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1
00:00:04,647 --> 00:00:06,416
Why do so many shows
start with people
2
00:00:06,517 --> 00:00:07,950
sitting on the couch talking?
3
00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:10,653
I think it's just a nice way
to ease into the episode.
4
00:00:12,855 --> 00:00:17,228
Presenting the greatest manager
of all time!
5
00:00:23,033 --> 00:00:25,568
Man, do you know
how to enter a room.
6
00:00:26,503 --> 00:00:28,771
Team, besties, familia,
7
00:00:28,871 --> 00:00:30,806
could I ask you
a serious question?
8
00:00:30,907 --> 00:00:32,576
When you woke up this morning,
9
00:00:32,676 --> 00:00:34,454
did you think it was just
gonna be like an ordinary day,
10
00:00:34,478 --> 00:00:35,838
or did you think
you would get news
11
00:00:35,911 --> 00:00:38,281
that would change
your life forever?
12
00:00:38,381 --> 00:00:42,552
Ordinary day, but I feel like
I was dead stupid wrong.
13
00:00:43,487 --> 00:00:46,457
- You tell me.
- Oh, my God, Paul!
14
00:00:46,557 --> 00:00:47,758
Yeah.
15
00:00:47,857 --> 00:00:50,426
This can only mean
one of two things.
16
00:00:50,527 --> 00:00:52,162
Either I'm pregnant
and didn't know it,
17
00:00:52,262 --> 00:00:54,274
but somehow you do, and felt
this was an appropriate way
18
00:00:54,298 --> 00:00:56,399
to reveal that, or...
19
00:00:56,500 --> 00:01:00,103
I'm gonna be the next
USA Bae Doll.
20
00:01:05,176 --> 00:01:07,944
You have been selected
as a USA Bae of Todae,
21
00:01:08,043 --> 00:01:10,213
celebrating strong,
empowering people
22
00:01:10,313 --> 00:01:11,382
from around the country.
23
00:01:11,481 --> 00:01:13,417
Ha! Oh, just to be clear,
24
00:01:13,516 --> 00:01:15,051
I'm not pregnant, right?
25
00:01:15,152 --> 00:01:16,787
- No.
- Whatever.
26
00:01:16,887 --> 00:01:18,722
I'm gonna be a doll, bitches!
27
00:01:18,822 --> 00:01:20,356
Yeah!
28
00:01:55,459 --> 00:01:56,893
Come on, open her up!
29
00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:59,128
Aw, Millicent, you're even
more anxious than I am.
30
00:01:59,229 --> 00:02:00,796
Relax. I need the box.
31
00:02:00,897 --> 00:02:03,165
I have to make a diorama
for school.
32
00:02:03,266 --> 00:02:04,501
What are we waiting for?
33
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:06,269
Pearl.
I texted to see if she's close.
34
00:02:06,370 --> 00:02:07,737
She hasn't replied yet.
35
00:02:07,837 --> 00:02:09,515
I'd text again,
but I don't wanna double-text.
36
00:02:09,539 --> 00:02:11,608
Or, I guess technically,
it'd be...
37
00:02:12,475 --> 00:02:14,110
fourteen-uple text.
38
00:02:14,211 --> 00:02:18,514
I wonder what profound things
my Bae is gonna have to say.
39
00:02:18,615 --> 00:02:21,217
I remember
my first USA Bae, Gemma.
40
00:02:21,318 --> 00:02:22,686
She would say things like...
41
00:02:22,786 --> 00:02:24,221
"Girl power!"
42
00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:26,289
And "London calling!"
43
00:02:26,389 --> 00:02:27,790
She was from Nebraska,
44
00:02:27,890 --> 00:02:29,531
but she went to England
for a couple weeks
45
00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:30,993
and it became
her whole personality.
46
00:02:31,093 --> 00:02:33,396
Pearl said, "Having fun"
47
00:02:33,497 --> 00:02:35,198
"with the girls,
so I'm gonna stay here.
48
00:02:35,299 --> 00:02:36,432
- "Tell Carly..."
- Ahh!
49
00:02:36,533 --> 00:02:38,602
Don't wreck the box!
50
00:02:43,406 --> 00:02:44,707
Oh.
51
00:02:47,743 --> 00:02:51,046
She's great.
She's got huge... personality.
52
00:02:51,146 --> 00:02:52,549
Yeah.
53
00:02:52,649 --> 00:02:54,685
Two of 'em.
54
00:02:54,784 --> 00:02:56,353
Hello, beautiful.
55
00:02:56,453 --> 00:02:58,187
Spencer, it's me.
56
00:02:59,923 --> 00:03:01,692
You're not that top-heavy.
57
00:03:03,526 --> 00:03:05,194
Maybe she needs bigger feet.
58
00:03:05,295 --> 00:03:08,198
Nothing needs to be bigger.
59
00:03:08,299 --> 00:03:10,099
"Collect all five Baes.
60
00:03:10,199 --> 00:03:12,735
"The Marine Biologist,
the Horror Novelist,
61
00:03:12,836 --> 00:03:16,907
"the Neonatologist,
the Soccer Star, and...
62
00:03:17,707 --> 00:03:19,109
the Hot One."
63
00:03:20,477 --> 00:03:21,978
I'm the Hot One?
64
00:03:22,078 --> 00:03:24,448
Carly, don't make
snap judgments.
65
00:03:24,548 --> 00:03:26,115
Just because someone
is beautiful
66
00:03:26,216 --> 00:03:27,884
doesn't mean
they're not a role model.
67
00:03:27,984 --> 00:03:30,554
Emily Ratajkowski wrote a book.
68
00:03:31,788 --> 00:03:34,257
"Meet Carly Shay,
super sexy influencer
69
00:03:34,358 --> 00:03:38,194
who isn't afraid to turn
a profit by turning heads."
70
00:03:40,896 --> 00:03:43,800
Likes give me purpose.
71
00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:45,868
She doesn't sound
anything like me.
72
00:03:45,968 --> 00:03:47,837
Yeah.
73
00:03:47,937 --> 00:03:50,473
Selfies, or it didn't happen.
74
00:03:50,574 --> 00:03:51,942
I'm sorry,
what'd you say, Carly?
75
00:03:52,042 --> 00:03:55,646
"Accessories include
hand mirror,
76
00:03:55,746 --> 00:03:58,481
"cell phone,
and second cell phone
77
00:03:58,581 --> 00:04:00,616
with a ring light attached."
78
00:04:00,717 --> 00:04:02,652
"Botox sold separately."
79
00:04:02,752 --> 00:04:05,254
Okay, we still have time
to work on it, right?
80
00:04:05,355 --> 00:04:07,790
I will call corporate
first thing tomorrow.
81
00:04:08,558 --> 00:04:10,060
I don't have female friends,
82
00:04:10,159 --> 00:04:13,295
'cause women
are too jealous of me.
83
00:04:15,365 --> 00:04:18,735
I'm gonna call 'em right now.
Right now!
84
00:04:20,336 --> 00:04:23,507
Huh, well, the three ball's
probably the easier shot.
85
00:04:23,606 --> 00:04:25,007
Three is Pearl's lucky number.
86
00:04:25,108 --> 00:04:26,819
But then the 11 could
set me up to run the table
87
00:04:26,843 --> 00:04:28,355
and Pearl is the youngest
of 11 children...
88
00:04:28,379 --> 00:04:30,747
Just hit the damn ball!
89
00:04:31,814 --> 00:04:34,084
Sorry. So, you miss Pearl, huh?
90
00:04:34,183 --> 00:04:36,286
Is it that obvious?
91
00:04:36,387 --> 00:04:38,053
No, I'm just more perceptive
than most.
92
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:39,923
Picking up
on little clues here and there.
93
00:04:40,023 --> 00:04:41,457
I'm like that guy,
what's his name,
94
00:04:41,557 --> 00:04:43,569
with the magnifying glass
and the Sherlock Holmes hat.
95
00:04:43,593 --> 00:04:44,927
Carmen Sandiego.
96
00:04:46,129 --> 00:04:47,764
Truth is, I'm starting to worry
97
00:04:47,863 --> 00:04:49,408
that Pearl might be
losing interest in me.
98
00:04:49,432 --> 00:04:52,134
Say no more. I'm on it.
99
00:04:52,235 --> 00:04:53,680
- Uh, no, no, no.
- Yeah, yeah, don't worry.
100
00:04:53,704 --> 00:04:55,505
I got a guy. His name is Sully.
101
00:04:55,605 --> 00:04:57,707
He's real smart and real tough.
102
00:04:57,807 --> 00:05:01,343
He makes sons of bitches
look like real bastards.
103
00:05:02,112 --> 00:05:04,747
That sounds bad.
Do not have him come here.
104
00:05:07,317 --> 00:05:09,151
Oh, too late, he's in.
105
00:05:09,252 --> 00:05:11,221
He's just gotta hop on
a flight from Barbados.
106
00:05:11,321 --> 00:05:13,023
Oh, you know who's been
to Barbados?
107
00:05:13,122 --> 00:05:14,524
- Oh, Pearl?
- Yeah.
108
00:05:14,625 --> 00:05:15,891
No one cares.
109
00:05:24,701 --> 00:05:26,737
Wow!
110
00:05:27,704 --> 00:05:29,773
This place is so inclusive.
111
00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:33,242
A bae for every bae,
as long as you're rich.
112
00:05:36,447 --> 00:05:39,816
Harper, Carly,
this is my niece, Rose.
113
00:05:39,915 --> 00:05:41,817
She's named after that plant
from The Bachelor.
114
00:05:41,918 --> 00:05:44,954
- Hi!
- Aw! Hi, there, Rose.
115
00:05:45,055 --> 00:05:48,692
Rose is a big fan of yours,
Carly, and the USA Bae dolls.
116
00:05:48,792 --> 00:05:51,427
And James Corden.
She's a night owl.
117
00:05:51,528 --> 00:05:54,297
Well, then you can be
our special expert
118
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:57,468
on how to make my doll
less offensive and terrible.
119
00:05:57,567 --> 00:05:58,668
Okay!
120
00:06:00,370 --> 00:06:04,139
I know these are for dolls,
but I could pull this off.
121
00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:07,444
Oh, definitely. I'm Byron.
122
00:06:07,543 --> 00:06:09,512
Harper. Tell me,
123
00:06:09,612 --> 00:06:13,216
is there a Mrs. Handsome Man
With a Perfect Smile?
124
00:06:13,315 --> 00:06:16,319
- There's not.
- Ooh, lucky me.
125
00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:19,523
There he is,
Twinkle Dream Weaver
126
00:06:19,622 --> 00:06:21,324
and Chief Am-bae-ssador himself!
127
00:06:21,423 --> 00:06:22,725
Hold on, Carly.
128
00:06:22,826 --> 00:06:26,129
You don't think this man
works in a doll store?
129
00:06:26,228 --> 00:06:27,396
No.
130
00:06:27,497 --> 00:06:28,875
I actually don't know what
he does yet,
131
00:06:28,899 --> 00:06:30,432
but in my mind,
he builds furniture,
132
00:06:30,533 --> 00:06:32,836
rescues kittens, but where
he really makes his money
133
00:06:32,935 --> 00:06:35,404
is writing erotic poetry.
134
00:06:35,505 --> 00:06:37,908
- Am I close?
- I actually do work here.
135
00:06:38,742 --> 00:06:40,911
Which some closed-minded people
have a problem with.
136
00:06:41,011 --> 00:06:43,980
Oh, no, I am super open-minded!
137
00:06:44,079 --> 00:06:46,182
I'm like a 7-Eleven.
They're open a lot, right?
138
00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,784
- Mm-hmm.
- I love that you work here,
139
00:06:48,884 --> 00:06:50,463
because I'm not the type
of person who would have
140
00:06:50,487 --> 00:06:52,230
a problem with that...
Not that I would have a problem
141
00:06:52,254 --> 00:06:53,733
with the type of person
who had a problem with that.
142
00:06:53,757 --> 00:06:54,757
Carly, you talk now.
143
00:06:54,858 --> 00:06:56,459
Why? You're crushing it.
144
00:06:57,894 --> 00:06:59,930
I'm Carly Shay,
we spoke on the phone.
145
00:07:00,029 --> 00:07:01,430
Oh, of course!
146
00:07:01,531 --> 00:07:04,334
I'm sorry, you just look
so different from your doll.
147
00:07:05,536 --> 00:07:06,769
Thank you.
148
00:07:06,870 --> 00:07:08,939
Why don't you and I exit
the judgment zone?
149
00:07:09,038 --> 00:07:12,108
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm super progressive!
150
00:07:12,208 --> 00:07:13,709
I'll give anyone a chance.
151
00:07:13,810 --> 00:07:15,778
I once dated a puppeteer!
152
00:07:16,579 --> 00:07:18,682
The Carly Bae
should be a representation
153
00:07:18,781 --> 00:07:20,283
of me as a role model.
154
00:07:20,382 --> 00:07:22,218
She doesn't lead with her looks.
155
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:25,055
She should have
an understated grace.
156
00:07:25,154 --> 00:07:28,992
Yes, and smaller... personality.
157
00:07:29,091 --> 00:07:30,726
Or at least bigger feet.
158
00:07:30,826 --> 00:07:33,428
Got it.
This is all super helpful.
159
00:07:33,529 --> 00:07:36,298
I promise, by launch day,
your doll will be much better.
160
00:07:36,399 --> 00:07:39,735
I really think my Bae
could be the best one ever.
161
00:07:49,545 --> 00:07:52,115
I have lots of female friends
162
00:07:52,215 --> 00:07:54,550
who are also cats.
163
00:07:55,951 --> 00:07:59,822
Oh, good. She's a feminist.
164
00:08:08,398 --> 00:08:10,901
I like her. She's relatable.
165
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,737
She has the eyes
of a hitchhiking ghost.
166
00:08:15,305 --> 00:08:16,639
Well, where's Rose?
167
00:08:16,740 --> 00:08:18,250
Why don't we ask her
what she thinks of her?
168
00:08:18,274 --> 00:08:20,218
Last time I saw her,
she was getting dental X-rays
169
00:08:20,242 --> 00:08:21,978
from Isla, the Orthodontist Bae.
170
00:08:22,077 --> 00:08:25,514
Look, that other doll
wasn't a role model.
171
00:08:25,615 --> 00:08:28,918
But this Carly could be.
172
00:08:29,019 --> 00:08:31,553
It's just important to me that
the focus isn't on her looks.
173
00:08:31,654 --> 00:08:34,625
Okay, but what...
What is the focus on?
174
00:08:34,725 --> 00:08:36,826
'Cause she literally looks
out of focus.
175
00:08:37,793 --> 00:08:39,696
I'm sorry.
If this is the doll you want,
176
00:08:39,796 --> 00:08:42,532
I do support you. I just...
177
00:08:43,466 --> 00:08:45,601
Concerts are too loud.
178
00:08:46,870 --> 00:08:49,639
We're only given
one set of ears, Paul.
179
00:08:54,144 --> 00:08:55,345
Sully!
180
00:08:55,445 --> 00:08:57,246
Thanks for coming
on such short notice.
181
00:08:57,346 --> 00:08:58,581
You look good.
182
00:08:58,682 --> 00:09:00,683
Island life has been
treating you well.
183
00:09:00,783 --> 00:09:03,285
Now, the reason I asked you
to come here today
184
00:09:03,385 --> 00:09:07,557
is because my buddy Freddie
has been having girl trouble.
185
00:09:07,658 --> 00:09:09,024
I told you about Freddie, right?
186
00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:13,096
Yeah, he smells a little
like cucumber salad, exactly.
187
00:09:13,196 --> 00:09:14,865
Anyway, here's the mark.
188
00:09:14,965 --> 00:09:16,265
This is Pearl.
189
00:09:17,768 --> 00:09:19,408
I agree, she's a little
out of his league.
190
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:22,371
But she and Freddie
have been drifting apart lately,
191
00:09:22,471 --> 00:09:24,707
and we gotta find a way
to reignite their passion.
192
00:09:24,807 --> 00:09:27,442
You smell cucumbers?
193
00:09:27,543 --> 00:09:29,745
Of course, there he is.
194
00:09:30,913 --> 00:09:32,682
I knew it was gonna be a monkey.
195
00:09:32,783 --> 00:09:34,384
Freddie, have a seat.
196
00:09:34,484 --> 00:09:37,187
We gotta hammer out this plan.
197
00:09:37,287 --> 00:09:38,488
And we gotta do it quickly.
198
00:09:38,587 --> 00:09:40,691
Sully's jet-lagged.
199
00:09:40,790 --> 00:09:42,471
I can't believe
I'm putting my relationship
200
00:09:42,557 --> 00:09:44,559
in the hands of you
and a monkey.
201
00:09:44,661 --> 00:09:46,996
A very cute monkey, but still.
202
00:09:47,096 --> 00:09:48,298
Ah!
203
00:09:48,398 --> 00:09:49,998
Sorry, he doesn't like
being called cute.
204
00:09:50,033 --> 00:09:51,334
He thinks it
makes him seem weak.
205
00:09:51,433 --> 00:09:52,702
He weighs like six pounds!
206
00:09:52,802 --> 00:09:54,705
Yeah, but it's all muscle.
207
00:09:54,804 --> 00:09:56,804
Anyway, here's the play,
we're gonna do what we did
208
00:09:56,873 --> 00:09:58,149
for my buddy Victor
in Albuquerque.
209
00:09:58,173 --> 00:10:00,043
What was that called?
210
00:10:00,143 --> 00:10:02,778
That's right, the Flip Wilson.
We'll do that.
211
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:04,715
Oh, no, you're right,
212
00:10:04,815 --> 00:10:06,216
we don't have a hotdog cart.
213
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:17,460
What do you got?
214
00:10:19,696 --> 00:10:21,297
Your diaper? Yes, of course!
215
00:10:21,397 --> 00:10:23,298
We do the Baby Huey.
216
00:10:23,399 --> 00:10:24,735
The hell is the Baby Huey?
217
00:10:24,835 --> 00:10:26,235
Well, it's right there
in the title.
218
00:10:26,302 --> 00:10:27,602
Sully pretends to be a baby,
219
00:10:27,703 --> 00:10:29,072
I drop him off at your doorstep
220
00:10:29,172 --> 00:10:31,474
so you and Pearl
can take care of him.
221
00:10:31,573 --> 00:10:33,777
I read somewhere
that 90% of babies
222
00:10:33,876 --> 00:10:35,544
are born to save marriages.
223
00:10:35,644 --> 00:10:37,847
But 100% of those couples
break up.
224
00:10:37,947 --> 00:10:41,017
I didn't finish the article.
Anyway, you got a better idea?
225
00:10:42,418 --> 00:10:45,020
Can't believe
I'm saying this... but no.
226
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,556
Yeah!
227
00:10:46,655 --> 00:10:49,524
Yeah. There you go.
228
00:10:52,162 --> 00:10:53,830
Yeah.
229
00:10:55,630 --> 00:10:57,500
Now, remember,
when we see Byron,
230
00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,168
just like we practiced.
231
00:10:59,269 --> 00:11:03,038
Gee, lady, thanks for opening
my perspective!
232
00:11:03,139 --> 00:11:05,875
You're at an 11,
I need you at a six.
233
00:11:07,143 --> 00:11:09,913
Hello, child.
Bae I be of assistance?
234
00:11:10,013 --> 00:11:11,714
Byron, hi!
235
00:11:11,815 --> 00:11:13,984
I was just helping
this young person
236
00:11:14,083 --> 00:11:16,219
realize the importance
of not being so focused
237
00:11:16,318 --> 00:11:18,955
on the dolls' occupations.
238
00:11:21,724 --> 00:11:23,493
Gee, lady, thanks for opening
239
00:11:23,592 --> 00:11:25,227
my perspective.
240
00:11:25,327 --> 00:11:28,798
Aw, run along, random youth.
241
00:11:29,565 --> 00:11:31,234
That was a three
and you know it.
242
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:35,504
Byron, I'm sorry
for judging you.
243
00:11:35,605 --> 00:11:37,273
Honestly, it was
a split-second mistake
244
00:11:37,373 --> 00:11:38,975
and really unlike me.
245
00:11:39,075 --> 00:11:42,778
If you're still interested,
I'd love to get lunch sometime.
246
00:11:42,879 --> 00:11:44,313
I'd like that.
247
00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:45,915
How about later today
at the Caf-Bae?
248
00:11:46,015 --> 00:11:48,150
I get 20% off
pre-packaged snacks.
249
00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:50,586
You mean that area
filled with dolls
250
00:11:50,686 --> 00:11:52,187
being served food
they can't eat?
251
00:11:52,288 --> 00:11:54,724
Oh, is that
not fancy enough for you?
252
00:11:54,825 --> 00:11:56,658
What, should we go get lunch
at the bank?
253
00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:58,561
No, no, no,
the Caf-Bae is perfect.
254
00:11:58,661 --> 00:12:01,230
Ooh, Bae-tastic.
255
00:12:01,331 --> 00:12:03,432
Oh, just a heads-up,
the hummus tray
256
00:12:03,533 --> 00:12:04,835
doesn't count as pre-packaged.
257
00:12:04,934 --> 00:12:07,636
It's kind of a gray area,
but rules are rules.
258
00:12:09,304 --> 00:12:12,642
So, Rose,
you're the USA Bae expert.
259
00:12:12,741 --> 00:12:14,811
Yeah, I like them
'cause they're pretty.
260
00:12:14,910 --> 00:12:18,048
So, what do you think
about that one?
261
00:12:18,148 --> 00:12:20,115
She's not pretty.
262
00:12:21,317 --> 00:12:24,354
Wow, way to tear down
other women.
263
00:12:24,453 --> 00:12:27,123
Here, pull her string
and watch her come to life.
264
00:12:29,658 --> 00:12:31,427
It's fine.
265
00:12:31,527 --> 00:12:34,230
I'll eat it like this.
266
00:12:34,330 --> 00:12:35,697
She's relatable.
267
00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:37,767
- Her clothes don't fit.
- But she's smart.
268
00:12:37,868 --> 00:12:39,235
She looks tired.
269
00:12:39,335 --> 00:12:41,803
Well, we can't all take
two naps a day, Rose.
270
00:12:42,772 --> 00:12:44,240
Sorry.
271
00:12:45,274 --> 00:12:46,509
What I mean is,
272
00:12:46,609 --> 00:12:49,544
this doll can be whatever
you want her to be.
273
00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:51,847
Can she be...
274
00:12:51,947 --> 00:12:53,448
somewhere else?
275
00:12:54,450 --> 00:12:56,152
Go get fitted
for a night guard with Isla.
276
00:12:56,251 --> 00:12:57,988
Yay!
277
00:13:00,222 --> 00:13:03,125
Carly, good news has arrived
in the form of me.
278
00:13:03,225 --> 00:13:04,995
Oh, I could use some good news.
279
00:13:05,095 --> 00:13:07,964
And some money.
These waters were $42.
280
00:13:09,798 --> 00:13:14,203
Okay, so the prototype
wasn't a prototype.
281
00:13:14,303 --> 00:13:16,706
They mass-produced
the Hot Carly Bae
282
00:13:16,806 --> 00:13:18,640
and sent you one
assuming you'd love it.
283
00:13:18,740 --> 00:13:20,442
Apparently,
they've never had a Bae
284
00:13:20,543 --> 00:13:21,912
give negative feedback before.
285
00:13:22,011 --> 00:13:24,313
Great, so now
I'm not just the boring bae,
286
00:13:24,413 --> 00:13:27,616
I'm also the difficult bae.
I'm the Anne Hatha-bae.
287
00:13:27,716 --> 00:13:30,452
I know you, Carly.
You want a doll
288
00:13:30,552 --> 00:13:32,721
that those little kids
out there will cherish.
289
00:13:32,822 --> 00:13:35,125
So, I'm just presenting
your options.
290
00:13:35,225 --> 00:13:39,062
The first one,
or the boring one, you know?
291
00:13:39,162 --> 00:13:41,463
But I'll support
whichever you choose,
292
00:13:41,563 --> 00:13:43,832
even if it's the dead-eyed one
that no one would look at,
293
00:13:43,933 --> 00:13:45,434
let alone give to a child.
294
00:13:46,501 --> 00:13:48,770
All right,
let me get out of your hair
295
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,216
so you can decide
which one to sell.
296
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:51,975
The Hot One, for instance.
297
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:54,744
Do the Hot One!
298
00:13:54,844 --> 00:13:56,312
Sorry, allergies.
299
00:14:03,253 --> 00:14:05,321
- Can you get the door?
- But you're right there.
300
00:14:05,421 --> 00:14:08,524
I know, but I just
put all this lotion
301
00:14:08,624 --> 00:14:10,725
on my hands, so, I can't...
302
00:14:13,263 --> 00:14:15,065
Okay.
303
00:14:17,767 --> 00:14:19,769
Hi!
304
00:14:19,869 --> 00:14:22,705
Aw, what's that?
305
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,876
"My name is Sully.
I've been abandoned.
306
00:14:27,977 --> 00:14:29,457
"Looking for a really
committed couple
307
00:14:29,544 --> 00:14:31,614
"who's kind and generous,
and hasn't shared a meal
308
00:14:31,713 --> 00:14:33,115
in over a week."
309
00:14:33,216 --> 00:14:35,217
- Oh, my God.
- Aw!
310
00:14:35,317 --> 00:14:37,120
Someone just left him
on our doorstep.
311
00:14:37,220 --> 00:14:39,355
That is crazy. Isn't that crazy?
312
00:14:39,455 --> 00:14:43,125
It's not crazy. It's bananas.
313
00:14:45,095 --> 00:14:47,297
Well, I think we should
keep him, the two of us.
314
00:14:47,397 --> 00:14:48,898
You know, it's a big
responsibility.
315
00:14:48,999 --> 00:14:50,176
We're gonna have to spend
a lot more time together
316
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,400
at home, and not at work,
317
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:53,836
or out getting drinks
with friends.
318
00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:56,772
Absolutely. He needs us.
319
00:14:56,871 --> 00:14:58,573
Do you think he's hungry?
320
00:14:58,673 --> 00:15:00,176
Hey, you want something to eat?
321
00:15:01,576 --> 00:15:04,980
Oh, no, no, no.
That's Daddy's drink.
322
00:15:05,081 --> 00:15:07,317
Okay.
323
00:15:07,417 --> 00:15:09,318
Give... can...
324
00:15:09,418 --> 00:15:11,620
No, Sully, give the bottle
to Mommy.
325
00:15:15,557 --> 00:15:17,326
Oh, my God, he loves you.
326
00:15:17,427 --> 00:15:18,793
Spencer was right.
327
00:15:18,894 --> 00:15:20,996
You're the best there is.
328
00:15:23,232 --> 00:15:24,533
Aw.
329
00:15:24,634 --> 00:15:26,001
Family hug.
330
00:15:26,101 --> 00:15:28,071
Sully, you're so cute.
331
00:15:28,171 --> 00:15:29,938
- Ow!
- Sully!
332
00:15:30,039 --> 00:15:32,042
Stop it! No, you get down.
333
00:15:32,142 --> 00:15:34,009
I don't know what set him off.
334
00:15:34,110 --> 00:15:36,178
He doesn't like
to be called cute...
335
00:15:36,278 --> 00:15:38,081
- is my guess.
- Oh.
336
00:15:39,048 --> 00:15:40,292
I-I don't think it's safe for me
337
00:15:40,316 --> 00:15:41,659
to be in your apartment
with this monkey.
338
00:15:41,683 --> 00:15:43,352
- Let's just get rid of him.
- Oh, no, no.
339
00:15:43,452 --> 00:15:45,455
We can't do that to him.
340
00:15:45,554 --> 00:15:47,523
Okay, I... I'll just leave.
341
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,294
You just wanna watch
342
00:15:52,394 --> 00:15:53,696
the world burn,
don't you, Sully?
343
00:15:57,232 --> 00:15:59,735
Girls, this is a nightmare.
344
00:15:59,835 --> 00:16:01,604
What am I gonna do?
345
00:16:03,339 --> 00:16:06,408
Every flower is going to die.
346
00:16:06,509 --> 00:16:09,111
You know,
you're a real tough hang.
347
00:16:11,181 --> 00:16:13,048
Let's get va-jazzled!
348
00:16:13,149 --> 00:16:16,152
This is why you don't have
any female friends.
349
00:16:17,386 --> 00:16:19,688
Carly, there you are.
I need advice.
350
00:16:19,788 --> 00:16:21,490
Okay, but I need yours first.
351
00:16:21,591 --> 00:16:23,235
Those kids out there
are gonna eat me alive
352
00:16:23,259 --> 00:16:24,769
if I don't give 'em
one of these dolls.
353
00:16:24,793 --> 00:16:27,663
But how can I pick one
when they're both so wrong?
354
00:16:27,763 --> 00:16:29,499
Well, how could they be right?
355
00:16:29,599 --> 00:16:31,966
None of these people
really know you.
356
00:16:32,067 --> 00:16:33,836
They're just judging you
at the surface.
357
00:16:33,936 --> 00:16:37,005
Because...
that's what we all do.
358
00:16:37,773 --> 00:16:40,275
- So, what do I do?
- Shh, having an epiphany.
359
00:16:41,110 --> 00:16:43,446
So, Byron loves his job.
360
00:16:43,546 --> 00:16:44,779
So do I!
361
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:47,383
So, it's very likely
he sleeps with a doll.
362
00:16:47,482 --> 00:16:49,519
I can work with that.
363
00:16:49,619 --> 00:16:52,355
Thank you, Carly.
364
00:16:52,455 --> 00:16:53,523
Hey!
365
00:16:53,623 --> 00:16:55,357
What about my thing?
366
00:16:57,592 --> 00:16:59,629
Carly, you gotta make a decision
367
00:16:59,729 --> 00:17:01,373
or we're gonna have
to call this whole thing off.
368
00:17:01,397 --> 00:17:03,698
We can do that?
Well, let's just do that!
369
00:17:03,798 --> 00:17:05,067
No, no, no. No, no, no.
370
00:17:05,167 --> 00:17:06,868
No, you'll owe them
a crap ton of money.
371
00:17:06,969 --> 00:17:09,239
Plus, I already spent my cut
on a Moroccan coffee table.
372
00:17:09,338 --> 00:17:11,941
It's on the boat.
You have to choose.
373
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:14,042
I don't know what to do.
374
00:17:15,678 --> 00:17:17,180
Look, come on.
375
00:17:17,279 --> 00:17:20,349
If we put our heads together,
we can figure this out.
376
00:17:22,317 --> 00:17:25,019
- You just solved it!
- You bet I did.
377
00:17:25,121 --> 00:17:26,888
What exactly did I do?
378
00:17:26,989 --> 00:17:30,292
- You solved it.
- You bet I did.
379
00:17:35,565 --> 00:17:36,932
Thank you, Soccer Mary.
380
00:17:37,031 --> 00:17:39,602
You did a wonderful job
fielding those questions.
381
00:17:41,804 --> 00:17:46,175
Will somebody let this man
host the Oscars, okay?
382
00:17:46,276 --> 00:17:47,942
I hate seeing you like this.
383
00:17:48,042 --> 00:17:51,314
And that brings us
to our final USA Bae of Todae.
384
00:17:51,413 --> 00:17:53,516
Carly Shay, the...
385
00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:55,951
Did we ever land
on your personality?
386
00:17:56,050 --> 00:17:57,586
- We did not.
- Okay.
387
00:17:57,686 --> 00:18:00,190
- Thank you, Byron.
- Yes, thank you, Byron.
388
00:18:02,491 --> 00:18:04,759
I am honored to be here today.
389
00:18:04,859 --> 00:18:07,829
But unfortunately,
the designers weren't able
390
00:18:07,930 --> 00:18:10,031
to capture who I am.
391
00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:14,503
Because all any person is
cannot be represented
392
00:18:14,604 --> 00:18:16,538
by just one doll.
393
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:20,041
But we can start to get there...
394
00:18:20,142 --> 00:18:22,111
with two.
395
00:18:22,211 --> 00:18:23,746
Oh!
396
00:18:37,092 --> 00:18:40,162
This is Albuquerque
all over again!
397
00:18:40,262 --> 00:18:41,997
At least this time, no one died.
398
00:18:43,097 --> 00:18:44,599
What was I thinking?
399
00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:46,635
I should have never agreed
to use a monkey
400
00:18:46,736 --> 00:18:49,104
- to save my relationship.
- Excuse me?
401
00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:51,807
What do you mean,
save your relationship?
402
00:18:51,906 --> 00:18:55,577
Uh... Sully and I have
a backgammon game to finish.
403
00:18:57,279 --> 00:18:59,981
Hey. What are you talking about?
404
00:19:00,915 --> 00:19:02,384
Look, it's just, you and I
405
00:19:02,484 --> 00:19:04,484
haven't been spending
as much time together lately.
406
00:19:04,554 --> 00:19:05,855
And I was starting to worry
407
00:19:05,954 --> 00:19:07,266
that maybe you were losing
interest in me.
408
00:19:07,289 --> 00:19:09,291
So, Spencer got us
a monkey to take care of
409
00:19:09,392 --> 00:19:11,527
because he thought it would
bring us closer together?
410
00:19:11,626 --> 00:19:13,395
Uh, yeah.
411
00:19:13,496 --> 00:19:15,897
I really thought I was gonna
have to explain more.
412
00:19:15,998 --> 00:19:17,467
Actually, not such a bad idea.
413
00:19:17,567 --> 00:19:19,067
Thank you!
414
00:19:19,167 --> 00:19:22,538
You know, Freddie,
in all my past relationships,
415
00:19:22,637 --> 00:19:24,374
I always went too fast.
416
00:19:24,473 --> 00:19:26,342
I just didn't wanna mess
things up with you,
417
00:19:26,442 --> 00:19:27,777
so I've been taking it slow.
418
00:19:27,876 --> 00:19:30,078
Oh, my God,
I take things too fast, too.
419
00:19:30,179 --> 00:19:32,357
Normally at this stage of
a relationship, I'd be married.
420
00:19:32,382 --> 00:19:34,784
You haven't even met
my parents yet.
421
00:19:35,984 --> 00:19:37,886
You've met my parents,
haven't you?
422
00:19:37,987 --> 00:19:40,556
It was a casual brunch.
423
00:19:40,655 --> 00:19:42,357
And then two dinners.
424
00:19:42,458 --> 00:19:44,993
Damn it!
How did you win already?
425
00:19:45,094 --> 00:19:47,997
I'll tell you how. You cheated!
426
00:19:48,096 --> 00:19:50,566
Don't think I've forgotten
how you got us into trouble
427
00:19:50,665 --> 00:19:52,801
at that monkey brothel
in the Maldives.
428
00:19:53,603 --> 00:19:55,305
Just take it.
429
00:19:57,138 --> 00:19:58,941
Yeah, gloat.
430
00:20:02,678 --> 00:20:05,815
Well, I thought it was just
gonna be the two of us.
431
00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:07,383
Told you she wouldn't like you
432
00:20:07,482 --> 00:20:08,617
- being here.
- Oh, no!
433
00:20:08,718 --> 00:20:11,119
No, I'm a real girls' girl.
434
00:20:11,220 --> 00:20:13,722
So, did I tell you
I'm a stylist?
435
00:20:15,458 --> 00:20:16,692
Fun idea alert!
436
00:20:16,791 --> 00:20:19,994
Pick a year from 1743 until now,
437
00:20:20,095 --> 00:20:22,464
and I'll give you all the names
438
00:20:22,565 --> 00:20:25,434
of every Bae that year.
439
00:20:26,368 --> 00:20:29,270
Maybe we could talk about
something other than work.
440
00:20:29,372 --> 00:20:32,074
- Tell me about your family.
- The dolls are my family.
441
00:20:32,173 --> 00:20:34,108
And they're not wild
about your questions.
442
00:20:34,676 --> 00:20:38,948
Byron, I'm about to get up
and walk away from you forever.
443
00:20:39,048 --> 00:20:41,282
But before I do,
I need you to know
444
00:20:41,384 --> 00:20:43,719
that it's not because you work
in a doll store.
445
00:20:43,818 --> 00:20:45,654
It's not even because
you work in a doll store
446
00:20:45,755 --> 00:20:47,623
and you're incredibly creepy
about it.
447
00:20:47,722 --> 00:20:50,559
It's because you have shown
no interest in me whatsoever,
448
00:20:50,660 --> 00:20:52,094
and I'm awesome.
449
00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:54,730
Girl power!
450
00:20:56,999 --> 00:21:00,836
Gemma, Nebraska, 1997.
451
00:21:01,737 --> 00:21:03,136
Maybe we can push it
as one of those
452
00:21:03,204 --> 00:21:04,874
"it's so ugly,
it's cute" things.
453
00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:06,642
It works for pugs.
454
00:21:06,741 --> 00:21:08,644
Hey, you really gotta run
this stuff by me.
455
00:21:08,743 --> 00:21:10,480
You know you pay me, right?
456
00:21:11,346 --> 00:21:12,714
I just wanted
to be a role model.
457
00:21:12,815 --> 00:21:14,016
You are.
458
00:21:14,115 --> 00:21:15,917
I mean, all these kids
are here for you.
459
00:21:16,018 --> 00:21:17,853
And like I said before,
460
00:21:17,952 --> 00:21:19,365
I'll support whatever
you want to do.
461
00:21:19,388 --> 00:21:22,023
You know, you want me
to push this horror show?
462
00:21:22,124 --> 00:21:24,394
We sold a lot worse
on Italian QVC.
463
00:21:24,493 --> 00:21:25,760
You remember the egg coat?
464
00:21:25,861 --> 00:21:28,931
It literally cooked eggs
in the sleeve.
465
00:21:30,031 --> 00:21:32,567
No, kids do not want this doll.
466
00:21:32,667 --> 00:21:34,369
No, they want the hot doll.
467
00:21:34,470 --> 00:21:36,405
But I know that's not you.
468
00:21:36,506 --> 00:21:39,541
Well, maybe it doesn't
have to be me.
469
00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:44,012
Everyone, enjoy this
nameless doll that isn't me!
470
00:21:44,113 --> 00:21:47,383
But she's sexy
and an entrepreneur,
471
00:21:47,482 --> 00:21:48,550
and you can be, too!
472
00:21:48,651 --> 00:21:51,220
Emily Ratajkowski wrote a book.
473
00:21:54,056 --> 00:21:55,924
Will you accept this, Rose?
474
00:21:57,226 --> 00:21:58,894
So pretty!
475
00:22:02,196 --> 00:22:05,099
Well, good news, I got your name
taken off every doll.
476
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:06,736
You won't earn a single cent,
477
00:22:06,836 --> 00:22:08,804
which means I won't earn
a single cent.
478
00:22:08,903 --> 00:22:11,073
Integrity! It's great.
479
00:22:11,173 --> 00:22:13,843
You are no longer a USA Bae.
480
00:22:13,942 --> 00:22:15,611
Look, I'm really sorry
481
00:22:15,711 --> 00:22:18,047
that you have to send your
coffee table back to Morocco.
482
00:22:18,146 --> 00:22:19,981
It's fine.
No, it's just that thing
483
00:22:20,082 --> 00:22:22,317
was really gonna bring
my living room together.
484
00:22:22,417 --> 00:22:25,454
But, glad you feel good
about your decision.
485
00:22:25,555 --> 00:22:30,925
When I grow up, I wanna turn
a profit by turning heads.
486
00:22:32,961 --> 00:22:35,396
Yep. Great.
487
00:22:37,199 --> 00:22:39,969
I need this monster in my life.
488
00:22:46,709 --> 00:22:48,042
Sully, I thought you had
489
00:22:48,143 --> 00:22:49,811
that early morning flight
to Luxembourg.
490
00:22:49,912 --> 00:22:51,980
He has some unfinished business.
491
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,749
He always does.
492
00:22:53,848 --> 00:22:55,217
Hey, can you get us
some popsicles?
493
00:22:55,317 --> 00:22:57,118
Yeah, but there's only
one grape one left,
494
00:22:57,219 --> 00:22:59,354
and you know
Spencer's gonna be...
495
00:23:04,159 --> 00:23:07,162
And now, his business
is finished.
496
00:23:36,526 --> 00:23:38,426
Ooh!
497
00:23:38,528 --> 00:23:40,730
He hates these cans.
35971
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