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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:24,850 The Spa s01x01 ~ High Anxiety ~ 2 00:00:25,066 --> 00:00:28,475 I am so sorry. I don't know how this could have happened. 3 00:00:28,821 --> 00:00:30,063 Come in! 4 00:00:30,273 --> 00:00:33,228 - You wanted to see me, Alison? - Yes. Sit down, Sally. 5 00:00:35,206 --> 00:00:39,099 The new member wellbeing assessment letters you sent out last week… 6 00:00:39,179 --> 00:00:42,080 - Oh, yes! Did they all go out OK? - They all went out. 7 00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:43,644 It is certainly not OK. 8 00:00:43,724 --> 00:00:46,532 I have never been so insulted in all my life! 9 00:00:46,702 --> 00:00:50,749 "After studying all the information, we have classed your physical rating as C3. 10 00:00:50,829 --> 00:00:52,477 Please see table below". 11 00:00:52,557 --> 00:00:56,528 And we go to the table below, and next to C3 are the words, 12 00:00:56,608 --> 00:00:59,438 "You are clinically a beast". 13 00:01:00,016 --> 00:01:02,243 - Yes. - This is unbelievable! 14 00:01:02,566 --> 00:01:04,316 What do you mean "yes"? 15 00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:07,577 You were out of the office and I rang you to say, 16 00:01:07,657 --> 00:01:10,480 - "Mrs Wilde's rating… - Ms Wilde! 17 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:12,883 "Ms Wilde's rating went off the scale. 18 00:01:12,964 --> 00:01:17,482 "What should I class her as?" And you said, "Clinically, a beast". 19 00:01:19,127 --> 00:01:21,728 "Obese". Not "a beast". 20 00:01:21,903 --> 00:01:24,354 I wouldn't tell you to grade someone as a beast. 21 00:01:24,435 --> 00:01:27,067 Well, I did think it was odd at the time… 22 00:01:27,148 --> 00:01:29,915 but I could have sworn you said, "a beast". 23 00:01:30,050 --> 00:01:32,040 Obese! Obese! 24 00:01:32,121 --> 00:01:34,823 -The woman is obese! -All right! Thank you! 25 00:01:34,903 --> 00:01:39,821 Dear God in heaven! Ms Wilde, I'm sorry. I can only apologise for this oversight. 26 00:01:39,901 --> 00:01:42,051 And what about my name, at the beginning of the letter? 27 00:01:42,089 --> 00:01:43,727 How do you explain that? 28 00:01:44,492 --> 00:01:47,723 "Dear Big Eater". Sally, is this some kind of joke? 29 00:01:47,804 --> 00:01:50,312 No. When I filled out Mrs Wilde's form for her… 30 00:01:50,392 --> 00:01:51,612 Ms Wilde! 31 00:01:51,692 --> 00:01:54,780 When I filled out the form, that's what she said her name was. 32 00:01:54,860 --> 00:01:58,281 - My first name is Bergita! - Sally, you can't ex… 33 00:01:58,947 --> 00:02:00,453 - I beg your pardon… - Bergita! 34 00:02:00,533 --> 00:02:02,402 My Christian name is Bergita! 35 00:02:03,212 --> 00:02:06,229 - Spell it for me. - B-E-R-G-I-T-A. 36 00:02:06,664 --> 00:02:08,375 - Now say it. - Bergita. 37 00:02:08,508 --> 00:02:11,463 No, I'm sorry. That does sound like you're saying "Big Eater". 38 00:02:11,544 --> 00:02:13,148 That's it. I've had enough. 39 00:02:13,228 --> 00:02:16,156 You're not getting away with this. I'm taking it to the top! 40 00:02:20,647 --> 00:02:22,933 All right, her name did sound like "Big Eater", 41 00:02:23,014 --> 00:02:25,420 but, Sally… "A beast"!? 42 00:02:31,516 --> 00:02:33,441 OK, now, step it up, ladies! 43 00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:35,887 And gents… Apologies, Maurice. 44 00:02:35,967 --> 00:02:38,293 Come on! Let's see those legs working! 45 00:02:38,374 --> 00:02:40,900 Marcus! A word, please. 46 00:02:40,980 --> 00:02:43,788 OK, guys. Go from the top again. 47 00:02:46,574 --> 00:02:48,079 Alison. 48 00:02:48,159 --> 00:02:51,809 Marcus, as I've mentioned to you before, all discarded towels… 49 00:02:51,889 --> 00:02:55,338 left on hangers at the end of each class, must be removed before the… 50 00:02:55,418 --> 00:02:58,747 next session and placed directly in the Ali Baba basket, to ensure… 51 00:02:58,827 --> 00:03:02,521 a swift and efficient turnaround on all laundry facilities. 52 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:08,254 OK, come on, guys! Don't break it up! Just freestyle it, yeah? 53 00:03:08,667 --> 00:03:11,097 Well done, Mrs Kiswani. You're doing really well. 54 00:03:12,762 --> 00:03:15,878 Can we talk about this another time, Alison? I'm in the middle of a class. 55 00:03:17,127 --> 00:03:19,561 It's not shifting, is it, Marcus? 56 00:03:20,932 --> 00:03:22,048 I'm sorry? 57 00:03:22,128 --> 00:03:24,427 The weight. It's not shifting. 58 00:03:24,574 --> 00:03:27,903 You know full well, the accident I sustained at work was partly… 59 00:03:27,983 --> 00:03:30,351 responsible for triggering my thyroid. 60 00:03:30,432 --> 00:03:31,894 Partly responsible. 61 00:03:31,975 --> 00:03:34,841 The bit of excess weight I'm temporarily carrying does not… 62 00:03:34,921 --> 00:03:37,640 impede my ability to teach. 63 00:03:37,947 --> 00:03:41,442 Does the extra weight you're carrying stop you from competently managing this place? 64 00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:43,488 Or is that just purely a coincidence? 65 00:03:43,568 --> 00:03:46,437 I am Leighton Buzzard Slimmer of the Decade. 66 00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:47,939 Of the decade! 67 00:03:48,911 --> 00:03:52,339 My very, VERY belated congratulations. 68 00:03:53,127 --> 00:03:56,642 - Now, is there anything else? - Yeah. Paul Tinson's off all this week. 69 00:03:56,722 --> 00:03:59,028 I need you to cover his step class. 70 00:04:00,372 --> 00:04:01,896 Good luck with that. 71 00:04:03,548 --> 00:04:06,674 Oh, shit! Maurice, can you turn the music off? 72 00:04:06,754 --> 00:04:08,353 OK… OK, come on. 73 00:04:08,433 --> 00:04:11,761 Let's get her up. Here we go. Five, six, seven, eight! 74 00:04:12,020 --> 00:04:12,809 Oh! 75 00:04:14,475 --> 00:04:15,345 Hello. 76 00:04:17,471 --> 00:04:20,841 - Hi, Ally. Oh… It's only me. - Jenny? 77 00:04:21,210 --> 00:04:23,729 Yeah, sorry, babes. It's another new number. 78 00:04:24,205 --> 00:04:26,720 Bit of a heavy night last night. I lost my phone. 79 00:04:26,801 --> 00:04:30,530 - Mrs Crabb! Have you got a moment? - Not right now, Rose. 80 00:04:30,611 --> 00:04:33,538 - Another one? - I know. It's such a pain. 81 00:04:33,618 --> 00:04:36,842 I got absolutely hammered and I was sick on my phone… 82 00:04:36,922 --> 00:04:39,422 when I was trying to call a cab. It just stopped working. 83 00:04:39,502 --> 00:04:41,191 - Nice. - I know. 84 00:04:41,451 --> 00:04:43,740 I can't even claim on the insurance. 85 00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:46,614 I'm pretty sure vomit counts as water damage. 86 00:04:46,695 --> 00:04:48,778 It did the last time I broke a phone like that. 87 00:04:48,858 --> 00:04:51,762 Jenny, listen, can I call you later? It's quite a busy day. 88 00:04:51,797 --> 00:04:53,619 No, no, no. It's just a quick one, babes. 89 00:04:53,650 --> 00:04:56,361 Are you still gonna do that corporate video for the club? 90 00:04:56,441 --> 00:04:58,873 No. I think we're going to have to get rid of the overweight… 91 00:04:58,954 --> 00:05:01,542 wheelchair-bound aerobics instructor before we can show… 92 00:05:01,623 --> 00:05:04,831 - …the spa in its best possible light. - Because… 93 00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:08,349 Have you met Seth from the farm opposite? 94 00:05:08,429 --> 00:05:09,434 No. 95 00:05:09,514 --> 00:05:13,412 Well, apparently, he made Winston Churchill's wedding video. 96 00:05:13,608 --> 00:05:15,815 Except it wasn't video then, obviously, it was film. 97 00:05:15,895 --> 00:05:19,769 - It's about Friday. - Rose, do you mind? I'm actually on a call. 98 00:05:20,144 --> 00:05:24,119 He says he's more than happy to have a crack at your video. 99 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:27,678 - No, Jenny, we're not doing a video now! - Gotta go, babes! 100 00:05:27,758 --> 00:05:30,267 I'll bring a bottle of rose we can have in the office. 101 00:05:30,348 --> 00:05:32,332 Jenny, no! Can you hear me? I said no! 102 00:05:38,347 --> 00:05:39,791 Sally. 103 00:05:39,871 --> 00:05:41,325 What are you doing? 104 00:05:41,439 --> 00:05:43,298 - Nothing. - Yeah, I can see that. 105 00:05:43,379 --> 00:05:45,245 Well, could you do something, please? 106 00:05:45,326 --> 00:05:48,729 - What do you want me to do? - Use your initiative. 107 00:05:53,797 --> 00:05:55,392 Christ on a bike. 108 00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:04,029 Sally! 109 00:06:04,606 --> 00:06:07,062 Just hang on a sec… 110 00:06:09,139 --> 00:06:12,224 Delete, delete, delete, delete… 111 00:06:12,432 --> 00:06:13,235 There! 112 00:06:13,557 --> 00:06:15,534 Oh! Sorry about that. 113 00:06:16,086 --> 00:06:18,553 - Where's Eric? - Odd Job Eric? 114 00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,377 No. Eric The Viking. 115 00:06:21,346 --> 00:06:23,746 Eric The Viking? 116 00:06:25,987 --> 00:06:28,092 Oh, forget it. Why do I bother? 117 00:06:32,757 --> 00:06:36,082 Hello, Mrs Crabb! Can I get you a cup of tea? I've just fed a brew. 118 00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:38,501 Eric, we had an appointment at two o'clock. 119 00:06:38,582 --> 00:06:39,668 Ah! No! 120 00:06:39,748 --> 00:06:41,873 You can't get me on that one, Mrs Crabb. 121 00:06:41,954 --> 00:06:44,925 I quite categorically remember you saying, "Wednesday". 122 00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:47,889 I know because I wrote it down when you said it! 123 00:06:52,863 --> 00:06:56,110 Oh, shite. It's Wednesday today, isn't it? 124 00:06:57,776 --> 00:06:59,188 Eric, sit down. 125 00:06:59,269 --> 00:07:02,046 I'll be in your office in two shakes of duck's tail. 126 00:07:02,126 --> 00:07:04,934 - Eric, just sit down. - No, no, no! It's no problem at all. 127 00:07:05,015 --> 00:07:06,366 Sit down! 128 00:07:07,357 --> 00:07:08,662 Yes, Mrs Crabb. 129 00:07:12,155 --> 00:07:14,732 Do you know why I asked to see you? 130 00:07:14,812 --> 00:07:16,444 Not really. 131 00:07:16,524 --> 00:07:19,077 - It's the shorts, Eric. - The shorts? 132 00:07:19,158 --> 00:07:20,815 We've had more complaints. 133 00:07:20,895 --> 00:07:24,484 - About what? These shorts? - Yes, Eric! Those shorts. 134 00:07:24,564 --> 00:07:26,211 - Please sit down. - What's wrong? 135 00:07:26,291 --> 00:07:28,675 They're good shorts, these. I've not had them long. 136 00:07:28,756 --> 00:07:30,480 Eric, sit down! 137 00:07:32,703 --> 00:07:36,003 - The shorts are too tight. - No, they're fine. 138 00:07:36,083 --> 00:07:41,013 - 36 waist, what I always get. - The shorts are too tight around… 139 00:07:42,231 --> 00:07:44,517 - …the front. - Oh! I see. 140 00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:47,605 Well, the thing is, I'm quite well endowed… 141 00:07:47,685 --> 00:07:50,332 and it's a bit tricky to find a pair of shorts that… 142 00:07:50,412 --> 00:07:52,177 Eric, we don't need any explanation. 143 00:07:52,257 --> 00:07:56,063 All we need is for you to buy a looser-fitting pair of shorts. 144 00:07:56,468 --> 00:07:59,877 The thing is, I liked to keep well tucked-in, you see. 145 00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:02,862 I mean, any looser, it's liable to fall out. 146 00:08:03,329 --> 00:08:05,892 I mean, my tackle comes down to at least here. 147 00:08:05,972 --> 00:08:07,537 Eric, sit down! 148 00:08:07,617 --> 00:08:10,946 My father was the same. That's why they called him Moby, after Moby… 149 00:08:11,026 --> 00:08:12,730 Yes, we get the picture! 150 00:08:13,731 --> 00:08:15,489 Now, either you provide your own shorts, 151 00:08:15,569 --> 00:08:16,911 which are more… 152 00:08:17,467 --> 00:08:20,629 appropriate, or we will provide a pair for you. 153 00:08:22,416 --> 00:08:24,982 - Is that everything? - Yes, that's everything. 154 00:08:26,226 --> 00:08:27,710 I'll go first! 155 00:08:29,219 --> 00:08:31,925 - Can I have a word? - Not now, Rose. 156 00:08:32,005 --> 00:08:34,969 I just need some time off on Friday. 157 00:08:35,049 --> 00:08:36,412 I said not now. 158 00:08:38,138 --> 00:08:39,893 How's it going, Rose? 159 00:08:40,615 --> 00:08:42,989 - Not too good. - You'll not believe this. 160 00:08:43,070 --> 00:08:47,089 I've just been chastised by a woman for having a big knob. 161 00:08:47,922 --> 00:08:51,542 What's the world coming to? Cos I don't know. 162 00:08:55,737 --> 00:08:56,942 Come on! 163 00:08:57,022 --> 00:08:59,219 Arms stretched right out! 164 00:08:59,590 --> 00:09:03,884 And no wincing! Pain does not exist in this health club! 165 00:09:03,964 --> 00:09:05,328 No, Vron! 166 00:09:05,408 --> 00:09:08,141 Fear does not exist in this health club! 167 00:09:08,221 --> 00:09:09,163 No, Vron! 168 00:09:09,243 --> 00:09:12,400 Defeat does not exist in this health club! 169 00:09:12,681 --> 00:09:13,790 No, Vron! 170 00:09:14,849 --> 00:09:18,323 Sorry, excuse me. Hi, um… I think I'm in wrong group. 171 00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:20,568 I put my name down for T'ai Chi… 172 00:09:20,648 --> 00:09:22,372 Shut up and get back in line! 173 00:09:29,377 --> 00:09:31,477 It's quite dark in here! 174 00:09:31,843 --> 00:09:34,915 I can't see anything! I haven't got my torch! 175 00:09:35,536 --> 00:09:37,402 The problem is, it's such a small hole… 176 00:09:37,436 --> 00:09:39,552 I can't even get one finger in it. 177 00:09:39,632 --> 00:09:41,865 I think we're looking at a build up of dust… 178 00:09:41,945 --> 00:09:44,502 from all those years of you not using it. 179 00:09:45,345 --> 00:09:46,825 Shall I come back? 180 00:09:46,905 --> 00:09:49,827 It can't be that tight. I know I don't really use it… 181 00:09:49,907 --> 00:09:52,677 but I've definitely shoved things in there this year. 182 00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:55,326 I'm sorry, Mrs Crabb. I'm afraid it's stuck. 183 00:09:55,407 --> 00:09:58,545 Well, I can't have it sticking out like that, I can't get in and out. 184 00:09:58,625 --> 00:10:00,972 Hang on a second, I've got an idea. 185 00:10:05,426 --> 00:10:07,265 All right, leave it, you're gonna break it. 186 00:10:07,346 --> 00:10:08,699 Just one more go. 187 00:10:10,552 --> 00:10:13,249 Oh! I think I felt it move that time. 188 00:10:13,329 --> 00:10:16,176 I tell you what, if you just… hang on t'top of the desk. 189 00:10:16,256 --> 00:10:19,214 You know, brace it, while I give it one last go. 190 00:10:20,189 --> 00:10:21,593 For goodness sake. 191 00:10:25,530 --> 00:10:28,411 There you go, tickety-boo. 192 00:10:28,491 --> 00:10:31,048 Sorry, Alison, but I need you to sign… 193 00:10:31,399 --> 00:10:32,702 Need me to sign what? 194 00:10:34,650 --> 00:10:36,659 - Eric! - Yep. 195 00:10:36,896 --> 00:10:39,560 - All done, Mrs Crabb. - Eric! 196 00:10:40,992 --> 00:10:43,851 Ah, you're right. I did have me torch all along. 197 00:10:43,931 --> 00:10:46,688 - Well, no problem. All sorted. - Your shorts! 198 00:10:48,664 --> 00:10:49,794 Ah! 199 00:10:49,874 --> 00:10:52,978 The beast has escaped its shackles. 200 00:10:53,058 --> 00:10:56,413 Well, I did warn you about loose-fitting shorts, didn't I, eh? 201 00:10:56,561 --> 00:10:57,714 No harm done. 202 00:10:58,441 --> 00:11:00,883 Right, I've got to get off, there's some… 203 00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:03,090 flashing needs touching up on t'roof. 204 00:11:11,666 --> 00:11:13,657 Hey, hey, it's Wonder Woman. 205 00:11:14,136 --> 00:11:16,266 Eric. How's the pain? 206 00:11:16,454 --> 00:11:18,832 Do you know, I'm absolutely pain free. 207 00:11:18,913 --> 00:11:21,279 - That's wonderful. - Oh, yeah. 208 00:11:21,423 --> 00:11:23,853 The session yesterday with that Gok Wan on me back… 209 00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:25,875 has totally straightened me out. 210 00:11:25,955 --> 00:11:27,963 Luoci. 211 00:11:28,744 --> 00:11:31,008 - Sorry? - The method of cupping I used… 212 00:11:31,088 --> 00:11:34,169 - …it's called luoci. - Oh, yeah, well… 213 00:11:34,250 --> 00:11:36,839 whatever it's called, it's done the trick. 214 00:11:37,060 --> 00:11:39,151 I showed Mrs Eric the pictures of me… 215 00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:42,991 with those jam jars stuck to me back and, by God, did she laugh! 216 00:11:46,111 --> 00:11:49,272 That's not easy for a woman with clinical depression. 217 00:11:49,472 --> 00:11:51,810 I didn't know your wife suffered from depression. 218 00:11:51,891 --> 00:11:52,915 Oh, yeah. 219 00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,405 Postnatal. 220 00:11:54,546 --> 00:11:56,469 She has postnatal depression? 221 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:59,537 - When did she have her last baby? - 1971. 222 00:12:00,483 --> 00:12:04,143 But she's never quite snapped out of it, you know what I mean? 223 00:12:05,111 --> 00:12:06,838 Right, that's me. 224 00:12:07,085 --> 00:12:10,166 Sitting here isn't gonna get baby washed, is it, eh? 225 00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:11,931 Oh, it's a baby, is it? 226 00:12:12,011 --> 00:12:15,019 - I've often wondered. - Right, I'll see you later. 227 00:12:15,281 --> 00:12:16,383 Bye, Eric. 228 00:12:16,463 --> 00:12:18,368 God, he gives me the creeps. 229 00:12:18,949 --> 00:12:21,492 - Eric? Why? - Why? 230 00:12:21,572 --> 00:12:26,048 Why do you think? His leering looks and his sex-pest shorts. 231 00:12:26,128 --> 00:12:28,635 What in the name of God are you eating? 232 00:12:29,354 --> 00:12:31,703 Scrambled tofu and spinach. 233 00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:33,768 - All right, ladies? - Hi. 234 00:12:35,096 --> 00:12:36,395 Oh. 235 00:12:36,761 --> 00:12:39,002 You sniffing round that now, are you? 236 00:12:39,244 --> 00:12:41,849 - Sniffing round what? - Meals on wheels. 237 00:12:42,269 --> 00:12:43,373 Marcus. 238 00:12:43,529 --> 00:12:45,725 Vron, that is out of order. 239 00:12:45,805 --> 00:12:47,785 I don't think you should really be describing 240 00:12:47,865 --> 00:12:50,472 someone in a wheelchair as "out of order. " 241 00:12:50,664 --> 00:12:53,472 - It's kind of disrespectful. - How can you make a joke about… 242 00:12:53,553 --> 00:12:56,354 …something like that? It's in such incredibly bad taste. 243 00:12:56,434 --> 00:12:57,803 I've got bad taste? 244 00:12:57,883 --> 00:13:00,175 You're the one who fancies a fat bloke in a wheelchair. 245 00:13:00,255 --> 00:13:01,982 That is so unkind. 246 00:13:02,124 --> 00:13:04,906 He can't help his weight gain. It's his thyroid. 247 00:13:04,986 --> 00:13:07,596 Yeah, do you know where the word thyroid comes from? 248 00:13:07,797 --> 00:13:09,441 It's a Greek word meaning, 249 00:13:09,521 --> 00:13:12,278 "To sit on one's arse eating cakes all day. " 250 00:13:13,296 --> 00:13:16,740 There are worse things in life than being overweight, you know? 251 00:13:16,919 --> 00:13:18,918 How about being unsympathetic… 252 00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:22,222 …vicious, hurtful and bad mannered! 253 00:13:22,548 --> 00:13:25,058 Chill out, Davina, it was a joke. It was just a joke. 254 00:13:25,952 --> 00:13:28,994 Come to The Spa, the only health club where you can lunch 255 00:13:29,074 --> 00:13:31,330 every day with neurotic fat people. 256 00:13:34,851 --> 00:13:35,854 All right? 257 00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:41,660 Come on, Seth Spielberg, in you get. 258 00:13:42,132 --> 00:13:45,455 Just think… you could do an Alfred Hitchcock 259 00:13:45,535 --> 00:13:47,840 and make an appearance yourself as a dumbbell. 260 00:13:47,921 --> 00:13:50,728 Come on, come on, get a move on, I'm parched. 261 00:13:51,601 --> 00:13:52,981 I'm sorry to interrupt but… 262 00:13:53,061 --> 00:13:55,934 Sally, what have I told you? You don't just burst in here, 263 00:13:56,015 --> 00:13:58,788 you buzz through on the intercom to see if I'm available. 264 00:13:58,868 --> 00:14:01,945 I'm sorry, Mrs Crabb, but it's Rose - she's on the roof. 265 00:14:02,025 --> 00:14:02,834 What? 266 00:14:02,862 --> 00:14:05,227 - What do you mean? - The top part of the building. 267 00:14:05,307 --> 00:14:07,719 - No, I mean what's she doing there? - I don't know. 268 00:14:07,799 --> 00:14:10,093 Eric's up there trying to talk her down. 269 00:14:15,391 --> 00:14:16,977 Oh, Jesus Christ. 270 00:14:17,267 --> 00:14:20,279 Now, come on, Rose, don't be silly. 271 00:14:20,740 --> 00:14:22,545 I got nothing to live for. 272 00:14:25,210 --> 00:14:28,302 They've got jam roly-poly on the menu today. 273 00:14:28,653 --> 00:14:31,656 Right, first things first, nobody call the fire brigade. 274 00:14:31,826 --> 00:14:34,270 Last thing we need is this turning into a major incident. 275 00:14:34,350 --> 00:14:37,565 There's a pensioner standing on the roof about to throw herself off. 276 00:14:37,645 --> 00:14:41,019 Yeah, exactly, let's not make a mountain out of a molehill. 277 00:14:43,538 --> 00:14:46,627 Rose, just hang on a minute, just wait a minute, Rose. 278 00:14:46,681 --> 00:14:48,820 Think about what you're doing. 279 00:14:49,033 --> 00:14:52,189 Marion, her next door neighbour, died on Monday. 280 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,154 She were her best friend. 281 00:14:54,538 --> 00:14:58,447 Rose, things are never as bad as you think. 282 00:14:59,448 --> 00:15:01,679 Look, you know the Christmas raffle? 283 00:15:01,759 --> 00:15:06,203 Well, I haven't mentioned this but the second prize went unclaimed. 284 00:15:06,569 --> 00:15:10,258 That's Ј100 of London Theatre vouchers. 285 00:15:10,339 --> 00:15:12,923 I hear Shrek is very good. 286 00:15:13,004 --> 00:15:15,811 She can't even go t'funeral cos it's on Friday 287 00:15:15,891 --> 00:15:18,297 and you wouldn't let her have time off. 288 00:15:18,378 --> 00:15:22,188 Oh, Rose, don't worry about a thing like that. 289 00:15:22,268 --> 00:15:25,151 We can always come to some arrangement. 290 00:15:25,332 --> 00:15:27,134 Was it this Friday? 291 00:15:27,902 --> 00:15:29,185 Yeah. 292 00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:32,207 Actually, we have got quite a big board meeting this Friday. 293 00:15:32,287 --> 00:15:34,901 Could you stay late Thursday night? 294 00:15:34,981 --> 00:15:37,362 Alison, I think I can help. 295 00:15:37,442 --> 00:15:39,060 Davina, I appreciate your support 296 00:15:39,140 --> 00:15:41,241 but what experience have you got in cleaning? 297 00:15:41,322 --> 00:15:44,158 No, I mean I've been training to join the Samaritans. 298 00:15:44,238 --> 00:15:45,729 I think I could talk her down. 299 00:15:45,809 --> 00:15:47,855 Is this a bad time, babes? 300 00:15:47,935 --> 00:15:49,436 Oh, for God's sake. 301 00:15:49,592 --> 00:15:51,865 Go on, Davina, she might listen to you. 302 00:15:52,255 --> 00:15:53,951 Rose? 303 00:15:54,110 --> 00:15:58,059 I know things seem bad right now but just think about what you're doing. 304 00:15:58,139 --> 00:16:00,317 You've your whole life ahead of you. 305 00:16:00,397 --> 00:16:02,373 She's 76. 306 00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:05,182 I understand you're missing your friend. 307 00:16:05,262 --> 00:16:07,886 I understand you're feeling lonely. 308 00:16:08,046 --> 00:16:11,205 But what about those people you'd be leaving behind? 309 00:16:11,324 --> 00:16:12,833 What about your children? 310 00:16:12,913 --> 00:16:14,156 I don't think she's got any. 311 00:16:14,236 --> 00:16:16,843 All right then, your childrens' children. 312 00:16:24,156 --> 00:16:25,352 Rose… 313 00:16:25,433 --> 00:16:27,142 I've suffered from depression. 314 00:16:27,222 --> 00:16:29,367 I know what you're going through… 315 00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:33,610 the agonising torture of one meaningless day after another. 316 00:16:34,578 --> 00:16:37,905 I know what it's like to wake up every day 317 00:16:38,053 --> 00:16:42,926 feeling your pathetic excuse of a life is utterly, utterly worthless. 318 00:16:43,408 --> 00:16:46,144 That each day simply isn't worth living. 319 00:16:46,224 --> 00:16:49,175 Because no matter what anybody says, 320 00:16:49,387 --> 00:16:52,463 deep down you know that nobody really cares about you. 321 00:16:52,543 --> 00:16:54,341 Sure, people humour you 322 00:16:54,421 --> 00:16:57,436 but the truth is everyone's laughing behind your back. 323 00:16:57,611 --> 00:16:59,154 Whispering about you. 324 00:16:59,234 --> 00:17:01,647 The paranoia eating away at your brain 325 00:17:01,727 --> 00:17:04,893 like maggots on a rotting corpse. 326 00:17:06,179 --> 00:17:08,169 Have you quite finished? 327 00:17:09,221 --> 00:17:10,793 I didn't plan this. 328 00:17:11,954 --> 00:17:14,713 I got a nice meat pie in for tonight. 329 00:17:17,023 --> 00:17:18,928 I talk to people here and… 330 00:17:19,979 --> 00:17:21,827 it's like I'm a ghost. 331 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,428 They just… don't see me. 332 00:17:26,811 --> 00:17:29,159 I got nobody at home now. 333 00:17:29,239 --> 00:17:30,849 But I had Marion. 334 00:17:31,272 --> 00:17:32,765 Next door. 335 00:17:33,236 --> 00:17:38,337 I'd take her anything out me fridge that was going off. 336 00:17:39,212 --> 00:17:42,022 Ask her if she'd like to have it for her tea. 337 00:17:43,039 --> 00:17:46,254 We didn't have sell by dates in our day. 338 00:17:47,180 --> 00:17:49,286 We was thankful for what we got. 339 00:17:51,095 --> 00:17:53,002 Then we'd have another chat. 340 00:17:53,252 --> 00:17:54,455 Not very long. 341 00:17:55,547 --> 00:17:57,652 Another ten minutes about the… 342 00:17:58,955 --> 00:18:00,320 telly. 343 00:18:00,608 --> 00:18:01,711 Or the news. 344 00:18:03,163 --> 00:18:04,516 Even the weather. 345 00:18:06,256 --> 00:18:07,810 And then I'd go home. 346 00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:11,750 And it was just… 347 00:18:11,990 --> 00:18:14,029 that 20 minutes a day… 348 00:18:15,988 --> 00:18:17,886 20 minutes of… 349 00:18:18,063 --> 00:18:19,426 human contact. 350 00:18:21,307 --> 00:18:23,180 Another person… 351 00:18:23,402 --> 00:18:25,700 validating your existence… 352 00:18:27,113 --> 00:18:31,297 by asking you if you'd watched Coronation Street. 353 00:18:33,898 --> 00:18:36,014 How did she die? 354 00:18:36,194 --> 00:18:38,993 Complications from salmonella poisoning. 355 00:18:40,643 --> 00:18:42,798 Something she's eaten apparently. 356 00:18:43,786 --> 00:18:47,245 - I think he's getting through to her. - This is ridiculous. 357 00:18:47,564 --> 00:18:49,609 Right, here's what we do. 358 00:18:49,787 --> 00:18:53,451 99% of all attempted suicides are just a cry for help. 359 00:18:53,531 --> 00:18:55,341 They don't really wanna die. 360 00:18:55,421 --> 00:18:56,875 Rose has made her point. 361 00:18:56,955 --> 00:19:00,197 She knows we care, she knows we're all here for her. 362 00:19:00,277 --> 00:19:03,148 Now, we'll just slowly go back inside 363 00:19:03,311 --> 00:19:05,009 and wait for her to come down. 364 00:19:05,199 --> 00:19:08,511 We're just making her nervous standing here gawping at her like this. 365 00:19:08,592 --> 00:19:10,544 I'm sorry, Alison, I don't agree. 366 00:19:10,664 --> 00:19:14,314 I wasn't putting it to a vote. I know what I'm talking about. 367 00:19:14,450 --> 00:19:18,525 Right, after three, we'll all just gonna slowly walk back inside. 368 00:19:18,605 --> 00:19:21,252 I personally guarantee this is the only way to resolve this 369 00:19:21,332 --> 00:19:23,745 situation without a loss of life. 370 00:19:23,957 --> 00:19:26,185 OK? Ready? 371 00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:28,150 One… 372 00:19:28,341 --> 00:19:29,714 two… 373 00:19:29,992 --> 00:19:31,132 three. 374 00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:38,296 Leave her. 375 00:19:44,512 --> 00:19:46,964 - Oi, what you doing? - I'm turning it off. 376 00:19:47,044 --> 00:19:49,049 Leave it. Come back out later. 377 00:20:03,125 --> 00:20:07,079 Noooooooooo! 29251

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