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- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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[GUNSHOTS, SCREAMING]
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00:00:06,901 --> 00:00:09,068
[ALARM RINGS]
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00:00:09,070 --> 00:00:13,072
[SIRENS WAILING]
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00:00:13,074 --> 00:00:15,470
[GUNSHOTS, SCREAMING CONTINUE]
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00:00:15,709 --> 00:00:19,010
MAYOR: People, it's time
we faced some hard truths.
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The town is looking to us for answers,
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00:00:21,348 --> 00:00:23,915
and all we keep doing
is burying our heads.
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We need to cut the budget for
this year's Christmas pageant.
10
00:00:27,354 --> 00:00:29,754
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
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00:00:29,756 --> 00:00:31,156
My God.
12
00:00:31,158 --> 00:00:34,025
I've asked the director
of the holiday show to stop by
13
00:00:34,027 --> 00:00:35,960
so we can all give him the news.
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He's not going to take this well.
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If he doesn't,
we should just let him go.
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00:00:39,633 --> 00:00:41,366
God knows it's about time.
17
00:00:41,368 --> 00:00:43,301
Hey, a lot of people
like him, all right?
18
00:00:43,303 --> 00:00:45,537
Yeah, and lot of people think he stinks.
19
00:00:45,539 --> 00:00:47,105
Let's just get this over with.
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All right, send him in.
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[DOOR OPENS]
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Howwwwdy ho!
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You wanted to see me?
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00:00:53,413 --> 00:00:54,579
Better hurry.
25
00:00:54,581 --> 00:00:57,582
We only have two months
before Christmas!
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00:00:57,584 --> 00:01:00,351
Mr. Hankey, we called you in
to let you know that
27
00:01:00,353 --> 00:01:02,954
your Christmas-pageant funding
has been cut.
28
00:01:02,956 --> 00:01:04,691
By half.
29
00:01:04,702 --> 00:01:06,391
What?
30
00:01:06,393 --> 00:01:09,327
But I can barely make a good
Christmas show with what I have!
31
00:01:09,329 --> 00:01:11,696
We just don't have the support
for the Christmas show
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00:01:11,698 --> 00:01:12,931
that we used to.
33
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The truth is,
some people find you offensive.
34
00:01:15,702 --> 00:01:19,504
Offensive? What about me is offensive?
35
00:01:19,506 --> 00:01:21,573
Some people think that shit
36
00:01:21,575 --> 00:01:23,842
isn't the best representation
of Christmas.
37
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You... You people can't do this.
38
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Christmas is the most magical
time of the year.
39
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The decision has already been made.
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Thank you, Mr. Hankey,
and good luck with the show.
41
00:01:33,286 --> 00:01:35,286
[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
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[BAD VERSION
OF "DECK THE HALLS" PLAYING]
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♪♪
44
00:01:43,630 --> 00:01:45,296
[BATON TAPPING]
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Okay, stop.
46
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Kids, the song's called
"Deck the Halls,"
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not "Let's All Suck Balls."
48
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Now, come on, kids.
49
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Why do we have to do this now?
50
00:01:54,908 --> 00:01:56,641
Yeah, It's not even Halloween yet.
51
00:01:56,643 --> 00:01:59,811
Restoration Hardware put up
their Christmas decorations
52
00:01:59,813 --> 00:02:01,779
two weeks ago, all right?!
53
00:02:01,781 --> 00:02:04,616
Now, listen, I didn't want this, either.
54
00:02:04,618 --> 00:02:06,251
I wanted the Denver Symphony.
55
00:02:06,253 --> 00:02:08,953
But they cut my budget,
and I'm stuck with you.
56
00:02:08,955 --> 00:02:10,989
Now, let's take it from the top!
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00:02:10,991 --> 00:02:12,390
[BATON TAPPING]
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00:02:12,392 --> 00:02:15,460
[MILITARY DRUMS PLAYING]
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[SIGHS]
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00:02:25,572 --> 00:02:28,139
Vice Principal Strong Woman?
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00:02:28,141 --> 00:02:30,074
Yes, PC Principal?
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I was seeing if there's anything
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00:02:32,279 --> 00:02:34,879
you might want to discuss with me.
64
00:02:34,881 --> 00:02:37,749
What would we need to discuss?
65
00:02:37,751 --> 00:02:41,519
I am so sorry that I took
advantage of my position
66
00:02:41,521 --> 00:02:44,656
and manipulated you
into a physical encounter.
67
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Hey, I am a strong woman, all right?
68
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I don't get manipulated.
69
00:02:48,628 --> 00:02:49,827
We both are guilty
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00:02:49,829 --> 00:02:52,463
of an ill-advised relationship
at the workplace,
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00:02:52,465 --> 00:02:53,665
but that was long ago,
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00:02:53,667 --> 00:02:55,667
and I have decided to move forward.
73
00:02:55,669 --> 00:02:57,735
Are you sure we can move forward?
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00:02:57,737 --> 00:03:00,772
Why not? We make a mistake,
we move forward.
75
00:03:00,774 --> 00:03:04,475
I was just thinking there might still
possibly be some fallout from...
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00:03:04,477 --> 00:03:06,544
Nope. We're just gonna forget about it
77
00:03:06,546 --> 00:03:07,679
and put it to rest.
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00:03:07,681 --> 00:03:09,714
You don't think there's anything else
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00:03:09,716 --> 00:03:10,782
to dis... to discuss?
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00:03:10,784 --> 00:03:13,217
No, I don't. Bye-bye.
81
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[EXHALES SHARPLY]
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[ALL KNOCKING ON DOOR]
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Dude. Kyle. Dude.
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- Dude.
- What?
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00:03:31,638 --> 00:03:34,072
Did you read what Mr. Hankey
tweeted last night?
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00:03:34,074 --> 00:03:35,907
What Mr. Hankey tweeted?
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00:03:35,909 --> 00:03:37,675
Yeah, I guess after band rehearsals,
88
00:03:37,677 --> 00:03:39,410
he went on Twitter to talk about us.
89
00:03:39,412 --> 00:03:41,012
Look.
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00:03:41,014 --> 00:03:43,614
Oh. Jesus Christ, dude.
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00:03:43,616 --> 00:03:44,749
[SEWING MACHINE CLICKING]
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♪ Santa Claus is on his way ♪
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♪ He's loaded goodies on his sleigh ♪
94
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♪ He'll drop 'em off on Christmas Day ♪
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00:03:51,324 --> 00:03:52,357
Mr. Hankey?
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00:03:52,359 --> 00:03:53,758
Oh, Kyle!
97
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,560
Howwwwwdy ho!
98
00:03:55,562 --> 00:03:58,196
Mr. Hankey,
everyone's really mad at you.
99
00:03:58,198 --> 00:04:00,231
Were you on Twitter last night?
100
00:04:00,233 --> 00:04:02,633
Yeeeahhhh.
101
00:04:02,635 --> 00:04:04,635
Did you tweet, "The kids of South Park"
102
00:04:04,637 --> 00:04:06,971
are retarded homos
who can't play music"?
103
00:04:06,973 --> 00:04:09,807
Eeeeeyeeaaahhhhh.
104
00:04:09,809 --> 00:04:10,942
Why would you tweet that?!
105
00:04:10,944 --> 00:04:12,610
All the kids are really pissed off!
106
00:04:12,612 --> 00:04:15,246
It was a bad attempt at a joke.
I'm sorry.
107
00:04:15,248 --> 00:04:18,182
Will you please tell the kids
I didn't mean it?
108
00:04:18,184 --> 00:04:19,517
What do you want me to say?
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00:04:19,519 --> 00:04:22,153
The fact is, I couldn't
sleep last night,
110
00:04:22,155 --> 00:04:23,588
so I took some Ambien.
111
00:04:23,590 --> 00:04:25,156
You ever take that stuff?
112
00:04:25,158 --> 00:04:27,425
It turns your brains into oatmeal.
113
00:04:27,427 --> 00:04:30,828
Please, Kyle, tell the kids
I didn't mean any harm.
114
00:04:30,830 --> 00:04:33,131
We've gotta focus on Christmas!
115
00:04:35,168 --> 00:04:36,934
All right, everyone, listen up.
116
00:04:36,936 --> 00:04:40,004
The vice principal has asked
to speak with you today.
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She believes it is time
that we all as a school
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finally discussed in
vitro fertilization.
119
00:04:45,912 --> 00:04:47,211
That's right, kids.
120
00:04:47,213 --> 00:04:50,148
Many women today make
the choice to have children
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00:04:50,150 --> 00:04:52,050
without a man in their lives.
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00:04:52,052 --> 00:04:53,785
They can have their eggs fertilized
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00:04:53,787 --> 00:04:56,721
by an unknown person's sperm in a lab.
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00:04:56,723 --> 00:04:57,922
That's right, Strong Woman.
125
00:04:57,924 --> 00:04:59,891
In today's society,
it is wrong to just assume
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00:04:59,893 --> 00:05:01,959
that a pregnant woman
had intercourse with a man.
127
00:05:01,961 --> 00:05:03,895
[GROANS]
128
00:05:03,897 --> 00:05:06,097
St-Students at this school
need to be careful,
129
00:05:06,099 --> 00:05:07,198
because it can be offensive
130
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:08,879
to asks questions like
"Who's the father?"
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[GROANS]
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You... You all right, Strong Woman?
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I'm fine.
134
00:05:13,973 --> 00:05:15,840
So... So, we'd like
to have all our students
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00:05:15,842 --> 00:05:17,108
talk to their parents tonight
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00:05:17,110 --> 00:05:19,410
about in vitro fertilization,
and after that,
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00:05:19,412 --> 00:05:21,813
let's just put
the whole issue behind us.
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00:05:21,815 --> 00:05:24,148
[GURGLE, GUSH]
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That's my water breaking.
140
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Not a big deal.
141
00:05:31,357 --> 00:05:34,225
[GURGLE, GUSH]
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00:05:34,227 --> 00:05:35,493
[HAMMER TAPPING]
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00:05:35,495 --> 00:05:36,928
♪ Christmas time ♪
144
00:05:36,930 --> 00:05:38,696
♪ It's Christmas time ♪
145
00:05:38,698 --> 00:05:40,231
♪ Christmas time ♪
146
00:05:40,233 --> 00:05:41,666
♪ Yeah, Christmas time ♪
147
00:05:41,668 --> 00:05:43,568
Hankey!
148
00:05:43,570 --> 00:05:46,104
We need to talk about what you tweeted!
149
00:05:46,106 --> 00:05:48,773
Oh, I'm so sorry.
150
00:05:48,775 --> 00:05:50,374
I took Ambien two nights ago,
151
00:05:50,376 --> 00:05:52,677
and I called the schoolkids homos.
152
00:05:52,679 --> 00:05:55,713
No, I'm talking about
what you tweeted last night.
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00:05:55,715 --> 00:05:57,248
"The city council members
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00:05:57,250 --> 00:05:59,784
are a bunch of pussy-licking Islamists."
155
00:05:59,786 --> 00:06:02,854
Oh. Oh, geez. Did I say that?
156
00:06:02,856 --> 00:06:05,556
Listen, if you're tired
and you can't sleep,
157
00:06:05,558 --> 00:06:07,492
do not take Ambien.
158
00:06:07,494 --> 00:06:08,860
Okay? Whew!
159
00:06:08,862 --> 00:06:11,929
I'm afraid we have no other
option but to fire you
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00:06:11,931 --> 00:06:14,932
as executive planning manager
of the city council.
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00:06:14,934 --> 00:06:16,701
Fire me?
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00:06:16,703 --> 00:06:18,870
No, no, no, please. I'm really sorry.
163
00:06:18,872 --> 00:06:21,005
No, wait! Wait!
164
00:06:21,007 --> 00:06:22,607
Please give me another chance.
165
00:06:22,609 --> 00:06:26,244
Don't do this! What about Christmas?
166
00:06:28,414 --> 00:06:31,315
It's okay. We'll be at the hospital
soon. Just keep breathing.
167
00:06:31,317 --> 00:06:33,417
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
I didn't need your help.
168
00:06:33,419 --> 00:06:36,687
I'm just a co-worker helping
another co-worker in need.
169
00:06:36,689 --> 00:06:39,123
Yeah, well, people
might get the wrong idea!
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00:06:39,125 --> 00:06:42,493
I have worked my whole life to be
the strongest woman possible...
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00:06:42,495 --> 00:06:45,730
a person little girls could look up to.
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00:06:45,732 --> 00:06:47,865
If those girls thought
that I was the type
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00:06:47,867 --> 00:06:49,834
to get knocked up by my boss...
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00:06:49,836 --> 00:06:52,870
I certainly do not want to put any
pressures on you as a female,
175
00:06:52,872 --> 00:06:55,439
but at times I wonder if there
is more we should discuss.
176
00:06:55,441 --> 00:06:57,208
There's nothing to discuss!
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00:06:57,210 --> 00:07:01,412
I made a mistake,
and I am moving forward!
178
00:07:03,816 --> 00:07:06,284
My civil rights are under attack.
179
00:07:06,286 --> 00:07:08,719
They can't just fire me
from the Christmas show!
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00:07:08,721 --> 00:07:10,521
The whole thing is my creation!
181
00:07:10,523 --> 00:07:13,157
Uh, last night, you tweeted,
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00:07:13,159 --> 00:07:16,861
"The city council
can suck my Mexican dick."
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00:07:16,863 --> 00:07:18,930
It was a joke.
184
00:07:18,932 --> 00:07:21,232
Look at me! I don't even have a dick!
185
00:07:21,234 --> 00:07:23,067
Get it?
186
00:07:23,069 --> 00:07:25,770
Okay, okay, look, I know...
It wasn't a good joke.
187
00:07:25,772 --> 00:07:27,505
But it really wasn't my fault.
188
00:07:27,507 --> 00:07:31,108
The fact is, I went home
last night, and I was angry.
189
00:07:31,110 --> 00:07:34,178
I couldn't sleep, so I took some Ambien.
190
00:07:34,180 --> 00:07:35,846
And then I started tweeting.
191
00:07:35,848 --> 00:07:38,583
Ambien messes with my head.
You ever take that crap?
192
00:07:38,585 --> 00:07:40,651
You want us to take this up
against Ambien?
193
00:07:40,653 --> 00:07:42,553
They have the best lawyers in the world.
194
00:07:42,555 --> 00:07:44,288
Well, I thought maybe I could get them
195
00:07:44,290 --> 00:07:46,224
in a defecation lawsuit.
196
00:07:46,226 --> 00:07:47,692
[DOOR SLAMS]
197
00:07:47,694 --> 00:07:48,926
Argh.
198
00:07:48,928 --> 00:07:51,195
And I never, ever would've
said those things
199
00:07:51,197 --> 00:07:52,430
about the city council,
200
00:07:52,432 --> 00:07:54,699
but the Ambien makes me
kind of black out.
201
00:07:54,701 --> 00:07:58,069
I'm sorry, sir, but we don't
represent pieces of shit.
202
00:07:58,071 --> 00:07:59,624
Why not?
203
00:07:59,635 --> 00:08:00,647
[DOOR SLAMS]
204
00:08:00,658 --> 00:08:01,668
Argh.
205
00:08:01,679 --> 00:08:03,107
And I just thought maybe we could
206
00:08:03,109 --> 00:08:05,409
convince the city council
to hire me back.
207
00:08:05,411 --> 00:08:08,279
Look, I'm sorry,
but I learned a long time ago
208
00:08:08,281 --> 00:08:11,082
that if you defend poop,
you get stained.
209
00:08:11,084 --> 00:08:12,817
[DOOR SLAMS]
210
00:08:18,324 --> 00:08:20,791
- Mr. Hankey?
- Oh. Kyle.
211
00:08:20,793 --> 00:08:23,160
[SADLY] Howwwwdy ho.
212
00:08:23,162 --> 00:08:24,295
What are you doing here?
213
00:08:24,297 --> 00:08:26,163
Just trying to find some help.
214
00:08:26,165 --> 00:08:29,834
There isn't a lawyer in town
who will take me.
215
00:08:29,836 --> 00:08:32,336
Wait a minute... You!
216
00:08:32,338 --> 00:08:33,938
You're the son of a lawyer.
217
00:08:33,940 --> 00:08:36,107
You have lawyer blood inside your veins!
218
00:08:36,109 --> 00:08:39,110
You can help me with
my defecation lawsuit, Kyle!
219
00:08:39,112 --> 00:08:40,878
Me? What can I do?
220
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:42,013
Please, Kyle.
221
00:08:42,015 --> 00:08:44,282
You're the only person left
who can help me.
222
00:08:44,284 --> 00:08:47,618
You and me, pal,
we are gonna fight the system!
223
00:08:47,620 --> 00:08:48,686
[INTERCOM BEEPS]
224
00:08:48,688 --> 00:08:50,254
Paging Dr. Bender.
225
00:08:50,256 --> 00:08:53,090
Your vice principal gave birth
to all five babies
226
00:08:53,092 --> 00:08:54,158
with no epidural.
227
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:56,460
I must say, she's a very strong woman.
228
00:08:56,462 --> 00:08:57,762
That she is.
229
00:08:57,764 --> 00:09:00,498
The quintuplets are all healthy
and resting away.
230
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:03,234
There are her babies right there.
231
00:09:06,306 --> 00:09:09,040
Oh, dude. Bro.
232
00:09:09,042 --> 00:09:11,175
Yes, cute, little buggers, aren't they?
233
00:09:11,177 --> 00:09:12,643
Three boys and two girls.
234
00:09:12,645 --> 00:09:15,346
I think it's wrong to force
gender specification upon them
235
00:09:15,348 --> 00:09:16,547
at this young age.
236
00:09:16,549 --> 00:09:18,816
Funny. That's exactly what
their mother said.
237
00:09:18,818 --> 00:09:21,018
The quints are all Caucasian, blue-eyed,
238
00:09:21,020 --> 00:09:22,887
and something kind of weird.
239
00:09:22,889 --> 00:09:23,988
What's that?
240
00:09:23,990 --> 00:09:26,590
Well, the babies are all extremely PC,
241
00:09:26,592 --> 00:09:28,125
the likes of which I have never seen.
242
00:09:28,127 --> 00:09:29,493
- Watch this.
- [INTERCOM CLICKS]
243
00:09:29,504 --> 00:09:31,706
[OVER MICROPHONE] Three
black guys walk into a bar...
244
00:09:31,717 --> 00:09:35,032
[BABIES CRYING]
245
00:09:35,034 --> 00:09:37,101
It's okay! It's okay! They left!
They left!
246
00:09:37,103 --> 00:09:39,437
[CRYING STOPS]
247
00:09:39,439 --> 00:09:42,506
Doctor, would it be possible for me
248
00:09:42,508 --> 00:09:45,209
to hold the PC Babies?
249
00:09:45,211 --> 00:09:48,012
I'm sorry. That's only for
the mother and father.
250
00:09:48,014 --> 00:09:49,880
Though, according to the vice principal,
251
00:09:49,882 --> 00:09:52,625
the father doesn't even exist.
252
00:09:54,554 --> 00:09:56,253
[BALL DRIBBLING]
253
00:09:56,255 --> 00:09:57,388
[BACKBOARD RATTLES]
254
00:09:57,390 --> 00:09:58,689
You guys! Hey, guys!
255
00:09:58,691 --> 00:10:00,825
I think I figured it out. What?
256
00:10:00,827 --> 00:10:02,727
How to get Mr. Hankey another chance.
257
00:10:03,730 --> 00:10:06,330
There's by-laws in the city council
that community service leaders
258
00:10:06,332 --> 00:10:07,865
can't be terminated without a hearing.
259
00:10:07,867 --> 00:10:10,334
I need you guys there
as character witnesses.
260
00:10:10,336 --> 00:10:11,769
N-N-Nope.
261
00:10:11,771 --> 00:10:13,404
Not getting the stink on me.
262
00:10:13,406 --> 00:10:15,139
He has a right to be heard.
263
00:10:15,141 --> 00:10:17,041
He's meant a lot to this town.
264
00:10:17,043 --> 00:10:18,909
Dude, why do you keep
defending him, Kyle?
265
00:10:18,911 --> 00:10:21,445
Yeah, you know everyone in town
thinks he's a piece of shit.
266
00:10:21,447 --> 00:10:24,281
Come on, guys.
We can't just turn our backs.
267
00:10:24,283 --> 00:10:27,251
How many times has Mr. Hankey
been there for us?
268
00:10:27,253 --> 00:10:29,086
Mmm, once, kind of?
269
00:10:29,088 --> 00:10:31,126
Look, he messed up,
270
00:10:31,137 --> 00:10:33,871
but I don't know if he deserves
everything that's coming down on him.
271
00:10:33,882 --> 00:10:35,533
I wanna stand by my friend.
272
00:10:35,544 --> 00:10:39,110
Mm, let's see how
that goes for you in 2018.
273
00:10:39,832 --> 00:10:41,365
[RIM RATTLES]
274
00:10:46,406 --> 00:10:48,506
Vice Principal?
275
00:10:48,508 --> 00:10:50,074
My babies! Where are they?
276
00:10:50,076 --> 00:10:51,950
Shh. It's okay. The babies are fine.
277
00:10:51,961 --> 00:10:53,944
Resting in the nursery.
278
00:10:53,946 --> 00:10:55,813
They're the most... [VOICE BREAKING]
279
00:10:55,815 --> 00:10:57,848
They're the most PC babies
I've ever seen.
280
00:10:57,850 --> 00:11:00,818
You shouldn't be here. People
will start getting suspicious!
281
00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:02,720
Look, I was the one
who abused my position
282
00:11:02,722 --> 00:11:04,049
and took advantage of a subordinate...
283
00:11:04,060 --> 00:11:05,723
Nobody took advantage of me!
Not took advantage.
284
00:11:05,725 --> 00:11:07,458
- You know what I'm saying.
- And I'm a strong woman!
285
00:11:07,460 --> 00:11:08,959
All I want to do is help.
286
00:11:08,961 --> 00:11:10,795
We can say I'm the manny.
287
00:11:10,797 --> 00:11:12,354
And if anyone has a problem with that,
288
00:11:12,365 --> 00:11:13,846
then they have a problem
with gender biases,
289
00:11:13,857 --> 00:11:15,123
and they can take it up with me!
290
00:11:15,134 --> 00:11:17,301
We can keep the truth about
the babies totally hidden.
291
00:11:17,303 --> 00:11:19,937
Oh, yes, that curriculum should be fine
292
00:11:19,939 --> 00:11:21,138
for the students.
293
00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:23,374
I'll start working on
an all-school proposal.
294
00:11:23,376 --> 00:11:25,109
Oh, yes, very good, Vice Principal.
295
00:11:25,111 --> 00:11:27,545
See that it is done by
back-to-school night.
296
00:11:27,547 --> 00:11:28,646
All right, Mommy!
297
00:11:28,648 --> 00:11:30,281
Your little bundles of joys are here.
298
00:11:30,283 --> 00:11:31,749
Oh, and who's this.
299
00:11:31,751 --> 00:11:33,117
I am the manny.
300
00:11:33,119 --> 00:11:34,452
Anyone have a problem with that?
301
00:11:34,454 --> 00:11:36,320
[CHUCKLING] No, not at all.
302
00:11:36,322 --> 00:11:37,655
Everything good here?
303
00:11:37,657 --> 00:11:39,089
[CRIES]
304
00:11:39,091 --> 00:11:40,991
[BABIES CRY]
305
00:11:40,993 --> 00:11:43,027
Aw! Are these PC babies?
306
00:11:43,029 --> 00:11:44,728
[CRYING CONTINUES]
307
00:11:44,730 --> 00:11:48,499
And now, live from the town courthouse,
308
00:11:48,501 --> 00:11:51,435
It's the Hankey Hearings
on South Park 13.
309
00:11:51,437 --> 00:11:55,206
- [INDISTINCT TALKING]
- [GAVEL BANGS]
310
00:11:55,208 --> 00:11:56,640
Mr. Hankey?
311
00:11:56,642 --> 00:11:58,642
[SNIFFLES LOUDLY]
312
00:11:58,644 --> 00:12:01,679
14 hours ago,
did you or did you not say,
313
00:12:01,681 --> 00:12:05,349
"Everyone in South Park
is a goddamn douche bag"?
314
00:12:05,351 --> 00:12:06,450
Yes.
315
00:12:06,452 --> 00:12:09,753
That was a bad attempt
at a Christmas joke.
316
00:12:09,755 --> 00:12:12,656
But there's nothing in
that statement about Christmas.
317
00:12:12,658 --> 00:12:15,459
That's was I said, it was a bad attempt.
318
00:12:15,461 --> 00:12:17,228
What part of the statement
was actually...
319
00:12:17,230 --> 00:12:20,564
You wanna hear a good Christmas joke?
320
00:12:20,566 --> 00:12:22,533
In 2005, you said that...
321
00:12:22,535 --> 00:12:25,069
[SNIFFLES LOUDLY]
322
00:12:25,071 --> 00:12:26,871
You said that you had no recollection...
323
00:12:26,873 --> 00:12:28,539
[SNIFFLES LOUDLY]
324
00:12:28,541 --> 00:12:30,608
Sorry. I got the sniffles.
325
00:12:30,610 --> 00:12:32,443
Mr. Hankey, do you understand
326
00:12:32,445 --> 00:12:33,944
how important these statements are
327
00:12:33,946 --> 00:12:35,746
to the citizens of this town?
328
00:12:35,748 --> 00:12:39,083
All I understand is, it's only
eight weeks until Christmas.
329
00:12:39,085 --> 00:12:41,285
If we don't stop wasting our time,
330
00:12:41,287 --> 00:12:42,520
we're all gonna miss out
331
00:12:42,522 --> 00:12:45,523
on the most magical part
of the whole year.
332
00:12:45,525 --> 00:12:47,925
What did you mean last night
when you tweeted,
333
00:12:47,927 --> 00:12:52,062
"The Mayor of South Park is
a titless whore"?
334
00:12:52,064 --> 00:12:53,219
[LOUD THUD]
335
00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:55,533
Oh, come on! It was a joke!
336
00:12:55,535 --> 00:12:56,734
That's it! That's it.
337
00:12:56,736 --> 00:12:58,736
I've had enough of this
whole (BLEEP) sham!
338
00:12:58,738 --> 00:13:01,705
(BLEEP) all you
and (BLEEP) this whole system!
339
00:13:01,707 --> 00:13:03,474
It's Christmastime!
340
00:13:05,411 --> 00:13:06,777
It's okay.
341
00:13:06,779 --> 00:13:07,811
Shh.
342
00:13:07,813 --> 00:13:09,647
We just need to get some diapers.
343
00:13:09,649 --> 00:13:10,741
Shh.
344
00:13:10,752 --> 00:13:13,250
Oh, what adorable little babies!
345
00:13:13,252 --> 00:13:14,485
Thank you.
346
00:13:14,487 --> 00:13:17,454
My, they look very PC!
347
00:13:17,456 --> 00:13:19,823
Oh no, no. They're not very PC, at all.
348
00:13:19,825 --> 00:13:21,959
Aww! Look at the PC babies!
349
00:13:21,961 --> 00:13:23,694
They actually aren't PC.
350
00:13:23,696 --> 00:13:24,796
No?
351
00:13:24,807 --> 00:13:27,631
Did you hear Monica Lewinsky's
becoming a Republican?
352
00:13:27,633 --> 00:13:29,867
The Democrats left a bad taste
in her mouth.
353
00:13:29,869 --> 00:13:32,937
- [BABIES CRY]
- [LAUGHTER]
354
00:13:32,939 --> 00:13:35,372
Oh, God. Shhhh! No, no, no, no, no!
355
00:13:35,374 --> 00:13:37,274
Shhhh! Is everything all right?
356
00:13:37,276 --> 00:13:40,411
- Oh, look! More PC babies!
- They're everywhere!
357
00:13:40,413 --> 00:13:42,546
I told you we need to shop separately!
358
00:13:42,548 --> 00:13:44,214
Shh! Shh.
359
00:13:44,216 --> 00:13:46,550
Excuse me, where is
the Oriental food aisle?
360
00:13:46,552 --> 00:13:50,020
- [CRYING INTENSIFIES]
- Quiet! There's PC babies!
361
00:13:53,259 --> 00:13:56,193
Gee-whiz. Thanks for
comin' out with me, Kyle.
362
00:13:56,195 --> 00:13:59,363
These days, it's like
you're my only friend.
363
00:14:02,602 --> 00:14:04,435
So what's the plan, huh?
364
00:14:04,437 --> 00:14:06,437
What you got figured out
to get my job back?
365
00:14:06,439 --> 00:14:07,938
I had a plan.
366
00:14:07,940 --> 00:14:10,174
You decided to call the mayor
a titless whore.
367
00:14:10,176 --> 00:14:12,810
[CHUCKLES] Oh, it was a joke, Kyle.
368
00:14:12,812 --> 00:14:14,878
Sometimes, when I take Ambien,
369
00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:17,241
I'm really groggy and moody
the next day.
370
00:14:17,252 --> 00:14:19,752
It's a real side affect. It's
printed right on the bottle!
371
00:14:19,754 --> 00:14:22,455
[SCOFFS] I don't know how
much longer I can defend you.
372
00:14:22,457 --> 00:14:24,457
People are starting to think I'm shitty.
373
00:14:24,459 --> 00:14:26,559
Kyle, don't you understand
this whole thing
374
00:14:26,561 --> 00:14:28,027
is a smear campaign?
375
00:14:28,029 --> 00:14:30,830
Why are people focusing on
a few stupid words I said
376
00:14:30,832 --> 00:14:33,566
when Christmas is
just around the corner?!
377
00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:36,535
It's like everyone's forgot
about what Christmas means...
378
00:14:36,537 --> 00:14:38,104
[GASPS]
379
00:14:38,106 --> 00:14:39,205
Oh, my God!
380
00:14:39,207 --> 00:14:42,675
Kyle! That's it! The holiday spirit!
381
00:14:42,677 --> 00:14:43,809
It's October!
382
00:14:43,811 --> 00:14:46,078
And that's the point! Don't you see?
383
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:47,213
What we need to do
384
00:14:47,215 --> 00:14:49,482
is get everyone in the Christmas mood!
385
00:14:49,484 --> 00:14:52,952
We can bring the whole spirit
of the holidays early!
386
00:14:52,954 --> 00:14:54,120
Okay, you do that.
387
00:14:54,122 --> 00:14:55,821
No, no, no. Kyle, you gotta help me!
388
00:14:55,823 --> 00:14:57,356
I can't do this alone.
389
00:14:57,358 --> 00:14:58,791
I have homework and stuff!
390
00:14:58,793 --> 00:15:00,626
You're all I have!
391
00:15:00,628 --> 00:15:02,428
Even my wife left with the nuggets
392
00:15:02,430 --> 00:15:03,696
'cause of all the pressure!
393
00:15:03,698 --> 00:15:05,865
- Please!
- Okay, fine!
394
00:15:05,867 --> 00:15:07,934
I'll help you. But listen to me,
395
00:15:07,936 --> 00:15:10,569
I don't care how restless
you get tonight.
396
00:15:10,571 --> 00:15:12,204
No Ambien.
397
00:15:12,206 --> 00:15:15,107
Well, maybe just a "liddol"
if I really can't sleep.
398
00:15:15,109 --> 00:15:16,776
No! None!
399
00:15:16,778 --> 00:15:18,010
If you want my help this time,
400
00:15:18,012 --> 00:15:19,578
you aren't taking any Ambien tonight.
401
00:15:19,580 --> 00:15:22,214
- That's the deal!
- Yay! It's a deal!
402
00:15:22,216 --> 00:15:24,350
Oh, boy! Kyle, I'm so excited!
403
00:15:24,352 --> 00:15:26,385
We're gonna bring
the spirit of Christmas
404
00:15:26,387 --> 00:15:27,820
to South Park!
405
00:15:32,727 --> 00:15:35,761
Aww, look at the little PC babies!
406
00:15:35,763 --> 00:15:37,897
Uh, no. We're from Missouri.
407
00:15:37,899 --> 00:15:40,399
I know a PC baby when I see one!
408
00:15:40,401 --> 00:15:42,401
[CODDLING VOICE]
Who loves social justice?
409
00:15:42,403 --> 00:15:44,870
Who's the future?
Who's the big bad future?
410
00:15:44,872 --> 00:15:47,039
- Yes, they are.
- [GIGGLES]
411
00:15:47,041 --> 00:15:49,141
Aww, PC babies!
412
00:15:49,143 --> 00:15:50,636
All right. Please, move along folks.
413
00:15:50,647 --> 00:15:52,878
We don't want the babies to get excited.
414
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:56,449
[SYNTHESIZER MUSIC PLAYS]
415
00:15:56,451 --> 00:15:59,518
♪♪
416
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:04,123
MR. HANKEY: Hello, South Park!
417
00:16:04,125 --> 00:16:06,926
Come on, everybody! Get over here!
418
00:16:06,928 --> 00:16:09,362
Who wants to see a miracle?!
419
00:16:09,364 --> 00:16:11,797
♪♪
420
00:16:11,799 --> 00:16:13,866
Howwwwdy ho, everyone!
421
00:16:13,868 --> 00:16:15,634
Guess what time it is?
422
00:16:15,636 --> 00:16:17,636
It's Christmastime!
423
00:16:17,638 --> 00:16:19,171
[FIREWORKS WHISTLE, EXPLODE]
424
00:16:19,173 --> 00:16:21,107
ALL: Ohhhhh.
425
00:16:21,109 --> 00:16:23,709
♪ Deck the halls and trim the trees ♪
426
00:16:23,711 --> 00:16:26,445
♪ Christmastime is here ♪
427
00:16:26,447 --> 00:16:29,215
♪ Gonna sing and flush
our worries away ♪
428
00:16:29,217 --> 00:16:32,118
♪ It's the best time of the year ♪
429
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,854
That's right, everybody!
Who loves the holidays?
430
00:16:34,856 --> 00:16:36,188
[CROWD CHEERS]
431
00:16:36,190 --> 00:16:37,890
Just like when Christ was born,
432
00:16:37,892 --> 00:16:40,559
let's all be with
our mothers and fathers...
433
00:16:40,561 --> 00:16:41,761
[PC BABIES CRY]
434
00:16:41,763 --> 00:16:44,130
Let's not forget that boys and girls
435
00:16:44,132 --> 00:16:45,931
all over the world are...
436
00:16:45,933 --> 00:16:47,566
[CRYING CONTINUES]
437
00:16:47,568 --> 00:16:51,470
Hey! Hey, careful!
You're upsetting the PC babies!
438
00:16:51,472 --> 00:16:52,738
The PC what? Listen!
439
00:16:52,740 --> 00:16:55,374
Christmas season means peace on earth
440
00:16:55,376 --> 00:16:57,309
and good will towards men.
441
00:16:57,311 --> 00:16:59,145
[CRYING INTENSIFIES]
442
00:16:59,147 --> 00:17:02,014
Uh, uh, look, what is
the holiday season about?
443
00:17:02,016 --> 00:17:03,816
It's about loving each other, right?
444
00:17:03,818 --> 00:17:05,818
Loving and... What?!
445
00:17:05,820 --> 00:17:07,486
What are they crying about now?
446
00:17:07,488 --> 00:17:08,888
Sometimes, PC Babies
447
00:17:08,890 --> 00:17:10,589
don't even know
what they're crying about.
448
00:17:10,591 --> 00:17:12,925
Well, then tell the babies
to shut the (BLEEP) up!
449
00:17:12,927 --> 00:17:14,126
[CROWD GROANS, BOOS]
450
00:17:14,128 --> 00:17:15,761
Who the (BLEEP) brings a goddamn baby
451
00:17:15,763 --> 00:17:17,430
to a Christmas show anyway?!
452
00:17:17,432 --> 00:17:18,864
Mr. Hankey, stop!
453
00:17:18,866 --> 00:17:22,068
Lemme go, Kyle! These people are idiots!
454
00:17:26,374 --> 00:17:28,240
[CRYING CONTINUES]
455
00:17:34,882 --> 00:17:38,717
♪♪
456
00:17:38,719 --> 00:17:40,686
Mommy, something stinks.
457
00:17:40,688 --> 00:17:43,722
Yeah, like shit.
458
00:17:43,724 --> 00:17:45,224
[DOOR SLAMS]
459
00:17:45,226 --> 00:17:46,292
[HORN HONKS]
460
00:17:46,294 --> 00:17:48,461
You stand up for all pieces of crap?
461
00:17:48,463 --> 00:17:51,797
Asshole!
462
00:17:51,799 --> 00:17:56,469
♪♪
463
00:17:56,471 --> 00:17:57,970
Uh-huh.
464
00:17:57,972 --> 00:17:59,805
2018.
465
00:18:01,306 --> 00:18:07,847
♪♪
466
00:18:07,849 --> 00:18:10,549
Kyle, listen.
467
00:18:10,551 --> 00:18:12,284
It was 3:00 a.m. last night,
468
00:18:12,286 --> 00:18:14,620
and I still hadn't slept, so I d...
469
00:18:14,622 --> 00:18:16,722
Kyle! Kyle, please!
470
00:18:16,724 --> 00:18:18,924
They're gonna run me out of town, Kyle.
471
00:18:18,926 --> 00:18:20,759
They're going to erase me
472
00:18:20,761 --> 00:18:24,063
and everything I ever did.
473
00:18:24,065 --> 00:18:26,932
You want them to erase me, too?
474
00:18:26,934 --> 00:18:28,267
♪♪
475
00:18:28,269 --> 00:18:32,404
Kyle... we can all be shitty sometimes.
476
00:18:32,406 --> 00:18:36,509
Uh... [GROANS]
477
00:18:36,511 --> 00:18:38,844
♪♪
478
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:48,053
They're so strong...
479
00:18:48,055 --> 00:18:49,655
like their mother.
480
00:18:49,657 --> 00:18:52,124
They're so PC, like...
481
00:18:52,126 --> 00:18:54,393
whoever their father is.
482
00:18:54,395 --> 00:18:56,595
We'll never keep them quiet.
483
00:18:56,597 --> 00:18:59,465
Our only hope is to keep them hidden.
484
00:19:01,169 --> 00:19:03,135
Can they ever know that I'm their dad?
485
00:19:03,137 --> 00:19:05,938
We did the most un-PC thing imaginable.
486
00:19:05,940 --> 00:19:08,307
Think about what that would do to them.
487
00:19:08,309 --> 00:19:10,309
We can never let them know
the debaucherous,
488
00:19:10,311 --> 00:19:13,646
sickening circumstances that
brought them into this world.
489
00:19:13,648 --> 00:19:16,682
Then, I'll just try to be
the best principal to them
490
00:19:16,684 --> 00:19:18,484
that I possibly can.
491
00:19:18,486 --> 00:19:21,220
And I'll be their strongest
vice principal,
492
00:19:21,222 --> 00:19:24,056
and hopefully...
the world will calm down
493
00:19:24,058 --> 00:19:27,826
and not do anything to upset them.
494
00:19:27,828 --> 00:19:29,461
Today...
495
00:19:29,463 --> 00:19:33,332
South Park says goodbye to Mr. Hankey.
496
00:19:33,334 --> 00:19:37,336
The longtime union of this town
and the holiday figure
497
00:19:37,338 --> 00:19:39,505
is over for good.
498
00:19:39,507 --> 00:19:42,441
We should all feel pretty great
about ourselves,
499
00:19:42,443 --> 00:19:45,844
give ourselves a little,
nice pat on the back,
500
00:19:45,846 --> 00:19:48,714
as we, as a society, continue
501
00:19:48,716 --> 00:19:51,584
to try and sweep away all the poop.
502
00:19:59,860 --> 00:20:03,596
Well, everyone...
I guess this is goodbye.
503
00:20:03,598 --> 00:20:05,664
It sure has been swell-
504
00:20:05,666 --> 00:20:08,033
No good-byes, Hankey.
You just need to go.
505
00:20:08,035 --> 00:20:09,668
We've already called you a "Poober."
506
00:20:09,670 --> 00:20:12,071
A Poober... They have that?
507
00:20:12,073 --> 00:20:14,440
[HORN HONKS]
508
00:20:14,442 --> 00:20:16,375
Oh, you mean Lyft.
509
00:20:16,377 --> 00:20:19,011
Well, okay. Goodbye, everyone.
510
00:20:19,013 --> 00:20:22,248
I hope I brought
a few smiles and a few laughs
511
00:20:22,250 --> 00:20:23,882
into your hearts.
512
00:20:26,787 --> 00:20:30,155
Goodbye, Mr. Hankey.
513
00:20:42,837 --> 00:20:45,471
Where will he go?
514
00:20:45,473 --> 00:20:46,772
He'll have to find a place
515
00:20:46,774 --> 00:20:50,009
that accepts racist,
awful beings like him.
516
00:20:50,011 --> 00:20:51,710
There are still places out there
517
00:20:51,712 --> 00:20:54,580
who don't care about bigotry and hate.
518
00:20:57,018 --> 00:20:59,385
Howwwwwdy ho!
519
00:20:59,387 --> 00:21:01,186
Cool, man. Talking crap.
520
00:21:01,188 --> 00:21:02,454
Welcome, my friend.
521
00:21:02,456 --> 00:21:04,023
Please, rest your wary feet
522
00:21:04,025 --> 00:21:05,958
and make yourself at home here!
523
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,293
ALL: Hooray!
524
00:21:07,924 --> 00:21:10,544
- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
37413
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