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1
00:00:03,484 --> 00:00:05,484
Mom, you made another lasagna?
2
00:00:05,556 --> 00:00:06,945
I'm just staying busy.
3
00:00:07,023 --> 00:00:08,656
Oh, because you've been
unemployed for three months
4
00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:10,057
and the kids are gone all day at school,
5
00:00:10,159 --> 00:00:11,158
so you're feeling purposeless?
6
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:13,513
Where the hell are you getting that?
7
00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:15,429
Ladies' Home Journal.
8
00:00:15,498 --> 00:00:17,331
I was killing time waiting
for my dentist appointment.
9
00:00:17,433 --> 00:00:19,600
Ooh, also, I learned
how to make a "she shed."
10
00:00:20,637 --> 00:00:22,737
We need to do something
about my clothes.
11
00:00:22,839 --> 00:00:24,272
See?
12
00:00:24,340 --> 00:00:25,673
I have a purpose.
13
00:00:25,775 --> 00:00:26,941
What do you need, honey?
14
00:00:27,010 --> 00:00:28,429
Now that I'm out of special ed,
15
00:00:28,507 --> 00:00:29,877
I have to start dressing like someone
16
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:31,879
who doesn't have her mittens
sewn into her jacket.
17
00:00:31,981 --> 00:00:33,820
Mommy stands ready to help.
18
00:00:33,898 --> 00:00:36,334
Actually, I don't need your help.
19
00:00:36,412 --> 00:00:38,052
In fact, you're part of the problem.
20
00:00:38,154 --> 00:00:41,355
Every piece of clothing I own
has fruit on it.
21
00:00:41,424 --> 00:00:43,324
This skirt is covered in bananas.
22
00:00:43,393 --> 00:00:44,992
Tell me... what were you thinking?
23
00:00:45,094 --> 00:00:46,127
Well, maybe she was just...
24
00:00:46,229 --> 00:00:47,695
Don't defend her.
25
00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:49,497
I want Taylor to take me.
26
00:00:49,565 --> 00:00:50,631
Fine.
27
00:00:50,733 --> 00:00:52,767
Taylor, take Anna-Kat shopping tomorrow.
28
00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:54,340
I've got things going on!
29
00:00:54,395 --> 00:00:55,503
Unlike you, I have a life.
30
00:00:55,571 --> 00:00:59,173
Learning to take responsibility
is also on your list of things
31
00:00:59,242 --> 00:01:01,575
you need to accomplish
before you go to college.
32
00:01:01,677 --> 00:01:03,244
Come on, there's so many other ways
33
00:01:03,346 --> 00:01:04,645
I could take responsibility.
34
00:01:04,714 --> 00:01:05,899
Such as?
35
00:01:07,483 --> 00:01:09,383
I was hoping there wasn't
gonna be a follow-up.
36
00:01:09,485 --> 00:01:11,519
I mean, what if she only wants
to dress like Eleven
37
00:01:11,587 --> 00:01:12,753
from "Stranger Things"?
38
00:01:12,855 --> 00:01:14,255
And not cute, season 3 Eleven.
39
00:01:14,357 --> 00:01:16,292
Dirty pink dress, season 1 Eleven.
40
00:01:16,388 --> 00:01:18,355
Just use your best judgment.
41
00:01:18,426 --> 00:01:20,559
Best judgment? Do I have that?
42
00:01:20,636 --> 00:01:22,563
- Katie?
- In the kitchen!
43
00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:24,323
- What?!
- I thought we discussed
44
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,567
we weren't gonna have
conversations in different rooms!
45
00:01:26,636 --> 00:01:28,469
- What?!
- I'm coming!
46
00:01:28,538 --> 00:01:30,137
This is 90% of marriage.
47
00:01:30,239 --> 00:01:32,139
What's the other 10%?
48
00:01:32,208 --> 00:01:35,042
Wondering what life would
be like if we didn't have...
49
00:01:36,212 --> 00:01:37,244
...pets.
50
00:01:41,651 --> 00:01:43,884
Despite the nonstop
tenement-style hollering
51
00:01:43,953 --> 00:01:46,420
in this house, I finished
my Teen Help Line application.
52
00:01:46,522 --> 00:01:47,755
That's great, honey!
53
00:01:47,824 --> 00:01:49,356
Next step, rock this interview.
54
00:01:49,425 --> 00:01:51,792
I think you could really benefit
by helping those in need.
55
00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:53,360
I know I can benefit.
56
00:01:53,463 --> 00:01:56,163
This is exactly
the sappy, humanitarian garbage
57
00:01:56,192 --> 00:01:57,258
Harvard is looking for.
58
00:01:57,300 --> 00:01:58,566
Katie!
59
00:01:58,634 --> 00:02:01,035
I'm gonna go drop this off at
the Teen Help Line offices now.
60
00:02:01,137 --> 00:02:03,414
- Good luck.
- You too.
61
00:02:03,439 --> 00:02:04,456
With what?
62
00:02:05,808 --> 00:02:07,842
The fact that you don't know
makes me even sadder.
63
00:02:07,944 --> 00:02:09,443
Oh.
64
00:02:09,545 --> 00:02:10,878
What?!
65
00:02:10,980 --> 00:02:12,346
Why are you calling me?
66
00:02:12,448 --> 00:02:13,748
Is there another moth?
67
00:02:13,850 --> 00:02:16,384
Crazy news. I just
got off the phone with Stan.
68
00:02:16,486 --> 00:02:17,918
He and Chloe are back together.
69
00:02:18,021 --> 00:02:19,220
How is that possible?
70
00:02:19,288 --> 00:02:22,323
Stan left Chloe and married
that woman half his age.
71
00:02:22,425 --> 00:02:23,424
Chloe hates him.
72
00:02:23,493 --> 00:02:24,458
"Hated."
73
00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:26,761
On his honeymoon, Stan had a stroke.
74
00:02:26,829 --> 00:02:28,729
Oh, my God!
75
00:02:28,798 --> 00:02:30,131
He's okay, but his new wife
76
00:02:30,199 --> 00:02:31,932
annulled the marriage and left him.
77
00:02:32,035 --> 00:02:33,401
I was thinking of inviting
some of the guys
78
00:02:33,503 --> 00:02:35,069
from the Historical Guild over
to welcome him home.
79
00:02:35,171 --> 00:02:36,704
Ugh. Do you know what that means?
80
00:02:36,806 --> 00:02:38,439
Now that Stan is back in your life,
81
00:02:38,508 --> 00:02:39,907
Chloe is back in mine.
82
00:02:40,009 --> 00:02:42,443
- Honey, if you would just...
- If I would just what?
83
00:02:45,278 --> 00:02:46,610
Let's end it here. I don't feel safe.
84
00:02:49,585 --> 00:02:52,620
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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01x04 - Lasagna
Original air date October 18, 2019
86
00:02:55,324 --> 00:02:57,958
There are a lot of jobs
out there for women your age.
87
00:02:58,061 --> 00:03:00,761
The dean's wife started selling
this organic makeup line.
88
00:03:00,863 --> 00:03:02,220
She has this cool trunk,
89
00:03:02,298 --> 00:03:03,731
and she takes it to her friends' houses,
90
00:03:03,833 --> 00:03:07,268
and they drink wine
and put their faces on together.
91
00:03:08,604 --> 00:03:09,985
How stupid is that?
92
00:03:11,307 --> 00:03:12,784
I have every faith
you're gonna find something
93
00:03:12,809 --> 00:03:13,785
that's perfect for you.
94
00:03:13,810 --> 00:03:15,042
Thank you.
95
00:03:15,144 --> 00:03:17,078
So, what's the plan for tonight?
96
00:03:17,103 --> 00:03:18,156
Oh, glad you asked.
97
00:03:18,181 --> 00:03:19,713
When a wounded soldier returns home,
98
00:03:19,816 --> 00:03:21,816
we celebrate him with a meal and a song.
99
00:03:21,918 --> 00:03:23,317
- ♪ Come join... ♪
- Heard enough.
100
00:03:25,054 --> 00:03:26,520
Hey, Oliver. Is everything okay?
101
00:03:26,622 --> 00:03:28,255
No, everything is not okay.
102
00:03:28,357 --> 00:03:30,624
When I dropped off
my Teen Help Line application,
103
00:03:30,726 --> 00:03:32,393
I talked with all these other kids
104
00:03:32,495 --> 00:03:34,028
who are a lock to get accepted.
105
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:36,964
One was an orphan, one was a refugee,
106
00:03:37,066 --> 00:03:39,733
one had just come from donating
a kidney to a complete stranger.
107
00:03:39,836 --> 00:03:41,735
Just to screw with your life.
108
00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:42,814
I know!
109
00:03:42,839 --> 00:03:44,105
There's no way I'm getting in.
110
00:03:44,207 --> 00:03:46,040
I haven't suffered enough.
111
00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:47,608
I mean...
112
00:03:47,710 --> 00:03:49,677
I suffer...
113
00:03:49,779 --> 00:03:51,679
but this isn't the kind of suffering
114
00:03:51,781 --> 00:03:53,848
that impresses professional do-gooders.
115
00:03:53,950 --> 00:03:55,249
I don't have an angle.
116
00:03:55,351 --> 00:03:56,283
I wouldn't worry about it.
117
00:03:56,385 --> 00:03:57,518
If you don't get into this program,
118
00:03:57,620 --> 00:03:58,886
you'll find something else
that'll make you stand out.
119
00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:01,789
Dad, Teen Help Line is
incredibly prestigious.
120
00:04:01,891 --> 00:04:04,558
If I don't get in,
I can kiss Harvard goodbye.
121
00:04:04,660 --> 00:04:07,361
Can we do 23andMe? Find out I'm Inuit?
122
00:04:07,463 --> 00:04:08,362
Navajo?
123
00:04:08,464 --> 00:04:09,997
I won't do genetic testing.
124
00:04:10,099 --> 00:04:12,032
I don't want the relatives I have now.
125
00:04:12,135 --> 00:04:13,934
Why would I go digging up more?
126
00:04:15,371 --> 00:04:17,338
Be always at war with your vices
127
00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:18,839
and at peace with your neighbors.
128
00:04:18,941 --> 00:04:20,341
Hear! Hear!
129
00:04:22,245 --> 00:04:23,477
We're here.
130
00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:25,379
Hey, Stan!
131
00:04:25,481 --> 00:04:26,614
Look who's back!
132
00:04:26,716 --> 00:04:28,249
Jinx! You owe me a mead!
133
00:04:29,719 --> 00:04:31,685
Good to see you, buddy. Come on in.
134
00:04:31,787 --> 00:04:33,621
- Katie.
- Chloe.
135
00:04:33,723 --> 00:04:37,191
I have to say, I was surprised
to hear that you took Stan back.
136
00:04:37,293 --> 00:04:38,659
It was very big of you.
137
00:04:38,761 --> 00:04:40,427
Listen, just because last year,
138
00:04:40,496 --> 00:04:43,030
we had one fleeting moment
of not hating each other
139
00:04:43,099 --> 00:04:44,765
doesn't mean
we're throwing on the jammies
140
00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:46,167
and braiding each other's hair.
141
00:04:46,269 --> 00:04:48,502
I mean, with our wildly different sizes,
142
00:04:48,604 --> 00:04:51,138
we could make
a great comedy duo, but friends?
143
00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:52,206
Get real.
144
00:04:52,275 --> 00:04:53,641
So relieved.
145
00:04:53,743 --> 00:04:56,110
Hating you is
the greatest joy of my life.
146
00:04:56,179 --> 00:04:57,478
- Besides my kids.
- Yeah.
147
00:04:57,580 --> 00:05:00,014
Actually, it goes Anna-Kat,
Taylor, hating you, Oliver.
148
00:05:00,116 --> 00:05:01,382
Mm-hmm.
149
00:05:01,484 --> 00:05:03,517
But I'm telling you,
waterfall ice climbing
150
00:05:03,619 --> 00:05:05,186
has nothing on para-hawking.
151
00:05:05,254 --> 00:05:06,987
The rush you get
flying next to raptors...
152
00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,689
ooh, it is quite exhilarating.
153
00:05:08,791 --> 00:05:09,857
Let me tell you, sir.
154
00:05:09,926 --> 00:05:11,492
Is it?
155
00:05:11,594 --> 00:05:13,661
But, of course, now I'm on
my greatest adventure of all...
156
00:05:13,763 --> 00:05:15,296
being back with my darling Chloe.
157
00:05:15,364 --> 00:05:16,330
- Ohh.
- Mm.
158
00:05:16,432 --> 00:05:17,731
That's enough.
159
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,867
Game night, huh, gentlemen?
160
00:05:19,936 --> 00:05:21,468
Yeah, we're playing Truth or Dare,
161
00:05:21,537 --> 00:05:23,237
George Washington-style... all truths.
162
00:05:23,339 --> 00:05:24,605
Oh.
163
00:05:24,674 --> 00:05:26,874
Well, you better watch this guy,
'cause he loves to cheat!
164
00:05:26,943 --> 00:05:29,043
One truth for Chloe!
165
00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:30,811
No more ale for you, Ross!
166
00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:32,546
Here it is, boys.
167
00:05:32,648 --> 00:05:34,848
The lasagna Paul Revere served
168
00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:37,518
at the Battle of You Guys Are Nerds.
169
00:05:37,620 --> 00:05:39,220
Lasagna?
170
00:05:39,322 --> 00:05:40,721
Mm. Not surprised.
171
00:05:40,790 --> 00:05:42,389
It's the sweatpants of food.
172
00:05:42,491 --> 00:05:44,742
And you are
the adult underpants of people.
173
00:05:44,767 --> 00:05:45,745
Ooh, good one.
174
00:05:45,770 --> 00:05:47,228
Hey, I heard you were fired.
175
00:05:47,253 --> 00:05:48,162
Figures.
176
00:05:48,187 --> 00:05:49,863
Not everybody can run a company
177
00:05:49,966 --> 00:05:51,565
and manage a family, like I do.
178
00:05:51,667 --> 00:05:53,834
I wasn't fired. I quit.
179
00:05:53,936 --> 00:05:55,102
Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.
180
00:05:55,204 --> 00:05:57,104
Neither of which I eat... obviously.
181
00:05:57,206 --> 00:05:59,106
You know, the sad thing for you is,
182
00:05:59,208 --> 00:06:02,343
you're too poor to even enjoy
all the free time you have now.
183
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,445
I mean, what on Earth
are you doing with yourself?
184
00:06:04,547 --> 00:06:09,183
I am exploring many, many avenues.
185
00:06:10,386 --> 00:06:12,319
That's code for "I have nothing."
186
00:06:12,421 --> 00:06:15,632
No purpose, no options,
no water feature in your yard.
187
00:06:15,657 --> 00:06:16,634
Sad.
188
00:06:16,659 --> 00:06:18,058
You don't know anything.
189
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,235
She knows everything!
190
00:06:20,321 --> 00:06:22,596
I have no plan, no purpose,
and no koi pond.
191
00:06:22,698 --> 00:06:24,164
Quick, change the subject.
192
00:06:24,267 --> 00:06:26,734
The "Cats" movie looks insane, right?
193
00:06:26,836 --> 00:06:29,069
I know, but, like, kind of sexy. Huh?
194
00:06:29,171 --> 00:06:31,438
I mean, maybe it's just me, but rrrr!
195
00:06:31,540 --> 00:06:33,440
Ew! Gross! It is just you.
196
00:06:34,377 --> 00:06:36,882
Nice job, Katie! You're back on top.
197
00:06:38,992 --> 00:06:41,486
Even Chloe Brown Mueller figured it out.
198
00:06:41,572 --> 00:06:44,473
I'm turning 40 soon. I'm adrift.
199
00:06:44,550 --> 00:06:46,250
I have no direction in life.
200
00:06:46,352 --> 00:06:47,985
You're a mom.
It's not like you do nothing.
201
00:06:48,053 --> 00:06:49,653
I'm a mom. I do nothing.
202
00:06:49,755 --> 00:06:52,189
I can't use my kids
as an excuse anymore.
203
00:06:52,224 --> 00:06:54,458
Anna-Kat wants Taylor
to help her with everything,
204
00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:56,660
and Oliver is ironing his own shirts
205
00:06:56,729 --> 00:06:58,836
because I don't go slowly enough
around the buttons.
206
00:06:58,890 --> 00:07:00,998
They're putting me out of a job!
207
00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:02,866
You just have to find something
that's right for you.
208
00:07:02,935 --> 00:07:05,936
Or, hear me out, you could put
this whole problem behind you
209
00:07:06,005 --> 00:07:08,605
for nine more years
by having another baby.
210
00:07:15,281 --> 00:07:17,214
Oh, I needed that.
211
00:07:17,283 --> 00:07:19,016
Greg suggests that I start selling
212
00:07:19,084 --> 00:07:21,351
that organic makeup
that comes in the big trunk.
213
00:07:21,453 --> 00:07:23,620
- You are never doing that.
- Yeah, never.
214
00:07:23,689 --> 00:07:25,638
Isn't Suzanne Sutton
a career counselor now?
215
00:07:25,666 --> 00:07:26,732
You should go talk to her.
216
00:07:26,771 --> 00:07:29,259
Oh! Is Suzanne your type?
217
00:07:29,328 --> 00:07:30,260
Knock it off, Doris.
218
00:07:30,362 --> 00:07:31,395
What is going on with you two?
219
00:07:31,497 --> 00:07:33,764
Well, apparently,
I don't "do it" for Angela.
220
00:07:33,833 --> 00:07:34,765
I didn't say that.
221
00:07:34,834 --> 00:07:36,333
I said I think you're attractive.
222
00:07:36,402 --> 00:07:37,768
I'm just not attracted to you.
223
00:07:37,870 --> 00:07:39,002
I think you are.
224
00:07:39,071 --> 00:07:41,238
If you weren't, you wouldn't be
so defensive about it.
225
00:07:41,307 --> 00:07:42,439
Look at this. Hmm.
226
00:07:46,045 --> 00:07:48,846
Oopsie-daisy. I got all dirty.
227
00:07:48,948 --> 00:07:50,013
Ahh!
228
00:07:50,082 --> 00:07:52,115
Hey, Katie.
I heard I could find you here.
229
00:07:52,184 --> 00:07:54,852
Doris, Angela, you know Stan.
230
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,086
Hey, Stan.
231
00:07:56,155 --> 00:07:58,121
Hey, buddy. Gotta go.
232
00:07:59,792 --> 00:08:02,032
You know, ever since the stroke,
people react in one of two ways...
233
00:08:02,087 --> 00:08:03,582
they either run away or they just stare.
234
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:05,001
Like this.
235
00:08:06,198 --> 00:08:07,731
I thought I was a better person.
236
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,067
Katie, may I speak to you
in private for one moment?
237
00:08:10,169 --> 00:08:12,035
Of course.
238
00:08:12,137 --> 00:08:14,838
Now, I hope I'm not imposing,
but I was wondering if you had
239
00:08:14,907 --> 00:08:17,441
any of that wonderful lasagna
left over from last night.
240
00:08:17,509 --> 00:08:19,610
Sure. I'll bring it by your house.
241
00:08:19,678 --> 00:08:21,111
No. No, no, no. I'll come to you.
242
00:08:21,213 --> 00:08:22,613
Chloe cannot find out about this.
243
00:08:22,681 --> 00:08:24,548
If there's two things she hates
more than me right now,
244
00:08:24,650 --> 00:08:25,849
it's you and carbs.
245
00:08:25,951 --> 00:08:27,317
Thank you, Stan.
246
00:08:27,419 --> 00:08:30,120
I know she hates me, but it's
really nice to hear sometimes.
247
00:08:30,222 --> 00:08:31,255
I mean, she really hates you.
248
00:08:31,357 --> 00:08:32,322
Mm-hmm. I know.
249
00:08:34,126 --> 00:08:36,793
We got fruit-free clothes, a backpack,
250
00:08:36,862 --> 00:08:39,029
a new dangly thing
hanging off your backpack.
251
00:08:39,131 --> 00:08:40,564
If you were in my fifth-grade class,
252
00:08:40,666 --> 00:08:41,665
I'd let you sit next to me.
253
00:08:41,734 --> 00:08:43,200
Wait. There's something else I need.
254
00:08:43,269 --> 00:08:45,035
Mom would never sign off on that.
255
00:08:45,137 --> 00:08:46,236
Mom put you in charge.
256
00:08:46,338 --> 00:08:48,405
This is your chance
to think on your own.
257
00:08:48,507 --> 00:08:50,107
Am I old enough to get my ears pierced?
258
00:08:51,143 --> 00:08:52,209
Yes.
259
00:08:52,311 --> 00:08:53,977
Yes, you are.
260
00:08:55,809 --> 00:08:56,917
It wasn't me.
261
00:08:58,984 --> 00:09:02,219
My greatest achievement is
raising three fantastic kids.
262
00:09:03,389 --> 00:09:06,156
Also, in college, my alcohol
tolerance was very high.
263
00:09:06,258 --> 00:09:08,125
It's not anymore, but it used to be.
264
00:09:08,227 --> 00:09:09,326
Type that in.
265
00:09:09,428 --> 00:09:10,928
Mm.
266
00:09:11,030 --> 00:09:12,996
And why did you leave your last job?
267
00:09:13,098 --> 00:09:14,164
My boss was a [bleep]
268
00:09:14,266 --> 00:09:15,933
and my clients were also [bleep].
269
00:09:18,904 --> 00:09:20,570
That word's not in the drop-down menu,
270
00:09:20,673 --> 00:09:23,307
so we'll just click
"creative differences."
271
00:09:27,579 --> 00:09:29,479
Wait. What if it hurts?
272
00:09:29,548 --> 00:09:31,648
What if they accidentally
give me those ear disks,
273
00:09:31,750 --> 00:09:33,150
like the guy at the supermarket?
274
00:09:33,252 --> 00:09:34,851
Some days, he forgets to put them in,
275
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:36,453
and they're just big, floppy holes.
276
00:09:36,522 --> 00:09:38,422
If you're really scared,
you don't have to do it.
277
00:09:38,524 --> 00:09:40,157
But all the other girls in my new class
278
00:09:40,225 --> 00:09:41,491
have their ears pierced.
279
00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:43,460
Well, what if I go first and
show you it's not a big deal?
280
00:09:43,529 --> 00:09:44,594
You'd do that for me?
281
00:09:44,663 --> 00:09:46,463
Of course. I owe you.
282
00:09:46,532 --> 00:09:48,432
You stopped me from trying
to pet that angry dog.
283
00:09:48,534 --> 00:09:49,433
Coyote.
284
00:09:49,535 --> 00:09:51,101
Whatever his name was, he was mean.
285
00:09:55,374 --> 00:09:56,873
Well, the results are in.
286
00:09:56,976 --> 00:09:59,142
So, as far as a career goes,
287
00:09:59,211 --> 00:10:02,846
you would make an excellent
long-haul truck driver!
288
00:10:02,948 --> 00:10:05,115
Aah! Congratulations!
289
00:10:05,217 --> 00:10:06,616
Truck driver?
290
00:10:06,685 --> 00:10:08,085
Well, the algorithm determined
291
00:10:08,153 --> 00:10:10,053
that you shouldn't manage people...
292
00:10:10,122 --> 00:10:12,622
or be managed by people...
293
00:10:12,725 --> 00:10:14,725
or interact with the public in any way.
294
00:10:14,827 --> 00:10:16,193
So, what do we do now?
295
00:10:16,261 --> 00:10:20,063
Um, it says here
I'm supposed to call the police.
296
00:10:25,804 --> 00:10:27,137
Good news.
297
00:10:27,239 --> 00:10:29,239
I figured out what can set me
apart for the interview tomorrow.
298
00:10:29,308 --> 00:10:31,141
I'm glad someone
has their life figured out,
299
00:10:31,243 --> 00:10:33,910
because I have never felt more lost.
300
00:10:33,979 --> 00:10:35,779
I just came from a career counselor...
301
00:10:35,848 --> 00:10:37,180
Let me just head this off.
302
00:10:37,249 --> 00:10:39,549
Parents don't come to their kids
with problems.
303
00:10:39,651 --> 00:10:41,318
We don't see you as real people.
304
00:10:41,420 --> 00:10:42,419
Who needs a job
305
00:10:42,521 --> 00:10:44,654
when being a mother is so rewarding?
306
00:10:44,723 --> 00:10:46,189
Uh-huh. Back to me.
307
00:10:46,258 --> 00:10:49,593
It would help with my interview
if I came from a troubled home.
308
00:10:49,695 --> 00:10:52,763
Do you mind if I put you under
a 72-hour psychiatric hold?
309
00:10:52,831 --> 00:10:55,232
Yes, I mind!
310
00:10:55,334 --> 00:10:57,868
Oliver, you don't need all these tricks.
311
00:10:57,936 --> 00:11:00,237
You are a smart, driven kid,
312
00:11:00,339 --> 00:11:01,471
and I have no doubt
313
00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:03,673
that you're going to get in
on your own merits.
314
00:11:03,776 --> 00:11:05,375
Okay, Greg.
315
00:11:08,213 --> 00:11:10,614
Taylor, I just want to say,
you're my hero.
316
00:11:10,716 --> 00:11:11,882
Thank you!
317
00:11:11,984 --> 00:11:13,150
I mean, when Mom sees
318
00:11:13,218 --> 00:11:15,085
that you let me get my ears
pierced against her wishes,
319
00:11:15,187 --> 00:11:16,586
she's gonna go crazy
320
00:11:16,688 --> 00:11:18,755
and add another 500 things
to that list of yours.
321
00:11:18,824 --> 00:11:19,823
You think?
322
00:11:19,925 --> 00:11:21,224
Definitely.
323
00:11:21,326 --> 00:11:22,259
But you don't care.
324
00:11:22,361 --> 00:11:23,693
- I don't?
- No.
325
00:11:23,762 --> 00:11:25,328
And she's gonna ground you forever.
326
00:11:25,397 --> 00:11:27,431
But I have that party I'm
going to with Trip on Saturday.
327
00:11:27,499 --> 00:11:28,498
Not anymore.
328
00:11:29,701 --> 00:11:31,802
Okay, new plan...
we're going to hide your ears.
329
00:11:31,904 --> 00:11:33,437
For how long?
330
00:11:33,539 --> 00:11:34,538
Until I go to college.
331
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,339
That could easily be never!
332
00:11:47,119 --> 00:11:49,086
- Hey!
- Here you go.
333
00:11:49,140 --> 00:11:50,153
Thank you so much.
334
00:11:50,222 --> 00:11:52,122
And again, please don't
tell Chloe about this.
335
00:11:52,191 --> 00:11:54,424
Also, could you ask Greg
to get me a clean cup of urine?
336
00:11:55,260 --> 00:11:56,632
She tests my sugar levels.
337
00:11:56,671 --> 00:11:58,128
- Sure.
- Thanks.
338
00:11:58,230 --> 00:12:00,430
Most people would be annoyed,
339
00:12:00,499 --> 00:12:03,700
but feeding Stan is actually
giving my life a purpose
340
00:12:03,802 --> 00:12:05,669
because it combines
two of my favorite things...
341
00:12:05,771 --> 00:12:06,736
cooking...
342
00:12:06,839 --> 00:12:08,572
Who's the best? You are!
343
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,807
...and messing with Chloe
behind her back.
344
00:12:10,909 --> 00:12:13,844
Oh, I feel a swagger walk coming on.
345
00:12:19,551 --> 00:12:21,785
I thought you were supposed to
get a cool-kid makeover.
346
00:12:21,887 --> 00:12:23,320
What's with the dumb hat?
347
00:12:23,388 --> 00:12:25,088
The lady who bought the banana skirt
348
00:12:25,190 --> 00:12:27,290
should really stay out
of these conversations.
349
00:12:29,628 --> 00:12:30,727
Hey, you.
350
00:12:30,829 --> 00:12:32,262
Here you go.
351
00:12:32,364 --> 00:12:33,363
Thank you.
352
00:12:33,432 --> 00:12:34,931
Hopefully one day,
I'll be able to eat this
353
00:12:35,033 --> 00:12:37,067
when I'm not cowering in the
garage next to the water heater.
354
00:12:40,606 --> 00:12:42,405
Stan! Why aren't you picking up?!
355
00:12:42,508 --> 00:12:43,540
Ugh!
356
00:12:45,744 --> 00:12:47,043
Maria!
357
00:12:48,447 --> 00:12:50,313
He's going over to Katie's again.
358
00:12:50,415 --> 00:12:52,282
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
359
00:12:52,384 --> 00:12:54,317
Maybe Stan is just
hanging out with Greg.
360
00:12:54,419 --> 00:12:56,520
Greg works, Maria. Unlike you.
361
00:12:56,622 --> 00:12:57,921
But I am working.
362
00:12:58,023 --> 00:12:59,289
Working to make me angry!
363
00:12:59,391 --> 00:13:00,657
Now move!
364
00:13:03,262 --> 00:13:05,128
Look at you, nibbling on those crackers
365
00:13:05,230 --> 00:13:06,363
like a little rat.
366
00:13:06,465 --> 00:13:07,664
Hmm.
367
00:13:09,034 --> 00:13:11,535
I'm surprised at how clean
you keep this car.
368
00:13:11,637 --> 00:13:12,602
Thank you.
369
00:13:12,704 --> 00:13:14,638
It's like you have pride in it
or something.
370
00:13:14,740 --> 00:13:15,572
Hmm.
371
00:13:19,978 --> 00:13:21,878
Twice in a day, Maria?
372
00:13:21,980 --> 00:13:23,914
I haven't done it
twice in a day with him
373
00:13:24,016 --> 00:13:26,116
since Fathers' Day fell on his birthday.
374
00:13:26,141 --> 00:13:27,194
Oh, God.
375
00:13:27,219 --> 00:13:29,553
I will not be disrespected like this.
376
00:13:29,655 --> 00:13:31,188
Two can play at this game.
377
00:13:31,290 --> 00:13:33,423
They're both gonna be sorry!
378
00:13:33,525 --> 00:13:35,525
God, look at you. Maria, you're a mess!
379
00:13:35,627 --> 00:13:36,637
Come on, now.
380
00:13:36,662 --> 00:13:38,395
Also, you need a bra with more support.
381
00:13:38,497 --> 00:13:40,430
I think we need an HR department.
382
00:13:40,532 --> 00:13:42,098
I think you need a boob job.
383
00:13:48,472 --> 00:13:50,290
Hello, Greg.
384
00:13:50,345 --> 00:13:51,845
I came as soon as I got
your message. Where's Stan?
385
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:52,946
What about Stan?
386
00:13:53,048 --> 00:13:55,123
Well, you said he tripped
and hit his head.
387
00:13:55,186 --> 00:13:56,567
I made that up.
388
00:13:56,592 --> 00:13:57,984
I don't care about Stan.
389
00:13:58,053 --> 00:13:59,152
I care about you.
390
00:13:59,955 --> 00:14:01,621
The store is closed...
391
00:14:01,723 --> 00:14:03,490
but I'm wide open.
392
00:14:03,559 --> 00:14:04,825
Uh...
393
00:14:04,893 --> 00:14:06,126
Chloe, what are y-you doing?
394
00:14:06,195 --> 00:14:07,594
Hush, child. Don't fight it.
395
00:14:07,663 --> 00:14:09,129
- Fight what?
- Oh, it's okay.
396
00:14:09,198 --> 00:14:10,497
I see the way you look at me.
397
00:14:10,566 --> 00:14:13,033
It's probably because
my left eye is extra round,
398
00:14:13,101 --> 00:14:14,801
so I have some problems
with depth perception.
399
00:14:14,870 --> 00:14:17,938
Mmm. Tell me more about
your physical defects.
400
00:14:18,006 --> 00:14:19,105
- Chloe, stop.
- Oh!
401
00:14:19,208 --> 00:14:20,807
Turn the camera off, Maria!
402
00:14:20,876 --> 00:14:21,942
That's a cut.
403
00:14:22,044 --> 00:14:23,743
What's this... all about?
404
00:14:23,846 --> 00:14:25,412
Revenge, ya big lug.
405
00:14:25,514 --> 00:14:27,113
Stan and Katie are doing it.
406
00:14:27,216 --> 00:14:28,315
That's ridiculous.
407
00:14:28,417 --> 00:14:30,016
Oh, really? Maria, show him.
408
00:14:30,118 --> 00:14:32,586
Look. He's on his way
over there right now.
409
00:14:35,023 --> 00:14:36,156
There's nothing going on.
410
00:14:36,258 --> 00:14:38,725
- Katie's just feeding him lasagna.
- What?!
411
00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:41,294
- He's going over there to eat lasagna?!
- Yeah.
412
00:14:41,363 --> 00:14:43,063
Oh, I'll give him lasagna.
413
00:14:43,131 --> 00:14:44,798
Dirt, coffin floor, Stan,
414
00:14:44,867 --> 00:14:47,601
coffin lid, dirt, neglected grave!
415
00:14:47,669 --> 00:14:49,302
O... kay.
416
00:14:50,539 --> 00:14:52,339
And after my meeting with Suzanne,
417
00:14:52,541 --> 00:14:54,507
I realized it's true...
418
00:14:54,610 --> 00:14:56,877
- I don't work well with others.
- Mm.
419
00:14:56,945 --> 00:14:58,545
I don't know what to do.
420
00:14:58,614 --> 00:15:00,647
Katie, I'd be more than happy
to set up a consultation for you
421
00:15:00,716 --> 00:15:02,215
with my guru in Nepal.
422
00:15:02,284 --> 00:15:04,818
Sounds like a lot of hiking,
to be honest.
423
00:15:05,888 --> 00:15:07,587
Chloe.
424
00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:10,190
You're eating the lasagna
of my sworn enemy?!
425
00:15:10,292 --> 00:15:11,224
How could you?
426
00:15:11,326 --> 00:15:12,459
He's starving.
427
00:15:12,527 --> 00:15:13,693
How'd you know I was here?
428
00:15:13,762 --> 00:15:15,795
I was tracking you on my phone, dummy!
429
00:15:15,898 --> 00:15:17,931
I thought you were cheating on me again.
430
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:21,001
Sweetheart, you have
every reason not to trust me.
431
00:15:21,069 --> 00:15:22,102
I messed up.
432
00:15:22,204 --> 00:15:24,104
But I promise
I will never betray you again.
433
00:15:25,474 --> 00:15:26,539
Really?
434
00:15:26,642 --> 00:15:27,908
The one good thing
to come out of all this
435
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,342
is it helped me realize
how much happier I am
436
00:15:29,444 --> 00:15:30,543
with you in my life.
437
00:15:30,646 --> 00:15:31,945
Ohh!
438
00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:34,648
But, honey, I really need
more than 500 calories a day.
439
00:15:34,750 --> 00:15:35,782
Fine.
440
00:15:35,851 --> 00:15:37,884
I'll bump you up to 800 calories a day.
441
00:15:37,986 --> 00:15:39,052
But no carbs.
442
00:15:39,121 --> 00:15:40,153
- Ugh.
- Really?
443
00:15:40,222 --> 00:15:41,288
- Yes.
- I love you.
444
00:15:41,390 --> 00:15:42,289
I love you, too.
445
00:15:42,391 --> 00:15:43,490
Mmm.
446
00:15:43,592 --> 00:15:45,892
This one loves me, too.
She just won't admit it.
447
00:15:46,828 --> 00:15:48,929
The other Katies are talking.
Let's get out of here.
448
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:55,302
Okay, so, you're not
up for the psychiatric ward.
449
00:15:55,404 --> 00:15:56,569
But how would you feel
450
00:15:56,672 --> 00:15:58,071
about admitting to being
the Zodiac Killer?
451
00:15:58,173 --> 00:15:59,686
No, Oliver!
452
00:15:59,748 --> 00:16:01,041
The dates don't even line up.
453
00:16:01,143 --> 00:16:02,509
No one's doing the math!
454
00:16:05,247 --> 00:16:06,513
What is wrong with him?
455
00:16:06,581 --> 00:16:08,381
He's got a big interview later,
but he thinks
456
00:16:08,450 --> 00:16:10,317
he's not going to get in
because he hasn't had
457
00:16:10,419 --> 00:16:13,586
any discrimination or adversity
to overcome.
458
00:16:13,655 --> 00:16:16,156
Well, what about all of this?
459
00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:19,359
He already made that same joke.
460
00:16:19,428 --> 00:16:21,962
That selfish dope really needs
to get some perspective.
461
00:16:22,030 --> 00:16:23,229
He doesn't know it,
462
00:16:23,298 --> 00:16:26,499
but this program could be
the best thing for him.
463
00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:28,435
He just needs to stand out a little.
464
00:16:30,939 --> 00:16:32,539
Why are you looking at us like that?
465
00:16:32,641 --> 00:16:36,209
Oh. She's picking up
on our sexual tension.
466
00:16:36,311 --> 00:16:37,777
Okay. Okay, Dor.
467
00:16:37,879 --> 00:16:39,346
I... You know what?
468
00:16:41,616 --> 00:16:43,950
Great. Thank you so much. Bye.
469
00:16:44,052 --> 00:16:46,553
Hi. I'm Oliver Otto.
470
00:16:46,621 --> 00:16:48,755
I just wanted to say
I'm so excited by the prospect
471
00:16:48,824 --> 00:16:50,824
of being part of
such an important organization.
472
00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:52,158
Hi. I'm Oliver's Mom.
473
00:16:52,260 --> 00:16:54,027
- Hello!
- Oliver!
474
00:16:54,129 --> 00:16:55,929
Oh. Well, one of my moms.
475
00:16:56,031 --> 00:16:57,664
- Hi!
- Oh!
476
00:16:57,766 --> 00:16:59,099
Very nice to meet you.
477
00:16:59,201 --> 00:17:00,133
Nice to meet you, too!
478
00:17:00,235 --> 00:17:01,334
- Hi.
- Hey.
479
00:17:01,903 --> 00:17:03,636
What? No kiss for your wife?
480
00:17:03,705 --> 00:17:05,638
Oliver, tell your mother to kiss me.
481
00:17:11,980 --> 00:17:13,079
Okay.
482
00:17:13,181 --> 00:17:14,514
See? Pretty great, right?
483
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:15,315
Not really.
484
00:17:15,384 --> 00:17:16,649
I'm out of here.
485
00:17:16,752 --> 00:17:17,617
Bye.
486
00:17:17,686 --> 00:17:19,953
Angela, you know I can't quit you!
487
00:17:21,189 --> 00:17:23,189
It's from "Brokeback Mountain"
'cause... we're gay.
488
00:17:24,292 --> 00:17:25,058
Hey!!
489
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:26,826
You are a terrible wife!
490
00:17:26,928 --> 00:17:29,562
I come from a troubled,
biracial, lesbian home.
491
00:17:30,399 --> 00:17:32,098
But I've developed emotional tools
492
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:33,333
to help me deal with it.
493
00:17:35,604 --> 00:17:37,404
It was fun cooking for Stan.
494
00:17:37,506 --> 00:17:38,671
Took my mind off the fact
495
00:17:38,774 --> 00:17:41,041
that I can't find something
to do with my life.
496
00:17:41,109 --> 00:17:42,609
Oh, honey, you can...
497
00:17:42,711 --> 00:17:43,843
Moth!
498
00:17:43,945 --> 00:17:45,278
I got it. I got it!
499
00:17:45,380 --> 00:17:46,780
Get it!
500
00:17:49,651 --> 00:17:51,017
- Oh, hey, Trip.
- Hey, Mr. A.
501
00:17:51,086 --> 00:17:52,652
I'm here to pick up Taylor
for the party.
502
00:17:52,721 --> 00:17:54,387
Taylor, Trip's here!
503
00:17:58,527 --> 00:18:00,026
Daisy earrings?
504
00:18:00,128 --> 00:18:01,628
What is the occasion?
505
00:18:01,730 --> 00:18:03,296
Oh, I got my ears pierced with Anna-Kat
506
00:18:03,398 --> 00:18:04,731
to show her it was no big deal.
507
00:18:05,967 --> 00:18:07,567
I'm gonna let the holes close up,
508
00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:10,003
but I just wanted to feel pretty
for a little while.
509
00:18:11,773 --> 00:18:14,707
What... did you do?
510
00:18:17,646 --> 00:18:19,446
Taylor! What the hell?!
511
00:18:19,514 --> 00:18:20,413
It's not a big deal!
512
00:18:20,515 --> 00:18:21,414
It is a big deal!
513
00:18:21,483 --> 00:18:22,916
Your job was to get her new clothes,
514
00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:24,784
not poke holes in her head!
515
00:18:24,886 --> 00:18:26,152
Trip, Taylor is not
going anywhere tonight.
516
00:18:26,254 --> 00:18:27,087
Wait a second.
517
00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:28,588
You said to use my best judgment,
518
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:30,290
and that's exactly what I did.
519
00:18:30,392 --> 00:18:32,158
Remember when you wouldn't
let me dye my hair blond
520
00:18:32,260 --> 00:18:33,259
but I did it anyway?
521
00:18:33,328 --> 00:18:34,928
Guess what... not only
did I fit in better,
522
00:18:34,996 --> 00:18:36,463
but it made me way more confident.
523
00:18:36,565 --> 00:18:37,630
It's not the same!
524
00:18:37,732 --> 00:18:39,299
It's almost exactly the same!
525
00:18:39,367 --> 00:18:40,667
Now Anna-Kat has something in common
526
00:18:40,769 --> 00:18:42,068
with all the girls in her new class!
527
00:18:42,137 --> 00:18:44,471
Plus, I'm not afraid of needles anymore,
528
00:18:44,539 --> 00:18:46,940
so you don't have to
strap me down at the doctor.
529
00:18:49,377 --> 00:18:51,444
Do you like my earrings?
530
00:18:51,513 --> 00:18:53,012
They're ladybugs.
531
00:18:56,585 --> 00:18:58,318
They're really pretty, Anna-Kat.
532
00:18:59,788 --> 00:19:02,856
It might not have been
what I would have done,
533
00:19:02,924 --> 00:19:05,046
but you used your best judgment.
534
00:19:06,194 --> 00:19:08,094
You can cross it off your list.
535
00:19:09,097 --> 00:19:11,030
So, I can go to the party?
536
00:19:13,135 --> 00:19:14,100
Have fun.
537
00:19:14,169 --> 00:19:15,668
Thanks, Mom.
538
00:19:17,305 --> 00:19:19,606
Hey, Trip, before you go,
you want to go upstairs
539
00:19:19,674 --> 00:19:22,008
and play "Who wore it best"
with these ladybug earrings?
540
00:19:22,110 --> 00:19:24,110
Oh, yeah. You're goin' down.
541
00:19:31,653 --> 00:19:34,241
Hey, Katie. We had a great time
the other night.
542
00:19:34,266 --> 00:19:35,286
Just ask her.
543
00:19:35,311 --> 00:19:36,389
Be cool!
544
00:19:36,491 --> 00:19:39,082
Um, Stan said you might have
some leftover lasagna?
545
00:19:39,152 --> 00:19:40,760
I've honestly never tasted
anything so good.
546
00:19:40,862 --> 00:19:42,529
It was like being back
in my grandmother's kitchen,
547
00:19:42,631 --> 00:19:45,098
except you're not ranting
about how you miss Mussolini.
548
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,433
You guys! I'm flattered.
549
00:19:47,536 --> 00:19:49,669
Unfortunately, I'm all out.
550
00:19:49,771 --> 00:19:51,237
Stan had the last of it today.
551
00:19:51,339 --> 00:19:52,505
We'll pay you to make another one.
552
00:19:52,607 --> 00:19:53,640
- How much?
- 30 bucks?
553
00:19:53,742 --> 00:19:54,841
- 50.
- Deal.
554
00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:57,377
Okay. Come back in three hours.
555
00:19:57,479 --> 00:19:58,611
What do you want to do?
556
00:19:58,713 --> 00:20:00,380
Donuts in my ex-wife's cul-de-sac?
557
00:20:00,482 --> 00:20:01,614
- Fun.
- Yeah.
558
00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:04,551
Hang on.
559
00:20:04,653 --> 00:20:07,754
- Am I about to get paid for my lasagna?
- It looks like it.
560
00:20:07,856 --> 00:20:09,389
Is this a crazy idea?
561
00:20:09,491 --> 00:20:11,157
Could I make this a home business?
562
00:20:11,259 --> 00:20:12,926
You absolutely could. You love cooking.
563
00:20:13,028 --> 00:20:14,663
I'd be my own boss.
564
00:20:14,733 --> 00:20:16,062
I could make my own hours.
565
00:20:16,164 --> 00:20:18,231
I wouldn't have to manage
or be managed by others.
566
00:20:18,333 --> 00:20:19,966
You could wear pajamas at work.
567
00:20:20,068 --> 00:20:21,801
That's always been my dream.
568
00:20:29,735 --> 00:20:31,197
Well, hey. How'd it go today?
569
00:20:31,275 --> 00:20:32,806
I got accepted.
570
00:20:32,876 --> 00:20:35,579
- That's great!
- That's amazing, honey!
571
00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:38,806
- Who knew two diverse...
- Ah, ch-ch-ch!
572
00:20:38,908 --> 00:20:41,095
- ...bickering lesbian moms...
- Ch-ch-ch!
573
00:20:41,205 --> 00:20:42,512
...was my ticket in?
574
00:20:44,070 --> 00:20:45,682
Katie, what did you do?
575
00:20:47,483 --> 00:20:50,052
I did something wrong...
576
00:20:50,085 --> 00:20:51,987
for the right reasons.
577
00:20:52,021 --> 00:20:53,671
Well, I guess that's an improvement.
578
00:20:53,718 --> 00:20:56,492
Usually, you do the wrong thing
for the wrong reasons.
579
00:20:56,559 --> 00:20:58,257
- I'm growing.
- Mm.
580
00:20:58,319 --> 00:20:59,878
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
41338
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