All language subtitles for The Birds A

So there you are.

Hey, I know all your names.

My name is George Gobel.

Missouri, Safari, neighbors.

What are we stopping for?
Traffic jam?

No. This is the Congo river.

3 years of this jungle
is enough already.

But it was worth it, Marty.

Do you realize
we are the only men in history

to ever bring back
a live Columbrina Marsditia?

And many, many men have tried.
Many, many.

Do you mean Emma?

First dame we run into in 3 years
and she has to be a snake.

You just wait till
the International Society

of Ichthyologists and Herpetologists
get a look at Emma.

They'll go straight up
and turn left.

It's time for your lunch,
you little dickens.

Lonesome George
is leaving

but I want you
to remember one thing:

it is my fondest hope

that someday I can return
and look for a mate.

For Emma.

Come up here!

Let it just go.
We'll get another.

I wonder who it is.

I don't know but he must be pretty important
to stop a ship.

Hamilton.

That has a nice rich sound.

We've travelled a thousand miles.
Our luck __ for a change.

I hope so.

Is he rich?

I'll find out but he's almost sure to be
if he can stop a boat.

He's been upriver somewhere.

I hope he is rich.

From your mouth
to the ears of the almighty.

He is. Rich.

He's a member of
the meat packing family.

-Millions.
-You sure?

The steward even quoted the family coat of arms:
"Hamilton's hot dogs circle the globe".

What do you think you're doing?

-Six Hamilton hot dogs.
-Yes, sir.

Not smart enough.

-What did you say?
-I said they're not smart enough.

Every doll in this room
is trying to pick him up with a hot dog.

They're wasting their time.

He is a snob.

I don't mind a snob
but I detest a rich snob.

There's something
undemocratic about it.

Swing them, honey.

Won't do you any good, he's a bookworm.
But swing them anyway.

Excuse me, Mr. Hamilton,
may I have a light?

Well, thanks.

I think it would be
the better part of discretion

to let him ripen on the vine
until tomorrow.

We are going to start
harvesting tonight.

What approach
do you suggest?

You leave it to me.
I'm my father's girl.

We'll be sitting in the card table
in 10 minutes.

-5 to 1
-10 to 1

-2 to 1.
-You're on. 100 dollars.

-I beg your pardon.
-Oh, that's all right.

Why don't you look
where you're going?

-I'm sorry but…
-I'm sorry too.

Look what you did
to my shoe.

The heal is broken and
it's the only pair of shoes I have left.

I'm certainly very sorry.

I didn't see you.

I certainly wouldn't think of doing
anything like that deliberately.

It was purely an accident.

A pure accident.

Maybe I can fix it for you.

-She's right. It's broken.
-Broken.

You can just take me right to my cabin
for another pair of slippers.

I think that's
the very least I can do.

We might say
"the minimum", madam.

By the way,
my name is Hamilton.

Everybody knows that.
Nobody's talking about anything else.

This is my father,
colonel Harris

and my name is Jean,
it's really Eugenia. Come on.

Gosh!

What's the matter?

It's that perfume.

-What's the matter with it?
-There's nothing the matter with it.

It's just that I've been up
the Congo river for 3 years

and they don't use
perfume there.

-They don't?
-No.

Oh, yes, they do.

They have one perfume that they use.
It's made out of crocodile tails.

But it isn't
like your perfume at all.

-It isn't?
-No.

Would you like to pick up
another pair of shoes for me?

See anything you like?

That's a bedroom slipper.

I don't know too much
about shoes.

How about these little fellas?

You've been such a gentleman.
You may put them on for me.

One on each foot?

If you like.

I believe that's customary.

I certainly hope I didn't hurt you
when I tripped.

Not at all.

Don't you feel well?

I feel fine.

This is the best I ever felt.

What were you doing up the Congo?

I was looking for a Columbrina Marsditia.

I'm an ophiologist.

I thought you were
in the meat packing business.

My family is.

My father is known as
"the hot dog king".

They must eat
an awful lot of hot dogs.

6,001,732,000
pounds per year.

Or enough to stretch
from here to the moon and back again.

If you care for
that sort of thing.

Who invented the sausage?

It can be traced back
to the Babylonians.

1500 BC.
They called it "decelsus".

What did they call it?

What did they call what?

What we've been talking about.

What were we talking about?

Sausages.

You can get them anywhere from
a Swankie Frankie to a Teenie Weenie.

You can slit them, stool them,
seize them or slice them.

You can get them
barbecued or frozen.

You can get them
broiled or boiled,

you can get them
on a stick or a blanket.

You can fill them
or grill them

or eat them in a banana.

I love to hear you talk.

You do?

Sorry. My mind
wasn't really on it.

-It wasn't?
-No. I hate hot dogs.

Ever since I was just a little kid
about that old.

The kids called me "Hotsy".

I think that's a cute name.

"Hotsy".

When you say it,
it sounds nice.

It does?

Well.

We'd better be getting back now.

We had?

I think we had because…

When a fellow's been up
a river for 3 years

—and I've been upriver—

you forget how…

And when you haven't seen a girl…

There's something
about that perfume…

Don't you like
my perfume?

Like it?

I'm cracked on it.

We'd better be going.

Here we are.

It certainly took long enough
to come back in the same outfit.

I'm lucky
to have this on at all.

Mr. Hamilton has been
upriver for 3 years.

Pay no attention
to my daughter's rivalry.

It always comes out in the women
in our family.

In exception to myself
the men are all missionaries.

And what an exception.

Would you folks care
for a drink?

Wouldn't you join us
for a drink?

Yes, I will.

We'll have
whatever Mr. Hamilton's having.

3 milks, please.

Milk?

Milk?

Milk.

I never take anything strong.
It goes right to my head.

Oh, cards!

Have you folks seen this one?

-He does card tricks!
-In a small way.

-Would you do that again?
-Please, do.

We have the king of diamonds…

It's amazing!
How did you do that?

It's really a trick.
I don't really rub it.

What you do is…

You have this card gripped.

Or as we say,
"we palm it".

It's really
quite simple.

But you'd be surprised.
It takes quite a bit of practice.

Yes, I've actually d—
Waiter.

To the bridges of Toko-Ri.

Bridge of San Luis Rey.

Don't cross your bridge
before you come to it.

Speaking of bridges,
how about a rubber bridge?

You're probably
much too good for us.

I don't have to play my best.

Besides, anyway you play
it would be a pleasure playing with you.

We'll have to get a fourth.

Isn't there a 3-handed bridge game?
I seem to remember vaguely.

I don't think there is, Daddy.

I beg your pardon
but he is right.

You're right, sir.

And besides, it would be
so much cozier.

Will you shuffle, sir?

I'll try.
I just find it difficult sometimes.

-I feel a little guilty about this.
-Don't let it worry you.

The good thing, we weren't playing for money
or you would be in bankruptcy.

-Weren't we playing for money?
-Oh, no.

But we always play
for money, dear.

Otherwise it's like swimming
with all your clothes on.

-Roughly 500 dollars.
-Oh, really, no.

Father is on the oil business, dear.
It just keeps bubbling up out of the ground.

When I heard the title "Colonel"
I thought that…

Honorary.

They conferred it upon me
in England when I departed.

-Everything on the level?
-I'm way ahead.

Go to bed.

I ain't sleepy.
I'll be around.

And he will, too.

Who's that gentleman?

That's Marty.
He mothers me.

Not my real mother.
I just said that for a joke.

My real mother
is in Connecticut.

My father got Marty off the truck
when I was just a kid.
Kind of watch over me.

He's been sort of a bodyguard and governess
and very bad valet ever since.

In my opinion there's nothing
more intolerable in life
than a really bad valet.

He's my buddy.

-Roughly 100 dollars, darling.
-That's rough enough.

-Wouldn't you pay it for me, Daddy?
-I'd be glad to.

-Thanks a lot.
-Anytime.

Since we had no real understanding
we were playing for money…

Don't worry.
I'll get it back.

-Is that a promise?
-You can depend on it.

-I'd certainly be relieved.
-I certainly will.

If you forgive me,
I think I'll run along

and let you finish
this interesting conversation.

Good night, colonel, sir.

-I'm awfully sorry about this…
-Mere bagatelle.

Would you like to take
a little spin around the deck?

I'd love it.

-I like your father.
-So do I.

He is a good card player too.

You really think so?

I don't want to be rude
but I find he's a little uneven.

He's more uneven
some times than others.

That's what makes him uneven.

You, on the other hand,

with a little coaching,
of course,

-you could be terrific.
-You really think so?

You have a very definite nose.

That's very nice of you.

Do you like any
of the rest of me?

I was speaking in
a card-playing sense.

Of course, you were, shy.

I was just flirting with you.

You're not going to faint,
are you?

It's that perfume again.

I forgot.
You are used to the crocodile tail.

I wouldn't want you to think that
just any girl could make me feel like this.

It's not that I have anything against girls
because I think they're nice.

Sometimes you remind me of the jungle.
Like the way you smell.

It's like __
terrific storm

and all night long
you've been rained upon.

And then all the fragrance of the…

-So, I smell like I've been rained on?
-Not you personally, madam.

If my husband were alive to protect me,
you wouldn't dare flirt with me,

you masher!

You know what I love about this ship?
It's so peaceful and quiet.

Sure it is.

Music sounds pretty.

Would you like to dance?

It's late.
I'd like to go to bed.

You sure are a funny girl
for a fellow to meet

who has just been up
the Congo for 3 years.

Heavens to Betsy.

-We're in the wrong corridor.
-Yes.

-And this is you cabin?
-Yes.

I turned left when I ought to
have turned port.

-Isn't that a coincidence?
-It certainly is.

As long as you're here
would you like to come in and see Emma?

I don't think
I've heard that one.

I don't wanna wake her up.

Of course not.

I thought that was a joke.

Emma is no joke.

Technically
she is a Columbrina Marsditia.

That little dickens
got out again.

-Who got out again?
-Emma.

She's around here someplace.

-Be careful where you step.
-What!

Don't be frightened now.
They are best friends.

That's the trouble
with people.

They just do not realize
what wonderful, loyal, affectionate

and sometimes even playful
little pets snakes can be.

Snake!

Emma, look what you did.

It's no use
getting worried about this.

Emma wouldn't hurt a fly.

That's not
a very good example.

She eats flies
but she is not gonna hurt you now.

Just take it easy, Emma.

Look what I've done now.

Will you hold this?
I'll hold it myself.

Hold the captain!

What kind of a ship is this?

-Who is she?
-The lucky girl.

What's coming off here?

I'll tell you…

Thank you.

There's nothing to worry about.
That's Emma.

Are you all right, Emma?

This isn't Emma.
This is a friend of mine.

Emma is under the bed.

He's got another one
under the bed.

-Why don't you just…
-Are you all right?

The snake!

Really?
What did he do?

When I saw
that snake crawling…

I know exactly
how you must have felt.

Shame on you.

I'm all right.
Really, I am.

I'm awfully sorry about this.
I'm fine.

I'm getting out of here.

-Wait, I'll walk with you.
-Stop!

Please. I had enough.
Really, Georege, I had enough.

Let go, Emma.

Emma, I said…
That's better.

Just stay in there.

And you behave yourself.
You hear?

I'm terribly sorry.
I'll take care of everything.

I'll take care of the lady.

But would you take Emma
and put her in my cabin, please?

Cabin 24.

Sure.

Jean, wake up.

It's Jack the ripper again.

I am not such a thing.

Would you like to explain this, sir?

I would love to explain this
but everybody thinks amain anyway.

I'm terribly sorry.
It was just an accident.

Excuse me.

Jean.

Are you alone?

Yes, I'm alone.

You don't know
what you've done to me.

I'm so sorry.

I wouldn't hurt you
for anything in the world.

I mean, if there were anybody
in the whole world,

that I wouldn't hurt,
you're the one.

Good night.

-Oh, no. You're coming in with me.
-I am?

I mean, I am.
Naturally.

You go in first.

Look under the bed.

Please.

Emma wouldn't…

She knows where
she's not welcome.

This is kind of silly.

Emma doesn't even know
what cabin you're in.

-Well, good night.
-Don't go yet.

I couldn't bear
being alone.

Please.

I guess you know
I'm awfully sorry about this.

I'm sure you didn't mean it, Hotsy.

You don't mind waiting, do you?

Not at all.

This is better.

Come sit beside me.

Please, don't go yet.
I couldn't bear being alone.

It's getting rather warm.

Good night.

Stay and comfort me.
I'll be relaxed soon.

-Thank you.
-That's all right.

-What are you thinking about?
-Nothing.

Oh, my! You have a nice neck.

You have a very nice neck too.

And good shoulders.

I like strong men.

You know, when I was
a little girl

I used to dream about someone
who was very strong.

Someone who would protect me.

It's funny how you build up
a picture in your mind

with the one you hope
to meet some day.

But I guess a scientist like you
isn't interested in women.

I think it's wonderful
to be so absorbed in something

that the ordinary things
don't interest you.

It's wonderful that you have only
one thing on your mind.

Even if it is snakes.

I'm a scientist but
I'm a human scientist.

Of course you are, Hotsy.

I'm very human.

I'm more human
than a lot of humans.

-Are you married?
-No.

I'm not either.

As a matter of fact
I'm a bachelor.

Haven't you ever thought about
getting married?

I'm not very good with girls.

I find it difficult
to talk to girls.

You're talking to me.

Yeah, but that's different.

Why?

With other girls my father thought
that they were going with me

because I was
Hotsy Hamilton.

I'm no prince charming,
I'm not romantic.

I guess it's because
I've always been sort of short and plain.

You're not.

You should hit anybody
who says you're short and plain.

-Who said it?
-My father.

I hate parents who do that
to their kids.

Well, it wasn't his fault.
He didn't do it to me.

I was short and plain
when I was born.

I think
you're very nice.

And I think
you're very attractive.

You're not just saying that
because I'm short and plain.

I think you have a wonderful,
special kind of face.

You do?

I think
I can go to sleep now.

It certainly has been exciting
talking to you.

Good night, Hotsy.

Sleep well.

Sure I will.

-Good night.
-Good night.

Good morning.

Nothing threw you overboard.

Good morning, Marty.

You haven't even been
to bed yet.

I've been having a big battle
with myself.

Looks like you lost.
I can see the blood.

I never, ever,
met a girl like that Jean.

The jails are full of them.

Don't tell me you've fallen
for that dame.

She is not a dame.

She ain't exactly a man.

I've got to go along with you there.

Your shower is ready.

Will you send 2 dozen roses
to Miss Harris?

We're having breakfast together.

Thank you for your flowers.
I love them.

And the note
was a lovely card.

I'm glad you liked it.

A lot of girls would have thought
it was corny.

I really meant it.

You go around writing those things
to strange girls

and you are going to get sued
for abridged promise.

You're not a strange girl.

Relax, I know what you mean.

I'm sure glad because I'd have
a pretty tough time explaining it.

Have you ever met someone
and looked them right in the eye

and known immediately
that you could trust them completely?

Let's see.
Not since I was 5.

Daddy looked me straight in the eye
when I __ my tricycle.

You have a wonderful sense of humor.

Always leave them laughing, Harris.

That's good.
Like last night, it was pretty rough.

It was a sort
of a strange coincidence.

I was a mess.

Wasn't your fault.

How is your father?

Truthfully,
I've never seen him happier.

I'm sure glad.

Because if everything
is going right for him,

it figures??
you'd be happier too.

I think you mean it.

I do.

You don't think I'm fresh, do you?

No. I don't think you're fresh.

I'm glad.

George,

have you ever been married?

We discussed that last night.
Don't you remember I told you…?

Last night doesn't count.
I wasn't really paying attention.

Tell me again.

I'm not married.

I'm glad.

Does it make any difference
if the aces are on the right or the left?

I don't think
I'll need them, Gerald.

I could take the slab
of the deck of visiting cards.

It's always better
to be on the safe side.

The high-count cards
are on the right.

Four aces on the right,
four kings on the left.

-Are you decent?
-Come on in.

Good evening.

-Where have you been all day?
-Having fun. Real fun.

I hope your little buddy
didn't fall overboard
with our 600 dollars.

He's gone to dress
for dinner.

And you better do
the same thing.

Because tonight
we're gonna play a little cards.

I think George
is in love with me.

Of course he's in love with you.
Who is he not to be in love with you?

You have beautified
the North Atlantic.

You don't get the point.

I like him too.

Why shouldn't you
like him?

I think he's going to ask me
to marry him.

-No!
-Yes.

That's wonderful, Jean!

-Oh, that fortunate young man!
-Fortunate indeed.

I hear his pulses pounding,
his ears __ ringing
like telephone bells.

His hands clammy
with excitement.

He won't know
an ace from a deuce.

You weren't still thinking
of taking him, were you?

What were you thinking of?

I don't think you understand,
either of you.

This is on the open-up.

I think I'm in love
with the poor fish,
snakes and all.

He is the most decent
human being I've ever met.

He is warm and sensitive…
And real.

Kind of touched something
in my heart.

I'd give a lot to be…

I mean, I'm going to be exactly
the way he thinks I am,

the way he'd like me to be.

This is very noble of you, Jean.

And you'll go straight too,
won't you, dear?

-Straight to where?
-You know what I mean.

Have you forgotten that Hotsy
has 600 of our dollars in his kick?

I suppose you could take that back.

You said it.
And a little gravy along with it.

-Oh, no.
-Oh, yes.

-Oh, no.
-Oh, yes.

You'll find out
I can play a little cards too.

How far are you behind, George?

About 3000.

You give me a good hand,
at last.

I'm glad you like it.

I feel that's only fair
to warn you, sir.

You are going to be
pretty good to beat me.

Nevertheless, my lad,
100 dollars.

I'm afraid I'll have to
raise you 100.

Too high for me.

You must have something
pretty good there.

Excuse me.

I'll raise you 100.

I don't like to see you
lose you money, sir,

but I cannot let
that challenge go unanswered.

100.

You're making me very nervous.
Still.

200.

A Hamilton does not know
the meaning of the word "fear".

And 100.

A Harris doesn't know
the word "defeat".

200.

It's getting exciting,

What are you doing?

I'm terribly sorry, darling.
I thought I'd given you 6 cards.

Far from it.

And 100.

I couldn't have enough money for this.
Just in case.

Oh, yes.

I raise you 1000.

I think I'll just call you, sir,
and show you how hopeless it really is.

Cards?

I see no necessity.

And you, George?

Not, unless you have another queen,
which I doubt.

I'll see what I can do.

I thought at least one of you
had 4 aces.

I have 4 queens.
And you, sir?

I will get to say
I was bluffing.

Please, spare me the shame
of showing you with what.

I guess I should have
laid my hand down.

You don't think he minds,
do you, dear?

Daddy loves to lose.

How do you stand now, George?

1000 dollars behind.

Good. We're going to stop right there.

-One more round?
-All right.

You can play all night
if you'd rather do that than be with me.

I'm afraid, sir,
she's going to be firm about this.

I'm afraid you don't know
just how firm.

I'll meet you on A deck
in 5 minutes.

I want your word of honor
that you won't play anymore.

You have it.

Know any other games, Harry?

As a matter of fact
I feel very guilty

winning even 1000 dollars
from you.

It's a drop in the ocean.

Every time the clock ticks
28 people bite into 28 hot dogs.

There you are.

But it's the principle of the thing
that bothers me. I mean,

father who wins money
of his son-in-law.

It looks so bad!

I'll tell you what we'll do.
Let's get rid of the thousand.

Double or nothing.

I know you want to do
the right thing.

I'm sure.
If you try just once more…

I __ rather just lose the 32,000
than have it run up in any real money.

Make it out to cash, will you?

As a matter of fact I'd prefer
that you didn't mention anything
about the whole deal.

You can depend on it, my boy.

You certainly may.

You promised me
you weren't going to play anymore.

We weren't playing anymore.

We were just wiping out my loss.

Now that you taught George
not to play double-or-nothing,

what are you going to do
with that check?

Just this, my darling.

You mean,
this whole thing was a joke?

Of course, it was.

You don't forget about our date
in a few minutes on A deck.

-I have a surprise for you.
-All right, dear.

Good night, sir,
and thank you for a wonderful evening.

Real pleasure.

I wouldn't think of my own daughter.

I had to, dear.

I meant what I said.

I'm in love with him
and if he asks me
I'm going to marry him.

-I think you really mean that.
-I do.

If Hotsy is what you need
to make you happy,

you have my blessing.

You and Gerald will come
and stay with us?

At least part of the time, anyway.

No. It would be just too tempting.

Did you tell him about us yet?

No, but I'm going to.

Just to save Gerald and me
any embarrassment

would you mind waiting until the ship docks
before you tell him?

All right.

He's waiting for me.
I'll see you later.

Thank you.

It's nice of you to say so
but it isn't really true.

Gregory Peck is really
a little taller than I am.

Just a shave.

But he doesn't love you
like I do.

I don't care how tall he is.

You want me to play for you?

Very much.

Certainly, darling.
I'd be more than…

Please, play for me, Hotsy.

Take a boy like me,
take a girl like you

On a moonlight sail
on a sea of blue

It's a night in June,
there's a moon above

Love is in the air,
so they fall in love

And the same thing happens
with the birds and the bees

As they flit among the flowers,
as they nestle in the trees

Yes, the same thing happens
with the birds and the bees

And it's happening to us tonight

What the big giraffes
like to do for laughs

And "orangutangs"
only do in gangs

Why a love-starved whale
starts to fan his tail

Where the female is,

you will find a male

Well, the same thing happens
with the birds and the bees

As they flit among the flowers,
as they nestle in the trees

Yes, the same thing happens
with the birds and the bees

And it's happening to us tonight

It's the reason why
kangaroos jump high

Why the trout and perch
swim around and search

And this common urge
makes a kitten purr

Where you see a him,

you will see a her

And the same thing happens
with the birds and the bees

As they flit among the flowers,
as they nestle in the trees

Yes, the same thing happens
with the birds and the bees

And it's happening to us tonight

And it's happening to us tonight

Every bird,

every bee

Every he,

every she

Just like you,

just like me

Is falling

in love tonight

Let's get out of here.

I didn't know
they were all watching.

Don't be so "fussable"?? .

Hotsy, when you were
on the deck alone,

who were you pretending
to talk to?

Nobody.

Actually, I was practising to…

Well, it was you.

If it was my conversation

I have a right to know
what I missed.

It's kind of funny.

You can laugh
if you want to.

It's funny that a fellow like me
would be saying this to a girl like you.

Because I never had anyone
who really cared.

I guess that's why I went to Africa
in the first place.

Here is the funny part.

You wouldn't want to marry me,
would you?

More than I've ever wanted anything
in my life.

That's what I figured.
I didn't think I…

What?

I love you.

You don't.

You do?
You really do?

What's the matter, darling?

You don't have an aspirin, do you?

No. Why?

I've never proposed before.
It gives me a headache.

Oh, you.

Good morning, sir.

-May I help you?
-You'd better.

What kind of a ship
are you running here?

I beg your pardon.

Mr. George Hamilton, the 2nd
is getting dry cleaning with his clothes on.

And it's my job to see that
that don't happen.

I think you're looking
for the laundry.

He's been laundered all right.

His old man is a friend
of the president of your line.

__ to see you get ban. Now see here…

You carry a little
private envelope, don't you?

With pictures of all the card sharks
that travel on your boat.

Let's have a look at it.
We ain't got much time.

-I'm not…
-Come on, let's see it.

Good morning, Marty.

Did you ever see a morning
like this?

October 29th, 1929.

That was the day of the big crash.

You said it.

How do you want it,
in small doses or all at once?

What?

The dame sure got you hooked.

We are going to be married.

Are you?

Maybe you'd better
take a look at this, buddy.

All right.

Good morning, Mr. Hamilton.

Triple scotch.

Soda or water?

Triple scotch.

Yes, Mr. Hamilton.

Good morning, Hotsy.

I thought you didn't…

See, I figured as long
as we're engaged now

we should
let our hair down.

Or someone has much hair to let down
as a lot of people have... let down.

I tipple.
That's my secret.

Susan never minded.

Susan?

Susan was my first wife.

-She was the most understanding…
-You are divorced?

You told me
you were never married before.

Susan doesn't count.
We were just kids at the time.

Fill me up.

Susan is the reason
you went to Africa?

Anne.

Anne?

Anne was my second wife.

She came after Susan.

And I mean, buddy, she came after Susan.
On a dead run. It was a real dogfight.

And Ellie was there.

-It was our honeymoon…
-You were married to Ellie?

Two times.

But don't you worry.

I can afford you.

You can afford me?

Certainly.

All other girls got
wonderful settlements from dad.

Why didn't you tell me
all of this?

You probably like surprises.

Where did you get this?

I had it all the time.

You mean, you were playing me
for a sucker.

Everybody's out
for whatever they can get.

Let's not make a big deal
out of this thing.

I was on the level with you.
I was going to tell you about it.

Sure you were.

If you're trying to
make me feel cheap,

you've done it.
Congratulations.

It's all right, darling.

Oh, daddy,
I loved him.

A very wise man
once said

"never give a sucker
an even break"

I hate him.

There should be a lesson
to all of this:

never trust a man
who associates to snakes.

You know what really
makes my blood boil,

when I think we left
that sucker all scot-free.

I told you not to mix
business with pleasure.

Don't worry,
it'll never happen again.

It might be an exageration to say
that George Poncefort Hamilton
got all scot-free.

What do you mean?

I have plans for doubling that
at the race track.

How did you do that?

Don't you remember?
He showed me how to palm things.

Well, it'll come up like new
with the hot iron.

He wouldn't tear it up.

Wouldn't be sporty.

-How did you do?
-Last.

-I can't understand how we lost?
-It's perfectly simple.

His mother was a mountain goat
and this is a flat track.

When you two quit
snapping at each other?

Pardon, monsieur,
but is this seat…

-William?
-Harry at the moment.

Harry, of course. Harry.

-Gerald?
-Oui.

And the little girl.
Still as pretty as a pack of aces.

-Hello, Frenchie.
-Jacques. Jacques at the moment.

Jacques, Duc de Montaigne.
At your service.

This is certainly
a welcome sight to see you again.

I see nobody.
But positively nobody.

Among our sect, of course.

What is your pitch, Frenchie?

I have now __
of a town called Bridgewool, Connecticut,

full of suckers… millionaires.

It's in the art
of the contract __

We play a little game here,
a little game there,

sometimes my luck is good,
sometimes it's better.

__
What a dream!

How do you meet them?

The pidgeons?

My dear fellow,
when one is Duc de Montaigne

one does not have
to meet them.

One merely fights them off
with swizzle sticks.

And just sleep.
There's no hurry.

You have them by the year,
like a leave.

Red hots!
Get your red hots!

Get your Hamilton
hot dogs here!

Hamilton hot dogs!

-Do you know the Hamiltons?
-What's the matter if he does?

Do I know the Hamiltons?
I'm stuffed with their dot dogs.

Horace Hamilton,
what a card player!

Do you know George?

Is that the backward boy,
who was always toying with __ and things?

He's not backward,
he is a scientist.

That's the reason.
I thought he was peculiar.

It's certainly wonderful
to see you again.

What do we have in the 3rd?

-Frenchie.
-Jaques, darling.

Could I come
and visit you sometime?

Could you come
and visit me sometime?

-As your cousin.
-As my cousin?

This is ridiculous.

But papa, it is not ridiculous.

I have some unfinished business
with the young blue beard.

I think we are back
in the meat packing business.

Oui, papa.

-Have all of our guests arrived, Horace?
-Not yet, my dear.

Good evening, Horace.

-How are you doing, Charlie?
-Fine, Mr. Hamilton.

Don't be afraid
of loading them up.

Don't want anybody
to feel any pain.

Don't you worry,
Mr. Hamilton.

Are these
the best glasses we've got?

No, sir. We have the rare crystal
but I didn't think you'd want to…

Come on, come on.
Let's use them.

We're entertaining
royalty tonight.

Allors, ma petite,
vous venez?

Oui, papa.

Bonsoir.

Monsieur le Comte
Pierre de Billier Lebrand

and Mademoiselle la Vicomtesse
Louise de Billier Lebrand

Madame et monsieur Hamilton,
may I present my cousin,

Enchanté, Madame.
Et Monsieur Hamilton.

I'm sure glad to meet you, duke.

Count, Horace.

And you're…
What do I call her?

You just call me Louise.

Louise?

Come on, Louise, let's get the introductions
over with in a hurry

and you and I may __ together.

Over this way, please.

It's the same dame.

Hey, George.

What you want to do that for?

I'm sorry.
You better get down here.

I told them
I wouldn't come into their party.

You get on your monkey suit
and get down here.

Here you are.

Lovely glass.

It's nothing.
It's just rare crystal.

Saint Martin, is it not?

The president of the République
uses nothing else.

Is that so?

Go on with your crys—
your story.

I knew my English was very nervous

but I had memorized "Connecticoo".

And then papa and I
got into the taxi.

the chauffeur said

"Look duchesse,
I don't know where "Connecticoo" is

but I am going no farther
than Harlem".

There comes my son, George.

Georgie, I'd like you to meet
count Pierre Lebrand.

This is Mademoiselle Louise,
the Vicountess Lebrand.

Très heureuse de faire
votre connaisance, monsieur.

That means
"I am very happy to meet you"

Horace, is your son not feeling well?

-What's the matter with you?
-Nothing.

-Haven't we…
-Pardon?

Haven't we met?

But of course!

Your papa just introduced us.

Don't you feel well?

I can't really tell.

I think perhaps he means
"haven't you met before somewhere"

Yes.

You had a tiny little mustache
at the time

and you tried to meet me
at the dance in the casino.

No.

Then I do not know.

Go on with your story.

Could it have been
on the SS Southern Queen

between here and Africa?

I am afraid not.

I have never been in Afrique.

You have never been in Afrique.

She has never been in Afrique.

As a matter of fact
we have never been in North Amérique

until 3 days ago.

Then you weren't
on the SS Southern Queen.

I weren't
on the SS Southern Queen.

What is the matter with you?

It's a rinky-dink.

George, were you very much
in love with her?

He was so much in love with her
he can't remember what she looks like.

Do not let them tease you, Georgie.

You can tell me all about her.

My son is brighter on some days
than he is on others.

Horace, may I propose
a toast to your son?

Yeah.

Merci.

To George!

Horace, try it!

I love these old French customs.

You must use up a lot of glasses
in your country.

You'd love France.

-A toast to France.
-No!

Get out the other glasses, Charlie!

-À la belle France!
-À la belle France!

-Dinner, Horace?
-It's too late!

Come on, Louise, let's put on __

Grab my arm.
We'll fight our way through.

-Did you hurt yourself?
-No, I'm fine.

-Anybody can creep.
-Not over a table.

That table has been there 15 years,
no one ever fell over it before.

Now the ice is broken.

You go upstairs
and take a nice bath.

And I will like you
just as much as before.

Au revoir.

Au revoir.

It's the same guy
and the same dame.

If they were trying to fool me,
she would have come down here alone.

One of them might be able to fool me.
One of them. Maybe.

But two of them…

In the first place
they wouldn't try it together.

-They're too smart for that.
-And maybe you are too dumb.

Have you noticed
that she never tried to say
she had never seen me before?

And that's the first thing
anyone would say.

That's the first thing.

She even said
I looked familiar.

Why shouldn't you?
You haven't changed.

She wouldn't admit it
if I had.

If she didn't look so exactly
like the other girl
then I'd be suspicious.

You just don't understand
psychology.

If you were going to pretend
that you were someone else,

what's the first thing you do?

First thing you do,
you try to change yourself completely.

You'd dye your hair, wear glasses…

Are you trying to tell me
this ain't the same dame
that was on the boat.

That's right.

You're falling for it
because you want to fall for it.

You're still in love
with the dame.

You're not very bright.

I had to change my other coat.

It was a mess.

Do you know I find your son
very handsome?

-You do?
-Oui.

What are you doing?

Beat it.

Mr. Burrows won't like this.

Shut up.

I'm the second buttler.
I'll see Mr. Burrows.

Roastbeef?

You're on the wrong side.

Take some roastbeef, George.

I never eat meat.

Put a piece on your plate.

You must not get angry.

I'm sorry.
He's a vegetarian, it drives me insane.

What do you think you're doing
in the dining-room?

I'm butling.

-Roasbeef?
-I have no service.

Sorry.

Ladies first.

Over here.

Vous permettez, madame?

Thank you.

What's the matter?
Don't you want any?

-Take some roastbeef.
-With what?

Give him the tools.

Here you are.

Will you get that gorilla
out of here or must I?

With enthusiasm, sir.

It is the same dame.

I'll take care of everything here,
Mr. Kennedy.

Get out of here!

Beg your pardon, Mr. George.

I tell you it's the same dame.

I prefer medium, please.

-Horace, I enjoyed the dinner so much.
-And the floor show.

Never a dull moment
when George is around.

Always he's been a strange boy.

I hope he's alright.

There you are, George.

You're looking very elegant.

Thank you.

If anything happens to this outfit though
I'm afraid I'll have to put on a bathing suit.

What else could happen?

Oh, you'd be s—

I bet Louise thinks
I'm a real spook.

She's used to see young men
—how do you say—

falling for her.

You two look so much like
the people that I've met…

I was hoping
you wouldn't mention that again
but since you are…

Tell me.
The man, does he resemble me?

-Yes, sir.
-I knew it.

The girl, does she have light brown eyes,
__ a little retroussé nose.

Among other things.

They have returned.

They have?

I want you to give me
your solemn __ d'honneur

never to mention this
just to a living soul.

I don't understand—

You are ratting the skeleton
in my family closet.

I didn't mean—

You see before you
a man whose family is cursed
by a black sheep.

My twin brother, who was taken to England
when he was a little boy, is a thief.

A thief!

Those who have reason to believe
that he is a murderer.

A murd—!

You cannot imagine what
this man has done to us.

Naturally we have tried to disguise
his activities to save the Lebrand reputation

but once he even—

Come here.

It's all right.
Go ahead.

I cannot tell you what a nightmare
we have lived in.

My brother is very handsome
very dashing, very attractive to women.

"Handsome Harry" he is called.

Handsome Ha—!

That's the fellow
who was on the boat.

But of course.
The father of the other girl.

But she looks so much…

That is a fact which we must cl __
a secret we must carry to our graves.

-You mean…
-Exactly.

I cannot admit the possibility
that in both instances Handsome Ha…

Louise knows nothing of his.

If she were to find out
he would kill her.

You can depend on me, sir.

I knew I could trust you.

There she is now.
I'll go to her.

Georgie, you look very nice
in your white __

I'm afraid I got out
to a rather clumsy start.

I found you most amusant.

I'm not always that clumsy.

But I'm sure you are not.

I would like to get to know you better.

Perhaps you know a nice quiet place
where we can be alone and talk.

Sure. The conservatory.

What's the matter?

I am caught.

At least this time
it wasn't my fault.

Coffee, mademoiselle?

Done it again!

Excuse me.

I must apologize
for my son.

He hasn't been the same
since he got back from Africa.

Horace

Excuse me.

An early Monet, is it not?

30,000 bucks worth.

Very beautiful.

Ming dinasty?

You're a collector too, count?

In my own small way.

Being among so many rich treasures
makes my fingers itch.

Help yourself.

You must bring the count over
to our next game.

We play a friendly little game
of cutthroat gin.

Thank you, no.
I never gamble.

Gesundheit.

-Louise's favorite song.
-It is?

-Does she sing?
-Mais certainement she sings.

In French?

French, Latin, Greek…

This gives me a great idea.
Excuse me.

Your daddy tells me
you're quite a singer.

I enjoy to sing.

I know it's kind of an imposition
with all these people around but

I was just thinking…

But of course I would.

I enjoy to sing.

I do not believe in being
—how you call— modest.

I like to sing.

If you want me to sing
I will be very happy to sing
for you and you.

That is the way we are
in France.

Quiet, everybody.

La Parisienne.

This is much better.

♪ Have you met the lady
♪ La Parisienne?

♪ whose past is shady
♪ La Parisienne.

♪ I am la femme
♪ all the men cherchait

♪ my burning kisses
♪ drive them crazy

♪ but what a lovely way

♪ for someone to go crazy

♪ seul, seul

♪ My eyes will lure you
♪ __ assured

♪ when I amour you

♪ you are being "amoured"

♪ Though I haven't raptured
♪ __

♪ No one has captured

♪ La Parisienne

You like my parfume?

You like the way
the gown fits?

But why not?

♪ __
♪ La Parisienne

♪ __
♪ La Parisienne

♪ And all my diamonds
♪ are from Cartier

♪ And when I get __

♪ is when Lily __

♪ passion très très

♪ What I partake of
♪ __

♪ And when I make love
♪ it's costumé

♪ I love baby

♪ __

♪ cheri, get used to
♪ la Parisienne.

♪ La Parisienne

How lovely this is!

C'est jolie!

I'm glad you decided
to come to Connecticut.

So am I.

It's 10 o'clock.

Thank you, Marty.

I was just wondering
what time it was.

Why don't you come back
at 11 or 2:30 or Labor Day?

It's Emma's feeding time.

I thought maybe the vicecountess
would like to feed her.

A snake! How sweet!

And you call her Emma?

-Louise!
-Excuse me. It's papa.

Where have you been?
We've been worried about you.

It's the same dame.

Mademoiselle, we'll be able to
open our own flower shop.

Why can't he send candy?

It doesn't matter what he sends.

Just let him keep on sending
and we'll keep on receiving.

I suspect a very strong
mercenary streak in you, Gerald.

-Deplorable.
-Yes, isn't it?

Go ahead and read the card.
Excuse me, I can't stand sentiment.

Gerald, take these things with you.

"Meeting you is like the beginning
of a long journey"

He's going on a long journey all right.

I don't want to see my inquisity birth.
Just what are you playing?

After all I have
a rather large stake here.

I'm going to marry him.

-What?
-We're going to marry him.

But you can't!
You'll ruin me!

Relax, Frenchie.
We have everything all worked out.

A beautiful foolproof game.

And you get 10% of the action.

I do?

Has he asked you
to marry him yet?

He will.

-When?
-Soon.

It's going to be on a beautiful
moonlit night.

Georgie and I will go for a long walk
in the garden.

He'll tell me of his dreams
and of his snakes,

and his unhappy childhood

and I'll sympathize with him.

And before a __
we'll be sitting on a bench

and he'll have his arm around me
and he'll say

Seems like I've known you
a long, long time, Louise.

It's like we're old, old buddies.

Oui. And it is too bad
that we "moost" leave next week, buddy

Buddy, I don't want you to ever leave.

-But I "moost".
-No, you "moostn't".

You see, I'm in love with you.

No!

That comes as quite a shock to you.
It came as quite a shock to me too.

George?

I don't suppose a girl like you
would want to marry a boy like me.

Mais oui!

-You wouldn't lie to me.
-No.

Mother!

I was just on the garden,
I proposed to Louise and she said "yes"
and we're gonna get married.

Daddy! We're going to be married!

Dad!

I was on the garden with Louise
and we're gonna be married!

It'll be divine.

Marty!

I find it difficult to believe

that I'm honeymooning with you
and you're honeymooning with me.

-I…
-Just the two of us

-I…
-All alone.

-I…
-By ourselves.

-I…
-Alone.

I have been dreaming of this moment
for a long long time.

Someone is at "la porte".
Excusez moi.

He could not sleep
so I brought him upstairs.

He wanted to say goodnight
to his mama.

His mama?

What are you doing
up here, André?

I miss you too, chéri.

I want you to meet
your new papa.

I know this is André.
But who is André?

Andrè is Louise's son.

What a lucky man you are
to start the marriage with a little boy.

__ downstairs.

It's too bad that André
missed the wedding.

I'm glad he was able
to make the honeymoon.

I see you're having
a lot of fun together so goodbye.

You didn't tell me that
you had a little boy.

You are angry with me.

I wanted to tell you
about André.

I married a French student
when I was a very young girl.

Then I said to myself
"if I tell George
perhaps he will not love me"

So I said to myself
"Lulu, you wait a little while".

But now it is too late.

-Do you hate me?
-Oh, that's silly.

I really like children.

It's just that
I wasn't expecting one so soon.

This is Hans.

He insisted that I bring him up.
He misses André very much.

They always sleep together.

Gruß Gott.

Mama, I missed you so much.

He says "mama, I missed you".

Hans is such a good boy.

I know he is a good boy
but whose good boy?

He is ours.

It's a good thing
I love kids.

Then you do not mind
the children?

I must admit this isn't exactly
the way I pictured my honeymoon.

A fellow's never been married
and you just don't know what to expect.

You have never been married?

This is the biggest thing
that ever happened to me.

You mean you have never…

-What?
-Nothing.

Look what you have here.

Can I join the happy floor?

What are you doing here, Marty?

I'm sorry to interfere with your honeymoon
but you're going to have to go on that alone.

These ain't even her kids.

She is working the badger game.
She is a phony.

Phony?

He is a phony too.

If you want me to hit him
or anything, Louise…

All right, ladies,
come and get them.

Where is your room, George?

Let's go.

The honeymoon is over.

I'll be back
for the rest of his clothes.

While it is true that these children
do not belong to my daughter

it is also true that my daughter
is still married to monsieur Hamilton.

All the kids and everything
was to get you to walk out on her.

Why would you want me
to walk out on her?

So she could put that devil
__

-She wants money from me?
-I'm afraid so.

You don't have to
give them a dime.

We'll get them tossed out of the country
on their rears.

Tell her to get in touch
with my lawyers.

I'll tell them to give her
whatever she wants.

Now if you will excuse me?

I don't feel very good.

I still say it's the same dame.

We got that straighten out.
I'm tired.

I'm going home and
gonna sleep for a week.

-Get packed.
-Get what?

We're leaving for Africa
in the morning.

We've done it!
Anything we want.

Turn off those tears.

How about half a million
for a starter?

No.

I like a girl who thinks big.
A million?

No.

I don't think
we'll get very much more.

Not a penny.

What did you say?

He's never been married before.

So what?

You don't understand.
He's never been married before.

He told me all those things on the boat
because he was hurt.

He loves me.

He loves me as both girls.

Very touching, I'm sure, but…

Oh, I love him.

Don't start that.

We hope toinfame?? and scrub him
and not throwing him back in the water.

-I beg your pardon.
-Oh, that's all right.

What is the matter with you?

Why don't you look
where you're going?

Good evening.
What a pleasant surprise.

Hello, Hotsy.

Jean, I'm so glad to see you.

I'm so glad to see you too, Hotsy.

-Would you excuse us, sir?
-Gladly.

Will you hold my book?

Jean, I love you.
I've always loved you.

This is my cabin.

-Hotsy, I'm married.
-So am I.

You thought I didn't know
it was the same girl all the time.

Sure I did.