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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,046 I have my own room at Mom's house, too. 2 00:00:04,081 --> 00:00:06,639 My dad doesn't. His stuff's in the garage. 3 00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:09,302 Do you know how to play Vampire Hunter? 'Cause I just got it. 4 00:00:09,337 --> 00:00:10,768 No, sorry. 5 00:00:10,803 --> 00:00:14,683 You got to chop off their heads. Otherwise they'll keep coming at you. 6 00:00:14,718 --> 00:00:17,269 Do you know where your uncle keeps the paper towels? 7 00:00:17,304 --> 00:00:20,105 I think there's some up there. 8 00:00:28,948 --> 00:00:32,118 Hi. You must be Alan. I'm Cindy. 9 00:00:32,660 --> 00:00:34,628 Hi. 10 00:00:34,663 --> 00:00:39,585 - Hey, Jake, it's time to get dressed. - Wait a minute. 11 00:00:39,877 --> 00:00:41,879 Can you get me a bowl from that top shelf? 12 00:00:41,914 --> 00:00:44,381 Come on, let's go. 13 00:00:44,715 --> 00:00:48,135 What happened to "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day"? 14 00:00:48,170 --> 00:00:50,186 Just go get dressed. 15 00:00:50,221 --> 00:00:53,308 Charlie, there is a half-naked woman in our kitchen. 16 00:00:53,343 --> 00:00:55,810 Which half? 17 00:00:57,312 --> 00:00:59,404 - Hey, Cindy. - Hey, Charlie. 18 00:00:59,439 --> 00:01:01,734 - How you doing? - Not bad. How about yourself? 19 00:01:01,769 --> 00:01:04,361 Pretty good. Thanks again. 20 00:01:04,528 --> 00:01:06,572 - I'll see you soon. - Anytime. 21 00:01:06,607 --> 00:01:09,075 Bye. 22 00:01:11,411 --> 00:01:14,045 "How you doing"? "Thanks again"? 23 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:17,313 Charlie, casual sex is one thing, but this is just lazy. 24 00:01:17,348 --> 00:01:20,511 What are you talking about? I didn't have sex with her. 25 00:01:20,546 --> 00:01:23,841 She just surfs out on the Point, uses my shower and goes to work. 26 00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:25,641 So you're not sleeping with her? 27 00:01:25,676 --> 00:01:30,306 Jeez, Alan, I don't sleep with every buff surfer chick that uses my shower. 28 00:01:30,341 --> 00:01:32,232 What kind of guy do you think I am? 29 00:01:32,267 --> 00:01:36,104 I think you're the luckiest bastard to walk the face of the earth, but, 30 00:01:36,146 --> 00:01:40,192 that's not my point. I don't want women flashing their butt tattoos at my son. 31 00:01:40,227 --> 00:01:42,941 - Cindy has a tattoo? - Yes, a butterfly. 32 00:01:42,976 --> 00:01:45,656 Right cheek or left? No, wait, don't tell me. 33 00:01:45,691 --> 00:01:47,832 I want to be surprised. 34 00:01:47,867 --> 00:01:51,371 So you're not sleeping with her, but you want to. 35 00:01:51,406 --> 00:01:53,463 Yeah. 36 00:01:53,498 --> 00:01:56,675 What kind of guy do you think I am? 37 00:01:56,710 --> 00:01:59,553 When I moved in here, I said it was vital that we create 38 00:01:59,588 --> 00:02:02,508 a wholesome atmosphere for Jake. And you said, "I understand. " 39 00:02:02,543 --> 00:02:05,320 Alan, there's something you should know about me. 40 00:02:05,355 --> 00:02:08,062 When I say I understand, it doesn't mean I agree. 41 00:02:08,097 --> 00:02:12,560 It doesn't mean I understand. It doesn't even mean I'm listening. 42 00:02:12,595 --> 00:02:13,943 Then why do you say it? 43 00:02:13,978 --> 00:02:17,531 It seems to make people happy, and that's what I'm all about. 44 00:02:17,566 --> 00:02:21,278 That's very altruistic, but I would prefer if you'd just be straight with me. 45 00:02:21,313 --> 00:02:23,412 - Fine. - All I'm asking is that you keep in mind 46 00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:26,117 that we have an impressionable 10-year-old boy living here. 47 00:02:26,152 --> 00:02:28,619 - I understand. - Thank you. 48 00:02:45,846 --> 00:02:48,349 - That sounds nice. - Thanks. 49 00:02:48,474 --> 00:02:51,269 So where are Jake and Alan today? 50 00:02:51,304 --> 00:02:54,064 Jake's at school and Alan's at work. 51 00:02:54,099 --> 00:02:55,363 It's just you and me. 52 00:02:55,398 --> 00:02:58,235 Tell them I said hi. Thanks again for the shower. 53 00:02:58,270 --> 00:03:00,028 You bet. You look really nice. 54 00:03:00,063 --> 00:03:02,531 Thank you. Bye. 55 00:03:03,365 --> 00:03:05,826 Yeah, I got work to do. 56 00:03:07,328 --> 00:03:13,626 Charlie, seeing you strike out like that just makes me love you more. 57 00:03:13,752 --> 00:03:16,379 Rose, you've got to get a hobby. 58 00:03:16,414 --> 00:03:18,882 I've got a hobby. 59 00:03:20,008 --> 00:03:22,845 - I thought we agreed we were just friends. - We are. 60 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:24,812 We're friends who slept together once 61 00:03:24,847 --> 00:03:27,558 and then one friend never called the other friend, 62 00:03:27,593 --> 00:03:31,312 but luckily, the other friend forgave him. 63 00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:33,113 Where are you going? 64 00:03:33,148 --> 00:03:35,901 To make my friend a grilled cheese sandwich. 65 00:03:35,936 --> 00:03:38,654 Rose, I don't want a grilled cheese sandwich. 66 00:03:38,689 --> 00:03:40,572 Would you prefer a quesadilla? 67 00:03:40,607 --> 00:03:43,033 That sounds nice. 68 00:03:43,659 --> 00:03:46,162 But then you have to leave. 69 00:03:49,832 --> 00:03:52,133 Hey, Judith. Alan's at work. 70 00:03:52,168 --> 00:03:54,337 I know where Alan is. I came to talk to you. 71 00:03:54,372 --> 00:03:57,924 - Me? But you don't like me. - I don't. 72 00:04:00,511 --> 00:04:02,853 I like you. 73 00:04:02,888 --> 00:04:05,703 Jake's fourth grade class was given a simple assignment. 74 00:04:05,738 --> 00:04:08,839 Draw something interesting you see around the house. 75 00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:11,940 One child drew a record player, another drew a parrot. 76 00:04:11,975 --> 00:04:14,442 My son drew this. 77 00:04:17,112 --> 00:04:20,616 A woman's behind with a butterfly tattoo. 78 00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:23,118 On the right cheek. 79 00:04:24,495 --> 00:04:27,456 I'll have to just act surprised. 80 00:04:27,665 --> 00:04:32,170 I asked him where he saw this. He said, "In Uncle Charlie's kitchen. " 81 00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:35,340 You gotta admit, it beats the hell out of a parrot. 82 00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:37,902 Charlie, I am not in the mood. 83 00:04:37,937 --> 00:04:40,429 - Hold that thought. - I got it. 84 00:04:40,679 --> 00:04:42,396 Hello. 85 00:04:42,431 --> 00:04:44,934 Are you in for your mother? 86 00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:52,233 Charlie's in a meeting right now. But you can talk to me. 87 00:04:52,268 --> 00:04:56,196 Heck, I feel like we're practically related. 88 00:04:56,321 --> 00:04:59,470 - Is that the girl in the picture? - Rose? 89 00:04:59,505 --> 00:05:02,619 No. She doesn't have a tattoo on her butt. 90 00:05:02,654 --> 00:05:05,122 I'm guessing. 91 00:05:05,414 --> 00:05:07,882 Look, I don't care what you do in your private time, 92 00:05:07,917 --> 00:05:10,795 but when my son is here, I expect you to clean up your act. 93 00:05:10,830 --> 00:05:13,179 - I understand. - I don't like coming over here 94 00:05:13,214 --> 00:05:16,426 and being the bad guy, but I have to protect my son. 95 00:05:16,461 --> 00:05:18,560 I understand. 96 00:05:18,595 --> 00:05:22,099 It's hard enough going through this transition all by myself. 97 00:05:22,134 --> 00:05:24,733 Alan at least has you, I have no one. 98 00:05:24,768 --> 00:05:27,605 Except my parents, and they're completely toxic. 99 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:29,774 I understand. 100 00:05:29,809 --> 00:05:31,741 Do you? 101 00:05:31,776 --> 00:05:34,279 I think I do. 102 00:05:34,321 --> 00:05:37,038 Thank you. That means a lot to me. 103 00:05:37,073 --> 00:05:40,452 I mean, I've always been the good daughter or the good wife. 104 00:05:40,487 --> 00:05:41,585 And you know what? 105 00:05:41,620 --> 00:05:44,623 Outside of those relationships, I don't know who I am. 106 00:05:44,658 --> 00:05:47,925 Am I gay, am I straight? Who the hell knows? 107 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:52,966 I'm scared about this, Charlie, and I'm totally alone. 108 00:05:54,634 --> 00:05:57,137 You know what? 109 00:05:57,220 --> 00:05:59,681 I understand. 110 00:06:05,563 --> 00:06:08,065 Thank you for listening. 111 00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:10,568 Hey. 112 00:06:10,652 --> 00:06:13,530 I'm so sorry to take up your time with all of this. 113 00:06:13,565 --> 00:06:16,032 Hey. 114 00:06:16,074 --> 00:06:18,535 I understand. 115 00:06:22,039 --> 00:06:25,418 - Thank you, Charlie. - You're welcome. 116 00:06:28,379 --> 00:06:32,800 There's five minutes of my life I'll never get back. 117 00:06:32,835 --> 00:06:37,222 Don't fill up. Your mom's taking us out for lunch. 118 00:06:44,179 --> 00:06:46,355 Hey. Where have you been? 119 00:06:46,390 --> 00:06:50,770 I just had lunch with my mother and my stalker. 120 00:06:51,562 --> 00:06:54,983 They spent the afternoon eating off each other's plates 121 00:06:55,018 --> 00:06:58,153 and discussing my fear of intimacy. 122 00:06:58,188 --> 00:07:00,655 You do have that, you know. 123 00:07:00,906 --> 00:07:04,208 Anyway, look, can we talk about this picture Jake drew? 124 00:07:04,243 --> 00:07:10,708 What's to talk about? He's a boy. He saw a woman's ass. He liked it. 125 00:07:11,083 --> 00:07:16,631 Thank your lucky stars it wasn't the cable guy's ass, and move on. 126 00:07:16,673 --> 00:07:19,134 Hey, Dad. Where's Cankun? 127 00:07:22,638 --> 00:07:24,313 Canc�n? 128 00:07:24,348 --> 00:07:26,851 No, it's spelled Cankun. 129 00:07:27,685 --> 00:07:29,318 It's in Mexico. Why? 130 00:07:29,353 --> 00:07:32,482 We should go there for Christmas instead of Aunt Betty's. 131 00:07:32,517 --> 00:07:34,859 - What are you reading? - Sports Illustrated. 132 00:07:34,894 --> 00:07:37,696 But it's mostly ladies in bathing suits. 133 00:07:37,731 --> 00:07:39,990 Jake. Come back here. 134 00:07:40,025 --> 00:07:41,164 Are you happy? 135 00:07:41,199 --> 00:07:46,163 I have my moments, but they're becoming further apart. 136 00:07:46,288 --> 00:07:48,806 - Jake, sit down. - Am I in trouble? 137 00:07:48,841 --> 00:07:53,095 No. It's perfectly natural for you to be interested in women's bodies. 138 00:07:53,130 --> 00:07:55,882 - Great. I'll be in my room. - Wait. 139 00:07:55,917 --> 00:07:57,933 Let's talk a minute here. 140 00:07:57,968 --> 00:08:00,502 I don't mind you looking at these pictures, 141 00:08:00,537 --> 00:08:04,641 but it's important that you know what they mean. 142 00:08:05,851 --> 00:08:08,938 I'd like to know that, too, Alan. 143 00:08:09,630 --> 00:08:12,524 Okay. First of all, real women don't look like this. 144 00:08:12,559 --> 00:08:15,384 These pictures have been retouched and airbrushed 145 00:08:15,419 --> 00:08:18,114 so that the women look like they're perfect. But they're really not. 146 00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:22,536 Excuse me, but I met that one, and she was perfect. 147 00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:24,794 What I'm trying to explain to Jake 148 00:08:24,829 --> 00:08:27,341 is that this is not what regular women look like. 149 00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:29,467 Then why don't they use regular women? 150 00:08:29,502 --> 00:08:34,884 Because the only way regular women can sell magazines is door-to-door. 151 00:08:39,335 --> 00:08:43,706 My point is that these women are three-dimensional human beings. 152 00:08:43,741 --> 00:08:45,531 They're not just sex objects. 153 00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:49,530 Which explains why this one's on all fours in the surf. 154 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:53,575 - Are you quite done? - No. I think you're being very unfair. 155 00:08:53,610 --> 00:08:57,430 These women worked very hard, ate very little, 156 00:08:57,465 --> 00:09:01,250 and spent a lot of money to become sex objects. 157 00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:04,796 Those breasts alone cost $10,000. 158 00:09:05,672 --> 00:09:08,174 You can buy these? 159 00:09:09,217 --> 00:09:11,636 Thank you, Charlie. 160 00:09:11,671 --> 00:09:14,056 Some women choose 161 00:09:14,681 --> 00:09:16,815 to make their breasts larger 162 00:09:16,850 --> 00:09:20,187 with what's called surgical implants. 163 00:09:20,563 --> 00:09:23,775 - Why? - They think bigger is better. 164 00:09:23,810 --> 00:09:26,277 I can see that. 165 00:09:27,278 --> 00:09:30,636 What really matters, Jake, is what's inside a person. 166 00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:33,994 See, that's the lesson here. Do you get what I'm saying? 167 00:09:34,029 --> 00:09:35,794 - I think so. - You're sure? 168 00:09:35,829 --> 00:09:38,499 There's nothing to be embarrassed about. I mean... 169 00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:41,002 Do you have any questions? 170 00:09:41,085 --> 00:09:43,588 - Just one. - Fire away. 171 00:09:44,005 --> 00:09:46,591 Can I have my magazine back? 172 00:09:51,012 --> 00:09:52,771 Congratulations, Alan. 173 00:09:52,806 --> 00:09:56,935 You've managed to take the fun out of boobs. 174 00:10:02,817 --> 00:10:05,695 Hello. Hi, Judith. 175 00:10:05,945 --> 00:10:10,158 Yeah, I'm so glad you called. I just... What? 176 00:10:11,243 --> 00:10:13,745 She wants to talk to you. 177 00:10:13,996 --> 00:10:18,709 - Why does my wife want to talk to you? - I don't know. 178 00:10:18,744 --> 00:10:21,212 Hey, Judith. What's up? 179 00:10:23,339 --> 00:10:25,800 I understand. 180 00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:28,136 What do you understand? 181 00:10:28,171 --> 00:10:30,639 Not a thing. 182 00:10:32,474 --> 00:10:34,977 I understand. 183 00:10:35,310 --> 00:10:37,319 What's she saying? 184 00:10:37,354 --> 00:10:40,114 Hang on, Judith. That's my other line. 185 00:10:40,149 --> 00:10:43,361 She's upset because her parents want to take Jake to SeaWorld. 186 00:10:43,396 --> 00:10:45,610 She feels like this is crossing a boundary 187 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,902 since they've been so unsupportive recently. 188 00:10:47,937 --> 00:10:50,160 And she's not sure if her anger is misplaced. 189 00:10:50,195 --> 00:10:52,377 Since when are you her new best friend? 190 00:10:52,412 --> 00:10:56,667 I don't know. Something's gone horribly wrong. 191 00:10:58,168 --> 00:11:00,671 Sorry, you were saying? 192 00:11:01,172 --> 00:11:03,674 I understand. 193 00:11:05,820 --> 00:11:09,657 You're the coolest. Love, Cindy. 194 00:11:10,492 --> 00:11:14,496 Are you sure your nephew's gonna like this? 195 00:11:14,830 --> 00:11:17,458 Who says it's for my nephew? 196 00:11:17,750 --> 00:11:20,252 - You're really cute. - Good. 197 00:11:22,838 --> 00:11:24,340 I'm sorry there's no waves. 198 00:11:24,382 --> 00:11:29,512 Yeah, I don't know how I'm gonna get my exercise today. 199 00:11:30,013 --> 00:11:32,516 It's a puzzler. 200 00:11:36,061 --> 00:11:38,313 Why don't you open up another bottle of wine 201 00:11:38,348 --> 00:11:41,901 - and we'll figure something out. - Okay. 202 00:11:44,612 --> 00:11:47,372 I'm sorry to just drop by, but I had to talk to somebody. 203 00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:50,910 I just left Jake with my parents so they could take him to San Diego, 204 00:11:50,945 --> 00:11:53,295 and I got in this terrible argument with my father. 205 00:11:53,330 --> 00:11:56,124 He thinks it's my fault that Alan and I are breaking up, 206 00:11:56,159 --> 00:11:58,310 and he knows exactly how to push my buttons. 207 00:11:58,345 --> 00:12:00,462 The question is why do I need his approval? 208 00:12:00,497 --> 00:12:03,799 Why do I need approval from any man? 209 00:12:06,552 --> 00:12:09,013 I understand. 210 00:12:09,055 --> 00:12:11,495 Charlie, how could you possibly understand? 211 00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:13,935 I'm sorry. I didn't realize you had company. 212 00:12:13,970 --> 00:12:16,480 No, we were just hanging out. I'm Cindy. 213 00:12:16,515 --> 00:12:18,155 - Hi. Judith. - Hi. 214 00:12:18,190 --> 00:12:21,861 I've spent the better part of my life trying to win my father's approval. 215 00:12:21,896 --> 00:12:24,287 - You, too? - Yeah, I almost married a guy 216 00:12:24,322 --> 00:12:27,867 - just 'cause my father liked him. - I married a guy just like my father. 217 00:12:27,909 --> 00:12:31,204 - Disaster, right? - It's his brother. 218 00:12:31,246 --> 00:12:33,498 I met him. He's pretty tightly wound. 219 00:12:33,533 --> 00:12:34,923 - He is. - Yeah. 220 00:12:34,958 --> 00:12:37,169 - Do you want some wine? - I want a lot of wine. 221 00:12:37,204 --> 00:12:38,928 Yeah. 222 00:12:38,963 --> 00:12:41,632 You know it's so funny about relationships and men. 223 00:12:41,667 --> 00:12:45,219 - You just wonder all the time. - Always. 224 00:12:47,472 --> 00:12:49,974 I do not understand. 225 00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:16,045 Morning, neighbor. 226 00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:19,632 - Charlie's not up yet, Rose. - Oh, Alan, 227 00:13:19,667 --> 00:13:22,260 don't you think I know that? 228 00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:26,515 I brought a Frisbee for your son. It's a Glow-in-the-Dark Pro model. 229 00:13:26,550 --> 00:13:30,978 - There are teeth marks in it. - They're not mine. 230 00:13:33,648 --> 00:13:37,151 Actually, Jake's in San Diego with his mom's parents. 231 00:13:37,186 --> 00:13:38,994 Boy, that hardly seems fair. 232 00:13:39,029 --> 00:13:42,324 Evelyn never gets any quality time with him. 233 00:13:42,359 --> 00:13:44,785 - Evelyn? - Your mom. 234 00:13:45,452 --> 00:13:47,753 I know her name. 235 00:13:47,788 --> 00:13:49,672 But do you know how much she loves you, 236 00:13:49,707 --> 00:13:53,794 and would appreciate a call once in a while? 237 00:13:53,961 --> 00:13:56,464 Hi, Alan. Shower open? 238 00:13:56,589 --> 00:13:59,551 - Yeah. Help yourself. - Hi, Alan. 239 00:14:01,469 --> 00:14:03,520 Judith? What are you doing here? 240 00:14:03,555 --> 00:14:06,224 Cindy's teaching me to surf. She says I'm a natural. 241 00:14:06,259 --> 00:14:08,894 'Cause she's got the upper body strength for it. 242 00:14:08,929 --> 00:14:10,736 Nothing like yours. 243 00:14:10,771 --> 00:14:14,609 You will. You just gotta build up your lats. 244 00:14:14,644 --> 00:14:17,111 Wow! They're so firm. 245 00:14:17,612 --> 00:14:22,617 Come on. I'll show you some exercises before we hit the shower. 246 00:14:22,652 --> 00:14:25,370 So, when's Charlie getting up? 247 00:14:25,996 --> 00:14:28,499 In about nine seconds. 248 00:14:28,832 --> 00:14:31,335 Wake up! 249 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,596 What? I was having a great dream. 250 00:14:35,631 --> 00:14:39,636 Your girlfriend and my wife. Surfing. Showering. Rubber suits. 251 00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:42,139 Okay. This might be better. 252 00:14:44,182 --> 00:14:46,852 Charlie, you've got to do something. 253 00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:49,355 - You're right. - Yeah. 254 00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:55,590 Charlie, what are you gonna do? 255 00:14:55,625 --> 00:14:58,072 What do you think? I just woke up. 256 00:14:58,114 --> 00:15:01,701 Come on. They could be lathering each other up right now! 257 00:15:01,736 --> 00:15:04,711 Alan, you're not helping this go any faster. 258 00:15:04,746 --> 00:15:09,335 I can't believe this is going on under my own roof. Well, under your roof. 259 00:15:09,370 --> 00:15:13,005 God knows what's going on under my roof. 260 00:15:14,090 --> 00:15:17,594 - You know, there is good news here. - Really? What's that? 261 00:15:17,629 --> 00:15:21,723 Now we know why I never got anywhere with Cindy. 262 00:15:21,765 --> 00:15:24,226 Hello? Me? 263 00:15:24,559 --> 00:15:26,485 Okay, listen. 264 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:28,522 What do we really know here? 265 00:15:28,557 --> 00:15:30,524 Your wife has taken up surfing. 266 00:15:30,559 --> 00:15:32,985 We're good so far, right? 267 00:15:33,277 --> 00:15:36,155 She made a new friend. Still good? 268 00:15:36,190 --> 00:15:37,831 Yeah, I guess. 269 00:15:37,866 --> 00:15:42,204 Do we know for a fact that they're showering together? 270 00:15:42,239 --> 00:15:44,338 - No. - Okay. 271 00:15:44,373 --> 00:15:49,009 So what do we know for sure about Cindy and Judith? 272 00:15:49,044 --> 00:15:54,467 Cindy's not interested in you, and Judith thinks she's gay. 273 00:15:58,513 --> 00:16:01,016 There you go. 274 00:16:04,770 --> 00:16:06,987 And I got to see penguins and a manta ray. 275 00:16:07,022 --> 00:16:10,192 And I got to pet a shark. And the coolest thing was the whales. 276 00:16:10,227 --> 00:16:11,867 They splashed everybody. 277 00:16:11,902 --> 00:16:15,782 You could see right through this one lady's shirt. 278 00:16:15,817 --> 00:16:18,827 And I think maybe she had plants. 279 00:16:21,037 --> 00:16:23,540 Implants. 280 00:16:25,876 --> 00:16:27,259 Yeah. Implants. 281 00:16:27,294 --> 00:16:31,736 I asked Grandma if she had them, and Grandpa said, "I wish. " 282 00:16:31,771 --> 00:16:36,179 And then she got mad at him and then they bought me ice cream. 283 00:16:36,214 --> 00:16:37,979 So you had a good trip? 284 00:16:38,014 --> 00:16:43,854 Yeah. When I got home, I went to the movies with Mom and Cindy. 285 00:16:45,939 --> 00:16:48,901 Wait. You, Mom and Cindy? 286 00:16:49,527 --> 00:16:52,029 There you go. 287 00:16:52,613 --> 00:16:55,748 - She's gonna teach me to surf. - Of course she is. 288 00:16:55,783 --> 00:17:00,330 She's not gonna be happy until the whole damn family surfs. 289 00:17:00,365 --> 00:17:01,998 Why don't we give her Aunt Betty's number? 290 00:17:02,033 --> 00:17:05,377 Squeeze that fat ass into a wet suit. 291 00:17:07,296 --> 00:17:10,800 Here, Jake. Take your pizza and go watch TV in your room. 292 00:17:10,835 --> 00:17:12,558 Dad said "fat ass. " 293 00:17:12,593 --> 00:17:16,931 You've seen Aunt Betty. It's not swearing if it's true. Now go. 294 00:17:16,966 --> 00:17:19,232 She gets all bent out of shape when Cindy 295 00:17:19,267 --> 00:17:22,360 is prancing around here with her butterfly butt sticking out. 296 00:17:22,395 --> 00:17:26,066 But all of a sudden it's okay, 'cause the butt is on the other foot. 297 00:17:26,101 --> 00:17:27,825 Alan, chill out, buddy. 298 00:17:27,860 --> 00:17:31,238 No! This is the worst kind of hypocrisy and it will not stand. 299 00:17:31,273 --> 00:17:34,415 Forgive me, Alan, but that self-righteous attitude 300 00:17:34,450 --> 00:17:38,058 is a big part of what drove Judith away in the first place. 301 00:17:38,093 --> 00:17:41,666 What? Where did you get... Where? Did she tell you that? 302 00:17:41,708 --> 00:17:45,546 Hey, girlfriends tell each other everything. 303 00:17:46,505 --> 00:17:49,049 Don't look at me like that. 304 00:17:49,383 --> 00:17:53,269 Listen, if she really is gay, then there's nothing you can do about it. 305 00:17:53,304 --> 00:17:58,810 Except maybe try and figure out why a lesbian married you in the first place. 306 00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:01,813 But if she's just experimenting 307 00:18:01,855 --> 00:18:04,656 and you act all loving and supportive, 308 00:18:04,691 --> 00:18:08,737 then maybe she comes back to the home team. 309 00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:15,119 Or maybe I could find it in my heart to actually be loving and supportive. 310 00:18:15,154 --> 00:18:18,748 Sure, if you want to reinvent the wheel. 311 00:18:22,543 --> 00:18:26,047 Hey. You know, I would've been more than happy to drop Jake to your house. 312 00:18:26,082 --> 00:18:27,889 No problem. This worked out great. 313 00:18:27,924 --> 00:18:31,303 I've been surfing all day with Cindy and we just had a bite to eat. 314 00:18:31,338 --> 00:18:34,229 Isn't that nice. Listen, are you in a hurry? 315 00:18:34,264 --> 00:18:36,600 Because there's something I wanted to talk to you about. 316 00:18:36,635 --> 00:18:39,145 No, I guess not. What's up? 317 00:18:40,271 --> 00:18:43,733 I just wanted to let you know that 318 00:18:45,694 --> 00:18:49,489 I'm okay with this. More than okay. 319 00:18:49,573 --> 00:18:54,453 I understand, love and respect you for your courage 320 00:18:54,578 --> 00:18:56,629 to explore things. 321 00:18:56,664 --> 00:19:00,626 Thank you. I'm really starting to enjoy it. 322 00:19:01,919 --> 00:19:04,262 And I support that. 323 00:19:04,297 --> 00:19:06,640 Yeah, I've only done it on my knees so far, 324 00:19:06,675 --> 00:19:09,886 but Cindy says I'm almost ready to try it standing up. 325 00:19:09,921 --> 00:19:13,515 You know what? I don't need to hear the details. 326 00:19:13,550 --> 00:19:17,109 The more important thing is that I accept 327 00:19:17,144 --> 00:19:22,233 you and Cindy as lovers. And more power to you, sister. 328 00:19:25,278 --> 00:19:27,948 You pompous, assuming bastard. 329 00:19:32,035 --> 00:19:34,246 You think I'm sleeping with her? 330 00:19:34,281 --> 00:19:36,749 No. 331 00:19:36,874 --> 00:19:39,544 I just got out of a 12-year marriage and you think I would jump 332 00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:42,380 into bed with someone I just met? Man or woman? 333 00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:45,383 - No. - You should be ashamed of yourself. 334 00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:48,059 - I am. - Two women become friends, 335 00:19:48,094 --> 00:19:51,806 and you jump to the conclusion they're having sex! 336 00:19:51,841 --> 00:19:55,519 Where do you get that kind of sleazy thinking? 337 00:19:59,941 --> 00:20:02,777 The jogger. The one on the left. 338 00:20:02,812 --> 00:20:04,901 Real? 339 00:20:04,936 --> 00:20:06,955 Good eye. 340 00:20:06,990 --> 00:20:09,666 With the sports bra, that could have gone either way. 341 00:20:09,701 --> 00:20:15,040 Of course, if they do go either way, they're usually fake. 342 00:20:15,075 --> 00:20:17,299 Jake, honey, get your stuff, we're going home. 343 00:20:17,334 --> 00:20:20,713 - Okay. See you, Uncle Charlie. - See you, buddy. Hey, girlfriend. 344 00:20:20,748 --> 00:20:25,218 Don't "girlfriend" me, you shallow piece of crap. 345 00:20:35,513 --> 00:20:37,416 Fake. 346 00:20:41,828 --> 00:20:43,889 Real. 347 00:20:44,915 --> 00:20:46,048 Jake! 348 00:20:46,083 --> 00:20:49,927 Who does she think she's kidding with those things? 349 00:20:49,962 --> 00:20:52,915 Jake, I swear, if you don't stop it, I'm taking you home. 350 00:20:52,950 --> 00:20:55,218 I understand. 27638

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