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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:34,023 --> 00:02:37,113 [man on TV] Win a trip for 12 to anywhere in the free world. 2 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:41,073 Or win a working oil well and have money flowing in for years. 3 00:02:41,117 --> 00:02:44,729 That's the grand prize in Dial Soap's big contest. 4 00:02:44,773 --> 00:02:47,776 Write a two line jingle starting, "I'm glad I use Dial..." 5 00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:50,213 The last word in both lines must rhyme. 6 00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:54,261 For example, "I'm glad I use Dial..." 7 00:02:54,304 --> 00:02:59,179 [man] Put it across the plate. Jesus Christ, you idiot. 8 00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:01,529 There once was a time, believe it or not, 9 00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:04,706 when skill and a reasonable amount of luck, 10 00:03:04,749 --> 00:03:08,492 could actually feed a family of 12. 11 00:03:08,536 --> 00:03:11,495 Come on! Strike 'em out, you sorry, dog-faced bastard! Play ball! 12 00:03:11,539 --> 00:03:14,368 Contesting, if you haven't heard of it, 13 00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:17,893 was a lucrative way for overworked housewives to use their underused wits. 14 00:03:17,936 --> 00:03:19,677 [typing] 15 00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:22,680 It wasn't that I was any more gifted than your average contester, 16 00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:25,248 I was simply more determined. 17 00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:28,425 I was so prolific, in fact, that I borrowed my children's names 18 00:03:28,469 --> 00:03:30,732 so that I could submit more than one entry. 19 00:03:30,775 --> 00:03:34,039 This was a perfectly legal tactic in the contesting world, 20 00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:37,826 and as far as I could see, one of the advantages of having so many kids. 21 00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:42,918 [baby crying] 22 00:03:42,961 --> 00:03:47,444 My creative output usually corresponded directly to our needs. 23 00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:50,273 - Hey, Mom. Toaster's broke. - Broken. 24 00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:52,754 All right. Hold on. 25 00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:56,453 "Kraft's Parkay won't tear fresh bread. 26 00:03:56,497 --> 00:03:59,456 Even ice cold, it will smoothly spread." 27 00:04:04,896 --> 00:04:07,421 - Here you go, honey. - Thanks, Mom. 28 00:04:07,464 --> 00:04:11,729 [woman] Small household adversities were my steady inspiration. 29 00:04:11,773 --> 00:04:15,080 But whenever fate handed one of my kids an unfair blow, 30 00:04:15,124 --> 00:04:17,822 it would set my muse on fire. 31 00:04:17,866 --> 00:04:20,825 [baby cooing] 32 00:04:20,869 --> 00:04:23,306 [children talking] 33 00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:25,787 - Mom. - What, honey? 34 00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:27,789 The landlord's here. 35 00:04:27,832 --> 00:04:30,270 Oh, hello, Mr. Stubbs. Come on in. 36 00:04:32,924 --> 00:04:34,578 [car horn honks] 37 00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:38,060 [children] Dad! Hey, Dad! 38 00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:48,853 - [man] Come on, let me out. - Dad, Dad! 39 00:04:48,897 --> 00:04:51,421 - We're being evicted. - Oh, yeah? 40 00:04:51,465 --> 00:04:55,860 The landlord came by, says he wants the house back. His daughter's getting married. 41 00:04:55,904 --> 00:04:58,080 - How long do we have? - [boy] Three weeks. 42 00:04:58,123 --> 00:05:01,779 - What are we gonna do? - Don't you worry, sweetheart. 43 00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:04,347 Mom will always figure something out. 44 00:05:04,391 --> 00:05:06,871 - Do you know the capital of Alaska? - No. 45 00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:10,222 - Juno... get it? [chuckles] - Oh, yeah. Good one. 46 00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:12,181 - [baby cooing] - Hello, Mother. 47 00:05:12,224 --> 00:05:14,183 Hello, Dad. I suppose you heard? 48 00:05:14,226 --> 00:05:16,446 Yep. Can't seem to catch a break. 49 00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:19,057 [baby laughs] 50 00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:21,625 Here, I brought you something. 51 00:05:21,669 --> 00:05:24,541 - Thank you, Dad. - Don't choke up so much on the bat. 52 00:05:24,585 --> 00:05:26,587 - [boy] All right, Dad. - Attaboy. 53 00:05:51,742 --> 00:05:54,179 Mom, Mom! The men are here to kick us out! 54 00:05:54,223 --> 00:05:57,531 Mom! 55 00:06:00,969 --> 00:06:02,318 May I help you? 56 00:06:03,711 --> 00:06:05,756 - Mrs. Ryan? - Yes. 57 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,323 Is your son, Dick, here? 58 00:06:08,455 --> 00:06:10,935 This is Dick. What is this about? 59 00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:12,981 Congratulations, son. 60 00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:16,419 - You've just won $5,000. - I did? 61 00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:20,031 I'm Mr. Forrest, this is Mr. Bravey and Mr. Kramer of the Western Auto Supply Company. 62 00:06:20,075 --> 00:06:23,295 Out of 65,000 entries in our national bike contest, 63 00:06:23,339 --> 00:06:24,862 you have won the grand prize. 64 00:06:24,906 --> 00:06:28,213 - Oh, my goodness. - And that's not all. 65 00:06:28,257 --> 00:06:32,870 You've won a brand new Western Fire bicycle and a Westinghouse washer and dryer. 66 00:06:32,914 --> 00:06:36,439 - A washing machine? Oh, my lord. - [Forrest] That's right. 67 00:06:36,483 --> 00:06:38,485 [Forrest] Mrs. Ryan, are you all right? 68 00:06:38,528 --> 00:06:41,705 I just have to sit down and have myself a happy cry. 69 00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:48,451 [children] Dad! We won! Yay, we won! 70 00:06:50,192 --> 00:06:52,890 Dad, we won $5,000! 71 00:06:52,934 --> 00:06:55,893 - You're kidding. - Isn't it marvelous? 72 00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:59,027 - It's awesome! - I told you everything would turn out OK. 73 00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:01,725 Congratulations, Kelly. You got quite a wife there. 74 00:07:01,769 --> 00:07:03,640 Yep, looks like she got lucky. 75 00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:06,295 Dad, Mom says she's gonna put the money down on a new house. 76 00:07:06,338 --> 00:07:09,211 - Oh, yeah? - Looks like you're the one who got lucky. 77 00:07:09,254 --> 00:07:12,823 Oh, now, Kelly was all set to do it, I just beat him to the punch. 78 00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:15,043 [man] Alrighty. 79 00:07:15,086 --> 00:07:17,654 Just need you to sign Dick's check over 80 00:07:17,698 --> 00:07:19,308 to Defiance Home Saving and Loan. 81 00:07:19,351 --> 00:07:21,049 - Does it matter which one of us...? - Nope. 82 00:07:21,092 --> 00:07:23,312 Whoever is over 21. 83 00:07:23,355 --> 00:07:26,446 Although, you don't look a day over 19, Mrs. Ryan. 84 00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:29,492 Well, in that case, I'd better sign it. 85 00:07:37,805 --> 00:07:39,197 Here you go. 86 00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:41,983 Okey-doke. 87 00:07:42,026 --> 00:07:44,464 And, now the mortgage papers... 88 00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:46,814 You need both our signatures, is that correct? 89 00:07:46,857 --> 00:07:48,337 Some married couples like to do that. 90 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,861 But it's really not necessary. 91 00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:54,386 And, after all, I'm the guy who has to pay the mortgage, 92 00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:56,606 seems I'm the only one who needs to sign it. 93 00:07:56,650 --> 00:07:59,348 And since the bank account's under my name... 94 00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:01,132 Sure, that's how most folks do it. 95 00:08:01,176 --> 00:08:03,831 Well, that seems right to me. 96 00:08:03,874 --> 00:08:06,703 [clears throat] Well, I guess it's all on me then. 97 00:08:06,747 --> 00:08:10,098 Unless Mother here wants to start... 98 00:08:10,141 --> 00:08:11,578 ...punching in at the shop. 99 00:08:11,621 --> 00:08:13,710 Only if you'll do the ironing, Dad. 100 00:08:13,754 --> 00:08:17,366 [banker laughs] We just need your John Hancock right there. 101 00:08:17,409 --> 00:08:20,021 [Kelly] "Kelly... 102 00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:22,327 ...Ryan." 103 00:08:22,371 --> 00:08:26,114 Well, congratulations, Mr. Ryan. 104 00:08:26,157 --> 00:08:29,509 - You are a homeowner, sir. - Thank you. 105 00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:39,040 [Kelly] All right, watch that curb. 106 00:08:39,083 --> 00:08:41,129 - [shooting noises] - [baby crying] 107 00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:45,046 [laughing] 108 00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:47,135 Ooh. 109 00:08:47,178 --> 00:08:50,834 Oh, my goodness. Is that what I won? 110 00:08:50,878 --> 00:08:53,750 - Yes, ma'am. - [Mrs. Ryan] They're just beautiful. 111 00:08:53,794 --> 00:08:55,535 - Watch out. - Excuse me, sir. 112 00:08:55,578 --> 00:08:57,275 [Mrs. Ryan] Can you believe it? 113 00:08:57,319 --> 00:08:59,930 No more boiling diapers on top of the stove. 114 00:08:59,974 --> 00:09:03,412 Yep, gonna miss it. It made a nice soup. 115 00:09:03,455 --> 00:09:05,153 Oh, the cost of modern living. 116 00:09:05,196 --> 00:09:07,068 Excuse us. We're looking for Mrs. E. Ryan. 117 00:09:07,111 --> 00:09:09,853 - There. - Oh, hello. I'm up here. 118 00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:11,463 This is your new deep freeze home freezer. 119 00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:13,291 [Mrs. Ryan] Mikey, honey, get down. 120 00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:15,946 "Ask any Eskimo and they'll say, 121 00:09:15,990 --> 00:09:18,166 frozen keeps the freshness in every day." 122 00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:21,865 Oh, my gosh. I forgot all about that one. When it rains, it pours. 123 00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:23,214 Down, down, down. 124 00:09:23,258 --> 00:09:24,433 Well, bring it on in. 125 00:09:25,608 --> 00:09:27,044 [Dick] How's it going, Pop? 126 00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:30,134 Don't make your old man carry this couch. 127 00:09:30,178 --> 00:09:32,572 Come on. 128 00:09:35,749 --> 00:09:39,491 [Dick] OK, on the count of three. One, two, three. 129 00:09:39,535 --> 00:09:41,885 Tuff, keep that cat out of the house. 130 00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:49,327 - What are you doing, huh? - [baby cooing] 131 00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:51,329 Here. 132 00:09:51,373 --> 00:09:53,723 A little bit of this, heh? 133 00:09:53,767 --> 00:09:55,507 - [cooing] - Good? 134 00:09:55,551 --> 00:09:58,946 - [music plays on radio] - [birds singing] 135 00:09:58,989 --> 00:10:01,513 - [baby babbles] - Dad, 136 00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:04,995 isn't this the biggest freezer you ever seen in your life? 137 00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:06,649 It's like the ones in the restaurants. 138 00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:09,870 The delivery man told me it would hold two sides of beef. 139 00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:13,351 Seems like overkill to me. 140 00:10:13,395 --> 00:10:16,703 Besides, it's dangerous. A kid could fall in there and suffocate. 141 00:10:16,746 --> 00:10:20,794 - No, we won't, Dad. - I don't want to have to say I told you so. 142 00:10:20,837 --> 00:10:23,013 - I'd like to keep it. - What the heck for? 143 00:10:23,057 --> 00:10:25,973 Do know how much electricity this thing will eat? 144 00:10:26,016 --> 00:10:27,975 Well, it inspires me. It's something to be filled. 145 00:10:28,018 --> 00:10:29,585 Well, good luck with that. 146 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,414 Even Howard Hughes couldn't fill that thing. 147 00:10:32,457 --> 00:10:34,198 Looks like we got plenty in it all ready. 148 00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:39,682 - [laughing] Only dishes, but there's something in there. - Yeah. 149 00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:41,902 - That'll take up some of the room, at least. - Mm-hmm. 150 00:10:41,945 --> 00:10:45,993 - [baby crying] - [rhythmic] Oh, oh, oh. 151 00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:47,908 [man on radio] The Red Sox, three, Cleveland, two. 152 00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:50,606 [Kelly] Oh! For God's sakes! 153 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,435 Bunch of bums, is what you are. 154 00:10:53,478 --> 00:10:57,178 - Bunch of bums. - [radio] The bases are loaded. 155 00:10:57,221 --> 00:11:00,007 Writing a winning entry not only requires a modicum of wit, 156 00:11:00,050 --> 00:11:03,967 it also requires careful product focus. 157 00:11:04,011 --> 00:11:07,797 Notice that I have not one, but two brand names I need to use. 158 00:11:07,841 --> 00:11:10,060 You want to know where this is headed? 159 00:11:10,104 --> 00:11:12,541 Niagara Falls, straight down. 160 00:11:12,584 --> 00:11:14,978 Here's what I have so far. 161 00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:17,024 "Wide selections, priced to please her. 162 00:11:17,067 --> 00:11:20,070 Scads of Seabrook's in their freezer. 163 00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:22,333 Warmth that scorns the impersonal trend. 164 00:11:22,377 --> 00:11:25,859 Stamps Big Chief is the housewife's friend." 165 00:11:25,902 --> 00:11:28,992 Mom, I left my spelling book in the kitchen. 166 00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:30,733 [Kelly muttering] 167 00:11:30,777 --> 00:11:33,475 All right, honey. 168 00:11:33,518 --> 00:11:36,652 - [radio] Strike two. - Damn it. 169 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:40,090 - Where is it? - [Kelly] What's the matter with you? 170 00:11:40,134 --> 00:11:42,832 - Who's ahead? - The Red Sox. 171 00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:45,748 All right. 172 00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:48,577 Come on, you moron. Hit the ball! 173 00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:52,581 [radio] ...gets the sign... on third... 174 00:11:52,624 --> 00:11:54,322 ...here's the pitch... 175 00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:56,585 Cold! Strike three. 176 00:11:56,628 --> 00:12:00,328 God damn it to holy fucking hell! 177 00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:04,332 You're killing us, you stupid bastard! 178 00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:08,336 - [man] Hey, shut up over there! - You shut up! 179 00:12:08,379 --> 00:12:10,817 [man] This is a family neighborhood. Clean up your mouth. 180 00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:14,342 [Kelly] I'll clean you up! Who are, the pope? 181 00:12:14,385 --> 00:12:16,779 [man] Oh, for crying out loud. I can't believe we got... 182 00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:20,957 God damn piece of shit! 183 00:12:23,220 --> 00:12:25,135 Where you trying to go with that, Kelly? 184 00:12:25,179 --> 00:12:27,877 This goddamn thing is too big for this goddamn house! 185 00:12:27,921 --> 00:12:31,141 You're gonna hurt your back. Why don't you wait until morning? 186 00:12:31,185 --> 00:12:34,362 I want this goddamn thing out of the house right now! 187 00:12:34,405 --> 00:12:37,408 I want it out! I want it out! 188 00:12:37,452 --> 00:12:40,803 - I never wanted it! - All right, I'll see what I can do. 189 00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:46,374 [Kelly screaming] 190 00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:59,735 - [radio] So enjoy... - [Kelly panting] 191 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:02,259 The clean, tangy taste of Dr. Pepper. 192 00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:06,046 - [Dick] Nice try. - Sorry, Mrs. Bidlack 193 00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:08,831 Watch it. 194 00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:13,009 - [police radio indistinct] - Maybe we should talk on the radio. 195 00:13:16,186 --> 00:13:19,929 [baby crying] 196 00:13:23,237 --> 00:13:26,327 [Kelly] Indians. I can't believe the Indians... 197 00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:30,853 - [officer 1] Problem is they got no clean-up batter. - [officer 2] Clean up what? 198 00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:33,856 Half the team's in a slump. Best move to make is get rid of that manager. 199 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:36,424 You can't blame the manager, pitching, I'm telling you... 200 00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:39,862 - [Kelly] What a world. - [officer 1] Yeah. There's always... 201 00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:42,778 - We're gonna take off now. - OK, take it easy. 202 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:46,216 Hey, thanks, Tim, appreciate it. 203 00:13:48,697 --> 00:13:50,873 He won't give you any more trouble. 204 00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:53,049 Best thing to do is let him sleep it off. 205 00:13:57,053 --> 00:13:59,447 [officer 2] Hey, Dick, how's the pitching arm? 206 00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:01,884 - Playing for a no-hitter next season? - You bet. 207 00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:03,190 Go get 'em, kiddo. 208 00:14:11,241 --> 00:14:13,940 Here you go, Mother. I made this for you. 209 00:14:13,983 --> 00:14:16,594 Thank you, Dad. 210 00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:19,946 [sighs] I'm tired. 211 00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:23,427 - Pajamas are on the bed. - Thank you. 212 00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:33,916 [Dick] Mom? 213 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,918 Father McCague's here. 214 00:14:39,835 --> 00:14:42,142 [McCague] I don't think that you need to worry. 215 00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:45,145 I'm sure that he's learned his lesson. 216 00:14:45,188 --> 00:14:48,278 This has been going on for a very long time. 217 00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:52,500 Every night he drinks a six pack and a pint of whiskey. 218 00:14:52,543 --> 00:14:55,198 By the end of the week, there's nothing left of his paycheck. 219 00:14:55,242 --> 00:14:56,939 It's all gone to the liquor store. 220 00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:59,420 Kelly has a big family to take care of. 221 00:14:59,463 --> 00:15:03,076 I'm sure he's carrying around the weight of the world. 222 00:15:05,513 --> 00:15:08,864 But, the more he drinks, the less he is able to pay the bills, 223 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,953 which is one of the reasons he's so unhappy. 224 00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:13,173 But it's up to you, you see, 225 00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:17,220 - to make him a good home. - But I... But I do. 226 00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:20,310 Well, you'll have to try a little harder. 227 00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:27,535 [sighs] No one says that life is easy, Evelyn. 228 00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:35,847 Thank you for coming by, Father. 229 00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:42,506 Yes, indeed. Indeed. Indeed. 230 00:15:51,428 --> 00:15:54,823 Are you being obedient and saying all your prayers? 231 00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:57,347 Yes, Father. 232 00:15:57,391 --> 00:16:01,090 Good boy. I'll see you in church. 233 00:16:05,790 --> 00:16:09,229 His breath smells like Dad's. 234 00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:13,320 Well, maybe that's why Father likes to use so much incense. 235 00:16:13,363 --> 00:16:18,020 - [train whistling] - All right, kids. 236 00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:21,328 Let's go to bed. I'm tired of this day. 237 00:16:21,371 --> 00:16:23,286 I need a new one. 238 00:16:23,330 --> 00:16:25,375 [Evelyn] If I may pause in the story for a moment, 239 00:16:25,419 --> 00:16:27,160 I'd like to briefly explain my marriage. 240 00:16:28,813 --> 00:16:31,120 As an aspiring young scribe, I was a resident wit 241 00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:33,122 for the Sherwood Weekly Chronicle. 242 00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:35,559 Queen Elizabeth, they say, invented ladies stockings. 243 00:16:35,603 --> 00:16:38,867 Since her time, they've covered a multitude of shins. 244 00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:41,087 Evelyn, that's top notch. 245 00:16:41,130 --> 00:16:43,872 [Evelyn] I had potential, as they say. 246 00:16:43,915 --> 00:16:48,137 I was also in sore need of adventure. 247 00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:51,053 And Kelly Ryan was loads of fun. 248 00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:52,968 [laughing] 249 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:57,190 [Kelly] ♪ The blues of the world 250 00:16:57,233 --> 00:17:00,410 ♪ Just singing a song 251 00:17:00,454 --> 00:17:05,589 ♪ Just singing a song 252 00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:08,114 [Evelyn] He loved music as much as I loved words. 253 00:17:08,157 --> 00:17:11,378 And we were just the perfect match. 254 00:17:11,421 --> 00:17:14,729 - [music playing] - [Evelyn giggling] 255 00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:25,957 - [siren blares] - [Evelyn] Then one night, Kelly's career as a crooner 256 00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:28,438 came to a terrible end. 257 00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:31,963 [gurgling] 258 00:17:33,704 --> 00:17:36,707 And so, our life in Defiance began... 259 00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:41,886 ...where my husband joined the ranks of ordinary men. 260 00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:45,020 [machinery clanking] 261 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,853 So if he seems unhelpful at times, 262 00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:53,855 or selfish or mean, 263 00:17:53,898 --> 00:17:58,120 please remember that he lost his voice, 264 00:17:58,164 --> 00:18:00,775 while I kept mine. 265 00:18:00,818 --> 00:18:03,734 [Mike] Bang, bang. 266 00:18:03,778 --> 00:18:07,434 [Evelyn] Here you go, Dick. There's a soldier on this glass, look at that. 267 00:18:07,477 --> 00:18:10,959 - Who's winning the battle? - [Mike mumbles] 268 00:18:11,002 --> 00:18:13,875 [girls talking] 269 00:18:13,918 --> 00:18:15,746 Drink your milk, baby. 270 00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:18,053 Morning, Mother. Morning, kids. 271 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,142 Morning, Dad. 272 00:18:20,186 --> 00:18:24,059 What do you say I fix everyone some pancakes? 273 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:27,758 You can't. We're out of milk. I need some money, by the way. 274 00:18:27,802 --> 00:18:31,545 Uh, how about some coffee? You guys are old enough. 275 00:18:31,588 --> 00:18:33,677 - No, thanks. - No. 276 00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:40,031 Who the heck did this? One of you kids? 277 00:18:40,075 --> 00:18:42,033 You did, Daddy. 278 00:18:42,077 --> 00:18:45,689 No, siree. I think it was... 279 00:18:45,733 --> 00:18:49,650 - ...you. - No, I did not. 280 00:18:49,693 --> 00:18:52,479 [chuckles] Yeah. 281 00:18:52,522 --> 00:18:56,439 Well, can't sell it now. Looks like we're stuck with it. 282 00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:58,833 Ah, it seems like we are. 283 00:18:58,876 --> 00:19:00,443 How about I take up hunting, 284 00:19:00,487 --> 00:19:02,445 fill that thing full of duck and deer? 285 00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:04,317 No, Daddy! 286 00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,928 You don't like that idea, OK. 287 00:19:06,971 --> 00:19:09,060 Well, how about I just go shoot 288 00:19:09,104 --> 00:19:11,976 some squirrels and little bunny rabbits? 289 00:19:12,020 --> 00:19:14,805 How about you don't spend so much at the liquor store. 290 00:19:24,685 --> 00:19:27,122 Tell you what. 291 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:30,081 Every night, when I come home, 292 00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:33,302 I'll being something from the grocery store. 293 00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:35,174 I'm gonna fill that thing to the very top, 294 00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:37,524 even if it takes me a year. 295 00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:39,090 What do you think of that? 296 00:19:39,134 --> 00:19:42,311 I think that's a wonderful idea. 297 00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:47,490 I gotta go to work so I can bring home the bacon. 298 00:19:47,534 --> 00:19:51,015 - And a porterhouse steak. - Hey, I'm not kidding. 299 00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:53,322 You just watch your old man. 300 00:19:53,366 --> 00:19:55,281 Kelly, I need money for the milkman. 301 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,197 Uh... 302 00:20:05,116 --> 00:20:07,336 That's not enough. 303 00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:09,599 That's all I have. 304 00:20:11,079 --> 00:20:12,646 OK. 305 00:20:12,689 --> 00:20:14,909 [Kelly] Bye, kids. 306 00:20:16,911 --> 00:20:18,478 [boy] Bye, Dad. 307 00:20:20,958 --> 00:20:23,787 How's Dad gonna fill the freezer when he can't pay for the milk? 308 00:20:23,831 --> 00:20:26,181 I have no idea, honey. 309 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:29,402 But at least he has a goal. 310 00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:31,404 [man on TV] Now the moment is here, 311 00:20:31,447 --> 00:20:33,971 when Queen for A Day is happy to make your wish come true. 312 00:20:34,015 --> 00:20:36,322 We're going to the famous Everson-Jennings company 313 00:20:36,365 --> 00:20:39,368 and order one of their sturdy, folding wheelchairs. 314 00:20:39,412 --> 00:20:40,891 - There's a sample. - [applauds] 315 00:20:40,935 --> 00:20:42,850 - [girl] Mommy. - Yes, honey? 316 00:20:44,634 --> 00:20:48,159 Davey messed his diaper and I tried to change him. 317 00:20:48,203 --> 00:20:50,640 Oh, show me. 318 00:20:52,599 --> 00:20:53,730 [baby crying] 319 00:20:53,774 --> 00:20:56,429 Oh, Barbie. 320 00:20:56,472 --> 00:21:00,171 The trick is to hold the baby's legs up while you take the diaper off. 321 00:21:00,215 --> 00:21:03,653 - I got it on my hands. - I know you did, sweetheart. 322 00:21:03,697 --> 00:21:06,308 OK, now, here we go. Follow me. 323 00:21:06,352 --> 00:21:09,398 All right, don't touch anything. Come on, Betsy, you too. 324 00:21:09,442 --> 00:21:13,010 Let's wash your hands. Yeah. Come on, come on. 325 00:21:13,054 --> 00:21:14,708 All right, everybody. Come on. 326 00:21:17,450 --> 00:21:19,756 OK, put your hands under the faucet. 327 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,498 [water running] 328 00:21:22,542 --> 00:21:25,414 - [baby cries] - [Evelyn] Oh. 329 00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:29,200 - [man] Milk delivery! - Just a minute, I'll be right there. 330 00:21:29,244 --> 00:21:32,247 - [baby crying] - Come on, Mrs. Ryan. I've got deliveries to make. 331 00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:34,380 Just a minute, please. 332 00:21:38,079 --> 00:21:40,908 - I'm leaving. - No, you aren't. 333 00:21:43,084 --> 00:21:45,652 I'm on my way. 334 00:21:47,741 --> 00:21:51,005 OK, girls. Stay in the kitchen until I can clean this up. 335 00:21:55,444 --> 00:21:58,012 You know that I got a schedule to keep. 336 00:21:58,055 --> 00:22:00,928 I know you do, Ray. What a life you lead. 337 00:22:00,971 --> 00:22:04,453 - Three dollars. - Um, I'm a little short this week. Can I owe you the rest? 338 00:22:04,497 --> 00:22:07,326 I... I already got three other families on credit this week. 339 00:22:07,369 --> 00:22:10,285 - You know I'm always good for it. - I'm not a bank, you know. 340 00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:14,376 - You could start charging interest. - Don't get smart with me. 341 00:22:14,420 --> 00:22:16,987 - Smart people know their budget. - You're right. 342 00:22:17,031 --> 00:22:19,468 I am. That's why I don't have a problem paying my bills. 343 00:22:19,512 --> 00:22:21,557 Hello, Vernon. Anything for me today? 344 00:22:21,601 --> 00:22:24,691 You want something in life, you got to pay for it, simple as that. 345 00:22:24,734 --> 00:22:26,475 - Here you go, Mrs. Ryan. - Thank you. 346 00:22:26,519 --> 00:22:27,911 - Hey, Ray. - Mmm. 347 00:22:27,955 --> 00:22:29,348 Oh, hold on, hold on. 348 00:22:31,306 --> 00:22:33,526 Oh! How do you like that? 349 00:22:33,569 --> 00:22:36,746 I won two dollars in the poetry contest for The Toledo Blade. 350 00:22:36,790 --> 00:22:37,573 There you go. 351 00:22:38,879 --> 00:22:41,142 [baby fussing] 352 00:22:45,233 --> 00:22:48,497 There he goes, there he goes. 353 00:22:48,541 --> 00:22:51,457 Yeah. You want the money? 354 00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:54,982 [Barb] I'm sorry I made such a mess, Mommy. 355 00:22:55,025 --> 00:22:58,681 Oh. Well, actually honey, 356 00:22:58,725 --> 00:23:01,467 if I had gotten the door any sooner, 357 00:23:01,510 --> 00:23:05,122 then the mailman would have left before the mailman arrived, 358 00:23:05,166 --> 00:23:08,038 and we wouldn't have had any milk for our dinner tonight. 359 00:23:08,082 --> 00:23:10,214 So, there you go. 360 00:23:10,258 --> 00:23:12,042 It was all meant to be. 361 00:23:18,614 --> 00:23:20,834 This is what happens to one's literary efforts 362 00:23:20,877 --> 00:23:23,010 once they're placed in the mailbox. 363 00:23:26,361 --> 00:23:28,319 For the big contests, they go sailing off 364 00:23:28,363 --> 00:23:30,452 to New York City to be judged. 365 00:23:30,496 --> 00:23:34,369 The average count is a million and a half entries. 366 00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:39,287 A million and a half. Imagine that! 367 00:23:39,330 --> 00:23:41,594 Each entry is first checked to make sure 368 00:23:41,637 --> 00:23:44,335 it's accompanied by proof of purchase. 369 00:23:44,379 --> 00:23:47,382 You don't pay, you don't play. 370 00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:49,297 Next they go to the junior judges. 371 00:23:49,340 --> 00:23:50,994 College English majors, mind you. 372 00:23:51,038 --> 00:23:53,301 Who are instructed to eliminate the trite, 373 00:23:53,344 --> 00:23:55,346 the obvious and the inept. 374 00:23:55,390 --> 00:23:57,131 Oh, dear. 375 00:23:57,174 --> 00:24:00,439 And so, the final judging begins. 376 00:24:00,482 --> 00:24:03,659 Every syllable of every word is scrutinized and analyzed, 377 00:24:03,703 --> 00:24:07,141 the merits of each debated until a few of the worthiest remain. 378 00:24:07,184 --> 00:24:10,840 The ballots are cast, the points are added up. 379 00:24:10,884 --> 00:24:13,974 And the grand prize winner is declared. 380 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:25,638 Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! 381 00:24:25,681 --> 00:24:29,772 - [Barb] Daddy, Mommy won a shopping spree! - Oh, yeah? 382 00:24:29,816 --> 00:24:31,774 [Tuff] They time her as she runs in the store. 383 00:24:31,818 --> 00:24:35,517 [Mike] She can get whatever she wants. She's gonna get us a bunch of candy... 384 00:24:35,561 --> 00:24:39,086 [Barb] And fancy nuts. I'm gonna eat a cashew. 385 00:24:39,129 --> 00:24:41,392 - [Kelly chuckles] - Can you believe it, Dad? 386 00:24:41,436 --> 00:24:43,003 That's terrific, Mother. 387 00:24:43,046 --> 00:24:45,658 Now, I only get ten minutes and one cart, 388 00:24:45,701 --> 00:24:49,096 so what I did was, I walked down to the market to plot my strategy. 389 00:24:49,139 --> 00:24:52,621 - Wait till you hear this. - The carts are a lot smaller than the ones at the A&P. 390 00:24:52,665 --> 00:24:56,103 - Mom talked to the butcher. - He's going to wrap up some sides of bacon and ribs. 391 00:24:56,146 --> 00:24:57,496 I can build up the cart that way. 392 00:24:57,539 --> 00:25:00,368 Ah, ah. Sounds pretty clever. 393 00:25:00,411 --> 00:25:03,980 I've asked him to set aside a prime rib, a chateaubriand, what do you think? 394 00:25:04,024 --> 00:25:06,635 - [Dick] We each get our own filet mignon. - Absolutely. 395 00:25:06,679 --> 00:25:08,724 Tuff, honey, would you set the table? 396 00:25:08,768 --> 00:25:11,553 I had filet mignon once. It ain't that great. 397 00:25:11,597 --> 00:25:14,121 When have you started saying "ain't"? 398 00:25:14,164 --> 00:25:16,645 Get off your high horse, Mother. It's a perfectly good word. 399 00:25:18,212 --> 00:25:21,171 - Here. - Oh, thank you. 400 00:25:21,215 --> 00:25:24,218 This is just perfect. I was going to put on some fish sticks, 401 00:25:24,261 --> 00:25:26,046 but now I can make sloppy joes. 402 00:25:27,221 --> 00:25:29,571 Might as well cook it up now. 403 00:25:29,615 --> 00:25:33,270 Looks like hamburger's not going to be good enough for this family anymore. 404 00:25:33,314 --> 00:25:36,273 Oh, of course it is. It just won't be the only thing we know. 405 00:25:36,317 --> 00:25:39,276 I've asked the kids to make me a list of what they want me to grab. 406 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:43,019 - What would you like, Kelly? - Ah, don't waste any space in that cart on me. 407 00:25:43,063 --> 00:25:46,762 Oh, now stop. Think. What have you always wanted to try? 408 00:25:46,806 --> 00:25:48,721 - I don't know. - Sure you do. 409 00:25:52,072 --> 00:25:54,596 Shrimp cocktail. 410 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:58,034 The kind they have in those little jars. 411 00:25:58,078 --> 00:26:01,777 I like the way they look, kind of elegant. 412 00:26:01,821 --> 00:26:04,519 I always wanted one of those. 413 00:26:04,563 --> 00:26:06,565 You shall have it. 414 00:26:10,220 --> 00:26:11,613 Thank you, Mother. 415 00:26:16,792 --> 00:26:19,490 Proud of the old lady. 416 00:26:32,329 --> 00:26:34,331 [wheels squeaking] 417 00:26:34,375 --> 00:26:37,334 - [man 1] I think you should... - [man 2] Oh, no, no. 418 00:26:37,378 --> 00:26:40,990 [indistinct chatter] 419 00:26:42,818 --> 00:26:44,341 Are all these kids yours? 420 00:26:45,778 --> 00:26:48,302 [boy] Hi, Mom. 421 00:26:48,345 --> 00:26:49,782 Yes. If it's all right, they were going to call out the time 422 00:26:49,825 --> 00:26:52,306 so I could stay on schedule. 423 00:26:52,349 --> 00:26:54,656 Oh, I don't know. 424 00:26:56,310 --> 00:26:58,312 Oh, heck, I don't see any problem with that. 425 00:26:58,355 --> 00:27:01,141 Uh... and any help 426 00:27:01,184 --> 00:27:03,273 you happen to give Mrs. Ryan in filling her cart, 427 00:27:03,317 --> 00:27:05,101 won't be seen by me. 428 00:27:07,190 --> 00:27:09,279 So then, Mrs. Ryan, are you... are you ready? 429 00:27:09,323 --> 00:27:10,803 [Kelly] Hold on. 430 00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:16,635 [wheels squeaking] 431 00:27:18,767 --> 00:27:20,769 [gurgling] 432 00:27:26,383 --> 00:27:29,778 - Didn't like the way that sounded. - Thank you, Dad. 433 00:27:32,215 --> 00:27:33,956 All set? 434 00:27:35,697 --> 00:27:37,264 Go! 435 00:27:37,307 --> 00:27:39,135 [family cheering] 436 00:27:41,311 --> 00:27:44,314 [all] Go! Faster! 437 00:27:44,358 --> 00:27:46,186 - I think we should split up. - OK. 438 00:27:46,229 --> 00:27:49,363 I'll take the frozen section, you two take the European food isle. 439 00:27:49,406 --> 00:27:52,453 - What do you want, hon? - Oh, caviar, expensive things. 440 00:27:52,496 --> 00:27:54,368 The good stuff, not the ordinary, huh? 441 00:27:54,411 --> 00:27:57,632 Gotcha. Marge, go! 442 00:28:05,205 --> 00:28:07,903 Seven minutes to go, Mom! Seven minutes! 443 00:28:24,267 --> 00:28:26,661 [Dick] Three minutes, Mom, three minutes! Come on! 444 00:28:40,501 --> 00:28:42,111 [Dick] Mom, one minute left! 445 00:28:44,635 --> 00:28:47,900 - I got you some goose pate. You ever had that? - No. 446 00:28:47,943 --> 00:28:49,815 Let me know what it's like. 447 00:28:49,858 --> 00:28:52,905 I got all the after-dinner mints, the Swiss chocolate, 448 00:28:52,948 --> 00:28:55,995 these two bags of English toffees and a couple bags of coffee mints. 449 00:28:56,038 --> 00:28:58,432 Grab and move on, Marge, grab and move on. Where to? 450 00:28:58,475 --> 00:29:00,347 - Produce! - What are we looking for? 451 00:29:00,390 --> 00:29:02,741 Exotic things, anything grown in a foreign country. 452 00:29:02,784 --> 00:29:05,178 - Does Hawaii count? - [both] Yes. 453 00:29:05,221 --> 00:29:07,049 [Dick] Thirty seconds, Mom! 454 00:29:09,965 --> 00:29:12,533 [shouting, cheering] 455 00:29:20,019 --> 00:29:21,934 Time! 456 00:29:28,767 --> 00:29:33,467 Oh, Kelly! Kelly! 457 00:29:33,510 --> 00:29:36,905 I got your shrimp cocktail. I got your shrimp cocktail! 458 00:29:36,949 --> 00:29:39,516 [Dick] That was... great. 459 00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,650 - [Dick] We're gonna eat good tonight. - Yep. 460 00:29:42,693 --> 00:29:44,913 [Dick] Well done, Mom. 461 00:29:44,957 --> 00:29:48,482 Look at all this food and candy and sugar and sweets! 462 00:29:48,525 --> 00:29:50,092 And lobster! 463 00:29:55,968 --> 00:29:58,666 [Evelyn] Let's see, what else? 464 00:29:58,709 --> 00:30:00,407 Anybody want an artichoke heart? 465 00:30:00,450 --> 00:30:03,018 - What do you think? - [girl] This is really good. 466 00:30:03,062 --> 00:30:05,934 - Here, Dick, try it. - [Dick] Yeah, they're really good. 467 00:30:05,978 --> 00:30:08,850 What's this, Mom? 468 00:30:08,894 --> 00:30:10,547 Litchi nuts, they're from China. 469 00:30:10,591 --> 00:30:12,898 - Oh, I see. - [Dick] What do they taste like? 470 00:30:12,941 --> 00:30:15,944 Get the can opener and let's try one. 471 00:30:15,988 --> 00:30:18,599 Litchi nuts, who the hell would want to eat those? 472 00:30:18,642 --> 00:30:20,557 What are you looking for? 473 00:30:20,601 --> 00:30:23,473 I'm looking for hamburger. 474 00:30:23,517 --> 00:30:25,432 I have a steak all ready for you. 475 00:30:25,475 --> 00:30:29,218 I don't want a steak I want hamburger. 476 00:30:31,351 --> 00:30:33,266 Oh, look at this. 477 00:30:33,309 --> 00:30:36,225 Hearts of palm, from a palm tree, can you believe it? 478 00:30:37,618 --> 00:30:40,316 These are capers. 479 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:42,318 They come from Spain. 480 00:30:42,362 --> 00:30:43,972 Try one. 481 00:30:44,016 --> 00:30:46,366 Mmm, no, thank you. 482 00:30:46,409 --> 00:30:48,063 Oh, come on. It's an adventure. 483 00:30:48,107 --> 00:30:50,239 But they're green and yicky. 484 00:30:52,546 --> 00:30:54,809 Please put all that food back in the freezer. 485 00:30:54,853 --> 00:30:56,506 I don't want everything to thaw. 486 00:31:10,433 --> 00:31:12,871 Capers, my ass. 487 00:31:15,351 --> 00:31:18,920 I think it's time we tried some caviar. 488 00:31:18,964 --> 00:31:20,661 Now... 489 00:31:20,704 --> 00:31:24,317 ...caviar is one... 490 00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:27,973 ...of the finest delicacies... 491 00:31:28,016 --> 00:31:29,757 ...in... 492 00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:33,239 ...the Western world. 493 00:31:33,282 --> 00:31:36,111 It comes from Russia. 494 00:31:36,155 --> 00:31:39,854 And we are about to become... 495 00:31:39,898 --> 00:31:43,292 ...the very first Ryans... 496 00:31:43,336 --> 00:31:45,033 ...to ever taste it. 497 00:31:45,077 --> 00:31:47,122 - [Dick] What is it? - Fish eggs. 498 00:31:47,166 --> 00:31:49,951 Dick, Bub, Rog, would you like to try it? 499 00:31:49,995 --> 00:31:52,606 - No, I'll stick with coconut. - No, thank you. 500 00:31:54,956 --> 00:31:58,394 - Tuff? - Um, no, thanks. 501 00:31:58,438 --> 00:32:00,657 [sighs] Do you know 502 00:32:00,701 --> 00:32:05,358 that U.S. Army research has shown a relationship between intelligence 503 00:32:05,401 --> 00:32:08,056 - and a willingness to eat unfamiliar foods? - [laughs] 504 00:32:16,369 --> 00:32:18,414 I just can't, Mom. 505 00:32:18,458 --> 00:32:21,069 Oh, well. More for me then. 506 00:32:37,216 --> 00:32:40,349 [laughing] Mmm. 507 00:32:40,393 --> 00:32:42,177 Oh, it's marvelous. 508 00:32:42,221 --> 00:32:44,179 [Evelyn] Mmm. 509 00:32:49,228 --> 00:32:52,840 Mmm. Oh. 510 00:32:52,883 --> 00:32:56,017 [laughing] Oh, my goodness. 511 00:32:56,061 --> 00:32:58,498 Oh, my sweet goodness. 512 00:33:00,543 --> 00:33:01,980 How is your supper? 513 00:33:16,211 --> 00:33:17,430 Not very good. 514 00:33:21,434 --> 00:33:24,002 Your shrimp cocktail is in the fridge. 515 00:33:33,054 --> 00:33:36,144 They say it's good if you squeeze a little lemon on top. 516 00:33:41,715 --> 00:33:43,456 Thank you, Mother. 517 00:33:43,499 --> 00:33:46,676 Enjoy it, Dad. 518 00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:49,897 All right, what will we open next? 519 00:33:49,940 --> 00:33:52,987 Anybody here like lobster? 520 00:33:53,031 --> 00:33:56,208 [laughing] We'll try a little of that. 521 00:33:56,251 --> 00:33:58,123 And... what else do we have? 522 00:33:58,166 --> 00:34:01,822 We have some button mushrooms... 523 00:34:01,865 --> 00:34:05,086 Kelly, come on over here. Sit down with us. 524 00:34:05,130 --> 00:34:07,436 Let's see, what else do we have? 525 00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:10,309 An artichoke heart, want an artichoke heart? 526 00:34:10,352 --> 00:34:12,528 - [Dick] Sure. - [Evelyn] Very good. 527 00:34:12,572 --> 00:34:15,227 Come on. You can share my seat. 528 00:34:15,270 --> 00:34:18,969 Sit down. Oh, yeah. Look at those little, little pickles. 529 00:34:19,013 --> 00:34:20,232 Look at that. 530 00:34:20,275 --> 00:34:24,105 Dad, you gotta try this. It's amazing. 531 00:34:24,149 --> 00:34:27,108 Oh, should I open the sardines? Who's gonna eat those? 532 00:34:27,152 --> 00:34:29,197 - [Dick] I won't. - All right, these are mine. 533 00:34:29,241 --> 00:34:32,113 Let's see, what else do we have here? 534 00:34:32,157 --> 00:34:35,203 - Can I try this? - Oh, do try it. It's just delicious. 535 00:34:35,247 --> 00:34:37,292 Put it on the little cracker there. 536 00:34:37,336 --> 00:34:38,989 - These are good. - Aren't they good? 537 00:34:39,033 --> 00:34:42,341 Are you sick of candy yet, honey? 538 00:34:42,384 --> 00:34:44,865 - No, I will never be sick of candy. - Not now. 539 00:34:44,908 --> 00:34:47,302 - [Kelly] It's good. - Yes, I know. 540 00:34:47,346 --> 00:34:49,957 [Mike] Is that one mine? 541 00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,438 [Tuff] What about these little white things? 542 00:34:52,481 --> 00:34:55,615 - Thanks, sweetheart. - This stuff isn't too cracked. 543 00:34:55,658 --> 00:34:59,140 - Mom, it's yesterday's paper. - Oh, throw that out. 544 00:35:06,147 --> 00:35:09,455 [Evelyn] For the next four years I would win a steady stream of prizes 545 00:35:09,498 --> 00:35:11,587 that would keep us functioning, but never flush. 546 00:35:11,631 --> 00:35:15,548 I won two ice buckets, ten pairs of galoshes, 547 00:35:15,591 --> 00:35:18,986 one sled, which arrived just in time, I might add, 548 00:35:19,029 --> 00:35:22,468 fifteen ice crushers, a case of dog food, 549 00:35:22,511 --> 00:35:25,166 a pair of Arthur Murray dancing shoes, 550 00:35:25,210 --> 00:35:26,907 a Brownie camera, 551 00:35:28,126 --> 00:35:30,476 one free window installation, 552 00:35:30,519 --> 00:35:33,043 an outboard motor, 553 00:35:33,087 --> 00:35:35,002 eight pogo sticks, 554 00:35:35,045 --> 00:35:38,745 a palm tree, which promptly died, 555 00:35:38,788 --> 00:35:40,834 a lifetime supply of bird seed... 556 00:35:43,793 --> 00:35:46,361 ...and a pony, 557 00:35:46,405 --> 00:35:49,147 which we had to sell to pay the electric bill. 558 00:36:06,816 --> 00:36:09,036 In the meantime, my eldest, Lea Anne, 559 00:36:09,079 --> 00:36:11,081 left home to go to nursing school. 560 00:36:11,125 --> 00:36:12,648 "Travel handsome, travel light. 561 00:36:12,692 --> 00:36:14,737 Travel always with Samsonite." 562 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:18,872 And my sons, Dick and Bub, 563 00:36:18,915 --> 00:36:21,179 both got signed to play ball with the Detroit Tigers. 564 00:36:21,222 --> 00:36:23,746 How do you like that? 565 00:36:25,748 --> 00:36:27,707 [sighs] 566 00:36:27,750 --> 00:36:32,059 So far, three of my chicks have found their wings 567 00:36:32,102 --> 00:36:35,193 and I am so very proud of them. 568 00:36:35,236 --> 00:36:38,108 That is where my prayers went. 569 00:36:39,284 --> 00:36:42,374 That's where they all went. 570 00:36:42,417 --> 00:36:46,943 [television plays indistinct] 571 00:36:46,987 --> 00:36:48,858 You know why they left? 572 00:36:50,338 --> 00:36:52,688 We live in a hole. 573 00:36:52,732 --> 00:36:56,388 A hole without a ladder. 574 00:36:56,431 --> 00:36:58,433 I like Beech-Nut so much, 575 00:36:58,477 --> 00:37:00,914 I'm going to help them sponsor a contest. 576 00:37:00,957 --> 00:37:04,700 With the folks out there, they can win all kinds of big prizes. 577 00:37:04,744 --> 00:37:08,356 - Mom, do you want your notebook? - Yes, thank you, Tuff. 578 00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:11,577 You want to know who dug that hole? I did. 579 00:37:11,620 --> 00:37:14,406 Holy moley. Are you gonna eat that, Jerry? 580 00:37:14,449 --> 00:37:16,495 Nope, but I'm gonna sing about it. 581 00:37:16,538 --> 00:37:19,324 And the folks out there are gonna fill in the words. 582 00:37:19,367 --> 00:37:20,760 - [music plays] - Well, all right. 583 00:37:20,803 --> 00:37:23,328 ♪ It's my dum-dee-dum -dee-dum ♪ 584 00:37:23,371 --> 00:37:25,765 ♪ Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum sandwich ♪ 585 00:37:27,419 --> 00:37:29,116 ♪ Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum 586 00:37:29,159 --> 00:37:32,946 ♪ Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum sandwich ♪ 587 00:37:32,989 --> 00:37:34,730 ♪ Hole in the ground 588 00:37:34,774 --> 00:37:38,125 ♪ Don't make a sound sandwich ♪ 589 00:37:38,168 --> 00:37:40,910 ♪ My stuff it in the mouth 590 00:37:40,954 --> 00:37:44,131 ♪ Chomp and swallow south sandwich ♪ 591 00:37:44,174 --> 00:37:47,047 - That's a good one, Mom. - You can have it. 592 00:37:47,090 --> 00:37:52,226 I'm jerk and a dope and I ain't got a hope sandwich. 593 00:37:52,270 --> 00:37:54,750 ♪ My back the daily truck 594 00:37:54,794 --> 00:37:57,710 ♪ To the lips and suck sandwich ♪ 595 00:37:57,753 --> 00:38:00,539 ♪ I'm a moron and a mutt 596 00:38:00,582 --> 00:38:02,976 ♪ And I made you a nut sandwich ♪ 597 00:38:03,019 --> 00:38:04,499 Good one, Dad. 598 00:38:04,543 --> 00:38:06,675 ♪ I'm a chump in a slump 599 00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:09,983 ♪ And I live in a dump sandwich ♪ 600 00:38:10,026 --> 00:38:12,638 ♪ My frisk the Frigidaire 601 00:38:12,681 --> 00:38:15,205 ♪ Clean the cupboards bare sandwich ♪ 602 00:38:17,207 --> 00:38:20,167 - Are you listening to me? - Yes, I'm listening. 603 00:38:20,210 --> 00:38:23,475 - You know what your problem is? - No, Dad, I don't. 604 00:38:23,518 --> 00:38:25,999 You're too damn happy. 605 00:38:26,042 --> 00:38:28,044 [everyone laughs] 606 00:38:35,225 --> 00:38:40,013 Oh, Kelly, how do you come up with these things? 607 00:38:42,145 --> 00:38:46,672 I don't know. They just... come to me, I guess. 608 00:38:46,715 --> 00:38:49,936 That was really funny. 609 00:38:49,979 --> 00:38:53,243 ♪ Do do-do do-do 610 00:38:53,287 --> 00:38:55,550 ♪ Do-do do 611 00:38:59,554 --> 00:39:03,515 - Hey, kids. - Hi, Daddy. 612 00:39:03,558 --> 00:39:06,822 - [Evelyn] You're home early. - Ah. I don't feel so hot. 613 00:39:06,866 --> 00:39:08,650 My head hurts. 614 00:39:08,694 --> 00:39:10,913 Did they pay you for the full day? 615 00:39:10,957 --> 00:39:12,959 I don't know. I didn't ask. 616 00:39:13,002 --> 00:39:15,614 I just felt so lousy I had to get out of there. 617 00:39:15,657 --> 00:39:17,703 - [knock at door] - [Ray] Milk delivery! 618 00:39:17,746 --> 00:39:20,575 I'm glad you're here. I need four dollars for the milk man. 619 00:39:20,619 --> 00:39:22,795 What's he showing up so late in the day for? 620 00:39:22,838 --> 00:39:25,406 I don't know. What difference does it make? 621 00:39:25,450 --> 00:39:27,669 Well, what happened to the money I gave you? 622 00:39:27,713 --> 00:39:30,585 What do you think happened to it? I used it to pay the bills. 623 00:39:30,629 --> 00:39:33,414 - [Ray] I'm leaving. - I'll be right there. 624 00:39:33,458 --> 00:39:35,721 We're out of milk, would you please give me some money? 625 00:39:40,682 --> 00:39:43,946 I don't have any. 626 00:39:43,990 --> 00:39:46,688 Of course you don't. It's all in those bottles. 627 00:39:53,608 --> 00:39:55,958 I'm sorry. I'm going to have to owe you this week. 628 00:39:56,002 --> 00:39:59,875 - I'm sorry too, because I'm not going to leave the milk. - I always pay you back. 629 00:39:59,919 --> 00:40:04,445 That's not the point, is it? I'm not a rich man, but I never owed anyone anything. 630 00:40:04,489 --> 00:40:07,492 - Clearly, you're a better person than I am. - We're all in the same boat. 631 00:40:07,535 --> 00:40:09,189 But I am not going to do the paddling 632 00:40:09,232 --> 00:40:12,845 while you sit back with your hand in the water. 633 00:40:12,888 --> 00:40:14,977 You're absolutely right. 634 00:40:15,021 --> 00:40:17,589 But my children need milk. 635 00:40:17,632 --> 00:40:19,417 Please don't make them suffer 636 00:40:19,460 --> 00:40:22,158 because I am delinquent in my payments. 637 00:40:22,202 --> 00:40:25,031 Please. 638 00:40:25,074 --> 00:40:28,469 If you don't pay me next week, that's it. I'm cutting you off my route. 639 00:40:30,036 --> 00:40:31,994 I understand. 640 00:40:32,038 --> 00:40:33,692 Thank you. 641 00:40:38,218 --> 00:40:40,176 That was pleasant. 642 00:40:40,220 --> 00:40:41,917 Hey. 643 00:40:41,961 --> 00:40:44,006 You think money grows on trees? 644 00:40:44,050 --> 00:40:47,923 I work my ass off in that stinking sweatshop all day long. 645 00:40:47,967 --> 00:40:50,186 - You stay home and do whatever you want. - Do whatever I want? 646 00:40:50,230 --> 00:40:52,362 Sit around writing in your stupid notebooks. 647 00:40:52,406 --> 00:40:55,801 Those notebooks are the only reason this family isn't living on the street. 648 00:40:55,844 --> 00:40:58,456 Hey, do you want to trade places with me? 649 00:41:01,633 --> 00:41:04,374 [kids screaming] Mommy! 650 00:41:04,418 --> 00:41:05,854 Oh, Jesus! 651 00:41:05,898 --> 00:41:08,030 - [Mike] What was that? - [Tuff] What happened? 652 00:41:08,074 --> 00:41:10,163 [Kelly] Oh, Jesus! She slipped. 653 00:41:10,206 --> 00:41:12,557 - Daddy was yelling at her. - What did you do to her? 654 00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:16,299 It was an accident! I wouldn't hurt your mother in a million years! 655 00:41:16,343 --> 00:41:20,216 - I think somebody should get Mrs. Bidlack. - We don't need her. 656 00:41:20,260 --> 00:41:23,655 Get away from the glass. Would somebody please help me up? 657 00:41:23,698 --> 00:41:26,701 Sweet Christ, Mother. 658 00:41:26,745 --> 00:41:28,834 - Would somebody help me up? - [Tuff] Betsy, stay back. 659 00:41:28,877 --> 00:41:31,227 [both scream] 660 00:41:31,271 --> 00:41:34,796 Kelly, for goodness sakes, just move. Oh! 661 00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:37,843 [grunting] 662 00:41:37,886 --> 00:41:41,716 Hold on, Mother. I'll take you to the hospital. Just let me get my... 663 00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:43,631 No, you are not! You almost killed her! 664 00:41:43,675 --> 00:41:45,415 I didn't do anything! I swear to God! 665 00:41:45,459 --> 00:41:47,374 I think it's best if you just stay put. 666 00:41:47,417 --> 00:41:49,550 Oh, my God! My sweet God! What...? 667 00:41:49,594 --> 00:41:52,814 Tuff, would you get a towel so I don't make a mess in Mrs. Bidlack's car. 668 00:41:52,858 --> 00:41:54,990 - [Kelly] I'll get it, Mother. - Where's my purse? 669 00:41:55,034 --> 00:41:56,949 Would you like me to call the police? 670 00:41:56,992 --> 00:41:59,168 Oh, Rita. That won't be necessary, thank you. 671 00:41:59,212 --> 00:42:01,606 - Here, Mom. - Honey, could you hook it over my arm? 672 00:42:01,649 --> 00:42:02,824 [Evelyn] Thank you. 673 00:42:02,868 --> 00:42:04,957 - Here, Mother. - Oh, for Pete's sake. 674 00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:06,959 - What am I supposed to do with that? - Here. 675 00:42:07,002 --> 00:42:09,962 Thank you. If you wouldn't mind mopping up so it doesn't warp the wood, 676 00:42:10,005 --> 00:42:12,355 I'll go over the rest of it later. 677 00:42:12,399 --> 00:42:14,053 Children stay put, I'm taking 678 00:42:14,096 --> 00:42:16,185 your mother to the hospital. - I'm all right. 679 00:42:16,229 --> 00:42:18,448 - You know what the worst part of it is? - What? 680 00:42:18,492 --> 00:42:21,626 - A quart of milk got sucked up inside my girdle. - Oh, my dear. 681 00:42:21,669 --> 00:42:26,239 - [Betsy] Please don't die, Mommy. - It was an accident. 682 00:42:27,893 --> 00:42:29,982 [man] Everything all right in there? 683 00:42:39,034 --> 00:42:41,254 The question is... 684 00:42:41,297 --> 00:42:43,996 This is a presidential election year. 685 00:42:44,039 --> 00:42:48,740 If a qualified woman were running for president, 686 00:42:48,783 --> 00:42:51,481 how would you feel about voting for her 687 00:42:51,525 --> 00:42:53,266 and why. 688 00:42:53,309 --> 00:42:55,747 [woman] If the men candidates were qualified, 689 00:42:55,790 --> 00:42:58,619 I feel I would vote against her. 690 00:42:58,663 --> 00:43:01,927 My reasons being that women are very high-strung 691 00:43:01,970 --> 00:43:03,668 and emotional people. 692 00:43:03,711 --> 00:43:05,931 - They aren't knowledgeable... - [door opens] 693 00:43:05,974 --> 00:43:08,977 - [all kids] Mom! - [Rita] Here we go, special delivery. 694 00:43:09,021 --> 00:43:13,765 - Oh, we missed you so much. - Be careful of her. 695 00:43:13,808 --> 00:43:15,723 Oh, I'm not that fragile. 696 00:43:15,767 --> 00:43:17,769 Thank you for taking me. 697 00:43:17,812 --> 00:43:20,685 - Any time. - See, it's not so bad. 698 00:43:20,728 --> 00:43:23,035 Hello, Mother. How's it going? 699 00:43:23,078 --> 00:43:25,472 Well, I got lucky. 700 00:43:25,515 --> 00:43:28,954 Doctor said I was half an inch away from severing a ligament. 701 00:43:28,997 --> 00:43:31,783 Oh, see, kids. Your mother's as good as new. 702 00:43:31,826 --> 00:43:33,915 I have dinner all set, here's a cup of tea. 703 00:43:33,959 --> 00:43:35,961 Why don't you sit down and take a load off? 704 00:43:36,004 --> 00:43:38,703 Well, first thing I'd like to do is take off this wet girdle, 705 00:43:38,746 --> 00:43:41,314 if you could help me, I can't use my hands just yet. 706 00:43:41,357 --> 00:43:44,752 OK. Go on, kids, supper's on the table. 707 00:43:44,796 --> 00:43:47,450 - Mom, are you OK? - I'm fine, sweetheart. 708 00:43:47,494 --> 00:43:50,976 'Course she's OK. 709 00:43:51,019 --> 00:43:53,761 It's all right, boys. Go ahead, get something to eat. 710 00:44:01,073 --> 00:44:03,771 I think what... 711 00:44:03,815 --> 00:44:07,035 ...hurt more than anything was that dig you made about my contesting. 712 00:44:07,079 --> 00:44:09,777 [sighs] 713 00:44:09,821 --> 00:44:13,563 You know, I couldn't be prouder of you. 714 00:44:13,607 --> 00:44:15,653 You know that? 715 00:44:15,696 --> 00:44:18,351 It's just... the thing is... 716 00:44:18,394 --> 00:44:21,528 ...guys at the shop... 717 00:44:21,571 --> 00:44:24,792 Any time you win something, it's... 718 00:44:24,836 --> 00:44:27,839 "Oh, we know who the breadwinner is." 719 00:44:27,882 --> 00:44:29,405 - It ain't me. - Goodness sakes. 720 00:44:29,449 --> 00:44:32,408 They're just jealous. Why do you even listen to them? 721 00:44:34,802 --> 00:44:38,850 All I want in this world is to make you happy. 722 00:44:41,809 --> 00:44:44,551 I don't need you to make me happy. 723 00:44:44,594 --> 00:44:47,815 I just need you to leave me alone when I am. 724 00:45:03,483 --> 00:45:06,616 [Evelyn] Spilled milk? Don't cry. 725 00:45:06,660 --> 00:45:10,359 Unless, of course, it's hip high. 726 00:45:10,403 --> 00:45:14,537 I don't cry over milk, spilled or otherwise. 727 00:45:14,581 --> 00:45:17,932 I just wish I had spilled a smaller other size. 728 00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:21,893 Spilled milk can't be poured, 729 00:45:21,936 --> 00:45:24,025 if it's spreadin' 'cross the floor. 730 00:45:24,069 --> 00:45:26,375 But no need for tears or sorrow. 731 00:45:26,419 --> 00:45:29,161 There's always more to spill tomorrow. 732 00:45:43,697 --> 00:45:46,656 [telephone rings] 733 00:45:48,354 --> 00:45:51,313 [humming] 734 00:45:51,357 --> 00:45:53,620 - Hello? - [man] Hello. 735 00:45:53,663 --> 00:45:56,884 I'm calling on behalf of Beech-Nut Gum "Name That Sandwich" contest. 736 00:45:56,928 --> 00:45:58,886 May I speak to Mr. Bruce Ryan? 737 00:45:58,930 --> 00:46:00,453 Yes, hold on one moment, please. 738 00:46:00,496 --> 00:46:01,889 Bruce! 739 00:46:01,933 --> 00:46:04,587 ♪ My frisk the Frigidaire 740 00:46:04,631 --> 00:46:06,894 ♪ Clean the cupboards bare sandwich ♪ 741 00:46:06,938 --> 00:46:09,157 ♪ Oh, baby 742 00:46:09,201 --> 00:46:11,943 [man] You have won a Triumph TR3 sports car. 743 00:46:11,986 --> 00:46:15,642 And an all expenses paid weekend trip to New York City. 744 00:46:15,685 --> 00:46:16,991 For you and one of your parents. 745 00:46:17,035 --> 00:46:19,864 - Can I bring my mom? - You sure can, son. 746 00:46:19,907 --> 00:46:22,083 ♪ My frisk the Frigidaire 747 00:46:22,127 --> 00:46:24,172 ♪ Clean the cupboards bare sandwich ♪ 748 00:46:24,216 --> 00:46:26,131 Everyone move in a little. 749 00:46:27,959 --> 00:46:30,265 Enjoy that car. 750 00:46:30,309 --> 00:46:32,224 ♪ My frisk the Frigidaire 751 00:46:32,267 --> 00:46:35,053 ♪ Clean the cupboards bare sandwich ♪ 752 00:46:35,096 --> 00:46:37,838 - ♪ Di-ya, di-ya♪ - I think... 753 00:46:37,882 --> 00:46:41,189 my church dress will do for our dinner at Sardi's. 754 00:46:41,233 --> 00:46:44,889 But for sightseeing, I'm gonna need something a little more casual. 755 00:46:44,932 --> 00:46:47,543 Mom, there's a man on the phone about Rog. 756 00:46:47,587 --> 00:46:50,764 My goodness. Don't tell me he won something too. 757 00:46:50,808 --> 00:46:53,114 ♪ My frisk the Frigidaire 758 00:46:53,158 --> 00:46:55,682 ♪ Clean the cupboards bare sandwich ♪ 759 00:46:55,725 --> 00:46:57,945 ♪ Yum-yum yum-yum 760 00:47:00,165 --> 00:47:02,341 I only took a few dollars from the lady's purse. 761 00:47:02,384 --> 00:47:05,910 I put the wallet back so she wouldn't miss her driver's license or nothing like that. 762 00:47:05,953 --> 00:47:07,520 Stealing is stealing. 763 00:47:07,563 --> 00:47:10,044 Don't you dare try to justify it. Don't you dare! 764 00:47:10,088 --> 00:47:12,481 Sorry, Mom. 765 00:47:14,309 --> 00:47:16,877 Do we have to tell Dad? 766 00:47:16,921 --> 00:47:19,749 You thieving little bastard! 767 00:47:19,793 --> 00:47:23,405 - Get back here! - Kelly! Kelly, stop! Calm down. 768 00:47:23,449 --> 00:47:26,191 He's a criminal and I'm not going to let him get away with it. 769 00:47:26,234 --> 00:47:30,717 Next time you step foot in this house, I'll teach you a lesson you'll never forget! 770 00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:33,807 Mommy, please, please, please 771 00:47:33,851 --> 00:47:37,767 don't go to New York City. 772 00:47:37,811 --> 00:47:40,596 -[sighs] - [♪Dee Carstensen: Wrap Your Troubles in Dreams] 773 00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:42,076 ♪ Just remember 774 00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:45,688 ♪ That sunshine 775 00:47:45,732 --> 00:47:49,344 ♪ Always follows 776 00:47:49,388 --> 00:47:51,520 ♪ The rain 777 00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:55,220 [sighs] 778 00:47:55,263 --> 00:47:57,570 I'm sorry you didn't get to go to New York. 779 00:47:59,093 --> 00:48:01,748 Let's just get you through this next week. 780 00:48:01,791 --> 00:48:05,273 I talked to a friend of mine. 781 00:48:05,317 --> 00:48:07,275 He says the judge gives guys like me a choice 782 00:48:07,319 --> 00:48:09,103 between jail and joining the Army. 783 00:48:09,147 --> 00:48:12,193 The Army wouldn't be too bad, would it? 784 00:48:12,237 --> 00:48:15,109 No. 785 00:48:15,153 --> 00:48:18,678 At least you'd learn how to make your bed. 786 00:48:24,945 --> 00:48:26,773 [sighs] 787 00:48:26,816 --> 00:48:31,125 Mmm. I wonder what it would be like to drive this thing. 788 00:48:31,169 --> 00:48:33,954 - You want me to teach you? - No. 789 00:48:33,998 --> 00:48:36,609 Then I couldn't bear to sell it. 790 00:48:36,652 --> 00:48:40,308 - You want me to teach you how to drive Dad's car? - Better not. 791 00:48:40,352 --> 00:48:43,007 Not enough gas in this world, for all the places I'd like to go. 792 00:48:46,010 --> 00:48:48,926 Go inside and eat your dinner. It's on the table. 793 00:48:52,146 --> 00:48:57,325 ♪ And dream your troubles away ♪ 794 00:48:58,936 --> 00:49:02,983 ♪ Just dream your troubles 795 00:49:03,027 --> 00:49:06,117 ♪ Away 796 00:49:10,121 --> 00:49:12,079 Hi, Mr. Quigley. 797 00:49:12,123 --> 00:49:14,168 Lady friend's writin' ya. 798 00:49:14,212 --> 00:49:16,605 I don't have a lady friend. 799 00:49:16,649 --> 00:49:18,303 Give it time, give it time. 800 00:49:18,346 --> 00:49:21,001 - I'm gonna tickle you. - Careful, it's slippery. 801 00:49:21,045 --> 00:49:23,656 Mom, I think this is for you. 802 00:49:23,699 --> 00:49:25,745 Oh, thank you, Bruce. 803 00:49:30,489 --> 00:49:32,099 [Dortha] Dear Bruce, 804 00:49:32,143 --> 00:49:34,362 I saw your name on the Beech-Nut win list. 805 00:49:34,406 --> 00:49:36,408 Well, what do you know? 806 00:49:36,451 --> 00:49:40,151 My daughter, Mary Kay, who's also 16, won second prize. 807 00:49:40,194 --> 00:49:42,980 Gee, what clever kids your mother and I have. 808 00:49:43,023 --> 00:49:45,373 Watch it, watch it! Hey. 809 00:49:45,417 --> 00:49:49,160 I live in Payne, Ohio, just 85 miles away from you 810 00:49:49,203 --> 00:49:52,293 and I'm part of a group of contesting gals called The Affadaisies. 811 00:49:52,337 --> 00:49:54,556 This is probably not of much interest 812 00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:57,081 to a strapping, teenage boy such as yourself, 813 00:49:57,124 --> 00:49:59,344 but perhaps your mother would like to join us. 814 00:49:59,387 --> 00:50:01,650 - [crash] - I don't care who did it, just clean it up! 815 00:50:01,694 --> 00:50:04,349 Well, gotta go before the house comes down. 816 00:50:04,392 --> 00:50:06,133 Hope we can hear from one of you soon. 817 00:50:06,177 --> 00:50:09,441 Sincerely, Dortha Schaefer. 818 00:50:09,484 --> 00:50:12,009 P.S. Since they don't publish the winning entries, 819 00:50:12,052 --> 00:50:14,011 I'd love to know what yours was. 820 00:50:14,054 --> 00:50:16,970 Here's mine, my daughter's, that is: 821 00:50:17,014 --> 00:50:19,364 ♪ My stack it thick and quick ♪ 822 00:50:19,407 --> 00:50:21,888 ♪ Snack until I'm sick sandwich ♪ 823 00:50:21,931 --> 00:50:24,847 ♪ Ooh-ahh ooh-ahh 824 00:50:24,891 --> 00:50:27,415 Dear Dortha, I love your entry. 825 00:50:27,459 --> 00:50:30,418 You have a true gift for inner rhyme and alliteration. 826 00:50:30,462 --> 00:50:32,855 I was particularly impressed by your cross-rhyming 827 00:50:32,899 --> 00:50:35,249 of "stack" and "snack." 828 00:50:35,293 --> 00:50:36,990 Here's my entry, for what it's worth: 829 00:50:37,034 --> 00:50:39,471 ♪ My frisk the Frigidaire 830 00:50:39,514 --> 00:50:41,734 ♪ Clean the cupboards bare sandwich ♪ 831 00:50:41,777 --> 00:50:44,432 ♪ Da-da da-da 832 00:50:44,476 --> 00:50:48,045 Dear Evelyn, those judges judged right. 833 00:50:48,088 --> 00:50:50,482 No wonder I came in second. 834 00:50:50,525 --> 00:50:53,659 Talk about a gift for imagery. You have it, gal. 835 00:50:53,702 --> 00:50:56,357 And you must come to my house for an Affadaisies meeting. 836 00:50:56,401 --> 00:50:59,186 We've got the crme de la crme of contesters. 837 00:50:59,230 --> 00:51:02,668 Gladys Tierney, she is smart as a whip 838 00:51:02,711 --> 00:51:06,280 and won two cars in the Stay-Puft his and hers contest. 839 00:51:06,324 --> 00:51:08,543 And then there's Betty Yearling and Betty White. 840 00:51:08,587 --> 00:51:10,110 Cooks extraordinaire. 841 00:51:10,154 --> 00:51:12,504 Betty Y. is a Pillsbury bake-off winner 842 00:51:12,547 --> 00:51:14,984 with her famous party pork barbeque. 843 00:51:15,028 --> 00:51:17,987 And Betty W. won first place in the Midwest kitchen cook-off 844 00:51:18,031 --> 00:51:19,989 with her double delight strawberry toll cake. 845 00:51:20,033 --> 00:51:22,818 And Emma Hartzler, who's won 846 00:51:22,862 --> 00:51:26,126 three fridges and matching stoves and a trip to Hawaii. 847 00:51:26,170 --> 00:51:28,520 All from her iron lung. 848 00:51:28,563 --> 00:51:31,697 "Kleenex is so handy, I use it every day. 849 00:51:31,740 --> 00:51:35,092 Cost so little, helps so much, 850 00:51:35,135 --> 00:51:38,007 just blow, then throw away." 851 00:51:38,051 --> 00:51:39,661 Now, listen, Evelyn Ryan. 852 00:51:39,705 --> 00:51:43,317 You are the most notable of us all and you must be at my house 853 00:51:43,361 --> 00:51:47,234 two weeks from now for the first Affadaisy meeting of the spring. No excuses. 854 00:51:47,278 --> 00:51:50,281 Now strap on those wings and fly over here. 855 00:51:58,724 --> 00:52:02,989 Do you remember that group of contesters I told you about? 856 00:52:03,032 --> 00:52:05,296 They've invited me to their meeting. 857 00:52:05,339 --> 00:52:09,343 - Ah. Where is it? - Over in Payne. 858 00:52:09,387 --> 00:52:13,042 - Payne's a long way. - It's only 85 miles. 859 00:52:13,086 --> 00:52:15,567 Yeah, but it still takes gas. 860 00:52:15,610 --> 00:52:20,180 I gotta drive to work, drive you to the grocery store, 861 00:52:20,224 --> 00:52:22,574 drive the garbage to the dump... 862 00:52:22,617 --> 00:52:25,751 How much do you think I'm left with at the end of the week? 863 00:52:25,794 --> 00:52:28,710 In fact, I had to enter a football pool 864 00:52:28,754 --> 00:52:31,583 at the gas station just to win myself some extra fuel. 865 00:52:31,626 --> 00:52:35,152 - You're contesting? - [sighs] Yeah. 866 00:52:35,195 --> 00:52:37,632 - Why not? - You need any hints? 867 00:52:37,676 --> 00:52:40,331 I know how to do a pool. 868 00:52:40,374 --> 00:52:44,248 Well, if you win, you'd have enough gas to drive me to Payne. 869 00:52:45,466 --> 00:52:48,382 I can't just sit in the car 870 00:52:48,426 --> 00:52:51,211 while you gab with a bunch of jingle writers 871 00:52:51,255 --> 00:52:53,344 and forget I'm even there. 872 00:52:54,736 --> 00:52:57,783 My Saturdays are precious to me. 873 00:52:57,826 --> 00:53:00,177 Well, all right, Kelly. I won't ask again. 874 00:53:06,444 --> 00:53:08,185 [door shuts] 875 00:53:09,621 --> 00:53:12,885 - [door shuts] - [Kelly] That was my entry. 876 00:53:12,928 --> 00:53:17,106 No, it wasn't. It was mine. Mom, I won 25 gallons of gas today in a football pool. 877 00:53:17,150 --> 00:53:20,327 - You didn't win nothing. That was my entry. - I used Barb's name. 878 00:53:20,371 --> 00:53:23,461 - Barb Ryan was the one that won. - That was my Barb Ryan. 879 00:53:23,504 --> 00:53:26,072 - I had dibs on her name first. - Says who? 880 00:53:26,115 --> 00:53:28,379 We made an agreement. I got Barb, Tuff and Mike. 881 00:53:28,422 --> 00:53:30,990 - I never said you could use my name. - Don't get smart. 882 00:53:31,033 --> 00:53:33,862 - Did anybody write this down? - No, it was a gentlemen's agreement. 883 00:53:33,906 --> 00:53:35,473 You'll have to split the gas. 884 00:53:35,516 --> 00:53:37,649 He didn't even know about the contest until I... 885 00:53:37,692 --> 00:53:40,173 What are you talking about? I was the one who told you! 886 00:53:40,217 --> 00:53:42,480 Split the gas, Kelly. 887 00:53:45,222 --> 00:53:49,008 Oh, for Christ's sake. 888 00:53:52,011 --> 00:53:54,840 Bruce, I hope you were telling the truth. 889 00:53:54,883 --> 00:53:56,885 Honest to God, Mom, Dad's just a sore loser. 890 00:53:56,929 --> 00:53:59,192 All right, then. I'd like to ask you a favor. 891 00:53:59,236 --> 00:54:03,370 I want to go somewhere. Would you drive me? 892 00:54:03,414 --> 00:54:06,591 Sure, Mom. I'll take you anywhere you want to go. 893 00:54:06,634 --> 00:54:10,899 Thank you, Bruce. Thank you. 894 00:54:10,943 --> 00:54:15,600 There's tuna fish for sandwiches and you'll find coleslaw in the fridge. 895 00:54:15,643 --> 00:54:18,124 - Kelly, what are you doing? - Just checking the radiator. 896 00:54:18,167 --> 00:54:20,605 Come on, Dad. We're ready to go. 897 00:54:20,648 --> 00:54:22,998 And if your father decides to make his chili, 898 00:54:23,042 --> 00:54:24,696 just make sure he doesn't burn the pot. 899 00:54:24,739 --> 00:54:26,437 Right. Yeah, I got it. 900 00:54:26,480 --> 00:54:28,917 Plenty of water, oil's fine. 901 00:54:28,961 --> 00:54:31,311 Watch the clutch, it's starting to slip. 902 00:54:31,355 --> 00:54:34,488 - I know, Pop. - Get your mother back in one piece, you hear? 903 00:54:35,837 --> 00:54:37,448 Bye. 904 00:54:40,015 --> 00:54:41,539 - Bye, bye. - Bye. 905 00:54:41,582 --> 00:54:43,454 - Bye. - Bye, Mom. 906 00:54:43,497 --> 00:54:46,500 - Bye, sweetie. - Have fun, Mommy. 907 00:54:46,544 --> 00:54:48,546 - Thank you. - Mommy, wait. 908 00:54:48,589 --> 00:54:51,636 - What is it, Davey? - I got a surprise for you. 909 00:54:51,679 --> 00:54:53,681 You did? Show me. 910 00:54:57,555 --> 00:55:02,342 Oh, honey. Where did you get these? 911 00:55:02,386 --> 00:55:05,911 They grow all over. I got them from Mrs. Bidlack's yard, 912 00:55:05,954 --> 00:55:09,523 in Mrs. Zitfeld's, and Mrs. Zamone. 913 00:55:09,567 --> 00:55:13,092 Cripes' sakes, what did you go and go that for? 914 00:55:13,135 --> 00:55:16,225 Ah, Jesus. Sorry, Mother. I'm not good with that woman. 915 00:55:18,053 --> 00:55:19,838 Uh... 916 00:55:19,881 --> 00:55:22,797 - Bruce, turn off the motor. - [Bruce] Oh, brother. 917 00:55:25,583 --> 00:55:27,498 [woman] Oh, my God. My sweet God. 918 00:55:27,541 --> 00:55:30,979 - Did you see what your boy did to my tulips? - I am so sorry. 919 00:55:31,023 --> 00:55:34,243 - Why would you do something like that, why? - He didn't know. 920 00:55:34,287 --> 00:55:37,551 He's just a little boy. Tell me what I can do to make it better. 921 00:55:37,595 --> 00:55:39,901 There is nothing you can do. Do you know how long I've waited 922 00:55:39,945 --> 00:55:41,468 for those tulips to bud? 923 00:55:41,512 --> 00:55:43,470 Tell me what they cost, I'll reimburse you. 924 00:55:43,514 --> 00:55:47,605 - $40 worth of bulbs. - Mom, are we going or not? 925 00:55:47,648 --> 00:55:49,694 No, honey, I'm afraid the trip is off. 926 00:55:49,737 --> 00:55:52,958 My gas is already in Dad's car. How am I going to get that out? 927 00:55:53,001 --> 00:55:55,787 Tell him to use his half now and you'll use your half later. 928 00:55:55,830 --> 00:55:57,136 Great. 929 00:55:57,179 --> 00:56:00,139 I didn't know it was bad. 930 00:56:00,182 --> 00:56:02,402 I thought they were beautiful. 931 00:56:02,446 --> 00:56:05,013 They are beautiful, Davey. 932 00:56:05,057 --> 00:56:07,538 They truly are. 933 00:56:09,017 --> 00:56:13,631 All right. Let's go make amends. 934 00:56:13,674 --> 00:56:15,589 Good boy. 935 00:56:41,485 --> 00:56:44,836 Give it gas. 936 00:56:48,405 --> 00:56:50,537 OK, put it in first and try again. 937 00:56:58,371 --> 00:57:01,156 - [crash] - [Kelly] Oh! What are you doing? 938 00:57:01,200 --> 00:57:04,116 - [Tuff] Stop yelling. - I'm not yelling. You're not listening. 939 00:57:04,159 --> 00:57:06,814 [Dortha] Evelyn, we are all thrilled and elated to hear 940 00:57:06,858 --> 00:57:09,121 that daughter Tuff has learned to drive 941 00:57:09,164 --> 00:57:11,645 and she'll be delivering you to us, at last. 942 00:57:11,689 --> 00:57:14,518 We've moved our meetings to Emma's house in Goshen, Indiana, 943 00:57:14,561 --> 00:57:16,345 which is about 100 miles from where you are. 944 00:57:16,389 --> 00:57:18,478 Sorry, it's such a hike. 945 00:57:18,522 --> 00:57:21,481 But our gal is eager to show off her new summer outfit. 946 00:57:21,525 --> 00:57:24,353 Evelyn, I await your arrival... 947 00:57:25,877 --> 00:57:27,705 ...with bated breath. 948 00:57:27,748 --> 00:57:29,489 There's bologna for lunch. 949 00:57:29,533 --> 00:57:32,187 If I'm not back in time for dinner, heat up some fish sticks, 950 00:57:32,231 --> 00:57:34,015 and there's Jell-O in the fridge. 951 00:57:34,059 --> 00:57:36,148 - Yep. - [Tuff] Mom, we should probably get going. 952 00:57:36,191 --> 00:57:38,498 All right, off we go. 953 00:57:38,542 --> 00:57:42,110 - Watch you don't overuse the brakes. - You all ready told me, Dad. 954 00:57:42,154 --> 00:57:44,373 - No speeding. - Dad, this car barely goes over 40. 955 00:57:44,417 --> 00:57:48,203 - Don't get smart. I want your mother back here in one piece. - That's enough. 956 00:57:48,247 --> 00:57:50,292 Miss you all ready. 957 00:57:50,336 --> 00:57:52,033 - Bye, Mommy. - Bye, Betsy. 958 00:57:52,077 --> 00:57:54,949 I love you. 959 00:57:54,993 --> 00:57:57,474 Bye, Davey. 960 00:57:57,517 --> 00:57:59,345 - Bye, Mom. - Bye, Barb. 961 00:57:59,388 --> 00:58:02,479 - You have fun. - Be good. Listen to your father. 962 00:58:02,522 --> 00:58:06,657 - Be good. - [kids] Bye, Mommy, bye. 963 00:58:07,658 --> 00:58:11,096 Look out, Tuff. Look out. 964 00:58:11,139 --> 00:58:13,098 Bye. 965 00:58:17,929 --> 00:58:21,280 Well, what do you want to do now, kids? Hmm. 966 00:58:25,545 --> 00:58:29,506 Defiance, a nice place to leave. 967 00:58:29,549 --> 00:58:33,684 [both laughing] 968 00:58:37,296 --> 00:58:40,212 Honey, you can drive a little faster now. 969 00:59:05,280 --> 00:59:06,412 Oh, my goodness. 970 00:59:09,458 --> 00:59:12,592 We've crossed the state line. 971 00:59:12,636 --> 00:59:14,899 - Doesn't look any different. - [laughs] 972 00:59:14,942 --> 00:59:18,293 The grass is much greener on this side, Tuff. 973 00:59:18,337 --> 00:59:21,079 It is much greener. 974 00:59:26,650 --> 00:59:29,783 Oh, boy. 975 00:59:32,177 --> 00:59:35,572 You can relax, honey. You're doing just fine. 976 00:59:38,792 --> 00:59:42,317 Gonna be hot today. The girls will have to wipe me off the floor when we get there. 977 00:59:42,361 --> 00:59:45,233 Yeah, I'm starting to broil. 978 00:59:47,496 --> 00:59:49,542 Doesn't feel that hot outside. 979 00:59:49,586 --> 00:59:52,284 - Do we have the heater on? - No. 980 00:59:52,327 --> 00:59:54,416 Let me put the fan on. 981 00:59:54,460 --> 00:59:58,420 - [whirring] - Ugh, that's even worse. Turn it off. 982 00:59:58,464 --> 01:00:01,598 [whirring continues] 983 01:00:03,991 --> 01:00:07,168 Mom, I think the car's overheated. 984 01:00:07,212 --> 01:00:10,345 - [Evelyn] Holy Scott. - Maybe we should pull over. 985 01:00:12,478 --> 01:00:15,742 There should be a town in a few miles. I'm sure there's a gas station there. 986 01:00:15,786 --> 01:00:18,571 I don't think we're supposed to keep driving when the engine's hot. 987 01:00:18,615 --> 01:00:21,443 I-I-I say we keep going. 988 01:00:21,487 --> 01:00:24,055 Car's gonna be just fine. 989 01:00:24,098 --> 01:00:26,361 [clunking] 990 01:00:27,667 --> 01:00:30,801 [car sputtering] 991 01:00:38,417 --> 01:00:40,506 - [Evelyn] Hello? - Ma'am. 992 01:00:45,293 --> 01:00:47,513 - Overheated, huh? - Yes. 993 01:00:50,168 --> 01:00:52,866 Fan belt's gone. When's the last time you had it replaced? 994 01:00:52,910 --> 01:00:55,652 Oh, I don't know. It's my husband's car. 995 01:00:55,695 --> 01:00:58,655 How long will it take to fix? 996 01:00:58,698 --> 01:01:02,659 Take at least an hour for the radiator to cool down enough for me to open it up. 997 01:01:02,702 --> 01:01:05,313 After that, who knows. 998 01:01:05,357 --> 01:01:08,621 Depends on what the damage is. You might as well make yourself at home. 999 01:01:08,665 --> 01:01:12,973 Alrighty. Well, come on, Tuff. I'll buy you a pop. 1000 01:01:16,063 --> 01:01:19,763 I'll bet Dad knew that fan belt was rotten and didn't replace it on purpose. 1001 01:01:19,806 --> 01:01:22,156 Oh, honey, 1002 01:01:22,200 --> 01:01:24,724 your father's careless but he's not mean. 1003 01:01:24,768 --> 01:01:27,596 I'm sure he just didn't bother to check. 1004 01:01:32,732 --> 01:01:35,343 Do you ever wish you'd never married him? 1005 01:01:35,387 --> 01:01:37,868 My gosh, Tuff. 1006 01:01:37,911 --> 01:01:39,870 Do you? 1007 01:01:51,795 --> 01:01:55,146 - No, I don't have any regrets. - Come on, Mom. 1008 01:01:55,189 --> 01:01:57,757 You've been stuck in a house for 20 years 1009 01:01:57,801 --> 01:02:00,586 cooking and cleaning and taking care of a bunch of crappy kids. 1010 01:02:00,629 --> 01:02:03,502 - Don't use that. Especially in regards to yourself. - Sorry. 1011 01:02:03,545 --> 01:02:06,592 But you could be living in a city, writing for a newspaper, 1012 01:02:06,635 --> 01:02:08,159 having an interesting life. 1013 01:02:08,202 --> 01:02:10,335 I do have an interesting life. 1014 01:02:10,378 --> 01:02:12,598 Your life stinks. 1015 01:02:12,641 --> 01:02:14,861 Gosh, Mom, just look at today. 1016 01:02:14,905 --> 01:02:17,908 You finally get a chance to go somewhere and the lousy car breaks down. 1017 01:02:17,951 --> 01:02:20,954 It's not fair. 1018 01:02:20,998 --> 01:02:23,217 If I were you, I'd be angry all the time. 1019 01:02:23,261 --> 01:02:26,133 Well, that wouldn't do me any good now, would it? 1020 01:02:26,177 --> 01:02:28,788 For gosh sakes, Mom, you're only human. 1021 01:02:28,832 --> 01:02:31,443 Oh, sweetheart. 1022 01:02:31,486 --> 01:02:33,924 [sighs] 1023 01:02:33,967 --> 01:02:37,666 Maybe I'm meant to make it to the Affadaisies, 1024 01:02:37,710 --> 01:02:41,496 and maybe I'm not. 1025 01:02:41,540 --> 01:02:45,718 But right now, I'm sitting here in the shade 1026 01:02:45,762 --> 01:02:49,156 having a conversation with my wonderfully feisty daughter, 1027 01:02:49,200 --> 01:02:53,857 and I intend to enjoy this moment to the fullest. 1028 01:02:53,900 --> 01:02:58,644 And I suggest, for your own well-being, 1029 01:02:58,687 --> 01:03:01,560 that you do the same, hmm? 1030 01:03:26,454 --> 01:03:29,980 [ladies screaming] 1031 01:03:30,023 --> 01:03:32,330 Dortha Schaefer, is that really you? 1032 01:03:32,373 --> 01:03:35,246 Oh, honey, get into these arms. 1033 01:03:35,289 --> 01:03:38,075 Virginia, there is an Evelyn Ryan! Oh, look at you. 1034 01:03:38,118 --> 01:03:41,905 I can't believe it, hello! 1035 01:03:41,948 --> 01:03:46,692 Welcome, for housework escaping! 1036 01:03:46,735 --> 01:03:49,303 Oh, God, it's so good to see you. 1037 01:03:49,347 --> 01:03:51,740 Thank you so much for delivering your mother to us. 1038 01:03:51,784 --> 01:03:54,265 - No problem. - You have no idea what this means to us. 1039 01:03:54,308 --> 01:03:57,485 Now, you come in, too. That was a big, long drive for you. 1040 01:03:57,529 --> 01:04:01,011 - [Tuff] Sure was. - [Dortha] New driver. Congratulations. 1041 01:04:01,054 --> 01:04:04,275 Emma! Look who we found outside on the curb. 1042 01:04:04,318 --> 01:04:07,191 We got a stray bird back in the nest, girls. 1043 01:04:07,234 --> 01:04:10,716 Evelyn Ryan, as I live... and breathe. 1044 01:04:10,759 --> 01:04:14,763 Emma Hartzler, you are a vision. 1045 01:04:14,807 --> 01:04:17,766 She looks like a giant corn on the cob, doesn't she? 1046 01:04:17,810 --> 01:04:20,552 [Evelyn] I finally found my soul mates 1047 01:04:20,595 --> 01:04:23,033 with the Affadaisies. 1048 01:04:23,076 --> 01:04:26,384 They were the sharpest group of gals I'd ever met. 1049 01:04:26,427 --> 01:04:29,604 We mostly talked shop, and critiqued each other's work. 1050 01:04:29,648 --> 01:04:32,477 - Evelyn, you get on over here. - Here I come. 1051 01:04:32,520 --> 01:04:36,089 - It's clever, but with Pillsbury, rhyme doesn't pay. - Only if it's in verse. 1052 01:04:36,133 --> 01:04:38,744 But inner rhyme is still valid, don't you think? 1053 01:04:38,787 --> 01:04:41,660 Ooh... ooh. 1054 01:04:41,703 --> 01:04:44,402 If you spell Pillsbury flour like the bud, 1055 01:04:44,445 --> 01:04:47,274 and not the baking kind, then you've got a homophone 1056 01:04:47,318 --> 01:04:48,928 and don't... need the rhyme. 1057 01:04:48,972 --> 01:04:50,364 Oh, love it! 1058 01:04:50,408 --> 01:04:52,366 - What's super potato salad? - Pickle juice. 1059 01:04:52,410 --> 01:04:54,368 Brilliant. 1060 01:04:54,412 --> 01:04:57,241 What's the consensus on hyphenated words for 25 words or less? 1061 01:04:57,284 --> 01:05:00,026 Technically, it is one word. Don't trust judges to know that. 1062 01:05:00,070 --> 01:05:02,072 They count a contraction as two words. 1063 01:05:02,115 --> 01:05:06,293 Oh, I'm in trouble. I'll have to knock off a couple of articles. 1064 01:05:06,337 --> 01:05:09,340 Why waste space on an article, when you can put in something zesty. 1065 01:05:09,383 --> 01:05:12,299 "After all," "the" and "antidisestablishmentarianism" 1066 01:05:12,343 --> 01:05:15,259 are both one word, but which one packs the bigger punch? 1067 01:05:15,302 --> 01:05:18,349 What? 1068 01:05:18,392 --> 01:05:20,699 Anti-what? 1069 01:05:20,742 --> 01:05:24,137 Did anyone else just hear that word come out of her mouth? 1070 01:05:27,053 --> 01:05:29,360 This is why she wins the big prizes. 1071 01:05:29,403 --> 01:05:32,145 Can you sing that? Let's just hear what it sounds like. 1072 01:05:32,189 --> 01:05:34,843 [Evelyn] We debated whether our days as contesters were coming to an end. 1073 01:05:34,887 --> 01:05:36,889 [Gladys] Did you see this? 1074 01:05:36,933 --> 01:05:39,979 No skill involved? No skill involved! 1075 01:05:40,023 --> 01:05:42,503 This is the death of literacy, ladies. 1076 01:05:42,547 --> 01:05:44,853 [Betty] I don't want to hear that. It'll never happen. 1077 01:05:44,897 --> 01:05:48,118 [ladies chattering] 1078 01:05:48,161 --> 01:05:49,902 This is the last of the big contests. 1079 01:05:49,946 --> 01:05:52,774 Everybody snapped these up. I got you the last one. 1080 01:05:52,818 --> 01:05:55,429 - Oh, Dortha, you keep it. - Mmm-mm. 1081 01:05:55,473 --> 01:05:59,085 Honey, you've got more kids at home, now you take that. 1082 01:05:59,129 --> 01:06:01,131 OK? 1083 01:06:06,658 --> 01:06:09,530 [Tuff] So, what do you have to do for this one, Mom? 1084 01:06:09,574 --> 01:06:13,578 Oh, it's a one-liner. They want you to finish a limerick. 1085 01:06:13,621 --> 01:06:15,319 "The time of your life you can win 1086 01:06:15,362 --> 01:06:17,321 with Dr. Pepper the flavor that's in. 1087 01:06:17,364 --> 01:06:19,932 It's distinctive and bright, it's lively and light... 1088 01:06:23,196 --> 01:06:26,156 There's no time like now to begin." 1089 01:06:26,199 --> 01:06:29,115 - Eh... - Oh, leave me alone. I'm just warming up. 1090 01:06:37,384 --> 01:06:40,605 - Evening, Rita, Nancy. - Oh, it was a hot one today. 1091 01:06:40,648 --> 01:06:42,955 There was a wonderful breeze over in Goshen. 1092 01:06:42,999 --> 01:06:45,610 Well, it was a hot one here today. 1093 01:06:45,653 --> 01:06:49,222 [woman] Five minutes to supper, sweetheart. 1094 01:06:49,266 --> 01:06:52,138 Oh, for Pete's sake. Who locked the door? 1095 01:06:52,182 --> 01:06:56,012 - Hey, you guys, let us in. - Honey, let's go around the back. 1096 01:06:56,055 --> 01:06:57,926 ♪ Row row row your boat 1097 01:06:57,970 --> 01:07:00,016 ♪ Gently down the stream 1098 01:07:00,059 --> 01:07:03,367 ♪ Throw your dad overboard and listen to him scream ♪ 1099 01:07:03,410 --> 01:07:05,717 - Mom's home! - Hey. 1100 01:07:05,760 --> 01:07:08,850 What are you kids doing outside? 1101 01:07:08,894 --> 01:07:11,114 Well, we went to the movies this afternoon. 1102 01:07:11,157 --> 01:07:13,638 When we got back, Dad locked us out of the house. 1103 01:07:13,681 --> 01:07:16,771 He what? 1104 01:07:16,815 --> 01:07:18,904 Kelly! 1105 01:07:18,947 --> 01:07:21,994 Kelly! Open the door! 1106 01:07:22,038 --> 01:07:25,302 - [bangs on door] - Open the door. 1107 01:07:28,392 --> 01:07:31,395 - Where the hell have you been? - I told you, I might be late. 1108 01:07:31,438 --> 01:07:34,137 - Not this late. - You locked your kids out of the house? 1109 01:07:34,180 --> 01:07:37,053 Good grief, Kelly! Tuff set the table, please. 1110 01:07:37,096 --> 01:07:39,229 You left at the crack of dawn. 1111 01:07:39,272 --> 01:07:41,144 You don't come back until it's almost dark. 1112 01:07:41,187 --> 01:07:43,059 What the hell were you doing all this time? 1113 01:07:43,102 --> 01:07:45,626 I was gone for ten hours. 1114 01:07:45,670 --> 01:07:48,977 If you can't take care of your kids for less than half a day, 1115 01:07:49,021 --> 01:07:50,718 then you might as well leave this house. 1116 01:07:50,762 --> 01:07:52,764 You can goddamn be the one to leave. 1117 01:07:52,807 --> 01:07:54,809 Get off of my mother! 1118 01:07:54,853 --> 01:07:58,857 [everyone screaming] 1119 01:08:01,990 --> 01:08:05,385 [groaning] 1120 01:08:05,429 --> 01:08:08,040 [Evelyn] "For picnic or party, Jell-O's a boon. 1121 01:08:08,084 --> 01:08:11,043 Made by nine, all set by noon. 1122 01:08:11,087 --> 01:08:13,524 The taste and shimmer-shake appeal, 1123 01:08:13,567 --> 01:08:16,875 Jell-O jollies any meal." 1124 01:08:19,443 --> 01:08:21,227 [snickering] 1125 01:08:28,104 --> 01:08:32,456 Christ, Mother. You've killed me. 1126 01:08:32,499 --> 01:08:34,675 Death by Jell-O is highly unlikely. 1127 01:08:34,719 --> 01:08:37,113 And I want you to know, I am not cleaning up this mess. 1128 01:08:39,593 --> 01:08:41,465 Tuff, could you get me some towels? 1129 01:08:41,508 --> 01:08:44,120 Not on your life. She's not cleaning up after you. 1130 01:08:44,163 --> 01:08:46,861 Now kids, go ahead and watch TV while I make dinner. 1131 01:08:46,905 --> 01:08:50,126 - [kids laughing] - Go on. 1132 01:08:55,000 --> 01:08:58,308 By the way, the fan belt fell off the car 1133 01:08:58,351 --> 01:09:02,050 and that is why we are so late. 1134 01:09:02,094 --> 01:09:04,009 Yeah, I was waiting for that to happen. 1135 01:09:06,881 --> 01:09:09,449 What's this? 1136 01:09:09,493 --> 01:09:12,496 Steak. I went shopping today. 1137 01:09:12,539 --> 01:09:14,541 I wanted to make a nice dinner for the kids. 1138 01:09:14,585 --> 01:09:15,977 Why didn't you feed them? 1139 01:09:16,021 --> 01:09:18,980 I was crying and didn't want them to see me. 1140 01:09:19,024 --> 01:09:21,244 Why on Earth were you crying? 1141 01:09:21,287 --> 01:09:24,986 I thought you decided to go away and never come back. 1142 01:09:25,030 --> 01:09:27,424 [sighs] For goodness sakes. 1143 01:09:27,467 --> 01:09:30,209 You know I'd never leave the kids with you. 1144 01:09:37,303 --> 01:09:40,045 I got you something too. 1145 01:09:40,088 --> 01:09:42,830 It was supposed to be a surprise. 1146 01:09:42,874 --> 01:09:45,485 It's in there. 1147 01:09:45,529 --> 01:09:48,009 Here you go, Mother. 1148 01:09:48,053 --> 01:09:50,838 I found it at a secondhand store. 1149 01:09:50,882 --> 01:09:53,841 I paid a guy at the shop to fix it up. 1150 01:09:53,885 --> 01:09:57,367 Oh, well, it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. 1151 01:09:57,410 --> 01:09:59,978 I thought it was about time 1152 01:10:00,021 --> 01:10:02,633 you had a proper desk. 1153 01:10:02,676 --> 01:10:04,765 How did you pay for it? 1154 01:10:04,809 --> 01:10:08,552 Oh, don't you worry about that. 1155 01:10:09,814 --> 01:10:12,251 Thank you, Kelly. 1156 01:10:12,295 --> 01:10:14,471 I... 1157 01:10:14,514 --> 01:10:16,864 I love you. 1158 01:10:21,956 --> 01:10:24,785 [breathes deeply] 1159 01:10:24,829 --> 01:10:27,266 [ringing] 1160 01:10:31,314 --> 01:10:34,012 -Hello? - [man] Hello, Mrs. Ryan? 1161 01:10:34,055 --> 01:10:38,190 It's Cutter Murphy, down here at Defiance Home Saving and Loan. 1162 01:10:38,234 --> 01:10:41,106 Just, um, a friendly reminder 1163 01:10:41,149 --> 01:10:44,892 to, uh, let you know that the second mortgage is coming due on your house. 1164 01:10:44,936 --> 01:10:48,374 Mr. Murphy, we've never taken out a second mortgage. 1165 01:10:48,418 --> 01:10:50,071 Oh, uh, yes you did. 1166 01:10:50,115 --> 01:10:52,857 Yes, uh, Mr. Ryan came down here three years ago 1167 01:10:52,900 --> 01:10:55,163 and signed the papers. 1168 01:10:55,207 --> 01:10:56,904 How much do we owe? 1169 01:10:56,948 --> 01:10:59,342 Um... $4,000 1170 01:10:59,385 --> 01:11:03,911 due in, um... due in 30 days. 1171 01:11:03,955 --> 01:11:05,348 See ya, fellas. 1172 01:11:19,231 --> 01:11:22,669 Hello, Mother. What are you doing out here? 1173 01:11:22,713 --> 01:11:25,455 When were you gonna tell me about the second mortgage? 1174 01:11:30,851 --> 01:11:33,158 It's due, huh? 1175 01:11:33,201 --> 01:11:37,554 I had a feeling that day might be coming up. 1176 01:11:37,597 --> 01:11:39,556 Is there anything left? 1177 01:11:39,599 --> 01:11:42,080 I was gonna pay it back 1178 01:11:42,123 --> 01:11:45,388 without anyone ever knowing about it. 1179 01:11:49,043 --> 01:11:51,437 Is there anything left, Kelly? 1180 01:11:53,004 --> 01:11:55,833 No... no, no. 1181 01:11:55,876 --> 01:11:58,749 It's all... gone. 1182 01:12:06,409 --> 01:12:09,716 They're gonna repossess the house. 1183 01:12:14,939 --> 01:12:16,984 Do the kids know? 1184 01:12:18,551 --> 01:12:20,248 I told them as soon as I got the call. 1185 01:12:20,292 --> 01:12:24,557 I didn't want them to hear it from anybody else. 1186 01:12:26,472 --> 01:12:28,387 Are they angry with me? 1187 01:12:28,431 --> 01:12:31,390 Right now, they're just scared. 1188 01:12:33,174 --> 01:12:36,874 Guess we could always rent another place. 1189 01:12:36,917 --> 01:12:41,226 At least we wouldn't have to worry about repairs anymore. 1190 01:12:41,269 --> 01:12:42,967 This is my house, Kelly. 1191 01:12:43,010 --> 01:12:46,492 My house. 1192 01:12:51,715 --> 01:12:55,153 I just... 1193 01:12:55,196 --> 01:12:57,329 ...felt like a drowning man. 1194 01:12:57,373 --> 01:13:01,202 Never being able to catch up... 1195 01:13:01,246 --> 01:13:03,074 I just wanted, for once, 1196 01:13:03,117 --> 01:13:06,730 to have a few extra dollars in my pocket. 1197 01:13:11,822 --> 01:13:14,520 Well, that's water under the bridge now, isn't it? 1198 01:13:15,478 --> 01:13:16,827 Where you going? 1199 01:13:16,870 --> 01:13:19,133 I have to make dinner. 1200 01:13:20,787 --> 01:13:23,094 Do you hate me, Mother? 1201 01:13:25,009 --> 01:13:27,533 I'm still in shock. I'll have to let you know. 1202 01:13:39,502 --> 01:13:42,243 We need to talk about what will happen 1203 01:13:42,287 --> 01:13:44,202 if we need to leave this house. 1204 01:13:44,245 --> 01:13:46,552 We may not be able to stay together. 1205 01:13:46,596 --> 01:13:48,293 What do you mean? 1206 01:13:48,336 --> 01:13:51,514 Aunt Lucy said she could take Betsy and Dave. 1207 01:13:51,557 --> 01:13:54,386 You kids like the farm, don't ya? 1208 01:13:54,430 --> 01:13:57,345 No, we don't. 1209 01:13:57,389 --> 01:14:00,740 Aw, what about that old horse of theirs? You love that horse. 1210 01:14:00,784 --> 01:14:03,482 I really don't. 1211 01:14:03,526 --> 01:14:06,398 - Where am I gonna go? - Mrs. Bidlack has an extra room. 1212 01:14:06,442 --> 01:14:08,879 There is no way in heck I am staying with her. 1213 01:14:08,922 --> 01:14:11,751 You'll be right next door. It'll be like living here. 1214 01:14:11,795 --> 01:14:14,754 No it won't. There'll be another family here. 1215 01:14:14,798 --> 01:14:16,887 There will be someone sleeping in my room! 1216 01:14:26,418 --> 01:14:29,900 - How's that steak, kids? - Don't be rude, answer your father. 1217 01:14:29,943 --> 01:14:31,684 [sniffling] 1218 01:14:35,122 --> 01:14:37,342 It's good, Daddy. 1219 01:14:37,385 --> 01:14:40,171 Well, last one, eat up. 1220 01:15:00,104 --> 01:15:03,542 [muffled voices] 1221 01:15:14,422 --> 01:15:16,424 [voices stop] 1222 01:15:20,603 --> 01:15:22,343 What are you kids doing? 1223 01:15:22,387 --> 01:15:26,173 We're praying that you win something very big. 1224 01:15:26,217 --> 01:15:29,002 [sighs] All right. 1225 01:15:31,439 --> 01:15:33,572 Don't let me disturb you. 1226 01:15:38,838 --> 01:15:40,623 [all praying] 1227 01:15:43,408 --> 01:15:45,105 [Ray] Times are hard again, huh? 1228 01:15:45,149 --> 01:15:48,065 Yes. Yes, they are. 1229 01:15:48,108 --> 01:15:50,894 I'll tell you what. Um... 1230 01:15:50,937 --> 01:15:54,811 I'll leave you the milk, you don't have to pay me until next week. 1231 01:15:54,854 --> 01:15:57,901 Thank you, Ray. 1232 01:15:57,944 --> 01:15:59,816 - Thank you, so much. - [phone rings] 1233 01:15:59,859 --> 01:16:02,819 I got a bag of laundry in the truck, 1234 01:16:02,862 --> 01:16:05,865 it's just a couple of shirts, you know, if you do a good job, 1235 01:16:05,909 --> 01:16:08,215 I could even recommend you to my customers. 1236 01:16:08,259 --> 01:16:13,090 - [phone ringing] - I don't take in laundry. 1237 01:16:13,133 --> 01:16:15,005 Could somebody please get that? 1238 01:16:15,048 --> 01:16:18,008 Hey, I'm just trying to do you a favor, OK? 1239 01:16:18,051 --> 01:16:20,663 - Don't get uppity. - I have enough for two bottles of milk, 1240 01:16:20,706 --> 01:16:22,926 and that will have to suffice. 1241 01:16:22,969 --> 01:16:25,842 [whispers] Mommy, it's the detective from Toledo. 1242 01:16:25,885 --> 01:16:28,975 A detective? That's it. There's nothing more I can do for you. 1243 01:16:29,019 --> 01:16:31,804 Barb, count out the money for the milkman, please. 1244 01:16:35,329 --> 01:16:37,418 More. 1245 01:16:38,028 --> 01:16:39,943 Hello? 1246 01:16:39,986 --> 01:16:42,859 - [man] Mrs. Evelyn Ryan? - Yes, this is she. 1247 01:16:42,902 --> 01:16:46,645 I'm interviewing finalists for the Dr. Pepper "Time of Your Life" contest, 1248 01:16:46,689 --> 01:16:48,995 - Yes, of course. - Will you be in this afternoon? 1249 01:16:49,039 --> 01:16:50,431 [stammers] Yes, certainly. 1250 01:16:50,475 --> 01:16:52,956 - 3:00? - Oh, that'll be fine. 1251 01:16:52,999 --> 01:16:56,133 - We'll be here all day. Do you have our address? - Yes, I do. That's my job. 1252 01:16:56,176 --> 01:16:57,700 All right. We'll see you then. 1253 01:16:57,743 --> 01:17:00,224 - I look forward to it. - Thank you. 1254 01:17:00,267 --> 01:17:02,313 - What? What is it? - Kelly! 1255 01:17:02,356 --> 01:17:04,445 - What's going on? - Get out here! 1256 01:17:04,489 --> 01:17:06,534 - It's way too soon to be excited, - [toilet flushes] 1257 01:17:06,578 --> 01:17:09,146 - but I am a possible winner... - What is it, Mother? 1258 01:17:09,189 --> 01:17:12,671 Kelly, a detective is on his way to Defiance right now. 1259 01:17:12,715 --> 01:17:15,543 I'm in the running for the "Time of Your Life" contest. 1260 01:17:15,587 --> 01:17:18,155 - Is this a big one? - It's very big. 1261 01:17:18,198 --> 01:17:20,940 We need to clean this place up. Betsy, Davey, pick up your toys. 1262 01:17:20,984 --> 01:17:23,203 Tuff, get all that stuff off the table. 1263 01:17:23,247 --> 01:17:26,685 Mike... Dad give Mike some money, send him to the store for some Dr. Pepper. 1264 01:17:26,729 --> 01:17:30,820 - What for? -We need to show the detective we're using the product. 1265 01:17:30,863 --> 01:17:34,171 This is my last dollar. what if we don't win? 1266 01:17:34,214 --> 01:17:36,739 - That's a problem for another day. - Go, Mike. 1267 01:17:36,782 --> 01:17:40,220 -Get it from the refrigerator, we want to serve it cold. - OK, Mom. 1268 01:17:40,264 --> 01:17:43,702 Tuff? Take all this stuff and put it on the back porch. 1269 01:17:43,746 --> 01:17:47,488 Barbie, stop crying, honey, and get me a broom for goodness sake. 1270 01:17:49,142 --> 01:17:51,710 [gasping] 1271 01:17:54,582 --> 01:17:57,150 [man] Are you employed outside the home? 1272 01:17:57,194 --> 01:18:01,894 Oh, goodness, no. I have enough to do here. 1273 01:18:01,938 --> 01:18:04,070 And your husband, what does he do? 1274 01:18:04,114 --> 01:18:07,291 He's a machinist. 1275 01:18:07,334 --> 01:18:10,947 Do you own or... rent your home? 1276 01:18:10,990 --> 01:18:13,645 We own it. 1277 01:18:13,689 --> 01:18:16,604 One car or a two car family? 1278 01:18:16,648 --> 01:18:18,476 One car. A Chevy. 1279 01:18:18,519 --> 01:18:21,958 - The one parked out front? - Yes. 1280 01:18:22,001 --> 01:18:24,395 You need to put some more air into those tires. 1281 01:18:24,438 --> 01:18:26,353 Oh? Oh! 1282 01:18:26,397 --> 01:18:28,965 OK, final question. 1283 01:18:30,488 --> 01:18:32,751 If you were stuck on a desert island 1284 01:18:32,795 --> 01:18:35,536 and you only had one beverage to drink... 1285 01:18:37,103 --> 01:18:39,453 ...what would the beverage be? 1286 01:18:40,541 --> 01:18:43,370 Orange juice. 1287 01:18:43,414 --> 01:18:45,416 Orange juice? 1288 01:18:47,723 --> 01:18:51,727 To prevent scurvy. But my beverage of choice is Dr. Pepper, of course. 1289 01:18:54,251 --> 01:18:57,994 - Thanks for the honesty. - A pleasure, Det. Feeney. 1290 01:18:58,037 --> 01:19:00,083 That's it. When the final decision's made, 1291 01:19:00,126 --> 01:19:02,868 you'll be notified immediately. 1292 01:19:05,523 --> 01:19:08,874 - And when might that be? - Oh, two weeks to a month. 1293 01:19:08,918 --> 01:19:11,007 Oh, I see. 1294 01:19:11,050 --> 01:19:15,228 - Thank you for coming by. - The pleasure's all mine. 1295 01:19:17,840 --> 01:19:21,844 - [sighs] - [giggles] Orange juice. 1296 01:19:21,887 --> 01:19:24,455 What kind of crazy answer was that? 1297 01:19:24,498 --> 01:19:27,240 I think your mother did a heck of a job, 1298 01:19:27,284 --> 01:19:29,242 what do you think, kids? 1299 01:19:29,286 --> 01:19:31,157 What if we win and it's too late? 1300 01:19:31,201 --> 01:19:33,986 What's with the doom and gloom? We're halfway there. 1301 01:19:34,030 --> 01:19:37,773 Mom, will me and Davey still have to go to the farm? 1302 01:19:37,816 --> 01:19:42,125 We don't know yet, honey. It's something we have to prepare for. 1303 01:19:42,168 --> 01:19:44,431 Don't listen to Mom. She's just being modest. 1304 01:19:44,475 --> 01:19:47,304 None of those other entries are as good as hers. She's a shoo-in. 1305 01:19:47,347 --> 01:19:50,698 I'm not a shoo-in. There could be 20 other people up for this prize. 1306 01:19:50,742 --> 01:19:53,136 Don't worry, kids. Everything is going to be OK. 1307 01:19:53,179 --> 01:19:56,182 No, it isn't. Even if we do win, so what? 1308 01:19:56,226 --> 01:19:58,010 We'll be just as poor as we were before 1309 01:19:58,054 --> 01:20:00,273 because of all the money you stole from us. 1310 01:20:00,317 --> 01:20:01,971 I didn't steal anything! 1311 01:20:02,014 --> 01:20:04,190 I made an error in judgment. 1312 01:20:04,234 --> 01:20:05,844 Heck of an error. 1313 01:20:05,888 --> 01:20:08,412 You all think this isn't tearing me apart? 1314 01:20:08,455 --> 01:20:12,633 I did it to pay the bills. I wanted you kids to eat steak. 1315 01:20:12,677 --> 01:20:15,811 I wanted your mother to have one decent piece of furniture, 1316 01:20:15,854 --> 01:20:17,769 that didn't look like it came from a thrift store. 1317 01:20:17,813 --> 01:20:19,815 I don't care! 1318 01:20:19,858 --> 01:20:22,687 - I want our house back! - It isn't gone yet! 1319 01:20:22,730 --> 01:20:24,907 So, have a little faith, for Christ's sake. 1320 01:20:27,083 --> 01:20:31,217 OK, Tuff, now you've upset your mother. 1321 01:20:36,570 --> 01:20:38,921 You OK, Mother? 1322 01:20:49,627 --> 01:20:52,064 If you don't win this one, there'll always be another... 1323 01:20:52,108 --> 01:20:55,285 No, there won't. 1324 01:20:55,328 --> 01:20:58,854 In another year, there won't be any of these contests left. 1325 01:20:58,897 --> 01:21:03,032 If we lose this house, that's it. 1326 01:21:03,075 --> 01:21:06,165 I can't buy another house with a three-dollar poetry prize, now can I? 1327 01:21:09,734 --> 01:21:12,737 - You'll think of something. - No. You think of something! 1328 01:21:12,780 --> 01:21:15,914 It's your turn, your turn to make things right because I'm out of ideas. 1329 01:21:18,874 --> 01:21:22,138 - Please don't fall apart. - For God's sakes, Kelly, I'm not a saint. 1330 01:21:22,181 --> 01:21:25,576 If you can't stand to see me upset, then go away. 1331 01:21:25,619 --> 01:21:28,709 Let me do it in peace. 1332 01:21:34,367 --> 01:21:35,978 All right. 1333 01:21:43,115 --> 01:21:46,118 [shuts door] 1334 01:22:27,029 --> 01:22:28,856 Thanks. 1335 01:22:30,946 --> 01:22:34,123 Mom, there are bugs in the soup. 1336 01:22:34,166 --> 01:22:36,560 - I have them too. - Me too. 1337 01:22:40,259 --> 01:22:43,001 Those aren't bugs. They're spices. 1338 01:22:43,045 --> 01:22:45,308 - They have legs. - Don't be silly. Spices don't have legs. 1339 01:22:50,791 --> 01:22:53,011 There are no bugs in the soup. 1340 01:22:53,055 --> 01:22:55,361 Listen to your mother, kids. 1341 01:23:08,331 --> 01:23:09,985 [telephone rings] 1342 01:23:15,338 --> 01:23:17,209 - Hello? - [man] Hello. Mrs. Kelly Ryan? 1343 01:23:17,253 --> 01:23:20,038 - Yes, yes, this is she. - Congratulations. 1344 01:23:20,082 --> 01:23:23,302 You have won a free offer from Bright Way Rug and Upholstery Cleaners. 1345 01:23:23,346 --> 01:23:26,610 We will give you our special living room discount. 1346 01:23:26,653 --> 01:23:30,266 Plus, we will clean one area rug, absolutely free. 1347 01:23:30,309 --> 01:23:33,095 - [Barb crying] - Hello, ma'am? 1348 01:23:33,138 --> 01:23:35,923 We're not interested, thank you. 1349 01:23:37,360 --> 01:23:40,058 It's all right. Shh, shh, shh. it's all right. 1350 01:23:43,931 --> 01:23:46,630 It's all right. Shh. 1351 01:23:54,333 --> 01:23:56,727 Mommy, what do we do with this? 1352 01:23:56,770 --> 01:23:59,512 Just put it all on the front porch. Thank you, girls. 1353 01:24:01,775 --> 01:24:04,169 Hey, Davey, go outside with that. 1354 01:24:27,845 --> 01:24:29,107 [telephone rings] 1355 01:24:43,078 --> 01:24:44,514 - Hello? - [man] Hello. 1356 01:24:44,557 --> 01:24:48,170 - Is this Mrs. Evelyn L. Ryan? - This is she. 1357 01:24:48,213 --> 01:24:51,260 Mrs. Ryan, it's my pleasure to inform you 1358 01:24:51,303 --> 01:24:53,175 that you are our first-prize winner 1359 01:24:53,218 --> 01:24:55,786 in the Dr. Pepper "Time of Your Life" contest. 1360 01:24:55,829 --> 01:24:57,831 Oh, my word. 1361 01:24:57,875 --> 01:25:00,138 You've won a trip for two to Switzerland, 1362 01:25:00,182 --> 01:25:03,359 a Ford Mustang, his and hers Longines watches 1363 01:25:03,402 --> 01:25:07,363 and cash in the amount of $3,440.64. 1364 01:25:07,406 --> 01:25:09,321 Goodness, well... 1365 01:25:09,365 --> 01:25:13,151 ...these prizes couldn't come at a better time for my large family. 1366 01:25:13,195 --> 01:25:16,067 - Kids! - [laughing] I'm glad to hear that, Mrs. Ryan. 1367 01:25:16,111 --> 01:25:18,461 - Come down here. - You have every reason to be proud. 1368 01:25:18,504 --> 01:25:22,160 Your entry beat out 250,000 others. 1369 01:25:22,204 --> 01:25:24,989 Thank you for telling me that. 1370 01:25:25,032 --> 01:25:27,731 You've brightened my day considerably. 1371 01:25:27,774 --> 01:25:30,168 Thank you, Mrs. Ryan. Good day. 1372 01:25:32,605 --> 01:25:36,870 - We won! - [everyone screams] 1373 01:25:45,444 --> 01:25:47,185 Mom, can we go tell the neighbors? 1374 01:25:47,229 --> 01:25:49,144 You can tell whoever you want! 1375 01:26:01,504 --> 01:26:04,115 Tuffy, it's OK. 1376 01:26:04,159 --> 01:26:06,900 Everything's going to be OK. We're all going to be OK. 1377 01:26:06,944 --> 01:26:09,947 No, we aren't. 1378 01:26:12,515 --> 01:26:15,213 - For cripe's sake. - You go on outside, I'll take care of her. 1379 01:26:16,954 --> 01:26:19,957 Come on, let's go tell everybody. Come on. 1380 01:26:20,000 --> 01:26:22,394 [giggling] 1381 01:26:22,438 --> 01:26:25,789 [Bruce] We won! We won the big contest! 1382 01:26:32,883 --> 01:26:35,277 He's never going to change. 1383 01:26:35,320 --> 01:26:37,714 You're absolutely right. 1384 01:26:37,757 --> 01:26:39,672 He's not. 1385 01:26:44,199 --> 01:26:46,766 [sighs] Do you know 1386 01:26:46,810 --> 01:26:49,029 what that man said to me on the phone just now? 1387 01:26:49,073 --> 01:26:50,727 No. 1388 01:26:50,770 --> 01:26:55,166 He said that I beat 250,000 other entries. 1389 01:26:55,210 --> 01:26:59,605 And do you know what else? 1390 01:26:59,649 --> 01:27:01,781 It wasn't even my best one. 1391 01:27:04,697 --> 01:27:07,570 Honey... 1392 01:27:07,613 --> 01:27:10,616 Honey, you have your whole life in front of you, 1393 01:27:10,660 --> 01:27:14,011 and you can make of it whatever you want. 1394 01:27:14,054 --> 01:27:17,275 You have a marvelous mind. 1395 01:27:17,319 --> 01:27:20,626 And a beautiful heart. 1396 01:27:22,715 --> 01:27:25,544 And you can accomplish anything. 1397 01:27:27,111 --> 01:27:29,896 Everything is possible. 1398 01:27:29,940 --> 01:27:33,248 Do you know that? 1399 01:27:37,904 --> 01:27:40,820 [sighs] 1400 01:27:40,864 --> 01:27:42,866 Forgive him, Tuff. 1401 01:27:45,434 --> 01:27:48,306 Forgive him so you can embrace this... 1402 01:27:48,350 --> 01:27:51,440 ...truly remarkable day. 1403 01:28:05,932 --> 01:28:08,239 I love you, Mom. 1404 01:28:11,721 --> 01:28:13,853 I love you. 1405 01:28:13,897 --> 01:28:18,902 ♪ Bye-bye blue 1406 01:28:21,644 --> 01:28:26,388 ♪ Bye-bye blue 1407 01:28:29,478 --> 01:28:32,959 ♪ Bells ring 1408 01:28:33,003 --> 01:28:36,180 ♪ Birds sing 1409 01:28:36,223 --> 01:28:40,227 ♪ Sun is shining 1410 01:28:40,271 --> 01:28:44,101 ♪ No more pining 1411 01:28:44,144 --> 01:28:46,103 [Evelyn] I never made it to Switzerland. 1412 01:28:46,146 --> 01:28:48,888 Naturally, I cashed in the trip to pay off the mortgage. 1413 01:28:50,629 --> 01:28:53,980 However, I did get my chance to travel. 1414 01:28:54,024 --> 01:28:58,158 To Dallas, Texas where Dr. Pepper made me their own queen for a day. 1415 01:28:58,202 --> 01:29:01,205 - Oh. - However, I was deeply annoyed by the hat, 1416 01:29:01,248 --> 01:29:03,555 as my hair was flattened for the rest of the day. 1417 01:29:05,514 --> 01:29:08,604 It was the first time I ate a meal I didn't have to cook, 1418 01:29:08,647 --> 01:29:10,823 on a plate that I didn't have to wash. 1419 01:29:12,695 --> 01:29:16,438 Or soaked in a tub that I didn't have to scrub. 1420 01:29:16,481 --> 01:29:21,791 Or slept in a bed, that I didn't have to make. 1421 01:29:21,834 --> 01:29:24,881 I never won another major contest after that. 1422 01:29:24,924 --> 01:29:29,233 Nor did I ever travel much beyond the Ohio-Indiana state line. 1423 01:29:30,365 --> 01:29:33,716 [kids laughing] 1424 01:29:33,759 --> 01:29:35,631 Drive safely. 1425 01:29:35,674 --> 01:29:37,676 But I'm happy to report, every one of my children 1426 01:29:37,720 --> 01:29:39,504 got the chance to see the world beyond. 1427 01:29:43,290 --> 01:29:45,292 I saw them off to California, 1428 01:29:45,336 --> 01:29:47,904 Colorado, Virginia, 1429 01:29:47,947 --> 01:29:50,297 Texas, Florida, 1430 01:29:50,341 --> 01:29:52,517 New York. 1431 01:29:52,561 --> 01:29:55,302 I've watched them graduate college, play ball, 1432 01:29:55,346 --> 01:29:57,348 practice nursing, practice law. 1433 01:29:57,392 --> 01:29:59,045 Bye, Mom. 1434 01:30:02,092 --> 01:30:05,356 - And yes, some of them have even written books. -[Kelly] Goodbye! 1435 01:30:16,367 --> 01:30:18,325 My husband, Kelly, bless his soul, 1436 01:30:18,369 --> 01:30:20,458 found his peace, at last. 1437 01:30:20,502 --> 01:30:23,026 He left a legacy of atonement that, frankly, 1438 01:30:23,069 --> 01:30:25,289 took my breath away. 1439 01:30:25,332 --> 01:30:29,206 He deposited his pension checks in a secret account, 1440 01:30:29,249 --> 01:30:32,383 that he had opened just for me. 1441 01:30:32,427 --> 01:30:35,995 I never had to worry about earning another nickel again. 1442 01:30:41,392 --> 01:30:45,352 - Does anyone want these? - You can have it. 1443 01:30:45,396 --> 01:30:47,790 [Evelyn] When it was my time to take leave of this world, 1444 01:30:47,833 --> 01:30:51,010 all my chicks were there to see me off. 1445 01:30:51,054 --> 01:30:53,056 It was a lovely day, indeed. 1446 01:31:02,413 --> 01:31:05,895 Tuff, you want to take Mom's typewriter? 1447 01:31:34,227 --> 01:31:36,316 Oh, my goodness. 1448 01:31:36,360 --> 01:31:38,493 I believe this was the last thing I ever wrote. 1449 01:31:40,233 --> 01:31:43,585 "Every time I pass the church, I stop and make a visit. 1450 01:31:43,628 --> 01:31:45,587 So when I'm carried in feet first, 1451 01:31:45,630 --> 01:31:48,328 God won't say, 'Who is it?'" 1452 01:31:49,852 --> 01:31:51,810 Well, it's not my best. 1453 01:31:51,854 --> 01:31:53,725 But the sentiment is right. 1454 01:32:30,283 --> 01:32:33,025 [♪k.d. lang: I'm Sitting on Top of the World] 1455 01:32:35,506 --> 01:32:37,813 ♪ I'm sitting 1456 01:32:37,856 --> 01:32:41,730 ♪ On top of the world 1457 01:32:43,470 --> 01:32:46,735 ♪ Just rolling along 1458 01:32:46,778 --> 01:32:50,434 ♪ Rolling along 1459 01:32:52,654 --> 01:32:54,612 ♪ I'm quitting 1460 01:32:54,656 --> 01:32:58,660 ♪ The blues of the world 1461 01:33:00,531 --> 01:33:02,751 ♪ Just singing a song 1462 01:33:04,448 --> 01:33:07,320 ♪ Singing a song 1463 01:33:08,713 --> 01:33:10,933 ♪ Glory hallelujah 1464 01:33:10,976 --> 01:33:14,153 ♪ I just called the parson 1465 01:33:14,197 --> 01:33:19,028 ♪ Said, "Hey, par, get ready to call ♪ 1466 01:33:19,071 --> 01:33:23,641 ♪ 'Cause just like Humpty Dumpty ♪ 1467 01:33:23,685 --> 01:33:27,036 ♪ I'm ready to fall" 1468 01:33:27,079 --> 01:33:29,125 ♪ I'm sitting 1469 01:33:29,168 --> 01:33:33,216 ♪ On top of the world 1470 01:33:34,521 --> 01:33:38,308 ♪ Just rolling along 1471 01:33:38,351 --> 01:33:41,659 ♪ Rolling along 1472 01:33:54,193 --> 01:33:56,718 [chorus] ♪ Ooh 1473 01:34:00,025 --> 01:34:02,245 ♪ Glory hallelujah 1474 01:34:02,288 --> 01:34:05,683 ♪ I just called the parson 1475 01:34:05,727 --> 01:34:11,515 ♪ Said, "Hey, par, get ready to call ♪ 1476 01:34:11,558 --> 01:34:15,475 ♪ 'Cause just like Humpty Dumpty ♪ 1477 01:34:15,519 --> 01:34:18,522 ♪ I'm ready to fall" 1478 01:34:18,565 --> 01:34:20,524 ♪ I'm sitting 1479 01:34:20,567 --> 01:34:24,746 ♪ On top of the world 1480 01:34:26,008 --> 01:34:29,272 ♪ Just rolling along 1481 01:34:29,315 --> 01:34:32,275 ♪ Rolling along 1482 01:34:34,407 --> 01:34:38,237 ♪ Just rolling along 1483 01:34:38,281 --> 01:34:41,153 ♪ Rolling along 1484 01:34:42,633 --> 01:34:46,550 ♪ Just rolling along 1485 01:34:46,593 --> 01:34:50,249 ♪ Rolling along 109636

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