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1
00:00:05,043 --> 00:00:07,170
- So, what time is your flight?
- Eight a.m.
2
00:00:07,345 --> 00:00:09,677
Eight a. M? Wow.
3
00:00:10,248 --> 00:00:12,011
Yup.
4
00:00:12,183 --> 00:00:14,708
- You want me to drive you?
- That'd be nice.
5
00:00:15,353 --> 00:00:17,685
What time do you think
we should leave? Around 6?
6
00:00:17,856 --> 00:00:19,551
- To be on the safe side.
- Sure.
7
00:00:19,724 --> 00:00:23,626
Sure. You never know with traffic
and airport security and all.
8
00:00:24,662 --> 00:00:28,189
- Would you rather I call a cab?
- No, no. No, I won't hear of it.
9
00:00:28,366 --> 00:00:29,958
I'll call one for you.
10
00:00:31,803 --> 00:00:33,771
Golly, I'm gonna miss you.
11
00:00:33,972 --> 00:00:35,906
A couple days without sex
won't kill you.
12
00:00:36,074 --> 00:00:37,769
It's not just sex.
13
00:00:37,976 --> 00:00:41,036
You're my friend, my companion.
14
00:00:41,212 --> 00:00:43,737
And what makes you think
I'm not gonna have sex?
15
00:00:44,849 --> 00:00:46,180
Excuse me?
16
00:00:46,351 --> 00:00:49,081
Hey, when the cat's away,
the mice masturbate.
17
00:00:51,289 --> 00:00:53,883
Tell you what, why don't you
open a bottle of wine...
18
00:00:54,059 --> 00:00:57,392
...come upstairs, and I'll give the mice
something to remember me by.
19
00:00:57,562 --> 00:00:59,462
Oh, yay, fresh memories.
20
00:01:00,899 --> 00:01:03,265
Much better than the video of you
on my iPhone.
21
00:01:05,503 --> 00:01:07,596
You took video of me on your iPhone?
22
00:01:07,772 --> 00:01:10,570
Well, uh, just a little.
23
00:01:10,742 --> 00:01:14,303
I'd have asked permission,
but you were kind of busy.
24
00:01:14,779 --> 00:01:17,111
- Give me the phone.
- Aww.
25
00:01:17,282 --> 00:01:19,079
Give it.
26
00:01:20,385 --> 00:01:22,080
Thank you.
27
00:01:23,555 --> 00:01:27,582
- Oh, Charlie.
- What? You can't even tell it's you.
28
00:01:28,426 --> 00:01:30,360
Boy, I can't turn my back on you,
can I?
29
00:01:30,528 --> 00:01:33,326
Actually, I have photographic evidence
that you can.
30
00:01:34,399 --> 00:01:37,334
- Not anymore.
- Aww.
31
00:01:37,702 --> 00:01:41,001
Don't pout.
Just get the wine and come upstairs.
32
00:01:41,172 --> 00:01:43,504
- Okay.
- And leave the phone down here.
33
00:01:43,908 --> 00:01:45,102
Aww.
34
00:01:48,046 --> 00:01:53,074
Let's see, what's the proper wine
for the occasion?
35
00:01:53,251 --> 00:01:56,277
Oh, who cares?
Everything goes with ass biting.
36
00:01:57,555 --> 00:01:58,886
Hey.
37
00:01:59,457 --> 00:02:02,483
- I thought you were on a date.
- I was.
38
00:02:02,660 --> 00:02:04,252
- Didn't go well.
- Really?
39
00:02:04,429 --> 00:02:07,227
You're usually such a hit
with the ladies.
40
00:02:07,398 --> 00:02:10,629
This might've been the worst date
of my life.
41
00:02:10,802 --> 00:02:14,329
Did she dress you in a leather bustier
and tie you to a bed?
42
00:02:14,506 --> 00:02:16,633
- No.
- Did she superglue a model car...
43
00:02:16,808 --> 00:02:18,070
...to your balls?
44
00:02:19,377 --> 00:02:21,641
- No.
- She talk you into putting on a dress...
45
00:02:21,813 --> 00:02:24,805
...while she stole your wallet?
- No.
46
00:02:24,983 --> 00:02:27,713
Then this wasn't even
your worst date this month.
47
00:02:28,386 --> 00:02:29,444
I suppose.
48
00:02:29,621 --> 00:02:31,748
And thanks for the highlight reel,
by the way.
49
00:02:31,923 --> 00:02:33,015
Happy to help.
50
00:02:33,191 --> 00:02:37,719
I feel like going down to the beach,
and diving into the ocean...
51
00:02:37,896 --> 00:02:40,490
...and swimming out
until my arms are so tired...
52
00:02:40,665 --> 00:02:43,657
...that I sink below the waves
into blessed oblivion.
53
00:02:43,835 --> 00:02:48,329
Hold on. Before you do anything crazy,
can you help me get this bottle open?
54
00:02:48,506 --> 00:02:51,168
Sure. I mean,
these women you meet online...
55
00:02:51,342 --> 00:02:54,436
...you think you have some kind
of a connection, a bond.
56
00:02:54,612 --> 00:02:56,477
Then you meet them
and there's nothing.
57
00:02:56,648 --> 00:02:59,208
Just two lonely strangers staring
at each other...
58
00:02:59,384 --> 00:03:02,080
...across buffalo wings
and soft-serve ice cream.
59
00:03:02,620 --> 00:03:06,351
Well, maybe your problem is taking them
to a mall food court on a first date.
60
00:03:07,358 --> 00:03:09,155
I don't wanna make
a big investment...
61
00:03:09,327 --> 00:03:11,693
...until I have a sense
of where things are going.
62
00:03:11,863 --> 00:03:13,990
Plus, the parking is free.
63
00:03:14,165 --> 00:03:15,189
There you go.
64
00:03:15,366 --> 00:03:17,027
Thank you.
65
00:03:17,202 --> 00:03:19,227
Okay, well, good catching up.
66
00:03:19,404 --> 00:03:22,532
If you're going for that swim,
tuck your license in your crack...
67
00:03:22,707 --> 00:03:25,073
...so I can identify your body.
68
00:03:28,079 --> 00:03:31,708
I mean, is it so much to ask to make a
connection with another human being?
69
00:03:31,883 --> 00:03:33,748
- No.
- I'm not even looking for sex.
70
00:03:33,918 --> 00:03:37,285
- I just want a little companionship.
- That's rough. Buy a dog.
71
00:03:37,455 --> 00:03:42,415
- You said I couldn't have a dog.
- Fine, buy a dog and move.
72
00:03:42,594 --> 00:03:46,496
You know what would be great? If you
could find a dog with its own house.
73
00:03:47,532 --> 00:03:49,329
What's taking you so long?
74
00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:51,627
Oh, hi, Alan. How was your date?
75
00:03:51,803 --> 00:03:54,601
- Awful.
- I'm sorry. You wanna talk about it?
76
00:03:54,772 --> 00:03:56,467
No, he's going for a swim.
77
00:03:57,775 --> 00:04:00,608
- Well, I could use a friendly ear.
- Of course.
78
00:04:00,778 --> 00:04:03,941
Now, tell me,
this is the girl you met online?
79
00:04:04,115 --> 00:04:06,413
- "Perky Dodger fan in Tarzana."
- What happened?
80
00:04:06,584 --> 00:04:10,111
First of all, she wasn't so much perky
as porky.
81
00:04:10,288 --> 00:04:12,017
More like a Dodger Dog fan.
82
00:04:12,190 --> 00:04:14,454
Don't you hate when people
misrepresent themselves?
83
00:04:14,626 --> 00:04:18,084
When someone makes a date with "buff
Malibu doctor," that's what they get.
84
00:04:18,263 --> 00:04:20,288
- That's because you're honest.
To a fault.
85
00:04:20,465 --> 00:04:24,094
Apparently, even when the cat's here,
the mice have to masturbate.
86
00:04:36,314 --> 00:04:37,508
Hey.
87
00:04:37,682 --> 00:04:39,172
Hey.
88
00:04:39,951 --> 00:04:41,441
Watching some football?
89
00:04:41,619 --> 00:04:43,746
No fooling you.
90
00:04:47,892 --> 00:04:51,020
- Who are we rooting for?
- The spread.
91
00:04:54,065 --> 00:04:57,762
Ah. So we're making an illegal wager?
92
00:04:58,336 --> 00:04:59,701
Technically.
93
00:04:59,904 --> 00:05:02,168
Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging.
94
00:05:02,340 --> 00:05:04,638
It's really a victimless crime,
don't you think?
95
00:05:08,846 --> 00:05:10,074
So far.
96
00:05:13,685 --> 00:05:15,482
Sorry.
97
00:05:20,291 --> 00:05:22,623
Heard any good jokes lately?
98
00:05:23,528 --> 00:05:24,995
Yeah.
99
00:05:25,163 --> 00:05:27,961
Two brothers are sitting on a couch.
100
00:05:29,167 --> 00:05:31,658
One of them says,
"Heard any good jokes lately?"
101
00:05:31,836 --> 00:05:33,565
And then the other one... Get this.
102
00:05:33,738 --> 00:05:36,707
The other one lights him on fire.
103
00:05:45,917 --> 00:05:49,683
- Okay, we'll just watch the game.
- Thank you.
104
00:05:51,356 --> 00:05:53,950
All right. It's a commercial.
Now you can talk.
105
00:05:55,326 --> 00:05:57,055
I was thinking,
with Chelsea out of town...
106
00:05:57,228 --> 00:06:01,221
Hold on, hold on. It's that baby
that trades stocks. Heh, heh.
107
00:06:01,766 --> 00:06:04,030
I love this kid.
108
00:06:04,902 --> 00:06:08,167
There it is. Wow.
109
00:06:11,209 --> 00:06:12,642
Okay, go ahead.
110
00:06:14,612 --> 00:06:16,773
I was thinking,
with Chelsea out of town...
111
00:06:17,415 --> 00:06:20,077
...that maybe, you know,
after the game...
112
00:06:20,251 --> 00:06:23,049
...you and I could go out
and grab a bite to eat.
113
00:06:23,621 --> 00:06:25,179
No, thanks.
114
00:06:25,356 --> 00:06:28,223
- Not hungry?
- Don't like you.
115
00:06:28,926 --> 00:06:31,394
Oh, come on.
I need some human contact.
116
00:06:32,797 --> 00:06:35,823
That's probably a human.
Go contact them.
117
00:06:39,604 --> 00:06:40,935
That was clever.
118
00:06:41,105 --> 00:06:42,766
I'm a clever guy.
119
00:06:44,609 --> 00:06:48,705
Hey, buddy, you're here early. I was
thinking if you're hungry, you and l...
120
00:06:50,114 --> 00:06:51,342
Maybe later.
121
00:06:52,116 --> 00:06:54,584
He's been crabby
since his girlfriend dumped him.
122
00:06:54,752 --> 00:06:57,277
The kid's a stone-cold bummer, Alan.
123
00:06:58,289 --> 00:07:00,257
Okay, well,
thanks for dropping him off.
124
00:07:00,425 --> 00:07:02,689
- You're welcome.
- Oh, hey, Herb.
125
00:07:02,860 --> 00:07:06,091
By any chance, do you wanna go out
and maybe grab a bite?
126
00:07:06,264 --> 00:07:09,097
- Really? You and me?
- Sure, why not?
127
00:07:09,634 --> 00:07:13,035
It's kind of weird, isn't it?
You're the ex-husband, I'm the current.
128
00:07:13,204 --> 00:07:14,831
So we've got something in common.
129
00:07:15,406 --> 00:07:17,499
- We do, don't we?
- Right.
130
00:07:17,675 --> 00:07:19,905
Neither one of us
is having sex with Judith.
131
00:07:24,282 --> 00:07:26,546
That's actually a little too close
to home.
132
00:07:27,318 --> 00:07:29,218
Sorry. So, what do you think?
133
00:07:29,921 --> 00:07:31,980
- I could eat.
- Let's go.
134
00:07:32,156 --> 00:07:34,021
You ever been to Kabob Kingdom?
135
00:07:34,192 --> 00:07:36,558
At the food court? I love that place.
136
00:07:38,796 --> 00:07:41,162
- Hey, Berta, would you grab me a beer?
- Sure.
137
00:07:41,332 --> 00:07:44,665
- Jake, grab your uncle a beer.
- Let him get it himself.
138
00:07:44,836 --> 00:07:46,895
Sorry, I tried.
139
00:07:47,071 --> 00:07:50,165
Numbnuts, take a beer out of
the fridge and bring it over here.
140
00:07:50,341 --> 00:07:52,332
Fine.
141
00:07:57,281 --> 00:07:58,612
Here.
142
00:07:58,783 --> 00:08:01,251
Thank you. What's with the attitude?
143
00:08:01,419 --> 00:08:03,387
You're the reason
Celeste broke up with me.
144
00:08:03,554 --> 00:08:06,887
- You're still grinding on that?
- I'm still grinding on it. I love her.
145
00:08:07,058 --> 00:08:10,050
Stop it. You love fart jokes and pie.
146
00:08:10,228 --> 00:08:12,992
Fart jokes, pie and Celeste.
147
00:08:13,164 --> 00:08:17,123
If you hadn't talked me into hanging out
with that girl, I'd still have all three.
148
00:08:17,301 --> 00:08:20,168
Oh, come on, pal, at your age,
relationships aren't serious.
149
00:08:20,338 --> 00:08:23,796
- They're just, you know, puppy love.
- No, no, this wasn't puppy love.
150
00:08:23,975 --> 00:08:26,739
This was... dog love.
151
00:08:27,478 --> 00:08:30,470
Trust me,
you have not had dog love yet.
152
00:08:30,648 --> 00:08:33,048
I don't even think your father's
had dog love yet.
153
00:08:33,217 --> 00:08:36,118
Not unless you count
getting bitch-slapped.
154
00:08:37,054 --> 00:08:39,682
I promise, you'll get over this.
155
00:08:39,857 --> 00:08:42,985
You'll meet somebody else,
you'll love her, she won't love you...
156
00:08:43,161 --> 00:08:45,322
...she'll love you,
you'll love each other...
157
00:08:45,496 --> 00:08:48,590
...but she's married to a cop
who catches you in a motel room...
158
00:08:48,766 --> 00:08:52,167
...and beats you near to death
with his big police flashlight.
159
00:08:53,304 --> 00:08:55,670
The point is,
you got a lot of living to do.
160
00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:59,708
- Right, Berta?
- You don't wanna piss off a cop.
161
00:09:01,479 --> 00:09:04,937
Thanks, Uncle Charlie. You've really
given me a lot to think about.
162
00:09:05,116 --> 00:09:07,880
Hey, hey, hey.
Nobody likes a smartass.
163
00:09:14,058 --> 00:09:17,323
Not so sexy when it happens to you,
is it?
164
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,431
I give up, Herb.
How do you tell a kabob to be quiet?
165
00:09:25,703 --> 00:09:28,695
Shh! Kabob.
166
00:09:29,106 --> 00:09:30,630
Very clever, very clever.
167
00:09:30,808 --> 00:09:34,005
When you're a pediatrician,
you need a lot of kid-friendly jokes.
168
00:09:34,178 --> 00:09:37,306
Sometimes when I use the little reflex
hammer, I pretend I'm an Indian.
169
00:09:37,481 --> 00:09:39,779
Hai, hai, hai, hai!
170
00:09:40,918 --> 00:09:44,012
It's not politically correct,
but the tykes love it.
171
00:09:44,522 --> 00:09:46,752
Oh, boy, I wish my doctor
had a sense of humor.
172
00:09:46,924 --> 00:09:49,484
Every time I have a prostate exam,
I say:
173
00:09:49,660 --> 00:09:52,595
"What? You're not gonna
buy me dinner first?"
174
00:09:52,763 --> 00:09:56,199
- And nothing. Not even a smile.
- Really? Because that's a beaut.
175
00:09:56,367 --> 00:09:59,632
That's what I thought,
but most people just don't get me.
176
00:10:00,238 --> 00:10:02,934
Well, that's their loss.
177
00:10:08,713 --> 00:10:11,648
Excuse me. Uh-oh.
178
00:10:12,917 --> 00:10:14,407
Hi, Judith.
179
00:10:14,585 --> 00:10:16,382
I just stopped for a bite to eat.
180
00:10:17,755 --> 00:10:19,518
I know you have leftover meatloaf.
181
00:10:19,690 --> 00:10:21,783
Probably leftover
from when I was married to her.
182
00:10:21,959 --> 00:10:23,221
Shh!
183
00:10:24,895 --> 00:10:26,362
What?
184
00:10:26,530 --> 00:10:28,191
That was Alan.
185
00:10:28,366 --> 00:10:30,357
- Yes, that Alan.
- Hi, Judith.
186
00:10:31,035 --> 00:10:34,027
No, no, Jake's not here,
just the two of us.
187
00:10:34,205 --> 00:10:36,173
No, I have not lost my mind.
188
00:10:36,774 --> 00:10:40,801
Whoa. Whoa.
Calm down. Judith, calm down.
189
00:10:40,978 --> 00:10:43,105
Can we talk about this
when I get home?
190
00:10:43,281 --> 00:10:45,715
All right, bye.
191
00:10:46,917 --> 00:10:48,885
She says "hi" back.
192
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:52,084
- Sorry to get you in trouble.
- No trouble. I'm a grown man.
193
00:10:52,256 --> 00:10:54,224
I can have lunch with whoever I want.
194
00:10:54,692 --> 00:10:57,923
- Right.
- So how's the chiropractor biz?
195
00:10:58,095 --> 00:11:00,563
Well, it's been a little slow,
with the economy.
196
00:11:00,731 --> 00:11:02,892
But I'm starting to see
a little turnaround...
197
00:11:03,067 --> 00:11:04,898
I'm sorry, I gotta go.
198
00:11:13,644 --> 00:11:15,509
Oh, Celeste
199
00:11:15,713 --> 00:11:17,772
You are the best
200
00:11:18,249 --> 00:11:20,911
With you I was blessed
201
00:11:21,085 --> 00:11:23,986
But I failed the test
202
00:11:24,155 --> 00:11:26,350
And now I'm depressed
203
00:11:27,425 --> 00:11:29,256
Celeste
204
00:11:30,294 --> 00:11:32,524
You might as well
205
00:11:33,497 --> 00:11:35,727
Take my heart
206
00:11:36,634 --> 00:11:38,795
Out of my chest
207
00:11:39,470 --> 00:11:41,631
And mail it
208
00:11:42,006 --> 00:11:44,873
All the way to Budapest
209
00:11:48,346 --> 00:11:50,109
- Got a minute?
- I'm busy.
210
00:11:50,281 --> 00:11:54,377
Yeah, I heard. Budapest. Very catchy.
211
00:11:54,819 --> 00:11:56,047
What do you want?
212
00:11:56,821 --> 00:12:00,382
I want to apologize for sending you
down a bad road with your girlfriend.
213
00:12:00,558 --> 00:12:04,221
- Well, forget it. I'm gonna get her back.
- Good. Good. So, what's the plan?
214
00:12:04,395 --> 00:12:06,829
I'm gonna finish my song
and then sing it to her.
215
00:12:07,298 --> 00:12:10,131
Okay. Is that the entire plan?
216
00:12:10,301 --> 00:12:11,461
No.
217
00:12:11,635 --> 00:12:13,660
I'm also gonna put on a clean shirt.
218
00:12:13,838 --> 00:12:16,329
Ohh. Pulling out the big guns.
219
00:12:17,575 --> 00:12:18,633
Yup.
220
00:12:19,043 --> 00:12:20,772
Can I offer an alternative plan?
221
00:12:20,945 --> 00:12:23,641
- I don't want any more plans from you.
- Understandable.
222
00:12:23,814 --> 00:12:26,977
I'd be a little skeptical in your shoes,
but just hear me out.
223
00:12:27,418 --> 00:12:30,785
The song, good as it is,
it smacks of desperation.
224
00:12:31,989 --> 00:12:33,513
Thank you.
225
00:12:35,092 --> 00:12:39,290
No. No. I mean, girls don't generally
respond to desperation.
226
00:12:39,730 --> 00:12:41,595
- How do you know?
- Are you kidding?
227
00:12:41,799 --> 00:12:44,927
I've been watching your father
get shot down for 25 years.
228
00:12:45,102 --> 00:12:48,196
It's like living
with an Air Force training film.
229
00:12:49,673 --> 00:12:52,870
Listen, if you really wanna
get Celeste back...
230
00:12:53,043 --> 00:12:56,877
...you man up, go to her house, admit
you made a mistake with the other girl...
231
00:12:57,047 --> 00:13:00,244
...you realize now Celeste
is one in a million, blah, blah, blah...
232
00:13:00,418 --> 00:13:03,410
...and if she doesn't ever
wanna see you again, you understand.
233
00:13:03,587 --> 00:13:05,817
And then sing her the song?
234
00:13:06,323 --> 00:13:07,654
Forget the song.
235
00:13:08,025 --> 00:13:09,720
Okay.
236
00:13:09,894 --> 00:13:12,192
Do I really say "blah, blah, blah"?
237
00:13:17,067 --> 00:13:18,500
Alan, wait.
238
00:13:18,669 --> 00:13:21,229
- You forgot your kabob.
- Oh, thank you.
239
00:13:21,405 --> 00:13:23,669
- You're welcome.
- And thanks again for driving.
240
00:13:23,874 --> 00:13:25,967
- It was fun.
- Yeah, I had a good time too.
241
00:13:26,143 --> 00:13:29,909
I'm glad.
So we should do it again sometime.
242
00:13:30,414 --> 00:13:32,507
- I'd like that.
- Great. Great.
243
00:13:32,683 --> 00:13:35,811
I'm gonna go to the flea market
tomorrow. You wanna join me?
244
00:13:36,187 --> 00:13:39,156
Tomorrow? Oh, gee. I don't know.
245
00:13:39,323 --> 00:13:43,623
- Oh, I'm sorry, it's probably too soon.
- No, no.
246
00:13:43,794 --> 00:13:46,729
- No, it's not, it's just...
- Judith. I know. I know.
247
00:13:46,897 --> 00:13:50,230
- I'm just not sure what to tell her.
- You can tell her the truth.
248
00:13:51,268 --> 00:13:53,099
What is the truth, Alan?
249
00:13:54,705 --> 00:13:57,572
- That we're friends.
- We are friends, aren't we?
250
00:13:58,776 --> 00:14:02,576
- Okay, friend. I'll see you tomorrow.
- It's a date.
251
00:14:12,690 --> 00:14:14,851
Oh! Jake. Jake. Hi, buddy.
252
00:14:15,025 --> 00:14:17,960
I don't care, I got my own problems.
253
00:14:24,501 --> 00:14:27,231
Oh, Celeste
254
00:14:27,404 --> 00:14:30,168
I am congested
255
00:14:30,374 --> 00:14:32,774
With love
256
00:14:32,943 --> 00:14:36,640
For my Celested
257
00:14:37,648 --> 00:14:38,774
Yeah
258
00:14:41,685 --> 00:14:43,676
- Did you talk to her?
- Yeah.
259
00:14:43,854 --> 00:14:46,015
- How'd it go?
- Not so good.
260
00:14:46,490 --> 00:14:49,789
- You sang that song, didn't you?
- No, I did exactly what you said.
261
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,121
I told her I'm sorry,
I made a mistake...
262
00:14:52,296 --> 00:14:54,560
...and she's one in a million,
blah, blah, blah.
263
00:14:54,732 --> 00:14:57,929
Okay, just to be clear,
you didn't really say "blah, blah, blah"?
264
00:14:58,535 --> 00:15:02,699
- I'm not an idiot, Uncle Charlie.
- No, no, of course not. Then what?
265
00:15:02,873 --> 00:15:05,740
I said if she never wants
to see me again, I'd understand.
266
00:15:05,910 --> 00:15:08,708
- And what did she say?
- "I never want to see you again."
267
00:15:09,313 --> 00:15:12,544
- Ouch.
- Ouch? That's it? That's all you've got?
268
00:15:12,716 --> 00:15:16,652
Well, you know, look at the bright side.
You got a great song out of it.
269
00:15:16,820 --> 00:15:19,653
Ten more girls peeing on you,
you got an album.
270
00:15:20,357 --> 00:15:21,756
Or a fetish.
271
00:15:23,627 --> 00:15:25,492
Okay, well...
272
00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:27,756
...say no to drugs.
273
00:15:37,174 --> 00:15:40,200
Oh, hey, Judith.
Just came by to pick up Herb.
274
00:15:40,377 --> 00:15:43,574
- We're going to the flea market.
- No, you're not.
275
00:15:43,747 --> 00:15:46,978
- What do you mean? I just talked to him.
- I discussed it with Herb.
276
00:15:47,151 --> 00:15:50,848
We decided it's not in anyone's best
interest for you to spend time together.
277
00:15:51,221 --> 00:15:52,813
You both decided that, huh?
278
00:15:53,023 --> 00:15:54,320
- Yes.
- Lf you don't mind...
279
00:15:54,491 --> 00:15:57,722
...l'd like to hear it from Herb.
- I do. You hanging out is wrong.
280
00:15:57,895 --> 00:15:58,919
It's unnatural.
281
00:15:59,096 --> 00:16:02,224
Excuse me, but I have done
a few unnatural things in my day...
282
00:16:02,399 --> 00:16:03,866
...and this is not unnatural.
283
00:16:04,301 --> 00:16:09,398
- Goodbye, Alan.
- Our marriage, that was unnatural.
284
00:16:09,573 --> 00:16:13,202
You can't do this, Judith.
You cannot keep us apart.
285
00:16:13,377 --> 00:16:15,675
Herb and I will find a way
to be together.
286
00:16:19,416 --> 00:16:21,145
- Hi.
- Hi.
287
00:16:21,785 --> 00:16:25,050
- That must've sounded kind of strange.
- Not at all.
288
00:16:25,222 --> 00:16:28,020
Herb is a very handsome man.
289
00:16:33,130 --> 00:16:37,624
- Hey, I brought you another soda.
- Thanks.
290
00:16:43,207 --> 00:16:46,267
Believe me, Jake,
you'll get over Celeste.
291
00:16:46,443 --> 00:16:48,570
I don't want to.
I think she was the one.
292
00:16:49,079 --> 00:16:50,307
The one what?
293
00:16:50,481 --> 00:16:52,642
The one who was pretty
and liked me...
294
00:16:52,816 --> 00:16:55,376
...and maybe was gonna let me
do stuff to her someday.
295
00:16:55,552 --> 00:16:58,146
And you think there's only one
of those out there?
296
00:16:58,322 --> 00:17:00,290
What do you think?
297
00:17:00,457 --> 00:17:02,516
It doesn't matter what I think.
298
00:17:03,427 --> 00:17:08,160
Jake, you gotta start looking
at this differently.
299
00:17:08,332 --> 00:17:12,530
Women are kind of like the little boxes
of cereal in one of those variety packs.
300
00:17:12,703 --> 00:17:14,933
- I like the variety packs.
- I know you do.
301
00:17:15,105 --> 00:17:18,768
They should put in more sugary cereals
and less cereals that help you poop.
302
00:17:18,942 --> 00:17:20,102
No argument.
303
00:17:20,277 --> 00:17:24,213
But my point is the variety-pack
approach gives you a choice.
304
00:17:24,381 --> 00:17:25,814
It's not that great a choice.
305
00:17:25,983 --> 00:17:28,918
In a pack of eight,
there's at least three pooping cereals.
306
00:17:29,086 --> 00:17:32,180
We're getting away from the point.
What's your favorite cereal?
307
00:17:32,589 --> 00:17:35,456
It used to be Franken Berry,
but Froot Loops now.
308
00:17:35,626 --> 00:17:37,594
- Terrific.
- They don't get soggy as fast.
309
00:17:37,761 --> 00:17:39,524
- Got it.
- Milk tastes better afterward.
310
00:17:39,696 --> 00:17:44,759
Okay, okay, okay.
So imagine Celeste is Froot Loops.
311
00:17:44,935 --> 00:17:48,530
You like her now, but who's to say
she isn't tomorrow's Franken Berry?
312
00:17:48,705 --> 00:17:51,799
You're wrong.
Celeste will always be my Froot Loops.
313
00:17:51,975 --> 00:17:54,842
You can't know that. Look at me.
314
00:17:55,012 --> 00:17:58,914
I've been with a lot of women, but I
only recently found the love of my life.
315
00:17:59,450 --> 00:18:01,611
Well, no disrespect,
but I don't wanna wait...
316
00:18:01,785 --> 00:18:05,744
...till I'm as old and hard up as you are
to find a good girlfriend.
317
00:18:05,923 --> 00:18:08,892
What? I said no disrespect.
318
00:18:09,093 --> 00:18:12,221
You know, you make it really difficult
to love you sometimes.
319
00:18:12,396 --> 00:18:15,092
Yeah, that's what my mom says.
320
00:18:20,170 --> 00:18:21,762
Told you I'm not an idiot.
321
00:18:30,914 --> 00:18:32,108
Herb.
322
00:18:32,916 --> 00:18:34,611
Herb.
323
00:18:42,426 --> 00:18:44,155
- Alan?
- Over here.
324
00:18:48,332 --> 00:18:51,495
- Hi.
- Didn't want you to think I stood you up.
325
00:18:51,668 --> 00:18:55,627
Oh. I know you'd never do that.
Judith just doesn't understand.
326
00:18:55,806 --> 00:18:57,433
I know, and I'm sorry.
327
00:18:57,641 --> 00:19:00,701
- But what are we gonna do?
- I don't know.
328
00:19:01,278 --> 00:19:04,839
Well, maybe I'll see you
when I bring Jake back.
329
00:19:05,649 --> 00:19:06,843
That'd be nice.
330
00:19:08,051 --> 00:19:09,518
Bye.
331
00:19:10,187 --> 00:19:11,654
Bye.
332
00:19:12,556 --> 00:19:13,682
Alan, wait.
333
00:19:14,424 --> 00:19:15,891
I'm coming with you.
334
00:19:16,059 --> 00:19:17,856
But how?
335
00:19:19,296 --> 00:19:23,357
- Be careful, you big galoot.
- I'm okay. I'm okay.
336
00:19:24,468 --> 00:19:25,901
I'm not okay!
337
00:19:27,271 --> 00:19:29,296
Oh, God. Herb, talk to me.
338
00:19:30,674 --> 00:19:32,141
What's going on out here?
339
00:19:35,646 --> 00:19:38,547
Alan, wait. Take me with you.
340
00:19:43,353 --> 00:19:46,754
- I miss Celeste.
- I miss Chelsea.
341
00:19:46,924 --> 00:19:48,687
I miss Herb.
342
00:19:50,761 --> 00:19:55,323
I mean, Sex and the City.
I miss Sex and the City.
343
00:19:55,499 --> 00:19:58,195
Yeah, Alan, that's much less gay.
344
00:19:59,903 --> 00:20:02,929
I guess that's just what our lives
have come down to.
345
00:20:03,140 --> 00:20:07,133
Three pathetic, lonely guys watching
television on a Sunday night.
346
00:20:08,745 --> 00:20:10,303
Oh, crap, it's Sunday night.
347
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,210
- Chelsea's flying into LAX.
- You going to pick her up?
348
00:20:13,383 --> 00:20:16,443
No, I'm gonna call her a cab
and take a Viagra.
349
00:20:17,855 --> 00:20:20,881
Well, buddy, I guess it's you and me.
350
00:20:21,058 --> 00:20:23,822
No disrespect, Dad,
but that just makes it worse.
351
00:20:25,796 --> 00:20:27,559
I said no disrespect.
352
00:20:27,731 --> 00:20:29,289
Why doesn't that ever work?
353
00:20:34,605 --> 00:20:35,936
Hello?
354
00:20:36,106 --> 00:20:37,698
Yeah, this is Jake.
355
00:20:37,875 --> 00:20:40,002
Oh, hi, Nicole.
356
00:20:40,177 --> 00:20:42,372
Yeah, I broke up with Celeste.
357
00:20:42,546 --> 00:20:45,242
Now? Sure. See you in a few.
358
00:20:46,416 --> 00:20:48,816
- I'm gonna meet Nicole at the pier.
- Who's Nicole?
359
00:20:48,986 --> 00:20:50,920
I'm not really sure.
360
00:21:24,955 --> 00:21:26,650
- Herb.
- We haven't got much time.
361
00:21:26,823 --> 00:21:29,018
Judith thinks I'm in physical therapy.
362
00:21:29,226 --> 00:21:31,956
Well, then let's make the most of it.
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