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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:00,047 --> 00:01:03,014 There are a million reasons to celebrate in New York City. 2 00:01:03,087 --> 00:01:06,862 Steve no longer having testicular cancer was just one of them. 3 00:01:08,399 --> 00:01:10,734 I only have one ball left. 4 00:01:13,839 --> 00:01:17,101 I don't care who wins, it's me and you after this, buddy. 5 00:01:17,679 --> 00:01:18,628 Great! 6 00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:21,354 It all comes down to just one little ball. 7 00:01:23,056 --> 00:01:24,616 Who wants a beer? 8 00:01:30,192 --> 00:01:31,402 Samantha? 9 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:36,810 One ball? 10 00:01:38,928 --> 00:01:42,703 - I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. Was he upset? - Embarrassed, I think. 11 00:01:42,768 --> 00:01:45,189 Nothing to be embarrassed about. He's still got one. 12 00:01:45,263 --> 00:01:47,368 Miranda, they come in a set, like earrings. 13 00:01:47,439 --> 00:01:50,407 He's doing great. I'd have been sitting at home all depressed. 14 00:01:50,479 --> 00:01:52,901 Explain that. Tell me why you'd be depressed... 15 00:01:52,976 --> 00:01:56,325 if you were perfectly healthy, but had to go through life without balls. 16 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:57,926 I was talking to Aidan. 17 00:01:57,999 --> 00:02:01,861 Maybe it's bullshit, but I might feel like less of a man or something. 18 00:02:01,935 --> 00:02:05,231 A couple of hanging glands has nothing to do with making somebody a man. 19 00:02:05,296 --> 00:02:06,244 She's right. 20 00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:09,320 I once went out with this guy, the biggest balls I've ever seen... 21 00:02:09,392 --> 00:02:10,668 complete pussy. 22 00:02:10,736 --> 00:02:14,380 - How big? - Huge, I could barely fit one in my mouth. 23 00:02:16,048 --> 00:02:17,608 Welcome to my world. 24 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:21,608 The irony is that I don't think women care that much about balls. 25 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,884 I know I don't. Do you, Carrie? 26 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:26,728 Except for yours, darling. I'm very into yours. 27 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,833 I have never met a man who wasn't into his balls. 28 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,822 "Yeah, baby, that's it. 29 00:02:31,888 --> 00:02:34,703 "Grab my big balls, lick them, pull them." 30 00:02:34,768 --> 00:02:36,426 You pull the balls? 31 00:02:36,688 --> 00:02:39,405 They like it. I went out with this guy... 32 00:02:39,664 --> 00:02:42,152 - I'm sure you did. - Wait, please let her finish. 33 00:02:42,224 --> 00:02:43,533 She's done. 34 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:46,152 Now, I'm thinking balls are to men... 35 00:02:46,384 --> 00:02:48,075 what purses are to women. 36 00:02:48,144 --> 00:02:49,704 It's just a little bag... 37 00:02:49,776 --> 00:02:52,297 but we'd feel naked in public without it. 38 00:02:52,368 --> 00:02:53,612 Samantha Jones. 39 00:02:56,016 --> 00:02:58,504 - How are you? - Great! 40 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:00,905 Everyone, this is... 41 00:03:01,744 --> 00:03:04,876 - Allan Jannis. - Allan Jannis, right, we... 42 00:03:04,944 --> 00:03:07,497 - Fucked! - Fucked, right. 43 00:03:07,568 --> 00:03:09,161 I knew I knew you! 44 00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:11,311 - How the hell are you? - Not bad. 45 00:03:11,376 --> 00:03:13,580 Just designed the new Richard Wright hotel. 46 00:03:13,648 --> 00:03:17,194 I've been trying to get a meeting with him for months. Who's doing his P.R.? 47 00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:20,429 - I think he's talking to Brad Rosen. - He's a hack. 48 00:03:20,497 --> 00:03:22,569 - Get me a meeting? - I'll do what I can. 49 00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:24,909 - Good seeing you... - Allan. 50 00:03:24,976 --> 00:03:26,121 I know! 51 00:03:30,801 --> 00:03:34,096 And up on Park Avenue, a different reason for celebrating. 52 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:37,008 So, I told him, when I hire a contractor to do a job... 53 00:03:37,072 --> 00:03:40,105 - I expect him to finish on time. - Good, honey, good! 54 00:03:40,336 --> 00:03:42,638 Sometimes they just need to hear it from a man. 55 00:03:42,704 --> 00:03:44,941 A little more Mu Shu, my Mu Shu. 56 00:03:45,232 --> 00:03:46,639 I saw my doctor today... 57 00:03:46,705 --> 00:03:49,803 and I told her how frustrated we were that we weren't pregnant yet. 58 00:03:49,872 --> 00:03:50,854 Wonton? 59 00:03:50,928 --> 00:03:54,506 She said that the easiest thing to do would be to test your sperm. 60 00:03:56,113 --> 00:03:58,382 Charlotte, I'm eating. 61 00:03:59,312 --> 00:04:02,509 Is it too much to ask to have my Mu Shu without a side of sperm? 62 00:04:02,577 --> 00:04:04,781 Why are you getting so mad? We're just talking. 63 00:04:04,849 --> 00:04:07,150 Hell's bells, it's only been three months! 64 00:04:07,217 --> 00:04:10,250 Why would you just leap to the conclusion that the problem is me? 65 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:12,360 I'm not leaping to anything. 66 00:04:12,529 --> 00:04:15,725 It's just easier to test the man first. Less invasive. 67 00:04:15,792 --> 00:04:19,949 I'm sure your sperm is fine. No, it's better than fine, it's fantastic. 68 00:04:20,209 --> 00:04:23,722 This little subject matter has put me right off my dinner. 69 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:25,481 Excuse me. 70 00:04:27,281 --> 00:04:29,103 - Honey? - Not now! 71 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:36,425 - Do men? - Do men what? 72 00:04:36,848 --> 00:04:38,375 Like them pulled? 73 00:04:38,705 --> 00:04:40,232 How would I know? 74 00:04:40,497 --> 00:04:41,642 Do you? 75 00:04:43,025 --> 00:04:45,064 - Do I what? - Like them pulled? 76 00:04:45,232 --> 00:04:46,661 How do I know? 77 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:50,123 Why don't we give a little tug and see? 78 00:04:50,385 --> 00:04:52,425 You wanna give a little tug? 79 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:00,360 You're gonna do it too hard! 80 00:05:00,465 --> 00:05:01,774 No! 81 00:05:01,841 --> 00:05:02,986 All right. 82 00:05:10,161 --> 00:05:12,168 You were saved by the bell. 83 00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:16,463 Bradshaw House of Pain, how can we hurt you? 84 00:05:16,977 --> 00:05:18,089 Hello? 85 00:05:18,833 --> 00:05:20,262 Man, it's me. 86 00:05:20,369 --> 00:05:23,336 I'm sorry to be calling you this late. Is Carrie there? 87 00:05:23,409 --> 00:05:24,969 Yeah, just a sec. 88 00:05:25,585 --> 00:05:26,862 Who is it? 89 00:05:27,249 --> 00:05:28,329 Hello? 90 00:05:28,401 --> 00:05:30,605 It's me, I need to talk to you. 91 00:05:30,737 --> 00:05:33,901 It's really not a good time, we're about to go to bed. 92 00:05:33,969 --> 00:05:34,984 It's important. 93 00:05:35,057 --> 00:05:37,610 Willow is totally fucking with my head, please. 94 00:05:37,681 --> 00:05:38,858 All right. 95 00:05:39,857 --> 00:05:43,435 He's having girlfriend problems. I'm gonna be just a minute. 96 00:05:46,449 --> 00:05:50,191 Apparently, dating a movie star makes you as crazy as dating anyone else. 97 00:05:50,258 --> 00:05:51,752 What's the problem? 98 00:05:51,826 --> 00:05:54,760 She's in town, at the Mercer. We were supposed to meet tonight. 99 00:05:54,833 --> 00:05:56,655 She hasn't gotten back to me. 100 00:05:56,785 --> 00:05:57,897 Did you call her? 101 00:05:57,969 --> 00:06:01,198 Yes, I called her. I called all five of her numbers. 102 00:06:01,585 --> 00:06:03,276 She never answers. 103 00:06:03,346 --> 00:06:05,134 Here's the thing, see... 104 00:06:05,618 --> 00:06:08,716 she can reach me, but I can't ever get her. 105 00:06:08,913 --> 00:06:11,728 - Maybe she never got... - No, you don't get it. 106 00:06:11,953 --> 00:06:13,480 She can reach me... 107 00:06:13,906 --> 00:06:16,972 but I can't get her, ever. 108 00:06:17,201 --> 00:06:20,550 - How fucked up is that? - I don't know. Very? 109 00:06:21,105 --> 00:06:23,211 I thought everything was going great. 110 00:06:23,282 --> 00:06:27,722 It was, I mean, I flew out to LA to take her to that MTV award thing. 111 00:06:27,794 --> 00:06:30,183 I'd better start feeling sorry for you soon. 112 00:06:30,258 --> 00:06:31,883 And then she totally dissed me. 113 00:06:31,953 --> 00:06:34,921 I was following her around like a goddamn dog. 114 00:06:35,089 --> 00:06:37,424 I'm just gonna be one more minute. 115 00:06:39,025 --> 00:06:41,098 Listen to this message she left me. 116 00:06:41,393 --> 00:06:42,855 I gotta go to bed! 117 00:06:42,930 --> 00:06:45,231 No, wait, listen. Listen to this. 118 00:06:45,297 --> 00:06:46,639 Gonna miss you. 119 00:06:46,705 --> 00:06:50,054 I can't wait until I'm in New York, in your arms. 120 00:06:51,249 --> 00:06:54,827 I'm in a New York state of mind 121 00:06:54,897 --> 00:06:57,199 "A New York state of mind"? 122 00:06:57,265 --> 00:06:59,916 It's Billy Joel, we love that song. 123 00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:01,808 - Goodnight. - Should I call her again? 124 00:07:01,874 --> 00:07:03,630 No, goodnight. 125 00:07:07,090 --> 00:07:08,366 I'm sorry. 126 00:07:09,041 --> 00:07:11,725 So, you still want me to give them a little pull? 127 00:07:11,794 --> 00:07:12,809 No. 128 00:07:12,946 --> 00:07:15,084 Why'd you take the phone in there? 129 00:07:15,154 --> 00:07:17,936 Because I know you don't like him calling here, that's all. 130 00:07:18,002 --> 00:07:20,653 You tell me nothing's going on... 131 00:07:20,753 --> 00:07:22,477 then nothing's going on. 132 00:07:22,546 --> 00:07:24,521 You don't gotta run in a closet. 133 00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:26,440 I didn't run... 134 00:07:26,610 --> 00:07:30,320 and I went in there because I know how uncomfortable it makes you. 135 00:07:30,738 --> 00:07:33,258 How uncomfortable it makes me, or you? 136 00:07:33,522 --> 00:07:35,529 Me, yes, I'm uncomfortable. 137 00:07:36,146 --> 00:07:39,441 - I don't want you to feel threatened. - You think I'm threatened by him? 138 00:07:39,506 --> 00:07:42,255 - No, not threatened! - I could take him. 139 00:07:43,378 --> 00:07:45,550 Who said anything about taking him? 140 00:07:45,618 --> 00:07:49,098 It's like the time Batman and the Green Hornet got in a fight. 141 00:07:49,170 --> 00:07:52,880 Everyone expected Batman to win because he's got the gadgets and the cape... 142 00:07:52,946 --> 00:07:57,037 but the Green Hornet had the moves. See, I'm the Green Hornet, I got the moves. 143 00:07:57,106 --> 00:07:59,528 Plus, I got Pete and he's like Kato. 144 00:07:59,859 --> 00:08:02,673 Aren't you, boy? Petey, come here, boy, come here! 145 00:08:02,739 --> 00:08:04,299 Who's your buddy? 146 00:08:04,370 --> 00:08:06,442 He's gonna get him. He's got him! 147 00:08:07,858 --> 00:08:11,273 - What do superheroes have to do with it? - I have no idea. 148 00:08:11,346 --> 00:08:14,510 It's a guy thing. All I know is that in order to deal with Big... 149 00:08:14,578 --> 00:08:16,847 he had to turn himself into the Green Lantern. 150 00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:19,467 - Hornet. - I don't care if he's the Green Bee. 151 00:08:19,538 --> 00:08:21,840 I just wish there was a way for Aidan... 152 00:08:21,906 --> 00:08:25,201 to really understand that he has nothing to worry about. 153 00:08:26,066 --> 00:08:28,849 Maybe I should try to get Big and him and me together. 154 00:08:28,914 --> 00:08:31,947 - Did you have a plate of crazy for lunch? - We could all talk... 155 00:08:32,018 --> 00:08:35,314 and Aidan could see once and for all that I love him... 156 00:08:35,379 --> 00:08:37,386 and Big and I are just friends. 157 00:08:37,458 --> 00:08:39,181 - Carrie, I don't know. - Seriously. 158 00:08:39,250 --> 00:08:42,633 Keeping my relationship with Big in the closet only makes things worse. 159 00:08:42,707 --> 00:08:45,009 These are guys. They don't talk, they fight. 160 00:08:45,075 --> 00:08:47,726 They can't help it, it's all that crazy testosterone. 161 00:08:47,795 --> 00:08:49,202 God bless it. 162 00:08:49,811 --> 00:08:52,112 We're having Trey's sperm tested. 163 00:08:52,626 --> 00:08:54,601 Is it not doing well in school? 164 00:08:54,675 --> 00:08:57,871 We were discussing it over dinner last night and he just blew up. 165 00:08:57,938 --> 00:09:01,102 One minute he was perfectly happy, the next minute, furious. 166 00:09:01,170 --> 00:09:04,432 - That time of the month? - It's a side of Trey I've never seen. 167 00:09:04,531 --> 00:09:06,222 It's about the sperm. 168 00:09:06,291 --> 00:09:09,073 What is it with that area? It's like a minefield. 169 00:09:09,138 --> 00:09:11,756 I spent the afternoon thinking about my friends. 170 00:09:11,826 --> 00:09:14,761 Body image depression, unpredictable mood swings... 171 00:09:14,835 --> 00:09:18,218 late night phone calls obsessing about a relationship. 172 00:09:18,482 --> 00:09:20,751 Did I mention these are my male friends? 173 00:09:20,818 --> 00:09:23,437 So, maybe men and women aren't from different planets... 174 00:09:23,507 --> 00:09:25,547 as pop culture would have us believe. 175 00:09:25,618 --> 00:09:29,448 Maybe we live a lot closer to each other, perhaps, dare I even say it... 176 00:09:29,523 --> 00:09:31,083 in the same zip code? 177 00:09:31,155 --> 00:09:34,832 In view of current circumstances, I couldn't help but wonder... 178 00:09:34,899 --> 00:09:37,266 are men just women with balls? 179 00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:39,375 - Look at that. - Look at what? 180 00:09:39,443 --> 00:09:41,647 - That dog's sack! - No, thank you. 181 00:09:43,859 --> 00:09:47,536 Did you know you can't enter a dog in a dog show if he's only got one ball? 182 00:09:47,603 --> 00:09:49,391 Where'd you hear that? 183 00:09:50,003 --> 00:09:51,148 Around. 184 00:09:52,531 --> 00:09:54,670 They even make fake dog balls. 185 00:09:57,523 --> 00:09:59,662 They make them for humans, too. 186 00:10:02,195 --> 00:10:05,675 - I'm thinking about getting one. - No, Steve. Why would you do that? 187 00:10:05,747 --> 00:10:08,049 Why not? Women get breast implants all the time. 188 00:10:08,115 --> 00:10:10,832 Steve, trust me, I've been to the area... 189 00:10:10,899 --> 00:10:14,215 and I swear to God, I wouldn't know if you had one or four. 190 00:10:14,675 --> 00:10:15,984 But I know. 191 00:10:16,211 --> 00:10:18,633 Every time I look down at my nuts... 192 00:10:18,867 --> 00:10:20,328 correction, nut... 193 00:10:21,940 --> 00:10:23,598 I look all lopsided. 194 00:10:23,667 --> 00:10:25,227 Women don't care! 195 00:10:25,395 --> 00:10:26,988 We care about... 196 00:10:27,059 --> 00:10:30,059 nice arms, great eyes, big dick. 197 00:10:30,419 --> 00:10:34,576 I have never once heard a woman say, "He had such a big, full scrotum!" 198 00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:40,462 I made an appointment, I'm talking to the doctor. Will you go with me? 199 00:10:40,532 --> 00:10:42,441 Where, testicle shopping? 200 00:10:45,747 --> 00:10:49,522 Samantha finally got her meeting with hotel magnate, Richard Wright. 201 00:10:49,587 --> 00:10:52,369 Smart, tough, a real ball buster. 202 00:10:52,915 --> 00:10:56,330 I've enjoyed meeting you, but truth be told, Ms. Jones... 203 00:10:56,403 --> 00:10:58,956 - your r�sum�'s all fluff. - Fluff? 204 00:10:59,028 --> 00:11:03,600 - It's just parties and social events. - What is it that you do in your hotels? 205 00:11:03,987 --> 00:11:05,514 Nuclear fission? 206 00:11:12,275 --> 00:11:13,617 I admit, I'm intrigued. 207 00:11:13,683 --> 00:11:16,072 If I wasn't, you would've been down in the lobby... 208 00:11:16,148 --> 00:11:18,537 having a cappuccino 10 minutes ago. 209 00:11:18,868 --> 00:11:20,329 Here's an idea. 210 00:11:20,403 --> 00:11:21,930 I'm talking to Brad Rosen. 211 00:11:22,004 --> 00:11:24,491 Maybe you two can get together and share the work. 212 00:11:24,563 --> 00:11:26,319 Five hotels, it's a big job. 213 00:11:26,388 --> 00:11:29,454 I know it's a big job. That's why I'm still here... 214 00:11:29,524 --> 00:11:32,044 and not down in the lobby having a cappuccino. 215 00:11:32,116 --> 00:11:34,320 I appreciate your offer... 216 00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:36,434 but I don't need a partner. 217 00:11:36,916 --> 00:11:39,283 Read between the lines, Ms. Jones. 218 00:11:39,572 --> 00:11:42,354 I deal with a lot of businessmen. 219 00:11:43,955 --> 00:11:45,646 What are you saying? 220 00:11:45,844 --> 00:11:48,364 That businessmen would be more comfortable... 221 00:11:48,436 --> 00:11:51,403 dealing with a woman if she were working next to a man? 222 00:11:51,475 --> 00:11:53,330 You have a lot to offer. 223 00:11:53,395 --> 00:11:57,225 You might want to consider working with a partner who isn't so... 224 00:11:57,460 --> 00:11:58,769 emotional. 225 00:11:59,188 --> 00:12:02,352 "Emotional" is just code for, "I don't want to hire a woman." 226 00:12:02,420 --> 00:12:04,722 Exactly. They're that way at my firm, too. 227 00:12:04,788 --> 00:12:08,268 - Think you're gonna cry over a legal brief. - Have you cried over a brief? 228 00:12:08,340 --> 00:12:10,479 Yes, but only in the privacy of my office. 229 00:12:10,548 --> 00:12:13,482 I cried once at the gallery, once, in 10 years... 230 00:12:13,555 --> 00:12:16,621 and from that day on it was, "Careful, don't make Charlotte cry." 231 00:12:16,691 --> 00:12:18,252 I have never cried at work. 232 00:12:18,324 --> 00:12:21,041 I fake cried to my editor when I missed a deadline. 233 00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:24,010 I told him I was having a bad time at home, but really... 234 00:12:24,084 --> 00:12:27,859 - I was having a good time in the Hamptons. - That makes the rest of us look bad. 235 00:12:27,924 --> 00:12:29,680 Boo hoo. It was 80 degrees and sunny. 236 00:12:29,748 --> 00:12:33,043 A guy gets angry in a meeting, he's a pistol, a woman, she's emotional. 237 00:12:33,108 --> 00:12:36,175 If I say anything, like, "I don't think that's hung high enough"... 238 00:12:36,244 --> 00:12:38,513 they say, "Careful, don't make Charlotte cry"! 239 00:12:38,580 --> 00:12:41,809 What does he think I'm going to do? Get my period and ruin his empire? 240 00:12:41,876 --> 00:12:42,989 Yes, men... 241 00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:45,998 Wait, let me rephrase that, some men... 242 00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:49,361 That will look much better on the court transcripts of this dinner. 243 00:12:49,429 --> 00:12:53,007 Some men are threatened by strong businesswomen. They have to find a way... 244 00:12:53,076 --> 00:12:56,174 to make her be just a woman again. Hence, "You're too emotional." 245 00:12:56,245 --> 00:12:57,227 "Hence," yet. 246 00:12:57,300 --> 00:13:00,879 I'm going back in there, guns blazing, cool, calm, collected. 247 00:13:00,949 --> 00:13:03,534 I'm going to impress that motherfucker so much... 248 00:13:03,604 --> 00:13:05,360 he's gonna beg me to take the job. 249 00:13:05,428 --> 00:13:07,850 Just don't cry. Once, in 10 years! 250 00:13:07,924 --> 00:13:10,477 I've gotta run or I'm gonna miss my ride with Aidan. 251 00:13:10,549 --> 00:13:14,258 Then I'll have to take mass transit to the country, then there'll be some tears. 252 00:13:14,324 --> 00:13:17,324 The next day, while Aidan was tearing down the old shed... 253 00:13:17,396 --> 00:13:21,837 I was tearing through the new In Style with Big's big movie star on the cover. 254 00:13:26,197 --> 00:13:27,342 Hello? 255 00:13:28,148 --> 00:13:29,163 It's me. 256 00:13:29,237 --> 00:13:30,960 What's wrong? You sound terrible. 257 00:13:31,028 --> 00:13:34,062 Hope you don't mind my calling. I got the number off your machine. 258 00:13:34,133 --> 00:13:35,987 Where's area code 845? 259 00:13:36,053 --> 00:13:37,613 Upstate, we're in the country. 260 00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:39,091 On a Thursday? 261 00:13:39,156 --> 00:13:41,873 We're taking a long weekend. What's wrong? 262 00:13:43,381 --> 00:13:44,908 She broke it off. 263 00:13:45,461 --> 00:13:48,144 She said she never wants to see me again. 264 00:13:49,493 --> 00:13:52,144 - I'm so sorry. - I don't even know what I did. 265 00:13:52,213 --> 00:13:53,969 She won't return my calls. 266 00:13:54,293 --> 00:13:56,846 See, she can reach me... 267 00:13:57,173 --> 00:13:58,634 but I can't get her. 268 00:13:58,708 --> 00:14:00,366 You mentioned that. 269 00:14:04,116 --> 00:14:07,248 She's crazy, I'm telling you. She has the eyes of a crazy person. 270 00:14:07,317 --> 00:14:09,488 Man, I was such a chump. 271 00:14:10,324 --> 00:14:12,528 I really put myself out there... 272 00:14:13,301 --> 00:14:15,985 and she drop-kicked me right in the fucking heart. 273 00:14:18,389 --> 00:14:20,211 When are you coming back to the city? 274 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:22,186 - Monday. - Not till Monday? 275 00:14:25,749 --> 00:14:26,796 Fuck. 276 00:14:32,821 --> 00:14:35,439 I'd invite you out here, but it's just so far away. 277 00:14:35,509 --> 00:14:36,687 How far? 278 00:14:37,333 --> 00:14:40,235 It's 40 minutes, you know, if there's no traffic... 279 00:14:40,309 --> 00:14:43,986 but with the weekenders and everything, I don't know, an hour, maybe even two. 280 00:14:44,053 --> 00:14:46,704 - It's Thursday afternoon. - Yeah, don't you have to work? 281 00:14:46,773 --> 00:14:49,642 I have to see you. I'll get my Jag out of the garage. 282 00:14:49,717 --> 00:14:51,659 Maybe the drive will do me good. 283 00:14:52,021 --> 00:14:55,698 I'll come up for an hour, we'll talk, and then I'll head home. 284 00:14:56,597 --> 00:14:59,085 How do I get there? Let me get a pen. 285 00:15:08,469 --> 00:15:09,811 Hey, darling. 286 00:15:10,325 --> 00:15:13,359 We gotta close these windows up. It's gonna rain. 287 00:15:14,229 --> 00:15:16,171 Did I hear the phone ring? 288 00:15:18,389 --> 00:15:19,698 Who was it? 289 00:15:19,925 --> 00:15:21,354 It was Batman. 290 00:15:22,581 --> 00:15:24,141 I invited him up. 291 00:15:25,973 --> 00:15:27,533 I didn't mean to. 292 00:15:28,278 --> 00:15:29,936 I just got trapped. 293 00:15:30,165 --> 00:15:33,514 That crazy movie star lady broke up with him, he's devastated. 294 00:15:33,590 --> 00:15:36,077 He has no one else to talk to. Before I knew it... 295 00:15:36,149 --> 00:15:39,630 I was telling him to make a right at the sign for Farm Fresh Summer Squash. 296 00:15:39,702 --> 00:15:42,571 - I don't want him in my house. - I totally understand. 297 00:15:42,837 --> 00:15:45,455 He's gonna come up here, we're gonna have a quick talk. 298 00:15:45,525 --> 00:15:48,394 Then he's gonna go right back to the city where he belongs. 299 00:15:48,469 --> 00:15:49,517 Fuck! 300 00:15:52,821 --> 00:15:54,250 You're my man. 301 00:15:54,902 --> 00:15:56,363 And I love you. 302 00:15:58,261 --> 00:16:00,268 He's just a friend in pain. 303 00:16:02,165 --> 00:16:05,100 I would never do this, but he's really hurting. 304 00:16:05,206 --> 00:16:08,239 Come on, haven't you ever had a girl break your... 305 00:16:11,222 --> 00:16:15,215 He better be fucking upset when he gets here. There better be tears. 306 00:16:15,893 --> 00:16:17,170 Thank you. 307 00:16:19,702 --> 00:16:21,131 Let's go, Pete. 308 00:16:23,925 --> 00:16:26,314 He's got some balls coming up here. 309 00:16:28,406 --> 00:16:32,432 The prosthesis approximates the weight, shape, and feel of a normal testicle. 310 00:16:32,502 --> 00:16:33,811 Squeeze it. 311 00:16:39,637 --> 00:16:40,914 I'm sorry. 312 00:16:41,494 --> 00:16:43,152 I dropped the ball. 313 00:16:47,157 --> 00:16:51,281 Now, it comes in four sizes. Extra small, small, medium, and large. 314 00:16:52,565 --> 00:16:53,907 I'd be a... 315 00:16:55,190 --> 00:16:56,139 Jeez. 316 00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:58,891 Miranda, what would I be? 317 00:17:02,198 --> 00:17:03,343 Medium? 318 00:17:04,085 --> 00:17:06,387 Yeah? I was thinking large. 319 00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:09,035 I'm really not an expert. 320 00:17:10,166 --> 00:17:11,507 Large, then. 321 00:17:13,014 --> 00:17:14,159 Medium. 322 00:17:15,254 --> 00:17:17,709 - Really? - A large-medium, Steve. 323 00:17:18,262 --> 00:17:22,539 Now, to get this model you have to enroll in a clinical trial for market clearance. 324 00:17:22,614 --> 00:17:23,563 Excuse me? 325 00:17:23,638 --> 00:17:26,867 It's not approved yet. It's still being tested for safety. 326 00:17:26,934 --> 00:17:28,341 No, Steve. 327 00:17:29,334 --> 00:17:32,116 - No. - I assure you, it's perfectly safe. 328 00:17:33,270 --> 00:17:37,329 - He says it's perfectly safe. - That's what they said about the Ford Pinto. 329 00:17:37,398 --> 00:17:40,780 Think about it, Steve. You want a Pinto near your penis? 330 00:17:46,838 --> 00:17:50,547 And in a different urologist's office, at the exact same time... 331 00:17:52,535 --> 00:17:53,517 Hi! 332 00:17:53,782 --> 00:17:57,044 Is everything okay? The nurse said you wanted to see me. 333 00:17:57,110 --> 00:18:00,176 I'm afraid our old problem has reared its ugly head. 334 00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:02,418 I can't seem to rise to the occasion. 335 00:18:02,487 --> 00:18:05,072 Let's not assume it's the same problem. 336 00:18:05,494 --> 00:18:07,633 Here, I bought you this. 337 00:18:08,662 --> 00:18:10,833 - Juggs? - I know how much you like them. 338 00:18:12,118 --> 00:18:15,501 - You knew I'd have a problem. - No, I just came prepared. 339 00:18:16,246 --> 00:18:17,391 Look... 340 00:18:18,295 --> 00:18:19,985 she's got big boobs. 341 00:18:21,110 --> 00:18:22,899 Look, so does she. 342 00:18:23,191 --> 00:18:25,078 It's the Big Boob Bonanza issue! 343 00:18:25,142 --> 00:18:27,531 - It's not that, it's... - What, honey? 344 00:18:29,046 --> 00:18:30,475 I'm afraid to. 345 00:18:31,479 --> 00:18:34,828 I don't think I can handle another problem in that area. 346 00:18:37,687 --> 00:18:40,021 Don't you worry, Trey MacDougal... 347 00:18:40,567 --> 00:18:44,178 I'm sure that you have very strong Scottish sperm. 348 00:18:45,367 --> 00:18:47,025 And if you don't... 349 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,428 we can just spin them... 350 00:18:49,879 --> 00:18:51,537 and whip them up... 351 00:18:51,895 --> 00:18:54,797 and do whatever it is you sexy doctor types do. 352 00:18:55,446 --> 00:18:57,104 - That's good. - Yeah? 353 00:18:58,678 --> 00:19:00,205 Keep doing that. 354 00:19:02,743 --> 00:19:05,132 - Do that thing I like. - Which thing? 355 00:19:05,783 --> 00:19:08,368 You know, you give a little tug. 356 00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:12,082 Turned out, Trey's Scottish sperm was fine. 357 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,639 No, better than fine, fantastic. 358 00:19:14,711 --> 00:19:16,020 Where's the cup? 359 00:19:16,503 --> 00:19:19,634 I have to admit, you're the best person for the job. 360 00:19:19,863 --> 00:19:21,902 But I'm not gonna hire you. 361 00:19:22,647 --> 00:19:25,167 Give me one legitimate reason why not. 362 00:19:25,655 --> 00:19:27,597 - Do I have to say it? - Yes. 363 00:19:28,438 --> 00:19:31,221 I'd like to hear the words come out of your mouth. 364 00:19:31,287 --> 00:19:33,775 Okay, you slept with my architect. 365 00:19:34,102 --> 00:19:37,005 Turns out, Samantha was wrong, men do talk. 366 00:19:37,207 --> 00:19:39,378 And I don't wanna get into all that. 367 00:19:39,447 --> 00:19:41,203 Into all what? 368 00:19:41,655 --> 00:19:44,971 It happened 100 years ago! I barely know the guy! 369 00:19:45,879 --> 00:19:48,879 And how does my personal life affect your business? 370 00:19:48,951 --> 00:19:50,926 The more accurate question would be... 371 00:19:50,999 --> 00:19:54,032 how does your personal life affect your business? 372 00:19:54,775 --> 00:19:56,149 It's too bad. 373 00:19:56,215 --> 00:19:58,517 Other than that, you had the job. 374 00:20:02,455 --> 00:20:03,884 You know what? 375 00:20:04,023 --> 00:20:06,772 If I was a guy, you would have shaken my hand... 376 00:20:06,871 --> 00:20:09,839 bought me a scotch and given me a key to an office. 377 00:20:09,911 --> 00:20:14,134 It's amazing. A man with such innovative vision can be so short-sighted. 378 00:20:17,015 --> 00:20:18,509 Ms. Jones, wait. 379 00:20:18,583 --> 00:20:22,325 But Samantha couldn't wait. She could feel the tears building up inside her. 380 00:20:22,392 --> 00:20:24,431 - Come on! - Wait, not so fast! 381 00:20:26,199 --> 00:20:27,759 - Close! - Ms. Jones! 382 00:20:31,511 --> 00:20:34,511 The next day, Richard Wright hired Samantha. 383 00:20:35,159 --> 00:20:37,461 He told her he admired her balls. 384 00:20:39,799 --> 00:20:42,549 When Big still hadn't arrived two hours later... 385 00:20:42,615 --> 00:20:44,851 I was secretly praying he'd missed the sign... 386 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,025 for Farm Fresh Summer Squash. 387 00:20:48,631 --> 00:20:51,086 Then, there it was, the Batmobile. 388 00:21:02,999 --> 00:21:06,033 Maybe he doesn't wanna come in and meet your dad. 389 00:21:24,088 --> 00:21:25,943 What're you doing just sitting here? 390 00:21:26,008 --> 00:21:27,535 Waiting for you. 391 00:21:28,599 --> 00:21:30,422 Why didn't you come in? 392 00:21:33,016 --> 00:21:34,707 I don't want to go in. 393 00:21:35,159 --> 00:21:38,323 - Let's go have a drink or something. - Wanna get a drink, where? 394 00:21:38,392 --> 00:21:41,359 At a Ye Old Country lemonade stand? 395 00:21:45,719 --> 00:21:47,824 Why are you listening to that? 396 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:54,902 Come on, turn off the car and come inside. We'll talk, all right? 397 00:22:03,959 --> 00:22:06,545 - Is he in there? - Yes. 398 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,167 I can't talk about this in front of him. 399 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,891 Yes, you can, and you better. 400 00:22:12,728 --> 00:22:14,517 So, come on, let's go. 401 00:22:15,256 --> 00:22:16,434 Come on. 402 00:22:17,176 --> 00:22:18,191 Shit. 403 00:22:20,088 --> 00:22:24,114 An hour and two bottles of red wine later, Big started talking. 404 00:22:24,344 --> 00:22:26,580 Unfortunately, it was mostly to himself. 405 00:22:26,648 --> 00:22:28,241 "Her luminous skin... 406 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:32,077 "a product of vegan diet discipline." 407 00:22:33,368 --> 00:22:36,051 Vegan diet, bullshit. 408 00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:39,765 - All right, give me the magazine. - No, wait, listen to this one. 409 00:22:39,833 --> 00:22:42,702 "I'm looking for that someone special." 410 00:22:43,417 --> 00:22:46,483 She's not looking for anybody. Bullshit. 411 00:22:48,312 --> 00:22:50,167 - Any more wine? - Nope. 412 00:22:57,496 --> 00:23:00,311 "Let's go have a drink and a smoke sometime." 413 00:23:02,361 --> 00:23:04,466 You can't smoke in the house. 414 00:23:09,208 --> 00:23:10,550 That's cool. 415 00:23:11,865 --> 00:23:13,752 Guess I better head back. 416 00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:17,425 Thanks. 417 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:22,193 Jesus. 418 00:23:22,744 --> 00:23:24,784 Look at him, he can't drive. 419 00:23:34,168 --> 00:23:36,503 What do you think you're doing? You can't drive. 420 00:23:36,569 --> 00:23:39,700 - Call my driver. - We're an hour outside New York. 421 00:23:39,768 --> 00:23:43,478 I'm in a New York state of mind 422 00:23:43,545 --> 00:23:45,967 Seen all the movie stars 423 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:49,172 - You're gonna have to sleep on the couch. - I better not. 424 00:23:49,241 --> 00:23:51,096 He doesn't want me here. 425 00:23:54,776 --> 00:23:57,198 You can't drive. Sleep on the couch. 426 00:24:00,217 --> 00:24:01,559 That's cool. 427 00:24:04,728 --> 00:24:06,484 After the ball plan backfired... 428 00:24:06,553 --> 00:24:09,270 Miranda took Steve out to dinner to lift his spirits. 429 00:24:09,337 --> 00:24:11,824 Here's the book I was telling you about. 430 00:24:11,896 --> 00:24:14,165 A Positive Outlook to Healing. 431 00:24:16,857 --> 00:24:19,791 - Steve, I'm starting to hit my limit. - I know. 432 00:24:21,017 --> 00:24:22,195 I just... 433 00:24:22,841 --> 00:24:25,710 I was just really counting on that fake ball. 434 00:24:26,937 --> 00:24:29,971 It's just, every time I look down there, I feel... 435 00:24:30,809 --> 00:24:31,856 What? 436 00:24:33,753 --> 00:24:36,436 This may be hard for you to understand... 437 00:24:39,577 --> 00:24:42,360 but who's gonna fuck a uni-ball bartender? 438 00:24:49,497 --> 00:24:52,399 Miranda realized the one thing she could do to help Steve... 439 00:24:52,473 --> 00:24:54,611 didn't involve books or balls. 440 00:25:27,545 --> 00:25:29,268 What's that pounding? 441 00:25:29,785 --> 00:25:31,574 Aidan's shooting hoops. 442 00:25:33,913 --> 00:25:35,801 Isn't it a little early? 443 00:25:36,793 --> 00:25:39,892 You have to go out there and make friends with him. 444 00:25:44,313 --> 00:25:46,320 What are you talking about? 445 00:25:49,050 --> 00:25:51,319 We're middle-aged men, we don't make friends. 446 00:25:51,385 --> 00:25:53,807 - We have nothing in common. - You have me in common. 447 00:25:53,881 --> 00:25:56,598 If you and Aidan don't become at least a little friendly... 448 00:25:56,666 --> 00:25:58,935 I won't be able to stay in your life. 449 00:26:06,426 --> 00:26:07,986 How do I do this? 450 00:26:09,273 --> 00:26:12,023 You're a guy, he's a guy, there's a ball... 451 00:26:12,090 --> 00:26:13,519 figure it out. 452 00:26:36,474 --> 00:26:37,651 Hey, man. 453 00:26:39,834 --> 00:26:43,217 I'm sorry about last night. I guess I got a little drunk. 454 00:26:44,954 --> 00:26:48,499 I didn't mean to come up and ruin your weekend or anything. 455 00:26:51,226 --> 00:26:52,470 You play hoop? 456 00:26:52,538 --> 00:26:55,702 Here, why don't you give me a shot? I play a little. 457 00:27:00,698 --> 00:27:03,219 A little muddy, I guess all that rain. 458 00:27:12,858 --> 00:27:16,600 - Watch it, man. That was a little hard. - That wasn't that hard. 459 00:27:32,698 --> 00:27:35,513 There they were. Batman and the Green Bee. 460 00:27:37,850 --> 00:27:39,028 Stop it! 461 00:27:44,218 --> 00:27:46,552 Stop it! You're middle-aged! 462 00:27:52,314 --> 00:27:54,736 - That dog just bit my ass! - Pete! 463 00:27:54,811 --> 00:27:57,593 And just like that, Kato stopped the fight. 464 00:28:08,603 --> 00:28:10,675 And the thing is, see... 465 00:28:11,387 --> 00:28:13,078 she could reach me... 466 00:28:13,466 --> 00:28:15,376 but I could never get her. 467 00:28:17,050 --> 00:28:18,959 Day or night, whenever... 468 00:28:19,482 --> 00:28:21,206 she could reach me... 469 00:28:21,435 --> 00:28:23,639 I couldn't get her. See? 470 00:28:24,411 --> 00:28:26,298 - That's fucked up. - Yeah. 471 00:28:27,610 --> 00:28:29,999 Somehow, the storm had passed... 472 00:28:30,394 --> 00:28:32,663 and I never fully understood why. 473 00:28:33,338 --> 00:28:36,917 Okay, maybe men and women don't live in the same zip code... 474 00:28:37,274 --> 00:28:39,162 but we're moving closer. 475 00:28:39,579 --> 00:28:40,888 Good eggs. 36799

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