Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,620 --> 00:00:03,090
So, folks, welcome
back to the bottom half
2
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:04,720
of the eighth inning,
or as it's better known,
3
00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:06,790
the Gerry's Gelatin Home Run Inning.
4
00:00:06,790 --> 00:00:09,600
Gerry's Gelatin...
nutritious, delicious, and fun.
5
00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:11,230
G-G-G-Gerry's.
6
00:00:11,230 --> 00:00:13,100
If someone knocks one out of the park
7
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:15,300
in a long Italian boat, for a gondola,
8
00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:17,570
Dan Hobert of Sedalia's
9
00:00:17,570 --> 00:00:21,210
gonna win a six-month supply
of gelatin, so good luck, Dan.
10
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,840
You know, folks, the great
Vin Scully once told me
11
00:00:25,850 --> 00:00:27,780
that the only way to
call a baseball game
12
00:00:27,780 --> 00:00:29,680
is to keep your eyes open
and to tell the truth.
13
00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:32,950
As Ibañez swings and misses
at a fastball, 0 and 1.
14
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:45,330
Folks, here's the truth...
15
00:00:45,330 --> 00:00:48,700
Today is the 20th anniversary
of the very first time
16
00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:51,400
that I told my lovely
wife Lucy that I loved her.
17
00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:53,640
And ever since that
day, as many of you know,
18
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:56,040
I've signed off every single
game the exact same way,
19
00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:57,410
with a message to her.
20
00:00:57,410 --> 00:00:59,910
Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear,
21
00:00:59,910 --> 00:01:01,710
because this ball game is over,
22
00:01:01,710 --> 00:01:03,780
as Pedro delivers a
slider into the dirt.
23
00:01:03,780 --> 00:01:07,020
Count evens, 1 and 1.
24
00:01:07,020 --> 00:01:10,460
Any-hoos, I had some time at
the ball park this afternoon
25
00:01:10,460 --> 00:01:12,420
to reflect upon this
wonderful anniversary
26
00:01:12,430 --> 00:01:15,190
as Ibañez slashes one
foul into the right side.
27
00:01:15,190 --> 00:01:16,900
And I decided to go on home
28
00:01:16,900 --> 00:01:19,770
and surprise my wife
Lucy with some gardenias.
29
00:01:19,770 --> 00:01:21,270
They're her favorite flower.
30
00:01:27,070 --> 00:01:30,480
Please imagine my surprise
when I opened my front door
31
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,910
to find about a half-dozen naked folks
32
00:01:32,910 --> 00:01:34,280
sprawled out in my living room,
33
00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:36,780
engaged in what can only be described
34
00:01:36,780 --> 00:01:39,820
as a desperate and a hungry
account of a love-making,
35
00:01:39,820 --> 00:01:45,690
and right in the center
of it all was my wi...
36
00:01:45,690 --> 00:01:47,060
My wife, Lucy.
37
00:01:48,260 --> 00:01:50,130
She was wearing a strap-on,
38
00:01:50,130 --> 00:01:52,760
and she was plowing our
neighbor, Bob Greenwald,
39
00:01:52,770 --> 00:01:54,970
and folks, I do mean right in the ass.
40
00:01:54,970 --> 00:01:56,700
Fastball misses. Just low.
41
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,540
Count goes full 3 and 2.
42
00:01:58,540 --> 00:01:59,770
Did he just say "strap-on?"
43
00:01:59,770 --> 00:02:01,010
Hey, for you kids at home,
44
00:02:01,010 --> 00:02:03,640
a strap-on is a belt with a dildo on it
45
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:05,640
that mommies use to penetrate daddies
46
00:02:05,650 --> 00:02:08,850
as Ibañez strikes
out on a high fastball.
47
00:02:08,850 --> 00:02:10,320
That'll bring Clark up to bat.
48
00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:13,150
Clark having himself a heck of
an afternoon with two doubles.
49
00:02:13,150 --> 00:02:15,450
Bob Greenwald. Bob Greenwald!
50
00:02:15,460 --> 00:02:19,190
I mean, that two-faced S.O.B.
I hosted his kid's Bar Mitzvah.
51
00:02:19,190 --> 00:02:21,990
I hosted his kid's Bar Mitzvah!
52
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,160
Here's the kicker. Here's what kills me.
53
00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:27,970
My wife Lucy has the stone,
she has the unmitigated gall
54
00:02:27,970 --> 00:02:32,370
to turn to me and tell me
that she is a sexual astronaut.
55
00:02:32,370 --> 00:02:34,440
I mean, what is that?
What does that even mean?
56
00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:36,710
I mean, granted, Bob Greenwald's ass
57
00:02:36,710 --> 00:02:38,740
might be as big as the goddamn moon.
58
00:02:38,750 --> 00:02:42,110
That does not mean that my wife
has been to outer space, okay?
59
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:45,350
And that is a deep fly
ball to right center field.
60
00:02:45,350 --> 00:02:47,150
- That one is way back there!
- Jim! Jim!
61
00:02:47,150 --> 00:02:50,290
That's either out of here
or lost inside my wife's
62
00:02:50,290 --> 00:02:53,630
big, fat, cheating vagina!
63
00:02:53,630 --> 00:02:56,800
Congratulations, Dan Hobert of Sedalia.
64
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:59,970
I only hope you enjoy
gelatin half as much
65
00:02:59,970 --> 00:03:02,170
as my lovely wife enjoys...
66
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:10,180
Jim! Just call the game!
67
00:03:10,180 --> 00:03:11,940
I am calling the goddamn game.
68
00:03:11,940 --> 00:03:12,980
Jim! Calm down, Jim!
69
00:03:12,980 --> 00:03:14,210
God damn! No, why don't you calm down?
70
00:03:17,350 --> 00:03:18,680
Whore!
71
00:03:19,690 --> 00:03:21,020
You people be professional!
72
00:03:21,020 --> 00:03:23,560
Gerry's Gelatin...
73
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:26,490
delicious, nutritious, and fun.
74
00:03:26,490 --> 00:03:27,830
G-G-G-Gerry's.
75
00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,870
Today might say Spring on the calendar,
76
00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:45,640
but Old Man Winter is
still reaching his hand
77
00:03:45,650 --> 00:03:49,710
inside your coat and giving
one last squeeze, isn't he?
78
00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:51,180
Still...
79
00:03:51,180 --> 00:03:54,990
Anything beats that three-hour
bus ride from Pittsburgh.
80
00:03:54,990 --> 00:03:57,990
Very difficult not to get claustrophobic
81
00:03:57,990 --> 00:04:01,130
around all of that concentrated sadness.
82
00:04:01,130 --> 00:04:02,830
And as a result,
83
00:04:02,830 --> 00:04:05,870
Brockmire's gonna reach
for the doobie early.
84
00:04:19,250 --> 00:04:22,810
Well. Let's see who we have
in attendance here today.
85
00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:28,890
I see we have some feral dogs.
86
00:04:30,590 --> 00:04:33,930
And a boy with a gun.
87
00:04:33,930 --> 00:04:36,760
And Brockmire is officially disturbed.
88
00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:46,070
Oh, shit!
89
00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,070
- Jim Brockmire?
- Yeah.
90
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:51,010
I'm Julia James. I'm the owner
of the team here in Morristown.
91
00:04:51,010 --> 00:04:51,910
Yeah. Ms. James...
92
00:04:51,910 --> 00:04:52,840
Oh, call me Jules.
93
00:04:52,850 --> 00:04:55,350
Whatever. Um, fire.
94
00:04:55,350 --> 00:04:56,750
Yeah, we get those around here.
95
00:04:56,750 --> 00:04:58,280
Are you ready to get started?
96
00:04:58,280 --> 00:04:59,120
What can I grab?
97
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,590
Uh, careful.
98
00:05:01,590 --> 00:05:04,890
You're wearing your jacket!
99
00:05:04,890 --> 00:05:06,790
Welcome to the minor
leagues, Jim Brockmire.
100
00:05:13,170 --> 00:05:15,730
Oh, what is that smell?
101
00:05:15,740 --> 00:05:18,840
Oh, that's waster water
from the fracking runoff.
102
00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:21,170
To, um... To get natural
gas from the shale,
103
00:05:21,170 --> 00:05:23,440
they have to pump all kinds
of nasty shit into the ground.
104
00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:24,740
Where do they do all that?
105
00:05:24,740 --> 00:05:26,310
Right here.
106
00:05:26,310 --> 00:05:28,210
Here, right now, where we are?
107
00:05:28,210 --> 00:05:29,550
Well, here, there.
108
00:05:29,550 --> 00:05:31,520
Pretty much everywhere
beneath Morristown.
109
00:05:33,010 --> 00:05:35,890
One of the perks of owning
the bar... no corkage.
110
00:05:35,890 --> 00:05:37,090
Keep it Brockmire.
111
00:05:37,090 --> 00:05:38,820
Mm-hmm.
112
00:05:42,590 --> 00:05:44,530
Mnh.
113
00:05:44,530 --> 00:05:45,830
On the phone, you said you haven't been
114
00:05:45,830 --> 00:05:49,330
back to the states since the, um...
115
00:05:49,340 --> 00:05:50,500
In a long time.
116
00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:52,240
No, I've been spanning the globe.
117
00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:55,070
I've been calling every kind
of sporting event that exists.
118
00:05:55,070 --> 00:05:56,470
Finally, I would up in Manila
119
00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:59,040
where I've been calling the
cock fights on television.
120
00:05:59,050 --> 00:06:00,880
Ah, what the hell?
121
00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:02,510
I figure by now I'm just a joke
122
00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:04,220
that everybody's forgotten about.
123
00:06:04,220 --> 00:06:06,790
Yeah, right.
124
00:06:08,190 --> 00:06:11,220
Are you serious?
125
00:06:11,220 --> 00:06:12,690
Do you not use the Internet?
126
00:06:12,690 --> 00:06:14,790
No, I don't bother with that thing.
127
00:06:14,790 --> 00:06:17,160
If I need porn, I just buy a nudie mag,
128
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,600
like my father and
his father before him.
129
00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,300
Okay, so, "Keepin' it Brockmire",
130
00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:22,730
that means nothing to you?
131
00:06:22,740 --> 00:06:23,770
Should it?
132
00:06:35,380 --> 00:06:37,680
Try to look past the wear and tear
133
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:40,520
to the reservoir of charm underneath.
134
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,890
It should be like looking in the mirror.
135
00:06:50,300 --> 00:06:52,060
This is it, and this is Charles.
136
00:06:52,060 --> 00:06:53,230
He'll be, uh...
137
00:06:53,230 --> 00:06:55,130
He'll be helping you
with your broadcasts.
138
00:06:55,130 --> 00:06:56,750
All right.
139
00:06:56,800 --> 00:07:00,340
Well, may I ask your
qualifications, son?
140
00:07:00,340 --> 00:07:04,440
He's, uh, basically
an Internet whiz kid.
141
00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,340
Uh, yeah. I, um...
142
00:07:06,350 --> 00:07:08,350
I have the most Twitter
followers in town.
143
00:07:08,350 --> 00:07:12,450
I, uh, have over 4 million
Vine loops in total.
144
00:07:12,450 --> 00:07:15,650
DJ Khaled once shouted
me out on a jet ski.
145
00:07:15,660 --> 00:07:18,660
All right. Where's my actual
radio producer, though?
146
00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:22,330
Currently, we don't
have a radio contract.
147
00:07:22,330 --> 00:07:25,500
Well, then who am I broadcasting to?
148
00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:27,230
You'll be doing exclusive play-by-play
149
00:07:27,230 --> 00:07:30,690
to the stadium that people
pay admission to hear.
150
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:33,170
I'm the P.A. announcer?
151
00:07:33,170 --> 00:07:34,250
Darling, on the phone,
152
00:07:34,270 --> 00:07:37,510
you promised me a multi-platform
distribution dealy.
153
00:07:37,510 --> 00:07:40,250
Yeah, that was kind a
euphemism for the Internet
154
00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:44,180
where Charles here
will be uploading clips
155
00:07:44,180 --> 00:07:45,480
of your broadcasts.
156
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:46,720
Yeah. I, um...
157
00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:48,910
I've been working on keeping
my hand really steady.
158
00:07:48,930 --> 00:07:51,120
Um, you lied to me.
159
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:52,960
I hustled you. There's a difference.
160
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,130
Hey. Hey!
161
00:07:54,130 --> 00:07:56,160
I didn't just take a 12-hour plane ride
162
00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:57,800
to get a semantics lesson, all right?
163
00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:00,050
And who in the world is
gonna watch video clips of me
164
00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:02,920
on the Innernet?
165
00:08:02,980 --> 00:08:05,470
He's never seen any of them.
166
00:08:05,470 --> 00:08:07,270
- Well, you know what? Pull one up.
- How... How is that?
167
00:08:07,270 --> 00:08:09,140
Yeah, he doesn't own a computer.
168
00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:10,340
Can you... Let's just show him.
169
00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,440
It'll be easier if we just show you.
170
00:08:12,460 --> 00:08:13,500
Show me w-what?
171
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:14,680
I'll do the conference room one.
172
00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:15,410
Oh, yeah, that's good.
173
00:08:15,410 --> 00:08:16,810
It's my favorite, anyway.
174
00:08:16,810 --> 00:08:19,550
I want to apologize to
the people of Kansas City,
175
00:08:19,550 --> 00:08:23,120
and most importantly, to my wife Lucy,
176
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,490
who I can still smell.
177
00:08:24,490 --> 00:08:27,290
I think she's... Yeah,
she's... she's in my jacket.
178
00:08:27,290 --> 00:08:29,990
Excuse me. Please, bear with me.
179
00:08:29,990 --> 00:08:31,630
I'd like to apologize to the people...
180
00:08:31,630 --> 00:08:34,230
No, it's... I can still smell her.
181
00:08:34,230 --> 00:08:35,930
She's in my shirt.
182
00:08:36,770 --> 00:08:38,400
I can still smell her.
183
00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:41,240
I can't do this if I can smell her.
184
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:44,410
Lucy, you are not a whore.
Whores get paid money.
185
00:08:44,410 --> 00:08:46,380
You are a slut.
186
00:08:46,380 --> 00:08:48,090
A dirty, dirty slut.
187
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:51,650
I apologize for that, too.
Why can I still smell her?
188
00:08:51,650 --> 00:08:53,850
Well, she's in my skin, is why.
189
00:08:53,850 --> 00:08:54,990
No, no. Kevin. I've got it.
190
00:08:54,990 --> 00:08:57,250
Anyway. So...
191
00:08:57,260 --> 00:08:59,390
Mm. 10 years ago,
192
00:08:59,390 --> 00:09:02,430
your breakdown in the booth
and... and press conference
193
00:09:02,430 --> 00:09:05,030
were like the original viral videos.
194
00:09:05,030 --> 00:09:07,060
So that's pretty neat. Right?
195
00:09:07,060 --> 00:09:09,200
- I mean...
- There's a lady on my face!
196
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,200
Are you kidding me? There's a lady...
197
00:09:13,140 --> 00:09:14,770
I'm so... I'm sorry.
198
00:09:14,770 --> 00:09:16,840
That... That part, it always gets me.
199
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,680
Steve! There's a lady on my face!
200
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:21,080
All right, just get it
off. Get it off, please.
201
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:22,150
Get it off of where?
202
00:09:22,190 --> 00:09:23,300
Make it go away.
203
00:09:23,340 --> 00:09:24,550
Well, I can't.
204
00:09:24,570 --> 00:09:26,420
No, don't pause... Just get it...
205
00:09:26,420 --> 00:09:28,070
- Get it off of there.
- Hey, the thing is,
206
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:30,170
I can't get it off 'cause
it's on the Internet.
207
00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:33,720
- So it's... it's forever.
- It's permanent.
208
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,910
So people just watch videos
of the worst moments of my life
209
00:09:37,020 --> 00:09:38,820
and just laugh at my pain?
210
00:09:38,830 --> 00:09:41,490
- No.
- Yes.
211
00:09:41,490 --> 00:09:43,160
Oh, my God. I mean, you know,
212
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,460
I thought I hit rock bottom
in a handicapped stall
213
00:09:45,470 --> 00:09:48,970
in Bangkok when a Thai lady-boy
snorted crank off my Johnson
214
00:09:48,970 --> 00:09:51,740
while a sunburned German
watched us on the toilet.
215
00:09:51,740 --> 00:09:53,270
There he is.
216
00:09:54,110 --> 00:09:55,310
You can still paint a picture.
217
00:09:55,310 --> 00:09:58,740
Yeah, but that... That
is a good deal worse.
218
00:09:58,740 --> 00:09:59,910
Brockmire, listen to me.
219
00:10:01,110 --> 00:10:02,950
That is not what you're
gonna be remembered for.
220
00:10:02,950 --> 00:10:04,920
Trust me. I have a plan.
221
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,420
Uh, quick question.
222
00:10:06,420 --> 00:10:09,320
So, the... the German guy...
223
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:12,790
Was he on the toilet or
was he, like, on the toilet?
224
00:10:12,790 --> 00:10:14,790
The guys are dying to meet you!
225
00:10:14,790 --> 00:10:17,100
Uh, let's head down to the locker room.
226
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:21,700
There's a lady on my face!
227
00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:25,270
Okay? There's a lady on my face!
228
00:10:25,270 --> 00:10:26,940
There's a lady on my face, Kevin.
229
00:10:26,940 --> 00:10:28,170
Oh, Kevin!
230
00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:29,710
There's a lady on my face!
231
00:10:30,940 --> 00:10:33,780
Hey! Everybody decent?
232
00:10:35,950 --> 00:10:38,520
Damn, boss. Why you dressed up today?
233
00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:40,320
What? I'm not!
234
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:43,090
This will be your legacy.
235
00:10:43,090 --> 00:10:46,730
Calling Morristown's
magical 2017 season.
236
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:48,130
Guys, no smoking. Come on.
237
00:10:48,130 --> 00:10:50,060
I-I'm sorry, but am
I... am I supposed to be
238
00:10:50,060 --> 00:10:51,100
impressed by this?
239
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:53,330
I convinced Major
League players, coaches,
240
00:10:53,330 --> 00:10:54,670
and one legendary broadcaster
241
00:10:54,670 --> 00:10:56,430
to come to Morristown, Pennsylvania.
242
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,170
Heck yeah, you should be impressed!
243
00:10:58,170 --> 00:11:00,810
No. No!
244
00:11:00,810 --> 00:11:02,810
She's on my face.
245
00:11:02,810 --> 00:11:04,140
Lady on my face!
246
00:11:04,140 --> 00:11:05,640
- That's the guy!
- Brockmire!
247
00:11:07,150 --> 00:11:09,850
Guys, no!
248
00:11:18,790 --> 00:11:20,230
Wait! Brockmire,
249
00:11:20,230 --> 00:11:22,760
the bus doesn't even
leave till tomorrow!
250
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,870
Hey.
251
00:11:30,870 --> 00:11:34,070
I know a place where
you can drink for free.
252
00:11:38,180 --> 00:11:41,750
And by free, I meant well
drinks with half-off top shelf.
253
00:11:41,750 --> 00:11:45,140
The silent treatment? Really?
254
00:11:45,180 --> 00:11:47,150
Okay.
255
00:11:47,150 --> 00:11:48,420
While I have the floor,
256
00:11:48,420 --> 00:11:50,520
I'd like to direct your
attention to the memorial
257
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:52,390
my father made to his favorite player.
258
00:11:52,390 --> 00:11:55,330
"Pops" himself, Willie
Stargell. I'm 8 years old.
259
00:11:55,330 --> 00:11:56,730
He pulls me out of school
in the middle of the day
260
00:11:56,730 --> 00:11:58,830
to see Pops' last game.
261
00:11:58,830 --> 00:12:02,600
He tells my teachers, "When God retires,
262
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,770
the least you could do is
give him a round of applause."
263
00:12:05,770 --> 00:12:07,910
We had seats down the first base line.
264
00:12:07,910 --> 00:12:10,540
Pops got his last hit
right in front of us.
265
00:12:10,540 --> 00:12:12,680
Just a little squib back to the pitcher.
266
00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:15,110
Guy's a Hall of Famer,
but in that moment,
267
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:17,480
he's just an overweight,
268
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,020
middle-aged man in yellow spandex
269
00:12:19,020 --> 00:12:21,950
hustling to beat out an infield single.
270
00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:24,260
And it taught me a
lesson I never forgot.
271
00:12:24,260 --> 00:12:25,490
You do whatever you can
272
00:12:25,490 --> 00:12:27,690
to accomplish what you can when you can.
273
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:38,200
I sold my house and took out
a second mortgage on the bar
274
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,640
to buy the Frackers, and
I did it for one reason.
275
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:44,110
It's the same reason you
flew 9,000 miles to be here.
276
00:12:44,340 --> 00:12:49,180
Neither of us can imagine
a life without baseball.
277
00:12:55,960 --> 00:13:00,530
"Frackers" is a very stupid
name for a baseball team.
278
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:05,010
Yeah? Well, before this, we
were the Morristown Savages,
279
00:13:05,020 --> 00:13:07,910
and our mascot was a little
baseball with a headdress
280
00:13:08,030 --> 00:13:09,430
who rolled around drunk.
281
00:13:09,430 --> 00:13:11,400
So Frackers is an upgrade.
282
00:13:13,670 --> 00:13:15,970
I hung out with Pops once or twice.
283
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:18,560
What?!
284
00:13:18,770 --> 00:13:20,210
Bury the lead!
285
00:13:20,210 --> 00:13:22,640
What was he like?
286
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:24,040
Pops?
287
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:25,880
He made you feel like
you could climb Everest,
288
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:28,710
as long as he was in front
of you throwing down the rope.
289
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,320
See? That's the kind of
stuff you need to be saying
290
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,290
into a microphone at one of my games.
291
00:13:34,990 --> 00:13:36,720
Don't go back to Manila.
292
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,420
Besides, it'd be pointless.
293
00:13:38,420 --> 00:13:40,760
You can't run away from the
truth now that you've heard it.
294
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:46,070
Stay here.
295
00:13:47,730 --> 00:13:49,740
You know what?
296
00:13:49,740 --> 00:13:53,310
You are absolutely right, Ms. James.
297
00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:56,540
Of course I am.
298
00:13:56,540 --> 00:13:58,510
About which part?
299
00:13:58,510 --> 00:14:01,050
Ignorance is no longer an option for me.
300
00:14:01,050 --> 00:14:05,750
I need to know everything,
and I need to know it now.
301
00:14:05,750 --> 00:14:08,320
At this point, you're a way of life.
302
00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:09,890
People "keep it Brockmire."
303
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:12,960
Yeah. I keep seeing pictures
of tattoos that say that.
304
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:13,770
What is that?
305
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:15,420
Yeah, well, Drake started it.
306
00:14:15,530 --> 00:14:18,430
"She was a 7, but I still
set her pussy on fire,
307
00:14:18,430 --> 00:14:20,100
You know your boy keep it Brockmire."
308
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,370
B... You're a legend.
309
00:14:24,370 --> 00:14:29,240
Who care if it's because your
wife Lucy'd Bob Greenwald?
310
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:31,040
I'm sorry, my wife what?
311
00:14:32,910 --> 00:14:35,910
Mnh.
312
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:38,720
"Lucy'd" is slang
313
00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:43,120
for when a woman
314
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:46,660
does a man in the butt.
315
00:14:59,310 --> 00:15:00,840
You want to get high?
316
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:03,210
So I need stimulants to outrun
317
00:15:03,210 --> 00:15:04,940
the waves of depression
318
00:15:04,940 --> 00:15:08,050
currently approaching
high tide in my body.
319
00:15:08,050 --> 00:15:11,220
So we're chewing some khat here.
320
00:15:11,220 --> 00:15:13,850
This is a habit that
I picked up in Yemen.
321
00:15:17,190 --> 00:15:19,130
Are you bitching out on me?
Is that what you're doing?
322
00:15:19,150 --> 00:15:20,810
Psht.
323
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:23,900
Just chew it up there.
324
00:15:25,970 --> 00:15:28,670
There you go.
325
00:15:28,670 --> 00:15:30,700
Son, I have a question for you.
326
00:15:30,750 --> 00:15:33,910
And I'd like you to,
uh, keep it Brockmire.
327
00:15:33,910 --> 00:15:35,640
Mm-hmm.
328
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:37,780
You think I'm ever gonna
be remembered for anything
329
00:15:37,780 --> 00:15:41,980
except for the worst moments of my life?
330
00:15:41,980 --> 00:15:46,250
They got you on video, dude... Twice.
331
00:15:46,250 --> 00:15:48,950
You're Brutal Brockmire
till the day you die.
332
00:15:52,810 --> 00:15:54,710
Yeah, that's what I thought.
333
00:15:58,150 --> 00:15:59,790
You know, I don't feel anything.
334
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,000
Oh, just give it time.
335
00:16:03,470 --> 00:16:05,570
Whoo! This is fun!
336
00:16:05,570 --> 00:16:06,670
Fun!
337
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:08,280
Fu-u-u-u-un!
338
00:16:08,370 --> 00:16:11,410
Yeah, khat is somewhere
between 10 cups of coffee
339
00:16:11,410 --> 00:16:13,650
and very low-grade cocaine, so...
340
00:16:13,650 --> 00:16:15,810
It's my first time on a baseball field!
341
00:16:15,860 --> 00:16:17,460
Fun!
342
00:16:17,580 --> 00:16:19,250
How's that even possible?
343
00:16:19,250 --> 00:16:21,290
Because baseball is one
of those old-timey things
344
00:16:21,290 --> 00:16:24,520
you don't need anymore,
like cursive or e-mail!
345
00:16:25,530 --> 00:16:28,530
Stop! Right now. Freeze.
346
00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:31,330
It's August 16, 1920.
347
00:16:31,330 --> 00:16:33,030
Ray Chapman of the Cleveland Indians
348
00:16:33,030 --> 00:16:36,170
steps into the batter's box at
New York to face the Yankees.
349
00:16:36,170 --> 00:16:37,670
He looks out at the pitcher,
350
00:16:37,670 --> 00:16:40,200
but in the afternoon
light of the Polo Grounds,
351
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:43,080
the infield is just
totally bathed in shadow.
352
00:16:43,340 --> 00:16:46,210
Pitcher wound up and
he delivered the ball,
353
00:16:46,310 --> 00:16:48,610
but that ball had
been rubbed and covered
354
00:16:48,610 --> 00:16:52,280
in tobacco and dirt,
hell, even some licorice,
355
00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:55,820
till it just exactly as
dark as the infield shadows
356
00:16:55,820 --> 00:16:58,160
that complete hid it from Ray Chapman.
357
00:16:58,180 --> 00:16:59,350
- Bam!
- Aah!
358
00:16:59,420 --> 00:17:01,820
Down he went! He got
hit right in the temple!
359
00:17:02,190 --> 00:17:03,220
Never saw it coming.
360
00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:05,460
He died right there,
right at home plate!
361
00:17:05,460 --> 00:17:08,400
W-Why... Why... Why
are you telling me this?
362
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,350
I'm high and very fragile right now.
363
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:15,000
Why would you tell me an awful
story in which some guy dies?!
364
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,240
The thing is, was it awful, though?
365
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:20,840
Think about it... Ray Chapman
spent his last moments on Earth
366
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:26,250
playing a wonderful game
on a warm summer afternoon.
367
00:17:26,250 --> 00:17:29,420
And is there a better
way to go out than that?
368
00:17:33,150 --> 00:17:36,820
Well, that's just a waste of good khat.
369
00:17:43,970 --> 00:17:47,330
I'm really glad you decided to stay.
370
00:17:47,340 --> 00:17:49,050
Today's gonna be a big day.
371
00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:50,430
Oh, yes, indeed,
372
00:17:50,710 --> 00:17:53,970
'cause I decided to call
one final baseball game
373
00:17:53,980 --> 00:17:56,580
and then kill myself.
374
00:17:56,580 --> 00:17:59,180
Please give that suicide
note to Lucy after I'm gone.
375
00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:06,440
It just says you.
376
00:18:06,450 --> 00:18:09,590
She'll know what it's regardin'.
377
00:18:10,460 --> 00:18:12,480
All right, two outs now.
378
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,390
Bottom of the eighth.
Or as I used to know it,
379
00:18:14,430 --> 00:18:16,720
the Gerry's Gelatin Home Run Inning.
380
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,700
Let's go, Frackers!
381
00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:20,330
Hey, a fun fact, folks.
382
00:18:20,330 --> 00:18:23,740
Gelatin is made from the bones
of slaughtered cows and pigs,
383
00:18:23,740 --> 00:18:26,740
which are then crushed
and treatment with acids
384
00:18:26,740 --> 00:18:30,840
and chemicals until they reduce
to a fine collagen powder.
385
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:33,780
Fastball just catches the
inside corner, 0 and 1.
386
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:36,250
I ask you, Morristown,
what kind of a creature
387
00:18:36,250 --> 00:18:38,820
doesn't just kill its
prey, but then uses science
388
00:18:38,820 --> 00:18:40,990
to rob it of its very living essence?
389
00:18:40,990 --> 00:18:43,720
Stevens just misses with
a breaking ball outside.
390
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:45,160
Count evens, 1 and 1.
391
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,090
Make no mistake.
392
00:18:47,090 --> 00:18:49,600
There's nothing decent
about human beings, folks.
393
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,500
No objective, definable form of good.
394
00:18:52,500 --> 00:18:53,800
Not really a soul.
395
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,840
More like the absence of a soul.
396
00:18:55,840 --> 00:19:01,040
Juuuuuuuust blackness.
397
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:05,410
So, if you want to stare into
the gaping yawn of oblivion,
398
00:19:05,410 --> 00:19:06,710
don't look up to the heavens.
399
00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:07,850
No, no.
400
00:19:07,850 --> 00:19:09,780
Just look squarely into the mirror.
401
00:19:09,780 --> 00:19:11,620
Strike 3!
402
00:19:11,620 --> 00:19:13,090
Strike 3 called, and
that'll end the eighth.
403
00:19:13,090 --> 00:19:14,720
What the hell was that, Brockmire?!
404
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:15,860
I'm trying to focus here!
405
00:19:18,890 --> 00:19:20,730
Enough of the kid glove shit, okay?
406
00:19:20,730 --> 00:19:23,260
So, boo-hoo, your wife
Lucy'd your neighbor.
407
00:19:23,260 --> 00:19:24,660
That's just a word everybody uses?
408
00:19:24,660 --> 00:19:26,470
Babies, grandmas, just everybody?
409
00:19:26,470 --> 00:19:30,340
Personally, when I stare into
the gaping yawn of oblivion,
410
00:19:30,340 --> 00:19:31,640
or whatever you were talking about,
411
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,140
I ball my fists and take a swing!
412
00:19:33,140 --> 00:19:34,270
Well, hey, good for you.
413
00:19:34,270 --> 00:19:36,040
If you're gonna eat a bullet, so be it.
414
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:37,240
Nobody here's gonna stop you.
415
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:38,540
Well, no, no, no. I love naps,
416
00:19:38,550 --> 00:19:40,710
so it's pills with a
bag over my head for me.
417
00:19:40,710 --> 00:19:43,120
Might even draw a little
smiley face on the bag,
418
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:45,150
add a sense of whimsy
to the proceedings.
419
00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:47,120
Whatever way you want
to do it, sounds great.
420
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:49,660
But if you go, you're gonna
miss a hell of a season.
421
00:19:49,660 --> 00:19:51,660
Darling, I have seen enough baseball
422
00:19:51,660 --> 00:19:53,260
to last me 100 lifetimes.
423
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:56,360
"Darling," you've never
seen anything like this.
424
00:19:59,970 --> 00:20:01,230
All right.
425
00:20:01,230 --> 00:20:02,840
Stepping in to pinch-hit now
426
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,940
for the Frackers is
former competitive eater,
427
00:20:05,940 --> 00:20:07,410
Fatty Boombalatty.
428
00:20:07,410 --> 00:20:09,840
That's right, I said Fatty Boombalatty.
429
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,780
And at 400 pounds,
430
00:20:11,780 --> 00:20:13,710
he is officially the fattest player
431
00:20:13,710 --> 00:20:15,010
in the history of baseball.
432
00:20:15,020 --> 00:20:16,780
Folks, that's no small feat
433
00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:18,150
because fat guys have
been a part of this game
434
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:19,020
from the beginning.
435
00:20:19,020 --> 00:20:20,390
Babe Ruth himself,
436
00:20:20,390 --> 00:20:22,050
the very greatest of the greats,
437
00:20:22,060 --> 00:20:24,290
was also a big, fat piece of shit,
438
00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:27,930
so wonderful bit of history
we are looking at here.
439
00:20:27,930 --> 00:20:29,860
Ah, here comes the pitch.
440
00:20:31,530 --> 00:20:32,930
Whew! Ouch.
441
00:20:32,930 --> 00:20:34,770
Well, that was nothing
if not predictable.
442
00:20:34,770 --> 00:20:36,600
And as he makes his way to first,
443
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,440
stepping in now for the
Frackers is who I believe to be
444
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,170
the second-fattest man in
the history of baseball,
445
00:20:42,180 --> 00:20:45,780
former long-haul trucker
and gout survivor.
446
00:20:45,780 --> 00:20:47,250
Mr. Doug Romero.
447
00:20:47,250 --> 00:20:51,180
Ohh! That was fast.
448
00:20:51,180 --> 00:20:55,620
Okay. Two on now, and folks, see
if you can sense a pattern here.
449
00:20:56,190 --> 00:20:58,260
Oh, shit!
450
00:20:58,260 --> 00:21:00,290
Ooh, that one had some
anger behind it, didn't it?
451
00:21:00,290 --> 00:21:04,660
All right. Bases loaded
as Pedro Uribe steps in.
452
00:21:06,230 --> 00:21:08,100
Uribe during his time in the big leagues
453
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,510
was known as "The Grand Slam King."
454
00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:13,270
Frackers have used some
pretty ingenious gamesmanship
455
00:21:13,270 --> 00:21:14,440
to load the bases.
456
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,480
Let's see if they can
do anything with it.
457
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:20,550
Hello, baby.
458
00:21:20,550 --> 00:21:22,110
Here comes the pitch.
459
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:24,520
- Pedro!
- Bring it home, Pedro!
460
00:21:27,150 --> 00:21:30,490
Oh, folks, that ball cannot
be buried in a Jewish cemetery
461
00:21:30,490 --> 00:21:34,260
because it just got tattooed!
462
00:21:34,260 --> 00:21:36,930
Oh, man!
463
00:21:36,930 --> 00:21:41,570
$1,000 worth of cured Italian meat.
464
00:21:41,570 --> 00:21:43,140
A grand salami!
465
00:21:43,140 --> 00:21:48,340
Pedro Uribe cuts the
lead to only eight runs.
466
00:21:48,340 --> 00:21:49,980
Score is 12 to 4.
467
00:21:55,850 --> 00:21:58,350
I suppose you have more of
that kind of stuff planned?
468
00:21:58,350 --> 00:22:02,450
Every game.
469
00:22:02,460 --> 00:22:05,260
I want top-shelf liquor
included in my free drinks.
470
00:22:07,390 --> 00:22:09,160
Monday through Thursday.
471
00:22:14,430 --> 00:22:15,770
Ah, it. I'm in.
472
00:22:15,770 --> 00:22:17,240
Yes!
473
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,340
Yeah! Okay, for now.
474
00:22:19,340 --> 00:22:21,540
I'm also pretty shitfaced,
475
00:22:21,540 --> 00:22:25,110
so best to take everything I say
with a big, fat grain of salt.
476
00:22:25,110 --> 00:22:27,180
Please tell me you got
that home run on video.
477
00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:29,850
Oh, psht.
478
00:22:29,850 --> 00:22:33,270
- Yes.
- Now here's
479
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,020
a minor league clip a viewer sent in.
480
00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:36,860
A home run estimated to have traveled
481
00:22:36,860 --> 00:22:39,060
an impressive 580 feet.
482
00:22:39,060 --> 00:22:40,630
But check out the elephant parade
483
00:22:40,630 --> 00:22:42,630
running around the bases.
484
00:22:42,630 --> 00:22:45,700
$1,000 worth of cured Italian meat.
485
00:22:45,700 --> 00:22:48,930
- Jimmy?
- A grand salami! Pedro Uribe
486
00:22:48,940 --> 00:22:51,340
- cuts the lead to only eight runs.
- You're still alive?
487
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:56,480
Frackers fans just found a
prize in the Cracker Jack box
488
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,080
in the form of a bunch of fat men.
489
00:22:59,230 --> 00:23:03,300
Synced and corrected by Dragoniod for
- www.addic7ed.com -
34061
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof