Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,195 --> 00:00:10,197
♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
2
00:00:10,198 --> 00:00:13,599
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:17,169
♪ But where are those good
old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:17,170 --> 00:00:20,172
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:20,173 --> 00:00:23,676
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:23,677 --> 00:00:26,812
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:26,813 --> 00:00:28,380
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:28,381 --> 00:00:30,182
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:30,183 --> 00:00:34,547
♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:34,548 --> 00:00:38,930
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
11
00:00:39,292 --> 00:00:42,127
(CROWD CHATTERING,
LIVELY ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYING)
12
00:00:43,068 --> 00:00:45,231
Ah, the Feast of San Gennaro.
13
00:00:45,232 --> 00:00:47,266
Every child here has seen a relative
14
00:00:47,267 --> 00:00:48,934
murdered in a barber chair.
15
00:00:48,935 --> 00:00:50,591
Step right up!
16
00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:53,567
Teach an old Italian
lady how to use an iPad!
17
00:00:53,568 --> 00:00:55,708
Now, that sounds like
fun. I'll give it a try.
18
00:00:55,709 --> 00:00:58,544
Hey, how are you? Look
what I got for you.
19
00:00:58,545 --> 00:01:00,735
What is it? It's a tablet computer.
20
00:01:00,736 --> 00:01:01,770
I don't want it.
21
00:01:01,771 --> 00:01:03,122
But you don't even know what it is.
22
00:01:03,123 --> 00:01:04,123
I don't want it.
23
00:01:04,124 --> 00:01:05,557
But you can watch movies on it.
24
00:01:05,558 --> 00:01:06,625
My eyes hurt.
25
00:01:06,626 --> 00:01:08,327
I'm trying to do something nice here!
26
00:01:08,328 --> 00:01:09,928
For the last time, I don't want it.
27
00:01:09,929 --> 00:01:12,598
I bet you if Joey was giving
it to you, you'd take it.
28
00:01:12,599 --> 00:01:13,832
Don't you bring him into this.
29
00:01:13,833 --> 00:01:15,234
Joey was a good boy.
30
00:01:15,235 --> 00:01:16,869
Oh, yeah, yeah, Joey was a good boy?
31
00:01:16,870 --> 00:01:19,271
You thought he was making 100
grand a year hauling lumber?
32
00:01:19,272 --> 00:01:20,439
Don't you start with this.
33
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:21,774
He was dirty, Ma!
34
00:01:21,775 --> 00:01:23,842
I can't hear this! I won't hear it!
35
00:01:23,843 --> 00:01:25,611
- He was an angel!
- Oh, that's right.
36
00:01:25,612 --> 00:01:28,013
"Angel Joey," great
Joey, perfect Joey.
37
00:01:28,014 --> 00:01:29,548
I got to go to the church.
38
00:01:29,549 --> 00:01:30,849
Oh, yeah, sure, light another candle.
39
00:01:30,850 --> 00:01:31,850
That'll bring him back.
40
00:01:31,851 --> 00:01:33,118
You watch your tongue.
41
00:01:33,119 --> 00:01:35,854
Admit it, you wish it was me
in that car instead of him!
42
00:01:35,855 --> 00:01:37,890
Just take your little TV and go!
43
00:01:37,891 --> 00:01:39,558
It's an iPad, you dumb cow!
44
00:01:39,559 --> 00:01:40,826
(GROANS)
45
00:01:40,827 --> 00:01:43,829
I guess I don't have any sons now.
46
00:01:43,830 --> 00:01:46,398
Ma! I'm sorry, Ma!
47
00:01:46,399 --> 00:01:48,765
Ma! Ma!
48
00:01:49,135 --> 00:01:50,903
Hey, Bri, look over there.
49
00:01:50,904 --> 00:01:53,005
That guy looks like Frank Sinatra, Jr.
50
00:01:53,006 --> 00:01:54,340
Stewie, this is Federal Hill.
51
00:01:54,341 --> 00:01:56,484
Everybody looks like
Frank Sinatra, Jr.
52
00:01:56,485 --> 00:01:57,076
Well, then who's that guy
53
00:01:57,077 --> 00:01:58,877
who looks like a young Frank Sinatra?
54
00:01:58,878 --> 00:02:00,713
Oh, that's Woody Allen's
son, but you're right,
55
00:02:00,714 --> 00:02:03,048
that other guy behind him
is Frank Sinatra, Jr.
56
00:02:03,049 --> 00:02:04,683
Stewie! Elliot!
57
00:02:04,684 --> 00:02:06,318
(CHUCKLES): It-it's actually Brian.
58
00:02:06,319 --> 00:02:08,187
We've-we've met many times before.
59
00:02:08,188 --> 00:02:09,747
Then who's Elliot?
60
00:02:09,748 --> 00:02:11,299
I-I really wouldn't know.
61
00:02:11,300 --> 00:02:13,258
This is a bad start to
whatever we're doing.
62
00:02:13,259 --> 00:02:15,661
Well, now, what brings you
fellas to the festival?
63
00:02:15,662 --> 00:02:17,830
My dad will drive long
distances for ice
64
00:02:17,831 --> 00:02:19,164
with colored liquid in it.
65
00:02:19,165 --> 00:02:20,299
PETER: They got blue!
66
00:02:20,300 --> 00:02:22,067
And we all love the Italian food.
67
00:02:22,068 --> 00:02:23,969
Oh, you like Italian food?
68
00:02:23,970 --> 00:02:25,337
Want a meatball?
69
00:02:25,338 --> 00:02:27,473
Yeah, I'm gonna pass on
that, but it's a shame
70
00:02:27,474 --> 00:02:30,142
we can't get good Italian
food like this in Quahog.
71
00:02:30,143 --> 00:02:32,411
Well, maybe the three
of us ought to open
72
00:02:32,412 --> 00:02:34,079
an Italian restaurant there.
73
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,220
Open our own Italian restaurant?
74
00:02:36,221 --> 00:02:37,916
I say, that sounds fun.
75
00:02:37,917 --> 00:02:40,919
You, uh, you keep
meatballs in your jacket?
76
00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:43,760
Oh, yeah, all my pockets are
lined with Reynolds Wrap.
77
00:02:43,761 --> 00:02:45,395
I learned that from my old buddies:
78
00:02:45,396 --> 00:02:47,731
Dean Martin, Jr., Joey Bishop, Jr.,
79
00:02:47,732 --> 00:02:49,565
and Sammy Davis the Third.
80
00:02:50,635 --> 00:02:52,235
Hey, where's Chris?
81
00:02:52,236 --> 00:02:54,137
He's over there playing
that carnival game.
82
00:02:54,138 --> 00:02:55,438
(ITALIAN ACCENT): Step right up!
83
00:02:55,439 --> 00:02:58,408
Everybody take a chance
on Whack-a-Big-a-Pussy!
84
00:02:58,409 --> 00:03:01,645
(REPEATING RAPIDLY): Hey, Ton'!
85
00:03:01,646 --> 00:03:03,947
This is not what I thought it was!
86
00:03:03,948 --> 00:03:06,349
(YELLS)
87
00:03:06,350 --> 00:03:09,010
Oh, my God, Chris is out of control!
88
00:03:09,011 --> 00:03:09,719
I know!
89
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,355
It must be all the violence
in movies and sex on TV.
90
00:03:12,356 --> 00:03:13,557
Oh.
91
00:03:13,558 --> 00:03:15,024
See, I listen. (CHUCKLES)
92
00:03:20,364 --> 00:03:22,232
Peter, we need to talk
about what happened
93
00:03:22,233 --> 00:03:23,300
at the street fair.
94
00:03:23,301 --> 00:03:25,035
Lois, it's an Italian festival.
95
00:03:25,036 --> 00:03:26,503
You're supposed to yell "Bella, Bella"
96
00:03:26,504 --> 00:03:28,538
and grab as much fat ass as you can.
97
00:03:28,539 --> 00:03:30,440
No, I'm talking about Chris.
98
00:03:30,441 --> 00:03:33,343
I had no idea he had so
much pent-up aggression.
99
00:03:33,344 --> 00:03:36,179
We have to deal with his anger
issues before he hurts himself.
100
00:03:36,180 --> 00:03:37,581
Ah, that's good thinking, Lois.
101
00:03:37,582 --> 00:03:38,782
I've seen what happens
102
00:03:38,783 --> 00:03:40,784
when people hold in their
aggression for too long.
103
00:03:40,785 --> 00:03:43,085
Don't forget, I was in
that elevator with Jay-Z.
104
00:03:44,255 --> 00:03:46,056
Hey, could you have
your guy hit "two"?
105
00:03:46,057 --> 00:03:47,924
I got to get down to
the business center
106
00:03:47,925 --> 00:03:49,326
to print out my boarding pass.
107
00:03:49,327 --> 00:03:51,461
Oh! Hey! That's gonna leave a mark!
108
00:03:51,462 --> 00:03:53,229
(CHUCKLES) That's from a movie.
109
00:03:53,230 --> 00:03:55,799
So, you girls traveling
with your dad here?
110
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,267
Hey, don't kick him, Muddy Shoes.
111
00:03:57,268 --> 00:03:58,902
He's got a white suit on.
112
00:03:58,903 --> 00:04:01,438
Hey, look, I don't know if you
guys are really staying here,
113
00:04:01,439 --> 00:04:04,073
but you can't get into the
pool without a room key.
114
00:04:07,712 --> 00:04:10,080
Okay, Chris, your mom
and I want to help you
115
00:04:10,081 --> 00:04:12,549
get out some of that aggression,
so I thought you and me
116
00:04:12,550 --> 00:04:14,450
could huck rotten
apples at passing cars.
117
00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:19,589
Oh, I didn't know we had
brown apple in the forecast.
118
00:04:19,590 --> 00:04:21,390
Welp, we needed it.
119
00:04:23,995 --> 00:04:26,295
Wow, can I have a turn?
120
00:04:28,399 --> 00:04:29,632
(TIRES SCREECHING)
121
00:04:33,104 --> 00:04:35,972
Hey, which one of you threw
that apple at my car?
122
00:04:35,973 --> 00:04:37,741
He did it. He dragged me out here.
123
00:04:37,742 --> 00:04:39,275
I wanted to be in school, sir.
124
00:04:39,276 --> 00:04:41,311
Where'd you get a
cannon like that, kid?
125
00:04:41,312 --> 00:04:43,613
I work out my right arm
three times a day.
126
00:04:43,614 --> 00:04:44,748
Mm, Free weights?
127
00:04:44,749 --> 00:04:47,550
No, mostly JPEGs of Helen
Hunt on my hard drive.
128
00:04:47,551 --> 00:04:49,719
Well, I'm Coach Doyle, and I
head up the baseball team
129
00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:50,787
at James Woods High.
130
00:04:50,788 --> 00:04:53,156
What fake class do they
also make you teach?
131
00:04:53,157 --> 00:04:55,191
- Driver's ed, right?
- No, wood shop.
132
00:04:55,192 --> 00:04:56,760
Ah, that was my second guess.
133
00:04:56,761 --> 00:04:58,595
Tell me, son, how would
you like to pitch
134
00:04:58,596 --> 00:04:59,896
for the high school team?
135
00:04:59,897 --> 00:05:02,265
Baseball's the sport people
play while eating, right?
136
00:05:02,266 --> 00:05:04,768
Oh, yeah, sometimes I even
watch a whole Blacklist.
137
00:05:04,769 --> 00:05:06,970
I don't know, I've never
played baseball before.
138
00:05:06,971 --> 00:05:09,039
Oh, come on, Chris, you got to do it.
139
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:10,440
If you don't, you'll regret it.
140
00:05:10,441 --> 00:05:13,710
Just like Jesus' friend, Evan,
who bailed on the Last Supper.
141
00:05:13,711 --> 00:05:15,979
Aw, they did a painting?
142
00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:18,631
I would've gone if I knew they
were gonna do a painting.
143
00:05:22,887 --> 00:05:24,320
Here we are, fellas.
144
00:05:24,321 --> 00:05:27,724
The future site of Quahog's
newest Italian restaurant.
145
00:05:27,725 --> 00:05:29,626
Wow, this is a great location.
146
00:05:29,627 --> 00:05:30,927
Can we afford this?
147
00:05:30,928 --> 00:05:32,095
Sure we can.
148
00:05:32,096 --> 00:05:33,797
I set up one of those Kickstarters.
149
00:05:33,798 --> 00:05:35,498
Then I realized how stupid that is
150
00:05:35,499 --> 00:05:38,068
and I went to the bank for
a loan like an adult.
151
00:05:38,069 --> 00:05:40,770
Now, fellas, the tables should
all be bolted to the floor
152
00:05:40,771 --> 00:05:42,172
to prevent theft.
153
00:05:42,173 --> 00:05:43,907
You know, most restaurants
go out of business
154
00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:46,109
because people are
stealing the tables.
155
00:05:46,110 --> 00:05:48,678
The toilets should also
be bolted to the floor.
156
00:05:48,679 --> 00:05:50,780
I think that's pretty
standard, Frank, but okay.
157
00:05:50,781 --> 00:05:52,849
Great. Now let's go find
some chump's restaurant
158
00:05:52,850 --> 00:05:55,050
and steal his tables and toilets.
159
00:06:03,728 --> 00:06:06,496
James Woods is winning for
now, but y'all never know
160
00:06:06,497 --> 00:06:08,732
what might happen in
the moments to come.
161
00:06:08,733 --> 00:06:10,900
I mean, look, there's
two baseball guys
162
00:06:10,901 --> 00:06:12,602
out on the bases right now.
163
00:06:12,603 --> 00:06:15,070
What if they's run to
the scoring place?
164
00:06:18,609 --> 00:06:20,944
BRUCE (OVER P.A.): Oh,
here comes a new boy.
165
00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:22,545
All right, Chris!
166
00:06:22,546 --> 00:06:24,814
Wow, I've never seen him
run onto a baseball field
167
00:06:24,815 --> 00:06:27,751
when he wasn't chasing a duck
or being chased by a duck.
168
00:06:27,752 --> 00:06:29,119
That a duck over there?
169
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,120
Ah, come on!
170
00:06:30,121 --> 00:06:31,654
What the hell's Coach Doyle thinking
171
00:06:31,655 --> 00:06:33,457
bringing in that fat slob?!
172
00:06:33,458 --> 00:06:34,416
You know what?
173
00:06:34,417 --> 00:06:38,428
I bet you a hundred bucks that
"fat slob" strikes this kid out.
174
00:06:38,429 --> 00:06:40,229
Ha, you're on.
175
00:06:43,267 --> 00:06:44,501
Strike one!
176
00:06:44,502 --> 00:06:46,468
(CROWD MURMURING)
177
00:06:48,272 --> 00:06:49,640
Strike two!
178
00:06:49,641 --> 00:06:50,791
BRUCE (OVER P.A.): Ooh!
179
00:06:52,109 --> 00:06:53,075
(EXHALES)
180
00:06:58,682 --> 00:07:00,016
Strike three!
181
00:07:00,017 --> 00:07:02,051
(CHEERING)
182
00:07:02,052 --> 00:07:04,354
BRUCE (OVER P.A.): Three
strikes and he's out,
183
00:07:04,355 --> 00:07:06,955
just like my cousin
Freddie with the drugs.
184
00:07:08,025 --> 00:07:10,560
Holy crap, a hundred bucks!
185
00:07:10,561 --> 00:07:11,860
Hey, nice going, Chris!
186
00:07:13,664 --> 00:07:16,099
Wow, look how proud my dad is.
187
00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:17,733
Oh, my God, a duck!
188
00:07:19,136 --> 00:07:20,503
It was a trap!
189
00:07:20,504 --> 00:07:22,137
(LOUD QUACKING)
190
00:07:27,782 --> 00:07:30,317
Guys, tonight the drinks are on me.
191
00:07:30,318 --> 00:07:33,086
I just won a hundred bucks
off Chris's baseball game.
192
00:07:33,087 --> 00:07:34,788
Really? How'd you do that?
193
00:07:34,789 --> 00:07:37,457
This dad took one look at
Chris and thought he'd suck,
194
00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:39,593
but it turns out Chris
is a great pitcher.
195
00:07:39,594 --> 00:07:42,362
I'm so proud of the money
I won betting on him.
196
00:07:42,363 --> 00:07:44,865
You know, I bet there are
plenty of other baseball dads
197
00:07:44,866 --> 00:07:46,467
who'd also assume Chris stinks.
198
00:07:46,468 --> 00:07:47,801
Peter, we could make a lot of money.
199
00:07:47,802 --> 00:07:50,604
Yeah, we could make
Toni Braxton money.
200
00:07:50,605 --> 00:07:52,406
Is that... is that a lot?
201
00:07:52,407 --> 00:07:54,742
It's a lot, and then nothing.
202
00:07:54,743 --> 00:07:58,130
And then a record whose proceeds
go directly to creditors.
203
00:07:58,514 --> 00:08:01,048
("CENTERFIELD" BY
JOHN FOGERTY PLAYING)
204
00:08:05,988 --> 00:08:08,122
♪ Put me in, Coach ♪
205
00:08:08,123 --> 00:08:10,692
♪ I'm ready to play ♪
206
00:08:10,693 --> 00:08:12,093
♪ Today ♪
207
00:08:12,094 --> 00:08:14,729
♪ Put me in, Coach ♪
208
00:08:14,730 --> 00:08:17,465
♪ I'm ready to play ♪
209
00:08:17,466 --> 00:08:18,866
♪ Today ♪
210
00:08:18,867 --> 00:08:20,968
♪ Look at me ♪
211
00:08:20,969 --> 00:08:22,303
♪ I can be ♪
212
00:08:22,304 --> 00:08:23,637
♪ Centerfield ♪
213
00:08:26,175 --> 00:08:29,477
♪ Well, I spent some time
in the Mudville Nine ♪
214
00:08:29,478 --> 00:08:32,213
♪ Watching it from the bench ♪
215
00:08:32,214 --> 00:08:34,082
♪ You know I took some lumps ♪
216
00:08:34,083 --> 00:08:36,516
♪ When the Mighty Casey struck out ♪
217
00:08:39,021 --> 00:08:41,355
♪ So Say Hey Willie ♪
218
00:08:41,356 --> 00:08:42,857
♪ Tell the Cobb ♪
219
00:08:42,858 --> 00:08:45,693
♪ And Joe DiMaggio ♪
220
00:08:45,694 --> 00:08:47,729
♪ Don't say it ain't so ♪
221
00:08:47,730 --> 00:08:51,064
♪ You know the time is now. ♪
222
00:08:58,160 --> 00:08:59,540
Frank, where the hell is everybody?
223
00:08:59,541 --> 00:09:01,409
This was supposed to be
our big opening night.
224
00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:03,144
I'll tell you what the problem is.
225
00:09:03,145 --> 00:09:06,146
Every successful restaurant
has a hook or a gimmick.
226
00:09:06,147 --> 00:09:07,348
That's what we're lacking.
227
00:09:07,349 --> 00:09:09,183
(GASPS) No, we're not.
228
00:09:09,184 --> 00:09:11,554
Frank, you're the hook! That's right.
229
00:09:11,555 --> 00:09:13,875
We just need to make you the
face of the restaurant.
230
00:09:13,876 --> 00:09:16,204
It may be the five
loaves of garlic bread
231
00:09:16,205 --> 00:09:19,674
I ate this morning talking, but
I think that's a swell idea.
232
00:09:19,675 --> 00:09:22,643
(TUNE OF "I WISH I WERE
IN LOVE AGAIN" PLAYING)
233
00:09:26,749 --> 00:09:28,483
♪ You'll love the meal ♪
234
00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:30,118
♪ The fancy feel ♪
235
00:09:30,119 --> 00:09:33,388
♪ The showbiz stories
while you eat your veal ♪
236
00:09:33,389 --> 00:09:36,558
♪ It's family dining
with a mobster feel ♪
237
00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:39,127
♪ At Frank Sinatra's restaurant ♪
238
00:09:39,128 --> 00:09:40,128
Junior!
239
00:09:40,129 --> 00:09:41,763
♪ The wine is red ♪
240
00:09:41,764 --> 00:09:43,465
♪ With lots of bread ♪
241
00:09:43,466 --> 00:09:46,968
(AS MARLON BRANDO): And portions
bigger than a horse's head.
242
00:09:46,969 --> 00:09:50,238
♪ You'll burp up sausages
tonight in bed ♪
243
00:09:50,239 --> 00:09:54,042
♪ At Frank Sinatra's restaurant ♪
244
00:09:54,043 --> 00:09:55,643
♪ Here's a toast ♪
245
00:09:57,246 --> 00:09:59,313
♪ To our host ♪
246
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:03,985
♪ The food's not great, but ♪
247
00:10:03,986 --> 00:10:06,755
♪ Drink enough and you won't know ♪
248
00:10:06,756 --> 00:10:10,125
♪ The guests will swoon
and Frank will croon ♪
249
00:10:10,126 --> 00:10:13,161
♪ A "beep-bop-dooby-dop"
Italian tune ♪
250
00:10:13,162 --> 00:10:15,230
♪ You dine like royalty ♪
251
00:10:15,231 --> 00:10:18,766
♪ At Frank Sinatra's restaurant ♪
252
00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:25,407
♪ We got big plans
to please our fans ♪
253
00:10:25,408 --> 00:10:28,844
♪ Our cocktail waitress
has enormous cans ♪
254
00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:31,446
♪ A men's room servant who
will dry your hands ♪
255
00:10:31,447 --> 00:10:34,883
♪ At Frank Sinatra's restaurant ♪
256
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:38,553
♪ Our pizza pies could win a prize ♪
257
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:41,623
♪ The jukebox catalog is double size ♪
258
00:10:41,624 --> 00:10:44,392
♪ It plays both Capitol
and, yes, Reprise ♪
259
00:10:44,393 --> 00:10:45,594
That's "Repreeze."
260
00:10:45,595 --> 00:10:48,096
♪ At Frank Sinatra's restaurant ♪
261
00:10:48,097 --> 00:10:51,198
♪ Gorgeous views ♪
262
00:10:52,268 --> 00:10:55,137
♪ And top-shelf booze ♪
263
00:10:55,138 --> 00:10:57,739
♪ Yes, we serve Jews ♪
264
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:01,476
♪ Um, that was never an issue ♪
265
00:11:01,477 --> 00:11:03,311
♪ So, raise your glass ♪
266
00:11:03,312 --> 00:11:05,080
♪ You'll have a gas ♪
267
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:08,116
♪ But seating's limited,
so move your ass ♪
268
00:11:08,117 --> 00:11:09,951
♪ And plant it firmly ♪
269
00:11:09,952 --> 00:11:14,789
♪ Here at Frank Sinatra's restaurant ♪
270
00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:17,792
♪ Frank's restaurant ♪
271
00:11:17,793 --> 00:11:24,132
♪ Frank's res... taurant. ♪
272
00:11:24,133 --> 00:11:25,466
(MUSIC ENDS)
273
00:11:33,142 --> 00:11:34,743
(CHUCKLES) Wow!
274
00:11:34,744 --> 00:11:36,144
Look at this, guys.
275
00:11:36,145 --> 00:11:39,080
I can't believe we made
all this in one game.
276
00:11:39,081 --> 00:11:40,448
Yeah, I'm having a great time
277
00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:42,517
handling this money and
then touching my eyeball.
278
00:11:42,518 --> 00:11:45,654
Jerome, another round
for my blurry friends.
279
00:11:45,655 --> 00:11:47,189
Yeah, we got a good thing going.
280
00:11:47,190 --> 00:11:49,224
We just have to keep
Chris's talent a secret.
281
00:11:49,225 --> 00:11:51,159
TOM TUCKER (OVER TV):
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
282
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,695
Our top story tonight, the
James Woods High baseball team
283
00:11:53,696 --> 00:11:55,797
is headed to the
district championship,
284
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:59,267
thanks to their secret weapon,
star pitcher Chris Griffin.
285
00:11:59,268 --> 00:12:01,870
Ah, crap, now everyone
knows Chris is a ringer!
286
00:12:01,871 --> 00:12:04,005
Tom Tucker just ruined everything.
287
00:12:04,006 --> 00:12:06,807
This sucks even worse than
when I stubbed my toe.
288
00:12:08,277 --> 00:12:09,611
Aah!
289
00:12:09,612 --> 00:12:12,714
Why does everything bad
always happen to me?!
290
00:12:12,715 --> 00:12:16,384
Answer me, guy in box
and guy on cross!
291
00:12:16,385 --> 00:12:18,352
(LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYING)
292
00:12:19,388 --> 00:12:21,355
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
293
00:12:22,925 --> 00:12:24,526
Stewie, can I talk to you?
294
00:12:24,527 --> 00:12:27,062
Look, Brian, I affectionately
pat all the waiters on the ass.
295
00:12:27,063 --> 00:12:28,930
And if anyone has a problem with it,
296
00:12:28,931 --> 00:12:30,298
they should come to me directly!
297
00:12:30,299 --> 00:12:31,566
No, no, it's not that.
298
00:12:31,567 --> 00:12:32,867
I-I've been going
through our receipts,
299
00:12:32,868 --> 00:12:34,502
and we're actually losing money.
300
00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:36,071
Well, yeah, duh.
301
00:12:36,072 --> 00:12:37,505
Frank comps every meal.
302
00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:38,974
Look, he's doing it again.
303
00:12:38,975 --> 00:12:40,976
Little-known secret
about Charlton Heston.
304
00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:42,744
Never used toilet paper.
305
00:12:42,745 --> 00:12:44,379
Just drop and go.
306
00:12:44,380 --> 00:12:46,780
Uh, here, let me get
that check for you.
307
00:12:50,953 --> 00:12:52,187
(SIGHS)
308
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,388
Well, it's official.
309
00:12:53,389 --> 00:12:55,657
Nobody wants to bet against Chris now.
310
00:12:55,658 --> 00:12:56,992
Damn it! I can't believe my kid
311
00:12:56,993 --> 00:12:58,426
isn't making money for us anymore.
312
00:12:58,427 --> 00:13:00,862
I feel like Jessica Simpson's dad.
313
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,897
Well, there are plenty
of guys willing to bet
314
00:13:02,898 --> 00:13:05,333
on James Woods High to
win, I'll tell you that.
315
00:13:05,334 --> 00:13:08,570
The only way we could ever make
money now is if Chris lost.
316
00:13:08,571 --> 00:13:10,730
Wait a minute, Joe, that's it!
317
00:13:10,731 --> 00:13:12,340
All we got to do is take those bets
318
00:13:12,341 --> 00:13:13,934
and get Chris to take a dive!
319
00:13:13,935 --> 00:13:15,074
Wait, hold on, Peter.
320
00:13:15,075 --> 00:13:18,013
You're gonna ask your own
son to lose on purpose?
321
00:13:18,014 --> 00:13:19,214
Damn, Quagmire!
322
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:21,849
Your fridge gives you
water from the door?
323
00:13:25,254 --> 00:13:26,988
Hey, champ, what you doing?
324
00:13:26,989 --> 00:13:28,590
My Spanish homework.
325
00:13:28,591 --> 00:13:31,470
Oh, well, then maybe I'll just
say this to you in Spanish.
326
00:13:31,471 --> 00:13:32,400
_
327
00:13:32,401 --> 00:13:37,197
_
328
00:13:37,198 --> 00:13:41,479
_
329
00:13:41,784 --> 00:13:42,783
_
330
00:13:42,784 --> 00:13:47,619
_
331
00:13:47,620 --> 00:13:50,175
_
332
00:13:50,176 --> 00:13:51,489
_
333
00:13:58,142 --> 00:14:00,279
Chris, what the hell are you doing?!
334
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,548
Calm down. This is how
they package Snapple now.
335
00:14:02,549 --> 00:14:04,383
They're trying to trick
kids into drinking it.
336
00:14:04,384 --> 00:14:05,818
You may not believe this,
337
00:14:05,819 --> 00:14:08,087
but there was a time when
Snapple ruled the nation.
338
00:14:08,088 --> 00:14:09,488
Preposterous!
339
00:14:09,489 --> 00:14:11,790
It's true. Even Jerry
Seinfeld drank it.
340
00:14:11,791 --> 00:14:13,893
And he was the president of the '90s.
341
00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:16,195
But why are you so down?
342
00:14:16,196 --> 00:14:19,632
Dad told me I have to lose the
championship game on purpose.
343
00:14:19,633 --> 00:14:20,733
He what?!
344
00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:23,102
Peter, get in here right now!
345
00:14:23,103 --> 00:14:25,604
Wow, someone's day-horny!
346
00:14:25,605 --> 00:14:26,772
Oh, hey, Chris.
347
00:14:26,773 --> 00:14:28,407
Did you tell Chris he had to lose
348
00:14:28,408 --> 00:14:29,742
the district championship?!
349
00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:31,943
Let me just get a
garbage bag. Hold on.
350
00:14:35,315 --> 00:14:37,283
Okay, now that I'm decent.
351
00:14:37,284 --> 00:14:39,685
Yes, I did tell Chris
to throw the game.
352
00:14:39,686 --> 00:14:41,387
But it's okay; it's for gambling.
353
00:14:41,388 --> 00:14:44,256
What?! You're betting on
Chris's baseball team?!
354
00:14:44,257 --> 00:14:46,525
Technically against
Chris's baseball team.
355
00:14:46,526 --> 00:14:47,793
Are you crazy?!
356
00:14:47,794 --> 00:14:49,295
Do I look crazy?!
357
00:14:49,296 --> 00:14:51,163
What do you think puts
the food on our table
358
00:14:51,164 --> 00:14:52,631
and the garbage bags on our backs?!
359
00:14:52,632 --> 00:14:54,333
Chris, your father's a jackass.
360
00:14:54,334 --> 00:14:55,734
When you get on that field,
361
00:14:55,735 --> 00:14:57,903
you try your very
best and play to win.
362
00:14:57,904 --> 00:14:59,505
You understand me?
363
00:14:59,506 --> 00:15:01,640
Yeah. Thanks, Mom.
364
00:15:01,641 --> 00:15:03,242
But, Lois, if Chris wins that game,
365
00:15:03,243 --> 00:15:05,874
I'll be out a ton of money and
I'll have to kiss a fella!
366
00:15:05,875 --> 00:15:07,504
I take all kinds of bets.
367
00:15:11,885 --> 00:15:13,686
Hey, Frank, we have to talk.
368
00:15:13,687 --> 00:15:16,255
You've got to stop giving
away all the food for free.
369
00:15:16,256 --> 00:15:18,324
Yeah, otherwise there's no way
we're gonna make a profit.
370
00:15:18,325 --> 00:15:20,359
Oh, we don't have to
worry about money.
371
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:22,895
I might be doing a Duets
thing with that Lady Goo-Ga.
372
00:15:22,896 --> 00:15:24,296
Uh-huh, that's wrong.
373
00:15:24,297 --> 00:15:25,698
Anyway, the restaurant's
gonna go under
374
00:15:25,699 --> 00:15:27,066
if you keep giving away food.
375
00:15:27,067 --> 00:15:28,500
All right, all right.
376
00:15:28,501 --> 00:15:29,802
Thank you, Frank.
377
00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:31,836
I appreciate you trying it my way.
378
00:15:32,687 --> 00:15:34,187
Thank you.
379
00:15:34,188 --> 00:15:35,222
What was that?
380
00:15:35,223 --> 00:15:36,490
Oh, I get 40 bucks
381
00:15:36,491 --> 00:15:38,878
every time somebody says "my way."
382
00:15:38,879 --> 00:15:40,660
Nancy gets 60.
383
00:15:45,032 --> 00:15:46,700
What do you mean Chris
won't take a dive?!
384
00:15:46,701 --> 00:15:48,335
We already took a ton of bets!
385
00:15:48,336 --> 00:15:49,636
Look, I'm sorry, you guys,
386
00:15:49,637 --> 00:15:51,905
but my hot piece-of-ass
wife says no way.
387
00:15:51,906 --> 00:15:54,474
It's a weird time to brag
about your wife, Peter.
388
00:15:54,475 --> 00:15:56,343
I don't know, I've just
been so horny today.
389
00:15:56,344 --> 00:15:57,978
Oh, man, I don't need to know that!
390
00:15:57,979 --> 00:15:59,246
Well, pull it together, Peter,
391
00:15:59,247 --> 00:16:00,981
'cause we're about to
lose a lot of money!
392
00:16:00,982 --> 00:16:02,616
(SIGHS) I know.
393
00:16:02,617 --> 00:16:04,351
We're screwed once
Chris takes the mound
394
00:16:04,352 --> 00:16:06,186
with that awesome arm of his.
395
00:16:06,187 --> 00:16:08,989
Wait, so what you're saying
is Chris isn't the problem,
396
00:16:08,990 --> 00:16:10,290
his arm is.
397
00:16:10,291 --> 00:16:11,591
I guess.
398
00:16:12,878 --> 00:16:15,195
Okay. We hear you, Peter.
399
00:16:15,196 --> 00:16:17,297
Loud and clear.
400
00:16:17,298 --> 00:16:19,766
Yeah, we'll fix this problem.
401
00:16:19,767 --> 00:16:21,401
You guys are creeping me out.
402
00:16:21,402 --> 00:16:23,303
All right, I'm gonna
exit while discreetly
403
00:16:23,304 --> 00:16:25,271
checking out the hot
chick by the door.
404
00:16:32,246 --> 00:16:33,880
You guys heard what I heard, right?
405
00:16:33,881 --> 00:16:36,216
Peter just asked us
to break Chris's arm.
406
00:16:36,217 --> 00:16:37,617
Well, he intimated.
407
00:16:37,618 --> 00:16:38,885
I don't know what that means,
408
00:16:38,886 --> 00:16:41,321
but let's go rough up a
teenager for beer money!
409
00:16:41,322 --> 00:16:43,389
Oh, I call biting!
410
00:16:49,397 --> 00:16:52,098
Okay, there's the baseball
team's locker room right there.
411
00:16:52,099 --> 00:16:54,367
Perfect! And we look like
regular high school students,
412
00:16:54,368 --> 00:16:56,335
so we'll fit right in.
413
00:16:58,205 --> 00:17:00,574
Joe, are you sure about these clothes?
414
00:17:00,575 --> 00:17:03,777
Trust me. I bought the absolute
latest issue of Archie comics,
415
00:17:03,778 --> 00:17:06,478
and this is what the kids are wearing.
416
00:17:07,548 --> 00:17:09,549
Oh, hey, fellow teens.
417
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:12,385
Wait a minute, teenagers
don't have wheelchairs!
418
00:17:12,386 --> 00:17:15,354
(SOBBING): No! Oh, no!
419
00:17:18,392 --> 00:17:20,627
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
420
00:17:20,628 --> 00:17:23,229
Okay, guys, we've served
our last free meal.
421
00:17:23,230 --> 00:17:25,531
Here I go with the check.
422
00:17:26,567 --> 00:17:27,834
Oh, I'm sorry.
423
00:17:27,835 --> 00:17:29,169
Last time we ate here,
424
00:17:29,170 --> 00:17:31,538
Mr. Sinatra's son said it was free.
425
00:17:31,539 --> 00:17:33,239
Okay, uh, everyone, new policy!
426
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,241
As is the case with many restaurants,
427
00:17:35,242 --> 00:17:37,644
you're going to have
to pay for your food.
428
00:17:37,645 --> 00:17:40,280
What? This food ain't
worth paying for.
429
00:17:40,281 --> 00:17:43,182
Yeah, the only reason we eat
here is 'cause it's free.
430
00:17:44,418 --> 00:17:46,886
Look whose restaurant
thinks it's so good!
431
00:17:46,887 --> 00:17:49,756
Oh, yeah? If it was Joey's
restaurant, you would've paid.
432
00:17:49,757 --> 00:17:51,191
(CRYING)
433
00:17:51,192 --> 00:17:52,993
Ma!
434
00:17:52,994 --> 00:17:54,327
I'm sorry, Ma!
435
00:17:54,328 --> 00:17:56,392
Ma!
436
00:17:57,102 --> 00:17:58,637
I can't believe it.
437
00:17:58,638 --> 00:17:59,839
They hated us.
438
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:01,810
Well, fellas, we gave
it our best shot.
439
00:18:01,811 --> 00:18:03,770
If you need me, I'll be
back in Palm Springs,
440
00:18:03,771 --> 00:18:06,653
which has been completely
taken over by the gays.
441
00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:09,709
So, want to grab whatever wine is left
442
00:18:09,710 --> 00:18:11,111
and then burn the place down?
443
00:18:11,112 --> 00:18:13,113
Maybe, but first, let's
have an unearned
444
00:18:13,114 --> 00:18:15,248
end-of-the-series moment
where we turn out the lights
445
00:18:15,249 --> 00:18:16,715
on our own place.
446
00:18:18,986 --> 00:18:21,520
Sorry, pal, we're closed.
447
00:18:24,191 --> 00:18:26,158
(PIANO PLAYING SOMBER MUSIC)
448
00:18:46,658 --> 00:18:48,492
Peter, we've got great news!
449
00:18:48,493 --> 00:18:49,826
Chris isn't playing!
450
00:18:49,827 --> 00:18:51,161
He's not? Why?
451
00:18:51,162 --> 00:18:53,274
Well, 'cause we broke his
arm like you told us to.
452
00:18:53,275 --> 00:18:54,943
Shattered. We shattered his arm.
453
00:18:54,944 --> 00:18:57,078
You what?! I never
told you to do that!
454
00:18:57,079 --> 00:18:59,114
You didn't? That's what
I thought I heard.
455
00:18:59,115 --> 00:19:02,117
Quagmire, this is humbling,
but it may be time
456
00:19:02,118 --> 00:19:04,619
for all of us to talk
about hearing aids.
457
00:19:04,620 --> 00:19:07,054
I feel terrible! I got
to go find my son!
458
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:11,326
Chris!
459
00:19:11,327 --> 00:19:14,395
Dad, my arm's broke!
And look, a Camaro!
460
00:19:14,396 --> 00:19:16,564
Oh, that guy must be so boss.
461
00:19:16,565 --> 00:19:19,400
But listen, Chris, I had no
idea this was gonna happen.
462
00:19:19,401 --> 00:19:21,369
Look, I was wrong to
bet on your games,
463
00:19:21,370 --> 00:19:23,738
and it's even worse that
I told you to lose.
464
00:19:23,739 --> 00:19:25,006
I'm so sorry.
465
00:19:25,007 --> 00:19:26,374
Oh, that's okay, Dad.
466
00:19:26,375 --> 00:19:28,409
I just feel bad that my arm is broken
467
00:19:28,410 --> 00:19:31,312
in so many places and hurts so much.
468
00:19:31,313 --> 00:19:33,581
No, Chris, I've been a
terrible dad lately.
469
00:19:34,146 --> 00:19:35,784
You found something you were great at,
470
00:19:35,785 --> 00:19:37,585
and instead of being happy for you,
471
00:19:37,586 --> 00:19:39,687
I tried to use it to make money.
472
00:19:39,688 --> 00:19:43,158
And now your arm is broken and
your baseball career is over.
473
00:19:43,159 --> 00:19:44,759
Not necessarily.
474
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:46,127
What? What are you talking about?
475
00:19:46,128 --> 00:19:48,329
Well, for the last few
weeks, since my right arm's
476
00:19:48,330 --> 00:19:52,300
been exhausted from pitching,
my left arm's had to, uh,
477
00:19:52,301 --> 00:19:55,164
pick up the slack in the bathroom.
478
00:19:55,905 --> 00:19:57,871
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
479
00:20:02,144 --> 00:20:04,912
(CROWD CHEERING)
480
00:20:08,304 --> 00:20:09,551
You see the pitcher?
481
00:20:09,552 --> 00:20:10,840
That's my kid.
482
00:20:15,057 --> 00:20:16,624
Aah! Son of a bitch!
483
00:20:16,625 --> 00:20:18,059
CHRIS: Oh, my God!
484
00:20:18,060 --> 00:20:19,727
Sorry, Mr. Quagmire!
485
00:20:19,728 --> 00:20:21,529
I heard that bone break.
486
00:20:21,530 --> 00:20:23,664
My ears are fine.
487
00:20:27,469 --> 00:20:29,737
Well, Chris, we're very proud of you
488
00:20:29,738 --> 00:20:31,673
for making it to the
district championship.
489
00:20:31,674 --> 00:20:33,141
Thanks, Mom.
490
00:20:33,142 --> 00:20:34,642
It was really something, Lois.
491
00:20:34,643 --> 00:20:37,145
The next pitch Chris threw
hit his coach in the head,
492
00:20:37,146 --> 00:20:39,647
so there was no one to
take him out of the game.
493
00:20:39,648 --> 00:20:41,583
Chris walked the next 46 batters.
494
00:20:41,584 --> 00:20:42,851
State record.
495
00:20:42,852 --> 00:20:45,119
Wow, Chris! State record!
496
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:46,667
Yeah, they got crushed.
497
00:20:46,668 --> 00:20:48,256
But at least I didn't have to pay out
498
00:20:48,257 --> 00:20:49,924
all those bets and kiss a guy.
499
00:20:49,925 --> 00:20:52,789
But I saw you kissing the
driver of that Camaro.
500
00:20:52,790 --> 00:20:54,924
That... that-that was something else.
501
00:20:56,187 --> 00:20:57,522
(WEAKLY): Baseball!
502
00:20:57,523 --> 00:20:59,523
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
36793
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof