All language subtitles for Being.Mary.Jane.S01E01.HDTV.x264-ASAP

Hey.

Is everything okay?

Yeah.

No.

I need to see you.

Look, I know it's
late, or early,

depending on your perspective.

It's just that my car
drove me over here.

I told her not to.

But you know how pushy
foreign cars can be.

Look, babe, I...

I know I haven't called you in
a minute, but I need to
see you. I need to come inside.

I got to get on the other side.

Can you let me in?

Hold on.

You're not calling
the police, are you?

Please, god, if he's mine,

just give me a sign.

Get me...

Go to the bathroom, go to the bathroom.
Go to the bathroom!

Thank you.

It's not funny.

Yeah, it is.

I'm sorry.

Whew.

Look...

Look, don't
say "look."

I mean, you know, I'm drunk,

but I had to do something

so I could tell you what
I needed to tell you.

I love you.

Don't say that.

I...

love...

you.

Let me, um...

...let me go get you some
sparkling water for your stomach.

It will settle it down.

Ahh!

Get out!
Ah!

Get out.

Get out of my house.

You are a freaking liar.

And you let me kiss you
and vomit on your... ahh!

But I said I love you.

You kiss my ass, kiss my ass!

Are you crazy?

How do you forget about a wife?

You stupid idiot!

Get out, get out!

Get out.

I can't drive home.

I'm drunk.

You know what, good.

There's a tree right
down the street.

Why don't you hit it?

What am I gonna do
without my shoe?

Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.

The Zimbabwean women
have been accused

of raping men and
stealing their semen.

One victim claims that
he was hitchhiking,

and a carful of
women picked him up.

The women have been
charged on 17 counts

of aggravated indecent assault,

as Zimbabwean law
does not recognize

the act of a woman raping.

I'm Barry Phillips
reporting for NPR.

Oh my god.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god, please
don't let him be dead.

Please don't let him be dead.

I didn't mean it,
I didn't mean it.

Oh, god.

Mary Jane Paul.

Yeah.

O-M-G,
Mary Jane Paul.

I know you probably get this all the time,
but, could I get a picture with you?

- My wife watches you every day.
- Oh.

Sir, you were just
in an accident.

Just a quick one?

Okay, fine, but I want one too.

Smile, Mary Jane.

Hey, mom, hey...

You know, I'm losing you.

Yeah, if I lose you,
I'll call you right back.

Did you hear me?

He brought a fast-tail
gal in my house.

Now, he can't pay a bill

or even buy a loaf of bread.

But he has the nerve to screw

some tramp in my house.

I'm telling you, in my house.

Mom... oh, God, I'm on the elevator.
I'm losing you.

You know what, if we
break up, I... what?

I can't hear you.

I'll call you back,
bye, mom, love you.

I can hear you.

Hey.

They're almost done.

Oh, good, there's still time.
Here you go.

I will call you back, mom.

Thanks.

Hi.

Hey.

How's your mom,
is she feeling better?

Fine.

Yeah, no, she's...
she's good.

- That was her on the phone.
- You can call her back.

No, no, no, no,
she's fine, she's fine.

So, where were we?

We're done.

Great job, Kara.
Thank you.

Can you get Mary Jane
all caught up?

Of course.

I love, love the
African women story.

I can't wait to see what
you do with it tomorrow.

Okay.

Great.

Bye-bye.

So did you sell it, or did they sell
you on the rapee African story?

Hey, not fair.

I pitched my ass off.

I had my visual aids
and everything.

I know how important
that story is to you.

And where were you?

Are you okay?

I'm fine, I'm fine.

- They think it's a blog story.
- It's five days out.

Exactly, MJ, it's old.

Okay, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

Okay, here's how we angle it.

Black women aren't ugly.

We're invisible.

I get quotes from Ralph Ellison.

Oh, Ralph Ellison.

Wow, set the DVR right after I look
him up to see who the hell he is.

You know this is ridiculous.

No major magazine should be able
to get away with this crap,

and nobody even raises
an eyebrow.

Look, I'm disgusted, too,

but it's their network, and Greg's
not gonna let you do the story.

No, no, no, we sold this show

part news, part my platform.

Oh, that's funny,
because up until now,

I thought it was our platform.

I said "our."

Kara,
I said "our."

Look, we could do more of your
platform when your ratings go up.

Until then, I could
use your suggestions

on the rapee Africans.

Now, I got to go
check on the show.

Fine, fine.

Your dress is undone.

See you later.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Your mom keeps calling.

Oh, I bet she does.

Hi, mom.

You didn't call me back.

You ignoring me like
your father?

No, no, mom.

Did you take your
medicine on time today?

That boy don't do
anything on time.

Wasn't even born on time.

Hold on.

Checks the runners,
fastball on the corner.

Strike one,
a 91 mile-an hour...

What?

Patrick, can you please take mom

a glass of water and
her medicine upstairs now?

I already did.

No, you didn't.

What?

The pitcher is taking
his time today, Jim.

Okay, so now that that's handled, do you
want me to talk to Paul about the girls?

Can't I just vent?

Yeah, mom.

Look, I'm... I'm
about to go on air,

so I gotta go.

I know.

Don't wear that ugly orange
lipstick you had on yesterday.

It was coral.

Oh, well, it's
attacking your face.

And yes, I do want
you to talk to Paul,

but don't be hard on him.

Hey, mom?

Happy birthday.

Ain't nothing happy about it.

Bye.

Bye.

No, no, no, no.

Stop it, stop it,
stop it, stop it,

stop it, stop it,
stop it, stop it.

Stop it.

You can go anywhere
for your news.

I appreciate that
you come here first.

I'm Mark Bradley.

Have a great rest of your day.

See you on set.

Hey.

Hey, MJ.

Hey, chief.

See that game last night?

Sick, right? Yeah, it was a great game.
You see the game last night?

You okay?
Yep.

You get a chance to
look over the stories?

- Yep.
- All right, good.

Well, you have a great show.

I'm looking forward to
having a great show, too.

Thank you.

Ronnie, we need the
"Talkback" bumper.

Mm.

Hey, you didn't call me back.

I know, I went to bed early.

Yeah, okay.

Spoiler alert:
someone dies.

What?
Look, if you could DVR tonight,

I got a window between
8:00 and 10:00.

Date.
Okay.

- I like your tie.
- Oh, thank you.

- What's going on with your eyes?
- 20 seconds, everyone.

Nothing, nothing.

Nothing.

Break a leg.

All right, all right.

Mary Jane, to you in ten.

Kara, you there?

Always.

Settle, please.

All right, guys and
girls, show time.

Five, four, three, two, one.

I'm Mary Jane Paul.

Welcome to "Talkback".

♪ Happy birthday to ya ♪

♪ Happy birthday to ya ♪

♪ Happy birthday ♪

♪ Happy birthday to ya ♪

♪ Happy birthday to ya ♪

♪ Happy birthday ♪

All right.

Make a wish, mom.

Mom.

Mom, are you all right?

Breathe.

Just breathe, mom,
just breathe, okay?

Put this on.

Put this on, mom, mom, breathe.

No, just put out this inferno

and cut up the cake,
and get on out of here.

Mom, put this on,
come on, come on.

Relax, mom, just relax.

- Slow, slow, mom, slow.
- Mm.

Breathe, mom.

Don't you see I'm dealing with it?
See, she's doing better?

Just back up.

Here, Patrick.

Slow, slow breaths, slow
breaths, slow breaths.

It's okay, baby.

She's gonna be okay, dad.

I just...

I just wish she'd go on and die.

You don't mean that.

I know you don't.

Yes, I do.

I just wish that you'd know

that kind of love one day.

I hope you all do.

Where's mom?

In the bed.

Oh, you got her up
there that fast?

Yeah, how bout that?

Can we stop, please?

I didn't start it.

I love you.

I love you, Patrick.

- Tell me you love me, tell me you love me.
- Stop playin', girl.

- Tell me you love me, tell me you love me.
- Get off me.

Hey, look.

Let me get 500 from you.

If you guys need me to help
you with the budget, I can...

No, I need you to
help me with $500.

Patrick, you guys
stay here for free.

I mean, you and Tracy
eat for free.

You don't have to
bring me in this.

What happens to the
money that I got

the state to pay you
to take care of mom?

I mean, where does that
money go, Patrick?

Get out my face with that, okay?

I should get half,
considering I still gotta

come over here and do
everything anyway.

Who got her breathing
again, huh?

She wouldn't have
the coughing fit

if you gave her
her medicine on time.

I don't need a lecture.
I just asked you for a favor.

Wow.

For the record, he gives
her everything on time.

Bitch.

Whew.

- Here.
- Wow.

You guys couldn't wait
till I got off?

- You know this might be her last birthday.
- Might not.

Was she happy?

Right.

So you want to talk
about that girl

you had over to
the house last night?

I didn't have a girl
over at the...

It was her only rule when
she let you move back in.

Yeah, I know.

I gotta get up out of there.

And twirling a sign and selling
weed ain't gonna cut it.

See, I knew I shouldn't
have sold to your friends.

But FYI, they're my
best customers.

Paul.
Pauletta.

Don't call me that.

I'm not calling you by that
stupid name you made up.

Matter of fact, why don't you keep
my secrets, and I keep yours?

Hey, roll to the Pitch & Putt.

I gotta get mom a card.

I already put your
name on a gift.

Yeah, but I brought a chick
home, so I gotta put in extra.

Come on.

Okay, thanks.

How you doing?

Call me back, MJ.

This is the fifth
message I've left you.

We need to talk.

I love you.

Call me back, please...

Appreciate that.

Booyah.

Really?
What?

Look, I thought it
was a great complement

to the incense I got her.

What, so she can choke?

I got a few of those
on my phone, too.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Who are you avoiding, David?

Or is David "Never Answer #1"?

Why do you always bring him up?

Look, you may be
over him, but come on,

dude had season tickets
to the Hawks.

Ahh.

What?

Hey, look.

Every time I think about him busting
you going through his phone.

Shut up.

Come on, come on,
come on, it was classic.

I mean, you were all
in his bathroom,

copying pictures,
reading his text messages.

He outside running around
looking for his phone,

and then he asked
you if you had it,

and you were like,
"nope," and then,

beep-beep, beep-beep.

"David, Apple has
found your iPhone,

and it's in the hands of
your lying-ass girl."

Shut up, shut up.

I swear I tell that story
at least once a day.

It was the lowest
point of my life.

You know, one day you're
gonna actually believe

that you're the baddest chick in
the game, like you purport to be,

and your life is only
gonna get better.

You watch.

Eat your cake.

Unh.

Right.

- This is good. - Yeah.
- This is real good.

- Yeah, enjoy it, 'cause it
might be dinner too.
- Why?

You know Patrick's got
Tracy up over at the house.

Oh, hell.

That fool love them
any way they come,

as long as they big, huh?

My god, huge.

Hey, but they made a
cute little girl, though.

You seen Daisha?

She gonna be tall and cute.

Yeah, it's not so cute

when it's one more
mouth to feed.

Hm, not happy about
being an aunt again?

Wonder how long it was gonna
take you to get to your soapbox.

- What are you talking about?
- Nothing, nothing.

No, no, what are
you talking about?

Girl, girl, go,
I don't know nothing.

I'm trying to eat my cake.

Animosity between me and Mike,

and I just let it build up,
and build up, and build up.

I can't believe I let
myself get so angry.

Niecy, are you pregnant again?

Huh?

Hey, get out of here with that.
You ain't got to answer her.

Yes, yes, you do.

Cause eventually,
there'll be a stroller,

a little outfit, or a car
to get around in

that auntie here needs to buy.

Ain't that right, Niecy?

You trippin', what's the
matter with you, huh?

What's the matter with me?
Are you kidding me?

You know what, I love you guys.
I really, really do,

but there are too many
damn kids in this family,

and not enough people
feeding them.

Hey, that's enough.

Seriously, who's got
a job in this room?

Who's got a job, raise your hand,
who has a job in this room? 'Letta.

Raise them high.

I said that's enough.

The kids can hear you.

Okay, tomorrow, I will...

...I'll take you to
Dr. Hudson's office,

and we'll get you checked out.

And in the meantime,
no more soda,

tuna sandwiches, aspirin, baths.

Um, I think you're gonna
have to stop nursing.

So, Trevyon is just gonna have to drink
regular milk like everybody else.

Okay?

So call me tomorrow.

I'm sorry, dad.

They think my parents'
house is like

a damn bed and breakfast.

So many frickin' mouths to feed,

my parents can't even keep
up on the damn house.

Pretty.

You know, we were
raised the exact same,

you know, little league,
debutante balls, college.

I don't like those.

No?
No.

They do suck, right?

They do, your ankles
are too big.

Sorry.

Take them off, let's go.

I mean, Paul Jr., look, I get it.
He's in college.

- But freaking graduate already.
- Well, it's like you said
on your show a while back.

The middle class in America
is now the ghetto.

It's the haves and
the have-nots now.

Hello, and I need to have these.

Oh my God.

You can't tell me anything
with these shoes.

Hello, I like those.

Ah.

Nice, right?
Oh, they're like magic.

Please ring these up before
my conscience wakes up.

Uh, you deserve them.

Ooh, I do deserve them.

Yeah, you work hard
for your money, girl.

I do work hard for my money.

Hello, and if you
give it to Patrick,

it'll just end up up his nose.

Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Tonya, no.

I can say that.

You cannot say that.

Well, I just said it, so...

Hey, Kara.

So, what do you think about my
guest for our rapee African story?

- You got my email, right?
- Yep.

Hold on.

Max!

Get in the shower, now.

Scott, please feed the dog.

Are you done?

Yes, I'm sorry.

Great, yeah, no, I like it, and I
think it's gonna pair really well

with our first segment.

Great.

Okay, so you read the
first half of her book,

and I'll read the second half.

And, honey, I can not go out tonight.
I'm so damn tired.

I'm already in my sweats.

So I'll just see you
tomorrow, okay?

All right.

And the red purse?

I do like those,
I do, I do, I do.

Sorry, we're closed.

Oh, please?
Five minutes, tops.

Should I let them in?

Yeah, I'm gonna let them in.

He spends a lot of money on his
wife, and I want a new iPad.

Come on in.

Oh, she's coming, she's coming.
Let's go.

Come in, welcome.

You know what, baby,
we'll come back.

Yeah, we'll come
back, when do you open?

10:00 A.M.

We'll be here.
Bright and early.

All right, thank you.
You're welcome.

Isn't it a beautiful thing
when you actually see it?

What?

Black love.

Whew.

It's possible, homey.

Yep.

Mm.

Call Mark.

Yeah, too late, I'm already
getting ready for bed.

It's only 10:05.

Okay, so we can try this
again tomorrow, right?

Okay, good night.

Boo.

Ah!

A woman raping a man in Zimbabwe

is so rare,

that crime is not
even on the books.

So what can they
be charged with?

Well, it's my understanding

that in this case, the charge is

aggravated sexual assault.

You're talking about a society

in which they can't even grasp

the judicial concept
of a woman raping a man.

So, under those circumstances,

they're gonna have a
very difficult time

prosecuting aggravated assault,

sexual or otherwise.

See, in my opinion, they
have a much better case

if they just go with a
simple charge of theft.

Well, how do you place
a value on sperm?

I mean, it's not
like she broke in

and stole his
flat-screen television.

In this case,
the sperm is stolen

to be used in a ritual,
which is where

the value will be coming from.

Basically, what compensation

did the perpetrator receive,

or expect to receive
for their stolen goods?

Goods, good stuff.

Thank you.

Well, our next guest
has already determined

the value of sperm.

Here in the United States,

it's an incredibly
lucrative business.

Samantha Wynn is a
"New York Times"

best-selling author
of Frozen Assets.

She's already raked
in millions of dollars,

vacation homes, and luxury cars.

Samantha, welcome to "Talkback".

Thank you, I'm so
happy to be here.

People have called
you a gold digger.

- Yeah, I'm sure.
- What do you call yourself?

A smart businesswoman.

Well, how does a woman dream up
a business quite like this one?

I was taking a business
class in college,

and our professor said something,
and this light bulb went off.

And what he said was,
"If you want to be

"wealthy long-term,
you have to find

something that
you're passionate about."

So I thought, well, what
am I passionate about?

Rich men.

Oh, we're just getting started.

Stay tuned, we'll be right back

with "Talkback with
Mary Jane Paul".

And clear.

Way to go.

Way to go.

- You're doing a great job. Thank you.
- I love your candor
answering my questions.

Mary Jane, excuse me.

Your brother Patrick is here.
He said it's very important.

We're out 1 minute 30.

If you'll excuse me.

Oh, sure.

What happened?

Huh?
What happened?

Oh, no, this isn't about mom.
She's fine.

Okay, well, what are you doing here?
I'm working.

Look, I just...

I just wanted to see if you could
rethink that money situation.

One minute.

Seriously?

You come up here out of the blue

saying it's an emergency.

I said "important"...
No, no, no.

You had me thinking
mom was dead.

But what you really wanted was
to ask me for some money?

Have you lost...
Mary Jane?

Mm-hmm?

Ready.

Have you lost your damn mind?

No, and don't ask me again.

This is my damn job.

Sorry about that.

All righty.

Sell some books.
Sell some books.

Put it up by your face.

All right.

She's squished in there.

But she looks good.

And you look to be
about 32 weeks.

Yeah, that's what
the clinic said.

32 weeks?

Like, eight months?

- Um, I need to use the restroom.
- Oh, good.

- Put half of it in this cup for me.
- Okay.

Eight months, and you didn't
know she was pregnant?

I thought she was just fat.

God, they eat 24-7,

and she wears those
big t-shirts.

Oh, my...
what am I gonna do?

You don't have to do
anything, you heard her.

She's been getting
prenatal care.

At a clinic.

That's what she can afford.

Turn your car around, 'cause I
see where you're trying to go.

Of course she's gonna
keep having babies

- if you keep taking care of them.
- It's family.

Okay, babysit sometimes.

I do.

That only leads to dreams
of me kidnapping them.

She and her sister have
four kids between them.

Now, I did everything right.

And what do I have to show
for being a good girl?

A wonderful career,
beautiful house.

Mm-hmm.

Why are you trying
to make me feel bad?

What?

If anything, I thought
it'd be inspirational.

You're wrong, Auntie.

What are you gonna do, Niecy?

Go get a job.

Don't you want a life?

- Can I tell you what I really want?
- Yes, please.

- To have my baby shower at your house.
- Oh my God.

And for you to make your coconut cake,
since we just had carrot at grandma's.

Are you serious?

Yes.

Oh my God.

I can't, I can't.

I don't want to talk about
your baby shower, Niecy.

You see, I want
to talk about you,

and your life, and your plans,

what you're good at.

Everybody can't be as beautiful

and together as you are.

No, no, no, you don't
get to use my success

for the reason you can't
get your life together.

Okay, Niecy, having babies

cannot be your biggest
achievement in life.

You want to know
what I'm good at?

What?
Sex.

I even thought about
the porn industry,

but Trevyon gave me all
these damn stretch marks.

What?

It's no big deal.

Yeah, yeah, porn is
still a huge deal.

Huge.

So much so, I don't even have
one of my witty comebacks.

I am so freakin' shocked.

Are you kidding me?

I mean, look at Kim Kardashian.

She started off in porn,
and she's making millions.

I don't think she
meant to, okay?

Now who's being naive?

- Is this a joke?
- No.

- Is this whole conversation a joke?
- No.

But you want to know
what's real funny?

- Dante got another girl pregnant.
- Oh my God.

Don't say nothing smart, Auntie.

Please don't say nothing smart.

There is nothing smart
about this conversation.

And since she know
I got his baby too,

she's having her baby shower the
same day as mines,

even though she's only
six months pregnant.

And I know he's
gonna go to hers,

'cause it's, like,
his real girlfriend.

His real girlfriend.
But I thought...

But if I had it at your
house, you know, he'd come.

So can I please have my baby
shower at your house?

Please?

What?

What are you doing?

Something even more stupid

than you getting pregnant again.

Just, sit tight,
I'll be right back.

That'll be $17.

I... hi.

I thought that was you.

You're Mary Jane Paul, right?

Yeah.

Oh, God, I love your show.

Oh my God.

That show yesterday, wow.

I mean, you go there, you know?

You really take it to
unexpected places.

Oh, thanks.

No, thank you.

I mean, now that
Oprah's not on anymore,

you really give me something to look
forward to in the middle of my day.

You're just, you're great.

That's great.

Did you know that
me and your husband

have been sleeping together?

Couple times a week for
the last few months?

I'm... I'm sorry,
but I am so tired

of him getting away with this,

and causing you to live
a lie, and me to cry.

He has known the truth,
and now I know the truth,

and I just... I just thought
you should know the truth.

Um...

...what, uh...

what was your goal here?

For you to know the truth.

Okay.

And now that I know, what do you
want me to do with that information?

Um, I don't know?

I...

It's up to you to figure
that out, I guess.

Oh.

Okay.

Well, do you mind,

helping me figure it out?

You thought it was so
important that I know,

perhaps you'll find it
equally important

to help me figure
out if I should keep

the father of my two children,

who I'm madly in love with.

I'm just so tired.

You're tired.

I'm here trying to figure out
what kind of kitty litter to buy,

because my girlfriend found
out three days ago

that her husband is leaving her
for his 28-year-old assistant.

She hasn't slept.

The kids don't know why
they can't come home,

and the cat has nowhere
else to defecate. So, thank you.

But I think I'll keep him,

and count my blessings
your news wasn't worse.

Do you have any diseases
I need to know about?

No.

No, um...

...we always
use condoms.

You can go.

Alright.

No, no, let's just
keep it simple.

I just want a Brazilian.

Thanks, Mara, bye.

Well, who are you getting
all cleaned up for?

John called.

Really?
Yes.

In a very sincere tone,
he wants to talk.

I think he wants
to get back together.

I don't know, maybe not,
but it's just in case.

Okay.

Why are you looking like that?

It's been five months.

I went nine months once.

I get it.

Yeah, so did I
when I was married.

I mean...

- Hey, did you see the
ratings from last night?
- Yeah. Great, right?

We did great numbers, yep.

Yeah, great numbers.

Mm-hmm.

So go upstairs and get me
my ugly black woman story.

MJ, you need to let that go.

- Nobody cares about that story...
- I care about that story.

I have a niece that
wants to do porn.

Porn.

I can't help you
with that, girl.

Okay.

Wait a minute.

MJ, wait a minute.

Somebody's got to
have some balls.

Stop for a minute,
wait a minute.

You need to calm down,
we have to...

Somebody's got to have
balls in this relationship.

No, you're not
gonna... wait.

Let's not talk about
balls right now, okay?

We need to think this through,

and this has to be
approached very carefully.

You understand?
You know what?

This is a nonissue for you,

because Latinas are celebrated.

No one's ever called
a Latina ugly.

You know, I don't
get you sometimes.

One minute, you don't want
all the black stories,

and the next minute, you
want to play the race card.

I'm not trying to play the race card.
This is about responsibility.

I get that.

Truly, I get that.

But if you march
up there right now,

you are just gonna be another
angry black woman

fighting for a story that's
been dead for seven days.

And this network, you and I,

we can't afford
to look like a joke,

because we're already in fifth place in
a race that only has five networks, MJ.

Remember, this isn't
the end game.

You and I promised
each other nightly news.

And I've already uprooted
my family

and lost a husband
trying to get there.

Okay.

What?

H... hey.

Girl, it's your aunt.

I'm sorry.

I know.

Look, so I just made
a cake that feeds 30.

Auntie, what?

Thank you, thank you so much.

30, Niecy, that's it,
I'm serious.

I know, I know, I know.

You just always come through for me.
Thank you.

You're welcome.

And, Auntie, I'm really sorry
you're just now finding out.

I was so scared to tell you.

Oh, hey, babe, I gotta go, okay?

- Kay, call me back. I love you.
- Love you too, bye.

TV time with Mark.

- What do you want, Tyler?
- You know, I haven't decided yet.

Money would be nice.

Call Mark.

Stay by your phone.

- Oh, and if you do anything rash...
- Hello.

Yeah, yeah, I'm watching.

Ah, look who's on time?

Goodbye.

Help me.

Shut up, oh my God!

Oh my God.

Finish watching the opening
credits and call me back,

'cause I gotta go
to the bathroom.

Okay, okay.

No, no, no, no, slow down.

Stop, stop.

I've been waiting for the
right moment to let you know.

You're doing all right, mom.

I know this is new
for both of us,

but so far so good.

You don't always get it right on the
first try, but you're learning.

You pick up my sock
every time I drop it.

That never gets old.

And you scrub behind my ears.

How do you know?

And your bedtime stories
blow me away.

Yo, it is crazy.

Didn't I tell you,
it's crazy, right?

Can I come over?

I'm so tired of all
my misfires with guys.

Mm-hmm.

I don't want to be a cliché.

You know, I want to be
the exception to the rule.

I know.

'Cause you know, I am the exception to
the rule in every aspect of my life.

Except that.

Mm.

I guess I just kind of
feel like I'm...

I'm running out of time.

Well, Miss Mary Jane,

you know, finding
someone to love you,

can't put him in your
little calendar.

Hm.

That's why it's special.

You okay, lady?

- Oh.
- Better.

Hey.
Hey to you.

Hi.

I got wine on the way,
if you need more.

No, I'm gonna go.

Oh, no, come on.

Nah.
Yeah?

I'm gonna go.

All right, well,
you need a ride?

No, I'm gonna walk.

My gosh, all right,
let me walk you out.

- Good night.
- Good night, baby.

Farmers market Sunday.

Yes.

I can remember
being in the bathtub

asking my mom to put
bleach in the water

so that my skin would be lighter

and so that I could
escape the feelings

that I had about
not being as beautiful,

as acceptable, as loveable.

And we're all just
hanging around,

and a dark-skinned girl
will pass by.

It'll be, "Oh,
well, she's pretty

for a dark-skinned girl."

And I'm like, "What is
that supposed to mean?"

I used to wish that I can
wake up one day lighter,

or wash my face and think
that it would change.

I thought it was dirt.

Comfy shoes, too much, baby.

Who has shoes?

Tish has got some shoes.

Yes!

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, I'm getting
some ass in these.

Okay.

Hey.

What are you doing?

Finally eating, girl.

Ask me what I'm doing.

What are you doing?

Going out to dinner with David.

It's almost midnight.

You do know this is
a booty call, right?

Yes.

Did you masturbate?

Yes.

Twice, girl.

Good girl.

Now you can talk to
him with a clear head.

And hopefully, you won't
give him any.

Did you give John some?

Turd waits till we're divorced

to help the boys
with their homework.

Was it that sexy?

You'll see one day.

Will I?

Oh, sad Susie, stop it.

Be happy we live in a time

where men take little blue pills

and women can freeze their eggs.

- So are you guys getting back together?
- No.

He wanted to talk
about some tax stuff.

Looks like we're gonna take a
bigger hit than we expected.

But you can hear about
my problems tomorrow.

You go to dinner with David.

All right, bye.

Good night.

Call "Never Answer."

Dialing "Never Answer."

Hello?

Hey, um...

You know, there's not
enough chicken and waffles

I could order to make this
something that it isn't.

And, you know, we're...

we're grown, so how
about we let a booty call

be a booty call, and dinner be,

I don't know, some
thought and planning

and at least a day's notice.

Okay, Mary Jane.

Good night, David.

Good night.

Oh my God.

Oh my gosh.

Auntie, thank you so much.

It's exactly what I wanted.

Thank you.

Everybody, give it up for my
auntie, she hooked me up.

Oh my gosh, let's see.

Dante, yo.

Hey, super sperm.

Yeah, what?

Please tell me there's a job

somewhere in the middle of
all this unprotected sex.

Look, I love Niecy,
and I'm gonna be there

for our baby, so just relax.

How much does love pay, exactly?

You can come in.

I'll wait.

Here.

No, I'm good.

Just take it.

Daddy, look what I got.

It's the stroller we talked about.
Auntie really hooked me up.

Yeah.

That's nice, baby.

I don't need it anymore.

What do you want?

I'm sorry.

- You gotta open the door,
I can't hear you.
- What do you want?

Yeah, yeah, again, I...
I can't hear you.

You gotta open the door.

So, I was thinking
about what you said

the other night, about
us being grown

and how we should just let
things be what they are.

I was wondering if
you might be up

for some consensual sex.

Oh, and snacks.

It's good to see you.

Good to see you.

Say, brother, a booty call
means you take your ass home.

All right, all right,
I'm going, I'm going.

I feel so used.

Right.

Hey.
Huh?

What kind of detergent you use?

I've been trying to
find it since...

It's my own mix, you're not
gonna be able to find it.

Oh, secrets.

Um...

I'm also having
trouble finding...

Yeah, no, I, uh,
I took care of it.

Oh.

All right, cool.

Yep.

He made me so many promises,
and I hung in there,

waiting for him to marry me
so we could start our family,

you know, the way you're
supposed to.

And although I
held onto the hope

of one day being married,
I was running out of time

to have the children
I've always wanted.

So you stole the sperm.

When we broke up, he took the TV

and seven great
years of my life.

I took the sperm.

Well, I don't know
if stealing semen

is an epidemic, but it's certainly
a sign of our changing times.

As Deepak Chopra said,

"All great changes are
preceded by chaos."

I'm Mary Jane Paul.

Thanks for listening.

Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.