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00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,416
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
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00:00:04,828 --> 00:00:07,488
Hi Rose, how are you feeling?
3
00:00:07,512 --> 00:00:10,472
Like I've been kicked
in the stomach by a shire horse.
4
00:00:10,632 --> 00:00:14,112
It can't have been that shy
if it kicked you in the stomach.
5
00:00:14,232 --> 00:00:16,152
Wholemeal toast for one.
6
00:00:16,272 --> 00:00:17,592
Oh, you didn't have to bring it.
7
00:00:17,752 --> 00:00:20,672
I was going to come back.
I just didn't want to wait for it.
8
00:00:20,832 --> 00:00:23,752
Oh, believe me, Sally, I would never
make you wait for it.
9
00:00:24,952 --> 00:00:29,472
Oh, God, that sounded a bit like
sex!
10
00:00:33,952 --> 00:00:37,292
Oh, Bo, while you're here,
can you sign this card for Rose?
11
00:00:37,297 --> 00:00:38,777
Oh, yes. She's OK?
12
00:00:38,937 --> 00:00:42,337
She's fine, she just winded herself
when she jumped off the stage.
13
00:00:42,457 --> 00:00:44,297
This was Vron's hypnosis?
14
00:00:44,457 --> 00:00:48,297
Yeah. Alison says she's not
allowed to do it any more.
15
00:00:48,417 --> 00:00:49,577
Oh, this is bad news.
16
00:00:49,737 --> 00:00:52,537
I wanted my kitchen porter to
be hypnotised.
17
00:00:52,697 --> 00:00:57,817
I really need to find a way to make
him stop picking his nose at work.
18
00:00:57,937 --> 00:01:00,377
He really digs around in there.
19
00:01:00,537 --> 00:01:02,457
Some of the things he takes out,
hai!
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00:01:03,577 --> 00:01:05,937
It looks like they have heart
and lungs.
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00:01:09,817 --> 00:01:10,977
See you later.
22
00:01:12,984 --> 00:01:14,224
Alison.
23
00:01:14,344 --> 00:01:15,624
Bo.
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00:01:15,744 --> 00:01:17,024
Did you want the post?
25
00:01:17,144 --> 00:01:18,704
I was just about to bring it.
26
00:01:18,824 --> 00:01:21,344
Someone's got an admirer.
27
00:01:21,464 --> 00:01:22,944
Oh, my God, who?
28
00:01:23,064 --> 00:01:24,284
Who do you think?
29
00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:26,893
Oh, I'm terrible at this sort of
thing. Can I have three guesses?
30
00:01:27,013 --> 00:01:29,013
You, Sally, I'm talking about you.
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00:01:29,133 --> 00:01:30,613
Me?! I wish!
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00:01:30,733 --> 00:01:32,373
Sally, are you completely unaware
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00:01:32,533 --> 00:01:34,253
of all the attention you've been
getting?
34
00:01:34,373 --> 00:01:36,133
Not me, you must be joking!
35
00:01:36,293 --> 00:01:38,293
Believe me,
all the signals are there,
36
00:01:38,453 --> 00:01:40,493
you obviously just don't
want to see them.
37
00:01:43,533 --> 00:01:48,093
Oh, God, Alison.
I am so flattered, but...
38
00:01:48,253 --> 00:01:51,373
What? I just don't think you're
attractive.
39
00:01:51,493 --> 00:01:52,773
I beg your pardon?
40
00:01:52,933 --> 00:01:57,133
I mean, you're lovely and I have got
so many gay friends,
41
00:01:57,293 --> 00:02:00,653
but personally
I couldn't be a lesbian,
42
00:02:00,773 --> 00:02:04,733
not even for Kylie and I love Kylie.
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00:02:04,853 --> 00:02:06,973
I was talking about Bolek.
44
00:02:07,093 --> 00:02:09,853
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought... Bolek?
45
00:02:09,973 --> 00:02:11,653
No, no, we're just friends.
46
00:02:11,773 --> 00:02:13,013
Well, that's just as well,
47
00:02:13,173 --> 00:02:15,893
because you know the club's
policy on staff relationships.
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00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:19,053
If you and Bolek did get together,
as an impartial bystander I'd
49
00:02:19,213 --> 00:02:21,933
be thrilled, but as your boss,
I'd have to sack you.
50
00:02:26,093 --> 00:02:28,493
OK, that's good, Mrs Barrymore.
51
00:02:28,653 --> 00:02:32,253
Really feel the rhythm pumping
through every muscle in your body.
52
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:43,733
This is Bigos, it is a Polish stew.
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00:02:43,853 --> 00:02:44,933
Hmm. Right.
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00:02:46,493 --> 00:02:49,533
No, no, no, this is a stew,
55
00:02:49,653 --> 00:02:52,053
it is a big meal for a big man.
56
00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:53,653
You must take a large spoon.
57
00:02:57,053 --> 00:02:59,213
Oh, ho, ho, ho!
58
00:03:01,693 --> 00:03:03,653
Eat, eat, eat!
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00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:06,533
Is good, yes?
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00:03:08,773 --> 00:03:10,213
Eric?
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00:03:12,453 --> 00:03:13,453
Oh!
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00:03:15,413 --> 00:03:18,693
Bolek, I think you might need to
work on these recipes a bit.
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00:03:18,853 --> 00:03:21,493
That first one has what I can only
describe as
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00:03:21,613 --> 00:03:23,413
quite a violent after-taste.
65
00:03:23,533 --> 00:03:25,093
What did you make it with?
66
00:03:25,213 --> 00:03:26,293
Just meat.
67
00:03:26,413 --> 00:03:27,973
What sort of meat?
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00:03:28,093 --> 00:03:29,093
Forcemeat.
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00:03:29,213 --> 00:03:30,413
Horse meat?
70
00:03:30,434 --> 00:03:33,994
What is the joke? We use forcemeat
in Poland all the time -
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00:03:34,154 --> 00:03:37,354
it is just a mixture of meat
with added fat.
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00:03:37,474 --> 00:03:39,794
Can't you just use a fat horse?
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00:03:39,914 --> 00:03:42,914
OK. I need to get on with my work.
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00:03:43,074 --> 00:03:45,314
These you can have for your lunch,
Eric, OK?
75
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:46,434
There is no charge.
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00:03:53,754 --> 00:03:56,554
Right, this won't take long,
it's just a quick announcement.
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00:03:56,674 --> 00:03:59,554
As of today, The Spa,
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00:03:59,674 --> 00:04:01,714
specifically the Apollo Suite,
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00:04:01,874 --> 00:04:07,594
has been granted approval to legally
accommodate wedding ceremonies.
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Brilliant!
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00:04:09,034 --> 00:04:13,514
And I have passed the rigorous
training to become a registrar!
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00:04:15,154 --> 00:04:17,074
You're going to marry people?
83
00:04:17,194 --> 00:04:18,314
Yes, Marcus.
84
00:04:18,474 --> 00:04:20,194
You?
Yes.
85
00:04:20,354 --> 00:04:23,554
Would you like to share your
opinions on that with the group?
86
00:04:23,674 --> 00:04:25,474
I think I just did.
87
00:04:25,634 --> 00:04:28,714
Anyway, we need to set the ball
rolling, so if anyone knows
88
00:04:28,874 --> 00:04:33,434
a couple who want to marry and would
like a free wedding venue, in return
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00:04:33,594 --> 00:04:38,114
for featuring in our future weddings
publicity brochure, do let me know.
90
00:04:38,274 --> 00:04:41,034
Eric, do you want to...
Oh, my God!
91
00:04:41,154 --> 00:04:42,954
Oh, my God, I don't believe it!
92
00:04:43,114 --> 00:04:45,314
My friends Sam and Emma are supposed
to be getting
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00:04:45,474 --> 00:04:48,154
married on Saturday
but their venue fell through today!
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00:04:48,274 --> 00:04:50,114
I can't believe it!
95
00:04:50,274 --> 00:04:53,154
Then it looks like we have our first
Spa wedding booked.
96
00:04:54,594 --> 00:04:56,514
Oh, my goodness,
Emma was on the phone to me
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00:04:56,634 --> 00:04:58,554
this morning in floods of tears.
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00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:00,234
They're going to be over the moon.
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00:05:00,354 --> 00:05:01,514
Excellent.
100
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,274
Oh, I do like a happy ending.
101
00:05:03,434 --> 00:05:05,954
All right, Sally, if you ask
the bride and groom to contact me
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00:05:06,074 --> 00:05:07,594
asap...
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00:05:07,714 --> 00:05:10,274
Well, it's bride and bride.
104
00:05:10,394 --> 00:05:11,514
I beg your pardon?
105
00:05:11,634 --> 00:05:13,034
They're a same sex couple.
106
00:05:14,554 --> 00:05:16,794
Sorry, same sex as in...?
107
00:05:16,954 --> 00:05:21,074
As in they are two
people of the same sex, I assume.
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00:05:21,234 --> 00:05:23,914
Two women.
They've been together for years.
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00:05:24,034 --> 00:05:25,114
Aaaw.
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00:05:26,314 --> 00:05:27,594
Right.
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00:05:27,754 --> 00:05:29,674
Have you got a problem with that,
Alison?
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00:05:29,794 --> 00:05:30,714
No.
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00:05:30,874 --> 00:05:34,554
You haven't got a problem with
presiding over a lesbian wedding?
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00:05:35,754 --> 00:05:37,674
Absolutely not.
115
00:05:37,834 --> 00:05:40,234
Well, that's sorted
then. Thanks, everyone.
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If you'd like to go back to work.
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00:05:42,274 --> 00:05:46,394
Alison, I also have many Polish
fireworks
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00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:48,234
left over from my birthday.
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00:05:48,354 --> 00:05:51,754
They are illegal, in this country,
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00:05:51,874 --> 00:05:54,874
but make great celebration.
121
00:05:54,994 --> 00:05:56,514
Thanks, Bolek, we'll let you know.
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00:05:56,674 --> 00:05:58,874
OK.
Hey, look on the bright side -
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00:05:59,034 --> 00:06:01,554
there's usually one that
looks like a fella.
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00:06:01,674 --> 00:06:02,594
Sorry?
125
00:06:02,754 --> 00:06:05,314
You know, lesbians,
there's always a pretty one
126
00:06:05,474 --> 00:06:08,834
and a fat one in a suit that
looks like a bloke -
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00:06:08,954 --> 00:06:10,794
for the brochure I mean.
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00:06:10,914 --> 00:06:12,234
Fingers crossed.
129
00:06:23,394 --> 00:06:27,714
One very hot cappuccino for one
very hot lady.
130
00:06:27,834 --> 00:06:30,994
Oh, Bolek! You do make me laugh.
131
00:06:33,034 --> 00:06:36,274
So, tomorrow your friends will be
married.
132
00:06:36,394 --> 00:06:39,034
Oh, my goodness, it's so amazing.
133
00:06:39,154 --> 00:06:41,354
I can't tell you how excited I am.
134
00:06:41,474 --> 00:06:42,794
You are so sweet.
135
00:06:42,954 --> 00:06:45,194
You must really
love your friends very much.
136
00:06:45,314 --> 00:06:46,634
Emma and Sam are incredible.
137
00:06:46,794 --> 00:06:50,194
They're
so lucky to have found each other.
138
00:06:50,354 --> 00:06:53,234
Meeting the right person
is not easy.
139
00:06:53,354 --> 00:06:55,514
Tell me about it.
140
00:06:55,674 --> 00:06:58,314
The thing is,
I'm not that bothered about looks,
141
00:06:58,474 --> 00:07:00,794
I just want someone who
I can have a laugh with.
142
00:07:01,994 --> 00:07:03,194
Yes.
143
00:07:03,314 --> 00:07:04,954
This is what is important to me too,
144
00:07:05,114 --> 00:07:07,674
I want someone who will make me
laugh.
145
00:07:07,834 --> 00:07:09,714
But where do you meet
someone like that?
146
00:07:12,434 --> 00:07:14,154
In Poland we have this saying,
147
00:07:14,314 --> 00:07:17,914
sometimes you cannot see the trees
because of the wood.
148
00:07:20,714 --> 00:07:25,554
It means sometimes the answer is
staring you right in the face.
149
00:07:27,194 --> 00:07:29,034
I don't know what the question is.
150
00:07:30,994 --> 00:07:33,034
Sally,
would you like to go on a date?
151
00:07:33,194 --> 00:07:36,474
Well, of course I would, but who
on earth would be interested in me?
152
00:07:36,634 --> 00:07:41,514
Sorry I was ages,
the traffic in town is horrendous.
153
00:07:41,674 --> 00:07:43,914
Honestly, that one-way system is
like
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00:07:44,074 --> 00:07:46,274
banging your head against a
brick wall.
155
00:07:46,394 --> 00:07:47,594
I know this feeling.
156
00:07:49,834 --> 00:07:51,754
Oh, he's so sweet.
157
00:07:51,914 --> 00:07:55,114
He said he wants to meet someone
who can make him laugh.
158
00:07:58,394 --> 00:08:00,954
But where do you find
someone like that around here?
159
00:08:11,114 --> 00:08:13,914
Oh... heck!
160
00:08:14,074 --> 00:08:16,434
This whole thing has got
totally out of hand.
161
00:08:16,594 --> 00:08:19,954
Oh, I think it's lovely,
having weddings here.
162
00:08:20,074 --> 00:08:22,074
A lesbian wedding, Rose?
163
00:08:22,194 --> 00:08:24,354
I had a lesbian wedding.
164
00:08:24,474 --> 00:08:25,754
I'm sorry?
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00:08:25,914 --> 00:08:29,234
Yeah. I had no choice.
I was pregnant.
166
00:08:29,354 --> 00:08:30,994
You had a lesbian wedding?
167
00:08:31,114 --> 00:08:32,754
Not lesbian...
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00:08:32,874 --> 00:08:34,354
Shotgun.
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00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,474
You had a shotgun wedding
because you were pregnant?
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00:08:37,634 --> 00:08:40,154
Yeah, but that turned out to be
a poltergeist,
171
00:08:40,314 --> 00:08:43,354
so to be honest, the whole thing
could all have been avoided.
172
00:08:44,834 --> 00:08:46,674
Phantom pregnancy.
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00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:48,034
Yeah.
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00:08:48,154 --> 00:08:49,834
Hello?
175
00:08:49,994 --> 00:08:54,034
Yes? Yes, I'm on my way,
for God's sake.
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00:08:54,194 --> 00:08:56,514
You can't say that now
you're a vicar.
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00:08:56,634 --> 00:08:58,194
I'm not a vicar, I'm a registrar.
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00:08:58,314 --> 00:08:59,834
Oh, Christ, look at the time.
179
00:09:09,834 --> 00:09:11,954
Fair warning,
I am terrible at weddings.
180
00:09:12,074 --> 00:09:13,594
I'm afraid I shall probably blub.
181
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,514
I'm sorry,
I'm with Alison on this one.
182
00:09:15,674 --> 00:09:18,154
The first wedding at The Spa
shouldn't be a lesbian wedding,
183
00:09:18,274 --> 00:09:19,474
it should be a normal one.
184
00:09:19,594 --> 00:09:21,834
Vron, that is really offensive.
185
00:09:21,994 --> 00:09:24,594
You know what I meant, don't try
and make me out to be prejudiced.
186
00:09:24,674 --> 00:09:26,834
I've been to bed with a woman.
187
00:09:26,954 --> 00:09:27,914
Really, Vron?
188
00:09:28,074 --> 00:09:31,434
Yeah. My best mate at polytechnic,
Sharon, was gay.
189
00:09:31,594 --> 00:09:33,954
It never affected our relationship
until...
190
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,554
She found out you were a woman.
191
00:09:36,754 --> 00:09:39,314
Until her girlfriend dumped her.
192
00:09:39,474 --> 00:09:41,034
She said she was upset
and asked would
193
00:09:41,194 --> 00:09:44,314
I watch a film in bed with her,
like her girlfriend used to.
194
00:09:44,474 --> 00:09:48,234
Then she asked if I'd cuddle her,
like her girlfriend used to.
195
00:09:48,394 --> 00:09:51,394
And then she asked would
I do something else for her,
196
00:09:51,514 --> 00:09:52,994
like her girlfriend used to.
197
00:09:53,154 --> 00:09:56,234
Oh, my gosh! Yeah, I know. I said,
"Sharon, I love you as a mate,
198
00:09:56,394 --> 00:09:59,074
"and I will do anything for love,
but I won't do that."
199
00:09:59,194 --> 00:10:00,514
Meatloaf.
200
00:10:00,674 --> 00:10:02,754
I never saw what it looked like,
thank God.
201
00:10:06,514 --> 00:10:08,434
Oh, my God. What has she come as?!
202
00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:36,699
Dearly beloved, I would like to
welcome you all here on this
203
00:10:36,859 --> 00:10:41,199
most suspicious occasion...
a-auspicious occasion of the
204
00:10:41,214 --> 00:10:45,814
civil partnership of
Samantha Godliman and Emma...
205
00:10:46,934 --> 00:10:49,334
Er, er, is that right?
206
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:51,386
Yes.
207
00:10:53,226 --> 00:10:55,546
Emma Smallcock.
208
00:10:55,706 --> 00:10:59,106
No making up your own jokes at the
back.
209
00:10:59,266 --> 00:11:02,386
This place has been duly
sanctioned by law
210
00:11:02,546 --> 00:11:05,306
for the registration of weddings
and...
211
00:11:05,323 --> 00:11:07,283
civil partnerships.
212
00:11:07,443 --> 00:11:09,083
Sounds a bit clinical that,
doesn't it?
213
00:11:09,243 --> 00:11:12,843
Shall we say "same sex wedding",
then at least you get the "wedding"?
214
00:11:13,003 --> 00:11:16,163
Although, no, we don't really want
"sex" in the title.
215
00:11:16,283 --> 00:11:20,723
Er... two ladies who,
216
00:11:20,843 --> 00:11:24,523
for whatever reasons, wish to um,
217
00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:26,283
amalgamate...
218
00:11:26,403 --> 00:11:28,003
no, that sounds stupid.
219
00:11:28,163 --> 00:11:31,923
Um, merge, merge.
Everybody happy with merge?
220
00:11:32,043 --> 00:11:33,443
Why don't you just read the book?
221
00:11:33,603 --> 00:11:36,403
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, good idea. Um, OK.
222
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:40,363
Civil partnership,
Samantha Godliman, Emma, er, Small.
223
00:11:40,483 --> 00:11:41,763
If any person...
224
00:11:41,883 --> 00:11:43,723
It's Smallcock.
225
00:11:43,843 --> 00:11:45,523
Thank you.
226
00:11:45,683 --> 00:11:51,043
If any person present knows of any
impediment to this partnership,
227
00:11:51,163 --> 00:11:53,283
let he or she...
228
00:11:54,563 --> 00:11:56,443
or those undecided...
229
00:11:57,610 --> 00:11:58,530
declare it now.
230
00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:03,650
No?
231
00:12:03,770 --> 00:12:05,290
Any impediment whatsoever?
232
00:12:06,650 --> 00:12:09,850
Impediment meaning a reason not to
go ahead today.
233
00:12:12,130 --> 00:12:13,610
No?
234
00:12:13,730 --> 00:12:15,250
OK.
235
00:12:15,370 --> 00:12:16,530
Er, so, no...
236
00:12:17,890 --> 00:12:19,810
impedi...
237
00:12:21,690 --> 00:12:23,450
ment or mant?
Can we continue?
238
00:12:23,570 --> 00:12:26,690
Absolutely, yes. Er, yes.
239
00:12:26,850 --> 00:12:31,530
Emma and Samantha have chosen to
pledge themselves to each other...
240
00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:33,370
Mrs Crabbe, Mrs Crabbe...
241
00:12:33,530 --> 00:12:35,530
Eric, do you mind?
We were in the middle of...
242
00:12:35,650 --> 00:12:37,410
It's not legal.
243
00:12:37,570 --> 00:12:40,210
Eric, we've been through this,
it is legal.
244
00:12:40,370 --> 00:12:42,410
I'll admit it looks a bit odd...
245
00:12:42,570 --> 00:12:44,250
but two women have as much right
to...
246
00:12:44,370 --> 00:12:45,810
No, no, no, the room.
247
00:12:45,970 --> 00:12:48,090
You've marked off the
wrong room on the plan.
248
00:12:48,210 --> 00:12:49,130
What?
249
00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:52,090
As part of the application to hold
civil partnerships,
250
00:12:52,250 --> 00:12:55,450
you had to specify which room
you wanted to use.
251
00:12:55,570 --> 00:12:56,770
Yes, the Apollo Suite.
252
00:12:56,930 --> 00:13:00,410
No, you've marked off the wrong
part of the building on the map.
253
00:13:00,570 --> 00:13:04,410
Any civil partnership held in this
room will not be legally binding.
254
00:13:04,530 --> 00:13:05,730
Oh, for goodness sake!
255
00:13:05,890 --> 00:13:09,090
OK, look, there's no problem.
Show me the map.
256
00:13:09,210 --> 00:13:10,250
Where are we?
257
00:13:10,370 --> 00:13:11,730
We're in the Apollo Suite.
258
00:13:11,890 --> 00:13:14,290
Yes, I know that,
I mean where on the map are we?
259
00:13:14,450 --> 00:13:17,050
Well, we're here,
but you've got us down as here,
260
00:13:17,210 --> 00:13:19,490
and that's the only
part of the building where the
261
00:13:19,610 --> 00:13:21,690
ceremony will be legal.
262
00:13:21,850 --> 00:13:25,370
OK, well, no panic,
we'll all just move there.
263
00:13:25,490 --> 00:13:27,290
Which part of the building is that?
264
00:13:27,450 --> 00:13:31,130
Civil partnership means making
a commitment to developing
265
00:13:31,290 --> 00:13:36,490
co-operation, friendship,
honesty and, of course, humour.
266
00:13:39,650 --> 00:13:41,570
It demands courage,
267
00:13:41,730 --> 00:13:45,010
the courage to be open, the courage
to grow and change.
268
00:13:45,170 --> 00:13:47,930
Can you just get on with it? I think
my partner's about to pass out.
269
00:13:48,050 --> 00:13:49,210
Yeah, yeah, OK.
270
00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:51,490
What this all boils down to is,
do you take her...?
271
00:13:51,650 --> 00:13:53,650
Yes.
And do you take her?
272
00:13:53,770 --> 00:13:54,690
Hmm.
273
00:13:54,850 --> 00:13:57,490
That's a little bit less convincing,
but no, it'll be fine,
274
00:13:57,650 --> 00:14:00,010
we'll take it.
If you'll both exchange rings.
275
00:14:04,690 --> 00:14:05,650
Oh!
276
00:14:06,890 --> 00:14:09,170
The ring doesn't fit,
I think we've expanded in the heat.
277
00:14:09,330 --> 00:14:11,570
Don't worry, it doesn't matter. If
you'd both just sign
278
00:14:11,690 --> 00:14:13,490
the civil partnership document.
279
00:14:15,490 --> 00:14:17,490
And Sally,
you were going to witness.
280
00:14:27,130 --> 00:14:28,530
Excellent.
281
00:14:28,730 --> 00:14:32,410
I'll read this very quickly, because
some people are on borrowed time
here.
282
00:14:32,570 --> 00:14:35,770
"Let the world now recognise that
you are now civil partners.
283
00:14:35,890 --> 00:14:38,810
"May... insert names here...
284
00:14:38,970 --> 00:14:41,170
"treasure their trust
and responsibility,
285
00:14:41,290 --> 00:14:42,850
"and blah blah blah blah blah."
286
00:14:43,010 --> 00:14:45,010
Congratulations to you both,
you may now kiss,
287
00:14:45,130 --> 00:14:46,890
if you feel it is appropriate.
288
00:14:47,010 --> 00:14:48,010
Entirely up to you.
289
00:14:49,970 --> 00:14:51,330
Aww!
290
00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:08,410
So, how did it go?
291
00:15:08,570 --> 00:15:11,970
Well, didn't you hear?
Everyone ended up in the sauna.
292
00:15:12,090 --> 00:15:13,890
Yes!
293
00:15:14,050 --> 00:15:16,370
Wait a minute,
lesbian sauna wedding.
294
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:18,930
I think I have this DVD.
295
00:15:20,770 --> 00:15:23,210
What's in the bottles, Bolek?
296
00:15:23,370 --> 00:15:27,770
This is my father's potato vodka.
Well, my father's recipe.
297
00:15:27,890 --> 00:15:28,970
Oh no, I don't drink.
298
00:15:29,090 --> 00:15:30,050
Well, give us it here.
299
00:15:30,210 --> 00:15:34,330
My grandfather, he also make vodka,
but in my father's recipe,
300
00:15:34,450 --> 00:15:36,490
you wash the dirt from potatoes.
301
00:15:36,610 --> 00:15:39,690
Gives it a slightly smoother finish.
302
00:15:42,050 --> 00:15:43,410
That's not bad that.
303
00:15:47,570 --> 00:15:50,650
Hey, who said you could store them
fireworks in my shed?
304
00:15:50,770 --> 00:15:51,810
I want them out.
305
00:15:51,970 --> 00:15:54,090
Eric, don't be an asshole,
they are for the wedding.
306
00:15:54,250 --> 00:15:56,250
You shouldn't have put them in the
shed then, cos
307
00:15:56,410 --> 00:15:58,890
it's not waterproof, and after all
this rain you might as well
308
00:15:59,010 --> 00:16:01,250
put them all in the bin.
309
00:16:01,370 --> 00:16:02,650
Shit.
310
00:16:36,050 --> 00:16:39,170
This way, everybody, just follow me,
if you wouldn't mind.
311
00:16:39,330 --> 00:16:41,290
We'll get some lovely
pictures of you all.
312
00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:42,930
Out you come.
313
00:16:43,050 --> 00:16:44,650
That's lovely.
314
00:16:44,810 --> 00:16:47,970
Now, if you can arrange yourselves
in um, you know, boy girl,
315
00:16:48,130 --> 00:16:51,890
boy girl, because that always looks
good in dinner parties, doesn't it?
316
00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:54,570
Um... right.
317
00:16:54,690 --> 00:16:55,770
Excuse me.
318
00:16:55,930 --> 00:16:58,250
Sorry to ask you,
are you actually a man?
319
00:16:58,410 --> 00:17:00,170
Because if I could put you
over here,
320
00:17:00,330 --> 00:17:03,050
it's just we're really top
heavy on women in these photos.
321
00:17:03,210 --> 00:17:05,930
Right, can we have
one of the happy couple kissing?
322
00:17:06,090 --> 00:17:09,330
No! Absolutely not!
Are you some kind of pervert?
323
00:17:09,450 --> 00:17:10,930
No, local press, darling.
324
00:17:11,050 --> 00:17:12,730
Oh, my God, right.
325
00:17:12,850 --> 00:17:14,890
We cannot have any photographs
326
00:17:15,050 --> 00:17:17,210
until we get people in the
right order, OK.
327
00:17:17,330 --> 00:17:18,970
OK?
328
00:17:19,170 --> 00:17:22,570
Right. So you're there, lovely.
So I'm going to move you over here,
my love.
329
00:17:22,730 --> 00:17:24,610
You come there, that's lovely.
330
00:17:24,730 --> 00:17:26,010
You'll look beautiful there.
331
00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:28,410
Between them. That's better,
now you need to squidge in,
332
00:17:28,570 --> 00:17:30,811
you're not going to be in like that,
you need to squidge.
333
00:17:30,890 --> 00:17:31,810
Squidge.
334
00:17:39,770 --> 00:17:43,090
Eric, have you had any of these
nibbles?
335
00:17:43,210 --> 00:17:44,930
They're really unusual.
336
00:17:45,050 --> 00:17:47,050
Ah, no, no thanks.
337
00:17:47,210 --> 00:17:51,010
Horsemeat, that's not my kind
of thing, thank you very much.
338
00:17:51,130 --> 00:17:52,730
How do you know it's horsemeat?
339
00:17:52,890 --> 00:17:55,690
Bolek told me.
He gets the meat from the stables.
340
00:17:57,690 --> 00:18:02,410
Ah, well, there's a couple that's
got away. Eh?
341
00:18:02,530 --> 00:18:04,530
No, Emma!
342
00:18:13,170 --> 00:18:15,130
Whoa!
343
00:18:19,050 --> 00:18:21,890
All right, babes?
What do you think?
344
00:18:22,010 --> 00:18:23,250
Are you charging me for this?
345
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:24,570
Of course not.
346
00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:27,050
I've got my ad on the side
of the carriage.
347
00:18:27,170 --> 00:18:28,770
Did the press arrive?
348
00:18:28,890 --> 00:18:31,210
Oh, so it was you that called them?
349
00:18:34,930 --> 00:18:37,290
What's going on?
You're feeding us horsemeat!
350
00:18:37,410 --> 00:18:39,770
What?! Don't be ridiculous!
351
00:18:39,890 --> 00:18:41,970
Eric said Bolek used horsemeat.
352
00:18:43,410 --> 00:18:47,290
Bolek, why on earth did you use
horsemeat for the catering?
353
00:18:47,450 --> 00:18:50,970
I said forcemeat. Forcemeat is meat
with fat,
354
00:18:51,090 --> 00:18:52,530
not horse meat.
355
00:18:52,650 --> 00:18:54,290
You need to clean your ears.
356
00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:57,210
One potato, two potato,
three potato, four,
357
00:18:57,330 --> 00:18:59,730
five...!
358
00:18:59,850 --> 00:19:01,730
Marcus, my office now.
359
00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:05,010
What? What is it?
360
00:19:05,130 --> 00:19:06,770
What, I'm not drunk.
361
00:19:06,890 --> 00:19:08,890
I'm not drunk? Why am I drunk?
362
00:19:09,050 --> 00:19:11,730
Tiny, two little tiny
glasses is all I had.
363
00:19:11,850 --> 00:19:13,050
Now!
364
00:19:23,650 --> 00:19:25,250
Oi, excuse me!
365
00:19:25,410 --> 00:19:28,970
First you make us feel unwelcome
with your snide, homophobic remarks.
366
00:19:29,130 --> 00:19:32,970
Oh, Emma, I swear to God,
Alison is not homophobic,
367
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,570
she was just
born in a different era.
368
00:19:35,730 --> 00:19:38,930
Exactly. What?
How old do you think I am?
369
00:19:39,050 --> 00:19:40,170
Late fifties?
370
00:19:40,290 --> 00:19:42,370
I wasn't asking you. Late fifties?!
371
00:19:42,530 --> 00:19:45,730
Then we are made to
take our vows in a sauna!
372
00:19:45,890 --> 00:19:47,730
Late fifties?!
Yeah.
373
00:19:47,890 --> 00:19:50,090
Then you drag us out here,
feed us horsemeat
374
00:19:50,250 --> 00:19:53,810
and what I can only describe
as un-distilled battery acid.
375
00:19:59,050 --> 00:20:01,970
It's got wheels!
376
00:20:02,090 --> 00:20:03,850
It's got wheels!
377
00:20:05,090 --> 00:20:08,210
How would you feel
if this was your wedding day?
378
00:20:08,330 --> 00:20:09,490
Oh, she's not married.
379
00:20:09,650 --> 00:20:11,530
All right,
your daughter's wedding day.
380
00:20:11,650 --> 00:20:12,930
She hasn't even got a boyfriend.
381
00:20:13,050 --> 00:20:14,530
Thank you, Sally!
382
00:20:14,690 --> 00:20:17,130
Look, you knew full well that this
was our first wedding
383
00:20:17,290 --> 00:20:19,250
and there would inevitably be
teething trouble.
384
00:20:19,410 --> 00:20:23,090
After that welcoming drink,
I can hardly feel my teeth!
385
00:20:23,210 --> 00:20:25,170
Come on. Come on, let's go.
386
00:20:28,290 --> 00:20:30,770
This was supposed to be
the happiest day of our life.
387
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:33,010
You may not have charged us
a fee for this wedding,
388
00:20:33,170 --> 00:20:36,290
but it has certainly cost us
far more than we intended!
389
00:20:36,410 --> 00:20:37,730
Oh, here we go.
390
00:20:37,890 --> 00:20:39,770
Right,
now we get to the bottom of it.
391
00:20:39,930 --> 00:20:42,250
This is just one big
compensation scam.
392
00:20:42,410 --> 00:20:43,850
What on earth are you
talking about?!
393
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:46,330
As far as I'm concerned,
this wedding has been nothing
394
00:20:46,450 --> 00:20:47,810
but a huge success.
395
00:20:47,970 --> 00:20:50,810
Good luck with your claim,
you haven't got a leg to stand on.
396
00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,450
Wah!
397
00:20:59,570 --> 00:21:01,650
Whoa!
398
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:07,330
Whoa!
399
00:21:13,010 --> 00:21:14,850
Woo-hoo-hoo!
400
00:21:27,930 --> 00:21:29,410
To the...
401
00:21:29,530 --> 00:21:31,570
happy... couple!
402
00:21:32,862 --> 00:22:02,320
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