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1
00:00:03,478 --> 00:00:04,971
Hey, all you mamas out there.
2
00:00:05,055 --> 00:00:07,089
Today on "A Real Mother Vlog,"
3
00:00:07,191 --> 00:00:09,091
I'm going to show you that sometimes,
4
00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:12,127
it's important to just be a fun mom.
5
00:00:12,190 --> 00:00:13,128
Oh, my gosh. Look!
6
00:00:13,230 --> 00:00:14,730
A white-breasted nuthatch.
7
00:00:14,832 --> 00:00:15,898
And just like that,
8
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,100
today is the best day of my life.
9
00:00:18,969 --> 00:00:21,303
- What?
- Gotcha, bird nerds!
10
00:00:21,372 --> 00:00:24,072
- Incoming!
- Oh!
11
00:00:24,175 --> 00:00:26,074
You were aiming for my face!
12
00:00:26,177 --> 00:00:28,143
Well, yeah. That's going to
read best on camera.
13
00:00:28,212 --> 00:00:30,746
Why didn't you tell us
you were gonna surprise us?
14
00:00:30,814 --> 00:00:31,847
Sakes alive!
15
00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:33,081
What?
16
00:00:33,184 --> 00:00:35,017
I just saved you from birdwatching
17
00:00:35,119 --> 00:00:36,485
with a water balloon fight.
18
00:00:36,587 --> 00:00:38,420
Birdwatching is safe.
19
00:00:38,522 --> 00:00:40,756
What you did was dangerous.
20
00:00:40,858 --> 00:00:42,324
Let's go, Franklin.
21
00:00:42,393 --> 00:00:45,427
You ruined the best day of my life.
22
00:00:51,569 --> 00:00:53,802
Okay. New topic.
23
00:00:53,871 --> 00:00:56,505
The world has made kids soft.
24
00:00:56,574 --> 00:00:59,208
Did you know that they banned
dodgeball in P.E.?
25
00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:01,677
How are the popular kids
supposed to pick on the losers
26
00:01:01,779 --> 00:01:03,378
during a school-sanctioned activity?
27
00:01:03,447 --> 00:01:05,914
This is why there's a rise
in cyber-bullying.
28
00:01:06,016 --> 00:01:09,051
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed
.com
29
00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:13,989
According to the most recent census,
30
00:01:14,091 --> 00:01:16,992
what is the current population
of Westport?
31
00:01:17,017 --> 00:01:18,055
25,000...
32
00:01:18,095 --> 00:01:20,729
28,115.
33
00:01:20,755 --> 00:01:21,763
Damn it.
34
00:01:21,865 --> 00:01:23,031
I'm gonna need to remember these things
35
00:01:23,133 --> 00:01:25,234
if I'm gonna hold my own
in the City Council debate.
36
00:01:25,336 --> 00:01:27,002
Useless numbers and facts?
37
00:01:27,104 --> 00:01:28,403
That's my bread and butter.
38
00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:30,973
Don't beat yourself up, Dad.
39
00:01:31,075 --> 00:01:33,008
I have all the faith
in the world in you, bud.
40
00:01:33,110 --> 00:01:34,109
I love you.
41
00:01:34,211 --> 00:01:35,077
Wow.
42
00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:36,411
You must really want something
43
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:37,913
because you just used the "I love you"
44
00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:39,348
you were saving for my death bed.
45
00:01:39,450 --> 00:01:41,583
You're my dad and my best friend.
46
00:01:42,553 --> 00:01:43,885
But since you asked,
47
00:01:43,988 --> 00:01:44,987
I do need you to get me
48
00:01:45,089 --> 00:01:47,222
a teeny tiny prescription for Boosterin.
49
00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:48,457
Boosterin?
50
00:01:48,559 --> 00:01:49,625
For ADHD?
51
00:01:49,727 --> 00:01:50,859
You don't have ADHD.
52
00:01:50,961 --> 00:01:52,995
No, but it also helps you focus
53
00:01:53,097 --> 00:01:55,497
and access an extra 30% of your brain.
54
00:01:55,599 --> 00:01:56,531
I have midterms.
55
00:01:56,634 --> 00:01:58,100
Gotta keep my grades up for Harvard.
56
00:01:58,202 --> 00:01:59,401
Are you out of your mind?
57
00:01:59,503 --> 00:02:01,970
Every other kid in school
not only takes Boosterin,
58
00:02:02,072 --> 00:02:04,239
they have private tutors,
take prep classes.
59
00:02:04,341 --> 00:02:06,408
If I don't do this,
I'm at a disadvantage.
60
00:02:06,510 --> 00:02:07,609
Do you take Boosterin?
61
00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:08,877
No.
62
00:02:08,979 --> 00:02:10,912
No, I get my grades
the old fashioned way...
63
00:02:11,015 --> 00:02:12,814
giving the teachers
great Christmas presents.
64
00:02:12,916 --> 00:02:13,982
What'd your mom say?
65
00:02:14,852 --> 00:02:17,452
There is no world where
I'm helping my teenage son
66
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:19,821
get prescription drugs to study.
67
00:02:19,923 --> 00:02:22,024
But you took drugs in high school.
68
00:02:22,126 --> 00:02:24,426
I did it to fit in! It's different!
69
00:02:24,528 --> 00:02:26,762
I'm with your mom... no way.
70
00:02:26,864 --> 00:02:29,564
This is medication for kids who need it.
You don't need it.
71
00:02:29,667 --> 00:02:32,167
Dad, we could take it together.
72
00:02:32,269 --> 00:02:34,469
Me for my midterms, you for your debate.
73
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,271
It'd be like a father-son camping trip,
74
00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:38,140
except instead of roasting marshmallows,
75
00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:39,975
we'll be taking
performance-enhancing drugs.
76
00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:42,344
Absolutely not.
77
00:02:46,850 --> 00:02:49,084
My parents don't understand
the pressure I'm under.
78
00:02:49,186 --> 00:02:51,420
They don't know what it's like
to strive for something great.
79
00:02:51,522 --> 00:02:52,654
If they had a vision board,
80
00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:54,589
it would just be a picture
of wicker furniture
81
00:02:54,658 --> 00:02:55,791
and the Blue Man Group.
82
00:03:00,130 --> 00:03:02,764
I have a question about Kant's
"Critique of Pure Reason."
83
00:03:02,866 --> 00:03:04,666
Of course.
84
00:03:04,735 --> 00:03:06,735
What was his critiques,
and what were his reasons?
85
00:03:08,372 --> 00:03:10,138
You're funny.
86
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,040
Yeah. I'm so funny.
87
00:03:12,142 --> 00:03:13,375
Well, uh, the professor asked me
88
00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:15,310
to review German philosophy
with the class next week
89
00:03:15,412 --> 00:03:18,180
for the midterm,
so we'll just cover it then.
90
00:03:18,282 --> 00:03:19,748
All right, Taylor, I'll see you Monday.
91
00:03:20,984 --> 00:03:22,117
Taylor?
92
00:03:23,220 --> 00:03:24,252
Taylor?
93
00:03:24,355 --> 00:03:26,021
Oh, uh, sorry.
94
00:03:26,090 --> 00:03:27,089
It's just this sculpture.
95
00:03:27,191 --> 00:03:28,557
It makes me feel stuff
96
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:31,993
that isn't, like,
hungry or sad or tired.
97
00:03:32,096 --> 00:03:34,296
Maybe it's the triangles.
98
00:03:34,365 --> 00:03:37,165
You know, they've represented
so much throughout history.
99
00:03:37,267 --> 00:03:39,334
Mind, body, spirit.
100
00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:41,069
Life, death, rebirth.
101
00:03:41,171 --> 00:03:43,105
Past, present, future.
102
00:03:43,173 --> 00:03:44,306
Tall, grande, venti.
103
00:03:44,408 --> 00:03:45,540
Alvin, Simon, Theodore.
104
00:03:47,678 --> 00:03:49,244
You know, um, there's an exhibit
105
00:03:49,313 --> 00:03:51,313
at the Westport Art Center
Saturday night.
106
00:03:51,415 --> 00:03:52,748
I'm going.
107
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,716
You should... You should come, too.
108
00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:55,717
Yeah.
109
00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:57,085
That'd be awesome.
110
00:03:58,722 --> 00:04:00,722
- I have a boyfriend.
- Oh, my God. I do, too.
111
00:04:01,892 --> 00:04:03,258
I don't know why I just said that.
112
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:04,326
I don't. I'm straight.
113
00:04:04,428 --> 00:04:05,894
But I'm an ally.
114
00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:07,429
Uh, besides, it's... it's...
115
00:04:07,531 --> 00:04:09,664
it's not even like
I was, um, asking you out.
116
00:04:09,767 --> 00:04:10,799
It's... No.
117
00:04:10,901 --> 00:04:11,967
It's more of like a group thing where...
118
00:04:12,069 --> 00:04:14,002
I'm actually asking everybody.
119
00:04:14,104 --> 00:04:14,970
Hey, uh, you!
120
00:04:15,072 --> 00:04:16,471
You want to go to an art exhibit?
121
00:04:16,573 --> 00:04:17,739
No.
122
00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,808
No problem. I-It's not for everyone.
123
00:04:19,910 --> 00:04:21,076
That's why it's art!
124
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:22,110
How about you?
125
00:04:22,212 --> 00:04:23,912
Can I bring my dog?
126
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:26,148
- Probably not.
- Oh.
127
00:04:26,250 --> 00:04:28,450
You see? It's not just for me and you.
128
00:04:28,552 --> 00:04:30,018
The more the merrier.
129
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,953
Definitely bring your boyfriend.
130
00:04:32,055 --> 00:04:33,989
Yeah, I mean, he's super into art.
131
00:04:34,091 --> 00:04:37,058
Uh, looking at it... tracing stuff.
132
00:04:37,161 --> 00:04:40,562
Great. Well, I hope to see
you and your boyfriend there.
133
00:04:40,664 --> 00:04:42,531
As part of a group.
134
00:04:43,634 --> 00:04:45,200
Hey, uh, do you wanna go
to an art exhibit?
135
00:04:45,302 --> 00:04:46,868
I have a boyfriend.
136
00:04:46,970 --> 00:04:48,136
So do I!
137
00:04:49,339 --> 00:04:50,572
Why do I keep saying that?
138
00:04:57,781 --> 00:04:59,214
How's the app?
139
00:04:59,316 --> 00:05:01,249
- Are we any closer to launch?
- Mm.
140
00:05:01,318 --> 00:05:03,351
We hit a speed bump in the coding.
141
00:05:03,454 --> 00:05:04,853
I could explain it, but I won't,
142
00:05:04,955 --> 00:05:07,088
because I've decided not
to develop my personal skills
143
00:05:07,191 --> 00:05:08,890
or the patience necessary to do so.
144
00:05:08,992 --> 00:05:11,126
A-buh, buh, buh! Can you stop? Please?
145
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:13,094
I can't think with you hovering over me.
146
00:05:13,197 --> 00:05:14,329
I don't tell you how to code.
147
00:05:14,431 --> 00:05:15,530
You don't tell me how to be
148
00:05:15,632 --> 00:05:16,998
in charge of refreshments, amigo.
149
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:20,068
Guys, I don't have time
for this bickering.
150
00:05:20,170 --> 00:05:22,938
I need this app up and running
and wildly successful ASAP
151
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,406
so it can help me get into Harvard.
152
00:05:24,508 --> 00:05:26,541
Especially now that my parents
153
00:05:26,643 --> 00:05:28,610
won't get me Boosterin for my midterms.
154
00:05:28,712 --> 00:05:30,612
If you need Boosterin,
I've got a prescription for it.
155
00:05:30,714 --> 00:05:32,948
- I can spot you some.
- Really? Sure.
156
00:05:33,050 --> 00:05:34,749
Oliver. Mom and Dad said no.
157
00:05:34,852 --> 00:05:37,185
Yeah. You know what they've said yes to?
158
00:05:37,287 --> 00:05:39,354
Non-monogrammed towels.
159
00:05:39,456 --> 00:05:41,256
Their judgement isn't exactly sound.
160
00:05:42,793 --> 00:05:44,693
- There you go.
- Just two?
161
00:05:44,795 --> 00:05:46,328
Yeah. You only take a quarter at a time.
162
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:48,530
That'll be more than enough
to get you through midterms.
163
00:05:48,632 --> 00:05:52,000
Chief Officer of Snacks
and Beverages, you need any?
164
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:53,768
No. No, I come from money.
165
00:05:53,871 --> 00:05:55,070
Whatever school Oliver goes to
166
00:05:55,172 --> 00:05:57,038
will have a brand-new
Cooper Bradford biblioteca.
167
00:05:57,140 --> 00:05:59,341
Hopefully whatever school
I go to already has a library.
168
00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:00,742
Is that what that means?
169
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:07,215
Doris, did you watch my latest vlog?
170
00:06:07,317 --> 00:06:08,850
Hey, uh, Katie,
171
00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:11,620
I just want to set a baseline
for our friendship...
172
00:06:11,722 --> 00:06:13,588
I'm never gonna watch your vlog.
173
00:06:13,690 --> 00:06:15,223
Let me sum it up for you...
174
00:06:15,325 --> 00:06:17,125
How are kids supposed to learn
175
00:06:17,227 --> 00:06:18,460
to pick themselves up off the ground
176
00:06:18,562 --> 00:06:20,028
if they never get knocked down?
177
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:22,330
Get a skinned knee,
have some actual fun.
178
00:06:22,432 --> 00:06:24,945
If your friend's psycho brother
hasn't chased you with a BB-gun,
179
00:06:25,015 --> 00:06:26,067
you haven't lived.
180
00:06:26,169 --> 00:06:28,970
Katie, you just need to give
Anna-Kat and Franklin
181
00:06:29,072 --> 00:06:31,288
an old-fashioned childhood experience.
182
00:06:31,375 --> 00:06:32,351
You're right.
183
00:06:32,376 --> 00:06:33,608
Time for a bottle rocket fight.
184
00:06:33,710 --> 00:06:35,043
Where can I get some fireworks?
185
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,578
Nowhere.
186
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,146
They're illegal in Connecticut.
187
00:06:38,248 --> 00:06:40,248
Laws ruin everything.
188
00:06:44,036 --> 00:06:45,436
Since society has sucked
189
00:06:45,538 --> 00:06:47,504
every ounce of joy from childhood,
190
00:06:47,606 --> 00:06:49,940
I want to teach you
a few adventurous games
191
00:06:50,009 --> 00:06:52,109
so that you can have some actual fun.
192
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:54,545
We can take an adventure without risk.
193
00:06:54,613 --> 00:06:57,048
An adventure in our minds.
194
00:06:57,142 --> 00:06:58,782
I'm at a fast-food drive-thru.
195
00:06:58,851 --> 00:07:01,118
One sourdough
grilled chicken club, please.
196
00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:03,854
Super fun. Super safe.
197
00:07:03,956 --> 00:07:07,558
You have to take risks in life
in order to succeed.
198
00:07:07,626 --> 00:07:09,226
This is the game that I played as a kid.
199
00:07:09,328 --> 00:07:10,906
It's called "Shark in the Water."
200
00:07:10,937 --> 00:07:12,563
- Here's how you play...
- I don't like sharks.
201
00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:14,631
- There's no shark, so...
- I also don't like water.
202
00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:15,812
There's no water.
203
00:07:15,929 --> 00:07:17,835
Just listen.
204
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,603
You have to cross the room
205
00:07:19,705 --> 00:07:20,938
without touching the floor,
206
00:07:21,006 --> 00:07:23,774
which we are pretending
is shark-infested waters.
207
00:07:23,843 --> 00:07:25,476
What happens when we touch the floor?
208
00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:26,710
You get eaten by a shark.
209
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:27,845
We'll start small.
210
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,781
Just jump off the island
to the couch cushion,
211
00:07:30,883 --> 00:07:31,849
onto the piano bench.
212
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:32,983
Go!
213
00:07:33,085 --> 00:07:35,319
The piano bench looks
pretty darn pointy.
214
00:07:35,387 --> 00:07:36,520
I'm sorry, Mrs. Otto,
215
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:38,088
but I can't risk losing an eye.
216
00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:41,024
I need the ability to track
moving objects accurately.
217
00:07:41,126 --> 00:07:42,125
I've mentioned my dream
218
00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:43,727
to become a tennis line judge, right?
219
00:07:48,033 --> 00:07:49,266
Ta-da!
220
00:07:50,369 --> 00:07:51,969
- This is it?
- Yeah.
221
00:07:52,037 --> 00:07:54,471
What do you think?
222
00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:55,706
Well, I think it's a bunch of triangles
223
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:56,974
on top of each other.
224
00:07:57,076 --> 00:07:59,610
Okay, but how does it make you feel?
225
00:08:01,180 --> 00:08:02,112
Triangle?
226
00:08:02,214 --> 00:08:04,481
Hey, I used triangle
in its adjective form.
227
00:08:04,583 --> 00:08:06,617
But when you look at the triangles,
228
00:08:06,685 --> 00:08:10,187
don't you think it symbolizes
mind, body, spirit?
229
00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:11,522
Life, death, rebirth?
230
00:08:13,759 --> 00:08:15,292
Yeah, I'm not getting any of that.
231
00:08:15,394 --> 00:08:16,994
Hey, I thought we were going to
that new taco place.
232
00:08:17,096 --> 00:08:19,272
You know they have
a cheeseburger burrito?
233
00:08:19,348 --> 00:08:20,581
You want to talk about art?
234
00:08:20,683 --> 00:08:22,916
- Let's talk about that.
- Yeah. We are.
235
00:08:23,018 --> 00:08:24,318
I-I'm just getting into art,
236
00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:25,619
and I thought you might like it, too,
237
00:08:25,688 --> 00:08:27,421
but... it's whatever.
238
00:08:27,523 --> 00:08:29,022
Let's go.
239
00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:30,490
I don't know why you're so mad.
240
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:32,059
Wait, wait, wait! Wait.
I see something else!
241
00:08:32,161 --> 00:08:34,027
I see... triangles!
242
00:08:41,003 --> 00:08:43,103
I have to hide the Boosterin somewhere.
243
00:08:44,239 --> 00:08:45,739
How about your dopp kit?
244
00:08:45,808 --> 00:08:46,940
No.
245
00:08:47,042 --> 00:08:48,809
No me gusta tus drogas.
246
00:08:49,912 --> 00:08:51,445
Open up!
247
00:08:51,547 --> 00:08:52,779
Okay!
248
00:08:52,881 --> 00:08:53,914
Give me a sec.
249
00:08:55,351 --> 00:08:56,650
Open up!
250
00:08:56,752 --> 00:08:58,118
She knows!
251
00:08:58,220 --> 00:08:59,753
Don't you dare fall apart on me.
252
00:08:59,822 --> 00:09:01,388
I-I'm not built for deception...
253
00:09:01,490 --> 00:09:03,090
just charm and a few easy laughs.
254
00:09:03,192 --> 00:09:04,558
Just let me handle it.
255
00:09:10,399 --> 00:09:11,999
- Hey, Mom.
- Don't "Hey, Mom" me.
256
00:09:12,101 --> 00:09:13,367
You know what you two did.
257
00:09:13,469 --> 00:09:15,302
Oh, God, we're going to jail.
258
00:09:15,404 --> 00:09:18,271
It'll be a nice jail, maybe nicer
than here, but still jail.
259
00:09:18,374 --> 00:09:20,674
Why don't you tell us what we did?
260
00:09:20,776 --> 00:09:22,609
Once again, you left your wet towels
261
00:09:22,678 --> 00:09:24,311
on your bedroom floor for me to pick up.
262
00:09:24,413 --> 00:09:25,445
Next time this happens,
263
00:09:25,547 --> 00:09:27,748
you both will be sharing
Luthor's butt towel.
264
00:09:30,986 --> 00:09:32,152
Okay, we're in the clear.
265
00:09:32,254 --> 00:09:33,720
I don't know.
266
00:09:33,822 --> 00:09:35,155
Don't worry.
267
00:09:35,257 --> 00:09:36,823
She doesn't believe in vitamins.
268
00:09:36,892 --> 00:09:40,961
That's why I'll always
hide them in here.
269
00:09:41,063 --> 00:09:42,262
What do you mean "always"?
270
00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:43,664
I'll be hitting Trevor up for more
271
00:09:43,766 --> 00:09:46,266
during finals, SATs, and ACTs.
272
00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:47,334
That's right.
273
00:09:47,436 --> 00:09:49,403
Your boy's doing both.
274
00:09:49,505 --> 00:09:52,239
No. This could be dangerous.
I'm not okay with it.
275
00:09:52,307 --> 00:09:54,508
Look, I'm not you.
276
00:09:54,610 --> 00:09:56,677
I can't buy my way into college.
277
00:09:56,779 --> 00:09:58,378
So, I'm doing what I have to do.
278
00:09:58,480 --> 00:09:59,913
I have it under control.
279
00:10:00,015 --> 00:10:01,381
That's what they all say.
280
00:10:01,483 --> 00:10:03,684
I know what addiction
can do to a person.
281
00:10:03,786 --> 00:10:07,087
I saw my uncle Winston
lose himself to Fabergé eggs.
282
00:10:10,325 --> 00:10:11,358
This is perfect.
283
00:10:11,460 --> 00:10:14,461
I want Anna-Kat and Franklin to
jump high, flirt with danger.
284
00:10:14,563 --> 00:10:15,696
They're 12 years old,
285
00:10:15,798 --> 00:10:18,699
and they don't have a scar
with a cool story behind it.
286
00:10:19,668 --> 00:10:20,867
See this?
287
00:10:20,969 --> 00:10:22,536
I was the first girl in our school
288
00:10:22,638 --> 00:10:23,637
to attempt the jump
289
00:10:23,739 --> 00:10:24,805
from the big oak tree
to the monkey bars.
290
00:10:24,907 --> 00:10:25,839
Attempt?
291
00:10:25,908 --> 00:10:28,675
Landed on a rock, split open my elbow,
blood everywhere.
292
00:10:28,777 --> 00:10:29,876
The playground monitor passed out.
293
00:10:29,901 --> 00:10:30,921
Made the school paper.
294
00:10:30,946 --> 00:10:32,946
They called it The Red Recess.
295
00:10:33,048 --> 00:10:34,347
I have one of those, too.
296
00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:36,650
Got this at chess champ.
297
00:10:36,752 --> 00:10:38,719
Was a little too close
to the board, sneezed,
298
00:10:38,821 --> 00:10:40,020
and hit my queen.
299
00:10:40,122 --> 00:10:42,389
I had to hold a tissue to it
for the rest of the match.
300
00:10:42,491 --> 00:10:44,925
Yep. That's the kind of stuff
I'm talking about.
301
00:10:45,027 --> 00:10:46,660
I'm gonna do some more
last-minute cramming
302
00:10:46,692 --> 00:10:47,695
for the debate.
303
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:49,329
I still don't have all
the comptroller's kids' names
304
00:10:49,431 --> 00:10:50,731
memorized to my satisfaction.
305
00:10:53,068 --> 00:10:55,535
Hey, Mrs. Otto, I need to talk
to you about something.
306
00:10:55,637 --> 00:10:57,137
Cooper, why does your generation
307
00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:58,839
think everything is so dangerous?
308
00:10:58,941 --> 00:10:59,973
Well, what if you know someone
309
00:11:00,042 --> 00:11:01,174
who's taking an unnecessary risk?
310
00:11:01,276 --> 00:11:02,442
Then you take notes,
311
00:11:02,544 --> 00:11:04,144
because this worry-wart attitude
312
00:11:04,213 --> 00:11:05,579
is exactly why you are all
313
00:11:05,681 --> 00:11:07,380
such weak-sauce marshmallow turds.
314
00:11:07,483 --> 00:11:09,182
- But Mrs. Otto...
- Weak-sauce...
315
00:11:09,284 --> 00:11:11,151
marshmallow... turds!
316
00:11:13,088 --> 00:11:15,522
...save the taxpayer three-point...
317
00:11:15,624 --> 00:11:16,890
three-point...
318
00:11:16,992 --> 00:11:18,024
Dang it!
319
00:11:19,361 --> 00:11:20,994
3.27%.
320
00:11:21,096 --> 00:11:24,331
I knew that!
321
00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:27,934
"Helps with energy and improves memory."
322
00:11:32,174 --> 00:11:33,340
What else you got?
323
00:11:35,878 --> 00:11:39,045
All right, guys. Open your eyes!
324
00:11:40,115 --> 00:11:41,248
Come on up!
325
00:11:41,350 --> 00:11:44,251
Good golly, are you asking
for a lawsuit, lady?
326
00:11:44,353 --> 00:11:46,219
I called your mom,
and she signed off on it.
327
00:11:46,321 --> 00:11:48,388
But my mom doesn't have
her eye on the ball.
328
00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:50,791
I love her, but she'd make
a terrible line judge.
329
00:11:50,893 --> 00:11:52,559
Just get on the trampoline.
330
00:11:52,661 --> 00:11:54,194
Where's the safety net?
331
00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:55,629
We're not putting a safety net on.
332
00:11:55,731 --> 00:11:58,498
Nothing with the word
"safety" in it is fun.
333
00:11:59,701 --> 00:12:01,168
Whoo!
334
00:12:01,270 --> 00:12:02,803
These bad boys were a lot smaller
335
00:12:02,905 --> 00:12:04,137
the last time I did this.
336
00:12:04,239 --> 00:12:05,205
What?
337
00:12:05,307 --> 00:12:06,406
I said come on!
338
00:12:06,508 --> 00:12:07,541
Get up here!
339
00:12:08,911 --> 00:12:10,644
Let's be professional wrestlers!
340
00:12:10,746 --> 00:12:12,279
Piledriver!
341
00:12:14,950 --> 00:12:16,483
Ooh! Oh!
342
00:12:16,585 --> 00:12:17,617
Mom!
343
00:12:19,188 --> 00:12:21,121
I'm fine.
344
00:12:22,357 --> 00:12:24,257
Ooh. Just gotta pop my shoulder back in.
345
00:12:33,918 --> 00:12:35,751
Hey, you guys ready for the debate?
346
00:12:35,853 --> 00:12:36,919
We're leaving soon.
347
00:12:37,021 --> 00:12:38,120
We're not going.
348
00:12:38,222 --> 00:12:39,221
Why not?
349
00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:40,656
Watching you mangle your body
350
00:12:40,724 --> 00:12:42,624
in the name of "fun"
really freaked us out,
351
00:12:42,726 --> 00:12:44,760
so we're just gonna stay here
and play "Be Safe."
352
00:12:44,862 --> 00:12:46,528
"Be Safe"?
353
00:12:46,630 --> 00:12:47,830
It's a game we made up.
354
00:12:47,932 --> 00:12:51,033
The rules are you sit
on the floor and do nothing.
355
00:12:51,135 --> 00:12:52,234
It's not very fun,
356
00:12:52,336 --> 00:12:54,603
but like the name says, it's safe,
357
00:12:54,672 --> 00:12:57,706
and unlike soccer,
women get paid the same as men.
358
00:12:57,808 --> 00:12:59,107
Fine.
359
00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:01,476
You know what? You win.
360
00:13:01,555 --> 00:13:04,279
Actually, Mrs. Otto,
no one wins in "Be Safe."
361
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:05,881
That's one of
my favorite things about it.
362
00:13:05,950 --> 00:13:08,976
If I could throw my arms up in
frustration right now, I would.
363
00:13:14,491 --> 00:13:16,992
Hey, Cooper, did you take
the Boosterin out of the bottle?
364
00:13:17,061 --> 00:13:18,126
No, of course not.
365
00:13:18,229 --> 00:13:19,328
Somebody did.
366
00:13:29,373 --> 00:13:30,539
Dad?
367
00:13:30,641 --> 00:13:32,074
Wow! Hey, guys!
368
00:13:32,176 --> 00:13:34,142
Get in the car.
It's time to get to the debate.
369
00:13:34,245 --> 00:13:35,577
Actually, I'll just run there!
370
00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:36,678
No.
371
00:13:36,780 --> 00:13:37,779
It's super humid.
372
00:13:37,848 --> 00:13:39,781
We can't have your hair Bozo-ing out.
373
00:13:39,884 --> 00:13:40,883
We'll drive you there.
374
00:13:40,951 --> 00:13:41,984
Good point.
375
00:13:42,086 --> 00:13:43,785
I'll do upside-down push-ups
until we leave.
376
00:13:47,591 --> 00:13:49,391
To be safe, you should dial 9, 1,
377
00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:52,127
and then have your thumb
hovering over the second 1.
378
00:13:54,531 --> 00:13:55,497
Thank you all for coming
379
00:13:55,566 --> 00:13:57,065
to the Westport City Council Debate.
380
00:13:57,167 --> 00:13:59,167
We have a lot to cover,
so let's get started.
381
00:14:00,437 --> 00:14:02,671
Mr. Otto, the cornerstone
of your platform
382
00:14:02,773 --> 00:14:03,772
is to save a field?
383
00:14:03,841 --> 00:14:05,173
Not just any field.
384
00:14:05,276 --> 00:14:07,943
A historic field,
where Israel Bissel fed his horse.
385
00:14:08,045 --> 00:14:09,444
How do you plan on
funding that endeavor?
386
00:14:09,513 --> 00:14:12,080
I intend to get it on the National
Historical Landmarks Registry,
387
00:14:12,149 --> 00:14:13,415
where it belongs.
388
00:14:13,517 --> 00:14:14,683
Not only will it preserve it,
389
00:14:14,752 --> 00:14:16,418
the city will be eligible
for state funding
390
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:18,320
and tax benefits to maintain it.
391
00:14:18,389 --> 00:14:21,156
It's a win for Westport
and a win for history.
392
00:14:22,326 --> 00:14:24,960
I'll tellin' ya, man,
Boosterin is the best.
393
00:14:25,062 --> 00:14:26,528
Mr. Hobert, you are in favor of
394
00:14:26,597 --> 00:14:28,684
building a retail space
on that very field.
395
00:14:28,709 --> 00:14:32,100
- Your thoughts?
- My thought is that this town
396
00:14:32,169 --> 00:14:35,070
has gone too long
without a Paula's Pretzels.
397
00:14:35,172 --> 00:14:36,972
I was just saying that!
398
00:14:37,074 --> 00:14:38,974
Honey, wasn't I just saying that?
399
00:14:39,076 --> 00:14:40,609
You're supposed to be impartial.
400
00:14:40,678 --> 00:14:43,278
Westport Plaza will create numerous jobs
401
00:14:43,347 --> 00:14:46,415
and help generate
considerable tax revenue.
402
00:14:46,483 --> 00:14:48,350
Not to mention
it'll have an ice cream shop
403
00:14:48,452 --> 00:14:50,319
where they mix the toppings in
404
00:14:50,421 --> 00:14:52,120
while you're watching.
405
00:14:52,222 --> 00:14:53,622
It's spectacular.
406
00:14:53,724 --> 00:14:56,058
Mr. Otto, care to respond?
407
00:14:56,126 --> 00:14:57,241
Well, yes.
408
00:14:57,282 --> 00:14:59,161
While what Mr. Hobert said sounds true,
409
00:14:59,263 --> 00:15:01,846
if you look at the statistics
regarding other such properties,
410
00:15:01,925 --> 00:15:03,258
you'll find...
411
00:15:05,636 --> 00:15:07,169
What is with the blinking?
412
00:15:07,271 --> 00:15:09,004
He picked a weird time
to flirt with the moderator.
413
00:15:09,106 --> 00:15:10,372
He's just excited.
414
00:15:11,542 --> 00:15:13,241
Sure, he took four times the dose,
415
00:15:13,310 --> 00:15:15,077
but he's four times my size, right?
416
00:15:15,179 --> 00:15:16,445
Just say "right."
417
00:15:16,513 --> 00:15:18,880
Didn't Trevor say excessive blinking
418
00:15:18,949 --> 00:15:20,382
could be one of the side effects?
419
00:15:20,484 --> 00:15:21,850
Yeah.
420
00:15:21,952 --> 00:15:23,719
Among others.
421
00:15:23,821 --> 00:15:25,587
There are lots of possible side effects.
422
00:15:25,689 --> 00:15:27,923
Excessive blinking, dry mouth...
423
00:15:31,295 --> 00:15:32,361
...dizziness...
424
00:15:32,463 --> 00:15:34,863
Which I think if...
we divert the funds to...
425
00:15:34,965 --> 00:15:36,198
Are we having an earthquake?
426
00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:37,199
Earthquake!
427
00:15:38,369 --> 00:15:39,701
...and hand tremors.
428
00:15:39,770 --> 00:15:42,004
And that's why a vote for Greg Otto...
429
00:15:44,541 --> 00:15:47,776
...is a vote for Westport!
430
00:15:47,878 --> 00:15:48,910
Start talking.
431
00:15:48,979 --> 00:15:51,146
I'm as confused as you are.
432
00:15:51,248 --> 00:15:52,314
We accidentally drugged Dad.
433
00:15:52,416 --> 00:15:53,415
Oliver got Boosterin.
434
00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:54,716
Dude!
435
00:15:54,818 --> 00:15:56,618
Hate me today, thank me tomorrow.
436
00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:58,220
Is that what you were
trying to tell me earlier?
437
00:15:58,322 --> 00:15:59,721
Yeah, I'm sorry, Mom.
438
00:15:59,823 --> 00:16:01,623
Our family's become another statistic.
439
00:16:07,698 --> 00:16:08,897
I'm never taking B12 again.
440
00:16:08,999 --> 00:16:10,165
I'm clearly allergic to it!
441
00:16:10,267 --> 00:16:12,234
You want to tell him?
442
00:16:12,336 --> 00:16:14,636
- Tell me what?
- Dad...
443
00:16:14,738 --> 00:16:16,071
I got two Boosterin pills,
444
00:16:16,173 --> 00:16:17,706
and I hid them in your B12 bottle.
445
00:16:17,808 --> 00:16:20,075
You're not having
an allergic reaction to B12.
446
00:16:20,177 --> 00:16:21,910
You're actually having
a fairly standard reaction
447
00:16:22,012 --> 00:16:23,578
- to quadruple the recommended dose.
- Yeah.
448
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:24,746
What?
449
00:16:24,848 --> 00:16:26,648
You not only got Boosterin,
450
00:16:26,717 --> 00:16:28,050
but then you drugged me with it
451
00:16:28,152 --> 00:16:29,184
on the night of my debate?
452
00:16:29,286 --> 00:16:30,685
I'm sorry.
453
00:16:30,754 --> 00:16:32,320
Really.
454
00:16:32,423 --> 00:16:35,657
I got it because I thought
it would help with my midterms.
455
00:16:35,726 --> 00:16:39,861
But after watching you
fight off those imaginary...
456
00:16:39,963 --> 00:16:41,430
I think it was bats?
457
00:16:46,937 --> 00:16:48,703
Bees, actually.
458
00:16:48,806 --> 00:16:50,038
Either way,
459
00:16:50,140 --> 00:16:52,607
I promise you I will never
go near Boosterin again.
460
00:16:52,709 --> 00:16:53,909
Good. You don't need it.
461
00:16:54,011 --> 00:16:56,178
You'll have plenty of time
to study for midterms,
462
00:16:56,246 --> 00:16:57,379
because you're grounded.
463
00:16:57,481 --> 00:16:58,413
Indefinitely.
464
00:17:04,254 --> 00:17:05,554
How you feeling?
465
00:17:05,622 --> 00:17:07,422
Like I'm gonna get my butt
kicked in the election.
466
00:17:07,524 --> 00:17:10,425
You get knocked down,
and you get up again.
467
00:17:10,527 --> 00:17:11,993
I believe in you.
468
00:17:12,096 --> 00:17:13,195
Aww. Thanks so much.
469
00:17:13,263 --> 00:17:14,796
That's exactly what I needed to hear.
470
00:17:14,898 --> 00:17:16,465
Plus, you're assuming that anyone
471
00:17:16,567 --> 00:17:18,333
is playing attention to this debate...
472
00:17:18,435 --> 00:17:19,968
or the election for that matter.
473
00:17:20,070 --> 00:17:21,203
No one cares, honey.
474
00:17:21,305 --> 00:17:23,805
In the future, after I say "thank you,"
475
00:17:23,907 --> 00:17:25,340
you can just stop.
476
00:17:29,893 --> 00:17:32,542
_
477
00:17:34,017 --> 00:17:35,951
Trip. What are you doing here?
478
00:17:37,221 --> 00:17:39,488
I just spent three hours
staring at that statue,
479
00:17:39,590 --> 00:17:41,389
trying to come up
with something to say about it,
480
00:17:41,492 --> 00:17:43,091
and here's what I got...
481
00:17:43,193 --> 00:17:46,027
it is not sturdy enough
for a human to climb on.
482
00:17:46,130 --> 00:17:47,329
You didn't have to do that.
483
00:17:47,431 --> 00:17:48,864
Yes, I did.
484
00:17:48,966 --> 00:17:50,732
Because I'm not doing something right,
485
00:17:50,834 --> 00:17:52,634
and I'm trying to do better.
486
00:17:52,736 --> 00:17:55,337
It's okay.
487
00:17:55,439 --> 00:17:56,571
I love it.
488
00:17:56,673 --> 00:17:57,772
Oh, that's not for you.
489
00:17:57,875 --> 00:17:59,074
I got it for Anna-Kat.
490
00:18:00,210 --> 00:18:01,977
I picked this up for her
at your student union.
491
00:18:02,079 --> 00:18:03,211
I thought she might like it.
492
00:18:03,313 --> 00:18:05,347
You're the sweetest guy in the world.
493
00:18:05,449 --> 00:18:07,782
Thank you, but the sweetest
guy in the world
494
00:18:07,851 --> 00:18:09,651
is the UPS driver I saw on the news.
495
00:18:09,753 --> 00:18:11,653
He gives out hugs with every package.
496
00:18:11,755 --> 00:18:13,488
Come on.
497
00:18:13,590 --> 00:18:15,390
- I'm taking you on a date.
- Where?
498
00:18:15,492 --> 00:18:17,425
Well, I figured since
you're getting into art,
499
00:18:17,528 --> 00:18:19,094
maybe we could go to Color Me Mine.
500
00:18:19,196 --> 00:18:20,929
Some kid rented it out for his birthday,
501
00:18:21,031 --> 00:18:23,165
but his mom said we could come
if we bring a gift.
502
00:18:25,269 --> 00:18:27,002
- I'll be down in a second.
- Okay.
503
00:18:44,521 --> 00:18:45,554
I really thought
504
00:18:45,656 --> 00:18:47,455
that I was doing my younger kids
a disservice
505
00:18:47,558 --> 00:18:50,458
by always letting them
take the safe route.
506
00:18:50,527 --> 00:18:51,826
But at the same time,
507
00:18:51,929 --> 00:18:54,896
my teenager is dying to take risks,
508
00:18:54,998 --> 00:18:56,394
and I want him to be safer.
509
00:18:57,620 --> 00:19:00,235
Being a mom makes you
and everyone around you crazy.
510
00:19:00,304 --> 00:19:03,405
It's why shows like "Snapped" exist.
511
00:19:03,507 --> 00:19:06,107
Sometimes, it's just about
512
00:19:06,210 --> 00:19:08,543
finding the middle ground, ladies.
513
00:19:08,612 --> 00:19:10,545
And Dale.
514
00:19:10,647 --> 00:19:12,647
I see you, Dale.
515
00:19:12,749 --> 00:19:15,951
So, the three of us came up
with a new game together.
516
00:19:16,053 --> 00:19:18,687
We combined my mom's game,
"Shark in the Water,"
517
00:19:18,789 --> 00:19:20,155
with our game, "Be Safe."
518
00:19:20,257 --> 00:19:21,656
It's called "The Water's Dirty,
519
00:19:21,758 --> 00:19:23,758
So Don't Get Wet Unless
You Absolutely Have To,
520
00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:26,962
Because Everyone Wins When
You Put Safety First."
521
00:19:27,064 --> 00:19:28,863
Believe it or not,
522
00:19:28,966 --> 00:19:31,433
the title used to be longer
and mentioned cholera.
523
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:37,872
Whoa!
524
00:19:37,975 --> 00:19:39,140
This is fun.
525
00:19:39,243 --> 00:19:40,775
I just watched "Free Solo."
526
00:19:40,877 --> 00:19:42,210
Now I know how that guy feels.
527
00:19:43,413 --> 00:19:44,579
I'm playing, too.
528
00:19:44,681 --> 00:19:45,880
Come here!
529
00:19:45,983 --> 00:19:46,915
I got you!
530
00:19:47,017 --> 00:19:49,851
Oh! Oh!
531
00:19:49,953 --> 00:19:51,019
Oops!
532
00:19:51,121 --> 00:19:52,988
Dislocated my shoulder again.
533
00:19:53,090 --> 00:19:56,458
No problem. Just gonna knock it back in.
534
00:20:02,499 --> 00:20:05,100
Probably should call a doctor.
535
00:20:05,202 --> 00:20:07,068
Yep. That's what I should do.
536
00:20:11,051 --> 00:20:12,784
Are you guys sure about this?
537
00:20:14,104 --> 00:20:16,946
Yeah. The net's up,
we're going one at a time.
538
00:20:17,056 --> 00:20:18,655
We're totally good.
539
00:20:27,803 --> 00:20:28,869
Nice job.
540
00:20:28,987 --> 00:20:30,754
I think I'm getting the hang of this.
541
00:20:39,731 --> 00:20:41,765
You know what?
542
00:20:41,867 --> 00:20:43,166
I don't think this is for me.
543
00:20:43,268 --> 00:20:44,567
Oh.
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