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1
00:01:14,784 --> 00:01:17,103
(Woman)... into a big airy bedroom.
2
00:01:17,203 --> 00:01:20,941
Then the sideboard turns around
and turns into the bathroom.
3
00:01:21,041 --> 00:01:23,193
So you can eat and bathe?
- Course not, silly.
4
00:01:23,293 --> 00:01:27,614
Then what's it doing in the bathroom?
- Nothing. It turns into a bathroom.
5
00:01:27,714 --> 00:01:30,283
Then another time it
turns into a kitchenette.
6
00:01:30,383 --> 00:01:32,933
Another time into a fireplace.
7
00:01:33,011 --> 00:01:35,288
You can't light it but it looks awful cute.
8
00:01:35,388 --> 00:01:38,416
What turns into a fireplace?
- This gig in the corner.
9
00:01:38,516 --> 00:01:41,419
It turns around and makes one room
into four rooms...
10
00:01:41,519 --> 00:01:43,652
...so young people who
haven't much money...
11
00:01:43,752 --> 00:01:45,340
...can have a four-room apartment...
12
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:47,592
...for the price of a one-room apartment.
13
00:01:47,692 --> 00:01:50,512
One room isn't an apartment.
- They're called that.
14
00:01:50,612 --> 00:01:53,098
It's the same as four rooms.
- But suppose I...
15
00:01:53,198 --> 00:01:56,935
You turn this in the corner...
- Suppose I wanted to go to the fireplace...
16
00:01:57,035 --> 00:01:58,853
...while you were in the kitchenette.
17
00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:01,273
You're trying to make things difficult.
18
00:02:01,373 --> 00:02:04,943
Nothing's good enough for you
except a palace on Fifth Avenue.
19
00:02:05,043 --> 00:02:08,196
(Radio) I give you coffee -the end of the perfect dinner,
20
00:02:08,296 --> 00:02:11,101
the beginning of the perfect day.
21
00:02:23,645 --> 00:02:26,548
And now, the moment
we have all been waiting for.
22
00:02:26,648 --> 00:02:28,925
We are about to give you the result...
23
00:02:29,025 --> 00:02:32,429
...of the $50,000
Maxford House New Slogan contest,
24
00:02:32,529 --> 00:02:35,530
with a first prize of $25,000,
25
00:02:35,615 --> 00:02:37,601
a second prize of $5,000,
26
00:02:37,701 --> 00:02:40,405
a third prize of $2,500,
27
00:02:40,495 --> 00:02:43,200
a fourth prize of $1,500,
28
00:02:43,289 --> 00:02:45,531
a fifth prize of $1,000,
29
00:02:45,625 --> 00:02:50,086
and 95 other prizes totaling $15,000.
30
00:02:50,171 --> 00:02:53,158
Some folks are going to be deliriousin a few minutes.
31
00:02:53,258 --> 00:02:55,630
As you may well imagine,
32
00:02:55,719 --> 00:02:58,204
all that sugar draws a lot of flies...
33
00:02:58,304 --> 00:03:01,791
...and the jury here has been struggling
to pick the winners...
34
00:03:01,891 --> 00:03:08,890
...from a little snowdrift
of 2,947,582 answers.
35
00:03:08,982 --> 00:03:13,637
That is a lot of answers in any language,
including the Scandinavian.
36
00:03:13,737 --> 00:03:14,721
(Laughs)
37
00:03:14,821 --> 00:03:19,862
Dr. Maxford, our founder and president,
is at my side.
38
00:03:19,951 --> 00:03:21,951
(Applause)
39
00:03:25,749 --> 00:03:28,401
It will only be a matter of a few moments...
40
00:03:28,501 --> 00:03:32,572
...until the jury ceases wrestling
and hands Dr. Maxford the verdict,
41
00:03:32,672 --> 00:03:36,326
and he will himself,
in that well-known voice of his,
42
00:03:36,426 --> 00:03:39,316
read you the names of the winners.
43
00:03:39,971 --> 00:03:43,750
(Whispers)
- We seem to have a little contretemps,
44
00:03:43,850 --> 00:03:46,544
fox pass or what have you,
ladies and gentlemen.
45
00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:48,296
But it will only be...
46
00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:50,840
What's the matter?
- The jury is deadlocked.
47
00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:53,396
Deadlocked?
- Eleven to one.
48
00:03:53,485 --> 00:03:57,222
It will only be a few moments
before the jury untangles itself,
49
00:03:57,322 --> 00:04:01,226
and we will hear the happy winners' names
throughout the world.
50
00:04:01,326 --> 00:04:02,686
(Laughs)...
51
00:04:02,786 --> 00:04:05,277
...(Whispering)
52
00:04:09,084 --> 00:04:13,334
Ahem. Just a little patience,
ladies and gentlemen.
53
00:04:22,389 --> 00:04:25,709
Can't you get it through...
- What's this about a deadlock?
54
00:04:25,809 --> 00:04:28,169
Where's the verdict?
- Ask Bildocker.
55
00:04:28,269 --> 00:04:32,090
And you'll get an answer, too.
If you birds had the brains of a rooster...
56
00:04:32,190 --> 00:04:37,137
I resent that. You may know about shipping
but when eleven of us have agreed...
57
00:04:37,237 --> 00:04:40,736
It'll be ten o'clock next week...
- Quiet.
58
00:04:40,824 --> 00:04:44,811
...before I give in to bunch of fat-headed,
mealy-mouthed lame brains who...
59
00:04:44,911 --> 00:04:48,956
Quiet. Jumping Jehoshaphat.
60
00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,484
Do you realize that we're on the air?
61
00:04:51,584 --> 00:04:54,404
The whole of America's
waiting for your verdict.
62
00:04:54,504 --> 00:04:57,949
120 million people
are suspended from your lips.
63
00:04:58,049 --> 00:05:01,161
You're giving heart failure
to the western hemisphere.
64
00:05:01,261 --> 00:05:04,039
What do you know about
picking slogans anyway?
65
00:05:04,139 --> 00:05:07,417
You wouldn't know a slogan
if you slipped on one.
66
00:05:07,517 --> 00:05:10,795
If you gentlemen had the combined brains
of an amoeba...
67
00:05:10,895 --> 00:05:13,131
But we're all agreed, Dr. Maxford.
68
00:05:13,231 --> 00:05:15,258
It's only Bildocker who's holding out.
69
00:05:15,358 --> 00:05:21,147
Oh, it is, is it? Well, let me
tell you something, Mr. Bildocker.
70
00:05:21,239 --> 00:05:24,851
You've been getting into my hair
for the past 20 years,
71
00:05:24,951 --> 00:05:27,145
and I meant to mention it before.
72
00:05:27,245 --> 00:05:29,731
I'm going to give you four seconds...
73
00:05:29,831 --> 00:05:31,566
No, you're not, Dr. Maxford.
74
00:05:31,666 --> 00:05:35,195
I'm a member of this jury and I'm going
to vote the way I think is right...
75
00:05:35,295 --> 00:05:36,488
...if it takes ten years.
76
00:05:36,588 --> 00:05:38,698
You can fire me out of shipping...
77
00:05:38,798 --> 00:05:41,278
...but you aren't going to
fire me off this jury...
78
00:05:41,378 --> 00:05:43,411
...because I don't work for you on this jury.
79
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:46,373
I'm giving my services
free to the bunch of...
80
00:05:46,473 --> 00:05:49,125
Who said anything about firing you,
you lunkhead?
81
00:05:49,225 --> 00:05:52,096
All I said was that I...
- (Phone)
82
00:05:54,939 --> 00:05:58,604
Yes? Oh, we are, are we?
83
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:02,149
Well, that's just lovely.
84
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:06,726
We're going off the air, gentlemen,
so just take your time.
85
00:06:06,826 --> 00:06:09,104
You can stay here till next Wednesday.
86
00:06:09,204 --> 00:06:12,232
Or you can still here
till Hoboken freezes over.
87
00:06:12,332 --> 00:06:15,235
We have failed in our promise to the public.
88
00:06:15,335 --> 00:06:19,447
We have muffed the most dramatic
advertising moment in commerce,
89
00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:21,950
and you've made a fathead out of me.
90
00:06:22,050 --> 00:06:26,261
The next nitwit who talks to me
about a contest...
91
00:06:26,346 --> 00:06:29,831
...had better duck before I swing on him.
92
00:06:32,936 --> 00:06:36,840
In conclusion, gentlemen,
especially you, Mr. Bildocker,
93
00:06:36,940 --> 00:06:42,361
let me say that I have seen
far better heads on... umbrellas.
94
00:06:44,239 --> 00:06:47,726
And so,
another broadcast slips into posterity,
95
00:06:47,826 --> 00:06:52,820
as we bring to a close
the 449th Maxford House programme.
96
00:06:52,914 --> 00:06:55,942
I wish I could have given you
the news you wanted to hear.
97
00:06:56,042 --> 00:06:59,112
But I will conclude with
what the prisoner said...
98
00:06:59,212 --> 00:07:01,323
...when the hangman couldn't find the rope.
99
00:07:01,423 --> 00:07:05,207
'No noose is good noose.' Ha, ha.
100
00:07:05,301 --> 00:07:09,211
This is Don Hartman,
wishing you all goodnight.
101
00:07:13,309 --> 00:07:17,047
They build you up to a big finish
and leave you hanging on a meat hook.
102
00:07:17,147 --> 00:07:19,799
You heard what he said.
No news is good news.
103
00:07:19,899 --> 00:07:22,594
He said, 'No noose is good noose.'
- So?
104
00:07:22,694 --> 00:07:26,139
Oh, it doesn't matter.
I wish they'd get it over with.
105
00:07:26,239 --> 00:07:30,560
You start thinking about that $25,000,
or even the $5,000...
106
00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:32,395
Or anything.
- You said it.
107
00:07:32,495 --> 00:07:34,495
When you've got it right in your mitts,
108
00:07:34,595 --> 00:07:36,858
they leave you with your
tongue hanging out.
109
00:07:36,958 --> 00:07:38,985
There ought to be a law against it.
110
00:07:39,085 --> 00:07:43,073
Did you really think you'd win it?
- I haven't lost it yet.
111
00:07:43,173 --> 00:07:45,492
How many have you lost?
- I don't know.
112
00:07:45,592 --> 00:07:49,621
But every time I've lost a contest,
I've doubled my chances on the next one.
113
00:07:49,721 --> 00:07:54,292
It's the law of averages. Like when I lost the
How Many Peanuts In The Window contest.
114
00:07:54,392 --> 00:07:57,796
That doubled my chances...
- They put boxes under the peanuts.
115
00:07:57,896 --> 00:08:01,174
They didn't ask how many boxes
under the peanuts. They said...
116
00:08:01,274 --> 00:08:03,885
'How many peanuts are in the window?'
- So I lost.
117
00:08:03,985 --> 00:08:07,639
That doubled my chances on the
You Fill In The Missing Words contest.
118
00:08:07,739 --> 00:08:09,808
But you lost that one too.
- Fine.
119
00:08:09,908 --> 00:08:13,812
I was eight to one in the limerick contest.
- But you didn't win it, Jimmy.
120
00:08:13,912 --> 00:08:15,939
That's what makes it a cinch this time.
121
00:08:16,039 --> 00:08:18,024
Can't you see it over there in lights?
122
00:08:18,124 --> 00:08:20,443
The guy swallows his coffee, and it says,
123
00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:24,823
'If you don't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk.'
124
00:08:24,923 --> 00:08:27,924
That's some slogan.
- Mm-hm.
125
00:08:28,009 --> 00:08:30,787
Do you get the point?
Do you understand what it means?
126
00:08:30,887 --> 00:08:32,872
Yes...
- What do you mean, yes?
127
00:08:32,972 --> 00:08:37,987
It's clear as crystal.
'It isn't the coffee, it's the bunk.'
128
00:08:38,353 --> 00:08:43,049
If you don't sleep at night, it isn't the coffee
that keeps you awake, it's the bunk.
129
00:08:43,149 --> 00:08:47,387
The bunk when you don't sleep.
- I know. I've heard it a thousand times.
130
00:08:47,487 --> 00:08:50,432
I just don't understand it.
- Maybe you don't try to.
131
00:08:50,532 --> 00:08:54,394
Maybe I don't.
- A kid of two could understand that.
132
00:08:54,494 --> 00:08:58,732
This Viennese doctor says
that whole idea's just a superstition,
133
00:08:58,832 --> 00:09:02,068
that instead of keeping you awake,
coffee makes you sleep.
134
00:09:02,168 --> 00:09:05,947
It's simple. Coffee makes you sleep.
- It doesn't make me sleep.
135
00:09:06,047 --> 00:09:09,284
He's a Viennese doctor.
- Coffee keeps you awake.
136
00:09:09,384 --> 00:09:13,705
Why are you so pig-headed about it?
I'm not trying to contradict you...
137
00:09:13,805 --> 00:09:17,375
It's the new scientific theory.
It's the basis of my slogan.
138
00:09:17,475 --> 00:09:21,379
People who think coffee keeps them awake
are nervous wrecks anyway...
139
00:09:21,479 --> 00:09:23,089
...so why blame it on the coffee?
140
00:09:23,189 --> 00:09:28,178
So I say, 'If you don't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk.'
141
00:09:28,278 --> 00:09:30,388
Do you get it?
- I guess so.
142
00:09:30,488 --> 00:09:35,446
You guess so. What does it mean?
- It's the bunk.
143
00:09:35,535 --> 00:09:39,189
Yes, but do you get the play on words?
- You don't need a play on words.
144
00:09:39,289 --> 00:09:43,568
Any time anybody says
coffee makes you sleep, it's bunk.
145
00:09:43,668 --> 00:09:47,197
Don't you understand? It's funny.
People are going to laugh.
146
00:09:47,297 --> 00:09:51,201
It means it isn't the coffee
that keeps you awake, it's the bed.
147
00:09:51,301 --> 00:09:54,052
With me it's the coffee.
- Oh...
148
00:09:54,137 --> 00:09:57,499
I want you to win it.
I'm just as anxious as you are.
149
00:09:57,599 --> 00:09:59,792
And when you lose this
one, think how much...
150
00:09:59,892 --> 00:10:01,836
...better your chances will be on the next.
151
00:10:01,936 --> 00:10:07,008
Fine chance I've got of winning anything
if everybody says coffee keeps you awake.
152
00:10:07,108 --> 00:10:10,762
Let's drink a gallon of coffee
and see who sleeps the longest.
153
00:10:10,862 --> 00:10:13,098
Oh, shut up.
- (Woman) Jimmy.
154
00:10:13,198 --> 00:10:15,653
Jimmy.
155
00:10:18,578 --> 00:10:19,979
Yes, ma'am.
156
00:10:20,079 --> 00:10:22,357
Mr. Zimmerman says
will you not talk so loud?
157
00:10:22,457 --> 00:10:26,319
He's trying to go to sleep.
- Tell him to drink a cup of coffee.
158
00:10:26,419 --> 00:10:29,322
And don't take cold up there.
Is Betty warm enough?
159
00:10:29,422 --> 00:10:33,587
Yes, thank you, Mrs. MacDonald.
- All right, dear.
160
00:10:36,513 --> 00:10:39,708
I'd like you just as much
if you didn't win the old contest.
161
00:10:39,808 --> 00:10:42,210
That's because you're a sap.
- Maybe I am.
162
00:10:42,310 --> 00:10:45,797
But if I am I'm glad of it.
You know how we feel about each other.
163
00:10:45,897 --> 00:10:48,139
Nix.
- It's true, isn't it?
164
00:10:48,233 --> 00:10:51,888
You can't say I'm being forward.
- Not much.
165
00:10:52,404 --> 00:10:56,599
I'm not. Time is slipping by
and we're not getting any younger.
166
00:10:56,699 --> 00:10:58,351
Nix.
167
00:10:58,451 --> 00:11:00,353
Two can live as cheaply as one.
168
00:11:00,453 --> 00:11:04,448
Who wants to live cheaply?
Cut it out, will you?
169
00:11:05,875 --> 00:11:08,903
What would you do if you won the $25,000?
170
00:11:09,003 --> 00:11:11,003
Stick it in the bank.
171
00:11:11,089 --> 00:11:13,783
Wouldn't you even buy a little ring
or something?
172
00:11:13,883 --> 00:11:16,661
I don't like rings on a man.
- Oh, you.
173
00:11:16,761 --> 00:11:21,249
What's the use of talking about it?
You know I'd spend it on you and mum.
174
00:11:21,349 --> 00:11:24,169
I'd get you a new shiny car
and a swell apartment.
175
00:11:24,269 --> 00:11:28,757
Maybe one of those little dream houses
in the suburbs, some hired help.
176
00:11:28,857 --> 00:11:33,136
Maybe a trip to Europe. Maybe the Grand
Canyon would be better nowadays.
177
00:11:33,236 --> 00:11:36,097
We'd be happy all right.
- We could be happy anyway.
178
00:11:36,197 --> 00:11:39,100
Everything that means happiness
costs money.
179
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,103
How much was your dad making
when he married your mom?
180
00:11:42,203 --> 00:11:44,203
18 bucks a week.
- Well?
181
00:11:44,289 --> 00:11:46,733
You think that proves something?
182
00:11:46,833 --> 00:11:49,569
She's never been to the country
for more than a day.
183
00:11:49,669 --> 00:11:51,613
Never had any nice furniture.
184
00:11:51,713 --> 00:11:56,743
The dream of her life is a Davenport that
turns into a double bed at night-time.
185
00:11:56,843 --> 00:12:00,372
She's never had a nice dress
except those she made herself.
186
00:12:00,472 --> 00:12:04,000
I wore the old man's stuff cut down
until I got my first job...
187
00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:08,253
...and he was worn out at 48 and croaked
because he couldn't afford a doctor.
188
00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:10,382
Where do you get that $18 a week stuff?
189
00:12:10,482 --> 00:12:13,218
I earn $18 and you earn $22 and that's $40.
190
00:12:13,318 --> 00:12:16,721
Sure and you've got your ma
and I've got mine.
191
00:12:16,821 --> 00:12:20,975
You get a kid and you have to stop work
and we're right back at the $22 again.
192
00:12:21,075 --> 00:12:24,938
Except then there's you and the kid
and the two old ladies and me.
193
00:12:25,038 --> 00:12:27,023
But Jimmy...
- Nix, honey.
194
00:12:27,123 --> 00:12:29,693
They didn't give you
wrists and hands like that...
195
00:12:29,793 --> 00:12:32,696
...to spoil in a washtub
for a poor sap like me.
196
00:12:32,796 --> 00:12:35,532
But Jimmy...
- You gotta look out for yourself.
197
00:12:35,632 --> 00:12:39,577
You gotta see the main chance and grab it,
the chance of plenty of money.
198
00:12:39,677 --> 00:12:43,248
Men look out for themselves.
They think about nothing but money.
199
00:12:43,348 --> 00:12:48,545
A girl's got to do the same instead of
fooling away her time on a guy like me.
200
00:12:48,645 --> 00:12:52,007
Unless he crashes through.
- You make me tired.
201
00:12:52,107 --> 00:12:54,634
Then go to bed.
- That's a nice thing to say.
202
00:12:54,734 --> 00:12:56,469
Invite a girl over and yell at her.
203
00:12:56,569 --> 00:13:00,390
If I wanted to be insulted, I could have gone
out with the credit manager.
204
00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:03,351
Who's stopping you?
- Thank you, Mr. MacDonald.
205
00:13:03,451 --> 00:13:06,563
It's nice to know where you stand.
- I'm sorry.
206
00:13:06,663 --> 00:13:11,338
Maybe I will go out with the credit manager.
Good night.
207
00:13:14,754 --> 00:13:17,824
Wait and I'll help you.
- I don't need any help.
208
00:13:17,924 --> 00:13:20,415
(Cat screeches)
209
00:13:24,597 --> 00:13:26,673
Here.
210
00:13:31,312 --> 00:13:34,716
Kindly let go of my arm.
- Why don't you watch your step?
211
00:13:34,816 --> 00:13:37,594
Why don't you mind your own business?
- Oh, shut up.
212
00:13:37,694 --> 00:13:41,890
Why don't you shut up?
- Why don't you both shut up?
213
00:13:41,990 --> 00:13:44,528
See?
214
00:14:01,885 --> 00:14:04,287
They got up there a horse yet?
215
00:14:04,387 --> 00:14:07,341
Wait for your laugh.
- Wise guy.
216
00:14:14,731 --> 00:14:17,791
Bread and butter.
- Bread and butter.
217
00:14:36,669 --> 00:14:39,656
Don't fall down the ladder.
- I've been down it before.
218
00:14:39,756 --> 00:14:42,163
You fell down it before too.
219
00:14:42,258 --> 00:14:44,714
Good night.
- Good night.
220
00:14:44,803 --> 00:14:48,748
See you at the office.
- Aren't you going to take me?
221
00:14:48,848 --> 00:14:51,422
All right.
222
00:14:51,518 --> 00:14:54,388
Good night, Jimmy.
- Good night.
223
00:14:54,479 --> 00:14:56,685
Good night.
- Good night.
224
00:14:57,982 --> 00:15:00,520
Night.
225
00:15:02,445 --> 00:15:05,845
Good night, honey.
- Good night, darling.
226
00:15:12,872 --> 00:15:15,244
Good night.
- Good night.
227
00:15:15,333 --> 00:15:17,456
Good night.
228
00:15:18,962 --> 00:15:22,574
(Jimmy) I tell you, it makes you sleep.
- OK, it makes you sleep.
229
00:15:22,674 --> 00:15:26,119
And water runs uphill
and dogs miaow and cats bark...
230
00:15:26,219 --> 00:15:31,249
...and water's red-hot in the winter
and freezes over in the summer.
231
00:15:31,349 --> 00:15:33,918
You're a dreamer. Just like your father.
232
00:15:34,018 --> 00:15:35,920
With him it was always automobiles...
233
00:15:36,020 --> 00:15:38,256
...where the wind, it
scooped it up in the front...
234
00:15:38,356 --> 00:15:41,009
...and pushed out the back to make it go,
or some such.
235
00:15:41,109 --> 00:15:43,261
There's no wind blowing out of my ideas.
236
00:15:43,361 --> 00:15:47,356
Pretty windy. Have you got car fare?
- Think so.
237
00:15:48,575 --> 00:15:50,477
(Coin drops to floor)
- Yeah.
238
00:15:50,577 --> 00:15:55,023
Make a wish.
What falls to the floor comes to the door.
239
00:15:55,123 --> 00:15:57,692
All right.
- There's nothing to laugh about.
240
00:15:57,792 --> 00:16:00,945
I mind the time your father,
may his soul be peaceful,
241
00:16:01,045 --> 00:16:02,739
dropped a quarter down a crack,
242
00:16:02,839 --> 00:16:06,910
and it wasn't an hour till a near-sighted man
gave him a five-dollar gold piece...
243
00:16:07,010 --> 00:16:09,996
...instead of a nickel in paying his fare.
244
00:16:10,096 --> 00:16:13,291
We went to Coney that night.
- What was wrong with Pa's eyes?
245
00:16:13,391 --> 00:16:15,377
He was looking somewhere else.
246
00:16:15,477 --> 00:16:18,171
There was nothing the matter
with your father.
247
00:16:18,271 --> 00:16:20,507
He was a fine-looking conductor.
248
00:16:20,607 --> 00:16:22,759
He was.
- You'd seem a shrimp beside him.
249
00:16:22,859 --> 00:16:25,345
I would.
- Don't say anything against him.
250
00:16:25,445 --> 00:16:27,639
I'm not saying anything against him, Mum.
251
00:16:27,739 --> 00:16:30,360
Well, watch your step.
252
00:16:31,493 --> 00:16:33,818
Jimmy.
- Yes'm?
253
00:16:33,912 --> 00:16:36,122
There's money in your cup.
254
00:16:46,466 --> 00:16:48,505
(Bell dinging)
255
00:16:58,103 --> 00:17:00,255
So the sucker says, 'Is Mr. Fish there?'
256
00:17:00,355 --> 00:17:04,134
And the guy says, 'Which one do you want?
This is the New York Aquarium.'
257
00:17:04,234 --> 00:17:05,844
(Laughter)
258
00:17:05,944 --> 00:17:09,431
The best one is, you say,
'This is the Edison Company.
259
00:17:09,531 --> 00:17:13,643
'Would you mind seeing if the street light's
burning in front of your house?'
260
00:17:13,743 --> 00:17:16,396
And when the poor mug says, 'Yes, it is,'
261
00:17:16,496 --> 00:17:18,606
you say, 'Well, blow it out, will you?'
262
00:17:18,706 --> 00:17:20,233
(Laughter)
263
00:17:20,333 --> 00:17:24,154
Hello, is this
the Maxford House Coffee Company?
264
00:17:24,254 --> 00:17:28,033
Could you tell me if the jury's reached
a verdict on the contest yet?
265
00:17:28,133 --> 00:17:32,287
They haven't? Then there's
still a chance for everybody, huh?
266
00:17:32,387 --> 00:17:34,463
Thanks just the same.
267
00:17:37,142 --> 00:17:40,587
I wonder what one of those suckers
would do if they ever did win.
268
00:17:40,687 --> 00:17:43,771
Well, it's very easy to find out.
269
00:17:43,857 --> 00:17:47,636
All you need is a telegraph blank,
some scissors and some glue.
270
00:17:47,736 --> 00:17:51,431
Cut it in strips, do it on the blank.
- Holy mackerel.
271
00:17:51,531 --> 00:17:53,856
(Bell rings)...
272
00:18:32,572 --> 00:18:34,814
...(Bell rings)
273
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,167
Good afternoon, Miss Casey.
274
00:18:56,262 --> 00:18:58,642
Good morning, Mr. Waterbury.
275
00:19:14,823 --> 00:19:17,444
Good morning, John.
276
00:19:52,444 --> 00:19:55,180
Jams. It's been doing that quite a lot lately.
277
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:59,147
The wonder is it works at all.
- Yes, sir.
278
00:19:59,242 --> 00:20:02,897
Come into my office a moment,
Mr. MacDonald.
279
00:20:03,413 --> 00:20:05,413
Yes, sir.
280
00:20:30,857 --> 00:20:33,760
I've been watching you for some time,
Mr. MacDonald.
281
00:20:33,860 --> 00:20:37,555
Yes, sir. It used to
make me kind of nervous.
282
00:20:37,655 --> 00:20:39,641
Not nervous any more?
- No, sir.
283
00:20:39,741 --> 00:20:42,352
Are you a drinking man, then?
- Sir?
284
00:20:42,452 --> 00:20:46,147
This is part of your yesterday's work.
I believe your number is 112?
285
00:20:46,247 --> 00:20:47,690
Yes, sir.
286
00:20:47,790 --> 00:20:49,844
The computing machine
is almost foolproof,
287
00:20:49,944 --> 00:20:50,944
Mr. MacDonald,
288
00:20:51,044 --> 00:20:56,157
yet you managed to miss your total by
a little matter of $11,000 on this one sheet.
289
00:20:56,257 --> 00:20:58,535
To what do you attribute that?
290
00:20:58,635 --> 00:21:01,413
I, er... I don't know, Mr. Waterbury.
291
00:21:01,513 --> 00:21:04,040
You know simple arithmetic, don't you?
292
00:21:04,140 --> 00:21:09,295
You know the difference between addition,
subtraction and possibly multiplication?
293
00:21:09,395 --> 00:21:12,147
Yes, sir. I'm pretty good at it.
294
00:21:12,232 --> 00:21:16,428
Have you troubles at home? You
henpecked? Suffering from a broken heart?
295
00:21:16,528 --> 00:21:19,163
Had your teeth examined lately?
296
00:21:19,197 --> 00:21:22,726
Or are you purely and simply
incapable of doing your work?
297
00:21:22,826 --> 00:21:26,521
Well, I... I guess it's the contest,
Mr. Waterbury,
298
00:21:26,621 --> 00:21:28,315
the Maxford House contest.
299
00:21:28,415 --> 00:21:30,692
I had no idea it was hurting my work.
300
00:21:30,792 --> 00:21:34,821
How much is the prize?
- The first prize is $25,000.
301
00:21:34,921 --> 00:21:36,740
Yes.
302
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:41,327
I used to think about $25,000 too,
and what I'd do with it.
303
00:21:41,427 --> 00:21:44,539
That I'd be a failure if I didn't get a hold of it.
304
00:21:44,639 --> 00:21:51,472
And then one day I realized
I was never going to have $25,000.
305
00:21:51,563 --> 00:21:55,091
And then another day a little bit later,
considerably later,
306
00:21:55,191 --> 00:21:57,401
I realized something else,
307
00:21:57,485 --> 00:22:01,650
something I'm imparting to you now,
Mr. MacDonald.
308
00:22:01,698 --> 00:22:04,817
I'm not a failure. I'm a success.
309
00:22:04,909 --> 00:22:07,771
You see, ambition is all right if it works.
310
00:22:07,871 --> 00:22:11,816
But no system could be right where only
half of one per cent were successes...
311
00:22:11,916 --> 00:22:14,027
...and all the rest were failures.
312
00:22:14,127 --> 00:22:17,128
I'm not a failure. I'm a success.
313
00:22:17,213 --> 00:22:22,827
So are you if you earn your own living and
pay your bills and look the world in the eye.
314
00:22:22,927 --> 00:22:27,673
I hope you win your
$25,000, Mr. MacDonald.
315
00:22:27,765 --> 00:22:31,461
But if you shouldn't happen to,
don't worry about it.
316
00:22:31,561 --> 00:22:37,426
Now get the heck back to your desk
and try to improve your arithmetic.
317
00:22:37,442 --> 00:22:40,194
Yes, sir, Mr. Waterbury.
318
00:22:41,738 --> 00:22:44,033
Thank you.
- It's all right.
319
00:23:23,071 --> 00:23:26,025
Wow. Oh, honey, look.
320
00:23:26,115 --> 00:23:30,160
Hey, everybody. Hey, everybody.
Come here?
321
00:23:30,245 --> 00:23:32,022
Get up here, honey.
322
00:23:32,122 --> 00:23:34,122
Wow.
323
00:23:34,165 --> 00:23:39,571
There comes a time in everybody's life
when he's got to get up and let it rip.
324
00:23:39,671 --> 00:23:42,449
Wow. In other words, boys and girls,
325
00:23:42,549 --> 00:23:46,036
I just won the $25,000 first prize
in the Maxford House contest.
326
00:23:46,136 --> 00:23:48,627
(Cheering)
327
00:23:48,722 --> 00:23:52,292
Hey, give me a phone.
Boy, this is gonna be good.
328
00:23:52,392 --> 00:23:57,322
Hello? Give me Astoria 59970.
This is really gonna be good.
329
00:24:02,193 --> 00:24:05,527
Hello, is this Mrs. Schwartz?
- Yes.
330
00:24:05,613 --> 00:24:07,766
This is Jimmy. Hello, Mrs. Schwartz.
331
00:24:07,866 --> 00:24:11,227
I hate to bother you
but could I talk to my mom? It's important.
332
00:24:11,327 --> 00:24:14,522
Thank you. I'll let you use my phone
when I get one.
333
00:24:14,622 --> 00:24:16,622
(Laughter)
334
00:24:19,252 --> 00:24:21,237
Hello, Mum? This is Jimmy.
335
00:24:21,337 --> 00:24:24,449
I'm going to tell you something.
Don't be frightened.
336
00:24:24,549 --> 00:24:27,368
You're not hurt?
- Course I'm not hurt.
337
00:24:27,468 --> 00:24:31,289
Mum, would I call you up
from under a streetcar?
338
00:24:31,389 --> 00:24:33,917
Mum, are you a rich woman
or a poor woman?
339
00:24:34,017 --> 00:24:37,337
No, I'm not crazy with the heat,
I'm just asking you a question.
340
00:24:37,437 --> 00:24:39,756
Are you a rich woman or a poor woman?
341
00:24:39,856 --> 00:24:43,176
You're all wet. I said you're all wet, Mum.
342
00:24:43,276 --> 00:24:47,013
Buy yourself anything you want.
Furniture, automobiles, dresses.
343
00:24:47,113 --> 00:24:49,140
Electric washer.
- Electric washer.
344
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,266
You know the one you like? It's yours.
345
00:24:51,366 --> 00:24:55,021
The Davenport.
- The one that turns into a double bed.
346
00:24:55,121 --> 00:24:59,858
It's yours, Mum. And anything else
you want. All you gotta do is tell me.
347
00:24:59,958 --> 00:25:03,989
It's gonna cost you a Davenport.
- I'll tell the world I got a raise.
348
00:25:04,089 --> 00:25:06,700
Wow, he got a raise.
- Put him out of his misery.
349
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:09,953
Hey, the boss.
- What is going on around here?
350
00:25:10,053 --> 00:25:13,373
What is this? A football game?
- (All speak at once)
351
00:25:13,473 --> 00:25:17,711
Quiet. I said quiet.
Or there will be severe consequences.
352
00:25:17,811 --> 00:25:22,966
What are you doing on that desk?
Never mind. You're fired as of this minute.
353
00:25:23,066 --> 00:25:25,301
What's your name?
- James MacDonald.
354
00:25:25,401 --> 00:25:27,220
This is my fianc�e, Miss Casey.
355
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,931
Well, let that be a lesson to you.
356
00:25:30,031 --> 00:25:32,107
(Laughter)
357
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:35,486
What is so funny about that?
358
00:25:35,578 --> 00:25:38,607
What is the meaning of this demonstration,
Mr. Waterbury?
359
00:25:38,707 --> 00:25:41,568
I demand an explanation,
and it had better be good.
360
00:25:41,668 --> 00:25:44,279
It is very good, sir. It appears this lad...
361
00:25:44,379 --> 00:25:46,865
...(All shout)
- What? What? What?
362
00:25:46,965 --> 00:25:48,783
Quiet.
363
00:25:48,883 --> 00:25:51,036
Mr. Baxter.
- What do you want?
364
00:25:51,136 --> 00:25:53,622
If anyone ought to be fired, it's me.
365
00:25:53,722 --> 00:25:57,207
Never mind the noble gestures.
I'll decide what's what.
366
00:25:57,307 --> 00:25:59,794
Save that Rover Boy stuff
for your spare time.
367
00:25:59,894 --> 00:26:03,506
See that this young man is paid off,
and don't let this reoccur.
368
00:26:03,606 --> 00:26:05,592
There's a very good reason...
369
00:26:05,692 --> 00:26:08,470
Has it anything to do with this company?
- No, but...
370
00:26:08,570 --> 00:26:12,474
Then I don't care to hear about it.
- But you do care to hear about it.
371
00:26:12,574 --> 00:26:15,477
How was that?
- I say you do care to hear about it.
372
00:26:15,577 --> 00:26:18,229
You couldn't have understood
what was said.
373
00:26:18,329 --> 00:26:20,690
These children are part of your family.
374
00:26:20,790 --> 00:26:23,401
Anything that happens to them
happens to you.
375
00:26:23,501 --> 00:26:26,863
So if you don't care to hear,
you must have misunderstood.
376
00:26:26,963 --> 00:26:28,657
What is all this?
377
00:26:28,757 --> 00:26:31,241
This young man,
this minor employee of yours,
378
00:26:31,341 --> 00:26:35,497
has just won the $25,000
Maxford House New Slogan contest.
379
00:26:35,597 --> 00:26:40,126
He and he alone was chosen winner
over millions of contestants.
380
00:26:40,226 --> 00:26:43,797
And I say that is reason enough
for rejoicing.
381
00:26:43,897 --> 00:26:46,518
Well, I should say it is.
382
00:26:46,608 --> 00:26:48,608
(Laughter)
383
00:26:48,610 --> 00:26:54,057
If you'll kindly get down off my furniture,
I'd like to congratulate you, Mr...
384
00:26:54,157 --> 00:26:56,157
Jimmy.
385
00:26:59,996 --> 00:27:02,899
Well, more power to you.
- Thank you, sir.
386
00:27:02,999 --> 00:27:06,111
I suppose I'll have to hire you back
on a fat increase.
387
00:27:06,211 --> 00:27:09,155
I don't think that will be necessary,
Mr. Baxter.
388
00:27:09,255 --> 00:27:14,077
I've always liked it here and...
Oh, I guess a raise would come in handy.
389
00:27:14,177 --> 00:27:15,704
(Laughter)
390
00:27:15,804 --> 00:27:18,665
And you really won
the Maxford House contest, eh?
391
00:27:18,765 --> 00:27:22,127
That's what the telegram said.
- They wanted a new slogan?
392
00:27:22,227 --> 00:27:25,088
Yes, sir.
- It's about time they changed the old one.
393
00:27:25,188 --> 00:27:28,142
(Laughter)
- What was your slogan?
394
00:27:28,233 --> 00:27:31,928
'If you don't sleep at nights,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk.'
395
00:27:32,028 --> 00:27:36,516
Do you get it? It's a play on words.
It means if you don't sleep at night...
396
00:27:36,616 --> 00:27:39,728
But coffee keeps you awake.
- No, no, no, sir.
397
00:27:39,828 --> 00:27:43,231
This scientist...
- It's a clever idea just the same.
398
00:27:43,331 --> 00:27:46,866
It isn't the coffee, it's the bunk.
399
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:50,363
That ought to be good
for the whole industry.
400
00:27:50,463 --> 00:27:53,366
Did you get any ideas for Baxter and Sons...
401
00:27:53,466 --> 00:27:56,244
...while you were inventing slogans
for competitors?
402
00:27:56,344 --> 00:28:00,290
We make coffee too, you know.
- I certainly did, Mr. Baxter.
403
00:28:00,390 --> 00:28:03,960
I've been trying to tell them
to the advertising department.
404
00:28:04,060 --> 00:28:07,172
I've been down there
about a thousand times.
405
00:28:07,272 --> 00:28:10,008
You see, we don't advertise enough.
406
00:28:10,108 --> 00:28:13,845
How would you like
to come and tell me a few of these ideas?
407
00:28:13,945 --> 00:28:15,984
Yes, sir.
- Oh, Jimmy.
408
00:28:16,072 --> 00:28:18,391
(Mr. Baxter) You can come too, my dear.
409
00:28:18,491 --> 00:28:23,104
Then I'd put out a secondary brand
to catch the in-between trade.
410
00:28:23,204 --> 00:28:26,905
Say, uh...'Waterbury's. It's the berries. '
411
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:30,195
What do you mean, Waterbury...
- Let him go on.
412
00:28:30,295 --> 00:28:33,907
Because if Baxter's is the best,
we've got to charge more for it.
413
00:28:34,007 --> 00:28:37,994
We've got to have a slogan. Word of mouth
is OK if you've got the right words.
414
00:28:38,094 --> 00:28:39,955
Make a note of that, Miss Pettypass.
415
00:28:40,055 --> 00:28:44,209
I tried to find a slogan that implied
that Baxters was the finest of its class.
416
00:28:44,309 --> 00:28:48,505
Say... Not 'The aristocrat of coffee'.
That's been used too much.
417
00:28:48,605 --> 00:28:51,770
But, er... say, er...
418
00:28:51,858 --> 00:28:55,470
'The blue-blood coffee.
It's bred in the bean.'
419
00:28:55,570 --> 00:28:59,820
See? As if every bean
in our coffee had a pedigree.
420
00:28:59,866 --> 00:29:02,977
'Baxter's Best. The blueblood coffee.'
421
00:29:03,077 --> 00:29:08,036
'It's bred in the bean.'
- 'It's bred in the bean.'
422
00:29:08,124 --> 00:29:11,291
Wonderful. How about that one?
423
00:29:11,377 --> 00:29:14,364
The only trouble with it is
I didn't think of it myself.
424
00:29:14,464 --> 00:29:18,118
'It's bred in the bean.'
I can see it all over the nation.
425
00:29:18,218 --> 00:29:21,005
In every nook and dell.
426
00:29:21,096 --> 00:29:24,132
Jimmy, you're a genius.
427
00:29:24,224 --> 00:29:28,503
Now that you're a capitalist, I don't know
how you feel about working for a living,
428
00:29:28,603 --> 00:29:30,672
but if you'd care to have an office...
429
00:29:30,772 --> 00:29:33,550
You mean to myself?
- With his name on the door?
430
00:29:33,650 --> 00:29:37,730
Naturally. And this young lady
as your secretary.
431
00:29:37,779 --> 00:29:41,641
And a reasonable stipend
to be determined upon later.
432
00:29:41,741 --> 00:29:44,978
I see no reason
why we shouldn't shake hands on it now.
433
00:29:45,078 --> 00:29:47,981
Go ahead, Jimmy.
- Gee whizz, Mr. Baxter.
434
00:29:48,081 --> 00:29:50,400
I should say I would, and how I would.
435
00:29:50,500 --> 00:29:52,969
I suppose you'd like to
have the afternoon off...
436
00:29:53,069 --> 00:29:54,612
...while we get your office ready?
437
00:29:54,712 --> 00:29:57,449
I'd certainly appreciate it, Mr. Baxter.
438
00:29:57,549 --> 00:30:00,285
Can she come along too?
- Why of course she can.
439
00:30:00,385 --> 00:30:05,623
And a little bird tells me what kind of store
you're going to be visiting first.
440
00:30:05,723 --> 00:30:10,017
A little jewellery store, I'll wager, eh?
441
00:30:10,103 --> 00:30:12,213
I guess you're not far wrong.
442
00:30:12,313 --> 00:30:15,924
But first I think I'll go to Maxford House
and pick up that cheque.
443
00:30:16,024 --> 00:30:19,012
Oh, yes. We'd almost forgotten about that,
hadn't we?
444
00:30:19,112 --> 00:30:21,112
Almost but not quite.
445
00:30:21,114 --> 00:30:23,808
What was your Maxford House
slogan again?
446
00:30:23,908 --> 00:30:26,019
'It isn't the bunk, it's the coffee.'
447
00:30:26,119 --> 00:30:28,647
No, no.'It isn't the coffee, it's the bunk. '
448
00:30:28,747 --> 00:30:31,238
Isn't that marvelous?
449
00:30:31,332 --> 00:30:34,778
'If you don't sleep at night it isn't the, uh...'
450
00:30:34,878 --> 00:30:38,211
Yes, but, 'It's bred in the bean.'
451
00:30:38,298 --> 00:30:40,909
That's the one for my money.
- Functional.
452
00:30:41,009 --> 00:30:45,172
Precisely.
- Well, Mr. Baxter, I thank you.
453
00:30:45,263 --> 00:30:48,513
I don't know what to say.
454
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:51,878
Thank you, Mr. Jenkins.
It'll be a pleasure working with you.
455
00:30:51,978 --> 00:30:55,090
Thank you, Mr. Waterbury,
and thank you, Mr. Babcock,
456
00:30:55,190 --> 00:30:58,009
and thank you, Miss Pettypass and...
457
00:30:58,109 --> 00:30:59,719
And how.
458
00:30:59,819 --> 00:31:02,061
Well, goodbye.
- Goodbye.
459
00:31:02,155 --> 00:31:04,728
Bye.
- Goodbye.
460
00:31:08,953 --> 00:31:11,189
A big future.
- (Man) Immense.
461
00:31:11,289 --> 00:31:15,454
I've had my eye on him for some time.
- (Man) Huh?
462
00:31:35,188 --> 00:31:37,430
Look, kid...
- What?
463
00:31:37,524 --> 00:31:39,384
Can I talk to you? It's important.
464
00:31:39,484 --> 00:31:43,930
Can you tell me tomorrow? I've got to go
to the Maxford House and get my cheque.
465
00:31:44,030 --> 00:31:48,101
That's what I want to talk about.
Harry and Dick and I... Well...
466
00:31:48,201 --> 00:31:51,062
Well, what?
- It's like this. You see, we...
467
00:31:51,162 --> 00:31:53,148
...(Baxter) Oh, MacDonald.
- Yes, sir?
468
00:31:53,248 --> 00:31:57,027
Was that 'It's bred in the bean,'
or just plain 'Bred in the bean'?
469
00:31:57,127 --> 00:32:01,323
'It's.' Just 'Bred in the bean' might
sound like bread, like bread and butter.
470
00:32:01,423 --> 00:32:04,826
Naturally. I don't know why I didn't realize.
- Is that all, sir?
471
00:32:04,926 --> 00:32:09,039
Yes. Have a nice time and
don't spend all your money in one place.
472
00:32:09,139 --> 00:32:13,053
Thank you, sir. Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
473
00:32:13,143 --> 00:32:15,894
Great mind.
474
00:32:15,979 --> 00:32:19,561
Did you wish to speak to me, Darcy?
475
00:32:19,649 --> 00:32:24,441
Who, me? Oh, no, sir.
I was just watching them go out.
476
00:32:24,529 --> 00:32:27,390
Well, it's been quite an exciting day,
hasn't it?
477
00:32:27,490 --> 00:32:29,184
(Laughs)
478
00:32:29,284 --> 00:32:32,403
Yeah, and it ain't even over yet.
479
00:32:35,582 --> 00:32:37,984
I said, 'You can stay here
till Hoboken freezes over.'
480
00:32:38,084 --> 00:32:41,446
I should have fired all of them.
- I was mortified.
481
00:32:41,546 --> 00:32:45,492
The biggest moment in commercial annals
muffed by a gang of horse whistlers...
482
00:32:45,592 --> 00:32:48,912
...who wouldn't know a slogan
from a poke in the eye with a stick.
483
00:32:49,012 --> 00:32:52,624
I thought I'd die of embarrassment.
- I wish they'd died of lockjaw.
484
00:32:52,724 --> 00:32:54,876
What good are these contests, anyway?
485
00:32:54,976 --> 00:32:59,214
They disrupt the entire organization,
they make you millions of enemies,
486
00:32:59,314 --> 00:33:02,550
and all they prove
is that you're making too much money,
487
00:33:02,650 --> 00:33:05,220
since you can afford
to toss it to some saphead...
488
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:06,605
...who probably never had...
489
00:33:06,705 --> 00:33:08,848
...a cup of your coffee
but lives on goats' milk.
490
00:33:08,948 --> 00:33:12,227
Have they reached a verdict yet?
- I don't know or care.
491
00:33:12,327 --> 00:33:14,646
If they hold off until our next broadcast...
492
00:33:14,746 --> 00:33:18,911
No, no.
That would be the intelligent thing to do.
493
00:33:18,917 --> 00:33:22,237
That would be useful to the company
that clothes and feeds them...
494
00:33:22,337 --> 00:33:26,658
...and sends their children to college
so they can be dumbbells like their parents.
495
00:33:26,758 --> 00:33:28,758
(Buzzer)...
496
00:33:30,678 --> 00:33:33,873
What do you want?
- (Woman) The contest winner is here....
497
00:33:33,973 --> 00:33:37,389
The contest winner?
- Yes, sir.
498
00:33:37,477 --> 00:33:41,298
How do you like that? First they bottle up
the biggest scoop of the year,
499
00:33:41,398 --> 00:33:44,883
then when they get good and ready they...
500
00:33:45,735 --> 00:33:48,226
All right, send him in.
501
00:33:48,321 --> 00:33:50,056
You can go in now.
- Thanks.
502
00:33:50,156 --> 00:33:52,809
I guess I'd better wait here.
- Come on in.
503
00:33:52,909 --> 00:33:56,104
No, maybe you had better wait here.
We're a little excited.
504
00:33:56,204 --> 00:33:59,399
You would be. Congratulations.
- Thanks. I mean, for him.
505
00:33:59,499 --> 00:34:01,499
For both of us.
506
00:34:01,543 --> 00:34:03,236
Well...
507
00:34:03,336 --> 00:34:05,864
Of all the confounded...
- (Knocking)
508
00:34:05,964 --> 00:34:07,964
Come in.
509
00:34:10,552 --> 00:34:15,749
How do you do? I suppose I have the honor
of addressing Dr. Maxford, I presume?
510
00:34:15,849 --> 00:34:18,293
Right. And this is Don Hartman,
my announcer.
511
00:34:18,393 --> 00:34:21,963
Well, Mr. Hartman,
it certainly is a pleasure to meet you.
512
00:34:22,063 --> 00:34:24,382
I've enjoyed your personality on the air.
513
00:34:24,482 --> 00:34:26,718
Congratulations to you.
- Thank you.
514
00:34:26,818 --> 00:34:29,346
Here's the telegram,
Mr. Maxford... Dr. Maxford.
515
00:34:29,446 --> 00:34:30,889
Yes, yes, yes.
516
00:34:30,989 --> 00:34:35,324
Oh, yes.'Great pleasure in informing you...
$25,000.
517
00:34:35,327 --> 00:34:37,604
'Kindly call and pick up your cheque.'
518
00:34:37,704 --> 00:34:40,023
Bildocker has a great sense of the dramatic.
519
00:34:40,123 --> 00:34:42,901
You aren't by any chance a coffee drinker,
are you?
520
00:34:43,001 --> 00:34:45,862
Yes, I certainly am.
- That's surprising.
521
00:34:45,962 --> 00:34:48,281
Do you, by any chance, drink my coffee?
522
00:34:48,381 --> 00:34:52,077
No, sir, you see, I...
- Yes, that sounds more natural.
523
00:34:52,177 --> 00:34:55,163
But I could easily change.
- That won't be necessary.
524
00:34:55,263 --> 00:34:59,626
I wouldn't want anybody to think
I had any base commercial motives.
525
00:34:59,726 --> 00:35:02,796
I just give money away
because I can't sleep at night.
526
00:35:02,896 --> 00:35:06,633
I have a guilty conscience.
- That's my slogan. The one I won with.
527
00:35:06,733 --> 00:35:10,136
I guess you know all about that.
- A guilty conscience, eh?
528
00:35:10,236 --> 00:35:13,890
I can see that my money is well spent.
That's a great slogan.
529
00:35:13,990 --> 00:35:18,061
No, sir.'If you can't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk.'
530
00:35:18,161 --> 00:35:20,230
I beg your pardon?
- It's a pun.
531
00:35:20,330 --> 00:35:23,781
It certainly is. It's great.
- Thank you.
532
00:35:23,875 --> 00:35:27,190
I can hardly wait to give you my money.
533
00:35:29,672 --> 00:35:31,199
Bring me that contest cheque.
534
00:35:31,299 --> 00:35:34,661
I don't know if you've ever had
anything like this happen to you,
535
00:35:34,761 --> 00:35:38,706
but to be poor and unknown one minute
and on top of the world the next,
536
00:35:38,806 --> 00:35:41,000
that's a feeling nobody can take from me.
537
00:35:41,100 --> 00:35:43,378
Well, I...
- To know I won this contest...
538
00:35:43,478 --> 00:35:48,174
...because I thought up the best slogan
means more to me that anything on earth.
539
00:35:48,274 --> 00:35:50,009
I'll tell you why.
- If you...
540
00:35:50,109 --> 00:35:53,930
I used to think maybe I had good ideas
and was gonna get somewhere,
541
00:35:54,030 --> 00:35:59,477
but now I know it, and that's what I want
to thank you for, more than the money.
542
00:35:59,577 --> 00:36:02,605
Did you want the $25,000 one?
- That's right.
543
00:36:02,705 --> 00:36:07,444
When they choose a winner?
- They didn't bother to inform me.
544
00:36:07,544 --> 00:36:10,545
James MacDonald. Is that Mac or Mc?
545
00:36:10,630 --> 00:36:12,448
It's Mac, sir.
546
00:36:12,548 --> 00:36:15,834
My, uh... My grandmother was Scottish.
547
00:36:15,927 --> 00:36:18,418
Mine was Lithuanian.
548
00:36:18,513 --> 00:36:20,553
Here you are, young man.
549
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:24,544
It is customary under these circumstances
to have photographers present,
550
00:36:24,644 --> 00:36:28,423
a couple of reporters and even newsreels
and broadcasting machinery.
551
00:36:28,523 --> 00:36:33,178
But since we do everything here
on a very high, non-commercial plain,
552
00:36:33,278 --> 00:36:37,766
I merely take pleasure in giving you
this small cheque, Mr. MacDonald.
553
00:36:37,866 --> 00:36:41,478
That's all there is to it.
- Thank you, Dr. Maxford.
554
00:36:41,578 --> 00:36:44,981
I don't know how I can find words...
- Never mind about them.
555
00:36:45,081 --> 00:36:47,999
Just goodbye and good luck.
556
00:36:48,084 --> 00:36:50,290
Oh, boy.
557
00:36:50,378 --> 00:36:54,328
Now get me Bildocker.
- (Man) Yes, sir.
558
00:37:04,183 --> 00:37:06,591
Oh, gee.
559
00:37:09,481 --> 00:37:12,286
She's a little bit excited.
- Yes.
560
00:37:12,358 --> 00:37:14,897
He's as cool as ice.
561
00:37:17,488 --> 00:37:19,814
Well, goodbye.
- Goodbye.
562
00:37:19,908 --> 00:37:22,695
Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
563
00:37:22,785 --> 00:37:24,825
Goodbye.
564
00:37:26,956 --> 00:37:29,079
(Buzzer)...
565
00:37:29,167 --> 00:37:32,362
Yes?
- (Man) Mr. Bildocker isn't in his office.
566
00:37:32,462 --> 00:37:36,658
Well, why not? Where is he?
Down in the lobby playing marble games?
567
00:37:36,758 --> 00:37:39,996
Find him and tell him...
Never mind. I'll tell him myself.
568
00:37:40,096 --> 00:37:43,241
'It isn't the coffee, it's the bunk'.
569
00:37:45,517 --> 00:37:48,545
(Betty) Oh, isn't it beautiful, Jimmy?
570
00:37:48,645 --> 00:37:52,549
Holy smoke, I should say it is.
- This is a trifle on the large side.
571
00:37:52,649 --> 00:37:56,469
Now, here is a stone
of more practical dimensions.
572
00:37:56,569 --> 00:37:59,523
Fiery little devil, isn't it?
573
00:37:59,614 --> 00:38:02,309
Does the magnifying glass go with it?
574
00:38:02,409 --> 00:38:05,812
It's up to you.
I was only trying to be helpful, that's all.
575
00:38:05,912 --> 00:38:08,690
It's immaterial to me
how big a ring you... look at.
576
00:38:08,790 --> 00:38:11,495
Now how about... Just a minute.
577
00:38:12,669 --> 00:38:14,745
Fresh guy.
578
00:38:16,005 --> 00:38:18,575
What do you think of this, for instance?
579
00:38:18,675 --> 00:38:21,462
How much is it?
- $12,000.
580
00:38:21,553 --> 00:38:24,831
I wouldn't care to spend that much.
- You wouldn't?
581
00:38:24,931 --> 00:38:27,750
No. But I could if I felt like it.
- You could?
582
00:38:27,850 --> 00:38:32,422
Oh. Well, that puts everything
on an entirely different basis.
583
00:38:32,522 --> 00:38:35,133
Let me see.
- I'm in love with this one.
584
00:38:35,233 --> 00:38:37,719
Oh. Do you think it's showy enough?
585
00:38:37,819 --> 00:38:40,555
I wouldn't want it to be showy.
- Oh, yes.
586
00:38:40,655 --> 00:38:43,266
There's no denying
it's a friendly little piece.
587
00:38:43,366 --> 00:38:48,408
Well, then, I guess we'll take it.
- Yes, sir.
588
00:38:48,496 --> 00:38:49,939
Oh, Jimmy.
589
00:38:50,039 --> 00:38:53,109
I haven't got any cash with me but...
- Ah.
590
00:38:53,209 --> 00:38:56,362
But I've got a cheque here.
- Uh-huh. May I see it, please?
591
00:38:56,462 --> 00:38:58,462
Sure.
592
00:39:02,552 --> 00:39:06,164
Well, well. Mr. Schmidt.
Step this way immediately, please.
593
00:39:06,264 --> 00:39:08,833
Well, well.
- I won the Maxford House contest.
594
00:39:08,933 --> 00:39:12,295
Isn't it wonderful?
- Well, I should say it is.
595
00:39:12,395 --> 00:39:16,174
A thousand congratulations.
Uh... 25,000 congratulations.
596
00:39:16,274 --> 00:39:18,551
For heaven's sakes. Mr. Schmidt.
597
00:39:18,651 --> 00:39:21,805
Yes, yes, Mr. Hillbeiner,
I'll be there presently.
598
00:39:21,905 --> 00:39:25,155
Kindly cut a groove, will you?
- Sir.
599
00:39:25,241 --> 00:39:28,216
Hillbeiner has been drinking again.
600
00:39:30,079 --> 00:39:32,915
(Buzzer)
- Yes?
601
00:39:32,999 --> 00:39:37,404
(Woman) Shindel Brothers wants to knowif that $25,000 cheque of yours is good.
602
00:39:37,504 --> 00:39:41,992
Good? Tell them I'll match mine against
theirs any day and give them six to four.
603
00:39:42,092 --> 00:39:45,674
Yes, sir.
- Is it good?
604
00:39:45,762 --> 00:39:48,039
(Man) The Davenola. Now watch closely.
605
00:39:48,139 --> 00:39:52,502
I merely remove two cushions, place
my finger on the button marked 'Night',
606
00:39:52,602 --> 00:39:54,963
and with one easy push of the finger,
607
00:39:55,063 --> 00:39:57,063
we have a double bed,
608
00:39:57,148 --> 00:40:01,511
a radio, an ashtray for those who smoke
in bed, a reading lamp for the reader,
609
00:40:01,611 --> 00:40:04,222
a telephone and many other accessories.
610
00:40:04,322 --> 00:40:09,337
Pausing merely to slip a pillow slip
over the day cushion...
611
00:40:10,245 --> 00:40:11,938
...we complete the metamorphosis.
612
00:40:12,038 --> 00:40:14,941
Everything under fingertip control
throughout.
613
00:40:15,041 --> 00:40:18,825
There is no limit to man's ingenuity.
614
00:40:19,921 --> 00:40:23,321
Isn't that wonderful?
- Comes the morrow.
615
00:40:25,510 --> 00:40:27,965
A flick of the wrist...
616
00:40:30,223 --> 00:40:32,299
...a thorough airing...
617
00:40:40,150 --> 00:40:43,970
...a gentle pressure
on the button marked 'Day'...
618
00:40:44,070 --> 00:40:46,222
...et voil�, as the French would say,
619
00:40:46,322 --> 00:40:49,684
ready for breakfast, a rousing book
or a gentle game of bridge.
620
00:40:49,784 --> 00:40:52,536
The price, 198.50 plus tax.
621
00:40:52,619 --> 00:40:55,325
We'll take it.
622
00:40:57,208 --> 00:40:59,444
What a bargain you're getting.
- Pardon?
623
00:40:59,544 --> 00:41:03,531
I'm Mr. Shindel, Mr. MacDonald.
Congratulations. Here's your cheque.
624
00:41:03,631 --> 00:41:06,701
And what a cheque.
- Thanks. How soon can you send it?
625
00:41:06,801 --> 00:41:09,370
It's there. Make that a special, Hillbeiner.
626
00:41:09,470 --> 00:41:12,790
Would your mother like one?
- No. We haven't got room.
627
00:41:12,890 --> 00:41:15,418
We got to get everybody something.
628
00:41:15,518 --> 00:41:17,754
Mama's been wanting a new iron.
629
00:41:17,854 --> 00:41:19,714
She's got it.
- Have you got irons?
630
00:41:19,814 --> 00:41:22,884
Have we got irons? Huh.
They do everything but sing.
631
00:41:22,984 --> 00:41:25,844
We gotta get something for Mrs. Schwartz,
632
00:41:25,944 --> 00:41:28,306
Sophie, Mrs. Zimmerman, the Casey kids...
633
00:41:28,406 --> 00:41:30,725
Aren't you afraid of spending too much?
634
00:41:30,825 --> 00:41:32,810
The Finnegans.
- Patrolman Murphy.
635
00:41:32,910 --> 00:41:34,854
Tony Mozepo.
- And Mr. Rosenblatt.
636
00:41:34,954 --> 00:41:38,650
We better just work up
one side of the street and down the other.
637
00:41:38,750 --> 00:41:40,873
Oh, Jimmy.
638
00:41:51,638 --> 00:41:55,041
I don't like to take all this
without paying for it, Mr. Shindel.
639
00:41:55,141 --> 00:41:58,420
Nonsense. We know an honest man
when we see one, don't we, boys?
640
00:41:58,520 --> 00:41:59,504
Indeed.
641
00:41:59,604 --> 00:42:02,507
Why don't you take this cheque
and give me the change?
642
00:42:02,607 --> 00:42:04,843
We should have change for such a cheque?
643
00:42:04,943 --> 00:42:06,982
Excuse me.
644
00:42:07,070 --> 00:42:09,442
What a bargain.
- Thank you.
645
00:42:09,531 --> 00:42:12,559
I'll bring you a cheque
as soon as I put this in the bank.
646
00:42:12,659 --> 00:42:16,313
Who's in a hurry? Drop in any time.
Drop in tomorrow.
647
00:42:16,413 --> 00:42:19,107
Here are the flowers.
- Thank you.
648
00:42:19,207 --> 00:42:22,444
A little souvenir.
Don't forget to call again, Mr. MacDonald.
649
00:42:22,544 --> 00:42:24,951
No, sir, I won't.
- Goodbye.
650
00:42:25,046 --> 00:42:27,086
Goodbye, Mr. Shindel.
651
00:42:32,679 --> 00:42:36,973
Goodbye, Mr. Schmidt.
- Goodbye, Mr. MacDonald.
652
00:42:37,058 --> 00:42:39,377
Goodbye Mr. Hillbeimer.
- Hillbeiner.
653
00:42:39,477 --> 00:42:42,964
Goodbye Mr. Heilbimmer.
- That's close enough. It's all right.
654
00:42:43,064 --> 00:42:47,311
Come and see us again.
- Thank you. Goodbye.
655
00:42:47,402 --> 00:42:49,721
Have you got all your bundles now?
656
00:42:49,821 --> 00:42:51,821
Goodbye.
657
00:43:03,585 --> 00:43:06,158
What a boy.
- What a business.
658
00:43:07,672 --> 00:43:11,241
Oh, I'm so happy.
- I feel kind of good myself.
659
00:43:11,341 --> 00:43:14,245
Can you see the faces on everybody
when we get there?
660
00:43:14,345 --> 00:43:17,548
Yeah. Like Christmas in July.
661
00:43:20,977 --> 00:43:23,895
Well, happy New Year.
662
00:43:25,148 --> 00:43:27,967
It will be a happy new year from now on.
663
00:43:28,067 --> 00:43:31,438
Everything new and clean and different.
664
00:43:31,529 --> 00:43:36,024
Just think, Jimmy. No more worry.
- That's right.
665
00:43:36,117 --> 00:43:39,229
That's the only terrible thing
about being poor.
666
00:43:39,329 --> 00:43:42,275
What kind of a house will we have?
- Any kind you like.
667
00:43:42,375 --> 00:43:45,235
How about a penthouse?
- They come high, don't they?
668
00:43:45,335 --> 00:43:48,371
No, I don't think... Oh, you fool.
669
00:43:52,008 --> 00:43:56,670
Will you love me for always?
- Of course I will.
670
00:43:56,763 --> 00:44:00,333
For always and always?
- I don't know why not.
671
00:44:00,433 --> 00:44:02,805
It might be a long time.
672
00:44:02,894 --> 00:44:05,359
The longer the sweeter, baby.
673
00:44:06,606 --> 00:44:10,385
And then he says, 'Mum, you're all wet.
You can buy anything you want.
674
00:44:10,485 --> 00:44:14,806
'An automobile, new dresses, furniture,
the Davenport, anything.'
675
00:44:14,906 --> 00:44:18,601
My Irving, he drinks too.
Once in a while, a little bit.
676
00:44:18,701 --> 00:44:21,192
Not so little.
- Yes, I know.
677
00:44:21,287 --> 00:44:23,785
But Jimmy doesn't. He
wouldn't take a drink...
678
00:44:23,885 --> 00:44:25,275
...unless something happened.
679
00:44:25,375 --> 00:44:28,028
Maybe he lost his job.
- He said he got a raise.
680
00:44:28,128 --> 00:44:32,073
Who's giving raises these days?
- (Car horns honking)
681
00:44:32,173 --> 00:44:34,033
I can't think what has happened.
682
00:44:34,133 --> 00:44:36,541
(Commotion outside)
683
00:44:36,636 --> 00:44:38,204
They're bringing him home.
684
00:44:38,304 --> 00:44:40,707
Who asked you something?
- No...
685
00:44:40,807 --> 00:44:43,585
Don't you worry. Maybe
just a little accident.
686
00:44:43,685 --> 00:44:47,018
Maybe just a leg or a finger.
687
00:44:47,105 --> 00:44:50,059
Come here quick. Hurry up.
688
00:44:50,150 --> 00:44:52,937
(Horns blaring)...
689
00:44:53,027 --> 00:44:55,815
What is it?
- A funeral.
690
00:44:58,283 --> 00:45:01,227
Hey, Mum, come on down.
You too, Mrs. Schwartz.
691
00:45:01,327 --> 00:45:04,564
You too, Mama.
- We got presents for everybody.
692
00:45:04,664 --> 00:45:06,524
He's drunk.
- Jimmy.
693
00:45:06,624 --> 00:45:09,194
I'm all right, Mum. Come on down.
694
00:45:09,294 --> 00:45:10,737
Look.
695
00:45:10,837 --> 00:45:15,131
Was somebody hurt?
- Jimmy came home in a taxicab.
696
00:45:15,216 --> 00:45:17,256
(Screaming)
697
00:45:19,137 --> 00:45:22,957
I got a big surprise here.
I wanna start with Sophie.
698
00:45:23,057 --> 00:45:25,097
Careful, now.
699
00:45:27,812 --> 00:45:30,340
I've got a present for you, Sophie.
- For me?
700
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:32,440
Yes. Open it up.
701
00:45:45,538 --> 00:45:47,538
(All) Oh.
702
00:45:57,674 --> 00:46:03,498
In a minute. Take it easy. Take it easy,
there's something for everybody, I think.
703
00:46:03,598 --> 00:46:06,089
Mom.
704
00:46:06,184 --> 00:46:09,254
What's happened? Are you hurt?
What's going on here?
705
00:46:09,354 --> 00:46:12,340
I wasn't lying to you.
The Davenport is on the way.
706
00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:16,945
Wait till you see it, Mum.
- Then you did get a raise.
707
00:46:18,571 --> 00:46:20,571
Oh, glory.
708
00:46:23,993 --> 00:46:26,483
Mom. Here's one for you.
709
00:46:26,579 --> 00:46:28,022
Oh, Mom.
710
00:46:28,122 --> 00:46:31,818
Why don't you get wise to yourself?
Who do you think you are anyway?
711
00:46:31,918 --> 00:46:34,863
If it's good enough for us,
who are you to say...
712
00:46:34,963 --> 00:46:37,917
It stinks. It stinks.
- He stinks.
713
00:46:38,006 --> 00:46:41,578
One more crack out of you
and I'll bust you right in the nose.
714
00:46:41,678 --> 00:46:44,913
Let's see you do it.
- I will, you snake-eyed...
715
00:46:45,013 --> 00:46:48,751
Sit down before you burst a blood vessel.
- Sit down, Bildocker.
716
00:46:48,851 --> 00:46:52,213
Let's talk this over in a nice friendly way.
717
00:46:52,313 --> 00:46:58,136
We think, 'Maxford's. Magnificent and
mellow. Just what the doctor ordered.'
718
00:46:58,236 --> 00:47:01,556
It's brief, it's smooth, it's pungent.
- It's putrid.
719
00:47:01,656 --> 00:47:05,736
Why is it putrid, Bildocker?
- Because it stinks.
720
00:47:05,827 --> 00:47:08,730
Why isn't he back? Where is he?
In the barber shop?
721
00:47:08,830 --> 00:47:12,484
Never mind him.
Tell him to go soak his head in a barrel.
722
00:47:12,584 --> 00:47:14,653
Is Mr. Einbrewster there?
- No, sir.
723
00:47:14,753 --> 00:47:18,750
Why? Where is everybody? Playing pool?
724
00:47:18,840 --> 00:47:21,284
Is Mr. Grobel there?
- No, sir.
725
00:47:21,384 --> 00:47:24,245
Is he having an operation?
What kind of a firm is this?
726
00:47:24,345 --> 00:47:27,373
He's in the contest room.
- What do you mean?
727
00:47:27,473 --> 00:47:29,834
The contest is over.
- He's down there.
728
00:47:29,934 --> 00:47:33,671
What are they doing? Playing poker?
Never mind. I'll find out myself.
729
00:47:33,771 --> 00:47:35,298
Horse feathers.
730
00:47:35,398 --> 00:47:38,009
Don't be vulgar, Bildocker.
- Or what?
731
00:47:38,109 --> 00:47:40,136
Who are you?
- (Door slams)
732
00:47:40,236 --> 00:47:43,439
Well, what are you arguing about now?
733
00:47:43,531 --> 00:47:49,187
Now, would you get back to your offices
and try and sell some coffee for a change?
734
00:47:49,287 --> 00:47:53,566
Or am I being too commercial?
And while I'm on that subject,
735
00:47:53,666 --> 00:47:56,919
I wanna tell you that of
all the congregations...
736
00:47:57,019 --> 00:47:59,531
...of fatheads that I've ever gazed upon,
737
00:47:59,631 --> 00:48:01,670
you take the lardpail.
738
00:48:01,758 --> 00:48:05,662
So kiss each other goodbye.
All except you, Bildocker.
739
00:48:05,762 --> 00:48:07,997
What about the contest?
- What about it?
740
00:48:08,097 --> 00:48:10,625
Now you've killed it,
you want a postmortem?
741
00:48:10,725 --> 00:48:13,002
Shouldn't we choose a winner?
- You did.
742
00:48:13,102 --> 00:48:17,048
We certainly did not.
- You certainly did. What do you mean?
743
00:48:17,148 --> 00:48:21,803
We haven't reached a verdict.
- You certainly have reached a verdict.
744
00:48:21,903 --> 00:48:26,141
Are you trying to tell me
that you haven't reached a verdict yet?
745
00:48:26,241 --> 00:48:30,576
We have not.
- Then why did you send him a telegram?
746
00:48:30,578 --> 00:48:32,939
Send who a telegram?
- McTavish.
747
00:48:33,039 --> 00:48:38,320
We didn't send... Who's McTavish?
- You certainly did send a telegram.
748
00:48:38,420 --> 00:48:40,904
We certainly did not send a telegram.
749
00:48:41,004 --> 00:48:45,751
You didn't? Well, then who... who...?
Who...?
750
00:48:45,844 --> 00:48:47,883
Jumping Jerusalem.
751
00:48:56,938 --> 00:48:58,965
Get my lawyer.
- Which one?
752
00:48:59,065 --> 00:49:01,467
Schubel, Snivel, Abercrombie and Snitch.
753
00:49:01,567 --> 00:49:03,862
Quiet. Get me Shindel Bros.
754
00:49:03,862 --> 00:49:07,933
We have to keep cool and collected.
Collected. Holy moley.
755
00:49:08,033 --> 00:49:10,525
Bank the call
- Bank the call?
756
00:49:10,618 --> 00:49:15,378
Call the bank. What's the matter with you?
Holy mackerel.
757
00:49:16,331 --> 00:49:18,331
What? Give me a hat.
758
00:49:18,418 --> 00:49:23,072
Get me Minsk, Minsk, Binsk and Binsk.
- What kind of a hat, Mr. Shindel?
759
00:49:23,172 --> 00:49:25,212
A hat.
- Yes, sir.
760
00:49:28,011 --> 00:49:30,011
Stop.
761
00:49:32,473 --> 00:49:33,875
Stop.
762
00:49:33,975 --> 00:49:36,680
No, go. We'll go with you.
763
00:49:45,236 --> 00:49:48,806
Jimmy. We're running low.
Get another load.
764
00:49:48,865 --> 00:49:51,309
Mary? Where's Mary? All right, Mary.
765
00:49:51,409 --> 00:49:53,449
(Children clamoring)
766
00:49:53,536 --> 00:49:55,897
Marsha? Marsha, there you are.
767
00:49:55,997 --> 00:49:58,693
Nobody's been forgotten. Be careful.
768
00:49:58,793 --> 00:50:00,831
(# Pipe organ)...
769
00:50:11,096 --> 00:50:14,013
...(Whistle blowing)...
770
00:50:20,438 --> 00:50:23,882
You forgot to get a present for yourself.
- What?
771
00:50:23,982 --> 00:50:30,272
You forgot to get a present for yourself.
- I don't need one, I've got you.
772
00:50:36,621 --> 00:50:39,077
It's a big fish.
- No...
773
00:50:39,165 --> 00:50:41,288
...(Horn honking)
774
00:50:42,377 --> 00:50:44,779
There he is. Come on, grab him.
775
00:50:44,879 --> 00:50:46,919
Look, Jimmy.
776
00:50:47,006 --> 00:50:50,076
Here's your Davenport, mom.
- Wait till you see it.
777
00:50:50,176 --> 00:50:52,896
Come on, get him. Take him away.
778
00:50:55,013 --> 00:50:57,054
Hey, you. What...?
779
00:50:58,476 --> 00:51:01,004
What's the idea, busting up my plane?
780
00:51:01,104 --> 00:51:04,382
It's my plane.
- Jimmy MacDonald gave it to me.
781
00:51:04,482 --> 00:51:08,094
Yeah? When I get through with him...
- What's going on?
782
00:51:08,194 --> 00:51:12,766
Officer, arrest all these people.
- Who do you think you are? Hitler?
783
00:51:12,866 --> 00:51:15,153
(Laughter)
- Listen, you...
784
00:51:15,243 --> 00:51:19,272
You listen to me, baby...
- Well, can't you do something?
785
00:51:19,372 --> 00:51:21,411
Say, er, hey...
786
00:51:22,333 --> 00:51:25,487
No. No.
- This belongs to Shindel Brothers.
787
00:51:25,587 --> 00:51:28,562
Come and help me.
- (All yelling)...
788
00:51:28,630 --> 00:51:30,617
No. No.
- Be sensible, girl.
789
00:51:30,717 --> 00:51:33,161
What are you doing?
- This is stolen.
790
00:51:33,261 --> 00:51:35,261
Oh, it is, is it?
791
00:51:43,479 --> 00:51:46,931
He who laughs last lasts laughs.
792
00:51:48,901 --> 00:51:51,357
(Laughter)...
793
00:51:54,240 --> 00:51:56,992
...(Angry shouting)
794
00:51:58,870 --> 00:52:04,140
Everything is stolen,
down to the last pogo stick - everything.
795
00:52:06,503 --> 00:52:09,197
Ah, you see? 'Shindel Brothers. Toy Land.'
796
00:52:09,297 --> 00:52:12,534
He comes into my store
with a phony cheque and...
797
00:52:12,634 --> 00:52:15,620
Who came into your store
with a phony cheque?
798
00:52:15,720 --> 00:52:18,414
He ain't even got the decency to run away.
Lowlife.
799
00:52:18,514 --> 00:52:21,166
Listen you...
- Officer, arrest him.
800
00:52:21,266 --> 00:52:23,712
You starting that again?
- What?
801
00:52:23,812 --> 00:52:27,841
I've known that kid
since he was knee-high to a cockroach.
802
00:52:27,941 --> 00:52:31,928
What's he supposed to have done?
- Supposed to have done?
803
00:52:32,028 --> 00:52:34,806
He's supposed to have given
me a sour cheque,
804
00:52:34,906 --> 00:52:38,184
then he's supposed to have bought
a diamond ring -...
805
00:52:38,284 --> 00:52:41,688
...which I suppose I don't see there -
and a nice fur coat.
806
00:52:41,788 --> 00:52:45,984
Then he takes half the toys,
waves the rubber cheque, and leaves.
807
00:52:46,084 --> 00:52:48,195
Who says it's a rubber cheque?
808
00:52:48,295 --> 00:52:50,446
Dr. Maxford of Maxford House.
809
00:52:50,546 --> 00:52:53,324
Dr. Maxford gave me the cheque himself.
810
00:52:53,424 --> 00:52:55,796
Mr. Swindle...
- Shindel.
811
00:52:55,885 --> 00:52:58,712
I know this boy since
his poppa and momma...
812
00:52:58,812 --> 00:53:00,331
...wasn't even married yet.
813
00:53:00,431 --> 00:53:03,043
The whole family is a little bit crazy.
814
00:53:03,143 --> 00:53:07,555
$25,000- can you imagine?
- A dreamer.
815
00:53:07,647 --> 00:53:10,425
Mrs. Schwartz, Mr. Zimmerman...
- Let me handle this.
816
00:53:10,525 --> 00:53:12,051
He gave me a cheque.
817
00:53:12,151 --> 00:53:14,345
If he says he did...
...then he did.
818
00:53:14,445 --> 00:53:16,723
Just go home and think it all over.
819
00:53:16,823 --> 00:53:20,393
I'll break you in so many pieces...
You're all witnesses.
820
00:53:20,493 --> 00:53:24,397
Trying to imitate an officer?
- Who's imitating anybody?
821
00:53:24,497 --> 00:53:26,620
(Sirens wailing)
822
00:53:33,631 --> 00:53:36,284
Officer. Officer, arrest this man.
823
00:53:36,384 --> 00:53:40,497
That's been tried.
- There's been some sort of mix-up here...
824
00:53:40,597 --> 00:53:43,499
You have the effrontery
even to speak to me?
825
00:53:43,599 --> 00:53:47,587
What? I just want you to tell them
that you gave me a cheque.
826
00:53:47,687 --> 00:53:50,548
What cheque?
- The one in your office.
827
00:53:50,648 --> 00:53:53,056
Let me see it.
- Certainly.
828
00:53:55,528 --> 00:53:59,063
Oh, that cheque. Boy, do I feel better.
829
00:53:59,157 --> 00:54:02,644
Hey, you're destroying the evidence.
- Who are you?
830
00:54:02,744 --> 00:54:05,897
Shindel.
- Officer, arrest these people.
831
00:54:05,997 --> 00:54:09,526
Listen, Mussolini...
- If there's something wrong...
832
00:54:09,626 --> 00:54:11,903
...what did you give me the cheque for?
833
00:54:12,003 --> 00:54:15,990
You know perfectly well,
in my life I never heard of you.
834
00:54:16,090 --> 00:54:19,619
You didn't give me a cheque?
- That was by mistake.
835
00:54:19,719 --> 00:54:22,789
I was suspicious of you as soon as I saw
you.
836
00:54:22,889 --> 00:54:24,928
You mean I didn't win?
837
00:54:25,016 --> 00:54:27,627
You know perfectly well you didn't win.
838
00:54:27,727 --> 00:54:31,172
But...
- He's entirely responsible, I see it all.
839
00:54:31,272 --> 00:54:33,675
I know how big firms work, God forbid.
840
00:54:33,775 --> 00:54:37,595
This is an honest boy.
I knew it the minute I looked at him.
841
00:54:37,695 --> 00:54:43,184
You gave him that cheque, you numbskull.
I should take back the merchandise I sold.
842
00:54:43,284 --> 00:54:48,565
Carry that Davenport upstairs for the lady.
A present from Dr. Maxford.
843
00:54:48,665 --> 00:54:53,862
And buy the children more ice cream -
they'll enjoy my toys much better.
844
00:54:53,962 --> 00:54:58,825
Dr. Maxford is paying.
- I'll see you in Hoboken before I pay.
845
00:54:58,925 --> 00:55:03,705
And I'll see you in court,
and you'll pay for everything. With costs.
846
00:55:03,805 --> 00:55:06,889
In a pig's nose.
- Pigs or no pigs.
847
00:55:06,975 --> 00:55:10,178
(Laughter)
- And another thing...
848
00:55:11,563 --> 00:55:13,639
Oh, you will, will you?
849
00:55:14,733 --> 00:55:17,105
Don't take the good ones.
850
00:55:20,363 --> 00:55:25,718
It doesn't matter, honey.
You can't lose anything you never had.
851
00:55:28,246 --> 00:55:32,411
I don't want his old ring
or... or his old skunk.
852
00:55:33,334 --> 00:55:36,446
What I can't figure is
who sent that telegram.
853
00:55:36,546 --> 00:55:38,586
(Door opens)
854
00:55:43,052 --> 00:55:45,121
Hello, Jimmy. Hello, Betty.
855
00:55:45,221 --> 00:55:47,261
Hello.
- Hello.
856
00:55:49,976 --> 00:55:54,638
What's that?
- Is this the Davenport your ma wanted?
857
00:55:54,731 --> 00:55:58,894
The crank fits on here
and when you turn it it...
858
00:55:58,985 --> 00:56:03,431
Makes into a full-size double bed at night.
Guy said it works swell.
859
00:56:03,531 --> 00:56:05,558
What did you go get that for?
860
00:56:05,658 --> 00:56:11,438
Well, we kinda hoped that
it might make up for the... phony telegram.
861
00:56:12,582 --> 00:56:16,027
(Dick) It was a joke.
(Harry) It wasn't very funny.
862
00:56:16,127 --> 00:56:18,914
Oh. I get it.
863
00:56:21,382 --> 00:56:23,589
Oh, Jimmy...
864
00:56:43,863 --> 00:56:47,308
Hi, Mr. Jimmy.
- Hello, Sam. The boss gone yet?
865
00:56:47,408 --> 00:56:50,687
No, he's still in there conniving on
something.
866
00:56:50,787 --> 00:56:55,525
Tell him in the morning.
- I was glad to hear about your good luck.
867
00:56:55,625 --> 00:56:58,959
Do you need a valet?
- No thanks, Sam.
868
00:56:59,045 --> 00:57:03,575
Well, sir, I guess you is right -
pride rides before a fall.
869
00:57:03,675 --> 00:57:07,911
But not everybody hits the jackpot
while they is young and all.
870
00:57:08,011 --> 00:57:10,634
You said it.
- (Cat miaows)...
871
00:57:10,724 --> 00:57:13,668
...(Betty) Look.
(Jimmy) Hello, pussy.
872
00:57:13,768 --> 00:57:17,088
Is it good luck
when a black cat crosses your path?
873
00:57:17,188 --> 00:57:20,215
That all depends on what happens
afterwards.
874
00:57:20,315 --> 00:57:22,356
You said it.
875
00:57:22,443 --> 00:57:24,971
Sure don't happen to everybody, sir.
876
00:57:25,071 --> 00:57:27,942
(Laughing)...
877
00:57:30,743 --> 00:57:33,448
...(Sam) Yes, sir.
- Look.
878
00:57:34,288 --> 00:57:36,288
Good evening.
879
00:57:45,133 --> 00:57:47,505
Pretty snazzy, eh?
- Yeah.
880
00:57:47,594 --> 00:57:48,995
Lovely.
881
00:57:49,095 --> 00:57:50,914
Thank you.
882
00:57:51,014 --> 00:57:53,090
Be careful.
- We will.
883
00:58:28,801 --> 00:58:32,371
It was gonna be nice, wasn't it?
- (Sniffs)
884
00:58:34,349 --> 00:58:38,761
Stop it, honey.
Come on, now, cut it out. Come on.
885
00:58:48,363 --> 00:58:50,363
Come in.
886
00:58:51,157 --> 00:58:54,561
I hope I'm not intruding?
- No, sir, I was just coming to see you.
887
00:58:54,661 --> 00:58:56,813
We stopped to look at the office...
888
00:58:56,913 --> 00:58:59,357
So I see. I hope you like it.
- It's beautiful.
889
00:58:59,457 --> 00:59:03,902
It isn't every young man who gets his own
office and a private secretary at your age.
890
00:59:04,002 --> 00:59:07,699
With many of them
I'd be afraid it would go to their heads...
891
00:59:07,799 --> 00:59:11,411
...but you have your feet on the ground.
- Thank you, sir.
892
00:59:11,511 --> 00:59:17,000
I mean it sincerely. Mr. Jenkins and I
discussed our little meeting after you left...
893
00:59:17,100 --> 00:59:21,755
...and I want you to know that we were
genuinely impressed - genuinely so.
894
00:59:21,855 --> 00:59:26,009
That's nice to hear...
- The more we thought about your ideas...
895
00:59:26,109 --> 00:59:31,347
...the more aware we became of their
pungency, their brevity, their crispness.
896
00:59:31,447 --> 00:59:35,852
Thank you, sir, it's...
- You have a genuine talent for slogans.
897
00:59:35,952 --> 00:59:38,521
It must be like having an ear for music.
898
00:59:38,621 --> 00:59:43,068
Take me, I sing flat. You, on the other hand,
are a born sloganeer.
899
00:59:43,168 --> 00:59:46,667
'It's bred in the bean.' Hot ziggety.
900
00:59:46,754 --> 00:59:52,952
Well, it's certainly wonderful to hear, Mr.
Baxter. You've made me feel a lot better.
901
00:59:53,052 --> 00:59:56,331
They're still the same ideas, aren't they?
902
00:59:56,431 --> 01:00:01,211
If they were good this afternoon
they're still good. They're the same.
903
01:00:01,311 --> 01:00:03,505
Of course they are.
- Of course they are.
904
01:00:03,605 --> 01:00:09,594
I'm not quite sure I have your thought.
- You still think they're good, don't you?
905
01:00:09,694 --> 01:00:12,185
Well, of course I do. Why?
906
01:00:12,280 --> 01:00:17,352
Since they were good and they're still good
they have to be good.
907
01:00:17,452 --> 01:00:23,233
And then it wouldn't make any difference
if I hadn't won the Maxford House contest.
908
01:00:23,333 --> 01:00:25,527
Would it?
- Of course it would.
909
01:00:25,627 --> 01:00:28,238
Oh, it would.
- Certainly it would.
910
01:00:28,338 --> 01:00:30,496
Why?
- I'm no genius,
911
01:00:30,590 --> 01:00:34,536
I didn't keep my father's money
by backing my own judgment.
912
01:00:34,636 --> 01:00:39,999
I make mistakes every day -
I've got a whole warehouse full of mistakes.
913
01:00:40,099 --> 01:00:43,044
I should say it would make a difference.
914
01:00:43,144 --> 01:00:47,591
You see, I think your ideas are good
because they sound good to me...
915
01:00:47,691 --> 01:00:50,744
...but I know your ideas
are good because you...
916
01:00:50,844 --> 01:00:53,638
...won this contest over
millions of aspirants.
917
01:00:53,738 --> 01:00:57,183
But Mr. Baxter...
- Call it commercial insurance.
918
01:00:57,283 --> 01:01:00,812
When a horse wins the derby
you back him for the breaker.
919
01:01:00,912 --> 01:01:03,106
I didn't win it.
- The breaker?
920
01:01:03,206 --> 01:01:05,501
The contest. It was a joke.
921
01:01:06,292 --> 01:01:09,195
A joke?
- That's what they meant it to be.
922
01:01:09,295 --> 01:01:11,489
Who did?
- Some of the fellas.
923
01:01:11,589 --> 01:01:15,034
They wanted to see how I'd look
when I got the news.
924
01:01:15,134 --> 01:01:17,065
Tell me their names and we'll see...
925
01:01:17,166 --> 01:01:19,372
...how they look when
I give them some news.
926
01:01:19,472 --> 01:01:23,168
I wouldn't care to do that, I...
Oh, it doesn't matter.
927
01:01:23,268 --> 01:01:25,268
It doesn't matter?
928
01:01:25,353 --> 01:01:29,716
After I spent a whole afternoon
listening to a lot of... baloney?
929
01:01:29,816 --> 01:01:34,971
Entirely predicated on the winning of
this contest? And giving you this office?
930
01:01:35,071 --> 01:01:39,184
But what about my slogan?
- I don't know, what about it?
931
01:01:39,284 --> 01:01:43,063
We'll find that out.
There'll be plenty of time for that.
932
01:01:43,163 --> 01:01:49,069
But I won't made a fool of. I can't go around
giving out private offices and secretaries...
933
01:01:49,169 --> 01:01:53,907
...on the strength of a prank
that personally I consider far from funny.
934
01:01:54,007 --> 01:01:56,249
Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.
935
01:01:56,341 --> 01:02:01,331
It's gonna be hard to face that gang
tomorrow if I'm back at that desk.
936
01:02:01,431 --> 01:02:07,127
It would be just as hard to face them
from in here if you didn't belong here.
937
01:02:07,227 --> 01:02:10,966
He does belong in here.
- What is the joke this time?
938
01:02:11,066 --> 01:02:14,177
He belongs in here
because he thinks he does.
939
01:02:14,277 --> 01:02:17,889
That's very high-falutin'
but from a practical...
940
01:02:17,989 --> 01:02:22,518
It is practical, Mr. Baxter.
The most practical idea you ever had.
941
01:02:22,618 --> 01:02:26,064
He belongs in here
because he thinks he has ideas.
942
01:02:26,164 --> 01:02:29,694
He belongs in here
until he proves himself or fails...
943
01:02:29,794 --> 01:02:33,655
...and then somebody else
until he proves himself or fails...
944
01:02:33,755 --> 01:02:36,645
...and so on and so on for always.
945
01:02:36,925 --> 01:02:41,037
I don't know how to put it into words
like Jimmy could but...
946
01:02:41,137 --> 01:02:45,875
...all he wants, all any of them want,
is a... is a chance to show...
947
01:02:45,975 --> 01:02:49,588
To find out what they've got
while they're still young...
948
01:02:49,688 --> 01:02:54,618
...and... and burning like
a short cut or a stepping stone.
949
01:02:55,652 --> 01:02:59,973
I know they're not gonna succeed,
at least most of them aren't.
950
01:03:00,073 --> 01:03:03,476
Most of them will be
like Mr. Waterbury soon enough.
951
01:03:03,576 --> 01:03:08,523
But they won't mind it, they'll be happy
because they had their chance.
952
01:03:08,623 --> 01:03:12,777
Because it's one thing
to muff a chance when you get it but...
953
01:03:12,877 --> 01:03:16,957
...it's another thing
never to have had a chance.
954
01:03:18,091 --> 01:03:21,066
And his name's already on the door.
955
01:03:22,303 --> 01:03:26,301
Well, if anything decided me
that would be it.
956
01:03:26,391 --> 01:03:29,335
Oh, Mr. Baxter...
- You've talked enough.
957
01:03:29,435 --> 01:03:34,382
The desks have already been moved
and the name is painted on, as you said.
958
01:03:34,482 --> 01:03:39,262
So we'll try it for a very short time,
at no advance in salary, you understand.
959
01:03:39,362 --> 01:03:41,556
Yes, sir.
- And for a very short time.
960
01:03:41,656 --> 01:03:45,852
Yes, sir.
- This is a business, not a cultural project.
961
01:03:45,952 --> 01:03:50,231
You'll never be sorry.
- I'm sorry already, so let it go at that.
962
01:03:50,331 --> 01:03:54,326
Good night and try to be on time
in the morning.
963
01:03:54,794 --> 01:03:57,120
Oh... pshaw.
964
01:03:59,716 --> 01:04:03,298
Isn't it wonderful?
- You were wonderful.
965
01:04:03,386 --> 01:04:07,290
But I'm a bit leery about me.
- Don't talk like a fathead.
966
01:04:07,390 --> 01:04:12,128
This is the chance of a lifetime
and you know you've got what it takes.
967
01:04:12,228 --> 01:04:16,508
I didn't until I got that telegram
and now I don't know any more.
968
01:04:16,608 --> 01:04:19,636
I'm like Mr. Baxter, that's why I didn't speak.
969
01:04:19,736 --> 01:04:23,306
Well, it brought us together
and that's something.
970
01:04:23,406 --> 01:04:29,271
I got the ring to prove it,
and you can't back out now or I'd sue you.
971
01:04:30,830 --> 01:04:33,072
Oh, you poor kid.
972
01:04:35,502 --> 01:04:39,327
You'll see we have plenty to be thankful for.
973
01:04:42,509 --> 01:04:44,548
Sure.
974
01:04:48,473 --> 01:04:50,513
(Meowing)...
975
01:04:52,143 --> 01:04:55,642
There's that cat again.
- Hello.
976
01:05:10,411 --> 01:05:12,876
Good night.
- Good night, Sam.
977
01:05:21,589 --> 01:05:23,629
(Meowing)...
978
01:05:28,972 --> 01:05:30,972
...(Bell rings)...
979
01:05:34,352 --> 01:05:36,588
...(Betty) Look.
(Jimmy) Yeah.
980
01:05:36,688 --> 01:05:41,363
Sure looked funny this afternoon.
- Ah, the old buzzard.
981
01:05:41,442 --> 01:05:44,888
Were you to a fish fry, Dr. Maxford?
- No, I wasn't.
982
01:05:44,988 --> 01:05:48,642
Smells like a seven-course banquet.
- I wasn't to a banquet.
983
01:05:48,742 --> 01:05:51,102
Dr. Maxford.
- What do you want?
984
01:05:51,202 --> 01:05:55,814
I got some good news. It took some doing
but I won those clerks over.
985
01:05:55,914 --> 01:06:00,028
The way I feel, Bildocker,
it just doesn't matter any more.
986
01:06:00,128 --> 01:06:03,448
This is the stupidest, the most asinine....
987
01:06:03,548 --> 01:06:07,410
Listen to the slogan.
- I don't wish to hear the slogan.
988
01:06:07,510 --> 01:06:10,330
I don't wish to hear any more
about the whole mess.
989
01:06:10,430 --> 01:06:14,292
Pick your winner, send him a cheque
and tell him to go...
990
01:06:14,392 --> 01:06:17,808
Listen to this, will ya? Is this good.
991
01:06:17,896 --> 01:06:23,009
'If you don't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk.'
992
01:06:23,109 --> 01:06:27,097
Is that a slogan? It's what you call a pun.
Believe me, it's some pun.
993
01:06:27,197 --> 01:06:32,552
We just sent the winner a telegram,
a guy called James MacDon...
84643
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