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1
00:00:04,117 --> 00:00:06,687
Yet again we're seeing
record-high temperatures
2
00:00:06,771 --> 00:00:08,472
here in the South land,
Mayor Bremer.
3
00:00:08,556 --> 00:00:11,835
Is it global warming
or God punishing Hollywood
4
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:13,477
for its many sins?
5
00:00:13,561 --> 00:00:17,133
Andrea, this heat wave
is putting a lot of stress
6
00:00:17,217 --> 00:00:18,961
on the electrical grid.
7
00:00:19,045 --> 00:00:20,527
We're all suffering.
8
00:00:20,611 --> 00:00:25,445
Uh, but we all... we all have
to do our, uh... our part,
9
00:00:25,529 --> 00:00:26,794
you know,
to conserve energy.
10
00:00:26,878 --> 00:00:30,842
Even... even here
at... at City Hall, we are...
11
00:00:30,926 --> 00:00:32,496
Jayden.
[clears throat]
12
00:00:32,580 --> 00:00:36,848
Sorry. Well, we're turning
the AC off, uh...
13
00:00:36,932 --> 00:00:40,297
during peak hours
and rolling blackouts have...
14
00:00:40,382 --> 00:00:42,109
- It's too hot in there.
- The mayor is...
15
00:00:42,194 --> 00:00:46,201
Yeah, rolling blackouts
have... have happened.
16
00:00:46,289 --> 00:00:47,990
[Indistinct shouting]
17
00:00:48,146 --> 00:00:50,586
Anyway, do your part.
Stay cool, L.A.
18
00:00:50,685 --> 00:00:51,812
[bright music]
19
00:00:51,896 --> 00:00:53,896
*MR.MAYOR.
Season 02 Episode 03
20
00:00:53,980 --> 00:00:55,990
Episode Title: "Trampage"
Aired on: March 29, 2022.
21
00:00:56,075 --> 00:00:58,005
[♪]
22
00:00:59,685 --> 00:01:01,741
Thank you in advance
for your patience.
23
00:01:01,826 --> 00:01:05,181
The city's free cooling center
will be open soon.
24
00:01:05,265 --> 00:01:07,835
The website
said 10:00 to 6:00.
25
00:01:07,919 --> 00:01:09,750
What I'm hearing
is the website works.
26
00:01:09,834 --> 00:01:12,701
But we did have a little
problem with our vendor.
27
00:01:12,786 --> 00:01:15,053
The tent we ordered
is currently being used
28
00:01:15,138 --> 00:01:17,013
at a For Your Consideration
event
29
00:01:17,098 --> 00:01:18,552
for "The Marvelous
Mrs. Maisel."
30
00:01:18,637 --> 00:01:20,560
I promise we will get it back
31
00:01:20,645 --> 00:01:22,872
as soon as Tony Shalhoub
finishes the Q&A.
32
00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:23,763
Mr. Tomás?
33
00:01:23,848 --> 00:01:28,021
Uh, we have lukewarm bags
of water that were once ice.
34
00:01:29,083 --> 00:01:31,437
Bad news... Shalhoub is taking
questions about "Monk" now.
35
00:01:31,522 --> 00:01:34,136
They did 125 episodes.
That could take all day.
36
00:01:34,221 --> 00:01:36,210
We got to get some kind
of structure down here now.
37
00:01:36,294 --> 00:01:38,374
Okay, my guy's at the
warehouse, and he found a tent.
38
00:01:38,648 --> 00:01:40,088
It's from the last
"Real Housewives" reunion
39
00:01:40,172 --> 00:01:41,209
so it had some hair
and blood on it.
40
00:01:41,293 --> 00:01:42,602
- Hose it down, make it work.
- You got it.
41
00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:45,481
All right,
a solution is in the works.
42
00:01:45,865 --> 00:01:49,911
Mikaela, you've been online
dating for a very long time.
43
00:01:49,996 --> 00:01:51,479
I got to the end of Hinge.
44
00:01:51,564 --> 00:01:54,353
Well, I joined this
dating app, but...
45
00:01:54,438 --> 00:01:55,833
You're getting
mixed messages?
46
00:01:55,918 --> 00:01:58,488
Like, you think you swiped on
a single guy, but it turns out
47
00:01:58,573 --> 00:01:59,896
it's a couple
looking for a third,
48
00:01:59,981 --> 00:02:02,082
and at first, you're like,
"No way," but then you're like,
49
00:02:02,166 --> 00:02:03,897
"I don't know, at least
everyone's being honest here."
50
00:02:03,981 --> 00:02:06,334
No, actually,
it's been going great.
51
00:02:06,419 --> 00:02:07,815
Awesome, me too.
52
00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:10,210
Yeah, I've been matched
with so many lovely ladies.
53
00:02:10,295 --> 00:02:12,474
Cool, cool,
being a man seems cool.
54
00:02:12,609 --> 00:02:14,875
But flirting online
is just so different.
55
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,966
All this texting
instead of meeting in person.
56
00:02:18,051 --> 00:02:20,849
Yep, I prefer to meet women
the old-fashioned way.
57
00:02:20,934 --> 00:02:22,817
Selling candy bars
while they're eating outside
58
00:02:22,902 --> 00:02:24,733
at a restaurant and their
boyfriend's in the bathroom.
59
00:02:24,817 --> 00:02:27,170
See, I'm trying to find
something real here,
60
00:02:27,254 --> 00:02:29,802
but I can't get
out of the small-talk stage.
61
00:02:29,887 --> 00:02:32,914
All these women keep asking me
to tell them what street
62
00:02:32,999 --> 00:02:35,526
I grew up on
and my mother's maiden name,
63
00:02:35,610 --> 00:02:36,919
which seems a little weird,
64
00:02:37,003 --> 00:02:39,356
but I just don't know
what's normal anymore.
65
00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,489
- Mm...
- Yeah, please.
66
00:02:41,573 --> 00:02:42,925
Oh, honey.
67
00:02:43,009 --> 00:02:44,029
Wait, we're allowed
to call him honey?
68
00:02:44,113 --> 00:02:45,248
No. Absolutely not.
69
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:46,990
Sorry, it's just...
It's a scam.
70
00:02:47,117 --> 00:02:49,296
These are bots...
You're flirting with robots
71
00:02:49,381 --> 00:02:50,691
that are trying to steal
your identity.
72
00:02:50,775 --> 00:02:52,259
Wait, there's nothing wrong
with robots, okay?
73
00:02:52,343 --> 00:02:54,174
I've had a thing for that
Star Tours droid for years.
74
00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:58,483
Oh, no. I'd like to see a bot
with a figure like this.
75
00:02:58,568 --> 00:03:00,791
That's probably just
a stolen image.
76
00:03:00,876 --> 00:03:04,404
Yeah, that's the lady from the
sexy senior asthma commercials.
77
00:03:04,489 --> 00:03:06,974
[Pleasant music]
78
00:03:07,059 --> 00:03:10,731
Now I have enough breath
to blow a kiss.
79
00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:13,193
[Smooches]
80
00:03:13,340 --> 00:03:14,735
Oh, Ventilify.
81
00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:16,580
I'm on that, but it's
to inhibit hair growth.
82
00:03:16,678 --> 00:03:19,597
Oh, this profile's using
a pic of her, too.
83
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:21,919
No, no,
I've messaged with this gal.
84
00:03:22,004 --> 00:03:24,575
She's a flight attendant.
- No, that's the same actress.
85
00:03:24,660 --> 00:03:25,761
She also plays
a flight attendant
86
00:03:25,845 --> 00:03:27,415
in the Delta Air Lines
safety video.
87
00:03:27,637 --> 00:03:29,903
So buckle up for fun
88
00:03:29,988 --> 00:03:34,474
because fun is
as good as on time.
89
00:03:34,628 --> 00:03:35,893
Wait, I Googled her.
90
00:03:35,978 --> 00:03:37,809
Her name is Angelica Masters,
and she's
91
00:03:37,894 --> 00:03:40,987
on the Champagne Chestnut box
of L'Oréal hair dye.
92
00:03:41,072 --> 00:03:43,599
So many of these fake
accounts use her pictures.
93
00:03:43,684 --> 00:03:45,386
I guess the algorithm
knows what it's doing.
94
00:03:45,470 --> 00:03:47,306
She's basically
a Chico's supermodel.
95
00:03:47,391 --> 00:03:48,838
This is unacceptable.
96
00:03:49,005 --> 00:03:50,923
They're toying
with people's feelings.
97
00:03:51,008 --> 00:03:52,752
I thought an actual woman
wanted to know
98
00:03:52,837 --> 00:03:54,407
the name of my first pet!
99
00:03:54,492 --> 00:03:55,596
You know something?
100
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:58,618
I'm in a position
to do something about this.
101
00:03:58,865 --> 00:04:01,620
And someone has to let
Angelica Masters know.
102
00:04:01,721 --> 00:04:02,314
Are you sure, sir?
103
00:04:02,399 --> 00:04:03,785
We really should be dealing
with these
104
00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:04,769
- blackouts. - Hey, Kathy.
- What?
105
00:04:04,854 --> 00:04:07,142
Get... get Angelica Masters!
106
00:04:07,572 --> 00:04:08,837
That was intense.
107
00:04:08,921 --> 00:04:10,578
How'd you stay
so calm back there?
108
00:04:10,662 --> 00:04:12,354
Experience.
Faith in the process.
109
00:04:12,439 --> 00:04:14,191
I'm gonna duck into this
mini mart for a second.
110
00:04:14,275 --> 00:04:15,823
- You want anything?
- I'll go with you.
111
00:04:15,907 --> 00:04:17,916
That's not what I asked.
Do you want anything?
112
00:04:18,001 --> 00:04:19,963
I want to see the choices!
113
00:04:20,612 --> 00:04:23,236
Looks like they got some
cool stuff in the back there.
114
00:04:23,486 --> 00:04:25,865
I'm seeing corn nuts,
washer fluid,
115
00:04:26,003 --> 00:04:28,574
fake Academy Awards for people
with common Western names.
116
00:04:28,689 --> 00:04:30,389
No, I just want a cold drink.
117
00:04:30,474 --> 00:04:32,087
Hey, Arpi.
118
00:04:32,226 --> 00:04:34,275
Four Ladybug Luck scratchers
coming up.
119
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,279
I think you're mistaking me
for another tiny Arpi.
120
00:04:37,364 --> 00:04:40,457
Oh, you. I love that you
take time to joke.
121
00:04:40,542 --> 00:04:41,542
I think we'd be friends
122
00:04:41,626 --> 00:04:44,166
even if you didn't buy
lottery tickets every day.
123
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:47,791
Okay, fine.
Now you know my secret shame.
124
00:04:47,876 --> 00:04:49,708
An emotional affair with
a convenience store clerk?
125
00:04:49,792 --> 00:04:51,841
No.
It's the scratchers, okay?
126
00:04:51,926 --> 00:04:55,324
They're my thing.
These will pay for those.
127
00:04:55,409 --> 00:04:56,674
Okay, see you tomorrow, Arpi!
128
00:04:56,759 --> 00:04:58,285
I know they're
a waste of money
129
00:04:58,370 --> 00:05:00,104
and a regressive tax
on the poor
130
00:05:00,189 --> 00:05:02,586
but after a hellish morning
like we just had,
131
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:03,718
I need a little win...
132
00:05:03,802 --> 00:05:05,517
or a loss...
It doesn't even matter.
133
00:05:05,602 --> 00:05:08,385
These keep me sane,
so stop judging me.
134
00:05:08,502 --> 00:05:10,799
I'm not judging anyone.
Some people need vices to cope.
135
00:05:10,884 --> 00:05:12,197
Oh, but you don't?
136
00:05:12,282 --> 00:05:14,252
What can I say? Some of us
are just well adjusted.
137
00:05:14,337 --> 00:05:15,385
#Built Different.
138
00:05:15,470 --> 00:05:17,562
[Gasps, laughs]
139
00:05:17,647 --> 00:05:19,173
Free ticket!
140
00:05:19,263 --> 00:05:20,908
Are you at least
being smart about this?
141
00:05:20,993 --> 00:05:23,050
What does that mean?
Scratchers are random.
142
00:05:23,135 --> 00:05:24,173
Well, I read this article
143
00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:25,542
that there are ways
to game the system.
144
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:27,631
You know, buy in bulk,
chat up store owners to see
145
00:05:27,763 --> 00:05:30,853
which locations are due to hit,
choose new games over old.
146
00:05:31,007 --> 00:05:33,658
Well, shoot, I'm gonna have
to give those tricks a try.
147
00:05:34,211 --> 00:05:36,931
- Ooh, is that cold?
- Yeah, I just got it.
148
00:05:39,566 --> 00:05:41,571
[laughs]
149
00:05:42,047 --> 00:05:43,443
Coping mechanism.
150
00:05:43,737 --> 00:05:46,439
Look, obviously, I get
why they use your picture.
151
00:05:46,524 --> 00:05:48,631
Well, it's been going on
for a while.
152
00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:51,287
I appeal
to sex-positive seniors,
153
00:05:51,371 --> 00:05:55,713
senior-curious millennials,
and meme-loving incels.
154
00:05:55,798 --> 00:05:59,440
I just hate that my photo is
being used to catfish people
155
00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:00,878
and that the name
156
00:06:00,963 --> 00:06:03,549
of my favorite fish
now means something so dark.
157
00:06:03,634 --> 00:06:05,596
Well, if you feel
that strongly,
158
00:06:05,681 --> 00:06:07,294
maybe we could team up.
159
00:06:07,379 --> 00:06:10,913
Well, I happen to be in town
shooting a commercial
160
00:06:10,998 --> 00:06:12,524
for the new Depends thong.
161
00:06:12,609 --> 00:06:16,322
I suppose I could record
something later this week.
162
00:06:16,407 --> 00:06:17,455
Oh, that's fantastic.
163
00:06:17,540 --> 00:06:18,979
Uh, I'll... I'll have
164
00:06:19,064 --> 00:06:21,765
my comms department
get in touch with your people.
165
00:06:21,850 --> 00:06:23,931
Well, there is just one
issue.
166
00:06:24,171 --> 00:06:26,346
How do I know
that you're not a bot?
167
00:06:26,431 --> 00:06:28,479
Maybe send me a bunch
of pictures
168
00:06:28,564 --> 00:06:30,743
and have me click
on all the stop signs.
169
00:06:30,828 --> 00:06:33,400
Or we could meet in person.
170
00:06:33,970 --> 00:06:35,924
Do you eat dinner?
171
00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:40,245
Every night, except when
I fall asleep on the couch.
172
00:06:40,330 --> 00:06:42,248
Great, I'll see you tonight.
173
00:06:42,333 --> 00:06:43,511
I must say, though
174
00:06:43,734 --> 00:06:47,627
while I'm not a robot,
I am a machine...
175
00:06:47,911 --> 00:06:49,521
in bed.
176
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:58,456
- Morning.
- [laughs]
177
00:06:58,541 --> 00:07:00,987
Whoa, someone's
in a good mood.
178
00:07:01,072 --> 00:07:02,760
It's me.
I had breakfast churros.
179
00:07:02,947 --> 00:07:06,591
Why did I wait so long
to date women my own age?
180
00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:07,855
Oh, because you're rich, sir.
181
00:07:07,940 --> 00:07:11,511
I had a fantastic night
with Angelica.
182
00:07:11,595 --> 00:07:13,383
You know, when you're
with someone your own age,
183
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:16,125
you connect
in such a different way.
184
00:07:16,209 --> 00:07:17,783
Like about wills and stuff?
185
00:07:17,950 --> 00:07:20,651
Like about our favorite
books and music
186
00:07:20,735 --> 00:07:23,392
and how all other generations
are the worst.
187
00:07:23,533 --> 00:07:26,103
I'm telling you, I think this
could be something special.
188
00:07:26,188 --> 00:07:27,526
Okay, so, just to summarize,
189
00:07:27,611 --> 00:07:29,198
you've been on an app
for one week.
190
00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:31,284
You got catfished using
a picture of an actress,
191
00:07:31,369 --> 00:07:33,533
but then you just met
that actress and took her out.
192
00:07:33,617 --> 00:07:35,100
Where do you even take
a commercial queen?
193
00:07:35,184 --> 00:07:37,199
I mean, she's already twirled
through a field of daisies.
194
00:07:37,283 --> 00:07:40,497
Actually, we never even left
the hotel room.
195
00:07:40,581 --> 00:07:42,107
- Are you gonna be a dad?
- Okay.
196
00:07:42,191 --> 00:07:45,502
Gross/congratulations, sir,
but the office is not the place
197
00:07:45,586 --> 00:07:46,938
to discuss
your one-night stand.
198
00:07:47,022 --> 00:07:49,288
I think you mean
first-night stand.
199
00:07:49,372 --> 00:07:50,899
If this were a one-night stand,
200
00:07:50,983 --> 00:07:53,815
would we have been texting
all morning?
201
00:07:53,899 --> 00:07:57,079
Ah, I don't really see
a we texting here.
202
00:07:57,163 --> 00:07:58,907
I see you triple-texting
203
00:07:58,991 --> 00:08:01,735
in exchange
for a thumbs-up reaction?
204
00:08:01,819 --> 00:08:04,260
Yeah, so?
What's better than a thumbs-up?
205
00:08:04,344 --> 00:08:05,522
Right, Jayden?
206
00:08:05,606 --> 00:08:09,178
Oh my God, thank you, sir!
[laughing]
207
00:08:09,262 --> 00:08:12,338
1,000 buckaroos.
208
00:08:12,423 --> 00:08:13,900
Last night,
I followed your advice,
209
00:08:14,041 --> 00:08:15,358
and I hit it big on scratchers.
210
00:08:15,442 --> 00:08:16,533
Oh, that's great.
211
00:08:16,617 --> 00:08:17,839
You'd think so.
212
00:08:17,923 --> 00:08:19,841
But around 4:00 a.m.,
I was still awake,
213
00:08:19,925 --> 00:08:22,669
and I realized the truth...
You ruined me.
214
00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:24,671
Mm, you know, I really
thought I was safe
215
00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:26,456
from ever having
this conversation with a woman.
216
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,327
Turns out the best part
of playing scratchers
217
00:08:28,411 --> 00:08:29,981
isn't the money.
218
00:08:30,065 --> 00:08:31,760
It's the...
Wa-cha!
219
00:08:32,314 --> 00:08:35,197
The unpredictability,
and you took that away.
220
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:36,260
Okay.
221
00:08:36,345 --> 00:08:39,330
I guess I'm sorry that I helped
you win a bunch of money?
222
00:08:39,415 --> 00:08:41,544
Your apology is like
the Super Bowl.
223
00:08:41,685 --> 00:08:44,732
Just because it's happening
doesn't mean I care about it.
224
00:08:46,106 --> 00:08:48,178
What kind of sorcery is this?
225
00:08:48,263 --> 00:08:51,176
Why... why am I mad
you gave me $1,000?
226
00:08:51,260 --> 00:08:52,395
[Groans]
227
00:08:52,479 --> 00:08:54,832
Hey, Mikaela,
are we coordinating
228
00:08:54,916 --> 00:08:56,616
with the Beverly Hills
Mayor's Office
229
00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:58,183
about these power outages?
230
00:08:58,267 --> 00:09:00,142
Yes, sir. They're encouraging
residents to evacuate
231
00:09:00,226 --> 00:09:02,622
to the nearest Mercedes
S-, E-, or C-Class.
232
00:09:02,706 --> 00:09:05,373
Anything about cell towers
being down?
233
00:09:05,458 --> 00:09:08,193
I'm hearing a lot of talk about
texts not getting through.
234
00:09:08,277 --> 00:09:10,804
Oh, please don't tell me
this is what I think it is.
235
00:09:10,888 --> 00:09:12,806
Well, just look at this,
though.
236
00:09:12,890 --> 00:09:16,158
I mean, yesterday Angelica
responded right away.
237
00:09:16,242 --> 00:09:20,031
See? Look, question mark,
"Okay," "Can't talk right now,"
238
00:09:20,115 --> 00:09:23,474
"Driving" and then an emoji
with no mouth.
239
00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:25,787
But today look at that.
Nothing.
240
00:09:25,927 --> 00:09:27,125
Sir, she's ghosting you.
241
00:09:27,209 --> 00:09:28,387
Ghosting me?
242
00:09:28,471 --> 00:09:29,736
Don't listen to Mikaela, sir.
243
00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:31,129
This is standard
cat-and-mouse stuff.
244
00:09:31,213 --> 00:09:33,088
I go years without hearing
from women.
245
00:09:33,172 --> 00:09:36,134
Okay, maybe we can save this.
What have you texted her today?
246
00:09:36,218 --> 00:09:37,831
- Whoa.
- Oh, God.
247
00:09:37,915 --> 00:09:40,356
Did you copy and paste all the
lyrics to a Joni Mitchell song?
248
00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:42,904
No.
No, I-I typed them out.
249
00:09:42,989 --> 00:09:44,472
And a voice memo?
250
00:09:44,556 --> 00:09:45,995
It does voice memos?
251
00:09:46,118 --> 00:09:50,473
Siri, search Angelica Masters
control-top pantyhose.
252
00:09:50,573 --> 00:09:53,666
And you sent her a red heart?
253
00:09:53,751 --> 00:09:55,669
[Scoffs]
Sir, the progression
254
00:09:55,754 --> 00:09:58,233
is green heart, yellow heart,
purple heart, pink heart,
255
00:09:58,318 --> 00:09:59,810
double-pink heart,
then red heart.
256
00:09:59,894 --> 00:10:01,638
A red heart is what you send
to your mom
257
00:10:01,722 --> 00:10:03,118
on, like, Mothers' Day
or to your dad
258
00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:04,946
when he sends you
a picture of fish he caught
259
00:10:05,030 --> 00:10:06,686
and you don't know
how else to connect.
260
00:10:06,770 --> 00:10:08,716
God, what's wrong with me?
261
00:10:09,039 --> 00:10:10,827
I'm being a total doofus.
262
00:10:11,036 --> 00:10:12,287
And it's because of this thing.
263
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:15,608
I'm gonna go talk
to her face-to-face.
264
00:10:15,692 --> 00:10:17,099
- Oh, no, no, no.
- Yes, yes, yes.
265
00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:18,436
Sir, I am gonna tell you
266
00:10:18,521 --> 00:10:19,931
what I would tell
any friend of mine.
267
00:10:20,015 --> 00:10:21,933
Do not contact Angelica
for one year.
268
00:10:22,018 --> 00:10:23,283
You're being hyperbolic.
269
00:10:23,368 --> 00:10:25,068
You need her to forget
what you did.
270
00:10:25,168 --> 00:10:26,201
Come on.
271
00:10:26,286 --> 00:10:29,108
I am being as serious
as Nicole Kidman in a drama
272
00:10:29,193 --> 00:10:30,754
where she cannot be Australian.
273
00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:32,865
One year, minimum.
274
00:10:33,058 --> 00:10:35,063
I'll set a one-year timer
on your phone, sir.
275
00:10:35,148 --> 00:10:37,326
Is the old car horn
ringtone okay?
276
00:10:37,410 --> 00:10:38,880
No, no, no.
277
00:10:42,905 --> 00:10:46,215
Ms. Shaw,
did you see my memo?
278
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,188
Uh, yeah, you're mad at Tommy
279
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:50,539
because he made you
too good at scratchers?
280
00:10:50,624 --> 00:10:53,645
Yes. You may have noticed
the erasers
281
00:10:53,730 --> 00:10:55,866
have been gnawed off
all the office pencils.
282
00:10:55,950 --> 00:10:58,912
It was my doing.
I-I'm a little on edge.
283
00:10:58,996 --> 00:11:01,132
Arpi, there's a Salvatore
for you on line one.
284
00:11:01,216 --> 00:11:03,248
I will call him back,
Véronica!
285
00:11:04,933 --> 00:11:07,155
This is the time of day
I'd normally be scratching.
286
00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:08,810
Yeah. Hey, I get it.
287
00:11:08,895 --> 00:11:11,292
You know, when I'm overwhelmed,
I just take a Buzzfeed quiz.
288
00:11:11,531 --> 00:11:12,709
Show me.
289
00:11:12,793 --> 00:11:15,668
Omelet.
"Despicable Me." Boxer briefs.
290
00:11:15,752 --> 00:11:19,107
Tomato soup. A sunset.
The blue dress.
291
00:11:19,191 --> 00:11:21,674
The light-blue dress.
The strapless blue dress.
292
00:11:21,758 --> 00:11:24,895
Boxer briefs.
Butter pecan. Simba.
293
00:11:24,979 --> 00:11:28,681
Done.
And your ideal roommate is...
294
00:11:28,765 --> 00:11:32,294
[gasps]
Olivia Rodrigo! Ooh, fun.
295
00:11:32,378 --> 00:11:33,860
This does not float my barge.
296
00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:35,645
Okay. Well, let's just
take another one quiz.
297
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:37,857
Which "Sex and the City"
character are you?
298
00:11:37,942 --> 00:11:39,127
Easy. Magda.
299
00:11:39,211 --> 00:11:40,041
- Oh.
- Yeah.
300
00:11:40,125 --> 00:11:42,076
Yeah, this job is a killer.
301
00:11:42,208 --> 00:11:43,305
I used to stress-eat,
302
00:11:43,389 --> 00:11:45,437
but I've gotten a handle on it
through daily meditation.
303
00:11:45,521 --> 00:11:47,222
I was just gonna do my app
if you want to do it with me?
304
00:11:47,306 --> 00:11:48,927
I guess we could find
a private...
305
00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:51,017
Oh, right here.
306
00:11:51,102 --> 00:11:53,847
Hi, I'm Coyote Dewitt.
307
00:11:53,932 --> 00:11:55,980
Welcome to
"The Mindful Minute."
308
00:11:56,065 --> 00:12:00,005
Let's begin, as always,
by focusing on our "braadth."
309
00:12:00,343 --> 00:12:03,149
Breathing in,
stopping to notice
310
00:12:03,234 --> 00:12:06,109
where the "braadth" goes in
and the "braadth" goes out.
311
00:12:06,194 --> 00:12:07,894
Why does she say "breath"
so weird?
312
00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:09,390
That's supposed
to be "breath"?
313
00:12:09,475 --> 00:12:12,046
I thought Braadth was some new
god I was supposed to pray to.
314
00:12:12,157 --> 00:12:13,941
3:00, everybody.
315
00:12:15,512 --> 00:12:17,822
Oh. Oh, thank God.
316
00:12:18,032 --> 00:12:19,515
[Machinery sputtering,
electricity crackling]
317
00:12:19,599 --> 00:12:21,865
No, no, no!
318
00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:24,172
[Dramatic music]
319
00:12:24,256 --> 00:12:26,217
It's a brownout.
320
00:12:26,301 --> 00:12:28,492
No!
321
00:12:28,577 --> 00:12:30,191
I'm going
to the break-room fridge,
322
00:12:30,276 --> 00:12:32,542
and I'm gonna eat all the food
before it melts!
323
00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:35,720
Oh, yeah.
That'll get you there.
324
00:12:35,828 --> 00:12:38,181
The stakes here
may be too high.
325
00:12:38,313 --> 00:12:40,492
I bit into this
thinking it was a lemon scone,
326
00:12:40,576 --> 00:12:42,625
and it is very much
a tuna melt.
327
00:12:42,709 --> 00:12:44,124
This always makes me
feel fantastic
328
00:12:44,209 --> 00:12:45,953
for, like, 18 to 20 minutes
329
00:12:46,234 --> 00:12:49,110
and then very,
very sleepy and sad.
330
00:12:49,343 --> 00:12:51,624
Hey, Arpi,
I need a quick word.
331
00:12:51,892 --> 00:12:53,750
Are you eating
Valerie's birthday cake?
332
00:12:53,835 --> 00:12:56,073
You know that her birthday was,
like, before Thanksgiving.
333
00:12:56,157 --> 00:12:57,770
Yeah,
we're stress-eating, sir.
334
00:12:57,854 --> 00:13:00,121
Oh. First, thank you.
You were right.
335
00:13:00,359 --> 00:13:02,949
I'm much happier dating
a woman my own age.
336
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:04,473
When did I ever say
that to you?
337
00:13:04,608 --> 00:13:07,460
I may have imagined
you yelling it at me, I guess.
338
00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:08,421
I don't know.
339
00:13:08,506 --> 00:13:10,765
Anyway, look,
the youngsters are telling me
340
00:13:10,867 --> 00:13:14,396
that I can't call
a certain special lady
341
00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:16,093
for a year.
342
00:13:16,177 --> 00:13:18,095
Now, those aren't
Boomer rules, right?
343
00:13:18,179 --> 00:13:19,618
Boomers don't have
a year to waste.
344
00:13:19,702 --> 00:13:22,578
Don't lump me in with
your "Big Chill" generation.
345
00:13:22,662 --> 00:13:24,536
I'm technically
a Gen X preemie.
346
00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:25,972
I think I should call her.
347
00:13:26,057 --> 00:13:27,583
- [Inhales sharply]
- What? What?
348
00:13:27,667 --> 00:13:29,062
I never called
Salvatore back.
349
00:13:29,146 --> 00:13:30,976
Arpi, have you talked
to Salvatore today?
350
00:13:31,085 --> 00:13:32,762
Apparently there's a problem
with the cooling center.
351
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:34,938
This is what happens
when I'm off my game!
352
00:13:35,156 --> 00:13:37,419
[Cell phone vibrates]
353
00:13:37,503 --> 00:13:39,682
Hey, now.
354
00:13:39,766 --> 00:13:41,379
Oh.
355
00:13:41,463 --> 00:13:44,556
Uh, look-it, if Arpi calls, uh,
tell her that I had to go, uh,
356
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:46,471
deal with the heat at the...
You know, the place.
357
00:13:46,555 --> 00:13:47,864
Hey, Dan. Get the car.
358
00:13:47,948 --> 00:13:49,779
[Groaning]
Oh, Braadth!
359
00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:52,126
Why have you forsaken me?
360
00:13:52,996 --> 00:13:55,175
Salvatore, what the crap
is this?
361
00:13:55,259 --> 00:13:56,699
Okay, hear me out.
362
00:13:56,783 --> 00:13:59,282
The cooling tent that I brought
yesterday was a backup.
363
00:13:59,367 --> 00:14:00,751
And they already booked it
for today
364
00:14:00,835 --> 00:14:02,623
for the roof of Soho House
because sometimes
365
00:14:02,708 --> 00:14:04,495
the guests complain
that the pool is too heated.
366
00:14:04,579 --> 00:14:07,194
So you put senior citizens
inside a damn clown?
367
00:14:07,278 --> 00:14:08,935
Okay, continue
hearing me out.
368
00:14:09,019 --> 00:14:10,458
I called you earlier and said,
369
00:14:10,542 --> 00:14:12,590
"Would you be okay
with a high-end bouncy house?"
370
00:14:12,674 --> 00:14:14,375
And when I didn't hear
from you, I followed my gut.
371
00:14:14,459 --> 00:14:15,942
I've been working
on not over thinking things.
372
00:14:16,026 --> 00:14:17,770
This is my fault
because I was distracted.
373
00:14:17,854 --> 00:14:18,985
How fast can we
get rid of this?
374
00:14:19,069 --> 00:14:20,684
Well, do we want no injuries
or some injuries?
375
00:14:20,768 --> 00:14:22,860
'Cause those are two
very different time lines.
376
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:25,515
- [Grunting]
- Ay, la madre!
377
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:27,214
Get your head
in the game, Arpi!
378
00:14:27,299 --> 00:14:29,434
Why does that one old guy
keep jumping?
379
00:14:29,519 --> 00:14:30,547
He's popcorning everybody.
380
00:14:30,631 --> 00:14:32,070
What do you want me
to do, Arpi?
381
00:14:32,155 --> 00:14:34,900
I can't decide!
Tommy, break my fingers.
382
00:14:34,985 --> 00:14:37,033
I've read that extreme pain
can focus the mind.
383
00:14:37,118 --> 00:14:39,036
Go for the pinky.
384
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:41,228
Look, do you remember
when I told you
385
00:14:41,312 --> 00:14:43,046
I don't have
a secret coping mechanism?
386
00:14:43,131 --> 00:14:45,919
I lied, I do, and somehow you
have made me feel guilty enough
387
00:14:46,187 --> 00:14:47,429
that I want to let you
in on it.
388
00:14:47,514 --> 00:14:48,780
I'll do anything
at this point
389
00:14:48,865 --> 00:14:50,391
except therapy or Peloton.
390
00:14:50,529 --> 00:14:52,403
Meet me at the corner
of Tujunga and Ventura
391
00:14:52,565 --> 00:14:53,710
at 6:40 a.m. tomorrow.
392
00:14:53,773 --> 00:14:56,344
Don't wear anything baggy
or with zippers.
393
00:14:56,695 --> 00:14:59,042
[Dramatic music]
394
00:14:59,126 --> 00:15:00,957
[♪]
395
00:15:01,041 --> 00:15:02,999
[Chuckles]
396
00:15:03,084 --> 00:15:04,784
Can I help you?
397
00:15:05,055 --> 00:15:07,409
You're the guy who does
those E.D. commercials.
398
00:15:07,494 --> 00:15:09,368
Gorgialis.
399
00:15:09,615 --> 00:15:11,382
It's always nice to meet a fan.
400
00:15:11,617 --> 00:15:13,970
What? No, no, no.
I'm the mayor.
401
00:15:14,054 --> 00:15:15,363
What are you doing here?
402
00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:18,851
Me? What's the boner-pill guy
doing here?
403
00:15:18,936 --> 00:15:22,377
I'm also an adjunct professor
of acting and pretend fighting
404
00:15:22,479 --> 00:15:24,223
at Santa Monica
Community College,
405
00:15:24,308 --> 00:15:25,834
but sure, dude.
406
00:15:25,919 --> 00:15:28,185
Brett and I are old friends.
407
00:15:28,283 --> 00:15:32,552
We hit it off on a commercial
for a bathtub you stand up in
408
00:15:32,637 --> 00:15:34,903
and reconnected
after my divorce.
409
00:15:34,988 --> 00:15:37,384
But, Angelica, you texted me.
410
00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:39,779
And you didn't text me back.
411
00:15:39,864 --> 00:15:42,914
So I texted the Trivago guy
and then Brett.
412
00:15:43,127 --> 00:15:45,611
Hey, man,
"Trivago Guy passed"
413
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,134
are my three favorite words.
414
00:15:47,218 --> 00:15:50,485
Brett, do you mind if I have
a moment alone with Neil?
415
00:15:50,569 --> 00:15:51,921
[Chuckles]
416
00:15:52,005 --> 00:15:54,812
Why didn't you text me back
before coming over here?
417
00:15:54,897 --> 00:15:57,990
I didn't realize
you were seeing other people.
418
00:15:58,075 --> 00:16:01,037
Oh, honey, haven't you
ever heard the term "tramp age"?
419
00:16:01,143 --> 00:16:03,018
Why do people
keep calling me "honey"?
420
00:16:03,103 --> 00:16:04,542
And of course not.
421
00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:06,515
I'm newly single.
422
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,040
And career-wise,
I'm having a moment.
423
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:10,815
I want to meet people.
[snapping fingers]
424
00:16:11,024 --> 00:16:13,247
I want to expand my horizons.
425
00:16:13,331 --> 00:16:15,597
A "tramp age"
is a rite of passage
426
00:16:15,681 --> 00:16:17,991
for a sexy divorcée like me.
427
00:16:18,075 --> 00:16:20,515
Oh, my God, I just don't get
how this works anymore.
428
00:16:20,599 --> 00:16:23,474
I mean, did you know about
the different color hearts?
429
00:16:23,558 --> 00:16:26,390
Only because I took
a great computer course
430
00:16:26,474 --> 00:16:27,740
at the Learning Annex.
431
00:16:27,824 --> 00:16:31,312
Turns out you can print
from your cell phone!
432
00:16:31,397 --> 00:16:32,837
What?
433
00:16:32,922 --> 00:16:37,190
Listen, I'm sorry
if you felt misled.
434
00:16:37,529 --> 00:16:39,186
For what it's worth,
435
00:16:39,270 --> 00:16:42,798
this is also
a big disappointment for me.
436
00:16:42,882 --> 00:16:46,410
I really wanted to do
some weird stuff with you
437
00:16:46,494 --> 00:16:49,544
that Brett just doesn't have
the height for.
438
00:16:49,628 --> 00:16:50,806
Thank you.
439
00:16:50,890 --> 00:16:53,940
That actually means a lot.
- Okay, bye-bye.
440
00:16:54,141 --> 00:16:57,231
[Indistinct chatter]
441
00:16:59,158 --> 00:17:01,033
What is this,
some kind of fight club?
442
00:17:01,118 --> 00:17:02,644
If you don't know
what this is,
443
00:17:02,728 --> 00:17:03,950
you shouldn't be here, fish.
444
00:17:04,034 --> 00:17:05,562
Okay, easy, Gretchen.
She's with me.
445
00:17:05,647 --> 00:17:07,130
Yeah, Gretchen.
446
00:17:07,215 --> 00:17:08,915
I'm digging
the "Lord of the Flies" vibe,
447
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,223
but what specifically
are we doing?
448
00:17:11,335 --> 00:17:14,254
Everyone here collects
a special kind of pottery...
449
00:17:14,339 --> 00:17:15,648
Rae Dunn ceramics.
450
00:17:15,733 --> 00:17:16,999
It comes out
in limited editions.
451
00:17:17,083 --> 00:17:18,965
Five minutes after these
doors open, it'll be gone.
452
00:17:19,049 --> 00:17:20,880
Yeah,
'cause I'll have it all.
453
00:17:20,964 --> 00:17:22,490
Oh, you wish!
454
00:17:22,574 --> 00:17:24,448
You usually get
your first taste by accident.
455
00:17:24,532 --> 00:17:26,320
Someone gives you a mug
that says "drink."
456
00:17:26,404 --> 00:17:28,148
Pretty soon you want a plate
that says "plate."
457
00:17:28,232 --> 00:17:29,715
Then you discover
the desktop accessories,
458
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,194
and then they've got you.
459
00:17:31,278 --> 00:17:32,892
On Tuesday and Friday mornings,
460
00:17:32,976 --> 00:17:34,328
that manager puts out
the new stock
461
00:17:34,412 --> 00:17:37,789
and then I fight these Karens
to the death for it.
462
00:17:37,927 --> 00:17:39,192
Look, just follow
my lead, okay?
463
00:17:39,417 --> 00:17:41,161
Keep your elbows up
and don't be afraid
464
00:17:41,245 --> 00:17:43,343
to snatch out
some clip-in weaves!
465
00:17:43,428 --> 00:17:44,781
Go, go, go!
466
00:17:44,988 --> 00:17:47,645
[All screaming]
467
00:17:47,729 --> 00:17:50,431
[Sweeping classical music]
468
00:17:50,515 --> 00:17:57,304
[♪]
469
00:18:36,464 --> 00:18:40,207
[Indistinct chatter,
computer beeping]
470
00:18:41,190 --> 00:18:43,937
That was...
471
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,616
satisfying.
472
00:18:45,743 --> 00:18:46,757
Yeah.
473
00:18:46,842 --> 00:18:49,936
I appreciate you letting me
see your secret joy.
474
00:18:50,197 --> 00:18:52,811
Makes me feel less alone
in my weirdness.
475
00:18:52,903 --> 00:18:54,812
So see you next week?
476
00:18:54,897 --> 00:18:56,510
Nah.
477
00:18:56,704 --> 00:18:58,753
I can't physically
destroy ladies
478
00:18:58,852 --> 00:19:00,341
with sassy haircuts.
479
00:19:00,426 --> 00:19:01,909
Feels like cannibalism.
480
00:19:02,147 --> 00:19:06,850
But I have enjoyed
this reasonably priced dance
481
00:19:06,935 --> 00:19:09,811
with chaos
and his sister, danger.
482
00:19:09,896 --> 00:19:12,365
I just need to find
my own dirty hotel room
483
00:19:12,450 --> 00:19:14,497
for our next ménage à trois.
484
00:19:14,582 --> 00:19:16,149
Cool. Good luck with that.
485
00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:20,240
Sir, can you explain to me
why the city's
486
00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:22,113
Official Mayor's Office
Twitter account
487
00:19:22,214 --> 00:19:24,306
has been trolling
the Gorgialis account?
488
00:19:24,390 --> 00:19:26,700
A medication I'm also on
but for wake apnea.
489
00:19:26,784 --> 00:19:28,789
You were right, Mikaela.
490
00:19:28,873 --> 00:19:30,921
Angelica's on a tramp age.
491
00:19:31,005 --> 00:19:33,138
Oh, I love that for her.
492
00:19:33,223 --> 00:19:36,968
Yeah, she was just using me.
And I humiliated myself.
493
00:19:37,107 --> 00:19:39,243
Well, at least it was
with Angelica Masters.
494
00:19:39,328 --> 00:19:42,204
My last date was with
an improviser who robbed me.
495
00:19:42,289 --> 00:19:44,076
[Chuckles]
I don't know. I might text him.
496
00:19:44,161 --> 00:19:47,167
I wasn't excited about her
because she's Internet famous.
497
00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:50,345
I was excited because
we had so much to talk about.
498
00:19:50,473 --> 00:19:53,523
I didn't have to pretend to
know who The Chainsmokers were.
499
00:19:53,608 --> 00:19:54,960
Well, there's probably
500
00:19:55,045 --> 00:19:56,702
a lot of women
that you can do that with.
501
00:19:56,787 --> 00:19:58,052
You just need to find one
502
00:19:58,137 --> 00:19:59,568
who sees you
as more than a jump-off.
503
00:19:59,652 --> 00:20:01,788
Huh. Yeah.
504
00:20:02,299 --> 00:20:05,479
Yeah, maybe it took a one-night
stand with Angelica Masters
505
00:20:05,564 --> 00:20:08,352
to realize
that I really am ready
506
00:20:08,437 --> 00:20:10,529
for a mature relationship.
507
00:20:10,614 --> 00:20:11,818
When do you
want to meet my aunt?
508
00:20:11,902 --> 00:20:14,385
Her name's Patricia,
and she is mean.
509
00:20:14,619 --> 00:20:17,712
[Happy chatter]
510
00:20:17,835 --> 00:20:19,579
Arpi, it's getting dark.
511
00:20:19,664 --> 00:20:22,018
I paid for the hour,
Salvatore, and I need this.
512
00:20:22,103 --> 00:20:24,310
Keep popcorning, Griffin.
513
00:20:25,233 --> 00:20:28,294
Are you an older adult
who thinks he or she
514
00:20:28,498 --> 00:20:31,068
is in an online relationship
with me?
515
00:20:31,152 --> 00:20:32,679
You're probably not.
516
00:20:32,763 --> 00:20:35,060
Hi, I'm Angelica Masters,
517
00:20:35,145 --> 00:20:38,282
and I'm not looking
for anything serious right now,
518
00:20:38,367 --> 00:20:41,199
nor do I need
your social security number
519
00:20:41,284 --> 00:20:43,855
or any other
personal information.
520
00:20:43,940 --> 00:20:47,773
Take it from me,
Angelica Masters will never ask
521
00:20:47,882 --> 00:20:50,409
for your email
or bank account password,
522
00:20:50,494 --> 00:20:54,327
your bank routing number,
the name of your first pet,
523
00:20:54,412 --> 00:20:55,944
pictures of your passport,
524
00:20:56,029 --> 00:20:59,253
or any other
personal information.
525
00:20:59,338 --> 00:21:01,430
She is not interested.
526
00:21:01,515 --> 00:21:04,044
And if Angelica Masters asks
527
00:21:04,185 --> 00:21:07,122
for photos of your genitalia...
528
00:21:07,646 --> 00:21:10,435
better send those...
That could be me.
529
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,264
There is nothing is sexier
530
00:21:12,349 --> 00:21:15,268
than protecting
your personal information
531
00:21:15,353 --> 00:21:17,271
from online scammers.
532
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:21,192
So keep it sexy, L.A.
533
00:21:21,401 --> 00:21:23,403
- Good night, everybody!
- Good night!
40408
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