All language subtitles for Lover Come Back - 1961.eng

Welcome to the Mayor's office.

You're just in time to meet everyone

before we head home
to our loving families.

Plus, my mom's new boyfriend, Blandon.

This guy who's disgusted
by my sandwich is Tommy,

our Chief Strategist.

Why does it smell like
maple syrup plus hospital?

And this woman over here
who's dressed like

she's gonna teach us about
jungle birds at Busch Gardens

is our Deputy Mayor, Arpi.

I don't high-five anymore.
It appropriates pimp culture.

In that office is Chief
of Staff, Mikaela,

up to some important city biz no doubt.

I just feel like there is
a lack of transparency

over how transparent your leggings are.

Ooh, and this delicious silver fox

is the main man himself,
Mayor Neil Bremer.

It's the most wonderful time
of the year, sir.

Oh, for me that's the Buick classic.

But this is pretty good, too.

And who am I?

Well, I'm just little old Jayden,

and I make the sweet filling
for the Mayor's piehole.

I'm his Communications Director.

Seems like a real fun ensemble.

Where do you want this?

Happy holidays from LA!

So do you think this'll be
a half-day or what?

Oh, of course, I mean, it's bad enough

the Mayor made us come in
on LA Christmas Eve.

Christmas Eve? It's the 22nd.

Yeah, exactly, it's the three
to seven days before Christmas

when everyone leaves to go
celebrate someplace human.

What? LA Christmas is the best.

Everyone's all bundled up
in light sweaters

sitting on sexy Santa's lap
at the Beverly Center.

No, thank you.

Hey, if my flight's at 4:00,
when should I leave for LAX?

Do you have TSA PreCheck?

Oh, honey, you're gonna die here.

But if I miss that flight,
I have no backup plan.

Please, hot Filipino Jesus,

don't let me spend
Christmas in Los Angeles.

Hey, look, I know
this isn't the first place

that everyone thinks of
when they think Christmas,

but it's because LA doesn't
have a good Christmas song,

which is why I have been
working on one for 15 years.

It's halfway done.

Oh, you don't have to sing it.

- Oh, are you... okay.
- ? There's no snow in sight ?

? Say the weather folks ?

? And it's hard as a crotch
out in Sherman Oaks ?

- Nuh-uh.
- Gonna be a no from me, dawg.

Why are you all still here?

- Have we been released?
- No, what's the Mayor waiting for?

- Oh, dear God, this is a disaster.
- What?

The gifts I ordered my staff
are delayed in transit.

Why can't people just
get them when they get back?

And think that I'm a chiseler

who bought them on sale on the 26th?

No, no, no way.

You know, it's really hard

to be a wealthy person
this time of year.

- Dad, no.
- Everybody expects a gift.

Your staff, your housekeepers,
your masseuse, your pool guy,

the pool guy's son

who's just sort of around
once December starts.

His name is Raphael,
and he's a grout artist.

I know, and I got him a cashmere beret.

When I was growing up, I didn't
get anything at Christmas.

Because your family's Jewish.

But also poor.

Oh, I spent so much time
and money getting everyone

monogrammed garment bags,

and now they're not gonna make it.

Monogrammed garment bags?
I'm not getting one, am I?

Hey, sorry to interrupt,
but can either of you think

of a Christmassy word
that rhymes with horchata?

Not now, Jayden.

A little bent, but I'll try it.

Now I gotta get something else here.

People don't want more things.

An experience is way more meaningful,

like how we all went to Vegas
for Ceviche's birthday.

Vegas? When was that?

Disney, Dad, better turn
your hearing thing up.

An experience?

You know something? That's helpful.

Thank you.

No, Spirit Airlines.

The one time I need you
to be trash, you're on time?

Hey, so if you end up
getting stuck here,

you're totally welcome
to pretend to be bi

and say you're my boyfriend
at my parents' house.

What? No.

I can't take another Christmas Eve

where I'm the only single adult
in my family.

I want someone to make
snide comments with

or kiss under the mistletoe,

our breath rich
with Andes mints and ham.

Sorry, but I'm catching my flight to PA,

and then I'm going to the Wawa
where "Mare of Easttown"

and my cousin Nico were shot.

Oh, great.

Now this dill weed, Patrick,
City Council's videographer.

Okay, tension.

Of course, I'm tense.
That guy's the worst.

Really? He's giving me
sad Pa Ingalls vibes,

like after Mary goes blind.

I'm into it.

There's definitely an energy
between you.

Like, you're the two hottest people

at a Rite Aid, and you know it.

No, man, he's always been rude to me.

The day I got sworn
into City Council, I asked him

for a copy of the video,
and he told me he lost it.

And this is back when the tapes
were, like, this big, liar.

Hey, does anyone have a festive rhyme

for "Pink's Hot Dogs"?

Twink's eggnogs.

I am telling you Arpi,

this is the holiday romance
that we all need,

and I am gonna prove it to you.

Stop pointing at him.

Ms. Shaw, Department
of Transportation on line one.

Oh, great, thanks.

Maybe they wanna French me
in my childhood bedroom.

Everybody, I have
an announcement to make.

My personal gifts for you

will not be arriving
in time for the holidays.

So stick around because
I have a new gift coming,

an experience.

Sir, a little issue,
you know how people here

dump their trees
on the curb by December 22nd

because everyone leaves because
LA Christmas is the worst?

Yeah, no kidding.

Well, apparently the Santa Ana winds

are blowing the discarded trees
onto roads

and causing some
pretty severe traffic problems.

Aha, see, that's what
messed up my garment bags.

Oh no, we're getting garment bags?

Disgusting, you know how many Angelenos

can't even afford a Christmas tree

while rich scum just throw them away.

Okay, well,

you know, some rich scum
are doing their best.

Tommy, call sanitation, handle
this before you leave, please.

Excuse me, Tommy Tomás
from the Mayor's office.

I couldn't find anyone upstairs.

Well, yeah, 'cause all
the bosses are gone already.

Well, Cesar.

Oh, good job reading my name tag.

We need teams dispatched ASAP

to remove discarded Christmas trees.

Yo, I saw that on the news.

Cars were bonking like Mario Kart.

We can get some guys out,
but we're gonna need

quadruple overtime
for working on Christmas.

But it's the 22nd.

Yeah, which is LA Christmas Eve.

All my best guys are gone already.

They're in Tulum, Kauai, Jackson Hole.

Boy, you guys make more than me.

I'm down to my skeleton crew,

which is what I call my guys
with the weakest arms.

- Oh.
- If you want the big boys back,

we're gonna need that quad.

No, I can't authorize quad. I...

Sir, the Mayor is not asking.

He's telling you to do your jobs.

And what am I supposed to do
with all those Christmas trees?

I don't care where you put them.

Just put them.

I knew it.

What? It's just work.

No, it's not.
All your footage is of Arpi.

This is the Keira Knightley
story in "Love Actually,"

the greatest Christmas rom-com ever.

No, "Elf."

I told Arpi, I saw the way
you looked at her.

I knew it was love.

Arpi knows who I am?

Hey, you can't just sit here
pining after her.

Do something. Learn Portuguese.

What?

I don't know. Colin Firth does that.

I'm just excited.

Whoa, my pine-scented candle
is getting it done.

Oh, wait, no,
it's all those Christmas trees.

What the hell is this?

Is it Christmas magic?

Wait, has anyone run into
a mysterious new janitor

that may or may not be Santa?

Oh, come on, Sanitation.
You're dumping the trees here?

Hey, tell your boss, this is
like a baby saying curse words,

not cute, not funny.

He's gonna disagree with you
on that reference.

Every Christmas, the office empties out

and I get real work done.

When are you letting
these turkeys go home?

As soon as I dazzle everyone
with my generosity.

Do you like this time of year?

Part of it, pfeffernuesse,

that Mariah Carey song, "Touch My Body."

It really stresses me out.

I feel like I'm never doing enough.

That's because you've bought
into the consumer's perversion

of the Christian rip-off

of a pagan solstice celebration.

Okay, road closed, withdrawn.

Arpi, a Christmas miracle is happening.

The footage, Patrick's footage.
It's all you.

- He's, like, obsessed with you.
- I'll call security.

No, no, Arpi, don't you get it?

You're in a Christmas rom-com.

What's Christmas got to do with romance?

There's nothing romantic

about pushing out a baby
in a donkey stall.

All I've ever wanted my whole
post-puberty life

was to be in love at Christmas.

And if we are in a "Love Actually,"

I'm, like, lucky if I'm the woman trying

to steal Snape from Emma Thompson.

I have nothing, Arpi.

I need you to take this seriously.

Patrick is in love with you,

and now you get
to do what Keira Knightley

couldn't pull off back in the day.

And I don't mean low-rise
jeans with a bralette.

I just want the office
to myself so I can work,

and now I'm dealing
with this moon-eyed nonsense?

Yes, yes, a million times. Yes.

Whoa, hey, stop! Why are you doing this?

Hey, you told me you didn't care

where we put the trees, so...

Come on, man.
We're in the same boat here.

Look, I will figure out how
to get you double overtime.

Deal?

All right, deal, my new friend, Tommy.

Glad to hear it, my new friend...

Oh, God, what's his name?

I know it's a kind of salad.

Caprese.

Caprese, what the hell?

And I remembered his name.

Not cool.

Hey, everyone, gather around please,

and prepare yourself
for the mind-blowing mentalism

of Mr. Taryn DiGiacomo.

Ha!

Okay, now you may have seen Taryn's

incredible streaming special,
"Mind Jacker: Wondermind,"

or if you were like me,

you had the privilege
of seeing him work up close

and personal at Eric Schmidt's
60th birthday party.

Why would I have been there?

Linda, I don't know your life.

Anyway, I was able
to book him last minute

to perform for us today.

It's... well, it's my gift to you.

And you'll still be getting
the monogrammed garment bags

sometime in the new year.

Monogrammed? I can't re-gift that.

The heart is a muscle.
The brain is a muscle.

- Not true.
- The more I use my heart,

the more my brain can know about you.

You sir, how many meals
have you had today?

One.

And how many wings do birds have?

Nine.

And how old would you say I am?

Oh, that feels like a trap.

Hmm, is this the address
of your childhood home?

Yes, can I get on a plane
and go there now, please?

"You should have gotten TSA PreCheck."

You see, it's magic,
but it's also funny.

All right, just leave.

You sir, what is your name?

Guess.

Well, you're too old to be a Jayden.

Oh, my gosh, you're exactly right, I am.

This guy is the real deal, folks.

Also, your heart didn't beat
that entire time.

- I'd get that checked out.
- Thank you.

Oh.

"Because it's LA Christmas,

and at Christmas, you tell the truth."

What? That's not a thing.

"I have loved you from afar,

"but you always felt so close

- because of my zoom lens."
- Oh, brudder.

No, this happens to
Keira Knightley in the movie.

The guy holds signs
at close range like this?

So her husband won't hear, yes.

Why doesn't he need just whisper?

Why risk getting caught holding
a stack of incriminating signs?

Hey, guys, quiet.

He's about to guess
Orly's favorite restaurant?

Is it Matsuhisa Aspen?

Yeah, but isn't that
everyone's favorite restaurant?

Sorry, I hear it.

Damn you, Cobb.

I'm getting corn, or masa.

Look at your phone.

She just got a text.
Right when he said that.

It's my grandchildren making tamales.

Usually, I'm there by now. Can I go?

Yeah, once the sad guy
says things to us,

are we allowed to go?

No because he does a really cool thing

with everyone at the end

that's gonna make us all feel connected.

Taryn, what's next, buddy?

Intermission.

Do you have to take the intermission?

For reasons I can't go into, yes.

Hello, Taryn.

Oh, I'm kind of on a break now.

Okay, well, you're not
a very good mentalist.

You don't remember that we matched

a couple years ago on Bumble,
and then you never answered.

- Uh-huh.
- Well, here's another chance.

My family does this Christmas thing.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I met someone on there,
and we're married now.

She's a retired ballerina.

Her breasts got too large
to continue dancing.

Oh, well, good for you. Best wishes.

One more thing,

will I find love in the coming year?

I'm not a psychic. I'm a mentalist.

But just like, as a person,

I will say you vibrate desperation.

Oh, thank you for your feedback.

Happy holidays.

Mikaela, wait. You were right.

I'm gonna go for it

with Patrick because love is possible.

Arpi, yes, yes, run to him!

Run as fast as your bone density allows.

Why are you being so mean to me?

- I thought we were friends.
- Me too, bro.

And you didn't even know my name.

Now you're gonna know it.

'Cause it's spelled out
on your car in pine sap.

Well, I just missed my flight.

I hope you're happy.

All I wanted to do
was get home to my Lola,

sit on her plastic-covered couch,

and eat bebinca together,
and this was my last chance.

She's not dying, I just plan
on doing keto in the new year.

Nah, nah, nah.
I'm the mean character here.

Okay, I hate Christmas time
because in this time of giving,

nobody ever thinks about us.

We're invisible elves.

Just one day, one day,
I'd like to feel like Santa.

Yeah, well, I might have an idea

that would make being in LA
for Christmas

slightly less than terrible
and let you be Santa.

Patrick, wait!

There's a woman watching us right now

for that building behind us.

That woman thinks everything
you did today was romantic

because she's been brainwashed
by some British people.

What you did today is
not romantic, it's weird.

And "Love Actually" sounds like
a deeply problematic movie.

One of the stories is Bilbo Baggins

shooting a porno on Christmas.

But, Arpi,
I just wanna film you forever.

Listen to yourself, man.

Look, I hate all of this,

but I care deeply
about my friend up there,

and I want her to believe that
"Love Actually" exists actually,

so this is for her.

Now I'm gonna whisper a list

of free mental health resources
available through city funding

because you need serious help.

I don't really work here.

Leslie, eyes on Taryn.

Okay, listen. Tough love right now.

Dad, you're bad at gifts.

What?

What about that beautiful
candelabra I got you?

I was nine and not Liberace.

And don't bring up
the dollhouse when you said

I couldn't touch it
because it was an antique

that had belonged to French royalty.

Because it did. And you shouldn't.

You're super generous,
but Christmas makes you weird.

Just let all these people go home.

The queen of diamonds
is in your mouth, sir.

Oh, hey. All right, there Taryn.

Thank you so much. That'll be enough.

All right, everybody, go on home.

But you know what?
You all are ungrateful.

Do you have any idea
how much time I spent

picking the monogram fonts
on those garment bags?

I found out all of your middle names!

Yeah, Anna, Anna, Eduardo,
Anna, Moon-system.

But you don't appreciate that!

And yes, it stinks
to be poor at Christmas.

No one wants to hear this,

but it really stinks for millionaires.

- Okay, thanks for watching...
- It does.

Don't forget to smash that like button.

Tell you what? Go on, go home.

Seriously, go on. Get out of here.

Take these stupid trees with you.

Not me, I don't do fire stuff.

- My words, my beautiful words!
- Oh, no.

My song is gone,
and I never got to sing it.

Jayden, I am so sorry.

You've made a fool out of me.

And you've made the life
I lead foolish, too.

Emma Thompson.

I told you, love is all around us.

You were right, and now
Patrick and I are lovers.

Thanks.

Hey, Arpi, can I talk
to you for a minute?

I feel like I've ruined
everyone's Christmas.

Yes, sir. What's your question?

Why am I so terrible at this?

Every year I go all out.
I try to dazzle people.

Well, there it is.

You're trying to show off,

instead of thinking about
what people really want.

You know what I just gave Mikaela?

I kissed a weirdo
because that's what she needed.

Giving a good gift isn't
about what you want.

It's about what the recipient wants.

Of course. Oh, my God, it's like sex.

Why haven't I ever connected
this before?

Probably because it's
mostly a holiday for children.

No, but I get it. I really get it.

Hey, everyone, hey, listen up.

I am sorry that I made today about me

instead of about your pleasure.

Oh, gross, sir, but we all forgive you.

Thanks, Tommy, yeah, not Jayden.

I destroyed his Christmas song.

No amount of money
is gonna bring that back.

Wait, can you call Taryn DiGiacomo?

I mean, maybe he can...

Use his mental powers
to guess the lost lyrics?

Yes, I'm still here

because my Lyft canceled
because traffic's a mess.

Flag on the play. No one goes home.

Damn it, man.

Hey, can you do that?

Can you mentalize Jayden's song back?

Again, I'm not a psychic.
I just read body language.

Okay, some of what I do
involves hiding microphones

in bathrooms, but I did not do that here

because it was too short notice.

How are you married and I'm not?

What I do do is thin-slice
people by asking questions.

For example, if the guy was here,

I would ask, "Jayden,
what's your favorite color?"

- Yellow.
- 'Cause minions.

Jayden, what's a three-digit
number that's important to you?

Seven, eight, nine.

It's why six is afraid of seven.

Boy, we know that kid
really well, don't we?

You know what? Maybe I can do this.

Maybe Taryn DiGiacomo can finally prove

to his father
that mentalism is a valued...

Taryn, you're not the main character.

Orly, get some paper.

Stop prank knocking!

I know you're retired,

but you have to find
a new hobby, Mrs. Chen!

Jayden, we've got something for you.

? There's no snow in sight
say the weather folks ?

? It's still hot as a crotch
out in Sherman Oaks ?

? But the fires have died and
there's a little less smoke ?

? Now it's Christmas in LA ?

? There's no Jack Frost
nipping your redone nose ?

? But no one will ask
why your forehead's froze ?

? And that filler sure
makes your cheekbones glow ?

? Yes, it's Christmas in LA ?

? In LA ?

? There's a fistfight
at the Trader Joe's on Vine ?

? And a pileup on the ten ?

? They found a human head
by the Hollywood sign ?

? It's Christmas Eve again ?

? Eve again ?

Is that your song?

No, but I loved every word of it.

? We may not have ice skates
or sleds that soar ?

? But we've got horchata
and Pauly Shore ?

? Grab a Pink's hot dog ?

? Drink a twink's eggnog,
for its Christmastime LA ?

? It may not be the ushe,
but if I can choose ?

? I'd still spend my Christmas
here with you ?

It's ashing!

Subs by kinglouisxx
for www.addic7ed.com