All language subtitles for The Big Bang Theory 12x06 - The Imitation Perturbation

Hey, did you guys know
this year's the 40th anniversary

of Halloween?
- Oh, nonsense.

Halloween traditions

of date back to the Celtic
festival of Samhain.

Although our current
Halloween customs

come from the evening
before All Hallows' Day--

All Hallows' Eve--
thus, Halloween.

I meant the movie Halloween.

Oh.

Well, that's not
interesting at all.

Did you know the Michael Myers
mask from the film

was actually a Captain Kirk
mask turned inside out?

Okay, now it's interesting.

Are you guys
all dressing up for work?

Of course.
I mean, how often

do you get to wear
costumes to work?

Says the man with a giant
belt buckle and a dickey.

Hey, this is not a costume.
It's a choice. It's a style.

It's a tragedy.

Bernadette, why don't we
get to dress up at work?

We used to, but a couple guys
in the infectious disease lab

went as zombies
and it triggered a quarantine.

The CDC was so mad.

Hey, if you really want to dress
up, we could throw a party.

Oh, that would be fun.

You know, I used to throw
Halloween parties all the time

when I moved into the building.

All the time? I only remember
being invited to one.

Please don't make this
awkward for me.

Okay, so,
Friday night--

Halloween party here.
- Okay.

Great. Can't wait.

What are you going as?

I don't want
to ruin the surprise.

You'll see it at work.
Just a warning:

it's pretty scary.

- Is it a bird?
- No.

- Is it a dog?
- No.

Oh, I think
I'll be fine, then.

Hello.

Hello.

I see you are dressed
as Doc Brown

from Back to the Future.

May I assume that Amy is going
as his wife, Clara Clayton,

from Back to the Future
Part III?

She is.

Did you do something
different to your hair?

Yes.

Looking good.

# The Big Bang Theory 12x06 #
The Imitation Perturbation
Original Air D

# Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state #

# Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! #

# The Earth began to cool #

# The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools #

# We built the Wall #
# We built the pyramids #

# Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery #

# That all started
with a big bang #

# Bang! #

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

Oh, Inspector Gadget.

And I want to say

Supreme Court Justice
Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

So close.

Kooth Bader Ginsburg.

The Notorious KBG.

That's very clever.

Sustained.

Are you gonna dress in drag
in front of your fianc�e?

Yeah. We have no secrets
from each other.

Well, except for the fact that
I-I crocheted this myself.

Hey, Sheldon.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Oh, my God,

you look amazing.

I find you guilty of murder,

because you are killing it.

Well, technically,

the Supreme Court wouldn't
determine a defendant's

guilt or innocence
in a criminal matter.

They could only reverse
or revamp a jury's conviction

based on a constitutional
or statutory issue.

Why are you laughing?

His statement
was factually correct.

You're sitting in my spot.

You don't have a spot.

- What is wrong with you today?
- Maybe he's cranky

because he's off
his bathroom schedule.

Well, I can understand how that
would make someone irritable.

Interesting fact: "irritable"
comes from the Latin,

"susceptible to anger."

Just because I used a word

doesn't mean
I want its etymology.

Interesting fact:
"etymology"

comes from the
Greek word...

You are being so annoying.
Stop it.

And why are you two laughing?

Sheldon, he's being you.

He's dressed as you
for Halloween.

Oh.

So you're not
laughing at him.

You're laughing at me.

We're not laughing at you.

We're laughing with you.

But I'm not laughing.

Then the first one.

Ready to go?

Hey, why aren't you
in your costume?

I just didn't feel like it.

You get that I'm wearing
a corset because of you,

not because I'm tired
of breathing?

Amy, do you think I'm
always correcting other people?

No, not all the time.
I mean, just last week,

Penny ended a sentence
with a preposition.

You didn't even mention it.

True.

I just waited until I got home
and screamed into a pillow.

Is something bothering you?

Howard dressed up as me
and imitated me,

and everyone laughed.

Oh. Well,
that must have felt terrible.

It did. I never realized

my friends viewed me
as an object of ridicule.

Oh, I don't think that's true.

They laughed, Amy.

In a derisive way.
Not in the instructive way

I laugh at them
when they're being stupid.

- Hey, happy Halloween.
- Oh!

- Trick or treat.
- No.

Sorry, you're not
wearing a costume.

Yeah, I am.
I'm a pharmaceutical sales rep.

I'm gonna need more.

Okay, failed actress
who traded constant rejection

for a Christmas bonus
and a dental plan?

- Go nuts.
- Oh.

I will.

So, what are you
wearing to the party?

Sexy cat? Sexy nurse?
Sexy zombie?

Why do girls' costumes
have to be sexy

but guys' costumes don't?

Say that again
with this helicopter on my head.

Very cute.

Hey, do you remember
what happened

at that first Halloween party
that you invited me to?

When I threw up in the pumpkin?

More memorable than that.

Really?
That was pretty impressive.

We had our first kiss.

On this very couch.

No, no, our first kiss was
at your birthday.

Remember? I threw you a party,

you didn't make it,
and I felt bad for you.

No, no, it was on Halloween,

and you felt bad for me.

If we're gonna go
through every party

where I felt bad for you,
we're gonna be here awhile.

Never mind.

What? You're not mad
at me, are you?

No.

Of course not.
No, we just remember

different things
from that party.

I remember falling in love,

and you remember vomiting
in a pumpkin.

I was, like,
four feet away.

People cheered.

- Here you go.
- Thanks.

So, did you see
Howard's costume?

See it? I made it.
It was hilarious.

Well, Sheldon didn't think so,
and neither did I.

Oh, come on.
It was all in good fun.

Well, I'm sure it was,
but Sheldon's feelings got hurt.

M-Maybe Howard could apologize?

You're kidding, right?

Sheldon didn't apologize

when he said my baby looked
like Winston Churchill.

He loves Churchill.

Your son should take that
as a compliment.

He said it about my daughter.

Well, this isn't about Sheldon.

This is about Howard.

I think it is
about Sheldon.

How many times has he made fun
of Howard for being an engineer?

Going to MIT? His magic?

Sheldon doesn't make fun
of his magic.

Well, he should. It's stupid.

Anyway, the point is,

Sheldon shouldn't dish it out
if he can't take it.

I think the point is
that Howard owes him an apology.

Yeah, well, I think the point is

if Sheldon has a problem
with Howard,

Sheldon should take it up
with him.

Mama.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

the prime minister of England
needs her diaper changed.

Hey.

Oh,
that's great.

He's a Supreme Court justice,

and you're the
U.S. Constitution.

Yep. He interprets me.

And guess what's
underneath this?

The Bill of Tights.

Smart, funny, gorgeous--
are we a match or what?

Hey, Bert,
what are you dressed as?

I'll give you a hint.

My work in seismic refraction
measurements and...

Hey, Stuart,
what are you dressed as?

I'm a butterfly.

Did you steal those from
Halley's "let's pretend" box?

I'm gonna put them back.

All right, I'll tell you.

I'm Maurice "Doc" Ewing, winner
of the 1960 Vetlesen Prize,

generally regarded
as the Nobel Prize of geology.

Oh, yeah. Now I see it.

Ask me how I died.

Spoiler alert: brain hemorrhage.

Well, Gorblimey.

You look
like a thousand tuppence.

Don't he, Mary Poppins?

Are you gonna talk
like that all night?

Jiff willikers, I am.

Isn't he cute?

He's gonna get a
spoonful of sugar later.

And I'm gonna sweep
Ms. Poppins' chimney.

So, here we are.

On Halloween.
On this couch.

Does it ring any bells?

Really? We're still doing this?

I'm just surprised you don't
remember our first kiss.

Fine.
It was on Halloween.

Are you agreeing
just to shut me up?

You got another way?
I'm all ears.

- Really? An arranged marriage?
- Yeah.

I know how it sounds.

It sounds awesome.

Is that just an Indian thing,

or can I get a piece of that?

You know the woman
has a choice, right?

There's always a catch.

Happy Halloween.

Who wants to
see a magic trick?

Oh, that's right.
No one.

Ha! They're you.

What do you think you're doing?

I thought it was clear.

I'm being unnecessarily hurtful
but with a sweet voice.

And I don't understand
what's going on

because I went to MIT.

Okay, guys, I think
that's enough.

Hold on. I'm
the judge here,

and I'm going to allow it.

Raj, take a break.

Hey, free speech.

Right back there
somewhere.

You
know what, guys?

You got us. Congratulations.
Now why don't you go back

to your apartment and put
on your other costumes.

Oh, but it's so far away,

and I have such
teeny, tiny legs.

Really? Our bodies?
Is that where we're going, Amy?

What's wrong with my body?

Well, for starters,
you have a quarter in your nose.

Not now, Sheldon.

I don't get invited
to a lot of parties.

Is this a good one?

Oh, yeah.

Did that guacamole
taste weird to you?

Tasted weird to me.

Can't believe Amy did that.

Oh, come on.
You thought it was funny

when I dressed up as Sheldon.

That was totally different.

- How?
- That didn't hurt my feelings.

Well, for what it's worth,

I didn't think it was
a very good impression of you.

Really? You don't think I have
an annoying high-pitched voice?

No, not at all.

In fact, I find your voice
quite melodious.

Mm-hmm. And you don't think

I'm unnecessarily hurtful?

What? I'm sorry.

I-I couldn't hear the question.
I just heard the music.

Well, people came,
they ate, they vowed

to never speak
to each other again.

I think it was
a successful party.

It was.
And I'm sorry about earlier.

I know it doesn't matter.

No, it does matter.

Okay? You were right.

It was Halloween.

I was dressed as a cat,
you were a hobbit.

It was right there
on that couch.

Why didn't you just say that?

Because I always hated
that was our first kiss.

I was drunk, and I
was still with Kurt,

and I was using you to
make myself feel better.

I... just wanted our first
kiss to mean something.

That's why I said it was
the one on your birthday.

I like that.

We'll make that
our official first kiss.

Thank you. Aw.

That was beautiful.

- Mm.
- What are you still doing here?

I was in the bathroom.

Guacamole didn't agree with me.

Well, since you're here,
you can help us clean up.

Will you take this out, please?
Sure.

Thank you.

It's late. Would you mind
if I crashed here tonight?

You are always welcome here.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

Where were we?

I think Howard hurting
my feelings has in some ways

made me a better person.

Hmm. Look at you,
improving on perfection.

How so?

As you were eating that Danish,

I wanted to point out
that the Danish

isn't Danish at all.

It was imported
by Austrian bakers

during a labor dispute
in the 1800s.

But I chose not to,

because I didn't want to be
the kind of fella

who foists unwanted facts
about European pastries

on the unwilling.

Huh. That's actually
interesting.

Sorry. Now you'll never know.

Hey, guys, I need your help.

Bernadette's still pretty upset

about your costumes.

She's upset?

Those pants I wore to make fun
of you were so tight,

I risked a testicular hernia.

Anyway,

if you guys could apologize,
it'd be a big help.

Oh, we'd be happy
to apologize to her

as soon as she apologizes to me

for not making you apologize
to Sheldon.

I didn't follow that,

but, then, between my wife
and that guacamole,

I didn't get a lot
of sleep last night.

Don't you think
it's unreasonable

for her to ask us to do
something she refused to do?

Yes. So when can you
stop by?

I don't understand.
If it's unreasonable,

why should we do it?

Okay, how about this?
You know in Star Wars

when R2 and Chewbacca
were playing holochess?

Really? Star Wars?

Amy, let the man speak.

Well, Chewbacca

was losing
and getting angry and...

W-W-Wait. Are you saying
we should let the Wookiee win?

Hey.

Hey, that's my wife
you're talking about.

But yes, let the Wookiee win.

Hello, Bernadette.

Wait, did you just walk
into my house?

No, Howard let me in.

Where is he?

Oh, he got in his car
and drove away.

Oh.

Is that watermelon
for anybody?

- It's for Halley.
- Is she gonna eat all of it?

God, no wonder
she looks like Churchill.

What do you want, Sheldon?

Howard said
your feelings were hurt.

Well, Howard's wrong.
I don't care

if someone makes fun of me.

All right.

Apparently I came
all this way for nothing.

Unless Halley wants to share
that watermelon?

You think Amy's the first person
to make fun of me

for having a squeaky voice?

Do you?

I feel like my chance
at watermelon

is dangling by a thread.

She's not. It's been happening
my whole life.

And-and she called me out
for being mean?

Well, I've had to be mean.

It's hard to be taken seriously

when you're always
the smallest person in the room.

I know that.

I was in high school
when I was nine years old.

I tried to tell
the other kids

that although
my physical stature was small,

my intellectual stature
towered over them.

That only seemed
to make things worse.

The kids called me
Bernadette the marionette.

Because you're small.
That's funny.

No, it's not.

Well, people used
to call me egghead

'cause there were eggs
on my head.

'Cause they threw them at me.

That's terrible.

One time my brothers
made me breathe helium.

I tried to call for help,

but the only one
who could hear me was the dog.

That's also terrible.

My goodness, you had to live
in a house with a dog.

I guess we both had to put up
with a lot of crap from people.

I suppose we have. Huh.

Maybe you and I are more alike
than we thought.

Maybe we are.

Although I'm exceptionally tall,
and you're exceptionally...

- Sheldon.
- You didn't even let me finish.

- Fine. Sorry.
- Short.

Sheldon, you sure
you're ready for this?

- This movie's pretty scary.
- Please.

I'm an adult.
I think I can handle it.

That's what you said about the
butterfly pavilion at the zoo.

That was my fault.
After I pet that goat,

I felt like a gladiator.

Okay, lights on, or lights off?

Lights off. If I'm gonna
do this, I want to do it right.

What do you guys think
you're doing?

We're showing
Sheldon Halloween.

Absolutely not.
Sheldon, come home.

But I really want
to watch it.

I know you do,
but I am forbidding it.

Oh, man. Sorry, guys.

- What took you so long?
- I'm sorry. I just got your text!

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man