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1
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:09,770
Charles, my man. Miss me?
2
00:00:10,180 --> 00:00:12,380
Sure, everybody misses
their money manager.
3
00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:13,660
What's up, Bernie?
4
00:00:13,700 --> 00:00:15,190
You wanted me to call when it happened.
5
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:16,490
You're a millionaire.
6
00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:25,220
We're celebrating
this weekend big time.
7
00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:27,140
- Bring your girl.
- Uh, yeah, yeah.
8
00:00:27,290 --> 00:00:30,190
I'm... I'm right here
with her, actually.
9
00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:33,320
She's... we're rich, babe!
10
00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:36,140
She's really excited about it.
11
00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:38,410
Yeah, you're clearly lying,
but don't worry, bud.
12
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,280
You can afford to fly someone in.
13
00:00:54,510 --> 00:00:57,320
Hey, Denise?
14
00:01:00,090 --> 00:01:02,590
I'm a gentleman, and that's
why there's no expectations
15
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:03,960
for anything to happen this weekend.
16
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,570
I very much so respect you.
17
00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:08,160
Hey, we were just crazy kids
back in Morristown.
18
00:01:08,230 --> 00:01:10,470
But look at us now.
I'm studying acting at NYU.
19
00:01:10,510 --> 00:01:12,670
You've got your own media empire.
20
00:01:12,710 --> 00:01:14,790
We're like... like, full-on adults.
21
00:01:14,870 --> 00:01:17,490
Exactly, like, we don't need
to let our hormones
22
00:01:17,530 --> 00:01:19,530
rule every moment of our lives.
23
00:01:19,660 --> 00:01:22,880
No, I mean, we're, like, adults.
24
00:01:23,270 --> 00:01:26,540
So, you know,
we could have sex wherever,
25
00:01:26,570 --> 00:01:28,380
whenever we want.
26
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,390
Like your car.
27
00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:33,480
- Right now.
- Is that...
28
00:01:33,610 --> 00:01:35,330
is that legal?
29
00:01:40,380 --> 00:01:43,270
Oh, this is good, this is good.
30
00:01:43,310 --> 00:01:45,170
Yeah, this works, this works.
31
00:01:45,250 --> 00:01:47,230
This is... oh, you're a freak.
32
00:01:49,220 --> 00:01:51,450
Oh, my God!
33
00:01:52,250 --> 00:01:53,860
It's so nice to finally meet you.
34
00:01:53,900 --> 00:01:56,210
Jim has told me
so much about you, Charles.
35
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:59,130
Like, so much.
Like, more than is appropriate
36
00:01:59,170 --> 00:02:00,790
for a non-relative.
37
00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:02,620
What's that stupid-ass smile?
38
00:02:02,970 --> 00:02:05,200
He's just proud
that he has two black friends.
39
00:02:05,630 --> 00:02:07,520
I'm not going to lie,
it's pretty darn great.
40
00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:09,640
I mean, I may not be ready
for a barbershop,
41
00:02:09,670 --> 00:02:11,930
but no, I can definitely hang
at a cookout.
42
00:02:11,990 --> 00:02:13,310
Yeah, what you going to bring?
43
00:02:13,670 --> 00:02:15,210
Uh, cornbread?
44
00:02:15,490 --> 00:02:16,860
- Ooh, that's...
- No?
45
00:02:17,010 --> 00:02:18,970
That's bad, that's going to
get you thrown out the cookout.
46
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:20,290
- Bring yourself.
- All right.
47
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,210
- Don't bring anything.
- No, yeah.
48
00:02:22,250 --> 00:02:24,240
Okay, I don't want to cut in
on your time here with Charles,
49
00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:26,070
but I just came from
visiting Matt in the hospital.
50
00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:27,340
He asked when you were coming by.
51
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:29,910
Me? Uh, how about never?
52
00:02:30,140 --> 00:02:32,720
No, Gabby, he's in a cancer ward
53
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,940
in a hospital in Central Florida.
54
00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:36,590
That's depression cubed, right there.
55
00:02:36,630 --> 00:02:37,780
Triple play.
56
00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:40,550
That is a Russian nesting doll
of abject misery.
57
00:02:40,650 --> 00:02:43,100
I thought new Jim
cared about his fellow man.
58
00:02:43,140 --> 00:02:45,900
If you must know, okay,
the last time I saw the guy,
59
00:02:45,930 --> 00:02:47,460
we almost got into a fist fight.
60
00:02:47,540 --> 00:02:49,800
Now, I know, I know,
it's insane to think
61
00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,260
that a bedridden hospital patient
62
00:02:52,290 --> 00:02:53,510
could beat me up, right?
63
00:02:53,550 --> 00:02:54,850
No, I mean, catheter attached,
64
00:02:54,890 --> 00:02:56,590
I would still give Matt
three-to-one odds.
65
00:02:57,070 --> 00:02:58,860
I saw you lose a drunken fight
66
00:02:58,890 --> 00:03:00,640
with a sober 14-year-old.
67
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:03,930
- She beat the shit out of him.
- She was not that sober.
68
00:03:04,150 --> 00:03:06,200
Charles, we can do anything
you like on this trip.
69
00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:08,300
I've always kind of wanted
to go to GatorLand.
70
00:03:08,330 --> 00:03:09,520
- Fuck, no.
- Okay.
71
00:03:09,550 --> 00:03:12,560
Well, what about Weeki Wachee Springs?
72
00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:14,790
A live mermaid show?
Charles, that's basically
73
00:03:14,830 --> 00:03:16,570
dinner theatre without the dinner.
74
00:03:16,650 --> 00:03:19,500
It's an underwater strip show
aimed at families, come on.
75
00:03:19,580 --> 00:03:22,630
Well, it has to have lasted
for 70 years for a reason.
76
00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:25,400
Yes, as a testimony
to the rich vein of stupidity
77
00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:27,490
that runs right through
the bedrock of this country.
78
00:03:27,530 --> 00:03:30,730
But all this sounds like
your idea of my idea of fun.
79
00:03:30,830 --> 00:03:34,590
- What do you want to do tonight?
- Well, if it were up to me,
80
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,720
Lil' Diazepam, he's a Soundcloud rapper
81
00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:38,270
with a full-face tatt of Steve Jobs.
82
00:03:38,310 --> 00:03:39,530
He just got out on bail,
83
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,180
so he's throwing a midnight rager
84
00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:44,230
in the second largest sinkhole
of East Orlando.
85
00:03:44,610 --> 00:03:47,050
Everything about your
generation terrifies me.
86
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,270
Everything.
87
00:03:48,330 --> 00:03:50,550
Well, your generation
killed the planet.
88
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:53,310
- And America.
- Touché.
89
00:03:53,370 --> 00:03:55,170
- Surprise!
- Shit!
90
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:56,300
Oh, my God.
91
00:03:56,330 --> 00:03:58,310
- Hey, hi.
- Hi.
92
00:04:03,490 --> 00:04:05,680
Jim, it's so great to meet you.
93
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:07,080
Apologies about the last-minute visit.
94
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:10,480
- I just missed him so much.
- I missed you so much.
95
00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:13,060
You know, in Amsterdam,
96
00:04:13,090 --> 00:04:15,550
you have to pay 10 Euros for this show.
97
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,270
Can I ask how the heck
you got in here, darling?
98
00:04:18,310 --> 00:04:19,740
Oh, I sweet talked your super.
99
00:04:19,780 --> 00:04:21,350
Said I was your long-lost daughter,
100
00:04:21,390 --> 00:04:24,130
Ruby Lee, from Hot Springs.
Mama may have been a whore,
101
00:04:24,170 --> 00:04:26,000
but she done with me
the best she could.
102
00:04:26,070 --> 00:04:27,370
I was Alma in "Summer in Smoke"
103
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,110
by Tennessee Williams at ETW this year.
104
00:04:29,150 --> 00:04:31,060
- She was amazing.
- Stop.
105
00:04:31,130 --> 00:04:32,850
I watch her performance
on YouTube all the time.
106
00:04:32,890 --> 00:04:34,230
Do you want to see it?
107
00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:36,150
Do I want to watch a taped performance
108
00:04:36,230 --> 00:04:39,490
of amateur theater on a laptop?
Not right now, no.
109
00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:42,720
We don't have time anyway
because I made dinner.
110
00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:51,690
Well, thank you
for breaking in and cooking.
111
00:04:51,730 --> 00:04:54,470
Denise, that was one
hell of a Bolognese.
112
00:04:54,510 --> 00:04:56,380
Oh, it was my Uncle Mike's recipe.
113
00:04:56,560 --> 00:05:00,010
Mike was a friend of
my parents, or, really my mom.
114
00:05:00,110 --> 00:05:01,680
He filled the gaps created
by my father's
115
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:03,790
emotional unavailability.
116
00:05:04,030 --> 00:05:06,620
When I found the naked photos
of Mike and my mother,
117
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,940
I was happy for her.
118
00:05:09,170 --> 00:05:11,070
Once I understood what they were.
119
00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:12,720
I was only eight.
120
00:05:13,870 --> 00:05:17,120
Okay, then. Um, well, to Mike.
121
00:05:26,020 --> 00:05:28,220
What does "check the pipes" mean?
122
00:05:28,250 --> 00:05:29,850
"Check the pipes" just means
"check the pipes."
123
00:05:29,890 --> 00:05:32,500
What in blue blazes
is going on in here?
124
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,570
His whore ex-girlfriend is texting him
125
00:05:34,610 --> 00:05:35,890
about checking her pipes!
126
00:05:35,930 --> 00:05:37,700
Why don't you go
check them then, Charles?
127
00:05:37,730 --> 00:05:39,110
Well, I am going to have to do that,
128
00:05:39,140 --> 00:05:40,640
because technically, I'm her landlord,
129
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:43,590
- so her pipes are my pipes.
- Your pipe is my pipe!
130
00:05:43,700 --> 00:05:46,390
Your body made a promise.
I should have known better
131
00:05:46,410 --> 00:05:48,240
than to give my heart
to someone so easily,
132
00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:50,400
but my heart doesn't know...
oh, get off!
133
00:05:54,590 --> 00:05:56,130
I take it you've had to do that before.
134
00:05:56,180 --> 00:05:57,900
Yeah, I call that maneuver...
135
00:05:57,930 --> 00:05:59,710
Charles! Charles!
136
00:05:59,820 --> 00:06:02,230
I-I call that maneuver the Casper.
137
00:06:02,330 --> 00:06:04,420
Gotten me out of many a sticky wicket.
138
00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:08,340
I've used it on third world
pimps and Sandy Duncan.
139
00:06:08,430 --> 00:06:11,210
The key is to use a heavy
fabric to blunt the blade.
140
00:06:11,250 --> 00:06:14,580
Boy, learned that one from
Sandy Duncan the hard way.
141
00:06:14,830 --> 00:06:16,850
Charles, I love you!
142
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:19,270
I'm going to break up
with her in the morning.
143
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,920
- I'm sorry, Jim.
- Oh, no worries.
144
00:06:22,690 --> 00:06:25,070
What do you think?
Maybe she tuckered herself out.
145
00:06:28,610 --> 00:06:30,340
- Don't look at me!
- Oh!
146
00:06:30,420 --> 00:06:32,190
Still going, still going.
147
00:06:40,310 --> 00:06:41,730
Charles?
148
00:06:44,890 --> 00:06:46,630
Thank you.
149
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:48,820
Okay. Watch out.
150
00:06:49,730 --> 00:06:51,130
Hey.
151
00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:53,380
Good morning.
152
00:06:54,090 --> 00:06:56,340
Uh, apologies about last night.
153
00:06:56,380 --> 00:06:58,810
Charles and I were having
some communication issues.
154
00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:00,340
- But...
- Ho-ho.
155
00:07:00,470 --> 00:07:02,190
We fixed them. Right, babe?
156
00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:04,920
Yeah, I mean, I have nothing to hide,
157
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,620
but how is she supposed to know that
158
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:08,530
if she can't see everything?
159
00:07:08,590 --> 00:07:10,590
So we changed all
my passwords to Denise's.
160
00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:14,080
Uh-huh. Still a little bit concerned
161
00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:16,020
about the whole knife thing, however.
162
00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:17,240
Don't worry, though.
163
00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:18,580
It's never going to happen again.
164
00:07:18,820 --> 00:07:21,170
Just a one-time only outburst, eh?
165
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:23,840
No, we... we threw away all the knives.
166
00:07:24,230 --> 00:07:25,490
Seriously?
167
00:07:26,890 --> 00:07:28,150
Yeah.
168
00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:35,760
Hey, thanks for this.
Gayle is afraid of needles.
169
00:07:35,820 --> 00:07:38,040
So what are you going to do?
170
00:07:38,110 --> 00:07:39,280
About Charles? I don't know.
171
00:07:39,330 --> 00:07:41,330
I got to be very careful
what I say to him.
172
00:07:41,470 --> 00:07:44,320
I already lost a sister because
I was too honest with her.
173
00:07:44,510 --> 00:07:45,820
Yeah, maintaining friendships
174
00:07:45,860 --> 00:07:47,260
has always been a struggle for me.
175
00:07:47,310 --> 00:07:51,240
In my divorce from rye whiskey,
rye got most of our friends.
176
00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:52,680
Well, you're about
to lose another friend
177
00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:54,020
if you keep my ass
hanging out like this.
178
00:07:54,060 --> 00:07:55,680
- Can you please just let me...
- I'm done.
179
00:07:55,820 --> 00:07:57,690
Great with needles, bad with people.
180
00:07:57,760 --> 00:07:58,820
Jesus.
181
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:00,810
Sorry, it's just fertility stuff.
182
00:08:00,970 --> 00:08:02,660
Of course, I would rather be
in the ladies room
183
00:08:02,700 --> 00:08:05,430
with a female co-worker,
but I literally have none.
184
00:08:05,470 --> 00:08:07,060
It's fine. I'm a nurse.
185
00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:09,470
That was the smoothest
injection I have ever seen.
186
00:08:09,510 --> 00:08:12,020
Yeah, well, all thanks
to sweet lady ketamine.
187
00:08:12,140 --> 00:08:14,760
Well, I mean, I never
actually lived in a K-hole
188
00:08:14,830 --> 00:08:17,590
in all my years of addiction,
but I did own a timeshare there
189
00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:19,440
for quite a while and boy, oh boy,
190
00:08:19,470 --> 00:08:20,900
were there ever a lot
of blackout dates.
191
00:08:22,860 --> 00:08:25,060
- How you doing, I'm...
- Jim Brockmire.
192
00:08:25,090 --> 00:08:27,060
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
193
00:08:27,490 --> 00:08:29,320
- Hi.
- The, uh, jacket
194
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,350
and the ketamine soliloquy
gave it away.
195
00:08:31,390 --> 00:08:33,490
- Sure, they would.
- Yeah.
196
00:08:33,530 --> 00:08:35,210
- Which makes you Gabby.
- Hey.
197
00:08:35,250 --> 00:08:37,310
Hi, I'm Maggie Nickols.
198
00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:39,780
I'm Matt Hardesty's oncology RN.
199
00:08:39,870 --> 00:08:41,240
- Oh.
- Yeah.
200
00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:43,030
He's been trying to get me
into baseball,
201
00:08:43,070 --> 00:08:46,590
so he gave me some tickets
and promised me the VIP tour.
202
00:08:46,630 --> 00:08:50,060
I showed her the stack
of big nacho cheese bags.
203
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:51,640
- Yep.
- Because food science
204
00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:53,340
has always been a hobby of mine.
205
00:08:53,420 --> 00:08:55,680
Specifically non-perishable dairy.
206
00:08:55,750 --> 00:08:58,220
Like, did you know
that Hidden Valley Ranch
207
00:08:58,260 --> 00:09:01,430
was an actual working ranch
in Santa Barbara, California?
208
00:09:01,510 --> 00:09:03,560
- Ah.
- I went there on my honeymoon.
209
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:06,020
There's nothing like the sweet aroma
210
00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:08,690
of sea spray and buttermilk.
211
00:09:09,050 --> 00:09:10,660
You done?
212
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:13,080
- Yeah.
- Great. Sorry.
213
00:09:13,410 --> 00:09:15,580
Well, gee, you're not
into baseball, shame.
214
00:09:16,050 --> 00:09:17,430
What kind of things do you like?
215
00:09:17,470 --> 00:09:21,230
Hmm, mystery novels, my dogs, musicals.
216
00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:23,050
I was obsessed with "Bye Bye Birdie"
217
00:09:23,090 --> 00:09:24,320
when I was a kid.
218
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:27,360
Well, maybe I was just
obsessed with Ann-Margret.
219
00:09:27,420 --> 00:09:30,270
I actually dressed up as her
one time for Halloween.
220
00:09:30,790 --> 00:09:32,370
- You got any pictures of that?
- Oh, yeah.
221
00:09:32,410 --> 00:09:34,710
Because I would love... ow, shit.
222
00:09:34,860 --> 00:09:37,860
Sorry, little behavioral
modification system
223
00:09:38,060 --> 00:09:41,640
that Gabby and I have where
she snaps this band hard
224
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:43,150
when I say something that I shouldn't.
225
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:45,470
Yeah, we might have
to upgrade to a push pin.
226
00:09:45,590 --> 00:09:47,620
What I meant to say
was I would love to pay
227
00:09:47,660 --> 00:09:48,960
for the pleasure of your company...
228
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,570
no, ow, okay. With dinner, I meant.
229
00:09:50,650 --> 00:09:53,140
It's okay. I would love to get dinner.
230
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:54,610
- Great.
- I can't tonight,
231
00:09:54,650 --> 00:09:56,530
but next time you visit Matt,
just stick around,
232
00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:57,750
and we'll figure something out.
233
00:09:57,810 --> 00:09:59,330
I'm kind of surprised
I haven't seen you there
234
00:09:59,370 --> 00:10:01,200
the other times that I visited before.
235
00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:03,910
I've been there pretty much every day.
236
00:10:03,990 --> 00:10:06,280
Oh, well, shouldn't have lied.
237
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,160
Charles, what the hell is this?
238
00:10:12,340 --> 00:10:14,680
Well, you told me to pick
out a card for Matt that says
239
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,220
"I acknowledge that we're enemies,
240
00:10:16,290 --> 00:10:19,100
but I am sad
that death comes to us all."
241
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:21,420
Yeah, but I'm not sure that Garfield
242
00:10:21,460 --> 00:10:23,720
can shoulder that emotional weight.
243
00:10:24,340 --> 00:10:26,850
- Holy shit, look at that.
- Nermal really sells it.
244
00:10:26,890 --> 00:10:29,400
He does. What do you got there?
245
00:10:29,510 --> 00:10:31,900
Oh, it's a teddy bear for Denise.
246
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,190
I like to keep a few
big gestures in the holster
247
00:10:34,270 --> 00:10:35,740
just in case I screw something up.
248
00:10:35,780 --> 00:10:38,260
Right, boy, good to be prepared
249
00:10:38,300 --> 00:10:40,920
because she's very passionate,
isn't she?
250
00:10:41,020 --> 00:10:44,080
Yeah, that's why the sex is insane.
251
00:10:44,370 --> 00:10:47,690
Oh, yeah? What are you guys into?
252
00:10:47,870 --> 00:10:50,350
BDSM, DDLG role play?
253
00:10:50,390 --> 00:10:52,360
Electro stim? Lucying?
254
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,560
We 69.
255
00:10:55,510 --> 00:10:57,020
And then what?
256
00:10:58,430 --> 00:10:59,760
That's it.
257
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:03,060
You can't improve upon
the perfect sexual position.
258
00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:06,590
Charles, 69 is objectively
the worst sexual position.
259
00:11:06,670 --> 00:11:09,870
It's nothing but a mouthful of
pubes and nose-full of asshole.
260
00:11:10,020 --> 00:11:13,460
Charles, I have a tattoo of
two lizard 69-ing on my chest
261
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:14,810
because I asked the artist
262
00:11:14,890 --> 00:11:17,040
for the worst possible
thing imaginable.
263
00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:19,870
You're missing
the crucial element, though.
264
00:11:20,130 --> 00:11:22,390
We do it in public.
265
00:11:23,310 --> 00:11:25,370
We've done it
in nine bathrooms already,
266
00:11:25,430 --> 00:11:27,380
and we've only been dating
for two months.
267
00:11:27,690 --> 00:11:29,250
How does that even work?
What, do you, like,
268
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:31,540
hold her upside down in a stall?
269
00:11:31,810 --> 00:11:33,650
No, I don't have
the arm strength for that.
270
00:11:33,690 --> 00:11:35,110
We just lie down on the floor.
271
00:11:35,430 --> 00:11:38,710
You 69 on the floor
of public restrooms?
272
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:41,210
Charles, Bukowski would be ashamed
273
00:11:41,250 --> 00:11:42,560
to write that shit down.
274
00:11:42,810 --> 00:11:44,570
You're probably going to
laugh at me for saying this,
275
00:11:44,610 --> 00:11:45,760
but, like...
276
00:11:46,030 --> 00:11:47,670
it kind of feels like we're soul mates.
277
00:11:48,930 --> 00:11:50,170
How else do you explain
278
00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:53,260
that whenever we 69,
we always cum at the same time?
279
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,110
Um, that she's lying
straight into your dick.
280
00:11:57,210 --> 00:12:00,940
Mm-mm, there are no lies in a 69, Jim.
281
00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:03,040
Your bodies form a circle of truth.
282
00:12:03,070 --> 00:12:05,950
I got to beg you to stop
saying "69," please.
283
00:12:06,030 --> 00:12:07,450
Hey, we'll take these,
284
00:12:07,490 --> 00:12:09,900
and can I also get five dozen roses?
285
00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:12,170
Plus nine more.
286
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,800
Oh, you son of a bitch.
287
00:12:17,810 --> 00:12:19,110
Hey.
288
00:12:20,650 --> 00:12:22,480
Well, you look, um...
289
00:12:22,970 --> 00:12:24,370
like dogshit.
290
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:25,950
I wish.
291
00:12:27,140 --> 00:12:28,450
Well, come on in.
292
00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:31,660
All right. Where's Maggie?
293
00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:33,920
I didn't... I didn't see her anywhere.
294
00:12:34,260 --> 00:12:37,230
Oh, her shift doesn't start
until after visiting hours.
295
00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:38,860
I asked you to come in because
296
00:12:38,900 --> 00:12:43,430
I wanted to apologize for my behavior.
297
00:12:45,210 --> 00:12:48,410
Are you wearing brass knuckles?
298
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,650
Ah, shit, I forgot I had these on.
299
00:12:50,780 --> 00:12:52,350
Yeah, well, you know, you're always
300
00:12:52,390 --> 00:12:53,820
so damn angry at me all the time,
301
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,880
I figured better safe than
sorry, you know what I mean?
302
00:12:55,910 --> 00:12:59,080
But apparently, no,
I misread your intentions.
303
00:13:00,620 --> 00:13:04,640
Just don't... seriously,
don't make me laugh, Brockmire.
304
00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:07,660
It... it hurts. Listen.
305
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:11,240
When I got sick, I was angry.
306
00:13:12,180 --> 00:13:13,650
Plus, you were always an asshole,
307
00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:16,210
so I figured it was okay
to be an asshole to you.
308
00:13:16,300 --> 00:13:19,240
Well, sure, yeah, no.
Game recognize game.
309
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,830
Man, I banged on you like a drum, so...
310
00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:26,620
I'm sorry, Jim.
311
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:28,420
Please.
312
00:13:28,540 --> 00:13:30,120
You know, being...
313
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:32,740
trapped in this bed,
314
00:13:32,780 --> 00:13:34,060
it's like I'm...
315
00:13:35,310 --> 00:13:38,160
held hostage by regrets.
316
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:41,010
I'm realizing, even before I got sick,
317
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,030
I made everybody around me suffer.
318
00:13:43,130 --> 00:13:46,740
And now, I'm just all alone.
319
00:13:47,710 --> 00:13:50,560
Okay, but, just...
as far as you and I go,
320
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,590
just... just the apology?
Is... is that it?
321
00:13:55,350 --> 00:13:57,750
- Yeah, that's it.
- All right.
322
00:13:57,820 --> 00:13:59,570
Well, accepted.
323
00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:03,180
And uh, I got you this,
so I'm just going to...
324
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,180
probably feel like every day
is Monday long about now, huh?
325
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:07,710
Garfield understands.
326
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,590
Jim, you don't have to go.
327
00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:12,320
Make sure you read
the inside of that thing
328
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:14,300
because it really...
it ties it all together.
329
00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:16,450
I spent my whole life
330
00:14:17,170 --> 00:14:18,990
surrounded by crowds.
331
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,490
Now, I'm by myself.
332
00:14:23,010 --> 00:14:25,280
And I'm staring over the edge.
333
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,930
And I don't understand
what I'm looking at.
334
00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:39,070
I got house guests,
so I got to take a rain check.
335
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:41,220
Okay, my man?
336
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:45,930
You're my main man.
337
00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:55,850
Hey.
338
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,250
Hey.
339
00:14:57,380 --> 00:14:59,140
Where's Denise?
340
00:14:59,220 --> 00:15:01,000
We had to freshen up after our tryst
341
00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:03,650
- on the Popeye's bathroom floor.
- Ugh.
342
00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:05,000
How'd everything go with Matt?
343
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,190
Terrible. He cried, Charles.
344
00:15:07,220 --> 00:15:08,910
It was like watching Lincoln cry.
345
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,430
The misery of a nation
poured from those eyes.
346
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:15,050
Well, I have big news.
347
00:15:15,210 --> 00:15:17,650
I'm going to be moving
to New York to be with Denise.
348
00:15:17,740 --> 00:15:19,410
Oh, boy.
349
00:15:19,550 --> 00:15:22,230
Charles, are you certain
that that's the best idea?
350
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,430
- I knew it.
- Oh, shit!
351
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:26,310
You are trying to break us up.
352
00:15:26,340 --> 00:15:28,060
I forgot about your whittling knife.
353
00:15:28,090 --> 00:15:29,410
How are you everywhere?
354
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:31,250
Stop trying to constrain our love.
355
00:15:31,420 --> 00:15:34,240
Denise, uh, um, baby,
let's try and be careful...
356
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:35,820
All right, Charles,
please, please, please.
357
00:15:35,850 --> 00:15:38,750
She's only using that weapon to
try to hijack the conversation.
358
00:15:38,830 --> 00:15:39,930
Right, Denise?
359
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:41,940
She has absolutely no intention...
360
00:15:41,980 --> 00:15:43,310
Ow, Mommy!
361
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:48,330
Oh, my God! What, why?
362
00:15:51,180 --> 00:15:52,700
- Oh, God!
- Oh, my God!
363
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:55,700
- Okay, okay.
- Oh!
364
00:15:56,070 --> 00:15:57,760
- First aid kit, first aid kid.
- Oh, my God.
365
00:15:57,930 --> 00:16:00,070
- First aid kit.
- I... I...
366
00:16:00,450 --> 00:16:02,020
Ow, oh.
367
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:03,760
Oh, man, Denise.
368
00:16:03,860 --> 00:16:05,380
- You have a...
- Denise...
369
00:16:05,420 --> 00:16:07,200
Denise.
370
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:08,610
- Denise.
- Yeah, I...
371
00:16:08,650 --> 00:16:09,710
- Denise!
- Yeah.
372
00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:11,070
Sit down.
373
00:16:11,290 --> 00:16:12,640
Um...
374
00:16:14,370 --> 00:16:17,370
Denise, what is going on with you?
375
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:18,880
I...
376
00:16:20,060 --> 00:16:22,990
I thought I'd discover a home at NYU.
377
00:16:23,030 --> 00:16:25,360
People that understood me.
378
00:16:26,210 --> 00:16:28,190
But then you find out
the boys have a pool going
379
00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:29,930
to see which one of them
can fuck you first.
380
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:31,790
- Mm-hmm.
- And it's fine.
381
00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:35,150
I can handle it.
You make them respect you.
382
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:37,110
But then somebody decent comes along,
383
00:16:37,150 --> 00:16:40,220
and... and the next thing
you know, it's true love.
384
00:16:40,370 --> 00:16:43,260
Mm, well, that's very nice, Denise.
385
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:44,630
What is that from?
386
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,430
Kenneth Lonergan's "Lobby Hero."
387
00:16:46,550 --> 00:16:47,870
It's such a powerful play
in these times
388
00:16:47,910 --> 00:16:49,220
of confident certainty.
389
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:52,040
Well, no notes, honey.
You were very present.
390
00:16:52,140 --> 00:16:53,420
- Thank you.
- Um...
391
00:16:53,490 --> 00:16:56,030
what is your motivation though, Denise?
392
00:16:56,230 --> 00:16:57,490
He's the only decent person
393
00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:59,280
who's ever wanted
to spend any time with me.
394
00:16:59,610 --> 00:17:01,360
Oh, well, ditto. But, you know,
395
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,160
you're going to lose him, darling,
396
00:17:03,350 --> 00:17:06,020
if every waking moment is this intense.
397
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:07,860
But that's what being young
and in love is.
398
00:17:07,890 --> 00:17:10,240
It's intense and messy and beautiful,
399
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,610
and we are completely
vulnerable with each other.
400
00:17:12,710 --> 00:17:15,000
Someone as cynical
and closed off as you
401
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:16,320
wouldn't understand that.
402
00:17:16,450 --> 00:17:19,380
Well, actually, I got
a face-full of vulnerability
403
00:17:19,410 --> 00:17:21,940
from a cancer patient
about an hour ago.
404
00:17:22,270 --> 00:17:24,390
Of course, I turned tail
and ran out of there
405
00:17:24,420 --> 00:17:26,280
about as fast as I could, but...
406
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:27,540
Wow.
407
00:17:27,690 --> 00:17:29,760
I may have stabbed you,
but I think we both know
408
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,350
who committed the real crime tonight.
409
00:17:31,430 --> 00:17:33,490
Yes, you, Denise. Felony assault.
410
00:17:33,690 --> 00:17:37,020
At most, what I did was
an emotional misdemeanor.
411
00:17:39,460 --> 00:17:41,510
How exactly did this happen?
412
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:43,790
It was young love
and a whittling knife,
413
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:45,800
and I got caught in the cross-stab.
414
00:17:45,830 --> 00:17:47,810
Nice grift, by the way.
415
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:49,620
Getting me to come here to ask you out
416
00:17:49,660 --> 00:17:50,870
so I'd have to talk to Matt.
417
00:17:50,910 --> 00:17:53,060
Mm, I don't feel bad about it at all.
418
00:17:53,210 --> 00:17:55,380
Hey, no, you shouldn't. Shame on me.
419
00:17:55,460 --> 00:17:57,380
I had to be conned and stabbed
420
00:17:57,420 --> 00:17:59,720
into becoming a decent human being.
421
00:18:00,210 --> 00:18:02,680
Is it... are we good? Can I head on in?
422
00:18:02,710 --> 00:18:05,150
Yeah, go ahead. I'll break the rules.
423
00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:06,620
He's up.
424
00:18:06,740 --> 00:18:09,070
So are you going to ask me out or what?
425
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:11,590
Yep.
426
00:18:15,190 --> 00:18:17,560
The Popeye's bathroom floor?
427
00:18:17,590 --> 00:18:19,020
And he was bragging about it
428
00:18:19,060 --> 00:18:21,320
like he was King Dick
of Pussy Mountain.
429
00:18:21,570 --> 00:18:23,920
69'ing is just weird, you know?
430
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,320
I mean, take turns.
431
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,760
Focus on the task at hand.
432
00:18:29,730 --> 00:18:32,470
My mechanic is not going to fix
my car any better
433
00:18:32,510 --> 00:18:34,480
if I'm sucking his dick.
434
00:18:34,550 --> 00:18:37,050
- Right?
- Well, yeah.
435
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:41,040
Well, we've survived
our share of wild women.
436
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:42,560
Your friend will too.
437
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:44,190
Yeah, but he's not like us, man.
438
00:18:44,220 --> 00:18:46,070
He's a giver, not a taker.
439
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:48,140
He's going to spend years
trying to fill
440
00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:51,840
her bottomless pit of need,
and it's all my fault, man.
441
00:18:52,010 --> 00:18:53,770
No, his mother taught him
442
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,400
that loving somebody
means trying to fix them.
443
00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:58,730
Instead of helping him
break that pattern,
444
00:18:58,770 --> 00:19:01,550
I just hammered it in.
I made it more permanent.
445
00:19:01,690 --> 00:19:04,760
She's a volatile monologist, all right?
446
00:19:04,790 --> 00:19:08,490
Basically, he found a female
version of me to have sex with.
447
00:19:09,700 --> 00:19:11,660
God damn it,
the whole reason I got sober
448
00:19:11,700 --> 00:19:14,040
was to try to stop hurting...
449
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:19,040
It's just...
450
00:19:19,850 --> 00:19:21,850
he's like a son to me, you know?
451
00:19:22,950 --> 00:19:24,300
I'm sorry, it's just...
452
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:27,830
I guess we're even now.
We've both seen each other cry.
453
00:19:28,650 --> 00:19:30,360
Well, technically,
I already saw you cry
454
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,290
at that broadcaster's dinner, so...
455
00:19:32,340 --> 00:19:35,180
- Oh, yeah.
- But fortunately,
456
00:19:35,210 --> 00:19:37,060
the stage four lymphoma will give me
457
00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:39,270
plenty of opportunities
to play catch-up.
458
00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:43,020
Well, I got to
say something to Charles, man.
459
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,990
Even if it means he ends up
hating me forever.
460
00:19:46,850 --> 00:19:48,970
Back in my playing days,
461
00:19:49,750 --> 00:19:52,310
I'd come home from a
road trip and uh...
462
00:19:52,350 --> 00:19:54,810
I'd put on my dad hat.
463
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,770
Try to parent my girls real hard.
464
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:00,190
It never worked.
465
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:04,460
They got pissed off, resented me,
466
00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:06,460
and did the exact opposite.
467
00:20:07,580 --> 00:20:10,700
My advice: Only give your opinion once.
468
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,080
And only if he asks for it.
469
00:20:16,990 --> 00:20:18,430
Denise sends her apologies.
470
00:20:18,470 --> 00:20:20,740
She had to rush up to New York
to work on her alibi.
471
00:20:21,860 --> 00:20:25,870
You're unusually un-opinionated today.
472
00:20:26,470 --> 00:20:27,900
You sure there's nothing
you want to say?
473
00:20:27,940 --> 00:20:31,150
No, no, Charles, I'm just...
I'm so happy that you're happy.
474
00:20:32,060 --> 00:20:33,760
Denise did stab you,
475
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,880
so you have 30 seconds
to say your piece.
476
00:20:35,990 --> 00:20:37,310
Charles, your natural tendency
477
00:20:37,350 --> 00:20:39,210
is to fill in the holes
in other people's lives.
478
00:20:39,310 --> 00:20:40,800
Your mother and I are good examples.
479
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,720
You define your self-worth by the abuse
480
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:44,420
heaped upon you by those around you.
481
00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:46,280
But you're so great
in so many other ways.
482
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:47,700
I'd hate to see you repeat these same
483
00:20:47,740 --> 00:20:50,070
self-destructive patterns
that I helped put in place.
484
00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:52,010
I want to see you grow
into the kind of adult
485
00:20:52,050 --> 00:20:54,110
that anybody, myself included,
would look up to.
486
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:55,770
You're an absolute treasure, Charles,
487
00:20:55,810 --> 00:20:57,380
and you deserve the absolute best.
488
00:20:57,420 --> 00:20:58,750
- Five seconds.
- I love and respect you
489
00:20:58,790 --> 00:21:00,320
no matter what, but pre-nup, pre-nup,
490
00:21:00,350 --> 00:21:02,600
- pre-nup, oh, God, pre-nup.
- Time.
491
00:21:03,250 --> 00:21:05,060
And I love you, Charles.
492
00:21:05,950 --> 00:21:07,420
I love you, too.
493
00:21:09,780 --> 00:21:11,200
You know the first thing
I'm going to do
494
00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:12,820
when I get to the Big Apple?
495
00:21:13,460 --> 00:21:16,650
69 on the bathroom floor
of the Staten Island ferry.
496
00:21:17,010 --> 00:21:19,300
Just had to ruin
the nice moment, didn't you?
497
00:21:20,820 --> 00:21:22,140
Little shit.
498
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,450
You're a little shit!
34921
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