All language subtitles for Will.and.Grace.S10E04.WEBRip.x264-ION10

.

- Will & Grace is recorded

in front of a live
studio audience.

- Morning.
- Morning.

Do you like
the new Grace Adler?

I'm putting her in the lobby
of the design union

to remind people to vote.

- Isn't that just an invitation

for someone to
draw a penis on it?

- Why do you
diminish my efforts?

- Why do you diminish
your thighs?

Whose did you use?
RuPaul?

Grace, did you eat all
of the almond butter?

I just bought it.

This really throws me off;
I had already calculated it

into my good fats for the day.

What, am I supposed to eat
a coconut like a castaway?

- I don't know what to say.

- How about, "I'm sorry."

- Okay, okay.

- Aren't you going to say,
I'm sorry?

- Oh, my God. How many times
do I have to apologize?

- Will, can we just agree
that almond butter is stupid?

Because no matter what
you tell yourself,

it's not peanut butter
and it never will be.

- Sorry I brought it up.

- Apology accepted.

- Hey, so, you know how I've
always been kind of psychic?

Like a little queer

No.

I knew you were going
to say that.

So, after taking
a short online course

and proving
that I'm not a robot,

the good folks at The United
Community of Psychic People,

or UCPP, have welcomed--

Oh, my God.

UCPP!

I just got that.

Do you guys get it?

- Mhm.
- Yeah.

- Anyway, those guys
have welcomed me

into their community
of a certified psychic.

- There's no name
written on there.

- Yeah, it costs $500
for them to put that on there.

So, can I borrow--

All:
No.

- Now, I'm scaring myself.

And, if you need
a further demonstration,

Karen is gonna
walk through that door in 5--

4,3,2,1.

- Grace, I need a favor.

- Over here.

- Oh, right.
The campaign.

But the resemblance is uncanny.

But aren't you worried

someone's gonna
draw a penis on it?

- No!
Why does everybody--Jack!

- Honey...

Is it okay if I store

a few things from my place
at the office?

Um...

I've decided
to sell the manse.

- I saw it in a vision.

Now that Rosario is gone
and with the divorce

there's just too many memories.

- One of my favorite memories
is the time you and Stan were

being robbed and you wouldn't
let Rosario in the panic room

because it wasn't, in your
words, a "His-panic room."

- I like to make life nice
for the working classes.

Right, middle class grace?

I'm sorry.
Right, middle class Grace?

[upbeat trumpet
and piano music]

♪

Would you look at that?

- It's the bracelet
Stan gave me

for eating one
of my mini Prada bags.

He thought it was a taco.

- Karen, I'm getting so many
vibrations from being around

all your old stuff.

Like this. Wow.

Hey, now that I'm a psychic,
could I rock a turban?

- Honey, I'm really looking
forward to watching you

con poor people
out of their money.

"Should I buy food
or should I listen

to what this dum-dum
in a turban has to say?"

- Karen, I have a real gift.

- The only gift you have
is the one

where you clean yourself
like a dog.

- It's the gift
that keeps on giving,

And receiving.

But Karen, I am telling you, I
am truly psychically connected.

- Honey,
I come from con man stock.

My mother was a grifter.

My father was a flim-flam man,

when he wasn't
governor of Oklahoma.

The only thing
a fake psychic needs

is to find out what
their mark wants to hear

and then
give it to them.

- Okay, okay,
I'm sensing skepticism.

- Karen inspired me to finally
clean out the closet.

Plus, it's raining
so I couldn't go running.

- You never go running.

- I wasn't going to start
in the rain.

You are not going
to believe what I found.

- Oh, Grace, you broke Garfield
off his base.

Now it just says, "I love
lasagna," with no context.

- Because it makes a lot more
sense when a cat says it.

- Can't you just say,
"I'm sorry?"

- Okay, fine.

- You actually have to say it.

- Oh, my God,
you're relentless.

I found all the letters that we
wrote to each other in college.

- Oh, yeah. You know,
I actually--

I meant to organize those
for the archives.

For when I was going
to write my memoir.

- Oh, right, right,
and it had that weird title.

- Weird tit--

"Homo with a Pie"
is a great title,

and when I get around
to writing it

it's really gonna delve
into the complexities

of the gay experience
in America,

and at the end
there'll be recipes.

You know, for--for pie.

Okay, check this out.
Spring break freshman year.

- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, my God I was
so in love with you.

Remember I was desperately
trying to get you

to have sex with me?

- Yeah, I was desperately
trying to avoid it.

Read the letter.
- Okay.

"Hey, lover, I hate that our
schedules keep conflicting.

"Will, there's something
I don't want anymore

"and I want you
to take from me.

"Wink wink.
Read the back.

I'm talking
about my virginity."

- Oh, no.

- Oh, I just want
to reach back in time

and slap the dumb out
of me.

- Hey, you think you're bummed,
I'm a guy.

"While I was giving possibly
my best performance of

"'Trouble in River City,'
the whole time I was thinking

"'I wish I was in bed
making love to Grace,'

"with a capital G
that rhymes with C

"and that stands
for 'coitus.'

.

- Oooh, perfume.
- Oh.

- This seems
very special indeed.

I'm gonna have to do
a spray and step.

- Spray, delay, and walk away.

You know,
Rosario gave me that perfume

because she thought
that it would bring

true love into my life.

Her exact words were,
"This will cover up the stink

"of the alcohol and then maybe

you can trick a man
into tolerating you."

- Ah.

- She was such a romantic.

And then, sure enough,

the very first time I wore it,

I met Stan.

You can toss it.

I'm never falling
in love again.

Why would you say that?

- Because I'm through
with love.

I mean, sure,
I'll have my needs met.

The occasional rub and tug.

The all night bang fest.

A back alley bean twiddle.

But as far as my heart goes...

it is closed.

- Well,
I hate hearing that Karen.

You have so much love
to give.

All you need to do is just--
- Ba-ba-ba-ba-boo.

Go back
to your fake magic tricks.

- It's not fake, Karen!

I can see your future.

I see romance, I see travel...

I see London.

I see France...

I see Karen's underpants.

No, I'm just kidding.

I know you go commando
when it's raining.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

I do see love.
I see happiness.

- Oh, save it
for your next mark.

- Wait, wait.

I'm fee--

I'm feeling something strange,
Karen.

What?

Oh, it's coming from in here.

It's Rosario's jacket.

- Ooh.

Check the pocket
for scratchers.

Hello, lady.

Oh...

- Ah.
- Choo.

- I don't know.

But honey, I think you might
have another gift

besides
squeaky clean balls.

- Uh oh.

November 29th, 1985.

The day after Thanksgiving.

- When I came out to you.

- Ugh, you ripped my heart out.

It was like everything
I believed in was a lie.

Even holding this in my hand
I feel like I wanna throw up.

Should we read it?

- I can't totally explain it,
Karen, but it's like

Rosario's all around me.

She's in me...

and then she's out of me.

She's in me
and then she's out of me.

It's like our wedding night
all over again.

Does she like cleaning heaven?

- She says it's bigger
than she thought...

- Oh.

- But they do let her take home

leftover chicken
and the recyclables.

- Does she have
a message for me?

- She does.
She does.

- Oh, this is interesting.

Rosario says you're going
to find love again.

- That's crap.

What did she break
into god's liquor cabinet?

- Um, this is coming
from a disembodied ghost

so, kinda think it's real.

- She doesn't know
what she's talking about.

Uh-oh.

She did not like that.

- Rosario,
I'm not going to tell her that.

- Well just tell me.

- She says
you're gonna get mad.

- I'm not gonna get mad.

- She says you're a quitter--
- Mm-hmm.

- She says you should
put on that perfume

and get your rich,
pampered ass back out there.

- She is not allowed
to talk to me that way!

Even though she is dead,
she's fired.

What are you doing?

- She's coming through!

- She's taking over.
- Oh!

I'm losing myself!

Well, there are a few things

I'd like to say to you, too.

If you quit on love,
you're a fool.

- What the hell do you know...
- Listen, lady--

--Sapphire earrings of mine
that you stole

and then swallowed and passed
through your digestive track

and you thought
I wouldn't notice.

Why do you think I have butler
stand outside the door

with a pair of rubber gloves
on bathroom day.

- ...Lid for every pot and that
means there's someone for you.

- Rosie.

Do you really think so?

- I do.

- Then I won't give up on love.

I love you, Mami.

- I love you too, Mami.

- I miss those lips.

- She's going.
- Oh, no.

- She's going.

- She's gone.

- Oh, no.
Rosie, wait.

Rosie!

.

- Okay, let's set the scene.

It's the day after
I came out to you.

I'm back at school wearing
a Clinique peel-off mask

because of a stress pimple,

and listening to our song
over and over.

Our song was Dancing Queen.
- Mm.

- This is a short one.

"Grace, I'm so sorry.

I'm just so sorry."

So sad.
- I know.

- And then I wrote you
that big long one.

Oof, huh?

- Yeah,
I couldn't even open it.

- You di--

- No, I couldn't.

'Cause if I had gotten
a letter this thick

scented in white diamonds,
I'd have been a little curious.

- Will, I was devastated.

I mean, I even considered
being a lesbian

but women are a lot of work.

- I can't believe
you're joking.

I cried
when I wrote this letter.

I think we know who was crying.

But come on, we're good.
We got through it.

You apologized.

- Yeah.

Over and over again.

- We never talk about this

but that's kind of our dynamic,
isn't it?

That I always say I'm sorry.
You never say it.

It's like I'm
constantly apologizing

for the original sin
of hurting you.

- Okay, I--
- No, that's true. That's true.

And you never have to apologize
because you're the victim.

- Oh, my God.

Is this about
your almond thing?

I said I'm sorry.

- No, you didn't.

You never do.

- Why are you getting so mad

about something that happened
a million years ago?

- 'Cause you didn't
read my letter.

You didn't even think
that maybe

I was going through
something, too.

Maybe I needed my best friend.

- Okay, fine.
I'll read it.

Give it to me.

- No.

- What do you mean, "no."

- You had your chance.

- No, no, no, no.
You're not going out there.

- Nope.

It is pouring rain
and you are wearing

your suede driving moccasins.

- I don't care.

- Okay, yes, I care.
I care.

- You did not just do that.

- The one time
he doesn't throw like a girl.

Mrs. Timmer?

- Oh, there you are.

I like your hat.

- It's a Duane Reade bag.

- Just take the compliment.

Anyway, this envelope
landed on my terrace.

- Oh, God, I've been running
up and down the block

looking for this.

You opened it?

- How else could
I have read it?

Listen, doll,
you should read it too.

Without giving too much away,

it explains why you
and your husband

don't have any children.

- Are you going to
take Rosario's advice

and spray on some of this
love potion Numero Nueve

and get back out there?

- Yeah, maybe.

I don't know.

- What do you mean
you don't know?

Didn't you hear Rosie?

- I mean how do I know
that I wasn't just your mark

and you weren't just telling me
what I wanted to hear.

Are you telling me
when you kissed me

you didn't taste 409,
Virginia Slims,

and a little whiff
of venison jerky?

- Well, the mind plays tricks.

The lightning, the thunder,

decades of hard drinking.

It was a perfect storm.

- But I'm telling you,
she was here.

- Sure, honey.

- Well,
I am saddened by your attitude.

- Ye of big boobs
and little faith.

- Okay, okay.

Message received.

I'll keep trying.

- ♪ Old black magic
has me in its spell ♪

- ♪ Old black magic
that you weave so well ♪

- ♪ Those icy fingers
up and down my spine ♪

- ♪ The same old witch craft
when your eyes meet mine ♪

- ♪ The same old tingle
that I feel inside ♪

- ♪ And then that elevator
starts it's ride ♪

- ♪ Down
- ♪ Down and down I go

- ♪ Around and around I go

- ♪ Like a leaf
caught in the tide ♪

.

- I'm the worst person
in the world.

I read your letter.

- Come on inside.

- I can't go inside.

I don't deserve to go inside.
I'm horrible.

- Grace,
if we never let horrible people

in our apartment,
we'd never see Karen.

- That's true.
- Mm.

- How did I not
read this letter?

I mean, you went through
so much after you came out

and I wasn't there for you.

- We don't have
to talk about it.

- No, we do.
I have to.

You were tortured.

And I never even
thought about that.

When I got to the part
where you write,

"Grace.
I don't want to be gay.

I just wish I was normal."

Oh my god will.

That broke my heart.

And then the part
where you said

that you were thinking
about hurting yourself?

I mean, is that true?

Sweetie?

- It was a long time ago.

- Okay, look.

This might be 30 years
too late.

But I just got smart
in the last hour.

You're right.
I didn't think about your pain.

I only thought about mine,

because that's the way
the story of the gay guy

and the straight girl
is always told.

Isn't it?

He broke her heart.

Poor her.

But you were
just being who you are,

and you were scared to death

that the world
was gonna find out

and hate you for it.

- Wow.

You did get smart.

- And you were right.

It is why
I never say I'm sorry.

And I have been playing
the victim.

So...

I am going to say it now.

Doesn't it feel good?

- Still haven't said it.

Oh!
I am sorry.

I am sorry

for not being there with you.

I am sorry, Will.

I am sorry for not being there
when you needed me most.

And I am so, so sorry

that I never said this
to you before now.

The fact that you are a gay man

did not ruin my life.

It made it so much better.

- Mine too.

- Did you really go to
a prostitute on Christmas?

- I couldn't go in.

I just went to the House
of Pies and ate my feelings.

Really,
that was the inspiration

for "Homo with a Pie."

- And you're gonna write
that book one day.

- If I dedicate it to you
will you read it?

- If by read it you mean skip
to the parts that are about me

I will absolutely read it.