All language subtitles for wi l dddddddddddddd

God.

Okay. Okay.

"I'd rather be
a hammer than a nail."

No.

No.

Fuck you, bitch!

- Good luck.
- Thanks.

Hi.

I need a room for the night.

$18.

Unless, uh... you have
a companion joining you later.

If you have
a companion, it's more.

I don't have a companion.

So it's $18.

For now.

It'll stay $18.

Unless someone comes later.

Which he won't.

He may.

To throw out certain
evidence obtained at O.J. Simpson's house.

Um, I'm hiking the PCT.

And, um, I don't have a license
plate number or an address.

Just put down your folks'
address.

- Hello.
- Hey.

Oh, hey.

Hi.

Hey.

Y-You in Mojave?

Yeah. Um, I used your address

as my address on the registration
form 'cause I...

I couldn't think
of anything else.

No, that's cool. Anytime.

Hey, if you see my little brother,
will you let him know where I am?

Not that he would give a shit,
but I just want him to know.

No, he does, he will.

Um, listen, I'm making dinner
for a friend, and, uh...

Oh. Which friend?

Does it make any difference?

You know, I only called
because I was looking for Leif.

No, I want you to call.
I want you to call.

We're friends, remember?

Sorry.

No, I'm sorry.

For what?

I-I don't know.

I'm-I'm sorry, uh...

that you have to walk
a thousand miles just to...

Finish that sentence.

Why do I have to walk
a thousand miles?

Uh, do you have the list
of addresses to write to?

Yeah. Yeah.

Do you want me to send
anything else?

Uh, no, thanks.

Aimee's in charge
of all the boxes.

Okay. Okay.

Um...

I got to go.

Happy trails, Cheryl.

Remember, you
can quit anytime.

Shit.

Oh, my God.

Shit!

Okay.

So where are you going?

I'm hiking
the Pacific Crest Trail.

It goes from the Mexican
border up to Canada.

I'll be walking
for the next three months.

Wow.

Up to Ashland.

You do a lot of hiking?

Well, I mean,

I'm not obsessive, but this
is quite a stretch, even for me.

I guess we're gonna be the last human
contact you have for a while, huh?

That's true.

You can never.

Go home anymore.

Listen.

Does this sound familiar?

You wake up every morning.

Go to school every day.

Spend your nights on the corner.

Just passing time away.

Your life is so lonely.

Like a child without a toy.

Then a miracle.

A boy.

And that's called "glad".

Never.

Go home anymore.

Now...

Love you, too, son.

"If your Nerve, deny
you, Go above your Nerve."

Emily Dickinson. And
Cheryl Strayed.

Oh, my God.

What the fuck have I done?

What... The fuck?

What...

The fuck?

What the fuck?

You can quit anytime.

You can quit...

anytime.

You can quit...

anytime.

Yes!

Shit.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Yes, I would

If I could

I surely would

I thought of you today.

I felt a burst of energy,

remembering why I thought
I could hike this trail.

I hope you won't be
mad at me if I quit.

"Today a backhoe divulged
out of a crumbling flank of earth,"

"one bottle amber, perfect,"

"a hundred-year-old cure
for fever or melancholy..."

"A tonic for living
on this earth."

"Today I was reading
about Marie Curie."

"She died a famous
woman, denying her wounds..."

"Denying her wounds came
from the same source"

"as her power."

So, what did he say?

He said he was going
to call you.

- Are you serious?
- Yeah, I know.

Does he think
we're in junior high?

Exactly!

I think he's going
to ask for your number!

Bobbi?

- Hey.
- Hey.

- How's it going?
- Good.

Hard but fun.

All right. See you.

Yeah, cool.

I'm just gonna
grab this for a second.

I'm sorry I ignored
you at school today.

That's okay, hon.

We agreed, right?

It's pretty strange going
to school with your mom.

It's not because I'm
not proud of you.

I'm really proud of you.

You know what? I'm
pretty proud of me, too.

God, there's so much to know.

I mean, I knew there
was a lot, but...

not this much.

- You've read Erica Jong, right?
- Mm-hmm.

Okay, so tell me
about the zipless fuck.

Mom, I am not gonna discuss
zipless fucks with you.

Uh, you have to, 'cause I have
to write a paper about it.

I mean, you know, is it...

- This is so awkward.
- That much easier for women now

- than it was before?
- I don't know.

Can we not discuss this?

Well, for me, it felt like it
was always covered in zips.

Zips, strings,
everywhere I went.

Hey.

What's for dinner,
Mom? I'm starving.

Books and essays.

I can fix something.

Are you gonna stay, Wayne?
You want something to eat?

- Um, sure.
- Mom, they are 18 years old.

They can cook their own dinner.

You've got a paper to write.

Uh-uh.

If I can't be a mom, then
I can't be a student, either.

Rule book.

That's ridiculous.

If she wants to make me
dinner, then let her.

I wonder, have
you learned any of this

- that we're reading?
- You know, I have to do everything.

I want to do everything.

I hope you do, too.

Pasta?

"Denying her wounds"

"came from her power."

"Denying her wounds came
from the same source as her power."

And you want to travel blind...

I'm not afraid.

I'm not afraid.

"Please ensure that you
only use white gas"

"compatible with this stove."

"Other fuels may
harm the equipment"

"and render it inoperable."

Shit.

Shit!

Cold mush is great.

Cold mush with nuts.

Cold mush with tuna jerky.

Cold mush dreams.

Cold mush shit.

I love cold mush.

"What do you like to do when
you're not hiking, Cheryl?"

I like to sit on a real toilet.

And flush.

I like to cook food.

Eat food with other people.

People, that's another thing
I like.

I like talking to people,

listening to people.

Funny, that's a hobby,
one I hadn't even realized I had.

Until I decided to walk
on my own through the fucking desert.

We got to feed you, kid.

Should I stay or should I go?

I'd rather be a sparrow than a snail.

Yes, I would

Hey!

Hey!

Hi!

My name is Cheryl.

I'm walking the PCT,
and I've run out of food.

I'm just wondering if you could take
me someplace I could get a warm meal.

I'm working.

Yeah, I understand. Um...

But maybe when you're finished,
you could take me somewhere?

Not gonna find anything
open this time of day.

Well, maybe you
could just drive me

to someplace that'd be open
in the morning for breakfast,

and I can camp nearby.

You must be starving.

I brought all these dehydrated
meals, and I brought a stove,

but I brought the wrong fuel.

Yeah, I got a little bit
more work to do,

but you can wait in my truck.

Thank you.

- Thank you, sir.
- Yeah.

All right, I've been thinking.

You can come back to my place

for a hot dinner
and a hot shower.

Okay.

So, what kind of woman are you?

What kind?

Yeah. Are you like a Jane?

You know, Tarzan's Jane.

Are you a Jane?

A wild woman?

I got a little something for us.

That is, if you partake.

Sure.

Ladies first.

- Oh.
- It's cheap, but it's good.

See?

- Thanks.
- Yeah.

I'm gonna call you Jane.

Yeah, my husband's hiking
the PCT with me.

He's just a little bit
further ahead on the trail.

We're gonna meet up really soon.

Probably around Kennedy Meadows.

I got a little something else
I like to do after a hard day's work.

You like licorice?

Oh, thanks.

Come on.

Come on, Jane!

All right, you got to promise

that you're not
gonna tell my wife,

because she hates it
when I eat candy.

Okay.

What, you just
gonna stand there?

Oh, um, hold
on, sweetheart.

No offense, but...

Thank you.

Well, you just
gonna look at it or...

Thank you.

Good meal.

So, your husband,

the two of you meet in college?

- Your husband.
- Oh, Paul?

- Yeah.
- Yes.

Yeah.

Well, he must be crazy.

It's one thing for a man to take
off on a hike like that,

but to allow your wife to do it?

Whole other thing entirely.

Not everyone in the world
thinks like you do, Frank.

Nope, that's why everything
is so messed up.

Paul and I kind of do
our own thing.

Don't you get any ideas.

How could I possibly?

You gonna take off with her?

You have an extra tent?

You'd be yelling for me

to come get you before you got
to the end of the driveway.

This is really good.

Baby, baby, be my friend.

So, what does this tattoo
mean to you guys, anyways?

Well, we both just
really dig horses.

We're getting divorced today

and we thought we should do
something that bonded us together.

Oh.

Okay.

It hasn't occurred to you guys that it
might be easier just to stay married?

- Cheaper, too.
- Mmm.

At least we probably
won't regret it.

Couples don't necessarily stay married,
but they tend to stay divorced.

You get a lot of people asking
you about removing tattoos?

Well, sometimes.

I cheated on him.

It happens.

She seems sorry.

I am sorry.

Cheryl, come on, can we just...

Come on, man, wipe
the slate clean.

Uh, it's quite a big slate.

I cheated on him a lot of times.

Is that right? "Stryed"?

Uh, no, it's "strayed."

Like a stray dog.

The form asked me what my new
last name would be. I...

I looked it up.

It just sounded right.

You're all set.

You're going to have
to mail them yourselves.

It's been a wonderful
and crazy seven years.

Goodbye,

Cheryl Strayed.

Got what you needed?

Yes.

Now I don't have to eat
cold mush anymore.

I can eat hot mush.

There's no husband, is there?

No. I mean, there was,

but he's in Minneapolis,
not on the PCT.

I said that 'cause
I was scared of you.

Yeah, I knew that.

Can't say I blame you.

Do you ever think
about quitting?

Oh, only once
every two minutes or so.

Everything hurts. All the time.

- You think I should quit?
- Yes, I do.

Don't listen to me. Hell,
I've quit a bunch of stuff.

Quit jobs, quit marriages.

I'd have quit that hike
after the first day.

You regret any of them?

I didn't have a choice.

I just couldn't do them no more.

Never been a time when there
was a fork in my road.

Yeah.

That's about the size of it.

Be careful.

- All right.
- Nice meeting you.

Nice meeting you.
Thank you, Frank!

Yes!

Okay.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

You're doing good, Strayed.

Five to seven miles a day.

At this rate, you'll be
finished in about 20 years.

I'm not hungry.

I don't miss food.

I don't miss tacos,
chips and guac.

I don't miss Minneapolis
snow, that's for sure.

I don't miss margaritas.

I'd kill a snake for a sip.

It's not like I'm
some junkie. I'm in control.

Yeah, like everyone
is with drugs?

- I'm an experimentalist.
- Mmm.

I'm the girl who says
yes instead of no.

Uh, hi!

Cheryl Strayed?

Oh, yeah, hi!

I... Do I know you?

I... I saw your name
in the trail register.

You're the only woman in there.

Right.

I'm Greg!

Nice to meet you!

I'm coming down.

Oh, great!

Sorry. I wasn't
expecting any visitors.

So how many miles
a day are you doing?

I'm averaging 22 at the moment.

You'll be in Kennedy
Meadows by tomorrow?

Hope so.

I'm only managing about...

11 or 12.

Uh, well, the first couple
of weeks are always hard.

And you do all that preparation
and training,

and nothing prepares you
for the pain and the heat.

Yeah, we picked
the wrong year, though.

You, uh... bypassing the Sierra?

Sure.

I'll bypass anything. Should I?

Oh, it's completely socked in.

Biggest snowfall
in a decade or so.

Yeah, nobody's getting
through that.

Say, uh...

how 'bout we make a plan
up in Kennedy Meadows?

I'm... I'm staying there
for a few days to rest up.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Let's make a plan. I...

Think that'd be good for me.

Great.

I think I'm pregnant.

What?

Who's the father?

I don't know.

I mean...

I think I have an idea.

You have an idea?

Are you fucking kidding me?

What are you doing to yourself?

Can we have the check, please?

Shit. Pregnancy
test and a shovel.

You're going to do this in front
of me, and if you're pregnant,

we're gonna pay visit
to your "idea" and make a plan.

Next please!

Give me a reason to love you.

This is the beginning.

Of forever and ever

It's time to move over.

It's all I want to be.

Give me a reason to love you.

Give me a reason to be.

A woman

I just wanna be a woman.

There's no plan to make.

I'm not gonna have this baby.

I don't know when I became
such a piece of shit.

I was strong...

Responsible.

I wanted things in life.

I was good, you know?

I ruined my marriage,

and now I'm ruining
the rest of my life.

I gotta go back to that store.

I'm gonna walk myself
back to the woman

my mother thought I was.

I'm gonna put myself
in the way of beauty.

What the hell
are you talking about?

In the way
of another fucking giant rock.

Maybe
your other girlfriends.

Couldn't pass the test.

Come on, Bruce. Sing with me.

Well, if you're rough and ready for love.

Honey, I'm
tougher than...

The rest

Hey, there.

There she is!

Hey!

- You made it!
- I made it!

Okay, guys?

This is Cheryl.

And Monster.

"Monster"?

My pack?

Oh, man.

Okay,

what can I get you?

Snapple. I've been dreaming
of Snapple Lemonade.

And potato chips. Any
kind of potato chips.

- Any kind?
- Thank you.

- I have cash.
- No, no, no! My treat.

Ah, thank you.

Seriously, you have no
Snapple in that pack?

I wish!

Stay.

- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

I wish I'd gotten applause
like that when I walked in.

Okay! I know they said
don't feed the animals,

but I figured this would be
a special occasion.

One Snapple and chips.

Ah! That's perfect.

When you're done
here, Ed over there

will cook you dinner
down at the campsite.

That would be amazing.

Thank you.

Ed is amazing. We
call him Amazing Ed.

Sweetheart.

If you're reading this, then
you've walked 100 miles

through the Mojave Desert.

Whatever else has
happened between us,

however angry we are,
or were, at each other,

I am so proud of you
and in awe of you.

Or, I will be, once
you've done it.

As I write,
you've only just left,

so actually, you've done
almost nothing at all.

Like me!

So we can still be friends.

Minneapolis misses you.

Hey, Cheryl!

- Come and get it!
- Okay, great!

So you're not a hiker?

Not like you.

I just come up here every summer
to hang out with the real hikers.

You fascinate me.

I'm not a real hiker.

You just hiked 100 miles
through the desert heat.

And it nearly killed me.

You want some help?

Do I look like somebody
who needs help?

Your boots. They're too small.

That's why you're
losing toenails.

Yeah. You're right.

I only just realized it
the second you said that.

I thought they were
supposed to hurt that bad.

What am I supposed to do?

I don't have any money
to buy new boots.

- Did you get them at REI?
- Yeah.

Well, you call 'em, you tell
'em, and they'll have new boots

sent to your next stop.

- Seriously?
- Mmm.

And your pack, it's insane.

We need to do a little pruning.

Okay, so I'm gonna pick out

the stuff that's useless to you.

And you can leave it in the free box
unless you can give me a good reason

why you need it with you.

- Okay?
- Okay.

Ah, how's this working for you?

I stink.

I stink all the time. And
my armpits are the least of it.

Are you having much
fun with these?

I've never used them once.

I don't know what I was thinking
with the saw.

You burning what you read?

You want me to burn books?

I know you're not gonna
become a Nazi, I promise you.

But you are gonna make
your pack a lot lighter.

Okay? So... Everything
before Kennedy Meadows...

Wait. Not those.

These will never be burned.

It's your weight.

I don't take pictures at night.

Never.

You... You need the whole roll?

What woman goes on a hike
and brings 12 condoms.

Hey, Ed!

Wait just a minute.

But you'll just send
the boots there?

I don't have to do anything?

Thank you so much.

You will be my favorite
company forever and ever.

Okay.

Great.

So what's wrong
with James Michener?

He's crap is what's wrong.

And which of his books have
you read that are so...

I haven't read any of his books.

I read things like Adrienne Rich

and Flannery O'Connor.

Which you do, too,
now, by the way.

Doesn't it make
a difference to you?

Um... I don't know what to say.

I love James Michener!

And I'm not going to stop
loving him!

It must be so weird for you.

What?

That I'm just so much more sophisticated
than you were at my age, you know?

Yeah, that was the plan.

What was the plan?

I always wanted you to be
more sophisticated than me.

I just didn't realize it
would hurt sometimes.

Why do you
put up with my crap?

You look so pretty
in that dress.

And I'll make you
another one soon.

What'd you decide
about the snow?

Well, I'd like to push
on, if it's possible.

Well, Ed told me
a lot of the hikers

went up the PCT another 40
miles to Trail Pass.

- Yeah?
- And that's where they're getting forced off

by the snow.

And they're catching a bus
up to Reno and on to Truckee,

just, rejoining the trail
at a lower elevation.

I didn't come out here
to ride buses.

You probably didn't
come out here

to slide off the side
of a mountain, either.

True.

If you're worried
about cheating yourself,

just make your hike longer.

You know, just, uh...
walk to Mount Hood

or the Bridge of the Gods.

The Bridge of the Gods?

I like the sound of that.

Either way, don't
beat yourself up.

You, uh... you strike me as someone
who's done plenty of that already.

Can I ride my horse?

Bobbi Grey?

I'm sorry.

- How long?
- Can I ride my horse?

We'll be giving you radiation

to shrink the size of the tumors
along your spine.

The slightest jolt,
it could crumble.

How long?

You all right, honey?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Hi, this is Paul.

Leave a message and I'll call
you back whenever I can.

Hey, sorry to call so late.

Thank you.

I'm in Reno. If you were here,
we could get divorced again.

Um...

Anyway, I... I'm still alive.

And that's all my news.

And the sum total
of what I've learned on my hike.

Okay. Bye.

Hi. I'm Cheryl.

I'm an unaccompanied
female hitchhiker.

Would it be okay if I got into your car.

so that you can rape
and dismember me?

Hey, going north?

Yeah, I am, actually.

Okay, I just need a ride
about 12 miles up.

- Well, that's quite a backpack you got there.
- Thanks.

I can't offer you a ride
because I don't have any room.

What do you mean?

Yeah, I'm packed to the gills.

Jimmy Carter.

No relation.

I interview hobos for the Hobo
Times. Drive all over the USA.

And I have to tell you.
Lady hobos? Hard to find.

I think you're mistaken. I'm not a hobo.

Second of all, that's a real
thing, the Hobo Times?

Yeah, it's real enough to pay
for my rent and gas.

So, how long have you
been out on the road?

I'm not "on the road." I'm
hiking the Pacific Crest Trail.

I just had to bypass
a chunk of it

because there
was a snowfall this year.

Okay, so if you're not
a hobo, where do you live?

I'm between places right now.

I'm probably going to live
in Portland when I get off the PCT.

This is so fucking
cool. I mean...

I've only spoken to maybe one other
female hobo in two years.

Let me reiterate to you,
I am not a hobo.

And that's probably because women
cannot walk out of their lives.

They've got kids
to take care of,

they've got parents
to look after.

You sound like a feminist.

I am.

That's excellent. That's fantastic.
I love feminists.

So you're trying to tell
me you're not a hobo,

so that means you have
a job then, right?

I've had a whole lot
of different jobs.

Up until a couple of years
ago, I was studying.

I hope you don't think
this is too personal,

but I've noticed
it's often personal trauma

that forces people
out of their life

and into the hobo life. Would you
say that's been the case for you?

This is my life. I'm just
taking a little time out.

This is not a hobo life.

I don't know what else
to tell you.

- Can I get a shot?
- No! That...

Yeah, this should be
in the fall issue.

A couple of my pieces have
been in some other magazines.

Harper's has expressed interest.

Harper's?

It's a New York magazine.

Pretty swanky, kind
of a big deal...

Yeah, I know what Harper's is. I want
to write for Harper's one day.

I don't really feel like being
their centerfold Bum of the Month.

What's this?

Hobo care package. Thanks a lot!

Hmm.

What's your dog's name?

Stevie Ray. Got him
the day he died.

The other Stevie Ray, I mean.

I love Stevie Ray.

Hey, put on Love Struck.

Just came to me the second
you got in this car.

Oh, shut up,
Spider! Jesus!

Ignore him. He's nothing
but a horny old bastard.

You must be pretty tough,
hiking this fucking trail.

I'm in a car with you,
taking a ride.

That's not very tough.

That's a cute little boy.
How old is he?

He was eight.

I'm so sorry.

He got hit by a truck when
he was riding his bike.

Five years ago.

He was a tough motherfucker,
too. Just like his mom.

I'm really sorry.

I know you are, sweetheart.

I was never me.

Don't. Okay? Don't.
It's not over.

We're gonna find somebody who can
help you and we are gonna fight this!

I was always...

A mother or a wife.

I was never even in the driver's seat
of my own life.

I thought there was so
much time, you know?

And just when...

So many things were beginning.

Oh, well!

You've got to be kidding me.

Hang on.

All right.

I surely would...

Can you stop
humming that song?

Happy people sing!

Shut up.

I'm sitting
in the railway station.

Got a ticket for my destination.

The sun is right
behind my back.

So true north should
be over there

I will not lose
this fucking track.

Or I'll end up in Delaware

Portland bound

I hope I am Portland bound

Hey!

Hey!

Where am I?

California!

Fucking hilarious.

Plumas County!

Are you lost?

No!

Just screwed.

Hey, beauty.

Hey, my Lady.

She saved my life.

You know, after I left your dad.

I know.

I'm not going to make
you promise anything.

This is hard
enough on you as it is.

Just please try and do
the kindest thing.

Come back!

Come back.

Come back!

Here you go. This
should keep you warm.

I'll be back
in the morning with Leif.

I love you.

You're the center of me.

Everything I am.

Love.

Love.

How's she doing?

The doctor said it
would be a year.

It's been a month.
One fucking month!

I'm sorry.

I'll pray for her.

Fucking Saint Patrick.

Go to hell, all you saints.

Thank you, God,
for showing me the way.

As if He gives a shit.

I'm sorry, but God
is a ruthless bitch.

Yeah, well, I really need him.

It's urgent. Tell him
to get the fuck home.

Where the fuck have you been?

I've been at the hospital
all day! She's dying.

- Don't say that!
- You understand that?

- She can't die.
- She can. She is dying.

Stop it!

She can't die.

There was Killer,
and Doobie.

Doo-bie!

And Motorcycle Dan.

Motorcycle Dan... wow!

I wanted to be like that guy.

And Nipper.

"If you press your face
against the glass..."

"you can see a little slice
of Lake Superior."

A room with a view.

She said.

All my life, I've always
wanted a room with a view.

Jesus,
she just never stops.

The past few years, I've acted
like she was nothing to me.

But...

really, she was everything.

What are you doing?

Praying.

Shut up.

I'm praying to the whole
fucking universe...

hoping there's a God.

Because I want a miracle.
I want a fucking miracle!

Our mother isn't
going to die at 45.

Are you burning and yearning?

Do you ever feel blue?

And do you think of returning?

How's the world treating you?

I can't wait to see her face.

She'll be so happy to see you.

So happy to see you...

How much do I love you?

No.

This much?

This much?

This much?

This much?

I'm stuck! I can't go wider.

I can't go wider!

How's the world treating you?

We put ice on her eyes.

What?

She wanted to donate
her corneas, so...

Oh, my God.

Fuck you, bitch!

What the fuck do you want?

Fuck you, let's go.

I'd rather be a sparrow

than a snail.

Yes, I would.

If I could

I surely would

I'd rather be
a hammer than a nail.

Yes, I would

Ow.

I'd rather be a forest
than a street.

If I could.

If I only could

I surely would

I surely would

Fuck it.

Can you stop
humming that song?

What is wrong with you?

I don't know.
What's wrong with you?

I'm happy. Happy people sing!

Why are you happy? We have
nothing, Mom. Nothing.

We're rich in love.

Oh, my God, please.

Don't even start with that.

We're both waitressing
full-time.

We're students.

We'll have loans the rest
of our lives. This house...

is falling apart.
You're all by yourself

because you married
some abusive alcoholic asshole.

And I come home
and you're singing?

What part of it do you not get?

There's nothing I don't
get, believe me.

But then what?

Cheryl, if there's one thing
I could teach you...

It's how to find your best self.

And when you do, how to hold
onto it for dear life.

And this is your best self.

I'm trying.

Do I regret marrying
an abusive alcoholic asshole?

No.

Not for a second.
Because I got you.

And your brother.

See how it works?

It isn't easy...

But it's worth it.

There's going to be a lot
worse days than this.

And you can let them kill you...

But, I don't know...
I want to live.

"I want to live."

You couldn't even stick
around and enjoy your miserable happy life.

I think you have packages for me?
My name is Cheryl Strayed.

New boots from REI?

Yes.

How far did you walk in those?

About 50 miles. You sure
there's not another package?

I'm sure. And, lady,
if you walked 50 miles

in duct tape, you got
the right package.

It's two bucks for the Snapple.

I'll pass.

Thanks.

You like my shoes?

Dearest Cheryl,
you made it halfway.

Six-hundred miles. Damn!

I ran into Aimee. She said you
were making your hike longer.

Did you decide where
you'll finish?

Let me know, I'll send
a tube of foot cream.

I'm sorry if I cut you short
on the phone before you left.

I still resent you, I guess.

The funny thing is...

hell, I'll admit it...

I miss you.

Be sure to take plenty of water
with you for the trail.

There's a water tank
20 miles up, right?

Yep. But it's way over 100
degrees out there.

That's a lot of sweat.

Okay. Thanks.

Howdy.

You should have something
for Stacey Johnson.

I'll go check.

Hey, are you hiking the PCT?

Yeah.

Are you?

You're a woman!

You come across a guy
named Greg?

Yeah. A while ago,
at Kennedy Meadows...

when I knew even less
than I do now.

Well, he quit.

What? Greg?

He couldn't deal with the snow.
He's coming back next year.

Wow.

Greg quit and I'm still here?

Cheers to that.

You get lonely?

Honestly, I think I'm lonelier
in my real life than out here.

Yes, I miss my friends,
of course, but...

it's not like anybody's waiting
for me at home.

How about you? Why are you here?

I don't know. I just need to find
something in myself, you know?

I think the trail
is good for that.

I mean, look.

This has the power to fill
you up again if you let it.

My mother used to say
something that drove me nuts.

"There's a sunrise
and a sunset every day..."

"and you can choose
to be there for it."

"You can put yourself
in the way of beauty."

My kind of woman.

She was the love of my life.
There's nothing else...

to say.

I thought there'd be couches
and Kleenex and shit.

That's 50-bucks-an-hour therapy.

This is 10-bucks-an-hour
therapy.

Why were you destroyed
by your mother's death?

Is that your job? To tell the bereaved
they're grieving too much?

People grieve in all sorts of different
ways. I'm asking about yours.

Is mine so bad?

You're using heroin and having
sex with anyone who asks.

I'm not sure these things
are making you happy.

That's where you're wrong.

When I'm doing them,
I feel good and happy.

When I'm not, I feel
like I want to die.

You sleep
with your husband, too?

No, I'm sort of like a guy
about sex. I prefer to be detached.

You think that's what guys
are like?

"You are here"?

I see that poster everywhere,
and I fucking hate it.

Why would you ever teach
a child they don't matter?

Did you feel you mattered?

I know I mattered.

So who detached from you?

Right. You know what?

This is not going to work.
This is not about talking.

"You want a knuckle sandwich?"

You want a knuckle sandwich?

You want a knuckle sandwich?

Go, go, go! Go get in the car.

Get in the car.

Get the fuck out of here!

Fucking whore!

I'm going to kill you!

I'll kick your ass with my new
boots, you fucking asshole.

Thank you, baby.

"Eggs and bacon."

You want some eggs and bacon?

Baby?

No more
rain, no more pain.

"Even a child with normal feet
was in love with the world..."

"after he had got
a new pair of shoes."

Flannery O'Connor.

And Cheryl Strayed.

The ashes of a body aren't
really like ashes from a fire.

Soft and silky,
they're more like...

pale pebbles mixed
with a gritty gray gravel.

I spread most of them
around her grave.

But some of the larger chunks...

I put in my mouth...

and I swallowed whole.

Then I moved to Portland...

with crazy Joe.

The first time
I smoked heroin...

I laughed like a child...

and twirled
around in my mother's jewelry box.

Then we snorted it.

But we were never
going to shoot it.

Never.

The first time
I shot up, I begged.

More, more, more!

How do you like it,
how do you like it?

The day after my birthday...

a man asked me for money.

That's what I want.

A week after that...

somebody finally wished
me happy birthday.

Heroin? Of all the stupid,
selfish things!

Why are you doing
this to yourself?

Don't you fucking touch me!

Don't play this game!

Why did you even come?
I didn't ask you to!

You just want to be the hero!

Yeah, maybe!

Why did you come here?

Because!

Just because.

Fuck it.

Where is this fucking tank?

No.

No!

Shit.

Don't fucking die here.

Thirty minutes.

Fucking iodine pills.

You got any water?

I'd give you some of mine,
but it's not ready.

It takes about half an hour...
with an iodine pill.

But you have to filter it first.

We don't have a filter.

You can use mine.

Do you have a bottle?

Got an empty beer can.

Okay.

What are you doing out here?

Hiking the PCT.

So how can we kill the time?

I can think of some ways.

She's got a real nice
figure, doesn't she?

I have to get going.

Sit down. We're just
messing with your head.

We need to get going, too.

Thank you much.

Yeah.

Thought you were heading out.

I changed my mind.

Tried to trick us?

No, I changed my mind.

Changed your clothes, too.

I like your pants.

They look good on you.

Show off your hips and legs
and tight little ass.

Please don't say that.

Can't a guy give a girl
a compliment anymore?

Thank you.

What the hell
are you doing?

I thought you were lost. Get
your ass over here, let's go!

Here's to a young girl
alone in the woods.

Hello, Oregon cow.

Look out of any window.

Any morning, any evening.

Any day.

Maybe the sun is shining.

Birds are winging.

Rain is falling
from a heavy sky.

What do you want me to do.

To do for you to see
you through...

That shade looks nice on you.

Oh, you think?

Oh, my.

Do you mind if I say something?

Sure.

The nicest lipstick
in the world can't help a girl

if she doesn't take care
of her personal hygiene.

I've every intention
of taking care of that.

It really needs to be
a priority, sweetie.

Hey.

Hey.

I, uh... I work at a music
club down the street.

We're honoring Jerry
Garcia tonight.

- You should come along.
- Oh. Cool.

What's your name?

Cheryl.

Don't worry, I don't bite.

I don't mind biting.

Oh, my God. I can't
believe I just said that.

I'm so sorry.
I've been on my own for a little while.

Not that I'm "on my own."
I've been in a lot of relationships before.

I've just been hiking
on my own for a while.

Look, I'm gonna put your name
on the guest list.

Hope to see you later.

Hi, honey.

Here is your Ashland box.

Enjoy some well-deserved rest,
but don't overdo it, okay?

Still a lot to hike, no?

I had said you can quit anytime.

But I take it back.

Call me when you get
to the finish line.

Love and kisses, Aimee.

As it were your own.

It's a hand-me-down.

The thoughts are broken.

Perhaps they're better.

Left unsung

I don't know

I don't really care.

Do I know you?

Thanks.

Let there be song.

To fill the air.

Ripple in still water.

When there is no pebble tossed.

Nor wind to blow

Dear Paul,

I woke up this morning and wrote
your name in the sand.

I've done that on every beach
I've been on ever since I met you.

But I'm not going
to do it again.

I'm ready to move on.

Baby, baby, be my friend

I have only another 300
miles left to walk.

I'm desperate for it to be over.

But I'm terrified, too.

When I'm done...

I'll only have
two dimes to my name.

But I'll have to start living.

And I'm nowhere near ready.

Please! Sir, wait!

I just closed.

I think you have a package
for me in there?

Could it wait until tomorrow?

It has fresh clothes and food,
and batteries I need.

Okay.

If you'll have a drink
with me later.

Sure.

There you go, good-looking.

Thanks.

- You like punch?
- Hmm?

I make a good one. I throw
every liquor I can find into a bucket

and I pour a couple
of cans of juice on top.

Sounds good.

- Cheryl?
- Yeah.

- Oh, my God.
- We're closed, guys.

- "If your nerve deny you...
- "...go above your nerve."

- Emily Dickinson.
- Yes.

"I have promises to keep
and miles to go before I sleep."

Walt Whitman?

No, that was Robert Frost.

The Whitman was, "Be
curious, not judgmental."

Yes.

"God is a ruthless bitch."
You left the name off.

- That one was me.
- You're our hero.

Okay, fellas, I'm
shutting up now.

We just wanted
to pick up our post?

No. I'm sorry. I already reopened
for the young lady here.

And I'm not gonna reopen again.

But you wouldn't really have to reopen
because you haven't closed yet.

And their packages
are right there.

It's such a miserable night.

Whatever's in them is gonna make
the night just that much better.

Do you mind?

That your horse?

If you want to take her
out in the morning, she could do with it.

Hey, so the campsite,
is it left? Left, right?

Yeah.

Good night! I'll see
you in the morning.

Oh.

Number one and number two.

Just a little.
Just a little.

Wonderful!

So, Cheryl, how do you deal
with being on your own all the time?

I mean, we're with each other
and we're still sick of ourselves.

Mmm-hmm.

No. I've been to most of the places
in my head that

I didn't want to go to,
but I feel like there's

one or two that, for whatever
reason, I just...

I hear you.

There's a few girlfriends that I'm
in no hurry to think about again.

I think I know exactly
who you're talking about. Right?

I don't want to talk
about this right now.

Not again! Good night!

Just please try to do the kindest thing.

We don't have to do this.

She's been really
sick for a long time.

There has
to be another way.

We don't have
the money to do it right.

We can't go to a vet.

Leif, she's just going
to die slowly and painfully.

Just please do
the kindest thing.

Hey, brother, it's me.

Look, I know we don't have
a home to go back to, but...

I want you to know I'm
pulling you along with me.

It's been really hard, but

do me a favor, okay?

Walk a little?

I love you.

Bye.

Hey, good-looking.

I brought you coffee
and a donut, fresh this morning.

Thanks. Really.

Why don't you come by for a refill
before you head off?

I will. Thanks.

Good morning, fellas.

- Morning.
- Morning.

So, you got a trail name?

- Hmm?
- You know, like a nickname.

We've got one for you.

- Really.
- Queen of the PCT.

Come on.

You've just got so many stories

about people doing things for you
and wanting to help you out.

I mean, nobody ever
gives us anything.

No one ever does anything
for us, in fact.

But please, please, come and get
your refill, Your Majesty.

Yeah, Your Majesty doesn't
really go for refills.

Refills typically come to her.

Exactly.

Dude, stop.

Stop. Now I'm going to have
that song stuck in my head

for the next hundred fucking
miles.

- Would you prefer I just...
- Don't.

Don't.

And I said hey, hey, hey...

Shut up, man.

Shut up! I'm serious.

I said, hey!

What's going on?

Get him. Get him!

I'll get you soaked!

I said hey, what's going on?

I'd rather be
a forest than a street

It's okay.

You're safe.

It's okay.

You're all right.

Don't be scared.

You got him! Thanks!

Thanks.

Does he have a name?

Shooting Star.

Shooting Star?

And I'm Vera, and this is Kyle.

I'm Cheryl. Are you
enjoying your hike today?

I'm having a wonderful time,
thank you very much for asking.

You're so polite.

We're just out for the weekend,
rain or no.

Yeah.

Vera's my grandmom.

She's looking after me
because I have some problems

I'm not supposed to talk
about with strangers.

Well, you don't have
to talk about them.

But, you know, everybody has
problems. I have problems, too.

What kinds of problems?

Well, I mean, I have
problems with my dad.

I don't see him anymore.

Me, neither. What
about your mommy?

She died.

But, you know, problems
don't stay problems.

They turn into something else.

How did she die?

Um...

She got very sick.

My mother's a singer.
She's taught me many songs.

Oh, really?

Would you like to hear one?

Yeah.

From this valley they say you are leaving.

We shall miss your bright
eyes and sweet smile.

For you take with you
all of the sunshine.

That has brightened
our pathway a while.

Then come and sit
by my side if you love me.

Do not hasten to bid me adieu.

Just remember the Red
River Valley.

And the cowboy
that loved you so true.

Just remember the Red
River Valley.

And the cowboy
that loved you so true.

That was really beautiful.

Thank you.

I miss you.

God, I miss you.

There's no way to know what makes
one thing happen and not another.

What leads to what.

What destroys what.

What causes what to flourish.

Or die.

Or take another course.

What if I forgive myself?

What if I was sorry?

But if I could go back in time,

I wouldn't do a single
thing differently.

What if I wanted to sleep
with every single one of those men?

What if heroin
taught me something?

What if all those things I did
were the things that got me here?

What if I was never redeemed?

What if I already was?

It took me years to be
the woman my mother raised.

It took me four years, seven months
and three days to do it.

Without her.

After I lost myself
in the wilderness of my grief,

I found my way out of the woods.

And I didn't even know
where I was going

until I got there
on the last day of my hike.

Thank you, I thought
over and over again,

for everything the trail
had taught me,

and everything
I couldn't yet know.

How, in four years,
I'd cross this very bridge.

I'd marry a man in a spot almost
visible from where I was standing.

How, in nine years,
that man and I

would have a son named Carver,

and a year later, a daughter
named after my mother, Bobbi.

I knew only that I didn't
need to

reach with my bare
hands anymore.

That seeing the fish beneath the surface
of the water was enough.

That it was everything.

My life, like all lives,

mysterious, irrevocable
and sacred.

So very close.

So very present.

So very belonging to me.

How wild it was... to let it be.

I'd rather be a sparrow than a snail.

Yes, I would.

If I could

I surely would

I'd rather be
a hammer than a nail.

Yes, I would.

If I only could

I surely would.

Away, I'd rather sail away.

Like a swan.

That's here and gone.

A man gets tied
up to the ground.

He gives the world.

Its saddest sound

I'd rather be a forest
than a street.

Yes, I would.

If I could

I surely would

I'd rather feel the earth
beneath my feet.

Yes, I would.

If I only could

I surely would

As the sun comes up.

As the moon goes down.

These heavy notions
creep around.

It makes me think.

Long ago

I was brought into this life.

A little lamb, a little lamb.

Courageous, stumbling.

Fearless was my middle name.

But somewhere there
I lost my way.

Everyone walks the same.

Expecting me to step.

The narrow path they've laid.

They claim to walk unafraid

I'll be clumsy instead.

Hold me, love me or leave me.

High.

Say keep within the boundaries.

If you want to play.

Say contradiction
only makes it harder.

How can I be.

What I want to be?

When all I want to do
is strip away.

These stilled constraints.

And crush this charade.

Shred this sad masquerade

I don't need no persuading

I'll trip, fall,
pick myself up and.

Walk unafraid

I'll be clumsy instead.

Hold me, love me or leave me.

High