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1
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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,939 --> 00:00:08,374
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:11,443
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:14,713
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:18,117
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:21,687
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,222
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,224 --> 00:00:25,124
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:29,862
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:37,736
Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker.
11
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,738
Coming up, why one hello a day
12
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:42,074
to the receptionist at work
is the magic number.
13
00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:45,077
But first, pilot strike at Quahog Airport.
14
00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:48,547
Picketing began on Thursday--
weird day to start a strike--
15
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,682
and both sides appear to be
at an impasse.
16
00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:52,551
So Ground Control
is telling Major Tom
17
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,353
this could be a long one.
18
00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:57,322
Does anyone else
like David "Booey"?
19
00:00:57,324 --> 00:00:58,924
Hey, what the hell is
up with this letter?
20
00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:01,226
It says I'm no longer covered
on your health insurance.
21
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:03,028
Oh, yeah.
They don't cover dogs no more.
22
00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:05,931
You could do COBRA
for $7,300 a month, though.
23
00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:07,766
Would that be something
you'd be interested in?
24
00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:09,902
I need that health insurance.
You know I have a hernia.
25
00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:11,070
What if I need surgery?
26
00:01:11,072 --> 00:01:13,205
Well, if you need
insurance that bad,
27
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:14,706
maybe it's time
for you to go out
28
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:16,175
and get a job of your own.
29
00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:17,409
This sucks.
30
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,078
How did you
get a hernia?
31
00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,412
Actually, I got
it performing
32
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,581
an incredible
act of heroism.
33
00:01:25,553 --> 00:01:26,919
Oh, my God!
34
00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:29,521
Somebody help me! I'm sinking!
35
00:01:31,092 --> 00:01:33,092
Hurry! I can't hold it!
36
00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:36,128
Okay, let me just
unstrap my baby.
37
00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:39,031
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Slipping, slipping. Sorry.
38
00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:43,902
What do we want?
39
00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:44,903
Fair wages!
40
00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:46,138
When do we want it?
41
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:48,974
Originally now, but it's
been delayed until 9:40
42
00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:50,976
due to weather in Philly!
43
00:01:50,978 --> 00:01:52,878
This is a mess.
44
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:56,248
It's working about as well as
that animal sobriety checkpoint.
45
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:57,416
Excuse me, sir.
46
00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,151
Is that a baggie of
catnip on your seat?
47
00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:01,153
I have a card for that.
48
00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:02,621
What else you
got in here?
49
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:04,323
Open container
of cat food.
50
00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:05,724
Feather on a string.
51
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:07,292
Is that a dead mouse?
52
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:09,728
Get him off me!
53
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,797
Somebody get him off me!
54
00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,445
Think catnip's a joke?
55
00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:27,846
Think again.
56
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:30,749
Vote yes on increasedanimal sobriety checkpoints.
57
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,818
Paid for by dogs.
58
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:40,159
Ah, bachelorette party.
59
00:02:40,161 --> 00:02:41,660
Can I fit this in?
60
00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:47,533
Okay, cool. I got time.
61
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:49,868
Hello, ladies.
62
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,603
Wow, here comes
the bride, huh?
63
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,805
More than once, if I have
anything to do with it.
64
00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:55,974
Finally, the stripper's here!
65
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:58,277
What? No, I'm not a stripper.
I'm a pilot.
66
00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:01,480
See? This is a real uniform.
67
00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:04,016
Ooh. Take something
else off, sexy.
68
00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:05,217
Oh, yeah!
69
00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:06,752
All right!
70
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,288
Oh, yeah?
71
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:10,822
You want a little more, huh?
72
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,161
Yeah! All right.
73
00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,564
Who wants me to stow my bag
under their seat?
74
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:27,906
Boy, and I thought the Federal
Hill bakery had nice buns.
75
00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:31,143
You're talented, Denise.
76
00:03:31,145 --> 00:03:33,312
You should
really go for it.
77
00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:38,483
Wow.
78
00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:40,686
What... a... day.
79
00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:41,887
Please don't comment.
80
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,155
Oh, look at you.
81
00:03:43,157 --> 00:03:44,590
Did you get a job?
Bitch.
82
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,024
Did I get a job?
83
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:48,560
Um, this ain't a life vest,
sista.
84
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:51,863
It's a work vest from a little
place called Mega Hardware.
85
00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,832
'Cause that's basically
what I am now.
86
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:56,535
Just an everyday,
working-class Joe.
87
00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:59,338
Well, good for you.
88
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:00,939
No. No, Brian.
89
00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:02,941
This doesn't
feel right today.
90
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,243
Yes.
91
00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:05,844
There's a rat trap
in that cabinet.
92
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:07,512
With a foot in it.
93
00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:09,781
And somewhere in this house,
there's a footless rat.
94
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,950
Well, I'm off to
watch some Fox News
95
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,719
in front of the
old boob tube.
96
00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:16,021
♪ Tommy used to work
on the docks ♪
97
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:17,356
♪ Union's been on strike ♪
98
00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:18,857
♪ He's down on his luck ♪
99
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,460
♪ It's tough, so tough. ♪
100
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:27,299
Hey.
No.
101
00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:28,367
I wasn't sure.
I'm sure.
102
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:29,768
Okay.
Well, got to go.
103
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,270
Got to do
some more picketing.
104
00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:33,538
Seriously? It's,
like, 9:00 at night.
105
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:36,541
Yeah, uh...
well, it's, uh...
106
00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:39,578
Cleveland's stealing
shot glasses!
107
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:42,981
I don't like drinking NyQuil
out of them little cups.
108
00:04:47,221 --> 00:04:48,887
Where the hell's
Quagmire going?
109
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,489
The airport's that way.
110
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:51,957
He doesn't know we're
following him, Joe.
111
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,292
You don't have
to duck down.
112
00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:55,794
I'm not. You took a pretty hard
right turn back there.
113
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,963
I've been like this for a while.
114
00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:06,171
What's he doing?
115
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:07,506
This is one of them places
116
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:09,741
where women go
to see male strippers.
117
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,810
Some bisexual men
go as well.
118
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:20,352
I don't see him.
119
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,756
Ladies,
this is your pilot speaking.
120
00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:28,360
I am in the full, upright
and locked position.
121
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,568
Oh, my.
122
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:53,518
Oh, my God!
What are you guys doing here?!
123
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,420
Crap. Our
disguises didn't work.
124
00:05:57,991 --> 00:06:00,459
Quagmire, I didn't know
you were a male stripper.
125
00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:02,861
I wasn't. Not until
the strike, anyway.
126
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,463
I've been out of work
for three weeks.
127
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,531
I'm out of money.
I-I had to do something.
128
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,367
God, I'm so embarrassed.
129
00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:10,402
Why? Stripping is
a very respectable profession.
130
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:12,170
If it weren't respectable,
131
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:14,673
why would real estate agents
go to strip clubs for lunch?
132
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:16,541
He's right.
This is tremendous.
133
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,210
Are you banging
all these chicks?
134
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:20,312
Hey, hey!
That is offensive.
135
00:06:20,314 --> 00:06:22,214
I am a dancer,
not a gigolo!
136
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:25,384
Captain Cockpit, my friend
is about to get married,
137
00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:28,987
and we were wondering if you'd
have sex with her for $500.
138
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,557
I'm a gigolo.
139
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,092
Oh, hey, it's that guy.
140
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:36,595
Are you gonna say,
"Who else but Quagmire?"
141
00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:38,864
N... uh, no, I, uh, uh,
142
00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:41,032
w-wanted to
know if Quagmire
143
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:42,768
was available
tomorrow evening?
144
00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:44,436
Are... are you gay?
145
00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:45,871
Uh, of course not. No.
146
00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:48,673
Uh, but I'm
unable to properly
147
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:52,377
have sex with my wife,
so I figured, you know.
148
00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:54,780
Eh, who else
but Quagmire?
149
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:57,783
Hey, awesome cameo.
150
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:04,923
Hey, sorry I'm late, guys.
151
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,391
Had to stop at
the dry cleaner.
152
00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:07,592
The dry cleaner?
153
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,194
Wow, somebody
struck it rich.
154
00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:10,629
You know,
I got to tell you,
155
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:12,264
I was sweating
that pilot strike,
156
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:15,267
but now that I'm a gigolo,
I'm making money by the fistful.
157
00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:16,701
Is that a giggity?
158
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:18,203
That is a giggity.
159
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:19,805
Hey, Quagmire, I
couldn't help but notice
160
00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:21,306
you got some dry
cleaning hanging up
161
00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:22,741
in the backseat
of your car.
162
00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:24,476
Did you win the lottery?
No.
163
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:27,078
Well, I hope you're not actually
doing that gigolo thing.
164
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,147
You know,
prostitution is illegal.
165
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:31,416
Uh, uh, no, no, no.
It's, uh, it's something else.
166
00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:33,318
Uh, uh, Quagmire's, uh,
167
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,821
selling online
Internet cyber stuff.
168
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:37,889
Wow. Good for you,
Quagmire.
169
00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:40,592
You and Gates, huh?
170
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:45,464
Uh, geez, I got to go home and
change into my Tarzan costume.
171
00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:48,066
Uh, uh... for...
for... for the Web.
172
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,969
Huh. I got to
get a computer.
173
00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:58,777
Excuse me. How many BTUs
does this grill have?
174
00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,178
Oh, man. That puppy?
175
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:02,314
More than you need,
less than I want.
176
00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:04,749
E-Excuse me. Do you have
a small grocery cart
177
00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:06,785
I could put this boat-sized
hunk of lumber in?
178
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:08,420
Probably out in the parking lot.
179
00:08:08,422 --> 00:08:10,021
Can you tell me where I
can find extension cords?
180
00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:11,923
Aisle 25.
I was just there.
181
00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:13,592
26.
There is no 26.
182
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:15,760
15.
183
00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:16,862
So Goby gets up
on the lift...
184
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:17,996
Don't mind me.
185
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,764
Just grabbing myself
a cup of mud.
186
00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:21,199
I like mine black.
187
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:22,834
Black as night.
188
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,703
Black as sin,
know what I'm saying?
189
00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:26,171
Haven't introduced myself.
190
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,807
Guys in my crew
call me "The Ratchet."
191
00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:30,141
Brian, it's not your break.
192
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,810
Get out there
and help the customers.
193
00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:33,678
Brian?
Who are you, my father?
194
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:34,946
Ha! This guy.
195
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:37,516
Get out there!
Yes, sir.
196
00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:39,851
That guy's got no idea
how hard I'm work--
197
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,119
Bird!
198
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:43,522
A bird got in! Awesome!
199
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:52,230
Hello.
200
00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:53,899
Hey, Quagmire, what's going on?
201
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,066
Oh, you need a ride?
202
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,368
Yeah, sure. I can come get you.
203
00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:57,402
I'm not doing anything.
204
00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:03,074
Meg, that was the last guy,
205
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,143
so just lock up
when you're done.
206
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,351
Thanks for the ride.
207
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:14,886
One of my tricks
drove me here from the Clam,
208
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,521
and I didn't have
any money for a cab.
209
00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:18,356
Why not? Didn't she
just pay you for sex?
210
00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:20,559
No. After it was over,
she said she wasn't gonna pay.
211
00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:22,193
Well, that ain't fair.
212
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:24,563
You can't let these women take
advantage of you like that.
213
00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:26,498
What apartment is she in?
I'll go talk to her.
214
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:28,066
She's in unit 17.
215
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,601
You know, if you're
going back in anyway,
216
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:30,769
can you grab my belt?
217
00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:32,904
It's reversible,
so I'd hate to lose it.
218
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:39,010
Hey, you didn't pay my friend!
219
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,513
So I'm gonna play with
your doorbell until you pay up.
220
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:44,950
Stop it!
221
00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:46,918
I can do this all day.
I love buttons.
222
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,720
Fine, here's your money!
223
00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:51,756
Here you go.
224
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,525
Peter, this is amazing.
Thank you.
225
00:09:53,527 --> 00:09:54,926
Hey, you know what?
226
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,428
Here's a little something
for your trouble.
227
00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:57,696
You're giving me a cut?
228
00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:59,631
Wow, thanks!
229
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:02,133
No problem. It's just too bad
you're not here every time.
230
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:03,768
Well, I could be.
231
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,704
I mean, my days
are pretty open,
232
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:08,139
and I don't sleep a lot at
night 'cause of health stuff.
233
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:10,141
Huh. That'd be
kind of nice, actually.
234
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:12,577
Hey, maybe you could
drive me around and help me out,
235
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:14,746
and I could even pay you a
little something for your time.
236
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,448
Sure, that sounds great.
And you know what?
237
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:17,949
It'll be nice having
a little extra cash
238
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,784
to bet on
college football.
239
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,486
Yeah, I'd like to
bet a hundred bucks.
240
00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:22,821
You want to pick a team?
241
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:24,789
No, just take it.
242
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:32,764
I thought you had the day off.
243
00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:34,799
Maybe from the store,
but it's not like things
244
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:37,636
take a day off from needing
repairs, am I right?
245
00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:40,405
Oh, looks like this cabinet door
is a good place to start.
246
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:41,740
Yup, she's off-kilter.
247
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,308
I'm gonna have
to plane her down.
248
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,276
Lois, what year was
this house built?
249
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:47,746
Uh, I don't know.
Maybe 1945?
250
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:49,948
Good, it's grandfathered in.
Thought I'd need a variance.
251
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:51,416
Don't want to
get a code vi.
252
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,284
"Vi" is violation.
253
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:54,786
"Code" is just code.
254
00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:56,955
I don't know, Brian,
it looks straight to me.
255
00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:57,956
What?
256
00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,157
It's straight.
257
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,191
I-I don't know
what that means.
258
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:01,192
"It's-it's straight"?
259
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,594
Oh, you mean plumb.
260
00:11:02,596 --> 00:11:04,129
Y-You're saying
the door is plumb.
261
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:06,831
Wow, Brian, you do know
all the lingo.
262
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:09,634
Ah, come on, that's just
stuff you pick up on the site.
263
00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:11,836
I'm gonna go use a miter
to jerry-rig a shim jamb
264
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,471
strap hinge
quarter-round soffit
265
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:16,675
two-by-six dowel
cherry-picker flim-flam.
266
00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:18,677
You know, Rupert,
Brian's douche-iness
267
00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:21,713
should infuriate me,
but the truth is he seems happy.
268
00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:24,115
So I guess I'll just do nothing
and that's that.
269
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,822
Can't do it.
Let's get him fired.
270
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:37,395
♪ Some days won't end ever
and some days pass on by ♪
271
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:40,231
♪ I'll be working here forever,
at least until I die ♪
272
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:43,535
♪ Damned if you do,
damned if you don't ♪
273
00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:44,736
♪ I'm supposed to get
a raise next week ♪
274
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:46,004
♪ You know damn well I won't ♪
275
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:49,874
♪ Workin' for a livin',
workin' ♪
276
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,510
♪ Workin' for a livin' ♪
♪ Workin' ♪
277
00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:55,346
♪ Workin' for a livin',
livin' and a-workin' ♪
278
00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:56,815
♪ I'm takin' what they givin' ♪
279
00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:58,750
♪ 'Cause I'm workin'
for a livin' ♪
280
00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:02,020
♪ Workin' for a livin',
livin' and a-workin' ♪
281
00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:03,088
♪ Whoo! ♪
282
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:15,366
Boy, I have a whole new respect
for Hayden Panettiere.
283
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:17,001
Giggity.
284
00:12:17,003 --> 00:12:18,503
I'm pulling up. You ready?
285
00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:20,004
Oh, hey, Peter, listen,
I can't work tonight.
286
00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:21,005
I'm spent.
287
00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:22,373
That last trick was like
288
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:24,242
trying to use
an empty bottle of hand soap.
289
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,111
But you got to work.
I set up five appointments.
290
00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:28,246
That's a lot of money.
Sorry, I can't do it.
291
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:29,514
You're just gonna
have to cancel them.
292
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:31,549
What the hell
did you say to me?!
293
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:32,684
Peter, what are
you doing?!
294
00:12:32,686 --> 00:12:34,119
You trippin', boy?!
295
00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:36,454
You're going out if I tell you
you're going out, bitch!
296
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:37,856
Okay.
297
00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,724
What... what's in
your pimp cup?
298
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:42,093
Uh, it's actually
a wheatgrass, ginger mixture.
299
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,628
I was in the middle
of a cleanse.
300
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,430
I didn't know we'd be
doing this pimp thing,
301
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:48,099
but I made a promise
to my body.
302
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,267
Ah.
303
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,436
Not great.
304
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,546
Peter, what you doing
all dressed up for church?
305
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:02,781
This ain't Easter.
306
00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:04,449
No, Cleveland, these
are my work clothes.
307
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,617
You hosting Family Feud?
308
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:07,051
No, I'm a pimp.
309
00:13:07,053 --> 00:13:08,953
Um, Big Pete, if we're
gonna be sitting,
310
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:10,455
may I use my
penis donut?
311
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:11,656
Bitch, I don't care.
312
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:13,725
Dang, Quagmire,
you're lucky.
313
00:13:13,727 --> 00:13:15,059
He take care of you.
314
00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:16,394
Yeah, no, no,
it's great.
315
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:17,796
Um, I'm making
a lot of money.
316
00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:18,963
I'm actually really happy.
317
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,565
I'm actually very hungry.
318
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:21,966
Nobody's gonna want
you if you're fat!
319
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,067
You want to eat?
320
00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:25,003
Get up to that bar
and earn your keep.
321
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,339
W-What should
I ask for, $500?
322
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:29,974
You're not worth that
much. You're trash!
323
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,309
Ask for two.
324
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,111
You know I hit you
and whore you out
325
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:34,846
because I love
you, right?
326
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:37,816
Hi, there.
You want to party?
327
00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:39,584
And can I have
some of your bread?
328
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:40,652
Hi, handsome.
329
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:42,654
You can't have my bread,
but you can have
330
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:45,323
something of mine
that smells like bread.
331
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:52,430
Okay, let's go.
332
00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:58,069
Just so you know,
it takes me a long time.
333
00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:06,444
All right, Rupert, if we're
going to teach Brian a lesson,
334
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:08,112
we're going to need some muscle.
335
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:10,949
You, you and you,
20 bucks for the day.
336
00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:12,016
Hop in the back.
337
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,284
No!
338
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:15,153
Asiento traseroTrasero!
339
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:16,554
Forget it, just get in.
340
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:18,890
Anyone who doesn't enjoy
the music of Josh Groban
341
00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:21,125
can get out of
the car.
342
00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:24,495
♪ You raise me up... ♪
343
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:27,298
Okay, if you had a friend
who worked at Mega Hardware,
344
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:28,867
how would you
get him fired?
345
00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:30,535
You ask him for papers?
346
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:31,836
Okay, good.
347
00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:33,872
Uh, that, unfortunately,
won't work in this instance.
348
00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,340
But I like your effort, Luis.
349
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:36,574
Uh, any other ideas?
350
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:37,876
You could kill a guy.
351
00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:40,378
You know what, Carlos,
you stay quiet for a while.
352
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,813
I really only
need two of you.
353
00:14:41,815 --> 00:14:42,881
You'll still be paid.
354
00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:44,816
You ask for papers?
355
00:14:44,818 --> 00:14:47,485
Okay, is there any idea out
there besides killing a guy
356
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:48,887
or getting
someone deported?
357
00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,889
We do good job,
we live with you?
358
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,724
Well, you just
offered to kill a guy,
359
00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:55,059
so you're not exactly number
one on my roommate list.
360
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:57,729
Now, let's go. I paid good
money for you, I need answers!
361
00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,731
I want your best,
and I won't stand for
362
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:02,066
even one more
stupid idea!
363
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,903
You shake up boss's soda
and give to him.
364
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:07,272
When he open it,
it explode!
365
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:11,109
This is why
I pushed you.
366
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:19,450
Huh. I guess that Brian Griffin
is a good egg after all.
367
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:24,289
Griffin, you're fired!
368
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:35,400
I never liked prostitutes
369
00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:38,937
because they sell their bodiesto all types of men.
370
00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:40,605
I turned my first trick
371
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,907
when I had my firstone-night stand.
372
00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:45,810
I had sexfor dinner and drinks.
373
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:48,112
Being a prostitute is no fun.
374
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:50,882
You have to work nights,weekends.
375
00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:53,551
I hear on SNL the women arefunnier than the guys now,
376
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,286
but I don't know,I'll never see it.
377
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,659
We meet Quagmire,
378
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:03,895
a small-town boywith big-city dreams
379
00:16:03,897 --> 00:16:06,631
who has fallen deepinto the game of prostitution
380
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:07,999
at the Point.
381
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:11,502
You know, some people ask me,
382
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,771
"Would you want your son
to be a hooker?"
383
00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:15,773
My answer is always,
"Hey, lady, are we talking,
384
00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:17,041
or am I beefing ya?"
385
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:21,346
I kind of want to see
Guardians of the Galaxy,
386
00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:24,682
but I also kind of feel like
there might be scary parts.
387
00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:27,618
Hey, honey,
you shopping for groceries?
388
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,253
You know what that means?
389
00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:31,122
"Shopping for groceries"
is what I say instead of,
390
00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:32,790
"Do you want to
pay me for sex?"
391
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:34,058
so I can't get arrested.
392
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:56,147
Stewie, did you hire
three Mexican guys
393
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,483
to shake a soda can
and give it to my boss?
394
00:16:58,485 --> 00:16:59,851
What?!
395
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,119
One's Guatemalan.
396
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,720
Damn it, Stewie,
you got me fired!
397
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,722
Oh, who are you kidding?
You got yourself fired.
398
00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:05,957
Parading around there,
399
00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:07,725
pretending you know
the first thing about tools.
400
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:08,860
You know what?
401
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:10,495
You're going down there
with me right now
402
00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:11,829
to tell them what you did.
403
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:12,997
Get your hands off me!
404
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:14,866
I'll go floppy
dead weight on you!
405
00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:18,736
Ah, crap! My stomach!
406
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,138
I think my hernia ruptured!
407
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:21,305
Oh, my God!
408
00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:23,207
Damn it, it's bad. It's bad!
409
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,043
I'll get Lois. She can take you
to the hospital.
410
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:26,511
No, she can't.
411
00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:28,346
Thanks to you,
I don't have insurance anymore.
412
00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:29,414
What are we gonna do?!
413
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:30,715
I'll get the gun!
414
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:32,650
No, Stewie, you
have to fix me.
415
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,318
What?! I'm not a doctor!
416
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,054
Just look it up
on your phone or something!
417
00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:38,856
Ugh, hold on.
I've got to update iOS.
418
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:39,891
Stewie!
419
00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:41,526
Okay, okay, got it.
420
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,194
It says I have to make
an incision,
421
00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:44,762
retract the hernia sac,
422
00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,764
and then suture
the abdominal lining.
423
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,166
How am I supposed to do that?!
424
00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:49,567
Grab my tool belt.
425
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:52,170
Use the self-sharpening
linoleum blade.
426
00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:57,742
And then hold the incision open
with a vise grip,
427
00:17:57,744 --> 00:18:01,179
and use the slip-joint pliers to
get the muscle back in position.
428
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,513
Okay, okay.
429
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,215
Now it's saying
I have to suture it.
430
00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:06,350
I've got some monofilament line
you can use.
431
00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:08,753
It's from aisle eight,
above the chains and cables.
432
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:11,089
"Monofilament line,"
"slip-joint pliers."
433
00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:13,624
I've got to say, Brian,
it seems like you really did
434
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:14,959
learn something on that job.
435
00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:17,562
You're right. I guess I did.
436
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:18,930
But please stitch me up.
437
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,565
Just be careful
and take your time.
438
00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:22,033
This is the delicate part,
because...
439
00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:23,801
Yeah, I'm gonna
just use the staple gun.
440
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:26,104
Ah! Damn it! Ah!
441
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:28,039
You know what?
That was really easy.
442
00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:31,309
That guy who killed Joan Rivers
must be terrible at this.
443
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,249
Hey, there-- oh.
What are you doing here?
444
00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:39,383
Quagmire?
445
00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:40,751
Uh, oh... uh, uh...
446
00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:43,121
I have a hobby that
takes me this way.
447
00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:45,323
Hey, I'm freezing. You got
a blanket in there or something?
448
00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:48,926
I got a towel, but it's wet
because I'm eating peaches.
449
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:50,595
I lied about the hobby.
450
00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:52,096
I was sinning.
451
00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:55,133
I'm going to drive
away backwards now.
452
00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:01,239
Hey, baby,
you want to party?
453
00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:02,640
Get in.
454
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:11,983
You guys having
a good night?
455
00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:14,185
I like that it's
getting dark earlier.
456
00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:16,354
What are you guys
gonna be for Halloween?
457
00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:17,421
Big Pete, help!
458
00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:19,157
She wants to do German things!
459
00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:20,758
German things!
460
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,027
What? No! He hasn't eaten
anything in days!
461
00:19:23,029 --> 00:19:24,529
It's not gonna work!
462
00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:26,864
Nein! Nein!
463
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:31,469
Ah! She's got us both!
464
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:33,037
Help us, pimps and hos!
465
00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:36,040
Help us, HBO camera crew!
466
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:43,147
God, Quagmire, most of
that was horrible.
467
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:44,448
I know.
468
00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:46,317
Eventually, I might
want to try it again.
469
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:47,518
Hey, listen, buddy.
470
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,153
I'm sorry
about all this.
471
00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:51,222
I guess I just got
caught up in the money
472
00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:53,157
and-and assumed you
were okay with it
473
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:54,659
because of the sex.
474
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,227
I don't know, Peter.
I think you're just mad
475
00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:58,362
I didn't come to see
your Pretenders cover band.
476
00:19:58,364 --> 00:19:59,797
Yes, well, that may be.
477
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:01,799
Speaking of which,
the Pretend Pretenders
478
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,367
are playing again
this weekend.
479
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:04,802
Uh, much like
the real band,
480
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:07,205
we have been
described as "meh."
481
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,140
Still, I'm really sorry.
482
00:20:09,142 --> 00:20:11,075
Can you find it in
yourself to forgive me,
483
00:20:11,077 --> 00:20:13,477
and maybe we can just
go back to being friends?
484
00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:15,213
I'd like that.
485
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:16,681
Hopefully, the pilot strike
will end soon
486
00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:18,216
and I can get my old job back.
487
00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:19,717
Oh, the strike
ended a month ago.
488
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,052
What?!
Why didn't you tell me?!
489
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:22,420
I did.
490
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:25,089
Are you still
GlennQ10@aol.com?
491
00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:26,390
No.
492
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,626
Ah, well. There you go.
493
00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:35,499
Well, I'm glad Quagmire's
back to work for the airline
494
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:38,336
and that whole gigolo
and pimping thing is over.
495
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:39,937
You knew about that?
496
00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:41,439
You know what? You were
sticking to your cleanse,
497
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,174
so I didn't really care.
498
00:20:43,176 --> 00:20:45,243
I got to hand it to you,
Brian, you were a better
499
00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:46,877
blue-collar guy
than I expected.
500
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:49,447
You finally earned
this nice, cold beer.
501
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:50,848
Thanks, Stewie.
502
00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:53,284
Ha! Nice work, Pedro!
503
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:55,253
Let us know if you want us
to kill a guy.
504
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:56,420
Okay.
505
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:58,189
It could be anyone.
Got it.
506
00:20:58,191 --> 00:21:01,926
You have no idea how hard
they tried to pierce my ears.
507
00:21:33,926 --> 00:21:36,994
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Media Access Group at WGBH
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