All language subtitles for The Last Time I Committed Suicide (1997).en

I like the way that a cigarette hangs
from a mans lips when he's alone.

You only have a few minutes.

All Right.

To have seen a specter
isn't everything

and there are death masks piled
one atop the other, clear to heaven.

Commoner still are the wan visages of those
returning from the shadow of the valley.

This means little to those
who have not lifted the veil.

She had a very near brush and
was not rallying properly

actually she was in marked
decline and still much in danger.

I looked down, and
for the first time

I noticed the tight, white sheet
clinging to her sunken belly.

For a moment, I wondered if she
knew then thought she must.

My role in all this was
to make her feel better.

Better than what?

Hello.

Hello.

Thanks for being here.

Where else was I gonna go?

Got everything I
need right here.

Right?

You shoulda seen all
you brought down.

Sirens, ambulances,
doctors, nurses

butchers, bakers.

Some big fear you bring
down, Miss Joan.

Hello. Oh?

- Hello.
- It's for you.

Neal.

Sorry I'm late.

Late for what?

Pickin' you up. I'd've been
here earlier, but you know

what with the rain
and everything.

Did you know it's
rainin' out? Cats!

Dogs!

Poodles. The whole bit yeah.

- Neal, what are you doing here?
- I'm takin' you out to lunch.

It's four o'clock.

You must be starvin'.

Bye.

You're out of your mind.

Oh, carry on. Fine.

Everything's fine. Good.
Beautiful...

Oh! Mr. Goldman finds
out I left early...

How's he gonna find out?

He stops by.

So, you couldn't even
bring an umbrella.

I could have. But I didn't.

I could watch you do just about
anything, you know that?

I know.

But don't.

Why?

'Cause.

New topic.

What?

How do you do this?

This, that I hold in my hands...

is a miracle.

Now the chemistry of this sandwich would
seem to make it impossible, but yet...

you have made a grilled cheese and
tomato sandwich in which the cheese

still very hot and molten on
the outside, yet the tomato

still has that, fresh...

bite to it.

Well, I guess everybody's
got their talents, Neal.

Mine's making a grilled
cheese sandwich.

Not good enough!

Explain yourself, woman!

I'm afraid you're gonna
have to leave now.

I gotta see day again, man.

Well.

Why don't you put it
in with Fleming.

See if he can't put
you on the day.

I did that.

He said there wasn't any days.

Seniority and all that.

So why don't you try for days.

You been here longer
than damned Fleming.

Nah.

Why not?

'Cause.

'Cause why?

A man's got his reasons.

Remember that and respect that.

A man's always got
reasons for what he does.

Okay. Sorry.

Jerry...

we come in here five out
seven, fifty out of fifty-two

make things that are taking people
places, and we're going nowhere.

Jerry...

you ever wake up in the middle
of the night because the

the things that you see in your dreams
are things you know nothing about?

When I close my eyes I see it.

Fences. I see white
picket fences.

I see green, green grass, and...

Things that I honestly never
touched, never smelled, except for...

when I go to this place

in my sleep.

Hey, you want some of this
sandwich. Sardine.

Check this out,
fourteen off the wall

side pocket kiss the nine.

Who are your friends, Har?

Sorry. So rude.

Girls, this is Neal Cassady.

Neal, the girls.

Hi. I'm Sarah. This is
Vicky and Jean Ann.

Hi.

Hi.

Hello to you, too.

You rack 'em, I'll crack 'em.

I got some primitive
crap to work out.

How is she?

She's weathering
the storm, brother.

You workin' tonight?

Nope.

Lovely. Buy me a beer?

Give me another two, will ya?

Something hard on the side.

Doctor Ayres, Doctor Ayres...

Doctor Ayres come to the...

- You okay?
- Yeah.

I'm fine. Just go back to sleep.

Oh, my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God.

God! Oh, God! God!

Hey! Somebody call an ambulance!

Hey!

Hey!

You coming in?

You going inside the room?

Not right now.

Thanks.

How is she?

She's still very weak.

Is she dying?

Why don't you come
inside the room.

Sit with her for awhile.

I can't.

I don't know...

I never asked her why.

How would I?

Not that she could
have answered.

Likely the act was in response
to the news that, a...

bouncer was, apparently, in
the proverbial making, and..

Well, the world bein'
what it is and

people bein' who they are...

well.

As for me...

what is one to say
about what he's done.

Call it cowardice. Fear.

Envy.

I never again went
back to the hospital.

Each day I lacerated
myself thinking' on her

but I couldn't go back.

Morning, sunshine.

Hey, I brought bread.

The old fat lady, you
know the old fat lady?

She gave me a loaf
for helpin' her.

I... I swear to you, my brother

I could not make up a lie
this laden with cliché.

I saved her cat.

Morning Benjamin.

I shit you not, I am, floating
by on route to su casa

and I hear this screaming.

So I look over

assuming no decent burglar could
have his wits about him 'afore noon.

And I see the old fat
lady, you know...

the one with the
hairy cheek thing.

Yeah.

Anyway, she's standing
there howling at this poor

petrified cat that's perched
above her in...

kinda like that poor
petrified perch.

Anyway, so this poor pussy is

stuck up in her...

Had I been going for the full
American fable effect

I would lie and say tree but I
shan't go there this morning. No.

The cat is on top of her
corrugated steel awning thing.

You look like shit, man.

Yeah. You should see how I feel.

Is that a request?

I've had a rough few weeks.

Been back to the hospital?

Nope.

This is him. This is his...

This is him.

This is his form.

It's really moving forward
it's everything go, go...

Everything defying good
racer propriety, ya' see...

This guy's so anxious, he can't just
stand to sit back and drive, I mean...

This guy'd sit on the hood if
he thought it would help.

If he thought it would
get him there... faster.

- This is a story?
- What. Yes.

- Did you write it?
- What? Yes.

See, the thing is
this guy, this new...

racer-hero archetype guy is
gonna have to square off

against the conventional icon.

You see it's the man of
knowledge and discipline

the man with the seat belt on and
helmet snapped down tight. Old time values.

Pww! Running against
the new world.

The new contempo legend's this guy, this
guy, just wouldn't ease off even if he knew

that he or the car or whatever
was about to blow up or break down.

This is you.

- What?
- This is you.

This guy, this story...

this is you, Neal.

No, it's...

First of all, it's,
it's two guys.

And second of all...

they're icons, man. They're...

symbols.

Who wins, then?

I don't know.

That's the beauty,
man, I don't know.

Won't know till we get
to the finish line.

Good bread, man.

Sustenance, brother.

So what brings you?

Other than an overwhelming
desire to perform feline heroics

and deliver manna to
a friend in need.

Well. I was feeling lonely.

A bit blue, and I thought to myself,
who makes me happy when I'm sad?

And your name popped
to the forefront.

Thank you Benji.

Me speaks the truth.

Oh, and I need the suit.

The suit?

Just for a couple of days.

You can grab it back
when I'm done.

Why did I have this?

Man.

I love these threads.

New way.

Now hold 'em just right,

the light dances
off the shoulders.

What do you think?

I almost look respectable.

Probably looks better on you.

You got more of a
frame for a suit.

Elegant, proper.

Mean that in a good way.

Trust me, Neal.

Nobody has a better frame
for anything than you do.

You wanna pin me?

Not asking for sex.

Hey, listen.

I'm, trying to line up a day job

get out of the land
of bats and owls

you know what I mean?

So, if you hear of anything...

Yeah, but. It's pretty
slim out there.

Don't I know it.

Not to see no greatness in
myself. Greatness in myself.

I see no greatness in myself.

I see no greatness in myself.

Simple-minded, child-like,
and insipid kind of...

Vaudeville feeling. Moronic...

Kind of awkward feeling,
adolescent.

Sorry, pal.

You must resign yourself
to being exceptional.

You have no right of claim to
their fences and their grass.

You're special, man.

You are the Big Cat.

Destined to wander forever...

spreading your... sunshine...

onto the lives of
those of us with less.

Your shot.

You know what I think we need?

What's that?

I think we need
some road under us.

What say you?

Something in mind?

Here's my suggestion.

I say tomorrow in the A.M. when
you get back from tire town...

you and me borrow a vehicle
and stretch it out.

You girls up for a ride later?

Watch the sunrise?

We can't.

We've got school tomorrow.

Pity.

Harry.

Stole my first automobile
at fourteen... 1940.

By the time I swore off such
soul-thrilling pleasures

nearly a decade later, I had illegally in
my possession about five hundred cars

whether taken just for the moment
and to be returned to their owner later

or whether taken for the purpose of so altering
it's appearance as to keep it for several weeks.

Man, that was all one sentence.

Is that not what we needed?-

- Movement!
- Oh my god!

The only thing that
keeps us on this Earth!

Did you know that, girls?

They ever teach you that in,
astronomy or physics or geology?

Did they teach you that the only thing that's
keeping us from flying off into nowhere...

Is spinning.

- That's right, man. Spinning like tops. We're spun out!
- Neal? Neal.

Faster, baby! Faster.-

Go man, go!

We have absolutely nothing
to worry about. Yeah!

The time is now, and
now is all we have.

How you doin' there, cutie?-

Hey, Neal!

Jean Ann!

Cassady!

Cassady!

One, two, three, four... Hi... Hu!

I'm taking inventory
of productivity.

Assessing our output.

Calculatin' our ever-looming,
rubbery demise.

What are you on, son?

Currently I'm on fifty-seven,
but my guess is...

there'll be thousands.

Are you high?

Relatively.

I can always get higher.

Neal. Neal.

Come down here, would ya'?

Look, you better shake
whatever you're on...

because the truly higher ups

are comin' down in five
to give us a check.

Damn.

You bet.

I'm sorry, Neal, was I
distracting you by talking?

Why don't you grab us a couple
of more beers while I,

sink this crazy eight?

Hey, Neal, sometimes a
little distraction's...

a good thing.

'Tis the season to be, but I wasn't.

I was doing anything I could

to keep the vision
deep in the dream.

I even met this chick at work,
the boss's cousin or something.

- Punchin' the card.
- Livin' on the family dole.

I stole a night of solace there,

We both did,
I think. From the grind to the grind.

The pool hall became my temple.

My home away from home.

To think, a year go,
I barely know how to play.

So what's your reason?

Your reason. Every man has
a reason, what's yours?

Why are you here...

with me working the graveyard.

I said every man has a reason.

I didn't say every man
want to talk about it.

Okay.

Sorry.

I started days.

And then my wife died.

Car accident.

And then...

I got to where I couldn't stand
the nights alone, anymore.

The wood creaks...

somethin' about the drop in the temperature,
but the wood creaks awful bad at night.

I look up to see her and...

I like workin' nights.

It's quiet.

Except for you.

Got a picture?

You got a kid.

Ruthie.

Lives out in California.

I've been savin'
up to go see her.

We write every week.

Like clockwork, only better.

She's a beautiful
young lady, my Ruthie.

Her mom would be real proud.

Yeah. I'll bet she would.

Talkin' to Jerry the other night.

- Jerry?
- At work.

- Jerry?
- Right.

- The old man.
- Exactly.

Run, man, run!

- He's got a kid.
- Oh, yeah.

- Little girl.
- That's... good for him.

- Ruth.
- Pretty name.

- Can I play quarterback?
- Sure.

Okay.

Go out over there.

You know they write
each other, letters.

Every week. At least
one letter a week.

His wife's dead.

Sorry to hear it.

Man, I love this part.

Hike.

- This guy misses more things than I may ever have.
- What?

A life, man. He's savin' up
money to go visit his little girl.

Suckers walk!

It's not an epiphany or any
great notion like that. It's just...

it's a realization. I'm thinkin'
about California. The sun.

There's no winter. It's
the great outdoors.

I mean, I could start fresh.
I could get a job there.

Vanquish myself of the ghosts.
Build my own little somethin'.

Hey Coach Rockne...

I gotta be back to work in ten.

- Go long.
- Neal.

- Hike.
- Stay with 'em.

- Back to work.
- New time in this great land o' ours.

It's a metaphor, man.

I was just saying every man,
every woman, for that matter...

wants a person to love, who loves them
and a roof over their head when it rains.

Of course, but what does
that have to do with the...

fenced in, happily ever after.

Look, I hate to be the bearer of
bad news, but I know you, Cassady...

couldn't live that.

That'd be death for you.

You'd atrophy and die.

P-pow!

My shot.

What? Why?

You touched my ball first.

So...

How long we been playin'
here? Nine months, a year.

If you use my ball in a
combination, then it's my shot.

Your ball still drops,
but it is now my shot.

Do you make this up as you go?

It's a rule, Neal.

There'll be no
anarchy on this felt.

Step out of the way and
let me finish this off.

- Knock it off.
- What?

- I'm trying to concentrate.
- Ooooh, sorry.

It's time, Har, I can feel it.

Save the maiden. Swim the
moat. Draw the drawbridge.

Ta-da-da-dah!

And they all lived
happily ever after.

Tell you what.

Why don't you swim over to the bar and
rescue me an ale from the evil Beer-keeper?

Hey man a couple of
more of the same.

Hi.

Hi.

Are you Neal?

Excuse me?

Are you Neal Cassady?

Yeah.

Well how do you do, Neal?

- I'm Elizabeth.
- Oh, it's a pleasure.

Oh, how do you know,
you just met me?

I have a sense about these things.

You used to date
Joan didn't you?

- Yeah.
- I thought so.

So, listen. Um...

Do you have somewhere
to go tonight Neal?

Why? You going somewhere?

I have to go.

Before I go on...

I have to give you some information that
is essential to the rest of the story...

so bear with me. I gotta give you
one of my Hollywood flashbacks.

Now, soon after returning from the
New Mexico State Reformatory, after doing

eleven months and ten days of
hard labor... you know the song?

I, had the rare luck to meet a
sixteen-year-old high school beauty.

This is October 1945,
if you're keeping score.

Her name's Mary Jane
Greenway. Cherry Mary...

because she lived on Cherry Street,
you see?

The other reason for her fruitful name,
well,

Didn't last long.

She says I can't go out
for a whole month.

Just to baby-sit.

Well, you'll just have
to baby-sit more often.

C'mon, shhh, it's okay,
it's okay, c'mon.

Look at all this stuff.

Look at this rocket ship.

What's this, case he entertains?

C'mon, don't break anything.
C'mon, what's the matter?

What's the matter? It's okay.

Hey! What's the matter little man?

C'mere.

You got a thorn in your
paw or something?

You cool now?

Man, smell him. He smells good.

Smell him.

- Look at you.
- What? I'm just smellin' him.

He smells really good.

That baby smell.

Like the world hasn't dumped
all their stink on him, yet.

You're wild, Neal.

You cool now, soldier?

Wait! Wait! Come here!

I've always wanted to
do it in the bathroom.

What are you talkin'
about? Always?

Man and wife in their
living room, phone rings.

Man answers and says

"I wouldn't know, better call
the Coast Guard" and hangs up.

Wife says, "Who was it, dear?"
Man says, "I don't know.

Some damn fool wanted to know
if the coast was clear."

Har. Har. Har.

Wait! What was that?

Relax. He's sleepin'.
And if he's not...

No, that's...

Mary?

Mary?

- Oh hi.
- Hi.

There. How's Dexter?

Oh, he's fine. He's fast asleep.

Good. Very good.

- How come you're home so early?
- I just hate those parties.

Oh. Oh, yes. Help
me with my shoes.

Salesmen. Fifty salesmen
are all telling the same...

this one horrible jokes
and the pictures.

- Yes.
- They all have pictures.

Me and Marge in New York City.

Marge at the Empire
State Building.

That's crazy stuff.

Oh, Mary...

Mary, would you get,

there's a little white bottle
in the medicine cabinet.

It's got a doctor's prescription
taped right to the side.

Sure.

Oh, and the food.

I'm dead.

My goodness, they served
some kind of fish. I...

Now I don't even know what they
call that fish. It's some sort of Jew fish.

Something like that.

Oh, Mary? Mary?

Yes, Father is coming...

Oh, Mary, can you
do this up, please?

As Mary got wilder, the old bitch
decided to give me a dressing down.

I can't remember the exact little thing
that led up to this... off-hand anyhow.

And since the mother wasn't the
type to do it herself, and...

To impress me, I guess

she got the pastor of the
parish to stop on by.

Oh, Neal.

Mary... Mary... you stop...
do not open that door!

Wait for me.

Compose yourself.

Neal.

I'm so happy you could join us
this evening. Thank you.

Why don't you go on in...

Why don't you go on into the
study and wait for us.

Mary stay with me.

Well.

Now.

Her home was in one the elite parishes,
and she got the monsignor himself...

This was a Catholic church, to come over
for dinner to give me a little lecture.

I arrived a little before him, so the old
crow got to spew a bit of her own gospel

to warm me up for
the main event.

Cheese?

Well, the reason I wanted you to
join us this evening for supper

was I had a few things I wanted
to share with both of you.

Now.

You two, are just too young
to understand about respect.

You think you're indestructible,
you think you're beyond...

- Beyond reproach.
- I'll get it.

Stop it, stop it, stop it.

May I have this? Would you...

Hand... hand... thank you.-

You think you're
beyond reproach.

Well I have a little
news flash for you.

I'll get it... sit, sit.
Sheila... I'll get it.

Father Fletcher. We are so
pleased you're with us this evening.

How are you, Catherine.

- I am very fine, Father. May I take your coat?
- Well, that's all right.

It's a great honor, sir.

Neal, Mary, we have our
special guest here.

Neal, I think you might
especially enjoy talking with him.

Girls, girls.

Father Fletcher, I think you remember
my daughters, Sheila and Mary.

Of course, how are you, Mary?

Fine, Father. How are you?

Can't complain.

And this is...

Neal... I don't believe this.

I've found you, at last...

His voice broke as he
said his last words,

and his Adam's apple must have
refused to articulate further

because all it gave out
was a strange blubber.

You two have met?

Shiny luck.

The ecstatic priest
was Harlan Fletcher.

And check this... he
was my Godfather.

When I was baptized at
the age of ten in 1936.

The last time I saw the good
Father I was an altar boy

at Holy Ghost Church engrossed
in the lives of the Saints

and determined to become a
priest or Christian brother.

Well that was more than six
years ago before I started my

wander down the pleasanter
path of evil.

Well, suffice it to say

he never did get around to
playing mouthpiece for the old lady.

He was too full blissful joy at
finding, as he put it, his lost son.

- Bye, Father. Good-bye.
- The meal was done, the Father split

I glowed triumphant, and that
old bitch hated me more than ever.

This your house?

- Anyway, back to our story.
- Yeah.

That's nice. I mean
it's a very nice house.

People dream about
houses like this.

You, live with somebody?

Yeah.

Forgot my key.

- Hey.
- Hey.

You made it.

This Neal?

How you doin' tonight, Neal?

Good. Listen...

You know, come in.

I got a surprise for you.

So can I get you a drink
or anything? A beer?

It's the least I can do. I pulled
you away from a full draft.

Sure. Yeah. A beer. Great.

Listen, I'm... I'm sure you got me
confused with somebody else. I mean...

Finally...

Just when you think you
learn your lesson...

and you swear

to watch your step, a single
moment off-guard will pop up and hope

will spring high as ever.

Hello.

One startled look and I knew.

I was right back
where I started.

- These potatoes are over-cooked.
- This is so good.

- Let me see... - What you think?
- Think it needs more pepper?

How 'bout some music?

- You like Bee-bop?
- Yeah. Yes, sir.

I love it. Thank you.

Boy, that looks so good.

- Doesn't it, though?
- Yeah.

He's pretty cool?

Yeah.

He thought I was dying, Lizzie.

I know.

That's why he left.

He couldn't just stand there
and, and watch me die.

He wanted to help, Lizzie, he really did
and there wasn't anything he could do.

Lizzie, he loved me too much
just to stand around helpless.

Why don't you set
this out on the table

and I'll bring this
beast out in a minute.

Lewis! You want to come in
here and carve the meat.

Joan.

He's real cool.

He is.

Like a mirage.

This is an oasis.

How do you feel?

Over the prosperous supper
on which we soon pounced

hung an air of excitement.

Joan and I were leaping with
love looks across the roast beast.

While Lou and Lizzie
just beamed on us.

And we planned, yes
sir, all four of us.

And right out loud, too.

All right, the way I figure it. You kids
have wasted too much time already.

You love each other,
I can see it.

You gotta settle down, right
now. You gotta job, Neal?

Yeah. Yep, I have a job.

I'm working the graveyard shift
over at Goodyear, but,

to tell you the truth, I've been lookin'
for, something during the day.

Those nights... start to
take their toll and...

Oh, I'm sure they do. Jeez.

I tell you what we're
gonna do, you know

tomorrow morning, you and me
are goin' in to see my boss.

Crack of dawn. 'Cause
he owes me one.

I introduced him to his
wife, remember?

She ain't that bad dear.

And we'll see about
gettin' that day job.

Driving?

Yeah. Well, maybe.

I mean you gotta be twenty-one
to drive a hack in Denver.

Are you twenty-one, Neal?

No, ma'am, but I will be
twenty in February.

Well, you look a good
twenty-one to me.

Life can just beat
you up, can't it.

Hey, I mean, no offense.
I mean, you know.

Could be worse, sir.

You're right, could be worse.

So, who's got room for dessert?

Look it, Neal, um, if you need a place
to live until the first pay check or so

we got an extra bedroom

fold down couch, you know.

Thank you. Thank
you, sir, but...

Enough with the "Sir" okay?

You know, I mean, I appreciate
the respect, but...

We're friends here, name's Lou.

A lot of people call me
Uncle Lou... I don't know.

All right.

I'll just do "Lou". Thanks.

But what I was gonna say was
that, yeah, I have a room,

um, I'm living over by
the trains, but, um

thank you, I mean,
I'll think about it.

I mean it would be nice for
Joan to have you two around.

Hey, you feel like
some music, babe?

- Hey, there.
- Hey.

Sorry to barge in.

Hey, my pleasure.

Many an incident in this man's young life
seems to be centered around the toilet.

I'm sure there's some deep and
profound logic to all that.

Currently too full to
make any rhyme of it.

I'm about to burst.

Pretty good people.

Old Lizzie and Lou.

Yeah.

How'd you meet 'em?

Lizzie works at the hospital.

I look pretty crummy.

Yeah, I do.

You...

You look like an angel.

Hi.

- I thought you were gone forever.
- I know.

They offered us a room here.

I know.

Actually, he offered
you a room here.

He offered me the couch.

Till we tie the knot.

I mean, I come here

thinkin'... I don't know...

And then, and then,
there you are...

like... a miracle.

Here I am.

- Thinkin'?
- Yeah.

I kept goin', you know,
I kept takin' in breaths

spittin' 'em out.

I missed you so much.

You slay me, Lady Joan.

Oh, damn.

What?

You know, I...

I...

Neal, what?

Look at this.

- What?
- This. I... I cant, I can't go meet somebody lookin' like this.

I don't know what to do.

I'm supposed to meet my
hoped-for employer lookin' like...

Neal, what? I'm
sorry. I don't know...

I'm gonna walk into this guy's office tomorrow.
He's gonna smell my dinner from a week ago.

Neal.

What?

Neal... that's... It's
gonna be fine.

Yeah. It'll be fine.
Everything's gonna be fine.

Calm down.

I promise you, this man
tomorrow... he's, he's gonna love you.

He's gonna love you
almost as much as I do.

I don't want this...

I don't want this to go
bad. I can't. I just...

Shhh. What's, what's
gonna go bad.

We're together aren't we?

There's a little switch.

What?

You takin' care of me.

Yeah.

Well, things change.

So you're gonna take
care of me now?

If I have to.

For a little while.

You're back.

Yeah.

The suit.

The suit. You remember the
suit I got with Peter and Ben?

Ben's got it now. It's perfect. Finally.

A proper use for the suit.

I'll just do a little speed run and grab
necessary clean duds. Ben's got it.

- He lives right around Twelfth and Ogden.
- What?

I'll be back before you miss me.

- You're just running out?
- An hour. An hour, it'll take me like.

- You've got to be kidding me.
- What?

What?

- Okay.
- Okay, what?

I'm coming with you.

Hey, you can't...
Joan, Joan? You're...

- What?
- I don't think that's such a wise idea.

- Why not.
- Because... I haven't seen you in two months.

The first night we're together, I
drag you out into the freezing air.

I mean, c'mon, I'm trying
to take care of you, here.

What's worse? Dragging me
out or running out?

- I'm not running out.
- Yes, you are.

Okay, I'm running out, but I'll
be running back even faster.

I want you healthy. I don't want
anything to happen to you.

I got big plans for
us. Understand?

Now, listen, I won't be
gone long, I promise.

I'll be mercurial. I'll kiss you when I
get back. Then we'll start a life together.

Just you and me, kid.

- Right?
- 'kay.

Okay.

Neal! Hey, Neal!

Where's the fire, buddy?

I...

Come on in.

You're just the man I
wanted to see.

- Har, I got somewhere to be, man.
- - I'll buy you a beer.

- I'll see you later.
- Come on, It's Christmas time.

Neal.

Have a drink with your pathetic, lonely, loser,
piece of crap friend, for Christ's sakes.

Make my night.

I'm buying for God's sake.

I think it's one of the
signs of the apocalypse.

C'mon.

What's a guy got to do to get
some company in this town?

Just taste it.

That's egg nog, man.

Who drinks egg nog? I don't
even know what's in that.

Well, that's part of its beauty.
It's a drink with mystery.

And who's ever heard of a nog, right?
Besides, it's the drink of the season.

Here, Have a taste.
It'll warm you cockles.

Har, I gotta go. I shouldn't
have stopped in the first place.

But you sounded so
damned pathetic.

Can paint it pretty nice?

What're you doing here, anyway?

- What'd they kick you out of the pool hall?
- As a matter of fact, yes.

Said I was harassing
the patrons.

Can you believe that?

Yeah.

But... I gotta go.

Let me buy you a shot.

I can't. I gotta go over to Benji's
pad and then back to that chick's place.

Chick's place?

Are you still with that old
chick from the pool hall?

Cassady, you are unbelievable.

How do you...?

Joan's back.

- Come again.
- Joan... is back.

She survived.

That's what that older chick, Lizzie's
comin' on to me about, you see?

She wanted be to go back to her place,
because that's where Joan's been stayin'.

You kiddin' me?

That's not exactly the sort of
thing you joke about, brother.

Did you check for stigmata?

So elaborate. How is she back?

I have no idea.

But she is.

She came back.

What're you doin' out.
Why aren't you with her?

I'm gonna be.

I gotta job interview tomorrow.
Go to work at Treat's Cab Company.

That's why I'm walking the wintry
streets, sans maiden, you see.

- I have to get the suit.
- Well, who's got it?

Well, Ben's got it. See...
he's done with it, though

so I'm gonna go...

Go get it.

Well let me get
this all straight.

You have re-found
your lost love.

And will soon be starting
a job, a day job.

Thus, living your dream life
that you've been waxing on about.

Woody wagon, two-car garage...

the whole deal.

Holy shit.

Yeah.

This is good.

This is great.

This is harmonious.

Coincidental.

Symbiotic.

Freaky.

All right, so, here I am
sittin' here nursin' the nog.

Let me buy you another draft.

Beer-tender! Another frosty
draft for my friend.

- Okay.
- Har, I thank you for the libations, brother

but I have a "happily
ever after" to start.

See you around the bend?

Okay.

I lied.

I do need something.

And note, I use the word
"need" and not "want".

This is truly a matter of need.

What do you need?

What's Mary's phone number?

What?

Cherry Mary... what's
her phone number.

I've been pining, Neal

ever since you brought her by the
pool hall, I have been a wounded man.

Laughin' on the outside,
cryin' on the in.

And now that you've moved on

and happily-ever-after awaits...

can't you share a little
mirth with a friend.

Harry. She's sixteen years old.

- What're you. You're thirty-two, thirty-three...
- You judging me?

I'm not judgin' you, I'm
just sayin' that...

Besides, she's probably
seventeen by now.

Harry.

Harry. Please.

For a friend.

C'mon, man, it's just numbers,
man. It's just numbers.

Harry, I...

I gotta tell you, man.

She really didn't dig you.

So... give me the rope.

Let me hang myself.

Hi. Is Mary there?

Thanks.

Yeah, well...

I know. Sure, I know.

Right, well. Listen.

Okay. Okay.

Hey, Cassady!

Cassady! I...

What's up, man?

I just,

I just wanted to...

Damn, it's cold out here.

Anyway, I just wanted to
thank you for the number

and I don't know
buy you another beer...

Har, I go somewhere to be,
man. I told you before.

Sure. Right. And I
would never wanta...

How far do you think that was?

It feels like a God
damn mile, man.

Man, I gotta get in
shape like you, Neal.

Strong, Lean. You know,
that's how you...

Har, let's do this
fast, shall we?

Why don't you tell me precisely what it is
that you need and I'll tell you no, all right?

Okay?

She said she couldn't
come down right now.

- But to call her in half an hour.
- Great.

Call her in half an hour
and have a great time.

Well, she sort of said that...

She said.

She asked for you to call her.

Excuse me?

She said she would love to hear
the sound of your voice.

- And her mother's not even that mad...
- You told her I was there?

I had to, brother. I was gettin' nowhere.
I really ice at Christmas. I needed help.

And I can't help you, Harry.

Okay? Okay, man?
I can't help you.

- Please.
- Just a call. A conversation.

- Harry...
- For a friend.

You are a true one, Neal.

Last resort, you understand?

Absolutely. I will...

Hey. Hello.

Could I please speak
with Mary, please?

This is Harry.

Thank you.

I can't do this. I... I gotta split.
This whole thing's feelin' real bad.

Hey, Mary.

So what'd you think?

You think maybe you can.

He's... He's -

Right here. Yeah. He just didn't want to have
a run in with the old lady, you know, um.

Here. Let me put him on.

Just get her here and then you're on
your merry way, and I'm on my "Mary" way

if you know what I'm
saying'? Just talk.

I love you for this, buddy.

Hey, Mar, how's it going?

Hey.

Where have you been? I miss you.

Yeah. Well.

Listen, Harry here
was wondering if...

You remember Harry. Long
guy, my pool hall compadre.

Yeah.

Well, listen, Harry
was wondering if maybe

you might want to slip out from under
the watchful eye of guard-mother and...

I know.

Right.

- So...
- What bar?

The Tavern. It's over...

- You two just hanging out?
- It's over between Colfax and Pearl.

You gonna be there for a while?

No, actually, I was
just passin' by

happened to see Harry, here and.

Where are you going?

Well, I was on my way over
to Ben's house. Pick up a suit.

Got a big job
interview tomorrow.

Really?

- Yeah.
- That's great. My mom was so mad at you.

Oh, yeah.

I can't believe you
knew Father Fletcher.

That was... that was
really... funny.

Yeah, well, sometimes... good fortune
follows those who least deserve it.

What?

Nothing.

Listen, Mar, why don't you come
down, I mean... Harry really... love...

- Hello, this the operator...
- Hello.

Five cents for the
next three minutes.

- Give me a nickel.
- What?

You're out of time. I need a
nickel for the phone. Damn it.

- Hang on Mary, we're just getting...
- If you are unable

to deposit the additional five cents I'm
sorry, but I'll have to disconnect the call.

No, we have it, ma'am. Just, please, hang
on one second, operator. My friend is...

Sorry.

Is she still there?
Did we lose her?

Relax, man.

Give me the phone.

Never mind, you just...

Listen, Mar, why don't you talk to
Harry. He's right here, chomping at the...

I miss you, Neal.

Why don't I put
Harry on? All right?

We had some real fun. Neal?

Yeah.

Listen, I'm gonna put you
on with Har, all right?

I miss saying your name again.

Neal.

I'm gonna put you on with Harry.

I like saying your name.

Screaming your name.

What? Is she coming?

- Maybe.
- You are my god, man.

Remember? Me being blind?

Yeah, I remember.

In that big house that my mom
was selling over on Forest.

I can't do this right now, Mar.

I swiped the key and we just
walked right through the big front door

just like the place was ours.

She used to like to
play at blindness.

It could happen anywhere.

While she was driving...
I'd grab the wheel.

When she was walking...
I'd lead her.

She really played the
true martyr thing.

It'd begin simply enough with her
just announcing that she couldn't see.

And it would go on till she
said she could see again.

Mar, Why don't I put Harry on.

He could give you
directions over here.

Remember?

Big bedroom?

And the bath.

You had to guide me all around
because I couldn't see anything.

Mary.

Then you undressed me.

And you washed me.

And you soaped me.

And you washed my hair.

Oh. God.

Can't believe I'm
talking about this.

I'm getting all...

You know?

Can I come down to the
bar and see you?

Neal? Let me come down.

Is she coming down or what?

Please tell me you
didn't screw this up.

Neal? I need this.

Wait for me, okay?

I'll sneak out.

We'll borrow a car
and go joy riding.

Yeah.

Why don't you come down?

Great.

I'll sneak out right now.

Okay.

You'll be there, right?

I'll be there in twenty-five
minutes. I'll hitch.

- Unless...
- I'm...

You want to come here.

I'll hitch.

I love you, Neal.

She's on her way.

I love you, man.

You are it! You are the big
daddy of all big daddies.

Let me hang up the phone, man.

Give me your shoe.

- What?
- Give me your God damn shoe.

I want to kiss the
ground you walk on.

She still thinks
you're a creep, man.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't
even matter one bit.

Shows she's got good taste.

I am a creep.

Hell, you know that, I know
that. It's good that she knows that.

Get things out in the
open. Start with honesty.

That's what my old man
said before he took off.

And, I might add that creepiness just so
happens to be one of my most powerful traits.

Creepiness, and neediness.

So listen. I'm... Look, when
Mary gets here, you tell her that I'm...

You're not staying?

I still gotta get back to the house
man. Hell, I still gotta make it to Ben's.

Road pop?

Let me buy a final
adieu for my savior.

My Elijah.

Where'd you get all
this cash from, anyway?

Robbed a bank.

Kidding.

The dole man.

Drinkin' from the
government tit.

Come on.

What's another fifteen minutes
when you've already blown an hour.

One more. Then I'm on the road.

Done!

Mas nog and another brew for my
bestest buddy in the whole wide world.

He's gonna blow.

Excuse me for a moment.

Tried to tell you, man. You gotta
stay away from them sweet drinks.

You got some gum or something?

No. Sorry.

Shit.

She's gonna get here and
I'm gonna stink all over.

Hi.

Remember me? I'm Harry.

You all right, man?

Yeah. I'm cool.

Give me a hand up.

I just gotta wash off my face.

You better split, brother.

Cherry Mary's liable to
strut through that door and

blow your happily ever after all to
hell before you even get a taste of it.

You want it, don't you?

What?

The wild stuff.

You talk a good
game about the...

picket fences and the
honey at home, but...

when the seven deadly sins start
lining up at your door step

and you see that little lady
lust all dressed in black...

What're you? The devil?

It's in your eyes, brother.

It's in your soul.

You are meant to roam the plains

live off the fat of the land.

Or the lamb.

This other crap.

It's just dreamin'

Screw you, man.

I'm just lookin' and
reportin' what I see.

Yeah?

No.

No.

You know what, Harry?
You don't see jack.

Hey, man.

Hey!

Brother Neal.

Get a little happy
for all of us.

You Neal Cassady?

Who's asking?

It seems Cherry Mary's mother
was listening on the phone

and heard her sufficiently under age little
angel talking nasty, nasty to yours truly-truly.

I guess she jotted down the address
I gave Mary and sent in the goons.

See... Mom was very
politically powerful.

If you're dying with some guy
holding a knife to your throat,

you might have to wait awhile
for the men in blue

but when Frau Bitch calls

the boys jump.

She won't testify.

Flat out said no to her mother.

So then I... I'm free to go?

Well, actually, I'm afraid
it's not quite that easy.

Well now, I don't
understand. What...

Well, it seems that there've been some
other charges brought to our attention.

Like?

We're gonna have to return you to your cell just
for the day so that we can work this all out.

But I didn't do anything.

No... I... just... Sir, um, I'm sure that
there's been some kind of big misunderstanding.

But I have somewhere to be.

Somewhere other than this.

And, and, well I have to leave.

Well, it's.

Well...

I'm not supposed to be
here, so I have to go.

Well, I'm sorry but I'm afraid
you're not going anywhere today.

All right, but I should be able to make a
phone call. That's the least right? Phone call?

Well what're you waitin' for?

A sign.

I didn't even know
their last name.

Lou and Lizzie what?

So I sat there.

Well, actually, I walked there.

Nine by eleven.

I must have covered twenty miles in
the two long weeks they kept me there.

Oh, the charge?

Suspicion of burglary.

Of my pool hall hang out, yet.

Oh, and because the charge
had superficial plausibility

because I racked balls there
some, and I knew the layout

they were able to keep me there
for more time than one might think.

Not to mention the fact that
Mary's mom was flexing

all her political muscle to keep
me there as long as possible.

Sorry, kid. Nothin' I could do.

She wanted you done.
We had to do ya.

The trees were down.

The toys were already broken.

And Christmas cheer had
given way to winter blahs

before the Captain of Dicks admitted
that he knew I was clear all along.

So...

all this in explanation of why Joan
and I didn't live happily-ever-after.

It's very simple, really.

We were given no chance.

Or perhaps we were given
every chance and took none.

I guess I could've waited.

Probably, I should've waited.

But, as you know

this was not the last time
I committed suicide.

And so love goes.

And so life goes.

And so I go.

You carry on, my brother.