Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,569 --> 00:00:04,743
.
2
00:00:04,787 --> 00:00:06,310
- Today is the day.
3
00:00:06,354 --> 00:00:07,920
- Isn't that always true, sir?
4
00:00:07,964 --> 00:00:10,836
- Our sister city mayors
start arriving this morning.
5
00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:12,490
Hey, Jayden, I appreciate
6
00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:14,753
that you listened when I said,
"Try to look nice."
7
00:00:14,797 --> 00:00:16,712
- Oh, can you tell
it's from a magician's costume?
8
00:00:16,755 --> 00:00:18,453
- I think the coat and tie
is plenty.
9
00:00:18,496 --> 00:00:20,107
- Oh.
- Okay, this visit
10
00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:22,674
isn't just about
pleasantries and goodwill.
11
00:00:22,718 --> 00:00:26,330
We have a chance to do
real things for the city here.
12
00:00:26,374 --> 00:00:28,637
I mean, Nagoya, Japan,
has a bullet train
13
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:31,205
that could get you
to San Diego in an hour.
14
00:00:31,248 --> 00:00:33,816
- To protest the navy's
secret dolphin programs.
15
00:00:33,859 --> 00:00:35,122
- And I want to set up
a cultural exchange
16
00:00:35,165 --> 00:00:36,688
with the mayor of Giza.
17
00:00:36,732 --> 00:00:39,300
The treasures of the pyramids
in exchange for some
18
00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:40,562
of our cultural artifacts,
19
00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:42,346
like Kevin Hart's
watch collection.
20
00:00:42,390 --> 00:00:44,044
- Kevin Hart
lives in my building.
21
00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:45,175
- Jayden, we've been over this.
22
00:00:45,219 --> 00:00:46,829
That's a precocious
Black child.
23
00:00:46,872 --> 00:00:48,352
- [mouthing words]
- And fingers crossed,
24
00:00:48,396 --> 00:00:51,529
the mayor of Auckland could be
our connection to finally
25
00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:54,837
getting some chlamydia-free
koalas for the LA Zoo.
26
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:56,360
- Oh!
[applause]
27
00:00:56,404 --> 00:00:59,146
- So this event
was Jayden's brainchild,
28
00:00:59,189 --> 00:01:02,845
so he will have the honor of
picking the mayors up from LAX.
29
00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:04,151
This is gonna be amazing.
30
00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:05,848
I finally get to do
what I'm good at.
31
00:01:05,891 --> 00:01:08,807
- Keeping it tight?
- Negotiating face-to-face,
32
00:01:08,851 --> 00:01:10,766
turning on the charm,
making deals,
33
00:01:10,809 --> 00:01:12,507
cutting through red tape.
34
00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:14,335
I mean, the bureaucracy here--
35
00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:17,033
I'm still waiting for approval
to remove that bust
36
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,556
of OJ Simpson.
37
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:21,255
But today it's just me
in a room working my magic.
38
00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:22,821
- Oh, if you need a cape.
39
00:01:22,865 --> 00:01:25,563
- Last Father's Day,
Orly gave me a mug that says,
40
00:01:25,607 --> 00:01:28,740
"You got the same hours
in a day as Beyoncé."
41
00:01:28,784 --> 00:01:32,309
Well, today I'm getting more
done than she ever dreamed of.
42
00:01:32,353 --> 00:01:34,137
- You can't say that.
- Take it back.
43
00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:35,834
both: The hive
is always listening.
44
00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:38,837
[bright music]
45
00:01:38,881 --> 00:01:44,843
♪
46
00:01:44,887 --> 00:01:46,149
- Good weekend?
47
00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:48,369
- Fantastic.
My downstairs neighbor
48
00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:50,022
parked me in,
so I couldn't leave the house.
49
00:01:50,066 --> 00:01:52,329
It was a great opportunity for
me to have cereal nine times.
50
00:01:52,373 --> 00:01:54,244
- Oh, you should've called me.
I love cereal.
51
00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:56,203
- Oh, are we calling each other
52
00:01:56,246 --> 00:01:58,596
like we interact
outside of business hours?
53
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,859
- Yeah, you're right.
Seems risky.
54
00:02:02,339 --> 00:02:05,037
- Ooh, was that flirting?
55
00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:06,300
Well, let me go get a plate,
56
00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:08,171
'cause I need some
of that dish, girlfriend.
57
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:09,912
- What? No. Go away.
58
00:02:09,955 --> 00:02:11,261
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
59
00:02:11,305 --> 00:02:13,220
Do you really think
he was flirting?
60
00:02:13,263 --> 00:02:14,264
- Let's just say
that over the years,
61
00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:16,310
I have observed
a lot of romance.
62
00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:17,963
I'm my mom's wingman.
- What?
63
00:02:18,007 --> 00:02:19,791
Okay, well, there's nothing
going on between me and James.
64
00:02:19,835 --> 00:02:21,619
He and I are colleagues,
so please don't share
65
00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:23,708
your observations
with anyone else, okay?
66
00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:25,928
- No problem,
as long as I never experience
67
00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:29,627
a lull in conversations,
'cause I can't handle silences.
68
00:02:29,671 --> 00:02:30,802
Like this one.
69
00:02:30,846 --> 00:02:32,804
Oh, God, Mikaela,
please say something.
70
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:33,892
Fill the silence.
71
00:02:33,936 --> 00:02:36,243
I give my cat a bath
by licking it!
72
00:02:36,286 --> 00:02:38,375
♪
73
00:02:38,419 --> 00:02:42,205
- Okay, Orly, pretend
you're the mayor of Nagoya.
74
00:02:42,249 --> 00:02:44,251
- You want me to pretend
to be Japanese?
75
00:02:44,294 --> 00:02:45,469
That's appropriation.
76
00:02:45,513 --> 00:02:48,211
- [sighs]
Fine, you can do Athens.
77
00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:49,952
- Hi, I'm the mayor of Athens.
78
00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:51,649
- You know, if you're just
gonna phone it in...
79
00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:52,737
[explosions]
80
00:02:52,781 --> 00:02:55,305
Is that gunfire?
- I can't die today.
81
00:02:55,349 --> 00:02:57,220
My dried flower arrangements
are out there.
82
00:02:57,264 --> 00:02:58,874
They're Kelly Clarkson
for Wayfair!
83
00:02:58,917 --> 00:03:00,702
[explosion, bell rings]
84
00:03:00,745 --> 00:03:04,662
- Okay, back to one, people.
Resetting the pyro.
85
00:03:04,706 --> 00:03:06,838
- Excuse me.
Is this a film set?
86
00:03:06,882 --> 00:03:09,493
- It's a movie.
Megan Fox is playing a senator.
87
00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:10,712
- Okay, you're gonna need
to shut this down.
88
00:03:10,755 --> 00:03:12,453
The mayor is throwing
a party next door.
89
00:03:12,496 --> 00:03:15,630
- And we've got permits
from the mayor's office.
90
00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:18,241
- "The Town 2, colon,
Town and Out"?
91
00:03:18,285 --> 00:03:19,677
You're shooting LA
for Boston?
92
00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:20,852
- They're gonna change
the palm trees
93
00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:22,898
to statues of John Adams.
It'll be fine.
94
00:03:22,941 --> 00:03:24,508
- But the mayors are coming
in an hour.
95
00:03:24,552 --> 00:03:26,771
This is so important to my boss
and therefore to me.
96
00:03:26,815 --> 00:03:29,513
- If only the exposition in
"The Town 2" were that subtle.
97
00:03:29,557 --> 00:03:31,036
We're breaking for lunch
in an hour,
98
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,647
so today's your lucky day.
99
00:03:33,952 --> 00:03:37,347
- Okay, so "hello" in Greek
is "yassas."
100
00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:39,610
"Yes-ass"?
I'm not saying that.
101
00:03:39,654 --> 00:03:41,046
- Sir,
about the commotion outside.
102
00:03:41,090 --> 00:03:43,658
- Yeah, why does anyone
live on the east side?
103
00:03:43,701 --> 00:03:45,573
It's loud, there's no ocean,
104
00:03:45,616 --> 00:03:47,705
and every restaurant
has to have a concept.
105
00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:50,839
Here's a concept: Italian.
- Well observed, sir.
106
00:03:50,882 --> 00:03:53,929
Anyway, the headline is:
I took care of it.
107
00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:56,323
- Well, thank you, Tommy.
You're a lifesaver.
108
00:03:56,366 --> 00:03:58,542
- [gasps]
Well, yeah,
109
00:03:58,586 --> 00:03:59,891
I know how important today is,
110
00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:03,199
so I flexed some muscle
and was a real buff boy.
111
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,462
- Oh, well, great job.
112
00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:07,595
I don't know what the city
would do without you.
113
00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:12,077
- [yelps]
- A little birdie told me
114
00:04:12,121 --> 00:04:14,471
you want to make babies
with that I-Team boombalottie.
115
00:04:14,515 --> 00:04:16,038
- Damn it, Jayden.
116
00:04:16,081 --> 00:04:18,040
- My blood sugar drops
right before lunch
117
00:04:18,083 --> 00:04:19,389
and I get kind of quiet,
118
00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:21,783
and that boy just
has to fill the silence.
119
00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:23,350
- Okay, well, look,
I know what you're gonna say,
120
00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:24,699
but don't bother.
121
00:04:24,742 --> 00:04:26,527
There is nothing going on
between me and James.
122
00:04:26,570 --> 00:04:29,094
- Okay,
and what was I gonna say?
123
00:04:29,138 --> 00:04:32,097
- Uh, dating your coworkers
is a terrible idea.
124
00:04:32,141 --> 00:04:33,664
- Wrong.
125
00:04:33,708 --> 00:04:36,232
This life of ours doesn't leave
a lot of room for love,
126
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:37,929
so you got to get your jollies
127
00:04:37,973 --> 00:04:41,106
whenever the Jolly Rancher
rolls through town.
128
00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:42,717
And when I was your age,
129
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:44,414
there was a young man
I worked with.
130
00:04:44,458 --> 00:04:47,199
Name was Yitzhak Schimmel,
131
00:04:47,243 --> 00:04:48,810
Councilman Yitzhak Schimmel.
132
00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:50,115
- Damn, Arpi.
133
00:04:50,159 --> 00:04:52,596
You say his name
the way I say Regé-Jean Page.
134
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,903
- He was a whole snack,
that one.
135
00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:57,558
Chest hairs sprouting
like onion grass,
136
00:04:57,601 --> 00:04:59,951
payos blowing in the wind.
137
00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:01,562
We had a real connection.
138
00:05:01,605 --> 00:05:03,390
- How come I've never heard you
talk about him?
139
00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:04,739
- Because nothing happened.
140
00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:06,784
I figured I wasn't his type.
141
00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:09,134
Then he ended up marrying
David Spade's stunt woman,
142
00:05:09,178 --> 00:05:10,658
so that's how wrong I was.
143
00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:11,920
I don't want that for you.
144
00:05:11,963 --> 00:05:13,878
- Yeah, I don't want
any of that for me.
145
00:05:13,922 --> 00:05:15,140
- So take your shot.
146
00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:17,099
- Yeah, okay.
147
00:05:17,142 --> 00:05:19,101
I mean, I haven't had to make
the first move with anyone
148
00:05:19,144 --> 00:05:21,233
since my aesthetician
separated my eyebrows,
149
00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:24,367
but I can do this, right?
150
00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:26,500
- I'm not used
to playing the BFF role,
151
00:05:26,543 --> 00:05:29,154
so I looked up some
girl power quotes online.
152
00:05:29,198 --> 00:05:33,289
"Being in the Spice Girls
was an insane experience."
153
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:36,205
Melanie Chisholm.
- Yeah, it was.
154
00:05:36,248 --> 00:05:37,554
Okay, I got this.
155
00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:39,382
- But remember,
per human resources,
156
00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:42,820
you only get to ask once,
so don't blow it.
157
00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:44,431
- Oh, yeah, okay.
158
00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:45,823
- If he wants to be your lover,
159
00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:47,172
he's got to get
with your friends.
160
00:05:47,216 --> 00:05:48,826
- That's a good one, Arpi.
161
00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:53,570
- ♪ Oh, picking up mayors,
rhyming with "mayors" ♪
162
00:05:53,614 --> 00:05:55,572
♪ Some horses are mares
163
00:05:55,616 --> 00:05:57,618
♪ What else rhymes
with "mayors" ♪
164
00:06:04,102 --> 00:06:06,670
- Uh, no, son.
165
00:06:08,411 --> 00:06:13,982
♪
166
00:06:14,025 --> 00:06:17,028
- I'm coming, mayors!
167
00:06:17,072 --> 00:06:18,987
- Okay, that's lunch.
168
00:06:19,030 --> 00:06:21,598
Catering is in
that old house on Irving.
169
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,210
- Where is
the farthest bathroom?
170
00:06:25,254 --> 00:06:26,951
- Raj, as far as I'm concerned,
171
00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:28,692
you don't exist
till after lunch.
172
00:06:31,739 --> 00:06:34,002
- All right,
is there lunch is at?
173
00:06:34,045 --> 00:06:35,699
- It most certainly is,
your excellency.
174
00:06:35,743 --> 00:06:37,484
Right this way.
- Oh.
175
00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:42,967
♪
176
00:06:43,011 --> 00:06:46,231
- Welcome.
What an honor this is.
177
00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:47,711
Please come in, come in.
178
00:06:47,755 --> 00:06:49,713
- Where is
your farthest bathroom?
179
00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:52,629
- Far--up the stairs,
last door on the left.
180
00:06:52,673 --> 00:06:54,022
Yeah.
[chuckles]
181
00:06:55,893 --> 00:06:58,505
"Yes-ass."
[chuckles]
182
00:07:00,202 --> 00:07:01,638
[chuckles]
183
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,206
Oh, okay.
184
00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:06,295
.
185
00:07:06,338 --> 00:07:08,123
- Thank you
for coming straight here.
186
00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:09,559
I hope you're not too tired.
187
00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:11,431
- No, I took some of my
stepson's ADHD medication,
188
00:07:11,474 --> 00:07:13,781
so I am flying.
[chuckles]
189
00:07:13,824 --> 00:07:15,130
Ooh.
190
00:07:17,698 --> 00:07:19,917
- Some of these guys
do not match
191
00:07:19,961 --> 00:07:21,310
the pictures you printed out.
192
00:07:21,353 --> 00:07:23,007
- Oh, profile pics
never match reality, sir.
193
00:07:23,051 --> 00:07:24,444
Mine, very misleading.
194
00:07:24,487 --> 00:07:26,794
- Well, time to make
some deals.
195
00:07:26,837 --> 00:07:28,448
Watch and learn, Tommy.
196
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:29,971
- This'll be like watching
Michael Jordan
197
00:07:30,014 --> 00:07:31,668
jump up and throw the ball
198
00:07:31,712 --> 00:07:32,756
and it goes through a ring
and then--
199
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:35,063
- Stay in your lane, buddy.
[laughs]
200
00:07:36,151 --> 00:07:39,415
- The cryptocurrency I'm really
into is called Batmancoin.
201
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,677
And if you're looking
to buy some,
202
00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:42,505
I'm looking to sell
all of mine.
203
00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:45,073
- Well, it sounds wonderful.
204
00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:47,684
Boy, I don't know
how you do your day job
205
00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:49,773
and take care
of all these birds.
206
00:07:49,817 --> 00:07:53,603
- They have machine feeders.
- Oh, look at that.
207
00:07:53,647 --> 00:07:56,519
- I always change my shoes
at lunch for energy.
208
00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:59,174
If all your shoes are brown,
you won't affect continuity.
209
00:07:59,217 --> 00:08:02,003
- What a beautiful proverb.
210
00:08:02,046 --> 00:08:03,831
Oh, here we go.
211
00:08:05,746 --> 00:08:08,618
- What's up?
Working for the weekend?
212
00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:10,577
- I am actually doing
that Buzzfeed quiz you sent me,
213
00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:13,144
and the Buzzfeed quiz
I'm most like is
214
00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:14,406
the one where you find out
215
00:08:14,450 --> 00:08:15,495
which Buzzfeed quiz
you're most like.
216
00:08:15,538 --> 00:08:17,018
Wow, I'm caught in a vortex.
217
00:08:17,061 --> 00:08:19,934
- Totally.
Anyways, uh...
218
00:08:19,977 --> 00:08:21,370
[with mobster voice]
I's only got one chance
219
00:08:21,413 --> 00:08:22,676
to make this count,
220
00:08:22,719 --> 00:08:24,852
so listen good to what
I'm telling ya, capisce?
221
00:08:24,895 --> 00:08:28,203
[normally] Guys like
"The Sopranos," whatever.
222
00:08:28,246 --> 00:08:31,728
- Hold on, you have
something...
223
00:08:31,772 --> 00:08:33,904
Is that a Breathe Right strip?
- Oh.
224
00:08:33,948 --> 00:08:35,471
- Oh, okay, we're gonna have
to cut that out.
225
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,820
- No, I can get it later.
226
00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:41,433
Um, but weekend,
what are you doing during it?
227
00:08:41,477 --> 00:08:43,348
- I was gonna go see
my friend's play,
228
00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:45,220
but then I realized
I would rather
229
00:08:45,263 --> 00:08:46,743
lose that person as a friend.
- [laughs]
230
00:08:46,787 --> 00:08:49,659
[phone buzzing]
Oh, sorry.
231
00:08:49,703 --> 00:08:54,664
It's just, I'm also free
Saturday for once,
232
00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:56,492
so I thought maybe you...
[phone buzzing]
233
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:59,887
And I could, um...
234
00:08:59,930 --> 00:09:02,193
This better be an emergency.
- It is.
235
00:09:02,237 --> 00:09:05,457
There's been a murder,
because I'm killing it.
236
00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:07,285
Now, that's what I call
job security.
237
00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:09,679
- Oh, my God, Tommy,
I don't care.
238
00:09:09,723 --> 00:09:11,333
- Neil said that the city
was lucky to have me,
239
00:09:11,376 --> 00:09:14,989
and I just want to assure you
that I don't want your job.
240
00:09:15,032 --> 00:09:16,599
- Uh, yeah,
I'm not worried about that.
241
00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:18,253
- Why are you never
threatened by me?
242
00:09:18,296 --> 00:09:20,951
I'm smart and I'm ambitious
and I am working on my posture.
243
00:09:20,995 --> 00:09:23,301
- I got to handle this.
Someone at DWP clicked
244
00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:24,520
a bad link,
and now there's sewage
245
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:25,913
coming up people's toilets.
246
00:09:25,956 --> 00:09:27,871
- Oh.
[chuckles]
247
00:09:27,915 --> 00:09:30,308
Wait, was that my shot?
248
00:09:30,352 --> 00:09:31,701
That wasn't my shot.
249
00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:34,443
That wasn't it.
Arpi?
250
00:09:34,486 --> 00:09:36,532
[glass clinks]
251
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:41,145
- I just want to thank all
of you for being here today.
252
00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:42,973
I always wanted
to have a sister,
253
00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:46,237
and now I've got six.
254
00:09:46,281 --> 00:09:49,632
[laughs]
255
00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,155
Right.
256
00:09:51,199 --> 00:09:53,375
I want to talk about
how we can help each other.
257
00:09:53,418 --> 00:09:55,986
- Oh, so true.
I mean, think about it.
258
00:09:56,030 --> 00:09:57,988
Me and this guy, same height,
259
00:09:58,032 --> 00:10:00,512
doesn't mean we're going out
for the same things.
260
00:10:00,556 --> 00:10:03,037
Mate, you ever need a reader,
I'm here for you.
261
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:04,473
[applause]
262
00:10:04,516 --> 00:10:05,953
- Yeah, exactly.
263
00:10:05,996 --> 00:10:09,260
There's no reason we shouldn't
be sharing resources.
264
00:10:09,304 --> 00:10:11,567
Let's talk
about transportation.
265
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,438
- Don't get me started
on transpo.
266
00:10:13,482 --> 00:10:18,052
[laughter]
267
00:10:18,095 --> 00:10:21,316
- You know, there is a project
I'm really excited
268
00:10:21,359 --> 00:10:23,753
to help develop,
and that's the bullet train.
269
00:10:23,797 --> 00:10:26,930
- The "Bullet Train"?
The Brad Pitt movie?
270
00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:28,540
It's out already.
271
00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:30,107
- This guy's crazy.
272
00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:33,415
- I know you guys have honed
that technology in Japan.
273
00:10:34,285 --> 00:10:39,029
- Oh, my God, is this real?
I'm six days sober.
274
00:10:39,073 --> 00:10:41,205
- Oh, my--oh, I am so sorry.
275
00:10:41,249 --> 00:10:42,511
Tommy, don't let him leave.
276
00:10:42,554 --> 00:10:44,469
We got to be part
of this bullet train thing.
277
00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:46,689
- It's too late.
That project's over.
278
00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:47,908
- It is?
279
00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:49,692
- Yeah, you got to read
the blogs, guy.
280
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:51,651
- Susan,
thank you for seeing us.
281
00:10:51,694 --> 00:10:54,131
I am well aware
of the one-ask policy
282
00:10:54,175 --> 00:10:55,480
for interoffice romance.
283
00:10:55,524 --> 00:10:57,700
I respect it.
I respect you.
284
00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,615
- Okay, what happened?
285
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,704
- Okay, so you know
who James Aniobi is, right?
286
00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:03,097
Good face, skin like silk,
287
00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:04,881
hard to tell under the suit
but the bod seems tight.
288
00:11:04,925 --> 00:11:06,883
- Not okay,
but I know who you mean.
289
00:11:06,927 --> 00:11:08,668
- Okay, so I went
to ask him out once,
290
00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:10,626
but I only got, like,
3/4 of the way through
291
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:11,758
and we got interrupted.
292
00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:13,542
I never actually finished
the question,
293
00:11:13,585 --> 00:11:15,500
so that doesn't count
as my ask, right?
294
00:11:15,544 --> 00:11:17,372
- Hmm.
Interesting.
295
00:11:17,415 --> 00:11:18,721
- It was a checked swing,
Susan.
296
00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:20,680
Her bat did not
cross the plate.
297
00:11:20,723 --> 00:11:23,247
Ball one.
- What exactly did you say?
298
00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:25,859
- I said,
"I'm also free Saturday,
299
00:11:25,902 --> 00:11:28,992
and maybe you and I could,"
and then I got cut off.
300
00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:30,080
- How's that a question?
301
00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:31,429
Her voice didn't go up
at the end.
302
00:11:31,473 --> 00:11:33,605
- Well, you definitely started
asking him out.
303
00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:34,868
- But she could've been
about to say anything.
304
00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:36,913
"Maybe you and I
could not go to dinner."
305
00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:38,567
"Maybe you and I
could each contribute
306
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:40,003
"to my nephew's
school fundraiser.
307
00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:41,744
The arts budget
has been slashed."
308
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:43,833
- [sighs]
309
00:11:43,877 --> 00:11:46,575
Ms. Shaw, your language
was vague.
310
00:11:46,618 --> 00:11:49,012
And since the other case
on my desk is a guy
311
00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:51,058
who was photographing
his female coworkers' bellies
312
00:11:51,101 --> 00:11:53,147
under a conference table
and ranking them,
313
00:11:53,190 --> 00:11:57,020
I am desperate for any example
of positive human interaction.
314
00:11:57,064 --> 00:11:59,153
So you get one more ask.
315
00:11:59,196 --> 00:12:00,589
- Yes.
- Rock and roll.
316
00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:04,245
Was I on that tummy list?
317
00:12:04,288 --> 00:12:05,376
- You won your age group.
318
00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:06,595
- Oh!
319
00:12:08,684 --> 00:12:10,512
- Hey, keep people
out of there.
320
00:12:10,555 --> 00:12:12,035
The mayor of Nagoya
is either taking a shower
321
00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:13,907
or running the shower
to mask something worse.
322
00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:15,473
[phone buzzing]
323
00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:16,823
Yeah, Jayden,
the mayors are weird.
324
00:12:16,866 --> 00:12:18,302
What did you do?
325
00:12:18,346 --> 00:12:20,565
- Well, they seem normal to me,
but you know mayors.
326
00:12:20,609 --> 00:12:22,437
Look, I'm sorry I haven't
gotten them there yet.
327
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,787
Turns out, this vehicle
isn't allowed on the highway,
328
00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:26,484
but I did get to meet
a motorcycle police lady.
329
00:12:26,528 --> 00:12:27,877
- Wait,
what are you talking about?
330
00:12:27,921 --> 00:12:29,400
- I'm saying that
I had to take side streets,
331
00:12:29,444 --> 00:12:30,750
which means turning,
332
00:12:30,793 --> 00:12:33,143
and this is more
of a go-straight car.
333
00:12:33,187 --> 00:12:35,406
- But the mayors are here.
334
00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:38,627
Did he just--what the--
335
00:12:38,670 --> 00:12:40,542
- Ah, chlamydia's not so bad.
336
00:12:40,585 --> 00:12:41,978
What you should be
worried about is the fact
337
00:12:42,022 --> 00:12:44,851
that Y2K did happen
and this is all a simulation.
338
00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:47,288
- Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God,
Jayden, get them here now.
339
00:12:47,331 --> 00:12:48,680
- Okay,
but if I drive too fast,
340
00:12:48,724 --> 00:12:50,160
the water's gonna
spill out of the hot tub.
341
00:12:52,423 --> 00:12:55,078
- You know,
I can cry on command
342
00:12:55,122 --> 00:12:56,776
just like Anne Hathaway.
343
00:12:58,342 --> 00:13:01,476
[both crying]
344
00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:04,914
.
345
00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:07,961
[dramatic music]
346
00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:09,789
♪
347
00:13:09,832 --> 00:13:12,182
- Boy, you know, that mayor
looks a lot like the guy
348
00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:13,967
from the background
of "Riverdale," you know,
349
00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:16,273
who became a meme
'cause he did so much pointing.
350
00:13:16,317 --> 00:13:18,275
- Okay, Orly, we have
a little situation here.
351
00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:19,581
These aren't mayors.
352
00:13:19,624 --> 00:13:20,930
They are--
how do you say it in English--
353
00:13:20,974 --> 00:13:22,802
randos,
and your father doesn't know,
354
00:13:22,845 --> 00:13:24,368
so you have to tell him.
- No way.
355
00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:25,413
He'll get all embarrassed,
356
00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:26,588
and then he'll be
in a bad mood.
357
00:13:26,631 --> 00:13:27,981
And I need him to sign
a permission slip
358
00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:30,679
so I can go on
a school field trip to Ibiza.
359
00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:32,463
Veda's dad is Diplo, so...
- Okay, well, I need this
360
00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:34,639
to go well so I'll get a 15%
raise at the end of the year
361
00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:36,337
because I cannot live
within my means, Orly.
362
00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:37,512
- Okay,
but what are we gonna do?
363
00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:38,861
I mean, he's gonna
find out eventually.
364
00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:41,255
- Would I crack
your back for you?
365
00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:43,300
- Please?
- I guess.
366
00:13:43,344 --> 00:13:44,824
Here you go.
367
00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:46,303
- Okay, we need to stall
until the real mayors get here.
368
00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:48,697
If I learned anything
interning for Lindsey Graham,
369
00:13:48,740 --> 00:13:49,829
it's that you never tell
the boss about the problem
370
00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:51,221
until you have a solution,
371
00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:52,832
unless you like getting put
in the naughty closet.
372
00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:55,660
- Where is
your farthest bathroom?
373
00:13:56,531 --> 00:13:58,620
- Sir, how would you like to be
upgraded to a speaking role?
374
00:13:58,663 --> 00:13:59,795
- I'm in the union.
375
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,014
- Yeah, yeah,
I'll pay your rate.
376
00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:02,406
- It's $1,030.
377
00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:04,495
- Fine, I'll Venmo you.
378
00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:05,670
Call my last number
and ask Jayden
379
00:14:05,714 --> 00:14:06,715
what the hell's
taking him so long.
380
00:14:06,758 --> 00:14:07,890
Follow me.
- I really need the--
381
00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:09,370
- I will take you
to the bathroom.
382
00:14:09,413 --> 00:14:10,545
- Okay.
[phone buzzes]
383
00:14:10,588 --> 00:14:12,503
- What up,
Tommy from another mommy?
384
00:14:12,547 --> 00:14:14,462
- Jayden, it's Orly Bremer.
385
00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:15,637
- Why do you
have Tommy's phone?
386
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,857
[gasps]
You "Freaky Friday-ed."
387
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:19,510
I believe you,
and I'm here to help.
388
00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:22,209
- No, I'm just using his phone.
Look, where are you guys?
389
00:14:22,252 --> 00:14:23,558
- Okay, full disclosure,
390
00:14:23,601 --> 00:14:25,168
the ride is taking longer
than planned,
391
00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:27,823
so I stopped for the mayors
to get out and bathroom.
392
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,782
ETA is in flux
because I don't know
393
00:14:30,826 --> 00:14:33,002
how I got in this spot.
394
00:14:33,046 --> 00:14:34,656
I think somebody moved a wall.
395
00:14:34,699 --> 00:14:37,528
- Okay, I feel like Tommy would
tell me to yell at you now.
396
00:14:37,572 --> 00:14:39,356
So...Jayden!
397
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,706
- I know.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
398
00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:44,884
[cries]
How did this happen?
399
00:14:44,927 --> 00:14:46,363
- Okay, last question.
400
00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:49,976
Am I playing this
like I really am the mayor,
401
00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:54,371
or am I a guy convincing him
I am the mayor?
402
00:14:54,415 --> 00:14:55,633
- Do you really think
you're skilled enough
403
00:14:55,677 --> 00:14:56,547
that those layers
are gonna show?
404
00:14:56,591 --> 00:14:57,722
Get in there.
405
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:01,596
- Ho!
There's my buddy.
406
00:15:01,639 --> 00:15:04,251
Ti kanes.
[laughter]
407
00:15:04,294 --> 00:15:05,426
You enjoying yourself?
408
00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:08,908
- Yes and no.
I have some problems.
409
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:11,345
- Oh, you do?
- I'm just kidding.
410
00:15:12,563 --> 00:15:15,740
I love you.
I brought you this gift.
411
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,134
Open it.
- Oh, God.
412
00:15:18,178 --> 00:15:19,483
He's giving him
an imaginary box.
413
00:15:19,527 --> 00:15:22,095
- Oh, oh, oh,
I get it.
414
00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:24,706
This is a symbol that
what we're giving each other
415
00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:26,186
is intangible.
416
00:15:26,229 --> 00:15:29,232
Please, accept my box.
417
00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:30,625
- That's not a box.
418
00:15:30,668 --> 00:15:32,322
- Maybe I'm talking too much.
419
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:33,715
You tell me,
420
00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:36,370
how can we be helpful
to the people of Athens?
421
00:15:36,413 --> 00:15:37,849
- Give me the codes.
422
00:15:37,893 --> 00:15:39,242
- No, I'm sorry.
The codes?
423
00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:40,809
- I need the codes.
- The codes.
424
00:15:40,852 --> 00:15:41,984
- I don't have much time.
425
00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:43,377
- Do you maybe mean
telephone number?
426
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:45,553
'Cause I'm happy to give you
my direct line.
427
00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:46,946
- Nope, sir, I wouldn't.
428
00:15:46,989 --> 00:15:50,950
- You think you can seduce me
with this life?
429
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:54,170
The shrimp, the champagne,
the wallpaper,
430
00:15:54,214 --> 00:15:57,782
the chairs, the banister,
the other chair,
431
00:15:57,826 --> 00:15:59,871
all the shrimp?
432
00:16:01,090 --> 00:16:04,441
Everything I do is for you
and your sister.
433
00:16:04,485 --> 00:16:05,921
- Yes, yes--
- No.
434
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,271
- No, no,
we are all sisters, yes.
435
00:16:08,315 --> 00:16:10,491
I agree with--
no, please, don't--
436
00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:11,709
- Oh, God!
437
00:16:13,624 --> 00:16:14,843
- What just happened?
438
00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:17,802
- I don't know.
- Bye, Dad, love you.
439
00:16:17,846 --> 00:16:19,674
- I don't get this.
440
00:16:19,717 --> 00:16:23,678
I--I'm great in a room,
but I just--
441
00:16:23,721 --> 00:16:26,463
I have made two of these guys
storm out.
442
00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:30,250
And the mayor from Makati,
she started to FaceTime her dog
443
00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:33,514
when I tried to engage her
about cybersecurity.
444
00:16:33,557 --> 00:16:35,995
Have I lost my touch?
445
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,388
- No, sir,
you didn't do anything wrong.
446
00:16:38,432 --> 00:16:41,739
I did, and I didn't want
to tell you before I fixed it.
447
00:16:41,783 --> 00:16:44,090
These people
aren't really mayors.
448
00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:47,354
- What?
Well, then who are they?
449
00:16:47,397 --> 00:16:48,746
- There you are.
450
00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:50,748
Adnan, Bryce, Harvey,
the rest of you,
451
00:16:50,792 --> 00:16:52,011
I need you on set.
452
00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:53,229
Grandpa Tall Guy, let's go.
453
00:16:53,273 --> 00:16:55,884
- No, no, no,
I'm the mayor.
454
00:16:55,927 --> 00:16:57,320
- Nice try.
455
00:16:57,364 --> 00:16:58,843
The mayor doesn't work
till Friday, and he's Black.
456
00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:00,802
White mayors read as villains.
457
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,153
- Tommy,
where are the real mayors?
458
00:17:04,197 --> 00:17:05,676
- You know that strip mall
on La Brea
459
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:06,938
with the foot-shaped sign
that used to say "Foot Doctor"
460
00:17:06,982 --> 00:17:08,070
and now it says "Day Care"?
461
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:09,985
- Dan, get the car.
Tommy, come here.
462
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,943
- Sorry.
- You knew this?
463
00:17:13,293 --> 00:17:14,337
- Oh, what's up?
464
00:17:14,381 --> 00:17:15,599
You got more garbage
in your hair?
465
00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:17,862
- [laughs]
Okay.
466
00:17:17,906 --> 00:17:21,649
Um, yeah,
I was just--I was wondering
467
00:17:21,692 --> 00:17:25,870
if you would maybe like
to get dinner on Saturday.
468
00:17:25,914 --> 00:17:27,785
- Like a date?
469
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:29,613
- Like a date.
470
00:17:29,657 --> 00:17:30,701
- Right.
471
00:17:30,745 --> 00:17:35,228
Well, I would love to...
say yes,
472
00:17:35,271 --> 00:17:37,447
but I can't.
473
00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:40,842
- Oh, you can't.
474
00:17:40,885 --> 00:17:42,191
Oh, cool, cool.
475
00:17:42,235 --> 00:17:43,975
Cool, cool, cool, cool,
cool, cool, cool.
476
00:17:44,019 --> 00:17:46,978
I, um--yeah, I can't either.
477
00:17:47,022 --> 00:17:51,331
I just remembered, Saturday,
that's when "SNL" is on.
478
00:17:51,374 --> 00:17:54,073
It's a rerun, but Drake--
479
00:17:54,116 --> 00:17:56,640
it's always fun to see
that side of him.
480
00:17:56,684 --> 00:18:02,168
So I'm busy, but anyways,
thank you for your hospitality.
481
00:18:03,343 --> 00:18:05,084
Okay.
[laughs]
482
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:10,219
- It's--it's--
- Okay.
483
00:18:12,221 --> 00:18:13,353
[sighs]
484
00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:16,095
.
485
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:18,053
- What is that?
486
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,795
Oh, please don't hit me.
487
00:18:20,838 --> 00:18:24,015
- City Hall has access
to so many cars.
488
00:18:24,059 --> 00:18:26,409
What is this?
- I wanted it to be special.
489
00:18:26,453 --> 00:18:28,411
And the guys
at Cars of Stars Rentals
490
00:18:28,455 --> 00:18:31,110
said that this
just screams Los Angeles,
491
00:18:31,153 --> 00:18:33,024
which it does
if you use the horn.
492
00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:34,287
I think it's
David Lee Roth's voice.
493
00:18:34,330 --> 00:18:35,897
- Jayden, where are the mayors?
494
00:18:35,940 --> 00:18:37,681
- They disappeared
into the mall.
495
00:18:37,725 --> 00:18:39,248
Am I gonna be executed?
496
00:18:39,292 --> 00:18:41,163
- Yeah, this is worse
than what I did, right, sir?
497
00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:43,034
I'm in less trouble
than Jayden because--
498
00:18:43,078 --> 00:18:46,342
- Jayden, my friend.
[laughs]
499
00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:50,912
- Gentlemen, ma'am,
I am so, so sorry.
500
00:18:50,955 --> 00:18:53,567
Oh, I see you got T-shirts.
501
00:18:53,610 --> 00:18:54,916
- Oh, and so much more.
502
00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:58,049
We got pizza,
excellent omakase,
503
00:18:58,093 --> 00:19:00,051
a lunchtime face-lift.
504
00:19:00,095 --> 00:19:03,229
Then we had CBD brownies.
[laughter]
505
00:19:03,272 --> 00:19:05,535
I had copies
of all my keys made.
506
00:19:05,579 --> 00:19:08,799
And then a truck full of tacos
just appeared.
507
00:19:08,843 --> 00:19:11,759
- And I got my nails, uh, did.
508
00:19:11,802 --> 00:19:13,064
Am I saying that correctly?
509
00:19:13,108 --> 00:19:14,414
- Actually, you are.
- Oh!
510
00:19:14,457 --> 00:19:17,068
- And this guy,
what a tour guide.
511
00:19:17,112 --> 00:19:18,896
[laughter]
512
00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:21,986
- Well, this was the plan.
513
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:23,336
Welcome to LA.
514
00:19:23,379 --> 00:19:26,077
Hey, why don't we head back
to Getty House
515
00:19:26,121 --> 00:19:27,470
and then talk turkey?
516
00:19:27,514 --> 00:19:30,212
- The Turks?
They are animals.
517
00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:32,258
- Well, you know, I didn't--
- I'm kidding.
518
00:19:32,301 --> 00:19:34,173
I know what you mean.
[laughter]
519
00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:36,914
I'm a little high.
- It happens.
520
00:19:36,958 --> 00:19:38,916
All right, let's take my car,
shall we?
521
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,222
Here we go.
- Thank you.
522
00:19:40,266 --> 00:19:42,224
- Welcome to LA.
- Yeah.
523
00:19:42,268 --> 00:19:43,399
Hey, Tommy.
- Yeah?
524
00:19:43,443 --> 00:19:45,140
- Jayden's gonna ride with us.
525
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,273
I know you don't want
to burden me with problems,
526
00:19:47,316 --> 00:19:49,057
so why don't you solve that
527
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:51,451
and then tell me
how you did it afterwards?
528
00:19:53,017 --> 00:19:54,323
- Oh, here.
529
00:19:59,154 --> 00:20:01,287
- Nice parking job, you idiot.
530
00:20:02,636 --> 00:20:05,247
- "I can't"?
What does "I can't" even mean?
531
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:06,553
"I can't because I'm busy"?
532
00:20:06,596 --> 00:20:07,945
"I can't
because I love you so much
533
00:20:07,989 --> 00:20:09,208
and I'm scared
of disappointing you"?
534
00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:10,905
- Look, this was fun before,
535
00:20:10,948 --> 00:20:13,429
but someone recorded themselves
pulling it out on Zoom, so...
536
00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:15,431
- But can I have
a follow-up ask, "Why not?"
537
00:20:15,475 --> 00:20:17,607
'Cause right before he said,
"I can't,"
538
00:20:17,651 --> 00:20:19,348
his eyes were like...
539
00:20:19,392 --> 00:20:23,004
and I could tell, inside,
he was kind of like...
540
00:20:23,047 --> 00:20:24,788
- His words didn't match
his eyes.
541
00:20:24,832 --> 00:20:26,529
They were inviting,
542
00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:28,879
like a piping-hot stew
in a blizzard.
543
00:20:28,923 --> 00:20:31,665
- Okay, Mikaela, I want you
to think about the last time
544
00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:33,971
someone made an unwanted
advance toward you.
545
00:20:34,015 --> 00:20:35,712
- Richard Dreyfuss
at baggage claim.
546
00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:37,932
- And would have appreciated
a "Why not?"
547
00:20:37,975 --> 00:20:39,281
Would that have sat well?
548
00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:41,283
- [groans]
Yeah, I see your point.
549
00:20:41,327 --> 00:20:42,980
He did do that, by the way.
550
00:20:43,024 --> 00:20:44,286
- I'm sorry, kid.
551
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:46,810
If you like,
I'll help you steal
552
00:20:46,854 --> 00:20:49,726
James' cologne so you can
spray it on a body pillow.
553
00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:51,162
- Please do not do that.
554
00:20:51,206 --> 00:20:52,294
- Or maybe we could set you up
555
00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:53,730
with whoever whipped it out
on Zoom.
556
00:20:53,774 --> 00:20:55,471
- Actually, she's married.
557
00:20:55,515 --> 00:20:57,560
- Yeah.
558
00:20:57,604 --> 00:21:00,215
[rock music]
559
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:03,827
♪
560
00:21:03,871 --> 00:21:07,657
[horn honking]
- ♪ Los Angeles
561
00:21:09,137 --> 00:21:11,357
- Hey, buddy!
562
00:21:12,358 --> 00:21:13,837
Guess what I did
with the money.
563
00:21:13,881 --> 00:21:16,057
- Looks like you got fillers.
- I got fillers.
564
00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:18,059
Yeah, but look,
you'd never notice.
565
00:21:19,060 --> 00:21:20,801
Thanks, buddy.
Whoo!
566
00:21:20,844 --> 00:21:24,587
[horn honking]
- ♪ Los Angeles
567
00:21:24,631 --> 00:21:26,633
- Good night, everybody!
- Good night!
39536
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.