All language subtitles for Schooled_S02E12.FeMellor.eng

Back in the '90s, our
clothes were what defined us,

but like most schools,
we had a dress code

the kids were always violating,

like wearing jeans that have been ripped

or straps that were spaghetti

or even tops that had been tubed.

But there was no bigger
dress-code offender

than the funny off-color T-shirts.

Hey!

Co-Ed Naked Baseball?
Is that some kind of joke?

- Yeah, it's funny, right?
- Not to me.

The lascivious implication is an affront

to co-ed sports everywhere.

And you! Get over here!

How dare you promote the sport
of co-ed naked soccer?

Lighten up, Coach.

They sell these at Banana Republic.

Oh, I got mine at Structure.

It's like The Gap, but cooler,

because they got Greco-Roman pillars.

It's a blatant violation
of the school's dress code,

and you know what that means.

Sweet God, no, please. Not the bin.

Oh, yes. The bin.

Hey. You know the rules.

Every student at this school
is required to dress...

Neat, clean, and appropriate.

And an untucked T-shirt

glorifying a butt-naked
sporting event is...

Neither neat nor clean nor appropriate.

Very good. Now get out.

Yep, Glascott was on a mission

to make sure every student
followed the rules.

Uh, excuse me. That skirt is in
clear violation of the dress co...

Oh. You're not a student.
You're a Lainey.

Thank you?

Come on, the dress code clearly states

that no skirt should be shorter
than your fingertips

when your arms are down by your sides.

I know that, and I'm good. See?

All the way down.

This is where they naturally
land. I'm sorry.

I want your arms down by your
sides like a sloth, right now.

I want sloth arms.

And... violation.

The dress code shouldn't even
apply to me, John. I'm a teacher.

Exactly. If anyone should obey
the rules, it's you.

I'm sorry, but we got to
take a trip to the bin.

Listen to me.

I will never, ever wear

a dank, oversized shirt from the bin,

so help me God.

♪ One of these days,
you're gonna get outta here ♪

♪ Live your life and finally be free ♪

♪ Go where you wanna go,
do what you wanna do ♪

♪ Someday, you will say
"Those were the days" ♪

It was January 22nd, 1990-something,

and Coach Mellor and
his girlfriend, Nurse Julie,

were enjoying their morning ritual.

One cup of "Good Morning
America" for my lady.

Two lumps of sugar and a dash of milk,

just like the good Lord intended.

What would I do without you, Rick?

You would eat a lot less
root vegetables, Nurse Julie.

Aww.

- You guys are weird.
- But professional!

You see, normally, I would
give her a kiss goodbye,

but this is a place of business,

so I'm going to send her off

with an appropriate farewell canoodle.

Mm!

- Mm.
- Mm.

For the record,

canoodling is a thousand times
more disturbing than a kiss.

Not for the canoodl-ees, Ms. Howell.

There truly is no feeling
like mashing faces

with the one you love.

Whoa! Wait, love?
You dropped the L-bomb?

Oh, God, no.

I love Julie too much

to actually let her know I love her.

You see, every time I tell
a lady friend I love her,

it ends in disaster.

I either say it too early
or I say it at the wrong time.

I even said it to an answering machine.

That did not help me in court.

So, you're never gonna tell
Julie you love her?

Not with my mouth and words.

But this weekend, I am giving her

the perfect six-month anniversary gift

that says "I love you" without
actually having to say it.

Ooh. Whatcha thinking?

I've narrowed it down
to a few romantic gems

that speak to what's really
deep down in my heart.

Blue lady shorts?

Like mine, but for a lady,
because I love her.

You know what gift
really says "I love you"?

What? Tell me.

Actually saying "I love you"!

Oh, you do that well. Maybe
you could tell her I love her.

- No!
- Well, someone has to tell her.

Wait, that's it.

Every time I go see my fam,

I always tell them
how much I love Julie.

They will definitely spill the
beans when they finally meet her.

Introducing her to the family?
Wow. That's big.

Huge.

It's time Julie meets

the most important people in my life.

Julie, I want you to meet
my football family!

Julie!

Wait, we're... we're not meeting
your actual family?

God, no. I wouldn't waste a Sunday
talking with those crazy people.

This right here is
my real support in life.

We've all had season tickets forever.

Meet Fishtown Frankie, One Yard Jack.

We got Willy wit' Whiz,

and we got Willy wit' out Whiz.

Get ready for the most exciting
6 1/2 hours of your life!

Wait. How long is this game?

Are you hungry?

The Vet's got the best
soft pretzels in all of Philly.

You can have my end nub if you want.

It's the best part.

No, thank you, Fishtown Frankie.

Boy, you were right
about this one, Ricky.

She's polite and pretty.

Tell her what else I said,
like how she makes me feel.

I think it's obvious.
He's head-over-heels in...

Oh!

Damn it!

As Coach's plan got delayed,

Glascott arrived with urgent news.

Shut up, everyone! We got a
legitimate emergency on our hands!

- What happened?
- Oh, my God.

- Is everyone okay?
- It's a dress-code emergency!

- You are the devil, John!
- Damn you, man!

We've got school tours all this week,

and Earl Ball said
to crack down on the dress code,

so I've sent so many kids to the bin

that I've run out of triple XL muumuus!

- How many naked co-ed sports are there?
- 58.

Co-ed naked sports
was just the beginning.

They keep pushing the limits

to what inappropriate pun
they can print on a T-shirt.

- Like this.
- Oh, God.

Is that worm coming out of
the bucket supposed to be a...

That's right, Elizabeth. It's a dong.

- Mm.
- Can you believe it?

- A dong!
- Ha!

Okay, we need to amend
the school dress code ASAP.

We're talking no clothing
with any kind of sports logos

or band names or cartoon characters.

Sorry, but no exceptions, CB.

From now on, you wear regular ties only.

But these hilarious ties
are what makes me me, okay?

I wear my heart on my sleeve on my tie.

Look, clothes are how people
express themselves,

kinda like how my
super-cute Pearl Jam tee

says I'm cool as balls.

If I allow your band,

then I have to allow bands like this.

Butthole Surfers? That can't be real.

And popular.

To be safe, no more band names.

Sorry, Johnny. Rush included.
Take that T-shirt off.

You got it, boss man.

Shirt back on! Shirt back on!

Look, you can't just ban
entire groups of clothing.

We just got to clearly define
exactly what clothes

are neat, clean, and appropriate
and which aren't.

Well, then, let me define it.

Marvin the Martian is hereby acceptable.

There's a lot at stake here, so I think

it should be headed up
by someone with style.

You're right. I'll do it.

I was talking about me, Liz.

I thought you said style.

Ooh!

Look at you,
doing the wave like a natural.

Is this great or what?

Listen, you would agree

that we have a strong
relationship, right?

I'd say it's more than strong.

I'd say our relationship is jacked.

So, it won't matter if I admit

that I'm not actually an Eagles fan?

If you're not an Eagles fan,
then w-w-what's your team?

Bucs? Bears? Bills?

Sweet Mother of Mercy,
do not say Cowboys.

No, you're not getting it, Rick.

I-I don't have a team because
I don't like football.

What do you like? Baseball? Basketball?

- No.
- Squash?

Stop naming sports.
It's... It's just not my thing.

Since when? We watched
all those games together.

Because we just started dating.

But like you said,
our relationship is jacked,

so it shouldn't change anything, right?

Whoa!

Epic game yesterday.

How'd it go with Julie?
Anyone drop the L-bomb?

No. No L-bombs.

But, uh, she did manage to
blow up my entire world.

Turns out she was only
pretending to like the Eagles.

So? It's all good, as long as she's
not a whack-ass Cowboys fan.

Is she a Cowboys fan?

She doesn't like any teams 'cause
she doesn't like football.

- So, she likes baseball?
- Nope.

- Volleyball?
- She doesn't like sports!

What?! Is she some kinda maniac?!

Hey, that's the love of my life
you're talking about!

But yes, she may be a maniac!

I mean, I can't believe this.

I always thought I'd end up

with a female version of myself.

A female Mellor.

A FeMellor.

But I guess not.

I'm so sorry, Rick.

All right, Liz, what kind of clothing

do you find neat, clean,
and appropriate?

Well, for girls, clearly,
a stylish pantsuit

and a funky tortoise-shell barrette.

Wow. Good stuff, Liz.

And for the boys?

I'd like to enter into the record

a 10-page report that I wrote.

It's called "My Ties, My Choice:

An Argument Against the Dress Code."

I can't wait not to read that.

I'm gonna ignore you entirely
and say the boys should wear

cool khakis, a crisp button-down,

and a matching sweater vest.

- Fine choices, John.
- Are you two kidding me?

You're just writing down
exactly what you're wearing.

Because what we wear is neat,
clean, and appropriate.

You know, how a teacher should dress.

Are you saying I don't dress
like a teacher?

No, no, she's not saying that.

That's exactly what I'm saying.

Look, she's wearing
a swimsuit and flip-flops.

For your information,
I got this top at Express,

in the "Look Hot at Work" section.

And these are Steve Madden
fashion-forward work sandals.

- They don't flip or flop.
- Oh, please.

You've been flipping and flopping
around here all week, girl.

Yes, I have noticed
multiple flips and flops

when you walk in those.

Okay. I'll prove it.

Boom!

There it was!
A flip, followed by a flop.

I personally did not hear
the flip, but a flop was heard.

Okay, fine. My cute shoes
occasionally flop,

and I don't dress like a teacher,

and thank God,
because I would never, ever

want to be caught looking like her.

And why would that be a problem?

You look like
Paula Poundstone's unfunny aunt.

How dare you insult

Paula Poundstone's
sensible comedic wardrobe.

Back me up here, CB!

I have no opinion on pantsuits,

but when will people
hear me out on the ties?

Okay, this is starting to feel
a tad counterproductive.

I'm just saying, we
shouldn't force the students

to dress like something
Janet Reno farted out.

Likewise, the students shouldn't dress

like the grizzled, non-speaking extras

who worked the street corners
in "Pretty Woman"!

Now it's gone from counterproductive
to deeply personal.

Nothing personal.

I'm just saying Liz wears
clothes that look like butt.

I am a strong, independent woman, okay?

So, I could
care less about what you think,

'cause you are the butt.

Are you crying?

These are tears of strength,
because we win.

Your street-trash clothes are
off the list, Pretty Woman!

Well, I'm
flattered you think I look like

America's sweetheart Julia Roberts.

And you're very mean.

Okay, well, you hurt my
feelings, so you are the mean!

So, where did we land on the ties?

After Mellor found out the love
of his life didn't love sports,

Wilma found herself stuck in the middle.

Okay, fine! I-I don't like sports.

Why is that such a big deal?

For guys like Mellor,
sports are a lifestyle,

and if you're not on board,

then you're destined to be
a sad sports widow.

- Sports wha?
- Widow.

Someone who loses
their significant other

to football every Sunday
and Monday night.

I can deal with that.

And every Saturday night is out
'cause of college football.

Same with Friday night,
when Rick coaches here.

So, the entire fall is a wash,

but we'll... we'll make it up in winter.

That's basketball and hockey season.

And then comes baseball
in the spring and summer,

which circles right back into football.

Oh, God. I'm gonna be a sports widow.

Hey! Got you your morning
cup of Joe already.

Rick, we... we need to talk

about this whole sports-widow thing.

No, wait. Julie, me first.

There's something I want to say to you.

I love...

This was it. He was gonna
finally drop the L-bomb.

...football.

Or not.

And I think you're really nice, too.

So nice that this Sunday,
it'll be just you and me.

Screw the game.

It's Eagles vs. Giants.

Stupid Giants
and their big-city attitudes.

"Oh, I'm from New York City!

Let's hail a cab and eat awesome pizza!"

- I hate them!
- Just watch the game on Sunday.

I already have plans
to go to Lilith Fair.

Lilith Fair? Why didn't you tell me?

That's my favorite of all fairs.

Really? Like, you'd want to go with me?

Yes!

See? We can live a happy,
normal, non-sports life.

- Aw!
- Rawr.

Do you have any idea
what Lilith Fair is?

I assume it's a celebration

of television and Broadway
superstar Bebe Neuwirth.

Lilith from "Cheers"? Really?

Well, she's the only
famous Lilith there is.

You should have just said "I love you"!

Please, teach me
everything there is to know

about this Lilith and her fair.

There is no Lilith!

But fine.

As Coach set out to prove his love,

CB and I were proving
a point of our own.

We'd show Liz and Glascott
we could obey the dress code

by dressing exactly like them.

Mmm! I smell a fresh pot
of French Roast.

Yeah. I would love a mug.

Uh, what are you guys doing?

- Nothing.
- Same ol'.

You're dressed exactly like us.

All I'm doing is obeying the dress code

with this boxy, shapeless pantsuit.

Yeah, and I'm just being me,

wearing this tasteful
sweater vest sans whimsical tie.

Oh, God, who have I become?!

Okay, exactly what is the point here?

Point is, with you two
in charge of the dress code,

we'll all just be button-down,
frumpish goofuses.

Well, I, for one, think
you look fantastic.

Yeah. CB, I'm loving
this new look on you.

Is that... JCPenney?
'Cause it feels like...

- Yep. JCPenney.
- It is JCPenney.

I knew it. I'd spot their
fall collection anywhere!

Keep up the good work, buddy.

No, don't praise us!

We're trying to look absurd
to prove a point.

Well, you've only proven that I'm right.

I mean, if anything,
I should dress like you

to show you how ridiculous you look.

Please, Liz.

You wish you could dress
half as fly as me.

You have no idea what you've just done.

With that, Liz wore the
biggest dress-code violation

the school had ever seen.

Needless to say, she'd gone overboard.

Like, way overboard.

Holy God.

Oh, what? I'm just in
everyday teacher garb.

No different from what you wear.

It's totally different!

You're wearing
the dress from "Pretty Woman."

This skirt is the same length

as some of those fly get-ups

that you were bragging about earlier,

proving my point that you should
dress more like a teacher

because this is not a good look.

I think we both know I've won.

Oh, yes, indeed.

Oh, no! What are you wearing?!

Dear Lord, Liz! With the people?!

They see you, but they lack the context!

I'll handle this, John.

Welcome, prospective parents.

I'm Liz Fleming.

I teach geometry and also girls' track.

- Just go.
- Okay, going.

Okay, listen up.

I've compiled a whole
lesson plan with everything

you need to know about Lilith Fair.

Just teach me the basics
so I can show Julie

that I care about her thing.

It all starts with this.

Indigo Girls?

Two childhood friends
named Amy and Emily

begin performing passionate,
fearless folk rock

that paves the way for artists
like Lisa Loeb, Jewel,

and that creepy sex zombie, Fiona Apple.

The most important
song you'll hear tomorrow

is "Closer to Fine."
You need to know it by heart.

Why? What's the big deal?

It's every woman's siren song.

The moment we hear it, we have to drop

whatever we're doing and sing along.

Ah, yeah. Like Van Halen's "Jump."

I'm in. Hit me.

Listen and learn.

♪ I'm tryin' to tell you
somethin' 'bout my life ♪

Oh, boy.

♪ Maybe give me insight
between black and white ♪

What's going on right now?

♪ And the best thing
you've ever done for me ♪

This is nothing like Van Halen.

♪ Is to help me take my life
less seriously ♪

♪ It's only life, after all ♪

Whoa! Where'd you come from?

Heard the song, so I'm here.

♪ Well, darkness has a hunger
that's insatiable ♪

It's like you're both hypnotized.

♪ And lightness has a call
that's hard to hear ♪

I feel very uncomfortable!

♪ I wrap my fear around me
like a blanket ♪

Where do you keep coming from?!

♪ I sailed my ship of safety
'til I sank it ♪

♪ I'm crawling on your shores ♪

I [bleep] love this song!

♪ I went to the doctor ♪

Go back to the dress-code fiasco!

♪ ...to the mountains ♪

♪ I looked to the children... ♪

So, what do you think?

I think my relationship is doomed.

♪ Closer I am to fine ♪

As Coach and Julie were on the outs,

we were in trouble with Glascott.

Well, I hope you're happy!

Instead of impressing those parents,

we gave them a math teacher

who was dressed like
a mistress of the night!

And even worse? All those people saw me

wearing a plain old tie

obscured beneath a drab sweater vest.

Earl Ball is so mad,

he decided to fix this mess himself.

- What does that guy know about fashion?
- Nothing.

He's making us go back to the
school's original dress code,

which had clear-cut guidelines.

- Like, from when the school began?
- Yes!

But the school was founded
by William Penn in 1689.

Correct.

Mr. Atkins, Front Desk Martha.

If you please?

Sweet Wilford Brimley, no!

As you can see, these clothes

are neat, clean, and appropriate.

And also, it's all your fault!

This is crazy. Now I can't even
wear a regular tie

'cause ties haven't even
been invented yet?

Personally, I dig it.

- What?
- What?

Proceed.

Seriously?

You're gonna make everyone
dress like Quakers

just so I can't wear
a cute skirt and sandals?

Oh, my God. They're flip-flops,
and you know it.

Face it. You have had it out for me

ever since I started working here.

Don't turn this around on me.

Okay, my whole life,

I've been teased and mocked
by girls like you.

- Girls like me?
- Yeah.

Pretty girls and stylish girls,

girls who knew how to use a round brush.

Okay, the trick is sectioning
off the hair...

I don't want to know, okay?

I'm never gonna know, and that's fine.

I pride myself on being
strong and confident

and not caring
what people like you think.

But it turns out I do care.

All you do is judge me, and it hurts.

You know what really hurts?

When people like you take one look at me

and just assume
I'm the popular mean girl.

I've worked really hard
to prove that's not who I am.

Oh, great. They're making tears again.

It's fine.

Liz and I finally know where
we stand with each other.

This thick wool does not breathe, dude.

Ooh! Yes.

Go stand over there.

With his relationship
with Julie at stake,

Mellor realized he had to do

whatever it would take to save it.

Let's get ready to Lilith Faaaair!

- Really, dude?
- What?

What's with the giant hat?

Oh, this? Uh... I-I don't know.

It just seemed like a...
hat kind of day.

Really?

So, you're not hiding
anything under there,

like maybe a bulky radio headset

so you can secretly hear the game?

Baby, I told you. Today is about you.

Come on!

Let's... go.

Holding?!

I'm gonna be holding you
all day at Lilith Fair.

I can see the antenna
sticking out of the top.

In my defense, you weren't supposed to.

Enjoy the game, Rick.

Wait, no, hold on.

I-I'll take off my secret
football hat, okay?

We'll go to Lilith Fair.

I'm sure they have a bar there
with the game on.

Face it. We just like different things,

and yours is all-consuming
and means everything to you.

No, you mean everything to me,
so much so that I actually

learned about your music,
and, honestly, it...

kinda grows on you.

Stop.

You just want me to think
that you loved my thing

like how I wanted you to think
that I loved sports.

Honestly... that's not what I want.

What you want is your perfect FeMellor

to spend your life with.

And...

I'm just not sure that that's me.

Coach needed to prove her wrong,

so he turned to
his Lilith Fair knowledge

and sang the song no woman could resist.

♪ I'm tryin' to tell you
somethin' 'bout my life ♪

Holy crap.

♪ Maybe give me insight
between black and white ♪

You learned this for me?

♪ And the best thing
you've ever done for me ♪

It's off-key, but it's beautiful.

♪ Well, darkness has a hunger that's insatiable ♪

I heard it, so I came.

♪ And lightness has a call
that's hard to hear ♪

♪ I wrap my fear around me like a blanket ♪

I heard it, too.

♪ I sailed my ship of safety
'til I sank it ♪

♪ I'm crawling on your shores ♪

♪ I went to the doctor ♪

♪ I went to the mountains ♪

- This song trumps my anger at Lainey.
- ♪ I looked to the children ♪

- I feel the same.
- ♪ I drank from the fountains ♪

♪ And the less I seek my source
for some definitive ♪

♪ Closer I am to fine ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

I love you, Nurse Julie.

Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.

I'm sorry I never said it before,

but I was just afraid that
if I did, I'd lose you.

Why would you think that?

Because every time
I've said it in the past,

it always goes all wrong.

But not this time.

'Cause... I feel the same way.

Yes!

Please go.

Hell no. I'm part of this.

Look, i-it's amazing that
we can finally say it,

but it doesn't change the fact
that I don't do sports.

And I'm not asking you to,

'cause as much as I love my teams...

I love you more.

I love you, too, Rick Mellor.

♪ Closer I am to fine, yeah ♪

♪ Closer I am to fine, yeah ♪

I gotta say, even though we're fighting,

we still sing some
pretty kick-ass harmonies.

Damn you, Indigo Girls.

You can bring together even
the worst of enemies.

Liz, I don't want to be your enemy.

I want to be your friend.

Really?

Yes.

I'm sorry I've been so judgy.

Same.

And even though I hate to admit it,

I... I've always kind of wanted
a cool friend like you.

If you ask me, you're
brilliant and strong

and you know who you are.

There's... nothing cooler than that.

Oh, my God. That's the nicest
thing anyone's ever said to me.

Now, what do you say we save
this school from Quaker hell

and fix this dress code
once and for all?

♪ Well, darkness has a hunger... ♪

And so the school finally
settled upon a dress code,

which was written up by me
and a close friend of mine.

Cute blazer.

Cute flip-flops.

Oh, they're Steve Madden work sandals.

We, of course, made some tweaks
to what was appropriate.

Whoo!

Yeah!

I am me again!

Thank you!

Sometimes in life,

the people we're closest to
can surprise us.

Damn it. Now I'm making tears.

We see them a certain way for so long

that when they reveal a
different side of themselves,

it can be tough to accept,

But when you love someone,

you'll do anything to be with them,

even if it means having
to make a few compromises.

'Cause in the end, if you
set aside your differences,

you'll see that person
for who they really are,

and you just might find
it makes you closer than ever.

♪ Closer I am to fine, yeah ♪

As always, here is your cup of coffee.

Two lumps of sugar, a dash of milk,

just the way you like it.

At least you told me
you like it that way.

Maybe you were... just being nice?

I-I can put three lumps of sugar.

Or four lumps, five lumps.
I can keep lumping.

It... It's just a cup of coffee.

Although, i-it feels like a good time

to let you know
that I actually prefer tea.

Ha! If it's tea you want,
Rick Mellor will tea you up.

Okay. Ha. I got Ginger.

Egyptian Licorice!

Chai. Lapsang souchong.

Jasmine. Earl Grey?

Darjeeling.

Nightly Calm.
It's not nighttime, though.

100% pure oolong tea.

Japanese sencha.

Pure rooibos.

What do you like? Tell me what you like.

Peppermint?

I have no peppermint.

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com