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[Music]
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my name is gerald
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and i am a fitness addict
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trying to overcome my addiction is a
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huge obstacle in life
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but every day i keep getting better
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you start with baby steps
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instead of upper body day you watch tv
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instead of leg day you eat a
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cheeseburger
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today instead of cardio
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you take a nap
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hello old friend
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how much i miss you is only measured in
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terms of boundlessness
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if we could measure how boundless one
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could miss another
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the boundlessness of my woe would be
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infinite
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[Music]
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just a little bit of time with you won't
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hurt
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i can do this
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oh it's amazing
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the feeling the strengthening
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the hunger for more must
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make gains
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i can't i have to learn to control my
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addiction
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before the pain of getting swole sets in
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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it's hard to believe by looking at me
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that i used to be the complete
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embodiment of fitness
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but when your life is dictated by a
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jim's hourly schedule
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and your self-worth is attuned to the
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number of times women come up and touch
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your abs
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your perspective is skewed by an
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overbearing sensation of
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self-gratification
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and that was all fine until the day i
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was broken by the words of my long-lost
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lover ariel
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i just i want a guy i can cuddle with
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a guy with a belly not some muscly
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bulky freak
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i want a guy that feels like pillows not
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rocks you know what i mean
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[Music]
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those words have haunted me ever since
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she left me in the restaurant that day
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oh ariel how i long for your gaze across
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a room once more
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how i wish i could feel your hands
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slightly graze
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mine as i exchange with you uh
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unimportant inanimate object
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the pencil for your homework the
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paperclip for your cover letter
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the keys to my car
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alas all is lost
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for i am without you and my only gain is
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a belly
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partnered with an equally inadequate
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body
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[Music]
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uh
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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i am a man of fitness
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a man of strength and quality health
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it is my destiny to be as strong and as
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fast as i can be
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to be a idealization to the human eye
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not some fool who does nothing but eat
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all day
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carol is that you
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wow i haven't seen you in a while how
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have you been
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i see you're still running hey babe
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hey you want to introduce me to your
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friend oh yeah this is gerald my
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ex-boyfriend oh i like your outfit
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gray on gray
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[Music]
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[Music]
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ugh
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[Music]
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he seems nice
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you fool
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idiotic with weak assumptions upon the
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quality of your life
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and the relevance of said quality
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between
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you and your addiction
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and fulfilling that addiction in public
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where you run into your past lover
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who humiliates you the idiocy
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the naivety the audacity of your
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own ego
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you are nothing without your belly you
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are nothing without your
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soda and cake and high salt concentrated
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foods
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the world does not see me for my
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strength
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but for my lack of conviction to eat
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what i want
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they don't see a man who drinks like
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beer they see a man who is too
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weak for the real thing they don't see a
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man who lifts weights
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they see a fool with too much time on
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his hands
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i will make the ultimate sacrifice i
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will not let my addiction define me
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i shall stand in the face of the whole
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world and shout it out proudly
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the apocalypse
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[Music]
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[Music]
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you
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