All language subtitles for Mr.Mayor.S02E09.WEBRip.x264-ION10

.

- Hi, my TitiBears.

♪ Come into my bathroom

Okay, so, today,
I'm gonna show you all

how to do a smoky eye

and a new thing
I just thought of,

a smoky mouth.

But before that,
I need to holler at you guys

about something supes serious.

So I've been seeing
a lot of comments

about my, like, feud
with the mayor of Los Angeles,

and I just want to clarify
something for you all.

Yes, Mayor Bremer tried
to kill me with his car,

but I am not petty.

Some of you are also asking
why there's a link in my bio

to a Recall Mayor Bremer
petition,

and the only reason
why it's there

is because
I accidentally copied

and then accidentally
pasted it there.

So let me just say
to all my Bear-Bs

who are posting toxic comments
about this guy,

do not click on that link
on my behalf.

Click it on yours

if you're 18 and registered
to vote in Los Angeles.

So now, I'm just
gonna be going in

with the ashes from one
of my dogs who died recently,

but you can get yours
from wherever you want.

[bright music]

♪

- TitiB's followers are
dangerously close

to making this recall happen.

- Also, "Come Into My Bathroom"

is now the number-one song
on Spotify

and my go-to karaoke channel.

- We need to start
taking this seriously.

- I don't like this new
"West Wing"-y energy,

and it's giving me
coke flashbacks to the '80s.

- Okay, stunt on us.

- Look, I'm not gonna
get all worked up

about something
that's never gonna happen.

This is California.

In the last 100 years,

how many recall petitions
were there?

- 179.

- Okay,
and how many went through?

- Uh, six--
- See?

Now, I wish I had known
that the first time you told me

that some wingnut was trying
to get me recalled.

So stressed out
I couldn't enjoy my golf game,

and they will not take
that away from me again.

- Okay, yes, sir, but TitiB
has millions of followers

who do whatever she says.

- She told her TitiBears
to boycott the Oakland Raiders,

and they had
to move to Las Vegas.

- Guys, guys, in order
to vote for a recall,

you have to physically
mail in your signature.

Her followers
don't know what mail is.

- That's true.

My cousins think that mailboxes

are Cookie Monster memorials,

and I'm like,
"When do you think he died?"

- So what do we actually

have to concern ourselves
with today?

Ah, Gilbert's birthday.

Hey, Gilbert, my friend,

how old are we this year, 40?

- 32, but I'm a drinker, so--
- Yeah, good for you.

Oh, look, then I go to
Schuman's Deli

for the unveiling
of my caricature.

The artist said
that it was difficult

to find a flaw to exaggerate.
Poor guy.

- You ready, Kwapis?
- For Schuman's Deli? Yes.

- I'm talking about the recall.

- No, Neil just said
that wasn't going to happen.

- Politics is like an interview
with Kanye West.

Anything can happen.

- No, when I said
I would run your campaign,

I thought that would be,
like, years away.

- Hold it together, man.

I'm just saying,
we've gotta wait

and see how this shakes out.

Relaxed readiness,

hands on knees,

bouncing on
the balls of your feet,

holding our bladders.

I coach elder softball.

- So you're the almond milk
guzzler.

- What?
- You know, if you hate

the environment,
wouldn't it be easier

to just shoot
a polar bear in the face?

- Cut it out.
- Hey, you cannot hit me.

That is harassment.
- Oh, you wish I'd harass you.

Wait, give it back.

Why are you so tall?
I'm so little.

[phone vibrates]

- Oh, sorry. It's--
- Paige?

I'm really good at reading
men's phones upside down.

- Yeah, I should just--

- Ugh, this thing with his ex
is driving me crazy.

- But it's so fun for your
coworkers to watch you flirt.

I know you could reach
the milk!

- Don't get snippy with me

just because you're
stressed about Neil.

- He's not worried enough
about this recall attempt.

I mean, yes,
Gen Z doesn't do mail.

- I saw one of our interns use
Forever stamps as Band-Aids.

- I just want to know if this
thing is happening or not.

I mean, being in limbo
like this--

- [gasps]
Just like me and James.

You're right.
I should go talk to him.

- Wow. How did you manage
to make that about yourself?

- My new year's resolution
was to take up more space.

- You know,
when I first moved to LA,

I thought, "Someday,
my caricature

will be on the wall
at Schuman's Deli."

But this isn't Schuman's.

This is clearly
a sorority house.

[laughter]

Allow me.

Oh, there you go.

[applause]

Now, who wants to show me
some photos of grandkids?

Oh, gorgeous!

But I bet they
don't call enough, do they?

- Well, actually,
my granddaughter

called this morning.
She asked if I had any stamps.

- That's too funny.
My grandson called and asked

if I knew where a mailbox was
and how to open it.

- Kids.

- Sir, it's time
to sign a bagel.

- Ah, good.
- Hello.

Just to save us a lot
of questions, I'm Filipino.

Now, what did I hear you say
about grandkids and mail?

[knock at door]

- Uh-oh.
You back for round two?

- Yeah.

Um, round two of what, James?

Because Paige
is still living with you,

which means that things
are still messy,

so am I just supposed
to wait around?

'Cause I haven't been touched
by a man in, like--

- Okay, let me stop you there.

I moved out over the weekend.

She just called to figure out
the key drop-off.

- Oh.

I wish I had known that
ten seconds ago.

By the way, I actually
have been touched by a man.

Many, but not too many.

- I wanted to tell you,
but I thought

if I asked you out right away,
you'd think it was too soon.

- Yeah, um,
what are the rules here?

- Exactly. I mean, how soon do
you ask someone out

after you get out
of a failed COVID relationship

that was based
on trauma bonding

and getting
way too into birding?

- We wait one month.

That seems dignified.

- Yes, very appropriate.

- And a month is,
what, like, 30 days?

- Sometimes 31.
- Mm-hmm.

- Occasionally 28.

- But, um,
but not on leap years.

- James, you still coming
to the analytics team check-in?

- Of course, yeah.
I'll be right there.

- Mm-hmm.

- Let's double back
to this conversation later.

- Yes.

Wow, that was not it.

- Hey, Bear Cubs.
We're doing mail.

We got our letter purses
and stickers,

and now, we're gonna feed them
to the robot.

Recall Mayor Bremer!

- Who showed you
how to do this?

.

- Hi, Bear Cubs.
Recall challenge.

You know that pile of paper

that comes to
your parents' house?

That's mail.

Remember email?

It was based on that pile.
History lesson!

But sometimes you still need
to do mail for certain things

like sending headshots
to prisons.

All you need is a letter purse

and a special sticker.

- So they could actually
get enough signatures

to make this happen?

- This is bad.

As bad as when
they brought Digimon

into the human world

instead of humans
into the Digi-world.

We gotta stop this recall!

- [quietly]
Getting cold feet, Kwapis?

- No, they're boiling hot
all the time.

- All right.

We gotta get
our battle strategy in order.

I know we're all
a little anxious,

but believe me, we are going
to stop this recall petition.

- Even if it means
killing everyone

between the ages of 18 and 25.

- No, don't--

- Recalls are kind of
my specialty, sir.

I did my thesis
on Governor Davis' recall,

mostly because
I was going through

a Patrick Schwarzenegger phase,

but still, we need to start
a media blitz yesterday.

- [chuckles]
Yesterday? Impossible!

This is the guy
running our strategy?

- Okay, the mayor is gonna hit
local TV shows.

Arpi and Jayden,
you handle radio columns.

We also need to get on top
of the misinformation campaign

around the mayor.
- They're saying that

you're actually
a regular-sized guy

with little stilts
in his pants,

that you got replaced
like Avril Lavigne,

oh, that you're using Tommy
for youth blood transfusions.

- Which: flattering.

- All right, look,
I want you two to team up.

James, handle tech.
Mikaela, handle messaging.

And let me know if you need
to take any pictures of me

to turn into funny memes.

All right, team.
All hands on deck.

- Let's go kill this recall.

- I don't believe you,

which is saying a lot because
I have fallen for every scam.

Every single one.

- I have something important
to tell you

and something
very important to tell you.

- I'm on with the Secretary
of State's office.

- Okay, the important thing
is that

the LA Homeowners' Association
is backing the recall.

The very important thing
is that I kissed James,

and he's really bad at it!

- Scott, let me call you back.

I love when hot people
are bad at things.

- I don't know what happened.

We had a great talk,

he went in for the kiss,

but then it went bad.

His eyes were open.

If I wanted that,

I'd go back to kissing
my broken Betsy Wetsy.

I was a very romantic child.

- Hey, Mikaela.
- [gasps]

Hey, sexy.

- You ready to get at it?

- Mm-hmm.

[phone rings]
- Hey, Mike.

How soon before we can
get the deputy mayor on

to talk about this recall?

No, I am well aware
that you are in the middle

of a rock block counting down
the hits of yesterday, today,

and tomorrow, but you owe me.

- [quietly]
I've never told anyone this,

but I once saw a Mothman

while power-walking
in the Hills.

- What are you doing?
- Hold on a second.

"The Conspiracy Countdown
With Professor Weirdo."

- You're not even trying
to help Mayor Bremer.

- Well, you're trying
way too hard.

Kwapis, we want this recall
to happen, right?

If this thing happens,
we gotta move fast.

You need to be ready
to tell the mayor you quit.

- But the man I turn to
when I'm confused

is the very man
you want me to betray.

- Well, good luck
with that, Iago.

- I'm the parrot
from "Aladdin"?

No, he's so mean!

- And don't forget, Andrea,

the Futuro Space Elevator
is already creating jobs.

I also led this city safely
through an avocado crisis.

I spearheaded bus lanes
that have reduced traffic

by...an--an amount,

and I have not had
a single sex scandal,

and, believe me, I could have.
- Hmm.

- Sir, I need your advice!

My friend works
at the discotheque,

but he just got invited
to play at the Olympics,

but the owner of the
discotheque is his husband,

and he's gonna be so mad!

- Jayden, Jayden!

I'm on live TV right--
right now.

- Oh, [bleep]!
Can I say [bleep]?

- No, no.
- Oh, [bleep]. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, [bleep], [bleep].
- No, get out.

- [bleep], [bleep].
- Get out.

- I'm sorry.
- No, get out.

- Oh, [bleep].

- Oh, boy.

Where was I?
Um, I don't recall,

and neither should you,
Los Angeles.

- Okay, maybe I've just been
reading these articles

for too long, but why are there

no pictures
of Neil's feet out there?

- He has nothing to hide.

They're just
totally normal lizard feet.

- [chuckles]

I'll be right back.
That was--way to hustle.

James is so bad at this.

He tried to pick me up

but then, like,
gave up halfway through.

I'm really light, Tommy.
Like, it's almost a problem.

- I wish this were my day.

I mean, come on.
You see how funny it is, right?

You finally have the one thing
you wanted after so long--

- Yeah, Tommy, look.
Can you talk to him

and try to find out
why he went from lips

back to forehead?

- What? Yes, I will!

- Okay.

[suspenseful music]

♪

- Luis, why are you
printing résumés?

- Why do you assume
I'm the only

Luis Hernandez in the office?

- Your headshot's on the back.

- Pro tip,
if you want cheap headshots,

get arrested in costume.

- Luis, you're not gonna
need these.

Hey, let me have your attention
for a second.

No one needs to look
for another job, okay?

We are fighting this thing,

and Neil Bremer
doesn't lose fights,

except once at Fred Segal.

I hit on Coco,
and Ice-T loves his Coco.

Anyway, just--
[cell phone buzzes]

This recall petition
is gonna fail.

It's our opponents
that need to be worried.

They think
they're gonna collect

300,000 signatures?

Well, guess what?

Time's running out.

Do you think that people
will remember this

a year from now?

No, but people will remember

that they went to space
in an elevator.

- The TV is making a fool
of you!

[dramatic music]

- I just want to thank
all of my TitiBears

for making this recall happen.

Politics has been
so much fun,

but now I really
just want to focus

on my partnership with Stormp.

I love them so much,

and I'll be here all day

helping them sell...
shoes, I guess.

[applause]

.

[gentle knocking]

- Hey.
- Hey.

- I could be the first mayor
since 1938 to get recalled.

- Well, there still is a way
that we could stop this

if we can convince
enough people

to remove their names
from the petition

before the deadline.
- Come on, you kidding me?

How are we going to walk back
100,000 signatures?

- Okay, would any
of the signatures count

if we legally
changed your name?

They can recall Neil Bremer
all they want,

but Carmine Italiano--

- No, sir, we need to
fight fire with fire.

What if we got our own high-
profile people to support us?

- No, no.

There's only one person
with the clout

to get me out of this mess,

the same person
who got me in it.

Dan, let's do it.

- You ready, Kwapis?

You know what you're gonna
say to the mayor?

- No, and the Internet
is no help.

- You Googled "How do I tell
my dad I'm cheating on him?"

- 'Cause that's
what this feels like.

- Oh, boy.

You've got to fish
or get off the pot here.

If you don't have the guts

to step up
and take this opportunity,

then you need to step aside
so I can find somebody else.

- I don't know, Arpi.

Maybe I'm not the guy
who steps up

and does stuff, you know?

I'm not a stepper-upper.

[in high-pitched voice]
I'm the little guy

in the background
who helps the stepper-upper.

[chuckles comically]

I know my role, okay?

I'm just a--

I'll be right back.

- Pretty intense out there,
huh?

- I know.
I can't lose my benefits.

I just got diagnosed with--
- Totally.

So did you get a chance
to talk to James?

- Well, it took me a while
to draw him out

because, you know, you have
to be subtle with these things.

So how's the kissing
with Mikaela going?

She told me you're terrible.
- I'm bad?

You should see how she does it.

- And how exactly do I do it?

- I am so glad you asked.

- [squealing and grunting]

Weird noises?

I am the perfect amount
of vocal.

Oh, it is on.

- By the way,
thank you for this.

It's been
a really stressful day,

and it's nice to be reminded
that it could be worse.

I could be straight.

- Mm, you're welcome.

- And that is when I realized

I am one of you.

I'm a Minion.

I have the overalls,
I'm pill-shaped,

and I love being told
what to do.

And Mayor Bremer is my Gru,

so I can't leave him, right?

- Hey, can my kid
get a picture with it now?

- Okay, "its" name is Stuart.

This guy.

It's just that
when I was at Jamba Juice,

I always dreamed
of having a job with a chair.

Is a Minion allowed
to want more?

- [speaks gibberish]

- Yeah, true.

People aren't here to see Gru.

They're here to see you

because
you have your own movie.

- [speaks gibberish]

- I mean, Gru had a cameo
at the end,

so it didn't not
have Gru in it.

[gasps]

Gru is just the latest

in a long line
of masters you've served.

Dracula, a T-Rex, Ryan Murphy.

So maybe Mayor Bremer
isn't my Gru.

Maybe Mayor Bremer
is my Dracula,

and Arpi is my Gru.

- Bee-do, bee-do, bee-do!

- Oh, Mikaela, hey.

Look, maybe we take a break
from making out.

I think you're great at it--
- No, no, no, no, no.

You don't get to treat me
like the weird kisser.

You're the weird kisser.
Why were your eyes open?

- 'Cause I thought
you were choking.

- Well, you tried to lift me up

and then just, like, bailed.

- Lift? No, no, I was trying
to hold you up

'cause you were going limp.

Oh.
- Ah, ooh, no.

- Why is that not better?

Maybe all the tension
between us

just set a crazy-high bar
for real life.

- Look, James,
I, um, I like you,

so I'm willing to work through

whatever this weirdness is,

um, if you are.

[light music]

♪

Oh, wow.

Why--this is so bad.

- Did you just eat Sun Chips?

- No.

- Mm-hmm, thanks.

- Hi, Titi.

- Ooh, Cory, like, rule number
one for weeding out the pedos

is adult man without child.

- No, no, it's Mayor Bremer.

- Oh, snap!

And you want a job.

- [chuckles] No, no.

I'm just looking
to keep the one I have.

TitiB, this recall
is bad for business.

- Mm, yours, not mine.

- Yeah, revenues are up for Q2.

- Which is why you need me.

See, I think it's ingenious

that you reduced
your tax liability

by calling your dogs employees.

- Well, at Titi Corp,

we don't think in terms
of employer-employee.

It's a flat structure.

- Ah, yeah.

But what if whoever replaces me

is not so business-friendly?

See, you need to know

that the mayor has
your best interests at heart.

- Yeah, I do.

- For instance,
I know your neighborhood

only grants two parking
permits per address,

but you have 18 cars.

- Well, that I know of.

Is that's something
the mayor's office could fix?

- If the right person is mayor.

- Yeah, I mean,

we can't have some rando
just running the city.

- Exactly.

- I should be mayor.

- What? What was that? Sorry?
- Oh, my God!

I'm obsessed with this idea.
- Thank you.

.

- So if you live in
Los Angeles, vote TitiB

in the upcoming
recall election.

If you're not 18,

tell your parents
to vote for me,

or else you'll date
Scott Disick.

- Oh, Christ.

- Is this a bad time, sir?

Rhetorical.
I know it's terrible.

But we still need to talk.

- Yeah.

We have a re-election
campaign to start.

- Speaking of, do you remember

the conversation
we had the other week?

- The one where
you yelled at me

or the one where
you yelled at me?

They're all blurring together,
Arpi.

- The one about me running
for mayor in the next election.

- Right, and the next election

is happening a lot sooner
than we thought.

- [speaks gibberish]

- Okay.

Which one of us
is having a stroke?

- I'm sorry. It's just,

I'm a Minion, sir,

and it's time for a new master.

I'm leaving to go run
Arpi's campaign.

I have prepared a song to
express my feelings right now.

It is to the tune
of "Mambo No. 5."

[clears throat]

- Sir--
- Fine.

Quit like everyone else.
I don't care.

- I know you don't mean that.
You would miss me,

especially since I went
through the fine print

of the procedures for recalling
state and local officials,

and there are very specific
formatting requirements

for the recall petition,

requirements that
the recall petition officers

didn't follow.
See, they submitted everything

in 13-point Times New Roman
instead of 14.

It's invalid!

We can kill the recall!

- What have I done?

- Why is no one high-fiving me?

I never do this.
This is special.

- Because...

we're not killing the recall.

It's still happening.

I'm sorry, Tommy.

I'm not gonna hide behind
a technicality

when so many Angelenos,

including two of my own staff,

no longer think
I should be mayor.

- I would like some credit

for resisting the urge
to point out

that I never thought
you should be mayor.

- So we're just giving up?

- No, no, no, no, no.

Because I still believe

that I'm the right person
for the job.

And I'm gonna prove it.

- [voice breaking]
I'm just so proud of you, sir.

I'm so sorry
I cheated on you, Dad.

- See you in the Thunderdome.

[energetic rock music]

♪

- Oh, okay.

- I don't blame you.

You're young,
and there's a recall on.

♪

- Good night, everybody.
- Good night.