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1
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She won an Oscar.
She built a wellness empire,
2
00:00:04,621 --> 00:00:06,605
and her next move
is to create a candle
3
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:08,123
that smells like her...
Her front bottom.
4
00:00:08,126 --> 00:00:10,625
I don't know why, I just had to
smell it for myself.
5
00:00:10,628 --> 00:00:13,112
This is underwhelming.
I thought it would be bigger.
6
00:00:13,114 --> 00:00:14,630
I mean, even for someone like me
7
00:00:14,631 --> 00:00:16,205
who likes that area
more than others,
8
00:00:16,208 --> 00:00:18,375
I mean, I don't want my
whole house to smell like it.
9
00:00:18,376 --> 00:00:19,468
Yeah.
So many variables.
10
00:00:19,469 --> 00:00:21,728
A woman's pH, her diet,
11
00:00:21,731 --> 00:00:23,638
whether she's gone
on a long walk or not,
12
00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,291
you know,
whether she's just a woman
13
00:00:25,292 --> 00:00:27,292
who produces more of that...
Alrighty, let's light it up.
14
00:00:27,295 --> 00:00:28,736
I got places to be.
15
00:00:33,058 --> 00:00:36,636
I'm getting essence
of rosewater and...
16
00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:37,820
lavender.
17
00:00:37,822 --> 00:00:38,912
This is what I imagine
18
00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:40,472
like a cartoon hoo-ha
to smell like.
19
00:00:40,475 --> 00:00:42,975
I don't smell anything.
20
00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:44,734
Oh, okay, something's coming.
21
00:00:44,737 --> 00:00:46,087
It's like a...
22
00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:47,588
Oh! Oh, God, it just
hits you! Oh, my gosh!
23
00:00:47,591 --> 00:00:48,981
My eyes are burning
a little bit.
24
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:50,758
That candle ran a marathon. Oh.
25
00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,835
Yeah, well, stars,
they're just like us.
26
00:00:52,837 --> 00:00:54,670
Mm, smells good in here.
27
00:00:54,671 --> 00:00:59,158
Smells like
my grandma Betty's house.
28
00:01:07,018 --> 00:01:08,501
Have fun.
29
00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:10,111
Oh.
30
00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:13,114
I thought I heard tires
screeching to a stop.
31
00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:15,358
Always a pleasure to see you,
Mrs. Lakier.
32
00:01:15,359 --> 00:01:16,843
Okay, I hope the kids
33
00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:18,453
are better actors than
you are. They're not.
34
00:01:18,454 --> 00:01:20,269
I need two tickets
to the Willy Wonka show,
35
00:01:20,271 --> 00:01:21,605
unless it's sold out.
36
00:01:21,606 --> 00:01:23,015
Is it sold out?
37
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:23,941
Never for you.
38
00:01:23,942 --> 00:01:26,293
Two tickets will be $14.
39
00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:28,370
$14?
Luke's an Oompa Loompa.
40
00:01:28,373 --> 00:01:30,206
He has one line...
"dippity-da."
41
00:01:30,207 --> 00:01:31,466
It's "dippity-doo."
42
00:01:31,468 --> 00:01:32,634
Oh, my God, doesn't matter.
43
00:01:32,635 --> 00:01:36,212
Actually, it's a very
famous line...
44
00:01:36,213 --> 00:01:37,305
Oh, wow.
45
00:01:37,307 --> 00:01:38,865
It's like the evidence locker
46
00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:40,307
at a police station in there.
47
00:01:40,310 --> 00:01:42,218
Okay, Higgins.
48
00:01:42,219 --> 00:01:43,627
Here's that.
49
00:01:43,628 --> 00:01:45,313
Ooh, a loosie.
50
00:01:45,314 --> 00:01:47,296
Huh, oblong yellow.
51
00:01:47,299 --> 00:01:49,651
I'm gonna have to Google that.
52
00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:51,335
The tickets.
Ah.
53
00:01:51,337 --> 00:01:52,635
Is this gonna be good?
54
00:01:52,638 --> 00:01:54,138
Not a chance.
55
00:01:54,140 --> 00:01:55,472
Okay, great.
56
00:01:55,473 --> 00:01:57,233
Hey, guys.
57
00:01:57,234 --> 00:01:59,493
What are you drinking?
58
00:01:59,496 --> 00:02:03,498
Explain yourself,
and also give me a sip.
59
00:02:05,909 --> 00:02:08,818
Okay, my blood
is easily 50% chemicals,
60
00:02:08,820 --> 00:02:10,246
and that's too much for me.
61
00:02:10,247 --> 00:02:11,897
It's a mocha-lotta-latte.
62
00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:13,990
It's basically frozen diabetes.
63
00:02:13,992 --> 00:02:15,751
Something I would never
drink before.
64
00:02:15,752 --> 00:02:17,252
But I gave her a book
about how saying yes
65
00:02:17,254 --> 00:02:19,175
can enhance your life
and make you happier.
66
00:02:19,941 --> 00:02:22,165
I basically said no
to new experiences my whole life
67
00:02:22,168 --> 00:02:23,759
because I was so busy
being a doctor,
68
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:25,578
and now I'm gonna
say yes because, you know,
69
00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:26,929
what else am I gonna do?
70
00:02:26,931 --> 00:02:29,080
Okay, so this'll be
about a week of yeses
71
00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:31,675
followed by two full years
of hard nos.
72
00:02:32,770 --> 00:02:34,611
I'm sorry, not you.
73
00:02:36,014 --> 00:02:37,848
Don't be this person,
Jodie. Huh, what person?
74
00:02:37,849 --> 00:02:39,199
The person who likes someone
75
00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:41,703
and then makes their entire life
about that one person.
76
00:02:41,704 --> 00:02:43,704
You're supposed to go through
this phase in high school
77
00:02:43,706 --> 00:02:45,598
because then you can get new
friends, but, I mean, we're it.
78
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,599
I mean, after us,
it's what, like PTA
79
00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:49,043
or, I don't know, AA.
80
00:02:49,045 --> 00:02:50,118
Or AAA.
81
00:02:50,121 --> 00:02:52,271
I'm not making Matt
my whole world.
82
00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:54,941
In fact, I'm starting
a new organizing business.
83
00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:57,050
Been doing it for free
ever since I had kids, so...
84
00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:58,534
That's awesome,
Jodie. This is great!
85
00:02:58,537 --> 00:03:00,128
I've already started
transforming my home
86
00:03:00,131 --> 00:03:01,781
with The Jodie Method.
87
00:03:02,633 --> 00:03:04,300
Still workshopping
the name. Uh-huh.
88
00:03:04,301 --> 00:03:06,301
Yeah. But do you guys
want to come over after here
89
00:03:06,304 --> 00:03:07,635
and see my shelving vision?
90
00:03:07,638 --> 00:03:10,881
Jodie, you know that
things in their proper place
91
00:03:10,883 --> 00:03:12,140
give me severe anxiety.
92
00:03:12,143 --> 00:03:17,721
And I assume that's a no
for you, Sarah, so... yes?
93
00:03:18,556 --> 00:03:20,149
Is that why you gave me
the yes book?
94
00:03:20,151 --> 00:03:22,225
How long have you
been planning this?
95
00:03:23,395 --> 00:03:25,413
Uh...
Oh, God.
96
00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:27,473
What?
W-What happened?
97
00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:29,250
What did he do?
It's Luke's school.
98
00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:30,658
Hi, Mrs. Lakier.
99
00:03:30,661 --> 00:03:31,659
It's Mr. Higgins.
100
00:03:31,662 --> 00:03:33,086
No emergencies.
I just wa...
101
00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,497
Uh, you know what,
I'm going through a tunnel,
102
00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:38,074
so I'm pro...
I'm... my... losin...
103
00:03:38,076 --> 00:03:39,575
Oh.
104
00:03:39,578 --> 00:03:41,245
Oh, damn it.
105
00:03:43,674 --> 00:03:44,840
Still in a... unnel.
106
00:03:44,841 --> 00:03:46,158
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
107
00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:47,935
I just wanted to say
that we really love
108
00:03:47,937 --> 00:03:50,346
having you around the school
more often,
109
00:03:50,348 --> 00:03:51,938
and your love of your children,
110
00:03:51,941 --> 00:03:54,442
it really shines
through your scowl.
111
00:03:54,444 --> 00:03:55,501
Tunnel.
112
00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:56,852
I have a drug question.
113
00:03:56,853 --> 00:03:58,094
Just out of the tunnel.
114
00:03:58,097 --> 00:03:59,838
What's... What...
How can I help you?
115
00:03:59,841 --> 00:04:02,675
Well, you see, my pharmacy
ran out of my focus medication,
116
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:04,117
and I couldn't help
but notice this morning
117
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:06,027
that you had quite a lot
of pharmaceuticals,
118
00:04:06,030 --> 00:04:08,848
and one of them appeared
to be focus-related.
119
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:10,032
Mm-hmm, methamphetamines.
120
00:04:10,033 --> 00:04:12,183
Go on. I'll cut to the chase.
121
00:04:12,186 --> 00:04:14,795
You gots what I needs.
122
00:04:14,798 --> 00:04:17,540
Well, I mean, any...
123
00:04:17,542 --> 00:04:19,634
anything to help the school,
124
00:04:19,636 --> 00:04:21,468
and something finally
in my skillset.
125
00:04:21,471 --> 00:04:23,120
Look, I'm headed to work now,
126
00:04:23,122 --> 00:04:24,454
so, I mean,
where do you want to meet?
127
00:04:24,456 --> 00:04:25,880
I could... I could swing by
the school.
128
00:04:25,882 --> 00:04:29,218
No, no, no, no, no,
that would be unprofessional.
129
00:04:29,220 --> 00:04:30,702
Uh, how about your house?
130
00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:33,538
Uh, here's the thing, I don't
want to be that kind of mom,
131
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:35,875
but, you know, I mean,
a drug deal at the house
132
00:04:35,877 --> 00:04:37,134
is a little sketch.
133
00:04:37,136 --> 00:04:39,045
It's not a drug deal.
I'm not paying you.
134
00:04:39,047 --> 00:04:40,228
Oh, okay, perfect.
135
00:04:40,230 --> 00:04:42,471
Perf it is.
136
00:04:42,473 --> 00:04:45,216
And now the pièce de résistance.
137
00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:47,644
Jodie, do I really
have to see the bathroom?
138
00:04:47,646 --> 00:04:49,997
Are you kidding me?
This is my specialty.
139
00:04:49,999 --> 00:04:52,057
Plus, Mackenzi Cox
has already cornered
140
00:04:52,060 --> 00:04:53,483
the garage, kitchen,
and closet market.
141
00:04:53,485 --> 00:04:56,077
Then why did I have to see
the garage, kitchen, and closet?
142
00:04:56,079 --> 00:04:57,504
To build suspense.
143
00:04:57,507 --> 00:04:59,230
Over the course of their lives,
144
00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:01,843
women spend 2 years and 40 days
in the bathroom.
145
00:05:01,845 --> 00:05:04,161
Men actually spend 85 more days,
146
00:05:04,163 --> 00:05:05,170
'cause, you know...
147
00:05:06,074 --> 00:05:08,257
Shaving. Yeah, that's it.
148
00:05:15,341 --> 00:05:16,690
School mom.
Nightmare.
149
00:05:16,692 --> 00:05:18,860
I was trying to create
a home sanctuary.
150
00:05:18,862 --> 00:05:20,269
I really think I nailed it.
151
00:05:20,271 --> 00:05:22,088
Jodie, where did you learn
how to do all this?
152
00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:23,865
Oh, it's intuitive.
Plus YouTube.
153
00:05:23,867 --> 00:05:25,591
In the basket over the bathtub,
154
00:05:25,593 --> 00:05:27,108
you'll find your towels...
155
00:05:27,110 --> 00:05:29,202
...and over here, you'll find
your different soaps.
156
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,021
Go ahead, check 'em out.
Go look, look at 'em.
157
00:05:31,023 --> 00:05:32,098
I'm looking.
158
00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:33,949
Sarah, you have to say yes
to self-care.
159
00:05:33,951 --> 00:05:35,783
I mean, look at those soaps.
160
00:05:45,555 --> 00:05:47,370
Feel the towels.
161
00:05:47,372 --> 00:05:49,872
You know, normally,
I really wouldn't feel towels.
162
00:05:49,875 --> 00:05:52,951
Okay.
I'm gonna feel the towels.
163
00:06:09,819 --> 00:06:10,911
Oh, God.
164
00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:12,971
Jodie, are you on your phone?
165
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:17,250
I'm texting Dan!
166
00:06:27,079 --> 00:06:28,170
Hey.
167
00:06:28,172 --> 00:06:30,004
Sarah's in the bathroom
so I'm whispering,
168
00:06:30,007 --> 00:06:31,247
but I messed up bad.
169
00:06:31,250 --> 00:06:32,675
I messed up real bad!
170
00:06:32,677 --> 00:06:34,843
Oh, my God, this is my favorite
kind of conversation.
171
00:06:34,845 --> 00:06:36,327
Go.
172
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:38,180
I accidentally sent Dan
an R-rated text meant for Matt!
173
00:06:38,182 --> 00:06:41,332
I am just getting
the best phone calls today.
174
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:42,334
Amy!
175
00:06:42,336 --> 00:06:44,278
I need a lie, like right now!
176
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:45,612
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
177
00:06:45,615 --> 00:06:47,523
Uh, you're with a bunch
of moms at the park.
178
00:06:47,524 --> 00:06:49,598
One of them thought it would be
a good idea to text your husband.
179
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:51,268
You couldn't get
your phone back because, well,
180
00:06:51,269 --> 00:06:53,194
I mean, the... the mother was in
a wheelchair and you felt bad.
181
00:06:53,197 --> 00:06:55,105
Why is she in a wheelchair?
Because she broke her hip.
182
00:06:55,106 --> 00:06:57,699
How did she break her hip? She
tripped on a toy, so she's gonna be
183
00:06:57,701 --> 00:07:00,110
out of commission
for four to six more weeks.
184
00:07:00,112 --> 00:07:01,295
Aww, poor thing.
185
00:07:01,297 --> 00:07:03,521
Oh, wait.
Wow, you're good.
186
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:05,449
It's all about the backstory.
187
00:07:05,451 --> 00:07:06,949
Wait.
188
00:07:06,951 --> 00:07:09,678
Dan texted me!
189
00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:12,456
A thumbs-up emoji?
190
00:07:12,458 --> 00:07:13,548
I put myself out there sexually
191
00:07:13,550 --> 00:07:15,033
and all he can muster
is a thumbs up emoji?
192
00:07:15,036 --> 00:07:16,293
He's such a jerk.
193
00:07:16,295 --> 00:07:18,536
You got to be careful.
You are not good at this.
194
00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:19,814
You're doing
some major-league lying
195
00:07:19,815 --> 00:07:21,298
with some little-league skills.
196
00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:22,798
From now on, I'm gonna be...
197
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,302
really careful.
Great, I got to go
198
00:07:25,303 --> 00:07:28,047
'cause I got to go do a...
I got to go do a drug deal.
199
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:30,699
Okay. What?
200
00:07:39,909 --> 00:07:42,502
Matt.
201
00:07:43,913 --> 00:07:47,507
Well, you have been
a real trouper.
202
00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:49,918
Let's go... What are you doing?
203
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:50,845
Hi.
204
00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,680
I figured I'd say yes to a bath.
205
00:07:52,682 --> 00:07:54,740
Oh, you're still doing that!
206
00:07:57,261 --> 00:07:59,269
Oh.
207
00:08:00,338 --> 00:08:02,338
Yeah.
208
00:08:02,341 --> 00:08:03,507
Hmm.
209
00:08:03,509 --> 00:08:07,101
Mm.
210
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:14,184
Let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go.
211
00:08:14,185 --> 00:08:16,262
Nice jumping that fence.
212
00:08:16,264 --> 00:08:18,706
Alright, let's just get you... Whoa,
Mrs. Lakier, it's not that kind of visit.
213
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:21,858
Alright, I just need to make
sure you're not wearing a wire.
214
00:08:23,045 --> 00:08:24,435
Oh, come on, let me have
a little fun with this.
215
00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:26,432
Alright. Yeah, thank you.
216
00:08:26,456 --> 00:08:28,606
Alright, now we're good,
we're good, we're good.
217
00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:29,740
Now...
218
00:08:29,742 --> 00:08:34,446
Okay, let's see here.
219
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,889
Hmm.
220
00:08:35,892 --> 00:08:37,466
Here we go, here we go.
221
00:08:37,467 --> 00:08:38,634
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
222
00:08:38,635 --> 00:08:40,043
These should be good.
223
00:08:40,044 --> 00:08:41,394
These'll definitely
put a little pep in your step.
224
00:08:41,397 --> 00:08:42,546
Oh, great.
225
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,306
Now, a friend brought these back
from Cancun,
226
00:08:44,307 --> 00:08:46,734
so you're gonna want to
keep some electrolytes on hand
227
00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:48,552
and maybe a number
for poison control.
228
00:08:48,553 --> 00:08:50,111
Anything else?
229
00:08:50,114 --> 00:08:51,388
Mm, no, that's it.
230
00:08:51,389 --> 00:08:53,315
Now, since you just have to
get 'til Thursday,
231
00:08:53,317 --> 00:08:56,467
I can give you 10 fives,
or if you prefer, five 10s,
232
00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:57,653
and you can just break the bars.
233
00:08:57,654 --> 00:08:59,413
I'll take five 10s,
and you know what,
234
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:01,063
just throw in
a couple of fives, too,
235
00:09:01,066 --> 00:09:03,475
'cause I have back-to-back
parent-teacher conferences
236
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,235
on Wednesday
and those can be a lot.
237
00:09:05,236 --> 00:09:06,403
Well, this counts as ours.
238
00:09:06,404 --> 00:09:08,647
Thank you for this.
239
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:10,072
I am gonna hit you back.
240
00:09:10,075 --> 00:09:12,985
Someday,
and that day may never come.
241
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:16,838
I may call upon you
to do me a favor.
242
00:09:17,674 --> 00:09:20,934
I think
your "Godfather" impersonation
243
00:09:20,937 --> 00:09:22,251
is slightly off.
244
00:09:22,254 --> 00:09:24,513
Get out of here.
Unbelievable.
245
00:09:25,832 --> 00:09:28,609
You really suck the joy
out of being a drug lord.
246
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:31,111
Here's your tea!
247
00:09:31,114 --> 00:09:34,447
I'm guessing that bath
is getting pretty cold by now.
248
00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:37,009
No, no, it's perfect.
I just filled it.
249
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:40,102
Well, maybe you can
drink your tea
250
00:09:40,105 --> 00:09:41,437
while you get dressed to leave.
251
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:43,030
Oh, no, I'm not going anywhere.
252
00:09:43,033 --> 00:09:45,274
I'm catching up
on a lifetime of baths.
253
00:09:45,277 --> 00:09:46,610
I'm gonna stay put.
254
00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:53,950
Aren't you getting
really pruny in there?
255
00:09:53,951 --> 00:09:56,636
Oh, I don't get pruny.
Just lucky that way.
256
00:09:56,639 --> 00:09:58,029
Well, I've got to go
257
00:09:58,032 --> 00:10:00,032
take Evan his soccer stuff
to school, so...
258
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,383
Okay.
259
00:10:01,384 --> 00:10:04,052
Just, um, turn on some music
for me, like, something bathy.
260
00:10:04,053 --> 00:10:06,272
Yeah.
261
00:10:08,558 --> 00:10:12,302
Oh. Oh!
262
00:10:12,303 --> 00:10:14,488
This is my jam.
263
00:10:14,490 --> 00:10:15,730
Saying yes.
264
00:10:15,732 --> 00:10:18,232
Saying yes to this.
265
00:10:19,736 --> 00:10:21,403
Dude, this is so cool.
266
00:10:21,404 --> 00:10:23,054
Hey, guys.
You look great.
267
00:10:23,057 --> 00:10:24,239
Oh, wow, Luke,
268
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,000
are you officiating
the Cirque du Soleil later?
269
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,909
I got the lead part in the play.
270
00:10:27,912 --> 00:10:29,485
He's Wonka!
271
00:10:29,488 --> 00:10:31,337
What?! Wow! How
about that? Yeah.
272
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:33,081
Congrats!
This is major.
273
00:10:33,082 --> 00:10:34,323
That's the problem!
274
00:10:34,326 --> 00:10:37,568
I wanted to be in the background
with my friends.
275
00:10:37,571 --> 00:10:38,921
Okay, oh, come on.
276
00:10:38,923 --> 00:10:39,995
He has friends?
277
00:10:39,998 --> 00:10:41,255
I mean, this is just
all good news today.
278
00:10:41,258 --> 00:10:42,499
Well, he's upset
279
00:10:42,518 --> 00:10:44,592
'cause he already memorized
"doompa-dee doo."
280
00:10:44,595 --> 00:10:46,336
Maybe this is a little
out of his league.
281
00:10:46,337 --> 00:10:48,337
I don't know, maybe the kid's
breaking out of his shell.
282
00:10:48,340 --> 00:10:50,415
I don't think Mr. Higgins
would've given him Wonka
283
00:10:50,418 --> 00:10:52,025
if he didn't think
he could do it.
284
00:10:52,028 --> 00:10:53,360
Well...
285
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:55,586
"Well," what?
286
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:57,846
I might've had
something to do with that.
287
00:10:57,849 --> 00:10:59,033
Oh, boy.
288
00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:03,928
I, um...
I gave Mr. Higgins, uh...
289
00:11:04,690 --> 00:11:08,100
...two free tickets
to my cooking show,
290
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:10,693
so he's probably just repaying
us by giving Luke the lead.
291
00:11:10,696 --> 00:11:12,528
Don't they give those away
at the gas station?
292
00:11:12,530 --> 00:11:14,456
Okay, only when
we can't fill the audience
293
00:11:14,457 --> 00:11:16,216
with people
from the halfway house.
294
00:11:16,219 --> 00:11:17,801
Not big clappers.
295
00:11:18,629 --> 00:11:19,886
Well, either way,
296
00:11:19,889 --> 00:11:21,797
it's commendable
that you'd do that for your son.
297
00:11:21,798 --> 00:11:23,298
And I'm not gonna lie,
298
00:11:23,299 --> 00:11:25,283
that makes more sense than
Luke getting Mr. W on his own.
299
00:11:25,286 --> 00:11:26,894
Alright, I'll call Higgins
and get him his old part back.
300
00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:29,546
No, don't you even
think about that.
301
00:11:29,548 --> 00:11:31,956
I've got my phone,
and I got him into this,
302
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:33,048
and I'm gonna...
303
00:11:33,051 --> 00:11:34,643
I'm gonna get him
right out of this, so...
304
00:11:34,644 --> 00:11:36,052
Hi, Mrs. Lakier.
305
00:11:36,053 --> 00:11:39,130
Oh, hey, Mr. Higgins.
Didn't even... Didn't even ring.
306
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:41,133
Um, look, here...
here's the thing.
307
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:42,408
We are... We're so...
308
00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:45,562
I mean, so nice of you to give
Luke the lead in the play,
309
00:11:45,563 --> 00:11:47,230
but as it turns out,
he doesn't want it,
310
00:11:47,231 --> 00:11:49,582
so if we could just get
the "doompa-dee doo" back,
311
00:11:49,585 --> 00:11:51,493
that'd be great.
No can doompa-dee doo.
312
00:11:51,495 --> 00:11:53,086
If I keep jerking
these kids around,
313
00:11:53,088 --> 00:11:55,071
it'll send a red flag
to the parents.
314
00:11:55,072 --> 00:11:56,072
What's he saying?
315
00:11:56,073 --> 00:11:57,816
Okay, can I just get
a little privacy?
316
00:11:57,817 --> 00:12:00,594
Why would you need
privacy right now? Ugh!
317
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:05,414
Okay, why don't I give you
another little care package?
318
00:12:05,417 --> 00:12:06,725
Some, uh...
319
00:12:07,937 --> 00:12:09,827
...focus medicine,
if you will?
320
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,605
Oh, I'm in a... unnel.
321
00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:13,514
I can't...
322
00:12:15,278 --> 00:12:16,851
Well, it's... it's too late.
323
00:12:16,854 --> 00:12:18,169
Playbills, they're printed,
324
00:12:18,172 --> 00:12:20,338
so, you know,
I think this is for the best.
325
00:12:20,341 --> 00:12:22,006
'Cause do we want
to send the message to our kids
326
00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:24,267
that any time they don't want
to rise to the occasion,
327
00:12:24,269 --> 00:12:25,677
we're just gonna bail them out?
328
00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:27,120
He's 7.
Exactly.
329
00:12:27,123 --> 00:12:30,032
It is time for him
to learn those hard truths.
330
00:12:30,033 --> 00:12:32,609
Alright, well, you better go
start rehearsing with him,
331
00:12:32,610 --> 00:12:33,793
'cause the kid stinks.
332
00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:34,961
Mm-hmm, okay.
333
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:37,463
Alright, Luke, let's put
this top hat back on.
334
00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:39,674
It's gonna be
a long night, buddy.
335
00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,546
Wait, why did you put this
back on? You're slowing me down.
336
00:12:44,548 --> 00:12:46,139
Oh, I took
that picture yesterday.
337
00:12:46,142 --> 00:12:47,865
My muscles were poppin'.
Okay, well, take it back off.
338
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,216
Wow, really energetic today.
339
00:12:49,219 --> 00:12:51,219
Is this that new pea powder
protein shake I recommended?
340
00:12:51,221 --> 00:12:53,129
Say that three times fast.
341
00:12:53,130 --> 00:12:55,206
Pea powder protein, pea powder
protein, pea powder protein.
342
00:12:55,209 --> 00:12:58,568
Shh!
343
00:12:59,395 --> 00:13:00,988
Oh, no.
344
00:13:00,990 --> 00:13:03,157
My mom's home early.
345
00:13:07,071 --> 00:13:08,644
Oh.
346
00:13:08,647 --> 00:13:10,238
Okay, she probably just
forgot her sudoku.
347
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:11,999
You know, I mean, she does them
when they're slow at the office.
348
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,667
Okay, but she won't
come down here, right?
349
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:14,835
Like, she respects
your privacy? Totally.
350
00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:16,318
Um, well, unless she's got to
351
00:13:16,321 --> 00:13:18,338
get something out of
the dryer. - Matt?
352
00:13:18,341 --> 00:13:19,565
That's your mom?
353
00:13:19,567 --> 00:13:21,399
She sounds so young.
How old is she?
354
00:13:21,402 --> 00:13:23,158
She's mom age.
46. And a half.
355
00:13:23,161 --> 00:13:25,921
But don't call her 47,
'cause she'll get really mad.
356
00:13:25,923 --> 00:13:27,514
Okay, I'm just gonna go say hi
357
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:29,515
and I'm gonna get her
right out the door, okay?
358
00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:31,000
Yeah, don't forget about me.
359
00:13:31,001 --> 00:13:32,076
Hey.
360
00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:34,428
I could never forget about you.
361
00:13:34,431 --> 00:13:35,855
Aww.
362
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:37,024
Go!
Right.
363
00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:39,418
"Mom age"?
364
00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:53,690
Oh, come on, little blue line,
you can do it.
365
00:13:53,692 --> 00:13:56,376
You can do it, you can do it,
you can do it.
366
00:13:57,379 --> 00:13:59,528
Damn.
367
00:14:06,203 --> 00:14:10,798
Best soak ever.
368
00:14:10,801 --> 00:14:12,634
Don't scratch your butt
like that.
369
00:14:12,635 --> 00:14:14,785
It's what I do when I'm nervous.
370
00:14:14,788 --> 00:14:16,471
Okay, well,
don't do that onstage.
371
00:14:16,472 --> 00:14:18,273
Hey, Mr. Higgins.
372
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:20,048
Hi. Thanks
for calling me back.
373
00:14:20,051 --> 00:14:22,811
Look, I wanted to talk to you
about this Wonka deal.
374
00:14:22,812 --> 00:14:25,312
I, uh... I know you told Amy
that it's too late,
375
00:14:25,315 --> 00:14:27,298
but is there
anything at all we can do
376
00:14:27,301 --> 00:14:29,225
to get Luke back
in this Oompa Loompa role?
377
00:14:29,226 --> 00:14:31,653
You know, at drop-off,
I couldn't help but notice
378
00:14:31,654 --> 00:14:33,304
that your hair
looks naturally thick.
379
00:14:33,307 --> 00:14:34,472
Oh.
380
00:14:34,475 --> 00:14:35,807
Yeah, I guess
it is pretty thick.
381
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:37,600
Do you know anything
about hair pills?
382
00:14:37,602 --> 00:14:40,068
Um... wait, why?
383
00:14:41,239 --> 00:14:42,496
Just take one a day,
384
00:14:42,499 --> 00:14:43,999
and then the hair
will start growing back
385
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:45,167
in like three weeks.
386
00:14:46,336 --> 00:14:48,153
You'll downgrade him
to Oompa Loompa?
387
00:14:48,154 --> 00:14:49,245
Done.
388
00:15:00,017 --> 00:15:02,109
How long have I been asleep?
389
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,110
Jodie?
390
00:15:07,024 --> 00:15:10,008
Honey, I'm home.
391
00:15:26,618 --> 00:15:29,543
There's a flaw
in The Jodie Method.
392
00:15:30,956 --> 00:15:32,639
Where are you?
393
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:33,807
Skipped the meeting.
394
00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:36,217
Came home early for sex stuff.
395
00:15:36,220 --> 00:15:38,202
Might only have time for me.
396
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:41,630
Mm...
397
00:15:41,633 --> 00:15:44,042
Okay, uh...
398
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:47,211
Oh, no!
399
00:15:58,075 --> 00:16:00,225
Oh, no, no, no.
400
00:16:01,410 --> 00:16:02,836
I mean, zero charisma.
401
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:06,005
I mean, I'm talking
Johnny Depp-level Wonka there.
402
00:16:06,008 --> 00:16:08,399
Well, you don't have to
worry about it.
403
00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:10,067
I got him his Oompa Loompa back.
404
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:12,662
You talked to Higgins?
What did he say?
405
00:16:12,663 --> 00:16:14,181
Did he... Did he mention me?
406
00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:15,831
I did a terrible thing.
407
00:16:15,833 --> 00:16:18,259
Huh, but did he mention me?
408
00:16:18,261 --> 00:16:19,668
I feel so dirty.
409
00:16:19,671 --> 00:16:21,428
You feel dirty?
410
00:16:21,431 --> 00:16:22,429
Hmm.
411
00:16:22,432 --> 00:16:24,099
Yeah.
412
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:26,250
You know how he thought your
cooking-show tickets were a bribe?
413
00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:28,436
Mm-hmm, mm. My... yeah,
my cooking-show tickets.
414
00:16:28,437 --> 00:16:29,754
Well, I did way worse.
415
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,590
He asked me
why my hair is so thick,
416
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,107
and the next thing I knew,
I was slipping him
417
00:16:33,110 --> 00:16:35,092
the last of my hair pills
through the back door.
418
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:36,595
Apparently,
his insurance company
419
00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:37,946
stopped covering the good stuff.
420
00:16:37,947 --> 00:16:39,614
What?!
The last of it?
421
00:16:39,615 --> 00:16:41,207
You have got to
get that refilled, Henry.
422
00:16:41,210 --> 00:16:43,769
I told you, you do not have
the face for a bald man.
423
00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:45,620
That's your takeaway?
424
00:16:45,621 --> 00:16:48,105
I'm a scalp stimulants
trafficker.
425
00:16:48,107 --> 00:16:49,624
Well, yeah. I mean,
I'm not happy about that.
426
00:16:49,625 --> 00:16:51,625
It's extremely poor judgment
and it's hideous,
427
00:16:51,628 --> 00:16:53,794
and I did think
that you were above all of that,
428
00:16:53,797 --> 00:16:55,038
and we can never tell our son
429
00:16:55,039 --> 00:16:56,706
because he'll lose
all respect for you,
430
00:16:56,707 --> 00:16:57,966
but you know what?
431
00:16:57,967 --> 00:17:00,394
Do not beat yourself up
about it.
432
00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:03,397
Okay, I'll try.
I don't know that I can.
433
00:17:03,399 --> 00:17:05,523
I know.
434
00:17:06,476 --> 00:17:07,976
Look, I know it's sixes,
435
00:17:07,978 --> 00:17:10,628
but would it help you to know
that I, um...
436
00:17:10,631 --> 00:17:13,388
I didn't give him tickets
to the cooking show?
437
00:17:13,391 --> 00:17:16,242
I gave him, uh,
prescription drugs.
438
00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:21,155
You gave a teacher drugs?
439
00:17:21,157 --> 00:17:22,824
For our son, remember?
440
00:17:22,826 --> 00:17:25,251
Look, I finally found a way
to contribute to Luke's school
441
00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:28,070
instead of standing at some,
I don't know, car wash.
442
00:17:28,073 --> 00:17:30,816
I'm helping
the teachers of America, okay?
443
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:32,407
I'm a good mother.
444
00:17:32,410 --> 00:17:33,652
You're a drug lord.
445
00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:35,336
Luke could get
kicked out of school.
446
00:17:35,338 --> 00:17:36,837
You'd have to home school him.
447
00:17:36,839 --> 00:17:38,247
You could get arrested.
448
00:17:38,249 --> 00:17:40,659
Home school?
In this house?
449
00:17:40,661 --> 00:17:42,827
I don't know
how you live with you.
450
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:44,420
I-I feel like scum.
451
00:17:44,422 --> 00:17:46,606
Well, the pills help,
but, I mean, I'd offer you one.
452
00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:48,442
But as you know,
I'm running low now.
453
00:17:48,443 --> 00:17:50,352
I think the real...
the real thing here
454
00:17:50,354 --> 00:17:52,019
is that we are good parents
455
00:17:52,021 --> 00:17:54,072
who want the worst for our son.
456
00:17:57,786 --> 00:18:00,444
Well, you make a good point.
457
00:18:01,439 --> 00:18:03,530
You want to go upstairs
and tell him?
458
00:18:03,532 --> 00:18:04,941
No, there's no way
I'm going back up there.
459
00:18:04,942 --> 00:18:07,535
I'm definitely not going.
460
00:18:07,537 --> 00:18:09,712
There's not enough of this
in the world.
461
00:18:13,451 --> 00:18:15,376
Did you eat the turkey I left?
462
00:18:15,378 --> 00:18:17,554
Why do you look so flushed?
463
00:18:18,714 --> 00:18:21,457
Gonna have to switch providers.
464
00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:36,047
I don't know where Jodie is,
465
00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:38,473
but she was supposed to be
my ride home.
466
00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:42,078
Oh, come on, core strength.
467
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:46,816
What am I doing?
468
00:18:46,817 --> 00:18:49,652
What are you doing?
469
00:18:49,653 --> 00:18:52,172
Okay.
470
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:54,065
Hey, babe.
471
00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:56,067
Oh! Hey, what's going on?
472
00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:56,826
Hey.
Hi.
473
00:18:56,827 --> 00:18:58,827
Um, is your mom leaving?
474
00:18:58,829 --> 00:19:01,682
Oh, no, she whipped out the sweatpants.
She's not going anywhere for a while.
475
00:19:01,683 --> 00:19:04,241
Okay, I have to go.
This is the only way out, so...
476
00:19:04,243 --> 00:19:05,667
Man, I really want
to feel bad about this,
477
00:19:05,670 --> 00:19:07,077
but look at you.
478
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:09,355
I'm so glad we blasted
your glutes the other day.
479
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:10,691
Your butt looks amazing.
480
00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:13,084
Really?! Really?
481
00:19:13,086 --> 00:19:15,103
Yes. Okay, do you
mind giving me a hand?
482
00:19:15,105 --> 00:19:18,272
Alright, fine, but only because
I want to touch you.
483
00:19:18,275 --> 00:19:20,016
Whoa!
Go, go, go!
484
00:19:20,018 --> 00:19:21,442
Clench the buttocks!
485
00:19:22,445 --> 00:19:25,613
Hey, you did it. I did it!
486
00:19:25,615 --> 00:19:27,022
I have a confession. Yeah.
487
00:19:27,025 --> 00:19:28,356
I didn't do anything.
What?
488
00:19:28,358 --> 00:19:29,542
Yeah, I knew you could do it.
489
00:19:29,545 --> 00:19:32,269
Oh, okay. I got to go. Alright.
490
00:19:32,271 --> 00:19:33,528
Bye.
Alright.
491
00:19:33,530 --> 00:19:35,382
Wait, tell me
about my butt again.
492
00:19:35,384 --> 00:19:38,366
Oh, my God, it looks amazing.
493
00:19:38,368 --> 00:19:40,612
Bye.
494
00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:53,400
Ugh.
495
00:19:53,402 --> 00:19:54,402
Saw his peanuts?
496
00:19:55,811 --> 00:20:00,574
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
497
00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:08,807
Make a left here.
498
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:10,066
Mm.
499
00:20:12,402 --> 00:20:14,979
I just never got sudoku.
500
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:16,480
Amy, it was terrifying.
501
00:20:16,481 --> 00:20:18,257
I could've been caught
by his mother.
502
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,833
Can you imagine?
503
00:20:19,835 --> 00:20:21,484
Oh, I've been caught by
a lot of moms back in the day.
504
00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:22,836
And some girlfriends, too.
505
00:20:22,837 --> 00:20:24,412
That... That was actually
kind of fun.
506
00:20:24,413 --> 00:20:25,823
You must've been
freaking out, though.
507
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:28,174
I mean, what would you have done
if she had come down?
508
00:20:28,176 --> 00:20:29,584
I don't know.
509
00:20:29,586 --> 00:20:31,586
I've become reckless.
510
00:20:31,587 --> 00:20:32,605
I'm unhinged.
511
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:35,124
I tossed everything
just to see him.
512
00:20:35,125 --> 00:20:37,017
Like, it didn't even occur to me
513
00:20:37,019 --> 00:20:39,260
that I could blow up
my entire life if I got caught.
514
00:20:39,262 --> 00:20:41,521
It was the most
exhilarating moment of my life.
515
00:20:41,523 --> 00:20:43,782
It was so exciting,
and I could tell you
516
00:20:43,785 --> 00:20:45,192
I'm going to stop,
and I should, but I'm not.
517
00:20:45,193 --> 00:20:46,527
Of course not.
518
00:20:49,365 --> 00:20:51,332
You can have your yes book back.
519
00:20:51,334 --> 00:20:52,625
How was I supposed to know
520
00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:54,701
you were going to take
the world's longest bath?
521
00:20:54,702 --> 00:20:57,112
I was taking an interest
in your work. Where were you?
522
00:20:57,114 --> 00:20:59,114
I was at Evan's soccer game,
and I felt bad
523
00:20:59,115 --> 00:21:01,449
and had to help
a woman in a wheelchair.
524
00:21:01,451 --> 00:21:02,450
Mm-hmm.
525
00:21:02,451 --> 00:21:05,787
Dan and I, we smushed parts.
526
00:21:05,788 --> 00:21:07,030
Oh, I know.
527
00:21:07,032 --> 00:21:09,549
He's not nearly
as upset about it as you are.
528
00:21:10,553 --> 00:21:12,794
Oh, okay, well, I have got to go
529
00:21:12,796 --> 00:21:15,055
get Luke kicked out of band.
530
00:21:15,057 --> 00:21:16,131
I'll tell you what,
531
00:21:16,133 --> 00:21:18,057
drugs really do
solve everything.
532
00:21:18,059 --> 00:21:20,986
Do you have anything in there that
can help me forget about Dan's parts?
533
00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:22,563
No.
534
00:21:22,565 --> 00:21:24,882
May... no.
535
00:21:25,976 --> 00:21:28,476
This helps me
forget about Dan's parts.
536
00:21:30,239 --> 00:21:31,830
It makes everything better.
38421
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