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1
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:59,346
Lawyer: Gentlemen...
2
00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:03,266
Gentlemen, I bid you welcome,
3
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:10,190
and beg at the very outset to be allowed
to express my extreme gratitude
4
00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:15,237
that you have seen fit
to grace this noble room
5
00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:19,032
with your presence this afternoon.
6
00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:22,244
I... I have here to hand
7
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:27,082
a document of high concern
and vast importance.
8
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:32,462
Vast importance
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00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:35,757
to each and every one of you.
10
00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:40,637
This document, gentlemen, sets forth
the rules regulating an agreement
11
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:44,224
to enter upon a venture
known as a tontine.
12
00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:45,726
Clerk: "Tontine."
13
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:50,939
A tontine is,
in point of fact, a lottery,
14
00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:54,234
a lottery, plain and simple,
gentlemen.
15
00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:55,736
"Simple."
16
00:03:55,819 --> 00:04:00,282
Into this tontine each parent,
or guardian,
17
00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:03,702
has placed for each of you,
and in your name,
18
00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:08,123
the sum of £1,000 sterling.
19
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:11,835
The sum so constituted
is to be administered
20
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:14,755
by a self-perpetuating board
21
00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:19,843
and held in trust by them
for whomsoever survives.
22
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,303
"Survives."
23
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:26,391
This £20,000 will grow and grow,
24
00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:32,731
under astute management,
who will charge but a nominal fee,
25
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:35,817
and this by then great sum
26
00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:38,779
will be handed to the one amongst you
27
00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:42,741
who is the last surviving
member of the tontine.
28
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:46,203
It is as plain and as simple as that.
29
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:52,125
Therefore, allow me to say,
in conclusion, long life to all!
30
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:57,297
But since no other shall be present
when the winner has won,
31
00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:59,716
"has won..."
32
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,052
Let us cheer him now.
33
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:06,056
He whom fate sees fit to favour.
34
00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:10,769
Oh. Hip-hip.
35
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:12,395
All: Hooray!
36
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:15,023
- Hip-hip.
- Hooray!
37
00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:18,902
- Hip-hip.
- Hooray!
38
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:37,045
- Cannon reloaded?
- Cannon reloaded, sir.
39
00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:39,089
- Then fire.
- But sir...
40
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,258
You heard me, man. Fire!
41
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:53,687
Never fear, ladies.
He knows his prey.
42
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:58,066
Ah, see, yonder.
43
00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:02,737
Kill!
44
00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:33,310
In the name of the queen!
45
00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:44,279
And so it gives me great pleasure
to name this ship repulsion.
46
00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:47,449
God bless all who sail in her.
47
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:59,002
You swine!
48
00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:09,930
They're disorganised!
Victory must soon be ours.
49
00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:11,139
Sound the charge!
50
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:14,434
- Sound the what, sir?
- Give that to me, you fool.
51
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:34,913
Now, then, my good men, what's all this
poppycock about the mine not being safe, eh?
52
00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:37,582
Speak up. What's wrong with it?
53
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:48,718
Not yet, tumba.
You must learn the white man's code.
54
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:52,180
It is not sporting, it is not done,
55
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:55,058
to fire at rhino
until he's actually charging.
56
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:42,355
When I die, my son,
57
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,693
all this will be yours.
58
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,782
Yes, father.
59
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:24,272
In recognition of your many
and varied services to the crown,
60
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:32,655
I dub thee...
61
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:44,793
We are frightfully sorry, sir Robert.
62
00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:27,669
- Masterman: Michael!
- Yes, er...
63
00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:31,214
Yes, grandfather?
64
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:34,175
The time has come.
65
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,594
Yes.
66
00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:40,682
Yes, I really believe
the time has come.
67
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:47,981
At last. At last.
68
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:05,832
Not so fast, sir!
69
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:08,084
You're a very quick man
with the sheet, Michael.
70
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,045
Oh, yes, yes.
You see, sir, I thought...
71
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:14,549
I know what you thought, sir.
But let me tell you something.
72
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:18,595
Death cannot be assumed simply
because signs of life are not present.
73
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:22,223
Hasn't that medical school taught you
how to take a pulse?
74
00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:24,517
Oh, we have touched on it, sir.
75
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,811
But mostly, we cut up things.
76
00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:28,938
Hmm? Hmm.
77
00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:33,276
- Do you know what this is?
- No, sir. I gave it to you unopened.
78
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:35,904
- Hackett is dead.
- Hackett, sir?
79
00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:38,990
Mmm-hmm. Ebenezer hackett.
I went to school with him.
80
00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:42,452
An unpleasant name for a dirty little boy
and an even dirtier old man.
81
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,329
Died of the pox, no doubt.
82
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:50,752
Now, the point is, sir, it only leaves
my brother Joseph and me in the tontine.
83
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:52,795
- Oh, yes, I see, sir.
- Do you, sir? Do you?
84
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:56,883
I doubt it. I doubt it. But we're not
concerned with you, are we, eh?
85
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:59,761
We're concerned with me.
My thoughts and feelings.
86
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:01,721
- That's right, sir.
- Yes.
87
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:04,766
Now, you're to go and get Joseph
and tell him I want to see him.
88
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,142
Yes, sir.
89
00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:11,689
- Won't that upset you, sir?
- Upset me? But of course it'll upset me.
90
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:14,609
But nothing will upset me more
than not winning the tontine
91
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:17,695
and leaving you with a mountain
of debts and a doubtful future
92
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:20,949
as an idiot in a profession
of rogues and charlatans.
93
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,493
So, go and get him,
and tell him I'm dying.
94
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,001
Thank you, peacock.
95
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,003
Privilege, sir.
96
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:37,840
How's your grandfather this morning?
97
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:41,636
- He says he's dying, peacock.
- Oh, they always say that, sir.
98
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:45,765
But peacock,
he wants to see his brother Joseph.
99
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:48,268
- Master Joseph?
- Yes.
100
00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:53,356
But they haven't even spoken
to each other for 40 years.
101
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,817
Yes, I know, peacock.
102
00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:58,361
He must be dying!
103
00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:01,030
Yes. Good bye, peacock.
104
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:04,200
Good day, er...
105
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,910
Michael.
106
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:11,457
There's too much
excitement in this house.
107
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,895
Woman: Yes? Who is that?
108
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:36,441
Oh, er... yes.
109
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:39,902
Ah... is Joseph finsbury at home?
110
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,906
I can't hear you.
Could you speak a little lower?
111
00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:52,040
Is Joseph finsbury at home?
112
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:54,208
Lower.
113
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:01,549
Is Joseph...
114
00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:09,307
Oh, er...
115
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:14,562
Joseph finsbury. Is he at home?
116
00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:16,773
- No, he is not.
- Oh.
117
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,819
Could you tell me, then,
when he is expected?
118
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:24,280
Who, may I ask, is enquiring?
119
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,282
Oh, allow me...
120
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:29,202
Allow me to introduce myself.
121
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:32,914
I am Michael finsbury,
of the same name.
122
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,671
Oh, I'm sorry to seem so inhospitable,
123
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:45,760
but in the past twelve months alone,
over 320 girls in the greater London area
124
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:50,348
have been attacked by persons unknown,
and many of them unnecessarily mutilated.
125
00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:52,642
- Do come in.
- Oh, yes.
126
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,603
Thank you.
127
00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:00,608
They do say it's something
to do with the weather.
128
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:04,946
Oh... yes.
129
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:09,283
So, you're Michael finsbury?
130
00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:10,952
Yes.
131
00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:14,831
Actually,
Michael Hubert Gregory finsbury.
132
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:17,375
And I am your cousin Julia.
133
00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,502
Yes, I know.
134
00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:25,758
- Do come in.
- Thank you.
135
00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:43,693
Michael: Oh, yes, er...
136
00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:46,195
Do you, er...
137
00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:50,241
- Do you breed birds?
- Oh, no.
138
00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:53,494
Cousin Morris is an
ardent collector of eggs.
139
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:56,581
He has spent most of his adult life
in the pursuit of them.
140
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:59,834
- Most commendable.
- Oh, do you think so?
141
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:03,004
I find them... obscene.
142
00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:06,382
Well, yes, yes, of course.
They are obscene.
143
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:10,887
I suddenly see now
how obscene they are.
144
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,604
He doesn't pursue birds, I take it?
145
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:21,522
No. Only eggs.
146
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:25,026
Well, I'm glad, because that
would be even more obscene.
147
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:28,529
Oh, I can see you are
a deep thinker, like me.
148
00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:30,740
What is your particular interest?
149
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:35,495
Oh, my... my consuming interest
is the human body.
150
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:41,167
Oh, I am studying to be
a surgeon at st Mary's.
151
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:45,421
Oh, I see. So, that's where you go
every morning. I see you often.
152
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,632
Er... through the window.
153
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:52,136
Oh, what an extraordinary coincidence!
I look at you through the window.
154
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:55,097
And I've often had
a burning desire
155
00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:57,058
to nod.
156
00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:59,936
But my grandfather
does not approve of such things.
157
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,064
Nor does my uncle Joseph.
158
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,111
Yes.
159
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:12,323
Well,
160
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:16,160
there it is, then.
161
00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:20,164
Is he at home, your uncle Joseph?
162
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:22,291
Oh, no. He is in Bournemouth,
163
00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:25,127
taking the sun,
with cousin Morris and cousin John.
164
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:30,633
Might I enquire
why you are enquiring?
165
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:33,219
- Well, my grandfather is dying.
- Oh.
166
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:36,597
Oh, it's nothing serious.
He's been dying for years.
167
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:39,392
But now, he seems to have
taken a turn for the worse,
168
00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:43,896
and he wants desperately to
see his brother, before it is too late.
169
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:47,942
Well, you... you could send
uncle Joseph a telegraph.
170
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:51,779
They say the telegraphic service
has much to commend it.
171
00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:54,615
Yes. I've heard them say that.
172
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,286
What an excellent idea!
173
00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:00,788
I've never sent one.
174
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:03,499
One should always
broaden one's horizons.
175
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,668
Oh, yes.
176
00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:09,297
Yes.
177
00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:12,925
Well,
178
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:15,052
that's what I'll do, then.
179
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:20,141
Oh, thank you for pointing out to me
180
00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:22,727
how obscene eggs are.
181
00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:26,188
It was a most illu... excuse me.
182
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:28,649
It was a most
illuminating observation.
183
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:35,656
It was superb of you to call.
184
00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:38,868
Oh, not at all. I hope I shall see
a great deal more of you.
185
00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:43,539
Well, off to st Mary's.
186
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:46,500
Oh, yes, I'm... i'm...
187
00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:49,086
I'm sure they have need of you there.
188
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:56,052
Along with everything else, uncle Joseph
says there are 124 tropical diseases
189
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,763
that can be contracted here in england.
190
00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:02,058
Mainly from fresh fruit,
returning travellers and
191
00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:06,896
hand towels in public places.
192
00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:13,944
- 124?
- Yes.
193
00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:16,072
Really?
194
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:19,909
I must make a note of that.
Goodbye.
195
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,035
Good bye.
196
00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:35,758
Oh! Oh!
197
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:39,428
Listen to me, all you eggs.
I met him!
198
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:42,014
I finally met him!
199
00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:51,232
- Julia: Yes?
- It's Michael finsbury again.
200
00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:56,779
Oh, we mustn't make a habit of this.
People will begin to talk.
201
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:59,448
Oh, I fully agree.
202
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:02,785
It's just that I don't know
where to send the telegraph.
203
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:06,622
Oh. Mrs goodge's boarding house.
204
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:09,291
Mrs goodge's boarding house.
205
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:12,128
- Flodden road.
- Flodden road.
206
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,672
- Bournemouth.
- Bournemouth.
207
00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:19,552
- Hants.
- Hants.
208
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:38,779
Funny.
209
00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:46,662
John! What are you doing?
210
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,165
You're supposed to be
looking after uncle Joseph.
211
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,375
Ah! Uncle Joseph.
212
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:53,919
I knew there was somebody
I was supposed to be looking after.
213
00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:57,173
Erm... I merely threw my body
across this young lady,
214
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,633
to protect her
from the falling, er... thing.
215
00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:02,845
You realise you made me drop my grebe?
216
00:21:03,846 --> 00:21:06,265
Oh, I'm awfully sorry, Morris.
217
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,934
Come outside.
218
00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:12,104
Oh, mr John,
do you think he'll get me my notice?
219
00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:13,832
Oh, don't worry.
I'll take care of mrs goodge.
220
00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:16,901
Tonight, then, eight o'clock,
behind the bandstand.
221
00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:18,444
Oh, you insatiable creature!
222
00:21:18,527 --> 00:21:21,197
Morris: John, I'm waiting!
223
00:21:22,865 --> 00:21:25,242
You must control
this obsession you have
224
00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:27,703
for chambermaids
and other girls of that class.
225
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:29,622
I try. Night and day, I try.
226
00:21:29,705 --> 00:21:32,082
Oh, there you are, boys.
227
00:21:32,166 --> 00:21:35,377
I was just about to take
this telegraph to your uncle.
228
00:21:35,461 --> 00:21:37,463
Telegraph? From whom?
229
00:21:37,546 --> 00:21:40,800
I don't know, mr Morris.
Private matters are private with me.
230
00:21:40,883 --> 00:21:42,927
I'll take it.
231
00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:48,057
We must relive our madness tonight.
232
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:50,017
Ten o'clock, under the pier.
233
00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:56,065
I'm coming, cousin.
234
00:21:57,733 --> 00:22:00,402
- What is it, cousin?
- Look at that.
235
00:22:03,572 --> 00:22:06,367
We're going to win!
236
00:22:06,408 --> 00:22:08,536
- We're going to win!
- We're going to win!
237
00:22:08,619 --> 00:22:10,287
Both: We're going to win!
238
00:22:10,371 --> 00:22:13,833
We 're going to win!
239
00:22:13,916 --> 00:22:17,795
We 're going to win!
We 're going to win!
240
00:22:18,879 --> 00:22:21,966
Later. Later.
No time for celebration now.
241
00:22:23,259 --> 00:22:24,927
Uncle!
242
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:28,264
Have you been smoking again, uncle?
243
00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:30,891
And you've got yourself in a draught.
He's left the window open.
244
00:22:30,933 --> 00:22:32,935
Well, shut it, then,
and get his coat and things.
245
00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:35,062
Uncle, dear, you're going out.
246
00:22:35,104 --> 00:22:36,939
Going out? Well, that'll be jolly.
247
00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:39,066
Yes, you're going to London.
248
00:22:39,108 --> 00:22:41,277
London? Yes.
249
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:44,446
Now, where did I put it? Where is it?
250
00:22:45,531 --> 00:22:47,783
Ah, here it is. Now, London.
251
00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:50,703
Now, if you ascribe a number
to each letter of the alphabet,
252
00:22:50,786 --> 00:22:55,249
beginning with a as one and b as two,
culminating with the letter z as 26,
253
00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:59,837
then the letters that compose
the word "London" add up to 74,
254
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:02,506
which, coincidentally, is my age.
255
00:23:02,590 --> 00:23:05,384
- Lovely, uncle. Now, read this.
- Yes. Get into your coat.
256
00:23:05,467 --> 00:23:07,803
Why... why this unseemly haste?
257
00:23:07,887 --> 00:23:11,140
- Your brother is dying.
- What did you say?
258
00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:14,393
What? Masterman?
Masterman dying?
259
00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:16,979
This must be the effect
of the nutmeg tarts.
260
00:23:17,062 --> 00:23:18,689
Nutmeg tarts!
261
00:23:18,772 --> 00:23:20,858
When he was at harrow,
he lived on little else.
262
00:23:20,941 --> 00:23:22,902
- Where are your gloves, uncle?
- I don't know.
263
00:23:22,985 --> 00:23:26,739
I have for some time
been compiling exhaustive notes
264
00:23:26,822 --> 00:23:30,367
on the peculiarities
of spices and herbs in common use,
265
00:23:30,451 --> 00:23:34,204
and I have discovered
that it can be authoritatively proved
266
00:23:34,288 --> 00:23:36,916
that the excessive
indulgence in nutmeg
267
00:23:36,999 --> 00:23:40,961
leads to hallucination
and general debilitation.
268
00:23:41,003 --> 00:23:43,839
But pepper, on the other hand,
in any form or variety,
269
00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:47,176
passes through the human body
without any effect on the organs.
270
00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:50,471
It has absolutely no value,
nutritive or otherwise.
271
00:23:50,512 --> 00:23:53,057
But, in the case of
cinnamon or cloves...
272
00:23:53,140 --> 00:23:54,934
- Uncle?
- Yes? You have a question?
273
00:23:55,017 --> 00:23:56,852
Read your paper.
274
00:23:57,853 --> 00:24:00,689
- Tontine!
- Lovely word!
275
00:24:00,773 --> 00:24:04,193
- Tontine!
- A derivation from the name Lorenzo tonti,
276
00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:06,153
a banker of neapolitan persuasion.
277
00:24:06,195 --> 00:24:08,322
Read your paper, uncle.
278
00:24:08,364 --> 00:24:12,034
Morris, have you any idea
how much it's worth?
279
00:24:14,203 --> 00:24:16,372
Well over £100,000.
280
00:24:17,873 --> 00:24:20,167
And we've earned every penny of it.
281
00:24:20,209 --> 00:24:23,504
True, cousin. True.
We've devoted our lives to him.
282
00:24:23,545 --> 00:24:27,508
We were two little orphans.
We waited on him hand and foot.
283
00:24:27,549 --> 00:24:29,927
It wasn't easy, keeping him alive.
284
00:24:30,010 --> 00:24:32,388
Yes, it was difficult.
285
00:24:33,389 --> 00:24:35,265
Morris:
We kept him from the draughts.
286
00:24:35,349 --> 00:24:37,643
John: We warmed his shoes
before we put them on.
287
00:24:37,726 --> 00:24:40,872
- Morris: We tucked him up in bed at night.
- John: We fed him every sort of tonic.
288
00:24:40,896 --> 00:24:44,733
- Never thinking of ourselves.
- First in our hearts, first in our minds.
289
00:24:44,817 --> 00:24:47,778
And now, after all these years,
290
00:24:47,861 --> 00:24:49,488
he's gone.
291
00:24:49,571 --> 00:24:51,073
Both: He's gone?
292
00:24:54,076 --> 00:24:56,203
Morris: You go that way.
293
00:24:57,246 --> 00:24:59,873
- Excuse me, sir.
- Excuse you, sir?
294
00:24:59,915 --> 00:25:02,876
Mannerless young pup!
Ought to be in the army.
295
00:25:11,093 --> 00:25:14,763
I beg your pardon, sir.
I take it these seats are not reserved?
296
00:25:17,933 --> 00:25:21,729
I see you are proficient in the
ancient and noble art of knitting.
297
00:25:21,770 --> 00:25:26,233
I'm sure you know that examples of
knitting, much like your Afghan there,
298
00:25:26,275 --> 00:25:28,402
date back to the mainstream
299
00:25:28,444 --> 00:25:30,863
of the Egyptian civilisation.
300
00:25:30,946 --> 00:25:34,616
Ah, the avocational activities of man
are many and varied.
301
00:25:34,700 --> 00:25:37,661
Some demand skill.
Yours, for instance.
302
00:25:37,745 --> 00:25:43,042
Carpentry, or the playing of games
with balls of various sizes.
303
00:25:46,795 --> 00:25:48,464
- Have you found him?
- No.
304
00:25:48,547 --> 00:25:50,215
Come on, then. This way.
305
00:25:50,299 --> 00:25:52,468
Some demand inspiration.
306
00:25:52,551 --> 00:25:55,095
Oil painting,
or the writing of epitaphs.
307
00:25:55,304 --> 00:25:58,390
The rest of us, an uninspired lot,
collect things.
308
00:25:58,474 --> 00:26:00,642
My nephew, for instance,
309
00:26:01,477 --> 00:26:05,522
with whom I'm travelling,
collects birds' eggs.
310
00:26:05,606 --> 00:26:10,069
And I, for the last 63 years,
have been collecting facts.
311
00:26:23,123 --> 00:26:25,334
- He seems safe enough.
- Yes.
312
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,469
What a joy it is to indulge
in convivial conversation
313
00:26:35,511 --> 00:26:38,055
with a fellow being,
a kindred spirit.
314
00:26:38,263 --> 00:26:40,474
This will prove
the most amiable journey.
315
00:26:40,516 --> 00:26:44,603
You pursuing your hobby,
and me mine.
316
00:26:46,355 --> 00:26:51,527
"Bournemouth strangler escapes.
Large-scale murder hunt in three counties."
317
00:26:51,693 --> 00:26:54,196
Ah, murder and murderers.
318
00:26:54,363 --> 00:26:57,616
I once gave an
informal lecture on the subject.
319
00:26:57,699 --> 00:26:59,952
I wonder if you're aware, sir,
of the fact
320
00:27:00,035 --> 00:27:04,039
that there is an increasing number
of unsolved murders every year.
321
00:27:04,081 --> 00:27:07,126
Now, this fact I gleaned from
a pamphlet on the subject
322
00:27:07,209 --> 00:27:09,711
by the noted criminologist
sir Henry stanhope,
323
00:27:09,795 --> 00:27:13,549
whose own murder, I might add,
was never solved.
324
00:27:15,384 --> 00:27:18,554
My word, sir, I perceive
we are travelling at a goodish rate.
325
00:27:24,685 --> 00:27:28,188
You realise, sir,
I state only facts, no opinions,
326
00:27:28,230 --> 00:27:31,358
and this fascinates everyone I meet.
327
00:27:32,067 --> 00:27:34,778
Oh, don't be alarmed.
328
00:27:34,862 --> 00:27:39,032
I shall continue, but for the moment,
I must take my leave.
329
00:28:10,939 --> 00:28:12,983
Next stop: Basingstoke!
330
00:28:14,943 --> 00:28:17,279
Basingstoke, next stop!
331
00:28:36,798 --> 00:28:41,511
Er... Morris,
I may or may not be back in a moment.
332
00:28:46,725 --> 00:28:50,979
John:
Uncle, where are you going? Uncle!
333
00:28:58,737 --> 00:29:02,991
- How dare you?
- Madam, my apologies. I'm looking for my uncle.
334
00:29:03,075 --> 00:29:06,828
- Well, do I look like anybody's uncle?
- No, no. I'm terribly sorry.
335
00:29:24,304 --> 00:29:27,015
- What do you make that out to be?
- What's that?
336
00:29:40,195 --> 00:29:43,031
- 'Tain't, is it?
- It is, you know.
337
00:29:43,115 --> 00:29:45,701
It's the 4.40 out of London!
338
00:29:45,784 --> 00:29:48,120
It's the 4.50 out of Bournemouth!
339
00:30:34,708 --> 00:30:39,588
Help me! Help me, somebody!
I think there's been an accident.
340
00:30:39,755 --> 00:30:41,340
Fred?
341
00:30:41,423 --> 00:30:43,467
- Yeah?
- We haven't heard the last of this.
342
00:30:43,550 --> 00:30:46,303
Man: Drag them out of the cab!
343
00:30:46,386 --> 00:30:49,306
What's going on here, sir?
Control yourself.
344
00:30:49,389 --> 00:30:51,433
Look here! Stop all this damn rioting.
345
00:30:51,516 --> 00:30:54,561
Now, look here, you men.
Douse that fire in the baggage Van.
346
00:30:54,603 --> 00:30:56,706
Now, the children will arrange
themselves according to height,
347
00:30:56,730 --> 00:30:58,940
and the women will muster
in alphabetical order.
348
00:30:59,024 --> 00:31:02,069
Now, I want a couple of volunteers.
You and you. Now, follow me.
349
00:31:10,452 --> 00:31:14,039
That's right, get those bags down.
Form a human chain.
350
00:31:22,297 --> 00:31:25,592
Sir, I didn't lose my right eye
in the Indian mutiny
351
00:31:25,675 --> 00:31:27,344
to have my left eye offended
352
00:31:27,427 --> 00:31:30,514
by the youth of england standing around
with their arses hanging out.
353
00:31:30,597 --> 00:31:32,432
Dress yourself, sir. Dress yourself.
354
00:31:32,599 --> 00:31:36,269
One of the most disgusting sights
I've ever seen. Dress yourself, sir.
355
00:31:36,436 --> 00:31:40,273
You are, I suppose, aware of the fact
that accidents occur with more frequency
356
00:31:40,315 --> 00:31:42,734
on standard-Gauge railways?
357
00:31:42,818 --> 00:31:46,655
Abigail? Abigail? Abigail?
358
00:31:46,738 --> 00:31:50,450
Has anyone seen Abigail?
359
00:31:56,164 --> 00:32:00,627
John! Come out of there at once.
Where's uncle Joseph? Where is he?
360
00:32:00,669 --> 00:32:03,255
Er... I... was just having
a look for him in there.
361
00:32:03,338 --> 00:32:05,841
- Come along.
- Morris?
362
00:32:05,924 --> 00:32:08,760
Do you realise it's a
criminal offence to wear that coat?
363
00:32:08,844 --> 00:32:11,012
I'm not wearing any trousers.
364
00:32:12,013 --> 00:32:15,308
But... but that too is a criminal affair.
365
00:32:15,475 --> 00:32:17,686
Joh n: Uncle Joseph?
366
00:32:17,769 --> 00:32:22,357
- I hope you don't mind if I take my leave.
- Oh, would you, sir?
367
00:32:23,608 --> 00:32:25,694
Morris: Uncle Joseph?
368
00:32:28,822 --> 00:32:30,866
Uncle Joseph?
369
00:32:32,367 --> 00:32:34,411
Uncle Joseph?
370
00:32:38,165 --> 00:32:40,041
Cousin!
371
00:32:41,042 --> 00:32:43,378
Oh... oh, no.
372
00:32:43,462 --> 00:32:46,131
Oh, don't tell me. I can't bear it.
Is it him?
373
00:32:46,214 --> 00:32:48,758
- Of course it's him!
- Well, how do you know it's him?
374
00:32:48,842 --> 00:32:51,636
Well, look at his coat.
It's his coat!
375
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:53,763
Is he dead?
376
00:32:55,557 --> 00:32:57,726
What's left of him
is very dead indeed.
377
00:32:59,394 --> 00:33:01,605
Are you going to
say a prayer or something?
378
00:33:01,688 --> 00:33:03,565
Not at a time like this.
379
00:33:03,648 --> 00:33:07,736
Now, you listen to me, uncle Joseph.
You may be dead, but you listen to me.
380
00:33:07,819 --> 00:33:11,281
You're a nasty, mean,
spiteful, vindictive old man,
381
00:33:11,364 --> 00:33:13,241
to do this to two little orphans.
382
00:33:13,325 --> 00:33:16,411
Your brother's on his deathbed.
Couldn't you have waited a day or so?
383
00:33:16,495 --> 00:33:18,205
You stupid oaf!
384
00:33:19,247 --> 00:33:21,833
- Look, I'll get some help.
- What's the use?
385
00:33:24,044 --> 00:33:26,087
Wait. Let me think.
386
00:33:28,423 --> 00:33:31,927
- Into the woods.
- Oh. Right. Yes.
387
00:33:32,928 --> 00:33:34,763
- With him!
- Who?
388
00:33:34,846 --> 00:33:38,016
- Uncle Joseph.
- Into the woods with uncle Joseph?
389
00:33:38,099 --> 00:33:40,685
Don't stand there.
The tontine! We may still win it.
390
00:33:40,769 --> 00:33:44,439
- But he's dead.
- He's not dead until I say he's dead.
391
00:33:50,111 --> 00:33:51,111
Hey!
392
00:33:52,614 --> 00:33:54,282
Hey, sir!
393
00:33:54,366 --> 00:33:58,954
Ah. I wonder, sir, if you and your fine
bay gelding are heading for London.
394
00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:01,748
- I am, sir.
- And what would you ask a passenger?
395
00:34:01,790 --> 00:34:05,001
- Your company would be payment enough, sir.
- Oh!
396
00:34:05,085 --> 00:34:07,420
Well, thank you.
397
00:34:09,422 --> 00:34:11,591
Hey.
398
00:34:11,633 --> 00:34:17,681
Well, I wonder if you realise how many times
the word "whip" occurs in the old testament.
399
00:34:17,764 --> 00:34:19,641
174 times.
400
00:34:19,766 --> 00:34:23,436
Oh, I see you are impressed.
But that figure is infinitesimal,
401
00:34:23,478 --> 00:34:26,022
when you consider
that the Bible contains
402
00:34:26,106 --> 00:34:31,486
774,176 words altogether.
403
00:34:31,570 --> 00:34:33,780
And it is a remarkable fact...
404
00:34:41,997 --> 00:34:44,165
Do get on, or we'll be here
all night at this rate.
405
00:34:44,249 --> 00:34:46,876
Well, a penknife's
not the ideal tool, is it?
406
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:48,878
Anyway, I don't think
we ought to be doing this.
407
00:34:48,962 --> 00:34:51,089
I don't want to go to prison.
408
00:34:51,172 --> 00:34:53,842
Don't start snivelling
in that revolting way.
409
00:34:53,925 --> 00:34:57,679
If you can't dig a hole for him, cover
him in leaves or something. Cover him.
410
00:34:57,762 --> 00:35:00,390
But why do I always
have to do the dirty work?
411
00:35:00,473 --> 00:35:04,978
Because you are remarkably stupid.
412
00:35:05,020 --> 00:35:06,980
Yes, I forgot that. Sorry.
413
00:35:07,022 --> 00:35:08,982
In any case,
I have to look after my hands.
414
00:35:09,024 --> 00:35:11,860
Petal-soft hands are the Mark
of a great ornithologist.
415
00:35:11,985 --> 00:35:13,528
Now, get on with it!
416
00:35:14,821 --> 00:35:17,198
John: Morris, look, I beg of you,
let's have done with this.
417
00:35:17,949 --> 00:35:19,784
Let's get an undertaker.
418
00:35:19,826 --> 00:35:22,912
He won't be too expensive,
and he'll do a professional job.
419
00:35:22,996 --> 00:35:25,457
- We're not burying him.
- We're not?
420
00:35:25,540 --> 00:35:27,375
We're merely hiding him.
421
00:35:27,417 --> 00:35:30,420
- We're merely hiding him.
- Now what we need is a venal doctor.
422
00:35:30,503 --> 00:35:32,922
But uncle Joseph's dead!
It's too late.
423
00:35:33,006 --> 00:35:37,218
Not for him, for us. Now, you remember
that chamber maid you got into, erm...?
424
00:35:37,677 --> 00:35:40,597
- Thing.
- Thing. Who was the doctor who did the, er...?
425
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,642
Thing. Er, Pratt. Dr Pratt.
426
00:35:43,725 --> 00:35:45,727
Was he venal?
427
00:35:45,810 --> 00:35:46,895
I didn't like to ask.
428
00:35:46,978 --> 00:35:49,356
- Well, did he do the...?
- Thing. Yes.
429
00:35:49,397 --> 00:35:51,399
- Good.
- But what's he got to do with it?
430
00:35:51,483 --> 00:35:53,485
He's part of the plan.
431
00:35:53,652 --> 00:35:55,904
Now, you and I are
the only two people in the world
432
00:35:55,987 --> 00:35:58,406
who know that uncle Joseph is, erm...
433
00:35:58,490 --> 00:36:00,909
- Thing.
- Dead. And we won't tell anyone.
434
00:36:00,950 --> 00:36:03,161
But people are bound
to find out sooner or later.
435
00:36:03,244 --> 00:36:04,996
Not quite yet.
436
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:09,542
Now, uncle masterman, at best,
has only two or three days to live.
437
00:36:09,584 --> 00:36:16,132
When he goes, I'll announce that
uncle Joseph has died of a heart attack
438
00:36:16,216 --> 00:36:18,677
on hearing the tragic news
of his brother's death.
439
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:21,888
I then go along to
your accommodating dr, er...
440
00:36:21,930 --> 00:36:23,682
- Pratt.
- Thing.
441
00:36:23,765 --> 00:36:27,268
He provides me with a blank
death certificate for uncle Joseph.
442
00:36:27,352 --> 00:36:29,771
I fill in the date,
and the tontine is mine.
443
00:36:29,854 --> 00:36:33,108
- Ours.
- We'll go into that later.
444
00:36:33,191 --> 00:36:37,737
There come moments in life, cousin,
when every man must find moral courage.
445
00:36:37,779 --> 00:36:39,739
Your moment is about to come.
446
00:36:39,781 --> 00:36:41,241
- It is?
- It is.
447
00:36:41,282 --> 00:36:45,787
I'll go to London, tell everybody that
you and uncle Joseph have been delayed.
448
00:36:45,870 --> 00:36:49,374
You go back to Bournemouth
and remain there till I send for you.
449
00:36:49,457 --> 00:36:52,919
John:
I see, but, erm... what about him?
450
00:36:52,961 --> 00:36:53,962
I'm coming to that.
451
00:36:54,087 --> 00:36:59,759
You must find a suitable box or container,
crate him up and send him back to London.
452
00:36:59,801 --> 00:37:02,387
We shall, after all,
need him at the funeral.
453
00:37:02,470 --> 00:37:05,265
Crate him in a box?
What sort of box?
454
00:37:05,306 --> 00:37:08,852
Something of suitable size and robustness
for a man in that condition.
455
00:37:12,981 --> 00:37:14,941
If you'll allow me, sir.
456
00:37:16,401 --> 00:37:19,571
I will take charge
of the rest of the packing.
457
00:37:19,654 --> 00:37:21,656
All right, peacock.
458
00:37:21,740 --> 00:37:24,951
But don't lean too far in the barrel.
459
00:37:35,336 --> 00:37:39,007
I say! We've received a telegraph.
It must be from uncle.
460
00:37:39,090 --> 00:37:41,134
Oh, drat.
461
00:37:42,302 --> 00:37:44,804
No. It's from lady pitman.
462
00:37:45,638 --> 00:37:48,516
She's sending back that statue
we sent her. Says it's a fraud.
463
00:37:49,768 --> 00:37:52,812
"I am having it crated
and sent back to you at once."
464
00:37:54,022 --> 00:37:55,732
Was it a fraud, peacock?
465
00:37:55,815 --> 00:37:59,444
Life is a fraud, master Michael.
466
00:37:59,527 --> 00:38:01,362
Yes, peacock.
467
00:38:01,446 --> 00:38:05,116
Well, this is all right, isn't it? This
should fetch a good price at sotheby's.
468
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:08,828
Well, if it arrives in one piece, sir.
469
00:38:08,870 --> 00:38:10,872
Well, there's nothing else to sell.
470
00:38:10,955 --> 00:38:12,624
Except the piano.
471
00:38:12,707 --> 00:38:16,169
It's all right, peacock, I'll answer it.
472
00:38:21,966 --> 00:38:24,010
Michael finsbury, do I presume?
473
00:38:24,052 --> 00:38:27,263
- Yes?
- I'm your cousin, Morris finsbury.
474
00:38:27,347 --> 00:38:29,182
- Oh, do come in.
- Thank you.
475
00:38:29,224 --> 00:38:31,684
- Isn't uncle Joseph with you?
- Alas, no.
476
00:38:31,726 --> 00:38:37,482
My dear uncle, like your beloved grandfather,
is of advancing years and declining health.
477
00:38:37,565 --> 00:38:40,276
Grandfather will be disappointed.
May I take your coat?
478
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:42,362
No, thank you. No, thank you.
479
00:38:43,404 --> 00:38:49,994
Uncle Joseph is naturally deeply concerned
with his brother's death... I mean, illness.
480
00:38:50,078 --> 00:38:52,831
- Or is he already...?
- Oh, no, no, not yet.
481
00:38:52,914 --> 00:38:54,791
What a relief to us all.
482
00:38:54,874 --> 00:38:57,710
I know you are
a medical student, cousin,
483
00:38:57,752 --> 00:39:01,464
so I need hardly remind you
that blood is thicker than water.
484
00:39:01,548 --> 00:39:03,258
Yes, five times as, ibeheve.
485
00:39:03,341 --> 00:39:07,470
Uncle Joseph is valiantly gathering
what remains of his strength
486
00:39:07,554 --> 00:39:10,056
in order to come to London
in the next day or two
487
00:39:10,098 --> 00:39:13,351
to be with his dear brother...
At the end.
488
00:39:13,434 --> 00:39:15,353
Oh, I do hope he will be in time.
489
00:39:15,436 --> 00:39:17,564
Uncle masterman is that low?
490
00:39:17,605 --> 00:39:19,274
Yes.
491
00:39:19,357 --> 00:39:23,027
Oh, I am filled
with an immense grief
492
00:39:23,111 --> 00:39:26,614
that that proud
and lovely man should...
493
00:39:26,698 --> 00:39:28,616
Oh, my god.
494
00:39:29,242 --> 00:39:31,119
Sir?
495
00:39:31,202 --> 00:39:35,081
Sir, it's me. Morris.
496
00:39:35,123 --> 00:39:41,212
Oh, look at that noble face ravaged
by time, those eyes filled with pain.
497
00:39:41,296 --> 00:39:44,632
Oh, I should never have forgiven myself,
if! Hadn't seen you before.
498
00:39:44,716 --> 00:39:46,885
- Cousin...
- But you shouldn't be out of bed.
499
00:39:46,968 --> 00:39:49,762
- Cousin, this is our Butler.
- No need to call him.
500
00:39:49,804 --> 00:39:52,181
I can assist my own flesh and blood.
501
00:39:53,933 --> 00:39:56,102
Who's the Butler?
502
00:39:56,144 --> 00:39:58,104
I have that honour, sir.
503
00:39:58,146 --> 00:39:59,856
How dare you embrace me!
504
00:39:59,939 --> 00:40:01,941
Grandfather is upstairs, sleeping.
505
00:40:01,983 --> 00:40:04,485
All right, peacock, you may go.
506
00:40:04,569 --> 00:40:07,655
Thank you, master Michael, sir.
507
00:40:10,617 --> 00:40:12,994
Thank you, too, colonel.
508
00:40:13,828 --> 00:40:19,709
I, too, must be on my way, cousin.
I have some urgent, pressing business.
509
00:40:19,792 --> 00:40:22,337
You will let us know
the moment uncle Joseph arrives?
510
00:40:22,420 --> 00:40:25,882
As soon as I've got the date.
That is, immediately.
511
00:40:25,965 --> 00:40:31,095
A great pity, cousin, that grief is the
agent responsible for bringing us together
512
00:40:31,179 --> 00:40:33,222
after all these years.
513
00:40:55,036 --> 00:40:57,872
Cousin Morris
had no trousers on, peacock.
514
00:40:57,956 --> 00:41:00,124
If you say so, sir.
515
00:41:19,310 --> 00:41:21,062
For heaven's sake, Julia.
516
00:41:21,145 --> 00:41:24,983
Oh, it's you, Morris. I thought it was
the Bournemouth strangler.
517
00:41:25,066 --> 00:41:27,360
It says in the papers
he might be in London.
518
00:41:27,402 --> 00:41:30,488
Do I look like
the Bournemouth strangler?
519
00:41:30,571 --> 00:41:34,075
Well... yes, you could be, Morris.
520
00:41:35,535 --> 00:41:37,578
Why are you wearing that strange coat?
521
00:41:37,662 --> 00:41:39,539
Because it suits me to wear it.
522
00:41:39,580 --> 00:41:42,917
I think you should have it shortened.
523
00:41:43,001 --> 00:41:44,794
Isn't uncle Joseph with you?
524
00:41:44,877 --> 00:41:47,005
Er... no, erm...
525
00:41:47,088 --> 00:41:50,800
The news contained in the telegraph
came as a great shock to him.
526
00:41:50,883 --> 00:41:53,928
He is remaining in Bournemouth
with cousin John.
527
00:41:54,012 --> 00:41:56,264
And now I must bid you good night.
528
00:41:56,347 --> 00:41:58,474
Good night, cousin.
529
00:41:58,558 --> 00:42:02,478
You won't always wear that coat, will you?
It's very frightening.
530
00:42:08,609 --> 00:42:12,488
It could easily have been
the Bournemouth strangler instead of you.
531
00:42:12,572 --> 00:42:14,615
I might have been stalked by him
532
00:42:14,699 --> 00:42:18,453
and, in fleeing,
been trampled by a runaway horse.
533
00:42:19,454 --> 00:42:22,331
Perhaps a large hole in my head,
534
00:42:22,415 --> 00:42:26,502
my brains spilling out
all over shaftesbury Avenue.
535
00:42:26,586 --> 00:42:29,213
Oh, wouldn't that have been
a homecoming for you,
536
00:42:29,297 --> 00:42:34,260
going to the mortuary to
identify my poor, crushed body?
537
00:42:35,470 --> 00:42:37,930
Body? What body?
538
00:42:38,097 --> 00:42:41,309
No body, Morris.
I was just thinking aloud.
539
00:42:41,392 --> 00:42:44,437
You mustn't use that word.
It isn't becoming.
540
00:42:44,604 --> 00:42:47,106
Oh, I meant a dead body, Morris.
541
00:42:48,399 --> 00:42:50,651
Not what is under a person's clothing.
542
00:42:50,818 --> 00:42:52,653
Julia!
543
00:42:55,406 --> 00:42:59,285
Now, why... did I say that?
544
00:43:03,414 --> 00:43:06,167
See that it gets on
the first available train.
545
00:43:24,435 --> 00:43:27,271
If I could help you with your baggage.
It's rather heavy.
546
00:43:39,826 --> 00:43:44,205
There have, of course, been many editions
of the Bible, some famous, some infamous.
547
00:43:44,288 --> 00:43:46,249
For instance,
there is the wicked Bible,
548
00:43:46,332 --> 00:43:50,044
so called because the word "not"
is omitted from the seventh commandment,
549
00:43:50,128 --> 00:43:52,755
making it read:
"Thou shalt commit adultery."
550
00:43:52,839 --> 00:43:55,800
A small error which could encourage
certain sections of the populace
551
00:43:55,883 --> 00:44:00,012
to a frenzy of immorality unknown
since first-century Rome.
552
00:44:00,054 --> 00:44:03,683
Speaking of which, have you heard
that the emperor heliogabalus...?
553
00:44:03,724 --> 00:44:05,726
I'm afraid, sir,
that this is as far as I go.
554
00:44:05,810 --> 00:44:11,065
What? Oh, splendid.
Excellent, excellent. Many, many thanks.
555
00:44:11,149 --> 00:44:14,110
13 hours seemed but so many minutes.
556
00:44:14,193 --> 00:44:17,822
Well, perhaps you might care to know
who your fellow traveller was.
557
00:44:17,905 --> 00:44:21,951
None other than Joseph finsbury,
scholar extraordinary, lecturer,
558
00:44:22,034 --> 00:44:25,830
and one of the two englishmen living
who can speak pure Swahili.
559
00:44:25,913 --> 00:44:30,459
Well said, sir.
560
00:44:30,543 --> 00:44:35,047
Well, well, who knows,
perhaps our paths may cross again?
561
00:44:35,089 --> 00:44:37,341
- God save us.
- Ah!
562
00:45:18,966 --> 00:45:21,302
Joseph: Oh! Good.
563
00:45:21,385 --> 00:45:23,804
Good, yes. Thank you, peacock.
564
00:45:25,223 --> 00:45:26,933
It is peacock, isn't it?
565
00:45:26,974 --> 00:45:28,476
It is, sir.
566
00:45:28,559 --> 00:45:30,645
Ah! How long has it been?
567
00:45:30,728 --> 00:45:33,314
I came as quick as I could.
568
00:45:33,397 --> 00:45:36,984
It's master Joseph, peacock.
569
00:45:38,152 --> 00:45:40,696
Master Joseph!
570
00:45:40,780 --> 00:45:44,242
Oh! Forgive me, sir.
571
00:45:44,325 --> 00:45:47,161
It must be all of 40 years.
572
00:45:47,245 --> 00:45:48,996
- Yes.
- Yes, yes.
573
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:52,500
I remember clearly
the last time I saw you.
574
00:45:52,583 --> 00:45:57,088
On that very day, the American, colonel
Colt, inventor of the Colt revolver,
575
00:45:57,171 --> 00:46:00,716
used electricity
to detonate a torpedo,
576
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:06,514
thereby destroying a brig in full sail
upon the potomac in Washington DC.
577
00:46:06,597 --> 00:46:09,934
The present, though not the former
capital of the United States,
578
00:46:10,017 --> 00:46:12,603
New York City being the first.
579
00:46:12,687 --> 00:46:15,356
I take it my brother is upstairs?
580
00:46:15,439 --> 00:46:17,149
Yes, sir.
581
00:46:17,191 --> 00:46:21,070
- May I announce you, sir?
- No, no. I will announce myself.
582
00:46:21,153 --> 00:46:23,990
You might perhaps bring me a cup of tea.
I am a trifle piqued.
583
00:46:24,031 --> 00:46:25,658
With pleasure, sir.
584
00:46:25,700 --> 00:46:28,202
China, of course. You'll remember,
I developed
585
00:46:28,369 --> 00:46:32,290
a taste for it in Turkey
during the 23rd revolution there.
586
00:46:33,708 --> 00:46:35,459
Oh, ha ha, yes.
587
00:46:42,508 --> 00:46:44,385
Joseph: Masterman?
588
00:46:51,559 --> 00:46:53,311
Masterman?
589
00:46:54,979 --> 00:46:56,731
Is that you, mother?
590
00:46:56,897 --> 00:46:58,899
Itsl.Joseph.
591
00:46:59,734 --> 00:47:01,694
Joseph?
592
00:47:03,487 --> 00:47:05,406
Brother Joseph.
593
00:47:07,158 --> 00:47:10,745
What unexpected joy.
594
00:47:10,911 --> 00:47:12,705
Don't tax yourself, brother.
595
00:47:12,747 --> 00:47:16,876
I am raised in spirits already.
596
00:47:16,917 --> 00:47:19,545
Doesn't raise mine to find you so,
597
00:47:19,587 --> 00:47:23,466
lying in the very bed
in which our dear papa passed from us.
598
00:47:23,549 --> 00:47:27,094
I am soon
to follow his example, I fear.
599
00:47:27,261 --> 00:47:28,721
Never say it.
600
00:47:28,763 --> 00:47:30,890
Oh, but I do say it.
601
00:47:30,931 --> 00:47:33,601
Last week, old hackett.
602
00:47:33,768 --> 00:47:37,229
Next week, or even before,
603
00:47:38,272 --> 00:47:39,774
old masterman.
604
00:47:39,815 --> 00:47:42,276
Ah, yes. Poor hackett.
605
00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:45,112
I must somehow attend his funeral.
606
00:47:46,030 --> 00:47:49,158
Our generation, brother,
is on its way to Valhalla.
607
00:47:49,241 --> 00:47:53,954
Or, as the red Indians so aptly put it,
the happy hunting ground.
608
00:47:55,456 --> 00:48:00,294
Let me, er... give you
a glass of good cheer. Hm?
609
00:48:00,378 --> 00:48:02,463
It will seal the occasion
610
00:48:02,630 --> 00:48:05,800
and revive your spirits.
611
00:48:05,883 --> 00:48:08,427
Oh, no, thanks.
I've asked for some tea.
612
00:48:13,057 --> 00:48:15,267
Ah... ah...
613
00:48:15,309 --> 00:48:17,395
Oh, what... what is it, brother?
614
00:48:18,479 --> 00:48:19,897
Shall I send for a physician?
615
00:48:19,980 --> 00:48:22,775
Oh, no, no. No, send for no-one.
616
00:48:22,817 --> 00:48:25,152
I only want you.
617
00:48:26,153 --> 00:48:29,073
- Jo-Jo.
- Oh... oh, Jo-Jo.
618
00:48:29,156 --> 00:48:32,410
Jo-Jo. Oh, those boyhood names.
619
00:48:32,493 --> 00:48:36,330
Oh! What fond memories they recall.
620
00:48:37,540 --> 00:48:38,707
Argh!
621
00:48:40,292 --> 00:48:42,294
My goodness! My gracious!
622
00:48:42,336 --> 00:48:45,256
What... what is it?
623
00:48:45,339 --> 00:48:47,174
Are you hurt?
624
00:48:47,258 --> 00:48:50,261
No, no, no. I needed some air.
625
00:48:50,344 --> 00:48:52,430
I must... I must have air.
626
00:48:52,513 --> 00:48:53,764
Open the window, Joseph.
627
00:48:53,848 --> 00:48:56,725
Yes, yes. Yes, yes.
628
00:49:06,152 --> 00:49:08,446
Oh. Bless my soul.
629
00:49:08,529 --> 00:49:10,072
You're down again.
630
00:49:10,156 --> 00:49:11,949
Here. Let me...
631
00:49:12,032 --> 00:49:13,659
Come on. Oh.
632
00:49:13,701 --> 00:49:19,915
Yes, now, you lie here,
and let me open the window.
633
00:49:27,173 --> 00:49:28,632
What was that? What was that?
634
00:49:29,550 --> 00:49:32,470
Surely... surely the populace
are not demonstrating?
635
00:49:33,804 --> 00:49:37,016
Yesterday, do you know,
I had the narrowest of escapes.
636
00:49:37,057 --> 00:49:40,936
- Upon my soul, I could have been killed.
- Killed?
637
00:49:41,020 --> 00:49:44,023
I was in the water closet
of the Bournemouth express,
638
00:49:44,064 --> 00:49:46,358
when it quite unaccountably exploded,
639
00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:49,236
thereby extensively damaging
the rest of the train.
640
00:49:50,029 --> 00:49:54,700
I can't really think that I was to blame,
although at the time I was smoking.
641
00:49:54,742 --> 00:49:57,912
But it didn't... damage you?
642
00:49:57,995 --> 00:49:59,413
No, no, no.
643
00:49:59,497 --> 00:50:01,248
Thanks for the thought.
644
00:50:01,332 --> 00:50:03,626
I confess, I am a trifle ruffled.
645
00:50:04,710 --> 00:50:10,007
Yes... I think I'll lie low
at the club a few days.
646
00:50:10,090 --> 00:50:12,760
My nephews have been
most annoying of late.
647
00:50:12,843 --> 00:50:16,430
Oh, brother, no, no.
Don't test yourself.
648
00:50:16,514 --> 00:50:20,226
Sit down.
It's you who should sit up here.
649
00:50:20,267 --> 00:50:22,770
You may have a nutmeg poisoning.
650
00:50:24,104 --> 00:50:26,982
Take a sip of your glass
of good cheer, dear old chap.
651
00:50:27,066 --> 00:50:28,943
It may prove effective.
652
00:50:29,026 --> 00:50:31,529
Do you know,
it's the most astonishing thing,
653
00:50:31,612 --> 00:50:36,116
there is a tribe of aborigines
in southwest tasmania
654
00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:39,662
who distil the chewed bark
of the banyan tree...
655
00:50:39,745 --> 00:50:44,375
Enough, you pedantic, boring old poop!
656
00:50:44,542 --> 00:50:47,378
A pedantic, boring, old...
657
00:50:47,461 --> 00:50:51,048
- Poop!
- I shall leave you, brother.
658
00:50:51,131 --> 00:50:53,342
You've lost your reason.
659
00:50:53,425 --> 00:50:55,719
Reason? Reason, yes.
660
00:50:55,803 --> 00:50:59,056
But not... not the tontine!
661
00:51:03,727 --> 00:51:05,813
Masterman: Here it is!
662
00:51:06,939 --> 00:51:08,816
Too late to apologise.
663
00:51:15,614 --> 00:51:17,449
- Name of finsbury, sir?
- Yes?
664
00:51:17,491 --> 00:51:19,159
Sign here, please, sir.
665
00:51:21,161 --> 00:51:22,788
Where do you want it, sir?
666
00:51:22,830 --> 00:51:24,999
Anywhere, my good man, anywhere.
667
00:51:28,752 --> 00:51:31,589
Er... thank you for the tea and cakes.
668
00:51:31,672 --> 00:51:34,383
I shall taste them
all through my dissection class.
669
00:51:34,466 --> 00:51:39,888
Would you say... is your work
in the nature of a vocation?
670
00:51:39,972 --> 00:51:43,267
No, no, not quite.
My grandfather wished it.
671
00:51:43,350 --> 00:51:46,312
He believes that if one cannot join
the ruling classes,
672
00:51:46,353 --> 00:51:48,355
one must do one's best
to deplete them.
673
00:51:49,481 --> 00:51:51,525
Well...
674
00:52:02,453 --> 00:52:04,038
Who is it?
675
00:52:06,332 --> 00:52:08,626
Finsbury?
Name of finsbury, ma'am?
676
00:52:08,709 --> 00:52:11,045
- Yes?
- There's a shipment for you, ma 'am.
677
00:52:20,387 --> 00:52:23,349
Oh! Cousin Morris
must have excelled himself.
678
00:52:23,390 --> 00:52:27,227
We're always having shipments of eggs,
but never anything like this before.
679
00:52:27,311 --> 00:52:29,897
Well, a little assistance
would not be refused, ma'am.
680
00:52:30,022 --> 00:52:31,857
If the staff were available.
681
00:52:31,899 --> 00:52:34,193
- Oh, yes.
- Oh, allow me to help.
682
00:52:34,234 --> 00:52:37,071
Oh, won't you miss your class?
683
00:52:37,154 --> 00:52:40,866
Oh, that's of no consequence.
I doubt if my class will miss me.
684
00:52:42,409 --> 00:52:44,703
- Would you hold my coat?
- Oh...
685
00:53:29,748 --> 00:53:31,125
Dr Pratt?
686
00:53:33,627 --> 00:53:34,628
Dr Pratt?
687
00:53:41,552 --> 00:53:42,928
Dr Pratt?
688
00:53:45,639 --> 00:53:47,433
Are you dr Pratt?
689
00:53:48,559 --> 00:53:49,768
Hmm?
690
00:53:50,936 --> 00:53:52,604
What? What?
691
00:53:52,646 --> 00:53:54,648
Are you dr Pratt?
692
00:53:54,815 --> 00:53:56,442
Are you...?
693
00:53:56,483 --> 00:53:59,278
Are you from the police?
694
00:53:59,445 --> 00:54:02,781
- No.
- Then I am dr Pratt, yes.
695
00:54:02,948 --> 00:54:06,326
I was referred to you
by a slight acquaintance.
696
00:54:06,368 --> 00:54:08,620
- Oh?
- For professional advice.
697
00:54:08,662 --> 00:54:10,497
Oh, yes, yes.
698
00:54:10,581 --> 00:54:12,332
Yes, er... mmm.
699
00:54:12,416 --> 00:54:14,877
Is it, er... is it night or day?
700
00:54:16,003 --> 00:54:17,004
- Day.
- Oh.
701
00:54:17,171 --> 00:54:19,840
Did you, er... have
an appointment to see me, sir?
702
00:54:20,007 --> 00:54:21,508
I'm afraid not.
703
00:54:21,550 --> 00:54:24,511
Then I will give you
a day appointment immediately.
704
00:54:24,595 --> 00:54:26,680
Thank you very much.
705
00:54:26,764 --> 00:54:28,849
Sit in that chair.
706
00:54:29,933 --> 00:54:32,686
Don't sit on that moggy, sir.
707
00:54:32,853 --> 00:54:35,230
She's the finest ratter
in the east end.
708
00:54:35,314 --> 00:54:37,441
- I'm terribly sorry.
- That's all right.
709
00:54:37,524 --> 00:54:39,568
Quiet, tiger.
710
00:54:39,651 --> 00:54:43,655
Now, then, take off
your clothes, sir, and cough.
711
00:54:43,697 --> 00:54:45,824
Doctor, it's not me.
712
00:54:45,991 --> 00:54:48,744
It's certainly not me, sir.
It's probably one of my cats.
713
00:54:48,827 --> 00:54:51,330
- Doctor!
- Come in!
714
00:54:52,623 --> 00:54:54,458
- Come in!
- Doctor!
715
00:54:54,541 --> 00:54:58,837
I am not here
on a matter of my personal health.
716
00:55:00,547 --> 00:55:04,259
Would you be so good, sir,
as to, er... say that again?
717
00:55:04,343 --> 00:55:08,347
I did not come here
for reasons of my personal health.
718
00:55:09,389 --> 00:55:11,225
What is the young lady's name?
719
00:55:11,308 --> 00:55:14,478
- It is not that, doctor.
- No, no, it isn't, no.
720
00:55:14,561 --> 00:55:18,232
I wanted to make
a somewhat unusual request.
721
00:55:18,315 --> 00:55:19,233
Yes, yes.
722
00:55:19,274 --> 00:55:20,984
I was wondering...
723
00:55:21,068 --> 00:55:25,864
Do you by any chance
happen to have any, erm...
724
00:55:26,990 --> 00:55:28,700
Death certificates?
725
00:55:30,118 --> 00:55:32,412
Do I happen to have
any death certificates?
726
00:55:32,496 --> 00:55:34,248
What a monstrous thing, sir.
727
00:55:34,331 --> 00:55:37,459
What a monstrous thing to say to
a member of the medical profession!
728
00:55:37,543 --> 00:55:40,003
Do you realise the enormity
of what you have just said?
729
00:55:40,087 --> 00:55:41,755
Yes.
730
00:55:41,839 --> 00:55:43,924
Do you have any death certificates?
731
00:55:44,049 --> 00:55:48,178
- How many do you want?
- Just the one would be sufficient.
732
00:55:48,303 --> 00:55:49,263
Ah. Hmm.
733
00:55:49,304 --> 00:55:55,018
And if you'd be so good as to simply sign
your name and leave the remainder blank?
734
00:55:55,102 --> 00:55:56,562
Well, it'll cost you five shillings.
735
00:55:56,687 --> 00:55:58,105
Price is no object.
736
00:55:58,146 --> 00:56:00,524
Right, ten shillings, then,
payable in advance.
737
00:56:00,607 --> 00:56:03,694
Stay there,
I'll just get my medical pen.
738
00:56:06,196 --> 00:56:07,739
Sorry, button.
739
00:56:09,324 --> 00:56:11,285
I keep them here. Yes.
740
00:56:11,368 --> 00:56:14,496
Oh! Would you like to buy a moggy?
741
00:56:14,580 --> 00:56:16,498
No, thank you, doctor.
742
00:56:16,582 --> 00:56:18,458
They make lovely pets.
743
00:56:18,500 --> 00:56:20,669
You'd like to have
a moggy in the home.
744
00:56:20,752 --> 00:56:22,629
I collect eggs, doctor.
745
00:56:22,671 --> 00:56:24,715
Eggs? Oh, yes,
I enjoy an egg myself.
746
00:56:24,798 --> 00:56:27,134
Yes, they don't make
good pets, though.
747
00:56:27,217 --> 00:56:31,138
You can never get 'em in at night.
They're too quiet. Yes.
748
00:56:31,179 --> 00:56:34,349
All I want is
a death certificate, doctor.
749
00:56:34,433 --> 00:56:36,977
Don't we all? Oh yes, yes.
750
00:56:37,019 --> 00:56:38,478
Yes, indeed.
751
00:56:38,520 --> 00:56:42,316
Erm... you may return for it
this evening.
752
00:56:42,357 --> 00:56:47,070
I will have one of my staff collect it
from the place of its origin.
753
00:56:47,154 --> 00:56:49,531
Meanwhile, keep taking the pills.
754
00:56:49,615 --> 00:56:51,408
This evening, doctor.
755
00:56:51,491 --> 00:56:54,661
Take them this evening.
It's as good a time as any, yes.
756
00:56:55,704 --> 00:56:57,164
Oh, that's better.
757
00:56:57,205 --> 00:57:02,169
Of course, I was not always
as you see me now.
758
00:57:02,210 --> 00:57:03,503
I'm sure you weren't, doctor.
759
00:57:03,587 --> 00:57:08,175
No, no, no, I had a magnificent practice
in the fair confines of Camden town.
760
00:57:08,216 --> 00:57:09,676
A charming area.
761
00:57:09,718 --> 00:57:13,764
The sick and groggy travelled from
all over the world to queue at my door.
762
00:57:13,931 --> 00:57:15,015
Wonderful work.
763
00:57:15,140 --> 00:57:18,560
I specialised, you see, in rare,
malign diseases of the spleen.
764
00:57:18,644 --> 00:57:20,103
How very interesting.
765
00:57:20,187 --> 00:57:23,065
The accolade itself
was not beyond my grasp.
766
00:57:23,148 --> 00:57:24,900
- Within it, I'm sure.
- Yes.
767
00:57:24,983 --> 00:57:28,403
Until that unfortunate episode
with the lord mayor's wife.
768
00:57:28,487 --> 00:57:29,863
Good bye, doctor.
769
00:57:30,030 --> 00:57:32,699
Come in. Come in.
770
01:00:07,270 --> 01:00:09,606
We are both old enough
to know what kisses lead to.
771
01:00:09,689 --> 01:00:12,275
- Oh, yes.
- And if I may be blunt,
772
01:00:12,359 --> 01:00:14,277
our children would be idiots.
773
01:00:14,361 --> 01:00:16,530
Why? Is there insanity in your family?
774
01:00:16,571 --> 01:00:18,365
What? Oh, no, no.
775
01:00:18,406 --> 01:00:22,410
What I mean is, it is a proved medical fact
that marriage between cousins...
776
01:00:22,494 --> 01:00:23,912
Oh, but we're not cousins.
777
01:00:23,995 --> 01:00:26,206
Uncle Joseph is just my guardian.
778
01:00:26,248 --> 01:00:27,958
I am an orphan.
779
01:00:28,041 --> 01:00:29,793
- An orphan?
- Yes.
780
01:00:29,876 --> 01:00:34,047
Oh, me, too. I never knew my parents.
They were killed in a balloon ascension.
781
01:00:34,089 --> 01:00:37,551
I only knew mine vaguely.
My father was a missionary.
782
01:00:37,592 --> 01:00:39,427
He was eaten by his Bible class.
783
01:00:39,511 --> 01:00:41,221
- And your mother?
- She too.
784
01:00:41,304 --> 01:00:43,223
They never eat one without the other.
785
01:00:43,306 --> 01:00:45,308
Oh, it's... it's destiny!
786
01:00:45,392 --> 01:00:46,643
Oh!
787
01:00:48,270 --> 01:00:49,646
Morris: Stop!
788
01:00:49,771 --> 01:00:51,356
Stop!
789
01:00:56,903 --> 01:00:59,239
Have you just made
a delivery to number 11?
790
01:00:59,322 --> 01:01:00,949
That's right, sir. Yeah.
791
01:01:01,032 --> 01:01:02,868
Thank you.
792
01:01:07,289 --> 01:01:10,584
Ah, cousin. How is your
dear grandfather this morning?
793
01:01:10,667 --> 01:01:12,460
- Oh, she's well.
- What?
794
01:01:12,544 --> 01:01:15,630
That is to say, he's just the same.
My grandfather, of course.
795
01:01:15,714 --> 01:01:17,549
Well, I must be off
to my Bible class, cousin.
796
01:01:17,716 --> 01:01:21,303
Cousin... I mean, Julia.
797
01:01:21,386 --> 01:01:24,264
Peacock:
Master Michael, sir, come quickly!
798
01:01:24,389 --> 01:01:27,017
Your grandad! Come quickly!
799
01:01:34,024 --> 01:01:36,359
Oh! Dr slattery.
800
01:01:37,944 --> 01:01:41,698
- Am I too late?
- No, no, no. I've just given him a sedative.
801
01:01:44,159 --> 01:01:45,619
Is it anything serious?
802
01:01:45,702 --> 01:01:49,956
As you know, I'm a medical student and I
would understand a more detailed diagnosis.
803
01:01:49,998 --> 01:01:55,212
I see. Well, in that case, what I
think he had, to the nearest guess,
804
01:01:55,253 --> 01:01:59,132
technically speaking, that is,
was a conniption fit.
805
01:01:59,216 --> 01:02:01,635
Oh. Yes.
806
01:02:01,676 --> 01:02:04,346
Dr slattery:
Yes, well, don't worry about it.
807
01:02:04,429 --> 01:02:07,682
Hello, what are you
blubbing for, boy? Hm?
808
01:02:07,766 --> 01:02:09,559
Such a good man.
809
01:02:09,643 --> 01:02:12,312
Such a gentle soul
to be taken from us.
810
01:02:12,354 --> 01:02:15,482
- What are you talking about?
- My dear departed uncle masterman.
811
01:02:15,523 --> 01:02:17,192
He's no more departed than you are,
812
01:02:17,275 --> 01:02:20,237
probably less so, judging from
the last time you consulted me.
813
01:02:20,278 --> 01:02:22,739
How are the boils, by the way, hm?
Disappeared? Yes?
814
01:02:22,822 --> 01:02:24,491
Miss Julia.
815
01:02:24,532 --> 01:02:26,243
Excuse me.
816
01:02:27,452 --> 01:02:30,956
Come, Julia. Good day, cousin.
817
01:02:32,415 --> 01:02:33,875
Morris: Julia?
818
01:02:49,849 --> 01:02:51,518
Peacock?
819
01:02:54,396 --> 01:02:56,523
What is this?
I thought they'd all gone.
820
01:02:58,066 --> 01:03:03,196
I took it to be
lady pitman's goods returned, sir.
821
01:03:03,738 --> 01:03:04,948
Oh, dear.
822
01:03:06,032 --> 01:03:07,784
A perfect day ruined.
823
01:03:32,726 --> 01:03:34,269
Dead.
824
01:03:54,664 --> 01:03:56,416
Michael: Peacock!
825
01:03:58,209 --> 01:04:00,253
Peacock...
826
01:04:01,379 --> 01:04:05,425
- Uncle Joseph...
- Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you.
827
01:04:05,508 --> 01:04:07,594
He came and went.
828
01:04:07,635 --> 01:04:10,013
- Came and went?
- Yes.
829
01:04:10,096 --> 01:04:11,848
It was terrible, sir.
830
01:04:11,931 --> 01:04:15,602
- Oh, terrible, it was.
- What was?
831
01:04:15,643 --> 01:04:17,604
The altercation between them.
832
01:04:17,687 --> 01:04:20,273
- Altercation?
- Oh, yes, terrible.
833
01:04:20,315 --> 01:04:22,317
Things flying around.
834
01:04:22,400 --> 01:04:24,986
Words, angry words.
835
01:04:25,070 --> 01:04:26,780
And objects.
836
01:04:26,863 --> 01:04:28,448
Objects?
837
01:04:35,955 --> 01:04:37,624
Peacock...
838
01:04:40,085 --> 01:04:43,129
Grandfather has murdered uncle Joseph!
839
01:04:44,547 --> 01:04:46,883
And then suffered a conniption fit.
840
01:04:46,966 --> 01:04:49,469
No, never say it!
841
01:04:49,511 --> 01:04:53,306
And he did it because he wanted me
to have the tontine.
842
01:04:53,348 --> 01:04:55,183
Mercy on us.
843
01:04:55,266 --> 01:04:57,060
See for yourself, peacock.
844
01:04:58,770 --> 01:05:00,688
See for yourself.
845
01:05:11,366 --> 01:05:13,660
What shall we do, master Michael?
846
01:05:14,869 --> 01:05:17,080
What shall we do?
847
01:05:17,163 --> 01:05:19,666
There's only one thing to do, peacock.
848
01:05:20,875 --> 01:05:22,669
We must inform the police.
849
01:05:23,920 --> 01:05:26,589
But your grandfather's good name, sir?
850
01:05:26,673 --> 01:05:28,341
I shall say I did it.
851
01:05:28,466 --> 01:05:30,885
No. I am an old man.
852
01:05:30,969 --> 01:05:33,430
Let me say I did it.
853
01:05:33,513 --> 01:05:36,683
- What was your motive?
- Money.
854
01:05:36,724 --> 01:05:39,352
- They'd never believe you.
- Why not, sir?
855
01:05:39,436 --> 01:05:42,939
After all, I haven't
been paid for seven years.
856
01:05:43,022 --> 01:05:45,108
Begging your pardon, sir.
857
01:05:45,191 --> 01:05:47,026
No, peacock.
858
01:05:47,068 --> 01:05:49,279
It's a noble gesture,
859
01:05:49,362 --> 01:05:51,698
but I shall plead guilty to the crime.
860
01:05:51,739 --> 01:05:53,533
But think of your career, sir.
861
01:05:53,575 --> 01:05:55,910
You have your whole life before you.
862
01:05:55,994 --> 01:05:57,954
Yes, there is that, of course.
863
01:05:58,037 --> 01:06:00,707
Well, we must think of
something else, then.
864
01:06:02,292 --> 01:06:03,710
Who is it?
865
01:06:03,793 --> 01:06:06,296
I don't know, sir. Shall I ask?
866
01:06:06,379 --> 01:06:08,214
I don't know.
867
01:06:08,256 --> 01:06:10,300
Could it be the police already?
868
01:06:10,383 --> 01:06:13,386
- I don't know. Do they work that fast?
- I don't know.
869
01:06:13,470 --> 01:06:15,180
Woman: Hello?
870
01:06:16,055 --> 01:06:17,849
Oh, it's miss Julia.
871
01:06:19,309 --> 01:06:21,269
Listen, listen, listen.
872
01:06:22,353 --> 01:06:24,814
Take your time getting to the door.
873
01:06:27,442 --> 01:06:28,985
Peacock: Coming!
874
01:06:34,365 --> 01:06:36,576
I'll slow it down a bit.
875
01:06:50,548 --> 01:06:52,050
Julia: Thank you.
876
01:06:53,092 --> 01:06:55,762
I've brought some broth
for uncle masterman.
877
01:06:55,845 --> 01:06:58,890
My uncle Joseph says it has
strong recuperative qualities.
878
01:07:00,642 --> 01:07:01,768
Oh!
879
01:07:03,686 --> 01:07:05,313
Hello.
880
01:07:07,524 --> 01:07:11,277
Oh, I've brought a little sustenance
for your dear grandfather.
881
01:07:11,361 --> 01:07:13,029
I thought that...
882
01:07:14,822 --> 01:07:16,616
What is it?
883
01:07:20,370 --> 01:07:22,705
You haven't any furniture.
884
01:07:22,789 --> 01:07:25,458
- What?
- Oh, how sad.
885
01:07:26,292 --> 01:07:31,381
Oh, I always knew you were poor,
but I never imagined anything like this.
886
01:07:31,464 --> 01:07:34,300
- Oh, really?
- Would you mind if! Looked around?
887
01:07:34,384 --> 01:07:35,736
Would you like to look
around the hallway?
888
01:07:35,760 --> 01:07:38,638
Oh, I've always wanted
an empty room of my own.
889
01:07:38,721 --> 01:07:40,139
Ours is so cluttered.
890
01:07:40,223 --> 01:07:43,142
Oh, we have lots of empty rooms.
Would you like to see another one?
891
01:07:43,184 --> 01:07:44,644
Oh!
892
01:07:44,727 --> 01:07:47,647
Oh, how sad.
893
01:07:47,730 --> 01:07:50,608
All you've got left is your piano.
894
01:07:52,318 --> 01:07:54,988
- I learned the pianoforte as a child, but...
- Oh, yes?
895
01:07:55,071 --> 01:07:56,698
- I can never practise.
- No.
896
01:07:56,781 --> 01:07:59,701
Cousin Morris will not permit
an instrument in the house.
897
01:07:59,784 --> 01:08:02,161
He says the vibrations
might shatter his eggs.
898
01:08:02,245 --> 01:08:03,830
Yes, of course.
899
01:08:03,913 --> 01:08:06,332
I think you'll find the piano's
rather out of tune.
900
01:08:06,416 --> 01:08:08,334
Oh, I'm sure not.
901
01:08:16,217 --> 01:08:18,595
My repertoire is
somewhat limited, I'm afraid.
902
01:08:18,678 --> 01:08:20,930
Hark! I think I hear
my grandfather calling me.
903
01:08:22,056 --> 01:08:23,808
No, I don't think so.
904
01:08:26,477 --> 01:08:29,188
I'm terribly sorry. Then it must be
your cousin Morris calling you.
905
01:08:29,272 --> 01:08:30,898
Yes, that must be it.
906
01:08:30,982 --> 01:08:32,734
In either case, it's one or the other.
907
01:08:32,817 --> 01:08:36,613
And I think we ought see which one
of them wants which one of us.
908
01:08:36,696 --> 01:08:38,489
- Good bye.
- Oh!
909
01:08:43,328 --> 01:08:44,787
Oh!
910
01:08:46,414 --> 01:08:48,124
Forgive me!
911
01:08:50,418 --> 01:08:53,254
What to do, peacock?
What to do? That's the question.
912
01:08:53,338 --> 01:08:56,549
If I may be allowed to say, sir.
913
01:08:56,591 --> 01:08:58,885
Anything, peacock, anything.
914
01:08:58,968 --> 01:09:06,476
Well, I have heard that there are, in
certain sectors of this great city, men...
915
01:09:07,018 --> 01:09:08,853
Unscrupulous men, sir,
916
01:09:08,936 --> 01:09:15,902
who, for a price,
will perform the most unsavoury tasks.
917
01:09:21,324 --> 01:09:23,409
Dr Pratt?
918
01:09:23,451 --> 01:09:26,245
Rouse yourself, dr Pratt.
919
01:09:27,955 --> 01:09:32,168
I assure you, the lady was already dead,
when I arrived, constable.
920
01:09:32,210 --> 01:09:34,671
- Dr Pratt.
- Come in. Hm?
921
01:09:34,754 --> 01:09:38,424
I was here earlier.
You asked me to return.
922
01:09:38,508 --> 01:09:39,967
What?
923
01:09:40,051 --> 01:09:43,012
Oh, yes. Yes, yes. I remember.
924
01:09:43,096 --> 01:09:45,598
- I've got what you wanted.
- Thank you, doctor.
925
01:09:45,682 --> 01:09:49,686
Here. Blackcurrant jelly.
It contains 12 grains of arsenic.
926
01:09:49,769 --> 01:09:52,063
Just spread it on
your mother's bread and butter.
927
01:09:52,105 --> 01:09:54,565
Doctor, I wanted a death certificate!
928
01:09:55,817 --> 01:09:58,027
Oh, you've done her in already,
have you?
929
01:09:58,111 --> 01:10:00,613
- What's this? Is that it?
- Mm? What?
930
01:10:00,697 --> 01:10:03,533
- What's that?
- Oh, yes, this is...
931
01:10:03,616 --> 01:10:05,618
- This is a death certificate.
- Yes.
932
01:10:05,702 --> 01:10:09,831
- God, I've signed a lot of these in my time.
- Could you sign this one?
933
01:10:09,914 --> 01:10:12,291
Yes, yes, I'll sign this one.
934
01:10:13,626 --> 01:10:17,130
- Give me a hand.
- Up you get, doctor.
935
01:10:17,213 --> 01:10:19,298
Yes. Yes.
936
01:10:19,882 --> 01:10:24,971
Oh, yes. Before I sign this,
I must do my ablutions
937
01:10:25,096 --> 01:10:29,851
according to the sterile principles
laid down by lord lister:
938
01:10:29,934 --> 01:10:34,063
"Cleanliness in all things,
even the humblest of tasks."
939
01:10:39,652 --> 01:10:41,779
Oh, that's better.
940
01:10:43,322 --> 01:10:46,033
Now, then.
941
01:10:46,117 --> 01:10:50,079
Oh, look at that.
Look at that! Scarcely human.
942
01:10:51,038 --> 01:10:53,124
- I'll have to see a vet about it.
- Doctor!
943
01:10:53,166 --> 01:10:55,626
- Come in.
- Come on!
944
01:10:56,669 --> 01:10:58,671
Keep taking the pills.
You'll be all right.
945
01:11:04,802 --> 01:11:08,848
- Are you all right, doctor?
- Yes, I'm all right. It's just a fur ball.
946
01:11:08,931 --> 01:11:10,433
It's nothing.
947
01:11:10,475 --> 01:11:13,853
Strange. I haven't
had fur for a fortnight.
948
01:11:14,979 --> 01:11:17,398
Now, let's see...
949
01:11:17,482 --> 01:11:22,028
Now... yes. Er... that's it.
950
01:11:24,447 --> 01:11:26,532
There we are.
951
01:11:26,574 --> 01:11:28,659
- Doctor...
- Mm?
952
01:11:29,660 --> 01:11:32,872
Oh, you want it
signed in two places? Yes.
953
01:11:33,498 --> 01:11:34,999
Yes.
954
01:11:36,542 --> 01:11:38,961
-W hat?
955
01:11:40,213 --> 01:11:42,381
- P, doctor. P.
- Oh, yes.
956
01:11:44,383 --> 01:11:49,347
-A... t... t.
957
01:11:58,147 --> 01:12:00,608
"Prattmd".
Is that your name as well?
958
01:12:01,984 --> 01:12:05,071
Oh, I've gone and blotted it, now.
It's a small world.
959
01:12:06,280 --> 01:12:10,034
You'd never think that there were
two pratts in one room, would you?
960
01:12:13,996 --> 01:12:15,832
There we are.
961
01:12:15,873 --> 01:12:19,085
- Thank you, doctor. Good night.
- Yes. Come in.
962
01:12:21,212 --> 01:12:23,256
Of course, you know...
963
01:12:24,173 --> 01:12:26,801
I was not always as you see me now.
964
01:12:27,385 --> 01:12:29,929
Was I, mervyn? Eh?
965
01:12:29,971 --> 01:12:32,390
Oh, no, you're too young to remember.
966
01:12:34,350 --> 01:12:36,727
Stay away, lad.
It's not good for you.
967
01:12:49,949 --> 01:12:52,243
Julia!
968
01:12:52,326 --> 01:12:54,662
Are you mad?
969
01:12:54,745 --> 01:12:57,623
A scream like that
might have shattered my eggs.
970
01:12:57,790 --> 01:12:59,917
Oh, but I was dreaming
I was an egg, Morris,
971
01:13:00,001 --> 01:13:02,503
and that an eagle
was trying to hatch me.
972
01:13:02,587 --> 01:13:06,132
- Please cover yourself.
- Oh...
973
01:13:06,549 --> 01:13:08,801
What, erm...
974
01:13:10,219 --> 01:13:13,097
What news of next door?
975
01:13:13,222 --> 01:13:16,309
Oh, er... very peculiar, Morris.
976
01:13:16,392 --> 01:13:18,644
I took uncle masterman some broth
977
01:13:18,728 --> 01:13:21,564
and Michael...
Well, he seemed to...
978
01:13:21,647 --> 01:13:25,610
How shall I say it?
I... I think he threw me out.
979
01:13:27,236 --> 01:13:31,574
- Threw you out?
- Yes! What do you think it means, Morris?
980
01:13:31,657 --> 01:13:34,118
Well, it means that, erm...
981
01:13:34,368 --> 01:13:37,163
What it means is that, er...
982
01:13:38,039 --> 01:13:40,625
I don't know what it means.
983
01:13:41,626 --> 01:13:44,837
Morris, am I pretty?
984
01:13:44,879 --> 01:13:46,422
Let me think.
985
01:13:47,632 --> 01:13:50,259
Oh... never mind.
986
01:13:53,262 --> 01:13:55,348
He's up to something.
987
01:13:55,640 --> 01:13:58,726
It's happened.
I know it's happened.
988
01:13:58,809 --> 01:14:01,604
And Michael's trying to cheat us.
989
01:14:01,687 --> 01:14:04,315
Trying to cheat two little orphans
out of the tontine.
990
01:14:05,608 --> 01:14:07,193
That must be it!
991
01:14:14,992 --> 01:14:18,746
Peacock? Peacock!
992
01:14:20,957 --> 01:14:23,542
Where is the old fool?
993
01:14:26,671 --> 01:14:29,340
The house is full of fools!
994
01:14:29,423 --> 01:14:33,135
I'm coming, blast you!
995
01:14:51,028 --> 01:14:55,324
I'm coming! I'm coming!
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
996
01:14:55,866 --> 01:14:59,370
I'm... oh! Aagh! Oh!
997
01:15:06,043 --> 01:15:08,504
Michael: I'll turn the cart round
and stand guard.
998
01:15:21,600 --> 01:15:23,853
Hey...
999
01:15:30,067 --> 01:15:32,278
- Funny.
- Funny, daddy.
1000
01:15:32,319 --> 01:15:34,697
What's all this malarkey
about a piano, then?
1001
01:15:35,740 --> 01:15:38,993
Still, he must be the one. Can't be
two in the same house, can there?
1002
01:15:39,076 --> 01:15:40,554
Come on, let's get him
wrapped up now.
1003
01:15:40,578 --> 01:15:44,206
Here, you take his legs,
I'll take his shoulders.
1004
01:15:59,430 --> 01:16:03,100
Undertaker: Right, well, thanks for
the business, sir. Good night.
1005
01:16:25,456 --> 01:16:27,291
You, there!
1006
01:16:27,333 --> 01:16:30,795
- Where are you going with that?
- Er... Chelsea undertakers, sir.
1007
01:16:30,878 --> 01:16:33,672
We have a dead person
what has just deceased.
1008
01:16:33,964 --> 01:16:39,428
I see. Well, be about
your sacred business.
1009
01:16:39,470 --> 01:16:42,598
Thank you, sir. The compliments
of the night to you, sir.
1010
01:16:59,698 --> 01:17:06,163
Lawyer: And so, gentlemen, the
great tontine has been won after 63 years
1011
01:17:06,247 --> 01:17:10,459
by your uncle, er...
Joseph, erm, finsbury.
1012
01:17:10,626 --> 01:17:13,212
Yes, we've telegraphed him
in Bournemouth.
1013
01:17:13,295 --> 01:17:17,216
He will, erm... arrive shortly.
1014
01:17:17,299 --> 01:17:18,968
A most magnificent sum!
1015
01:17:19,051 --> 01:17:22,388
Erm... could we ask...
Just how magnificent?
1016
01:17:22,513 --> 01:17:24,223
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
1017
01:17:24,348 --> 01:17:31,313
Well, it's the magnificent total of
£111,000, three shillings and thruppence.
1018
01:17:33,399 --> 01:17:35,651
We could, of course,
continue to administer the fund.
1019
01:17:35,776 --> 01:17:40,322
No, no, no, no, no. Er... my uncle
gave quite explicit instructions.
1020
01:17:40,406 --> 01:17:43,617
He wants the entire amount
handed over to him.
1021
01:17:43,701 --> 01:17:45,161
- Oh?
- In cash.
1022
01:17:45,202 --> 01:17:46,704
- Hmm?
- Immediately.
1023
01:17:46,871 --> 01:17:49,373
Oh. That is most unusual.
1024
01:17:50,499 --> 01:17:51,834
Oh, well. However...
1025
01:17:51,917 --> 01:17:53,460
Well, in that case...
1026
01:17:55,212 --> 01:17:59,341
Would it be convenient for you
to return, say, at three o'clock?
1027
01:17:59,383 --> 01:18:03,596
Ah! We were thinking
more immediately than that.
1028
01:18:03,637 --> 01:18:07,892
Erm... unless, of course, our new
legal friend could bring it to the house.
1029
01:18:07,975 --> 01:18:12,730
Yes, that would suit. You see, this is sure
to prove a trying day for our dear uncle.
1030
01:18:12,813 --> 01:18:15,399
Mm! The shock
of losing a brother, you see.
1031
01:18:15,482 --> 01:18:20,196
Plus the shock of winning the tontine
might prove too much for his weak...
1032
01:18:20,279 --> 01:18:22,281
- Terribly weak.
- Hean.
1033
01:18:22,406 --> 01:18:23,741
Mmm.
1034
01:18:24,408 --> 01:18:26,952
That's no good.
Here! Give it to me.
1035
01:18:26,994 --> 01:18:30,873
Leave it, leave it! Give it to me.
Now, this time. This time, pull!
1036
01:18:30,956 --> 01:18:34,251
- Pull!
- You know what that is?
1037
01:18:35,211 --> 01:18:39,089
That is stuck.
That is what that is.
1038
01:18:40,132 --> 01:18:42,593
Woman:
Is this the finsbury residence?
1039
01:18:43,636 --> 01:18:46,096
- Who asks?
- Kindly address me as "major".
1040
01:18:46,764 --> 01:18:51,810
- Are you a member of this household?
- The Butler, major.
1041
01:18:51,852 --> 01:18:55,272
Does your employer answer to the name
of masterman finsbury?
1042
01:18:55,356 --> 01:18:58,150
That was the case, major.
1043
01:18:58,192 --> 01:19:00,819
Then he is delivered up,
and safely returned.
1044
01:19:00,945 --> 01:19:05,616
This poor, misguided man attempted to
take his own immortal life last night.
1045
01:19:06,450 --> 01:19:08,994
- We fished him out of the river.
- Mercy!
1046
01:19:09,954 --> 01:19:11,956
Yes? Did somebody call?
1047
01:19:12,790 --> 01:19:17,002
Later, mercy. Later! First things first.
Pass him through.
1048
01:19:17,086 --> 01:19:19,129
Come along! Come along!
1049
01:19:22,758 --> 01:19:24,843
Now, you two, give a hand. Come along!
1050
01:19:29,098 --> 01:19:32,101
Get the piano out of the way!
Come along, get moving! Get moving!
1051
01:19:40,651 --> 01:19:43,362
- Where is he usually kept?
- First door.
1052
01:19:43,445 --> 01:19:45,489
Forward, the army!
1053
01:19:52,830 --> 01:19:54,873
Major: Take him upstairs.
1054
01:19:57,960 --> 01:20:00,921
You ought to count yourself lucky
we were on our toes last night.
1055
01:20:01,046 --> 01:20:03,632
The lord moves in mysterious ways
1056
01:20:03,716 --> 01:20:06,093
when he is raising money
for our cause.
1057
01:20:06,176 --> 01:20:09,179
He will have to move
very mysteriously
1058
01:20:10,389 --> 01:20:12,725
to raise any boodle here.
1059
01:20:13,309 --> 01:20:15,227
Boodle? What do you mean?
1060
01:20:15,811 --> 01:20:18,480
I am not in charge of the finances.
1061
01:20:19,398 --> 01:20:22,526
You have to wait
till master Michael returns.
1062
01:20:23,610 --> 01:20:25,237
We can wait.
1063
01:20:26,322 --> 01:20:31,744
- Ah, master Michael! Oh, poor!
- Ha!
1064
01:20:34,830 --> 01:20:36,915
Here, that boy!
1065
01:20:38,459 --> 01:20:41,128
- Do you want to earn a penny?
- Yeah.
1066
01:20:42,129 --> 01:20:44,548
Here, go to st Mary's hospital.
1067
01:20:44,631 --> 01:20:48,427
- Ask for mr Michael finsbury.
- Michael finsbury?
1068
01:21:13,327 --> 01:21:14,578
Good morning.
1069
01:21:14,661 --> 01:21:17,081
May I be of service
in your hour of need?
1070
01:21:17,122 --> 01:21:20,584
Oh... oh, yes,
I've come to pay my respects.
1071
01:21:20,876 --> 01:21:23,337
And who, may I ask,
have you suffered the sad loss of?
1072
01:21:23,420 --> 01:21:26,090
My uncle, masterman finsbury.
1073
01:21:26,799 --> 01:21:28,425
Finsbury?
1074
01:21:29,385 --> 01:21:31,428
Finsbury as in park?
1075
01:21:32,888 --> 01:21:34,973
Well, the only soul reposing here
1076
01:21:35,015 --> 01:21:38,644
belongs and answers to the name
wilfrid ebenezer hackett.
1077
01:21:38,769 --> 01:21:42,981
Oh. Well, uncle
was called many names,
1078
01:21:43,065 --> 01:21:45,359
but that was never one of them.
1079
01:21:45,442 --> 01:21:47,903
- When did your uncle die?
- Late last night.
1080
01:21:49,113 --> 01:21:51,698
In that case, allow me
to present you with my card.
1081
01:21:52,616 --> 01:21:54,993
Er... er...
1082
01:21:55,077 --> 01:21:59,581
Oh, I appear to have run out.
Business is so brisk these days!
1083
01:21:59,623 --> 01:22:03,794
But it is quite obvious, my dear young lady,
that you are in need of my entire organisation.
1084
01:22:03,961 --> 01:22:08,715
When you leave me at the undertakers',
go back to the house, unpack uncle
1085
01:22:08,799 --> 01:22:13,053
and place him in the hallway,
so that it appears he fell down the stairs.
1086
01:22:13,137 --> 01:22:15,889
Why do I always have the packing
and unpacking to do?
1087
01:22:15,973 --> 01:22:18,725
You're quite right. I can't trust you
with the simplest task.
1088
01:22:18,809 --> 01:22:20,352
I'd better handle it.
1089
01:22:20,436 --> 01:22:22,479
We haven't got much time.
1090
01:22:22,855 --> 01:22:25,315
Here we are. Get out!
1091
01:22:27,359 --> 01:22:31,280
Tell the undertakers, a simple coffin.
Nothing expensive!
1092
01:22:33,991 --> 01:22:36,160
R
1093
01:23:06,064 --> 01:23:08,650
Now, if you'll excuse me,
miss finsbury.
1094
01:23:13,447 --> 01:23:16,992
J“
1095
01:24:02,079 --> 01:24:05,207
Major: Brothers and sisters,
our prayers were for nought.
1096
01:24:05,290 --> 01:24:07,751
Hymn 231.
1097
01:24:07,876 --> 01:24:11,588
J“ onward Christian soldiers
1098
01:24:11,672 --> 01:24:13,549
j“ marching as to... j“
1099
01:24:19,638 --> 01:24:21,807
Most unusual.
1100
01:24:24,268 --> 01:24:26,395
Most unusual!
1101
01:24:28,272 --> 01:24:31,441
I think we'd better pay a call on...
1102
01:24:41,159 --> 01:24:44,329
Hmm... yes!
1103
01:24:46,790 --> 01:24:50,711
I think we'll pay a call on...
1104
01:24:53,088 --> 01:24:55,591
- Michael finsbury, sir?
- I know, I know!
1105
01:24:56,508 --> 01:24:58,677
Michael finsbury, naturally.
1106
01:24:59,928 --> 01:25:03,098
J“
1107
01:25:14,610 --> 01:25:17,279
- Bring that down, will you?
- Right, sir.
1108
01:26:23,762 --> 01:26:25,847
Mr Patience.
1109
01:26:28,058 --> 01:26:30,686
- What means this?
- Our dead uncle.
1110
01:26:30,977 --> 01:26:34,147
My cousin should never have broken
the glad news at the top of the stairs.
1111
01:26:34,231 --> 01:26:37,484
- Why? What happened?
- Well, the poor old chap...
1112
01:26:38,276 --> 01:26:40,153
Broke his noodle.
1113
01:26:40,237 --> 01:26:42,781
I see. You mean it...
It proved fatal?
1114
01:26:42,864 --> 01:26:45,492
Oh, totally. Excuse me.
1115
01:26:45,617 --> 01:26:47,703
Allow me.
1116
01:27:01,842 --> 01:27:05,011
Er...
1117
01:27:07,931 --> 01:27:09,516
Morris?
1118
01:27:14,271 --> 01:27:16,064
Morris!
1119
01:27:19,776 --> 01:27:22,612
Morris?
1120
01:27:25,240 --> 01:27:27,284
Excuse me.
1121
01:27:29,828 --> 01:27:31,329
Morris!
1122
01:27:31,538 --> 01:27:33,331
Morris!
1123
01:27:33,957 --> 01:27:37,586
Patience is here with the boodle.
Where is uncle Joseph?
1124
01:27:37,627 --> 01:27:42,424
- I say, she's a bit of all right!
- "Where is uncle Joseph," indeed, you cretin!
1125
01:27:42,507 --> 01:27:45,510
- I sent him to you in a barrel!
- Well, what's this?
1126
01:27:45,594 --> 01:27:49,347
- You realise we're ruined?
- I think I know what's happened.
1127
01:27:50,515 --> 01:27:54,227
- There's been a mix-up.
- You imbecile!
1128
01:27:54,311 --> 01:27:55,854
Let go of me!
1129
01:27:55,937 --> 01:27:59,107
Salvation army:
J“ leads against the foe
1130
01:27:59,775 --> 01:28:03,153
j“ forward into battle
1131
01:28:03,236 --> 01:28:06,114
j' see his banners... j“
1132
01:28:06,990 --> 01:28:09,075
- Oh, help him up!
- Are you all right?
1133
01:28:09,159 --> 01:28:12,329
- Are you all right? Get him on his feet.
- Yes.
1134
01:28:12,454 --> 01:28:14,498
And that, sir, is that.
1135
01:28:14,581 --> 01:28:17,501
The doctor left this death certificate.
1136
01:28:20,754 --> 01:28:22,839
One moment!
1137
01:28:24,466 --> 01:28:28,970
Pray, what is going on? Hmm?
1138
01:28:34,142 --> 01:28:37,437
Ah! Erm... thank you.
1139
01:28:37,521 --> 01:28:39,606
Well, what... what is this?
1140
01:28:39,689 --> 01:28:43,401
- What's what?
- Well, today's the 12th. This is dated the 13th.
1141
01:28:43,527 --> 01:28:46,696
Well, here today and gone tomorrow.
1142
01:28:46,822 --> 01:28:48,949
Surely a mere formality, sir?
1143
01:28:49,032 --> 01:28:53,703
You have our words as English gentlemen
that our uncle is... no longer with us.
1144
01:28:55,372 --> 01:29:00,001
I wonder... I wonder if you could give us
a few more moments alone with him
1145
01:29:00,085 --> 01:29:02,712
before you remove his mortal remains.
1146
01:29:02,796 --> 01:29:04,130
Of course, sir.
1147
01:29:04,214 --> 01:29:07,509
- Please indulge yourself.
- Thank you.
1148
01:29:07,592 --> 01:29:11,847
Well, in that case, perhaps it'd be as well if I
returned another day for the transfer of the...
1149
01:29:11,930 --> 01:29:13,640
Oh, no, no, no.
1150
01:29:13,723 --> 01:29:17,477
- What must be done, must be done.
- Er... yes.
1151
01:29:17,561 --> 01:29:20,897
- We must...
- Curb our natural grief.
1152
01:29:21,982 --> 01:29:24,025
- Exactly.
- Yes.
1153
01:29:24,109 --> 01:29:30,740
Salvation army:
J“ with the cross of Jesus going on before
1154
01:29:31,908 --> 01:29:35,203
j“ onward Christian soldiers... j“
1155
01:29:39,708 --> 01:29:45,755
J“ with the cross of
Jesus going on before j“
1156
01:29:50,302 --> 01:29:54,139
major: Brothers and sisters,
our prayers have been answered!
1157
01:29:54,222 --> 01:29:56,391
Hymn 224!
1158
01:29:56,474 --> 01:29:59,686
J“ all things bright and beautiful... j“
1159
01:30:01,563 --> 01:30:05,942
you were too keen to get me buried, sir!
The point is... the point is,
1160
01:30:06,026 --> 01:30:08,153
I did not kill my brother Joseph!
1161
01:30:08,236 --> 01:30:10,947
- I tried to, but I failed.
- Grandfather...
1162
01:30:11,114 --> 01:30:13,593
Masterman: If you stop your spluttering
and allow me to speak, sir!
1163
01:30:13,617 --> 01:30:16,411
The point is, the tontine is ours!
1164
01:30:16,453 --> 01:30:19,456
Well, it certainly isn't yours
and it must be returned!
1165
01:30:19,873 --> 01:30:22,626
- It must be returned at once!
- You can't!
1166
01:30:22,751 --> 01:30:25,545
You can't ask that
of two innocent little orphans!
1167
01:30:25,629 --> 01:30:29,132
You couldn't take it back now!
You gave it to us. It's ours!
1168
01:30:29,215 --> 01:30:33,345
I put it to you, gentlemen, that masterman
finsbury is alive and your uncle dead.
1169
01:30:33,428 --> 01:30:37,182
- I have his death certificate!
- It's a mistake! It says he died tomorrow!
1170
01:30:37,265 --> 01:30:39,100
- Relinquish that chest, sir!
- Never!
1171
01:30:39,142 --> 01:30:41,645
And please do not touch me!
1172
01:30:41,728 --> 01:30:45,398
Ooh! You touched me!
1173
01:30:46,441 --> 01:30:49,110
- Er... you may remove the body now.
- Certainly, sir.
1174
01:30:53,448 --> 01:30:55,575
Stop them! Stop them!
They have the money.
1175
01:30:56,952 --> 01:31:00,038
Get this thing out of my way!
1176
01:31:00,288 --> 01:31:01,373
Stop!
1177
01:31:03,458 --> 01:31:05,126
Come on!
1178
01:31:06,836 --> 01:31:08,880
Stop them!
1179
01:31:08,964 --> 01:31:11,299
- Stop them, they've got the tontine!
- Julia!
1180
01:31:16,471 --> 01:31:18,181
Stop!
1181
01:31:27,857 --> 01:31:31,695
Stop them!
They've got the tontine! Stop them!
1182
01:31:38,576 --> 01:31:41,997
Could you tell me
where I could find Michael finsbury?
1183
01:31:42,080 --> 01:31:46,418
It's Morris finsbury you want!
He's just made off with £100,000!
1184
01:31:46,501 --> 01:31:48,628
- What? Where?
- That way!
1185
01:31:48,712 --> 01:31:50,755
In a hearse!
1186
01:31:51,548 --> 01:31:54,884
This man was a witness.
1187
01:32:01,099 --> 01:32:02,726
Seize him.
1188
01:32:08,273 --> 01:32:10,358
It's obvious we are not needed here.
1189
01:32:10,483 --> 01:32:12,944
We brought the gospel,
but they would not listen.
1190
01:32:13,903 --> 01:32:15,196
Damn them all!
1191
01:32:15,280 --> 01:32:18,825
R
1192
01:32:42,557 --> 01:32:44,559
Come on. Come on. Hey!
1193
01:32:44,642 --> 01:32:48,521
Halt! In the name of the law!
1194
01:32:48,605 --> 01:32:53,443
- Follow those hearses!
- Stop! Wait for me!
1195
01:32:54,402 --> 01:32:56,446
R
1196
01:33:12,295 --> 01:33:15,173
R
1197
01:33:29,062 --> 01:33:31,106
R
1198
01:33:47,372 --> 01:33:50,583
R
1199
01:34:06,683 --> 01:34:07,851
Giddy-up! Giddy-up!
1200
01:34:29,497 --> 01:34:31,833
R
1201
01:34:36,171 --> 01:34:39,299
J“
1202
01:34:41,885 --> 01:34:45,221
J“
1203
01:35:51,204 --> 01:35:53,373
It is, as you know, a statistical fact
1204
01:35:53,456 --> 01:35:56,709
that in London one person dies
every 25 seconds,
1205
01:35:57,293 --> 01:35:59,796
which means it is extremely probable
that one of us
1206
01:35:59,879 --> 01:36:02,799
may not even live
to arrive at the cemetery.
1207
01:36:15,603 --> 01:36:18,314
Morris, I think there's been
another mix-up.
1208
01:36:18,398 --> 01:36:20,775
- We've got a body instead of the boodle.
- What?
1209
01:36:22,277 --> 01:36:24,529
We must go to the cemetery!
1210
01:36:53,141 --> 01:36:55,768
Quick. Get the flag.
They'll never notice.
1211
01:36:55,852 --> 01:36:58,187
Joseph:
I well recall, mrs hackett,
1212
01:36:58,271 --> 01:37:01,733
that your late husband showed me
another kindness on February 3rd.
1213
01:37:01,816 --> 01:37:07,613
- No, February 4th. Another kindness, by...
- And it was kind of him to pass on, wasn't it?
1214
01:37:07,697 --> 01:37:13,369
Wasn't it? Gave you a better chance
of the tontine! Hypocrite! You hypocrite!
1215
01:37:13,453 --> 01:37:17,123
Don't touch me!
1216
01:37:18,708 --> 01:37:22,170
Now, come, mrs hackett.
You mustn't spoil this beautiful occasion.
1217
01:37:22,253 --> 01:37:26,466
Perfidious! How dare...
1218
01:37:38,102 --> 01:37:40,188
What have you done with mr hackett?
1219
01:37:40,229 --> 01:37:42,357
Look at the size of that coffin!
1220
01:37:42,440 --> 01:37:46,277
That's only part of him!
He weighed 15 stone.
1221
01:37:46,361 --> 01:37:48,863
And look at that ridiculous flag!
1222
01:37:48,946 --> 01:37:52,909
He hated england!
1223
01:38:06,089 --> 01:38:09,509
Excuse me, you have our body.
Erm... our Yorkshire terrier.
1224
01:38:09,592 --> 01:38:11,177
He would have been 14 tomorrow.
1225
01:38:11,260 --> 01:38:13,888
Poor little beggar.
1226
01:38:16,349 --> 01:38:18,059
Morris: Hey! Get back!
1227
01:38:22,438 --> 01:38:25,316
Excuse me!
1228
01:38:25,400 --> 01:38:28,069
Stop! Thief! Stop! Thief!
1229
01:38:31,864 --> 01:38:34,784
Vicar: Please! Please!
Let us remember where we are!
1230
01:38:47,463 --> 01:38:49,549
Oh! Julia: Oh, my!
1231
01:38:57,807 --> 01:38:59,934
Julia: Uncle...
1232
01:39:03,980 --> 01:39:06,107
That's him.
1233
01:39:08,317 --> 01:39:10,236
Please. May we begin?
1234
01:39:12,655 --> 01:39:16,409
Dearly beloved, we are gathered
together in the sight of god
1235
01:39:16,492 --> 01:39:21,122
and in the face of this congregation
to join this man and this woman...
1236
01:39:22,623 --> 01:39:25,668
No, no, that's not it. Er... er...
1237
01:39:25,751 --> 01:39:28,171
- Aah!
- Ugh!
1238
01:39:28,212 --> 01:39:32,592
I must have quiet! I demand the silence
due this solemn occasion!
1239
01:39:34,927 --> 01:39:36,888
Uncle Joseph!
1240
01:39:43,769 --> 01:39:46,939
- Just where you belong, Jo-Jo.
- Oh!
1241
01:39:47,023 --> 01:39:49,400
Vicar:
Please! I beg of you, sir!
1242
01:39:49,484 --> 01:39:53,946
- Get off him, all of you!
- Ladies! Gentlemen!
1243
01:39:54,030 --> 01:39:57,033
I beg of you to
conduct your business elsewhere.
1244
01:39:57,116 --> 01:40:01,370
- What do you mean, elsewhere?
- Not you, of course, mrs hackett.
1245
01:40:04,665 --> 01:40:06,709
Uncle Joseph.
1246
01:40:07,793 --> 01:40:09,170
Let us begin.
1247
01:40:10,171 --> 01:40:14,342
Man that is born of a woman
hath but a short time to live
1248
01:40:14,383 --> 01:40:16,135
and is full of misery.
1249
01:40:16,219 --> 01:40:19,639
He cometh up and is cut down like a flower.
1250
01:40:19,722 --> 01:40:22,475
He fleeth as it were a shadow
1251
01:40:22,558 --> 01:40:26,062
and never continueth in one stay.
1252
01:40:26,145 --> 01:40:28,814
In the midst of life, we are in death.
1253
01:40:28,898 --> 01:40:33,236
- Of whom may we seek for succour...
- Stop! Stop this funeral.
1254
01:40:34,237 --> 01:40:38,491
I demand the money to be returned.
The tontine has yet to be won.
1255
01:40:38,574 --> 01:40:40,469
If fate names me the winner,
1256
01:40:40,493 --> 01:40:43,871
the entire amount
goes to my ward, Julia.
1257
01:40:46,707 --> 01:40:50,002
Julia, my darling, I've always loved you.
Be mine tonight.
1258
01:40:50,086 --> 01:40:52,088
Better still, be mine.
1259
01:40:52,213 --> 01:40:57,343
Vicar: Let us begin. Man that is born
of a woman hath but a short time to live
1260
01:40:57,426 --> 01:41:00,137
and is full of misery.
1261
01:41:01,097 --> 01:41:03,766
All right, come on, come on!
What's going on? What is it? Come on.
1262
01:41:03,849 --> 01:41:06,102
Please, sir, I beg of you.
There's a dead man here.
1263
01:41:06,185 --> 01:41:07,562
All right, no-one move!
1264
01:41:16,571 --> 01:41:18,573
- Finsbury?
- Finsbury clan: Yes?
1265
01:41:21,576 --> 01:41:24,287
- Morris finsbury?
- Yes.
1266
01:41:24,370 --> 01:41:27,873
Morris finsbury, I arrest you
for stealing £100,000.
1267
01:41:27,957 --> 01:41:30,543
- But the money has been returned, sir.
- And who are you, sir?
1268
01:41:30,626 --> 01:41:34,714
- Some sort of accomplice?
- Certainly not! I am his solicitor.
1269
01:41:34,797 --> 01:41:36,757
You've brought your solicitor
with you, have you?
1270
01:41:36,841 --> 01:41:40,636
- Yes, I've met your type before.
- No, I'm the administrator of the tontine!
1271
01:41:40,720 --> 01:41:43,723
- "Tontine"?
- Named after Lorenzo tonti,
1272
01:41:43,806 --> 01:41:47,268
- a neapolitan banker.
- And who are you, sir?
1273
01:41:47,310 --> 01:41:50,146
- I...
- He's nobody. He's my young brother.
1274
01:41:50,229 --> 01:41:52,315
- And who are you, sir?
- None of your business, sir.
1275
01:41:52,982 --> 01:41:55,443
I shall have you arrested
for indecent exposure!
1276
01:41:56,319 --> 01:41:58,571
My grandfather was recently buried, sir.
1277
01:41:58,654 --> 01:42:00,489
And who are you, sir?
1278
01:42:00,573 --> 01:42:02,617
He is Michael finsbury.
1279
01:42:02,658 --> 01:42:04,076
And who are you, madam?
1280
01:42:04,160 --> 01:42:07,788
She is Julia finsbury,
shortly to become...
1281
01:42:08,789 --> 01:42:10,416
Julia finsbury.
1282
01:42:10,499 --> 01:42:13,461
Young man, did you know
there was a body in the piano?
1283
01:42:15,838 --> 01:42:17,882
I did it.
1284
01:42:21,177 --> 01:42:23,429
- Who is he?
- He is the Butler, sir.
1285
01:42:23,512 --> 01:42:26,599
- The Butler did it?
- No, sir.
1286
01:42:27,516 --> 01:42:29,769
- I put the body there.
- Is this true?
1287
01:42:29,852 --> 01:42:30,645
Yes, sir.
1288
01:42:30,728 --> 01:42:33,856
In that case, you are entitled
to a reward of £1,000.
1289
01:42:33,939 --> 01:42:38,277
You are responsible for bringing
the Bournemouth strangler to his just end.
1290
01:42:38,361 --> 01:42:40,696
£1,000?
1291
01:42:41,864 --> 01:42:44,367
Oh, but I... I don't deserve it.
1292
01:42:44,450 --> 01:42:47,453
- The bodyjust arrived in a barrel.
- I sent it.
1293
01:42:47,536 --> 01:42:51,415
- And who are you, sir?
- He is of diminished responsibility, officer.
1294
01:42:51,499 --> 01:42:56,545
It was all my doing. If there's anyjustice
in this naughty world, the reward is mine.
1295
01:42:56,629 --> 01:42:58,381
And who are you?
1296
01:42:58,464 --> 01:43:00,841
You remember me. Morris finsbury.
1297
01:43:00,925 --> 01:43:04,095
I was falsely accused
of stealing £100,000,
1298
01:43:04,178 --> 01:43:06,055
whereas, in fact,
it was me and me alone
1299
01:43:06,138 --> 01:43:10,309
who was responsible for bringing the
Bournemouth strangler to his just deserts.
1300
01:45:26,237 --> 01:45:29,865
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