All language subtitles for s06e04

Max:
No, no, no, no no!

Oh, boy, I've heard that before. What
did you do? Ask him to marry you?

No, I just asked him if I could go
to Atlantic City with some guys.

Oh, you know, honey,
he's probably relating

to when he was your age
and wild and crazy...

Oh, no, that can't be.

You don't know how
to work your father like I do.

No, I don't look as good
in a halter top as you do.

Fran looked absolutely breathtaking
in her wedding gown, didn't she?

Yeah.

Are you guys busy?

Nanny Fine, I am preparing
Maxwell for a live TV interview.

He doesn't have any time
for your mindless drivel.

Don't you look
radiant this morning.

Well, maybe because you were
so electrifying last night.

( Coughs ) When did you
start smoking again?

Somewhere between
"I" and "do."

Maxwell, I want to talk
to you about Brighton

going to Atlantic
City this weekend.

Now, darling, Brighton and I
have discussed this at length.

He knows exactly how I feel
about it, and I'd adamant.

Well, I think that... is
adamant good or bad?

Bad.

Well, I think that we should
reopen the discussion.

There is nothing left to discuss.
I have made up my mind.

He's not going. Case closed.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause
a problem between you and dad.

But I don't know if you saw the
way he blew you off like that.

It seems to me he doesn't
respect you or your opinion.

Look, I know what you're doing
and it's not going to work.

Playing one parent against the other
is the oldest trick in the book.

How could you not
respect me or my opinion?

What are you talking about? Of course
I respect your opinion, don't I?

Absolutely, sir.

Maybe, when I happen
to agree with you, right, Niles?

Absolutely, madam.

And when does her opinion
agree with mine?

Never, sir?

And when has he ever
even asked me my opinion?

Never, ma'am?

Niles, would you just stop
being so wishy-washy?

Yeah, would you say
what you really think?

I can't. You sign my checks,
you keep my secrets.

You hired me first, but
you'll probably live longer.

How can I pick an answer that
will be most beneficial to Niles?

I knew a little girl
when I was growing up

and her parents didn't let
her go away with her friends.

And do you know what she
ended up doing? Shoplifting.

- What happened to her?
- She married you.

Well, you see how marvelously
it turned out for her.

I'm his father.
I know what's best for him.

- And what am I?
- You're the nanny.

( Gasps )

You called me the N word.

Did you hear that, Niles?

Niles: Do you get the
house in the settlement?

- Uh-huh.
- Every word of it.

♪ She was working in a bridal
shop in Flushing, Queens ♪

♪ Till her boyfriend kicked her out
in one of those crushing scenes ♪

♪ What was she to do, where was she
to go, she was out on her fanny ♪

♪ So over the bridge from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door ♪

♪ She was there to sell makeup
but the father saw more ♪

♪ She had style, she had flair, she was
there, that's how she became the Nanny ♪

♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl we described ♪

♪ Was just exactly
what the doctor prescribed? ♪

♪ Now, the father
finds her beguiling ♪

♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪

♪ And the kids are actually
smiling such joie de vivre ♪

♪ She's the lady in red when
everybody else is wearing tan ♪

♪ The flashy girl from Flushing,
the Nanny named Fran ♪

I hate Theme Day at the home,

and why do they always
have to pick Hawaii?

Well, maybe it's so everybody
can wear their regular clothes.

Yetta, I wanted to talk to you.
Me and Max had a fight and...

Oh, you better start
drinking some more milk.

You're getting
a real humpback here.

No, I put my brassiere
on backwards.

It's easier to hook
it in the front.

So I'm thinking maybe I came
to the wrong place for advice.

So why are you here?

Well, I wanted to talk to you, because I
knew ma would have a conniption if she knew

that me and Maxwell
already had a fight.

Oh, my God!

What did you do to my son?

Ma, what are you doing here?

I've never been to Hawaii.

You should go back
and beg forgiveness.

Why do you always take his side?

You're right. At your age,
with your background,

there are plenty
of millionaire producers.

All right, I get the point.

Meanwhile, I want him
to start thinking of me

as his equal, not as his nanny.

Whatever turns him on.

Your father used to like me to
dress up like a French maid.

With grandpa, it was Heidi.

He'd put his hair
in little braids.

I'd put on the long beard.

Well, I'm beginning to see
the future and it ain't pretty.

Oh, Ma, what am I
going to do? I mean,

I want Maxwell to stop thinking

of me as his nanny and start
thinking of me as his wife.

Well, act like his wife.

If you don't get what
you want, deny him his...

Woo-wee.

Ma, I'm a grown woman.
You can say the real word.

And I'm not going to
deny him the bing-bing.

Your mother's right.

I've been holding out on your
grandfather for the past 25 years.

But he's been dead for 26.

Don't judge me.

( Thinking ) All right, I'm going to
give this holding out thing a shot.

I figure in 20 minutes, he'll say, "I'm
sorry, and be begging for bing-bing."

The man is going to want
me so much when I deny him

he's going to go crazy.

Hello, darling. I've been
thinking about this afternoon,

and I... I really do think I made the right
decision about not letting Brighton go.

( Thinking )
Oh, you do, do you?

Well, you haven't
seen this pose.

Well, honey, if that's the way you
feel, that's the way you feel.

( Thinking ) Oh, here he comes.
No, no, no.

Oy, does he smell delicious.

Well, I'm glad you understand
how I feel, sweetheart.

Isn't it wonderful how we're
communicating as a married couple?

( Thinking )
What did he say?

Oh, who cares.
Oh, is that a tushy.

- Don't you think so?
- Yeah.

So, how was your day at Yetta's?

How much can a woman take?

Max: I know those homes can
be a little depressing,

but, you know, Yetta forgets
she's there,

so every day is
like a new adventure for her.

Well, I got an early
start tomorrow.

( Thinking )
And here comes the robe.

Good night, sweetheart.

( Thinking ) Oh, God, I
can't take it anymore.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

Oh, Harry Winston earrings.

I see denying your husband
worked out beautifully.

Oh, Ma, of all the times that I
ignored your advice,

this was
the best time I ever had.

What do you mean you didn't
take my advice?

Why couldn't
you hold out like I do?

Because my husband looks like
James Bond

and your husband
looks like James Coco.

James Coco? I wish.

I've got to go now.

I've got a very important thing
to take care of before dinner.

- What?
- Lunch.

I thought you were gonna go with
Maxwell to "Entertainment Tonight."

Oh, you know how he gets. He said,
"Darling, you know I want you by my side",

but I'd just be so nervous knowing someone
I loved was watching me so closely."

I know, I was standing next to you.
He was talking to me.

"Where the heck are my manila
envelopes?" That was to you.

Oh, look, he's on, he's on. He
really wanted me to be by his side,

but he said he'd be too nervous
having me watching him so closely.

- He was talking to me.
- He was talking to me.

Now, let's get this straight. Wife.
Butler. Manila envelope getter.

Shh! He's on.

Oh, he looks good! In control,
no nervous laughter...

( nervous laughter )

It's great to have you here,
Maxwell.

Oh, thanks, Bob.

We're going to get to
your new show in just a second,

but I understand that
congratulations are in order.

( nervous laughter )

You're laughing. What?

Oh, am I?

Well, yeah.
Anyway, congratulations

to you and the new
Mrs. Sheffield. It's great.

Uh, who? Oh, oh, my nanny.

What, you married your nanny?

No, no, no, she's not my nanny.
She used to be my nanny.

Well, what does she do now?

Same thing she did when
she was my nanny. Nothing.

Oh, no, I mean, not my wife.
My nanny did nothing.

My wife is hopefully
not seeing this.

Oh, you poor woman.

For a husband to treat
his wife that way...

You see that is why
I never got married.

Yeah, that's why.

- Hi, Val.
- Oh, Fran.

I saw "ET" last night.
I am so sorry, but don't worry.

I got the perfect solution.

Oh, no, it's okay. We made up last
night, and he was just nervous.

- It was a slip of the tongue.
- Is that a new necklace?

Yeah. Matches the earrings.

( Gasps )

I think Maxwell is beginning
to realize

that he cannot afford
to keep making these mistakes.

Well, what was your solution?

Well, I've been thinking
about it,

and he's always going to see
you as the nanny until...

Until what?

Well, that's as far
as I thought it out.

How about until I
hire another nanny?

Sure. Easy after I gave
you the first part.

Now, I've already hired
one for your information,

and it wasn't easy either finding a woman
that's great with the kids like I am

and gets along with Maxwell.

'Cause, while he's working at the
house, he's gonna see a lot of her.

Good morning, Mrs. Sheffield.

Good morning, Nanny Bower.
Would you like a biscuit?

Oh, no. That would not
be proper etiquette,

for the nanny to sit down
and eat with her employers.

Guess I cut nanny
college that day.

If you don't mind I think that I will
just go and pick up Grace from ballet

and take Brighton
to the dentist.

When are you going to do your nails and
your hair and go shopping at Loehmann's?

I do all that
on my day off, ma'am.

- Day off? Oh, that's novel.
- I never thought of that.

Well, I guess I am
a lady of leisure, Val.

Now I've just got to figure out
what a lady of leisure does.

Yeah.

Oh, Niles, tell me, what did
the first Mrs. Sheffield

do with all of her free time?

Well, she loved to do her own
dusting, cleaning, and vacuuming.

All right, she spent a lot
of time at a country club.

Oh, that sounds lovely.

Say, I wonder if they've
got a water slide.

Gee, I'm beginning to think that
I'm the first brunette

that's ever been allowed
in this club.

So you're not enjoying
your first day here?

Well, to tell you the truth,
I'm a little turned off.

I mean, no one's playing
Marco Polo in the pool.

Went to the clubhouse,
no comedian.

You'd think at a place like this

they'd have at least one
Pac-Man machine in the lobby.

What do people do around here?

Well, when in Rome, can I have a
mochaccino blended with Equal, please?

Make it a venti.

( classical music playing )

Fran! Dad, have you seen Fran?

Oh, now, Grace. You
can't go on running off

to Fran for every little thing.

She's no longer the nanny,
you know? She's my wife now.

Wow. One night on the couch
sure whipped you into shape.

I did not spend the night on the couch.
Fran and I made up.

Now, why don't you let me help
you with your problem, hmm?

Well, Dad, um,

all my friends
are already on their cycles.

Why aren't I?

You see? We didn't have
to bother Fran with that.

I'll buy you a bicycle.

Dad,
I'm talking about my period.

Fran, darling? Fran?

Mrs. Sheffield is at the club, sir.
Is there something I can do for you?

Oh, no. No, thank you.

You know, sir, nobody seems to
need me for anything around here.

I mean, if you don't mind my asking,
what did the last nanny do?

Well, she... she would, ah...

Niles...

Well, in addition
to tending to the children,

her duties were dusting,
cleaning, vacuuming...

Oh, no, I am onto you.

Your daughter, C.C., warned
me about your shenanigans.

Well, actually, besides
taking care of the children,

I suppose the nanny would make sure
the tie that she picked out for me

matched the shoes she
had picked out for me.

Then she'd make
reservations for dinner

for myself and... her.

And then sometimes, when
I was working late at night,

she'd come in here to the
office, jump up on my desk,

cross her legs
in a most enticing manner.

Well, I...

Wait, No, no, no!
No! Not necessary!

Hated that,
didn't care for it at all. No.

You know, it's really
none of my business,

but it sounds to me like she was
more of a wife than a nanny.

Well, that's why I married her.

Oh? I was under the impression
that your nanny was a nightmare.

- Who the heck told you that?
- Your first wife, C.C.

- Oh, hi, honey.
- Thank God you're home.

I went up to dad and I was
completely honest with him

and told him I wanted to spend the
night over at my boyfriend's house,

and he said no.

You were completely honest?
With your father?

Oh, honey, one day I'm gone and already
this whole place is falling apart.

Fran, I mean, I'm 20 years old.

I mean, doesn't dad
know that... you know.

I'm active?

You're doing the bing-bing?

Honey, you know, I love
that you feel so comfortable

that you want to be totally
honest with me,

so let me be totally
honest with you.

Get upstairs!
What, are you crazy?

And you're never
leaving the house again!

- Oh, darling, you're back.
- Sweetie!

How was your day
as a lady of leisure?

You know. No good.

Oh, I'm sorry. If you didn't enjoy
yourself, you don't have to go back there.

Oh, good. 'Cause we're
not allowed there anymore.

Darling, as a matter of
fact, I was going to

come down to the club
and bring you home.

- Grace has a little problem.
- Oh?

It seems that she's the only
one of her classmates whose

"friend" hasn't visited her.

Oh, honey, you're so archaic.

I learned that at the club.

Anyway, don't worry.

I'll talk to her and I'll
simply explain to her

that the longer her
friend takes to visit,

the happier we'll all be.

Who ate the last Nutter Butter?
And why don't we have any backup?

Oh.

Well, welcome to hell, honey.

I'm glad you're home.

Oh, you and me both,
sweetie. You know,

I'm not cut out to be
one of those fancy wives

whose nanny knows their
kids better than they do.

I want to be the nanny.

Well, I want you to be the nanny.
That's who I fell in love with.

That's who's raised
my kids so beautifully.

And that's who I
wanted to marry me.

Oh, what a sweet thing to say.
I love you.

I love you, my darling.

Oh, good, you guys made up.

I got to tell you,
I was torturing myself.

I mean, I'm upstairs, I'm beginning to
think this entire thing was all my fault,

but yet, here you are, trying
to raise me as a very mature...

You're still not going
to Atlantic City.

Yeah, well. Okay. Yeah.

See, darling? We are both
equals. He hates us both.

I think that I could be very happy
being the nanny and your wife.

What do you say I take
the two of you upstairs?

Oh, Mr. Sheffield!

You're embarrassing me.

Which one do you want
to be wearing this?

Could you just excuse me
for one moment, please?

The agency sent
another nanny over.

Well, just tell her that we're
not replacing Nanny Bowers.

Please, couldn't we
just hire her for the day?

The cast of "All my Children" is
signing pictures at the Paramus Mall.

Niles. Erica Kane coming?

Mm-hmm.

I guess we're
hiring a new nanny.

Hi.

I'm sorry, but the position
has already been filled.

Thank you very much.

Are you out of your mind?

( Jazz music playing )