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1
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You startled me!
2
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We need to speak on something.
3
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:59,143
You didn't buy bread, did you, Richmond?
4
00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:02,188
I think it is woeful how we have abandoned
5
00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:05,608
the old, respectable mode
of yeast brewing.
6
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:09,028
But it is not your place to think.
7
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- Not in my house.
- Our house.
8
00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:12,240
You're my wife.
9
00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:15,868
So in the eyes of the law,
the house is mine.
10
00:01:15,952 --> 00:01:18,412
Well, the law abides
by the will of the estate.
11
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A will my father
quite deliberately crafted.
12
00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:26,837
Now, I don't wish to play
these vulgar games of ownership with you.
13
00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:29,966
It vexes me. I'm now quite vexed.
14
00:01:30,049 --> 00:01:31,425
You don't think I'm vexed?
15
00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:35,221
Then why indulge in these vexing matters?
16
00:01:53,406 --> 00:01:56,450
So what really did happen
on that fateful day?
17
00:01:56,534 --> 00:02:00,413
Was it an accident?
Her husband claimed she tripped,
18
00:02:00,496 --> 00:02:04,208
but her friends say
she was anything but a klutz.
19
00:02:04,292 --> 00:02:07,628
Could alcohol have played
a role in her demise?
20
00:02:07,712 --> 00:02:10,881
Perhaps one too many
mint juleps for the lady.
21
00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:14,760
The answers to these questions
might lie with the housekeeper.
22
00:02:14,844 --> 00:02:18,806
Or they might be buried
six feet underground. Who can say?
23
00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:21,517
What are you doing up so early?
24
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,603
There's a Masters of Murder marathon on.
25
00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:26,439
Did you finish all the bread?
26
00:02:28,399 --> 00:02:30,526
There was only one slice left.
27
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:32,862
I wanted to make a sandwich.
28
00:02:32,945 --> 00:02:34,965
It's breakfast.
What do you want a sandwich for?
29
00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:37,908
For lunch. To take to work.
30
00:02:37,992 --> 00:02:41,287
- You know that thing that adults go to?
- I have a job, dick.
31
00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:44,558
That's right. You're a...
You're a drug dealer. I almost forgot.
32
00:02:44,582 --> 00:02:47,126
I'm not a drug dealer, okay?
I'm a drug deliverer.
33
00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:48,627
Big difference.
34
00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:50,504
There is a big difference.
35
00:02:50,588 --> 00:02:53,591
I don't do the deals.
I just deliver the product.
36
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,736
Well, one day,
if you play your cards right,
37
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,321
maybe you can become an actual dealer.
38
00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:58,929
Every kid's dream.
39
00:02:59,013 --> 00:03:00,222
You're an asshole.
40
00:03:00,306 --> 00:03:01,724
I love you too, honey.
41
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:04,226
Have a great day. Enjoy your high!
42
00:03:04,310 --> 00:03:05,603
I will!
43
00:03:10,316 --> 00:03:12,627
- "Enjoy the high!"
- She was out of control.
44
00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:14,963
That's what people
were saying about her after she died.
45
00:03:14,987 --> 00:03:19,575
That story that came out in the press
was not... It was not accurate.
46
00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:22,787
So what was the truth?
What was accurate?
47
00:03:24,497 --> 00:03:29,543
Will we ever know?
Stay tuned to find out.
48
00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:31,670
Shit.
49
00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:33,714
Next on Masters of Murder...
50
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:56,904
♪ Don't think twice ♪
51
00:03:56,987 --> 00:04:02,576
♪ Although we'd never make it
Tonight I'm gonna fake it ♪
52
00:04:02,660 --> 00:04:05,579
♪ Only for tonight ♪
53
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:17,174
I have to get my roots done at 2:15.
Where the hell is that idiot?
54
00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:18,926
Honey. I don't know.
55
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:26,743
So what's this all about?
Are you guys finally getting a divorce?
56
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:30,354
Your father has something
he wants to tell you.
57
00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:34,150
Shortly, I shall be announcing
my candidacy for mayor of Savannah.
58
00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:37,319
- Cool. Good luck.
- Sit down.
59
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:46,245
Son, I know how much you enjoy doing
absolutely nothing with your life
60
00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:49,915
and spending your allowance on
God-knows-what or God-knows-who.
61
00:04:49,999 --> 00:04:52,585
Are you accusing me
of fucking prostitutes?
62
00:04:52,668 --> 00:04:53,979
- Tanner!
- No, I'm sorry, Mom,
63
00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:55,272
but it's really insulting.
64
00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:58,174
I would never pay for sex.
Because I don't have to.
65
00:04:58,257 --> 00:05:02,803
Would you shut your mouth?
I was not talking about your sex life,
66
00:05:02,887 --> 00:05:05,890
- which I have no doubt is quite robust.
- Hell yeah.
67
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:09,560
In regards to my campaign, there are
gonna have to be some changes made.
68
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:12,581
I will no longer have the time,
nor quite frankly the energy,
69
00:05:12,605 --> 00:05:15,399
to oversee the day-to-day operations
of Wadsworth Manor.
70
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:18,319
That responsibility
shall fall upon your shoulders.
71
00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:21,030
Why can't Mom do it?
72
00:05:21,906 --> 00:05:26,452
Your mother, bless her heart,
will be joining me on the campaign.
73
00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:28,555
Sorry to interrupt.
Can I get you folks anything?
74
00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:30,122
- No, thank you, Nia.
- Okay.
75
00:05:30,206 --> 00:05:32,256
Yeah, get me an iced pumpkin spice latte.
76
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:35,377
I'm sorry, sir.
I don't think we have that.
77
00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:37,796
Really? That's weird.
78
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,150
Well, then I guess
I'll just get a mango smoothie.
79
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:41,383
But not too sweet.
80
00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:43,928
Bring him a water, Nia.
81
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,846
- Of course, ma'am.
- Thank you, Nia.
82
00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:50,142
Hey, why doesn't she do it?
83
00:05:50,226 --> 00:05:52,228
- Who?
- The lady that works here.
84
00:05:52,311 --> 00:05:53,997
The one that won't make me a good drink.
85
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:56,941
Nia is already staff manager.
86
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,943
She has been for years.
87
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:01,546
There needs to be someone in charge
of the entire operation.
88
00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:03,531
To oversee everything.
89
00:06:03,614 --> 00:06:06,450
I just don't think I have time
to take on another job.
90
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:09,036
And what do you mean, "another job"?
91
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:12,706
Me and Preston and Chaz
are working on developing an app.
92
00:06:12,790 --> 00:06:15,417
And what does this app do?
93
00:06:15,501 --> 00:06:18,337
It, like, gives you rides places.
94
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:20,923
Like Uber?
95
00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:25,177
Yeah, kinda. But with sicker cars.
And like super-hot drivers.
96
00:06:25,261 --> 00:06:27,096
Well, I'm afraid your app
97
00:06:27,179 --> 00:06:30,766
is going to have to be put on
the back burner for a little while.
98
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,661
I think I'm gonna have to say no, Dad.
99
00:06:32,685 --> 00:06:38,899
Well, then I'm gonna have to say
since Wadsworth Manor is your inheritance,
100
00:06:38,983 --> 00:06:42,319
you will be on your own
financially from now on.
101
00:06:42,403 --> 00:06:43,571
This is horseshit!
102
00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:46,574
Nia will brief you on all the particulars.
103
00:06:46,657 --> 00:06:52,663
And, son, this property has been
in our family for over 180 years.
104
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:57,001
Don't you be the one to fuck it up.
Darling.
105
00:07:13,976 --> 00:07:17,271
Hey. Um, it's me.
106
00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:19,291
Hey, come on in.
Make yourself at home.
107
00:07:19,315 --> 00:07:20,816
I'm making some sweet tea.
108
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,196
Come on in.
109
00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:31,076
Hi.
110
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,370
Hello.
111
00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:35,831
- That looks good.
- It is.
112
00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:38,375
- Is that, like, lemon?
- Rainbow.
113
00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:40,169
Rainbow. Cool.
114
00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:42,921
Since I'm a kid, I love lollipops.
115
00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:46,925
Um, hey, are your, like,
116
00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:51,805
parents or siblings here, by any chance?
117
00:07:51,889 --> 00:07:53,891
You wanna make sure I'm alone?
118
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,684
Yeah.
119
00:07:55,768 --> 00:07:57,853
Wait, no. That sounds weird. I kinda...
120
00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:00,248
- Get on the ground!
- On your fucking knees!
121
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:02,000
You're under arrest
for the solicitation of a minor.
122
00:08:02,024 --> 00:08:03,025
What?
123
00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:05,503
- Hands behind your back.
- Um, okay.
124
00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:08,364
- Okay. Okay.
- You have the right to remain silent.
125
00:08:08,447 --> 00:08:11,092
Anything you say can and will be
used against you in a court of law.
126
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:13,053
- You have the right to an attorney.
- Wait...
127
00:08:13,077 --> 00:08:16,222
If you cannot afford an attorney,
one will be appointed for you.
128
00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:18,600
- Not to interrupt...
- With these rights in mind,
129
00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:20,185
do you still wish to discuss
the charges against you?
130
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,544
Yes. I certainly do. Um...
131
00:08:22,628 --> 00:08:26,298
I'm so ticklish.
Is this 72 Jackson Street?
132
00:08:26,382 --> 00:08:28,842
No. It's 72 Jackson Avenue.
133
00:08:28,926 --> 00:08:32,513
My God.
See, this is so funny.
134
00:08:32,596 --> 00:08:36,058
Well, maybe it's not so funny, but it's...
That I can explain.
135
00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:39,079
Solicitation of a minor with the intent
to sell narcotics to said minor.
136
00:08:39,103 --> 00:08:41,939
No, no, no, no. Um, okay.
137
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,732
Not to narc out my bosses,
138
00:08:43,816 --> 00:08:46,652
but I work for a company
called Lady Mary Jane.
139
00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:51,407
And I was supposed to deliver
that weed and, um, yeah,
140
00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:55,452
that bag of edibles to 72 Jackson Street.
141
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:58,163
I'm not here for sex.
142
00:08:58,247 --> 00:08:59,957
And even if I was here for sex,
143
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,209
I wouldn't want to do it with him.
144
00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:04,420
How old is he?
Is he like 12 or something?
145
00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:05,629
I'm 19.
146
00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:07,297
You're 197
147
00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:09,758
That is just... Really?
148
00:09:09,842 --> 00:09:12,302
- I'm an actor.
- He doesn't even have pubes.
149
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,555
I have all the pubes. Tons of pubes.
150
00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:16,265
- Like tons of pubes?
- Tons.
151
00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:18,648
That's not something to brag about,
by the way.
152
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,978
Don't lick your lollipop right now.
153
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,147
He's like sexually harassing me for real.
154
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,898
Why don't you arrest this creep?
155
00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:27,711
- He's just doing his job, ma'am.
- What is wrong with you?
156
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,820
Doesn't even have to be acting anymore.
157
00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:39,997
Todd! I'm so glad you're here.
158
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:43,292
You don't know the difference
between street and avenue?
159
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:44,710
I was a little stoned.
160
00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:46,879
- Shocking.
- Todd.
161
00:09:46,962 --> 00:09:49,798
I was arrested for soliciting sex
from a kid today.
162
00:09:49,882 --> 00:09:51,717
Please just be nice to me.
163
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,969
For a change.
164
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:56,972
Look, my uncle is friends with the DA.
I talked to him.
165
00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:59,367
- They're giving you a break.
- That's amazing!
166
00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:02,144
They're dropping all the drug charges.
167
00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:04,627
All you have to do
is register as a sex offender.
168
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,649
Yeah, right.
169
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,943
Do you know how lucky you are, Hannah?
170
00:10:10,027 --> 00:10:12,863
This could've been way worse.
171
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,966
I sure hope you can
get your shit together,
172
00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:18,535
because this is...
this is really fucking pathetic.
173
00:10:19,912 --> 00:10:22,372
Wait. Are you breaking up with me?
174
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:26,210
Well, I can't introduce my parents
to a sex offender.
175
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,295
Well...
176
00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:30,047
I'm gonna go pack up your shit.
177
00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:32,025
Well, you know what? Good.
178
00:10:32,049 --> 00:10:33,610
I didn't want to meet them anyway.
179
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:35,445
What kind of people name their kid "Todd"?
180
00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:37,304
Such a stupid name.
181
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:39,264
They sound like assholes actually.
182
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:41,642
I've been cheating on you.
183
00:10:42,226 --> 00:10:43,310
With who?
184
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,437
With the mailman.
185
00:10:45,521 --> 00:10:46,664
- Betty?
- With the milkman.
186
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:48,941
- We don't have a milkman.
- Fuck.
187
00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:50,108
Bye, Hannah.
188
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,341
Now, upon the night that General Sherman
189
00:10:56,365 --> 00:10:59,368
placed his prized hat
into my grateful hands,
190
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:03,121
little did I know our home
would forever become an integral part
191
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,415
of Savannah's rich and turbulent history.
192
00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:08,377
Thank you. Thank you.
193
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:10,730
I would now be more than happy
to answer any queries
194
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:13,131
you may have regarding our beloved manor.
195
00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:18,262
Yeah. Did General Sherman place
anything else into your grateful hands?
196
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,639
No, sir, he did not.
197
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,476
Thank you kindly.
198
00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:26,603
Thank you. Have a good day.
199
00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:29,398
Thank you so much.
Bye-bye. Thank you.
200
00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:31,900
Very impressive, milady.
201
00:11:31,984 --> 00:11:34,278
Thank you, Mr. Wadsworth.
202
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:37,739
Please, "Mr. Wadsworth"
is so stuffy and formal.
203
00:11:37,823 --> 00:11:39,825
You can call me Tanner.
204
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,034
Wadsworth.
205
00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:42,619
And...
206
00:11:44,288 --> 00:11:46,248
- Thank you.
- You earned it.
207
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:49,631
You sounded exactly like you were
an old colonial lady or whatever.
208
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:51,837
It was really hot.
209
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,505
Thank you, sir.
210
00:11:53,589 --> 00:11:55,465
Let's have dinner tonight. My treat.
211
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:57,509
Thank you, but...
212
00:11:57,593 --> 00:11:59,344
Fine, we'll split the bill.
213
00:11:59,428 --> 00:12:02,347
I am actually having dinner
with my boyfriend tonight.
214
00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:04,141
Cancel it.
215
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,643
I'm sorry, Mr. Wadsworth.
216
00:12:07,436 --> 00:12:09,396
I'm sorry too.
217
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:12,316
- We're gonna have to let you go.
- What?
218
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:16,445
Now please leaveth the premises-eths.
219
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:22,534
Then what'd she say?
220
00:12:22,618 --> 00:12:25,704
Nothing. She was just literally like,
"Fuck you."
221
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:27,307
- But she didn't say it.
- Yeah.
222
00:12:27,331 --> 00:12:29,249
- What a slut!
- Total slut!
223
00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:31,084
"I have a boyfriend who I love."
224
00:12:33,587 --> 00:12:35,464
My God. It's my fiancée.
225
00:12:35,547 --> 00:12:36,965
Sorry. Gotta blaze.
226
00:12:37,049 --> 00:12:39,968
Hey, baby.
I've been thinking about you too.
227
00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:45,515
Now I have to register as a sex offender,
which probably isn't going to be easy.
228
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:51,313
Like if registering your car
at the DMZ or whatever is such a bitch,
229
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:54,816
can you imagine how much more
of a bitch it's gonna be
230
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:57,277
to register as a sex offender?
231
00:12:57,361 --> 00:12:59,821
You know, I hope it's harder.
232
00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:04,201
If it is easier to register
as a sex offender...
233
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:08,372
You know,
I think I could be a stand-up comedian.
234
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:11,667
"What's the deal with
registering as a sex offender?"
235
00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:14,086
I don't know. Why don't you tell me?
236
00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:22,970
I don't actually know
'cause I'm not, like, a real sex offender.
237
00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:27,307
I was set up by this,
like, adult kid actor.
238
00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:29,851
This fruity little youthful narc.
239
00:13:29,935 --> 00:13:32,145
I see.
240
00:13:32,229 --> 00:13:34,189
Don't take this the wrong way,
241
00:13:35,691 --> 00:13:37,669
but you're really, really handsome.
242
00:13:37,693 --> 00:13:40,320
If that fake kid today
had looked like you?
243
00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:43,407
Ooh, boy, like, throw the book at me.
244
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:44,741
Ooh!
245
00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:46,576
Can I ask what you do?
246
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:49,496
Um, I used to be in
the pharmaceutical business
247
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:53,750
and now I am self-unemployed.
248
00:13:57,129 --> 00:13:58,379
You just passing through?
249
00:13:58,422 --> 00:14:00,424
No, I live in Savannah.
250
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,092
- Where?
- Where?
251
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:10,350
What, are you, like, a person who, like,
asks a lot of questions?
252
00:14:10,434 --> 00:14:12,894
I'm a person who would
like to offer you a job.
253
00:14:16,148 --> 00:14:18,066
- Fuck off.
- I'm serious.
254
00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:21,319
Do you have any acting experience,
by any chance?
255
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:26,408
Um, yes, by some chance, I do.
256
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:28,577
I know. It's crazy.
257
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:31,955
I was in an acting play,
Drugs Are For Slugs.
258
00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:33,915
You've probably heard of it.
259
00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:35,625
I played the main slug.
260
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:37,812
It was part of this, like,
after-school program
261
00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:41,298
for kids whose parents thought
they might end up doing drugs.
262
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:46,219
So pretty good casting, if you ask me.
263
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:47,971
I knew you'd be perfect.
264
00:14:49,347 --> 00:14:50,557
There's only one thing.
265
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,977
You'll have to live at Wadsworth Manor.
266
00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:56,855
Okay.
267
00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:04,630
So pretty much you'll be in charge
268
00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:07,157
of maintaining the interior
of Wadsworth Manor.
269
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,385
Laundry, light cleaning,
things of that nature.
270
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:10,470
If you have any questions,
271
00:15:10,494 --> 00:15:12,680
you can direct them towards myself
or my brother, Marcus.
272
00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:15,415
And of course you'll be
in charge of leading the tours,
273
00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:17,959
which start promptly at 9:30 every day.
274
00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:20,962
Hey, sorry to interrupt.
Nia, have you seen my toolbox?
275
00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:23,107
I think I saw it in the garage.
Check there.
276
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:25,634
Okay. Thanks.
277
00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:28,929
Who is that sexy hunk of man meat?
278
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:32,182
That's Marcus. My brother.
279
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,851
Cool. Cool.
280
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:37,020
He seems smart. What's this?
281
00:15:37,104 --> 00:15:40,148
This is a pretty dress.
282
00:15:40,232 --> 00:15:41,983
Wow! Who makes this?
283
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:46,613
Yep. It is a JZP. I knew it.
284
00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:51,368
This actually belonged to Lady Wadsworth's
best friend in the entire world,
285
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:54,663
who just so happened to be
my great-great-great grandmother,
286
00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:56,414
Josephine Zelda Pipkin.
287
00:15:56,498 --> 00:15:59,348
She sewed that into all her possessions,
few as they were.
288
00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:02,921
Zelda?
This is probably a dumb question,
289
00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:05,966
but she wasn't, by any chance,
290
00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:11,388
named after the actual
Legend of Zelda, was she?
291
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,722
Moving on.
292
00:16:15,559 --> 00:16:20,897
This right here is the most
prized possession of our Wadsworth Manor.
293
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:25,026
Sorry. This is my most
prized possession, too, so...
294
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:28,610
When General William Tecumseh Sherman
stayed here during the Civil War,
295
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:31,074
he was so charmed by Lady Wadsworth,
296
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:33,785
by her hospitality,
graciousness and class,
297
00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:35,912
he gave her his hat as a gift.
298
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:38,123
Shit.
299
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:42,502
Lady Wadsworth, that's the role
I'm getting my hands on, right?
300
00:16:42,586 --> 00:16:43,795
That's right.
301
00:16:43,879 --> 00:16:45,505
And she was classy.
302
00:16:45,589 --> 00:16:47,674
The absolute classiest.
303
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:51,094
Okay. I will make sure to do her justice.
304
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,431
Sorry.
305
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,184
I did have a few beers tonight.
306
00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:58,953
Let me show you where you'll be staying.
307
00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,312
- Okay.
- Okay.
308
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,987
Here we are. The lady's bedroom.
309
00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:10,405
My God!
310
00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:12,300
Remember, this will be part of the tour,
311
00:17:12,324 --> 00:17:15,160
so it's imperative that you
keep it as the lady kept it.
312
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:16,912
Immaculate.
313
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,705
Wow, this is amazing!
314
00:17:21,917 --> 00:17:24,336
- Shoes?
- Um...
315
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:27,047
I don't know, I think they're Skechers.
316
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:29,049
You mean...
317
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:31,760
Excuse me.
318
00:17:31,843 --> 00:17:33,929
Is there anything else I can get for you?
319
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:37,182
No. I think I'm good.
Thank you so much.
320
00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:40,244
Make sure you're well versed
on the history of the manor by tomorrow.
321
00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:43,372
There's a packet with all relevant
information on the side table next to you.
322
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:44,773
Yep.
323
00:17:44,856 --> 00:17:46,858
- Good night, Hannah.
- Okay. Good night.
324
00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:52,781
What?
325
00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:58,536
"Wadsworth Manor,
founded in 1840 by Jennings F. Daubmire,
326
00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:02,457
is one of the oldest
and most treasured historical homes... "
327
00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:34,864
Fuck.
328
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:18,700
Hear ye, hear ye.
My name is Lady Wadsworth,
329
00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:22,495
but you can call me Nancy.
330
00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:29,461
I built this house with my own two hands
in the summer of 1855.
331
00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:31,921
I know what you're all thinking.
332
00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:34,341
Wow, that makes you super old!
333
00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:36,384
Let me tell you my secret.
334
00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:45,310
And this is, ye olde living room,
335
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:49,647
where they used to host parties and shit...
And digs.
336
00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:50,732
Shindigs.
337
00:19:52,275 --> 00:19:56,112
Yes. A question.
A little early for a question, but okay.
338
00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:59,574
Sorry. I just... really quick.
Um, what are you talking about?
339
00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:01,910
I'm sorry, what?
340
00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:05,914
Well, first of all,
your name is Elizabeth, not Nancy.
341
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:09,250
This house was built in 1840,
and not 1855.
342
00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:12,253
It's literally right on
the cover of the pamphlet.
343
00:20:12,337 --> 00:20:15,507
And, um, this is definitely not called
"ye olde living room"
344
00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:19,552
because, well, that's-that's ridiculous.
345
00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:21,386
So what-what are you talking about?
346
00:20:23,473 --> 00:20:27,811
If you'll excuse me
just for one minute. Please.
347
00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:29,187
- Sorry.
- Please.
348
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:30,897
- Okay.
- Please.
349
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:33,084
What the fuck is your problem?
350
00:20:33,108 --> 00:20:35,026
- What's my problem?
- Yeah.
351
00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:37,904
I'm sorry I was hoping for
some facts on this tour.
352
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,489
I am giving you facts.
353
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,908
- No, you're not.
- Fact after fact.
354
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,868
Not real facts. Not actual facts.
355
00:20:43,952 --> 00:20:46,246
Well, what makes you
so qualified to say that?
356
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:49,916
A PhD in American History from Harvard.
357
00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:52,836
Yeah. What is going on?
Do you even work here?
358
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:57,632
Look, I'm just trying not to get fired,
okay? It's my first day.
359
00:20:57,715 --> 00:21:01,177
I'm sorry.
Just, I really need this job. Please?
360
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:06,224
I'm here with some students
from my seminar.
361
00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:09,727
It's a little weird.
I was hoping they would learn something.
362
00:21:10,728 --> 00:21:12,397
Screw it.
363
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:13,940
I'll catch 'em up later.
364
00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:15,817
Thank you. You're so sweet.
365
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:16,901
- Sure.
- Thank you.
366
00:21:16,985 --> 00:21:19,779
Listen, if you ever want
any actual facts...
367
00:21:19,863 --> 00:21:21,865
Let me know.
368
00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:25,160
Thank you.
Just gonna tuck it right in here.
369
00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:27,162
Okay. Yeah. No pockets.
370
00:21:27,245 --> 00:21:28,580
- Thank you.
- Sure.
371
00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:35,003
Now where were we
before we were interrupted?
372
00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:37,839
Right,
I was gonna show you ye olde den,
373
00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:39,757
where they used to watch...
374
00:21:41,092 --> 00:21:42,427
probably plays. Come on.
375
00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:43,803
Right this way.
376
00:21:46,097 --> 00:21:51,895
So, as Lady Wadsworth, um,
as I always used to say,
377
00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:56,107
"Ye don't have to go home,
but ye can't stay here." Thank you.
378
00:22:00,028 --> 00:22:01,738
Bravo!
379
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:02,947
My God.
380
00:22:03,031 --> 00:22:05,742
- You were fantastic.
- Was 1?
381
00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:08,762
I couldn't tell the difference
between you and Lady Wadsworth.
382
00:22:08,786 --> 00:22:10,830
My God.
That is so nice of you.
383
00:22:10,914 --> 00:22:13,541
- Well, I'm a nice guy.
- Yeah.
384
00:22:13,625 --> 00:22:15,625
Let's celebrate tonight.
What do you say?
385
00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:19,005
Okay. Sure.
386
00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:20,465
That's the right answer.
387
00:22:24,260 --> 00:22:26,804
Sorry to bother you, but...
388
00:22:26,888 --> 00:22:30,558
Don't worry.
I'll clean it up before the next tour.
389
00:22:30,642 --> 00:22:35,563
I'm trying to figure out what to wear.
I got a hot date with our hunky boss.
390
00:22:35,647 --> 00:22:38,566
- Lucky you.
- What do you think about this?
391
00:22:38,650 --> 00:22:40,401
You think Tanner will like this?
392
00:22:40,485 --> 00:22:43,738
I really think the best thing
is to just be a lady.
393
00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:48,243
That way you can better serve the role
of "the lady." You feel me?
394
00:22:48,326 --> 00:22:52,205
Tanner's into classy ladies.
395
00:22:52,288 --> 00:22:54,499
- Well...
- I got you. I can do this.
396
00:22:54,582 --> 00:22:57,561
My ex-roommate used to watch
Downtown Abbey all the time, so...
397
00:22:57,585 --> 00:22:59,879
I guess that's a good start.
398
00:23:01,339 --> 00:23:03,007
- Hey, Nia?
- Yes?
399
00:23:03,091 --> 00:23:05,301
- Thank you.
- Don't worry.
400
00:23:05,385 --> 00:23:06,935
You're gonna do just fine here.
401
00:23:17,397 --> 00:23:19,774
I like that dress.
402
00:23:21,442 --> 00:23:22,735
Classy.
403
00:23:22,819 --> 00:23:24,279
Thank you, Nia.
404
00:23:24,362 --> 00:23:25,863
What?
405
00:23:25,947 --> 00:23:27,782
My name is Tanner.
406
00:23:28,950 --> 00:23:30,952
- Yeah.
- Hi. I'm Addison,
407
00:23:31,035 --> 00:23:32,680
and I'll be your waitress for the evening.
408
00:23:32,704 --> 00:23:34,554
Can I start you off with some drinks?
409
00:23:35,248 --> 00:23:39,335
Yes, indeed. I think I shall.
410
00:23:39,419 --> 00:23:42,982
- Something classy, of course.
- Would you like to look at our wine list?
411
00:23:43,006 --> 00:23:45,008
Do you think I don't know my wines?
412
00:23:45,091 --> 00:23:46,593
No. Not at all. I was just...
413
00:23:46,676 --> 00:23:50,179
I'll peruse the list just to make sure
the ones you got on it
414
00:23:50,263 --> 00:23:51,806
are classy enough for me.
415
00:23:51,889 --> 00:23:53,766
Very good.
And for the gentleman?
416
00:23:54,892 --> 00:23:57,478
Yeah, gimme a shot of Patron
and a vod sodes.
417
00:23:57,562 --> 00:24:00,732
A vodka soda.
418
00:24:03,484 --> 00:24:06,029
- Yeesh.
- Yeah.
419
00:24:06,112 --> 00:24:10,366
They have got the most sick
tasting fish here.
420
00:24:11,117 --> 00:24:12,285
Ham cubes are fire.
421
00:24:12,368 --> 00:24:13,918
They have ham cubes? Where?
422
00:24:13,995 --> 00:24:16,080
- Yeah, you can't go wrong.
- No.
423
00:24:17,290 --> 00:24:23,004
I still can't believe you just, like,
swooped into the bar and you were like,
424
00:24:23,087 --> 00:24:27,508
"Hi, I'm hot, you want a job
and a sick place to live?"
425
00:24:29,469 --> 00:24:33,222
I know this isn't a classy thing to admit,
426
00:24:33,306 --> 00:24:37,852
but I wasn't really on my way
to join the circus like I said.
427
00:24:37,935 --> 00:24:39,896
I had no real plan.
428
00:24:40,813 --> 00:24:42,940
Yeah.
429
00:24:43,024 --> 00:24:48,029
Well, maybe there's some way
you can repay the favor.
430
00:24:48,112 --> 00:24:53,117
My God.
You're like a knight in shiny armor.
431
00:24:53,201 --> 00:24:54,952
But hotter.
432
00:24:55,036 --> 00:24:58,665
Well, you're pretty great too.
433
00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:02,585
- Do you mean it?
- I do.
434
00:25:02,669 --> 00:25:05,713
That's so beautiful.
435
00:25:05,797 --> 00:25:08,716
I mean, honestly, you're like a poet.
But hotter.
436
00:25:10,802 --> 00:25:13,846
I can't believe I get to live
in your family's mansion.
437
00:25:15,098 --> 00:25:16,950
Yeah, it's a pretty nice house, I guess.
438
00:25:16,974 --> 00:25:20,436
"Nice house."
439
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:23,981
Yeah, and the Taj Mahal
is just a "nice hall."
440
00:25:25,358 --> 00:25:29,195
So what was it like growing up
in that "nice house"?
441
00:25:29,278 --> 00:25:31,048
I didn't live in that house.
442
00:25:31,072 --> 00:25:34,951
It's more like a dusty old family museum.
443
00:25:35,034 --> 00:25:37,834
But I get to sell it when my parents die,
so that's cool.
444
00:25:38,496 --> 00:25:40,456
Wow. That's awesome.
445
00:25:40,540 --> 00:25:43,835
What do you say we head back there
and, dust the bed,
446
00:25:43,918 --> 00:25:45,169
if you know what I mean?
447
00:25:47,547 --> 00:25:49,924
I'm pretty sure I do.
448
00:25:50,007 --> 00:25:52,009
You're talking about sex, right?
449
00:25:52,093 --> 00:25:53,428
Bingo.
450
00:25:53,511 --> 00:25:55,072
Can I get you anything else?
451
00:25:55,096 --> 00:25:56,681
Some coffee perhaps, ma'am?
452
00:25:56,764 --> 00:25:58,314
- Why would I want coffee?
- No.
453
00:26:00,309 --> 00:26:03,354
- Hey, Adderall.
- It's Addison.
454
00:26:03,438 --> 00:26:05,290
I just wanted to let you know
that I finished
455
00:26:05,314 --> 00:26:09,485
the entire bottle of the strun...
jun... junior.
456
00:26:09,569 --> 00:26:11,338
So now who doesn't know their wines?
457
00:26:11,362 --> 00:26:15,074
- Ha-ha.
- Congratulations.
458
00:26:15,158 --> 00:26:16,284
Thank you.
459
00:26:16,367 --> 00:26:18,661
I outclassed the fuck outta her.
460
00:26:25,376 --> 00:26:28,463
You're such a good drunk driver.
461
00:26:28,546 --> 00:26:29,881
Thanks, I know.
462
00:26:36,679 --> 00:26:40,933
Whoa. You kiss like a horse.
463
00:26:46,189 --> 00:26:47,315
Yeah!
464
00:26:49,525 --> 00:26:50,777
Let's do this.
465
00:26:51,611 --> 00:26:54,113
Wait. Okay.
466
00:26:55,031 --> 00:26:56,699
My God.
467
00:26:58,326 --> 00:27:01,537
My God, you're so hot. Okay.
468
00:27:01,621 --> 00:27:06,793
I'm just, um... I'm gonna go freshen up.
469
00:27:06,876 --> 00:27:09,712
So just, real quick.
470
00:27:11,547 --> 00:27:12,840
Wanna smoke?
471
00:27:27,855 --> 00:27:29,524
Condoms, condoms.
472
00:27:34,278 --> 00:27:37,073
Thank you, Jesus. I'll be right out!
473
00:27:37,156 --> 00:27:38,950
You're great.
474
00:27:41,869 --> 00:27:44,914
Eat your heart out, Todd. Dickhead.
475
00:27:53,047 --> 00:27:56,843
Hi. You look comfortable.
476
00:27:56,926 --> 00:27:59,637
Are you having a little nap?
477
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:02,181
My God, that's so cute.
478
00:28:06,727 --> 00:28:12,775
Maybe little Tan-Tan
needs a little wake-up call.
479
00:28:12,859 --> 00:28:15,444
Is that a yes? Okay.
480
00:28:16,279 --> 00:28:17,363
Great.
481
00:28:20,199 --> 00:28:23,995
I just wanna make sure
that this is consexual.
482
00:28:24,078 --> 00:28:26,706
Sounds good to me.
483
00:28:27,623 --> 00:28:28,791
Okay.
484
00:28:28,875 --> 00:28:30,501
No!
485
00:28:30,585 --> 00:28:32,128
What the fuck?
486
00:28:33,462 --> 00:28:35,590
My God! Who are you?
487
00:28:35,673 --> 00:28:39,302
No, poor depraved wench,
the question is who are you?
488
00:28:39,385 --> 00:28:42,930
I am the lady who lives in this room.
489
00:28:43,014 --> 00:28:45,975
And that is my cock
that you are blocking me from.
490
00:28:46,058 --> 00:28:48,603
Now, who are you?
491
00:28:48,686 --> 00:28:52,899
I am Lady Elizabeth Wadsworth,
and I am afraid to tell you
492
00:28:52,982 --> 00:28:55,651
I take umbrage with the despicable,
493
00:28:55,735 --> 00:28:58,321
animalistic way
you are behaving in my room!
494
00:28:58,404 --> 00:29:02,116
Yeah. Okay, right.
No, 'cause Tanner told me about you.
495
00:29:02,199 --> 00:29:03,760
You had the job before me, right?
496
00:29:03,784 --> 00:29:05,953
Had I ever the job you possess,
497
00:29:06,037 --> 00:29:09,790
I shall think I would have long ago
gone mad from syphilis. Or worse.
498
00:29:11,250 --> 00:29:14,253
- You think I'm a prostitute?
- I know you to be.
499
00:29:14,337 --> 00:29:16,940
Grateful only that your customer
seems to have saved himself
500
00:29:16,964 --> 00:29:20,064
from whatever lusty madness
with which you mean to inflict him.
501
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:23,262
Okay. You're nuts. What?
502
00:29:23,346 --> 00:29:27,266
You quit 'cause you couldn't stand
being around Tanner after he rejected you
503
00:29:27,350 --> 00:29:30,728
and now you're stalking him
but in character!
504
00:29:30,811 --> 00:29:32,730
And I'm the mad one?
505
00:29:32,813 --> 00:29:35,608
Hey, Tanner.
506
00:29:36,651 --> 00:29:38,611
Seriously, wake up, okay?
507
00:29:38,694 --> 00:29:40,446
"Cause your weird stalker is here,
508
00:29:40,529 --> 00:29:43,199
and I don't feel like
getting stabbed by a lunatic.
509
00:29:45,743 --> 00:29:46,827
Hey.
510
00:30:02,176 --> 00:30:03,678
Little known fact,
511
00:30:03,761 --> 00:30:07,723
this is my favorite room
in all of Wadsworth Manor.
512
00:30:07,807 --> 00:30:13,187
Can anybody guess why?
Yes. You, the natural brunette.
513
00:30:13,270 --> 00:30:14,855
Because you love to read?
514
00:30:15,690 --> 00:30:18,609
Wrong. Reading is for nerds.
515
00:30:18,693 --> 00:30:23,322
I'm joking. So, over here we have...
516
00:30:23,406 --> 00:30:24,907
Fuck!
517
00:30:24,991 --> 00:30:28,911
That... Fuck. Fuck.
That was to illustrate,
518
00:30:28,995 --> 00:30:32,790
the fact that contrary
to popular belief,
519
00:30:32,873 --> 00:30:37,169
women of the time
had the tongues of filthy sailors.
520
00:30:37,253 --> 00:30:38,254
They really did.
521
00:30:38,337 --> 00:30:42,675
It was very customary,
for women to say "fuck"
522
00:30:42,758 --> 00:30:46,053
and "shit" and even "cocktease."
523
00:30:46,137 --> 00:30:49,849
"Pussy" was a very popular
word of the day.
524
00:30:49,932 --> 00:30:53,894
But, you know, "fuck" did not mean
what it means today.
525
00:30:54,937 --> 00:30:57,064
Right? It didn't mean that.
526
00:30:57,148 --> 00:31:01,652
It actually meant
a polite wink at a stranger.
527
00:31:01,736 --> 00:31:07,283
So, in fact, right now,
I am fucking all of you.
528
00:31:09,785 --> 00:31:10,870
My God!
529
00:31:10,953 --> 00:31:14,874
How dare you pose as me
in my own house, spewing such filth!
530
00:31:15,666 --> 00:31:18,127
Okay, um...
531
00:31:18,210 --> 00:31:21,464
does everybody see this
old-timey-looking lady right now?
532
00:31:23,424 --> 00:31:26,093
- Hi.
- Holy shit.
533
00:31:26,177 --> 00:31:30,097
You are an abomination.
A filthy tramp, you are.
534
00:31:30,181 --> 00:31:33,517
- What did you call me?
- I didn't call you anything.
535
00:31:35,227 --> 00:31:40,524
Call... Call on me.
I had so many gentleman callers...
536
00:31:40,608 --> 00:31:43,152
- That is a lie!
- ...calling upon me.
537
00:31:43,235 --> 00:31:45,797
I was a faithfully married woman.
You take your lies...
538
00:31:45,821 --> 00:31:48,091
- Just one after the other.
- ...and vacate this house at once.
539
00:31:48,115 --> 00:31:49,885
Just gentleman caller
after gentleman caller.
540
00:31:49,909 --> 00:31:51,535
One after the other. In and out.
541
00:31:51,619 --> 00:31:53,346
You should be ashamed
speaking in such a crass manner.
542
00:31:53,370 --> 00:31:57,625
- It is most unbecoming!
- Okay. Now, that's the end of the tour.
543
00:31:57,708 --> 00:32:00,169
That's it. Um, thank you for coming.
544
00:32:00,252 --> 00:32:02,671
And, please come see us again soon.
545
00:32:04,006 --> 00:32:07,051
Excuse me.
Is that really the end of the tour?
546
00:32:07,134 --> 00:32:09,637
You are a disgrace.
547
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:13,140
I am not listening to you,
you obnoxious old asshole!
548
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,523
Sorry, ma'am, you were great.
549
00:32:21,941 --> 00:32:23,609
What the {...
550
00:32:44,588 --> 00:32:46,215
Come on in.
551
00:32:46,298 --> 00:32:48,509
So many different theories
that it wouldn't...
552
00:32:48,592 --> 00:32:50,427
Sorry.
553
00:32:50,511 --> 00:32:52,489
I didn't know you were busy with a lady.
554
00:32:52,513 --> 00:32:56,392
This is my student, Jenny.
Jenny, this is...
555
00:32:56,475 --> 00:33:00,479
Hannah. Hi. I'm an actress.
And a model sometimes.
556
00:33:00,563 --> 00:33:02,439
- Hi.
- Hi.
557
00:33:02,523 --> 00:33:07,611
Okay. So I guess I'll,
come back when you're not, um...
558
00:33:07,695 --> 00:33:11,198
No. No!
Jenny and I were just finishing up.
559
00:33:11,282 --> 00:33:14,118
Hannah, so that-that
would be perfect. You can do it.
560
00:33:14,201 --> 00:33:17,051
- Thanks, Dr. Plumm.
- Sure. I'll see you in class, Jenny.
561
00:33:19,331 --> 00:33:20,958
- Hi.
- Dr. Plumm?
562
00:33:21,041 --> 00:33:24,170
- What?
- Were you guys doing, like, role-playing?
563
00:33:24,253 --> 00:33:28,174
Like doctor-patient shit?
You are kinkier than I thought.
564
00:33:28,257 --> 00:33:30,509
It's nothing inappropriate, I assure you.
565
00:33:30,593 --> 00:33:33,512
Just regular office hours. I...
566
00:33:33,596 --> 00:33:37,391
Honestly. Yeah.
You can throw it away.
567
00:33:37,474 --> 00:33:40,519
- Don't tell anyone about my office hours.
- I won't.
568
00:33:40,603 --> 00:33:42,688
That everyone has. All teachers have.
569
00:33:42,771 --> 00:33:45,065
- It's just a student.
- Yeah.
570
00:33:45,149 --> 00:33:47,860
What can I...
What can I help you with, Hannah?
571
00:33:47,943 --> 00:33:50,571
Okay. So you say you're a doctor.
572
00:33:50,654 --> 00:33:52,907
- Well, I am a doctor.
- Okay.
573
00:33:52,990 --> 00:33:55,040
Do you know anyone
who can do an exorcism?
574
00:33:56,076 --> 00:33:58,078
An exorcism?
575
00:33:58,162 --> 00:34:00,206
What's this about?
576
00:34:00,289 --> 00:34:04,001
Okay, so,
I was giving a tour this morning,
577
00:34:04,084 --> 00:34:05,794
and Lady Wadsworth was on it.
578
00:34:06,587 --> 00:34:08,631
Like, the real Lady Wadsworth.
579
00:34:08,714 --> 00:34:11,717
Like, she was a ghost, I think.
580
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:14,386
But not like a scary, like, ghost.
581
00:34:14,470 --> 00:34:18,015
She was more like
an old-fashioned bitch ghost.
582
00:34:18,098 --> 00:34:21,310
Like all like stuffy and shit.
Like, "Neh, neh, neh."
583
00:34:21,393 --> 00:34:24,313
Super annoying and, like, yelling at me.
584
00:34:24,396 --> 00:34:26,291
So now I need to try to get rid of her,
585
00:34:26,315 --> 00:34:28,484
and I thought the easiest way to do that
586
00:34:28,567 --> 00:34:32,655
would be to find someone who knows about,
like, potions and spells and whatever,
587
00:34:32,738 --> 00:34:38,327
like a doctor or a witch doctor
or like a priest who can do an exorcism.
588
00:34:38,410 --> 00:34:40,663
But not like an old weak priest.
589
00:34:40,746 --> 00:34:44,333
I want, like, a hot, young,
like, athletic priest
590
00:34:44,416 --> 00:34:46,585
who can really take a beating.
591
00:34:46,669 --> 00:34:49,519
So what do you think? Can you help me?
Do you know anyone?
592
00:34:53,050 --> 00:34:54,593
Forget it.
593
00:34:54,677 --> 00:34:57,304
What... Wait, hold on. I'm sorry. Hold on.
594
00:34:57,388 --> 00:35:00,158
Wait, wait, wait.
I... You just caught me a little off guard
595
00:35:00,182 --> 00:35:03,185
- coming in here talking about exorcisms.
- Well...
596
00:35:03,269 --> 00:35:06,230
So I don't really know much
about this kinda thing.
597
00:35:06,313 --> 00:35:09,817
- It's not my field. Um...
- Sorry.
598
00:35:09,900 --> 00:35:12,569
I do know that exorcisms only really work
599
00:35:12,653 --> 00:35:14,547
if the spirit
is possessing a living person.
600
00:35:14,571 --> 00:35:17,199
So I don't think that would be
your best bet.
601
00:35:17,283 --> 00:35:19,118
Okay, well, thanks anyway.
602
00:35:19,201 --> 00:35:21,412
Well, wait! Where are you going?
603
00:35:21,495 --> 00:35:24,045
- What do you mean? I'm giving up.
- Just like that?
604
00:35:24,081 --> 00:35:28,460
Yeah. This is more effort than I've
put into anything in a long time,
605
00:35:28,544 --> 00:35:29,586
and I'm tired.
606
00:35:29,670 --> 00:35:31,380
- You're tired already?
- Yes!
607
00:35:31,463 --> 00:35:33,913
Well, there might be
some other things we can try.
608
00:35:33,966 --> 00:35:35,134
Okay.
609
00:35:35,217 --> 00:35:39,888
Um, Cynthia,
cancel all my afternoon appointments.
610
00:35:41,432 --> 00:35:42,725
Who's Cynthia?
611
00:35:42,808 --> 00:35:44,351
That's my fake secretary.
612
00:35:44,435 --> 00:35:47,980
I just told her to cancel
all my fake appointments.
613
00:35:48,063 --> 00:35:51,317
It's a joke.
Yeah. It's funny.
614
00:35:54,069 --> 00:35:56,822
Is that... Okay, now see...
615
00:35:56,905 --> 00:35:59,074
Ask about ghosts.
How to get rid of ghosts.
616
00:35:59,158 --> 00:36:00,552
Think this will be that simple?
617
00:36:00,576 --> 00:36:01,410
Yeah.
618
00:36:03,287 --> 00:36:04,496
My God.
619
00:36:04,580 --> 00:36:05,849
- It's all right.
- Seriously?
620
00:36:05,873 --> 00:36:06,874
It's fine.
621
00:36:08,584 --> 00:36:11,628
Wow. It's really going.
622
00:36:11,712 --> 00:36:15,341
♪ Pushing our way through the crowd ♪
623
00:36:15,424 --> 00:36:17,718
♪ Wait, he said
got the devil in his head ♪
624
00:36:17,801 --> 00:36:20,554
I think I'm allergic to sage.
625
00:36:20,637 --> 00:36:24,183
- Excuse me.
- It's okay.
626
00:36:24,266 --> 00:36:26,101
♪ And kick the devil out the door ♪
627
00:36:26,185 --> 00:36:30,189
♪ And watch him walk away like a prince ♪
628
00:36:30,272 --> 00:36:33,567
♪ Once again he's original as sin ♪
629
00:36:33,650 --> 00:36:37,196
♪ But there ain't nowhere to run
I got the evidence ♪
630
00:36:43,702 --> 00:36:46,580
"Clean my roon."
631
00:36:46,663 --> 00:36:48,582
What's a "roon"?
632
00:36:48,665 --> 00:36:53,003
Well, I'm-I'm guessing she meant
"room," with an "I'm."
633
00:36:53,087 --> 00:36:56,006
I think that's a leap.
634
00:36:56,090 --> 00:36:58,842
How do you know she didn't mean
"clean your roop"?
635
00:36:58,926 --> 00:37:00,010
What's a "roop"?
636
00:37:00,094 --> 00:37:02,805
Exactly.
637
00:37:02,888 --> 00:37:06,183
♪ Once again he's original as sin ♪
638
00:37:06,266 --> 00:37:10,604
♪ But there ain't nowhere to run
I got the evidence ♪
639
00:37:13,607 --> 00:37:16,235
♪ We still got far to go ♪
640
00:37:16,318 --> 00:37:19,339
♪ But there's plenty of time
And we're watching for the signs ♪
641
00:37:19,363 --> 00:37:21,323
Whoa.
642
00:37:21,407 --> 00:37:23,700
What are you, a 13-year-old boy?
643
00:37:23,784 --> 00:37:25,411
These are from the '80s.
644
00:37:25,494 --> 00:37:28,455
It was my favorite era of D.
I'm old school.
645
00:37:28,539 --> 00:37:31,083
- Your favorite era of "D"?
- Yeah. My favorite.
646
00:37:31,166 --> 00:37:36,964
So keep in mind, these are classics
that I'm throwing out right now.
647
00:37:40,008 --> 00:37:41,343
Whoa! Jesus.
648
00:37:42,761 --> 00:37:46,348
See? Old school.
I call this one my Tom Selleck.
649
00:37:46,432 --> 00:37:49,309
Why? Yeah.
650
00:37:51,937 --> 00:37:54,398
♪ Once again he's original as sin ♪
651
00:37:54,481 --> 00:37:58,026
I am keeping Judd Nelson. Okay?
652
00:38:01,488 --> 00:38:03,490
We've been through too much together.
653
00:38:03,574 --> 00:38:06,118
I wonder why I'm the only one
who can see her.
654
00:38:06,201 --> 00:38:09,013
Well, I don't know. You know,
I think when a spirit is stuck in limbo,
655
00:38:09,037 --> 00:38:11,206
it means that they-they need something.
656
00:38:11,290 --> 00:38:15,544
Like something's been left unfulfilled
or unsolved or something.
657
00:38:15,627 --> 00:38:19,506
Then why me?
Why isn't she bugging anyone else?
658
00:38:19,590 --> 00:38:22,551
Maybe you're the only one who can
get her what she wants.
659
00:38:22,634 --> 00:38:28,891
Hey! Is this what you want?
Is this okay? Clean enough for you?
660
00:38:32,144 --> 00:38:33,896
- Pretty clean.
- It's very clean.
661
00:38:42,279 --> 00:38:44,531
I've never seen so many dildos before.
662
00:38:44,615 --> 00:38:46,408
Even in like a dildo store.
663
00:38:47,659 --> 00:38:50,370
You've been to a dildo store?
664
00:38:50,454 --> 00:38:52,354
- Yeah. Yeah, lots of them.
- Lots?
665
00:38:52,414 --> 00:38:54,514
Yeah. Well, I-I don't really buy anything.
666
00:38:54,583 --> 00:38:58,754
I just peruse the aisles, you know.
I find it very calming.
667
00:38:58,837 --> 00:38:59,880
Yeah.
668
00:39:02,299 --> 00:39:05,719
I'm just kidding. Obviously.
669
00:39:13,101 --> 00:39:15,229
You know, I can't believe I'm saying this.
670
00:39:15,312 --> 00:39:19,358
All this exorcising
really worked up my appetite.
671
00:39:19,441 --> 00:39:22,277
What-what are you doing for dinner?
You have plans?
672
00:39:23,654 --> 00:39:28,951
Sorry, I-I kinda just made plans.
673
00:39:29,034 --> 00:39:31,370
- Yeah. Okay.
- Yeah.
674
00:39:31,453 --> 00:39:35,457
That's all right.
Um, I'm gonna... I'm gonna head out.
675
00:39:35,541 --> 00:39:38,669
- Okay. Yeah. Another time.
- Yeah. Okay, good.
676
00:39:38,752 --> 00:39:39,836
- Yeah.
- Good, good.
677
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:41,713
- Sorry.
- No. No, no.
678
00:39:41,797 --> 00:39:44,424
Have fun, with your plans,
and I'll-I'll see you.
679
00:39:44,508 --> 00:39:45,759
- Okay.
- Okay.
680
00:39:53,225 --> 00:39:54,851
- What's up, bro?
- Nothing. Bro.
681
00:39:56,728 --> 00:39:57,854
What'd you say?
682
00:39:59,314 --> 00:40:00,607
Nothing.
683
00:40:00,691 --> 00:40:02,776
Did you just call me "bro"?
684
00:40:02,859 --> 00:40:05,505
Well, yeah, but you called me bro,
so I thought it was cool.
685
00:40:05,529 --> 00:40:08,782
It's cool for me, not for you.
686
00:40:08,865 --> 00:40:10,784
- Okay, bro?
- Okay. Sorry.
687
00:40:10,867 --> 00:40:11,867
Yeah, you are.
688
00:40:15,205 --> 00:40:16,331
Dick.
689
00:40:17,124 --> 00:40:18,542
What'd you say?
690
00:40:20,210 --> 00:40:21,211
Nothing.
691
00:40:36,143 --> 00:40:38,079
Knock, knock. I got your cock, cock.
692
00:40:38,103 --> 00:40:39,771
I'm just kidding.
693
00:40:39,855 --> 00:40:41,565
Ha. Good one.
694
00:40:42,733 --> 00:40:44,109
- Hey.
- Hey.
695
00:40:44,985 --> 00:40:46,361
Let me see that smile.
696
00:40:46,445 --> 00:40:49,281
- There it is. There it is.
- Yeah.
697
00:40:52,075 --> 00:40:56,038
- One second.
- What's wrong, baby?
698
00:40:56,121 --> 00:40:57,122
Nothing.
699
00:40:58,206 --> 00:40:59,916
What do you do exactly?
700
00:41:00,584 --> 00:41:02,377
You serious?
701
00:41:03,170 --> 00:41:05,005
Yeah.
702
00:41:05,088 --> 00:41:08,842
Like I just realized
I don't really know anything about you,
703
00:41:08,925 --> 00:41:14,348
like, what you do
for a living or anything.
704
00:41:14,431 --> 00:41:16,600
I don't know. I do lots of stuff.
705
00:41:16,683 --> 00:41:18,852
Like with my family business.
706
00:41:21,229 --> 00:41:23,857
Cool. Like-like what?
707
00:41:25,025 --> 00:41:29,363
Like I run family business or whatever.
708
00:41:29,446 --> 00:41:31,365
Sure. Okay.
709
00:41:34,743 --> 00:41:36,012
For shame!
710
00:41:36,036 --> 00:41:38,830
I would never play with
the carnal emotions of a man
711
00:41:38,914 --> 00:41:40,499
in such a childish manner.
712
00:41:40,582 --> 00:41:43,835
Yeah, well, get it through your thick,
translucent ghost brain,
713
00:41:43,919 --> 00:41:45,462
I am not you.
714
00:41:45,545 --> 00:41:48,674
- What?
- Nothing.
715
00:41:51,009 --> 00:41:54,304
If you do not wish to engage
in these debaucherous activities,
716
00:41:54,388 --> 00:41:56,616
then simply extricate yourself
from his presence.
717
00:41:56,640 --> 00:41:58,975
He's clearly not in a sober state of mind.
718
00:41:59,059 --> 00:42:02,104
- It's not that easy.
- No shit. Can you help?
719
00:42:02,187 --> 00:42:05,816
A lady should be neither
a trollop nor a tease.
720
00:42:05,899 --> 00:42:08,443
Yet somehow you succeed in being both.
721
00:42:08,527 --> 00:42:11,613
I can't do this.
722
00:42:11,697 --> 00:42:14,700
Dude, are you serious?
What the fuck?
723
00:42:14,783 --> 00:42:17,953
Yeah. I'm so sorry, um...
724
00:42:19,121 --> 00:42:22,457
I have diarrhea.
725
00:42:22,541 --> 00:42:27,379
Well, I guess we'll just cross that bridge
when we come to it.
726
00:42:27,462 --> 00:42:29,923
Okay. Yeah, we've come to it.
727
00:42:30,006 --> 00:42:32,050
So you should probably go.
728
00:42:33,802 --> 00:42:34,970
Fine.
729
00:42:36,847 --> 00:42:38,306
Wait. Where are you going?
730
00:42:38,390 --> 00:42:39,701
To jerk off in your bathroom.
731
00:42:39,725 --> 00:42:42,475
I can't drive home like this.
732
00:42:43,729 --> 00:42:46,690
I cannot believe you would let him...
733
00:42:46,773 --> 00:42:50,485
...defile himself in
the sanctity of my powder room!
734
00:42:50,569 --> 00:42:52,779
Who cares? It's a bathroom.
735
00:42:52,863 --> 00:42:56,783
I'm sure you've done plenty
of unsanctimoni-bous things in there.
736
00:42:56,867 --> 00:43:00,871
A lady does not indulge
in the scatological particulars
737
00:43:00,954 --> 00:43:02,080
of her daily routine.
738
00:43:02,164 --> 00:43:04,124
Why not? It's natural.
739
00:43:04,207 --> 00:43:08,795
Not everything in nature
needs to be indulged in. Onanism, for one.
740
00:43:08,879 --> 00:43:10,356
What is that?
741
00:43:10,380 --> 00:43:12,340
The spilling of one's seed.
742
00:43:12,424 --> 00:43:17,012
The act of self-arousal
just for one's own pleasure.
743
00:43:17,095 --> 00:43:19,681
My God. What is wrong with pleasure?
744
00:43:19,765 --> 00:43:21,325
There's nothing wrong with pleasure.
745
00:43:21,349 --> 00:43:24,102
I myself have experienced many pleasures
in my lifetime.
746
00:43:24,186 --> 00:43:25,536
- Baking.
- Easy...
747
00:43:26,313 --> 00:43:27,898
Taking walks.
748
00:43:28,774 --> 00:43:30,025
Writing in my journal.
749
00:43:30,108 --> 00:43:32,569
Journal. Wow.
750
00:43:32,652 --> 00:43:37,365
Should be some good stuff in here, I bet.
Look out, "Penthouse Forum."
751
00:43:37,449 --> 00:43:41,286
My God. That was fast.
752
00:43:41,369 --> 00:43:43,121
What can I say, you turn me on.
753
00:43:44,206 --> 00:43:45,957
Um, I'm sorry about that...
754
00:43:46,041 --> 00:43:47,341
Good luck with your shits.
755
00:43:50,545 --> 00:43:53,882
Good riddance!
756
00:43:53,965 --> 00:43:57,844
Being so close to that wantonly
spilled seed is making me uncomfortable
757
00:43:57,928 --> 00:43:59,888
so I will take my leave as well.
758
00:44:01,223 --> 00:44:03,934
Wait a minute. Hey!
759
00:44:04,017 --> 00:44:08,271
Don't just leave the door
closed in my face!
760
00:44:08,355 --> 00:44:09,940
I'm talking to you!
761
00:44:10,023 --> 00:44:12,692
Your anger is most unwarranted.
762
00:44:12,776 --> 00:44:15,237
If anything,
I should be the one angry at you
763
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:18,865
for shamelessly
and so inaccurately impersonating me.
764
00:44:18,949 --> 00:44:21,409
Okay. Let me explain something to you.
765
00:44:21,493 --> 00:44:24,037
I am not pretending to be you. Okay?
766
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:27,207
I was hired as a tour guide
for this house.
767
00:44:27,290 --> 00:44:30,019
It's not your house anymore,
but people know you used to live here,
768
00:44:30,043 --> 00:44:34,756
so as part of the tour,
I dress as you and I act like you.
769
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:36,174
Okay?
770
00:44:36,258 --> 00:44:39,594
- Do you get it?
- Well, I think you are a disgrace,
771
00:44:39,678 --> 00:44:43,265
and I won't have people
thinking I behave like you,
772
00:44:43,348 --> 00:44:44,891
a common miscreant.
773
00:44:44,975 --> 00:44:49,563
Hey! I am not a miscreant.
I don't think.
774
00:44:49,646 --> 00:44:52,482
And can you just stay the hell
out of my room?
775
00:44:55,944 --> 00:44:59,406
Okay. Stay outta my room too, please.
776
00:44:59,489 --> 00:45:02,409
Not you... Not you, Marcus.
777
00:45:02,492 --> 00:45:04,369
It's...
778
00:45:06,830 --> 00:45:08,373
I have a proposition for you.
779
00:45:08,456 --> 00:45:10,917
If you insist on pretending to be me,
780
00:45:11,001 --> 00:45:13,729
for whatever reason you have
concocted in your mad, syphilitic mind...
781
00:45:13,753 --> 00:45:16,590
My God, for the last time,
I don't have syphilis.
782
00:45:16,673 --> 00:45:23,263
Then |I insist that you do so properly,
with dignity and, dare I say, respectably.
783
00:45:23,346 --> 00:45:28,977
In other words, will you allow me
to teach you how to act like a lady?
784
00:45:29,060 --> 00:45:32,355
I am a lady!
785
00:45:32,439 --> 00:45:36,651
Fine. No. Don't disappear
into the floor or whatever.
786
00:45:36,735 --> 00:45:39,863
I... Okay. I'll do it.
787
00:45:39,946 --> 00:45:45,452
Just give me some space and please,
please stop cock-blocking me.
788
00:45:46,411 --> 00:45:49,164
Cock. Blocking?
789
00:45:49,247 --> 00:45:51,541
Just-just let me do me.
790
00:45:51,625 --> 00:45:55,128
- Do you?
- Just...
791
00:45:55,211 --> 00:46:00,717
Let me do some things that are not
necessarily ladylike from time to time,
792
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:02,260
in my room.
793
00:46:02,344 --> 00:46:06,973
All right. If you will allow yourself
to be taken under my tutelage,
794
00:46:07,057 --> 00:46:09,076
then I suppose I could look the other way
795
00:46:09,100 --> 00:46:13,438
if you would like to occasionally
indulge in a second mint julep.
796
00:46:13,521 --> 00:46:17,400
- Thank you.
- Or have a spot of morphine or cocaine.
797
00:46:17,484 --> 00:46:19,235
Geez, calm down.
798
00:46:19,319 --> 00:46:22,006
Well, one never knows when one
will be taken by the vapors,
799
00:46:22,030 --> 00:46:26,618
especially in this powerful afternoon heat
of these Savannah summers.
800
00:46:27,494 --> 00:46:30,455
- Right. Right.
- Yes.
801
00:46:30,538 --> 00:46:32,832
I think I'll be okay,
but thank you for the...
802
00:46:32,916 --> 00:46:34,459
All right.
803
00:46:35,418 --> 00:46:37,671
Well, then...
804
00:46:37,754 --> 00:46:40,882
I suppose we have
what your gambling addicted customers
805
00:46:40,966 --> 00:46:42,425
would refer to as a deal.
806
00:46:43,802 --> 00:46:48,807
A deal, but only if you
stop referring to me as a prostitute.
807
00:46:48,890 --> 00:46:52,018
- I will indeed.
- Thank you.
808
00:46:52,102 --> 00:46:54,002
As long as you stop behaving like one.
809
00:47:02,737 --> 00:47:04,364
Yeah. I forgot my razor.
810
00:47:05,782 --> 00:47:08,451
Now, the family portrait wall.
811
00:47:08,535 --> 00:47:11,037
This is my Aunt Helena.
812
00:47:11,121 --> 00:47:14,082
So this is my Aunt Helena.
813
00:47:14,165 --> 00:47:17,711
Whenever I would have guests
over to the manor,
814
00:47:17,794 --> 00:47:21,673
I would make sure I was properly
dressed and, of course,
815
00:47:21,756 --> 00:47:24,092
I would offer them tea and sex.
816
00:47:24,175 --> 00:47:25,635
- Snacks!
- Snacks!
817
00:47:26,553 --> 00:47:30,557
So, anyway. Right this way.
818
00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:33,643
So a lady should walk
as though her entire body
819
00:47:33,727 --> 00:47:35,770
is being lifted off the ground.
820
00:47:35,854 --> 00:47:38,565
Like a marionette. Like this.
821
00:47:38,648 --> 00:47:40,859
Okay. Marionette.
822
00:47:44,571 --> 00:47:48,074
Bread-making is an art that a lady
should do well to master.
823
00:47:48,158 --> 00:47:51,369
Diction is very important.
824
00:47:51,453 --> 00:47:54,456
It's not funny, Hannah. Diction.
825
00:47:55,540 --> 00:47:57,542
Say it. Without laughing.
826
00:47:57,625 --> 00:47:59,294
Diction.
827
00:48:03,506 --> 00:48:05,425
I think I am getting it.
828
00:48:05,508 --> 00:48:09,220
I can assure you
by any objective measure, you are not.
829
00:48:09,304 --> 00:48:13,475
Who wants to walk like
a fucking marionette anyway?
830
00:48:22,317 --> 00:48:26,488
After every bite of food,
a lady dabs her lips with her napkin.
831
00:48:26,571 --> 00:48:31,034
- Even if there's no reason to?
- Even if there is no reason to.
832
00:48:31,117 --> 00:48:33,328
But in this case, there is.
833
00:48:33,411 --> 00:48:36,039
We have these things called grocery stores
834
00:48:36,122 --> 00:48:41,002
where you can literally just pick up
as much of this stuff as you want.
835
00:48:45,298 --> 00:48:46,674
No.
836
00:48:46,758 --> 00:48:48,718
Miraculously, you keep missing it.
837
00:48:48,802 --> 00:48:52,138
It's actually worse.
It's worse than it was before.
838
00:48:52,222 --> 00:48:53,741
Try this one. Ready?
839
00:48:53,765 --> 00:48:55,826
To sit in solemn silence
on a dull, dark dock
840
00:48:55,850 --> 00:48:58,037
in a pestilential prison
with a life-long lock,
841
00:48:58,061 --> 00:49:00,247
awaiting the sensation
of a short, sharp shock
842
00:49:00,271 --> 00:49:02,500
from a cheap and chippy chopper
on a big black block.
843
00:49:02,524 --> 00:49:03,574
You gotta be fu...
844
00:49:12,700 --> 00:49:14,911
Careful.
845
00:49:14,994 --> 00:49:16,287
Yeah!
846
00:49:32,637 --> 00:49:33,805
My God!
847
00:49:33,888 --> 00:49:36,099
Thou shalt not take
the Lord's name in vain.
848
00:49:36,182 --> 00:49:38,327
Red leather, yellow leather.
Red leather, yellow leather.
849
00:49:38,351 --> 00:49:40,746
Red leather, yellow leather.
Red leather, yellow leather.
850
00:49:40,770 --> 00:49:43,124
Red leather, yellow leather.
Red leather, yellow leather.
851
00:49:43,148 --> 00:49:45,793
Red leather, yellow leather.
Red leather, yellow leather!
852
00:49:45,817 --> 00:49:47,360
Very good!
853
00:49:47,443 --> 00:49:49,779
This is my cousin Mandy.
854
00:49:49,863 --> 00:49:53,324
- This is my cousin... Mandy?
- She died.
855
00:49:53,408 --> 00:49:55,719
She fell off a horse and broke her neck
right in front of my eyes.
856
00:49:55,743 --> 00:49:56,744
It was awful.
857
00:49:56,828 --> 00:49:59,706
- That's my mother.
- This is my mother.
858
00:49:59,789 --> 00:50:02,542
A lady is not, under any circumstances,
859
00:50:02,625 --> 00:50:08,047
To produce nonverbal sounds.
860
00:50:08,131 --> 00:50:09,549
While in mixed company.
861
00:50:09,632 --> 00:50:12,051
Do you mean like a fart?
862
00:50:12,135 --> 00:50:16,431
Well, a lady would also not use
a crass term like... like fart.
863
00:50:16,514 --> 00:50:21,311
But if you must expel any naughtiness
from your nether regions,
864
00:50:21,394 --> 00:50:25,481
you would excuse yourself from
whatever room you're in to go be alone,
865
00:50:25,565 --> 00:50:26,983
in another room.
866
00:50:27,942 --> 00:50:29,694
Actually, if you don't mind,
867
00:50:29,777 --> 00:50:32,238
I'm going to test out
this method right now.
868
00:50:32,322 --> 00:50:36,242
- Already?
- So, yeah. Um, if you'll excuse me.
869
00:50:36,326 --> 00:50:37,952
By all means.
870
00:50:39,537 --> 00:50:41,039
- Milady.
- Yes.
871
00:50:54,385 --> 00:50:56,335
Did you just come into my room to fart?
872
00:50:57,680 --> 00:50:59,349
Did somebody fart?
873
00:51:00,975 --> 00:51:02,352
I think it was the floor.
874
00:51:02,435 --> 00:51:04,812
Yeah. It's creaky.
875
00:51:04,896 --> 00:51:06,356
Yeah, I smell it now. Yeah.
876
00:51:09,108 --> 00:51:10,276
Yeah.
877
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:11,653
- It wasn't you?
- No.
878
00:51:11,736 --> 00:51:12,737
- No.
- No.
879
00:51:13,655 --> 00:51:16,241
- How's the book?
- It stinks.
880
00:51:19,619 --> 00:51:20,620
Okay.
881
00:51:30,964 --> 00:51:32,674
What are you doing?
882
00:51:32,757 --> 00:51:36,261
A lady arises promptly
to greet the morning.
883
00:51:36,344 --> 00:51:39,514
What time is it?
884
00:51:39,597 --> 00:51:42,392
It's 6:00 a.I'm.,
and I apologize for my tardiness.
885
00:51:42,475 --> 00:51:45,853
Okay. Ten more minutes. Ten more minutes.
886
00:51:45,937 --> 00:51:48,481
No, Hannah. It's time to wake up now.
887
00:51:48,564 --> 00:51:50,066
Yoop, yoop, yoop, yoop!
888
00:51:50,149 --> 00:51:52,110
- Yoop!
- Please shut the fuck...
889
00:52:08,835 --> 00:52:11,963
Hey. We had a deal.
890
00:52:12,046 --> 00:52:14,882
Force of habit. My apologies.
891
00:52:16,676 --> 00:52:17,927
Thank you.
892
00:52:19,220 --> 00:52:20,555
Enjoy your opium.
893
00:52:22,724 --> 00:52:25,518
And it's weed. It's not opium.
894
00:53:06,392 --> 00:53:08,492
Happy anniversary, Mr. and Mrs. Wadsworth.
895
00:53:08,519 --> 00:53:10,873
We'd love to offer you
a complimentary bottle of champagne.
896
00:53:10,897 --> 00:53:12,273
Thanks.
897
00:53:13,232 --> 00:53:14,442
Baby Yoda.
898
00:53:22,700 --> 00:53:24,035
Congratulations.
899
00:53:24,744 --> 00:53:26,704
Tanner. Pic.
900
00:53:36,381 --> 00:53:38,424
Make sure you tag me this time.
901
00:53:39,717 --> 00:53:40,760
Okay?
902
00:53:43,554 --> 00:53:46,408
I'd like to
thank you all for coming to my home today.
903
00:53:46,432 --> 00:53:48,559
And I wish you all a lovely day.
904
00:53:52,063 --> 00:53:54,124
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you. Thank you.
905
00:53:54,148 --> 00:53:57,527
Lady Wadsworth. Look at you.
That was very impressive, I must say.
906
00:53:57,610 --> 00:53:59,338
I only saw the tail end of it,
but so good.
907
00:53:59,362 --> 00:54:02,615
Well, that's very nice of you to say,
Professor Plumm.
908
00:54:02,698 --> 00:54:04,367
Please don't call me that.
909
00:54:04,450 --> 00:54:06,470
Would you rather be called
Colonel Mustard?
910
00:54:06,494 --> 00:54:08,555
- Yeah. You know, I would actually.
- Okay.
911
00:54:08,579 --> 00:54:11,040
So what are you, doing here?
912
00:54:11,124 --> 00:54:14,019
Well, I'm the head
of the Savannah Historical Society.
913
00:54:14,043 --> 00:54:16,313
We're cosponsoring this event
for Grayson Wadsworth
914
00:54:16,337 --> 00:54:17,898
that's coming up here in a couple days.
915
00:54:17,922 --> 00:54:20,550
I was just picking up contracts for that.
916
00:54:20,633 --> 00:54:25,930
I'm so sorry. I saw a dog,
and I, like, spaced out for a minute.
917
00:54:26,013 --> 00:54:28,826
Actually, I just came by to see
if my favorite reenactress
918
00:54:28,850 --> 00:54:31,185
wanted to hang... hang out.
919
00:54:32,645 --> 00:54:34,188
If you want. Or not.
920
00:54:34,272 --> 00:54:36,022
- Not a a big deal. Yeah.
- I would.
921
00:54:36,899 --> 00:54:40,987
I just, like... I would feel like
I was cheating on my new boyfriend.
922
00:54:41,070 --> 00:54:43,882
I'm so sorry. I didn't know you
had a boyfriend. I'm sorry.
923
00:54:43,906 --> 00:54:48,453
Yeah. I mean it's, like, our status
is kind of up in the air right now.
924
00:54:48,536 --> 00:54:51,372
- Right.
- I'm not good at a lot of things,
925
00:54:51,456 --> 00:54:54,041
but one thing I am good at
is reading people,
926
00:54:54,125 --> 00:54:57,253
and I just have a feeling
it's about to get serious.
927
00:54:57,336 --> 00:54:59,422
It's gotta be like...
928
00:54:59,505 --> 00:55:03,885
Of course. Of course.
Well, I'm happy for you. That's nice.
929
00:55:03,968 --> 00:55:05,928
- Thank you.
- You deserve...
930
00:55:06,012 --> 00:55:09,724
I'm gonna go. Well, I'll see you...
I'll see you around.
931
00:55:09,807 --> 00:55:10,808
Yeah.
932
00:55:14,479 --> 00:55:17,482
- That's bullshit, by the way.
- What?
933
00:55:17,565 --> 00:55:19,317
You're good at a lot of things.
934
00:55:19,942 --> 00:55:21,277
I think.
935
00:55:31,037 --> 00:55:32,914
Thanks.
936
00:55:32,997 --> 00:55:35,697
Did that boy finally muster
the courage to ask you out?
937
00:55:36,250 --> 00:55:37,418
He mustered it.
938
00:55:37,502 --> 00:55:39,587
Thank God. I like him.
939
00:55:39,670 --> 00:55:41,672
Yeah, I like him too.
940
00:55:44,342 --> 00:55:48,012
I've been dying to talk
to someone about this.
941
00:55:48,095 --> 00:55:51,516
I actually think I'm falling for Tanner.
942
00:55:51,599 --> 00:55:52,683
Don't say it.
943
00:55:54,727 --> 00:55:57,146
- What?
944
00:55:57,230 --> 00:56:01,526
Okay. Look, I know he comes across,
like, weird a little bit.
945
00:56:01,609 --> 00:56:07,031
Like a little bit cool
and, like, douchey, but...
946
00:56:07,114 --> 00:56:09,283
And he's also a little, um...
947
00:56:09,367 --> 00:56:12,161
- Married?
- Married. Yeah, and, like...
948
00:56:12,245 --> 00:56:13,788
Wait, married?
949
00:56:13,871 --> 00:56:15,748
Married, like married to his work?
950
00:56:17,041 --> 00:56:18,960
No, like married to his wife.
951
00:56:21,462 --> 00:56:24,340
I'm sorry, honey. I thought you knew.
952
00:56:29,178 --> 00:56:30,178
Wow.
953
00:56:32,223 --> 00:56:33,641
Hey, sweetie.
954
00:56:33,724 --> 00:56:35,309
Tum-tum all better?
955
00:56:39,689 --> 00:56:42,358
- Where were you?
- Sorry I was a little late.
956
00:56:42,441 --> 00:56:45,861
Keeping a lady waiting is not
a gentlemanly thing to do.
957
00:56:45,945 --> 00:56:47,572
A lady?
958
00:56:47,655 --> 00:56:51,951
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Don't you think I'm a lady?
959
00:56:53,035 --> 00:56:54,620
You're sexy when you're mad.
960
00:56:57,540 --> 00:56:58,666
Are you married?
961
00:57:01,919 --> 00:57:03,004
Yes, I am.
962
00:57:03,087 --> 00:57:05,381
But before we get into that,
963
00:57:05,464 --> 00:57:08,485
I think we need to talk about
your performance the last few weeks.
964
00:57:08,509 --> 00:57:09,594
What about it?
965
00:57:10,636 --> 00:57:11,929
It hasn't been good.
966
00:57:13,180 --> 00:57:15,433
So I'm afraid we're gonna
have to let you go.
967
00:57:16,642 --> 00:57:18,603
- You're firing me?
- You were right.
968
00:57:18,686 --> 00:57:20,855
You're just not cut out for this.
969
00:57:24,483 --> 00:57:26,527
What are you doing?
970
00:57:26,611 --> 00:57:27,737
What do you mean?
971
00:57:27,820 --> 00:57:30,239
- You just fired me.
- Yeah.
972
00:57:30,323 --> 00:57:32,366
I fired you. I didn't break up with you.
973
00:57:32,450 --> 00:57:35,161
Let's make your last night here
a special one.
974
00:57:39,707 --> 00:57:43,961
So then he was like,
"We should fuck anyway."
975
00:57:44,045 --> 00:57:46,047
And I was like, "What?"
976
00:57:46,130 --> 00:57:48,215
And he was like, "Yeah."
977
00:57:48,299 --> 00:57:50,652
And I was like,
"I'm not gonna go near your dick."
978
00:57:50,676 --> 00:57:53,638
- Anna.
- Sorry. It's Hannah.
979
00:57:53,721 --> 00:57:57,516
Okay. Um, I have other customers
I have to take care of, so...
980
00:58:03,397 --> 00:58:04,607
Where?
981
00:58:05,441 --> 00:58:08,861
Here. Surprise!
982
00:58:10,488 --> 00:58:12,823
- Whoo!
- Shit.
983
00:58:12,907 --> 00:58:15,368
It's fun to be a ghost.
984
00:58:15,451 --> 00:58:17,828
Boy, what I wouldn't give
for a mint julep.
985
00:58:17,912 --> 00:58:19,455
I miss my mortal lips.
986
00:58:19,538 --> 00:58:23,542
What are you doing here?
I mean, how can you be here?
987
00:58:23,626 --> 00:58:25,419
I can be anywhere I want to be,
988
00:58:25,503 --> 00:58:28,005
even in this place of ill repute.
989
00:58:28,089 --> 00:58:33,135
So you've just been choosing to be
in the mansion this whole time?
990
00:58:33,219 --> 00:58:35,388
I have. And what of it?
991
00:58:35,471 --> 00:58:37,932
I... It's just...
992
00:58:38,015 --> 00:58:41,394
so boring.
993
00:58:41,477 --> 00:58:45,606
Hannah, if you do not wish to share in my
company this evening, please just say so.
994
00:58:45,690 --> 00:58:47,417
I can see you are here with
a group of friends,
995
00:58:47,441 --> 00:58:49,276
of which I am clearly not welcome.
996
00:58:49,360 --> 00:58:51,737
No, these are just mine.
997
00:58:51,821 --> 00:58:54,198
I'm-I'm here alone.
998
00:58:54,281 --> 00:58:55,981
I actually could use some company.
999
00:58:56,033 --> 00:58:58,911
Well, you must get yourself
to an apothecary immediately
1000
00:58:58,994 --> 00:59:01,348
for some leeches
or you'll risk death by alcohol!
1001
00:59:01,372 --> 00:59:05,418
No. I'm fine. I'm good.
I've got the tolerance of a fat guy.
1002
00:59:05,501 --> 00:59:08,546
By the way,
did you hear I got fired tonight?
1003
00:59:08,629 --> 00:59:12,383
Hopefully the new "you"
is gonna be more to your liking.
1004
00:59:12,466 --> 00:59:16,512
Why did the Pipkins fire you?
1005
00:59:16,595 --> 00:59:19,223
What error did you commit
to lose favor with them?
1006
00:59:19,306 --> 00:59:21,559
Why do you think the Pipkins fired me?
1007
00:59:23,018 --> 00:59:25,187
Well, because they own the house.
1008
00:59:26,647 --> 00:59:29,400
They... They do?
1009
00:59:29,483 --> 00:59:32,236
Don't be silly. Of course, they do.
I left it to them.
1010
00:59:35,823 --> 00:59:39,076
Holy fucking shit.
1011
00:59:58,888 --> 01:00:03,768
There you are.
Before you say anything, hear me out.
1012
01:00:03,851 --> 01:00:07,480
I need your help,
but not because you're a man, okay?
1013
01:00:07,563 --> 01:00:08,647
Okay.
1014
01:00:08,731 --> 01:00:11,066
Because you're a nerd.
1015
01:00:11,150 --> 01:00:13,903
- Why are you so out of breath?
- My God.
1016
01:00:13,986 --> 01:00:16,631
I've been running around
this whole dumb place looking for you.
1017
01:00:16,655 --> 01:00:19,301
- Well, I wasn't in my office.
- Tanner kicked me out.
1018
01:00:19,325 --> 01:00:20,326
I'm so sorry.
1019
01:00:20,409 --> 01:00:22,179
And I'm pretty sure
his relatives might have stolen
1020
01:00:22,203 --> 01:00:25,372
Wadsworth Manor from Nia's relatives,
according to the ghost.
1021
01:00:25,456 --> 01:00:28,626
Anyway, I think I like her.
I think we might be friends.
1022
01:00:28,709 --> 01:00:31,146
And, like, it kinda sucks
nobody but me can see her.
1023
01:00:31,170 --> 01:00:34,215
Also, can I crash on the couch
in your office for a few days?
1024
01:00:34,298 --> 01:00:37,009
Please? And by the way,
why aren't you in your office?
1025
01:00:38,761 --> 01:00:40,346
Should I go, Dr. Plumm?
1026
01:00:44,308 --> 01:00:46,060
- No.
- Wow.
1027
01:00:46,143 --> 01:00:47,520
Dewey... What?
1028
01:00:47,603 --> 01:00:51,023
I-I mean, I wasn't expecting that.
1029
01:00:51,106 --> 01:00:53,567
- Expecting what?
- I'm sorry, Dewey.
1030
01:00:53,651 --> 01:00:56,695
Actually, it kind of makes sense.
1031
01:00:56,779 --> 01:00:59,031
You know, look, I know that I hurt you
1032
01:00:59,114 --> 01:01:03,244
and I'm really sorry,
but you moved on really fast.
1033
01:01:03,327 --> 01:01:05,454
He's...
1034
01:01:05,538 --> 01:01:08,238
Dewey, hold on one second.
Just give me a minute, okay?
1035
01:01:08,290 --> 01:01:09,667
Sorry, Dewey.
1036
01:01:09,750 --> 01:01:11,502
- He's my student, idiot.
- Sure.
1037
01:01:11,585 --> 01:01:14,505
- All right, look...
- I mean, I get it, like...
1038
01:01:14,588 --> 01:01:18,300
What? Sorry, Dewey.
1039
01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:21,696
You can crash on the couch
for a day or two,
1040
01:01:21,720 --> 01:01:24,890
but I gotta start drawing boundaries
for myself, okay?
1041
01:01:24,974 --> 01:01:28,185
I can't help you out any more than that.
1042
01:01:28,269 --> 01:01:31,647
Okay. I... I understand.
1043
01:01:34,024 --> 01:01:36,026
I'm sorry. Hold on.
1044
01:01:51,083 --> 01:01:53,586
Gimme a break!
1045
01:01:54,628 --> 01:01:55,880
Sorry.
1046
01:02:03,929 --> 01:02:07,892
No, it's just about the dumb tour
and the Wadsworth's.
1047
01:02:07,975 --> 01:02:12,271
There's a whole worldwide web
of information.
1048
01:02:12,354 --> 01:02:13,647
What do they call it?
1049
01:02:13,731 --> 01:02:15,774
Well, they call it the internet, okay?
1050
01:02:15,858 --> 01:02:18,527
- Internet.
- Yes.
1051
01:02:20,154 --> 01:02:24,992
There's that bespectacled
gentleman caller of yours.
1052
01:02:25,075 --> 01:02:28,037
I fear he suffers from consumption.
He does not look well.
1053
01:02:28,120 --> 01:02:30,831
No, he's just a nerd.
That's what they look like.
1054
01:02:30,915 --> 01:02:32,207
A nerd.
1055
01:02:32,291 --> 01:02:34,710
- Maxi-pad! Yoo-hoo!
- Shh!
1056
01:02:34,793 --> 01:02:37,338
- I'm here by this computer.
- Shh!
1057
01:02:38,464 --> 01:02:40,090
Who's shushing?
1058
01:02:40,174 --> 01:02:41,735
What are you doing?
1059
01:02:41,759 --> 01:02:43,677
Why are you talking like that?
1060
01:02:43,761 --> 01:02:46,388
What do you mean?
It's a library. I'm whispering.
1061
01:02:46,472 --> 01:02:48,557
That's just as loud as I was being!
1062
01:02:48,641 --> 01:02:50,059
Shh!
1063
01:02:50,142 --> 01:02:53,145
- Sorry. Sorry.
- Shh!
1064
01:02:53,228 --> 01:02:55,397
- What are you even doing here?
- Research.
1065
01:02:55,481 --> 01:02:58,359
Something that you
wouldn't know anything about.
1066
01:02:58,442 --> 01:03:00,361
It's literally what I do for a living.
1067
01:03:00,444 --> 01:03:03,238
What books have you been looking in?
1068
01:03:03,322 --> 01:03:05,616
Yeah, they have books here.
1069
01:03:05,699 --> 01:03:08,786
Look, this is not me helping you,
1070
01:03:08,869 --> 01:03:12,223
but you're gonna have much better luck
finding anything from the 1800s
1071
01:03:12,247 --> 01:03:14,083
if you go to the county courthouse.
1072
01:03:14,166 --> 01:03:16,686
That's where they keep all that stuff.
Wills, deeds, everything.
1073
01:03:16,710 --> 01:03:19,463
Yeah, I know.
We were going to do that next.
1074
01:03:19,546 --> 01:03:20,714
But thank you.
1075
01:03:20,798 --> 01:03:23,968
Consumption. I told you.
1076
01:03:39,733 --> 01:03:42,361
Ma'am? Ms. Gunderson.
1077
01:03:42,444 --> 01:03:44,863
- Can I help you?
- Yes, you may.
1078
01:03:44,947 --> 01:03:49,326
I am a cold case attorney
from the firm, um...
1079
01:03:50,327 --> 01:03:54,832
- Salt and Pepperstein.
- Okay.
1080
01:03:54,915 --> 01:04:00,337
And, um, I would like to
heretofore request the will
1081
01:04:00,421 --> 01:04:04,925
of one Elizabeth Wadsworth
from the year...
1082
01:04:05,009 --> 01:04:06,677
- 1875.
- 1875.
1083
01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:10,723
Best I can do is provide you
with a printout copy.
1084
01:04:10,806 --> 01:04:13,642
I'm not sure if you heard me,
1085
01:04:13,726 --> 01:04:18,397
but I'm an attorney, so, like,
I'm gonna need the original copy.
1086
01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:20,399
This is all public record.
1087
01:04:20,482 --> 01:04:22,943
- Is it?
- What does that mean?
1088
01:04:23,027 --> 01:04:24,987
What does that mean?
1089
01:04:25,070 --> 01:04:28,133
That means you don't have to pretend
to be an attorney to see them.
1090
01:04:28,157 --> 01:04:30,242
Sorry.
1091
01:04:30,325 --> 01:04:32,911
The records from that era
are no longer available.
1092
01:04:32,995 --> 01:04:35,622
They were converted to digital years ago.
1093
01:04:35,706 --> 01:04:41,837
But this should suffice
for whatever your purposes are.
1094
01:04:44,089 --> 01:04:46,592
Just regular purposes.
Like nothing weird. Just...
1095
01:04:46,675 --> 01:04:51,889
I don't believe it!
This document has been forged!
1096
01:04:51,972 --> 01:04:54,266
How do you know it's been forged?
1097
01:04:55,601 --> 01:04:56,602
Bluetooth.
1098
01:04:56,685 --> 01:04:58,771
That is not my signature!
1099
01:04:58,854 --> 01:05:01,148
I didn't do my H's that way.
1100
01:05:01,231 --> 01:05:06,195
I put a squiggle with my W's.
And I would never use a quill that thin.
1101
01:05:06,278 --> 01:05:10,491
And the ink I used
is so much thicker, Hannah.
1102
01:05:10,574 --> 01:05:13,577
I had the most beautiful penmanship.
1103
01:05:13,660 --> 01:05:17,081
I simply do not understand why
my husband would have done this.
1104
01:05:17,164 --> 01:05:20,542
I was explicitly clear
that Wadsworth Manor,
1105
01:05:20,626 --> 01:05:24,046
my beloved father's home,
would be left to the Pipkin family,
1106
01:05:24,129 --> 01:05:26,149
since I could not bear
children of my own.
1107
01:05:26,173 --> 01:05:28,926
Wait, so if you couldn't bear children,
1108
01:05:29,009 --> 01:05:31,637
that means you're not even
related to Tanner?
1109
01:05:31,720 --> 01:05:34,932
I am not.
After my death, my husband remarried
1110
01:05:35,015 --> 01:05:36,409
and began a legacy of his own.
1111
01:05:36,433 --> 01:05:38,602
A legacy that is thriving today.
1112
01:05:38,685 --> 01:05:41,605
I don't know if I'd say "thriving."
He's a total dick.
1113
01:05:41,688 --> 01:05:43,607
You and that word "Dick."
1114
01:05:43,690 --> 01:05:46,443
It's a shortened version
of "Richard," yes?
1115
01:05:46,527 --> 01:05:49,488
I have known many,
many Dicks in my lifetime.
1116
01:05:49,571 --> 01:05:52,491
I don't understand why it took you
over 100 years
1117
01:05:52,574 --> 01:05:54,910
to figure out that he fucked you over.
1118
01:05:54,993 --> 01:05:58,288
That he screwed you over.
1119
01:05:58,372 --> 01:06:00,791
Messed you over?
1120
01:06:00,874 --> 01:06:02,042
That's better.
1121
01:06:02,126 --> 01:06:05,838
You know, for a ghost,
your powers are pretty limited.
1122
01:06:05,921 --> 01:06:10,008
Aren't you supposed to be, like,
all-knowing or whatever?
1123
01:06:10,092 --> 01:06:12,427
I just assumed my wishes
had been fulfilled.
1124
01:06:12,511 --> 01:06:15,411
Nia always seemed so in charge,
like her mother before her.
1125
01:06:15,472 --> 01:06:18,684
Okay. I have watched enough
cold case shows
1126
01:06:18,767 --> 01:06:20,477
to be able to figure this out.
1127
01:06:20,561 --> 01:06:25,524
The first thing they do is
they talk about what they already know.
1128
01:06:25,607 --> 01:06:29,611
So, what do we already know?
1129
01:06:29,695 --> 01:06:34,867
- Wadsworth Manor has tours.
- You can write on a wall.
1130
01:06:34,950 --> 01:06:39,329
- I, Hannah, worked there for a while.
- Just wipe it right off.
1131
01:06:40,330 --> 01:06:43,458
You, Lady Wadsworth,
1132
01:06:43,542 --> 01:06:47,671
is a ghost with crappy powers.
1133
01:06:47,754 --> 01:06:50,883
That's hurting my feelings a little bit.
1134
01:06:50,966 --> 01:06:53,343
"Crappy powers."
1135
01:06:53,427 --> 01:06:58,849
Anyone can get a will
from a courthouse.
1136
01:07:01,393 --> 01:07:04,646
Well, you have just
broken this case wide open.
1137
01:07:04,730 --> 01:07:06,064
Sarcasm.
1138
01:07:06,148 --> 01:07:09,026
I didn't think that was invented
until the 1900s.
1139
01:07:09,109 --> 01:07:14,239
You know, for such an anal lady,
you're actually pretty careless.
1140
01:07:14,323 --> 01:07:17,451
I don't know why you
wouldn't have made a duplicate copy
1141
01:07:17,534 --> 01:07:18,994
of the will or something.
1142
01:07:19,077 --> 01:07:21,413
- Of course I made a duplicate copy.
- What?
1143
01:07:21,496 --> 01:07:23,916
- Where is it?
- In a book in my bedroom.
1144
01:07:23,999 --> 01:07:26,210
My God!
Why didn't you tell me that?
1145
01:07:26,293 --> 01:07:29,713
We've wasted so much time
doing all this research!
1146
01:07:29,796 --> 01:07:32,317
Well, surely the duplicate
would have been discovered by now.
1147
01:07:32,341 --> 01:07:33,693
My crucial mistake was putting it
1148
01:07:33,717 --> 01:07:36,720
inside of such a wildly popular
work of literature.
1149
01:07:36,803 --> 01:07:39,097
Where did you put it, in the Jesus book?
1150
01:07:39,181 --> 01:07:41,266
- The Bible?
- Yes.
1151
01:07:41,350 --> 01:07:44,728
Close. The American Woman's Home
by Harriet Beecher Stowe.
1152
01:07:44,811 --> 01:07:47,606
My God.
Did you erase my lesson plan?
1153
01:07:47,689 --> 01:07:50,108
Look, I'm sorry to offend you,
1154
01:07:50,192 --> 01:07:52,611
but what we are doing
IS SO much more important
1155
01:07:52,694 --> 01:07:53,922
than your little lesson plan.
1156
01:07:53,946 --> 01:07:56,782
- Okay?
- Yeah. I can see that.
1157
01:07:56,865 --> 01:08:01,328
You know, if you're not gonna help,
I'm going to kindly ask you to leave.
1158
01:08:01,411 --> 01:08:04,414
- This is my office.
- Yeah.
1159
01:08:04,498 --> 01:08:09,002
Out of curiosity, how much longer
are you planning on living here?
1160
01:08:12,673 --> 01:08:14,549
Hold that thought.
1161
01:08:14,633 --> 01:08:16,945
You don't happen to know
someone in the play department,
1162
01:08:16,969 --> 01:08:18,971
by any chance, do you?
1163
01:08:19,054 --> 01:08:20,222
What?
1164
01:08:24,768 --> 01:08:27,479
And while I lived here, I hosted...
1165
01:08:27,562 --> 01:08:30,162
I'm sorry, but the 12:00 tour
already started, Rabbi.
1166
01:08:30,190 --> 01:08:31,542
You can come back for the 2:00.
1167
01:08:31,566 --> 01:08:33,485
That's okay.
1168
01:08:33,568 --> 01:08:37,948
I have to, snip a little boy's
wiener at that time,
1169
01:08:38,031 --> 01:08:40,284
so, I'll just go to this one.
1170
01:08:40,367 --> 01:08:43,787
Enjoy the tour.
1171
01:08:44,788 --> 01:08:45,789
Mazel.
1172
01:08:48,417 --> 01:08:52,629
In fact, in a few days,
this lobby will once again host...
1173
01:09:09,062 --> 01:09:13,442
Yes!
1174
01:09:13,525 --> 01:09:18,113
Thief! I must insist that you
vacate my bedroom at once!
1175
01:09:18,196 --> 01:09:20,240
It's me.
1176
01:09:20,324 --> 01:09:23,493
My God. It's Hannah, you idiot.
1177
01:09:23,577 --> 01:09:25,370
- My word!
- I found the will.
1178
01:09:26,246 --> 01:09:28,332
What kind of sorcery is this?
1179
01:09:28,415 --> 01:09:31,084
How have you come to
transform yourself so?
1180
01:09:32,377 --> 01:09:35,172
I got bit by a dog that has rabbis.
1181
01:09:35,255 --> 01:09:37,883
You don't get it.
1182
01:09:37,966 --> 01:09:40,886
I get it. I just don't find it
to be humorous.
1183
01:09:40,969 --> 01:09:42,846
Like you would know funny.
1184
01:09:42,929 --> 01:09:45,575
I thought it was against
the lady rules to even laugh.
1185
01:09:45,599 --> 01:09:48,852
It's against them to indulge in laughter.
1186
01:09:48,935 --> 01:09:51,772
That's nuts.
Laughter is such a great part of life.
1187
01:09:51,855 --> 01:09:53,774
A little laughter is fine.
1188
01:09:53,857 --> 01:09:56,485
A touch of silliness.
1189
01:09:56,568 --> 01:10:00,614
I myself have been known to make
a silly face from time to time.
1190
01:10:00,697 --> 01:10:03,367
Really? Let's see it.
1191
01:10:03,450 --> 01:10:05,160
I want to see it. Come on.
1192
01:10:07,371 --> 01:10:09,581
That's it? That's your silly face.
1193
01:10:09,664 --> 01:10:11,708
- Yes!
- Come on.
1194
01:10:11,792 --> 01:10:14,503
It's like this. It's not even...
1195
01:10:15,253 --> 01:10:16,797
Okay. Try this one.
1196
01:10:20,217 --> 01:10:21,218
How about this?
1197
01:10:22,219 --> 01:10:23,946
- I couldn't possibly.
- Come on.
1198
01:10:23,970 --> 01:10:27,120
- I couldn't possibly!
- You were going like this. Try this one.
1199
01:10:53,875 --> 01:10:55,525
I'd love to hear what's so funny.
1200
01:10:57,963 --> 01:10:59,214
What have you got there?
1201
01:11:00,173 --> 01:11:01,341
Nothing.
1202
01:11:01,425 --> 01:11:03,093
Psst. Catch.
1203
01:11:08,849 --> 01:11:10,559
- Hello, police?
- Fuck.
1204
01:11:10,642 --> 01:11:13,687
I'd like to report a break-in
at Wadsworth Manor.
1205
01:11:14,438 --> 01:11:16,857
Now we must remain calm,
1206
01:11:16,940 --> 01:11:19,585
so we can figure out how to
get another copy of that will
1207
01:11:19,609 --> 01:11:20,962
since your carelessness destroyed it,
1208
01:11:20,986 --> 01:11:23,256
along with my most cherished book,
I might add.
1209
01:11:23,280 --> 01:11:25,633
I destroyed it?
You're the one who didn't catch it!
1210
01:11:25,657 --> 01:11:28,302
I cannot touch material things
of this world. You know that!
1211
01:11:28,326 --> 01:11:30,972
Then how the fuck were you
planning on reading the book again?
1212
01:11:30,996 --> 01:11:34,583
- Your language is...
- Is unladylike?
1213
01:11:34,666 --> 01:11:38,044
- Yes!
- Guess what, Lizzie, it's not 1875.
1214
01:11:38,128 --> 01:11:40,589
Ladies say "fuck" and "shit" and "fart,"
1215
01:11:40,672 --> 01:11:44,301
and sometimes, gasp,
they actually do fart and shit and fuck!
1216
01:11:44,384 --> 01:11:47,596
- At the same time?
- Time to catch up to the 20th century.
1217
01:11:47,679 --> 01:11:48,779
It's the 21st century.
1218
01:11:48,847 --> 01:11:50,515
That's what I meant!
1219
01:11:50,599 --> 01:11:53,268
You always gotta be right, don't you?
1220
01:11:53,351 --> 01:11:55,812
I'm just never good enough
or smart enough
1221
01:11:55,896 --> 01:11:57,772
or-or fucking ladylike enough.
1222
01:11:57,856 --> 01:12:00,775
And I am so sick
of constantly being reminded.
1223
01:12:00,859 --> 01:12:03,695
Well, I am so sick of having to remind!
1224
01:12:03,778 --> 01:12:06,490
You are so utterly careless
with your own affairs.
1225
01:12:06,573 --> 01:12:08,426
I was a fool to think
you could help me with mine,
1226
01:12:08,450 --> 01:12:09,552
as friends are won't to do.
1227
01:12:09,576 --> 01:12:11,912
Friends? We're not friends.
1228
01:12:13,663 --> 01:12:16,833
I never asked to be part of your life.
Or afterlife.
1229
01:12:16,917 --> 01:12:19,836
Or whatever the fuck this is.
1230
01:12:19,920 --> 01:12:22,297
Everything okay in here, ladies?
1231
01:12:22,380 --> 01:12:24,883
Can I request a transfer?
1232
01:12:26,927 --> 01:12:30,722
Well, if that is the way that you feel,
then I will not bother you anymore.
1233
01:12:30,805 --> 01:12:32,005
I'm sorry I haunted you.
1234
01:12:32,057 --> 01:12:34,059
I'm sorry if I have caused you any pain.
1235
01:12:34,142 --> 01:12:39,356
And I'm sorry for any cock blockage
I may have put you through.
1236
01:12:41,525 --> 01:12:43,652
Wait! Don't go!
1237
01:12:46,988 --> 01:12:48,490
Okay.
1238
01:12:49,324 --> 01:12:50,575
I'm Jinx, by the way.
1239
01:12:50,659 --> 01:12:53,161
You got any extra meds that I can get?
1240
01:12:54,579 --> 01:12:58,166
Hey, Rabbi. You made bail.
1241
01:13:00,460 --> 01:13:01,836
I'm over here.
1242
01:13:01,920 --> 01:13:05,048
Actually, I think I'm gonna walk.
1243
01:13:05,131 --> 01:13:07,217
- I've got work to do.
- Yeah?
1244
01:13:07,300 --> 01:13:10,845
Yeah.
Someone's gotta save Wadsworth Manor.
1245
01:13:10,929 --> 01:13:13,640
- You really care about her?
- What do you mean?
1246
01:13:13,723 --> 01:13:15,493
Lady Wadsworth.
Remember, it wasn't that long ago
1247
01:13:15,517 --> 01:13:18,144
we were trying to sage her
out of existence.
1248
01:13:18,937 --> 01:13:20,605
I care about Nia.
1249
01:13:20,689 --> 01:13:22,190
She deserves that house.
1250
01:13:22,274 --> 01:13:24,901
And I'm gonna make damn sure she gets it.
1251
01:13:45,380 --> 01:13:51,803
It's, like, how the fuck
am I supposed to do this by myself?
1252
01:13:51,886 --> 01:13:56,349
Like, who do I think I am?
Do you know who I am?
1253
01:13:56,433 --> 01:13:59,477
Do you? Like...
1254
01:14:00,979 --> 01:14:06,109
I was friends with a ghost,
like, an actual ghost,
1255
01:14:06,192 --> 01:14:12,490
and now it's like, like,
Tanner is such a dick!
1256
01:14:12,574 --> 01:14:15,785
You know, like, who cares?
1257
01:14:15,869 --> 01:14:17,329
Like, who cares?
1258
01:14:19,497 --> 01:14:24,544
Listen, I don't know what the fuck
you're talking about, but here's the deal.
1259
01:14:24,628 --> 01:14:27,255
You're a smart, confident woman,
1260
01:14:27,339 --> 01:14:30,300
who I fully believe could do
anything she sets her mind to.
1261
01:14:30,383 --> 01:14:31,885
Now go do it.
1262
01:14:33,553 --> 01:14:36,222
- Go.
- You're right.
1263
01:14:36,306 --> 01:14:39,893
I can do anything you set my mind to.
1264
01:14:39,976 --> 01:14:41,269
Close enough.
1265
01:14:41,353 --> 01:14:43,730
I'm gonna make you proud!
1266
01:14:43,813 --> 01:14:48,443
Hey, hey, hey.
You still have a tab here for $279.
1267
01:14:48,526 --> 01:14:53,490
- How you want to settle that?
- What?
1268
01:14:53,573 --> 01:14:57,369
Yeah? 'Cause my friend is,
like, calling out to me.
1269
01:14:57,452 --> 01:15:00,455
No, I'll be right there! Sorry.
1270
01:15:03,458 --> 01:15:05,627
I-I don't hear anything.
1271
01:15:19,224 --> 01:15:23,895
When I was alive, I hosted
a number of festive galas and balls.
1272
01:15:23,978 --> 01:15:27,899
In fact... we may once again
play host to such an event.
1273
01:15:27,982 --> 01:15:31,945
And right over here, of course,
we have General Sherman's hat.
1274
01:15:32,028 --> 01:15:34,572
♪ Maybe living on another shore ♪
1275
01:15:34,656 --> 01:15:37,617
♪ Something different
that I'm living for ♪
1276
01:15:37,701 --> 01:15:41,329
♪ Or someone ♪
1277
01:15:41,413 --> 01:15:44,082
♪ Cover to cover ♪
1278
01:15:44,165 --> 01:15:47,293
♪ Never satisfied ♪
1279
01:15:47,377 --> 01:15:52,924
♪ I'm going under
I wanna go home won't never look back ♪
1280
01:15:53,007 --> 01:15:56,970
♪ Maybe I'll try
Maybe I'll die trying ♪
1281
01:15:57,053 --> 01:15:59,556
♪ To let this be enough ♪
1282
01:15:59,639 --> 01:16:04,310
♪ For now, for now, enough ♪
1283
01:16:04,394 --> 01:16:08,064
♪ Maybe I'll try
Maybe I'll die trying ♪
1284
01:16:08,148 --> 01:16:10,900
♪ To let this be enough ♪
1285
01:16:10,984 --> 01:16:13,111
♪ For now... ♪...
1286
01:16:18,032 --> 01:16:20,076
♪ I'm over everyone ♪
1287
01:16:20,160 --> 01:16:22,829
♪ I stay home, stay on the run ♪
1288
01:16:22,912 --> 01:16:25,790
♪ I go blind when the visions come ♪
1289
01:16:25,874 --> 01:16:28,835
♪ I'm kept under ♪
1290
01:16:28,918 --> 01:16:31,504
♪ And there's no other life ♪
1291
01:16:31,588 --> 01:16:34,174
♪ There's no living in another lie ♪
1292
01:16:34,257 --> 01:16:37,969
♪ There's nothing special
about you and I ♪
1293
01:16:38,052 --> 01:16:41,014
♪ We're on our own like everyone else ♪
1294
01:16:41,097 --> 01:16:45,101
♪ Maybe I'll try
Maybe I'll die trying ♪
1295
01:16:45,185 --> 01:16:47,812
♪ To let this be enough ♪
1296
01:16:47,896 --> 01:16:52,692
♪ For now, for now, enough ♪
1297
01:16:52,776 --> 01:16:56,446
♪ Maybe I'll try
Maybe I'll die trying ♪
1298
01:16:56,529 --> 01:16:59,199
♪ To let this be enough ♪
1299
01:16:59,282 --> 01:17:01,117
♪ For now... ♪...
1300
01:17:01,201 --> 01:17:03,953
You've been tidying up in here, I see.
1301
01:17:04,037 --> 01:17:06,873
How's the investigation going, Sherlock?
1302
01:17:06,956 --> 01:17:10,251
I would kindly thank you
not to patronize me.
1303
01:17:10,335 --> 01:17:12,670
You sound like you're giving a tour.
1304
01:17:13,880 --> 01:17:16,925
I'm sorry. Seriously, how is it going?
1305
01:17:17,008 --> 01:17:22,138
Not great. I just feel like
I'm missing something.
1306
01:17:22,222 --> 01:17:24,772
I got it!
You're missing your pipe and your hat.
1307
01:17:25,850 --> 01:17:27,268
Sherlock? Get it?
1308
01:17:29,145 --> 01:17:30,814
My God!
1309
01:17:30,897 --> 01:17:32,333
I'm sorry.
That was the last one, I swear.
1310
01:17:32,357 --> 01:17:34,734
No. The hat.
1311
01:17:34,818 --> 01:17:37,821
It's in the hat! Holy shit.
You're a genius!
1312
01:17:37,904 --> 01:17:40,698
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm-I'm not following you.
1313
01:17:40,782 --> 01:17:44,911
Okay. It doesn't matter.
I will explain it to you on the way.
1314
01:17:44,994 --> 01:17:46,162
On the way to where?
1315
01:17:46,246 --> 01:17:48,641
On the way to the fancy campaign
thing that you're hosting.
1316
01:17:48,665 --> 01:17:50,684
- Come on!
- That's not for another four hours.
1317
01:17:50,708 --> 01:17:53,395
Come on, great. Well, that will give us
time to find costumes.
1318
01:17:53,419 --> 01:17:55,088
Costumes?
1319
01:17:55,171 --> 01:17:57,048
Welcome to Wadsworth Manor.
1320
01:17:57,131 --> 01:17:58,818
Damn it, Hannah. If Tanner sees you,
1321
01:17:58,842 --> 01:18:00,402
- he's gonna flip his shit.
- I know, but...
1322
01:18:00,426 --> 01:18:04,013
No! No! Sorry. Sorry, freaks.
Not on the list.
1323
01:18:04,097 --> 01:18:07,868
Well, actually, um, I am Max Plumm,
head of the Savannah Historical Society
1324
01:18:07,892 --> 01:18:09,995
and keynote speaker for the evening.
Check your list.
1325
01:18:10,019 --> 01:18:12,540
We'll just get one of
the other history nerds to do it.
1326
01:18:12,564 --> 01:18:16,025
Babe, what the fuck?
You just left me there talking to...
1327
01:18:16,109 --> 01:18:18,152
My God, stop.
1328
01:18:18,236 --> 01:18:19,696
- What?
- I can't.
1329
01:18:19,779 --> 01:18:21,906
- You can't what?
- Deal.
1330
01:18:21,990 --> 01:18:23,533
- With what?
- I'm dead.
1331
01:18:23,616 --> 01:18:25,577
I cannot deal with your outfits.
1332
01:18:25,660 --> 01:18:28,121
- I'm obsessed.
- That's a good thing...
1333
01:18:28,204 --> 01:18:30,248
Well, it's a funny story.
1334
01:18:30,331 --> 01:18:33,751
Hannah used to work here
until she was let go.
1335
01:18:33,835 --> 01:18:36,981
Don't know if you care to explain
to your wife the reason behind that.
1336
01:18:37,005 --> 01:18:38,506
Bro.
1337
01:18:55,273 --> 01:18:58,443
I simply adore your costumes.
1338
01:18:58,526 --> 01:19:00,945
I simply adore yours.
1339
01:19:02,697 --> 01:19:04,008
Wonderful.
1340
01:19:04,032 --> 01:19:06,659
Gertrude Armitage.
1341
01:19:06,743 --> 01:19:09,829
My ex-husband went to school with Grayson.
1342
01:19:09,913 --> 01:19:11,789
Did he now?
1343
01:19:11,873 --> 01:19:15,501
This is my second husband.
This is Felix.
1344
01:19:15,585 --> 01:19:20,924
Hello. Lady Wadsworth,
and this is my first husband...
1345
01:19:21,007 --> 01:19:24,093
- Um...
- Richmond Wadsworth.
1346
01:19:24,177 --> 01:19:26,054
She forgot my name.
1347
01:19:26,137 --> 01:19:28,348
Please forgive me.
I was already thinking of
1348
01:19:28,431 --> 01:19:31,851
who I would like my second husband to be.
Perhaps Felix.
1349
01:19:31,935 --> 01:19:34,228
Ooh! I'm gonna keep you two apart.
1350
01:19:34,312 --> 01:19:35,772
Grayson!
1351
01:19:35,855 --> 01:19:37,273
Felix, hello there.
1352
01:19:37,357 --> 01:19:39,901
You simply must meet
our charming new guests.
1353
01:19:39,984 --> 01:19:43,279
Well, charming,
I'm afraid I can't argue with,
1354
01:19:43,363 --> 01:19:45,156
but we are anything but new.
1355
01:19:45,239 --> 01:19:47,742
Yes, because we are dead.
1356
01:19:49,160 --> 01:19:50,912
- Yeah.
- Well...
1357
01:19:50,995 --> 01:19:54,207
I just love the fact
that you have decided to dress
1358
01:19:54,290 --> 01:19:56,292
as our beloved ancestors.
1359
01:19:56,376 --> 01:19:58,336
It's charming. Simply charming.
1360
01:19:58,419 --> 01:20:00,129
And may I introduce my wife.
1361
01:20:00,213 --> 01:20:01,839
- Lydia.
- Charmed.
1362
01:20:01,923 --> 01:20:03,883
I'm charmed too.
1363
01:20:03,967 --> 01:20:05,917
The hem of your dress is filthy.
1364
01:20:05,969 --> 01:20:10,014
And who is this
charming little rascal?
1365
01:20:11,265 --> 01:20:14,519
Don't mind Mother.
She's not of sound mind, I'm afraid.
1366
01:20:14,602 --> 01:20:16,604
Sounder mind than you, rummy.
1367
01:20:16,688 --> 01:20:18,690
Mother. Please.
1368
01:20:18,773 --> 01:20:19,816
If you'll excuse us,
1369
01:20:19,899 --> 01:20:21,877
I think she just may need
a breath of fresh air.
1370
01:20:21,901 --> 01:20:24,362
- Yes.
- Come along, Mama.
1371
01:20:24,445 --> 01:20:26,531
So nice catching up with you.
1372
01:20:26,614 --> 01:20:29,075
Is that the accent you're going with?
1373
01:20:29,158 --> 01:20:31,327
- No good?
- It's awful.
1374
01:20:31,411 --> 01:20:32,620
- Really?
- It's so bad.
1375
01:20:33,705 --> 01:20:35,832
Attention! Your attention, please.
1376
01:20:35,915 --> 01:20:38,876
As most of you know,
my name is Edna Smythe.
1377
01:20:40,128 --> 01:20:42,964
Please. Save your applause until the end.
1378
01:20:43,047 --> 01:20:47,176
Now, as vice chairwoman of the SPS,
1379
01:20:47,260 --> 01:20:50,722
I feel fortunate to introduce
one of the earliest inhabitants
1380
01:20:50,805 --> 01:20:52,932
of this stunning domicile.
1381
01:20:53,016 --> 01:20:56,394
But before I do,
I'd like to say a few words about...
1382
01:20:56,477 --> 01:20:57,979
Just "Wadsworth."
1383
01:20:58,062 --> 01:20:59,105
"Wadsworth."
1384
01:20:59,188 --> 01:21:00,773
- My God.
- "My God."
1385
01:21:00,857 --> 01:21:02,775
You gonna do my Airbnb joke?
1386
01:21:02,859 --> 01:21:06,070
- I don't think so.
- I think that's a mistake.
1387
01:21:06,154 --> 01:21:08,948
I can't believe I'm doing this.
I'm gonna lose my job.
1388
01:21:09,032 --> 01:21:12,201
...of the glorious
historical legacy of Savannah.
1389
01:21:12,285 --> 01:21:17,540
Ladies and gentlemen,
Lord Richmond Wadsworth.
1390
01:21:19,125 --> 01:21:22,712
Thank you!
What a wonderful introduction.
1391
01:21:22,795 --> 01:21:25,840
Thank you kindly.
1392
01:21:25,923 --> 01:21:30,511
It is an honor to be back here
for this most auspicious occasion.
1393
01:21:30,595 --> 01:21:32,597
But it is not I to whom this house
1394
01:21:32,680 --> 01:21:35,767
owes its rightful place
among Savannah notoriety.
1395
01:21:35,850 --> 01:21:39,604
In 1865, General Sherman and his troops,
1396
01:21:39,687 --> 01:21:43,149
while they held my wife
hostage at gunpoint,
1397
01:21:43,232 --> 01:21:49,739
and this is after they savagely marauded
and pillaged their way across Georgia.
1398
01:21:49,822 --> 01:21:52,992
Too bad they didn't just use Airbnb.
1399
01:21:57,538 --> 01:22:03,628
So now, may I present my lovely wife,
the Lady Elizabeth Wadsworth.
1400
01:22:05,213 --> 01:22:07,173
Shit.
1401
01:22:07,256 --> 01:22:09,526
Thank you kind citizens of Savannah.
1402
01:22:09,550 --> 01:22:12,512
I'd like to thank my husband
for that kind introduction,
1403
01:22:12,595 --> 01:22:17,600
even though, truth be told,
he wasn't always the kindest husband.
1404
01:22:17,683 --> 01:22:20,061
For one thing, he murdered me.
1405
01:22:20,144 --> 01:22:22,105
So...
1406
01:22:23,481 --> 01:22:25,566
What... what did she say?
1407
01:22:25,650 --> 01:22:29,028
What I said was your relative murdered me.
1408
01:22:29,112 --> 01:22:35,368
I'm pretty sure he did, anyway.
But I am definitely sure of one thing.
1409
01:22:35,451 --> 01:22:39,372
This house, known as Wadsworth Manor,
1410
01:22:39,455 --> 01:22:42,416
was, in fact,
not left to the Wadsworth's at all.
1411
01:22:42,500 --> 01:22:46,629
It was left to the family of my friend,
Josephine Pipkin.
1412
01:22:46,712 --> 01:22:49,340
Snap.
1413
01:22:49,423 --> 01:22:52,176
Dear? Whatever is she talking about?
1414
01:22:52,260 --> 01:22:53,886
Okay, enough! This is crazy.
1415
01:22:53,970 --> 01:22:56,139
I know this lady, and she's no lady!
1416
01:22:56,222 --> 01:22:59,600
There are cameras everywhere, idiot.
Don't do something stupid.
1417
01:22:59,684 --> 01:23:04,647
I recently came into possession
of the original will, my will,
1418
01:23:04,730 --> 01:23:07,984
which I found had been doctored.
1419
01:23:08,067 --> 01:23:11,237
Sadly, that will was destroyed
1420
01:23:11,320 --> 01:23:14,866
because of a clumsy miscalculation
on my part.
1421
01:23:14,949 --> 01:23:19,370
I tried to, It's a long story.
It's not important.
1422
01:23:19,453 --> 01:23:24,375
But I do have here my diary.
1423
01:23:24,458 --> 01:23:28,212
Here. My diary.
1424
01:23:28,296 --> 01:23:29,505
Jesus Christ.
1425
01:23:29,589 --> 01:23:31,883
Which can easily be authenticated.
1426
01:23:31,966 --> 01:23:36,220
"The hat. Now my hat,
once a symbol of Southern aggression,
1427
01:23:36,304 --> 01:23:40,224
I hereby proclaim anew
as a symbol of Southern hospitality
1428
01:23:40,308 --> 01:23:44,937
and fellowship to all persons
be they rich or poor, White or Black.
1429
01:23:45,021 --> 01:23:49,692
And I further declare
whosoever possesses this hat
1430
01:23:49,775 --> 01:23:53,613
"to be the rightful owner of the manor
in which it should forever rest."
1431
01:23:55,573 --> 01:23:58,492
- My dear, my dear, my dear.
- Yeah.
1432
01:23:58,576 --> 01:24:01,704
I do admire your dedication
to this matter.
1433
01:24:01,787 --> 01:24:04,600
- Thank you.
- But that hat has been in the possession
1434
01:24:04,624 --> 01:24:06,584
of my family for generations now.
1435
01:24:06,667 --> 01:24:09,420
So, if we could get on
with the festivities.
1436
01:24:09,503 --> 01:24:11,857
Marcus, would you escort the young lady
from the stage please. Madam?
1437
01:24:11,881 --> 01:24:14,842
- Just one minute, sir.
- Marcus! Do your job!
1438
01:24:16,177 --> 01:24:18,012
Wait! Wait! I can explain!
1439
01:24:19,555 --> 01:24:23,476
Nia. Nia Pipkin,
will you please come up here?
1440
01:24:26,103 --> 01:24:31,984
Now, Nia, what did your great-great-lots-
of-greats-grandmother
1441
01:24:32,068 --> 01:24:35,529
always sew in everything that she owned?
1442
01:24:36,155 --> 01:24:37,573
Her initials.
1443
01:24:38,449 --> 01:24:40,826
- Her initials.
- So?
1444
01:24:40,910 --> 01:24:45,331
Josephine Zelda, it is not just the name
of a legendary video game, sir...
1445
01:24:45,414 --> 01:24:50,878
- What is she talking about?
- Pipkin. JZP.
1446
01:24:50,962 --> 01:24:56,801
Sewn into every dress, every pair of socks
and every hat that she owned.
1447
01:24:56,884 --> 01:24:58,302
Darling, your cane?
1448
01:24:59,637 --> 01:25:01,222
You sure about this?
1449
01:25:07,603 --> 01:25:09,814
Everybody, please stand back.
1450
01:25:09,897 --> 01:25:14,277
And the truth shall reveal itself.
1451
01:25:19,991 --> 01:25:21,551
What is she doing?
1452
01:25:21,575 --> 01:25:23,577
Okay. I'm just gonna... just...
1453
01:25:23,661 --> 01:25:25,079
Fucker.
1454
01:25:26,080 --> 01:25:29,125
Okay. God.
1455
01:25:29,875 --> 01:25:30,875
Okay!
1456
01:25:36,257 --> 01:25:38,134
My God.
1457
01:25:39,218 --> 01:25:40,218
All right.
1458
01:25:43,973 --> 01:25:45,599
Sorry about that.
1459
01:25:45,683 --> 01:25:49,687
As I said, the truth shall reveal itself.
1460
01:25:49,770 --> 01:25:53,065
Show me "JZP."
1461
01:26:02,241 --> 01:26:03,844
Very exciting, wasn't it? Very exciting.
1462
01:26:03,868 --> 01:26:06,013
That was a wonderful performance.
Just wonderful.
1463
01:26:06,037 --> 01:26:08,372
Okay. Let's go, psycho.
Come on.
1464
01:26:08,456 --> 01:26:11,208
I don't get the big deal
with that ugly old hat.
1465
01:26:11,292 --> 01:26:14,086
It used to be filthy. Like your dress.
1466
01:26:14,170 --> 01:26:15,731
What do you mean "it used to be filthy"?
1467
01:26:15,755 --> 01:26:17,214
It used to be filthy, yes,
1468
01:26:17,298 --> 01:26:21,260
until I took it and had it cleaned
and had the old lining restored.
1469
01:26:24,638 --> 01:26:25,639
Okay.
1470
01:26:33,439 --> 01:26:37,193
Marcus, do your fucking job
and get her outta here.
1471
01:26:37,276 --> 01:26:39,126
I don't think I work for you anymore.
1472
01:26:42,156 --> 01:26:43,908
What about the murder?
1473
01:26:43,991 --> 01:26:47,620
Right. My God.
The-the murder. Yes.
1474
01:26:47,703 --> 01:26:51,123
Because I, Elizabeth,
was unable to bear children,
1475
01:26:51,207 --> 01:26:53,751
my husband became increasingly agitated.
1476
01:26:53,834 --> 01:26:58,464
In fact, he became very abusive
and, in short, he was quite a...
1477
01:26:58,547 --> 01:27:01,801
How would you say? Kind of a...
1478
01:27:01,884 --> 01:27:02,885
Dick.
1479
01:27:04,220 --> 01:27:07,014
Yes, thank you. A dick.
1480
01:27:09,683 --> 01:27:12,937
"I fear Richmond,
perhaps in an intoxicated state,
1481
01:27:13,020 --> 01:27:14,956
of which he is increasingly prone
to being in,
1482
01:27:14,980 --> 01:27:16,816
may come to do me harm."
1483
01:27:16,899 --> 01:27:21,612
That was one of the lady's
last diary entries.
1484
01:27:21,695 --> 01:27:25,616
She died one week later
of injuries sustained
1485
01:27:25,699 --> 01:27:28,619
from a fall, you guys.
1486
01:27:28,702 --> 01:27:32,790
Friends, ladies and gentlemen,
please, please.
1487
01:27:32,873 --> 01:27:36,293
Tonight marks the launch
of my campaign for mayor of Savannah.
1488
01:27:36,377 --> 01:27:40,214
And as mayor, one of my chief goals
is to promote justice
1489
01:27:40,297 --> 01:27:43,050
for all of Savannah's citizens.
1490
01:27:43,134 --> 01:27:48,264
In light of the information
and evidence presented here tonight,
1491
01:27:48,347 --> 01:27:51,684
I do hereby bequeath this house...
1492
01:27:51,767 --> 01:27:53,185
Did he just say "queef"?
1493
01:27:53,269 --> 01:27:55,146
...and all the contents herein
1494
01:27:55,229 --> 01:28:00,526
to its rightful heirs,
and my dear friends,
1495
01:28:00,609 --> 01:28:04,530
- Nia and Marcus Pipkin.
- This is retarded bullshit!
1496
01:28:04,613 --> 01:28:06,174
So, ladies and gentlemen... Son...
1497
01:28:06,198 --> 01:28:10,244
Would you all kindly raise your glasses
and join me in a toast.
1498
01:28:10,911 --> 01:28:13,581
To Pipkin Manor.
1499
01:28:16,584 --> 01:28:19,044
Wonderful! Mama, drinks in the bar.
1500
01:29:30,991 --> 01:29:32,076
She's gone?
1501
01:29:32,785 --> 01:29:33,786
Yeah.
1502
01:29:34,537 --> 01:29:35,746
It's a good thing.
1503
01:29:35,829 --> 01:29:39,625
Thanks to you,
she's not stuck here anymore.
1504
01:29:41,085 --> 01:29:43,045
- And thanks to you.
- Yeah.
1505
01:30:03,357 --> 01:30:05,150
How's everybody doing today?
1506
01:30:05,234 --> 01:30:06,694
- Everyone all right?
- Yeah.
1507
01:30:06,777 --> 01:30:07,778
Awesome.
1508
01:30:13,117 --> 01:30:16,996
Shit. I overslept.
1509
01:30:17,079 --> 01:30:19,790
Come on. Five more minutes.
1510
01:30:19,873 --> 01:30:24,587
- I would love to, but I can't.
- Okay.
1511
01:30:30,384 --> 01:30:34,054
- Five minutes. Four minutes.
- Jesus.
1512
01:30:37,766 --> 01:30:39,101
Knock 'em dead, lady.
1513
01:30:39,184 --> 01:30:40,603
Yeah, no problem.
1514
01:30:40,686 --> 01:30:42,706
My brother will reach out to you.
Thank you.
1515
01:30:42,730 --> 01:30:44,916
Nia, I'm so sorry.
We forgot to set the alarm.
1516
01:30:44,940 --> 01:30:46,400
Girl, you're fine.
1517
01:30:46,483 --> 01:30:48,944
- Have fun on the tour.
- Thank you!
1518
01:30:50,237 --> 01:30:52,781
Well, the lady should be here
any minute now.
1519
01:30:55,951 --> 01:30:57,953
And here she is now.
1520
01:30:59,997 --> 01:31:01,683
Thank you, Lord Pipkin.
1521
01:31:01,707 --> 01:31:03,334
I am your humble hostess,
1522
01:31:03,417 --> 01:31:04,918
Lady Elizabeth Daubmire.
1523
01:31:05,002 --> 01:31:07,212
I'd like to welcome you to Pipkin Manor.
1524
01:31:07,296 --> 01:31:09,214
Today you'll learn a bit about me,
1525
01:31:09,298 --> 01:31:13,010
but mostly I'll be telling you
about this beautiful manor
1526
01:31:13,093 --> 01:31:15,220
and why it is so very, very special.
1527
01:31:15,304 --> 01:31:19,642
So, today's tour will begin
where all good home tours should begin,
1528
01:31:19,725 --> 01:31:22,144
in the bar room.
1529
01:31:22,227 --> 01:31:24,077
Usually, I like to wait until the sun
1530
01:31:24,104 --> 01:31:26,374
has dipped below the banyan tree
in our backyard
1531
01:31:26,398 --> 01:31:29,652
before I have my afternoon
mint julep, but...
1532
01:31:31,820 --> 01:31:34,073
since-since y'all are here...
1533
01:31:36,367 --> 01:31:38,428
why don't you go on ahead
with Lord Pipkin,
1534
01:31:38,452 --> 01:31:40,202
and, I'll see you in the lobby.
1535
01:31:40,913 --> 01:31:42,081
Well, come on, friends.
1536
01:31:42,956 --> 01:31:44,416
Come on in. Don't push.
1537
01:31:44,500 --> 01:31:47,086
There you go. Welcome to my home.
1538
01:31:47,169 --> 01:31:50,005
I'm so proud of you.
1539
01:31:51,006 --> 01:31:52,591
Wow! What are you doing here?
1540
01:31:52,675 --> 01:31:54,593
I just wanted to say hello.
1541
01:31:54,677 --> 01:31:57,805
It was my house, after all.
1542
01:31:57,888 --> 01:32:03,310
I don't quite know how to say this,
but you don't have to be here.
1543
01:32:03,394 --> 01:32:05,354
Like, I'm good.
1544
01:32:05,437 --> 01:32:06,855
Looking for Hannah Daniels.
1545
01:32:06,939 --> 01:32:11,485
Okay. I'm Hannah Daniels.
Can I help you, Officers?
1546
01:32:11,568 --> 01:32:16,198
Ma'am, you are under arrest for violating
the Georgia penal code 147-b.
1547
01:32:16,281 --> 01:32:20,828
- What? What even is that?
- Public flatulence.
1548
01:32:20,911 --> 01:32:23,789
Failure to register as
a sex offender within 30 days.
1549
01:32:23,872 --> 01:32:25,422
- Hannah.
- That's real?
1550
01:32:25,457 --> 01:32:29,837
Hannah, haven't I taught you
that a lady never offends sexually?
1551
01:32:29,920 --> 01:32:31,130
I didn't. Shit.
1552
01:32:31,213 --> 01:32:33,298
- Language!
- Sorry.
1553
01:32:34,591 --> 01:32:37,469
Okay, y'all. Let's-let's go on inside.
1554
01:32:42,891 --> 01:32:45,811
I'll be here when you get back!
1555
01:32:48,188 --> 01:32:49,440
Bye, Hannah!
1556
01:33:08,917 --> 01:33:11,754
♪ I used to wish I was never born ♪
1557
01:33:11,837 --> 01:33:13,231
♪ Now I don't "cause I found you ♪"
1558
01:33:13,255 --> 01:33:14,816
♪ It's really cool you like me too ♪
1559
01:33:14,840 --> 01:33:18,027
You don't need to be in character anymore.
You already told me you're 19.
1560
01:33:18,051 --> 01:33:20,864
- "Tons of pubes."
- I have tons of pubes, by the way.
1561
01:33:25,809 --> 01:33:27,603
I don't like this kid.
1562
01:33:30,189 --> 01:33:32,024
- You're laughing.
- Sorry!
1563
01:33:32,107 --> 01:33:34,777
Cubed is my favorite way to eat meat.
1564
01:33:39,281 --> 01:33:42,177
I have a great teeth whitening team
if you want to borrow them.
1565
01:33:42,201 --> 01:33:44,536
- It's more than one guy?
- Yeah, it's a team.
1566
01:33:44,620 --> 01:33:45,954
Well, all right.
1567
01:33:49,875 --> 01:33:53,420
- That's bullshit, by the way.
- What?
1568
01:33:53,504 --> 01:33:56,465
You're good at a lot of things. I think.
1569
01:34:10,270 --> 01:34:12,570
- Sorry.
- Yeah. You're messing this up.
1570
01:34:13,857 --> 01:34:17,778
What's a good dildo shake position?
1571
01:34:17,861 --> 01:34:20,173
Keep in mind this is
gonna be my Oscar clip, so...
1572
01:34:20,197 --> 01:34:22,091
- Yeah. "For your consideration." ”
- We want it... Yeah.
1573
01:34:22,115 --> 01:34:23,909
- She's gone?
- Yeah.
1574
01:34:23,992 --> 01:34:25,369
Well, most of her is gone.
1575
01:34:28,455 --> 01:34:30,165
But it's good. It's nice.
1576
01:34:30,249 --> 01:34:32,352
It's good.
You know, she's not stuck anymore.
1577
01:34:32,376 --> 01:34:33,585
Yeah.
1578
01:34:33,669 --> 01:34:37,881
She's not all pent up anymore.
She's been relieved.
1579
01:34:37,965 --> 01:34:41,009
- Just go away.
- Okay.
1580
01:34:41,093 --> 01:34:43,887
Look. I've cracked the code.
1581
01:34:46,014 --> 01:34:47,933
And I've changed your flight.
1582
01:34:48,016 --> 01:34:50,435
You'll now take off at 4:00 p.I'm.
1583
01:34:50,519 --> 01:34:52,229
You'll connect in Dallas.
1584
01:34:56,567 --> 01:34:58,235
What the fuck is your problem?
1585
01:34:58,318 --> 01:35:01,530
- What's your problem?
- Sorry. We're so close.
1586
01:35:01,613 --> 01:35:04,074
What do you mean?
What's your problem?
1587
01:35:04,157 --> 01:35:07,286
Look, my uncle's friends with the DA.
I talked to him.
1588
01:35:07,369 --> 01:35:10,330
They're dropping all the charges.
No, they're not. Sorry.
1589
01:35:10,414 --> 01:35:14,793
Yeah, I think so. Maybe a little bounce.
This would be fun.
1590
01:35:14,877 --> 01:35:16,837
- Okay.
- Who is this man?
1591
01:35:19,298 --> 01:35:25,470
Well, if you must create wind
from either the front or the back...
1592
01:35:26,179 --> 01:35:27,389
If you must...
1593
01:35:28,098 --> 01:35:29,308
If you must...
1594
01:35:29,391 --> 01:35:31,560
Look.
1595
01:35:31,643 --> 01:35:34,243
This is not me helping you, but you...
Would you stop?
1596
01:35:34,313 --> 01:35:36,982
What? I'm acting in the scene.
1597
01:35:37,065 --> 01:35:38,275
So good. I'm sorry.
1598
01:35:38,358 --> 01:35:41,612
Yes. You and that word "Dick."
1599
01:35:45,574 --> 01:35:47,242
Sorry. It's my fault.
1600
01:35:47,326 --> 01:35:50,662
I guess I'll get
a fresh squeezed tangerine juice.
1601
01:35:50,746 --> 01:35:51,997
But no pulp.
1602
01:35:52,080 --> 01:35:54,791
I guess I'll just have
a Cajun-spice Bloody Mary,
1603
01:35:54,875 --> 01:35:58,021
but don't crowd it up with all those
celery stalks and bullshit.
1604
01:35:58,045 --> 01:36:00,395
I guess I'll just take
a green tea matcha latte,
1605
01:36:00,464 --> 01:36:01,632
but with cow milk!
1606
01:36:01,715 --> 01:36:03,258
None of that vegan bullshit.
1607
01:36:03,342 --> 01:36:07,721
Then I'll just get a mint
chocolate-chip milkshake, but no chips.
1608
01:36:07,804 --> 01:36:10,307
Then I'm getting a bikini wax at 3:00.
1609
01:36:10,390 --> 01:36:13,977
Well, thank God.
I had a whisker rash for four days.
1610
01:36:14,061 --> 01:36:16,355
I wasn't able to do campaign.
1611
01:36:16,438 --> 01:36:18,708
Brian, can you start
closer to this camera?
1612
01:36:18,732 --> 01:36:20,482
I guess that'll never make the cut.
1613
01:36:20,525 --> 01:36:21,902
I don't think so.
123536
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