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1
00:00:02,703 --> 00:00:04,004
"LAST MAN STANDING" IS RECORDED
2
00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:05,239
IN FRONT OF A LIVE
STUDIO AUDIENCE.
3
00:00:05,273 --> 00:00:07,075
[ CHEERING ]
THE KNICKS COULD HAVE
WON THAT GAME
4
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:08,876
IF THEY'D HAVE HIT
A FEW MORE FREE THROWS.
5
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:13,013
OR IF THEY WERE
AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT TEAM.
6
00:00:13,047 --> 00:00:14,415
LISTEN, DO YOU WANT TO
GO TO ED'S TODAY
7
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:15,849
AND WATCH
THE NUGGETS GAME?
MM.
8
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,985
NOTHING BETTER THAN AFTER
A LONG DAY OF WATCHING SPORTS --
9
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,753
MORE SPORTS.
10
00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:25,759
I THINK ED JUST WANTS TO
SHOW OFF HIS FANCY NEW TV. 120"?
11
00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:27,561
IT'S GOT TO BE CHEAPER JUST
TO PUNCH A WHOLE IN THE WALL
12
00:00:27,595 --> 00:00:29,730
AND HAVE THE NUGGETS
PLAY IN THE YARD.
13
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:32,100
EVERY TIME I GO OVER THERE,
ED PUTS ME TO WORK.
14
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,934
I KNOW. I KNOW.
UH, "MAKE THE BEAN DIP,"
15
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:36,404
"LIGHT THE GRILL,"
"ROTATE MY TIRES."
16
00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:39,107
THE DUDE IS RICH,
BUT HE'S CHEAP.
MM-HMM.
17
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,941
HE BUYS CAVIAR
WITH A GROUPON.
18
00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:43,111
I'LL GO,
BUT IF HE ASKS ME
19
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:47,081
TO BUST UP AN OLD CHIFFOROBE,
I'M OUT.
20
00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:48,249
OH, MY GOD.
21
00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:50,017
MOM, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT I JUST HEARD?
22
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,352
EVE AND HER BOYFRIEND
BROKE UP.
23
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,754
THAT WAS MY NEWS.
24
00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:55,189
I'M SORRY.
25
00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:58,092
YOU CAN HAVE MY NEWS --
"I HEARD IT MIGHT SNOW TONIGHT."
26
00:00:58,126 --> 00:01:00,461
IS EVE OKAY?
I DON'T KNOW.
27
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,730
I HEARD THIS FROM MY
OLD WOODBRIDGE HIGH CONTACTS.
28
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:04,132
OH, ALL RIGHT,
SO IT MIGHT JUST BE A RUMOR.
NOPE.
29
00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:06,134
EVE AND JUSTIN
ARE DEFINITELY SPLITSVILLE.
30
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,935
I CONFIRMED IT
WITH THREE SOURCES,
31
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:09,470
ONE OF THEM
A BOY CHEERLEADER.
32
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:13,907
ALSO, JESSICA NOBLE --
PROBABLY BULIMIC.
33
00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:15,075
OH, WELL...
ALTHOUGH I DO NOT HAVE
34
00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:17,711
GAY CONFIRMATION
ON THAT AS OF YET.
35
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,280
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU GOT ALL THIS NEWS
36
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:21,949
FROM THE GRAPEVINE,
NOT FROM PEOPLE.
37
00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:23,151
THAT'S WHAT
THE "THE GRAPEVINE" IS.
38
00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:24,785
OHH.
39
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:27,121
I THOUGHT YOU LEARNED
HOW TO TALK TO PLANTS.
40
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,457
I WAS HOPING
YOU COULD TELL ME
41
00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:32,092
WHAT THE HECK MY FICUS
IS SO UPSET ABOUT.
42
00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:34,795
I GOT SOME BAD NEWS.
HMM.
43
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:36,063
IS THIS REAL BAD NEWS,
44
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,132
OR SOMETHING I'VE GOT TO PRETEND
TO BE INTERESTED IN?
45
00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:40,000
EVE AND JUSTIN
BROKE UP.
46
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:42,603
OH. WHOA.
47
00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:45,239
THAT -- SHE'S --
THAT'S -- THAT'S JUST...
48
00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:46,574
HOW IS THAT?
49
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,242
THIS IS
HER FIRST BREAKUP.
50
00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:49,943
SHE'S GONNA BE
PRETTY DEPRESSED.
51
00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:51,279
OORAH!
52
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:56,350
I JUST SET A NEW
OBSTACLE-COURSE RECORD.
53
00:01:56,384 --> 00:01:59,787
AND WHOSE RECORD
DID I SMASH? MINE.
54
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:04,091
HIGH-FIVING REAGAN'S GHOST.
UP TOP, GIPPER.
55
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,626
BREAKS YOUR HEART
TO SEE YOUR KIDS
56
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:06,927
IN SO MUCH PAIN,
DOESN'T IT?
57
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:10,164
HONEY, HONEY,
ARE YOU OKAY?
58
00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:11,165
YEAH, I'M FINE, MOM.
59
00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:13,033
I DON'T ACTUALLY SEE
REAGAN'S GHOST.
60
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:14,635
ALL RIGHT,
BUT -- BUT HOW IS JUSTIN?
61
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:15,803
OH.
62
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,605
YOUR MOM WOULD LIKE TO TALK
ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS,
63
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,640
SO, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD,
COME UP WITH SOMETHING.
64
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:22,042
YES, MOM.
65
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:24,445
JUSTIN AND I DID BREAK UP,
BUT IT'S NOT A HUGE DEAL.
66
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,247
I'M REALLY OKAY
ABOUT IT.
67
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,217
YOU TRIED DATING,
DIDN'T WORK OUT SO WELL.
68
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:30,818
NOW YOU CAN CONCENTRATE
ON SCHOOL AND SPORTS
69
00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:31,952
AND A LOT
OF OTHER THINGS
70
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,221
THAT DON'T MAKE ME
SO UNCOMFORTABLE.
71
00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:36,724
AH, DAMN.
THESE ARE JUSTIN'S.
72
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:39,660
AND SEEING THEM
BRINGS UP FEELINGS?
73
00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:42,062
YEAH -- IRRITATION.
74
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,797
RETURNING JUNK
HE LEFT IN MY BAG
75
00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:45,899
WAS NOT PART
OF MY CLEAN-EXIT STRATEGY.
76
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,338
LEAVE IT ALONE.
SHE'S FINE, OKAY?
77
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:53,541
HONEY, TEENAGE GIRLS ARE NOT
THIS BLASé ABOUT BREAKUPS.
78
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:54,842
TEENAGE GIRLS
AREN'T EVE.
79
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:57,678
SHE'S LIKE A SUPERHUMAN HYBRID
OF A MALE AND A FEMALE.
80
00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:59,413
I'D USE THE TERM
"MASTER RACE,"
81
00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:04,151
BUT THAT LOSER HITLER
SCREWED THAT UP FOR EVERYBODY.
82
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:08,088
-- Captions by VITAC --
83
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,760
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
84
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:15,663
HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
85
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,231
STILL FINE. SORRY.
86
00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:20,268
HONEY, YOU KNOW
[SIGHS] I PROMISE,
87
00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:23,404
YOU WILL FEEL SO MUCH BETTER
IF YOU JUST LET YOURSELF CRY.
88
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:26,039
OH, SO YOU'RE BACKPEDALING
ON LAST WEEK'S SPEECH
89
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:28,208
ABOUT LAUGHTER BEING
THE BEST MEDICINE?
90
00:03:28,242 --> 00:03:30,578
HEY, HEY, HEY.
FIRST BREAKUPS ARE DEVASTATING.
91
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,380
I KNOW MINE WAS.
92
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:35,215
IT WAS HIGH SCHOOL.
HIS NAME WAS JEFF,
93
00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:37,351
AND I-I THOUGHT HE WAS SO COOL
'CAUSE HE HAD A MUSTANG.
94
00:03:37,385 --> 00:03:40,187
AND YET, YOU MARRIED
THE FISHING-POLE SALESMAN.
95
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,390
[ CHUCKLES ]
96
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,358
JEFF AND I WERE VERY,
VERY SERIOUS.
97
00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:46,394
AT LEAST, I WAS.
98
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,862
I GUESS -- I GUESS
HE WAS JUST PRETENDING,
99
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,898
WHICH,
WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT,
100
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:53,467
IS REALLY JUST ANOTHER WORD
FOR LYING.
101
00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:54,702
HE WAS A LIAR.
102
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,904
OHH!
103
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,906
IT FEELS KIND OF GOOD
JUST TO SAY THAT.
104
00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:01,041
GREAT.
SO, UH, WE DONE HERE?
105
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,943
HE WOULD WRITE ME
THESE LITTLE NOTES.
106
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:04,545
OKAY, SILL GOING.
107
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:07,381
HE PROMISED TO LOVE ME
TILL THE END OF TIME.
108
00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:11,151
AND APPARENTLY TIME ENDED
THE WEEK BEFORE PROM, SO...
109
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:14,655
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
WE'RE ALL STILL DOING HERE.
110
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:15,989
ME NEITHER.
111
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:18,592
MOM, LISTEN.
112
00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:20,294
THE BREAKUP
BETWEEN ME AND JUSTIN
113
00:04:20,328 --> 00:04:22,463
WAS COMPLETELY MUTUAL,
OKAY?
HONEY...
114
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:24,097
WE BOTH JUST REALIZED WE'RE
TOO BUSY TO DATE RIGHT NOW.
115
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:26,400
THAT'S ALL.
REALLY? IT'S THAT SIMPLE?
116
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,969
IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION...
YEAH?
117
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,271
...THIS HAS BEEN
EXHAUSTING.
118
00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:36,444
TA-DA!
119
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:37,478
OH, YEAH.
120
00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:39,246
YEAH, I COULD TOTALLY MAKE
THAT DRESS FOR YOU.
121
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,349
BUT I AM WORRIED
ABOUT THE COST.
122
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:43,684
OH, DAD'S PAYING.
123
00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:45,353
NO, THE COST WOULD BE
OUR RELATIONSHIP.
124
00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:48,689
I COULD NOT BE SISTERS
125
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,791
WITH SOMEONE
WHO WOULD WEAR THAT DRESS.
126
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,360
[ LAUGHS ]
127
00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:54,428
WELL, I LIKE IT.
128
00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:55,429
OKAY.
129
00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:57,798
AND I DO HAVE
ANOTHER SISTER.
130
00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:58,799
HEY.
131
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,834
HEY, MOM.
HEY, UH, HOW'S EVE DOING?
132
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:03,504
I CANNOT GET HER TO CRY.
OH, REALLY?
133
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:05,706
HAVE YOU TRIED DROPPING HER OFF
AT SCHOOL IN YOUR BATHROBE YET?
134
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,675
BECAUSE THAT WORKED
WHEN YOU DID IT FOR ME.
135
00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:09,677
EVE SWEARS SHE'S FINE.
136
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:12,045
SHES SAYS
THE BREAKUP WAS MUTUAL.
137
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:13,647
YOU KNOW WHO
ALWAYS CALLS IT MUTUAL?
138
00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:15,215
THE PERSON WHO GOT DUMPED.
MM.
139
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:17,618
OH, GOD.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
140
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:20,888
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I TOLD
PEOPLE WHEN JEFF DUMPED ME.
141
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,523
WHO'S JEFF?
[ SIGHS ]
142
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:25,359
SOME LIAR.
143
00:05:25,393 --> 00:05:27,327
HEY, MAYBE WE COULD
HELP HER OPEN UP.
144
00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:29,963
LET'S PUT HER IN AN ENVIRONMENT
WERE SHE FEELS COMFORTABLE.
145
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:34,167
OHH, I DON'T WANT TO GO
TO A MONSTER-TRUCK RALLY.
146
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:35,636
NO, HANGING OUT
WITH HER SISTERS.
147
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,406
YEAH, AND HER FUN MOM.
YEAH.
148
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:40,474
YEAH, WE COULD GO FOR TEA,
AND THEN --
149
00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:42,510
AND THEN
WEDDING-DRESS SHOPPING.
OH.
150
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:45,513
AND WE'LL TALK AND TALK
AND TALK.
151
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:48,315
WHEREVER YOU'RE GOING,
PLEASE TAKE ME WITH YOU.
152
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,883
I'M JUST GOING OVER
TO ED'S BASEMENT.
153
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:51,652
OH, I'M IN.
154
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,487
BEATS AN AFTERNOON
OF TALKING AND TEA
155
00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:54,655
WITH THE CAST
OF "THE VIEW."
156
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:55,656
THIS COULD BE FUN.
157
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:56,690
WE'RE GONNA GO SEE A TV
158
00:05:56,724 --> 00:05:58,492
THAT COST MORE
THAN HIS FIRST CAR,
159
00:05:58,526 --> 00:06:01,895
WHICH I BELIEVE
WAS THE FIRST CAR.
160
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,537
COME IN. COME IN.
COME IN. COME IN HERE.
161
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:11,271
CHECK OUT MY NEW HOME THEATER.
WHOA. HEY.
162
00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:12,873
THIS IS NOT NEARLY AS CREEPY
AS WHAT I PICTURED
163
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:15,208
YOU BUILDING DOWN HERE
IN THE BASEMENT.
164
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:18,579
WELCOME TO CINEMA ALZATE.
ADMISSION IS FREE.
165
00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:20,414
BUT I DO INTEND TO GOUGE YOU
ON THE SNACKS.
166
00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:23,884
JUST KIDDING.
THERE'S NO EATING IN HERE.
167
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,052
GIVE ME THE GUM.
168
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,055
SERIOUSLY?
169
00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,389
GUM, PLEASE.
170
00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:33,060
[ SPITS ]
171
00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:36,730
AT LEAST NO EATING MEANS
172
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,866
I WON'T HAVE TO MAKE
THE BEAN DIP.
173
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,469
WELL, THAT'S PROBABLY
A GOOD THING.
174
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:45,473
WINDOWLESS ROOM?
BEANS?
175
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:46,640
CHECK THIS OUT.
176
00:06:46,674 --> 00:06:48,041
NOTICE HOW THE OPENING
177
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:50,410
COMPLETELY VANISHES
INTO THE PANELING.
178
00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:52,646
SO YOUR CAPTIVES
CAN'T FIND THEIR WAY OUT.
179
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:57,117
SO, UH, WHERE'S THIS NEW,
BIG TV, MR. ALZATE?
180
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,452
OKAY, HERE WE GO.
181
00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:00,454
BEHOLD.
182
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:05,425
HUH? ALL WE HAVE TO DO
IS SET IT UP.
183
00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:09,563
HE HASN'T EVEN TAKEN IT
OUT OF THE BOX.
184
00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:11,398
WELL, THAT'S WHY
I INVITED YOU EARLY.
185
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,501
COME ON. LET'S GET TO WORK.
TIP-OFF IN 20 MINUTES.
186
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:16,604
WHERE'S THE DOOR?
OH, GOD, THERE'S NO DOOR!
187
00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:22,009
HEY.
I REALLY LIKE THIS ONE.
188
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,410
DON'T FALL IN LOVE.
189
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,813
REMEMBER, WE'RE JUST HERE
TO RIP OFF IDEAS.
190
00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,815
I FEEL A LITTLE GUILTY
191
00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:29,249
ABOUT YOU STEALING
SOMEONE ELSE'S DESIGN.
192
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,818
SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH.
DON'T WORRY.
193
00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:32,920
IT'LL BE KRISTIN'S
"SOMETHING BORROWED."
194
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,322
THERE'S OUR BRIDESMAID.
195
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:36,590
OH!
196
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:38,592
AND I HAVE TO SAY,
THAT LOOKS AMAZING ON YOU.
197
00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:39,426
RIGHT?
[ CHUCKLES ]
198
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,161
AND,
MOTHER OF THE BRIDE,
199
00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:43,196
I HAVE TO SAY
THAT LOOKS AMAZING ON YOU.
200
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:44,798
REALLY?
MOM, HE WORKS HERE.
201
00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:46,934
HE LITERALLY
HAS TO SAY IT.
202
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,936
HOW'S IT GOING IN THERE?
ALMOST DONE.
203
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:51,338
WEDDING DRESSES
ARE A GIANT HASSLE.
204
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:52,773
WAIT TILL
YOU TRY MARRIAGE.
205
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:56,443
TRUST ME.
206
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,611
OKAY.
[ GIGGLES ]
207
00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,513
HERE I COME.
YEAH.
208
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:06,654
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING ]
HONEY, YOU'RE --
YOU'RE JUST GORGEOUS.
209
00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,889
I KNOW, MOM, BUT RIGHT NOW,
THIS IS ABOUT KRISTIN.
210
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:12,660
SO...
DO YOU LIKE IT?
211
00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,027
YES.
SO YOU LIKE IT?
212
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:16,029
NO, CAN WE SEE
ANOTHER OPTION?
213
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:17,497
OF COURSE.
214
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:20,133
BUT I HAVE TO SAY --
I KNOW -- "AMAZING."
215
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,135
BUT, UH,
ANOTHER OPTION, PLEASE.
216
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:23,236
YES.
217
00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:28,041
I CAN TOTALLY MAKE THAT DRESS,
ONLY BETTER.
218
00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:30,578
[ SQUEALS, GIGGLES ]
CHEERS.
YEAH.
219
00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:33,581
[ GIGGLING ]
N-O-O-O!
220
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:36,550
CHAMPAGNE ALWAYS HELPS
MY CREATIVE PROCESS.
221
00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:40,153
I ASSUME.
222
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:43,523
FROM...
WHAT I'VE READ.
223
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:46,526
IN THE BIBLE.
AHH.
224
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:49,329
MM.
225
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,565
BOY, I HOPE EVE IS HAVING
A GOOD TIME WITH YOUR DAD.
226
00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:54,602
YEAH, TEENAGE BREAKUPS
CAN BE SO PAINFUL.
227
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,536
AND SOMETIMES
THEY ARE JUST AWKWARD.
228
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,572
LIKE MY BREAKUP
WITH KYLE.
229
00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:01,408
I THOUGHT THINGS ENDED OKAY
WITH YOU AND KYLE?
230
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:03,376
YEAH, YOU ALWAYS SAID
THAT IT WAS MUTUAL.
231
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:08,548
MUTUAL.
YOU "MUTUAL-ED" KYLE?
232
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:11,685
THE AWKWARD PART
WAS HOW HARD HE TRIED
233
00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:14,955
TO GET ME BACK --
NOTES, POEMS, FLOWERS.
234
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,389
WELL, NO --
DIRT AND SEEDS.
235
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:20,594
HE THOUGHT I'D HAVE MORE FUN
MAKING MY OWN.
236
00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:23,631
KYLE ONLY GIVES DIRT TO PEOPLE
THAT HE REALLY CARES ABOUT.
237
00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:26,066
IT WAS NO BIG DEAL.
I JUST KEPT SAYING NO.
238
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:27,200
OH. [ SCOFFS ]
239
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,202
I MEAN, IT SORT OF SOUNDS
LIKE A BIG DEAL.
240
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,772
UH, HOW LONG DID THIS
WHOLE THING GO ON FOR?
241
00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:33,607
NOT LONG.
LIKE SIX MONTHS.
242
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:35,909
I'M SORRY.
SIX MONTHS?
243
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:38,746
DID I EVER TELL YOU GIRLS
ABOUT JEFF?
244
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:41,782
[ CHUCKLES ]
NOW, THERE WAS A BREAKUP.
245
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,583
WHY HAVE YOU NEVER TOLD ME
ABOUT THIS?
246
00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:45,318
YOU MEAN
WE COULD HAVE HAD
247
00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:47,655
THIS SUPER-FUN CONVERSATION
EVEN SOONER?
248
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:51,058
I TRIED TO GET JEFF BACK.
[ CHUCKLES ]
249
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,460
HE LOVED "FLASHDANCE,"
250
00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:57,497
SO I-I GOT A CHAIR AND A BUCKET
OF WATER, AND...
251
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,333
I'M SORRY
THAT I DON'T LIKE HEARING
252
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,102
HOW HEARTBROKEN KYLE WAS
OVER YOU.
RIGHT.
253
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,271
I'M GETTING MARRIED,
EVE'S GOING THROUGH A BREAKUP.
254
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:08,776
BUT SOMEHOW, ONCE AGAIN,
TODAY BECOMES ALL ABOUT MANDY.
255
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,343
OKAY, WELL, IF YOU WANT IT
TO BE ALL ABOUT YOU,
256
00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:12,012
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE
YOUR OWN DAMN WEDDING DRESS?
257
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,613
I DIDN'T WANT
YOUR KNOCK-OFF DRESS, ANYWAY.
258
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,315
I CAN'T IMAGINE
259
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:17,150
A MORE BEAUTIFUL DRESS
THAN THIS ONE.
260
00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:19,152
SO YOU'LL TAKE IT?
YES.
261
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:21,254
NO.
262
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,691
THAT ONE IS ALSO PRETTY.
I'LL BE IN HERE.
263
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:30,030
ALL RIGHT, THE MANUAL ESTIMATED
10 MINUTES FOR THIS STEP.
264
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:32,833
WHAT ARE YOU CLOWNS
DOING DOWN THERE?
265
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,501
YOU KNOW,
I THINK WE'RE DOING A GOOD JOB
266
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:35,703
CONSIDERING
THE ONLY TOOLS YOU HAVE
267
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,771
ARE NEEDLE-NOSE PLIERS
268
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:40,340
AND WHATEVER THE HELL
THIS THING IS.
269
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:43,944
I FINALLY FOUND THE CABLE
FOR THE BACK SPEAKERS.
270
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,513
HUH.
271
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:47,681
WELL,
I GOT THE SHORTEST ONE.
272
00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:49,950
I MEAN, I SAVED FIVE BUCKS.
GREAT.
273
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:53,620
NOW ALL WE HAVE TO DO
IS MOVE THAT WALL OVER HERE.
274
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,188
YES!
DENVER JUST TIED IT!
275
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:56,790
OOH, OOH, LET ME SEE.
LET ME SEE.
276
00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:58,658
YOU DON'T WANT TO WATCH THE GAME
ON THAT LITTLE PHONE.
277
00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:00,293
YOU KNOW, THE PHONE
HAS AN ADVANTAGE --
278
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:03,663
IT'S NOT JUST A BIG,
BLACK RECTANGLE.
279
00:11:04,832 --> 00:11:06,566
I THINK WE GOT ENOUGH STUFF
HOOKED UP HERE.
280
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:08,235
I-I-I'M FIRING
THIS BAD BOY UP.
281
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,336
WELL, NOW, HOLD ON.
DO IT. DO IT.
282
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:10,904
OKAY, MIKE. OKAY, HERE I GO.
GO, GO, GO.
283
00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:12,639
AND...
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]
284
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,041
WHAT...
WHAT THE...
285
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:17,644
THANK YOU FOR THAT, CHUCK.
THAT REALLY SETS US BACK.
286
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,813
NO, I JUST OVERLOADED
THE CIRCUIT.
287
00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:21,849
DO YOU HAVE THE TV ON THE SAME
CIRCUIT AS THE LIGHTS?
288
00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:22,983
IT'S JUST A TV.
289
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:26,319
PLUGGING THIS THING IN
IS LIKE PLUGGING IN VEGAS.
290
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,822
UH, I COULD GO
RESET THE BREAKER.
291
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:30,690
GOOD. GO AHEAD.
YEAH, THE PANEL'S
IN THE KITCHEN.
292
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,659
RIGHT THERE.
RIGHT UP -- YEAH.
OKAY.
293
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,195
JUST GO RIGHT TO YOUR LEFT
RIGHT THERE. UP.
294
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,563
MIKEY, NO OFFENSE,
295
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:39,666
BUT I THINK HAVING EVE HERE
IS INHIBITING OUR FUN.
296
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,234
YEAH, I'M SURE EVE IS THE REASON
WE'RE NOT HAVING FUN,
297
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:43,837
NOT THE FACT THAT WE GOT
NO LIGHTS AND NO TV.
298
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,405
AND NO GUM.
299
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:48,341
SHE BROKE UP
WITH HER FIRST BOYFRIEND,
300
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,743
HER MOM'S BEEN BUGGING HER
ABOUT IT AT HOME.
301
00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:51,344
I JUST WANTED TO
GET HER OUT OF THE HOUSE,
302
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,512
GIVE HER A LITTLE SPACE,
OKAY?
303
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,681
YEAH, WOMEN LOVE
PICKING EMOTIONS APART.
304
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:58,051
IT'S LIKE A BLOOMIN' ONION
AT HAPPY HOUR.
305
00:11:58,085 --> 00:11:59,686
IF WE'RE NOT ALLOWED
TO EAT IN HERE,
306
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,421
I DON'T WANT TO
TALK ABOUT FOOD.
307
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,891
AH!
OKAY.
GOOD GOING!
308
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:05,558
YOU'RE A GOOD DAD,
BAXTER.
309
00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:07,694
LET THE GIRL PROCESS THINGS
AT HER OWN PACE.
310
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:08,762
YEAH, HE'S RIGHT.
311
00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:10,197
SHE'S BETTER OFF
NOT DWELLING ON IT.
312
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,965
SO, WHAT'S THIS DEAL
ABOUT THE BREAKUP?
313
00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,366
ED, DWELLING.
314
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,536
UM, I'M FINE, MR. ALZATE.
NO BIGGIE.
315
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:17,604
I MEAN, ANYONE CARE
316
00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:19,239
THAT THE NUGGETS
JUST WENT ON A 12-0 RUN?
317
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:20,808
ALL RIGHT,
NOW, THAT'S SMART.
318
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,442
TAKE YOUR MIND OFF THE PAIN.
319
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:25,813
EVENTUALLY YOU FORGET IT, AND --
AND YOU GET OVER IT, RIGHT?
320
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:28,448
OH, YOU FORGET.
321
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:30,951
BUT DO YOU
EVER REALLY GET OVER IT?
322
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:33,954
NOT IF YOU DISCUSS
YOUR FEELINGS
323
00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:35,588
WITH YOUR DAD'S
MIDDLE-AGED FRIENDS.
324
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:38,225
LISA DEMERAY.
325
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,427
HUH?
326
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,429
SHE SAT NEXT TO ME
IN EIGHTH-GRADE MATH.
327
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:46,599
SHE BORROWED MY PROTRACTOR,
AND I NEVER WASHED IT AGAIN.
328
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:50,437
YOU -- YOU WASHED
YOUR PROTRACTOR, HUH?
329
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:54,207
WHAT DID YOU MEASURE
WITH THAT THING?
330
00:12:57,310 --> 00:13:00,680
I-I FINALLY GOT UP THE NERVE
TO TALK TO HER,
331
00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:04,351
AND SHE TOLD ME HER FAMILY
WAS MOVING TO BALTIMORE.
332
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:07,587
WHENEVER THEY SHOW THE CROWD
AT A RAVENS GAME,
333
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,924
I-I LOOK FOR HER.
334
00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:12,092
YOU KNOW, I'M PRETTY SURE
SHE DOESN'T LOOK
335
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,927
LIKE SHE DID
IN THE EIGHTH GRADE.
336
00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,829
BUT IT'S GREAT TO KNOW
WHY YOU WATCH FOOTBALL.
337
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:19,132
OKAY, SO, UH,
WE READY TO TRY THIS AGAIN?
338
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:20,868
IT WAS THE SPRING OF '56.
339
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,269
GUESS NOT.
340
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:25,873
TAMMY BALACEK AND I
[CHUCKLES]
341
00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:27,674
WOULD KISS
IN THE MOONLIGHT,
342
00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:29,142
TELLING EACH OTHER
OUR DREAMS.
343
00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:33,346
YEAH. THAT'S WHEN DREAMS
USED TO BE BLACK AND WHITE.
344
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:36,884
UNLIKE OUR FLAT-SCREEN,
WHICH IS STILL BLACK!
345
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:40,888
ONE DAY,
OUT OF THE BLUE,
346
00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:43,891
SHE SAYS SHE'S NOT
FEELING IT ANYMORE.
347
00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:48,295
[ Voice breaking ]
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
348
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,697
TRUE LOVE IS RIGHT THERE,
349
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:53,533
AND SHE SAYS
SHE'S NOT FEELING IT.
350
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:58,538
I BETTER TEST
THESE 3-D GLASSES.
351
00:13:58,571 --> 00:13:59,873
I DON'T THINK WE NEED TV.
352
00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:01,841
WE GOT "THE BROTHERHOOD
OF THE TRAVELING PANTS"
353
00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,911
RIGHT HERE.
354
00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:06,313
BAXTER, IT MIGHT BE GOOD FOR EVE
TO HEAR THIS STUFF.
355
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,814
I MEAN,
IT'S HARD WHEN YOUR --
356
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,883
YOUR HEART GETS RIPPED
OUT OF YOUR CHEST.
357
00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:11,919
NOBODY RIPPED HER HEART
OUT OF HER CHEST.
358
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,520
THIS WAS A MUTUAL BREAKUP,
RIGHT?
359
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:16,723
ACTUALLY,
I KIND OF JUST SAID THAT.
360
00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:18,391
YEAH,
I BROKE UP WITH JUSTIN.
361
00:14:19,893 --> 00:14:21,428
HE WAS JUST MORE INTO ME
THAN I WAS INTO HIM.
362
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,663
Mike: OKAY.
363
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:27,067
TAMMY BALACEK
ALL OVER AGAIN.
364
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,903
I'M FEELING KIND OF BAD
BECAUSE WHEN JUSTIN
365
00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:32,439
STARTED CRYING,
I KIND OF LAUGHED.
366
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,541
HE CRIED?
367
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:37,110
YOU LAUGHED?
368
00:14:37,144 --> 00:14:40,447
WHAT KIND OF MONSTER
HAVE YOU RAISED?
369
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:41,714
DON'T LISTEN
TO THESE GUYS.
370
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:43,917
YOU KNOW, SHE'S PROBABLY
NOT USED TO SEEING MEN CRY.
371
00:14:43,951 --> 00:14:45,885
BUT AFTER TODAY,
IT'LL BE LIKE OLD HAT.
372
00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:48,721
YEAH, JUSTIN CRYING JUST
CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD, THAT'S ALL.
373
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:49,923
EVE, YOU'RE A GOOD KID
AND ALL,
374
00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:51,424
BUT THAT -- THAT --
THAT'S COLD.
375
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:55,062
THAT'S -- THAT'S DEEP SPACE,
DARK-SIDE-OF-THE-MOON COLD.
376
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:58,065
UH, LET'S HAVE ENOUGH
OF THIS.
377
00:14:58,098 --> 00:14:59,732
LET'S WATCH
A LITTLE BASKETBALL.
378
00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:02,435
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S WHAT WE CAME HERE FOR,
HUH? SIT DOWN.
379
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:04,037
SATELLITE ON, GUYS.
Ed: LET'S GO.
380
00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:07,640
SIT DOWN, AND LET'S WATCH
SOME BASKETBALL. ALL RIGHT.
381
00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:10,143
Announcer: ANOTHER
INCREDIBLE WIN FOR DENVER.
382
00:15:10,177 --> 00:15:11,278
STAY TUNED
FOR POST-GAME COVERAGE,
383
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:12,879
AND OUR INTERVIEW
WITH TY LAWSON,
384
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:16,383
THE QUIZNO'S BACON RANCH PLAYER
OF THE GAME.
385
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:19,953
WOW, THAT WAS SOME GAME.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
386
00:15:19,987 --> 00:15:22,589
MAYBE WE'LL COME BY HERE
387
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:24,057
AND NOT WATCH THE SUPER BOWL
WHEN IT'S ON.
388
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,801
WE NEED TO TALK
ABOUT THIS KYLE THING.
389
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,236
I AM CHANGING.
WELL, GOOD,
390
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,671
BECAUSE I'M NOT CRAZY
ABOUT WHO YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.
391
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,440
MOM?!
392
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:41,508
SHE'S NOT HERE.
393
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,110
SHE'S OFF BONDING
WITH THE SALESMAN.
394
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:47,080
THEY'VE BOTH BEEN DUMPED
BY LIARS NAMED JEFF.
395
00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:48,181
LOOK, OKAY?
396
00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:49,983
KYLE WAS NEVER REALLY
IN LOVE WITH ME.
397
00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:52,085
I-I-I-I THINK
HE JUST FELT OBLIGATED
398
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:53,453
BECAUSE I'M A SINGLE MOM
399
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:56,089
AND -- AND BOYD HAD GOTTEN
REALLY ATTACHED TO HIM.
400
00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:57,690
BOYD WAS ONLY 4 THEN.
401
00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,092
THEY LIKED A LOT
OF THE SAME BOOKS.
402
00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:02,029
ALL OF THOSE TIMES
THAT KYLE TRIED TO GET YOU BACK,
403
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:04,364
YOU REJECTED HIM
EVERY SINGLE TIME?
404
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:08,301
YES, I PROMISE, OKAY? YOU HAVE
NO REASON TO BE JEALOUS.
405
00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:10,303
JEALOUS?
WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS?
406
00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:14,107
I'M JUST MAD AT YOU
FOR REJECTING MY SWEET KYLE.
407
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:17,710
OH. WHAT?
408
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,612
THAT MUST HAVE REALLY HURT
HIS FEELINGS --
409
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,014
COMING TO YOU
WITH DIRT AND SEEDS
410
00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:23,383
AND GETTING TURNED DOWN OVER
AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
411
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,552
SO, YOU'RE MAD AT ME
412
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:28,121
FOR NOT GETTING BACK
WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND?
413
00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:31,224
ALL HE WANTED
WAS ANOTHER SHOT.
414
00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:34,827
SEE, THIS IS WHY I THINK YOU
AND KYLE ARE THE REAL THING.
415
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:37,030
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
I'VE SEEN YOU
416
00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:39,632
PUT SOMEONE ELSE'S FEELINGS
AHEAD OF YOUR OWN.
417
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,234
IS THAT WHAT I DID?
418
00:16:41,268 --> 00:16:42,702
YEAH.
419
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,672
AND YOU DID IT
WITHOUT EVEN THINKING.
420
00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:48,875
THAT'S WHEN
I DO MY BEST STUFF.
421
00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:52,845
Announcer: WHAT A NIGHT!
422
00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:56,383
DENVER WINS IN TRIPLE OVERTIME,
143-142.
423
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:57,417
[ RADIO TURNS OFF ]
424
00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,419
WELL, IF YOU'RE GONNA
MISS A GAME,
425
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,588
MIGHT AS WELL MISS
THE BEST ONE OF THE YEAR.
426
00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:02,855
[ SIGHS ]
427
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:06,593
WHAT IF ED AND CHUCK
ARE RIGHT ABOUT ME BEING COLD?
428
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:07,827
EVE, COME ON.
429
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,096
IN THE LAST TWO DAYS,
430
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:11,498
I'VE BEEN CALLED A MONSTER
AND A ROBOT.
431
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,599
IT'S STARTING TO HURT.
432
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,434
WHO CALLED YOU A ROBOT?
433
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,436
JUSTIN...
434
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,505
WHEN I LAUGHED AT HIM
FOR CRYING.
435
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,708
ROBOTS DON'T LAUGH
AT OTHER PEOPLE'S PAIN.
436
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:24,744
THAT WOULD BE
A SOCIOPATH.
437
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:27,347
[ SCOFFS ]
DAD, I'M SERIOUS.
438
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,549
I MEAN,
HAVE YOU EVER LAUGHED
439
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:31,384
WHEN SOMEONE YOU CARED ABOUT
WAS IN PAIN?
440
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:33,786
NO. YES.
441
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:35,788
I MEAN, YOUR MOM MADE
SOME PRETTY FUNNY FACES
442
00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:37,624
WHEN SHE
WAS DELIVERING KRISTIN.
443
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:39,226
AND I'M TELLING YOU
RIGHT NOW,
444
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,361
NEVER TELL A WOMAN
IN LABOR
445
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,730
THAT SHE LOOKS
LIKE BUDDY HACKETT.
446
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:47,567
I DON'T KNOW. JUSTIN WAS
MY FIRST REAL BOYFRIEND.
447
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,137
I THINK MAYBE
I SHOULD BE MORE UPSET.
448
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:52,372
WHAT YOU THINK
DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.
449
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,073
SEE, THIS IS
ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.
450
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,476
AND YOUR FEELINGS
ARE GONNA COME UP.
451
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,711
EVEN IF
IT'S 50 YEARS LATER
452
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,080
WHEN YOU'RE SHOWING OFF
YOUR MEDIA ROOM.
453
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:02,982
SO, I'M NOT COLD?
YOU'RE NOT COLD AT ALL.
454
00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:04,284
YOU HAVE
GREAT FEELINGS.
455
00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:05,885
YOU -- YOU CARE
ABOUT YOUR FAMILY
456
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,821
AND YOUR FRIENDS AND GOD
AND THE BRONCOS...
457
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,990
I DO CRY WHEN THEY LOSE.
MM-HMM.
458
00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:13,426
AND I CRIED
AFTER THE 2012 ELECTION.
459
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:15,895
I MEAN,
EVEN ROMNEY DIDN'T CRY.
460
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,464
HE'S NOT
PROGRAMMED TO.
461
00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:19,932
ROMNEY IS,
IN FACT, A ROBOT.
462
00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:25,238
HEY.
463
00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:26,806
HEY, HOW WAS ED'S TV?
464
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:28,475
HEAVY.
465
00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:30,677
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
YOU OKAY?
466
00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:31,678
YOU HAVE ANY FEELINGS
YOU WANT --
467
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:34,747
I GOT TO GO.
468
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,015
WELL, GOOD GOING.
YOU SPOOKED HER.
469
00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:38,918
LIKE THAT 10-POINT BUCK I TRIED
TO SHOOT ON OUR HONEYMOON.
470
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,287
YEAH.
471
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,322
YEAH, HONEY, YOU KNOW,
YOU SHOT AT A DEER
472
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:44,191
FROM THE BALCONY
OF OUR BRIDAL SUITE.
473
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:46,793
MM-HMM.
AND, UH -- AND I'M THE ONE
WHO'S OUT OF LINE?
474
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:48,995
UNH-UNH.
[ CHUCKLES ]
475
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:50,830
HEY, DID SHE SHOW ANY EMOTION?
SHE CRY? ANYTHING?
NO.
476
00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:52,432
IF SHE NEEDS LESSONS,
477
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:55,668
SHE CAN TAKE THEM
FROM ED AND CHUCK.
478
00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:57,504
HEY, MOM, HAVE YOU SEEN
JUSTIN'S HEADPHONES?
479
00:18:57,537 --> 00:18:59,372
I WANT TO RETURN THEM
AND GET THIS OVER WITH.
480
00:18:59,406 --> 00:19:01,374
UH, YEAH, I DROPPED THEM OFF
WITH JUSTIN'S MOM.
481
00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:04,043
WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
SHE IS SO SWEET.
482
00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:06,979
WOULD IT BE WEIRD FOR YOU
IF BETTY AND I STAYED FRIENDS?
483
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:08,981
YOU DROPPED THEM OFF?
484
00:19:09,015 --> 00:19:10,617
WELL, Y-Y-YOU DIDN'T
WANT TO HAVE TO SEE HIM,
485
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:11,818
SO I JUST THOUGHT I WOULD --
HOW CAN YOU DO THAT, MOM?
486
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:13,520
I WAS GOING TO DO THAT!
YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME FIRST!
487
00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:15,021
NO, NO, NO, BUT, BABE,
YOU SAID YOU WANTED
A CLEAN EXIT, RIGHT?
488
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,956
YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST DO ME
A FAVOR AND DON'T THINK, OKAY?
489
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,891
JUST -- FROM NOW ON,
STAY OUT OF MY LIFE.
490
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:20,360
[ SIGHS ]
491
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:21,894
HONEY, I --
492
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:28,835
THERE'S SOME EMOTION.
EVERYBODY HAPPY?
493
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:30,870
[ EVE CRYING ]
494
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,675
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
495
00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:38,678
SHE'S IN THERE CRYING, MIKE.
IT'S TERRIBLE.
496
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:40,146
ALL WEEK LONG,
YOU'VE WANTED HER TO CRY.
497
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,748
YES, SHE'S MY BABY.
498
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:44,251
WELL, NOW THAT SHE'S CRYING,
YOU WANT HER TO STOP?
499
00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:47,687
YES, SHE'S MY BABY.
500
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:48,888
S-S-SHE JUST NEEDS SOME TIME
BY HERSELF.
501
00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:49,856
JUST GET AWAY FR--
W-W-WAIT, BUT IF --
502
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:51,258
HAVE I MADE IT CLEAR
503
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,826
THAT I'M AVAILABLE
TO TALK TO HER ABOUT THIS?
504
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,862
I THINK
EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.
505
00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:59,666
OH -- WELL, I-I'M GONNA WAIT
HERE JUST IN CASE SHE NEEDS ME.
506
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:00,833
AS LONG AS IT TAKES.
507
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,435
Eve: MOM?
508
00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:03,936
OH, THANK GOD.
509
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:13,780
HEY, MIKE BAXTER HERE
FOR OUTDOOR MAN
510
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:16,215
WITH OUR VALENTINE'S DAY
GIFT COMBO --
511
00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:19,786
HIP WADERS AND A SLEEPING BAG.
512
00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:21,020
HMM?
513
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,589
SEE, YOU'LL NEED
THE SLEEPING BAG
514
00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:24,023
WHEN YOUR WIFE KICKS YOU OUT
515
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,225
BECAUSE YOU BOUGHT HER
HIP WADERS.
516
00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:28,194
VALENTINE'S DAY
IS A CELEBRATION OF LOVE.
517
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,796
BUT FOR A LOT OF LONELY PEOPLE,
518
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,398
IT'S A BIG HOLIDAY
FOR DEPRESSION,
519
00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:34,033
WHICH IS WHY WE'LL BE CLOSING
THE SHOOTING RANGE
520
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,235
VERY EARLY THAT DAY.
521
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:38,237
WITH SO MUCH HEARTBREAK,
522
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:40,039
WHY DO WE PUT
OURSELVES THROUGH THIS?
523
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:43,042
IS LOVE NECESSARY
FOR OUR SURVIVAL?
524
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,211
ANIMALS DON'T LOVE,
AND THEY SURVIVE JUST FINE,
525
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:48,247
PRESENT COMPANY EXCLUDED.
526
00:20:48,281 --> 00:20:50,617
WHEN YOU SEE A GIRAFFE RUNNING
ON THE SAVANNAH,
527
00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:52,419
IT'S NOT RUNNING
AFTER ANOTHER GIRAFFE
528
00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:54,253
SAYING,
"PLEASE, DON'T LEAVE ME."
529
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:58,658
IT'S RUNNING FROM A LION SAYING,
"PLEASE DON'T EAT ME."
530
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:00,259
ONLY HUMANS ARE CAPABLE OF LOVE,
531
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:02,261
AND THE BEST KIND OF LOVE
IS UNCONDITIONAL --
532
00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:05,097
LOVE OF FAMILY, LOVE OF FRIENDS,
LOVE OF GOD...
533
00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:08,401
AND LOVE OF YOUR NEW 4x4.
534
00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:10,570
LOVE IS ABOUT
THE BEST THING HUMANS HAVE.
535
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,171
AS THE AUTHOR
ROBERT BRAULT SAID,
536
00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:14,173
"FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL LOVE YOU
FOR NO REASON,
537
00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:16,309
AND SHOWER THAT PERSON
WITH REASONS."
538
00:21:16,343 --> 00:21:18,945
THAT IS THE ULTIMATE HAPPINESS.
539
00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:21,914
SO, MAYBE FOLLOW UP THOSE
HIP WADERS WITH SOME FLOWERS.
540
00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:23,182
BUT WHATEVER YOU DO,
541
00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:26,185
DON'T SHOW HER THE PRESENT
YOU GOT YOUR TRUCK.
542
00:21:26,218 --> 00:21:29,055
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY
FROM ALL OF US AT OUTDOOR MAN.
40089
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