All language subtitles for Odd.Man.Rush.2020.ENGSubs.WEB-DL

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When Stephane Matteau
was traded

to the Rangers at the deadline,

he figured he'd
just be a spare player,

waiting around in case
someone got hurt.

That was March 1994.
Two months later...

He's off to
the Devil's place,

across ice into the far corner.

Matteau swoops in to intercept.

Matteau behind the net.

Swings in front, he scores!

Matteau, Matteau!

Matteau, Stephane Matteau!

And the Rangers have
one more hill to climb, baby!

And it's Mount Vancouver!

The Rangers are
headed to the finals!

Which they
went on to win that year.

That's the thing about hockey.

As long as you're on
the ice, you have a chance.

I was at that Rangers game.
Seven years old.

Got to see some players leave
MSG on 31st Street afterwards.

Never forget it.

Matteau gave me a thumbs up.

Mom, I told you.
Don't wash my jersey every time.

That's me.

And as far back
as I can remember,

all I could
think about was hockey.

You forgot this last practice.

Coach, why can't
we change on the fly?

Next year.

Can we at least keep score?

Let's focus on having fun.

Winning is fun.

And the things
that will take you

much further
than hockey ever will.

Like discipline,
teamwork, and leadership.

Come on, Bobby.

You know no one on this team
is going to the NHL.

Now, let's go get some pizza!

Someone has to play
for the Rangers in 15 years.

Sanders streaks through
the middle,

splits the D-men.

Think that's funny, Luke?

What are you
going to do about it?

I figured.

Mr. Sanders, put your weapon away.

Morning, lads.

Morning.

Mr. Sanders, Watkins, blazers.

Mr. Watkins, last week
it was your left loafer.

Now your blazer?

It was right here,
Mr. Demeny, I promise!

At recess you can
tell me your action plan

for becoming responsible.

Now.

"We know what we are
but know not what we may be."

Shakespeare.

Today's assignment is
a gift to your future self.

Each of you will write a letter
to yourself, and seal it.

I will mail your letter
to you in 15 years.

Write about what
you hope you may be.

Sitting in this classroom,

there may be a conductor
of the philharmonic...

chief justice
of the Supreme Court.

And perhaps the owner
of the New York Rangers

ice hockey team.

You have 15 minutes.

Think about the future.

"Dear me..."

I knew
exactly who I was going to be,

and it wasn't
the owner of the Rangers.

- Ah, the new guy from New York.
- That's me.

- Stewey.
- Bobby.

- Welcome aboard.
- Glad to be here.

- How's it look?
- Looks good.

So, you want to
get your name and number

up in the rafters like Clearys?

- Absolutely.
- Okay, skate hard.

Keep your mouth shut.

- And don't be barking at the refs, got it?
- Got it.

- Good luck.
- Thanks.

I played
forward for two seasons.

And then this.

L four and five
are really herniated,

and they're just
pressing on this nerve.

I'm really surprised
that the pain in your leg

hasn't started until now.

So then what's
the deal, more epidurals?

No, I just don't think
they'll work at this point.

Okay, look, how do I
get back on the ice?

I mean, maybe if the Rangers
draft you in the first round,

a second surgery
could make sense,

but I can't
recommend that to you right now.

Until other alternatives
are explored.

To manage the pain.

Like any normal person,
I got a second opinion,

and WebMD convinced me
I had tertiary syphilis.

Whatever that is.

Then came alternative therapies.

Electric stimulation
just spread MRSA.

Acupuncture with Dr. Wong
cured my allergies,

but not my back.

And hypnosis didn't do shit.

These didn't
really do anything either.

Although two of them
on an empty stomach

did turn Science B47:
Cosmic Connections

into a transcendent experience.

I even got a B plus
on my final project.

A diorama of Sombrero Galaxy.

Yeah.

The surgery was a success,

but the recovery kept me
off the ice through graduation.

If I wanted to
play hockey again,

my only option was to find

a minor league
team located in an area

that didn't have internet access

so they wouldn't be able to
look up my stats from college.

Figure skating was an hour ago.

That was a dog shit call, ref.

That was a great call.

Two minutes till full time.

Right side, idiots!

As a reminder,

after last Saturday's incident

alcohol will not be served
after the first period.

What did you do to get here?

I think it was hooking or tripping.

I don't know.
It was a dogshit call.

No, no, no, no, no.

Why is a Harvard guy
playing hockey here?

Can I get an autograph
for my ten-year old son?

You got a pen?

You played with
Matthew Sullivan at Harvard.

You must still be friends, no?

They say he's going to
be NHL rookie of the year.

He's my son's favorite player.

All right, I'll tell you what.

You shave ten seconds
off my penalty,

I'll get you
a signed jersey from him.

Six seconds.

Game worn jersey.

Fine.

- Eight seconds.
- Yeah.

My address.

You're free!

Now, we all have our stories
as to how we got here.

While I was in college,

that guy was in
a Kazakhstani prison.

Guard, not inmate. I think.

This guy, best athlete
on the team.

Apparently competed
in the last winter Olympics

in pairs figure skating.

Doesn't really matter that I can't
pronounce any of their names.

We're all laser-focused
on the game.

And no matter how many fans
show up, or don't...

the clock's always ticking.

And someone's always watching.

Yeah!

Well done! Keep it up, lads!

And the beauty of
scoring a game's first goal

in these
European minor leagues...

You're set with
groceries for the week.

Nice goal tonight.

You studied this
in Holland, right?

Um, it was Belgium, actually.

My main sponsor
pulled out a week ago,

so the team went bankrupt.

Happens in Germany, too.

You're wasting your time.

I don't know, man.
It kind of feels like a step up to me.

With that.
It hasn't worked in two years.

Living the dream, aren't we?

Jesus, fuck.

Shit.

There are two moments
you never forget.

The first time you
walk into a locker room...

and the last.

And that's how
they let you know.

They take your pants.

Cut or traded?

Traded, part of a package deal.

Where to?

Up.

Up like what?

Up like North
or like a higher league?

Both.

When I was a kid,

I thought that there
was some sort of correlation

between how far North you are

and how good the hockey is.

You know, like Buffalo
was better than New York City,

Toronto was better than
Buffalo, you get the idea.

By that logic,
I should probably be surrounded

by a bunch of
Sidney Crosby's here.

Holy shit.

Hey, uh...

Hey.

Um...

You from around here?

Yeah, not too far,
a couple Swedish miles.

Cool.

Um... is that a good book?

- You must be the new American.
- Yes.

The goal-scoring forward
who's going to save the season.

I don't know about that,
but I'm going to try.

- It's all in the papers.
- Oh.

My little brother
goes to all the home games.

Thousands of fans.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Actually, would you
mind signing something for him?

- Oh, God, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Like an autograph?

Let's see if I have anything.

Maybe you could write on this?

See if I have a pen.

- Voila.
- Found one.

His friends will be so jealous
when he's the first

to get the new American
footballer's autograph.

Footballer?

Soccer, as you
Americans call it, right?

Hey, fuckface.

Let's go.

- Sorry. Yeah.
- Thank you.

Now don't freeze to death.

Well, hey, listen. Um...

Tell your brother
maybe he should bring

his sister to a game sometime.

- Okay, I'll do that.
- Okay, good.

Let's go.

Will you come with us into town?

No, thanks, Tomas,
I'm waiting to get picked up.

That's good.

I think you forgot something.

Might be useful.

Why?

All right, let's go.

- See you later.
- See you.

Okay, welcome to Sweden.

You never fly
directly to these towns.

You take a plane, then a train,

then a bus, and
sometimes a shitty Volvo wagon

with a snow plow.

Three rules for players.

One, give me
everything you have on the ice,

practices and games.

Number two, if you get
the puck in the defensive zone,

you have two options.

Chip it out or fuck off.

And three is
no shitting on the bus.

Works for me.

What the hell?

I thought you quit.

- That'll have to be next season.
- Well, that's good.

Oy, oy, oy.

Okay.

Oh, not you, fuckface.

Just this beauty.

- Hey. What's up, man?
- Hey, nice to meet you.

- I'm Gabbe.
- Bobby.

Nice to meet you. Great salad.

Thanks. Come on.

Oh, God.

So this is
pretty much it.

This is the castle.

You have either bed over here.

This is where we eat
breakfast, lunch, dinner.

That's the kitchen over there.

Hey, where's the bathroom?

Up the hill.

Up the hill?

It's only temporary
during tryout period.

Once they have contract,

I think we'll
move to better housing.

Jesus.

So, how long after do we rinse?

No rinse, man.
It's a leave-in conditioner.

- Needs time for the biotin to activate.
- Mm-hmm.

Don't use too much, it's
going to weigh down the hair.

So use about
the size of a kronor.

Plus, it's very expensive.

What they get in return?

Enough cash for
a boss washer dryer combo.

Which model?

300 series, 14 cycles.

Stainless steel, stain feature.

Bloody hell.

You must be a goal scorer.

What the hell is that?

That's ragga runda.

Just silly guys racing around
cars trying to pick up girls.

Small town shit.

You always smell a
locker room before you see it.

It's the same everywhere.

That unmistakable scent
that only smells good

to those that
have contributed to it.

And then there's the sounds.

A collective groan
from a group of guys

when someone interrupts a story

or delivers a punchline
a little too early

just to be a stain.

We were playing Smash Bros.

And then Ragge said,
"I can't do it,

because condom is too tight."

- Hey, pal. Dean.
- Bobby, nice to meet you.

- Yeah, you too.
- Where you from?

- Sunshine state, you?
- New York.

Right on.

King Roos!

Best jet fuel in Sweden.

Hey, Roos, how's it going?

- America.
- Thanks, buddy.

Oh, fuck me. That's really good.

- Yeah, it's best in the league.
- Huh.

- What's up?
- What about that guy? Is he on the team?

Yeah. Dick pics lately?

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Yeah, he's captain
for the last five years.

Oh, shit.
What's with the, uh, longer one?

Uh, bag skates?

On the ice in twenty minutes.

20 minutes.

No practice for you today.

Oh, no, I can skate, coach.

Ay, you take a rest.

We have some
important games this week.

All right, all right. You win.

- Whatever you say.
- Fuckface, you meet shithead?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, we met, coach.

I hope you bring
some super shootout moves.

If you lose, you wind up
with something like this.

- Ah, it's starting to grow on me.
- It suits you. Look like, uh...

- Tom Selleck.
- Captain Hook.

Nej, Gustav.

You sleep in,
you dress the part.

Get fucked.

What's up?
You have shoulder bark?

No, got to Omaha hi-lo
split tourney in 45 minutes.

Got to be at the casino.

Wish me luck, boys.

- Hey Deaner.
- Yeah?

Win big money.
Bring back penis pump

and two Viagra for Ragge.

He's going
to need three.

You sure? This is
an absurd amount of caviar.

- Let's get it.
- You think so?

Holy shit. I know that girl.

- Hey.
- Hey, how are you?

- I'm good, what about you?
- I'm good, how are you?

Well, very good.

Hey again.

Oh, I don't think we met before.

You're
the footballer, remember?

Isn't ringing any bells.

The weirdo from the bus stop.

Oh, it's you! Yeah.

Thought I recognized you.

- I'm Elin.
- I'm Bobby.

- Nice to see you again.
- Nice to meet you again.

Yeah.

Will you be
using your Lingen bucks?

Oh, we get, uh, 200 kronor
in store credit per week.

- Store credit?
- It's part of the hockey sponsorship deal.

We'll use our credit.

Okay, that's good.

Kalles Caviar.

A lot of Kalles caviar.

Hey, it's this guy. It's not me.

Looks like
you're rated 15th among

European skaters for
this year's NHL draft.

Funny, I always
wanted to play football.

Bye, Dean.

See you soon?

We play Tuesday?

Monday night still work?

If you bring
your cute friend.

We're 4-0
the night's she's slept over.

It's not about me, Gustav.

It's about the team.

Right, boys?

Shouldn't you be leading
a revolution, Poncho?

I don't even
know what that means.

Okay, guys, we are reviewing

the Robitaille game.

You're in
offensive zone, face off head.

We have a...

Then down the field...

The game exists on many levels.

There's the theoretical game.

Run fast as hell.

There's the actual game.

There's the game
coaches play with players,

players play with refs.

There's the games that we play
with ourselves in our own mind.

So that you don't get stuck.

Then down the field with the puck,

and forward, you cover the damn
defense here on the blue line.

Bam!

So, if a single bastard messes up,
then he ruins the entire game plan.

We must 100% focus from start.

If just one guy fucks the dog,

the play won't work.

The rest will work itself out.

All good?

- Yeah.
- Surely.

Now, work strong,
fuckers, today, huh?

- Did you get...
- I know. I didn't.

It's not English,
so I rarely do.

Behind the left!

Behind the left!

Nobody has 99
on his jersey, fuckers.

Make the pass
when you get the lane!

Dean.

- Okay, it's time for the Robitaille.
- Okay.

All right, what's the play?

He wants us to
run the Robitaille.

- What the fuck's a Robitaille?
- No idea.

Who knows? Just get the puck
to me. We'll figure it out.

Get the puck
to the winger!

That's not the Robitaille!

- Nice work, buddy.
- Thanks a lot.

Dean! Dean.

Reverse Robitaille.

- Works every time.
- Mm-hmm.

So, this is enough for you?

Huh?

Because that's
what it looks like.

One big fucking joke.

Okay, boys.

We finish with a nice shootout

and Dean will go get changed,

so he doesn't get
late for his casino.

Go, go!

I like it.

Keep doing it.

Make me very happy.

Bye, bye!

Elin! You should come
out an dance with us.

Too sober to dance right now.

Maybe later, okay?

Suit yourself.

Hey, all right.

Well, look at that.

The cute American football player is here.

Look, I got
"hello" and "footballer."

- The rest is...
- You almost got it.

- Almost? Yeah, okay.
- Mm-hmm.

I'll have to...

Hey, you think I could
get a, like a Carlsberg?

Is that cool?

Do you even have a brother?

- Two?
- Two.

Johan's at university
at Uppsala,

and Elias is trying to
get through high school.

What about you?

I got through
high school and college.

- Impressive.
- I know, high roller.

- I meant siblings.
- Yeah, I know.

I got, um, um, one.
Younger sister.

Her name's Claire. She's 14.

So she's, um,
a, uh, sophomore in high school.

Tough age.

- It's your turn now.
- To do that?

I'd have to stretch first.

- Have you ever been to Central Park?
- Central Park?

Yeah, I grew up across
the street. On Museum Mile.

The apartments
on 96th and 5th ave.

By the Guggenheim!

Yeah, well, like,
ten blocks away.

Why, have you been before?

- Never been to the U.S.
- Uh-huh.

But I looked into working there.

Oh, yeah, and what?
What happened?

- I didn't hear back.
- Oh.

But, it's still
on my bucket list.

Bucket list? Maybe to-do list.

I think you're a little
too young for a bucket list.

- To-do list.
- Okay, I didn't mean it in that way.

Um, well, hey,
when you do decide to go,

I think you'll love it.

Like, everything you
could ever want is right there.

So why are you
here in Nowhere, Sweden?

Well, um,
playing hockey professionally

is the one thing
I couldn't do there.

I could barely do it here.

Welcome to Sweden!

- Tak?
- Tak.

- Tak.
- Tak.

Mm. Tak.

So, how did it go
last night?

Good.

I think.

I'm supposed to
see her next week.

Nice. Want some, uh,
Kalles caviar on your krakes?

Um...

It...

Mm, close. It's not hears
delicious, it sounds delicious.

It sounds delicious.

- It sounds delicious.
- Yeah, it sounds delicious.

That's good!

- Okay.
- There you are.

Thank you.

- I can't wait to cook in a real kitchen.
- Mm.

Mm, so much for
our relaxing breakfast.

You're in check by the way.

- Check?
- Fuck you, check.

Better move your king.

Come on.

It sounds delicious.

Hey, just Sanders.

Gabbe's ride's on its way.

See you later, man.

I'll see you on the ice, yeah?

See you later, buddy.

Let's go.

Yo.

- Hey, coach. How you doing?
- Ah.

Take a seat, Bobby.

We've had to make some hard
decisions on players, Bobby.

As you know, it's, uh,

expensive to have
an extra American on the club.

So...

this is a contract
for the rest of the season.

I hope you're
worth it, fuckface.

Thanks, coach.

Nice work.

So, play better, right?

Will do. Thank you, coach.

It's our shared passion
for the game

that creates a deep
understanding of one another's

hardships on and off the ice.

However, we are each
other's greatest competition,

and having success on the ice...

is always at the expense
of someone else.

They take your pants
when you're cut?

Yes, well, it's,
they're never really your pants.

They're more on loan, basically.

- So impersonal.
- Is it? You think so?

- Yes.
- Yeah, all right. Maybe I got used to it.

- Really.
- Mm.

How did Gabbe
take it when he was cut?

Um, I don't know.

I didn't really get a chance
to see him before he left.

- You haven't spoken to him since?
- No.

So no goodbye?

No, well, we're not
really big on goodbyes.

The longer you do this, the more it
just kind of happens to everyone.

So, that's how it works.

- Kind of sad.
- You think so?

- I don't...
- Not saying goodbye to your new friends.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean,
kind of the best relationships

I've ever had though
have been these ones where I,

you know, these fleeting ones
where I don't have to

say goodbye, I guess.

- That's really sad.
- Is that sad?

- Yeah, very sad.
- Is that really pathetic?

Well, the good news
is you've got a contract,

and I think that's
worth celebrating, you know?

- Have you had Swedish food?
- No, I haven't.

Do you want to try some?

- It sounds delicious.
- It sounds delicious?

- Yeah.
- Good Swedish.

I'm trying.

So food must be pretty
good in this place, huh?

- Trust me, it's not the food.
- Mm-hmm.

Lindefors is closed on Sundays,

so this is
the only place that's open.

- Oh.
- Tak.

Uh, English for you.

Yes, please. Thank you so much.

- Thanks.
- Who's the cute American?

He is kind of cute, isn't he?

- Hockey player?
- Yes.

Um, cute footballer, actually.

We don't have
a football team here.

- You guys don't have a football team?
- We don't have a football team.

Sorry, I lied before.

You know what?

- What?
- I was thinking.

Thinking.

I think we should end this.

End what?

- What're we talking about?
- This.

Us, like our relationship.

- Mm.
- Spare us both the heartache.

Yes, yes. End, so you're ending

this on our first date.

Okay.

And, um, I really
enjoyed our time together,

and I think you're
a really sweet guy, Bobby.

- Mm-hmm.
- It's been magical.

I just feel like
we've been drifting apart

over these past few minutes.

Yeah, you know,
I'm not surprised.

I'm hurt, but I'm not surprised.

I sort of started
feeling a distance.

- Uh, the moment we met...
- You felt, you felt it too.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I should really call my mom.
I think she was really

banking on this one working out.

Well, now that we
got it out of the way,

should we just enjoy this?

Yeah, well, sure, but there's
one thing first before we

- call this quits.
- What?

You think that
if, uh, we're breaking up

you can split the bill maybe?

We were going to split the bill
anyways. This is Sweden.

Okay, well, then
maybe you can pay for me...

...considering I'm so heartbroken.

Hey, they let you keep
your skates and equipment on

when they're taking
these measurements?

Quit bullshitting around.
Let's go.

Come on. Play the game.

That's
Matthew Sullivan. Sully.

Plays forward for
the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Best friend since college.

Yes, and Mackers is up next.

Let's see what we got.

You will be streaming gay porn

on all wired
internet library computers.

- Not too shabby.
- That's right up your alley.

- Mack.
- What?

Your costume's shit, by the way.

It cost me 35 dollars.

Ladies!

Either of you happen
to find me lucky charms?

Maybe the Sugar Plum Fairy
took them.

I'm more of
a Wheaties guy myself.

Great source of fiber.

Let me guess,
lacrosse initiation?

- Ouch.
- Best you just bus your trays

and get out of here. Before you make
even bigger fools of yourselves.

- Why you always got to be a dick?
- Fucking asshole.

But seriously,
lacrosse initiation?

Seriously? I don't know...

What the fuck are you doing now?

Updating the Penguins GM

on how their
second round draft pick

is preparing for the season.

Oh, don't touch me!

- Why you benching me?
- This guy's better than you.

How's the girl?

Well, she's Swedish.

She's 23 and she's hot.

The hell she doing with you?

That's the same bullshit
glitz goal you used in college.

It's gutless.

All right, all right,
all right. Hit X.

No. What's the point
of scoring if I can't cele?

Why do we even have to
play with offsides anyway?

Because you suck
at rock, paper, scissors.

How are the girls in Pittsburgh?

What do you think?
It's not Sweden.

It's Pittsburgh.

How's the body holding up?

Good.

Fucking bullshit skill stick.

Are you serious?
You can't pause the game

when I'm
in the middle of a breakaway.

I got to get to practice.

That's an automatic forfeit.

Fuck that.
We'll finish up tonight.

Hey, by the way, I'm going
to need another signed jersey.

It's going to have to
be game worn this time.

Hey, don't you
dare record that win.

All right, fine. Relax.

Robert H.

Sanders!

Would you rather make out
with the mustache girl

from the kabob shop
five minutes,

or get a hand job
from Ragge two minutes?

- Eye contact?
- Goes without saying.

- Kabob place on Kuddegard?
- Yeah.

- Hand job Ragge for sure.
- Hand job Ragge.

Yeah, hand job Ragge.

Hey, hey!

Do you know what he's
listening to all the time?

Roos!

He wants to know what you're listening to.

If he scores tonight, I'll tell him.

He says if you score
tonight, he will tell you.

Wash your hands. That's gross.

You know your blood type?

O positive, negative.

Why?

Leveque. Going to want to
stay out of his way tonight.

Oh, is this the guy?

This is the guy.

Two years in the show.

Three years in the jail.

Making his comeback.

Yeah, well that's
some serious redemption.

You got to respect that, bud.

He tried to kill a guy
with a pair of scissors.

Oh, well, good luck.

I didn't even know he could do
that. I mean, it makes sense,

but scissors? Jesus Christ.

Don't want to
fuck with that guy.

Hey, Leveque,
they sell those muffins

by the dozen, you fucking plug?

He's going to kill me
or he's going to kill you.

Let's go.

Come down!

I fought him before.

Even beat the piss
out of him one time.

Of course, I was playing
NHL '03 on my PlayStation 2.

Fuck.

- You don't want to do that.
- Yeah?

Looks like your boy's trying
to give him French braids.

What are you doing here?

Way back to the NHL, you?

- Still working on that.
- Huh.

Going to be kind of tough
with your skates untied.

Keep your head up out there, eh?

Hey, my sister had
one of these growing up.

One of what?

Um, Pippi Longstocking doll.

Pippi Langstrump.

Oh, you guys had
your own name for it too?

The Swedish fairytale
that you Americans stole.

Yeah, well
that's what we do best.

Although, you guys
did steal Halloween and

uh, Mother's Day, Black Friday,
plastic surgery, and...

You better be quiet
because Pippi Langstrump

is the strongest girl in the
world and she will kick your butt.

Oh, yeah? On dry land maybe.

I think on skates
I could take her.

No, no. Her dad's a sea captain

so she's been
on the seas her whole life.

India, China, Arabia.

America.

- Not yet, but she's going to get there.
- Right.

Where are you taking me tonight?

I am taking you

on a camping trip
in the Carpathians.

Whether we make it
back is a risky prospect.

Tell me
where we're going.

Come on.

Ladies first.

All right, one second.

You're going to have to help me.

- Okay, ready?
- Yeah.

And we're... gliding.

And we're float... Oh.

You got it. Ready.

Hey, Roos!

Thanks, bud.

You are welcome, fuckface.

This is very
sweet of you, fuckface.

- Oh, thank you so much.
- This is beautiful.

- That's, wow.
- Thank you.

Thank me once we survive this.

Yes, you have to, you
have to teach me how to do this.

- All right, ready? So...
- So.

You push off,
say, with your right foot

and then glide on your
left and then vice versa.

- You got it?
- Okay.

- You got it?
- Eh.

That's pretty good!

Kind of doing it.

Can you try and just...

I have seen a Picasso
exhibit somewhere before.

- That's Cubism. Not impressionism.
- Yeah.

Cubists painting
have a more deranged idea

of time and space
and matter and objects.

Okay.

While us Impressionists,
which are my favorite.

Right.

They use vivid brush strokes

and dream-like colors
and it's very beautiful.

It makes my heart beat.

Wow. You do know your art.

I'll give you that.

Have you ever been to the MET?

Um, yes, I have and it is,

it's huge and you'll love it.

It's filled with paintings
and statues of naked guys,

- mostly with their... missing.
- Very funny.

No, I'm serious.
It's the Catholic Church.

They ordered in
the 4th century the removal of,

all of the statues'...

- Penises.
- Exactly.

And there's actually,
there's a room somewhere.

There's a vault in the MET
where all of these, you know.

Penises.

Stone penises are meticulously
cataloged and stored.

I mean, can you, can you imagine
having to work there everyday?

I can.

I mean, it would be a dream.

- Not in the penis vault.
- Oh, okay.

But at the MET,
or the Guggenheim,

or some other museum
in New York.

It would be amazing.

Well, tell you what.
If you come visit me,

I'll take you
to all those places.

Deal.

It's an accepted truth
that the birthplace of ice hockey

is the frozen ponds of Canada,
but thousands of years prior,

Vikings in Scandinavia invented
a game called Knattleikr

played on thing ice. Players used sticks
to try to put a small ball into a goal.

The game featured penalties,
penalty boxes, body contact, spectators,

intimidation,
and probably verbally abusing

whoever was officiating.

It's knowing stuff like this
that keeps me from getting laid.

Hello. Where are you?
Are you there?

- I'm so sorry.
- Are you thinking about hockey?

Yeah, well, we are in
a, we're in a hockey rink so...

Let's go somewhere else then.

You still thinking about hockey?

Hockey?

I don't think I've
ever heard of hockey before.

I don't know who that is.

No, I was really thinking about how
I should probably call my girlfriend.

I'm joking. I'm joking!

It's a joke!

Um, I was thinking about hair.

Hair?
You're thinking about hair.

For the next game.

If I should slick it back

or keep it natural or...

So, where you off to next?

Um... Kiruna.

- Yeah?
- Kiruna.

Kiruna. Um, which is north

of the Arctic circle.

No, I meant next season.

Where are you going?

Oh, Jesus. Um, Siberia I hope.

Somewhere warmer than here.

Oh, um, well,

maybe I'll just hang out here
and hang out with the girl

who works at the super market.
I don't know.

- That's the answer I wanted.
- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah?
- You can stay here.

In this bed.

For the rest of the season.

Countries change,
players come and go.

Hell, even winning is temporary,

but there is one constant

we all take
great comfort in, McDonald's.

That'll be 2201 kronor, please.

- They really love you on here.
- Who?

The girls on the fan forum.

- What do they say?
- Oh, well, this grade A bitch, wait.

Good evening. Baltic Holidays.

Mr.Dumaras speaking,
which places would you like to visit?

- Firestick?
- Yeah. Yeah.

Order from the Amazon,

and do the jailbreak.

You know, how you watch for
free so channels won't be suck?

Mm-hmm.

I show you.

Thanks. So I says to her,
you may be a lady,

but Gunther's
the hottest bitch in class.

You know, cause
Gunther is a dog.

- Yeah, I can see that.
- That's... right.

There's nothing
funny about that. Sorry.

Fuck it. Roos thinks I'm funny.

Okay, who the fuck
drank my McFlurry?

You don't drink McFlurry.

You eat McFlurry, you idiot.

Fucking Russians.

Pay day, Roos.

I scored tonight. Come on.

What's up?

What's up?

How are you?

How are you?

Good game, shithead.

Good game, shithead.

Start...

Well, the expression is
"lagom ar bast,"

and "lagom" is a word
that means...

- It's kind of hard to define.
- Mm-hmm.

Um, but it means not
too much, not too little...

Not too little,
just the right amount.

But, it's not
like perfect either.

- Right.
- It's kind of, anyway, so.

Is it like Jante Law a little?

- Is that how you say it? Jante Law?
- Jante Law?

- Jante Law.
- Where'd you hear about Jante Law?

Um, Gabbe told me
about it when he was here.

Have you spoken to
him since he was cut?

No, I actually haven't yet.

But, um, um.

- Oh, shit, it's Gabbe.
- Is it really Gabbe?

No, it's not. Just kidding.
It's my little sister.

- You want to, you want to say hi to her?
- Very funny.

- Sure. Yeah.
- Okay.

Hi, Claire!

What are you doing?

I am sitting on

this big ass lake
with my friend Elin.

Hi, Claire. Nice to meet you.

You too!

She's so beautiful.
Why is she with you?

Okay, what do
you need, Claire?

Do you have any of
your high school papers

on The Great Gatsby?
We have a term paper due in two weeks.

I can see when I get home.
What's the topic?

I forget what it is exactly,

but it's something to
do with the American dream.

Okay, I can see what
I can dig up on my computer.

Can you just please send me
whatever papers you have?

Yes, Claire!
Did you even read the book?

Yes, but I don't
really understand it.

Okay, well, um...

it's like, it's like Gatsby's
reaching for something that's,

that's already
behind him, right?

Please just send me
any papers you have.

I'll make sure he does.

Thanks, Elin!
Why are you with my brother?

Okay, thanks very much,
Claire. Thank you.

She's so sweet. She's funny.

- Oh, you think that was sweet?
- Yes.

- I like that she makes fun of you.
- Okay.

- You deserve it.
- Yes, yes.

Well, I miss her. I actually
really do miss her sometimes.

- I understand.
- Hmm.

I think we should swim.
Should we have a swim?

- Swimming?
- Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely.

We always went to swim
with our clothes on

in Winter when we were children.

They had to like, test
to see if we could stay afloat

- if we accidentally fell in.
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, and then we sauna.

So, we do like, in and out,

- and then we roll around in the snow.
- Oh, okay.

Do you want to go
inside and have a beer or something?

Sure.

Do you think
your family wishes you were more

conventional
with your life choice?

Conventional how?

Get a stable job, like
a 9:00 to 5:00 kind of thing.

Living in New York, having a
girlfriend, and all that kind of stuff.

- Yeah, sure, sure, sure.
- That kind of thing.

But, I mean,
I think that they're...

I think that
they're pretty supportive.

Whether they understand it

completely is a different story.

I mean, what about,
what about your folks?

Do they, are they
supportive of your...

artistic ambitions?

My dad was an artist so
he's kind of thrilled...

Oh, yeah?

...that I'm doing the same thing
or that I'm interested in,

- you know, his passion.
- What kind of an artist?

- He worked with wood, mostly engraving.
- Mm-hmm.

Well, what happened?
You said "was."

- You happened?
- I happened.

I think I came as
a bit of a surprise to them.

I wasn't planned and, you know,
living the bohemian life

in Stockholm in a small apartment
didn't really work with a baby,

so we moved back here and, all
of a sudden,

23 years have gone by
and here we are,

and he's
a wood shop teacher now.

Well, do you, do you ever,
do you think that he ever...

you know, dreams
about what might have been?

He probably, probably does.

I think he's happy that

he can live
vicariously through me.

Um, yeah.

What about you? Do you think
that you would be resentful

if you had to stay in America
and not follow your dream?

I'd like to say no.

- Okay, well here's a question.
- What?

- If you were to wake up tomorrow...
- Mm-hmm.

...to the shocking realization

that you
suddenly have three kids,

and you had to put your whole life
on hold for obvious reasons...

would you resent those kids?

Guess I would, yeah.

- Here's another question.
- Okay.

Do you even want to have kids?

- Is it terrible if I say no?
- No, it's not

- terrible at all.
- Because I don't think I want kids at all.

I just thought I had you pegged.

Pegged as Swedish housewife.

- No, no.
- Caring for her husband...

- No, no, no. No, no.
- ...and her children,

cooking cinnamon buns all day.

Okay, okay, no, no.
I guess I realized

I just don't really know you.
That's all.

I guess you don't.

- I'm Elin.
- Bobby.

- Nice to make your acquaintance.
- Nice to meet you, yes.

- Finally.
- Yes.

- Your dream is to go to the NHL?
- Yeah, something like that.

What do you, what do you think
the odds are that you'll go there?

Kind of not so great odd...
kind of terrible odds, actually.

So why keep doing it?

Okay, first thing I ever slept with
was a two piece aluminum stick.

I got it for my seventh birthday.
I scored in three straight games.

- I used it in Mike's. Yes.
- You talking about hockey?

- We're still talking about hockey.
- Okay.

- Okay.
- It's a really important thing to me.

I think it's still in
my parent's house somewhere.

I put it somewhere.
English, please.

I need all the help that I can get.

Thank you.
But yeah, I think it's still

in my mom's apartment
somewhere. Anyway...

Just when you think
they're about to fall apart!

Ducks fly together!

When the beer is warm
and the girls ain't pretty!

Ducks fly together!

When we're up by five
and there's ten minutes left!

Ducks fly together!

We all know that last one's
never happened boys.

Let's get real.

Conway is a defensive
liability every shift.

Yeah, well, if Bombay put
him on a line with some

play makers
rather than Connie Moreau,

then maybe he
wouldn't feel the need to

do everything himself.

New movie!

- We've seen this a hundred fucking times.
- Which way's the bus face?

Hey, uh, what's
rule number three?

- No shitting on the bus, Tomas.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, got it.

I make the rules,
I can break the rules.

Tak, Klas.

You keep
playing how you did tonight,

and I'm going to lose you
to that league, fuckface.

Yeah, there's only two North American
imports for each team, right?

Three when I played there.

- When was that?
- Two seasons before the sharks signed me.

San Jose?

Hmm, I never played the show.

Got to play in
Cleveland for their farm team.

Did you... Oh, no, thank you.

How long did you play
in Cleveland?

Four weeks.

Hurt my shoulder. Got cut.

Came back to play here.

All rise for
the honorable Judge Graybeard.

Please be seated.

- How do they plead?
- Guilty. All of them.

Okay, let's, uh,
let's start with Gustav.

50 Kronor for, uh,
stepping on the logo.

Dumi, another phone call
in the locker room.

Third offense, 100 Kronor.

I get rebuttal?

Not today.

Then kiss my ass.

Bobby.

70 Kronor for, uh, snapping your
stick in the equipment room.

I got docked
for that last paycheck.

Twice the amount for rebuttal.

That's 140 Kronor.

- Dean.
- Hmm.

- 50 Kronor for that haircut.
- Make it 100.

No one should look this good.

Hey, I got one.

It's on Roos.

He told Elin I have the worst
shootout moves in all of Sweden.

- What do you say, Roos? Is it true?
- Absolutely.

I guess that's it.

Court is adjourned.
You may finish

preparations for practice.

Ah, please roll me out.

Klas, you look
like Oreo without cookie.

- Yeah, double stuffed.
- Rookie, let's go.

Wheel him out.

All right, I'm going
to need you, need you

to give me some help
with some simple math here.

You're assuming
a lot on my behalf.

Do you carry
the one or is that, uh...

Well, first of all,
court is spelled with a "U."

Yeah.

Is that wrong?

- We'll figure it out.
- Okay.

Ooo. Money money.

You're going to look dashing
with that mustache, Bobby.

No pressure.

Okay, if I miss this,

it's my turn to grow a mustache.

Shit.

I don't know if
I can even grow a mustache.

Maybe I should go
Gunner Stall on this one.

Triple deek, hi-glove.
You know, I like to get fancy.

Man, Dumi has a good fucking
command of the English language.

I should hang out with him more.

Triple deek?

That's one of the dumbest ideas
I've ever had.

I can't believe
that entered my mind.

Plus, didn't Julie
the cat stone Gunner in D2?

Wait, why the hell does Gunner do
a full stop after the triple deek?

That completely
negates the purpose of it.

Just shoot the fucking puck.

- Nice dump in, Sanders!
- Oh!

Goal line.

Bobby, you okay?

- Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm good.
- You okay?

Okay, guys, that's it for today.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

What do you think? Is it bad?

I want to do an MRI.

Too much swelling to know for sure,

but there's nothing wrong
with the range of motion.

Could be
just a pulled hamstring,

- but, uh, we'll do an MRI to be safe.
- Sure.

It's open.

I got some
really good news.

Hey, Elin, this Dr. Svensson
and you know coach Tomas.

- Nice to meet you, I'm Elin.
- You too.

- Hi, Tomas.
- Elin.

Is everything okay here?

I just, I tweaked
my hamstring at practice

a little bit,
but it's not a big deal.

Take two of these
with every meal, and, uh,

ice it every 20 minutes
and keep it elevated.

Okay.

I'll get the MRI scheduled
first thing on Monday.

Very good. Thanks.

Thanks for coming by, Tomas.

Yup.

You get some rest.

He should rest.

Okay.

- Bye.
- Bye.

An MRI?
That sounds kind of serious.

No, it'll be all right.

You sure?

Yeah.

Um, what's the good news?

Oh, um, nothing.

- Nothing. Silly.
- Well, now it's mysterious.

It was nothing.
I was trying to make a joke.

- It was nothing. I promise.
- Okay.

Roberto, what's shaking, playa?
Want to play NHL?

Nah.

I fucked up my hamstring
at practice today.

- Bad?
- I don't think so.

Anything to do with the back?

I have an MRI
Monday to see what the deal is.

Hey, why'd they, uh, scratch you
from last night's line up?

Uh, Pittsburgh traded me,
man, to the Rangers.

Coming home.

Dude, that's pretty sick.
Playing in the Garden?

Oh, please, man. Come on.

You're the one
with Swedish girlfriend

and guys that actually
play video games on your team.

All the young guys here
are Russian.

They don't give
a shit about vids.

And the older guys, they suck.

So, I'm stuck playing with
the captain's ten-year old kid,

and that little shit uses
all these bullshit cheat codes,

so it's either that or playing

fucking campaign
mode on Call of Duty.

Ah, that's still pretty sick.

Being in New York
I'm sure will be better.

I heard Michelle Hull's
moving back.

What?

Remember
you took her roommate out

sophomore year
and ended the date

by kissing her on the forehead?

Dude, she had mono.

Yeah, freshman year, brother.

You got the squarest
wheels in the league.

That shit... it's contagious.

They can be
dormant for over a year.

- I don't... whatever.
- All right, look.

If your leg falls off and need
to come back to New York,

Macker can probably get you
a look at Goldman's.

Yeah, who hires a leprechaun
to guard their gold.

Exactly, plus I'll
have an extra bedroom.

I'll send you a link
to this place I found.

Tribeca, no broker fee.

Oh, and I got the new
Call of Duty: Black Ops.

I'll hit you later, Sully.

All right, brother.
I'll talk to you later.

Well, no sign of a tear.

Thank fucking God.

But, we can't rule out
a recurring problem.

Now, this could be the result

of your body overcompensating
for your previous injury.

Now if this is the case, and you continue
to play, it could be a great risk.

Okay, um,
but if it's not the case,

and it's
just a pulled hamstring...

I mean, how long you think
until I can get back on the ice?

You'll miss three games,
maybe four maximum.

Think we could tell Tomas three?

Don't worry about that bastard.

He'll understand, but I will
tell him three just in case.

Thank you very much.

So um, how long have
you guys known each other?

Oh, um, classmates as kids,

and we've been
friends now maybe 20 years.

Wow. So, what's the deal
with the, uh, shoulder then?

- Shoulder?
- Yeah, you know.

He played in Cleveland.

Injured his shoulder.

Had to quit, come home.

He stopped playing
because of his goddaughter.

She has
the same problem as Roos.

He came home to
take care of her.

All right, Bobby.

- Take it easy out there.
- Yeah. Thanks very much, doctor.

Thanks for the lift, pal.

Uber's dog shit out here.

Yeah, how'd it go?

Uh, bullshit automatic shuffler.

Well, you got to play
the cards you're dealt, buddy.

Yeah?
You play the cards you're dealt,

they'll butt
fuck you half the time.

- I thought you were good.
- I am.

However, the key is
knowing when to fold.

Oh, yes, Kenny Rogers?
And how do you know when to fold?

Well, if I knew that,
I probably wouldn't be here, would I?

I'd be yucking it up at
the final table with Phil Ivey.

You want to know when to fold?
You play

enough hands, you figure
it out for yourself.

There she is.

- Who?
- Rebecca.

My home game muse.

She, uh, looking to
play a little double dutch?

Yeah, she wants me to serve

a five minute major
in her penalty box, baby.

Do we play home this weekend
or are we on the road?

We are away.

Fuck.

You going to save
that sucker to drafts?

Yeah.

Can't fuck with tradition.

Hey, yeah, she
actually kind of reminds me

of, um, a girl from college.

Was she hot?

- Yeah, sh-
- Okay, so stop right there.

Just think
the story through first.

The timing and shit like that.
You know.

Fuck you.

Hey, you ever,
you ever thought about

what you might do after hockey?

Yeah, I got an idea.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

No joke, it's
like a trillion dollar idea.

And if that doesn't work out,

I'll probably
be a cop back home.

So, what's the idea?

Yeah, right.
You think I'm going to tell you

and let you steal it
like those robot douche bags

took Eisenberg's Facebook.

Keep dreaming, buddy.

I mean...

truthfully, I think next season
will probably be my last one.

Because you know,
there's a point in hockey

when you go
from prospect to suspect,

and even the police academy's

got an age limit
for consideration.

So, I figured I'd make the call

before the hockey gods do.

What about you?

It's like, you do
something long enough,

you kind of don't know
what you'd be without it.

Yeah, well, maybe you find out

who you are by first
finding out who you're not.

Oh, shit, check it out.

What the fuck is that?

I think it's
the northern lights.

How does that happen?

Mm, negatively charged ions

near the poles
or something like that.

Easy, Harvard.

Well, it has to be a good sign.

d I've been
keeping it on the DL d

d Got a girl that keeps
it real d

d That's all I need to know
and all you need to know, babe d

d Since you been gone
I'd been getting laid back d

Hey, nice fanny duster, brother.

Hello, hello, this is Dumas.

Yes, it's two hours to Vilnis.

Only five minutes walk
to world famous Pussy Lounge.

What are you doing, brother?
Are you booking a vacation? What is it?

Sorry, please hold. Please hold.

No, no, no, no, no, I have, um,

Air BNB's. American's love them.

I have like six of them.

Yeah, sorry. Sorry, I, uh,
have, uh, I'm in the club.

- It's very loud.
- That's bullshit. You do it on an app.

Why is he on the phone?

Hustling all day, every day.

Fellas. Sorry I'm late, boys.

Hey, so how's the, um,
how's the Rebecca situation?

Home game muse.

High maintenance as usual.

Couldn't get out
of my room this morning.

Told her we had practice.
She wanted to watch,

so I had to
audible an off ice workout,

hence the whole headband and...

Jesus Christ.

She did however,
show me the uh... Roganverdon?

Oy, oy, oy, wheelbarrow.

I love this one.
Yeah, it's nice.

So, what's the, what's the Roganverdon?
What's the verdict on that?

I wouldn't do it
with a pulled hamstring.

- No?
- Yeah, yeah, we will need a spotter.

What's this?

It's an '82. It's good.
You sip it slow.

It gets you drunk fast.

No, no, no, no, no.
I... what the fuck?

- I don't drink this shit!
- You'll drink horse piss,

but you won't
drink delicious box wine?

What's wrong with you?
Fucking Russian.

- I'm Latvian!
- Whatever.

In NHL action,
the New York Rangers

defeated Florida Panthers
four goals to two.

The Rangers were led
by a two goal performance

from newly acquired
center man Matthew Sullivan.

In local news, band legend...

Hey, you ever
thought about, you know,

what it might be like, you know,

if you were, if you were better?

Ah, in Latvia, my grandfather
always tells me...

"It's better to have the sparrow

in the hand than
the pigeon on the rooftop."

Yeah.

I literally have no idea
what you're talking about.

It means
what you have in the hands

could be what you're
looking for in the skies.

What do you see?

Yeah, yes. I understand
glass half full perspective.

Thank you very much, Ragge.

That's great. Thank you.

If I was in the NHL right now...

I would be having
drink at bar, yeah?

Celebrating you had good game.

Sharing drink with teammate.

What is this?

Try it. Yeah?

Latvian vodka.

Make Russian vodka

look like baby juice.

That stings.

Oh, my nose.

Hey, guys.

All right.

Hi!

- Drink?
- Yes, please.

- This for me?
- Yeah.

Cheers!

- Cheers!
- Cheers!

Here's to you getting back out
on the ice where you belong.

Cheers.

Kumla breaks through, two to one, goal!

He put Kumla first on the leaderboard!

Hey, did you,
did you know that coach Tomas,

he, he played for Kumla?

Of course, dude.
They retired his jersey

in ceremony last year.

See, that's bullshit. How the hell is
turnstile Tony still in that league?

I don't understand why
they take guys like that.

I don't know, man.
He's got a pretty good shot.

Wasn't he like
a Devils draft pick

- a couple years ago?
- Does not matter.

He's not good at hockey.

He can't skate backwards and

he fumble fucks backhand passes.
He's bad.

Okay, well this is starting to
sound a little bit personal here.

What's your problem
with fumble fuck Tony?

I don't like him because he took
my spot on the national team.

You weren't going to
make the national team.

- I could have made the national team.
- No, shut up.

No, you must play
like ferret in kiddie pool

to be on national team.

Here you go.

- Thanks.
- Oh, one more.

I don't why I didn't tell him.

Guess I'm no better
at goodbyes than he is.

I don't know. Still seems
kind of fucked up though.

Yeah, I probably
should have seen it coming.

To be honest,
I kind of respect her for it.

Yeah, well... you were probably

going to leave her in the dust at
the end of the season anyhow, so...

Yeah.

Hey, want to play NHL?

Can't do it, buddy.
Poker tourney starts in five.

- Got to pay rent, you know?
- Okay, brother.

- See you in the morning.
- Later.

Sometimes I feel
like it's not

a reality I'm living in.

The game
requires and unrelenting,

alienating self-absorption.

Maybe that's just how I see it.

When was the last time I had a
conversation that didn't revolve

around me and hockey?

It's like I'm on
this delusional journey.

All these people around me are the
extras and the places just pit stops.

Is this all
just another memory for me

to tuck away,
never to return to?

Maybe this is the dream, and
I've been missing it all along.

Spring is
just around the corner,

which means desperation time
in the European minor leagues.

Some guys desperate
to make the playoffs...

others desperate
to go to Thailand.

The season's pretty much done.

Mathematically
eliminated from the playoffs.

Once the regular season's over,

some guys will say goodbye.

Most guys won't.

Nearly everyone
will end up here,

raiding the equipment room,

stealing extra
gear for the summer.

- You got that?
- Yeah, let's get out of here.

Hold on. One second.

- You hear back from Tomas yet?
- No.

It doesn't make any sense. I don't know
why'd they cut the leading goal scorer.

It makes all
the sense in the world, man.

Four throw away games left,

they save money
by cutting me now.

Yeah.

Hey, need your help.

And grab a twig.

All right.

Yeah. You give me that?

All right.

So what's the game plan?

Uh, my good buddy Sully's
playing

in New York for the Rangers,

so I was thinking I might,
yeah, stay with him.

Yeah? That or track down Elin.

Yeah, maybe.

Snap a pic.

Wait, wait, wait,
how's the salad look?

- Brutal.
- Sick.

Take a step to you right.

- Yeah?
- Your other right.

Hey, fuckface.

I wouldn't retire that just yet.

Kumla called.

They want you in
their lineup tonight.

Hey.

Dear me, I
hope you find something you love

as much as I love hockey.

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