All language subtitles for Kidding - 01x07 - Kintsugi.AMZN.WEB-DL.NTb

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:01,910 Previously on Kidding... 2 00:00:01,950 --> 00:00:04,170 Maddy! Piano time! 3 00:00:04,180 --> 00:00:06,160 I'll take her. 4 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:07,960 Did you hand-fuck my husband? 5 00:00:08,060 --> 00:00:09,740 So what's your second-favorite instrument? 6 00:00:10,770 --> 00:00:12,640 ToyCo has been begging us 7 00:00:12,740 --> 00:00:14,320 for a talking Jeff doll. 8 00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:16,260 This year, we're finally gonna give it to them. 9 00:00:16,300 --> 00:00:17,860 We're talking the hottest 10 00:00:17,900 --> 00:00:19,700 Christmas gift of the season. 11 00:00:19,790 --> 00:00:21,010 In six weeks, 12 00:00:21,110 --> 00:00:22,660 I'm gonna be dead. 13 00:00:22,740 --> 00:00:24,100 Vivian's not doing well. 14 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:27,280 My name is Viva Lost Pages. 15 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:28,500 What's one more Jeff? 16 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:30,360 There's a difference between Mr. Pickles-san 17 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:32,990 of Japan, or Monsieur Cornichon du France, 18 00:00:33,090 --> 00:00:35,700 or Herr Gherkin von Deutschland. 19 00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:45,640 Sayonara. 20 00:00:52,790 --> 00:00:53,980 Katto! 21 00:01:03,470 --> 00:01:05,310 Arigatou. Arigatou. 22 00:01:12,750 --> 00:01:15,040 Hai, arigatou gozaimasu. 23 00:01:21,670 --> 00:01:23,180 Kintsugi. 24 00:01:29,580 --> 00:01:31,900 Pickles-san... 25 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:54,680 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 26 00:02:01,890 --> 00:02:03,630 Whoa. 27 00:02:09,980 --> 00:02:11,400 I see. 28 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:21,280 - Whoa. - Ah. 29 00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:22,560 I'm gonna need a tutorial. 30 00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:23,900 First, what you need to do 31 00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:25,920 is just tap the icon. 32 00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:28,240 Put in the name of the person you want to FaceTime. 33 00:02:28,340 --> 00:02:29,720 This is gonna be awesome. 34 00:02:51,290 --> 00:02:52,680 Whoa. 35 00:02:54,860 --> 00:02:56,240 Whoa. 36 00:02:56,270 --> 00:02:57,330 Whoa. 37 00:02:57,340 --> 00:02:59,020 Whoa. 38 00:03:01,150 --> 00:03:02,940 This is my friend Vivian. 39 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:04,880 She wasn't healthy enough to make the trip. 40 00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:06,280 She wanted to see the ocean. 41 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,560 Hello, Vivian. Welcome to Los Angeles. 42 00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:09,920 Whoa. 43 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:10,980 Whoa. 44 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,780 Whoa. 45 00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:21,070 The ocean makes the sunset look so special, 46 00:03:21,170 --> 00:03:24,120 but you make it spectacular. 47 00:03:24,220 --> 00:03:26,720 The sun is getting jealous. 48 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:31,760 _ 49 00:03:34,150 --> 00:03:35,420 You're welcome. 50 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,520 Dolphins! Dolphins. 51 00:03:41,620 --> 00:03:43,920 Do you see the dolphin? There's a dolphin. 52 00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:50,000 _ 53 00:03:51,090 --> 00:03:52,100 Hey. 54 00:03:54,980 --> 00:03:57,060 We need to talk before he gets here. 55 00:03:59,460 --> 00:04:01,160 Okay. 56 00:04:02,190 --> 00:04:03,580 You first. 57 00:04:04,750 --> 00:04:07,380 I've been thinking about this a lot, 58 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,980 and I feel that... 59 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,620 if it would make you happier, 60 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,670 for M-Maddy to take piano again, 61 00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:19,070 then she should take piano, and I'll just deal with it. 62 00:04:19,170 --> 00:04:20,270 Oh. 63 00:04:20,370 --> 00:04:21,470 She seemed happier. 64 00:04:21,570 --> 00:04:23,600 I don't think that's true. 65 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:26,960 Plus, she's getting so good at clarinet. 66 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,400 - I am? - Yes, honey. 67 00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:31,330 I just think she may have liked piano better, 68 00:04:31,350 --> 00:04:34,130 and if her heart is set on piano, 69 00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:36,790 then you just... you can't change someone's heart. 70 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,880 I think piano was just a phase. 71 00:04:39,890 --> 00:04:40,890 You do? 72 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,800 - It was? - Yes, sweetheart. 73 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:44,340 I think she was confused. 74 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:47,030 She was born a clarinet player. 75 00:04:47,130 --> 00:04:49,230 Piano's just this weird choice she made. 76 00:04:49,270 --> 00:04:52,440 She was never really committed to piano. 77 00:04:52,940 --> 00:04:54,300 She... she probably wishes 78 00:04:54,340 --> 00:04:56,760 she never took piano in the first place. 79 00:04:56,820 --> 00:04:58,160 Was I not good at piano? 80 00:04:58,260 --> 00:05:00,220 - It was awful. - Dee Dee, from now on, 81 00:05:00,270 --> 00:05:02,850 we are strictly a clarinet family. 82 00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:05,290 I am committed 83 00:05:05,390 --> 00:05:07,680 to making this a clarinet family. 84 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:13,480 You guys need to be more supportive of my dreams. 85 00:05:18,570 --> 00:05:20,430 Konnichiwa. 86 00:05:21,810 --> 00:05:23,680 Konnichiwa. 87 00:05:23,780 --> 00:05:26,180 - Pikurusu-san desu. - Maddy? 88 00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:28,000 This is Mr. Pickles-san. 89 00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:30,580 He's gonna follow Uncle Jeff around for a few weeks 90 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:32,640 and then bring back what he learned to Japan. 91 00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,210 And occasionally babysit. 92 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:41,000 Oh, I'm... I'm sorry Jeff couldn't host you. 93 00:05:41,060 --> 00:05:43,020 His living situation isn't optimal 94 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:44,310 to board guests right now. 95 00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:47,630 My... English I... Mm... 96 00:05:47,730 --> 00:05:50,280 Not amazing. 97 00:05:54,900 --> 00:05:55,960 Sado-Shimi. 98 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,400 Sado-Shimi? 99 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,180 Sou. Sado-shimi. 100 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,200 - Thank you. - Thank you. 101 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:10,620 Arigatou. 102 00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:17,680 _ 103 00:06:17,690 --> 00:06:19,270 I have a message, all right, 104 00:06:19,370 --> 00:06:21,880 but I don't know if they're gonna like it. 105 00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:39,740 We're ready to record whenever you're ready. 106 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:42,480 Okay. 107 00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:45,020 _ 108 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:47,300 _ 109 00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:52,120 All of history 110 00:06:52,220 --> 00:06:55,160 travels on the human voice. 111 00:06:55,260 --> 00:06:57,680 Amplified, it can shear a man in half, 112 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,700 sentence 2 million Polish Jews to Dachau, 113 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:02,980 or spread the Book of Matthew 114 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,340 from Mount Zion to a Roman river. 115 00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:08,280 Thousands of malleable minds 116 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,220 will rip this doll off the shelf, 117 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:11,540 and I don't know if they'll see it 118 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,400 as a god or gremlin. 119 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,740 But... 120 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:19,840 I won't drop nightshade into children's ears. 121 00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:24,680 Um, so, I don't think we're allowed 122 00:07:24,700 --> 00:07:26,480 to stray from the approved script. 123 00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:29,880 I'd like to, if that's all right. 124 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,900 Of course. What do you want to say? 125 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:38,140 Allahu akbar! 126 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,420 Allahu akbar? 127 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,020 No, I don't like those words. 128 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:45,350 They scare the dirt off of me. 129 00:07:45,450 --> 00:07:47,520 Well, maybe they'll be less scary 130 00:07:47,570 --> 00:07:49,190 if we explain what they mean. 131 00:07:49,290 --> 00:07:50,850 Allahu akbar is an expression 132 00:07:50,890 --> 00:07:52,640 that means a lot of different things. 133 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:54,640 Mainly, it's used as a greeting, 134 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:57,960 like we say "Hello," "good-bye." 135 00:07:58,060 --> 00:08:00,770 Or... "aloha"? 136 00:08:00,870 --> 00:08:02,240 That's right, Uke-Larry. 137 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:04,550 So if we went to Hawaii, 138 00:08:04,580 --> 00:08:08,140 we could say, "Aloha-u akbar." 139 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:10,820 Um... Sure. 140 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:12,900 Allahu akbar. 141 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,630 Forced to leave their homes at gunpoint 142 00:08:15,730 --> 00:08:18,220 and march on foot with whatever they could carry. 143 00:08:18,410 --> 00:08:20,550 It led to the deaths of over 20,000 144 00:08:20,580 --> 00:08:23,080 Indigenous Americans. 145 00:08:23,180 --> 00:08:25,040 "Indigenous"? 146 00:08:25,140 --> 00:08:26,720 Indigenous. 147 00:08:26,820 --> 00:08:28,730 That means they were here first. 148 00:08:28,750 --> 00:08:31,730 The Cherokees called this the Trail of Tears. 149 00:08:31,830 --> 00:08:33,690 Oops. 150 00:08:33,790 --> 00:08:35,530 That's right, Oops. 151 00:08:35,630 --> 00:08:37,900 Even governments make mistakes. 152 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:42,620 Disconnect the teleprompters. 153 00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:44,440 I did. That's just him talking. 154 00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:47,160 Grace and I wrote him a powerful scene 155 00:08:47,180 --> 00:08:49,200 in which Snagglehorse goes apple-picking, 156 00:08:49,220 --> 00:08:52,160 and he wrote, "Despair is an eagle." 157 00:08:52,340 --> 00:08:54,420 What does that mean? 158 00:08:56,300 --> 00:08:59,370 Without a diverse group of meaningful relationships, 159 00:08:59,470 --> 00:09:01,220 we can't see certain populations 160 00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:02,970 as actual people, 161 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,850 and we subconsciously tune them out. 162 00:09:05,950 --> 00:09:07,400 And your depression is something 163 00:09:07,420 --> 00:09:09,400 you should never be afraid to talk about 164 00:09:09,420 --> 00:09:11,220 with the people you love, 165 00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:13,220 because if they really love you... 166 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,500 They'd tell you that Ronald McDonald 167 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:18,160 wants to walk our black youth into a food desert 168 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,470 and leave them there without their pants on, 169 00:09:20,570 --> 00:09:22,530 because he wants to charge you for water 170 00:09:22,540 --> 00:09:24,280 and he wants to charge you to pee. 171 00:09:24,340 --> 00:09:27,440 Don't expect compliments from an insecure person. 172 00:09:28,780 --> 00:09:30,460 Too many people think this country's 173 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,380 a stone-cold gray corpse, 174 00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:33,620 but it's not. 175 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:36,420 It's a living, breathing organism. 176 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,600 And we've got to keep kicking it 177 00:09:40,620 --> 00:09:43,140 to make sure it's alive. 178 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:44,910 Yee-haw! 179 00:09:45,010 --> 00:09:47,080 For every 90 minutes of footage we shoot, 180 00:09:47,110 --> 00:09:49,070 only 12 are borderline usable, 181 00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:50,320 and that's before we cut out 182 00:09:50,330 --> 00:09:52,880 the veiled Marxism and songs about genocide. 183 00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:56,060 Whoo... hoo! 184 00:09:56,260 --> 00:09:58,000 The show was right there 185 00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:00,420 beneath the surface the whole time 186 00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:05,610 I thought it was an end, 187 00:10:05,710 --> 00:10:07,300 but it was just a rust 188 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:09,260 oxidized over the beginning. 189 00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:15,600 Sorry. I forgot my eyeballs. 190 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,360 Thank you. 191 00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:28,470 Allahu akbar. 192 00:10:30,140 --> 00:10:32,430 Good night. 193 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:40,140 He can do whatever he wants. 194 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,000 Say whatever he wants. 195 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,180 Maybe I want to look in a lens 196 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:45,680 and scream a little. 197 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,950 Not that they'd let me near a camera. 198 00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,600 Sometimes, I... I'm Soap Scum's 199 00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:54,760 limp right hand, and even then, 200 00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:57,260 it's obscured by a shower curtain 201 00:10:57,620 --> 00:11:00,900 that... I created in my dorm room. 202 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,860 The true artist... 203 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,540 is both victim and warrior. 204 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:10,120 You speak English? 205 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:11,980 I'm not speaking English. 206 00:11:26,750 --> 00:11:27,780 Oh. 207 00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,860 What makes your puppets special 208 00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:39,220 is the life you put inside of them, 209 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,380 not the people hiding behind them. 210 00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:53,420 What's your real name, Pickles-san? 211 00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:56,760 Mm, who I was doesn't matter. 212 00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:58,760 I'm Pickles-san now, 213 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:01,220 always and forever. 214 00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:04,250 Maybe we both like to hide. 215 00:12:04,350 --> 00:12:07,040 I hide from myself all the time. 216 00:12:08,020 --> 00:12:11,640 I think that's why I married Scott. 217 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:13,300 He's... 218 00:12:13,380 --> 00:12:15,160 I didn't want to know myself, 219 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:18,120 so I chose a man who could never know me. 220 00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:22,080 He's the one who wanted kids. 221 00:12:22,940 --> 00:12:25,240 I only exist 222 00:12:25,340 --> 00:12:26,480 for other people: 223 00:12:26,540 --> 00:12:29,190 Maddy and Scott and Jeff 224 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,010 and my dad and... 225 00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:36,320 It's easy to exist for them, 226 00:12:36,420 --> 00:12:39,900 because I don't know how to exist for myself. 227 00:12:41,020 --> 00:12:42,920 I don't know how to want. 228 00:12:45,380 --> 00:12:47,850 I'd rather bleed in front of a doll 229 00:12:47,950 --> 00:12:51,540 than live in front of my family. 230 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:55,760 That's how I grew up. 231 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:01,390 We are a family who loves from afar. 232 00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:03,870 But loving others from afar means 233 00:13:03,970 --> 00:13:07,000 what they give you in return is always at a distance. 234 00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:09,800 I'm better from afar. 235 00:13:11,140 --> 00:13:13,490 I'm all scars up close. 236 00:13:16,870 --> 00:13:18,730 You know of kintsugi? 237 00:13:18,830 --> 00:13:20,010 Hm? 238 00:13:20,110 --> 00:13:21,760 It is the practice of making art 239 00:13:21,780 --> 00:13:23,030 by breaking something special 240 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:26,340 and gluing it back together with gold. 241 00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,140 Your scars 242 00:13:28,260 --> 00:13:30,630 do not mean you are broken. 243 00:13:30,730 --> 00:13:32,310 They are proof you are healed. 244 00:13:32,410 --> 00:13:34,800 Breaking is healing. 245 00:13:35,420 --> 00:13:37,000 Kintsugi. 246 00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:39,720 Kintsugi. 247 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,060 I don't want you to think that I chose somebody 248 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:56,460 who wouldn't be alive very long 249 00:13:56,470 --> 00:13:59,440 because I thought we were gonna get back together. 250 00:13:59,820 --> 00:14:01,400 I didn't think that. 251 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:03,360 Usually, when your husband 252 00:14:03,380 --> 00:14:04,520 starts dating a younger woman, 253 00:14:04,540 --> 00:14:06,200 it reminds you of your mortality. 254 00:14:08,820 --> 00:14:10,240 Not this time. 255 00:14:12,860 --> 00:14:16,350 I'm sorry if my actions hurt you in any way. 256 00:14:17,910 --> 00:14:19,370 Hey, I found my next relationship 257 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:22,740 in a hospital hallway. Maybe I led by example. 258 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:24,420 When I first saw Peter, 259 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,580 it was like watching the "Challenger" explode, 260 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,220 but you knew what you needed, 261 00:14:29,260 --> 00:14:32,140 and he put so much color back in your cheeks. 262 00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:34,460 Thank him for me. 263 00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:38,260 Jeff, you know, nine times out of ten, when someone 264 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:39,640 walks through that doorway, they've just gotten 265 00:14:39,660 --> 00:14:42,880 the worst news that they will ever get in their life. 266 00:14:46,180 --> 00:14:49,200 So it would be best for her 267 00:14:49,580 --> 00:14:52,340 if you could find a way to convey that 268 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:56,340 her struggle is your struggle. 269 00:14:59,260 --> 00:15:01,860 We still have to deal with Thursday. 270 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,820 I'd like you to come over to Dee Dee's, 271 00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:08,980 bring Peter. 272 00:15:09,580 --> 00:15:11,020 You open to that? 273 00:15:11,180 --> 00:15:13,370 - Yeah. - Mm. 274 00:15:13,470 --> 00:15:15,890 That was easier than I thought it would be. 275 00:15:24,180 --> 00:15:26,760 Whatever you need, I'm here for you. 276 00:15:29,850 --> 00:15:32,920 The... second line of treatment pushed 277 00:15:32,980 --> 00:15:34,380 my white blood cell count 278 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,160 past the point of remission. 279 00:15:40,420 --> 00:15:42,580 I'm in remission. 280 00:15:45,950 --> 00:15:47,770 I love you so much. 281 00:15:49,230 --> 00:15:50,400 Oh, my God. 282 00:15:50,420 --> 00:15:52,920 I have so many credit cards to pay off. 283 00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:02,720 I am so, so happy 284 00:16:02,750 --> 00:16:04,920 to hear the good news about your health. 285 00:16:04,940 --> 00:16:08,470 Thank you. I'm... Vivian, by the way. 286 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:09,740 I'm Seb. 287 00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:21,460 Arigatou. 288 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:23,720 Put that back. No, no, we don't do that. 289 00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:28,860 Oh, man! 290 00:16:32,540 --> 00:16:34,240 I think it's a miracle. 291 00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:36,420 If she's okay, Jeff's okay. 292 00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:39,640 If Jeff's okay, everything's normal again. 293 00:16:39,860 --> 00:16:41,920 You think your sister 294 00:16:41,950 --> 00:16:44,140 would let us watch the National Dog Show? 295 00:16:44,180 --> 00:16:45,800 I didn't know you followed the Natties. 296 00:16:45,820 --> 00:16:48,080 My nana bred two runners-up 297 00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:50,060 and one that just plain broke her heart. 298 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:53,620 I midwifed the 2003 Best In Group terrier. 299 00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:55,700 I mean, I say that. Really, I was just 300 00:16:55,820 --> 00:16:57,620 passing through the kitchen at the wrong time. 301 00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,820 What about last year's spaniel surprise? 302 00:17:00,050 --> 00:17:02,100 Jaunty, yes. Jovial, yes. 303 00:17:02,330 --> 00:17:04,580 Champion? No, sir. 304 00:17:04,740 --> 00:17:06,620 I feel the schnauzers 305 00:17:06,660 --> 00:17:08,840 are under-coifed and overlooked. 306 00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:11,720 Ever since the Scandinavians started breeding them, 307 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:14,660 I've been thinking, "When is their moment?" 308 00:17:15,430 --> 00:17:16,440 Thank you. 309 00:17:16,460 --> 00:17:19,520 My dad used to have a drawer full of jigsaw puzzles. 310 00:17:19,540 --> 00:17:22,420 Now he has a drawer full of condoms. 311 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,620 Mm, my mom thinks I'm drinking grape juice, 312 00:17:24,650 --> 00:17:26,280 but really, it's wine. 313 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:28,200 I'm going to start the magic show. 314 00:17:28,260 --> 00:17:29,910 Okay, honey. 315 00:17:30,010 --> 00:17:31,550 I said I'm going to start 316 00:17:31,580 --> 00:17:33,840 the magic show. 317 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,300 Whatever. 318 00:17:36,540 --> 00:17:38,700 Do you still say your prayers? 319 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:46,460 But... but... wait. What do you say? 320 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:49,290 Most of America eats turkey today, 321 00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:52,240 but my family eats lasagna, too, 322 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,140 because I'm Italian. Do you like it? 323 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,320 Arigatou. 324 00:17:57,570 --> 00:18:00,080 You know, 325 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:03,560 I had the best blowjob of my life 326 00:18:03,580 --> 00:18:06,420 on the bullet train to Kyoto. 327 00:18:08,860 --> 00:18:10,840 Sucky, sucky. Train, train. 328 00:18:14,540 --> 00:18:16,060 - Hm? - Fellatio. 329 00:18:16,140 --> 00:18:17,180 Yes. 330 00:18:18,420 --> 00:18:20,080 Here's to fellatio. 331 00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:22,340 Blowjob. 332 00:18:22,420 --> 00:18:24,300 Show me the charcoal under-rub 333 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,480 of a Swedish show dog, and I will show you 334 00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:28,700 the infinite potential of canine husbandry. 335 00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:31,100 That's right, Schnauzer. Trot that circle. 336 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,780 Alvin-Britches Dropbottom Delight 337 00:18:33,790 --> 00:18:37,080 did not come to play with you haughty bitches! 338 00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:42,760 Vivian keeps talking about us 339 00:18:42,780 --> 00:18:44,600 zip-lining through Honduras 340 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:46,060 and seeing the fish rain. 341 00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:47,810 You will never forget the first time 342 00:18:47,820 --> 00:18:50,320 you get kamikaze'd by a red snapper. 343 00:18:50,340 --> 00:18:52,740 Sorry, Pickles-san. 344 00:18:52,820 --> 00:18:54,280 Deirdre spent a lot of time in Belize, 345 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:55,940 working with local populations. 346 00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,600 Ah. I mean, I've only used my passport once. 347 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:00,380 The pain meds are cheaper in Toronto. 348 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,160 Oh! 349 00:19:02,180 --> 00:19:04,060 So when are you guys thinking of going? 350 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:06,440 I was thinking midsummer, right, Viv? 351 00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:07,750 - Mm-hm. - Could I come? 352 00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:09,500 Will, sometimes, couples like 353 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,480 to travel together. Alone. 354 00:19:11,540 --> 00:19:13,660 No, no, no. The more, the merrier. 355 00:19:13,700 --> 00:19:15,130 I want to go. We have never 356 00:19:15,150 --> 00:19:17,170 taken a vacation as a family. 357 00:19:17,180 --> 00:19:18,770 We should talk about this closer to June. 358 00:19:18,780 --> 00:19:20,360 I want to go to Costa Rica. 359 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,610 I guess all of us could go. 360 00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:24,460 Oh, whoa, I'm in... you know, if invited. 361 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:25,810 And Scott could totally plan this. 362 00:19:25,820 --> 00:19:27,660 My husband is a corporate travel agent. 363 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:29,100 This would be his Olympics. 364 00:19:29,140 --> 00:19:30,660 Logistics are my aphrodisiac. 365 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:32,340 What if I pay for the whole trip? 366 00:19:32,420 --> 00:19:34,010 The Pickles take Honduras. 367 00:19:34,020 --> 00:19:35,140 You don't have to do that. 368 00:19:35,170 --> 00:19:36,420 Could we stay in another place 369 00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:37,620 with chocolate-covered fruit? 370 00:19:37,630 --> 00:19:38,630 Can I room with Grandpa? 371 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,520 We make T-shirts for everybody. 372 00:19:40,620 --> 00:19:42,580 "Out of the Way: Pickles on Vacay." 373 00:19:42,620 --> 00:19:43,980 I'll ask Derrell to plan tomorrow. 374 00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:45,550 Seb, this many people, 375 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,030 different last names, hotel rooms? 376 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:48,250 Let me handle this. 377 00:19:48,260 --> 00:19:50,360 I'm going alone. 378 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:55,600 You're right. 379 00:19:55,700 --> 00:19:57,720 We don't have to take the whole family. 380 00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,180 It can just be us. 381 00:20:02,300 --> 00:20:04,720 Um, no. I was gonna tell you later. 382 00:20:04,750 --> 00:20:06,590 I bought a ticket, and I'm going next week, 383 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,200 by myself. 384 00:20:15,460 --> 00:20:17,370 I'm sorry, Jeff. 385 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:23,420 Just... everything that... 386 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:25,720 ... changed when everything changed, 387 00:20:25,740 --> 00:20:28,150 and I get to start over. 388 00:20:28,250 --> 00:20:30,350 I look at you, 389 00:20:30,450 --> 00:20:32,950 and I see the man who saved my life. 390 00:20:34,270 --> 00:20:37,640 But I also see cancer 391 00:20:37,740 --> 00:20:40,320 and... death. 392 00:20:40,420 --> 00:20:42,890 I look at you, you remind me of death. 393 00:20:46,550 --> 00:20:49,060 And I have this gift of time, and, 394 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:52,060 you know, this... 395 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:55,260 us... it made sense 396 00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:57,350 when time was running out. 397 00:21:00,770 --> 00:21:04,040 Now that I can... 398 00:21:04,140 --> 00:21:05,170 plan ahead, I'm sorry. 399 00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:06,600 Those plans don't involve you. 400 00:21:06,620 --> 00:21:09,080 I'm sorry. They can't. 401 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:16,540 I understand. 402 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:20,540 I'm... 403 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,280 happy for you. 404 00:21:26,450 --> 00:21:28,920 Fuck you! 405 00:21:29,650 --> 00:21:31,160 Yeah, fuck you! 406 00:21:31,180 --> 00:21:32,300 Fuck you, cunt! 407 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:33,940 - Yeah, fuck you! - Fuck you. 408 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,440 - Fuck you! - Fuck you! 409 00:21:36,540 --> 00:21:37,680 Fuck you! 410 00:21:37,700 --> 00:21:38,880 Fuck you, fuck you, 411 00:21:38,900 --> 00:21:40,080 fuck you, fuck you! 412 00:21:40,100 --> 00:21:41,530 Fuck you! 413 00:21:41,630 --> 00:21:44,410 Fuck you! There's no chemo for dengue! 414 00:22:48,030 --> 00:22:49,640 The line 415 00:22:49,700 --> 00:22:52,940 is "Welcome to Pickle Barrel Falls, 416 00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:54,560 Viva Lost Pages. 417 00:22:54,700 --> 00:22:56,490 Your new forever home." 418 00:22:59,500 --> 00:23:01,820 Just... 419 00:23:02,010 --> 00:23:04,580 give me a second. 420 00:23:04,700 --> 00:23:06,980 I can do it. 421 00:23:12,060 --> 00:23:14,440 We don't have to do this today. 422 00:23:15,740 --> 00:23:18,260 Mm... 423 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,780 We don't have to keep Viva Lost Pages 424 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:27,340 around if it's just gonna dredge up painful memories. 425 00:23:30,340 --> 00:23:33,280 A woman is gonna live. 426 00:23:33,380 --> 00:23:37,120 That's nothing short of spectacular. 427 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,840 I don't really have an excuse to come in here, 428 00:23:49,860 --> 00:23:52,500 but... you can't understand me anyway, 429 00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:54,460 unless I'm holding a puppet. 430 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,660 I just... 431 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:17,470 May I tell you the sad and sordid tale 432 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:19,180 of a queen enslaved by the demon 433 00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:20,420 locked in her vulva, 434 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:22,300 and the warrior with a steel penis... 435 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:24,960 whoosh... who destroyed this demon? 436 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:26,420 Yes, please. 437 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:28,300 Have you ever met a new friend 438 00:24:28,490 --> 00:24:30,980 that feels like an old friend? 439 00:24:31,180 --> 00:24:33,180 This... 440 00:24:34,020 --> 00:24:36,060 is Viva. 441 00:24:36,260 --> 00:24:38,950 A new friend. And Viva, 442 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,560 this is Ennui and Maestro Fermata, 443 00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,330 your new friends. 444 00:24:43,430 --> 00:24:45,460 They'll probably feel like old friends. 445 00:24:45,630 --> 00:24:48,220 Do you have any books on tartines? 446 00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:49,500 Or Mozart? 447 00:24:49,580 --> 00:24:51,340 I feel lost. 448 00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:53,580 You're not lost. You're home, 449 00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:56,190 and you can stay in Pickle Barrel Falls 450 00:24:56,290 --> 00:24:57,590 for as long as you want. 451 00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,160 - All done? - Thanks. 452 00:24:59,170 --> 00:25:01,390 Forever? 453 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:04,520 That's a long time, but sure. 454 00:25:04,700 --> 00:25:07,200 You get to stay forever. 455 00:25:10,060 --> 00:25:12,160 The great warrior fought his way 456 00:25:12,260 --> 00:25:15,500 guard by guard until he made his way 457 00:25:15,540 --> 00:25:19,020 to the queen's tower. 458 00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:21,420 But just before she could embrace him... 459 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,480 The king arrived on his horse. 460 00:25:26,690 --> 00:25:28,070 Wait, how are you... 461 00:25:28,170 --> 00:25:29,616 Please, don't touch it. 462 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,200 The old ruler explained 463 00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:33,420 the door to the castle had always been open, 464 00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:36,660 and it was the queen who had locked herself away. 465 00:25:38,140 --> 00:25:40,380 - Where's warrior going? - Home. 466 00:25:40,460 --> 00:25:41,910 The great warrior understood 467 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,360 this was a demon for the queen to slay. 468 00:25:44,420 --> 00:25:46,840 Anything else would be infidelity. 469 00:25:47,030 --> 00:25:49,680 The warrior and the queen 470 00:25:49,780 --> 00:25:52,180 are not meant to be. 471 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:54,120 Will you stay through Christmas? 472 00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:59,260 What the actual fuck? 473 00:26:04,580 --> 00:26:07,830 Just... keep editing the stuff out 474 00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:08,880 that we don't want to see. 475 00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,410 Until when? The show is seven minutes long. 476 00:26:11,420 --> 00:26:13,240 And it's PBS. It's not like we could 477 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:14,820 pad it with commercial breaks. 478 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:16,470 And what happens when he goes live? 479 00:26:16,510 --> 00:26:17,510 How do we stop him 480 00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:19,120 from puking his off-brand lunacy 481 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:20,620 all over his shoes, and your shoes, 482 00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:21,780 - and our shoes? - Don't worry. 483 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:22,876 We're not gonna let that happen. 484 00:26:22,900 --> 00:26:24,500 Oh, so he's not gonna host it this year? 485 00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:27,010 Oh, fuck. 486 00:26:27,020 --> 00:26:29,340 Oh, fuck! 487 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:30,766 The National Tree Lighting. 488 00:26:30,790 --> 00:26:32,700 I think it's on CBS this year. 489 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:36,060 That'll be what, 10 million people watching? 490 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:38,740 How did December get here so quickly? 491 00:26:43,570 --> 00:26:45,150 It's not about the money. 492 00:26:45,250 --> 00:26:47,640 It's never been about the money, Gregory. 493 00:26:47,740 --> 00:26:50,300 It's about doing the right thing. 494 00:26:50,620 --> 00:26:52,600 $42,000 is a lot of debt 495 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:53,960 for a woman in her thirties. 496 00:26:54,100 --> 00:26:58,010 She has medical bills. This'll help her heal. 497 00:26:58,110 --> 00:26:59,890 As your accountant, I can only recommend 498 00:26:59,900 --> 00:27:01,490 what's fiscally responsible. 499 00:27:01,590 --> 00:27:03,240 Maybe we just pay off the Discover card. 500 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:06,420 Just pay it all, please. 501 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:09,020 She's lucky to have a friend like you. 502 00:27:09,120 --> 00:27:11,040 We all are. 503 00:27:12,490 --> 00:27:13,520 Good-bye. 504 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:21,920 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 33964

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