All language subtitles for Stanleyville.2022.1080p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-EVO

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

What?

A conch, he called it.

He used to blow and
his and mum would come.

He blew from down here.

You got it.

Congratulations.

My name is Homunculus,
and I have great news.

You have been chosen from
hundreds of millions of candidates

to participate in a platinum
level exclusive contest.

Please be advised that this

is no email flim-flam
sweepstakes,

this is a unique competition
to probe the very essence

of mind-body articulation.

A competition?

Tell me more.

Through the ferocity
of true primal conflict,

you and four specially
chosen competitors

will throw into the
garbage the trappings

of everyday existence with
the rest of the garbage.

Achieve success in this contest,

and you will achieve authentic
personal transcendence.

Research data shows that
everything that you have done

in your life has led to this
moment, and the next moment,

and the moment that
follows until the end.

This is a good
opportunity for you

to discover the true you that
cowers inside the you you.

If you have any reservations,

maybe this will
change your mind.

The winner will drive away

in a brand new habanero orange

compact sports utility
vehicle, international import.

The proof is this key.

I don't care about a car.

But the brand new
habanero orange compact

sports utility vehicle is
merely the take-home prize

in this once in a
lifetime contest.

The true value is the challenge.

But how, why me?

You have been chosen out
of hundreds of millions

of candidates to participate
in a platinum level-

- Okay, when does it start?

You will be there
tomorrow at noon, 12 a.m.

Your follow contestants
are already

exercising their mind-bodies

for the excitement
that lays ahead.

I have only one question.

Are there any externals
that should be considered?

Externals?

Do you have any attachments?

A dog to walk?

A home with spouse?

Breast milk from your
breasts for the children?

No, nothing.

Hi.

Are you with Homo-nucleus?

I'm here for the contest?

There's another one of us.

You know, I don't remember
going up for any reality shows.

I do a lot of open calls.

Anyway, this could be really
big for me, career wise.

- Exposure and whatnot.
- Hi, there.

I'm Bofill.

Hello.

Maria.

I'm psyched, are you psyched?

I am, yes.

You look very ready.

Ready with guns blazing.

Yeah.

This whole thing is pretty
intense, but that's awesome.

You know, I can see
you guys are going

to be some serious competition.

- Oh, I think so too.
- What time do we start?

I think he said 10:30.

I was told noon.

Oh, hello, Maria.

We could shake hands but
you look like you probably

have a cold or something.

That strange looking chap
said we start at 11:15.

- Where's Homo-nucleus?
- Is that the backpack guy?

Yeah, he's the bloke putting
this whole shebang together.

He's the host.

No, no, no, no, no.

He's just the messenger.

I bet the real swinging
dicks already sizing us up.

What?

Are there cameras?

None of us know anything.

Whatever's happening,
it better start soon.

I'm at fiscal year
end back at HQ.

Time is literally money.

Yeah, man, I passed up a
bunch of auditions for this.

If it doesn't start soon, I
might just jog the fuck on,

do you know what I mean?

Okay, um.

One, two.

One, two, three, four, five.

Okay.

It's start time, everybody.

First round is this.

First round?

How many rounds are there?

About 10.

There's only eight up there.

Sounds good.

Eight rounds.

Round one begins.

Hold on, what are we doing?

Take a balloon, inflate it
full of air until it pops.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

This is some very
bad jazz, people.

I can't inflate anything.

Only have one lung.

You only have one lung?

Well, I think we all
have to participate,

otherwise what's the point?

Exactly.

You wouldn't have been chosen
unless you were qualified.

Mate, I'm serious.

Maybe he could
sit this one out.

No chance.

Come on, look how
small those balloons are.

Go on.

This is a skill test
based on unity and synergy

of your hands and mouth, and
that kind of part of your body.

The competitor who does the
most explosions in 60 seconds

is the one who wins round one.

Okay, ready?

Wait.

No, no, no.

I have been advised
to tell you all

to give me your telephones.

- Why?
- It's in the rules.

No one said anything
about any rules.

Maybe we should know the
rules before we proceed.

The rules are simple.

Five specially chosen
competitors will compete

in stages one through eight,

of eight varied rounds
of competition.

The one who wins the most
rounds will win it all.

- The SUV.
- Personal transcendence.

- What, what's that?
- The car?

The winner gets a brand
new habanero orange compact

sports utility vehicle,
that's what you said,

that's why I'm here.

Yes, of course.

The winner will receive
a brand new habanero

orange compact sports utility
vehicle, a wicked prize.

If you exit the competition
pavilion at any time,

you forfeit, permanently,
your place in the contest.

And lastly, most
important rule of rules,

each guy must do whatever
it takes to win.

So no phones?

Listen, mate, tell
the chaps running

the show Andrew Frisbee
Jr.'s here to play ball.

I threw mine away.

Yeah, right, cough it up.

I came with nothing.

Sure, fine.

Let's get rolling.

Ready,

Freddy,

go.

Stop.

Now everyone will be ranked
according to performance.

You, name.

Manny Jumpcannon.

I want a rematch.

I should get two 60
seconds on account

of only having half
the lung capacity.

That's impossible.

This guy here?

Felicie Arkady.

I got four.

Oh, wait, hold on, no way.

She didn't do four.

Four.

This is a good number.

This guy?

Bofill Pancreas.

I sort of lost count.

Let's say three.

You?

It's Andrew Frisbee Jr.,

you got my name wrong up there.

Andrew Frisbee, Jr.

How many?

- That's a big five.
- What?

There's no way
that you got five.

Just when he said stop,
I finished number five.

I trust you.

You?

Maria, Barbizan.

None.

Okay.

To you, congratulations.

Good round, bro.

For round two, we
will have some more fun.

You, go to the supplies room,

fetch the cognitive
sequencing cubes.

It's over there?

I don't know.

Homunculus, my man.

Just putting this out
there, no offense,

but I don't think I was
selected for this whole scenario

to be judged by some
special needs refugee,

I mean, look at me.

Look at this timepiece.

Look at these
individuals, no offense.

Come on.

So how about we get
past the pre-ramble,

you take me to meet the big
boys behind the curtain?

The results will be
recorded on the scoreboard,

everyone will see
who is the leader,

and who is not the leader,
and who will descend

into true mind-body
self actualization.

I found them.

Each one of you gets a square.

When we begin, you open up.

The goal is to utilize your
powers of cognitive sequencing

to tap into a deeper
evolutionary brain state.

Whoever gets it right first,
before the time thing stops,

will receive a point, whoever
gets it wrong has failed.

Okay.

Everybody ready?

Take your squares.

Go.

So, what, we're just
supposed to lay these out

from left to right?

Sounds good.

What the fuck?

Done.

Done, I'm done.

The fun stops.

This is bullshit.

None of this stuff
means anything!

Who's the winner?

Let's see.

I was done first.

I imagine this looks right.

You imagine?

Is it right or not?

The winner of round
two is Arkady.

For fucks sakes.

Now you see how
exciting and productive

this competition is.

Round three will be a challenge
of your creative capacity,

and your universal
enlightenment scope.

You will compose and
perform a national anthem

for the world.

We have to write a song?

A personal international
anthem that inspires the world.

All right, this
one is in the bag.

Music is my thing.

How long have we got?

As long as is determined
to be necessary.

Two hours?

How long are we
going to be here?

You must take this
as an opportunity

to focus your mind-body
organs on a global platform

across the millennia, from
dinosaurs in their tar puddles,

to Sir Richard Branson
in his spaceship.

Hold on.

Wait, I said hold on.

Hey, stop.

You can't leave this pavilion.

You will be disqualified.

It's the rules.

I shall be needing this.

Have you guys ever
written a song before?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, literally thousands.

Just got to find a pen, ain't I?

Delightful creatures.

Look at his little pants.

Could you please knock?

You're really
disrupting my workflow.

I was just checking if
you're still using the guitar,

I'd like to work on my song.

We need to establish

some personal boundaries
here, people.

I mean, yeah, it's power
packed with nutrients,

but really it's about
connecting with people

and building a
healthy community.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Cool.

And as a Xircolite
nutrition administrator,

you're not only
branding your business,

you're branding yourself.

Yeah, my brand right now
is probably rising star.

You see, in my case, my
goal is I've got to get big.

Now, maybe 18-inch bicep
circumference isn't the only thing,

but it's my thing, and
this contest is the same,

it's about goals.

Do you have any goals, Manny?

Oh, yeah.

Ever since I was a kid,
I knew I'd be famous,

whether it be for my acting
or my music or my modeling.

Anyway, this contest
is just an extension

of me pursuing that destiny.

Yes.

Pursuing your destiny.

At any cost.

Yeah.

Okay.

You know, I've got
a few intro webinars

you should check out.

If I can get my
downline volume up,

I could be looking at
supervisor in 12 to 18 months.

Yeah, cool.

Yeah.

But I've got a lot on
the go at the moment.

It's a pyramid scam, hombre.

No pues.

Pyramid schemes are totally
illegal, believe me.

Xircolite is only
about three things.

Financial opportunity,
fitness, and community.

It's like
Amway or Herbalife.

I can tell
you're smart, Andrew.

You're a critical thinker.

Xircolite encourages that.

Touché.

So, what are you pulling in
per quarter hawking that crap?

Right now, I'm
just about breaking even

with my supply line,
hoping to qualify

for the annual leadership
conference in Awahua.

I know a guy who made
17,000 US just last month.

It's a
protein powder?

Oh, man, we're
talking herbal aloe,

high concentrate extracts,
isolates, infusers.

Xircolite has over 300
staff scientists worldwide,

22 with actual PhDs.

It's simple supply and demand,

the only problem is
you're playing both sides

of the bargain.

You see, the Frisbee family
mindset is all about supply.

Winners, losers.

Whatever works.

So you're a finance guy, Andrew?

Yes, yes.

Securities, short sellings,
cryptocurrencies, all that.

Hold that thought.

- Delivery.
- This is covered?

Comida gratis.

Homunculus crushes it again.

Trust me that drooling half-wit
isn't running this rodeo.

You build a Fortune 500 business
from the ground up, you get

to know how things
operate beyond

what you're allowed to see.

And what do you see?

Well, let's just say, I'm
usually on the other side

of the curtain.

It's like my old man,
Andrew Frisbee Sr.

used to say, "The best
way to close a deal

is to underestimate
your opponent."

What is it your
father does exactly?

Business, equity, hedge funds.

It's a diverse portfolio,
probably a little over your head.

No gain, no pain,

no gain, no time to waste.

Put on your game face, get
together, can we get along?

Got to be strong,
can't we get along?

Hola.

Got to stay primed,
keep the fire burning.

I bet your strength
gives you some advantage

in this contest.

That's probably why
you were chosen.

I hope so.

When H came up to me
saying this contest

is all about transcendence
and challenging myself,

I said, "Tell me where to sign."

Me too.

But I must to admit, I'm
still a little confused

on how they picked us.

It all seems pretty random.

No, no, no, no.

No.

This is not random,
there's a purpose to it,

we just need to learn
how to see it.

Interesting.

Xircolite says the key
to success is endurance.

Maybe you have a bad
month, maybe three,

but in the end, it pays off.

I've had a lot of bad months.

Maybe this is my payoff.

How's it going?

Just checking in to see if
you need any, you know, help.

No, I'm almost done.

I mean, we should
be working together.

An alliance.

I bet you look at me and
think, "Who's that guy?

He's all about the mind games."

I'm all about what you
see, is what you get.

Do you even want to win?

Yeah, but I've got
debilitating conditions.

There's my lung, my ADD,

plus I'm on the
dyslexia spectrum

and I pretty much
have chronic fatigue-

- Stop complaining, that's
not how you get ahead.

I know, but I just have-

- You have to figure out

how to defeat your opponents

using the strengths
you already have.

In your case, there
aren't really any,

so your best bet is to
make use of a technicality.

Technicality, like what?

Go slam your finger
in a door or something.

Say it was an accident.

No way.

You must be on drugs.

If you have an injury,
you can't compete.

You get a collateral
injury point for the round.

Is that in the rules?

It's only fair.

How are you expected to
keep track of all the rules

when you're suffering from ADD?

Go on.

I won't tell.

Play the game the way
it's meant to be played.

Well, Homo-nucleus did say,

"The most important
rule was doing

whatever it takes to win."

That a boy.

That Felicie girl
knows what she's doing.

I don't trust her.

She knows stuff.

She doesn't know shit.

There's no way she
blew up four balloons.

I know, right?

Hey, I'm thinking we
should team up, like

"I'm a Celebrity, Get
Me Out of Here."

I'll deal with that bitch.

Right, yeah, but you've
got to be careful these days-

- I see what's going on.

Hey!

Hey!

I know you can hear me.

I get it, this is just some sort

of social experiment,
you're testing me.

Okay.

Kudos, well played, but I see.

Now, reveal yourselves.

Do you hear me?

- I hear you.
- Don't touch me!

What's wrong with you?

Well, the same as
you, Andrew Frisbee.

We're both here, aren't we?

It's Andrew Frisbee Jr.

Your name means nothing here.

Yeah, we'll see about that.

What?

Do you ever hear
a voice, Manny?

A voice?

Where?

Well, everywhere.

It's like the voice
in your head,

but it's actually coming
from somewhere else.

Maybe the inside of your head
is the same as the outside,

maybe that's what the outside
of your head actually is,

a manifestation of the inside.

Are you tripping
out or something?

Me?

No.

Are you?

No, I'm working
on 16 months sober.

It's fucking hard, innit?

I've got demons.

You're interesting, Manny.

And you're a freak, lady,
but like I always say,

life's a journey.

Shitting hell.

Time's up.

Round three.

International Anthems.

Who's first?

I'll go first.

♪ No pain no gain,
no time to waste ♪

♪ Everybody get together,
put on your game face ♪

♪ Every country in the world
it's time to stand tall ♪

♪ From the USA to
the Chinese Wall ♪

♪ Get together people,
can we get along ♪

♪ If we stand together,
we can all be strong ♪

♪ Xircolite, that's
the new world order ♪

♪ Positive health-style
is stronger than borders ♪

Next.

I'll go.

♪ We have heard the people
sing of evening gowns ♪

♪ Wedding rings ♪

♪ Gloomy nights, sunny days ♪

♪ Cabarets, roundelays ♪

♪ But of such things,
I won't despair ♪

♪ Memories, we cannot care ♪

♪ All you fools
will die unsaved ♪

♪ And I will piss
upon your graves ♪

I think we're having fun.

Now, Frisbee.

It's Frisbee Jr.

♪ Rockets exploding,
children crying ♪

♪ Men and women
bleeding and dying ♪

♪ Raise up the flag and
fall to your knees ♪

♪ Hail to the flag
flapping in the breeze ♪

♪ A world without welfare,
a world without crime ♪

♪ You think it's hard
but it's not, it's fine ♪

♪ A world where a man is allowed
to earn as much as he can ♪

♪ And doesn't have to burn
his hard-earned cash ♪

♪ For the thieves on the hill ♪

♪ A world of freedom,
it's kill or be killed ♪

♪ A world for winners,
where losers expire ♪

♪ Where winners survive,
not losers and liars ♪

Weird.

Next.

Where's Manny?

Manny, you're up!

I'm not ready yet!

Homunculus says now.

All contestants must compete

with their personal
international anthem

before the next round.

Oh, god!

First aid kit!

What have you
done to yourself?

The door, my finger!

Keep it elevated,

- it will be okay.
- Oh, god.

Ow, ow, ow.

I need my injury point.

No point.

But Felicie said!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
I say a lot of things,

he's a big boy, it's
not my problem.

She duped you, you got
played, now suck it up,

let's finish this round, hey?

But it's not fair!

Oh, just sing something,
just make it happen

from inside you.

I'm not ready yet.

Just do the fucking song!

Ow.

♪ Well the world is so
big and round and green ♪

♪ It's the craziest planet,
or world I've ever seen ♪

Enough.

Next.

- That's everyone.
- That is everyone.

The winner is

A. Frisbee.

It's Frisbee Jr.,

make me tell you that one
more time, see what happens.

- Tough guy.
- Yeah, we'll see, princess.

What?

- Stage five begins.
- Four.

That was three, this is four.

Okay, sure.

Round four begins.

This is a major round, a
round that affects the rest

of your lives and the contest.

Depending if you get
it right or wrong,

you could live forever
on the inside of a hotel

with mostly gold, or end up
like the man with the plan,

the big man himself,
Colonel M. Gaddafi,

who died so ignobly with
the bayonet up his ass.

Yo, H, I wonder if
before we get started,

maybe I could get a
phone just for a second,

call in a protein run?

I'm a little low on juice.

No calls.

But oh, hello, round four
allows you to reach out

and touch someone.

Communications.

Smoke signals.

Telekinesis.

Long before the spoken word,

barnacles and parasites
exchanged information

with spores and bivalves,
way before grunts

and screams were
heard on this earth.

Your communication
will echo existence

across the eternal divide.

Using your own brain,
you will design

and manufacture a functioning
telecommunications device.

This pavilion has
many parts, you can-

- What do you got in there?
- Supplies.

What exactly is your deal?

I'm here for the
contest, just like you.

We were chosen.

No, you're nothing like me.

I want the car, and
I'm going to get it.

Oh, sure, the car.

Good luck to you.

Hello?

All right, mate?

Hello?

Fucks sake, Manny, just speak.

Making me do all
this technology jazz

is really unfair,
I'm on a spectrum.

This is not about the car.

Forget about the car,
forget about everything.

We need to fight our way
back to our real selves.

I am my real self.

No.

If you were what
you were meant to-

- Just stop,

I don't need your help.

...for a magic bean,

still think the bloody
world owes him something.

I never asked
anyone for anything.

I'm on to you.

I see.

And you're wrong,
it is about the car.

Oh, guys, let's keep
it friendly, huh?

Manny's doing the best he
can, we all are, but, H,

I really need some
Formula One protein mix.

If I could just use
the phone, please?

- Is everybody ready?
- How long do we have?

13 hours?

Okay, bye.

- I don't get it.
- Yes, you do.

Bread just goes stale,

it doesn't need to
think about it first.

So, when we make the device,
we can use it to call out?

Who're you going to call,
your probation officer?

Sure you've got tons of
pressing communications

back at HQ.

If only you knew.

One phone call,

I could put the entire
Chinese telecom industry

into arrears.

Give it up, even Manny
knows you're full of shit, Jr.

Excuse me?

Are you implying
something about my father?

Come on, guys.

Let's not get personal, huh?

Save it, Ferrigno.

Keeping you off the phone
is a public service.

There still might be some
second cousin back in Ecuador

that you haven't roped
into your protein cult yet.

Xircolite is my family,
it's not a cult.

Fine.

None of us have anyone
to call, who cares.

I'm just here to win a car.

- Car, yeah, right.
- That's the prize,

you don't want it?

Yeah, because an
orange compact SUV

would look real sharp parked
next to an E-Class Mercedes.

Anyway, has anyone actually
seen this purported prize?

H has a key.

Oh, a key, oh, I'm, oh,
come on, you believe that?

Course there's a car,
look at this place.

If you don't think
there's a car,

why don't you do us a
favor and forfeit?

Because Felicie, there
are bigger forces at work.

You see, I'm a power player.

I come from a long
line of power players,

and I've executed enough
big plays to know

that the carrot they're
dangling in front

of your face is
actually a dildo.

What?

Okay, wait, is there a
habanero orange compact SUV,

yes or not?

Don't listen to Andrew.

He just knows he's
going to lose,

so he's trying to save face.

Fuck you.

When I win that car,
I'm going to drive

to a grocery store, and I
am going to park diagonally

over two handicapped spots.

That's all the purpose I need.

No.

No.

This is not it.

You're arguing about
what is true,

but there's something
much greater than truth.

Listen, none of this is random.

There's a pattern here, or a
system, we just need to see it.

Jesus Christ.

There was already
communication.

I was given a message.

A hawk.

I saw it with my own eyes.

Did you know, in the
Malay Archipelago,

there are wild boars
that erect shrines out

of the bones of their
amphibian prey?

Even swine honor their enemy,

like they honor their own
lives, until every autumn,

the rains come, and
wash it all away.

What the heck?

We need to become
what we really are.

We need to be free
like the boars,

huddled in the
Borneo rainforest,

enduring cycle after cycle
after cycle of destruction,

where the only real fight,

the only real fight

is for survival.

Okay, bitch, Bofill is
a credulous simpleton,

Andrew is an
overcompensating windbag-

- I'm a windbag?
- But you, I have no idea.

You're the fucking
windbag, fuck you, cunt.

Felicie, I know that
when the moment comes,

you won't hesitate.

That's right.

I won't.

Don't listen to
Maria, she's insane.

Why waste time talking,

when you can communicate
without words?

That's time you could spend

feeding your mind-body
hunger and building mass.

Fitness is the message,
with Xircolite you are

statistically guaranteed
to communicate

your mind-body style
through your downline,

your extended Xircolite family.

Gracias, Manito.

Respecto.

There will come a time
where action and words

and fitness are all one thing.

Why waste time talking

when you can communicate
without words?

That's time you could spend

feeding your mind-body
hunger and building mass.

- Looking good, hombre.
- Yeah.

I think I figured this one out.

Me too, brother.

You want to get stuff done?

You want to go from the
mental to the instrumental.

Bro, that's heavy.

It's like managing
your Xircolite downline.

Achieving a qualifying
downline volume,

can't get there without
contingency reserve,

asset acquisition, scalability.

But I'm stating the
obvious, it's business 101,

you know all this.

Yeah, of course.

It's like us
Frisbees always say,

"It's about winners and losers.

Supply and demand."

But in order to create demand,
you have to tell people

what they want,

and that's what this
communication device round

is really all about.

It's about creating
demand with impact.

Electricity.

Yeah!

What do you want, Bofill?

I want to get big.

You want to mass up.

If you're going to do that,

you're going to
need raw materials.

Protein, glutamine,
electrolytes, that's the supply,

and then you've got
to think demand.

Yes, demand.

But I mean, you know all this,

you're a success builder
level gold, right?

You've got the edge
in this round.

I think so.

How you doing on protein?

Not good.

Supply is low, demand is high.

Right, shit, fuck.

Well, listen, as soon as I get
my communications network up

and running, your protein
intake is my top priority,

trust me.

Thanks, Andrew Frisbee Jr.

You're a good person.

I know.

Hey, the fuck?

I was watching that.

Hello?

Hello?

Protein supply.

Protein supply.

Feed the eater.

Pina colada cell
activator, Formula One

whey isolate.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, Maria.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, Xiphosura.

Conflict.

Conflict?

Hello?

Barbara Frisbee.

You got my transmission?

Oh, how perfectly marvelous.

Just there's fine.

Bofill, look at this.

I summoned that chap with
my device, it worked.

Fuck, yeah.

Protein supply.

No way.

Pina colada Formula
One cell activator,

this is, this is incredible.

Hold on there, champ.

You're in my downline now.

Supply comes through
Frisbee Enterprises.

Okay.

Now is the judgment
part of round four.

- It is time-
- Winner deals.

Behold, I'm working with
a threefold strategy.

One, innovation.

Two, outmaneuvering.

Three, supremacy.

Here we go.

Seated comfortably in
the receivers position,

it's possible to
continuously import

and export information
beyond the capacity

of any product currently
on the market.

- That's innovation.
- Enough, stop!

By planification
vis-à-vis existing channels,

the data stream can
achieve a higher volume

than any existing competitors.

Outmaneuvering!

By combinating output
with signal makes this

the most diversified
telecommunications device

on the market.

That's supremacy.

Recreate supply with
existing channels established

in phase two, meet
demand by distribution

of said merchandise,
create more demand.

No, don't touch my device!

I'll go!

Before Xircolite, communication
was anxietizing and limited

to face-to-face exchange-

- Side-to-side it's
the Spritzer Ride,

scream if you want to go faster!

Put your hands inside the car.

Enough.

Round and round she
goes, where she stops,

no one knows!

Manny, more corn!

- Roger Dodger, over and out.
- Enough.

Xircolite subscribers
can improve

their mind-body wellness
by attending the protein

and power seminar.

Bofill, don't eat that crap.

I got you the real
high protein protein.

You wanted it, I got it.

Enough!

Next guy.

Listen.

Xiphosura,

Can you hear me?

Next.

Just wait a moment.

Are you there?

Hello, Maria?

We can hear you clearly now.

Good.

I'm here for all of you.

Tell us how to win.

Teach us.

Later.

We'll talk later.

Bye, bye.

That's some poor
quality reception.

- Next guy.
- Me.

Voila.

Functioning
telecommunications device.

Just as ordered.

Welcome.

Please choose from the
following six options.

To find out if an item
is in stock, press one.

To get opening
hours, directions-

For questions regarding our-

- Hang on a second.

kitchen series, press one.

If you need assistance-

- That's just a
fucking cellphone.

Let me see that.

A functioning
telecommunications device.

A true winner.

Wait a second,
that's my cellphone.

Next round.

That's just my phone,
wrapped in tinfoil.

Where did you get that?

I manufactured
it with my mind.

She can't stand that I'm
winning, so she robs me?

Why isn't anybody
saying anything?

I placed an order from the
Des Moines shipping hub

using nothing but
household appliances,

and you're impressed
by a stolen cellphone?

Bofill, back me up, man.

Manny?

I don't know.

The reception is incredible.

Losers, you're all
fucking losers!

Whatever, you fucking
phony, no one's buying

that pathetic Zig Ziglar act.

You're a fraud and
everyone knows it.

Okay, okay, guys,
let's stay cool, huh?

Don't, Felicie.

Don't.

- Stop, Andrew Frisbee!
- Get off, Bofill.

Round five is fun,
it's "Get Me an Earlobe."

The round is designed to
be a test of endurance

and strength and of
the phenomenon of sound

as captured by the
ears and the lobes.

The winner will fetch me-

- Porco dio.
- Manny.

There, earlobe.

This is an earlobe, but
you didn't let me finish.

The winner will fetch me
someone else's earlobe.

Earlobe.

Oh, my god.

Oh my god!

Fill wins round five.

Yeah!

I'm sorry, little buddy, I'm
sure it'll grow right back.

- Get away from me!
- No pain, no gain, man!

Oh, my god.

I'm mutilated.

Now I've got to get
new head-shots.

Get off me!

Maybe we should all
just take a minute-

- Let's just do the next one.

Go get yourself cleaned up
first, you look bloody awful.

Fuck you!

The contest continues.

Come on, Humongous,
crack the fuck on, mate.

The next round is
called Diogenes Nose-Peg.

This event is designed

to test the
individual threshold-

- Clothes pegs?

So what, right?

We put them on our nipples?

On our junk?

I do this shit all the time.

Let's have it.

The respiratory
nose pin is applied

to the nose holes like this.

The mouth hole is taped
over with a piece

of industrial grade tape.

When the timer starts, each
guy must hold his breath

for the longest
without breathing.

The last guy to start
breathing wins.

The one who wins, wins.

Is that it?

All right, let's go.

I am winning this fucking round.

Manny, maybe with
your one lung, you-

- No pain, no game.

Time to start.

Ready, Freddy,

go.

Ah, bollocks.

The fucking nose peg was
cutting off the circulation

to my brain.

Yes.

Fuck you, Felicie,
can't cheat on this one.

Oh, fucking Hercules can't
beat a woman and a junkie.

We have a winner.

Let's update the scoreboard.

Wait, didn't
I win round two?

Don't even
try with that shit.

Wait, who won the
cognitive sequencing round?

I did, you moron.

I'm a little
confused by the-

- Yeah, somebody's got

- to cross check-
- Manny, you won.

Manny?

- Manny?
- Bye.

Manny, Manny!

Manny, come on, breathe.

Breathe.

Manny.

Manny!

Guys, guys, he's not breathing.

Shouldn't you be rebalancing

your electrolytes or something?

Yeah, but he's not breathing.

Does anyone know CPR?

Are you fucking with me?

No, pues.

- He just-
- He just held his breath

until he died, is
that even possible?

Do you think maybe it's
because I cut off his ear?

It's possible.

The blood loss, combined with
the lung disability, and lack

of blood could have
caused angina.

I was just trying
to play hard.

I'm sorry.

You're not giving
him a fucking massage at a spa,

you have to push harder.

You're not going to
fucking do anything

if you don't push-

Hello?

Hello?

Manny, come on.

No, no,
no, no, no, no.

He's dead, he's dead.

Hello, Felicie.

Hello?

Exploit
the exchange cycle.

Exploit?

Who?

Feeder, eater.

Homunculus is smart, yeah?

He will know what to do.

You all saw that, right?

Guy in charge fled the scene.

Not culpable.

Two for the
price of one, Felicie.

Just adapt the dosage
and the downline.

The downline.

What's the dosage?

Eliminate
the competition.

Feeder needs eater.

Supplier needs demand.

No eater, no feeder.

Yes.

Elimination.

Supremacy.

Compact SUV.

Andrew, what's the dosage?

What?

What are you asking me?

Aren't you supplying
his protein intake?

Even in the bleakest
of times there's

still a buck to be made.

Correct, yes.

I'll mix one up for you.

Fine.

Right.

Right, two scoops, Formula
Three cell activator,

F2 multivitamin complex,
and then mix in some

of the aloe peanut
cookie dough isolate.

I don't,
I don't know.

Little Manny.

Okay,
okay, it's okay,

Bofill, we'll get you something

to balance your macronutrient
ratio, just hold it together.

What?

You have something to say?

You're fine with this?

The only real fight
is for survival, right?

That's disgusting.

Poor Manny.

Manny made a choice.

He committed to this
contest, and because of that,

he won the round.

That takes true courage.

I don't know.

Doesn't seem right to me.

To me neither.

I feel sick.

Look, did you
glue his nose shut?

No.

He wanted to win.

It's a contest, there
are winners and losers,

supply and demand,
that's how it goes.

Could someone get
me some water, maybe?

Easy there, Bof, what you
need is green tea concentrate,

supports free radical
damage, 48 grams per unit.

Uh-oh.

Looks like your downline is
reaching his intake limit.

No, no, no.

He's fine, he's fine.

Hold it there, chap,

you're losing valuable
caloric absorption,

at this rate, you're looking
at major mass depletion.

Can't deplete mass, I've
got to get big, for Manny.

Just need to get his
pantothenetic acids up.

Bof, I'll set you up
with some flora fiber

and some aloe concentrate
for the gastrointestinal-

- God, I wonder what Andrew Sr.

would be making of all this.

Don't.

Looks like he needs
more Formula One,

I'll grab it for you.

Mix in some of that
isotonic green tea

electrolyte sustamine hydrater.

Fuck.

I can't run low on supply,
I'm going to have to order

in a few more cases.

Hello?

Hello?

This is vendor number
326A, do you read me?

Andrew, my boy.

Feeder or eater?

Feeder.

Supply.

Placing another order
for 12 boxes Formula One

cell activator supplement, 16
cartons of pina colada mix.

Pina colada, mmm.

That's tasty.

Eight boxes, herbal
aloe concentrate.

Feed.
Failure, disappointment.

Failure, disappointment.

Dad.

No daddy.

Xiphosura, son.

He's hungry!

Protein, come on.

- Yeah, yeah, I got it.
- Quick.

Be careful, there's a
limited supply of that stuff.

Course, Mr Frisbee.

Frisbee Jr.

Of course, Mr Frisbee Jr.

Agua.

What you need is to
get your electrolytes up.

Some aloe concentrate
power hydration.

Feed.

One must feed.

More.

Swallow.

Stop it.

Please everyone.

Just let me think.

This bitch knows
more than she lets on.

No, I don't.

I thought I did, but
I don't know anything.

Is this even a contest anymore?

That's
exactly what this is.

Please, Felicie. Were
people supposed to die?

There's no "supposed to,"
it's just what happened.

Nothing just happens.

Nothing just happens.

Maybe this is a mistake.

We have to end this, now.

No, we got this far, we've
got to make it to the end,

for Manny.

But this isn't what
we were meant for.

We had a purpose.

I had a purpose.

Not sure about that one.

When I filled out the
form at the job expo,

there were terms and conditions-

- Form, what form?

When I signed up
for the contest.

We were selected.

I got an email.

No, we were chosen.

We were chosen out of hundreds
of millions of candidates.

To participate in a platinum
level exclusive contest.

Yeah, platinum.

Bofill, you said yourself-

- H was handing out mustard
samples at the Corte Ingles,

I filled out the form, I
guess I just got lucky.

Jesus Christ.

We were picked randomly,
it's like a sweepstakes.

- Maria.
- No.

Where's Xiphosura?

Where is, where is Xiphosura?

I left that thing
in the bathroom.

Felicie?

- Refill.
- Ah, yep.

Coming right up,
Andrew Frisbee Jr.

Speak to me.

No.

Open the door, break the glass.

Congratulations, the
contest is going really well.

Everyone is
apprehending new modes

of mind-body articulation.

Time for round seven.

The last round before
the last round.

For this one, the heat heats up.

This round is very fun.

The contestants have one minute

of standard universal time to
extinguish the candle fire.

The guy who blows out the
candle automatically wins,

but uh-oh, he makes
the ultimate sacrifice.

This round is called
Certain of Death.

More rules are, if
the time expires

and nobody snuffs the flame,
100 poison arrows shoot

from all the walls
of this pavilion,

and hit everyone in the
face and all over the body,

and kill them instantly
and painfully.

If any guy leaves the
pavilion while the timer

is still timing, the
arrows will still shoot out

and kill the other guys, and
also everybody in the corridor.

Everyone.

Huh?

Wait a second, arrows?

100 poison-tipped arrows
will fly from all the walls

of this pavilion and hit
everyone in the face and-

- The winner dies.
- Sure, sounds good.

Let's go.

Ready, Freddy-

- Hang on, just hang on.

Just back up a second.

Go!

- Shit.
- What do we do?

Hang on, this is just one

of those bullshit trust
games, thought experiments.

You don't know that.

The ultimate
sacrifice, what is that?

Nobody's going to die, just,
just blow out the candle.

You do it.

Nuh-uh, I'll let you win
this round, just do it.

- Let me?
- Whatever.

You win then, you're a big
time winner, just do it!

I don't want to die.

You're not going
to die, nothing

in this stupid pavilion works
the way it's supposed to.

You do it, you want the
car so bad, it's yours.

Look, this is just a round,

there's going to be another one.

I mean, the person doesn't
automatically win this round,

right?

Or do they win the whole-

- Blow out the fucking candle,

we're all going to die!

Fuck that!

Hey, lunatic, what's
really going on here?

What do you know?

Bofill, man,
got to step up, man!

I try-

Oh, fuck.

Fuck, fuckety, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Fuck it!

I'm leaving, disqualify
me, I don't care.

Don't, Andrew, don't.

If you go out
that door, we all die.

I don't care.

You will
die in the hallway too.

Oh, fuck!

The winner is her.

Andrew, supply water, please.

Easy there, champ.

Your peptide levels are spiking.

Here.

Get some of that.

Easy there,
hombre, okay, this is better.

Nutritional refreshment,
inspired by the Amazons.

Yes.

That guy looks dead.

Next round.

Shut up,
he's not dead.

He's dead.

See, boy, you've gone and
done it again, ain't you?

You've gone and done it
again, my son, you've gone

and done it again,
ain't you, my son?

Fucking loser, ain't you, boy?

You fucking loser!

Ooh, he's a fucking
loser, ain't you, my boy?

You fucking loser!

Bofill, get up!

Yes, I'm going to need
to place a product return

on 16 quarts of, actually,

I need to place a defective
product case, or um-

- Feeder or eater.

Supplier.

Supplier.

You
killed your downline.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, this
is just a temporary setback.

Next quarter earnings are
set for a rebound, I swear.

Now, listen, I just
need you to tell me how

to win the next round.

Killed him.

I didn't.

I didn't, dad.

Dad, I didn't.

- Killed him.
- Dad, I didn't.

You.

You're behind all this.

This thing needs
to be destroyed.

Go ahead.

We're almost done.

What fun.

Who's winning?

It's a tie.

This round informs me
about a transmission.

Please hand me a functioning
telecommunications device.

Don't listen to that
thing, it's broken.

This guy says, "Andrew
Frisbee killed his downline

and is going to lose."

What?

The guy on the phone
said, "The next round

is Andrew Frisbee loses."

What the fuck are
you talking about?

He says, "Andrew Frisbee
killed his downline

and Andrew Frisbee is a loser."

Guess that's what happens

when you can't maintain
your downline.

- Shut up.
- Don't sweat it.

Not everyone's a winner,

some of us are just born losers
in a long line of losers.

The next round is called
"Andrew Frisbee, Loser."

- Andrew Frisbee, loser.
- Shut up.

Andrew Frisbee, loser.

Shut up.

- Andrew Frisbee, loser.
- Shut up.

- Andrew Frisbee, loser.
- Shut up.

- Andrew Frisbee, loser.
- Shut up.

- Andrew Frisbee, loser.
- Shut up.

- Andrew Frisbee, loser!
- Shut up.

- Andrew Frisbee, loser!
- Shut up!

- Andrew Frisbee, loser!
- Shut up!

- Andrew Frisbee-
- Junior!

Okay.

All right, what's the score?

I think we're done here.

Not yet.

One more.

- Who's the judge?
- Me.

- Then you can't compete.
- I know.

Stop prevaricating.

Round eight, what is it?

This next round is called,

Get the Hat.

On my mark.

Three, two, one,

Get the hat.

Get off me!

Fucking sport utility vehicle.

Suck on that, losers!

You see that, old man?

I beat you!

Andrew Frisbee

Jr.

I won.

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull