,352
Oh, honey, that makes no sense.
903
00:34:26,703 --> 00:34:27,787
Oh, yeah.
904
00:34:28,172 --> 00:34:29,289
Duh.
905
00:34:29,358 --> 00:34:31,524
(laughs) That doesn't make sense.
906
00:34:31,593 --> 00:34:32,993
Pretzel?
907
00:34:33,061 --> 00:34:35,195
Uh, no, I'm good. Okay.
908
00:34:36,281 --> 00:34:38,064
Rebecca, I think I
know what I have to do.
909
00:34:38,133 --> 00:34:39,332
Really, what's that?
910
00:34:39,401 --> 00:34:40,834
Stop trying to be who someone else
911
00:34:40,859 --> 00:34:43,391
wants me to be and...
912
00:34:44,106 --> 00:34:46,024
just try to be who I want to be.
913
00:34:46,808 --> 00:34:48,149
Yeah...
914
00:34:49,516 --> 00:34:51,044
Yeah.
915
00:34:51,706 --> 00:34:53,906
That's a really good point.
916
00:34:54,950 --> 00:34:57,584
See? You're smart.
917
00:34:58,042 --> 00:34:59,574
(knocking)
918
00:35:01,123 --> 00:35:03,123
- Hey.
- Hey, honey. What's up?
919
00:35:03,191 --> 00:35:04,658
Hey. Come in.
920
00:35:04,683 --> 00:35:05,994
I want to talk to you about something.
921
00:35:06,061 --> 00:35:07,282
Okay.
922
00:35:08,930 --> 00:35:11,131
(sighs)
923
00:35:11,199 --> 00:35:12,999
Um...
924
00:35:13,068 --> 00:35:14,668
so, yeah.
925
00:35:14,736 --> 00:35:16,040
Uh...
926
00:35:16,972 --> 00:35:18,905
Paula, I...
927
00:35:20,468 --> 00:35:22,401
I don't want to be a lawyer anymore.
928
00:35:23,806 --> 00:35:25,011
I never wanted to.
929
00:35:25,036 --> 00:35:26,916
It was never my dream.
It was my mother's dream.
930
00:35:27,015 --> 00:35:28,015
Wow.
931
00:35:28,050 --> 00:35:29,050
And it's your dream.
932
00:35:29,084 --> 00:35:30,684
It's your dream, which is great.
933
00:35:30,752 --> 00:35:32,130
The profession needs
more people like you,
934
00:35:32,154 --> 00:35:35,355
who care about all that
hideously boring crap.
935
00:35:35,424 --> 00:35:37,891
(laughs)
936
00:35:37,959 --> 00:35:40,794
Wow.
937
00:35:40,862 --> 00:35:44,664
So you're... never
coming back to the office?
938
00:35:46,578 --> 00:35:49,379
I don't think so. No.
939
00:35:49,604 --> 00:35:52,005
(chuckles softly)
940
00:35:52,190 --> 00:35:53,856
Where does that leave you?
941
00:36:01,742 --> 00:36:04,150
So, it wouldn't be
Pretzel Central anymore.
942
00:36:05,101 --> 00:36:06,742
It'd be my own thing.
943
00:36:07,856 --> 00:36:11,459
And I'm thinking of calling it...
944
00:36:11,484 --> 00:36:13,226
Rebetzel's.
945
00:36:13,339 --> 00:36:14,838
Oh, I love it.
946
00:36:15,312 --> 00:36:17,430
You ending up owning a pretzel shop...
947
00:36:17,499 --> 00:36:19,866
It feels right. It feels like destiny,
948
00:36:19,891 --> 00:36:21,223
in a way.
949
00:36:22,171 --> 00:36:24,437
No. You know, I don't
believe in destiny anymore.
950
00:36:24,919 --> 00:36:26,252
I just believe in
951
00:36:27,179 --> 00:36:28,308
taking responsibility
952
00:36:28,376 --> 00:36:29,909
for your own happiness.
953
00:36:30,609 --> 00:36:31,888
And right now, for me,
954
00:36:31,913 --> 00:36:34,347
that's my friends,
955
00:36:34,416 --> 00:36:36,683
volunteering at the jail,
956
00:36:36,752 --> 00:36:38,125
and...
957
00:36:38,653 --> 00:36:40,787
this pretzel shop, as
crazy as that seems.
958
00:36:41,289 --> 00:36:43,356
And, Paula, I'm so sorry to leave you
959
00:36:43,425 --> 00:36:44,669
hanging upstairs... Uh-uh, no, no, no.
960
00:36:44,693 --> 00:36:46,626
Stop. Don't apologize.
961
00:36:46,695 --> 00:36:48,862
As long as you are happy.
962
00:36:48,930 --> 00:36:50,463
That is what matters to me.
963
00:36:50,532 --> 00:36:52,799
(laughs) Truly.
964
00:36:52,868 --> 00:36:55,011
It always has.
965
00:36:55,036 --> 00:36:56,436
Oh.
966
00:36:56,548 --> 00:36:57,647
What time is it?
967
00:36:57,672 --> 00:36:58,716
Tim and I started sharing a watch.
968
00:36:58,740 --> 00:37:00,106
I don't know why I agreed to that.
969
00:37:00,175 --> 00:37:02,442
- You know, we should go. We
don't want to be late. - Okay.
970
00:37:02,511 --> 00:37:04,477
(sighs, laughs)
971
00:37:05,614 --> 00:37:06,679
Hey, man.
972
00:37:06,748 --> 00:37:08,381
Been a while.
973
00:37:08,450 --> 00:37:09,549
Psyched to play ball?
974
00:37:09,618 --> 00:37:10,950
We're not playing ball today.
975
00:37:11,791 --> 00:37:13,391
We're not?
976
00:37:18,486 --> 00:37:19,752
Is that a tuxedo?
977
00:37:19,777 --> 00:37:20,777
Yeah.
978
00:37:22,641 --> 00:37:23,774
(sniffs) Is that for me?
979
00:37:23,799 --> 00:37:24,799
Yeah.
980
00:37:27,669 --> 00:37:29,736
(sniffs)
981
00:37:29,805 --> 00:37:32,438
(indistinct chatter)
982
00:37:35,577 --> 00:37:37,510
♪ ♪
983
00:37:37,579 --> 00:37:39,279
WOMAN: Shh!
984
00:37:47,727 --> 00:37:49,661
(gasps)
985
00:37:49,686 --> 00:37:51,686
♪ ♪
986
00:38:09,278 --> 00:38:12,045
♪ ♪
987
00:38:30,765 --> 00:38:32,532
I thought you didn't want this.
988
00:38:32,601 --> 00:38:35,902
I don't... but you do.
989
00:38:35,971 --> 00:38:38,004
And that's what matters.
990
00:38:38,117 --> 00:38:39,583
(sighs)
991
00:38:39,608 --> 00:38:41,307
I love you.
992
00:38:41,420 --> 00:38:42,986
I love you, too.
993
00:38:43,011 --> 00:38:44,410
(both chuckle)
994
00:38:45,399 --> 00:38:47,046
Let's do this.
995
00:38:47,115 --> 00:38:48,648
BRAH: You may be seated.
996
00:38:51,253 --> 00:38:53,019
Do your thing, Brah.
997
00:38:53,088 --> 00:38:55,288
Roger that, Heather.
998
00:38:55,357 --> 00:38:56,990
But first, before we begin,
999
00:38:57,058 --> 00:38:59,158
Heather has asked a good friend who is
1000
00:38:59,227 --> 00:39:00,693
great with words
1001
00:39:00,762 --> 00:39:03,037
and also very proud of
where she went to college,
1002
00:39:03,062 --> 00:39:04,944
to say a little something.
1003
00:39:10,831 --> 00:39:13,983
Um, I love fairy tales.
1004
00:39:14,585 --> 00:39:16,721
And this is from the greatest fairy tale
1005
00:39:16,745 --> 00:39:19,445
of all time... the Bible.
1006
00:39:19,514 --> 00:39:21,022
Oh.
1007
00:39:21,047 --> 00:39:23,194
I made some changes
because there's always room
1008
00:39:23,218 --> 00:39:24,522
for improvement.
1009
00:39:24,811 --> 00:39:26,811
(exhales) Oh, okay.
1010
00:39:27,155 --> 00:39:28,955
"Love is patient,
1011
00:39:29,024 --> 00:39:31,022
"love is kind.
1012
00:39:32,022 --> 00:39:33,793
"Love is taking your boyfriend
1013
00:39:33,818 --> 00:39:35,972
"to the ER for his pus-y black toe.
1014
00:39:36,554 --> 00:39:38,575
"Love is supporting your girlfriend
1015
00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:40,960
"through her pregnancy
with someone else's baby.
1016
00:39:42,554 --> 00:39:44,904
"Love is finding your own path.
1017
00:39:45,468 --> 00:39:47,440
"When you travel that path
1018
00:39:47,509 --> 00:39:49,642
"and find the one you love,
1019
00:39:49,711 --> 00:39:51,577
you should hold on tight."
1020
00:39:52,796 --> 00:39:54,647
Oh, God.
1021
00:39:55,020 --> 00:39:56,486
I love her.
1022
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:01,821
I... I got to get her back.
1023
00:40:02,084 --> 00:40:05,022
Oh, damn it, I talked. (snaps fingers)
1024
00:40:05,046 --> 00:40:07,593
1025
00:40:06,048 --> 00:40:08,021
...
71895
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